I told my husband that I don’t want to work anymore! - r/WouldIBeTheAhole | Reddit Stories | EP2307 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and then
we'll get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
I told my husband that I don't want to work anymore.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
You gotta work.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
I am a twenty two year old woman and my
husband a twenty three year old man. We met young seventeen,
started dating young twenty to twenty one, and got married
young twenty two. I was aware that as a young
couple we would experience some financial struggle, especially in this economy.
I was more than willing to go through that because
I love my husband with all my heart and we

(00:41):
make an awesome team. We've been married for about two months,
and I'll be honest, it's been a little difficult, but
not for the reasons that everyone told me it would be.
By the way, this comes from Bandicoot twenty and if
you want to see your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay story times up reread it. A little
backstory on my husband. He came from a hapvy home
where everyone is super close his parents make a lot
of money enough that my mother in law doesn't have

(01:02):
to work and hasn't worked in twenty years. She spends
her days keeping the house tidy, cooking, running errands, and
being a homemaker, which meant my husband and his siblings
didn't do much around the house. They had chores, but
never too many, since mother in law liked things done
a certain way. Lonther in law also has mental health
issues that translate into physical health issues, which is why

(01:23):
she doesn't work. So I note mother in law is
an angel, and unlike some of the Reddit stories I've seen,
I love her so much. My husband's goal is to
someday make it so I don't have to work either,
though I have no idea when or if that'll actually happen.
I think he just got used to always having household
things done for him, so he doesn't have certain habits
he might have otherwise developed. So my husband also has ADHD,

(01:47):
which makes it even harder for him to remember things
like cleaning, taking or picking up his meds, and remembering
things I tell him I don't have ADHD, I don't think,
but from what he shared, he struggled with it for
over ten years and I really do feel for him.
I understand that a lot of this is out of
his control, though I'll admit it's hard to fully put
myself in his shoes. A little backstories on me growing up,

(02:09):
Our family always struggled with money, and we all had
complicated relationships with each other. That's another story. My parents
probably tried to hide their struggles from me and my
two siblings, but we could always tell we weren't below
the property line. But there wasn't much we could do.
My parents were strict about chores, with designated dish days,
laundry days, cook nights, trash days, et cetera, and missing

(02:31):
a day meant yelling, passive, aggressive messages, and finger pointing.
It was chaotic, But now that I'm older and living
on my own, I'm grateful they taught me to always
clean up after myself and that sometimes it's more important
to keep peace than to be right. I moved into
our apartment first before we got married because of my
less than favorable home situation. I've also been dealing with

(02:53):
some serious mental and physical health issues severe depression, anxiety disorder,
and possibly other things that aren't official diagnosed yet. Due
to financial and insurance limits. I'm on medication and it's
not the right one, and it seems to make things worse.
On top of that, about a year ago, I was
in a car accident that left me with the next
brain backsprain, and moderate concussion. I can't work out long,

(03:16):
we'll lift heavy things any. Migraines have gotten worse. I
get dizzy spells multiple times a week. All of this
was working full time and keeping up the home has
unbelievably been hard. So here's where the main problem comes
into play. My husband helps out sometimes, but only when
I ask him to. Like I still have to remind
him to take out the trash, load the dishwasher, fold

(03:37):
his clothes, or clean up after himself. It's like I
still have to carry the mental load of everything on
my own while he only helps out a little bit.
I brought this up to him several times, but he
just says he understands my frustrations, but sometimes his brain
just won't let him do a lot of things even
if he really wants to, and that he just needs
help remembering. So I need to remind him and ask

(03:58):
for help, and I'll do it. That's the thing I
feel like I shouldn't have to ask him all the
time to do these things.

Speaker 5 (04:04):
You shouldn't.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
He needs to figure out a way for him to
remember to do these things, if that means like setting timers,
making task lits, like I think for me, I find
a lot of time like check checkbox lists or.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Through those chech parties and I'm like.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
Check check check check yay, and I'm like, I completed
so much today, and those are really helpful. I don't
usually find trouble, like with motivating myself to clean, just
because the motivation for.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Me is like it's clean, yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
But you know, other people I know with ADHD have that,
you know, motivation issue. So it's finding ways to motivate
self motivate rather than on someone else.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
I suggested setting reminders on his phone or writing it
on the fridge, but he said he's tired of all
that before and it doesn't work for him. I told him,
insanely hard for me to keep up with every single
thing in my crazy life, but his life too. He
just keeps saying that it seems like I had no
idea what I was getting myself into when I married him,
even though he's shown me the signs and he said that,

(04:58):
and honestly might be right. We don't know everything. There
is no about a person, even when you're married to them.
It's only when you move in together and fully merge
lifestyles together that these things really come up. Oh, and
I forgot to mention earlier. Our intimate life has not
been that great lately. We both saved ourselves for the
first time for each other after we got married, something
we both wanted even before we met. But we've definitely

(05:20):
not had a ton of makeout sessions in the back
seat of my SUV, and it was really fun just
getting to mess around and explore each other's hot to
use an interest in sweet spots. I knew our first
times would be awkward, but honestly, it feels like we
haven't even gotten there yet. Things usually start off fine,
but once it's time to actually be intimate, his excitement fades,

(05:40):
especially after putting on a Wiener wrapper. We've tried different
kinds along with other ideas, but nothing seems to work.
I'm not on birth control right now. I've heard stories
about it defecting hormones. With my mental health issues and medications,
I'm just not sure what to do next. I've just
started seeing a new doctor, so hopefully we can talk
about option soon. We both don't want kids, so going

(06:02):
without protection is this something he feels comfortable with, which
I completely agree. Another part that's been hard is how
his once confident take the lead side seems to have faded.
I'm the type who wants to feel in the moment
without overthinking, but now he often asks, so, what did
you want to do now? Or what are you thinking?
Questions that instantly take me out of it and make

(06:23):
it hard to feel relaxed. I end up stuck on
my own head. I feel like I'm always the one
having to make decisions in our life, our schedule, our routine,
what gets clean when and by who, what's for dinner,
keeping track of how much electricity and water we use, groceries,
contacting the leasing office when something needs to be fixed,
and even being point of contact between him and his

(06:43):
family and friends. To say at least I'm exhausted would
be a huge understatement. I'm just trying my heartest to
be empathetic of a situation, and it just feels like
I have empathy and understanding for someone else in my
life and don't feel the same in return. I am
taking care of eighty percent of things while almost none
of my needs or being met. Sometimes I wonder how
much longer I can keep this up. I can't work

(07:04):
full time and deal with everything else. But with the
way the economy is set up right now, it'll take
so long to get to a point where I don't
have to work. And with the job market right now,
I'm grateful I have a job. And with all of
the other random expenses coming up, my anxiety about our
future is also.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Hard to deal with.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
It's so unbelievably hard keep up with two people's lives.
I've also been the main one thinking of ways to
make Sush save more money, including selling my car. We
live five minutes from where I work, so I could
walk or bike there if I need to. I love
my husband so freaking much. He's so kind, funny, loving, helpful,
and has been my best friend since we were seventeen.
He's my everything. I just don't know what else to

(07:44):
do or how to fill right now. Hopefully I'll get
some different options about my situation. Would I be the
a whole for what? Opie?

