I started seeing my ex-girlfriend’s MOTHER… but now she wants to try again! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2215 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast, and we have
some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing
is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.
So we'll stick around two minutes and we'll get into
the episode.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
I started seeing my ex girlfriend's mother, but now she
wants to try again.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
Well, it's too late. I already got it from the source.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Babe, you want to talk about mothers trigger warning mentions
of abuse. I started dating my ex let's call her Anne,
when I was a sophomore in college. We met my
sophomore fall. She was a junior who had taken a
year off, and by spring we were dating. Everything was
going really, really well. It was my first real relationship,

(00:45):
her second. We took vacations, cooked every night, and partied.
Our spicy sleep life was off the charts. Fund when
she graduated the following year, she took a job in
the city where we were in school, a northeastern city
in the US. I'm from the East Coast, she's from
the West Coast. Noise. By the way, this comes from
Terrible X. No excuse, And if you want to submit

(01:09):
your own stories, go to the r slash okay, storytime
separate it. After that year, her fellowship ended and she
went back West and I went home. We tried to
do the long distance relationship for two years, and eventually
the distance wore us down and we were fighting all
the time over the phone. She'd go out with a
friend and I'd think the guy was up to something,

(01:29):
and she'd grow wary of my childhood friends who were
women typical immateure long distance relationship ys. I should mention
at this point that nobody cheated on anyone ever. It
was just a disaster of jealousy where all our worst
traits came out.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
It's never happened. It's never happened to anyone ever.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
We called it off about a year ago. Anne agreed
to remain relatively friendly, speaking every week or so, as
we were still at heart people who got along. Around
the time of our breakup, Anne's parents officially went through They're.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Divorce Okay, no cheating, though.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Which had been a long time coming. Her mom and dad,
despite this, had always been wonderful to me, kind and
loving in ways that my parents never were. AND's mom, Tara,
took a job that required her to fly between both
coasts to my city and said that her mom wanted
to get dinner or lunch with me when she was
in town. And I was okay with that because we

(02:27):
had always been close, and she's been in my life
for seven years, and Anne and I were still incredibly close,
even to the point of discussing other dates we'd been on.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
This is this is gonna be so bad. I need protection.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
Uh uh. I met Tara for lunch. It's awkward, then great,
and then at the end she hugs me and tells
me she's sorry it didn't work out with me and
her daughter. I felt that she really meant it.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh she did.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
About a month later, six months exactly after our breakup,
and calls at around midnight. Her mom was stranded in
my city due to extreme weather and couldn't find a
place to crash and offers to PayPal me one hundred
bucks if I make my apartment roommate was out of
town presentable and offer her mother my bedroom for the night.

(03:14):
I would really rather not, but I get that she
wouldn't have asked it if it weren't an emergency, and
I tell her to keep the money. Her mom has
done so much for me over the years. Anyway, Well,
Tara comes over, I offer her a drink and say
I'm off to bed in my roommate's room. Good nights.
Why did you do Why did you offer a drink?
Why hopefully was just a tea? She asks if i'll

(03:36):
join her? I do. I'm pretty sure at that point
that I know what's going on and do nothing to
find it.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
So it happened in me. So you knew this was
going to happen before. You had to have sussed these you.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
I feel like he knew when they went on that
little coffee day.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
You know you had to have done something.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
Our first together was fun but really awkward at times. Yeah,
because you dated her daughter, you weirdo. Waking up in
the morning was sort of a combination of hilarious and
awful as we both got up with text on her
screen from Anne.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
Oh yeah about that, dude, Oh my god, poor Anne.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
Tara makes a habit of staying at my place while
she's in town renting a hotel through her job, but
either inviting me over or coming to stay with me.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Why do you say making a habit like it's not
you too? Body.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
We have spent the next six months sleeping together, talking
about stuff. Honestly, I could never see myself with her
due to the age difference, but I really sincerely enjoyed
my time with her. Here's the problem. Anne called me
this evening to tell me she's accepted a job in
my city. We've both been in our own therapy this
whole year, We've matured, et cetera. She wants to give

(04:55):
it another chance.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Oh yeah, Opie's matured, all right.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
I have never ever stopped holding a torch bert Ew
that's even worse.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
You need to go to jailed brow like whatever. I'm
afraid of you, and.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
In some messed up part that was reflected in my
actions with Tara Gross. I absolutely love Anne, and if
this hadn't happened, would be thrilled about her coming.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
This guy needs the wallet from pulp fiction because he's
a bad MF and.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Would want to spend forever with her. I have always
felt this way, but was blinded during the long distance
relationship period. That was just a cluster f of crappy
emotions and anger. I legitimately want to do this. I
don't think her Ma would turn into mom slash Mistress
Zilla and blow up my spot. She has frequently in
the past few months noted how weird it is that

(05:49):
Anna and I aren't together. What sorry, Tara has been
saying to you while you guys are sleeping together, that
it's weird that you and her dag her aren't together?

Speaker 3 (06:02):
What you have?

Speaker 2 (06:04):
I just done something so absolutely terribly wrong that I
don't deserve to resume my old relationship with Anne. Do
I need to tell her?

Speaker 3 (06:11):
The fact that you don't know and you're asking strangers
leads me to believe you have never felt anything ever,
because how could you not know? Banging your extra girlfriend's
mom is sort of like a hard line you don't cross.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
And also it's a hard line that you're never gonna
get back together ever.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
Right because once you bang her mom, it's over forever.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
Sober If you tell her, she's gonna be like, that's
awful bye. Two If you start dating her and then
you don't tell her and then she finds out, because
she will find out eventually, imagine.

Speaker 3 (06:46):
That he probably would do that little psycho he would do.
He'd be like, this will never come to light.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
I really don't want to. I'm at a loss. I
don't know how I should proceed obviously I do selfish,
unnecessary crap, and Anne would be heartbroken to know that
I've had months of spy, spicy sleep with her mom.
And what I want is to never tell Anne to
get back with her and be normal. You can't. I
don't know if I'm able, slash deserved to do that.
Any helper advice would be great. You literally can't.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
You just can't, and if you could, like I would
be like, you need to be studied.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
Just recently, I called Tara immediately she knew why I
was calling. We don't ever use the phone to communicate.
She said she know she's known Anne was moving to
my city for about three weeks, but didn't want to
tell me in case Anne didn't plan on asking me
to get back with her. Tara says that regardless of
what I do, this is probably a good moment to
cut off our intimate relationship and stop talking, and I agree.

(07:41):
She says that she'll understand if I decide to go
through with things with Anne, but requires that I tell
her first. She says she deserves Crappiest Mom of the
Century award yup and will batten down the hatches if
her daughter decides to cut her off. I could really,
really really use some help figuring out what to say
to Anne. There is an update.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
Leave. I don't tell her anything. I don't think you
should say anything.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
I think that you should say, hey, sorry, I'm at
a different place in my life. Can't We shouldn't get
back together.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
You, you said her mom need to keep this mess
that you've made your mess. Don't make this Anne's mess.
She doesn't deserve that.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
She doesn't deserve.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
That, just deserve that.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Like, yeah, I advocate telling the truth, but like, please
leave Anne out of this.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
You should probably move cities.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yeah, yeah, she's coming you leave. There is an update.
I read all your comments and responded to most. Some
were very very discouraging, and others were neutral. Honestly, the
ones that hit closest to home were the ones from
women telling me how they would feel if their ex
had slept with their mother bad. Last night, I called Tara,

(08:48):
my ex's mom, and told her that Anne, my ex,
had asked to get back together with me. Taras adjusted,
we end our arrangement, stop speaking, and that I tell
Anne although there isn't even a remote chance that she'll
be down to get back with me. Tara said, that
if I choose not to tell Anne, then she will
find a moment to tell her. This wasn't said in
an ultimat a manner, I decided that I needed to

(09:11):
tell and for better or worse, though probably for worse,
I couldn't wait to tell her, and I got really anxious.
I knew she has a long shift today that starts
at around six am, and that she would awake at
around four thirty to get ready. I called her. I
know some of you will call me a total wiener
for not being able to wait until a more convenient

(09:32):
time or when she didn't have a long shift came around,
but honestly, I really couldn't. I've always been impatient that way. Yeah,
you started dating her freaking.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Moment right after you broke up with her. Guy's got
one percent awareness.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
I've actually, occasionally over the past year, gotten in the
habit of calling her for the shift because I'm at
three time zones ahead of her, so so she thought
I must have been calling for that. One user suggested
that I a script. I plan to say something along
the lines of I have something important I'd like to
discuss and it pertains to your move and your intentions.

