I thought my wife was hiding something…so I checked her phone! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2018 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John, this is the Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Good story is coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
But before that, we have a little morsel of a
two minute outbreak from the sponsors keeping the show delicious.
I thought my wife was hiding something, so I checked
her phone.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
What'd you find?

Speaker 2 (00:23):
For context? My partner and I have been together for
thirteen years and the last four have been rough. She
is back in school for a docurate and just before
the pandemic started, we had a huge situation that left
to her son leaving the household. Soon after, she told
me I am emotionally unavailable and that I am not

(00:45):
the partner she would choose today, and that I am
not the partner she would choose today.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
What what the heck?

Speaker 2 (00:53):
We got into couples therapy, individual therapy, and I have
been trying everything to keep us together since, but nothing
has really helped. By the way, this comes from Throwaway
thirty four thirty four to fifty six on the r
slash Okay Storytime sawbred it. So this past month we
went on vacation for school to a convention. She contacted

(01:14):
me minimally during the six days, really only talked to
her daughters first night she was gone. She sent videos
of her at the beach to the girls iPad, and
when I talked to her that night, I mentioned I
wouldn't mind receiving little thinking of news. She nearly got
defensive and told me she hasn't been on her phone much.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
Oh come on, oh come on, we already know what's
going to happen. Uh.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
I only have enough time to send something to my daughters,
not you. You should read my mind and know how
I feel about you.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
What did OP do to deserve this?

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Her days consisted of school functions and dinners. Then they
were free to do whatever they wanted. The groups of
them went out to bars for three to five hours
almost every night. I'd send good night text and not
receive anything back until the following morning, which was just
a hungover face pick.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
That's kind of funny. Actually, she's like, how you doing,
honey in the morning.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Everything else I receive was basic. I'd post to social
media for anyone to see type stuff. Then after they
went to bars, nothing else. Because our relationship has been rocky,
I'm insecure. I'll be the first to admit that, and
I'm working on it. In therapy, but I couldn't shake
a heavier feeling something was off. So I checked her

(02:39):
messages on her computer and there were texts between a
male classmate and her where he asked why she wasn't
at a certain function and she replied with a leg
and feet pool pick, explaining they skipped that function. Innocent enough,

(02:59):
but it made me feel like I was less important,
and it showed that she was capable of responding instantly
to people she wanted to. Oh, yeah, dude, if anyone
has a phone, no matter who they are, they can
respond to you.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Everyone has their phone on that they can respond. They
can respond to You's no excuse me, within like a
certain timeframe. But if she's not responding to you at
the end of the night or because she's busy, yeah,
that's so dude. This is so funny. She'll she sent
this one guy like she's at the pool, like in
like foot in the pool everything. But she responds to
Opie with I'm hungover like a monster picks. That's we

(03:36):
know what's going on here.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Last night she was there, she called for bedtime and
told me they decided not to go to the bars
and to go to the pool. After dinner, but an
hour later I text her asking if she was still
at the pool and I'd like to talk to her
because I missed her and only had my eight and
six year olds for company for a week. No response,

(03:59):
and when I checked her location, her GPS was off
for the first time the entire trip. It showed she
was at the pool, but upon refresh, phone cannot be found.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Yikes.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
So I got on her computer again and her messaging
app was unsyncd from the app. I texted her a
fairly insecure text and she responded with a very encouraging
and a very sweet text, saying that did ease my mind.
But then nothing including GPS until the next day at
the airport.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, she texted you what you wanted to hear because
she knows. She's like, oh no, he's catching on, honey.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
I don't want anyone else but you.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, like she's probably having a good, fun girls trip
and I'm at the pool. Oh oh, my my locations off.
GPS is off. Technical error. You know, you know technology.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know my phone died, my phone the reserves was off.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
Don't worry. I love you and kisses. Know how I
never text this year before, but I'll say it now
when you, you know, caught me when.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
You got home. I brought up my feelings and now
I feel not important to her. She got defensive and angry,
and her excuse or she wanted to be a she
wanted it to be a true vacation, or she didn't
have to worry about keeping tabs at home.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
Oh my gosh, oh Pi, you deserve it.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Oh my god. Much better the true vacation without you,
without having to hear about you. Then she was showing
me the one hundred picks she had taken, and while
in there I saw the leg and feet pool pick.
I asked who she sent that to, and she lied
and said her girlfriends, even relaying the exact conversation I
had read to the male classmate. So she just like said, oh,

(05:44):
me and my girlfriends, we were saying this about each other.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
OPI again, you know what's going on.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Maybe maybe his name was Riley, maybe his name was Sam,
maybe his name was a unisex name and it was
actually a girl.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Any more details. But I don't like how Opie's being
treated because he's he's trying to put in the work
for his relationship and his marriage and the kids and
his wife is just like giving not even the bare minimum.
It seems like she doesn't want to even do anything.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
I knew she was lying, but I have checked her
phone in the past and she went by lesstick, so
I don't feel like incriminating myself at that point and
tried to brush my insecurities away. After a week of
that information eating at me, I decided I had to
confront her, and she was immediately defensive and angry again.
Admitted she sent them to the male classmate, but that

(06:39):
it was innocent, which I agreed to. The content itself was,
but it was also but it also showed she had
more interest in chatting with her male classmates than with
her own partner.

Speaker 1 (06:51):
Get caught, You got caught.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Then, when I asked to see the conversation, she said
she deleted it because I was making such a fuss
about it.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 (07:00):
Told me she's changing her passwords, blame me for not
trusting her, and then stated, you will always find something
you don't like if you snoop your partner's phone. Oh
my dude, you're supposed to like ease his mind. Dear dude,
he's insecure. You're not you're not helping him out.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
This is this is bad. This is the way she's
treating oph Oh, I lied to you because you're insecure,
But like, that's a you problem.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
What the heck I would give my partner my phone.
I know people are like worried about that, but I'll
be like, whatever you gotta do to make yourself feel better.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah, you're giving me. You're giving me the ick when
you're kind of insecure. We already have a family and
we've been married for a while, but you're giving me
the ick.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
When I mentioned that line to my therapist, she immediately
called it out as gaslighting.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
We know a thing about that.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
We finished that conversation with her telling me if she
was going to cheat, she has plenty of opportunities to
do so.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Bro, I'm out. I'm out. I would have walked out
of that couple's therapy. I'm like, I'm out.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
And told me I am codependent on her and that
I need to love myself before we can work on
our relationship. She's just pushing this on.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
She's my gosh, you're the problem.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
She has four months left on her program and we
have couples therapy scheduled for end of January next year,
and in a month she's going to an off site
hospital for another state for ten weeks, where I will
be taking care of the kids. We haven't really talked
much since that last conversation. I feel I am incredibly
undervalued and I have the receptive of any of her

(08:35):
negative behavior, and I pulled away since she told me
I smother her. During this time, she is getting noticeably
more grumpy with me, almost like a child who broke
their plaything. And now she is at another thing for
school across the country, and I've received a leg and
footpick from her hotel room the other night. Okay, oh gosh,

