Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have
some foundational stories coming up for you. But the thing
is this foundation needs a little support from these sponsors.
So stick around two minutes. We'll get into the episode.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I think my husband is having an affair. He's been
getting flirty messages on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
He's got the right idea, he is.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
His dms are flooded with the hotties. Me here's some background.
We've been married for three years and we have an
almost two year old daughter who and there's Kean's head.
Our marriage is not without your typical disagreements and moments
of humanity, but it is otherwise great. He is a
great husband and father, and I have never doubted him
(00:45):
or his fidelity. By the way, this comes from user's
Suspicious Wife throwaway, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.
I'm gonna go right now, I'm going, he's going. So, However,
today I picked up his phone to Google something. He
has a passcode, but we know each other's passcodes, and
his Instagram was open. I don't have one, so I
scrolled through his pictures. He has a bunch of us,
(01:07):
our daughter, his parents, working out, he is a personal
trainer at a gym, and food. Nothing weird or suspicious.
But then I saw a message pop up that said, sorry,
I missed you today. I was in a rush. Let's
catch up another time. It was from a girl. Ooo,
I'll allow this. I will allow this to continue for now.
You're the reason.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I'm the reason we have those two facts.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
It was from a girl who, from the looks of
her Instagram, is maybe in her early to mid twenties,
very attractive, and goes to his gym. I know this
is somewhat wrong, but I couldn't help myself. I looked
through their previous messages, starting from late October, and it
goes like this. Oh, bear with me as I go
through this timeline.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
You want to be the husband.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, I'll be the husband and you'll be I'll be
the mysterious, strange, deeky strength girl. Freaky deeky strength girl.
Here we go. Husband sends a promotional picture of an
event to the gym. Hey, hope you'll make it. We'd
love to have you there, girl.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Hi, looks fun. I don't have any friends who are
interested in fitness. But maybe I'll go.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Hmmm, husband, you should make more friends who are inclined
to exercise. Here's my number, engaged to need anything types
his number. I checked his text history, which is wrong,
I know, and it doesn't look like they've texted or called,
but the time stamp on their Instagram inbox history shows
that a week later, she restarted or continued the conversation
(02:32):
by saying, girl, just.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Purchase my ticket.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Awesome, I'm confident it will be a fun night. And
about a week after that, which is two nights ago,
Friday is the event. I knew about it before I
found these messages, as it's an annual event and I
chose not to go this year, but my husband went anyway.
He didn't act or dressed suspiciously before or after he
went out. But based on the time stamp, I found
out that after he came home he messaged her again
(02:59):
and the conversation is this, husband, hope you enjoyed the event.
Let's hang out sometime, girl. I did.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
It was a ton of fun and yeah, sure great.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Want to grab a bite or go bowling? When are
you free? Oh?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I'm usually free on the weekends. I'll be at the
gym tomorrow. Let's chat.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Then sounds good, And then minutes ago.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
The girl, Uh, sorry, I missed you today. I was
in a rush. Let's catch up another time.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
M m my, my.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Girl voice is really good.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
M oh yeah, you're a good girl. Keon all right?
Anyway back to the story. After reading those pacific messages,
I started freaking out. He has not mentioned this girl
to me, And although it only seems like they just
started being friendly or flirty a couple of days ago,
I'm feeling ill just thinking about them being together at
the event. I have no reason not to trust my husband.
(03:50):
But is this now a reason? Yes? Yes, I would
say yes. Do you say yes? No?
Speaker 3 (03:55):
I'm still stuck on what you said earlier, actual lot,
still stuck on what you said earlier that.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
You're a good girl.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Go ahead, you do.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
That was a good girl voice. You were a good girl.
Go ahead, continue reading. I just wanted to. I mean,
is this now a reason?
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Though?
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Is this? Would you would you not trust? Would you
not trust this? I don't think I would trust this.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
I don't trust this.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Going on a bowling date without telling your partner about
it is suspicious.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I thought, I thought it was like, oh, all, all
is good because he's just getting hurt in the gym
and he just wants to get more. And yeah, but
the fact that he's like, let's hang out after the gym,
let's go bowling, let's go bowling.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Let's go bowling, is crazy.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
That's crazy work. There is like grabbing a bite after
the gym is one thing. Yeah, that's like, Okay, it's
a little iffy. But the let's go bowling or hangout
after the gym with like exclusive activities that are really
fun without a pee.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
And if it's a group of that's if it's a
group of people from the gym, that's one thing. But
it seems like it was one on one.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, it does. It seems like it sounds like let's
go to the bowling alley and throw some balls around.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
It sounds like it's a date.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah. I would be suspicious of your boy for going
on dates. Yes, so he is my boyfriend. Of course,
allowed to have friends of all genders as am I,
but I feel uncomfortable that he gave her his number.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I think it's husband.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
I think he was boyfriend. Was it? Oh god, it's
it's husband. Yes, it's husband. Oh, yes, this is weird,
but I feel uncomfortable that he gave her his number
and asked to hang out. She must know he's married
with a daughter because of the pictures, but I don't know.
Maybe they're into each other. What do you think? Is
this a conversation an affair waiting to happen? And what
(05:33):
should I do confront him? Oh there's an update. Oh
here is my eye opening and cathartic update, at least
the one I'm allowed within forty eight hours divorce calling
it divorce. Thank you all for your helpful replies and advice.
I really needed an unbiased opinion to help me sort
through my thoughts. I had an awful night's sleep. My
(05:54):
husband fell asleep while I was showering, so fortunately or unfortunately,
I wasn't able to confront Hi last tie, and unfortunately
I woke up feeling worse. Bear with me, as I'm
riding this through tears and am very emotional, more so
than yesterday. After some of your replies calmed me down,
and I decided to look at his phone this morning
while he was in the shower to see if he
had replied to her message. And this is what I
(06:15):
found husband in reply to her last message, I'm sorry too,
smile emoji, hope you had a great weekend. Are you
free anytime next weekend or this week after? Six? Husband?
Keep up what you're doing. You look great girl.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
I got sick from being out and cold on Friday.
I'm free whens or sat. Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
The fact that she rat, the fact she won't even
just say like Wednesday, I feel like she would say
like wednes are sad.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
I mean, I feel like I abbreviate Wednesday every time
I've ever texted this. Who's got time to type out
the entire word wendnes.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Day, wedness day?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Okay, wedness day. Sorry if that's scared anybody. Sorry to
hear that. I hope you feel better soon, and that's great.
Does dinner wens ask six thirty work for you?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Thanks? I hope I get better soon too. That time
works for me. Will any other members such traders be
joining us? We should make it a group.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Big.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I see the same people at the gym all the time,
but I don't really know anyone.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Husband. I hadn't asked anyone else because I wanted to
take you on a day to the bowling alley. Bah
hang out with my colleagues occasionally, but not regularly. I
had in mind to get to know you better, your
gym experiences and such. If that's okay, we could do
(07:37):
names a mid range restaurant.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
Ah, yes, oh okay, gotcha sounds good. See you Wednesday
at six thirty.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Oh great, gives her the address to the restaurant. Be well.
Until then, it shows that she's seen the message, but
she has yet to reply. But I'm done. I'm done
checking messages because it's more than enough to ask him
what the f is going on? He's telling her she
looks great. He asked her out to this restaurant with
the lowest price for an appetizer seventeen dollars. He wants
(08:07):
to get to know her better. He still hasn't told
me about it. Slash her and some of you are
saying she doesn't seem interested, but she agreed to it.
Oh and fun fact, I found out she's twenty six.
I'm shaking and crying and I still can't even tell
if I'm overreacting. He has posted videos of his clients
exercising before, describing them as beautiful or hot and fit
in the captions. Yeah, but this is not that. This
(08:27):
is different.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
He hasn't told you anything about this, and he's making
exclusive plans with a female.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yeah, it was it's over for me. It was over
the moment that she goes, oh, yeah, so maybe we
make it a group thing and he goes, no, no,
I don't want it to be a group thing. I'm
trying to go with you.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
She's trying to suss it out. And maybe because she's
trying to be like, oh, let's make it all.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
She's down with it. Now. That's exactly what she.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Was doing because this is a trainer. But maybe she's
like no, you know, like maybe during thedor like do
you have a wife and kid?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, it sounded like that was her thought, but like,
I don't know, it seems like maybe she's too. Before
we read it, he did kind of cover though, like
it was like, oh, I just want to get to
know about your gym experience. Like I don't know, man,
that's weird.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Yeah, can do that at the gym.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
At the very least, he is certainly trying to do
something to Farius here. That's what it's really.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
You can get to know each other at the gym.