Speaker 4 (07:51):
I mean, like, would you be the able for like
talking to him about this? Because you need to and
he needs to listen to you.

Speaker 5 (07:57):
It's not just oh, well you married me. You should
have known he married you.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
He should have known you would have been.

Speaker 5 (08:02):
Upset by this behavior.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
Update, Hi everyone, Thank you all for the input the
advice you have all given me. It really does put
things into perspective of a very small update. I say
small because it doesn't change the situation very much in
the grand scheme of things, but it does change the
situation for me. I've talked to my husband let's just
call him David, and he says that he's going to
do better with helping me around our apartment. While he
has said this time and time again, I decided to

(08:25):
trust that he would since he kind of knows my circumstances.
I've asked him to fold the laundry that I washed,
and he did, but only about one fourth of it.
The remainder of the clothes are still on the floor
in bed. So I asked him to take the cardboard
boxes that have been in our apartment for almost a
week to the recycling, but they're still there in my closet.
He said he only put them there temporarily because my

(08:46):
sister came over and he wanted to get them out
of the way, but they're still there almost a week later.
I asked him to load the dishwasher last night, and
he did, but he left several dishes in the sink
and on the counter. I asked him to clean the bathroom,
but after he was done, the sink was still dirty
and there were still products all over the calendar. I
didn't want to get to the point of thinking he
would do this, but I'm worried that this has come

(09:08):
to the point of weaponized incompetence. How is it possible
that all of these things that I asked you to
help me with are half done or done poorly. I
decided to call his dad about a week and a
half ago and see if this has always been a problem.
Big mistake, But I was frustrated and his mom was asleep,
so he was the only option at the time. I
told him what I have been going through and how
David hasn't been making it easier for me. Quite the opposite. Actually,

(09:31):
he said, if these are the issues that you're having
too much in a marriage, honey, you've got it easy.
Things could be way worse for y'all.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
Well, guess what people got always are gonna have problems.

Speaker 4 (09:42):
It's not the problem of Olympics. You're saying, Hey, I
got this problem right now.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
I've responded, I understand that things could be worse, but
that doesn't mean this isn't incredibly hard for me. I
feel like I'm doing this all to myself. He began
to tell me that since his wife clashed, David's mom
was able to stop working, they haven't cleaned a bathroom
or made a meal and almost twenty five years. I
can't blame David for not doing or knowing how to
do stuff around the house because he's never really had

(10:06):
to do it.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
That's so embarrassing.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
Without thinking, I said, so, I'm supposed to be the
one holding up our entire lives just because his parents
could afford to do it. After I said that, he
snapped to me, this is not about money. Don't you
ever throw my financial situation. I me like that, ever again?
Do you understand me? I know that I shouldn't have
said that or said anything without thinking about it first,
but I have no idea why I would react this way.

(10:30):
I immediately felt awful afterwards. He has used his insane
amount of money to help us out of a hole
once or twice, but only because David asked him, not me.
I'm extremely appreciative of the help we've received from them,
but because of how I grew up, I've always been
reluctant to ask for help, especially with money. After he
snapped me, I tried to apologize several times, but he

(10:51):
didn't want to hear it. He then kept on about
how David's ADHD makes it incredibly hard for him to
make and keep up with new routines and actually see
things that need to be done and actually do them.
So not only has David done this, his parents has
embedded this into his mom.

Speaker 5 (11:05):
They're like, you have ADHD, you can't do anything.

Speaker 4 (11:08):
Oh my god, I just HADHD son, he can't do anything.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
That, coupled with the fact that his mom did almost
everything for him, means it's going to be even harder.
He said that there have been times where it has
taken two to three years for new habits or routines
to stick. He said, you know, I love you, kiddo,
and I just gave a half hearted I love you too,
So he just.

Speaker 5 (11:27):
Screamed at you and then I love you, kiddo.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
No, and that was on the phone call.

Speaker 3 (11:31):
I genuinely cannot describe how a long I felt and
still feel. Knowing that any and everything I say either
goes into one ear and out the other, or gets
flipped around into something much worse makes me feel awful.
It feels like I have no one to talk to
about this, and I have no choice but to go
through this alone. I have no idea what to do now.
We can't afford couples counseling. I can't talk to his

(11:53):
or my family in fear that they'll get the same
reaction that I got from his dad.

Speaker 5 (11:57):
Oh man, I cancel my fiance's birthday trip, but he
can't let it go.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Oh let go Hi.

Speaker 5 (12:07):
So I don't really know where to begin, So I
guess I'll just give some context. I Mail twenty nine
and my partner Mail twenty four have been together for
four years. For a year of us dating, we were
doing a long distance because we met through mutual friends
over social media. I was from an island in Hawaii
and my partner was from Colorado. By the way, this
comes from Eero Sizumi and if you want to submit

(12:30):
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime
separate it, so when we met, he was the permit
partner in every way possible. He was considerate, kind and
always made time for me and put effort into our
relationship in ways that I had never experienced before with
another person. The distance was really hard for both of us,
but we made it work. We called whenever we could, texted,
and made plans for visits that I would take to

(12:51):
go see him as often as our schedules would allow.
I'm a very friend oriented person. I always have been,
and when I met my partner really early on, I
wanted him to meet my best friend from my childhood,
and I wanted to meet his friends as well. I
met his best friend and things went really well. I
thought he was really cool, and from when I gathered
he liked me too. I introduced my best friend from

(13:13):
childhood to him, and they got along really well. My
best friend even started inviting and playing video games with
my partner, and they talked almost every day. Things were
really great, and when time had passed, we had been
dating for about a year when I decided I was
going to move up to the Mainland and move in
with him. When he and I moved in together, everything
seemed to fall into place. From there, I was finally

(13:34):
able to be with the person that I was in
love with every day, and from what I assumed, we
were better than ever together than when we were ever apart.
Cut to three years forward. We had moved around a
little bit since then gotten a cat together. For a
relevant reference, he had a dog, and he got me
a cat for my birthday, And finally we both landed
decent paying jobs and found a solid apartment without worry.

(13:55):
We got engaged for our three year anniversary and were
spending the fourth year planning our wedding and getting everything
as squared away as possible. And all this time that
I was now with my partner on the mainland, my
best friend visited whenever we could, whenever we could find
the time, because not gonna lie for a good minute.
Into me being settled on the Mainland, I was going
through really bad homesickness, and my best friend, having a

(14:17):
great job with flexible scheduling in mind, visited me whenever
he could and it helped me a lot during the
initial transition of moving. Anytime my best friend visited, my
fiance and him would play video games together and just
talk and honestly It was really great seeing that because
I have a really bad pass with exes mistreating me,
so my best friend has never really trusted anyone I've
been with anyways. So my fiance's birthday was coming up,

(14:40):
and maybe a few weeks prior to this, we had
been trying to see if my best friend could fly
down and visit because I wanted to go soup chopping
for my wedding and wanted my best man to be there.
It was going to be a whole day with the
three of us and my fiances. Oh yeah, he's been
calling him the fiance silly me. But my best friend
unfortunately had a family emergency so he couldn't fly down.