(10:10):
With me after you move. This is really difficult for
me to say, and please believe me when I tell
you that I really regret doing this and putting you
and your family in this position. I started a spicy
relationship with your mom earlier this year during your trips
to my city. We've been seeing each other during your
trips to the city. You and I probably won't be

(10:30):
getting back together after this, and I'm ready to answer
any questions you might have.

Speaker 3 (10:35):
I would genuinely rather I would crash out.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
I have to crash out text, I would crash out.
Would you rather hear this from your mom or from
your axe.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
Like I'd quite bitterly rather jam two sticks into my ears?

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yea, parents or ex.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
This is just something no one needs to know ever.
This is a burden that now has to be bored
by op. Yeah, and mom Anne should not have to
have this thought in her brain. For one se I
would not want to ever know that this is actually
this selfish thing to tell her not to keep it

(11:12):
a secret. Keeping it a secret makes it your deal.
It's it's your weight.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
I'm not sure if I stuck to the script, because
everything honestly became a little blurry anyway, I blurted out
something similar to the above, and then there was a long,
awkward pause. Finally and said, yeah, boy, I know. At
that moment, I almost started crying because she hadn't called
me that nickname of the year, and I just felt
really crappy about what I had done. She was still

(11:39):
she still wants to get back together with you, after
knowing that her mom was banging you.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
That's wild, man. I'm sorry. An Yeah, it has to
be hot and good in bed. There's no way what
This has to be a plot? Right? This this what chat?
What movie or TV show plot? Does this align with?

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Within Freaky Friday?

Speaker 3 (12:06):
This has to be this is some corn. This has
to be like one of those posts where someone's like, oh,
I'm gonna write like a pop culture story, but I'm
gonna write it like it's her Reddit story and see
if anyone notices.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Apparently her mom had been less intelligent about technology and
didn't know how to log out of Gmail fully and
as basically known, shortly after her mom first spent the
night at my place, she spent the next two days
throwing up and sobbing NonStop. Apparently she was ready to
cut us both off. Yeah, and then started to think
about it differently. What her dad, she remembered, was a

(12:40):
pretty harmful husband. Her mom and he hadn't had spicy
sleep in a decade, and her mom was constantly getting hurt,
and she figured that her mom was looking for something
fun and freeing, and that she and preferred that her
mom not be getting it from someone who was a
total crap sandwich of a human being. Apparently I'm not
a crap sandwich. What she's like, well, you know better,

(13:02):
the devil, you know what? She said. She never figured
on coming east and knew her mom probably wouldn't have
done it unless she needed it. She also said she
noticed the spring in her mom's step.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
She said, Oh, I remember when I had that spring
in my step. She must be banging my ex. She's
got that one pepin her step that op only can
make you have.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
That's that, and that her mom had started dating a
few nicer, older guys perhaps as a result. Anne said
that she's been a wreck about this all year, and
that she hates that her mom can see me, but
that she can't. She cries a lot thinking about it.
She still loves me. She said that she sort of
hoped that I wouldn't say anything and would just allow
her to fly over and get back together with her,

(13:47):
and that we could pretend it never happened, but that
it seemed unrealistic. She also said that she's furious that
her mom was going to let her move without telling
her first, and that she and her mom's relationship is
going to be strained for the foreseeable future. Yeah, she
doesn't want to be my girlfriend. She wants to come
in person and see how she feels and go on
dates with me versus immediately jumping back into something. She

(14:09):
feels like this would be a good way to start
fresh after the way we ended things, and I agree.
If we do get back together, there are a few rules,
most of which them ball her mom, Block her mom
and all venues, never tell her dad, and take this.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
With me to the grave. So I'm going to go
out on a limb and say that although it sounds
like you guys have a list of things, I don't
think that that's realistic. I don't think you're going to
be able to effectively implement those strategies in your day
to day lives.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
I don't think this is good. Don't be in a
relationship together.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
This is insanity. I mean, like convers is you phreakazoids?
What are we doing?

Speaker 2 (14:46):
I'm sorry you're telling me that. I mean like, hopefully
you never tell anyone this, but like imagine you guys
have kids, and they're like, where where's that Granda, where's
that grandma?

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Well, grandma makes dead remember certain things he shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
The moment I tell anyone we know about this, she
and I are done externally. It needs to never have happened.
She also got access to all my Facebook, texts, emails
for a few months and gets to look at my
okac profile, which I'm obviously going to deactivate immediately.

Speaker 3 (15:17):
But so none of that makes any sense, Like, no
one gets to know this is We're all gonna base
everything off of a lie, and as long as we
pretend like this never ever happened, it'll work. Just don't
do it. It's not gonna work. Don't do that.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
Ann also says that she understands how fed up this is,
but she also likes me and misses me. She's also
been able to come partmentalize and see this more is
her mom's fault than mine. There will come a day
when she starts blaming you. I'm not sure that that's
really fair. I tried to press her on why, and
I couldn't get a straight answer. So there's that. Oops,

(15:52):
I'll need that at some point.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
Well. I would wager that it has something to do
with the fact that finding this out would probably break
your brain. So finding some way to make it okay
is all we can really do once we know about it. Yeah. No,
this is like literally the most blatantly, like totally ft
situation that should not be pursued. Yeah, that I think

(16:16):
I've seen on the show. Yeah, and like, clearly to
each their own. I would never want to know if
my ex girlfriend slept with my dad ever, unless.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
Unless I'm like about to get into relationship with them.
I'm like, I have to get back into religiship then
be like it was a hold on. But but don't
tell me this. Yeah, if there's no chance that I'm
getting back into relationship with them, I don't. I don't
want to know.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
It's not my cross, dude, let them carry that weight
with them, because that's a weight on their shoulders. I
don't deserve to carry it. I didn't do anything wrong there.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
I don't want to know somebody here has said that
I won't be invited to Thanksgiving, and that's probably true.
Oh I was expecting screaming and crying and some vomiting,
and I got only a little crying. Honestly, this is
better than I could have expected. But I'm also very
aware that the fact that Anne will probably decide she
can't date me once she arrives, or will eventually break

(17:15):
out with me when thoughts of her mother and me
having spicy sleep plaguer. And they will, they will? She
thinks they won't.

Speaker 3 (17:23):
They will. You think she's just gonna be able to
forget all of this.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Any advice is welcome. Any harshbirds are also welcome. That's
the end of that story. Folks.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
Wow, your naivety that this could work is like the
level of like a little four year old boy with
the big oversized circular lollipop. Yeah and a spinny hat. Yep,
that's how naive you're acting right now, eyop, My ex
husband has a new girlfriend and I didn't expect to feel.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
This jealous Sometimes jealousy comes for us all.

Speaker 3 (17:54):
My forty one female ex husband forty two male and
I divorced when our son was seven. Fast forward to
now our son is our sons fifteen sixteen. In a
few months, somehow we managed to go from divorced and
done to actually being like pretty good friends. Like we
choose to hang out sometimes, not only when it involves
our son, and we get along better than ever. It's

(18:17):
worked out way better than I ever expected. And by
the way, this comes from user throw away Okay Barry,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my ex
has started seeing someone new. They've been together for a
little while now, but it's started to get more serious lately.
I've met her but don't know her well. My son

(18:38):
is around her a lot more than I am, and
he likes her a lot. I hate that this bothers me.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
You're human, man, You're human.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
I'm only human. Like I'm genuinely embarrassed by how irritated
I felt hearing him say how nice she is, how
fun she is, how she makes his dad happy. I
plastered on a smile and said all the right things,
but in I was surprised by how jealous I felt.
She doesn't like that my ex and I are friends.