(08:58):
she's just like rubbing in his face now, Oh yeah,
you know this which I don't know how to interpret,
but it feels patronizing. But we'll never patronize you. If
you join us every weekday at three pm PST, just
tap our profile.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Tap We're out.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
I'm out, We're done.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
You're making this so just like you put it all
on him, You're not taking any accountability for any of
your actions.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
You know what. I think this is your life. I
think this is like a midlife crisis.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
Oh, she doesn't feel like her life spicy enough. Yeah,
she's like, oh, it's too we have it's too comfortable.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's too mundane. Were we're in the set life of
we have kids, we have the white picket fence, and
what have I done? I want to go back to school.
I want to do something for myself for my life.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Get a spicy affair going.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
I don't know. I don't want to say like it's
a midlife crisis, but it seems like it's leading that way. Yeah,
she's like she feels too coddled in a relationship, which
I get, and you can feel too coddled, but communicate
that in a healthy way and not pay, not patriotize
or attack your partner.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yeah, she definitely is not happy in some sense, but
it's not admitting it.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
No, like if you're if you are, Like she did
say that, and she's like, you know what, we'll give
a couple of therapy ago. The fact that she wants
to do that, but the fact that she's attacking you
any time you try and like say your feelings or
what you want or at least letting it well be known.
And she's like, no, come on, that's that's gross. That's
on you and that's I don't want to hear about it.

(10:23):
I'm going to go across the country now for a
trip wild dude.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
Yeah, I'll be honest. Since the codependans see conversation, I've
lost a lot of the hopefulness I had in our
relationship ever getting back to a good place, and have
been in the mindset of ending it for the last
four weeks, but just can't pull the trigger for some reason.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
Scared I needed.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
I think he needs more content context, like, yeah, solid evidence, Yeah,
any advice on how this situation looks because we don't
have any mutual friends and I personally dove headfirst into
our relationship and haven't really nurtured any friendships or hobbies,
so it would be nice to hear from the people
who aren't biased towards me. As stated above, there was

(11:08):
a lot more context than my post history. You are
free to read. I have had my massive f up
in our relationship too, so we are clear. I'm no
saying but for the last eight years I had voted
myself to her and the family to be met with
comments of not doing anything at every turn, and it
is emotionally exhausting. I think he cheated on I think.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
Now, with that context, I thought we both jumped to
the conclusion that he was cheating. Oh but I don't
think so.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
No, I don't think so. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
I think she just like I said, it's kind of
like a mid life crisis kind of thing where she's like,
you don't the codependency thing too, and he also stated,
I don't have friends. I've invested in dove headfirst into
this relationship. She's probably just like, dude, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
There probably is a lot of codependency here because I
used to be. I used to be in a relationship
where I was very codependent on my partner and I
didn't I didn't play basketball for a year. I didn't
see my family for a year. I lost to what
I was for a year. Dude, whoa, Yeah, dude, I
was not in a good place.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
That's okay. Look at you now, you're in a better place.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
I am. You're with me. Sometimes I get scared, am
I then? No, I'm in a great place. Is awesome.
I love this guy. It gives me a smile. Sometimes
I get afraid that I would go back to that
place that used to be in.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
As long as you're cognizant, like where you were that
when you know, back in the day, and you also learned.
You learn because I've been. I've been. I was very
codependent and very like insecure. Yeah, so, and I've I've grown.
I've definitely grown. If I saw myself ten years ago,
and what the how I did? Dude, it used to

(12:51):
be four feet Yeah, I'm four or five. It's it's
you change, you mature. But this is a relationship that
you've had for so long.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
Yeah, you gotta throw in the towel. If they're making
comments like this, Yeah, and dude, hit your head out
of your butt.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Bro, it seems like she's done. Oh yeah, she's like,
I've done the kids. I'm happy with the kids. Let's
move on, dude, Let's just live our lives.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Run.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
But that's the end of that story. Guys.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
I'm debating inviting my coworker to my wedding because she's
so toxic.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
Why are you so toxic? Hi? Yah?

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Everybody? Firstly, big Mark Naration fans and I love hearing
the community advise on the videos, so I thought, why
not ask the community for advice. It's my first post ever,
so please bear with me. This is more stressful than
my college essay. Lol. Keeping it vague because I don't
know if people will end up reading this. By the way,

(13:49):
this comes from Silly But twenty twenty four on the
R sush Okay Storytime sub reread it. So, I, twenty
nine female, am getting married next year to my wonderful fiance.
The guest list size is decent, and I do have
the means to invite as many people as I would
like to. For context, I moved around a lot as

(14:10):
a kid, so I really don't have childhood friends. My
circle is small but tight, full of friends.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
What nothing, You've got? Tight nothing?

Speaker 2 (14:20):
My circle is small but tight, full of friends who
I have met through work or being roommates some contexts.
When I started my current job about five years ago,
I met one girl we'll call Lola Lola. Lola introduced
me to Kelly. Lola and Kelly have been friends for
over a decade, as they have known each other since

(14:42):
high school. Over time, I became close with Kelly. At first,
I was simultaneously trying to stay close to Lola too,
but she was occupied with life obligations, so Kelly and
I would often waive the hangout on account of Lola,
but sometimes keep the plans and hang out as if

(15:03):
it was a time sensitive ticket to an event or
seasonal thing. But what really brought us close was Kelly's
first birthday since I met her. She had invited both
of us a month prior, but Lola was not able
to make it or did she follow through with scheduling
a time that worked in her schedule. So I went
out for a birthday meal with Kelly and we spent

(15:25):
hours chatting away got chat what do you chet about?
As time went on, I realized Lola pass a lot
of judgment very quickly on people, or will say abrupt,
rude things, and I just this is myself from her
a bit. She never directed anything at me. But a
year into knowing both girls, I noticed Lola severely mistreating Kelly.

(15:47):
Come to find out Lola has been this way since
they were kids. You're into knowing them. Lola started giving
Kelly the silence treatment. A year after getting to know them,
Lola started giving Kelly the silent treatment over Kelly setting
a boundary with her. The boundary was to protect Kelly's
health and Lola's actions were putting her at risk medically,

(16:10):
So Kelly was respectfully cautious. That piss Lola off. What
was this thing?

Speaker 1 (16:17):
I don't know. I mean, if you have boundaries, set
up the boundaries. But it's like we can't hang out
as much.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
I refuse to hang out with Keon. If he's not
drinking at least one hundred fifty grams caffeine every day.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
I would be bouncing off the walls.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
He'd be productive. That piss of Lola off. She left
Kelly isolated at work. We were nearing Kelly's birthday, so
I band together with her family and we plan to
celebrate her at her favorite restaurant and go out after.
Lola wasn't invited, as she came around with an insincere
apology a day or two before her birthday. By that time,

(16:51):
reservations were set and people were invited. Made for a
very awkward office happy birthday singing when Lola came upround
to see Kelly.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Uh oh.

