I REFUSED to share my location with my wife… now she thinks I’m cheating! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John you're og
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Speaker 2 (00:05):
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
I refuse to share my location with my wife. Now
she thinks I'm cheating. Where where are you? I mail
forty one. Have been with my wife, female thirty seven
for six years. We have a three year old daughter.
My wife decided to be a stay at home mom
after our baby was born and didn't go back to
work after her maternity leave ended. And we live in Canada.
By the way, this comes from clear Sun nine two

(00:32):
two zero. And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddits. And I'm Angie,
I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice goofily,
But we don't have all the answers, so we're just
gonna guess what we would do in this situation. But
let us know what you would do in the comments.
And Opie says, we divide the housework and childcare equally.
I watched the baby two nights a week so she

(00:53):
can go to the gym for a little mental health break.
I asked her if I could have one night a
week of quiet time, and she asked what that meant.
I said, just pretend I'm not here. I'll be in
our room reading or listening to music for one hour only,
and she agreed. Every single time, though she came to
our room either to talk or tell me that she
was bored. When I reminded her about our deal, she

(01:15):
got upset and said that I was making excuses to
avoid spending time with her. Another time, I told her
I would be going to a local coffee shop just
to read for one hour of quiet time. Oh that
sounds nice. My wife decided to do a surprise visit there.
M not as.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Nice, not when I specifically say I'm going here for
quiet time.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Yeah, and she already agreed that, like he's allowed one
hour of quiet time every now and then, that's so weird.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
I agreed that you're allowed one hour of quiet time.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well yeah, I think. Yeah, it's like, come on, come on, guys,
she said. The baby wanted to surprise her daddy. I
smiled and said, I just wanted a little quiet time.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
But I can see I can see Opie's going going.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Just wanted a little quiet time. Yeah, she sat down
and talked so loudly that I had to say, let's
just go home. This time, I decided to go to
the public library. My wife asked where I was going,
and I told her I hadn't decided yet, but that
as per our deal, it was my night. She got
upset because I was refusing to share where I was going.

(02:23):
That one hour of quiet time was heavenly. No one
called my name, and I came back home so happy.
When I came home, my wife was furious. She said
that she wanted to check my phone and then asked
if I was seeing or talking to anyone. I laughed.
I said that I was at the library and she
could ask the librarians if they saw me. Oh, he

(02:43):
just wants to read. Just let him sit in his silence.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
He's just a quiet little reader man.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Just one hour, he's asking for one hour he's there
reading Fourth Wing. He's literally one hour, you guys. She
has it's been really cold to me and says that
I should have shared my location, since she does, I
hate that. I know that she goes to the gym.
So was I knuckle ahead for refusing to share where

(03:10):
I was I decided to stay longer at work in
the future and take advantage of the quiet office since
now my wife knows about the library and there are
some relevant comments. But yeah, obviously no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
She's taking advantage of it specifically. Also, not only is
she like expecting a lot from you in terms of
just like sharing location and stuff like, that's already kind
of I think too a big of a boundary step,
but also stepping over your boundaries in terms of wanting

(03:43):
quiet time. Like even if you say, like even if
you were totally fine with her knowing where you were,
it's still a reach.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
For her to show up, you know. Yeah, no, absolutely,
it's it's like I don't want I don't know if
I would say disrespecting your boundaries, but maybe disrespecting your boundaries.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think when you said an hour of quiet time,
then you need an hour of quiet time.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Right, because I mean she goes to the gym for
her hour exactly.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
It's not like you're not giving her reciprocal or you know,
like the same amount of space.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
And the like. The reason you had to do this
is because she kept showing up and was is disrespecting
that boundary. So we do have some relevant comments though,
so Bopper says, does your wife get an hour of
free time? Does your wife get to spend time with you?
Because it sounds like she's desperate for time with you.
It could be that you're an introvert and you need

(04:34):
to recharge your batteries by being alone, and she's an
extrovert who needs to recharge her batteries by being with you.
And that comment was downvoted, but Op responds, I'm going
to ask her if she's still interested in one hour
of quiet time or hang out with her friend's time.
I know she goes on lunch dates with other moms,
but with our daughter, so it's not exactly mean time

(04:55):
we watch shows together and cuddle every night. Does that count? Yeah?
I think so? Oh yeah. I feel like that's that's.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Totally as long as I mean, you should be doing
other like date night things if you can.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
We're obviously having baby makes that hard, right, right, But
I mean, I'm sure all of this can be communicated. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
You just say hey, I really need this quiet time,
and like maybe you need something else, but this is
what I need.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Yeah, I think definitely need to re uh the resurface.
I don't know, we definitely need to talk about this
one hour thing again. For sure you two one two five.
Mike two one two four says this, the post is
written in a way that paints you in the best
of lights. Quote. We divide the housework and childcare equally.

(05:40):
I watched the baby two nights a week so she
can go to the gym for a little mental health break.
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt regarding the housework,
but the childcare. If she's a stay at home mom,
she has your child seven days a week, and you
are maybe helping her five nights a week and the
other two nights you graciously allow her to go to
the gym. Since this post is regarding whether you're a

(06:01):
knucklehead or not for sharing your location with your wife,
you're not the jerk. If the post had been a
different question, you would definitely be a massive knucklehead, and
that comment was also downvoted. OPI your responds, I'm not
trying to make myself look like a martyr. I wanted
to mention that I'm not an absentee husband or dad.
I also don't expect her to do all the housework.

(06:22):
I live in this house, so it's my responsibility too.
The lead it says, I think she's maybe insecure. I'm
to a stay at home mom and we can get
in our heads sometimes. That's why she is randomly appearing
on your quiet time. Maybe she thinks you're having an affair.
What about having also a time just for the two
of you. Take one day off of the week and

(06:42):
go for a walk or for some coffee just the
two of you. She will feel much better and probably
won't disturb you on your time. Not the a hole
for not sharing your location, but there are some changes
that you can do to improve the situation. OPI responds, Honestly,
if she had promised me not to interrupt, I had
no problem to take my alone time break at home.

(07:03):
And there is an update. Okay, that's the end of
the comments. And yeah, I feel like if that was
what she was thinking all along, I feel like she
should have.

Speaker 2 (07:11):
Proof that now that like, yeah, that's yeah, that's not
the case. If like she showed up and you were
where you said you were, you know, alone, texting anyone,
you were calling anyone, you weren't with anyone, I feel
like she has zero proof other than you don't want
to share your location. Yeah, and there's a very valid

(07:32):
reason for that. So I think you just have to
have a conversation and say, like, why do you feel
like you know? Well, first off, this is why I
don't want to share the location, and then second off,
why did you jump to these conclusions?