(19:06):
She's fine with us communicating for our son, but the
idea of us hanging out just because we want to
is an absolute no in her book. And he started
to pull back a little. Oh, I mean, I mean,
it sounds like she's right to say that. Though, yeah,
it's totally reasonable.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
It is a little bit different because they're co parenting,
so like there does have to be contact there.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
I understand she's stippy. She's like, it's okay, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
I understand where she's coming from. Sometimes you go from
being able to hang out with someone a lot, and
then they get a partner, and then they obviously have
to hang out with that person a lot more, and
it is kind of an adjustment that you just have
to work through. So like, don't beat yourself up, Opie.
He's not saying it out loud, but I can tell

(19:50):
he's trying to adjust our dynamic to keep the peace
in his new relationship.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
It stings. Months ago, we planned a special trip for
our son's sixteenth birthday, just the three of us. It
was meant to be a shared memory, kind of family
ish experience to mark a big milestone. It revolves around
something my son is obsessed with, something my ex and
I both enjoy too, But now the girlfriend's coming despite

(20:15):
having no interest in the activity. I found out from
my son, not my ex, which made it even worse.
I haven't confronted him about it yet because I don't
know how to bring it up without sounding jealous or possessive.
But I'm honestly upset. Feels like a sacred little space
that used to belong to the three of us is
slowly being taken over, and I feel helpless to stop

(20:37):
it without looking like the crazy ex wife who can't
let go. I didn't expect to feel this jealous, and
I really don't want to come off as the crazy
ex but honestly, it feels like I'm losing way more
than just a friendship here. I've worked really hard to
be mature, supportive, and emotionally steady in this cope parenting journey.
How do I manage these feelings without making it weird

(20:58):
or damaging the progress we've all made? How do I
set boundaries if I even can, without turning this into
a drama filled mess. We have some comments.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
I just think that you, first of all, you have
to understand that things are going to change, like you
will not be in the same type of friendship or
relationship that you were prior to the girlfriend showing up.
It's just going to change. He's gonna his priorities are
going to change, and that's just how it goes. Unfortunately,

(21:32):
I don't think that you could necessarily set the boundary
of like, oh, oh, like, she can't come with us
to this thing, because I don't think she's gonna like
that very much that her partner is hanging out with
his ex, even if it is a family thing and
going on trips and stuff. But I do think that
there are certain boundaries that you could set and say, like, hey,

(21:55):
we need to maybe see each other less while this
kind of transition happens. There are certain things I would
like to do with our child, you know, when she's
not there. I think that you can talk about it.

Speaker 3 (22:10):
I like everything that you said, but I disagree that
because the girlfriend was like, I don't want you just
hang out. But if it's like something about your son
or you do cope anything, and that's what this is.
The sixteenth, it's a birthday. It's a fair family like,
and you being there as the girlfriend like is kind

(22:31):
of irrelevant or like unnecessary because like, if I'm the
girlfriend and I'm in this position, i'm'll be like, all right,
I'm gonna let him go on this trip for his
kid's birthday with his ex wife, who I feel like
is weird vibes. And then I'm gonna see how he
acts when he gets back, And if I think he
was in any way unfaithful to me, it's over, because

(22:54):
I don't want to be with someone who will be
unfaithful to me. Uh, Come at one. In some sense,
you've been living in above, where the idea of uninterrupted
family persisted even through separation and divorce. It was only
sustainable as long as nobody else was in the picture.
Every situation is different, of course, but as a general thing,
if relationships tolerate being amicable with xes for the purpose

(23:15):
of shared children, tolerance tends to fade when those children
aren't directly involved. The exclusive family unit isn't so exclusive anymore.
Time doesn't stand still as much as you've wanted it to.
In situations where x'es are so involved in each other's lives,
if there comes a point when one needs to pull back,
there's often a second sting. There was a separation of divorce.

(23:37):
Now the palatable I'm sorry and now the palpable reality
of your ex getting serious with someone else. Ask yourself something,
When is the best time to let go? Then now,
sometime later, when the weight of that reality becomes too much.
If this brings more heartache, no matter what, it is
best to sever that imaginary cord now or wait until

(23:57):
it stretches and stretches and snaps anyway. Ope, he says,
we didn't go into divorce intending to stay friends. We
did commit to being the best co parents we could
be and to be nice to each other for the
sake of our son. We mainly got divorced for the
sake of him. We argued a lot, but I'm not
one hundred percent sure we would have actually divorced if
we didn't have a child involved. Eventually it got to

(24:18):
the point where I decided it could not be healthy
for our son, and even then it was hard for
us to actually go through with the divorce. We didn't
start out as good friends immediately following the split, but
it just sort of happened over time and it didn't
seem like it caused any harm for us to be friends.
I have never heard that one before. We need a
divorce to save the child. Well, I think, and we

(24:39):
wouldn't have divorced if we didn't have one. I have
not heard that. I mean, no, that is usually.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
They were you know, maybe they I don't know. Usually
it's the opposite stresses of parenthood and feeling like they couldn't.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
I'm not even saying it's wrong. I'm just saying we
don't usually see that.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yeah, that's interesting.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah, they must have been fighting, like yeah, real bad
if they say we got divorced for the kid. Yeah.
So there's a reply here. Did you move on? Opie
says I thought I did, and there's enough ding.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
Well, that's super talent because now he's kind of giving
this new layer of like I'm not over him as
much as.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
I thought I was.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, which does change a lot. Yeah, in which case
you need to set boundaries for yourself of saying, hey,
I don't think we can continue on in the same
type of friendship because I'm.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
Not over you. Update at the beginning of June, I
asked for help with navigating these feelings I have regarding
my son, my ex husband, and his new girlfriend. Thanks
to everyone who replied, even though I don't think I
got a ton of specific, actionable advice. I got a
lot of opinions and some solid advice. I definitely heard
the recurring message loud and clear therapy. Some of the

(25:55):
comments were genuinely helpful in nudging me to start unpacking
the root of what I'm actually feeling. So I appreciate that.
Will I go to therapy right now? Honestly, probably not immediately,
but we'll see. Most of all of the issues are
things I just need to work through on my own.
But I decided to just ask my ex husband directly
about the whole concert slash birthday trip situation. I told

(26:17):
him that our son had mentioned his girlfriend is now
coming on the trip and I needed clarity about what
the plan was so I could figure out hotel stuff.
I kept it as neutral and non confrontational as possible. Truthfully,
I don't want her to come, and I'm still sort
of seething over her being there. He admitted he hadn't
told me yet because he was still hoping she'd back out.

(26:38):
He said he doesn't want her to come and that
it's going to make things awkward, and that she kind
of inserted herself into the plan and made it really
clear she expected to be invited buddy.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Where's our spine?

Speaker 3 (26:51):
That's when you go hey, actually, hey, actually this is
just for like my son and his parents, which are
me and his.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
Eeriest theory, I think they both still like each other.

Speaker 3 (27:04):
He felt like he couldn't say no without it hurting
their relationship. He even said, you think I want to
go on a trip with both of you. I suggested
that maybe I should give her my concert ticket and
buy a separate one so I wouldn't have to sit
near them and she wouldn't have to stay back at
the hotel. Or maybe I should just plan to take
my son to a completely different date on the tour altogether,

(27:24):
since it was probably going to be very awkward for
all of us, especially since he was now claiming he
also didn't want her to come. Where is the demand that, Hey,
if you don't want that teller, use your big boy pants,
put him on and tell your girlfriend this is a
trip for me, my son, and his mom. I don't
want to buy a ticket and sit separately. I don't

(27:45):
want to plan a whole other trip to a different
tour date. The thought makes me really mad, but I
felt like the adult thing to do was at least
suggest it. Maybe I just wanted to see what his
reaction would be. He immediately said there was no way
I was giving my ticket to her or sitting side separately.
He said, there's no way I'm backing out or going
to a different show. We've been planning this for almost
a year. We did agree to cancel the shared hotel

(28:07):
room and book separate rooms. I didn't bring up the
fact that his girlfriend isn't thrilled with us spending time together.
I feel like that's something I just need to accept.
Most people in new relationships with someone who has a
close relationship with an X would probably feel the same.
It's uncomfortable, but I get it, and I'll deal with
those feelings on my own. What's hardest for me, though,

(28:28):
is how much I still default to texting or talking
to him.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
We us are still in love with each other.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
We used to talk daily, not just about things related
to our son, but everything.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Y'all are in love.

Speaker 3 (28:43):
They're talking about would you like me if I was
a woman?

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Would you like me? Would you like me as your wife?
If I were a worm?

Speaker 3 (28:50):
He's been my best friend for over twenty years, and
before anyone jumps in and says I sound like the
obsessive acts, calling him that he has said the same
about me. I haven't had another best friend in a
really long time. I had two close girlfriends years ago,
but both of those friendships are long gone, not due
to any sort of falling out, but due to reasons
I don't want to get into here. Since then, I've

(29:11):
struggled to find another close female friend, someone I really
connect with on that deeper level. I have friends, just
nobody like that. I'd say my ex husband is the
person I'm most myself with and the person I'm closest
to in the world. So yeah, my ex is still
that person, and I'm starting to realize that while I
don't want him back romantically, I do see him as mine.

