I think my parents RESENT me…for starting my own family! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
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Speaker 2 (00:06):
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Speaker 3 (00:14):
I realize my parents resent me for starting my own family.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
You can only have one.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
I posted this in another sub and someone recommended it
I posted here. I hope that's okay. You know what
it absolutely is. I had someone of a revelation this weekend.
I'm still processing how I feel about it and considering
if I should confront my parents. Anyway, here it is,
I believe my parents resent me for starting my own family.
By the way, this comes from the town and if

(00:41):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash okay story Time supreddit. So I forty mail
come from a big family. I'm the second oldest of
nine kids. Wow, big family. My older sister, Jane, is
just a year older than me. There is a six
year gap between me and the next sibling. Then, my
mom had a care every two to three years. Since

(01:02):
Jade and I were the oldest, we always helped with
the little kids and the chores around the house. In fact,
it was common for my parents and other adults to
refer to us as Jade and Opie and the kids. Dang,
that kind of sucks. It's like Jade and I were
not considered children. It's more like we were two other
adults living in the house. We were homeschooled, so we
were home all the time. Part of my job is

(01:24):
that I would wake up, make breakfast for the kids,
then get them started with their school or activities before
I started my own schoolwork. Jane would sleep in because
she was more of a night owl, and it was
her job to help at night with the baby. Because
there was always a baby. Jade and I did most
of the chores around the house. We took turns either
cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry, of which there

(01:44):
was a lot. I did all the guy stuff like
mowing the yard and taking out the trash, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
And replacing the engine in the car and putting new
shingles on the roof.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Yeah. As I got older, I would delegate some of
these chores to my younger brother, but it was still
my responsibility to make sure it got done. Once I
was old enough to drive, I would run errands and
take the kids everywhere. I can't tell you how many
times I would take the kids to things like playdates
or doctor's appointments.

Speaker 4 (02:12):
I would often tug the kids in bed and tell
them stories.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
To me, these things were all just normal, but looking
back on it, I was more like a second dad
to the kids than a brother. Jane and I did
have a lot of freedom as teenagers to go out
with our friends if chores were done. We didn't have
cell phones back then. If we wanted to go out,
we would just tell our parents we were going, and
they didn't care as long as we were back by
the next morning. I moved out when I was twenty,

(02:36):
but I still spent a lot of time with my parents,
and one of my younger siblings was always at my house.
One brother, JJ, pretty much lived with me since he
was fourteen because he and our mom didn't get along.
When JJ was seventeen, he got in a wreck and
he called me instead of calling dad, because I was
just the one who handled those kinds of things. During
all this time, my parents always talked about how important

(02:57):
it was for Jane and I to help with the
kids because they were so busy with their ministry. I
can't count how many times I had to drop what
I was doing to take care of something because Mom
or Dad were counseling someone. Sorry, I feel like I'm rambling.
I hope I have a painted an accurate picture of
my childhood.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Let's move on.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
So I had not really dated much, but when I
was twenty five, I met and started dating Anne.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
We fell in love.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Fast and got married less than a year later. Wow,
my younger siblings love Anne. She is a great cook
and hostess. Our house became the hangout spot. My younger
siblings started calling her Mama Anne, something they still do
to this day.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
Oh wow, that's weird.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
I mean, if you've been parentified to the point where
your younger siblings consider you more like a dad. Yeah,
I guess it does make sense to some level.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
It makes sense, but when you really think about it,
it's like it should not be how it is. It
is a unique tree, certainly, Yeah, definitely. We have now
been married fifteen years and have two kids of our own.
My mom and Jane did not like Anne. Jane and
Anne get along okay now, but Anne and my mom
do not have a good relationship. I never understood why,

(04:07):
but I think I have finally figured out that it's
because they see it as Anne having taken me away.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
As Anne and I focused on.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
Our relationship and started a family, I spent less and
less time doing things for my parents. My dad liked
Anne at first, but over the past few years their
relationship has soured. Throughout the years, my dad has made
comments to me about keeping up my responsibilities. One time
he called me about one of the younger kids who
had gotten in a fight with my mom and said.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
You better get your brother in change his attitude.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
It's not okay how we treated your mom, and you
are going to make him apologize.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
You can't outsource parenting to your children.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
Yeah, that's a great way to put it, Like, can't
you do something about that?

Speaker 1 (04:47):
You're literally his dad is crazy. Come on, man.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
A few years ago, Anne and I set some boundaries
with my parents, telling them that we were not going
to raise or discipline their kids. Our home is always
opened to my siblings, but we no longer let my
parents try and use us to straighten them up. My
parents have not taken this well. About a year ago,
Anne injured her foot and couldn't walk for a while

(05:12):
just as she was getting better, I was diagnosed with
kidney disease, which then turned into kidney failure. Oh no,
I've had several surgeries, with another one coming in a
few weeks.

Speaker 4 (05:21):
It has been a rough year.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
During this time, my parents have not only refused to help,
they have actively made things harder for us, things like
promising to help with our kids, but then canceling at
the last minute, usually because something ministry related came up. Recently,
my sister in law, who lives in another state, had
a baby, and my mom has been staying with her
and helping for the past six weeks. My sister in

(05:44):
law has said that Mom is a godsend and is
so wonderful. My dad has gone to help every weekend.
This hurts me because my mom wouldn't give us a
single night to help with our youngest when he was born. Anyway,
I'm sorry this post has turned out longer than I
thought it was. I needed to get some things off
my chest. This weekend, I was talking to another sister
and telling her how I don't understand why mom and

(06:06):
dad don't treat me like they do the rest of
the kids, even Jane. It's like I'm not one of
their children, and it just kind of hit me that
they resent me for getting married and starting my own
family and leaving them to raise their own kids.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
Yeah. Honestly, I don't even know if the first part
is applicable, Like, I don't know if they're even mad
that you have your own family. I think they're just
mad that you're not available to do things for them.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
Yeah, it's like they are treating you like hired, like
a nanny, Like a nanny that they are paying for
you to be there, yet they're not.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
They just got used to you jumping when they say jump,
and now you're like, I won't do that anymore, and
they're mad you could have a family you could not
the moment that you were like, hey, I'm living my
own life. Now you're gonna have to raise your own children,
they were always going to get iffy on you.

Speaker 4 (06:56):
I think, yeah, and it sucks that it's just you.

Speaker 3 (06:59):
I think maybe you were just really good at what
you were doing and they just got like, really reliant
on that help with the family.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
What is that the paradox where it's like you do
such a good job at work that you get punished
for it instead of Oh, yeah, like help, because now
they just expect you to do all this stuff. They're
not paying you extra for it.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
Yeah, and that's exactly what's going on here, exactly. Yes,
they're not expecting this of Jane. Maybe she's just not
as good as a fake parent.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
I don't know. Disparity between the siblings is strange to
me too.

Speaker 4 (07:28):
It's very interesting. Part of me is.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Relieved to finally realize why they treat me like they do,
and part of me is sad. I'm kind of scared
about this upcoming surgery and I really wish I had
a parent I could talk to about it. But I
don't feel like I have parents, just some people that
I co parented my siblings with. And there are some comments. Man,
that's hard.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
Tomas.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
Number one says your parents used religion as an excuse
not to parent. Extremely bad parenting, and it was wrong
expecting you to do the job that they should have
been doing. Your parents need a wake up call about
their selfishness. I hit them with what they have done wrong.
Then go no contact, as you don't need that kind
of negativity in your life. Commentary number two says, your

(08:07):
parents seem so absent from your life. I'm so sorry
that this has happened to you. Take this time to
focus on your real family, your wife and kids. That
should be your priority now that your folks have revealed
themselves for who they really are. Parentification is a type
of neglect, and you've certainly suffered from it. Opie responds,
absent from my life is a very good way to

(08:29):
put it. Even though I see them frequently, they have
no idea what is actually going on with me. When
I had my first surgery last year, my mom told people,
OPI is having a surgery and has to do treatments
for a few weeks, then he will be better. I
had to call her and say, Mom, stop telling people
that the surgery is to have a port installed in
my body so I can have treatments, which I have

(08:52):
to do for the rest of my life.