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Right? Because there been anything else.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Is just something that I'm not doing or not doing
that's making you think these things.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Right, But we do have an update. I got so
many dms asking if I talk to her and why
I needed alone time. It really makes a difference in
my mental health status. I really don't know what to do.
She is now fully convinced that I'm having an affair.
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Also, that's such a ridiculous thing of like, oh, why
do you need alone time?

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah? Right, one needs alone time. Everyone needs alone time,
eve an.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
Extra Like I would say, I'm a more extroverted person
than a lot of people, and like.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I need alone time.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Oh, I need to go on a walk alone, Oh,
just to have time with myself.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
Right in her conspiracy plot, I need alone time because
I resent her and I was alone with some a
fair partner that night. She refuses to even have a
calm conversation with me. I told her I can have
my quiet time at home if it puts her mind
at ease, only if she promises not to interrupt me.
She made a snarky comment asking what my affair partner

(08:42):
would think this is? This is really fun.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
I would be so frustrated as op be, like, I
literally just want to read my book.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
Literally, I'm reading Fourth Wing. Yeah, I get through the
dragon stuff is like our first kid. She's only three.
I'm tired. I just want to read my smut, right.
I just stopped trying to convince her. Things have been rocky.
I have no plan of taking my quiet time anymore,
at least until things get better. Ps example of how

(09:10):
she interrupts my time at home. One time I was
lying in bed watching the rerun of an old sitcom
on our bedroom TV, just to decompress. She opened the door,
asking what I was watching. I said Seinfeld. Then she
sat down and kept saying how boring and overrated this
show was. Oh girl. Then she went on saying how
Jerry Seinfeld is a gross man. Then she said that
this show is not even funny, then on and on,

(09:32):
then stop watching it. Yeah, then you're not even supposed
to be here. It's my quiet time, is yeah, and
I'm watching the show. If you do to like it,
leave leave. Oh my gosh. I told her I wasn't
watching the show for educational purposes. She said that I
could be watching a decent show together with her now,
but I choose to watch this crap. I said, we

(09:54):
do that every night after we put the baby to bed.
She said, then why waste your time watching this? So
I just turned off the TV. I was done, and
there are some more comments. Yeah, that's kind of ridiculous.
I don't even know how to help you.

Speaker 3 (10:08):
Man.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
I feel like she really is just kind of some
sort of insecurity, because that now feels like, oh, what,
like your your quiet time, your special time away from me,
is being wasted on this stupid show. I kind of yeah,
it's kind of what it felt like.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Mom does that I'll be watching something.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
She's like, what show are you watching? Stupid?

Speaker 2 (10:26):
And I'm like, you're not here right, watch it like
I'll hang out with you later.

Speaker 1 (10:33):
Like there's this isn't like, you know, I'm leaving our
child to like watch seins felt, you know, taking my.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Hour break to watch a show that I like and
you just have to entertain yourself for an hour.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Hour is not even a lot of a lot of time.
But we do have some comments. Master Grape says, what
do people say around here if they accuse you of cheating?

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Protection? Yeah, projection, Yeah, Opie right.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Opie says, okay, I briefly checked hers. No, what not
the best?

Speaker 2 (11:07):
Why do we listen to redditors? Don't check your wife's phone?

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Nothing suspicious? But she did ran too her best friend
about me. She said that she she said that she
knows I'm cheating, but feels crazy because she can't prove it.
Her best friend told her to trust her heart. I
honestly don't know how to prove myself. She did check
my phone, she has all my passwords. I have nothing
to hide. Oh my god, I'm so angry now. Yeah,

(11:32):
niecks poop whatever, h says. She sounds exhausting to be honest.
Was she liked this before the kid was born? Sounds
like she misses being free to choose her time and
day plans and resents that one hour you have to yourself.
Opie says no, but she was working full time back then.
I used to go to my running club and she
would go to the gym. I gave up on that

(11:54):
since I'm trying to cut expenses now we are one
income family. In return, I asked for quiet time. The
same commentary responds, by this, it sounds like she needs
to get a part time job so she can socialize
a bit. She's probably going nuts from the isolation to
her house and kid.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
I think I think that like all of this being
a stay at home mom, not having the outlet of
a job, right, I think she probably just has only
time to think about overthink.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
But Opee does respond to that comment saying her old
boss suggested a part time gig, but she said no.
Another commentary says, question, maybe it was covered and I
missed it. But how often do you to date? Do
you have a regular sitter? Instead of her going to
the gym alone, maybe you can both go. Then gently
tell her, honey, you need a part time job or

(12:43):
a hobby that gets you out more. Part time job
would give spending money or bank it so that we
can take vacations together. We can save and pick a
place to go. We can do this together. What do
you think? Opie says? My in law lives close to us.
They watch our daughter sometimes we go to the movies
and dinner. Sometimes we don't go on dates.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Like we used to.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
On the weekends, we do family stuff with our daughter,
like going to affair or something kid related. My wife
actually goes to the gym with her friend. She hates
doing stuff alone or even being alone. Another commentary says,
this is crazy. Your request seems perfectly reasonable to me,
but she couldn't honor it when you tried to carve
out a single hour at home. As soon as you

(13:24):
went somewhere else, she stalked you. I would have turned
off my location to how long is she being in
a state home?

Speaker 3 (13:32):
Mom?

Speaker 1 (13:32):
How often did two of you get away for some
quality couples time. Opie says she had eighteen months paid
maternity leave and decided to not go back after that.
Whoa Canada? What is Canada?