(29:33):
Not in a possessive, malicious way, but in that I
think I've just never fully adjusted to him being someone
with a life completely separate from mine. It's like he's
still a character in my story, not somebody with an
entire life of his own. Ew gross, I did not
like that. Hated that sentence. I'm also trying to take
the advice of getting to know his girlfriend while also

(29:55):
trying not to overinvolve myself in their lives. I don't
want to be come best friends with my ex husband's girlfriend.
That just sounds uncomfortable to me. I spent some time
over at his house today and she was there. They
don't live together yet, but he watched my dog for
me overnight because I had a work event to go to. Well,
it's my son's dog too, so the dog basically went
over to his dad's with him. They have a splash

(30:19):
pad for the dogs over there, so we were playing
around with the dogs in the backyard.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
I think everyone's in denial here.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
Yeah, it sounds like that's a river in Egypt.

Speaker 2 (30:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girlfriend's in denial about being jealous, husband's
in denial about loving his girlfriend, and you're in denial
about loving your ex husband.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
So he starts asking me things like top five albums
of all time.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
Go.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
Then we get into a friendly argument about our favorite albums,
which evolved into top five guitarists, etc. And these are
all the things we get along about. I suddenly got
the same I suddenly got the sense that she was
not about our conversation since she doesn't seem to care
about those things and couldn't participate in the conversation. Dude,
I tried to steer the conversation in another direction so

(31:09):
that she wasn't left out. But I'm terrible at making
small talk. Well, it sounds like you're great at doing
it with your ex husband. I decided to make my
excuses to politely leave at that point. So now I
guess it's just a matter of figuring out how you
start emotionally detaching from someone who's been my closest person
for so long, especially when you still co parent and
have to interact her regularly. How do I detach? I

(31:32):
never detached after we got divorced, even though I thought
I had. And that's the end of that story. M
y'all got a crush on each other.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
The thing is that like everyone going back to everyone
saying that the girlfriend is controlling and stuff. I think
she is jealous for a reason. Sounds like she's just
I think that the opie and her ex husband are
like still flirting unbeknownst to them apparently, and the girlfriend's
watching this and going you guys are into each other.

(32:02):
I don't like this at all.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
Yes, sometimes when someone looks at someone else, you can
just get a sense of by the way that their
eyes are light up when someone talks them about something
that's the eyes Chico.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
I wouldn't know anything about that.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
You definitely don't know anything about that. Hey's John og host.
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
My ex husband's wife accessed my gym account without my permission.

Speaker 3 (32:27):
Literally throw her back in the abyss that she crawled
out of.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
My AX and I have been divorced for about eight years.
It was a high conflict divorce and custody case that
caused me a lot of trauma. Now we're both remarried.

Speaker 3 (32:40):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
By the way, this comes from a special dance seventy
six to seventy five. And if you want to spend
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime Separate.
I attend a fitness studio occasionally and created an account
my account for my fourteen year old daughter to start
taking classes. She had only taken about two over winter breaks.
I received a text yesterday confirming an upcoming reservation in

(33:04):
a class. I didn't make this reservation and noticed my
account was locked out, so I immediately called the fitness
studio identity.

Speaker 3 (33:13):
Theft is not a joke, Jim.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Apparently my ex husband's new wife, the fourteen year old stepmom,
was in the same gym and asked the front desk
to change all the contact information on my daughter's account.
Also mine address, email address, sorry address, email address, phone number,
et cetera. But not my payment information.

Speaker 3 (33:36):
What a just like skeazy, little sme thing to do, Like,
that's just a rat behavior. You're being a little rat.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Being a little rat so she could log into set
account and I have access to my payment, billing and billing infoe.
Am I the butthole being absolutely livid over this. I
feel like a complete breach of privacy has happened. Yeah. Uh,
I'm mad at the studio for allowing it to happen,
and for the stepmom for not asking me about it
or just creating a separate account for my daughter with

(34:06):
her own payment information. The fitness studio has not really
taken any blame, but offered to change the account and
go back. They state they weren't alarm because the stepmom
has the same last name as my daughter. Apparently, the
stepmom was trying to sign my daughter up for classes
over the summer, but she never consulted with me. Before
changing and locking me out of my account. I left

(34:27):
the fitness studio and my ex husband have it and
basically told them this is wrong on so many levels.
But now I'm a little embarrassed and honestly worried my
ex will use this against me somehow.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
Am I the a hole?

Speaker 2 (34:38):
There are rollin comments in an update. Why would you
be the a hole? They were stealing your money?

Speaker 3 (34:43):
I'm so confused. How the gym didn't have record that
you are also on your daughter's account. Yeah, they shouldn't have,
just like let someone with an ID with the same
last name as your daughter walk in there and change
all of your account information. Yeah they were because you
should still be the adult legally attached to that. I

(35:03):
think that they are low key, like, oh my god,
I hope that this woman doesn't like try to supoze. Yeah,
we low key like completely mess up. Just gave a
stranger access to all of your personal information. Yeah, something
needs to happen. I don't know. Talk to a lawyer, yeah,
if you can.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
Commoner one says, did you talk to the manager? If not,
please do so or owner, By the way, cancel the
card or whatever you pay with on the account and
get a new one. If you're not getting satisfactory answers
from the studio, please go to another one. And op
already said she did. Opie says, yes, I've been talking
to the manager and it seems to be some back

(35:40):
and forth where I'm expecting more empathy, but they just
keep saying they have resolved this by changing the info back.
But then they say, I yell that the staff and
that staff member is going to write a statement which
came across is threatening and retaliation to me.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Yeah, it's exact, because they're.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Trying to, you know, cover the ruts.

Speaker 3 (35:57):
The what kind of statement is that? I wish I
could go back in time to all the restaurants I
worked at and all the mean people I took care of,
and I could write them statements. Guess what, that doesn't matter. No, like,
this person's upset because you messed up their stuff, they're
going to be mad. They are allowed to be.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
I didn't cuss or anything, but yes, I was passionate.
Comedo two says not the ale the fitness studio had
no business adding your ex's new wife to your account.
I would be livid if any of my account information
was given to another person without my consent. There are
several privacy laws to protect consumers in these situations. I
would file a complaint with corporate since they're being so

(36:36):
nonchalant about breaching your privacy. Obi says, thanks, unfortunately or
fortunately this is a local place. Comeda two says, I'm sorry.
The manager isn't being empathetic and has made you feel
bad about your reaction. Giving another person access to your
account and payment information is unacceptable. Maybe write a one
star Google and Yelp review and try to reach out

(36:57):
to the owner directly if it's a different person than
the manager. Opie says, I did this, and she wrote
back the most awful response, calling me a liar and
claim they tried to contact me to talk this over.
They hadn't. They claimed I yelled at their employee. I
did raise my voice and tell them they really needed
to get it together, but respectfully, if that makes sense,

(37:17):
I was just scared it would impact my custody situation somehow,
so I deleted the review. Commoner three says, not the ale.
You should probably report this to law enforcement so that
an officer can go speak to fitness studio owner and manager.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
Nah, that's report to the Better Business Bureau. This is small,
locally owned plays. Say that there's a business here that
is selling people's personal information to strangers.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
This is a major privacy and data breach. They literally
broke protocol and should have called you first to confirm
that you were okay with the change. You should contact
the studio owner if they were not present, to ensure
they are aware of what happened. You and your ex
husband also need to have a calm, respectful discussion about
your boundaries when it comes to spouses. Yep, this was

(38:00):
an overstep on his wife's part, but he is responsible
for co parenting successfully with you. Most importantly, keep your
daughter outside of the drama. Make sure she knows it
isn't her fault, she didn't do anything wrong, and it's
a grun up issue. Ope, he says, good points, and yes,
I didn't mention any of this door, But of course
she comes to me telling me she heard I made
a huge ee a lot of this.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
Girls.

Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yes, your mother was had her stuff stolen, her credit
card information was being like her credit card was being
used without her knowledge.

Speaker 3 (38:30):
I think the craziest part of this is that it's
relating around like a fourteen year old girl's account and
all of the information attached to it, and like there's
any context under the sun in which like someone's trying
to find her, like a parent who's like being like
you know, someone who is There's so many different situations
in which the gym doing this could have theoretically led

(38:52):
to the pleasurement of this child. Absolutely, and they're acting
like it just like didn't matter at all, which is absurd.
And beyond that, it's like, tell your new wife to
get her own gym membership. Why is she stealing from
our daughter?