Speaker 4 (08:54):
I will not be all better in a few weeks. Wow,
So she really has no idea what's going on.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
You're just like a weird delusional thing to say yeah,
or if you like, just actually don't care enough to
really know what's going on. Either one of those is bad.

Speaker 4 (09:09):
All of the above could be happening right now.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
Even with that, she is completely checked out, but at
least she gets to be the grandmother of the year
for my brother and sister in law. Someone responds, it
is possible that your mom is a self absorbed person
and actually resents the attention you would have being sick,
or maybe she's just an idiot. Those seem like the
two only options to me. I am so sorry that
you were dealing with this. Hopefully some of your younger

(09:33):
siblings can help you in the future.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
Hope.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
He responds, Yes, she is a self absorbed person. I
think she is purposely in denial about my illness because
then she would have to admit that she is not
helping her sick child. The younger siblings who live close
have helped a lot, and the ones that don't live
close have still helps with moral support. And guess what, Dakota,
what we've got an update?

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Oh boy, oh boy?

Speaker 4 (09:58):
But where is your head at before we go into
this update?

Speaker 1 (10:01):
I do. I think it's just how you got to
focus on the family you're building.

Speaker 3 (10:05):
I feel like, I mean, obviously a talk couldn't hurt
you know, you could always try to talk to your
mom about this, try to tell her how it's feeling,
how it's coming across. But at the end of the day,
like you can't really control how she is acting with
all this stuff, so you really can only focus on yourself.

Speaker 4 (10:22):
And your family. But that still just sucks, though that's
what you have to do.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
It does. It's not good, but it feels like trying
to undo how she is is just unrealistic, you know exactly.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
But we do have an update. So thanks to everyone
who engaged with my last post. It has been a therapeutic.
This post is a brief update and then I will
answer some questions.

Speaker 4 (10:44):
So update.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
I spoke with my wife and about it last night.
I said something along the lines of I've realized that
my parents resent me for starting my own family and
not helping them as much, and that is why they
treat me so differently. And I think that you've been
trying to gently tell me this for years, but I
was too dense to get it. We were sitting in
the bed at the time, and she leaned over and
patted me on the head and said, you are so pretty.

(11:06):
I laughed for like ten minutes.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
A little pretty guy doesn't have any brain.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
It was a great emotional release a lot of you.
So that she sounds wonderful, and she really is. I
just can't express how much I love her. About Jane,
my older sister, Jane did get married and start a
family about two years after I did. Jane and I
had a falling out and didn't speak for several years.
But we are okay now, just not very close. Our
falling out was more about religion than anything. She's very

(11:33):
religious like my parents, while I am not. I am
religious and we attend church, but it's not our whole
life like it is for my parents and Jane. For
our younger siblings, the youngest is twenty two, so they
are all adults now. The second to youngest has passed
away several years ago, so there are eight of us now.

Speaker 4 (11:49):
Oh my gosh. I am very close with all of
my younger siblings.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
They still come hang out at my house all the time,
and they are all great aunts and uncles to my kids.

Speaker 4 (11:58):
All of them, including Jane. Are ops with how my
parents treated me this past year. Oh well that's good.
At least they've got the other siblings on his side.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
Well, yeah, you meet like the siblings who are basically
your children.

Speaker 3 (12:08):
Yeah, literally, So for help with my kids. While I'm disappointed,
in my parents for not helping. I do not need
their help. Anne and I have close friends, plus we
both have siblings at help AND's parents live far away,
but they help when they can. We really are okay
and feel very blessed and loved with all the help
that we have received for therapy. Part of my kidney
treatment plan includes access to a therapist, and I love her.

(12:32):
She has been great in helping me learn to live
with an illness. I'm not sure if she is the
right person to speak with about my parents, but I
will ask her and see if she.

Speaker 4 (12:40):
Can refer someone.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
If not, I will wait until after my surgery to
bring this up, as I need to just focus on
that right.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
Now, setting boundaries.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
When I say my parents won't help, it's not that
they say that they won't help, it's that they offer
to help and then either bail at the last minute
or change plans so much that it cast Ann.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
And I a lot of stress.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
A few months ago, Anne was sick and my mother
offered to pick our kids up from school. It's a
long story, but she kept changing things and making it
very complicated, and my youngest ended up being left alone
for a little and he got scared. After that, I
had a harsh talk with my parents and told them
how disappointed I was in them and how I needed
to focus on my health and that they were making

(13:23):
things worse. I told them that they are not allowed
to take my kids anywhere, They are not allowed to
just drop by my house, and in fact, they were
not even allowed to offer help because my mom doesn't
take no for an answer and will nag until she
wears me down. My parents were bad about this, but
all seven of my siblings took my side and rallied
about me, and so my parents have respected that so far.

(13:46):
As for going no contact, a lot of people recommended
going no contact.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
I don't want that.

Speaker 4 (13:51):
I still love my parents, even though they have not
been great parents. My kids love.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
Them too, and I don't want to take that away.
They are good grandparents when they show up. I don't
think my parents are awful people. I think that they
just had this vision of how they wanted to have
this big family and this big ministry, and I think
they just didn't realize the responsibilities they put on Jane
and I.

Speaker 4 (14:11):
I've spoken to them in.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
The past and expressed how it was messed up that
they put so much on us as kids, and they
have apologized. Well that's good at least.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, they've kind of realized that's one of the great
things about talking it out.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
With people, communication people.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
I don't know if I exactly how I said it earlier,
but yeah, you just gotta talk to your parents, be like,
here's how I'm feeling, here's what I'm gonna do, and
then just live your life by that exactly. You don't
have to cut them off forever, just yeah, don't let
them decide how you do things.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
I think going no contact is definitely a big jump
for these people to suggest, especially without like a conversation
first at least. Yeah, putting my parents on blast at
their church, oh wow, okay, Oh, so I guess there's
more than a conversation going on. Several people recommended going
to their church and telling people how they have treated me.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
You don't understand this church.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
They would praise my parents for putting God in the
ministry above anything else. These super religious people are crazy.
So I guess, oh, he didn't put them on blast
of the church. That's just what people were suggesting.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Do we not even remember the story of canaan Abel,
Like I don't. It's literally the whole story of that
is God being like, hey, do this crazy, ridiculous thing
I'd never ask you to do. Yeah, And then He's like,
all right, I guess I will. And God's like, hey,
what are you doing. You're supposed to say no, Dan,
it was like sacrificing his like firstborn child or whatever.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
Whoa.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
And it's like God's like, day, don't he I'm not
gonna no, don't do that.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
It's like, bro, I was just choking. What are you
talking about?

Speaker 1 (15:39):
And it sounds like this ministry would be like get
rid of the child? Yeah, keet rid of the child.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
Interesting, I didn't know about that.

Speaker 1 (15:45):
I hope I didn't mess that up.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
Well, we'll researching later. I guess that's it for now.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
My surgery is in less than two weeks, so I'm
going to focus on that. I'm going to put this
thing with my parents on the back burner, and later
I will decide what, if anything, I'm going to do.
Thanks again to everyone for your comments. It has really
helped me work through some feelings. But we have a
second update. Ooh, I'm just gonna jump right into it.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
Let's go.

Speaker 3 (16:10):
Thanks to everyone who has reached out and wished to
be a speedy recovery. My surgery was last week and
it's going better than expected.

Speaker 4 (16:17):
Okay, yay.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
All the surgeries and treatments in the past year felt
like it was just keeping me alive, But with this surgery,
a kidney transplant, I feel like I'm working towards getting
my normal life back.

Speaker 4 (16:27):
Oh good.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
It's been hard and painful, but I was expecting it
to be worse, so I can't complain at all. Anne
is always telling me that she doesn't get enough credit
for being funny, so the fact that so many of
you laughed when she told me that I was pretty
has made her happy. She said, I like these Reddit people.
That's so cute. This whole post started because I was
having a conversation with one of my sisters. I'll call
her Six, since I can't keep making up names. Plus

(16:51):
she is following this thread and will hate that I'm
actually calling her that Six had had a fight with
our parents and I was sharing with her that Anne
and I had recently set strong boundaries with them and
encouraged her.