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Got going on eighteen months of paid maternity lea and
she decided not to go back to that job. Oh
my god, a year and a half of paid maternity.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Lea, Like people here are lucky to get like three
weeks again, Oh my gosh, that is so crazy. Cheez wow.
But we do have another update from four days later.
Shall we jump into it. Yeah, I'm looking up the
average while you do that. Okay, sounds good. My life

(14:16):
has been a living heck. I checked her phone. There
was nothing suspicious. She had a long conversation with her
best friend about how she knows I'm cheating and that's
why I'm avoiding her. In one alone time, she said
she was frustrated because she couldn't prove it, but she
just knew. Her best friend told her to trust her heart.
I tried multiple times to sit her down and talk
to her, but it ended up with her yelling at

(14:37):
me and being more upset. She's very cold to me
and avoids any conversations with me. Mentally, I'm a mess.
I wanted to go for a long walk yesterday. I
told her where I was going. She rolled her eyes
and said, more alone time. I don't like or or
mistress misses you, so I decided not to go. Yeah,

(15:00):
that's so frustrating at this point, it's now, yes, controlling,
it's controlling. Yeah, this is emotionally to say, like, whenever
I need a minute to myself, I cannot have that
because you assume I'm cheating on you. Yeah, I really
don't know how to prove myself. I gave up on
any alone time. She doesn't even talk to me, so
date nights are gone too. I ruined my marriage over

(15:23):
one quite alone reading time at the library. Added later
she doesn't go to the gym anymore. I asked her why,
She said, why do you care? Were you planning to
bring your mistress home when I'm not home? And we
do have some relevant comments. Ka Pullye says, is this
new behavior from her? Does she react these ways when
you go to hang out with your friends? Opie says,

(15:45):
I haven't gotten out with my friends in a long
time for having kids. She had no problem at all
if I had gone out with my friends to see
a hockey game or just have dinner. She knows all
my friends and their wives very well. Another commentary says
it feels by her behavior like she is very lonely,
which is why she's constantly trying to start up conversations
with you. That might be what's at the heart of this.

(16:06):
When she had a job, she was not lonely. Opie says.
Her boss offered her a job her old job many times,
even gave her the option to work part time. She
said that she doesn't want to work anymore. I can't
force her either. I completely agree with you, though she
was much happier when she was working. Another commentary says
her friend is filling her up with stories. I think, Yeah,

(16:27):
has that friend hated you by any chance? Opie says,
she doesn't hate me as far as I'm aware. She
got a divorce a few years ago and kept mentioning
all these signs sound familiar and my wife should trust
her heart. Oh boy, and you do have a third update.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
I think that you genuinely like you have to go
to your wife today.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
We need therapy or this is not gonna work.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah, because at this point, like you're literally at like
a like there's just a freaking wall here.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Yeah, you have to put yourself in an impurse and
she's not letting you do that. And I think, like
there are tons of ways that people could be cheating.
They could they could ask for a long time. They
could be staying at work later, they could be a
stay at home mom or something like that and like
invite their partner over. They Like, you could name a

(17:14):
million different ways as someone could be cheating. So, but
that doesn't mean that if someone is doing those things,
that means they are cheating exactly, and I think that's
where they're getting mixed up here. It's just it's.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, you're be honest. You're not entitled to your partner's
entire life just because you think they might.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
Be cheating exactly exactly. Update number three. This is now
seven days later. I tried to make Mother's Day special
for her. I made a handprint homemade car with our
kid for her. We our kid and I but technically
from our kid, made special breakfast for her. She said
thanks to our kid and hugged her. But things were
the same between us.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
I was planning to barbecue for dinner. I realized I
needed to replace the propane take. I told her I
was going to buy one. I was stupid enough to
stop by at the local French bakery to buy a
special dessert for Mother's Day. There was a lineup, but
I thought that it was worth it since they have
her favorite dessert and it would be a nice surprise
for her. When I came home, my wife lost it.

(18:15):
She started screaming that I was out with my mistress,
that's why it took so long. I showed her the dessert.
She grabbed it for my hand and threw it in
the trash and said it's to cover my affair. At
that point, I'd be like, I'm leaving you. Yeah, there's
nothing that you can do, and it's absolutely ruining your
mental health. Yes it is. Emotionally it is.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
I literally, I like the second she throws that in
the trash, I'm like, I'm leaving.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yeah, this is I literally did that for you. Yeah.
So I told her how on earth I could have
possibly met my hypothetical mistress and bought this In less
than an hour, She told me that she was done good,
She grabbed our kid and left. She has been staying
at her parents. I tried contacting her, but she doesn't reply.

(19:01):
I guess the next step is talking to an attorney
about shared custody. And there are some relevant comments. Not
so religious now says Nope, she's been checked out because
she believed all the crap her friend was spewing. Lawyer
up asap, document all her crazy behaviors, all the incidents,
any emails and texts exchanged, and try to see if

(19:22):
you can get an emergency court order for your kid
because your wife seriously sounds unstable right now. If it
would help, talk to her parents, let them know what's
going on, because this isn't normal. She's unhim clearly, there's
this is something like mental health crisis. Yeah. Literally. The
next comment says, my guess is a mental breakdown.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Yeah, if she's reacting this strongly.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yeah, yeah, there's something new, like clearly not cheating right right.
My guess is a mental breakdown. She's cheated way back,
and it's guilt. She wants out and is using this
as an excuse, or she's being gaslated by friends who
love drama. Another commentary says, actually might want to cont
her parents. Try to sit down with them, and if

(20:02):
they are reasonable people, because it sounds like she's having
some kind of mental health issue, you guys might have
to force her to get help. There is a fourth update.
Now let's jump in. Let's do it now. This is
three and a half months later. Oh my goodness, Allay
and I spoke with an attorney like I mentioned before,
for now things are moving towards setting up a custody arrangement,

(20:25):
and I'll also have to pay alimony in child sports
since she has no source of income. She is staying
at our place, but she does let me visit our kid,
which I'm thankful for She still says that I broke
the family by being selfish and not fighting for it.
I feel guilty because I wish I could be with
my kid all the time. I keep questioning myself, wondering
if maybe I was selfish now. It's heartbreaking, but it

(20:48):
seems like my wife has made up her mind.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
None of it's your father, Pee, I think keep fighting
for custody with your kid. Yes, if you can talk
to her parents. I don't think there's any hope for
your marriage, but I think there will come a time
when she realizes how just insane she was acting, hopefully
and come back to you. That doesn't mean you gotta
take her back, though.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, there's just nothing you could do about it, but
there is a little bit more to the story. I've
also started individual therapy good because I realized I can't
control her suspicions or rebuild trust by myself if she
isn't willing. What I can control is how I show
up for my kid and how I handle this whole situation.
For the record, I never cheated on her, and no,