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I tried to explain to her I needed to stand
up for my boundaries in privacy and has nothing to
do with her being able to attend the fitness classes. Well,
Felice'll understand. Ugh uh, Opie says, I'm not necessarily angry
about her booking a class for my daughter, but I
guess how she went about it. Yeah, she changed all
of your information. That's not okay. Yeah, I really want

(39:29):
to see why that comment was downloaded so much. My
ex knew about the fitness classes, and that is how
the stepmom knew she had an account there, if that
makes sense. And OPI is based in the US, Opie
responds to a downloaded commentary regarding the stepmother making authorized,
unauthorized changes with the gym's mistakes. Opie says, even if
she changed my daughter's info, she shouldn't be replacing the

(39:50):
mother's info and changing it to hers, especially without any
communication to me first. And I see the gym confirmed
she changed this info in person, and sounds like she
alluded to being the mom to my daughter. I guess
I'm going off off the history because I did have
to send her a cease and desist letter six months
ago for some similar things. What that's crazy, But yes,

(40:13):
it may be more of the gym's fault than hers,
or not as malicious as I'm thinking. I think it
might be malicious.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
She was, regardless, still trying to just steal a gym
membership from on your dime, which is weird behavior.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
I just don't understand why she wouldn't create a new
account altogether for her, or just ask me for the
longin in vote. You know, because she's trying to steal
your stuff.

Speaker 3 (40:34):
She wants to hurt you in some way, she wants
to get one over on you. And there is an update.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
I think op He's like backtracking and being like, oh,
I don't understand why she would do that. Maybe I'm overreacting,
Like no, I think that she's actively trying to you.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
Know, I think mess with the OPI kind of said
one thing. I think OPI's concerned about custody.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah, so it's like she can't go ham all ham
out right. Update the studio said me an email, stating
that the plan was to have the stepmom use a
feature in mind Body, the booking app that allows you
to pay for another client's classes. Is this okay? If
this is true, do I deserve a heads up?

Speaker 3 (41:11):
I don't know what I don't even know what that though.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
They said. The step mom didn't ask to change the password,
but I couldn't log in when my email address was changed.
I currently live in a small town, but was raised
in the city. And apparently the owners of this gym
and fitness studio are friends with the step mom. Oh,
which explains why they seem to be defending her. Ugh

(41:35):
they asked to meet in person. I spoke with my
lawyer and I wrote them a response basically with all
my grievances and saying I didn't want to communicate anymore
and copy them. I filed the police report mainly for documentation.
There's a little bit left to the story, dimity, final
thoughts that aren't about that.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
This might end up being your gym now, because I
feel like you have an off of a I'm not
a lawyer, but I feel like you have enough of
a case that it's like, well, you're either going to
have to give me all of your liquid assets or
give me the business. I don't know. I don't know. Look, yeah,
I don't think if you talk to your ex husband,
yeah and be like, you're literally letting your little thing

(42:13):
one wild. I don't want to have to get if
you don't change the way she's acting. If she didn't
change the way she's acting, she's gonna end up in jail.
She's stealing my identity, So where's it gonna stop.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
I hadn't said anything to my daughter about any of this.
When I picked her up the other day. She was
so angry, and so I made a huge deal and
now she can't attend the classes I told her. I
never ever said she can't attend classes. Of course, I'm
reconsidering that now based off the whole thing, And she
seemed to understand how it was a violation of a boundary.

(42:46):
But of course I'm annoyed with her dad and stepmom
for even bringing her into aut all like that. And
there are some final comments. Don't forget that she did,
in fact make car charges against your credit card, and
she's sign up your daughter for classes and use your
credit card for it. This is fraud, Opie says. No,
I caught it in time before this happened, but that

(43:06):
was still the intentions.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
I'm about to go rob a bank, and then right
before I do, I'm gonna say, actually, change my mind
because I haven't done it yet, you can't arrest me.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
Well, no, it's more like.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
What's the crime almost robbing a bank? And then the
cops go, yeah, yes, that is a crime. It's called
armed robbery, and you get charged with it even if
you don't take the money and run. Yep, so welcome
to jail.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
You're in jail now.

Speaker 5 (43:33):
By I ex slept with my brother and my other
siblings hid it from me.

Speaker 3 (43:40):
Oh, just trying to keep it all in the family.

Speaker 5 (43:43):
My ex and I broke up earlier this year. It
was tough but mutual. She and I have known each
other for a long time and she basically became family.
By the way, this comes from deleted and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
side show. Okay, story time subbured it. So I found
out recently that shortly after the break up up she
now my brother slept together.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:05):
I never foresaw this happening, and I totally reconciled with
the idea that she might move on this. Not only
were they sleeping together, but my other two brothers knew,
and they had kept quiet about it.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
Which I mean, how how do you bring that up?

Speaker 5 (44:23):
So I don't blame my eighteen year old brother, as
he is basically just a kid, but everyone else I'm
kind of appalled at now that I think about it,
seems like even my dad knew. So I'm mad and
I feel so betrayed. What do I do? Am I
wrong for feeling this way? I'm not typically an angry
guy at all, but I want to rip all their
heads off, all of the head We got a little

(44:45):
bit of an edit to kind of explain upstairs and
the dumbstair one if my brother knew about something that happened, Like,
if you knew this was going on, you did tell
me you're not my brother anymore, not my brother blood,
or not not my brother anymore.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
I'm not I'm brotherless. But wouldn't you if you're one
of the innocent brothers? You're like, I shouldn't be the
one you Why do I have to be the messenger?

Speaker 5 (45:07):
No, you're not innocent?

Speaker 3 (45:09):
Well of course, so he's like, say doing it needs
to be the one who admits it, right, What am
I gonna do? What about you? Because I'm gonna go
tell my brother and he's gonna smack me around. You brotherless? Yeah?
No brother, no brother no sipy Yeah. What if your
sister started dating your ex, you'd be like, you'd be like,
you dummy.

Speaker 5 (45:29):
That's not what's happening here.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
I know. I'm just saying, okay, it'd be funny.

Speaker 5 (45:33):
Like good luck edit passing some contexts from below. I
found out a couple of hours ago from my second brother.
We all live in the same city. I live by myself,
though it used to be ours my xmi's place together.
He and my perpetrator brother lived together. We were supposed
to meet after work and go for dinner and go
watch a movie afterwards. We do this every month. I

(45:53):
called my second brother to ask how far they were,
and he said he was on his way but didn't
know exactly where am my first brother was at. I
asked where he was coming from, and he said Ex's place.
I think I was just like, what, why would he
be coming from her place? My brother just said crap
and hung up.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
No.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
No.

Speaker 5 (46:12):
I immediately dialed him back and asked him again. He
was just rambling on about how he was caught in
the middle of everything and was super unfair for him.
I told him to still meet me at the place,
which he did, and he really awkwardly told me what
had happened and how long, and how my third brother
knew as well, and how he wanted to tell me
but didn't want any beef. I best lee left as

(46:35):
soon as he was done telling me everything. I am
just at my apartment now, shocked. Well, dude, imagine that
a slip up.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
Yeah, dude, I look, you're losing one brother. Don't lose
the other ones just because of what the one brother did.
I think it's a really hard position to be in
to be like, well, I have to be the one
to tell him. Yeah, that our other brother who was
also our brother, So it is sleeping with his ex.
So it's like you love both of those people. It's

(47:05):
an impossible position to be in some things.

Speaker 5 (47:08):
I'll find out we X and I broke up about
eight months ago. Second brother insists ex and bro had
been going out six months as far as he knows.
He found out why he came home one night while
they were hooking up in their apartment, and insists his
relationship with the Purp brother he just called him perpetrator
brothers the Purple Perp brother has been ten since then.

(47:30):
Third brother found this all out somehow on his own
and pulled the second brother aside to ask about it. Okay,
we need names for the second and third brother.

Speaker 6 (47:38):
So second brother, okay, Tate, Well, purp pert brother is
who's second brother? Because we have part brother, third brother
and second and second brother's name's Tate, Sorry, Tate, third
brother's name Sawyer, and fourth brother's name Ryder. So PERP
brother is Tate. So Sawyer figured out.