Speaker 4 (17:02):
To do the same. So she did and they did
not take it.

Speaker 5 (17:05):
Well.

Speaker 4 (17:06):
Ooh, are we surprised.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
Ooh, zero percent surprise.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
This led to several conversations with different siblings, and both
five and nine also decided to set some boundaries. This
has also led to other siblings deciding to confront our
parents about how they have treated me this past year
while I have been sick.

Speaker 1 (17:24):
Oh my gosh, I'm just imagining them writing a sermon
about this being like when one snake poisons the congregation,
it will spread like a toxin through the veins of
a community.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
It's literally what's happening. They're just like it's everyone is like, oh,
you know what, Yeah, let's all just band together and
fight our parents.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
We're all gonna have boundaries. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
Jane, the oldest called me the day before my surgery
to check on me, and we ended up talking about
our childhood. We have not been closed for a number
of years. However, I feel like we bought did on
this call. It was interesting talking to her as an
adult and reliving some things. She has been in therapy
for a few years, and she said sometimes she will
be talking and her therapist will stop her and say, Jane,

(18:11):
you just casually rolled through some messed up stuff.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
We need to stop and unback this.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
That's like the best time in therapy though, where the
therapist is like whoa, whoaoa, whoa what.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
Dude, I have to do that to my friend the
other day, Yeah, my friend, which I will not share
what it was. Sure, my friend told me some stuff
and then just like casually moved on and I'm like whoa,
Like hang on, hang on, We're addressing that one real quick.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
We will be schalant about this.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yes, for a long time.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
I have blamed her for the way that she treated
me when we were younger, but now I am beginning
to understand that she was also just a kid trying
to cope. I have a lot more grace for her now.
We have been texting a lot in the past few weeks.
My parents did come visit after the surgery, but we
didn't talk about any family drama. My siblings have said
that they are not taking these new boundaries well at all.

Speaker 4 (18:58):
Oh no, I hope that day.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
They wake up and realize that all eight of their
children are disappointed in them, and they work to be
better people.

Speaker 4 (19:05):
But I am not holding my breath.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
It seems that they are placing all the blame like
they normally do.

Speaker 1 (19:10):
This is just an attack by the devil.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
Oh No, if only it were that simple, folks, And
and I decided that moving forward, we are going to
continue low contact with strong boundaries.

Speaker 4 (19:21):
With such a large family going.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
No contact, it would be hard and create a lot
of awkward situations where we would still have to see them.

Speaker 4 (19:28):
By the way, it will.

Speaker 3 (19:29):
Never be awkward when you see us, or listen to
us on Apple podcasts, Ieheart Radio and Spotify whatever your
favorite podcast app is. Just search okay, storytype, you're gonna
find full episodes with more stories just like this one.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Over two thousand of them. What are you doing?

Speaker 3 (19:45):
Never gonna be awkward? Come on, But there is a
little bit more to the story. Do you have any
final thoughts before we move on?

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Boundaries good?

Speaker 4 (19:52):
Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Boundaries good. They can be hard to set, but set
them and stick with them.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
Yeah, And it'll probably take some time.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
I mean, if he is forty now and this is
like just now, when all of the like siblings are
setting boundaries and stuff like, it's gonna take some time
for them to adjust. Yes, at least you're trying. But
there is a little bit more to this story. We
have also talked to our kids, and they have both
expressed that they want to have a relationship with their grandparents. Well,

(20:20):
I do not expect my parents to change. I do
believe that they will respect our boundaries. My attitude towards
them has also changed. I no longer feel like I
owe them anything. We will continue a relationship with them
because it is what's best for my family, not because
they deserve it. Lastly, I received a recommendation for a
family therapist and I have an appointment scheduled.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
For next month. Alright, that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Yes, we love to see it.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
We got communication, we got boundaries, we got therapy, and
we got family therapy.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
I love when if story ends with therapy.

Speaker 4 (20:53):
It's the only way it should end.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
The best ending, the best ending. My wife gained a
life of weight. It's ruining our marriage.

Speaker 4 (21:03):
I of like where this is going.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
And by the way, I'm gonna put a trigger warning
here for a little fat phobia, as this story obviously
centers around Wait, so if you don't want to hear
anyone's opinions on that, who next story? Please? Our situation
is a little different than most others. My wife and
I are both second generation Indian Americans. Our parents moved here,
but we were born and raised here and we actually

(21:28):
met through a somewhat arranged dating thing. By the way,
this comes from user help Wait and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the our slash. Okay,
storytime suburd it. So we talked for a month and
a half and then we got engaged and married two
months later. Okay, so three and a half months into
knowing someone.

Speaker 4 (21:45):
Married, boom got it.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
I know this is odd, but in a lot of
arranged marriages, people move a lot faster. Also, our age
played a big part, since we are on the older side.
We talked and discussed a lot of things and everything
was laid out on the table. We got married January
third in India, where we recently had our one year anniversary.
The reason why I'm posting on this forum is that

(22:07):
I'm really worried about my wife's weight. When we got married,
she was petit and looked absolutely beautiful. However, now she
has put on a significant amount of weight. She says
that since she's married now she can finally be free,
but it really is hurting my attraction towards her. Oh,
she has always been on the slimmer side, and all

(22:28):
of her pictures in college showed me she was even slimmer.
I go to the gym regularly, and my wife told
me she did too. However, nowadays she rarely goes. She'll
make some excuse that she's tired, something happened, and she
won't go, and most of the time I end up
going alone. She'll probably go to the gym once a
week if that, but usually ends up eating more that day,

(22:49):
so it doesn't even have a positive effect. All of
her weight gain has really caused me to lose a
lot of attraction towards her. When I tried to talk
to her about this, she tells me I'm her husband
and I need to love her spite her weight. She
points out that my mom is fat and my dad
still loves her. I've tried to get her to do
some home workouts with me, but she turns me down.
I even tried making healthy meals for us, which she

(23:11):
will eat, but then ends up snacking away. What really
is frustrating about all of this is that she was
petiited for most of her life. It's not as if
she can't lose weight or doesn't know how. That's why
I'm posting on here, not a sports or fitness related
for him. Do you guys have any ideas on what
I can do? And there are some comments. Yeah, we're
just gonna get into these constantly. What the comments have

(23:33):
to say about this gentleman's perspective.

Speaker 4 (23:35):
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
She's made it clear that this is the new status quo.
If she doesn't come around, what's your end game? Op
says she's been talking about trying for a baby right now.
I told her that life is on pause until then.
She isn't happy about it, saying that the older she gets,
the more likely birth defects or complications, et cetera. But
if she gains this much weight without any kids, with kids,

(23:57):
she might be two hundred and no time. I will
ask my quot question again, says a commenter. If she
does not change, what is your end game? Opie says,
I would have to talk to my family about this.
I don't want to say anything bad to them about
her yet. Okay, then, right now she has no motivation
to change. If she got more overweight, would you divorce her?

(24:18):
Opie said? Divorce is permanent, so I can't say for sure,
but I would definitely lean towards that yes. Comment to says,
if she's never been fat before and spent twenty five
years being pressured by strict Indian parents to stay skinny
in order to attract a better husband, she doesn't even
get to choose. I can totally see why she's doing this.

(24:38):
She's probably always been under their thumbs, and she's got
a taste of freedom. It's really not so different from
how anarexics restrict as an expression of control. She's likely
not had much control in her life, and she's asserting
her autonomy by allowing herself to eat what she wants.
She doesn't know what it's like yet to not be
able to see your own junk, or to get winded

(25:00):
just from walking before her knees to crinkle like a
crisp packet.

Speaker 4 (25:04):
This is a crazy comment.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
She may see reason once she's had a bad checkup,
or realize how ugly plus sized clothes are, or after
she's had a few run ins with good old public
fat shaming.

Speaker 3 (25:15):
What so this commentary is saying, like, just wait, like
she might get bullied out of it, People might fat
shame her in public and then she'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
Is that?

Speaker 3 (25:24):
What?

Speaker 4 (25:24):
This commentary is.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Saying yes, which I disagree with.