(21:31):
I'm not seeing anyone now. I honestly have no idea
what's going on. With her at this point. I'm not
sure if she is seeing anyone, but that's none of
my business anyway. My focus is entirely on my kid
and making sure that she feels loved and supported. And
that is the end of that story. Dang it.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
Wow, I'm so sad.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
My god, No resolution, no resolution, you just have to leave.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah, my husband has been neglecting our adopted daughter, so
I'm divorcing him.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
I mean, yeah, he's gotta be an active dad.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
My husband and I adopted a little girl three years ago.
She's now six years old and the brightest ball of sunshine,
genuinely sweet and lively. Lately, though, my husband is completely
changed in the way he treats her and changed his views.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
On what we initially agreed on.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
By the way, this comes from throw a rem and
if you would to spit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay, story time, separate it. I'm Sophia,
I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, So let us know what you would
do in the comments, and Opie says to explain, I
have always wanted children, but it was always with adoption
in mind. It is not due to infertility, It's just

(22:41):
what I wanted to do for different reasons. I told
my husband as much in the past, and although he
didn't understand why at first, he came around to the
idea and seemed excited too. So we decided to adopt,
and at first he seemed genuinely happy and was a
loving father to her. For roughly the past year, though
he has started acting weird. It began with him making

(23:04):
comments about how he would like to have biological children.
He was never something big, just offhanded remarks, but I
still found it odd and.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
Told him as much.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
He stopped doing it, but around the same time, he
began acting more dismissive toward our daughter. He stopped spending
as much time with her inside and especially outside of
the house. He rarely took her anywhere anymore, and it
got so bad that he even dismissed her when she
tried to get him to play or spend time with her.
I talked to him about it and he just said

(23:34):
he was stressed. It got better for a while, but
then the same thing happened again. And this is how
it's been going for the past couple of months, so
at one point I decided to talk to him, not
asking him to do better, but just to understand what
was wrong. He told me that although he loved our
daughter as a man, he craved to have his own

(23:55):
biological children, and that our daughter is old enough to
have a younger sibling now and we should try one.
I told him the same thing I said years ago
and several times after that, that I did not want that,
and reminded him that back then he was okay with
it too. He said that his bond with our daughter
would get stronger if we had a biological child, and

(24:15):
I was so incredibly angry and heartbroken. I don't know
what to do. I don't want to have another child,
and I hate how he treats our daughter now. I
have thought about counseling, but I'm just wondering if anyone
else has gone through the saint. At the end of
the day, I know I'll put my daughter above all else,
and seeing how sad she's been lately just breaks my heart.

(24:35):
I feel like a complete failure as a mother, and
would honestly appreciate any insight from people that have gone
through anything like this, how do I fix this? And
there is an update and some comments, but what do
you think?

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Oh? Hm, have we had the big conversation with him
about this yet? Have we sat him down, Yeah, expressed
our feelings. Seems like they've had. I had some conversations
about it.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
I don't know how big of conversations, but I feel
like I feel like I don't quite trust his words
of saying like, oh, I'll get closer if we have
another kid, yeah, because like, why would you not be
close to your child now?

Speaker 1 (25:18):
Right? What's another kid going to change that? Exactly?

Speaker 2 (25:21):
How's another kid going to change that?

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Right? I feel like if he doesn't feel close to
this kid now, I feel like that it just doesn't
make sense because I feel like I could see it
being the opposite of like him getting closer to the
new kid and then staying like maybe becoming even more
distant exactly exactly. Yeah, I don't know. That's just a
weird thing to say, like, oh, let's oh, let's just

(25:44):
restart with this one because I'm not that close with
this one.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
He agreed, He agreed to this situation seemingly, you know,
he realized that it wasn't what he expected, but you can't.
I don't know he got figured out. Dude, your dad yeah,
got a kid for three years yep. Comments common one says, BS,
he's treating her poorly to manipulate you into having his
biological child, and that's incredibly left up. I could never

(26:10):
have another child with someone who would treat his daughter
this way. Comment two says, as an adoptee, divorce your husband.
I'm really side eyeing the whole he came around to it,
because it sounds like he never really was on board.
What's past has happened, and the focus needs to be
on what is best for the six year old child.
Comment three says, I'm going to be more open and

(26:30):
vulnerable here than I usually am on Reddit because I
have concern for your daughter. I was her adopted one parent, resentful,
one parent loving. I promise you your daughter will notice
her father doesn't love her like you. She will notice
the contemp that grows when a parent resents you. This
will cause people pleasing behavior in her that will cause

(26:51):
problems for her for her lifetime. It will cause deep
trust and abandonment issues because not only did her first
parents not want her, but the new ones deny either
what's wrong with me? She'll wonder why am I unlovable
so easy to discard? I no longer have anything to
do with either of my parents, one for the way
they treated me, the other for not protecting me from them,

(27:13):
for making excuses for their partner rather than having the
courage to get me out of that situation. Disdain and
neglect are abuse. Do not fool yourself that this is
a mild issue. What is also harmful is trying to
manipulate you by rejecting your child to force you into
having his child despite your agreement, without any concern for
your bodily autonomy. You are now the vessel by which

(27:36):
he can have what he desires, and he's willing to
hurt your daughter and you to get it. He's doing
that through course of control, which is also abus. If
you think that will get better, if you can even
give him biological children, let me dissuade you of that misconception.
Things do not get better for unwonted adopted children when

(27:56):
biological children enter the picture. I can assure you, I
you it only gets worse. Now there's blaring favorites and
all the things you tell yourself about your parent not
really disliking you, They're distressed or tired. It can't be
ignored once there's children being doted on while you sense disdain.
She's the oldest, and I know in my experience that

(28:18):
made me feel incredibly protective of my young siblings, always
keen to put myself between them and an angry parent.
They couldn't, But I, too well understood. This unequal treatment
led to riffs amongst us siblings that persist to today.
We're in our thirties and forties. Now I beg you
take his callous actions against his own daughter very seriously.

(28:40):
Do not give children to someone who would force you
into it and use her as a means to an end.
She may not understand now, but she will soon. If
you do nothing to protect her, her contempt for you
will grow as quickly as his for her does. And
there is another update. Any thoughts, it's a pretty thorough calm. Yeah,

(29:01):
I mean this person who has experienced it anyway.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
Yeah, No, I mean I think that all makes sense.
I completely agree. I think this is this doesn't sound
like a really great person to bele with, not to
have a relationship with, not to raise kids with. Yeah,
I wouldn't. I wouldn't trust this person. Yeah, because this
is a big deal. Like, this isn't like, oh, we
bought this couch and I like don't really like. No,

(29:24):
this is a child that we agreed to adopt and
we cannot return. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, this is a
commitment that he's not keeping up his promises.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
For update, I have read all your comments and cleared
my head. There are some things I wanted to share
with some of you, especially with the majority of people
here who are concerned for my daughter's well being, and
especially those who are adoptees themselves and shared their views
and experiences with me. There were also some things that
stuck out to me which I wanted to clear up.