(15:01):
Me and my fiance were really bummed with that in mind.
Since my fiance's birthday was coming up, I looked into
both mine and his working schedules, got a hold of
my best friend, and started planning an amazing plan that
I had for him. I planned to pay for my
best friend to come down as a surprise and for
a day that I was supposed to work, but my
fiance was off work, so I requested off so that

(15:22):
I could pick up my best friend and then come
back to the house with best friend in toe and
flowers and surprise plane tickets for me, him and my
best friend to all fly back home in Hawaii, UH
together for a little birthday getaway. The day came, I
got ready around the time I usually get up for
work and kissed my fiance goodbye. Nothing seemed out at
the ordinary. He didn't seem like he was on to me.

(15:42):
I'm usually really bad at keeping my mouth shut with surprises.
Then I left our apartment and picked up my best
friend from the airport. For the next few hours, me
and my best friend were running errands before we headed
back to the house. I got my fiance's favorite flowers, snacks,
merch from a clothing brand he loves, shoes he'd been
for months, and printed out copies of our plane tickets

(16:03):
for the trip. By the time me and my best
friend were done, we were making good time and started
heading back to mine and my fiance's apartment around the
time I get back from work. Once we got to
the apartment, my best friend helped me set up a
little gift basket for my fiance with everything I got,
and then we headed into the apartment. When we got
to the door, there were my fiance's best friend's shoes

(16:25):
out our welcome map, which confused me because my fiance's
friend lived almost half an hour away and my fiance
hardly ever got to see him. We walked in and
all of the window lines were down. Maybe they were
just taking a nap and they needed the sun to
be jutted.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yeah we do that.

Speaker 6 (16:43):
Yeah yeah, right, I take NAIs with the goat all
the time, with the windows down and the doors locked
and uh no one on dood on to serve totally totally.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Normal, just normal nap behavior.

Speaker 5 (16:56):
Every light was off besides mine and my fiance's room light. Well,
a pit in my stomach drop because the entire vibe
was just entirely weird. But me and my best friend
walked through the house and as soon as we hit
my room door, there it is my fiance and his
best friend effing in our bed.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
The entire process of them getting into the house, like
the Jaws theme was playing. Yeah, literally, it's why is it, darget?
Why are their shoes there?

Speaker 5 (17:24):
Right?

Speaker 2 (17:24):
Bomb? All the pines are closed right, Oh.

Speaker 6 (17:30):
My gosh, this is why you don't let your significant
others play video games. This stuff happens true because of
me and to come to play video games all the time,
and he's saving me and always reviving me.

Speaker 5 (17:39):
I have to you know, you're gonna develop feelings eventually.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, I have to like thank him back.

Speaker 5 (17:45):
My fiance and his best friend obviously saw us and
immediately went into panic mode, scrambling on the ground for
their clothes and stumbling over their words. I dropped the
gift basket I had in my hands, and I felt
everything in me fall right through the ground. I was floored.
I could not believe what I walked in on. My

(18:08):
best friend didn't know exactly what to do. He just
stepped forward behind me. Once he saw my fiance throw
his clothes on and try to walk up to me
to explain himself. I stepped back away from him, looked
at him, his best friend, and then the door, and
just walked out of the apartment. My best friend stopped
my fiance from following me, and then he joined me

(18:29):
in the car. I think I was in shock because
I just got in the car, sat in the driver's seat,
and just stared forward into space crying. My best friend
suggested that we get a hotel room for the night.
We go there to rest and clear our heads, and
then tomorrow he would help me figure out what I
wanted to do from there. I agreed that that was
a good idea, and we did just that. I turned
my phone completely off for the night because I knew

(18:51):
for a fact that I didn't want to see whatever
attempt at talking to me my fiance was about to pull.
I wasn't sure what to do. I stayed up the
entire night shooting crap with my best friend, just crying
to him like a lost puppy about what had happened.
My best friend, being the punt but person he is,
he just sat with me and listened to me e
vent the whole time. The next morning, I woke up

(19:12):
still processing what had happened, But after getting some time
to think, I knew what I wanted to do. I
turned my phone on, planning to text my fiance that
this was over, that cheating wasn't something I was going
to settle for. I didn't want an explanation. I didn't
want to know when it started or how I was
just done. But imagine being me when I finally turn

(19:32):
on my phone to find one text for my fiance
and all it said was, so, when is our trip
to Hawaii.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Wow, the utter audacity it takes to send that.

Speaker 5 (19:44):
That is crazy.

Speaker 6 (19:46):
That's wild.

Speaker 5 (19:47):
I texted him back saying excuse me, and he texted
me back repeating himself, asking when the trip was and
then saying that he saw the copies of the plane
tickets that I left behind at the apartment.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Oh yeah. That's the other crazy part of that is
that he didn't even know that the trip was happening
when he was having the affair in their bed, and
then randomly saw the ticket and texted that, Yeah, you're
actually next level uncool.

Speaker 5 (20:15):
Brother m I looked at my phone feeling like I
was about to break in half. My fiance cheated on
me with his best friend. I stormed out of the
house after catching him, and all he cared about was
when the trip I paid for was safe to say
he wasn't going to go on an all expenses paid
trip to my home for his birthday. I texted him

(20:36):
back and told him that that trip was supposed to
be a surprise for his birthday and that obviously, because
of what happened, I wasn't going to take him on
that trip anymore. I snapped and told him that if
that's really all he cares about. Then he never cared
about me to begin with, given what he did and
I blocked him.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
This may be the most audacious thing I have ever
heard that We've read that it's like crazy. After being
completely red handed, the yeah booty buttoner clothes off a
round of applause, going on, yeah, and uh, you're like, hey,
Hawaii Hawaii sounds cool? Yeah? Like who are you? Where

(21:16):
do they build you?

Speaker 5 (21:17):
But there is a little bit more to the story.
Now I'm getting my phone and blown up by him.
His family, and his friends and his best friend that
he cheated on me with. All of them are saying
that I'm the a hole because I stormed out and
dinner didn't bother to try and work things out with
my fiance. Some of them are even going as far
as to say that I'm blowing this out of proportion

(21:38):
and that the fact that I wouldn't want to still
take my fiance on this trip is selfish of me
since my fiance has done so much for me.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
What have you done? What have you done? What's the
last thing you did? Though? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (21:51):
Was that?

Speaker 2 (21:52):
What can we can we run back to the last
the latest thing that you did? Yeah? Oh you ruined everything?
Yeah you Oh you wound? Oh I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (22:03):
I cut you it. Peepe's out with your best friend.
I'm living out of a hotel right now and trying
to figure things out and getting all of this hate
from his side has been insane. It's been really messing
with my mental health and trying to figure something out
in between all of this has been super hard. My
family and friend's best friend especially have been supportive through

(22:26):
all of this and have expressed the IVI want to
come back home. I can do that. I don't really
know where to go from here, but if anything happens,
I'll post an update if there's if there is one,
if there's one worth sharing. So am I the A hole?
And what do you think I should do? Olpi? You
know that you are not the A hole?