Speaker 4 (25:27):
This really is a crazy comment.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
These comments are whack. Getting fat feels great, especially if
you're eating your feelings. Being fat sucks, but unfortunately a
lot of people have to learn that the hard way.
I'm sorry, I don't know how to help her, but
I think you'll have better luck having a frank discussion
from a place of love. Focus on the fact that
you're worried for her rather than that you're disappointed in her.
Maybe true, but I think counterproductive. Would she see a

(25:51):
counselor with you, a neutral moderator for this discussion may
be very helpful. If all that doesn't work, then you
may have to let her know that it's a hard
limit for you. You can't force her to change, but
you can decide what you will or won't tolerate, and
if necessary, remove yourself from the marriage. Source former fatty
Why can't we just love ourselves at all times?

Speaker 4 (26:12):
Is it so hard to ask?

Speaker 1 (26:13):
Why do we got to put conditions on when we
are allowing to love ourselves? Come one, man, just because
you're not doing everything right doesn't mean you can't move
through change with grace and love in your heart for yourself. Yeah,
you're just gonna feel awful the whole time you do it,
exactly because you're ashamed.

Speaker 4 (26:27):
Everything's just gonna be so much worse.

Speaker 3 (26:29):
Yeah, we have an update here, Okay. I'm like, I'm
scared to go into it.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
This is what I'll say. You shouldn't be in this marriage,
my guy.

Speaker 4 (26:37):
Yeah, I feel the same.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
I think she deserves a partner who can like look
past just like her actual physical form. Yeah, because it's
like sure, you're like, oh, I want you to be
healthier and I want you to be but you're really
like I don't want my wife to be ugly, which
is like a you are just not ready to marry
this person and you never were.

Speaker 4 (26:55):
Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
I think like, yes, you know, fiscality is important when
you're going into a relationship, like you want to be
physically attracted to someone, but like when you're thinking about
marrying someone, that's an important question to ask, like you know,
what's it gonna be like when you gain weight?

Speaker 4 (27:11):
Because it's not even like a if thing.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
It's like literally like most people gain weight just in
their lives just in general.

Speaker 4 (27:20):
Like I'm saying most because I'm sure there's some people
that just don't.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
But it's very very common for you to just get
older and gain weight.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
That's just a thing that happens, and you gotta deal
with it.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
So like, if you don't think that you can handle
that from seeing your partner gain weight, then like that's
a you problem.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
It's not something that they have to fix.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
Indeed, So there are a couple misunderstandings I want to
correct before I update y'all. It seems as if a
lot of people wanted to peg me as some evil
guy that is trying to make my wife anarexic. Trust me,
that isn't the case. My wife was a healthy weight
when we got married. She was on the slim side,
but never sticks and bones. I've never seen her on
the scale, but I know that a weight wise, prior

(27:57):
to getting married, she was one to twenty on her license.

Speaker 4 (27:59):
That's so eighty bitty.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
This guy's gonna reveal like, yeah, my wife's one point fifty.
It's gonna be like nothing, like, my wife is a
normal weight? Should I divorce her? Right? You're crazy, dude.
The thing with the weight gain is that it isn't
distributed very evenly. I know, for a lot of women
when they gain weight, it goes to their thighs and
actually looks pretty good. However, for my wife, a lot
of that fat has gone to her face and stomach.

(28:22):
Her body looks like a sack of potatoes. Oh my god, bro,
I'm about to hit you with a sack of potatoes.

Speaker 4 (28:28):
Dude, Uh, this is not cool.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
I don't know what to tell this man. Get out
of this marriage. You're not ready for marriage, You're not
ready for long term partnership.

Speaker 4 (28:37):
Yeah, figure it out.

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Yeah, dude, I don't know. Honestly, it's kind of this
is sickening.

Speaker 4 (28:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
While I can say that I love her on an
emotional level, which I do think and care for her
a lot, physically, it's just not there. So here is
what happened. Since I talked to my wife and I
told her that I don't like where our relationship is going.
I told her that I want her to get more fit,
and that while I love her, that I think that
there is not a lot of lust. She told me
that she's going to work on things at her own

(29:03):
pace and that it's her body, not mine. Go girl.

Speaker 4 (29:06):
True.

Speaker 1 (29:07):
Over the next couple of days, I didn't notice any changes.
I made us some light pasta, tomato based pasta with
grilled chicken, and then I saw my wife basically pouring
parmesan cheese on it when she thought I wasn't looking.

Speaker 4 (29:18):
Which sounds tasty and amazing, So I don't blame her.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
My wife ate pasta? Should I divorce her?

Speaker 3 (29:25):
Also, in the next few days, he was like, okay, great,
So she told me that she's gonna do it in
her own time.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
It's been two days and I've seen no changes. God,
this guy's really infuriating. She ended up going to the gym,
and when she came back, she went to a smoothie
place nearby, and the smoothies are like six hundred calories.
And she probably was only at the gym for thirty
minutes because she came back within an hour. By the way, buddy,
if you have the nerve to be saying all this stuff,
you better look like a triathlete. Honestly, you better have

(29:53):
like a sculpted marble physique. Yeah, to feel like you
have the right to say any of this stuff. How
about we focus on improvements you could be making. Yeah,
exactly crazy. I told her we need to have a talk.
I told her that I can't find her attractive and
that this whole behavior is just not me. I told
her that I don't want in ten years that she's

(30:13):
going to be around on a mobility scooter at Walmart,
and that I have seriously considered divorce. She ended up
crying and going to a friend's house. We had an
actual talk later that night. She said that a lot
of the reasons she went and got an arranged marriage
was because she thought Brown guys didn't care much about weight,
since most Indian couples she knows both people are fat.

(30:34):
I told her that I do care about weight and
looks madder to me. Are both of these people just
like simpletons? What are we doing? She's like, I don't
think you'd care because I've seen every Indian couples I've
ever seen there both overweight. Yeah, what happened to talking
to people that you're marrying about things? Maybe you should
know these things before you're married to somebody.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
It's a really good conversation to have before marriage in
any case.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
I don't want to be like coachally sensitive or anything,
but I just if you didn't get married to this
woman and you're just dating, Look, it's a non issue
because now she goes, wow, I don't want to be
with someone with that perspective. Let's break up. But now
you're married, it's complicated.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
But if you can get married once, you can get
married again.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yes, that's right, it can always happen, that's right. I
followed a lot of the advice people told me. Instead
of saying that she looks gross to me, now, I
told her about how I'm more worried for the future.
She tried to call me shallow, but I called her
out because every guy she finds attractive on TV are
all on this limon, muscular side, and she's never said,
look at that four hundred pound guy, Look how hot

(31:35):
he is. She said that if she loved them, then
she wouldn't care. I called the BS on that. We
argued some more. This guy's like, well, I never see
you saying four hundred pound people are hot. She's like,
if I loved them, I wouldn't care. Yeah, and then
he just goes, no, you will yet, And it's just
like I just told you, no, I refuse to evalidate
your perspective. But yeah, no, that's just not true.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Yeah, it's giving me more reason I need to know now,
what this guy looks like, because if he is like
at the same weight as her, or like, you know,
at the same you know, I don't know fat percentage
or something.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Only way he's getting away with this is if he
looks like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Cristiano Ronaldo all
mix their genetics together.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
Even then if he gained weight, you would still love
him because you love who he is.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
She ended up leaving go figure and told me that
I have been putting too much pressure on her and
she's considering divorce over this, that I'm bound to leave
her anyways when I get older. She then starts getting
mad at me for my cornography preferences that I just
want a ten out of ten girl, when I barely
am a five and got a tiny wee wi. My
we wii is not tiny? What is that? Eyebrows raised

(32:43):
it that? And you know what else isn't tiny? What
The archive of full episodes with stories just like this
that you can listen to on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple podcasts wherever.
Just search Okay, story time, do it? I dare you

(33:03):
try to listen to them all? Pick your favorite. We
have a little bit more story left here, but I've
never wanted a divorce so bad.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
Yeah, these are two people that are clearly not on
the same page, not in the right marriage. So she
was saying to him, like, you're wenning a ten, but
you're barely a five or something like.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
That, right, barely a five with that TV WEENI I
didn't escalate the fight anymore. I took my stuff and
left for a hotel nearby. I called my close family
members and told them what happened. My parents were surprisingly sympathetic.
The next day, my wife contacting me, asking me if
I cooled off. I told her I thought about it,
and it's not going to work out. Wow. I told

(33:42):
her that she changed when she got married and that
I am not okay with that. Hey, guess what, buddy,
she was gonna change again and again, and so will
you and so will everyone else.