(29:58):
First of all, under no wellhose circumstances, did I consider
having biological children with my husband after he expressed this
was what he wanted. I made that decision for myself
years ago, and I thought my husband was fine with it,
although now I'm realizing just fine, despite the excitement he
had shown back then, was not enough, and I should

(30:19):
have noticed some signs earlier. I can't stop thinking that
I could have prevented some of my daughter's hurt by
thinking more with my head early on. As for what
I'll be doing going forward, divorce has already been something
I considered before posting her, but due to me overthinking,
I circled back to possibly overacting and wanted more opinions
outside of my immediate friend circle. Ultimately, as many of

(30:42):
you have pointed out, I can't really imagine a future
where he truly treats our daughter the way she deserves.
I have come to terms with that and was stupidly
blinded by what I had built up with my husband
over the years. I know now therapy won't change how
he feels, but I will still consider it for my
daughter to be depending on how she deals with these
upcoming months, although I'm inclined to consider therapy no matter

(31:05):
the outcome, since she has already noticed her father's neglect.
In my post, I said I always put my daughter
above all else, and I truly believed I had done so.
But I've absolutely failed her for the last couple of months,
dragging the situation on longer than needed, and with that
extending her hurt. That's why I want to get the
divorce over with as soon as possible. I've already begun

(31:28):
consultation with a lawyer, but I'm still keeping other options open.
I won't tell my husband about this yet, but once
I've gathered all my thoughts, I will probably talk to
him to express my concerns and disappointment, and especially the
effect his treatment has had on our daughter one final time.
Though he has already said that I've been avoiding lately,
so well, that's rich coming from him, So I will

(31:51):
talk to him about everything sooner rather than later. But
I really want to keep a level head and say
everything I need to say.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
I mean, I think therapy is good idea, no matter
what I think, this is, this is uh, you know,
for everyone in this situation too. She was mentioning it
for herself or for family therapy, Yeah, for her daughter. Yeah,
I think that would be good. Yeah, yeah, I think yeah,
even if he like does step up or whatever, which

(32:19):
I really don't he would, Yeah, then like I feel
like having therapy would probably still be good, just because
I'm sure that like it's not this isn't just coming
up in like these conversations that he's having with ope,
Like I'm sure it shows up in his actions towards
the kids. Absolutely, So yeah, I don't think I don't

(32:41):
think therapy is a bad idea at all. I think
you should just do that anyway. Yeah, and good that
you are planning on not having kids with him again
after this. Absolutely, that's a big old red flag. Yep
yep op, he continues.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
I can't see him the same way I did before,
and I don't think anything he says will change that.
I don't know whether he will still want to be
in her life, but even if he does to some extent,
I don't want him to be in it only half heartedly.

Speaker 1 (33:09):
I simply can't.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
See him fully committing, so cutting him out of my
daughter's life might be the best way. However, my husband's
family really adores my daughter and always showers her with
love and gifts, so I'm hoping that we can separate
amokable and I don't have to separate my daughter from
many more people that love her unconditionally than needed. From
now on, I really will put my daughter above all else.

(33:32):
And I really want to thank everyone that has shown
concern for giving me advice and told me what I've
been doing wrong. And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Well, well, I mean, I guess thanks for redd. Yeah,
you did a good thing today. Yeah, but you don't
know if this is gonna work out. I really don't
think you would. That would make me look at someone
differently too. Absolutely for sure.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
But here's three's ads from our sponsors. My bridesmaid chose
her fiance over our friendship right before.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
My wedding, Right before my wedding.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime subreddit.
And we do have a trigger wanting for emotional abits.
I thirty female, and my fiance, thirty male, are getting
married in less than two weeks. He's been wonderful and
supportive through what should be a stressful but also exciting time.
For the most part, things were going smoothly until about

(34:30):
six weeks ago. By the way, this comes from Worried
Rise four. And if you want us to make your
own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon, and.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
so let us know what you would do in the
comments and op says one of my bridesmaids, let's call
her Bonnie, has become a major source of stress. I
asked her to be a bridesmaid to years ago. At
the time, she even hinted she wanted to be made

(35:04):
of honor, but that role belongs to my BFF and
chosen sister, who's been there since I was fifteen. About
six weeks ago, Bonnie lost her job. This happened right
when I was sending the bridle party final details about shoes, jewelry,
and a thirty five dollars fir shawl. The dresses were
already bought months earlier and were inexpensive, nothing over one

(35:26):
hundred dollars. I told everyone they could pick shoes and
jewelry that worked with their dress, and that I trust
add and that I trusted their judgment. When Bonnie came
to pick up her kids one Sunday, she threw a
fit about buying shoes, saying she'd wear her everyday brown
sandals because she wouldn't spend money on one day shoes.
I told her I'd buy or thrift something for her

(35:49):
since I love thrifting, and started looking for options, but
in the bridesmaids group chat, anytime money was mentioned, she posted,
some of us are unemployed right now. I had already
told her I covered what she needed because her being
there mattered to me. She was posting on social media
about losing her job and not getting benefits, but also

(36:10):
telling me she wasn't stressing it. I found her two
flexible jobs, one through a friend and one in the
same field as her fiance, and even offered to watch
her three kids so she could work. She declined both.
I'll admit I started to get frustrated. She kept saying
I can't afford that, while I was literally covering expenses

(36:30):
and trying to help, and she was receiving sympathy online
for not being able to find work. Then she decided
to leave her fiance, let's call him Corey. She dropped
the kids at her sister's and came to stay with
me and my family. We already have a full house,
our two young daughters, three dogs, and in winter, my

(36:52):
mom and her dogs.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
But we made space.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
She told me, Corey screams at her, calls her names,
belittles her in front of the kids, and is mean
to the children too.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Oh my God.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
She'd been pretending things were fine because she knew I
already disliked him with good reason.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Some backstory.

Speaker 3 (37:11):
Bonnie and I were inseparable in high school until she
started dating Corey. He and I were both headed to
boot camp, but he washed out due to medical reasons.
A few months later, while I was at a school,
Corey texted me saying he had feelings for me. I
gave him until the end of the day to tell Bonnie.
He didn't, so I did. She didn't speak to.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
Me for ten years.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
Three years ago, we reconnected and she told me how
Corey had cheated, walked out on her, and repeatedly dumped
responsibilities on her throughout their tenure relationship. When I say responsibilities,
I mean everything. Bonnie has been the household manager and breadwinner,
three kids, multiple dogs, chickens, cats, a bird, groceries, bills, cleaning,

(37:57):
medical appointments, school routines, and in winter, chopping, stacking, and hauling.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
Wood for a wood stove.