It's not all grunts and yeah yeah, one more rep. Well,
it's like no, hey, yeah, where did you go to
the gym before this? Or like what did you do
in college?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, there's also no reason that you can't learn about
her gym experience in a group of people. That's what
I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Who would all be talking about that, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
So my husband will be home in about four hours,
my daughter is at my mom's, and I just returned
from work reliving what I discovered this morning. As I
type this, I truly do not know how to approach
this situation non confrontationally to get the honest truth out
of him. I'm that livid and confused. I never thought
I would be here in this dilemma, but here I am.
Just thought i'd update How should I approach him? Now?
(09:54):
And there are comments? Let's get into them. Comment one.
I have several friends that have been professional trainers for
twenty plus years in a competitive market in New York City.
None of them would blur or across the boundaries to
gain new clients by asking to spend private time away
from the gym for bowling and getting together.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Yeah, the bowling thing is just so weird.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Bowling. Bowling is the most like, once you're an adult,
you just that's a date thing. You don't do that
for just kicks.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Yeah. I know trainers who are like, oh, right after
we work out, we're gonna go to like the closest,
you know, restaurant and as a group, like hang out
and have a.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Good time, right as a group.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
And I would invite my partners or my partner if
you you know, if you're the trainers or like the
trainers would invite their partners.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, you would write.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Your partner to hang out with the group.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
My wife would be there with me. Wif so your
husband is asking this lady for a date, I'm sorry
if that is hard to read. What is extra creepy
and disturbing on an entirely other level is the age difference.
For a guy in his fifties to be asking out
a woman in her early to mid twenties is upsetting.
I'm sorry to say this, but it seems as if
you might have missed some red flags, as his behavior
(10:59):
usually doesn't just happen. Also, the fact that you want
to find some logical explanation indicates you're in denial about
the reality of your relationship. No matter how this turns out,
I would sincerely think about seeing a relationship counselor therapist
to help you develop a stronger sense of self esteem.
There is a reply that I agree. I was a
personal trainer for ten years. Crossing a line from professional
(11:21):
in the gym to hanging out outside the gym is
a big no note unless he's expecting her to commit
to training and cut him a check while dining or bowling.
This doesn't look good, and we have an update straight
into it. Straight into the update, folks, thank you all
for your helpful advice and supportive slash sympathetic words. I
want to provide an update as to what transpired since
(11:41):
my last post. I wasn't sure if I wanted to
post an update because I don't think I'm handling this
well or valiantly. I didn't pack up his clothes, or
call a divorce layer or do anything but feel sorry
for myself. So I'm a bit embarrassed. Which it's okay, Ope,
don't be embarrassed. We love you. But I've decided writing
it out might help. This is a long story, and
this is what happened Monday night. I waited for my
(12:03):
husband to come home after work, and he walked in
around nine. He was acting totally normal, and I waited
for him to change into his relaxation clothes to be
less confrontational. Our daughter was at my mom's. When he
sat across from me at the dining room table, we
just talked casually, and then I said, Hey, so I
was googling Xyz on your phone and your Instagram was open.
(12:23):
While I was looking through your pictures, this girl messaged you.
Is she new to the gym? He looked confused, and
I tried to look neutral because I didn't want him
gauging responses based on my reaction. After a few seconds,
he was like, oh, yeah, like her. This stranger's name.
She's not really that new, but she's been going there
a lot recently, and I wanted to get to know
what she was about and how she's been fitting in
(12:45):
at the gym. I know my husband is friendly and
will often randomly chat up strangers, but like you guys know,
I felt weird about this, so I basically told him
I saw their messages to meet up on Wednesday and
asked if she was going to be a new client
of his. He is an independent trainer at this gym.
The gym has its own membership, but he works on
his own in that space. At first he said maybe,
and then when I pointed out that she didn't mention
(13:07):
interest in personal training in the messages, he was like, oh, well,
uh no, she wants to be a gym member, not
a client of mine. I asked him why he didn't
mention her or the dinner to me, and he said
he didn't think there was anything to mention.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
But oh, oh that lie.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
That is a lie.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Oh that's a yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Where is it? Do the thing I want to do it?
The thing liar whose pants are on fire.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Already burned off.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
So at this point I dropped it. I felt like
I was handling this badly and that I was grasping
its straws for the sake of continuing this conversation. But
it's like it's because you were giving him the out. Yeah,
you were confronting him and then being like, but you're
probably just doing this because she's a client, right, or
it's like you were, but it was probably just for this, right.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
And you gave like the way you intererograted him it's
like you gave him the options. You're like, all right
in the dialogue, you get this is your client, right
yes or no?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
Oh yeah? Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah. It's a great idea.
I mean that's a yeah, that is what she is. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Yeah, and she's trying to be part of like she
gonna be your client yes or no?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, she's gonna be a member
of the gym. So like no, but like yeah, and
maybe we'll just go bowling once. Maybe maybe once.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
We'll go trying to get her to be playing.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It's for the It's a great forearm workout. It's that's
all it is.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
We were trying to shake for arm. I'm just trying
to show hard to use a shake weight.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
So we did not speak about it for the rest
of the night, except when he asked me randomly before
bad so, what are you mad about? I asked him
why he thought I was mad, and he just said,
I've been acting strange ever since he mentioned the girl.
I said it was nothing, and that was that Wednesday night.
I decided to trust my husband and keep my faith
in him and did not bring it up at all.
The next day. Wednesday morning, I asked if he's still
(14:43):
going out to meet this girl, and he says, yeah,
and I might go out with some of the other trainers. Again,
I decided to be trusting because he's my husband, and
why would I doubt every word he's saying. Wednesday night
came and I tried so hard not to think about
what they're talking about or doing, et cetera. I kept
reminding myself that he he didn't lie to me, so
it's not fishy or weird.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
He's he lied to you already. He already been lying
to you.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
It's like you aren't lying. You're doing some mental gymnastics
here to come to that conclusion. I think.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I think it's opey trying to not jump at the
conclusion here.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
But yeah, it's like it's the reason that you gave
him all of his responses.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Yeah, when you confronted him.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Oh, okay, let's keep going. But then nine thirty pm
rolls around and I'm freaking out on the inside. So
I text him, Hey, hope your meeting's going well. Aren't
you going to be home soon? He replies forty five
minutes later, saying yep, I'm in a cab right now,
him coming in at eleven is not unusual. Sometimes he
works until ten. Sometimes he hangs out with long term
clients who are always men. However, when he gets home,
(15:44):
I asked him if he had a good time and
what they talked about, and if she was liking the
gym and wanted to be a client. I was trying
to sound like I assumed it was professional. All he
told me was that they talked about her eating, slash
exercise lifestyle, his clients, and travel. Again, I decided not
to press the issue Thursday. Something still wasn't sitting right
with me that next day, and I checked his text
messages that evening while he was exercising. So much for
(16:06):
faith and not checking messages, right, I mean, but you
do have kind of a good context to base that.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Off of, yeah, he's not good, but it's the gut. Yeah,
instinct is telling you something's not right there, and it's true.
Trust your gut.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
It's your your husband should be taking women on dates
to the bowling alley.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
She'd be taking you on dates to the bowling alley exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Like if she was just involved in this, if it
was like, oh, yeah, let's you want to go bowling,
you can meet like my family. Sure, whatever, I'll I'll
take my wife and my kid to the bowling alley
and we can maybe talk fitness. Because it is true,
there is to some level, like if you're gonna have
a good relationship relationship with a physical personal trainer or
like you do need like it, there needs to be
a trust there. There needs to be a level of chemistry.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Also needs to be like a personal level. And I
get them, That's what I said. Like I know some
trainers or some people who will literally hang out with
their clients, but it would be like their clients, not
a single client. Yeah, or like hey all the trainers
and some of the people were there. They all go
to the nearest like restaurant or like local bar and
like hang out with all their families. They'll get together,
not just two people. Do This makes sense.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Exactly more than just the one on one at the
very least. Here's what I found in the messages the
girl on Wednesday evening, Hey.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I'm on my way, but maybe a few minutes late.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Oh okay, I'll be there in five and then him
at twelve or six am on what is now technically Thursday,
about an hour and a half after he got home Hey,
hope you got home safely. Thanks for sharing time with me.