Speaker 3 (33:52):
You know, that's what comes with being with someone forever,
what comes with being alive.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
Yeah, Like, I'm not okay that you changed. You're not
really gonna be okay with anything. Then everybody's changing all
the time, exactly. I told her that there are plenty
of guys that are into bigger women and best of
luck with that. She has now been trying to get
me to resolve this and get back together. While I'm
not one to hold a grudge, I don't see any
value when I feel that she has a different expectation

(34:18):
of marriage than I do. If she was to lose
weight now than what happens when we have kids. I
don't know exactly what to do at this point. Is
there any point in getting back together? And that's the
end of that story. Not for you, buddy. I think
you are looking for just like a digital wife that
is ageless and timeless and programmable that you can just

(34:40):
like make.

Speaker 4 (34:42):
Yeah, I think so, some sort of robot.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
It's on the way. We're right there. We got AI, dude.

Speaker 4 (34:47):
Just wait a few years. It'll figure itself out.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
You can have your AI girlfriend be whatever way you
want her to be and she'll feel real, but you'll
be alone. Well, but that is the end of that story. Hey,
it's Sam, your og reading it back to the stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

Speaker 4 (35:03):
My wife's brother in law sent inappropriate messages. She acts
like it's not a big deal.

Speaker 5 (35:08):
Yeah, it was just I don't know when to meet
me tonight.

Speaker 3 (35:10):
So my wife thirty six female and my brother in
law thirty five male, have been running together for the
past few months. My wife told me that besides their
weekend runs, they were also running during the week after work. Well,
brother in law was not telling his wife about all
the runs, and my wife kept them secret from her sister,
though I suspect that she didn't tell me about all
the runs either. By the way, that comes from a

(35:31):
radio election and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the ours lash Okay storytime. Anyways, my wife's
sister somehow finds out about them running during the week
and gets upset. I tell my wife that I agree
with her sister and that they should stop running, as
it is starting to get weird with the lying. I
also pointed out that it seemed a little weird to
be running that much together, and she commented that it
was not like they were having an affair. As I

(35:53):
think back now over these last few months, she was
very complimentary of how open my brother in law was
on the runs, can speak about everything, and how I
didn't bring anything.

Speaker 4 (36:02):
To the table.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
She seemingly got mad at me all the time for
the smallest things, and there were frequent comments about how
the brother in law was so great. Well, last weekend,
her sister got upset and my wife so that she
would not run with him anymore. She explained that she
ran with him since she didn't feel safe running outside alone,
and that he and her ran the same place. Her
sister left it as do what you want, but it
was clearly upset. My wife didn't run all week, but

(36:25):
he was texting her constantly about running, and she finally
agreed to go a Saturday morning. She asked if I
was okay with it, and I told her that I
really wasn't and it seemed strange that she would go
against her sisters and my wishes. She commented that they
were just running partners and that everyone was acting weird
for no reason. Well, one hour later, she comes flying
through the door and says that he told her that
he wanted to kiss her and texted it the same

(36:47):
My wife was all upset and said that she called
him and said what are you thinking and that he
was crazy and hung up. I was shocked that my
brother in law would pull this and ask my wife
what would have led to this, and that guys don't
just say things like that for no reason. We denied
any conversations about our marriage issues or anything that would
have led him on. I told her I love you

(37:07):
and believe you, and that you must tell your sister.
She said absolutely not, as it would destroy her family
and that it wasn't a big deal. She got upset
when I told her that I wanted her to tell
brother in law that I was aware, and said that
he already learned his lesson and that would blow it
out of proportion. I am very upset told her the same,
and she basically said that we just needed to move

(37:28):
on and act like it nothing happened. I disagreed, and
she now will not talk about it and told me
that I'm acting like a baby and ruining our relationship
with my attitude about it. I feel like she was
having an emotional affair and is now protecting him and
herself because she developed some.

Speaker 4 (37:42):
Sort of feelings for he. I ended up.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
Looking at our phone bill and seeing that she had
multiple calls over the last couple months with him that
were ten, fifteen and twenty minutes long during the work
day when I'm obviously not around. Not proud of this,
but I looked at her messages and took a picture
of the one saying that he wanted to kiss her.
There were also messages about him giving her a special
birthday present, and then one saying, I assume you deleted

(38:05):
the text before you got home and let's just forget
about this one. For some unknown reason, my wife is
willing to act like this is no big deal, when
in reality, it is a big deal to me. Maybe
I shouldn't be upset, but I can't shake the feeling
that she is not as innocent as she is putting forward.
I don't believe anything physical happened, but why defend a
dirtbag like this and allow him to go on like
nothing happened, especially when your sister is involved. I need

(38:27):
some advice on how to handle this. We do have
a small update, but what do we think?

Speaker 4 (38:32):
What do we think? Ohe we should do?

Speaker 5 (38:33):
Having a very serious conversation with brother in law.

Speaker 4 (38:37):
Yeah, hut out the middleman. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
I took some of the below advice, and over dinner,
my wife commented that she was glad that I wasn't
going to say anything to anyone and just act normal
around the family. I responded that was in fact not
the case, and I am still very uncomfortable and upset
about what happened, and I'm not sure how I'll react.
She lost her crap and started calling me all sorts
of names, and so then my actions are going to

(39:00):
destroy our relationship and I should just call her ex
wife as she won't tolerate me disregarding her wishes bating
break up with her. She's literally like just putting everything
on you. It's not my actions that are doing this,
it's yours. I explained that I feel it's wrong to
just forget it ever happened, and that I didn't appreciate
her defending and excusing brother in law's actions. She continued

(39:23):
yelling that she now can't trust me and won't tell
me things in the future. Told me that I'm going
to destroy the whole family, her parents, her sister, our
lives with my not agreeing to let it go, yelling
about how dare I blame her? I made it clear
I'm not blaming her and that my focus is brother
in law's actions, but she doesn't want to hear this.
I'm currently getting the silent treatment. We have small update

(39:44):
number two after she stopped yelling last night and transitioned
to the silent treatment. She went straight to bed upstairs.
Woke up this morning in zero conversation with complete silent treatment.
The only words uttered were to call me an a
hole for putting a wet towel on top of my
daughter's homework. She then out the door for work, and
we do have another big update. As an update, I

(40:04):
took the last few days to think about it, and
I just could not get over my brother in law
saying this, especially in the light of the phone calls
and incessant texting between them. My wife was insistent the
other day that if I did not just forget it,
that her entire family will be destroyed and her.

Speaker 4 (40:19):
Sister will be crushed.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Oh boohoo.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
I told her that I would not say anything to
her sister, as that was not my place. She then
said that I would also not mention anything to my
brother in law and just go about business as usual
and drop it.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
I told her I.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Didn't agree and didn't know what to do. Well, today
I am out and I see him. He acts all
buddy buddy, and I just looked at him and told
him that he crossed the line and to stop contacting
my wife and don't go to my house when I'm
not there. Five minutes later, I have all these missed
calls and nasty text messages for my wife saying that
I destroyed the family and that she can't trust me
and that I am a monster for.

Speaker 5 (40:54):
Saying anything to him. Oh my gosh, he's trying to
fight for your relationship.

Speaker 3 (40:58):
I called her and she was screaming like a bansheet,
claiming that she couldn't breathe and was having an anxiety
attack all because of me.

Speaker 4 (41:05):
She repeatedly stated that she no longer had any trust
in me and doesn't know if there is a future
for us. She then went into.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
How my brother in law was crying and all scared
that I was going to tell everyone and he was
now devastated for his kids. I told my wife that
he shouldn't worry about that since I have no plans
to tell his wife. I then stated it was wrong
for her to continue defending and being concerned about his
emotions when I have been crushed all week about this issue.