Speaker 3 (38:05):
He stayed up all night, gaming, slept all day, and
only recently took a seventeen dollars an hour job that
lets him keep his chaotic schedule. He avoids being present
for the kids and contributes next to nothing. She was
holding the whole household up alone. The next day, she
seemed to be getting her ducks in a row to

(38:25):
leave him. Spoiler, she did not leave him. Halfway through
the day, her updates stopped. When she did reply, it
was short and vague. This went on for two days.
Even though Corey is manipulative, silence, especially after heavy things,
makes me spiral because I grew up with silence used
as a weapon. When we finally talked, she told me

(38:47):
she decided to stay and work things out. I told
her that was her choice, but made it clear Corey
was not welcome at my wedding or at anything our
family hosts. I love her too to watch him disrespect
her in front of me. Yeah, she said she understood
and still wanted to be in the wedding. She apologized

(39:07):
for going silent and said she'd communicate better. For about
a week things were okay, But a month from the wedding,
when I asked about a hair and makeup trial she
was supposed to do my hair and makeup, She kept
making excuses and finally told me I should find somebody else.
I felt hurt, like she was stepping back from the wedding.
Then my maid of honor told me Bonnie was trying

(39:30):
to back out of the bachelorette weekend too.

Speaker 2 (39:33):
Again, at that point, I think you go to her
and you say, hey, it seems like you're just not
able to yeah, which is fine. Part of this in
the way that I need you to be just okay.
I still love you, still want you to be my friend.
Give against but come as a guest.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
I'd already been crying to my maid of honor because
Bonnie's messages felt like she was preparing to make excuses.
Hearing the confirmation from my maid of honor crushed me.
The Monday before my bachelorette Bonnie sent this message. I've
been thinking about this for a few weeks. I apologize
for involving you in my personal vendettas. I am extremely
grateful for how you supported me. But now I feel

(40:08):
like because I didn't make the decision you thought was best,
that you're upset with me. I can understand you being disappointed,
but I also get the sense that you don't want
me around right now. I wouldn't want you to feel
uncomfortable because of me, so I think it's best if
I'm not involved in your wedding because that's your day.
I understand you don't like Corey, and that makes it

(40:30):
extremely hard to be friends. I called her within minutes,
because to me, that read like a goodbye to our friendship,
not just the wedding. She didn't answer. An hour later,
I tried again and she replied, I can't.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
Call right now.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
I'm busy doing my online class. I asked if she
would call when she was free. No response, silence. She
finally called the next morning at eight thirty and acted
like nothing had happened. I jumped right in and told
her how the message made me feel, how her silence
had me spiral, and that I couldn't be blamed for
her choice to stay with someone who treats her badly.

(41:06):
She backpedaled, saying I'd taken the message of the wrong
way and that she absolutely wanted to be in the wedding.
Nothing felt genuine. I reminded her silence was torture for me,
and that we'd already talked about it and she had
chosen to disappear again. We got a little bit more.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
But uh uh, yeah, I think you just need to
tell her a I mean, like it I guess at
this point she's already kind of stepping down. Yeah, this
is not your fault, she's kind of I mean, this
is the type of friend who left you for ten
years because you told her a truth that she didn't
want to hear. Uh, And that's what happened here, told

(41:46):
her a truth that she didn't want to hear, and
she reacted poorly to it. So there's not really much
you can do if she's gonna stay with Corey.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
Yeah, it's unfortunate, but I agree completely.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
We got a little bit more.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
She kept saying this decision was all her, but from
where I was standing, it looked like the same pattern.
Corey manipulates, she waivers, and I get left holding guilt.
We haven't spoken since that call. This is their cycle.
Corey isolates her and drives people away, with not just me,
her mom, her brother, her sister, his own mother, and

(42:18):
her other best friend have all gone through this and
ended up stepping back. I hate feeling helpless and useless.
I want her kids they call me aunt back in
my life. I want her to open her eyes and
see what he's doing. I want her to be safe.
So am I the a hole for stepping away from
this friendship. We have some comments come at one, No,

(42:39):
you're not the a hole. You know that old saying
you can lead a horse to water, but you can't
make a drink. You've given Bonnie more than enough grace.
She's choosing to stay in what sounds like an incredibly
toxic relationship with Corey. Unfortunately, you have to protect your
peace and you can't save her from her own choices.
I feel very sorry for her kids, kids being stuck

(43:00):
in the situation that their parents are putting them in.
Best of luck, Congratulations on your wedding. I hope it's
a wonderful day. And Opie says her situation is almost
exactly what my brother and sister and I went through
growing up, so it is especially hard to see this
cycle continue for them. Comment to two, not the a whole.
You clearly care deeply for your friends and in turn

(43:23):
wish for them to care deeply about you. This is
just simply not the case. You are being caring and communicative,
and she is choosing to make the same mistakes expecting
different results. She is trying to make her situation about
you and your feelings. But it's not at all that's gaslighting.

(43:44):
She has no interest in holding herself accountable for her
own life, and that doesn't align with you or the
people you want in your life. It sucks to lose
touch with people's kids, but it's very hard to have
a relationship with the kids and not their parents. It's
been time to walk away. You're doing the right thing,
and that's the end of that story. Yep, I agreed,

(44:07):
especially when she knows that like going radio silent on
you is like the thing that triggers you the most,
and continues to do it when she's just.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
Care Yeah and op again was one of our own Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
Yeah, no, Op, you were not the ahole, not at
that all.

Speaker 4 (44:22):
If you're listening, op, or if you do listen, you already.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
Know he's Joan you ogos here.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
My friend kissed me at his bachelor party and now
I'm banned from their wedding.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
Wait, she kissed you?

Speaker 2 (44:40):
I twenty nine male was supposed to be a groomsman
for my best friend thirty male, as we've been tight
since we were kids. This weekend, he's marrying his fiance,
twenty eight female who I've known since they were dating
long distance in high school. By the way, this comes
from investigator Okay seventy one to fifty two, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storyteme severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, No,

(45:03):
I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
We only know what we'd do, So let us know
what you would do in the comments. At his bachelor
party last weekend, we started off at my place and
transitioned to bar hopping. By the end, my best friend
was wasted, and the guys, all of our mutual friends
and some of his cousins were egging him on to
do a last kiss before marriage. Dare for extra info.