I really enjoyed your company much more than I would
have imagined. I hope I can see you soon. How
about Saturday? And then girl responds, yeah, this is not good.
(17:37):
Not good.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Eight thirty am. Hey, my pleasure. Thanks again for dinner.
I have a potluck on Saturday, but maybe another day.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
And when I checked again about an hour later to
see if he answered, the messages were deleted.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Oh it's over, Well it's over, it's over.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
That gutted me. I was really upset by what I found,
and I decided to speak to someone not a marriage
counselor yet, so I called my brother and told him
every thing. One of the reasons I wrote on here
was because the anonymity makes it easy to admit embarrassing
things like your husband might be having an affair. But
I feel like I need to tell someone close to me,
at least. My brother basically told me that he thinks
(18:12):
my husband has a crush on this woman, and that
either she doesn't know he's married or is looking to
make friends at the gym. He doesn't wear a wedding
band when he trains, by the way, and needs to
not be friends with my husband. Oh and I need
to shut it down. I know crushes happen theoretically, but
the idea was crushing me. So this morning Friday, I
told my husband I want to talk to him after work,
(18:33):
and so when he gets home in a bit, I'm
going to tell him everything I know, but more importantly,
how I feel about this situation. And we do have
an update. Honestly, what would you I don't know if
I think I would at this point just.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Call him out. The fact that he messaged again, he
had those messages on his phone again and then deleted them.
He hasn't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yeah, it's like you need to not be soft about it.
If you're going to confront him now, it needs to
be like, Hey, are you trying to cheat on me
with this girl? I know I've seen the messages. You
know that they were bad. You deleted them them. You
know they were bad.
Speaker 3 (19:06):
If I were op, I would have screens for them, right, Yeah,
just to have the evidence.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah, so just to have it.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I hope she did, but if not, you at least
have the mental image in your head.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
Yeah, you have the evidence of I know what I saw.
You can't lie to me.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
And then get the girl's Instagram or what, oh she
doesn't have Instagram, but get the girl's information. Yeah, like, hey,
I'm his wife.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Might be trying to Might be time to drop the
big w on her.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
The fact that in the message, like when he told ope,
oh yeah, dinner was great. We talked about this and travel,
but not about you or my daughter.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Right, huge red flag. Yeah, here's the update from that night.
I told my husband everything that I saw the text
messages too, that I think he has a crush on
this girl and that I am unhappy with it, and
if he is committed to the marriage and his wife,
then he will stop all communication. At first, he kept
saying over and over that they're just new friends, that
why would she be interested anyway, and they weren't romantic
(19:57):
on basically the dinner that they went on, and that
she talked to other trainers at the gym, so it's
not like the two of them are only friends with
each other. So I pointed out that he pursued a
date with her, didn't tell me about her on his own,
like he should if she was an innocent friend. He
texts her flirty things like about enjoying her company, he
asked out again, and then he deleted the messages and
(20:17):
all that stuff, and that is all inappropriate and just
flat out deception, lies and wrong in a marriage. He
kept on saying that he was just leading stuff off
his phone indiscriminately.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Shut up, no shot, no, shut up, stupid.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Who do you think do you think that, come on,
shut up, that he doesn't question me about stuff on
my phone? Well maybe because she's not cheating on you.
What an if this guy is? And that I need
to trust him and the kind of person he is.
He's always been a kind person who would give a
shirt off his back to help a friend. And he
wasn't serious about seeing her again.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Dude, shut up, shut up.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
It's like the most pathetic thing to be like, Oh,
it's not like she was interested. It's like, yeah, but
you wanted her to be if she was interested. Yeah. Yeah.
So that's when I lost it and I just yelled
at him that that is a bold faced lie, that
he is cheating by being attracted to someone and pursuing
this attraction by spending time with her alone and flirting,
sending her texts at midnight, and that I never signed
(21:18):
up to marry a liar or an unfaithful man, and
that I was going to go for a separation. He
didn't even say anything to that, no reply, nothing. I
felt so defeated that I just started crying and I
stopped speaking, and he even kept trying to hug me
and console me. I didn't even want him to touch me.
So I asked, point Blake, do you like her? And
he said that yes, he does. That's when he broke down,
(21:40):
crying too, and kept apologizing over and over and saying
he feels guilty. I asked him if they slept together
or did anything physical, and he completely denied it. I
don't think they did, but why all of a sudden
feel guilty and my trust is broken? So I asked,
and he just kept saying that he thought she was
pretty and a nice person at the gym, and he
liked to hang around her. We talked about it for
(22:00):
a long time. I wanted to know all of the details,
so I asked if he told her he was married.
He said he didn't tell her explicitly, of course, but
she saw his Instagram, so she knows. I told him
again how much it hurts me and that they can't
be friends because of this that he needs to delete
her on Instagram and stop texting her. And by the way,
even if you somehow accidentally delete all of the apps
(22:22):
you use to watch us on your phone, you can
still listen to full episodes with stories like this. All
you have to do is go to your favorite Spotify,
your favorite Apple podcast, your favorite podcasting application.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
Plenty of stuff out there and search.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Okay, story Time will be on it, that's for sure,
and there you can listen to the complete archives forty
eight days and it's still counting forty eight consecutive days,
so there is some story left here. Honestly, I think
we're probably both in the same page here. It's time
to leave.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
He listen. I am a man of or I'm a
person of second chances. I believe it secon chance and
this is a big, big But they have a daughter.
I do have a daughter.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Oh, I forgot about the child. There's a child.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
The trust is is rough. This is a rough, especially
since he denied it all at first and then still
went with it and then now being caught in the act.
Because how long would he have gone for this if
he wasn't caught.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah, it's just like I don't know if i'd be
able to be like, well, what when you find someone
who is down to like hook up with you, then
you're just gonna cheat on me with that versa, And
then we don't We do not know if this is
the first time they tried to pursue something like this,
second time. Whatever, For the sake of the child, try
to work through it in therapy, in counseling of some kind.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
It's it's it's if you're willing to put in the work.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
It's definitely a mess right now.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah, I feel like let emotions, you know, emote, let them,
let them have their their time, and then once things subside,
really talk it out and see where you.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Go for your daughter. Yeah, that's that's where I say.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
But if it's divorce, divorce, if you if the trust
is completely broken and you cannot repair it, then divorces
the way and the deed is done.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Let's finish it. He said that he would text her
that they can't meet up anymore as a final text,
but that he didn't want to delete her as a
friend on Instagram because it's more work related. That made
me feel still uncomfortable, So I told him he doesn't
need to be friends with her, as she is not
even a client. I want to trust him that it
was just a crush, and even if he can't quit
working at this specific gym, he can quit communicating outside
(24:26):
of it. We decided to think about marriage counseling, which
you should do. He thinks we can work on strengthening
our marriage spending more time together without outside help, and
I kind of agree. I don't know what marriage counseling
would tell us about the situation that can help us,
but I'm not opposed to going. So that is where
we are now, and that it's the end.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Yeah, I think it's just see where this goes between
you both. The fact that he didn't remove her, it's
just one person. You can remove one person from your life.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Yet I'm very eyebrows raised at that.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
I would keep my eye on him, and like I said,
I want to see the messages that you send her
saying the final goodbye or what have you, saying, Hey,
my wife doesn't think our relationship is appropriate, which it's not.
I need to, you know, cut you off from my life.
I'm sorry that you cannot go to this gym. Here
are some recommendations at other gyms, something like that, so
(25:19):
you know there are more than just one gym out there.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
It's true, there's more than just one. Yeah, I would, Yeah,
that's what I would do.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
The fact he's like, oh, she's not even a client,
but I want to be a member of this gym.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
The fact the fact that you're you're not even trying
to go one percent towards your wife and what she's
doing or what she's asking you not good. My husband
wants a white name for our baby because she's already
looking Middle Eastern.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Oh what do you what?
Speaker 3 (25:48):
I'm Middle Eastern and my husband is white. When we
started dating, I told him that my culture was a
big deal for me, and I wasn't sure if we'd
last since I was probably gonna be more interested in
someone who had the same ethnicity and values and all that.
By the way, this comes from user express f and
if you want to submit your own stories, submit them
to the r slash. Okay, story time suparate.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Yeah, so really quick, this marriage is going to be
over by the end of this story. I would guess
that's my prediction. I mean, they already have a baby,
so yeah, And apparently it's too middle Eastern and needs
to be more white, according to the husband, which is insane.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
It's very crazy. I want to see what they want
to Okay, let's just get to it. Not only that,
my parents are strict Catholics, and he didn't even know
what religion was. He said he was maybe Christian or something,
but he wasn't sure. I'm may be a Christian or something,
but I'm not sure. He was pretty insistent that he tried.