Speaker 4 (41:30):
I walked in the door to.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
Her screaming that she trusted me to not say anything
and that I stabbed her in the back. I then
got the don't talk to me as I need to
think about us and damage control going forward. I made
it clear that because of her hysteria, I texted my
brother in law and stated that the last words I
will speak of this occurred today. It's on you to
tell the others, not me. I don't care what you do.

(41:52):
I told my wife that if she had no such intentions,
then there is nothing that she did wrong and is
just being used as a pawn in his game. It's
not her fault that he did to pull such a move.
So right now I'm sitting downstairs, my wife stormed up
to bed and isn't talking to me. I feel I
had to say something as I was not going to
play the secret game on this and have to act
like nothing happened. I mean, she was commenting that he

(42:13):
has a family and kids, to which I replied that
he didn't give a dang about my family and kids
when he said that he wanted to kiss her, and
I'm sure that he was hopeful the.

Speaker 4 (42:23):
Feeling was mutual.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
So please explain why my wife doesn't understand my anger
over the situation and continues to blame me. I'm upset
that my wife is furious at me, but in the end,
I really don't think my actions were out of the line,
and I stand by them.

Speaker 4 (42:37):
Am I crazy?

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Maybe I just taked my own marriage, But who wants
to stay with someone when they would defend someone like
the brother in law?

Speaker 4 (42:44):
And we do have another update.

Speaker 5 (42:47):
What do we think your wife's mad at you because
she has emotions for this guy?

Speaker 3 (42:52):
She just really is, isn't It's so obvious what's happenings.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
She's just trying to stay thin in healthy.

Speaker 3 (42:58):
Man.

Speaker 4 (42:58):
Thank you for all the graanded.

Speaker 3 (43:00):
I haven't taken a scorched earth policy as I don't
want to blow this up from my kids. My one
child is already asking why mom is acting out Anyways,
This morning I told my wife that this is unacceptable
and I'm not the bad guy and won't cover for
the lies.

Speaker 4 (43:13):
I asked her directly if she had feelings for brother
in law, and.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
She exploded that she hates me, hates him, and I
destroyed the family and once a divorce.

Speaker 4 (43:22):
She said that she isn't living her a life with
my threats. I made zero threats.

Speaker 3 (43:27):
I said I wanted to sit down and have an
open and honest discussion about this.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
Tonight, she flew out the door to work.

Speaker 3 (43:33):
I left her a detailed voicemail stating that we needed
to sit down and talk about our options of one
seeing if this is salvageable, and two if not, to
discuss coming to an amicable agreement to end our marriage
so the least possible damage is.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
Done to the kids.

Speaker 3 (43:48):
No response from her, and we do have a final update.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
Oh wow.

Speaker 3 (43:52):
So I spoke with my wife last night and explained
the two options and expressed.

Speaker 4 (43:56):
That a serious discussion was needed on what took place.
She met medately lost it.

Speaker 3 (44:01):
When I asked about whether or not she had spoken
negatively about our marriage and myself to brother in law,
she started screaming that I have.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
No right to interrogate her.

Speaker 3 (44:09):
She then deflected it back to me destroying the family
by telling brother in law I knew despite her saying
to just drop it, I explained that I was emotionally
devastated by this and that the fact that she was
lying to her sister and I was the real issue
in my book. I asked if she had spoken to
brother in law since the other day. She initially denied it,
and when I pointed out that earlier in the convo

(44:30):
she mentioned a call she got belligerent and started with
ME being a monster.

Speaker 4 (44:35):
And destroying her life.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
She is screaming, and I just maintained my composure and
said I needed to know everything that was said and
done between them in order to try to salvage our relationship.
She was adamant that nothing physical ever happened in her mania.
She started saying that she needed a few days to
think about what she wanted to do since I violated
her trust. I told her that she does not get

(44:57):
to direct the narrative, as I'm not the bad guy here,
and if anyone is, it is the brother in law
for putting her in this situation. I asked her if
she loved me, and her response was that two days ago,
when she thought that I wasn't saying anything, that she
loved me, but now after my actions, she no longer does.
I looked right at her and said that this means

(45:18):
it is the end of our marriage, as I cannot
reconcile a marriage where one partner no longer loves the other.

Speaker 4 (45:24):
She told me to go f myself and then shut down.
And we'll never tell you to go f yourself, but we.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
Will tell you to go to iHeartRadio app podcasts Spotify
or your favorite podcast app and search Okay Storytime. You'll
find full episodes with more stories just like this one.
I commented that her actions make it appear that there
is much more going on than I'm being told, and
that I will get to the bottom of it. After
comparing my notes with sister in law, I slept in
the guest bedroom, woke up this morning, got a good

(45:51):
workout in, and she didn't make any comments before leaving
for work. However, she had made my lunch, and I
think it was her way of trying to break the ice.
I'm meeting my sister in law for coffee this morning
to discuss and then meeting my attorney to get the
ball rolling. I'm not a doormat, nor am I the
person and the wrong here. I know I will never
be able to trust her again, and her actions confirm this,

(46:12):
So thank you all for the advice.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Ooh wo wow, man.

Speaker 5 (46:17):
There we are. Yeah, I get it straight. With the
system Law's super smarting. I didn't even think about that.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
I mean, they're like they're on a team here. Now
they're getting attacked by these other.

Speaker 5 (46:26):
People, So it looks like you're single now.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
Yeah, I alerted next story.

Speaker 5 (46:33):
My best friend kissed my husband almost run her marriage.

Speaker 4 (46:37):
Well did the husband like it?

Speaker 5 (46:38):
That's the real question. I, twenty eight female, have been
with my husband twenty seven male for six years, married
four when we have two kids? Are you female and
almost one female? Everything in a relationship was perfect for us.
He's been the best husband and father to our kids
that I could have asked for. I'm absolutely in love
with him, and his actions and words have always shown
me that he feels the same way. There's no other

(47:00):
better feeling than going to sleep in his arms every night.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway Jello seventy three
and if you submit your old stories, go to our
slash okay story tom subreddit. So last week, my husband
and I had some friends over and we were having
a barbecue. We were all outside in the backyard, surrounding
my husband, who was on the grill. As the food
got closer to be ready to eat, we were all

(47:21):
sitting at our backyard table. Once the food was all
ready and at the table, my husband went inside to
use the washroom get another case of beer. I didn't
realize that my best friend, twenty eight female had followed
him when he wasn't coming back out. My best friend
hid behind the wall separating our kitchen and living room
and surprised him by pulling him and forcing a kiss.

(47:42):
My husband immediately pushed her back and yelled what the
aff He immediately started crying and ran out of the
house and left. My husband came back to the backyard
and asked to speak to me privately and immediately told
me what just happened. I was shocked and told him
that it would be okay and that we could talk
of it after everyone else left. I managed to put
on appearances for the next couple of hours. I was

(48:05):
just mentally distraught. After everyone left, my husband sat me
down and told me what happened, showed me the footage
from our living room camera. He was exactly as my
husband had described it. My best friend of ten years,
the person and I had treated my literal sister, kissed
my husband after the third date with my husband. He
was the one that I told I was going to

(48:25):
marry him. He knows how much I love him and
how strong our relationship is, and she still chose to
come in the middle for f sake. Our three year
old calls her auntie. My best friend tried showing up
the next day just to talk, and my husband had
to hold me back from beating the crap out of her.
He putted her out and told her not to come back,
not to GISs him anymore. It's almost been a week
now and I'm nowhere close to moving on. I don't

(48:48):
blame my husband one bit. He's completely innocent in this,
and if anything, he's the victim. I've been lying down
my husband's chest and crying every day and night. I'm
so angry and frustrated, don't know what to do. My
husband's been amazing, and like always, he just gets it
and understands how I'm feeling. He brought me flowers almost
every day and cooked my favorite meals multiple times in

(49:10):
the last few days. I love him and appreciate him
all the more for it. I just don't know how
I'm going to move on and trust any of my friends.
After this got some comments. One I hate the guy
who thinks there must be more to the story, but
something just bringing one hundred percent true to me. Other
commenters have raised the thought that they had an affair
and she was not aware of the cameras he might