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah it's not like, ah, well, we already booked the tickets, right,
that's for like a I mean we had like kind
of an annoying fight about something. Yeah exactly, not that
that's something, not being you banging your best friend. Yeah, wow,
we're I'm buying you gift.

Speaker 5 (23:00):
Yeah it's crazy exactly. I did this whole scheme to
surprise you and you sure did surprise me, but not
in the way that I would have liked.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Yeah, hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
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Speaker 2 (23:16):
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If you'd like been good to put a ring.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
So I'm twenty five, twenty five female, and my twenty
five male boyfriend and I have been together for almost
five years this month. I was his first real girlfriend
and I have had a few boyfriends, but nothing super serious.
We were young when we met, but once we were together,
we never really fought or separated. By the way, this
comes from user no Scallion forty sixty nine, and if

(23:44):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
Art Size show Cayse Storytime Separate It. So around two
and a half years in I moved out of my parents'
house for the first time into a apartment that puts
us about an hour away from each other. I moved
into this apartment because I've been searching for a house
to buy and even put an offer on one. My
boyfriend and I were looking together. He was planning on
moving in with me and paying some quote unquote rent,

(24:07):
as the kids are calling it. After looking at probably
thirty different properties, he couldn't find a one he could
live with. I was the only one going to put
down any money, and I was going to be the
sole owner and have a contract built up for him.
At this point, we agreed we wanted marriage together, so
I'm thinking we're all good. I'm gonna get the house first.
So he couldn't settle on a house, and I was

(24:28):
eager to buy the first decent one. I knew this
would be a temporary, little fixer and flip, but after
searching and us not agreeing, we chose to wait and
instead rent. We started looking, and again he can't find
anything he's okay with. I'm living with my verbally harmful parents,
so I can't play. I gotta find a place, but
he wasn't ready. So I got a cheaper place that

(24:50):
was about an hour for my family, him and my job.
It was secluded, but I loved it. He would stay
over sometimes, but then he'd want me to bring my
dog and come stay at his parents' house. I paid
my own rent. I want to use all my money's worth.
I didn't mind like a weekend here or there, but
he wanted equal time. I want a lot to be equal.

(25:11):
But his family doesn't like me, and they're very passive aggressive.
I was so uncomfortable when I went over there, and
he would know it, but felt like he couldn't say
anything because we were young adults and he was living
with his family. They're not very clean, like more than
just normal messy or dirtiness, and they think making fun
of each other is showing that you love each other.
His mom made fun of his brother's stretch marks in

(25:32):
front of the whole family and friends. She is codependent
and doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship with
her kids and their spouses, like always playing a game
with her granddaughter asking who she likes more, mem which
she forces us all to call her or mommy. I
would pass away if that were my kid. So I
don't trust really any of them. Why would I want

(25:53):
to spend time with them. I don't really even spend
time with my own family around this time because of
the way they treated me. So here I am living
off my savings that were meant for a house, just
blowing through money. I had no friends, no support near me,
and a boyfriend i'd see two or three times a
week because he's a carpenter and makes good money, but
has to be up early and drive far. At this time,

(26:13):
he was working about an hour to an hour and
a half away from his parents' home, so when he
did stay with me, he had to wake up at
like four am. Then he'd be home by three, and
when I came home, he would be out cold if
I tried to wake him up. He turns into the
worst person, so mean, not physical or anything really bad,
but just a really witchish version of himself. He's the

(26:35):
sweetest man and so gentle. He cares about people and
is sensitive, but can't voice his feelings or vocalize thoughts well.
He says, it's hard to put it into words. And
we talked. We were always so calm and respectful that
we don't shout, and I trust him. But it was
also around this point he confessed he had a problem
with the cornography. He said he was just letting out stress,

(26:58):
but it became a pattern and he couldn't stop. He
really broke my heart because I look nothing like the
Instagram of models. I'm a fat gal, but I keep
really good care of myself. I dressed nice, smell nice,
all the nices. I'm active. We both like outdoor activities
like fishing and hiking. These women were not like me,

(27:20):
and it really destroyed my trust and love for myself.
I always thought people would look at us and think,
what the heck is he doing with her, which is
honestly a lot of projection, but it's still a thought.
After he deleted all social media he was using, and
we had lots of communication and even tried counseling together,
things were just still broken. We went on a trip

(27:41):
for his cousin's wedding and there he took a double
take on a really skinny, tall blonde with long hair
and was everything I wasn't.

Speaker 5 (27:49):
Dude, No, not that one meme where the guy's like
looking back, Yeah, well he's with his girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, and double take when not a how do you
even do double takes when I was single? Dude?

Speaker 6 (28:03):
That's wild.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
If you're doing double takes with your girlfriend next to you,
that should just inform you, like, maybe I'm not fully
ready for a relationship with this person exactly. It's just
not a good fit or anything under this anything under
the sun. Yeah, Oh my god. We had been talking.
When he did this, I was literally mid sentence and
he did it right in front of me. I dropped

(28:27):
whatever was in my hands and left the store immediately.
He kept apologizing, and it just never really made me
feel better. He's a great man, he takes good care
of me, but during this time, we weren't having spicy
sleep very often or at all, and he was always
so tired and blacking out on the couch after work.
We didn't have any intimacy or spark, or really even
spend a lot of time together. At twenty two, I

(28:49):
thought we'd be doing it like rabbits. We were like
that once, but I'm sure it was just because it
was new and we were new. But things came to
a head. I started to really recognize my feelings for
women I wanted to explore, but a heteronormative, monogamous relationship
doesn't really leave room for that. I told him I
needed a month of no contact. It started New Year's Eve.

(29:09):
He chose to spend it with his friends and both
their families, and I spent it with a friend. I
talked to guys and tried to talk to women, while
also trying to figure out if I wanted this relationship.
It was not enough time for so much to happen.
I really thought after the month he'd think he had
done nothing wrong and wouldn't be able to communicate or
make amends and continue moving forward. But when we met

(29:30):
up again, he showed up in a tuxedo with flowers
and had sparkles in his eyes. He couldn't take his
eyes off me and was shaking. He was so nervous,
but so was I. I was going to break it
off depending on what he said, and I was prepared.
I maybe even had already grieved. But he apologized, He communicated,
it was like a dream. Told me how he wanted
to talk to me so bad but wanted to respect

(29:50):
my time, told me how he wanted to drive to
my house but didn't, told me how he wanted better,
and how he had been reading on how to do better.
He made me some jewelry and gave me letter. Yes,
it was some love bombing, but this kid doesn't have
a malicious bone. So he asked if he could stay
the night, but only if I was okay. He wanted
to move at my pace, and I let him, and