He chased me for a while, and he took me
to a Middle Eastern restaurant for our first day. So corny,
but I love him. He was really open to learning
(26:44):
about my culture and everything. He was almost fascinated with
all of it. Basically, my life was my big fat
Greek wedding. I was partially embarrassed by everything and thought
he would scare him away, but he seemed to love it. Nice, cool,
We got married.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Keyword seemed right there. Keyword is seemed.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
We got married and things were going well. I'm pregnant
now and we were talking about our baby. Some stuff
that he said just bothered me. And I want to
know if I'm crazy or was it weird. I have
pale skin and black hair with brown eyes, but green eyes.
Do you run in my family?
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Hmmmm?
Speaker 3 (27:12):
My husband has brown hair and green eyes. You had
bleach blonde hair and as a baby, like the blondest
baby ever, and in it darkened by the time he
was a kid. I know a lot of people with that.
It's kind of crazy. You know who you know someone
like that?
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Yeah? Me, you had blonde hair. Oh yeah, my hair
was super blonde when I was a kid. Okay.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
We were talking about how our baby would look and
I was teasing him that she definitely look like me
because darker features are dominant, and he has brown hair too,
and then he brought up how he used to be blonde.
So I told him, how do you know, my hair
is pretty much black, so she's probably gonna have really
dark hair. I don't think she'll have a blonde phase,
never know. He seemed kind of upset about that, because
he wanted his daughter to have cute blonde hair. But
I told him it was okay, and she'll have green
(27:48):
eyes like him, and he was like, no, I'm pretty
sure she's gonna come out looking like one of you guys.
I told him that, yeah, she's gonna look at least
a little Arab. I don't even know what he meant
by that. I didn't want to ruin the mood, so
I just cantinued to talk, and he seemed upset in
a way when he started talking about baby names, and
he had really cute name ideas. They were nice. But
I asked him what we thought about the names I liked,
(28:08):
and he just blurted out, can't we just give her
a white name? She's my baby too, What what is this?
I was not giving her ethnic names. I brought up
American names too. I really like Diana, for example, which
is Arabic, and I know my family would really like that.
And it's an English name too. I can't exactly go
to my parents and be like, yeah, our baby's name
is Jennifer, Yes, Jennifer's find name.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Our baby's name is Susan.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Not only that, I want her name to be related
to my culture. Diana doesn't sound ethnic, and it's obviously
not hard to pronounce her anything, and she wouldn't be
bullied at school like Keon a little boy I.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Related to this story. No, no, but why.
Speaker 3 (28:47):
My teachers, I think I've only had I could count
on maybe two hands that the amount of teachers who
got my name right on the first day, kay, and
oh that was one of them. And it's a white name.
I thought it was the best of both worlds. I
would be so open to giving her whatever American middle
name he wants. But our baby is gonna be fifty
percent Middle Eastern and fifty percent white. I think she
should have a first name that's connected to both cultures.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
It's just crazy to me that this is reading like
op is somehow just realizing that her husband is kind
of a bigot.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Andy. He's like, just she's gotta have blonde air.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Big dumb, bigot man, Do.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
You not know how genetics work?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
My guy? To be fair, a lot of people probably
don't really know how genetics work at all. Dumb.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
He got mad and said I wasn't taking him into consideration,
and he wants to choose the name. Since I made
her look Arab, and I got my part.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Since I made her look Arab, Bro, I made her
look Arab.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
This should have been a discussion way before you all
started dating.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah. Also, brother, it takes two to make a baby.
Y'all both made the baby look however it looks.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Hey, Also you're dating ope, you eat you?
Speaker 2 (30:00):
You stupid, little little crustation of a man.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
You little lawn shrimp.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
You're a lawn shrimp.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
I asked him to calm down, since we don't even
know how she looks, and for all we know, she
may have blonde hair and green eyes and looks nothing
like me, and one hundred percent will look like him.
He just got mad and continued on, and then he
was like, by the way, hummus is gross and went
to bed. Do this guy so dumb? This guy is so.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
These are things where it's like, how do you not.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
How do you want me to control hummis? Bro?
Speaker 2 (30:27):
How do you not suss any of this out? Like
the first two weeks that you're together with this guy? Yeah,
and I guarantee you there's no way he did not
pull some of this behavior earlier in the relationship.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I gearte you, this guy loves hummus. Now I'm sitting
here in our living room wondering what to do. Lol,
we have relevant comments. Oh, I'm so excited for these comments. Fish,
you can't swim. I am Asian and my husband is white.
When we got together and decided to have children, we
went through similar motions with me wanting to give respect
to my culture and traditions, and him being born the
perfect aryan child, blonde hair, blue eyes, wanting more input.
(30:58):
What I learned was being part of certain ethnic groups.
We tend to take our culture seriously in thing. White
people have no culture, but they do. Him wanting a
white name and being petulant is his way of wanting
to be a part of this. He has made a
lot of effort in the past during your courtship and
trying to embrace your culture. He's probably feeling like you
are trying to say that your culture is far more
superior than his, since your child is gonna end up
with similar features to yours. I know it's not in
(31:19):
your intention to exclude him in any way, and you
are right to feel a bit puzzled by his behavior,
but I think you need to open the conversation with
him and try to see where he might be coming from.
He's the opposite of being right.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
I don't know about the opposite of being racis. I
don't know that the reality is. I think he is
being a bit by being like, well, you guys already,
It's like by just implying like we need to give
her a white name because she's already gonna be not white.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Yeah, that's kind of right.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
So it's like and it's like, that's your and you
guys get that. I guess where it's like, A, well,
it's she's already gonna have the worst way to look
or the worst way of being, so we'll give her
the better name. It's like that's the vibe. And it's
so weird to.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Say, do you know what I want to get it?
What's your last name? Is it like? Because guess what,
your daughter's probably get your last name? Brother.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
My thing with whoever I would have ad with is
just like we have to determine whose last name is
just cool?
Speaker 3 (32:13):
My name my full name. It goes from ethnic to white,
ethnic to white because I have two last names.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Yeah, it's it's like, oh my gosh, that's crazy. But
this is this is I'm relating to this story.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
A lot of this is actually story.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
This is my story. Guess what I want to name
my child something similar to like what I went through,
because it definitely definitely gave me personal You don't want
like a gym No, no, no, I don't want to blame, like.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
You don't want to Ben? Do you want to Tammy?
Speaker 3 (32:39):
No, no, op he says, thank you for your comment.
I know I got a ton of comments that he's
right and this and that. I don't think that's it.
He loves me and he loves my family and my culture.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
Maybe he was just being so flippant and we were not.
Maybe it was being the way that that read. It
certainly read like he was being that way.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
I think he's just really dumb. Maybe he's in the moment,
but it's very true, like you are getting it's a
conversation for both the parents, because guess what, it is
a conversation for both the parents. You can't just jump
the thing, jump the bridge here and be like yes,
as we're going with but like you're like, hey, I
want to brace my culture, but I want to I
want to brace your culture or what you want. Let's
have a mutual discussion about this.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
It just felt so disrespectful the way it was written.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
It was No, I think so. I think Diana is
a perfectly fine name because Opie was trying to get
a name that is, you know, uh, a middle I
guess Arab that Opie said that it comes from Arab descent,
but also it's an easy name to pronounce. It's a
beautiful name, wonder woman.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Nice.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
Yeah, he loves me, and he loves my family and
my culture. I think he's just a bit concern with
our baby being one hundred percent Arab with her appearance
and name, and he wants to feel represented too, which
I understand.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
And his last name.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
That's the reason why I want a name that we
will both appreciate, some thing Arabic and American, simple and
easy to understand. He knows how important that is for me,
so I don't think he's trying to completely overlook what
I want. I think maybe he got annoyed since we
already were discussing how she might look like me and
not inherit any of his features. Some top comments again
Wandering zero seven. Your husband has issues aside. Diana is
a beautiful name at has been used in many cultures
(34:05):
and has many meanings. It's also a time as classic
that never dates itself, like some nineties names I can
think of. I wo'd be sure to point out to
your husband that Diana truly connects your cultures and has
great cultural some symbolism. It's a Diana, of course, but
also wonder woman. Look at that he did it LG
Platinum says better neighbor, hummus, yeah, it's time. The time
(34:25):
is now, so Sodipop says. The ultimatum for him, we
can name her Diana or ummise you get to me. Yeah, perfect,
it's the it's the meme of name, name your child,
what you love and you're like, man, I love you
Star Wars Lego, I love you, x Wing, I.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Love you PlayStation to update.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
Not really sure if anyone is interested, but we talked
it out. He felt like the baby would look one
hundred percent like me and nothing like him, and he
was feeling left out. He said she wouldn't feel like
his baby if she looked completely like me and had
a name that I chose, and that he had no pardon,
that's it. He's not raped or disgusting or doesn't want
to airbase. So I reassured him that we have no
idea how she'd even look. Again, they're going to combine.