Speaker 2 (17:02):
It's been a few years since this instance, and Lola
has definitely kept up with saying things that are rude
or unnecessary.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Oh dude, she's just like keeping in her back pocket.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
She also tends to get irritated if she cannot make
it to plans as a group. She has asked us
to cancel plans or go out of our way in
an inconvenience manner just to accommodate her. We always say
we are happy to make more plans on the exact
day that is around, but she has but she has

(17:32):
wanted us not to go ahead with the plans unless
we did it her way. Sometimes it would be so unreasonable,
like driving an hour out, five times up, five towns
over to get food just because that's where she was.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
She's selfish, very Oh my gosh, no, she's it's like, okay,
you guys have plans. I can't make it, but we
can try to cancel what you have right now and
do that. But I need you to drive over a
state to hang out with me.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
Yeah, come on, it's just an hour.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
It'll be fun.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Come on, when Kelly and I are in the same city,
just trying to grab a quick bite and inviting her
as well, Like, nah, dude, this was supposed to be
two hours tops interaction, not a two hour road trip
in addition to a few hours of conversation. So really
four to five hours and she's not willing to drive that.

(18:27):
I bet no.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
She no, I don't know, of course, not given these.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
Things in the Silent Treatment debacle, Kelly and I are
usually hanging out by ourselves or other friends, rarely with Lola,
unless it happens through going out after work with everybody.
Last year, Lola asked to go out on a Friday
in a group chat with US three and a few
other friends. I asked if we could do another day,
as I was working a few supplemental jobs at the

(18:53):
time and they just so happened to have meetings on
Friday afternoon. Lola said maybe, but she's available on that
day and everyone was already at work, so that day
was the best day for her. I say, fair enough,
you're right. I told the group chat to have a
few extra drinks on my behalf. I will be there

(19:13):
in spirit, but I need to go make this money.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
And I go on my merry way make that money.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
You see how he said, can't make it, have fun,
see you on the next one.

Speaker 1 (19:24):
That's all that's all it takes.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
I don't not hey, I'm not gonna be able to
make it, but you guys need to come over here
and help me work and get money so we can
hang out after.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Her don't hang out, don't No, you're hanging out without me?
Don't hang out, don't have fun? Wait for me postspeone
it wait for me.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yeah, he didn't do that like Lola. I found out
later from a few friends that Lola was criticizing me out,
saying things like what is up?

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Hit? Dang?

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Does she think she's too good for us? How come
she never comes out? For god text? I do go out,
just not as often. This was out of the blue
for me, and I felt irritated, but also amused that
me bowing out on a Friday drink had her so annoyed.
I am a professional above anything else, and I don't

(20:16):
care enough to duke it out over these comments. I
have never confronted Lola about her behavior, so in her
brain we are still close friends, and Kelly and her
are besties. Kelly and I both have non confrontational amptitudes
and get very anxious, so we just cut and run
or avoid usually hold up somewhere with Mihido's shining away

(20:39):
about work, stress, and dating. Now fast forward to now,
wedding planning is in full scin Let's go. Kelly is
of course invited, and she is one of my bridesmaids,
who let's go Kelly?

Speaker 1 (20:52):
What about Lola?

Speaker 2 (20:53):
Though, as I finalize my guest list, I struggle with
inviting Lola.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah. Interactions with have left me with a sour taste,
to say the least, and it seems that her mistreatment
of Kelly is still ongoing.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
I have.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Such a similar story to this. Oh my gosh. Kelly
has assured me that she is okay with whatever I
choose to do. I would have just written it off
as she doesn't make my close friends feel so safe,
so it's enough. But recently, every time I run into
Lola at work, she asks about wedding plans in detail.

(21:30):
In the past, she has mentioned wanting to help as
recent as a few months ago. I'm getting the sense
that she wants to be invited.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
Oh you don't say.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
While I have no problems usually just standing my ground
through my actions, I also know how Lola holds grudges
and we are going to be working together for the
foreseeable future. I am a chronic overthinker, so in my
overbaked brain, I am imagining Lola pissed that I invited

(22:01):
her bestie Kelly but not her, and then giving me
the sound treatment too, which is okay with me, but
we also work with several other colleagues whom she probably
could mouth off to and play the victim as wow
op Pie has known me and Kelly for the same

(22:21):
amount of time I introduced them, and now I get
cut out.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
I well deserved, because you're such a bully. No one
likes you. You I guarantee you. If she was invited
to the wedding, she's like, m don't put on this date.
Put on this state so I can make it, and
then I run the risk of potentially looking like a
ball hold to a few people.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
But you will never be a bull hole if you
come and join us live every weekday at three pm PST.
Just tap her profile. No buttholes here, dude there, there's
just a lose lose you you invite her, she acts
like that. She don't invite her, she acts like mouse.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, Like it's literally like, if you don't invite her,
she's going to act like that. If you do invite her,
she's going to act like that.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
It's that's what I said.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
You just don't get anything.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
That's exactly what I say.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
Yeah, I'm just reinforcing it. Okay, I agree with you.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Oh, good, good good, I'm not disagree with you at all. Dude.
That's a I don't know, dude, I don't know. If
you want to play fire with fire, you you have
to be the mean girl here. You have to be
Lola here. You have to be Lola two point zero.
You have to be Lola in a way that you

(23:31):
know what Lola is about to do, and then you
already do it, and then you have a backup plan
for what she might do. Also, are you ready for
that if you want to be that kind of person.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Or just invite all the colleagues and not Lola.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Oh I thought you got in the mail, dude, Dude,
I literally literally texted it to you. Oh this isn't
your number.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
I I didn't send into the right group chat.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
No, don't you remember when we talked about that. We
literally talked about it for hours.

Speaker 1 (24:00):
I already I already know that Lola is gonna be
very very upset that Kelly is a her h did
you say bride's mad or made aut her bridesmaid? I
already nonetheless either, or that Lola is gonna be so
but hurt about that. Oh yeah, she's not gonna get invited.
She's gonna hold that over your head.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
But it's deserve Yeah. I saw I saw a chart
that was like how to invite people to your wedding,
and you go through like the system of basically, uh,
if they're family, are they close? Are they gonna make
the wedding better? Are they not? Basically I think by
the end of it, if inviting certain people will make

(24:40):
your wedding better, do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
If not, you don't have it's your wedding, it's your day. Yep,
do whatever you want exactly. You don't have to invite
someone that's gonna cause a ruckus or make your day
more stressful or the planning stressful. Oh my god, let alone,
and I guarantee you Lola will make it more stressful.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Oh one hundred dude.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
But let's let's see what happens.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
So, my friends, should I just say whatever and invite
her or stick and not extend that invitation? What have
you done when you have invited some colleagues to your
wedding but not others? Have you ever not invited someone
in the friends group to your wedding while you have
invited others? Thank you all for your advice in advance.