(30:12):
then he never left. He helped pay bills and moved
in unofficially because he only ever brought clothes, none of
his actual belongings. When my lease was up just a year,
we wanted to move closer for work and we were
going to rent, but then thought we should just move
in with his parents and save money. We ended up
renovating their basement to add a bathroom and kitchen sink.
I wanted to do it cheap as possible, just reused, recycled,

(30:35):
then his parents can update the fixtures to whatever they want.
But his parents never communicated like adults that their house
rules or expectations or anything. He felt pressure to do
the nice stuff for them, and they like taking advantage
of situations. We spent roughly ten thousand dollars, which is
what I spent in rent at my apartment. We lived
with them for almost two years, which was just drama,

(30:58):
pettiness and passive aggression from literal fifty year old. I've
seen kids communicate better. We saved no money, that's our fault,
and when we finally moved now I have debt. We
still weren't really having spicy sleep at his parents. I
cried a lot and always felt unwanted by his family.
He still couldn't stand up for me. He wanted to

(31:21):
keep the peace because they were doing us a favor.
That's not doing you a favor. We finally moved out
of their parents' house this past November and are in
our own rental. I now have about five thousand dollars
in credit card debt, and I am actively working on it,
but I'm not doing a good job. We're really open
about finances and he's aware and okay with it. I

(31:41):
pay about forty percent of the bills while he pays
sixty percent, with it being somewhat proportional for our income.
When we first started dating, I told him he had
three years to propose, but now we're at five. We
have had a lot of lows and highs, but we
still love each other. My interest in women has grown,
but I still can't experiment. He no longer has a
problem with the cornos, but is still so tired all

(32:05):
the time. We think he needs a cepap machine.

Speaker 5 (32:08):
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
We still only have spicy sleep once a week or
once every other He very rarely does anything else. We're
kind of just roommates and I felt like that for
a while, but I would still lay my life down
for him. I love him, but my needs aren't always met.
I sometimes feel our energies are off, like I'm always
planning and running and executing plans, and he sits back

(32:31):
and just shows up. And he feels like I only
kiss him in order to have the spicy sleep. He
once told me he had a headache to get out
of it. I feel terrible, but I want to jump
his bones all the time, and he's dry as a desert.
I have bought some spicy equipment which we used used
in the past, and so much lingery and self care stuff,

(32:52):
but he doesn't really notice. I can't tell you the
last time he called me something other than pretty or
done anything romantic or surprise. We've both been pretty stressed
given the political climate, our jobs, money, and everything else,
but he doesn't feel like we are weathering together as
a front, but individually. At the same time, we both
clean and cook. Admittedly he doesn't clean more, just dishes,

(33:15):
but I do all the purchasing and planning. We feel off.
I always thought the man i'd mary would be on fire,
could barely wait to be with me. I thought he'd
long for me and have an unwavering desire. We don't
dance or play. We don't share intimate thoughts, feelings, or secrets.
We don't read together or talk about anything all that deep.

(33:36):
It's pretty casual, routine, funny, ha ha ha. Our last
anniversary was at a picnic table at a local park
with bandanas, barbecue takeout.

Speaker 7 (33:44):
You're twenty five, it's okay to break up and go
out and find someone else.

Speaker 5 (33:48):
Yeah, you've got plenty of time because if.

Speaker 7 (33:51):
You're coming home and your partner's not you know, encouraging you,
Like Angie and I were always like encouraging each other
to like, you know, be awesome, do what we want
to do, and that, Yeah, if that's not there and
you're just like always drained or.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
Just like because really, all a relationship is is hanging out.
You're just hanging out with each other. That's like, really,
that's what it is. You get to hang out and
then you get to you know, have certain intimacy that
you want, and you get to love each other and
all that kind of stuff. But at the end of
the day, you're just spending time together, you know. And
it sounds like they don't even like hanging out with

(34:26):
each other.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
I begged him for months to plan something special, but
there were no flowers, no thought, no intention put into it.
Literally take out at a park. Grateful, I promise, I promise.
I am a grateful You don't have to be. You
can't be upset. Yeah, granted, I told him a cute
picnic and even sent a Pinterest board. But I'm just

(34:49):
frustrated because that's not a cute picnic. It's two friends
eating barbecue at a table. Yeah, I'm just frustrated. I
want to be married. I love him, but I also
feel like he is wrong for me. Like all the
things that make me feel special, he doesn't do wait
what he is very acts of service oriented, So dishes
are folding laundry, but it's like household stuff, nothing unique

(35:11):
or special or romantic. Okay, So clearly the solution is
leave this man and experiment with women. Honestly, because you've
brought it up multiple times that it's something you really
want to explore and see if he's a thing for you. Yeah,
now you feel like you can't do it.

Speaker 5 (35:23):
Time perfect, time.

Speaker 2 (35:25):
You got nothing but time. Now after you leave this guy.
I really appreciate that he pays our rent and his
bills on time, and he is my best friend, truly,
but there is no romance. He will pinch a front airbag,
but no intimacy. We work in a lot of ways,
are you sure, but not in bed. And I hate
his family. I don't know what to do. I have

(35:48):
spicy needs I want to explore as well, but our
lives are so intertwined. I want marriage, I want a hot,
steamy hookup. I want to be desired. I want to
be stood up for and to be a priority. Please help,
want to ruin my life, but there's so much to
unpack here. See ooh it's such a oh man, if
your life would become so much better.

Speaker 5 (36:08):
Yeah, be hard for a little bit, but that's all.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
It's crazy that you said all this stuff that you
want that you can't get right now unless you do
the thing where you break up. But you're also equating
that to ruining your life. So close again, given how
the dating pool is, being a blue dot in a
sea of red makes it very hard for me to
hope there will be other like minded, well intentioned people nearby.

(36:31):
That's a defeatist attitude. And the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (36:34):
Oh pee, oh pee, it's just not right girl. You
know that, you know that it doesn't feel right. It
you're looking for the bare minimum of cleaning up after
himself and like doing household chores to keep you to stay.
But you know that it's just not right. He just doesn't.
You guys just aren't clicking. You gotta click. If you're

(36:55):
feeling this way five years in and you're trying to
you might spend the rest of your life together, because
that's that's the option. Spend the rest of your life
together or breakup Right.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
Now, that seems like the path OPE wants to be
on of lies. Yeah, it's like I want to be married.
So it's like that's Ope's really waiting to spend the
rest of their life with this partner and there is
just not reciprocated in any way, shape or form.

Speaker 5 (37:22):
Yeah, I found multiple signs that my boyfriend cheated, but
he keeps denying it.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Are they like signs that say I cheated on them?

Speaker 5 (37:31):
So this started Wednesday morning and I still haven't gotten
a straight answer or even any real acknowledgment. I thirty female,
have been dating my boyfriend, let's call him Dave, thirty
one male for two years. By the way, this comes
from Kueasy Spring forty thirty nine, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime. Supreadit. So that morning I found a hair
clip clipped to his dresser. Not mine, definitely not mine.