(35:04):
You're got to combine your features. It will happen.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
You're going to mix your alleles together again. Genetics like,
I don't know, it's look and maybe look. I think
out of anyone involved here, like the one person who
would have the best, like bead On, like is the
husband is definitely Ope the wife. Yeah, so I guess
we have to believe her. But Op, you wrote that
(35:28):
like your husband was being very raged.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Okay, but I know what he means. He really had
to accommodate all these years, which I am so so
appreciative of.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
He did not have to do that.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
He could have taken the easy way out and dumped
me for someone that didn't require so much effort. But
he learned to love our foods and learned literally five
words of Arabic to show my family and impress them. Also,
he's not raked at all. He's really putting, really, really
that one home. Again. He's an amazing guy and I'm
so lucky to be with him. So we're going to
find out names together. If we both agree on an American name,
(35:58):
it's fine. She really is going to be surrounded by
her Arab heritage so much, with our big family and everything.
If a name helps him feel more connected to our baby,
it's all his. No, I don't give him it's again,
discuss it and you know it's all yours. What you
Tuning in to episodes with stories just like this on Spotify,
Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts from and
just search. Okay, storytime, we have a plethora of Dakota
(36:21):
looking like that. Literally, that's that's what it is. You
just want that.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
Look at that.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
We have a lot more and there's a lot, a
little bit more left of the story.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
But Dakota, I think it's warrants a discussion. I think
I don't know. Like my my biggest thing was like
it really feels like he just doesn't want his kid
to that he's upset his kid's gonna be Arabic. But
I guess it's not true. But also find a compromise.
Find a compromise, a.
Speaker 3 (36:44):
Compromise, I think again, Diana was a beautiful name, and
you have your reasons, but maybe what name? What does
he want? Like go down a list and see like, okay,
he's like a cross. It's literally like your your March
Madness bracket. Okay, all right, we're gonna do Diana and
then Sally I want to name my kid and Kershaw
yeah exactly, like we were like, okay, Sally off the list,
(37:04):
you know, Megan off the list.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Wow, you guys, just go through Arabic names and then
he'll find some that he likes.
Speaker 3 (37:11):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
I think he'll be like, I didn't know that was
an Arabic name.
Speaker 3 (37:15):
Also, I really discussed with him why he doesn't like Hummus.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
I mean, he's just kidding. I don't know that had
to I feel like maybe that's why it was Oh misinterpreted.
I got it.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
I got it right here, right now. Oh yeah, let's
just get in the story. He apologized for dissing Hummus
and acting little childish, and I apologize for being controlling
and not taking his feelings or his own culture into account.
But we are fine. He all made up now and
I love him. Okay, relevant comments, fair enough, baconcy contender.
I love this ending. Super happy you guys resolve this. Yeah, op,
he says, thank you, so am. I I hate fighting
(37:45):
with my husband so much. It's the worst feeling in
the world. And I'm so glad we can move on
and just focus on finding a brand new name together.
Pineapple Battle says, man, I'm just glad he took back
what he said about Humus. Exqueeze Me says, what kind
of must and so Hummus even an anger out of
your personal problems.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, I was on that too by a champion mummus,
do has done nothing wrong.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Ever, I think I think out of this context, you
need to name your daughter, hummus.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
It's time to name your daughters at least Sabra. Yeah,
but that is the end of that story. Hey is
John og Host.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 1 (38:28):
My mother in law stole my son's ashes, but her
apology gift was an even worse insult.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
You don't say trigger warning child.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
My son passed away just over a year ago, when
he was seven, and it's been pretty hard on everyone
in the family obviously. Yes, mother in law was pretty
close with him. She baby sat him for me while
I worked until he passed away. By the way, this
comes from Mary Floor And if you want to sit
in your own stories, go to our slash Okay storytime,
soebread it. But I hope you don't have stories like
(39:02):
this to submit because this one sad.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Yes it is.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
I felt more comfortable leaving him with her as she
was a nurse. He was born at twenty four weeks
and had cerebral palsy and was generally medically fragile mother
in law and I aren't too close. At first, she
didn't like me, but seemed to warm up once a
significant other and I had kids. She still babysits for
us when needed, which is less often these days. Oh.
(39:25):
We had our son cremated. Oh. When he was cremated,
my mother in law suggested that we get a few
smaller urns and split up the ashes so we can
all have urns. Us are in laws and my parents. Obviously,
that did not go down well with me, and I
said no, because you don't want to separate your child
(39:46):
into different urns.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
She's laugh to admit it was a bad idea and
didn't mention it again. For Mother's Day this year, we
planned on getting mother in law and my mom and
necklace with some of his ashes in it, which she
I knew about as she'd been asking for one.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
We were up for it.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
I fancied one myself, so it was going to get
us all one, but with the VID and everything, we
never got around doing it, which she seemed pretty irritated
by at the time. Never mentioned it again and thanked
us for the other gift we sent her a few
days ago. She babysat my daughter at my house today,
I was cleaning, and while I was cleaning the shelf
(40:24):
that we have for our son for some of his things, pictures,
trophies from baseball tournaments, et cetera, I noticed his urn
was gone. Excuse me, Naturally, I freaked out. Asked my
daughter if she'd moved it, even though she can't reach
it has never been moved in the time it's been there.
(40:46):
This is the urn of her son's ashes. Yes, mother
in law. Oh boy, this is the only other person
that has been in the house. So I called her.
She owned up to it right away and explained she
took them so she can spend some time with him
and get the ashes sent off for her gift. Because
(41:07):
she was disheartened that I didn't get it sorted in
time for mother and Mother's Day. She hid the urn
in her bag so I wouldn't notice, and took it home.
That's awful. I told her she was completely out of
order and demanded she bring the ashes back, as I
did not give her permission to steal his ashes. Yeah,
(41:29):
steal his ashes from his house and his family. But
she said, as his grandma Grandmama writes, she has every
right to have him for a while. F that even
if she'd asked, I probably would have said no. But
I'm in complete shock that she would just take him
like that. She says she will bring his urn back
tomorrow and told me not to be angry about it,
(41:51):
because what's done is done. But every time I think
about it, I get so angry. I'm not being completely
over the top to think that's left up, am I.
I'm so worried now that she won't even bring him back.
And there is an update just adding that we did
get his ashes back. Okay, that's a win. I have
(42:12):
commented with more details, but it's buried in the comments somewhere.
We planned to file a police report, okay, it's true,
get him involved, which will sort tonight as we can
submit it online. We likely won't press charges, but I
want to start a paper trail just in case and
for peace of mind. Exactly all right, we got the
(42:32):
full we got the big update. We've been fortunate enough
that mother in law seems to have gotten the message
and has not contacted us since significant other went to
our place to get the ashes back. My significant other
spoke with his dad father in law, who said that.
She claimed she's giving us the space we need and
seems to think we'll get over it eventually. But I
think I'm even more angry at her now. I've had
(42:55):
the time to be less upset by it. Now I'm
just pissed. This morning, we had a delivery addressed to me.
Didn't know what it could be. I had not ordered
anything at all recently, but figured I ordered something in
my sleep deprived state at three am, so it was
a sleepwalk and purchase wouldn't be the first time. But now.
It was a box with a little black fabric bag,
(43:20):
and inside was a locket that has ashes in it.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
Ahhh.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
Connecting the dots, it was pretty clear straight away I
love that button, who the ashes belonged to, and who
the locket came from. I don't know what she was thinking.
I knew it was likely she'd taken some my God,
but sending me this just feels like a complete slap
in the face. It's probably her poor attempt to apologize,
(43:51):
but it feels so wrong and weird. Getting a part
of my son as a gift from my mother in law,
who took him the way she did. She knew what
type of jewelry I was looking at, and this is
the opposite of it. It's big and bulky and has
the words together forever in what looks like comic sands.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
No, all comic sand.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
It's not my style at all, and it looks cheap.