Speaker 5 (47:56):
This all happens on his own somehow and pulled Tate
to the side to ask one time about it. Tate
told the told Sawyer hold off on telling me ope
because he was trying to get the perp brother's message.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
Okay, I need to go back. I was thinking, I'm like,
I don't know if we can give them names, because
it might actually be more confusing.

Speaker 5 (48:15):
I can give them names, all right, So PERP brother,
I'm a ratio. I'm not gonna say Tate. Okay, here
we go, here we are. It's a guilty name called
Jeffrey Jeff. Okay, PERP brother Jeff, Mike second Mike Okay,
PERP brother, Mike, second brother, Tate, third brother, Sawyer Rioder,
I'll usual in another story.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (48:38):
He found out because he came home one night when
they were hooking up in their apartment and insince his
relationship with Mike has been ten since then. Sawyer figured
out this all on his own somehow and pulled Tate
to the side to ask about it. Tate told Sawyer
to hold off on telling O Pete. So he was
trying to get Mike to fess up on his own,
and we got an update right here. Things have had

(49:00):
happened since yesterday. Texted my dad that was it was
this short day?

Speaker 3 (49:07):
Dad? Wow?

Speaker 5 (49:09):
Edit texted from the following, did you know about Mike
and my ex? Can you help me navigate this? He
texted back the following, this is something men hash out
with one another. I will not be one to choose
between my boys. I'm sorry this happened. Good luck do you?
Thanks Dad, rual f and helpful.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
I think there should be an ability to acknowledge that
it's a kind of low down, dirty dog move to
have done this. I think we should be doing that.
Why come on, Dad, come on, pops, you can pick
that side.

Speaker 5 (49:38):
I went through her this morning and I realized she
had left electronics at my house and had an old
Nexus four lying around that she used for an Android death.
I knew it was hooked up to her Facebook account.
I am not proud of what I did by any means.
I'm here for the tea at this point, but here
for being proud. Yeah, we're not here for morals. I'm

(49:59):
here with the tea. But I charged it up. Took
a look. There were two conversations I scrolled through, one
with Mike and two with Tate. Found both very hard
to read. Tate basically had ripped her a new one
when he found out very hostile conversation in general. The
one with Mike was tough. There actually wasn't much conversation
between them before the breakup, But around the breakup, I

(50:19):
saw more conversation, all dumb stuff, nothing said. There seemed
to be a bunch of it increasing over time, then
very sharply transitioned into lovers territory. That's where my heart sank.
I think the worst part of what I read basically
gave me the indication that he'd been carrying a torch
for her for a long time, possibly during the whole

(50:42):
duration of my relationship with her.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
So wait, did he say he or she had the torch?
He that, Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Mit, bro, probably
had a crush on your girl the whole time.

Speaker 5 (50:54):
It made me sick to my stomach. How was he
telling her how beautiful she was? If you wanted all
these things I couldn't beat, like a husband and a father,
and she was into it, I guess nearly vomited in
my mouth. I also saw they both had guilt about it.
It seemed like they both try to tell at some point,

(51:16):
but either they both checking out or something had come up,
which I had mixed feelings about, sadness, anger, disgust at
the fact that they were painting some kind of scary
image of me. To justify why they were finding it
hard to tell me like, no, I'm not a monster,
you're just finding it hard because of your own guilt,
and any reaction I'd personally have would be justified. I

(51:38):
demanded we talk in person anyway, So he just looked
through the messages. He's fed up with Mike and he's
demanded to look and talk to him in person. Should
we do that?

Speaker 3 (51:48):
I just don't know exactly what you're gonna get out
of it, you know, like you're already like, well, they
feel like they were kind of like and of course
they're mixed up about it. They know what they're doing. Yeah,
that might even be part of why they're doing it.
It's like lot of people like taboo things because they
like know it's wrong. That's what makes it appealing. That's

(52:08):
why people cheat. Part of why that's so intoxicating is
it's like, Ooh, we're doing something wrong. We both know it.
Ooh we're sharing in this thing, and it's like whatever,
But I don't know what do you want? Is really
what we need to know? Op? Yeah, like if you
want me?

Speaker 5 (52:23):
He was with her for sixteen years. I think he
wants some I think he's closing. What is that called closure?

Speaker 3 (52:30):
You're closure?

Speaker 5 (52:31):
Closure?

Speaker 3 (52:32):
You can I would just go there and like dunk
on them, be like you, guys, this is gross.

Speaker 5 (52:37):
You're now dating your little brother. That's freaking weird. Anyway,
we're eating. That whole thing was emotionally exhausting, to say
the least, so I just sat around for a bit.
Then I called him and told him he was going
to meet me after work. Now he was going to
make time for this or I'd never give him a
second of my life ever again. Both of them showed
up at my place later, which I wasn't expecting. I

(52:58):
don't know why, but seeing them together made me more mad,
probably because it was real.

Speaker 3 (53:03):
Now.

Speaker 5 (53:03):
We all sat down silently for a bit. At some
point he had his head in his hands and was
just making this efing which but whimpering sound.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
Ah. He was making a little poopy baby whimper noises,
which made me more pissed, Like you're bigger than me, dude,
Why are you effing crying? Wait? Come on, man, come on.

Speaker 5 (53:24):
I asked them, point blank, in my calmest voice, how
this happened and when they were planning on telling me? Honestly,
the answer was pretty crappy. I just sounded like you
took advantage of her vulnerability and she was rebounding, like, oh,
she was lonely, and we bonded over our loneliness. What
do I know? Then they said they'd want to keep

(53:45):
the relationship on the down low while they figured out
if it was working, because they didn't want to risk
all their relationships on something that might not go anywhere,
which I got, but I mean still six months. They
had no answer for me there, just that they tried
to tell me they didn't want to hurt me, which
guess how much more hurt I am now.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
Yeah, they're doing the catch twenty two if it's like
they're saying the good thing, but like, the real reasoning
behind it wasn't to do the good thing. It was because, like,
because we know we're gonna have consequences for this, we
don't want to have to face them. The consequence is
you're ruining your relationship with your brother. YEP, one hundred percent.
Six days is maybe the right amount of time to

(54:28):
be like, hey, I think this was a mistake. We
probably should stop doing this because it could have irreversible,
irreversible consequences. But six months way too long.

Speaker 5 (54:37):
At this point, I'm wasted, drinking heavily through this because
I'm trying my best to take this in stride. He's
sitting there like a chum. She's crying. I'm seeing her crying,
tearing up. It felt bad. I was lest mad at
her before the convo, probably because I liked her more
than my brother, But now I must set her too.
I have a pounding headache so bad I can't I

(54:59):
think see properly. I just want them to leave. I
went back to the bedroom grabbed your phone so I
can give it to her, and when I came back
out of the room, I told her and asked a
question I completely regret. Do you love him? Followed by
do you love me? And apparently her answer was yes
to both. Look, the actual f man, I'm competing with
my brother for the love of the woman I was

(55:20):
with for half of my life while they've been effing
for a hot minute. That hit me so hard. I
kind of just threw her phone at her, not hard,
just like, look, I'm a piece of crap and I
violated your privacy. I'm sorry I did that. Please go
do your thing, be happy, and don't feel burning because
I know now she burst into tears, but they both left.
Need of them have messaged me since that takes us

(55:41):
to now slept the sleep of the and now I
have a cold to let crap. No more closure than yesterday,
but at least they admitted it to my face. Still
not sure where to go from here. Probably won't go
to Christmas. I need to talk to Tay about the
fact that I read his conversation because I owned up
to my mistake. I'm like, you, guys, I can tell

(56:02):
you what I'm wrong. We got a second atit. How
we feel.

Speaker 3 (56:05):
You know, I think you've kind of done the right move. Yeah,
you know you wanted some closure you wanted and you
got some. I don't you know. I don't think you're
sounding like you want to go like get revenge or anything,
but like, I just don't think there's anything else you
can do. Now You've you've literally told them. You're like, well,

(56:25):
that's trash of you. But don't feel bad about it
anymore because whatever. I guess, you guys can do whatever
you want. Because what I'm not I don't know. I'm
not God. I can't decree anything here, but you guys
are weird for doing this. It's about all you can
say at it too.