(25:26):
Do it feels right? Stick to your I'm all about
the Second Amendment.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
What I'm worried about is that it's such a tight
knit group of friends Colickie that or I at least
work colleagues, that even if you invite all the colleagues
and Lola doesn't get invited, they'd be like, Lola's like,
I'm a plus one. Yeah, I could be a plus one.
Yeah that makes even more awkward. Yeah, I say, hmmm,

(25:54):
because it's going to be in the workplace. Lola doesn't
stick to your guest to you if you don't want
to invite Lola, but just know they're gonna be repercussions
in the workplace.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Oh yeah, you gotta.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
As me as like a people pleaser. I'd be like,
all right, I don't want to deal with this problem
at work. I would invite Lola, But like, you're not
involved in any of the wedding plans. You're not involved
in any of this stuff. You just be at the
wedding and that's that. That's it.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
Sam.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Here, we're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
But here's three of it's bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
My friend accused me of being a bully, so I
exposed they're bullying online.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
It's not me, it's you.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
I nineteen female, recently had a traumatic falling out with
a friend. We'll call them Kay. I don't like the
letter names, so let's say Kim Cool Kim Kim. Kim
and I were friends for almost a year, and we
were the kind of friends that told each other everything,
even things we weren't proud of. One of those things
was that I broke up with my first boyfriend over

(26:49):
text message.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
I feel like we're Kim now because she's telling this everything.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, we're We had only been dating a few months
and neither of us knew what we were doing. The
whole relationship was basically just a title. We didn't do
much with other than that. During our relationship, I realized
I was lesbian ah, and I felt horrible that I
was losing feelings for him.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Ooh.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
By the way, this comes from user Different Intention twelve
on the r slash Okay storytime subbreed it. So I
was an emotional wreck, so a phone call was out
of the question. We didn't have any classes together in
school and I couldn't drive to this house, so the
only option I had was to break up over text.
I feel like I.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
See that in that moment, that felt like the best thing.
You probably could have waited til you calm down and
maybe called him phone call. Yeah, but I mean everyone
gets broken up with over text, and sometimes people break
up with you. You're the one that breaks up over
text too.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
Yeah, but yeah, do what you want done to you.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
I felt absolutely horrible, and the next time I saw him,
I apologized profusely. He was cool with it since I
had explained in the message why I did it. He
and I still good friends, and I try to keep
the fact that I ended it over text a secret
unless I truly trust a person. I feel like it's
not that big.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
That's not bad.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
That bad.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
If you ended over text and go someone, that's bad.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
If you ended over text and go someone, or if
you like cheated on them. Yeah, And then like was
like telling everyone you cheated it on them, but the
partner and you keptah, there's.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
A yeah, I would not feel guilty about this whatsoever. Yeah,
because you probably wrote out everything you were feeling. Yeah,
especially whenever I hear I broke up with someone over text,
it was like, I'm breaking up with you.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
That's it, that's it block. But the fact that even
you wrote it out and then talked later and he said,
it's cool, it happens. That's happened, and I didn't see.
He probably was like, if it was just for a title,
that's phenomenal. So great. Anyways, he is a new girlfriend
now and she and I are best friends. He treats

(28:49):
her so well and I can't help but smile seeing
how much they love each other. That's great. End of story,
happy ending, amazing. Kim recently started dating a school friend
of mine who we will call r Let's call it Rex.
Rex is two years younger than me, and he and
I met through a mutual friend from middle school. He
and I were really close, constantly calling after school to

(29:11):
play games in sitting with each other at lunch. Some
important information to remember is that he and I have
a very specific greeting with each other. Every morning when
we see each other at school, we run at each
other and try to give the other person the biggest
hug we can muster. So that's Cute's intensive greeting. Well,
it's always been a competition between us to see who
can give the better hugs each day. Ah sadly now

(29:35):
that I have graduated and started college, he and I
don't see each other anymore, and our calls become less
frequent as my part time job happens right after their
school day. Some last minute info before we start the drama.
Kim Rex and I contact each other through Discord. I
have the same Discord account on two devices, my phone
and my tablet. I don't turn my tablet on silent.

(29:58):
That's important. Now onto the drama. What you're here for?

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Ooh?

Speaker 1 (30:04):
A few weeks ago, I was helping my mom find
some paperwork so she could do her taxes. I turned
my phone on silent and closed the Discord tab on
my phone. I happened to keep it open on my
device while in other apps, so it constantly looks like
I'm online. A few minutes into helping my mom, I
heard a noise coming from my room and to shrug
it off as my Alexa probably saying I had a notification.

(30:27):
I ignored it and kept searching. After we finally found
all the paperwork, I looked at my phone, which had
been faced down on the table. I was welcomed with
a couple of Discord messages and a miscall, which was
the noise I heard from my room. It was coming
through my tablet. I opened the messages to see that
Kim and Rex had made a group message for the
three of us and had tried calling me. As I

(30:49):
was reading through the messages, I was very confused as
Rex was saying horrible things about me, accusing me of
bullying Kim.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
Ooh.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
I was extremely confused because Kim and I I had
been on a call playing a video game just that
morning and Kim said nothing about this. I have told
Kim multiple times to be open with me if I
said something that bothers them, because I have an impulsive
disorder that makes me unable to realize that some things
I can say make people uncomfortable. Yeah, Riley, all my

(31:19):
friends know this, and Kim has been pretty good about it,
and every time it happens, I apologize profusely. So I
was unsure what Rex was talking about. I continued reading.
As Rex continued to send me messages. He accuves me
a bullying, mental abuse, threatening, and a bunch of other
things that are not appropriate for this sub reddit.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
Ooh.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Rex seemed livid. Huh, and I knew I wasn't going
to get any anywhere with him. So I opened my
private chat with Kim and asked him what was happening.
They said, and I quote, you know what you did,
and this is the price you are going to pay.
Huh huh, weird, funky. Here's where I got suspicious. When

(32:00):
I asked him for proof of any of the things
I was being accused of, they blocked me without responding. I,
still confused and now visibly distraught, went back to the
group chat and set a message asking Rex what this
was about, because I know for a fact I didn't
do any of the things I was accused of. He
proceeded to gaslight me and ended his multi paragraph rant

(32:20):
with I hope you rot in h e double hockey sticks?
What I really hope? I really hope, he said.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Hockey sex is insane.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
And I have better things to spend my time on
than your sorry excuse of an existence. Whoa this guy? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Like I'm getting manipulated to what is going on here?
Oh dude? Is that Kim, Kim and them wear coats?

Speaker 1 (32:45):
But when and how and why? And why? Now?

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Who knows? Public? Because of the hugs, Kim wants some
of that love.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
Rec Kim gave a better hug to Rex.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Now he's like mad that op never could wow.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
At this point, I was in tears, and my mother
came over to make sure I was okay. I gave
her my phone and left to calm down in the bathroom.
When I returned about twenty minutes later, she handed my
phone back and said that she had sent a message
to them and to let her know if either of
them said anything else. Rex still hasn't spoken to me,
But about a week ago I got an unexpected message

(33:21):
from Kim. They asked if I could take down it.
They asked if I could take down a video on
my TikTok account with their face in it, saying it
made them uncomfortable. I said yes, it wasn't a big deal.
Then Kim started talking about what Rex had said. They
continued to add to the list of accusations, calling me
a boyfriend stealer. Do we not recall? Do we not recall?

(33:48):
Do we not recall?

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Do we note doesn't want a boyfriend?

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Do we not recall?