I know exactly what type of necklace she wanted made,
and I just know she'll be getting the one she
wants made, and this is probably some kind of attempt
to justify it. I don't mean to be ungrateful, but
considering how she got the ashes, I just can't be
grateful for that. The significant other thinks we should just
(44:38):
ignore it and do nothing, put the ashes back with
the rest, and toss the locket. I wanted to put
the ashes back and then put the dark locket in
her mailbox. Personally, we won't have to see her, but
we be sending the message. It just makes me angry
that she's treating him and his ashes like some kind
of bargaining chip in what I assume is an attempt
(45:01):
to make up for what she did. I try to
post the picture of the locket, but it has to
be approved by the mod, so I'll skip that for now.
There's another update. There's another freaking.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
This is definitely not just ignored and hope it goes
away type of issue. This is a I will probably
never look at or feel the same way about you again.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
I mean you need you need to put up boundaries.
This is this is a moment where you're like, all, right,
boundaries need to be established and made clear, and distance
also needs to be created, like these are this is.
This is a person that's invading all of your personal space.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Yeah, I would get the I mean, the police are
already involved, but like, what can we do because like,
this is not okay with me? I would put the
urn in is if this was if this was my
child and my mother in law took this without my
consent and did all of this crap, I'm pressing charges
or something.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Yeah, no, this is I don't think you're ever You're
not coming back. That probably not well welcome again. And
not only did you do that, but the lockett was tacky.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Yeah, if the lockett wasn't tacky, maybe maybe the lockett.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Was just a little classy, I'd feel different about it.
But it's a clunky, junkie comic sands lockett up daily.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
So a part of me is stoked that she has
realized that we don't want anything to do with her anymore.
But I'm bummed that she promised my kids something that
she's now thrown away. I posted about just no mother
in law. Okay, since then, we've been on rocky terms.
She has facetimed DD twice since, which is all I've
(46:44):
been allowing. We have arranged another sitter for when we
need one, and she's not allowed in my home anymore.
On their first FaceTime, dear daughter told just No mother
in law that she'd asked Santa for a specific stuffed
animal she'd seen in Target. We'd struggle to find this
specific animal after she'd seen it one time, so I
was bummed that we wouldn't be able to get it
(47:04):
for her. We found a few alternatives instead, and just
now mother in law text me a picture the next
day asking if the animal she'd just found in Target
was the one dear daughter wanted. I said yes, I
don't know how she'd managed to find one, and despite
wanting no contact, I asked if she could buy one
for me and I'd pay her back instead. She insisted
(47:29):
that she'd buy it for her for Christmas. I was like, okay,
sure for my kid's sake, and she'd already reluctantly agreed
that any present she gave would be left on our
doors step and she wouldn't be allowed in the house
at all during the holidays. On the next FaceTime, just no,
mother in law actually hints to dear daughter that she'd
bought her the animal. Dear daughter or darling daughter catches on,
(47:54):
and all she starts to talk about to me is
the fact that she's going to get the toy. I
was a bit bitter about it, honestly. But anyway, fast
forward a few days and she starts messaging my husband
asking if she can come over on Christmas Eve, like usual,
the audacity, after all you've done to be like, yeah, like,
(48:16):
can we just forget about the fact that I stole
your son's ashes and put it in a tacky comic
sands junk clocket. Let's get just just forget about that.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
I have a feeling I know what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
She's goulda put the ashes in the bear. Of course,
we continue to refuse. No, we're not gonna let your
you earn stealing mother in law come into our house.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
Bad terms aside the's pandemic, and we're not inviting anyone
into our home, even those that we are are on
good terms with. In response, she said she wasn't going
to give to your daughter the toy at all if
she couldn't give it to her in person, So she
tried to blackmail us, which we didn't give into. So
she threw out the toy I told us she had
(49:04):
and blamed us for ruining dear daughter's Christmas. I'm furious.
Not only did she tell dear daughter that she got
it for her, she then let her stupid vendetta against
us ruin it for dear daughter. She's a witch and
I hate her, and I don't know what to tell
my poor baby girl when she doesn't even have a
(49:24):
present at all from her grandma on Christmas Day. But luckily,
we have a present for you every day if you
just go to our podcast, Okay, Storytime wherever you get
your podcasts, we have forty seven straight days, forty eight
straight twenty four hour days that you could listen to
this podcast, So get listening. My husband ran to multiple
(49:47):
targets again today and they still don't have one. He
asked the staff and they said there's none. I've asked
on my local Facebook and a few people have said
they'll keep a lookout. I'm just hoping that some one
has one at home they don't want so I can
get her one before Christmas. Edits Thank you so much
(50:08):
to those offering to look I have a promising lead
on Facebook, but if it falls through, I will reach out.
You are all awesome and I'm tearing up reading all
your offers.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
Edit.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
The Facebook lead worked out, let's go. You got a
present for your dear daughter. Thanks again for the offers,
but thankfully she'll have one for Christmas. Making sure she
knows it from us though, and not earn stealing grandma
big facts.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
Yeah, Grandma's out. Grandma's Grandma's out. That is three strikes out.
You're done.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
My mother in law insulted me and refuses to apologize.
I don't want her at the wedding.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
You don't want the insulting woman who won't apologize at
your wedding.
Speaker 1 (50:51):
Background Hi twenty one Email was recently on vacation with
my fiance, twenty three Mail and his family. He has
a daughter, three female, from a previous relationship, so everyone
aside from the daughter is an adults. We were all
in one vacation house, including my daughter, and there were
ten people there. By the way, this comes from Icy
(51:13):
Gummy Bear and if you want to sit up your
own stories, go to our slash okay storytime subred So.
The daughter absolutely adores her grandmother, my future mother in
law and grandfather my future.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Father in law.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
As much as I would love to be his daughter's mother,
it's been made pretty clear to me by his family
that I will never be seen as her mother in
their eyes, despite how much I try. I don't think
you can try. The actual mother is very touch and
go and doesn't see her daughter much despite the custody agreement,
(51:48):
and constantly cancels. There's a chance that because of a
genetic condition I am likely to have, that I may
not be able to have children. This is something I
have talked freely about for a few months now, and
his family is aware now On to what happened. It
was late evening on the final full day of vacation.
We were all supposed to leave late morning slash early
(52:10):
afternoon the following day. My future mother in law went
to her room to get ready for bed and start packing.
My fiance's daughter ran after her and then decided to
go into the room my fiance's brothers and one of
their girlfriend's share. She opened the door and ran in.
I followed her because she wasn't supposed to go in there,
as his family made clear. I tried to coax her out,
(52:34):
but she wanted to be with my fiance's brother's girlfriend. She, however,
was getting ready for some pictures and to have avoid
his family fussing at her or me for letting her stay.
I picked her up. She immediately screamed and threw herself back,
trying to get out of my arms. I did everything
I could to try and keep her from hitting anything
(52:57):
as she did, but she headbutted the wall.
Speaker 2 (53:00):
Oo.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
I immediately put my hand where she just got hurt
and started comforting her as I carried her out of
the room. My fiance's brother's girlfriend saw all of this happening,
and she insisted that I did nothing wrong. As I
left the room, my future mother in law stormed out
(53:23):
of hers and looked very angry. I told her that
the little girl got upset when I picked her up
and she hit her head while trying to get down.
She snatched the little girl out of my arms and said,
just don't have kids, Just don't. Then she went back
(53:44):
into a room with the little girl and slammed the door.
Felt like the old one, two to the guts. I
stood there in shock for a second and twenty felt
the tears welling up in my eyes. I ran to
the room that my fiance and I shared and locked
the door. I needed to be alone. I was sobbing
(54:04):
and just throwing my stuff in bags. I had texted
my mom to let her know what happened. I thought
they were going to have to pick me up, since
there's no way I could drive four hours like this.
My fiance stood on the other side of the door,
begging me to let him in. After a few minutes,
when I could finally catch my breath, I let him
in and locked the door behind him. I told him
(54:26):
what happened while still crying. He sighed and went to
go talk to his mom. He told her that what
she said was extremely inappropriate. She agreed that it was inappropriate. However,
stood by what she said and started listening why I
didn't need to have kids? Broa What She's like, Yeah,
going wrong, but let me let me do it some more.