Speaker 5 (56:43):
I want to provide some context for the breakup. Okay,
here we go. Yes, a lot of people were acting
like I just casually waltz away from a sixteen year
longer relationship. This is not true. A couple of years ago,
we decided to try for kids. Found out she was
going to have some trouble. I thought, hey, no, biggie,
we can have modern medicine for this, right wrong. Trying
to have kids with one of the hardest things I've

(57:04):
ever gone through with her. We were pouring thousands of
dollars into it. Money for getting her eggs frozen, money
for hormones and fertility issues, money for failed IVF after
failed IVF treatment, miscarriages, looking for surrogates, not to mention
the scheduled baby making spicy sleep that was stressful. I
was so drained. Dang.

Speaker 3 (57:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (57:24):
So they broke up because he was trying for kids
to make it happen.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
I don't know if you call that irreconcilable differences or not.
I don't know what to call it.

Speaker 5 (57:33):
Erect cocile differences.

Speaker 3 (57:36):
Erectile, erectile, irreconcile, erectile, differences.

Speaker 5 (57:40):
Erecting severances, erecting differences.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
Ay, this is a really sad thing that happened to
these people. I need you to not make but like
it was funny because he had to erect a lot no, yes,
and it didn't a baby. Ah, look, erect the unfortunate situation.
You're your brother and your acts are two adults who
are in a consenting relationship, and it's ruined your relationship

(58:06):
with them, and there's really nothing you can do about
it except wake up one day and realize, maybe I
feel a little differently about them than I used to.
But I don't know. You can't. Yeah, I have to
take it day by day, and you can definitely at
least you have two different brothers that you can. You know,
we'll see, enjoy your time.

Speaker 5 (58:24):
See actually once this or not, I don't know if
he wants well, it seems like he's more mad at
Mike having his way than yeah, the others.

Speaker 3 (58:33):
And I like this. Please don't cut off every one
of your brothers because of this one thing with your
brother Mike.

Speaker 5 (58:40):
Give them a break.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Yep.

Speaker 5 (58:41):
So I told her I was happy to have her,
I did any kids, but she wanted kids so bad
and her. There was no point in marrying if we
couldn't have kids, and that was the other thing. I
didn't need to be married to her to love her.
I'd walk away from her at this point because this
was unliving both of us and it was not an
easy decision to make. I tried so hard, so hard.

(59:04):
You guys have no idea, and dang, I think she
likes your jeans and she wants to make it happen.
So that's why she went for your brother.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
That makes it so much worse. I say, that's the
crappiest part. She's known your family for sixteen years, so
she's like, hmmm, I like him, but it's not Opie anymore.
Let's try the second one.

Speaker 5 (59:23):
Let's try the third one.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
Let's try the fourth one.

Speaker 5 (59:27):
And fourth one will get you in jail. X don't
do that. Well No, he's eighteen. Oh so you can
try it?

Speaker 1 (59:33):
No, no, what Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back
to the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
My brother wants to reconcile after he betrayed me with
my girlfriend. Hey, bro, it's just a prink. I thirty
one male have been estranged from my brother thirty four
male for the last six years. I found out that
he had an affair with my then girlfriend of five years.
It was a serious relationship and I was planning to

(01:00:00):
propose and build a life with her. I found out
for my ex's best friend about the affair. She said
it was literally making her physically sick and she could
not stand by what they were doing behind my back.

Speaker 5 (01:00:12):
Oh boy.

Speaker 3 (01:00:13):
By the way, this comes from tah And if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash okay story tom subreddit so oh brother, pooh oh brother,
where art thou. I had trouble believing her and told
her not to repeat to anyone what she told me.
I did not even confront them right away. Oof. That

(01:00:34):
denial hits real strong. I could not believe it unless
I saw it with my own eyes. My brother had
flirted with my ex, but he was a womanizer. It
flirt with anyone female, so I did not think anything
of it. I was in such shock, and I walked
around like a zombie trying to figure out what to do.
Can we get a little recognition there?

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
Thank you?

Speaker 5 (01:00:56):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
My friend who told me doesn't have a malicious bone
in her body. So I decided to observe. But I
couldn't imagine my brother betraying me like that. I told
my ex that I was leaving down for two days
on a business trip. I sent my brother a text
that I was going to be gone. I thought about
it a lot and decided if they were hooking up
and they would be meeting at my brother's house, I

(01:01:17):
needed to see this with my own eyes.

Speaker 5 (01:01:19):
I appreciate getting evidence before you pulled the trigger, because
he is very invested in this. Yeah, he wants to
live with this woman. I think be working behind the scenes,
being like Batman, No the Joker. No, no, the Joker,
because Batman works behind the scenes, but the Joker is
always one step or two steps ahead.

Speaker 3 (01:01:37):
Yeah. I gotta have a little bit of proof with
the pudding, you know. Yeah. I ended up pretending to
leave town. I went to the movies to kill some time,
and literally hoping against hope her car would not be
in his driveway. There would be no reason she could
give me why she would be at his house without
me in the middle of the day. And I can
still remember that day like it was yesterday. Oh no,

(01:01:57):
I remember stopping my car at a stop sign before
turning and not going anywhere because I knew what could
be in store for me. My heart was beating so
fast I thought I would pass out. I needed to
know the truth, and sure enough, her car was at
his house.

Speaker 5 (01:02:14):
Maybe there was an emergency, if we think about that,
maybe she texted you, but it didn't.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
Go through emergency. Emergency. My boyfriend's out of town for
two days. We only have two days. We only have two.

Speaker 5 (01:02:26):
Days, two days. They're get jiggy with it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:29):
I went from shock to pure anger in a matter
of a few seconds. I had a key to my
brother's house, so I used it and let myself in.
I saw them in his backyard, playing in his pool,
and they had their hands all over each other and kissing.
They were having a romantic picnic by the pool. I
literally started taking pic.

Speaker 5 (01:02:49):
Just saying I would. I would be pretty upset. That's
what I would do. That's how I would fill in
that moment.

Speaker 3 (01:02:53):
I mean, yeah, I would too. Then, okay, so they
were having a room antic picnic by the pool. I
literally started taking pictures of them, and then they noticed
me and were horrified, and I started scurreaming at them all.

Speaker 5 (01:03:10):
Oh the uh, dude, you should have recorded, because you
could definitely get more money off of that by putting
in online.

Speaker 3 (01:03:15):
Yeah, you could put that on World Star for sure.
All that is unholy broke loose in that moment. I
don't even know how I got from his house to
my car and back to my house. To this day,
I have no memory of driving home. I got back
and I threw all of her crap out. What I
did not break ended up in the front yard. I
told her if she didn't leave, I would tell the

(01:03:36):
world how she fed my brother.

Speaker 5 (01:03:38):
Okay, fair, fair, there you go.

Speaker 3 (01:03:40):
My neighbors came over concerned. I told all of them
I just found out that my girlfriend was effing my
brother and she's moving out. They left shocked and disgusted.
After I banished her from my residence, I turned my
phone off and got maybe a little too wasted. My
neighbors came to check on me, made sure I was okay,

(01:04:03):
out of concern. One called my cousin and he came over.
I told him what I saw, and he kept asking
if I could have perhaps misinterpreted what I had seen.

Speaker 5 (01:04:13):
Hey, we'll just have your girlfriend hang out with my
brother by the pool having a romantic date.

Speaker 3 (01:04:19):
Mm hm that they told me that they set up
after I told them I'd be out of town for
the weekend. Guys, he was CPR Yeah while standing up
certifiable picnic relations Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:04:30):
What were they eating? Hot dogs?

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
Hot dog? Dude? They were eating freaking jump cream piles.
Oh you know what. They were eating junk food pow
right off the top of the head, right off the dome. Uh.
I showed him the pictures of them, and he had
no doubt. This tore our family apart. I disowned my
brother and he was to me. Our mother was so
upset she slapped him across the face as hard as

(01:04:54):
she could and exiled him from the house when he
was trying to explain himself. The most mom had ever
done was smack us on the hand. When we were little,
he was disowned and shunned by everyone, not invited to anything.
So apparently my now ex and brother were in love
and had been carrying on for two months when I

(01:05:15):
found out. They did not end their relationship right away.
All they had was each other. Why.

Speaker 5 (01:05:20):
Yeah, I'm saying, if you're gonna be cheating, you better
stay with him forever.

Speaker 3 (01:05:23):
We had the same friends, and they all took my side,
and that is when the relationship officially ended. He dumped
her because they could never be happy together because their
relationship was tainted and they were poisoned together. Gee, Willickers,
how did that happen?

Speaker 5 (01:05:38):
How did it get tainted?