(49:31):
be trying to get ahead of it by doing damage control.
Maybe he led her on, or even if it was
out of naivete, trying to be kind but sending mixed signals.
Peting would explain why he's buying you flowers and cooking
for you, love bombing you to secure forgiveness. I will
dwell on this, but it is possible. Let's look at
it from the other perspective that I rarely see brought
up in posts like this. If everything is one hundred

(49:51):
percent as subscribed here, your husband was spicily related and
mistreated and has no ability to deal with this trauma
because he's taking care of you. You were so and
you have every right to be upset. This will sound harsh,
but for the good of your relationship with your husband,
whit being selfish and allow your man to deal with
what happened to him. He was harmed in his home.
Be there for him. Your post sounds like you are

(50:11):
so focused on how you feel and that you have
not considered how he feels. He is a good man
to just focus on you. He will likely never tell
you how he feels after this because he will default
to taking care of the woman he loves. This is
not healthy, and this will cause resentment. He will feel
like he can never feel emotional because you were teaching
him that your feelings matter more than his. Be there

(50:32):
for him, even if he says it's not a big deal.
Don't force him to talk about it because he probably won't.
Make sure he knows he is still your rock star.
Love and treasure him. Let him know that you were
there for him. It will mean the world to him,
even if he never shows it. We got an update.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
Oh boy, that was a great comment.

Speaker 5 (50:50):
It really was honestly not see from that point of view.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
And we got like two point of views too, like one,
you know you have to focus on his feelings.

Speaker 4 (50:58):
Two he could have just been I'm lying for the.

Speaker 5 (51:00):
Cameras, could have been lying for the camera. And I
think it just shows like how much we dismiss now,
like like assaulted. Yeah, you know was kissed as a
man who figured.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Out yeah, but no, that's absolutely not okay and non consensual.

Speaker 5 (51:11):
After reading a lot of comments, I realized that it
was possible though. My husband was having an affair with
my best friend and he knew about the camera and
acted accordingly to make sure I didn't expect an affair
for riding out out of the house crying, my husband
showing me the footage before I asked, and his love
bombing would all make sense if he was cheating with
my best friend. I can't be with the cheater, and
I had to make sure my husband was loyal to me.

(51:33):
On a side note, I made sure that my husband
was okay and well after being forcibly kissed, and he
just said he was fine and he didn't feel like
a harmful act just to kiss. He said that he
was just worried about me because he knew how much
friendship meant to me. Over the weekend, I looked through
my husband's phone and laptop while he was doing yard work.
Both of us had full access to each other's phones,
and I didn't find out anything out of the ordinary.

(51:55):
On my husband's phone, I checked his messages, WhatsApp, social
media and to lead to messages. There was no suspicious
on his phone or laptop. This morning, after my husband
left to go to work, I arranged for our next
door neighbors, a friendly elderly couple who watched the girls
for a couple of hours, and I went to my
best friend's place without telling her I was coming he
works afternoon shifts, so I knew she would be there

(52:16):
in the morning. She let me in. She seems scared.
I demanded tonother truth. She said that she had always
been really attracted my husband. He had tried to make
advances before, but my husband always shut her down. She
admitted to being jealous of me and my perfect life
with my husband. I should have seen the signs earlier.
When our firstborn was learning to speak, my best friend
would always try to get her to call her mama.
When she held her to ughter for the first time,

(52:37):
she accidentally sat in my husband's lap.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
Ha.

Speaker 5 (52:40):
He has been trying to replace me for years and
I never noticed, and my husband kept rejecting her advances
because he only me. He said that she had wasted
more than she should have at the barbecue and decided
to just try her luck. When she saw my husband
going inside alone, I forced her to show her phone
as well, and again there was nothing implying an affair.
All all the messages appeared to line up with my

(53:01):
husband's phone, so I knew there was nothing deleted or manipulated.
If you apologize profusely and asked me not to in
our friendship over this, I told her that she's nothing
to me and that she could have been happy for me.
I treated her like a sister all these years, just
for her to try and steal my life. Now I
know for sure that my husband never cheated. The guilt
for doubting him is eating me up. If I tell
him that I snooped through his phone and laptop and

(53:23):
met up with my ex best friend to verify that
he was cheating, it's going to impact her marriage. He
will be very disappointed in me for not trusting him,
and if anything, he will lose his trust in me.
If I don't tell him, the guilt is going to
continue to eat me up. I never I never lied
or kept secrets from him before, and I don't want
to start now. This is an impossible choice. He's only

(53:43):
ever shown me how much he loves me and cherishes me.
He doesn't deserve he betrayed like this. I will update
more when I tell him the truth and we got
the truth. Guys, all right, wow, wow wow?

Speaker 4 (53:54):
What would you do if if you had a friend
that was trying to steal your life?

Speaker 5 (53:57):
Definitely have a conversation, give him a comma, say leave
my life alone and my wife and my children. They
are mine. Go get your own. You can probably find
one online. But he definitely would have been a friend
anymore because I can't trust him alone with my wife
or my kids.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
And it's also just such a weird thing to do,
Like stop was reversed.

Speaker 5 (54:17):
Yeah, man, was doing this a woman?

Speaker 4 (54:18):
Yeah no, it's it's the same kind of thing.

Speaker 3 (54:21):
Yeah, Like just that's your harassing OPI's husband, which is
absolutely not okay. So that's one reason to not keep
this woman around trying to like you could confuse the children.
I don't know, like what if she tries to like
kidnap the children or something that happens. Just like not
a not a comfortable situation to be in.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
They take yourself out of it.

Speaker 5 (54:42):
We get an update. I told my husband everything that
I looked through his phone and laptop and that I
confronted my ex best friend, showed him both read a
posts and told him even the few comments that speculated
he was having an affair and made me paranoid, and
I acted on it. By the way you can act.
I'm going to your favorite freaking podcast platform right after
the story searching up Okay, story time Boom. You will

(55:03):
see more crazy stories just like this, Angelina, we got
more left? Oh yeah, anything.

Speaker 3 (55:08):
Else, Let's just roll right into it. I'm I'm based
on the title. I'm really scared to see how he
reacts to this.

Speaker 5 (55:15):
I apologize to him for doubting him and thanked him
for always being an amazing husband and always turning on
her advances and for spoiling me and especially when I
was down. Also this whole time, and it's just like her, her, her.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
Yeah, she did have a moment where she asked how
he felt, and he was like, it's just a kiss.

Speaker 4 (55:32):
It's fine. I don't feel like harmed by it. So
that is good.

Speaker 5 (55:35):
Oh momento, Yeah, not a lot. He said that he
understands and that he should have told me earlier about
her trying her luck. I'm also starting therapy next week
to try and figure out my paranora and trust issues,
process the ending of a friendship, and in general trying
to get into a better mental space so I can
be better as an individual wife and mother. Atted two

(55:55):
that post pretending to be my husband is not my
husband and we got all the facts.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
Ye okay, So I was scared that the husband was
going to be mad at her. For like snooping or something.

Speaker 5 (56:05):
Yeah, me too.

Speaker 4 (56:06):
Sounds like we're okay.

Speaker 5 (56:07):
Those we're all good man, all good in the hood.
Sounds like he understams, Yep, solid guy. I don't want
this guy to be my husband. Yeah, this happened to me.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
I'd be like, oh, bye, bear, help me, what do
I do?

Speaker 5 (56:24):
All right? Everyone was twenty eight and twenty seven, twenty
eight male, twenty eight female, twenty seven female and twenty
seven male.

Speaker 4 (56:31):
That is the end of that story, but we've gotten
another one.

Speaker 2 (56:35):
Hey, it's John here og, host of the show. We're
gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a
quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (56:40):
My terminally ill ex wife cheated on me, and now
she wants me to play husband.

Speaker 4 (56:46):
This is uncomfortable.