Speaker 2 (54:48):
You're like yeah, I was wrong. Let me double down.
Let me double down though, because I wasn't wrong the
right way.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
I felt so empty. I continued packing everything I had
brought for myself. I moved all of the toddlers things
together to a more accessible place for his family, since
I planned on leaving alone. She never apologized. She stood around.
He tried to talk to her. I could hear it
between my crying. I did my best to ignore it,
but she was yelling. She talked about how I wasn't
(55:13):
involved in us with the tather. I try to be
as involved as possible, but I cannot make any decisions
for her or take her myself anywhere I wish I could,
I really do, but no one else aside from my fiance,
would be comfortable with it. They aren't even comfortable with
me being involved in any conversations regarding her future or
her mother. Eventually, he was back at the door, asking
(55:34):
me to let him inside. I did. I told him
that I appreciated what he said and it was okay
if he wanted to stay here, but I was going home.
He tried to talk me out of it, but then
said that he was coming to I told him that
I no longer wanted his mother to be in my life.
Speaker 2 (55:53):
WHOA, Yeah, I wouldn't want that person in my life either.
Not gonna lie.
Speaker 1 (55:56):
If I told him that I wasn't going to prevent
him or his daughter from seeing her, but that I
wasn't going to I understood how important she was to
him and his daughter, but I couldn't do anything around
her anymore. I told him that I was done making
excuses for her and apologizing to her when I got
upset at something she said. She has never once apologized
(56:21):
for anything she has said to me or about me,
and I've always had to apologize to her, despite having
never said anything back or argued. I've always just taken it.
No matter what she said or yelled at me, I
remained quiet and would leave to cry alone. I was
always being told by various people anytime this happened that
it was just how she is, and did not take
(56:43):
it to heart. He sighed, but agreed. He said he
wouldn't make me be around her. I asked him a
few more times if he was sure that he wanted
to leave with me. I told him that my parents
could come down and one of them could bring my
car back while I rode with the other that he
didn't have to leave, and neither did his daughter. They
(57:06):
could stay and enjoy the rest of the day and
the following day and it wouldn't upset me. He insisted
on coming with me, but wanted his daughter to stay
with his family so that they could have the full vacation.
His brother and his brother's girlfriend knocked, asking if they
could come in. They told me I did nothing wrong,
that it was just how she was and did not
(57:28):
take it to heart. They said that I was strong
for being able to take what she said and what
she has said in the past and still be with
my fiance. They showed me a crab they had caught
to cheer me up.
Speaker 2 (57:40):
Cool. Hey, it worked a little. It's like, hey, I
caught this crustacean. I was hoping it might I was
thinking of you.
Speaker 1 (57:50):
I was still crying, but I smiled at their kindness.
Speaker 2 (57:54):
It worked.
Speaker 1 (57:55):
Yeah, Sometimes when someone's in a crabby mood, they need
just that little crab. The girlfriend said that if it
was her, she would have left a long time ago
because of it. I admitted that in the past I
almost did. They talked to me a few more minutes.
I thanked them, gave the girlfriend a hug, and they left.
(58:16):
We finished packing and we left around ten pm. We
went into the gas station to fill up, use the restrooms,
and get some snacks for the road. I don't think
I stopped crying. I cried for so long that my
eyes swelled shut and I fell asleep. I woke up
an hour or so later, about halfway through the car ride,
and just silently cried. My fiance. It kept trying to
(58:39):
tear me up and talk to me. I would talk
to him, but the tears won't stop, no matter how
badly I wanted them to. I felt so hurt and
empty would hurt. Worse was when he said that she
made valid points about why we shouldn't have any kids
right now. I told him that I didn't think I
was cut out to have kids, and then I made
a terrible mother.
Speaker 2 (58:59):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (59:00):
He was hurt that I had said that and try
to get me to calm down. He kept talking about
how much I did for his daughter and how great
I was with her, but all I could hear was
him saying that she made valid points and their arguments
from earlier. I'm still pretty hurt by it all, and
it's been five days. Now, I know better than to
(59:21):
think she will ever apologize. I never want to have
to be around her again. I don't want to enter
her apartment when we have to drop Slash pick off
his daughter. I don't want her at our wedding or
in our possible future kids' lives if we even have kids.
He still wants her to be at the wedding and
in our hypothetical kids' lives. The most I have agreed
(59:43):
to is to wait in the car when we go
to pickup Slash drop off his daughter. I will not
go in her apartment. He agreed to do that, but
is disappointed.
Speaker 2 (59:52):
How was he disappointed in you and not his mom.
Speaker 1 (59:55):
I have tried for nearly two years to build a
relationship with his mother, and I feel like every time
it starts to build, stuff like this happens. I know
she means a lot to him, and that is why
I have tried so hard. She was even one of
the first outside family people to know about me not
being able to have children. So am I overreacting? Should
(01:00:18):
I apologize to her and his family for overreacting and
bringing drama in their vacation. Should I stand my ground
politely at it change spacing so it isn't a wall
of text, and there is an updates. Been a little
over a week since I made my original post. I've
spoken with my fiance about this and how I feel
about it. He spoke with his mother about it, and
(01:00:39):
she said that the closest I will get to an
apology is her admitting that she was wrong to say it,
which she has done to him. She has not spoken
to me at all or even tried to message me.
I do not have her blocked anywhere. She and his
family have said that she would have said that to
anyone in that situation, and it wasn't just me. So
(01:00:59):
she's just a piece of work, just in general, and
I think that's worse, to be honest. I am conflicted
on whether or not I should consider an apology. On
one hand, she has admitted that she was wrong. On
the other hand, I wasn't the one she said that too,
and she has said that that is the closest I
will ever get to an apology. My Beyonce has said
(01:01:20):
that if I still do not want her in the wedding,
that's okay. He said that to keep the peace with
his family, he would just not invite anyone on his side,
which I do not think he would do or should do.
You should be able to invite other people in his
family without being an issue, but he insists.
Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Yeah, that's just you're making it worse. You're just making
it worse. Now.
Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
I feel really awful about it, and that's the main
reason I've been conflicted on whether or not I should
consider her admitting she was wrong to him as an apology.
I do think that I will continue to keep any
contact with her at a minimal amount. Aside from that,
I'm just not sure. Nothing feels like the right move.
Accepting her telling him she was wrong to say that
(01:02:01):
to me as an apology makes me feel like it's
really not an apology, which it's not, and what happen again,
but not accepting it makes me feel like I've gone
too far. Allowing her in the wedding without a proper
apology makes me feel like a doormat, but not allowing
her makes me feel awful. I'm just really unsure about
it all, to be completely honest, no matter what I feel,
(01:02:21):
it just feels like a bad decision. The only thing
I'm sure about is keeping her at a distance, so
it will not have a chance to happen again. By
the way, what should always happen again is you listening
to our podcast, Okay Storytime. Wherever you get your podcasts,
just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast
app and search Okay Storytime. There's a relevant update which
I'm just going to get straight into for some context
(01:02:43):
about the wedding. It is planned to be very small.
We want to do it in a court, and we
are still okay with his family. Mother in law included
to be at the party afterwards. The discussion was purely
about the actual wedding. Likely it would just have been
our respective parents. However, he wanted to not have either
of his parents because it would cause a bunch of
drama if he only invited his dad, or his dad
(01:03:06):
would have brought her instead. It's not like he was
uninviting his entire family. I probably should have clarified that
in the original Postay, and that's where that ends. Hey,
it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories. But
here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.
Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
My mother in law keeps crossing our boundaries. I finally snapping.
I'm thirty. Female mother in law moved into the just
no status a little over a year ago when my
husband and I found out that we were expecting. She
can be very loving and helpful, but then she'll use
that as an excuse to boundary stomp and guilt trip.
(01:03:42):
I've decided to no longer accept any sort of assistance
from her because it always comes with strings attached. By
the way, this comes from Pickled Carrot nineteen and if
you want to send in your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay storytime. Cebrend It nice. So I
gave birth to my son back in June. We did
not allow hospital visitors, did not allow home visitors the
first week, and we do not allow kissing. All of
(01:04:04):
this caused my mother in law to become hysterical. She
accused us of trying to keep her grandson and wanting
her out of our lives. She complained to anyone who
listened about how terrible it was that they were keeping
our newborn from.
Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
Her for a week.
Speaker 4 (01:04:18):
For seven days, time passed and now our baby is
seven months old. She got over the no visitors incident
and has now decided she will not adhere to the
no kissing rule, but only when my husband is not around.