(37:55):
I have blonde, straight, wavy hair, and this hair was
dark and coarse. The clip had product on it. I
don't wear that kind. I didn't bring it. I don't
wear cream or gel products. I have never seen it before.
So I asked him, who's this this? His response yours,
with an angry tone. I said no. Then I guessed

(38:17):
maybe it belonged to his friend's girlfriend, who had been
over a long time ago. We'll call her Emily. I
even offered a text and asked her, and he went silent.
Then I followed up again and told him that it
wasn't hers and still got no real response, just I
don't know, and that was it. I asked for space
because I was confused and felt like this was really shady.

(38:38):
Since then, not a single word, total radio silence. He
didn't try to check in, didn't offer any theories, didn't
defend himself, didn't say he'd look into it. Nothing, dude.
I even called him. I was stranded and needed a
ride and he refused to pick me up what he
acted pissed off, like I was punishing him. He eventually

(38:59):
told me that i'd this and to get f out
and shut the f up because he didn't do anything wrong.
His one defense via text after I left and said
I'm not letting this go was that it's not in
his character to do this. He doesn't have the time
or energy. Oh and this is the second time this
exact thing has happened. In October, I found a random

(39:19):
pair of panties, same deal, silence, denial, no explanation. I
chose to believe him. Then after we did a session
with my therapist, and now this just feels like deja vous,
with even less effort on his part to clear things up.
It's been seventy two hours. If he were innocent, wouldn't
he want to clear it up? Wouldn't he say something
right now? And just feels like he's avoiding it until

(39:40):
I either drop it or break up with him, And honestly,
I'm not sure which one he wants more So Reddit,
is this hair claw innocent or am I the a
hole for being upset that he hasn't addressed this at all?
Or Is it fair to give someone a few days
of silence when they are processing? There isn't edits processing
or hiding. Yeah, yeah, I don't think you need to

(40:01):
process this if someone's accusing you of cheating, when there's
like literal evidence like this, Yeah, I don't think there's
much to like process. But anyway, we've gotten EDI's You're amazing. Thanks, right,
dang you guys. Okay, I feel like a dumb butt,
but I will say I literally called the therapist on

(40:22):
speaker when I found the panties, and she asked me
three questions. One, what does your gut say? It said nothing, Well,
no weird vibes or clues about cheating. Two has he
been acting suspiciously or weird? No? Three, you've forgiven it
more with less evidence. So if you didn't feel it
in your gut and nothing is off, so do you

(40:43):
want to hang your hat on this gray area? And
I ultimately decided no. I literally couldn't believe it, so
I didn't. After I saw a few dozens he's cheating comments,
I told him that he needed to move out. He
has a gaming room with a bed with a bed
in my house. That's why he was telling me to
get the f out. It was his room. Both of

(41:03):
my cameras were unplugged by him, and one was disabled
because he changed the Wi Fi. He said that I'm
pathetic he has no idea where the clip came from
and would tell me if he did, and genuinely thought
that I'd just accept that, say I trust you and
let it go. He said that I must have borrowed
it for my friend when I went out on Tuesday.
I did not, and she doesn't have that hair type.

(41:24):
When I brought this up eight short months after the panties,
he said I had nothing to do with either. I
guess I'm genuinely a dumbbut and gullible. Thanks guys, pray
for me if there is an edit to the edit.
The people who said that they'd react if I accused
them if and they were innocent. His lack of trying
to figure out where these two items came from, or
even just the clip this time, and Adam in denial

(41:47):
just saying he'd never do that, is messing with me.
He's starting to pack up, but I'm wondering if I'm
looking past something the whole reason I've even made this post.
Does this make anything make more sense. Should I have
taken this response and let it go. Am I losing it?
Trying to still find a way to believe it could
be innocent? His original defense, And I'm saying this as

(42:07):
clearly as I can. I didn't cheat, not now, not ever,
on everything I love, including you. I swear that no
one else has been here in my bed or in
this house with me like that. I don't have the
energy for it, and more importantly, I wouldn't do that
to you. I spend all my free time gaming. And
the only reasonable time that you that that could have

(42:28):
happened is yesterday when you were gone all day and
you saw the state of me when you got here, greasy, unshowered,
and not exactly in a state where i'd hang out
with someone. I don't know how I can prove this
to you, but I will. You've got nothing to worry about,
promise that on God. And you're the last person I'd
try to sneak having someone hereby. You're too intelligent and

(42:48):
hypervigilant and in touch with your intuition and observe it
and all other things. You'd feel it and know it
even if there was no evidence, and I'd have and
I have an unbearingly overwhelming guilty conscience, so I couldn't
lie to you, just not.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
Me, Yeah, sure, yeah, And then and then it's I'm sorry,
you might as well have just put And by the way,
they just passed a law where it's illegal for me
to lie, which means I would never do it, which
means I've never done it. Yeah, so actually you owe
me dinner.

Speaker 5 (43:20):
But my reply, I really just need some space and
time to think. I can't think of anyone who is
in our circle and has that texture and curl of hair.
That clip wasn't there when I tried turning your light
on just the other day. I also looked for baseball
caps in your dresser the day I wore the bucket hat.
It wasn't then either. So I just am having a
hard time wrapping my head around what's happened here. There

(43:40):
is an update. I've barely slept since the most recent incident.
This morning, at seven thirty am, he came into my
room and apologized tearfully. He said he was sorry for
being so angry, and explained that his explosive reactions come
from deeper trauma. He was bullied in seventh grade for
something he didn't do again in ninth grade, by the
entire school and later by nurses at his job when
someone lied about one of his patients and he ended

(44:03):
up being bullied. That environment too.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Saw us immediately saw some a victim. You can't actually
do this. I'm a victim and you're wrong or even
saying business.

Speaker 5 (44:10):
This man is thirty and he's saying, I'm sorry for
yelling at you, telling you to get the of your home.
It's just my room. Yeah, it's because I was bullied
when I was in seventh grade.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Yeah, I got bullied as a child, so that's I can't. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:24):
He's like, let me just look for any sort of
reason that this woman can be sorry for me right now,
and let's bring that up and then she'll probably forgive
me that way.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
Probably she's so pathetic. Just leave, just leave, just own
up to it and say, yeah, I did that. So
this is probably not gonna work. Huh.

Speaker 5 (44:40):
He said his anger is rooted in that same feeling
being quote punished for something he didn't do. He admitted
that he can't prove he didn't cheat, but said if
I checked his gaming activity from that day, it would
show that he was online for nearly sixteen hours. He said,
I'd know if something happened that I would smell the sheets.
I reminded him that the last time this happened, right

(45:01):
before my grandma's funeral, he hadn't changed the sheets then either.
His response, we weren't dating. I replied, my point is
you're capable, and he said it's different now. As for
the cameras being down conveniently during the time I was gone,
and both items appeared. He said the Wi Fi modem
was changed because he was setting up the soundbar and

(45:21):
didn't realize it disconnected the security system.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
That's like a worse line than being like, oh I heard.
I looked it up and there was like a solar
flare that happened, and I think it just knocked out
the Wi Fi in our.