Speaker 5 (56:48):
Backstory. I met my ex when we were both ten.
He was is my twin sister's best friend. We've always
been kind of a trio growing up. We started dating
at fourteen and got married twenty three. Thanks got ugly though,
cause five years after getting married, she told me she
had a month long affair with her coworker. Apparently the
guilt was just too much for her, so she confessed
by the way. This comes from Throwaway Next t y

(57:11):
z and if you want to spite your own stories,
go to our slash Okay storytime subr So we tried
to work through it, but after a few months of trying,
I knew that to despite the fact that I loved her,
I couldn't trust her anymore. She told me she still
loved me and that she'd wait for me prove that
I was the only one I wanted to believe her.
You know, some things just can't be fixed. We never
had kids. Three years after the divorce, I met my

(57:32):
now wife, thirty eight female, and we got married two
years after dating. She's everything I could have ever dreamed
of in a wife and more my ex as my
sister told me they're still besties. Never really recovered you
quit her job it is now working in a church.
Throughout my relationship with my wife, kept trying to get
back together, and on the day at my wedding, she

(57:52):
told me she still loved me and would love no
one else. She said that this was the last time
she would ever bother me, that she'll wait for me,
however long it took. Apparently she's honest in that regard,
at least because my sister says she's never been with
anyone since. So here's what happened recently. My wife and
I married for seven years now have two kids, seven
female free male. My sister came over with her own

(58:14):
kids so the cousins could play. While my wife was
out to pick up lunch. My sister sat me down
and told me the situation about my AX. Apparently she
has less than six months to live. She refused treatment
and wants to live the last few months to the fullest.
I guess that's why her and my sister really went
out of their way to travel despite the pandemic. One
thing on her bucket list, though, was that she wanted

(58:36):
to feel like my wife again. No spicy sleep, no kissing.
She just wanted me to be around the house. She
still lives in the house that we lived in, and
again maybe I hold her from time to time. I
told her I wouldn't do that because that was pretty
much emotionally treating. My sister kept arguing and begging me
to at least see her and hear her out. We
kept arguing, no screaming. His were in the next room

(58:56):
with their older daughter that my wife came back, my
sister told her the whole story, and while she looked upset,
that she understood where my ex was coming from. Where
my sister left, my wife and I talked about it.
My wife knows everything that happened in the past with
my ex. She says that while she isn't thrilled about
the idea, she won't get upset if I decided to
see her on a regular basis. My wife is literally
the best thing that ever happened to me, and I

(59:18):
love her more than anyone. She makes me happier than
I've ever been in my life, even in the good
times with my ex. She knows I won't cheat. I
also have zero romantic interest with my ex, so there's
nothing lingering there. I don't hate her or anything. It's
just that the love I had for her long last
since passed away. After thinking about it for a while,
I'm honestly fifty to fifty about it. I know I
don't owe her anything, but I feel like I might

(59:40):
regret not seeing her at least one more time, since
the last time I saw her was on my wedding day,
and that wasn't a good encounter for either of us.
Unless you count the times I occasionally see her in
the store or something. I honestly feel like despite what
she did, she just still deserves to go with some peace.
On the other hand, I'm not entirely sure if this
might potentially affect her marriage. My wife says she's okay

(01:00:00):
with it, and I believe her, but I just can't
be sure that she feels the same way after it happens.
I don't want to jeopardize anything that I have right now,
no matter what, I'm not thrilled about going myself. To
be honest, any advised what I should do.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
I think you just really need to figure out how
to say no, because I think I really do think
that that's like where my brain is having trouble with this.

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
It's like, well, how.

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
Do you not, like, if she's this is literally her
like last wish, then how how do you just say no?

Speaker 4 (01:00:29):
I've already got someone like yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:32):
But I mean, I guess you can't hold yourself responsible
for her like emotions like that, like you were saying yeah,
even if she like if you say that and reject
that idea and then she starts crying or something like
that and has a hard time It's.

Speaker 4 (01:00:45):
Like, well, what do you want me like? I have
my own life. I can't.

Speaker 3 (01:00:48):
I can't keep coming back to you because I guess
that is important. The fact that she like went to
him on his wedding day with his new wife to
try to break them up is like, Okay, now you're
gonna be doing this till your last breath, trying to
break up our relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:01:03):
It's not cool.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
Well, even if she said she wouldn't do it again,
I feel like she still did it.

Speaker 4 (01:01:08):
Yeah, and here she is again.

Speaker 5 (01:01:11):
You're right, You're right, you know. EDIT just want to
add that if I ever do this, I won't be
acting like a husband or anything inappropriate like that. Just
gonna see her and talk for a bit. My sister
says that me just being there and sharing a meal
with her would be more than enough for her to
feel like we were married again. Here's what happened, many
of you guys suggested. I talked to my wife. We
had a long to say about the whole situation, and

(01:01:31):
I assured her that no matter what, she is always
be my first priority. I also assured her that I
wanted to say my goodbye and I would never act
like her husband. It would be more like being a
childhood friends or something like that. I also told her
I would never spend the night nor be alone with her.
She was more than comfortable after our talk and was
pretty okay with the idea of me seeing my ex again.

(01:01:52):
As you guys guess, she really felt like she was
forced to be okay with it when my sister asked,
But this time he really was okay. So I talked
to my sister and after a long, long, heated discussion
about what my role would be in the visit, you
agreed to the boundaries my wife and I set. A
week later, my sister came over to our old marital home.
It was surreal because while the emotions from years before

(01:02:14):
came back to me, I didn't feel any sadness, nor hatred,
nor negative nor negativity. I saw my ex, who was
waiting for us in the living room, and cried when
I walked in. Most of your suggested she was faking it.
While she was still strong, you could tell almost immediately
something was wrong with her. I indulged her with the
hug and we talked for a few hours. While my
sister made lunch. I showed her pictures of my kids

(01:02:35):
and told her stories about what they were like. Honestly,
I didn't know how I would react after I saw
her again, But this just feels like seeing an old
friend you haven't seen in a long time. There was
no hate or anything like that. I walked around the
house and it was pretty much the same way I
left it over a decade ago. I'm not really sure
how I feel about our wedding photos still framed and
our pictures of us still all over the house, but

(01:02:55):
it wasn't really my place to say anything. Three of
us had lunch, played a board games all after and
honestly felt like we were back to when we were kids.
Just the three of us would hang out together.

Speaker 4 (01:03:05):
It was nice.

Speaker 5 (01:03:05):
That does sound nice?

Speaker 4 (01:03:07):
Nice?

Speaker 5 (01:03:07):
Then we're like childhood friends.

Speaker 4 (01:03:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:09):
I left around six. She was sad, but she understood.
When I hoged her goodbye, he whispered, I love you
to me, said how she's happy. I was able to
find the happiness she couldn't give me. That part got
to me, to be honest, and I was finding back tears.
I told her i'd see her again soon. He asked
if I could bring my kids next time. I told
her I would and left to pick up dinner for
my family, taught my wife everything that happened, and she

(01:03:30):
was quite happy about the outcome. I guess the help
that I brought home her favorite food, but she also
agreed to let me bring the kids next time. And
what dinner you can bring for us is just go
to your favorite podcast, ordering one of our only stories
that we have on your favorite podcast platform, and eating
that and eat it with us. Overall, it was a
great experience seeing her again. Feel like I needed that
and would have regretted not doing it again. I'd also

(01:03:53):
like to think everyone who gave me advice also, please
don't roast my ex too much. You made a mistake
and paid the price, but it doesn't mean that she's
an evil person. This will be my last update. Thank
you all very much. Read it, and that is the
end of that story.

Speaker 4 (01:04:04):
Yeah, definitely not like a price that she would deserve
all that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
Yeah, no, no, definitely not.

Speaker 4 (01:04:10):
But you know she's dealing with enough, dealing with enough.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
Reddit.

Speaker 5 (01:04:14):
I'm just saying she's anything on my ex. I hope
to God you would say no.

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
I guess we'll see.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
We'll see, because you know, this was a nice situation
in it I think part of it is for OP too.
You know, I don't think that they're doing this just
for the ex wife. I think it's like a final
goodbye yeah for OP, and because this was still like,
even though you know, she cheated on him and got
crazy and stuff, they were still childhood best friends and

(01:04:41):
with a sister too, So maybe it can be some
sort of like satisfying closure to that portion of their life.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Agreed,

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