I have caught her kissing him multiple times, and each
time I take my son back and firmly told her no,
I'm guessing because like germs. Yes, my husband and I
(01:04:40):
talked about it and agreed that she is no longer
allowed to hold our son until she proves that she
can be respectful of our boundaries. We significantly reduce contact
with her, but my husband believes that she's not bad
enough to go full no contact with because of her
attitude shift in recent times. He believes still grow out
of it and become better. He is supportive of my
decision to know longer try with her and assured me
(01:05:02):
that he will be the one handling her so that
way I don't have to deal with any of her bs. Yesterday,
my mother in law called me and I ignored her
call and told my husband. He said he would call
her back in a minute, but she kept calling me,
so I finally answered and I put her on speakerphone,
and she immediately started ranting about how she saw the
pictures I posted on Instagram of my husband and me
(01:05:23):
kissing ours baby son's cheeks.
Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
That's different, he has our immune system.
Speaker 4 (01:05:30):
She said it wasn't fair that we're allowed to kiss
our baby, but she wasn't. I finally lost it and
I said, fair, you think it's not fair that I'm
not allowed to kiss my baby? Was it fair that
I was hospitalized twice because my nausea was so severe
it caused me to be dangerously dehydrated? Was it fair
that I spent the last month of my pregnancy with
a fractured rib because of my baby? Was it fair
(01:05:52):
the dear husband became the sole provider because I wasn't
able to work anymore. Was it fair that dear husband
was the only one who clean because I physically could
not get out of bed for longer than an hour
or two at a time. Was it fair that mine
but had second degree tearing? Was it fair that I
couldn't pee or dookie normally for weeks after I gave birth?
(01:06:16):
Was it fair that dear husband footed the bill for
all of the hospital visits, the diapers, the formula, the
wipest clothing, and everything else our family needs. Is it
fair the dear husband and I are the only ones
losing sleep every single night because our baby wakes up
every hour And no.
Speaker 2 (01:06:34):
It's I'm gonna go on on a lemon, say it's
not fair to goa Is it fair? No?
Speaker 4 (01:06:40):
Is it fair the dear husband has to go to
work every day and comes home and starts parenting without
a break, Dakota, Is it fair that I spend all
day every day with a screaming baby while covered in
his drooling spit up?
Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Of course it's fair. It's fair if you had a kid,
because it's.
Speaker 4 (01:06:58):
Our baby, our baby, Dakota, to our baby, and that's
exactly what we signed up for when we became parents.
We endured every difficult part of parenthood so far, and
we will enjoy all of our parenting privileges too. So yes,
dear husband and I are gonna kiss our baby because.
Speaker 2 (01:07:17):
We made him.
Speaker 4 (01:07:18):
You do not have any parenting responsibilities or privileged with
him because he is not your child, Dakota. Correct, Stop
trying to relive your glory days by putting your mouth
on someone else's baby.
Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
Keep your mouthed off my baby. And then I hung up,
and then everyone clapp.
Speaker 4 (01:07:33):
I'm going to be honest and say that I had
a speech planned. I knew one day that she would
see me kiss my little chunky baby and claim that
it was unfair, so I knew what I was going
to say when that time came. Poor husband has been
dealing with the fallout of the phone call. He was
there for the whole thing. He and his mom are
going out for lunch this weekend and he plans to
have a serious talk with her. He's considering going no
(01:07:55):
contact with her, but we will decide based on how
their conversation goes. And we have an update. I'm just
gonna jump right in. My husband had lunch with the
mother in law yesterday. Before we went in, we sat
down and wrote down all the talking points we wanted
to discuss so we wouldn't forget any of them.
Speaker 1 (01:08:12):
During lunch, it.
Speaker 4 (01:08:13):
Went as expected. She was upset I wasn't there to
apologize to her. Dear husband said it was because I
had nothing to apologize for. She tried to lecture me
about how hypocritical I am when I cut her off
and listened all the things that she has done, starting
for my pregnancy up until now. She repeatedly touched my
belly without permission after being told to stop. She tried
to invite her friends people we don't even know, to
(01:08:36):
my baby shower. My parents hosted and paid for the
entire thing. She threw a fit when we told her
that we were picking out his name.
Speaker 2 (01:08:43):
Oh no, that's bad, dude. That's our baby. We get
to pick our child's name.
Speaker 4 (01:08:49):
You already got your turn, granny, and we're not accepting
any recommendations. She threw a fit when she found out
she wasn't allowed in the delivery room. She threw a
fit when she found out we wouldn't allow hospital visitors,
and she even said, I wouldn't go.
Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
There to seealpee. I just want to see the little baby.
Speaker 3 (01:09:07):
You could just bring the baby down to lobby for
me because I want to see them old.
Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Yeah. Sure, let's bring the baby out of the doctor
approved environment just so you can just spit all over it.
Yeah great.
Speaker 4 (01:09:22):
She threw a fit when we told her no visitors
at her home for a week. She threw a fit
when she found out my mom was staying with us
after to help us out.
Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
She threw a fit.
Speaker 4 (01:09:29):
Every time we said no to her taking the baby
out alone to an outing, she threw a fit.
Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
We got more when we asked my sister a lot
of babysit and not her.
Speaker 4 (01:09:39):
When my husband and I went on today, all heck
broke loose when she found out we were going out
of state to visit my family for Christmas instead of
spending it with her.
Speaker 2 (01:09:46):
And then, of course, the kissing rule. Of course, the
kissy kissy rules, the classic kissing rule. Shout it to
Valentine's classic kissing rule. Oh god.
Speaker 4 (01:09:58):
Now, my husband told her that the refusal to respect
her boundaries as new parents was proof that all she
cared about was maintaining control over her children and grandchildren.
Unfortunately for her, he was raised to prioritize family above
all else, and now my son and I are his family. Dude,
that's kind of a fire flip. Guy was cooking right there, Dude,
bro was cooking out, So our needs come first. He
(01:10:21):
informed her that we would be reducing our contacts so
our son won't grow up think it gets normal for
adults to throw temper tantrums or weaponized relationships with family.
He recommended that she go to therapy so she can
understand her desire for complete control. He also reassured her
that he loves her very much, but is not willing
to let his wife and son suffer just so she
can feel good about herself.
Speaker 2 (01:10:41):
Are we are? We in Master Chef right now because
Opie's husband continues to cook.
Speaker 4 (01:10:47):
I mean, they're both cooking, but her husband just he
just enlabled a flame mignol of words.
Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
The parents in this story are getting down like it's
Iron Chef.
Speaker 4 (01:10:57):
He would shut it down by telling her that if
she wanted to have any sort of relationship with her grandson,
then she would need to.
Speaker 2 (01:11:03):
Be quiet and listen for once in her life.
Speaker 4 (01:11:05):
He told her that if she could prove herself to
respect our decisions as parents, then we would happily spend
more time with her. As soon as he returned from lunch,
he broke down crying. He has never really stood up
for himself in a meaningful way to his parents ever.
I know this was a heavy conversation for him, but
I am so proud of him for putting his foot down.
Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
What pre do you do?
Speaker 4 (01:11:26):
I talked with my sister in law about the whole situation.
She's married to dear husband's brother. She said that mother
in law did the same exact type of thing when
she had heard two babies and warned me about it
when we announced our pregnancy. Oh this baby fever, repeat offender.
Dear husband knew this behavior was going to happen, and
we knew all along with our couple's counselor, and we
talked about how to navigate it. And if you want
(01:11:48):
to talking about navigating your life, there's literally no better
place to do that than by going to Spotify, Apple Podcast,
your favorite pod app, and searching Okay, storytelling because why Dakota, Because.
Speaker 2 (01:12:01):
There you will find full episodes with stories just like this.
We've heard from brother in.
Speaker 4 (01:12:06):
Law and sister in law that she called them to complain,
to play the victim, but brother in law shut her down,
saying that she did the exact same thing when sister
law was pregnant and we were absolutely right coming to
her defense.
Speaker 2 (01:12:17):
For now, I guess dear husband and I are just
moving on. If she wants to.
Speaker 4 (01:12:21):
Reach out and apologize, then great, but we are not
putting any effort into a relationship with her. Dear husband
feels confident that we made the right decision for me.
Seeing him stand off for us and put her needs
first was so attractive that it has.
Speaker 2 (01:12:34):
Me heavily considering making baby number two bound. Chick down
down bound tick and Dawn down down brown woun Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
and that's the end of the story.