(45:29):
I'm not a fan of that custom at bachelor's or
bachelorettes because it honestly makes it look like you're being
held hostage to marry the love of your life. Plus
it's just disrespectful to your partner. That's just an opinion
I have, but I knew my best friend shared it too. Still,
I figured if it had to be my best friend
wouldn't do it because I know he loves his fiance

(45:49):
very much. To my literal shock and horror, he turned around,
grabbed and kissed me, not even a dumb peck. He
actually dipped me and held it for a few seconds
until everyone was laughing obnoxiously. I didn't kiss back. I
just froze and laughed it off when it finished. Later,
I realized I wasn't having much fun anymore and bailed early,

(46:12):
taking some of our driver friends home with me. The
next day, is fiance first texted me on Insta, then
on WhatsApp asking to talk, and then calling me. She
wasn't yelling or anything, but she was just kind of awkward.
She said she knew about the kissed and that while
she didn't love it, she was glad it was me
and not some random girl. She said if he had
kissed another woman, she would have taken it as cheating

(46:33):
and dealt with it worse. I agreed and backed her point,
saying I wouldn't have encouraged or allowed that, But at
the same time, she admitted she didn't feel comfortable with
me being at the wedding now either, because it would
just be in the back of her head. I was
admittedly stunned at first, and then mad, then upset, but
came to the conclusion that I was her wedding. At
the end of the day, I told her I got

(46:54):
it and wouldn't go. She thanked me for understanding, but
also asked me not to tell my best friend that
she was the one who asked. I have already sent
the text backing out giving reasons regarding work, and my
best friend was very upset and asked me if I
could back out in any way. I freelance, by the way,
and he knows this, so my lie wasn't a good one.
He went from upset to straight up mad at me

(47:15):
for bailing out on his wedding for work. All our
mutuals have texted me in our share wedding group chat
and have asked me to reconsider. They told me there's
no way I'm skipping his wedding for work. I myself manage,
some being harsher and some passive aggressive, all very valid.
Now I'm stuck looking like the ahle and I was
literally asked not to go and also asked not to

(47:35):
say that I was asked not to go. Everyone around
me thinks I'm this ale for prioritizing work over my
best friend's wedding, and I'm honestly I don't know how
to navigate this without losing people?

Speaker 1 (47:46):
Am I the a hole?

Speaker 2 (47:47):
So clearly not?

Speaker 3 (47:49):
No, So clearly now go back to go back to
friend's white and say, hey, we're telling them.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
Yeah, like I, this is not fair to me.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
It's affecting all of my other relationships. Everybody's getting mad
at me.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
I didn't kiss him.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
I did kiss me. I didn't even want to.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
Yeah, so either you know, you need to tell him
that you asked me to do this, or I will because.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
This is not fair. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
Edit, he just saw the message I sent and is typing.
I'll hopefully update once we've properly spoken. Thank you to
everyone giving me such good advice and setting me straight.
I'm anxious as f and hoping this goes well. As
the wedding is literally this weekend and we have a
pre party I'll have to prepare for if I'm still
counted as a groomsman. Bubble gums Plant says, not the able,

(48:34):
But bro, don't do this to yourself and come off
as the bad guy. You shouldn't have kissed you. That
was disrespectful to his fiance. But his fiance shouldn't be
asking you not to tell people either. She needs to
own her decisions. You are literally shooting yourself in the foot.
Just come clean. Sushi nineteen says, tell another grooms when
why you're not coming. It will get back to the

(48:54):
groom without you breaking your promise to the bride, who
should not have asked you to keep the secret when
you or taking the brunt of it.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
Absolutely exactly, that's.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
Crappy of her. I also hate that peer pressure. Just
one last time thing for the record, Ugh, throw a.
I've never heard of this last kiss tradition at a
bachelor or bachelorette parties, and I'm in the US with
plenty of married friends in my thirties. I've heard of
ales cheating on their future spouses at their bachelor slash
at parties, but not as a tradition. Is this actually

(49:26):
a thing? Major Noodle says it's not a thing. Reddit
is filled with people who think some super bizarre tradition
is something everyone does. There was one post a while
back where the poster was complaining about the tradition of
the crooms men and bridesmaids being pared off and acting
like they were a couple for the entire night while
they completely ignored their essos, and the comments were full

(49:48):
of people telling ope, that's not a real thing, and
there is an update. But yeah, definitely tell your friend
get that off your chest, because you're not the bad guy, literally,
and you have.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
Done nothing wrong, nothing wrong, zero wrong, nothing wrong. You
were one of the people that was like, don't do this, buddy, Yeah,
don't do.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
It, and your friend and his partner have put you
in the middle of their argument, right, which is so unfair.

Speaker 1 (50:11):
Updates two days later.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
Hi everyone, thanks for all the advice on my original post,
because I genuinely never expected to go off like that
and it's allowed me to rethink my actions. AnyWho, I
did promised to update after talking to my best friend,
so here it is. After reading through all the comments
and some private messages, I realized my approach was wrong

(50:35):
and wasn't fair to him or myself. To be fair,
it was honestly making me look like the worst MF
on the planet. So I ended up sending him a
long text explaining the actual reasons why, starting from the
kiss last weekend to his fiance asking me not to
come because of it, also very loosely mentioning that she
didn't want me to tell him about it. After reading

(50:56):
many comments, I did feel like a whiss for complying
in the first place, but I don't know, I still
felt guilty about even telling him that and breaking her trust.
He didn't text back for ages, but called me almost
immediately when he saw it. He wasn't yelling or anything,
but I could hear that he was really emotional. First,
he apologized like ten times for the kiss. He said
he thought it would just be a dumb laugh for

(51:17):
the guys and didn't realize how much it crossed a
line for both me and his fiance. He also said
he never wanted me to feel uncomfortable it, admitted he
had been drinking way too much that night. I told
him I completely understood and forgave him for that, at
least on my end. Then, when I told him about
his fiance's request, there was a long silence. It's slightly

(51:38):
off topic here, but I was eating pistachios and the
sharp bit of the shell cut my lip a bit,
and it was so hard to keep quiet that I
had my super serious combo cap on. So anyways, that
is hard when you like stab yourself and you're like,
I like that that was included. He just kept repeating, like,
she didn't tell me that, she didn't tell me that.
I swear she didn't tell me that. He said he
wished she'd talk to him to directly instead of going

(52:01):
around him, and that he hated how everything looked. He
also said he had been the one to give her
my number as I had hers, but never texted her,
but thought it was for some surprise plan or present
she was.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Planning on giving him. Hmmm, that's really sad.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
After we talked, his fiance texted me apologizing for putting
me in that position, but she still stood by that
she personally did not want me there. She said she
didn't want to be thinking about that on her wedding day,
and while she wasn't mad at me, she just needed
the peace of mind. Which would have been fine if
you hadn't asked Op to keep it a secret, because
clearly you didn't think it was okay. If you made

(52:36):
Op keep it a secret.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
That still is a big ask.