Speaker 5 (45:32):
House, our house when you were gone. Yeah, just yesterday
when you were gone. And then suddenly, oh my gosh,
these magical items disappeared.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (45:41):
I don't know whose they are. They just appeared here.
I told him again, he's asking me to let go
of all logic and just believe him despite past situations,
ship behavior, conflicting stories, and too many coincidences. I said,
you're asking me to close my eyes and pretend I
didn't see what I found. He said he's reached out
to a counselor he used to see, which I had
asked him to do earlier in the conversation, because his

(46:02):
anger response is not normal. I told him, I still
need more time to think. I can't let the clip
and panties go. I literally watch crime shows for fun.
I need evidence to believe someone's innocent when logic and
context suggest otherwise. I'm not trying to punish him by
still having him move out, but I can't just silence
my instincts either. So yeah, that's where I'm at, still

(46:24):
being gas lit, loll. I was really starting to question
myself because he ignored me for so long and didn't
address any direct questions, et cetera. Then my second thought
is the way he reacted should be a deal breaker
in itself, regardless of his trauma. And that is absolutely true.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Gress oh my yes, yes, oh my god.

Speaker 5 (46:44):
And that I think pissed me off the most out
of all this crap, cheating and everything that pissed me
off the most, that pissed me on the most. He's
coming to you crying and apologizing not for like I
don't know, him ruining your trust or something like that,
or like, you know, trying to see you know, wimy,
why don't she trust me?

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Like?

Speaker 5 (47:03):
Can we work on this? He came in crying.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
So, oh, I'm just a little baby.

Speaker 5 (47:08):
And I'm sorry I yelled at you, which is such
such crappy behavior. She's right, that is something to leave
all in itself, even if he didn't cheat. And he's like, oh, you.

Speaker 8 (47:18):
Have to forgive me because I was only crying because
when you said that, I uh, like when you said
this and this, I felt like I was being punished
and all these people were punishing me in the past.

Speaker 5 (47:29):
But she knows, she she knows, she knows.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 5 (47:38):
Our baby's skin turned different. Now my husband is accusing
me of cheating different how he twenty six female and
my significant other twenty nine Maile just had our first baby.
We are we are over the moon when we discovered
the pregnancy and we were both really excited to have
a child together. We want or wanted to get married

(47:58):
next year. And everything was going great. We were happy.
By the way, this comes from a wrong raised baby throw.
If you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story time sepreaded. So we both
look very white, pale skin, blue eyes, brown and blonde hair. However,
my great great grandpa was black, and some of his
features have popped up here and there in our family

(48:19):
kinky hair, darker skin, and more black looking facial characteristics.
My significant other knows this and has seen some of
my adults and uncles and cousins who have these features. I, however,
don't have any myself, and neither does my mom. Our
daughter was born five days ago, and I guess she
just got all the dormant jeans in me because she's
really dark skinned compared to us, with really curly hair.

(48:41):
I think she's adorable. But my significant other flipped. He
accused me of cheating, that the baby couldn't possibly be his.
I've never given him a reason to suspect me of infidelity,
and I've certainly never cheated. We argued about it. I
pointed at all my cousins and other relatives who have
black features, but he absolutely refused to listen and said
our daughter looked too black for that to be a

(49:03):
plausible explanation. He stormed out of the hospital, sent me
a text an hour later that we were over, and
when I got home from the hospital the next day,
he wasn't there and most of his personal belongings were gone.
I tried to reach him, but he didn't answer my
texts or calls until three days later, when he told
me that he demanded a paternity test to prove that
I was a liar, and if I refuse, I'll never

(49:26):
see him again. I'm completely broken down and hurt over this.
For our entire relationship, He's been so sweet and rational.
This is completely unlike him. If he'd just calmly asked
for our paternity test to begin with, I would have
been hurt, but I guess I could understand the concerns.
Our daughter looks nothing like him. But I don't think
our relationship can survive this. Even when I proved to

(49:48):
him I wasn't lying. Should I go through the test
or just cut my losses here and raise her alone?
And there is an edit to I decided to get
the test done. I'll update you all when I get
the results. I'm still angry, but I guess I I
understand him a bit better now there are some relevant
comments f racism. Throwaway says, that's your decision to make. However,
in your situation, I would do the paternity test either way.

(50:11):
If you decide to leave him, it's a nice big
f you to him, and if you decide to stay,
he gets his peace of mind. It's a win win situation. Really,
I'd be hurt as f if my significant other accused
me of cheating, even though I've never shown any signs fit. However,
I don't know how i'd react if I had a
white girlfriend and the baby came out black. This is
probably a one in a million type of situations, so

(50:32):
I really can't say anything else about it.

Speaker 4 (50:33):
It's not it's not a one in a million type
situations like baby's not black has like it's seemingly like
more affrocentric features because Ope's family does exactly.

Speaker 5 (50:44):
It's like, this isn't just a situation where like the
whole family is white all like that. You know, sure
I would, I would raise some eyebrows at that, but but.

Speaker 4 (50:56):
Like this, wait, let's look at Ope's and hire a
family and be like right, oh yeah, I can see
where those features. It's like, you know, being like having
to like you're married to a person that has completely
straight hair, and you all say straight hair, but your
entire family is curly hair, right, and then your kid
has curly hair and the husband's are how does.

Speaker 5 (51:18):
The kid off curly hair right? Or like red hair
or something like that and the parents don't have red hair.
It's like Skip's generations. Guys, come on, let's do some
We can just do a little haha about this and
be like, oh wow, haha, Yeah, it doesn't look anything
like me, ah, but it's still my child. Blue Claw
says that you're going to need a DNA test for
child sport, so you may as well get one. Now

(51:38):
what you choose to do about the relationship is up
to you, but you're going to need the child sport.
Ope responds, Wow, I've been so caught up in this
whole drama and taking care of the baby that I
hadn't even thought about child support. You're right, I'll get
the test done, if only to make sure that the
baby gets the best life possible. Burns Noticed says people
are surprisingly ignorant of how genetics work. Anyway, get the

(52:00):
paternity tested just for his peace of mind, but understand
that your relationship is irreparably broken and that he may
sadly never show your daughter the sort of love or
affection a father should show his child. This is a
heartbreaking situation. I feel most for the baby and you,
of course, but that little girl is going to face
a lot of challenges in life looking like a black
child to white parents. Talk to your more black looking

(52:23):
relatives about this, and do research on how to talk
to your daughter about her ancestry and prepare her for
some of the more stupid, bigoted, ridiculous things that people
are bound to say. Opie responds, Yeah, I imagine things
are gonna be hard for her, but at least she
has a loving mom and a family who can relate
to her. I just hope my boyfriend or my ex
I don't even know anymore will come around and treat

(52:44):
her with the respect that he couldn't afford to give me.
And Opie makes a comment on her family history. For
generations back, my great grandpa and all her siblings look
really black, my grandma less. So my mom's generation is
the first to have completely white looking kids, and I
don't think so my friends joke that my butt is
so big that I must have inherited that. But I

(53:05):
don't think big butts are an actual racial trait, just
more of a stereotype. Plenty of white girls with big booties.
And there is an update of five days later.