Speaker 2 (33:52):
At the friend does like Covin boyfriends.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
OPI, Opie is a lesbian, and some other things not
appropriate for this upread it. Then she said something that
really upset me. No wonder you are such a horrible friend.
I would expect nothing less from someone who broke up
with their boyfriend over text. Oh come on, that's personal.
That's deep in personal.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
It is pretty deep and personal.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
I started crying and made my way to the bathroom
to calm down. I messaged back that I was a
lesbian trying to defend myself, and she responded with, yeah,
tell that to blank ex boyfriend's name. I started to
get angry and said that she had absolutely no right
to shame me for my past decisions, especially since my
ex and I are on good terms and he was

(34:37):
okay with it. She's She then sent one word that
nearly broke me. Oops. Oops.

Speaker 2 (34:47):
Oh I see I see Oops. Oh boy tell me oops?
Like all right, actually stayed that back and I'll see
now She's like, oopsy, oopsy, you're oh, I didn't mean to.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
I was living at this point. I messaged back, Oops,
that's all you have to say is oops. She followed
by saying, lol, So this is so funny. She's just
trolling get out, basically making fun of something I considered
a trauma because of how upset it made me and
how it's made me scared of loving anyone and risking

(35:25):
doing it to someone else. Kim finished off the messages,
calling me some not family friendly names and saying this
no wonder you are losing all your friends. You are
pathetic human being.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Oh my gosh, this is where again?

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Where is this coming from? Kim then said I was
dead to them and blocked me once more. What but
you know what, we will never block you live every
weekday three pmpst. Just join us, just talk to profile.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
Stab it, dude, what is Kim getting into doing this?

Speaker 1 (36:00):
I don't There was no context in this story where
Kim and Rex are like calling you out other than
like you're a boyfriend stealer.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
I think Kim likes Rex and so that's why she's
getting Rex all riled up. But because she didn't know,
it sounded like Kim didn't know she was lesbian, so
Rex probably didn't know. Maybe I would assume that they knew.
I would assume that they're friends they tell each other this.
But with what I'm giving and what assumptions I'm going
to make, that's what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
I'm I guess that's the only reasonable one. Like, yeah,
this was like a tripod Like, Okay, the three of
them that are very close. I can see Kim and
Rex getting together. But then why would they just be like,
let's eliminate Ope, yeah, it's weird. I don't know. Let's
get let's continue. Here's where I might be the jerk.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
Wow, Kim, we're going to keep going.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
I was so angry that I decided to not remove
any videos with them in it, and it said. I
spent hours taking screenshots of the harassment, making sure to
blur out their user names, and posted them to every
single social media site I used, including my YouTube channel
with twelve point seven thousand subscribers. Ooh, that's a lot.

(37:13):
Good for you, Opie. I was too angry to even
realize what I was doing, and now that I'm in
a better statement mentally, it's been eating me up inside.
I feel kind of guilty for being that petty. I
feel like I did that just out of anger and
that it was immature of me. But another part of
me thinks that my decision is justified for the harassment

(37:35):
that I had to deal with. Yeah, on top of that,
more than half of our mutual friends are refusing to
speak to me. What did they say? I want to know.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
I already need to know. I needed to see the
full story here.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
Yeah, I want to know what they said. Yeah, everyone
I have brought this up to are biased or refusing
to comment on the situation to stay out of it,
which I respect, So I ask people have read it?
Am I the Apple refusing to take down the video
and instead exposes them on the internet. I feel like
this is just wait, i' let's see there's.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
I'm all for get ready with me exposing people?

Speaker 1 (38:11):
So No, I just I wish there was an explanation.
Did you get an explanation out of this?

Speaker 2 (38:19):
No, Kim was jealous and wanted her X. I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
I don't know if we're getting both sides of the
store here. I don't either, And that's why I'm just like,
what should you do? I feel like you should talk
to them and get the full on like, but you can't.
They blocked Yeah, they blocked you.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
But like she can't do anything, dude, was she gonna do?
Post this video and hopefully it gets millions of views
and she gets a lot from ansence, that's.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
What I hope, and makes that makes the drama into
her Breadwinner. Yep, I don't know. I feel like I'm
missing a lot of context here before I give any input,
Like they blocked you for no absolute reason. If this
is if this is the bear Bones case, then yeah,
post a video, post a video. You have every right too.

(39:05):
They asked you to do something that you know, You're like, okay,
I'll do it. But then they're like treating you like
garbage and not really talking to you and communicating with you.
And why you're getting treated like this and they're en
roping in all your friends insane dude, Yeah, post a video,
post a video. But me, I need more context of

(39:26):
what the hell is actually going on. Yea, what double
hockey sticks is going on? Because I feel like we're
missing a chunk of what's going on here.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
We don't know their side.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
We don't know their side, and there is a reason
why they did it. We just don't know.

Speaker 2 (39:40):
I don't think we ever will.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
We got blindsided.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
But that's our story.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
My best friend never put any effort into our friendship,
so I tested her.

Speaker 4 (39:48):
Orange Pool names have been changed.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
I twenty seven female, was best friends with Victoria twenty
five female for almost five years. Victoria and I met
while working part time at a local foe shop in
our city, and over time we became close friends. Although
she was two to three years younger than me, we
had a lot in common and we quickly became inseparable.

Speaker 2 (40:09):
Look it's a smoothie duo, the Smoothie Girls. It's banana
and strawberry.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
By the way, this comes from Puzzle Queen eight one
one on the Okay Storytime suppered it. I also quickly
became a part of her family, as her parents and
siblings really liked me, and as we had built up
a strong level of trust and respect. I was that
one friend who her parents would also trust and always
say yes to her doing things if I was going
with her. Basically, and their eyes, I became an honorary

(40:36):
big sister, toruer and child to them, which made me
really happy. Due to our small age difference, there were
two years where we weren't able to hang out as often.
As I was in college finishing up my degree, I
traveled home very often as my university was only two
hours away from my hometown and as I didn't have
many friends. One thing to know about me is I

(40:56):
am one of those people who has a very small
friend group because I'm very introverted.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Got it.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Because of this, I am extremely loyal to those people
I consider friends and will do almost anything I can
to keep those friendships strong and alive. After I graduated
from college, I returned to my hometown for two months
before moving with my father to another state where he
would retire. This was only supposed to be a temporary thing,

(41:21):
and my plan was to move back to my hometown
once my father was all set up and after I
landed a full time position. A few months had passed,
I made numerous trips back home to spend time with
Victoria and my two other friends, to celebrate her birthday
and keep plans we had previously made I.

Speaker 4 (41:37):
See you also.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
At this time, I was in the final stages of
a few interviews to land a full time job. However,
all of this came to a complete halt when COVID started.
Two weeks became two months, which eventually became almost two years,
and as you might assume, my plans to move back
home never worked out. In order to not waste time

(41:59):
during COD, I went back to school for my master's
degree and eventually found a part time, in reality a
full time job to help pay for my education. During
this entire time, I never lost hope for my dream
of moving back to my hometown. It was around this
time that I started to notice a difference in Victorian.