Speaker 3 (52:39):
It is to take an entire uh groomsman out a
week before the wedding.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
Yeah, huge thing.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
To cut a long story short, I'm going. My best
friend told me he wanted me there, but also said
he understood if I didn't want to push it with
his fiance. But he repeatedly said he wanted me there
more than anything. I told him I loved him and
so him and I'd go, and that I was sorry
for ever considering not going. He cried. I cried like

(53:06):
effing babies. But it ended well enough. Our mutual friends
and groomsmen, i'm guessing, are still kind of salty with
me because they don't know the real story.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
That's so unfair.

Speaker 3 (53:16):
You should get to say the real story. Now, that's ridiculous, Like.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
Ah, you don't even have to like blame it on
the wife or something. You could just say, hey, there's.

Speaker 3 (53:24):
You know, there was like something that came up and
I was asked to step back.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Yeah, but like it wasn't you know, miscommunication.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, this is so and I'm not about to spread
it around as it's not my relationship and not my
drama to share. My best friend did tell me he'll
clear the air as soon as possible prior to the wedding,
but until then, I'm just gonna take the l on
looking like.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
A flaky f and a hole.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Thank you, very very, very effing sincerely to everyone that
helped me change my mind. But I'm honestly so effing
glad I put it on here because I could have
very well been an effing knob and missed my own
best friend's wedding. It's this weekend and we have a
pre party which I'm a fish involved with once more,
which is great. Thanks so much again. I think that
I hope that you know, it seems like it's better.

(54:07):
Seems like you had that conversation.

Speaker 3 (54:09):
Yeah, I think. I mean the fact that you're going
is great. I hope he talked to his fiance about
that before he just did it.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
Yeah, and it seems.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Like she's still not right, okay.

Speaker 3 (54:20):
Uncomfortable, but he's just like you're coming, which it's like, okay,
that's their whole problem to figure out now.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
But it's kind of just like messy.

Speaker 2 (54:29):
It's really messy, and like it's not like you're going anywhere.
You're still gonna be his best friend. Yeah, and I
am wondering, Like again, to be clear, I'm not like
saying that she's in the wrong for any of this,
or well for being uncomfortable specifically, she isn't the wrong
for other things, but I am wondering why it affected
her that deeply. I mean, like to the point where

(54:52):
she's like, ah, I don't even know, because it feels
like she thinks that there's something going on there.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
I don't even think that. Maybe she just wasn't expecting
him to want to kiss anybody. So then, yeah, just
the fact that he kissed someone, and maybe it was
already beyond their bounds to even kiss a male friend. Yeah,
and she was just kind of like, I mean considering
it and rightfully so, like a form of cheating, and
didn't really know how to take it out, and instead
of going to.

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Her husband with it, was like went around it.

Speaker 3 (55:21):
The easiest way out of this is he's the one
that's upsetting me.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
I will uninvite him.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Yeah, but there are some comments necessary. Tap says, I
think both you and your friend are delusional if you
think this will end well for any of you in
the future. It doesn't matter who's wrong between the two
of them. What matters is they are taking the most
important step in a relationship. At odds over who should
or shouldn't be there. Whether she is obvious about it
on the day of the wedding, she is going to
eventually make him choose between his marriage or your friendship.

(55:49):
Every time she sees you knowing you're hanging out with them,
or looks at wedding photos, the wound will be reopened.
You and your friendship with him are the victims of
his stupidity and her reaction. Bonus points for him not
knowing that disclosing the situation to your friends won't make
the situation worse. There's nothing like humiliating the bride right
before or after the wedding to kickstart a marriage. If

(56:10):
you think your friends are upset with you, just wait
until their anger turns to her. He's going to be
forced to choose between his friends and her. There's no
way she's going to put up with him hanging out
with people who hate her. Phoenix Reed says, you said
everything I was thinking but couldn't find the words for.
This situation is far from over, and it's just a
matter of who's going to look like the bad guy

(56:32):
and which relationship will suffer and burn, especially because the
friends are also part of what's going on.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Even if they don't know the full story.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
So either OPI will lose friends because they think he's placky,
or he'll tell the truth and they'll be mad with
the wife, and the wife will never be friendly with you, Opie.
She was mad at you for the kiss situation, and
I can assure you she's fuming and feeling humiliated that
her fiance overrode her and reinvited you to the wedding.
And your friend is for sure feeling pressure from his fiance,

(57:03):
and it'll only get worse. This situation might have been
better played out when it wasn't so close to the wedding,
because then people could have had a chance to hash
it out properly and figure out what to do. But
so close to the wedding now it'd be too much
of a spectacle to try to sort all of the feelings.
So pride is gonna add another layer to the crap
show of emotions. Professor Distinct says, also, you know what

(57:25):
I do when the priest says you make us the
bride Bogloo bandit says, WHOA, now this ain't this? My
band name says ten to ten would watch the show.
Polarcat says, I read this to my fiance, and he
was wondering why she's mad at you and not the
friends that pressured him to essentially cheat on his fiance.
Where is their invitation rejection? You're literally the victim in

(57:47):
this situation and she's taking it out on you.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
So true, so true. True.

Speaker 4 (57:52):
I feel there's a lot of whatifs too, Like not
what ifs, but like a lot of factors.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Yeah, sua elements of this I.

Speaker 4 (58:01):
Like again, also the fact that the wedding is a
week away. I guarantee you she's super stressed and like
high emotions. Absolutely, yeah, so that that definitely plays into
the factor there. Again, it's so weird that Op was
like the fall guy.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Yeah, literally, but I mean honestly, it's not like weird
in the sense like that does have it a lot.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
Do you think that were like the third party gets scapegoated?

Speaker 4 (58:23):
Do you mean think the wife is like not necessarily
looking for an out per se, But like.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
I don't think she's an out I think she's genuinely
just hurt. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
I think she's hurt and she doesn't want to blame
it on her husband or fiance because she's about to
marry him.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Like, Okay, let's point it out him.

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