Speaker 3 (01:05:39):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (01:05:39):
As if there was like some steps you could have
taken for this not to be tainted.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
Oh if only this is like their whole relationship was
like a like a like an alchemist crafting a potion
of plague.

Speaker 5 (01:05:52):
Yeah, and the brother broke it off.

Speaker 3 (01:05:54):
I'm actually not sure who broke it off. Uh, it's okay.
He dumped her, yep, because they couldn't be happy together
because everyone was telling them that they were terrible. Well,
he also has like.

Speaker 5 (01:06:03):
A line of girls waiting to be with them. So
that's why he's like, oh, this is a return.

Speaker 3 (01:06:06):
Oh he's got a roster. He's a roster. Yeah, he's
a roster, a roster farian.

Speaker 5 (01:06:10):
He's got a five star players you're waiting for.

Speaker 3 (01:06:12):
He's got a five star recruits. You got a vegaray.
So after they broke up, he tried repeatedly to get
in touch with me, but I would have none of it,
and I was a mess for that first year. I
threw myself into my career and I knew enough to
go easy on the booze, so I was having meaningless,
spicy sleep with a different woman every weekend. I needed
to change, so I started applying for jobs that were

(01:06:35):
one thousand plus miles away. I wanted to get as
far away as possible and start over. I accepted a
position on the West Coast that made my career grow
by leaps and bounds. I have two younger siblings that
are boy girl twins, and they ended up following me
to California and attended college and have settled there. Hey,

(01:06:55):
that's what I did after my breakup of the Californians.
My dad retired two years ago and my mom found
a job in Las Vegas, so they moved there, which
is about four hours away from me and the twins.
We see each other often. During the VID we all
went to Vegas to stay with our parents since we
all worked remotely, and we're together in the same house
for nine months. It was so nice all of us
being together, but it felt like someone was missing. That

(01:07:18):
was the first time in years that I had actually
missed my.

Speaker 5 (01:07:21):
Brother way way, way, you missed your screwer brother wa
way and where he's still your girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (01:07:27):
Bro, I got hate in my heart for this guy.

Speaker 5 (01:07:29):
I ain't gonna give me a love.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
I don't know. I don't know what.

Speaker 5 (01:07:33):
You don't even know.

Speaker 3 (01:07:33):
You don't know because you don't I know ever mentioned
anything nice siblings.

Speaker 5 (01:07:37):
You don't even know how to reconnect.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
Time.

Speaker 3 (01:07:38):
I know what they say is time heals all wounds.

Speaker 5 (01:07:40):
You got time on your hands.

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
This guy had time. It's been a while.

Speaker 5 (01:07:44):
Well he might, he might, he's not with her anymore.
But he also he should thank your brother for doing
this really honestly, in a way, in a way, thanks
for it. He didn't take his one, and he took
his problem. Thanks for taking my problem.

Speaker 3 (01:07:56):
Where we go. I appreciate my parents and the rest
of the family have respected my wishes to never be
in the same room with him and have never pressured
me to make peace with him. Their support certainly made
my healing easier. Life goes on as they say. I've
concentrated on my career and bought a house. I've traveled
the world. There's been a couple of long term relationships
that ended, but on friendly terms. I'm single right now

(01:08:19):
and enjoying life. My brother got married and has a baby.
I've never met his wife or son. Ope, you now
have the opportunity to pull the funniest prank of all time.
You steal his wife.

Speaker 5 (01:08:31):
Ah, I was gonna say, steal the son, make him
a better man than he would ever be.

Speaker 3 (01:08:35):
You steal the wife first, and then you steal the son.
Don't steal anyone, Yeah, don't steal anyone. So I have
never met his wife or his son. I was invited
to their wedding, but I did not attend. My parents
see him like one or two times a year for
long weekends and talk regularly. They're crazy about their grand baby.
They've spent some holidays with him when I had other plans.

(01:08:57):
The twins barely talk to him and have not met
the baby in person. My sister told me that his
wife is lovely and not sure what she sees in
our brother. I got an invite to attend my nephew's
first birthday party in May, and I am actually thinking
of going. I don't have that horrible pain I used
to feel. I don't even necessarily feel anger any longer

(01:09:17):
towards him. More so, sad because of all of the loss.
I have a desire to meet my nephew. Has anyone
been able to come back from something like this? How
did it go? Any regrets? And there's an update? Riley?
What are your thoughts on this situation? As Op said,
I didn't go any regrets, hasn't even been through this?
What do I do? One?

Speaker 5 (01:09:37):
I know everyone has complicated feelings with forgiving. I'm always
a big fan of forgiving, not that you actually have
to forgive the person, but forgive yourself for going through that.
So you don't hold that for yourself, but maybe contemplate
the idea of forgiving your brother. See how that works?
I mean, he is family. You do miss him, you
miss having him a part of your life. You know
what he did was wrong?

Speaker 3 (01:09:58):
Yeah, it feels like OPI's good at doing that. It
was like Op, he is very aware that. Like, Okay,
I noticed I kind of did miss my brother. There.
I do kind of want to meet my nephew.

Speaker 5 (01:10:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:10:09):
So if you you know, no two situations are exactly
the same.

Speaker 5 (01:10:14):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 3 (01:10:14):
If you're feeling those feelings that you want to meet
your nephew, go meet your nephew.

Speaker 5 (01:10:17):
Met your nephew. Also, this did happen a while Tom
does he'll wounds. It does not all wounds, but it
does he'll some wounds. I would definitely conciplate this, really
think about it, journal, meditate, pray about it, whatever you
gotta do, and see how you actually feel about it.
Go to your brother, talk to him. Hey, what you
did was messed up. I love you as a brother.

(01:10:38):
Let's put this behind us, right And I think I
honestly you missing him is like showing that you're ready
for the next steps of like reconciliation with your brother. Hey,
it's gonna suck. You can call him out on his crap.
That's how I feel.

Speaker 3 (01:10:52):
I want to thank everyone who posted. I read all
the posts, and I was given some really good advice.
It was strongly advised by multiple people that I don't
see or talk to my brother for the first time
at my nephew's birthday party. That is actually a really
good point I did not think about. I have to
agree with that. They were a couple of comments that
mentioned if my brother's wife knew about his history, and

(01:11:14):
I honestly had no idea. It's hard to hide being
estranged from a sibling. From a spouse, and I was
very curious if he was upfront about his feel fantastic
history or if he had flat out lied. I spoke
to my dad and I asked him what he knew.
He said that he asked him if she knew his
history after they became engaged, and my brother said she

(01:11:34):
is aware. Dad did specify that he has never discussed
this with sister in law, so I cannot say one
hundred percent that he's telling the truth. Dad also mentioned
sister in law has her own skeletons in her closet.
He said he did not want to gossip, but a
simple Google search with her maiden name would tell me
a lot. So I googled her and you know what?
You know what that means? Yes? Yes, tell me tell me.

(01:11:56):
Criminal record is what that is. So I googled her
and I thought my brother was MESSI she is a
convicted felon that did prison time for vehicular man's i e.
Driving a little intoxicated and unliving an individual. It happened
a long time ago, but I cannot imagine living with
something like that on my conscious. Obviously, my sister does

(01:12:19):
not know her history. I don't think she would call
her lovely if she did. I also asked Dad what
he thought of me talking to him again and if
he really has changed. Dad said he has matured some
since becoming a father and he is remorseful for what
he did, but he is still self absorbed and entitled,
and that kind of left me more confused. So my

(01:12:41):
dad said it would be his dream come true to
have all his kids in the same house again, but
not to pressure myself into having any kind of relationship
with him. For their sake. Dad said he told him
a long time ago there would be long term consequences
and he had to live with them, even if that
man he got left out of family holidays in vag
Since finding out that info on sister in law, it

(01:13:03):
kind of left me feeling deflated and maybe not as
inclined to see my brother again. I know people can change,
but I am not sure if I want to bring
those two broken people into my life, even if it
means I don't get to meet my nephew. If I
was not sure before, I'm even more uncertain now. For
the time being, I think I'm going to leave it alone,
and I think that's best, and that's the end of

(01:13:24):
the freaking story.

Speaker 5 (01:13:24):
Wow, it was one sentence away.

Speaker 3 (01:13:26):
That's crazy, that is crazy. I'm mad at myself for
having done that.

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I started seeing my ex-girlfriend’s MOTHER… but now she wants to try again! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2215

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I started seeing my ex-girlfriend’s MOTHER… but now she wants to try again! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2215