Speaker 4 (42:17):
I friendship m very peculia. I continued to make.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
Trips back home for special occasions so we could hang
out and try to keep connected through text when I couldn't.
Victoria had always mentioned she would make a trip to
come see me and we could make plans to do
a girls trip, but those plans never left our text chats. Ah,
they never got out of the group chat. This continued
for about one and a half to two years, and
eventually I found a full time job, my first career job,

(42:44):
and my dreams of moving back home were effectively canceled.
Eventually I met my now fiance, thirty one mail Whoa.
We moved in together. Due to his job, we had
to move again to another state that put more distance
between Victoria and I. My fiance no, it was about
my friendship with Victoria and how hard I tried to
keep it going. He also knew how the strong sense

(43:06):
of one sidedness saddened me and often caused me to
question if I was good enough friend.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
To her or for her. Dang.

Speaker 3 (43:14):
He eventually convinced me to do a friendship test with
her to see if she'd ever start a conversation or
reach out without me having to do so first.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Red flat.

Speaker 3 (43:23):
As you can expect, Victoria never reached out and has
been almost a year since we last spoke to each other.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
Damn.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
Three weeks ago, my fiance.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
Proposed congrats crats.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
I was ecstatic and shared the news on my social media.
Victoria and I still follow each other, and she reached
out to congratulate us.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I see you.

Speaker 3 (43:41):
We had a small conversation and she eventually asked when
the wedding was going to be because she was excited
to attend.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
And be a maid of honor. Girl would be a bridesmaid.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
That's sound weird. That'd be like, Yeah, I can't wait
to attend the wedding that you haven't invited me to yet.
I was a little shocked by this and made the
hard decision of letting her know that she wasn't going
to be invited.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
WHOA.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
She became upset and demanded to know why, and when
I explained about the friendship test and my feelings about
the one sidedness, of our friendship over the past three
to four years. She said that was stupid and called
me an a hole for doing a friendship.

Speaker 4 (44:14):
Test on her.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Okay, so past three to four years has been like this. Yeah,
that's that is tough.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
For many years I thought Victoria would be my maid
of honor at my wedding, and it hurt me deeply.
When our friendship ended. I question if I was in
the wrong for doing a friendship test on her, and
should I have tried harder to keep our friendship alive?

Speaker 4 (44:33):
So am I the a hole?

Speaker 1 (44:35):
And there is an edit?

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Ah the friendship test.

Speaker 4 (44:39):
I mean, I don't think.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
It's great, but also it just doesn't seem like you
guys were that good to friends.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Yeah, I would have solely put it on the friendship test.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
Yeah, I don't think your friendship was over because of
the friendship test. Edit to answer some questions I've seen
below and address some of the comments made. I had
discussed with her previously my concerns about our friendship fading
away and how I wished we could keep what we
originally had. I expressed this to her many times, and
each time she would express how she also wanted that
and would promise to put more effort into our friendship

(45:08):
and communicating. So really, op did communicate all of this,
and the friendship test was just her being like, Okay,
you know what, I can't do this anymore. It was
only after months of seeing these promises not being kept
that I decided to do this friendship test. As long
as I've known Victoria, she's never had any social problems
or disorders such as add ADHD, etc. I know it's

(45:29):
possible that this could have developed later in life, but
she's someone who is very expressive and posts about her
life and her struggles, and she's never made any posts
discussing issues such as these. The word test might not
have been the right descriptor to describe my actions, but
it seemed like the simplest term to use in general.
I wanted to see if she would ever start a
conversation with me first, or take initiative to try and

(45:49):
do so. She has many other friends that are in
similar situations as I am. By this, I mean they
have moved away from college or moved and she always
talked about how much effort she put into keeping in
touch with them and how she even visited them. I
am not the only one from her friend group that
left the area. Prior to this test, I tried to
keep in contact with her, often sending her life updates,

(46:10):
asking how she is, congratulating her on milestones and life
events such as birthdays, sending her gifts, and taking charge
on planning trips back and working my schedule around when
she was available.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
Do you think she may have been with another person
or like with a significant other.

Speaker 3 (46:24):
I mean, I don't know if it necessarily matters, because
I feel like like, even if you have a significant other,
if you're not giving time to your friends.

Speaker 4 (46:31):
Then it's just they don't have to be your friend.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
Yeah, you know, she would either respond with one message
and then keep me on red or not respond at all.
By the way, we will always respond to you if
you join us live every weekday through PMPSD on YouTube.
Just tab her profile. She's made comments the last time
I went to see her, when we hung out with
some of her friends at a family event that started
this whole test process, such as I have the locations

(46:54):
of all my friends on my phone, even those in
different states.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
We did not do this.

Speaker 3 (46:58):
Sarah fake name is so busy, but I made sure
to text her once every two weeks to check in
and others that made it seem like she was letting
me know we weren't friends anymore. After reading some of
your comments, I reached out to her again to try
and understand her side of the situation. She stated it
was my fault for moving away and that it was
on me to keep the friendship alive. I shouldn't expect
her to visit me and put in more effort when

(47:20):
I was the reason all of this started. I asked
her why she was able to keep in contact with
other friends in similar situations, and she didn't answer, just
kept saying if I wanted a friendship, then it was
my responsibility to keep in touch, and she'll respond if
she remembers and or wants to.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
That's so messed up.

Speaker 3 (47:37):
It's your responsible to keep in touch, and I'll do
it if I want to.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
And as I've settled, the show many, many, many of times. Yeah,
I always encourage friendships that you're excited to be around. Yeah,
I can't wait to be this person. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:51):
If your friends are like exhausting you every time you
see them, it's the road, Jack, don't you come back?

Speaker 4 (47:57):
But that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the story. So but here's a quick three
minute break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
My best friend started ghosting me after I got engaged.
Now I think our twelve year relationship is over. So,
as the title says, my female thirty two best friend
female thirty one, let's call her Opal into our relationship.
Oh my gosh. Ended our relationship in August after a

(48:25):
big misunderstanding along with some odd behavior leading up to
the misunderstanding. By the way, this comes from sparkle Bunny
on the r sush Okay story Tom Subred, So some
general background on us and the situation. Open and I
met twelve years ago in college and were instantly best friends.
Love that we shared the same hobbies, interests, and most

(48:48):
of the same values. Both super nerdy too and into
fantasy slash gaming relevant things nice. About six years ago,
I moved out of state for a bit and Opal
met a group of people at work who played D
and D and she joined their group and shared their
adventure stories with me all the time. When I moved

(49:08):
back to my home state in twenty twenty two, Ople
kept saying I need to meet the DM Dungeon Masters.
For those who may not know, all of the Dungeons
and Dragon group as well as joined the group. Let's
call DM mail thirty one Mark Mark. I finally agreed
and asked to join the group. When I did, Mark
and I clicked instantly and became fast friends and lovers woo.

(49:31):
Not just fast friends, but I'm calling lovers oo. Then
in early twenty three, he asked me out and we
began dating best friends and lovers. I discovered later that
Opel and the others a bit all help set us up.
Shout out Opel at that moment, Yeah, with Opel encouraging
him to ask me out before he'd work up the

(49:51):
nerve to do so.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
I love this.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
Wow, this wing woman, wing Woman of the Year. When
I told her he asked me out, and she said
she was ecstatic for me, even saying she better be
my bait of honor because she set this all up
and that I had to name a child after her. Hahaha.
All seemed great.