Speaker 4 (53:14):
Ooh ee, I'm happen that. I well, I think what
should happen? They stay divorced. They're like, they get divorced
because this is not something that you can come back
too easily or come back from easily. Yeah, and he
finds out that this kid is his, and he's like
so overcome with guilt. Yeah, that he was like, I'm

(53:34):
gonna raise this child properly.

Speaker 5 (53:37):
Yeah, he would have to do so much effort to
to like earn my trust back after he just accused
me of not trusting me, you know, to like make
me forgive him. He would have to do so much.

Speaker 4 (53:52):
I don't even know at this point. For me, I'm like,
I'm not even like, oh I would forgive it. I
just want him to parent his kid, right right, that's
like ye ideal? Yeah, So updates five days later.

Speaker 5 (54:04):
Hey, guys, First of all, I want to thank all
the original commentars who helped me see my significant other
side and calmed me down enough to take the test. Well,
the results are in, and of course she is his.
The whole process was absolutely ridiculous. I got an appointment
with the doctor and texted significant other the time and location.
He didn't answer, but showed up, and the entire time
he didn't say one word to me, and he didn't

(54:26):
want to touch or even look at the baby and
left as soon as they had taken a sample, despite
the doctor asking him to stay so we could go
over a few things. Once he left, I just broke down.
And I must say the doctor was really nice, didn't
judge me or accuse me of anything, just calm me,
went over how the test works and told me babies
are often born darker than they actually end up being.
Baby was an absolute champ, barely fussed when they drew

(54:49):
her blood. I got the results yesterday. I texted significant
other to the news and asked if he wanted to
come over and open it with me. After almost half
an hour, he finally responded, yes, he'd like to come over.
I'm thinking he either sent it while on his way
or he's not staying very far away, because he was
here in about fifteen minutes well, we opened it and
read the positive test together. He turned white like a

(55:13):
sheet and then just started bawling. I had to shush
him because he was crying so loudly, And finally I
got an explanation for his flipout. I mentioned in a
comment on the old post that he was an only
child to very old parents. His dad passed away a
few years ago, and his mom lives alone a few
hours drive from us. I haven't met her often, but
she seems pleasant enough. Turns out, she hates me. She

(55:35):
absolutely hates my guts and always has. I had no
idea about this. She's always acted kind of snobby, sure,
but I had no idea that she disliked me this much.
When significant other called her to tell her the good
news eight months back when we discovered the pregnancy, she
started crying. And he never told me this, And as
the months passed, she continued being super negative about the
whole thing and saying that she doubted the baby was

(55:57):
actually his. I was below them. Poor people cheat because
they were raised in ft up environment.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
What the F?

Speaker 4 (56:03):
I'm sorry, he's okay, I'm I'm calling your in. I mean,
I can see where this is going, Yeah, he's gonna
tell her pee. Well, my mother, you know, she she
spent months telling me that you would cheat on me.
And then I saw the baby and the baby wasn't
what I expected the baby to look like, and I just.

Speaker 5 (56:18):
Snapped, I don't care.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (56:21):
Sorry. If my family, if I had a family member
who was going on and on and saying terrible things
about my partner who I was having a child with.

Speaker 5 (56:30):
Yeah, I'd be like, uh, I'm not gonna talk to
you anymore. Yeah, yeah, sorry, none of this makes me
understand him, no, or maybe maybe I understand Yeah what
he sayss it not at all.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
Not.

Speaker 4 (56:43):
I'd be like, oh, okay, So you listen to your
mother for months while she just spewed vitriol at me, right,
and it didn't even stand up for me. Yeah, and
then when you saw the baby, instead of talking to me,
you believe your mom, right, you believe that I could
possibly cheat on you.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
You can.

Speaker 4 (57:00):
I believe mommy every time, Come on, every time something
comes up about me. You're gonna believe mommy.

Speaker 5 (57:04):
Why you poor victim? You poor victim. And instead of
talking to me about this significant other, kept silent while
constantly doubting me more and more. Baby being Black just
put the final nail in the coffin that his mother
was right and I was good for nothing, cheating witch.
After telling me all of this, we just sat in
silence for a while. Finally he asked if he could

(57:24):
hold the baby. I was still angry as heck, but
decided that holding her was his right. He's her father,
after all. I went and got her from her crib,
let him have her, and he started crying again, which
scared her and she started crying too, so they were
just sitting there bawling together for a while. Finally he stopped,
handed her back and asked if he could come home.

(57:45):
I was kind of taken aback. I didn't expect him
to just flat out ask that already. I laid out
everything I said in the last thread, how insanely disrespectful
and childish she had been, how he'd horribly broken my
trust and hadn't talked to me about his mom's poisonous
and ignorant comments, completely ignores me for three days, not
telling me where he is or if he's even alive,
and then he just waltzes in and wants to start

(58:07):
living here again. I told him if he ever wanted
to have some inkling of a chance of mending the relationship,
we had to go to couple's therapy asap. And from
now on he will answer my calls and messages unless
he has an emergency and can't. He will not be
staying here for a while. And finally, he needs to
tell his mom to bag the f off. And there
is a little bit more into the story. I like

(58:28):
that she's setting some boundary too. I would be so pissed.
I would be so mad.

Speaker 4 (58:34):
Yes, dude, oh okay, I do appreciate that she's not
letting him off easy. She's like, you're not staying here
for a minute, and you have to put up all
these boundaries with your mom.

Speaker 5 (58:44):
Yeah uh yeah, Like, no, this is what you did wrong,
This is what you did draw, Like the entire past
few days had been terrible and you need to fix that.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
And also I think he needs to do some like
inner self work because he had a lot of thoughts
on his baby daughter about her race and like how
she looked, and I feel like you need to really
really question your internal biases. Yeah, because you're about to
parent a child who does look darker than you. And

(59:16):
there are like that comments said, there are going to
be people who question that, people who make comments about her.
Do you know how to take care of her hair,
because it seems she is curly hair.

Speaker 5 (59:26):
You know, like you have to be on top of this.

Speaker 2 (59:28):
Yeah, because you already let.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
Your biases take you away from your newborn daughter. But
there is a little bit more to the story. He
immediately agreed and finally told me how sorry he was
for this whole fiasco. I'm not sure if I can
forgive him for this, but I'm gonna try. We had
an amazing life before this, and I hope that with
a lot of work.

Speaker 5 (59:47):
We can have it again. My significant other also finally
told me that he was staying in a hostel, but
it's not very expensive, so he can stay there for
a while longer. The baby is doing great, considering how
many stress hormones she must have been drinking from me
these last few days. Her hair is falling out, but
the doctor told me that it was normal and babies
often lose most or all of the hair that they're
born with. I'm hoping her new hair will grow and blonde.

(01:00:10):
That would make her even cuter. Thank you all for
your help on the last thread, and my mom agreed
with many of you and thinks I'm absolutely nuts for
trying to work things out, but I think it'd be
best for everyone if we at least give it a shot,
especially the baby. And that is the end of that story.

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