Speaker 4 (50:12):
It seems everything's working out. We love it.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
Now to the main situation. A few months into Marx
and I's relationship, I ended up evicted from my family's
house because they disapprove of Mark because he's a DM.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
He's a DM. He's just a little bit too dangerous.
It's a bad boy.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
I had either the streets or his place to go.
He and I had a plan to live together so
early in our romantic relationship, but circumstances forced it. Ople
helped me tremendously getting my belongings moved over, and she
was fantastic at first.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
No Opaul, what did you do?

Speaker 2 (50:45):
After about a month of me living with Mark, Ople
suddenly said she thought we were getting too serious too quickly. Well,
you literally wanted them to name their child after you.
She also started acting cooler slash colder towards me, not
responding as much to my messages, and in general being
very short in her replies. I knew that she had

(51:07):
mentioned back in twenty twenty two that she and Mark
and another person were thinking about finding a place together,
so I would mention how excited I was about living
with her too, but she downplayed it big time and
made it clear that she wasn't saving up after all.
Then she started coming more erratically to dungeons and dragon sessions,
or canceling coming to hangouts with us and instead went

(51:31):
to conventions or some other events on her off days.
Other than that, when she started suddenly prioritizing so much
over me at her and I got annoyed but tried
to brush it off. Okay, she's super busy and has
a successful life. Knowing this, I would take her to
lunch slash dinner and through a birthday party when her
family couldn't invited her out, etc. Then around October to

(51:54):
November last year, her family was threatened with an eviction
due to some issues with the apartment. The day they
needed to fix the apartment, cleaning up Big Tom, the
group had a D and D session. Looking back, I
wish I'd cancel it, but we asked her if she
and her family were okay. She said some friends slash
coworkers and other family were going to help them out,

(52:16):
but never asked our group for help. But I really
thought by saying she had others Opel was saying it
was okay. As it turned out, the people who promised
them to help never showed up. We, or at least
I didn't hear about that until after the fact.

Speaker 3 (52:29):
I think if I probably would have been like, hey,
do you need help, I probably would have offered it.
It doesn't sound like they offered it necessarily. No, but
I mean it's not necessarily. It's not their fault, but
I think I probably would have offered if my friend
said ham moving.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Or something, yeah, I'd be like, okay, let me help
you out.

Speaker 4 (52:45):
Yeah, like do you need any extra help?

Speaker 2 (52:46):
Ye oh yeah. I felt awful, but I offered to help.
The following week. They got an extension if possible offer
was refused with help was needed last week. Come on.
Despite her not saying she needed help until it was
too I still made efforts after that to check in
on her if I heard for Christmas get togethers and
all that, and she started to seem almost normal again.

(53:08):
They weren't evicted. Luckily, we had a good party after years,
and all seemed okayish. She was still acting cold like
she had after Mark and I moved in until late
February slash early March. Mark asked me what style rings
I liked. I was super excited. He wanted to torment

(53:28):
me with anticipation, so of course I messaged her about
the ring he was hunting, and she suddenly left our
mutual friends group chat and told me we needed to talk.

Speaker 4 (53:39):
I wonder if she's like jealous of Mark, like she
wanted to be with Mark.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
Oh yeah, dude, oh yeah, Because she was like, oh Mark,
I'll be a good friend. I'll be a good friend
of the D and D. Let's get them together, guys,
this will be so funny. And I think she was
probably the most excited about it because she was masking.

Speaker 4 (53:56):
She's like, that's great. I'm so glad you like her.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
I love it.

Speaker 4 (54:01):
But the whole time she was like, they're not gonna last.

Speaker 2 (54:03):
So we met up mid March twenty twenty four, and
she told me how upset she was about me not
showing up, and how I relied on her and Mark
too much for emotional support, and that I let the
others in the group chat be mean to her. I
tried to listen and remain calm, but it came off
so aggressive that I got defensive not proud here. And
while I didn't insult her, I asked her sarcastically, how

(54:26):
else have I been a horrible friend?

Speaker 1 (54:28):
Then?

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Please tell me I am. After about an hour of
us arguing, neither of us handled it well, and I'll
admit she stormed out without another word. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
It seems like just a lot of miscommunication going on
here and just not healthily, you know, dealing with their
airing out their problems.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
Everyone's beating herund the bush. Yeah, tell her how it is. Hey, come,
I need your help? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (54:49):
Should I mean yeah?

Speaker 3 (54:50):
On Opal's end, she should have said, hey, I need
some help here, and on their end, I probably would
have offered.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Exactly after gooling down and really looking at the situation
and seeing the re That's an ish interview of Blink
one point eighty two where they mentioned putting their egos aside.
I decided to do just that and put my own
ego aside and apologize to her for my side of things.
Cried my eyes out while typing her the message about

(55:16):
being sorry I wasn't there to help and for arguing
instead of just hearing her out, et cetera. It was
just hard, but I apologize without blaming her at all,
and then asked if we could meet up again so
I could say sorry in person and be willing to
really hear her out this time.

Speaker 4 (55:34):
Okay, that's a good response. I think that's really nice.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
Finally, after a bit, I tried to reach out again
and apologize, ask her how I could make it up.
She said we were over that in August and about
a week after Mark proposed to me, which of course
I'm ecstatic about. It's almost two months after she ended us,
and I am all over the place. I'm almost numb,
but sad in her and confused. I was there for
her throughout the twelve years, even when I was long distance,

(56:00):
staying up, listening to her, taking her own trips, and
she had become basically a member of my family. Her
mom loved me, and I got along with her aunts.
I've lost the sister and it hurts so bad. You
can never lose us if you join us live every
weekday at three pmpist just.

Speaker 4 (56:17):
Do what tap our profile.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
Sorry, it's along, and thank you for listening to my rent.
How biggest questions are? Am I crazy that I seemed
like she was actually upset about Mark and I had
become serious, but couldn't admit it, I asked, because of
the timing in her cutting me off when she knew
that he was proposing, I think, and also the fact
that she blames me not showing up despite the fact

(56:40):
no one else showed up. She remained close to all
of them, but only cut me off.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
Well, all the things that we know, we know. She
was upset that you didn't come help her out. She
was upset that you and Mark were moving in together,
and then you were you thing about to get proposed yep.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
And then whenever they didn't help out, they were like,
it was your fault. Yeah, Mark's fault. My other question,
should I just let this all go or block her
reach out to ask for closure? I thought about writing
her letter or something, but it would just be pointless
and hurting myself more. Am I the jerk here? Or
are we both jerks?

Speaker 3 (57:14):
I think you were both jerks, But now you apologized,
so you're in the clear. I think you can only
do There's nothing more you can do right now. No,
I don't think blog. I don't think you should block.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
No, I don't blog her.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
That's a little too far. But I do think just
you know, maybe she'll come around, Maybe she won't. You've
done your part.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Yeah, yeah, agreed, agreed. I's seen to that story. We
got another one for you guys.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
My best friend got engaged, but I was in love
with him. No tragedy twenty eight male and twenty eight female.
He was my best friend. Anyway, we'll call him Jake.
We met the summer before our freshman year of high
school and ended up going to homecoming together. He was
my first kiss during a slow dance. Oh, he looked
at me, said my name, and kissed me. We dated

(57:59):
for a few months, but we were just kids. Oh.
By the way, this comes from egirl eight thirteen on
the Okay Storytime subured it, so we decided we'd be
better off as friends, and so we spent all of
high school being the best of friends. We had a
group of about eight very close friends, six guys and
two girls. I know what you're thinking. No, she and
I didn't have any type of relationship beyond friendship with any.

Speaker 4 (58:21):
Of them aside from me and Jake.

Speaker 3 (58:25):
We'd all spend as much time as possible together at
Jake's house, lying on the basement floor, talking and laughing
about philosophy, dreams, space history, sports, girls and guys we
liked and disliked all between bites of pizza. Oh, what
is this that seventy show?

Speaker 2 (58:42):
Come on?

Speaker 4 (58:44):
Jake and I had a special.

Speaker 3 (58:45):
Kind of friendship and everyone knew it, but nobody, including us,
knew how to describe it. We just understood each other
and always looked out for each other. He was there
for me when things got rough at home, and I
was there for him through countless injuries and heartbreaks. He's
a very clumsy, very loving goofball. We couldn't help but
smile when we were together, and I never felt so
at home with another person in my life.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
Oh stopish.

Speaker 3 (59:09):
I always encouraged him to do what made him happy,
even if it seemed crazy, and he did the same
for me.

Speaker 2 (59:15):
Once.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
He even packed his car full of our friends to
drive to my college and make me come home for
the weekend, just because they felt like I'd been gone
too long.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
I dang, Dig's a good guy.

Speaker 4 (59:26):
I don't marry her.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Don't do it.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
I think we both knew we had some sort of
feelings for each other, but we just never acted on it.
We spent all of high school and college in this
weird circle where he would get a girlfriend and I'd
be single, secretly wishing I could be with him. Then
I'd move on and get a boyfriend and he would
be single, secretly wishing he could be with me. Every
time I came home from college, we'd meet at the
same restaurant and catch up and it felt like we

(59:51):
could talk all night, but it was always hard to
say goodbye. We all spent the summers together, and I'd
hope nothing would ever change.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
All right. If this was happening to me and I
felt this way about someone, I'd be like, look, I'm
waiting on you.

Speaker 4 (01:00:02):
I'm waiting on you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Can stay with that guy.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
This went on for ten years, and then finally it happened.
We were both single, two years out of college, and
one night he was at my house and he looked
at me, said my name, and kissed me. For the
next few months, we spent every day together and it
was like a dream. Even our friends couldn't be happier.
But eventually he started acting different, not mean or anything,

(01:00:29):
he just treated me differently. He wasn't acting like I
was the same girl he'd known the last ten years.
He would coddle me and baby me, even though he
knew I wasn't that type of girl. I asked him
why he would do that, and he said he thought
that's what girls liked. I asked him to just treat
me like me, and he did for a day or two,
but then started again. It was like we couldn't be
us anymore because he needed to be delicate and needy

(01:00:50):
like his exes were. I'm not trying to be mean,
they really just were quite.

Speaker 4 (01:00:53):
Needy, and he enjoyed that.

Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
We had a serious talk about it and decided to
we cared too much about each other to ruin our friendship,
so we called it off again after less than six months,
and I knew that was my last chance.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Bomber low Key could work through that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
We still spent a lot of time together and we
really went right back to how we were before. I
was so upset that we couldn't figure out how to
just be together, but I would rather have my best
friend than an ex I never see again. Fast forward
two years, we hadn't seen each other nearly as much,
and I felt like that was for the best.

Speaker 4 (01:01:24):
I could still support and care.

Speaker 3 (01:01:26):
About him, but maybe it was time for a little distance.
I have a boyfriend, and he has a girlfriend, and
she's exactly his type, and I was happy for him
that I knew what was coming. I knew there would
come a day where he would have to choose between
a relationship with her and keeping me around, because let's
face it, we aren't kids anymore. We're not getting any younger,
and honestly, who would want their boyfriend to be friends

(01:01:46):
with a girl. He tried to date twice but kept
around despite that. I get it, I really do, but
that didn't stop it from breaking my heart. Pretty soon
after they started dating, that day came. I honestly didn't
realize it had happened for almost a year, because again,
we hadn't seen each other that much. I only contacted
him to invite them to things our friend groups did together.

(01:02:07):
Every time I'd reach out, he had an excuse to
miss it, and I really thought nothing of it. But
one day it clicked. Since then, I've seen him maybe
once a year for the last four years, and I've
accepted that. Last week they got engaged. Oh ouch ouchie.

Speaker 4 (01:02:24):
They tried. Yeah, you guys tried twice.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
I guess tried but failed. I think I think there
was success, failed, succeeded.

Speaker 3 (01:02:32):
I've been waiting for that moment for years, and I
told myself that when it came, I would be nothing
but happy for him, but that just wasn't true. It
broke my heart and I cried for much longer than
I felt like I deserved to. Our friends are throwing
him a party, and I, of course I'm not invited.

Speaker 4 (01:02:47):
That sucks.

Speaker 3 (01:02:48):
I definitely won't be invited to the wedding, and well,
I'm basically not invited to be a part of the
rest of his life. I think it took until that
moment for me to fully understand that he was gone,
because some little part of me sell officially hoped we'd
still find a way back to each other. By the way,
you can always find a way back to us by
joining us live every weekda at three pm PST on YouTube.
Just tap her profile.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
The reason they didn't work out was because he babied
her so much. That's it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
Yeah, what the thing is that I think that they
are both so worried about their friendship they didn't want to.

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
Put in risk.

Speaker 4 (01:03:19):
Yeah they were good.

Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
Oh well it might not work out, so let's let's
just take a step back. Even though I moved to
the city and made new friends and he got a
job far away, I just hope that all that time
that somehow it would be him.

Speaker 4 (01:03:31):
I'd end up with.

Speaker 3 (01:03:33):
Neither of us are the kind of people that would
stir up any trouble, so I've never told him how
I felt and if he feels the same, I'm sure
he won't speak up either. I know this is a
long post, but that's kind of what the SAB is
for long overdue, long time coming, long stories. It feels
good to at least tell some strangers that I never
stopped loving him. I feel like I lost so much
more than a best friend. He's truly the one that

(01:03:54):
got away. My life feels like the unsatisfying ending of
a nineties rom comso.

Speaker 1 (01:03:58):
And that is the freakin end.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
I'm unsatisfied too, man, that was sad. Go after I mean, like,
but yeah, I think steps break up with boyfriend. Go
after your ex, say hey, I'm like, not at the wedding,
don't do it at the wedding.

Speaker 4 (01:04:13):
Do it now.

Speaker 3 (01:04:14):
We'll break up to the X and then go and
be like, hey, I know you're about to get married,
but I need to tell you that I'm still in
love with you. And then you just leave, you know,
you just you say Hi, I just wanted to like
be frank with you. I am still in love with you,
and you know, if you don't feel that way, totally fine,
I understand, but I just needed to get it off
my chest and then leave that's the end of that
story and the end of this episode. So if you

(01:04:37):
love us, make sure to subscribe.

Speaker 2 (01:04:39):
We love you and see you tomorrow.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I thought my wife was hiding something…so I checked her phone! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2018