October 21, 2025 • 56 mins
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00:12 r/AITAH - AITA for telling my dad and his fiancee how i really feel, sending my dad into a deep depression?
17:44 r/BORUpdates - My mom (55F) and I (25F) are in a massive fight over my fiance (27M) [Concluded]
43:30 r/AITAH - AITAH For refusing to receive the Christmas presents my Mom bought me this year then ghosting her? M/28
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Am. This is John, your og okay
story time podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy
stories coming up. But if you want to hear that deliciousness,
you know, just stick around for a two minute break
with a word from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I told off my cheating father. Now his new wife
is calling me heartless.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
She's a hot eat. I don't know that's a song.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I know the title sounds super bad, but hear me out.
I eighteen mail am an only child. I lived with
my mom full time. My parents are divorced. Some quick context.
During my entire life, my mom always picked up after
me and my dad. They both worked full time. But
my mom handled breakfast, lunch, dinner, groceries, cleaning, laundry. What
(00:42):
did my dad do? Mow the lawn, shovel snow, fix
things like the sink if it ever wrote so not
things that happen every day.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It's like he handles the outside, she handles on the inside.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, but the inside things happen like every day. He's
doing things that happen well, maybe once a week.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
This is how my grandparents live.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, but that's a different time.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I feel like it's they still live this way.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Well, I know, but they're different generations.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, but he's always in the garden always, but yeah,
you know. Okay, By the way, are they cool with it?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I presumably not, seeing as he is a new wife.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
By the way, this comes from Throwaway pasta error and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley,
and Op says. When I was younger, I always loved
my dad because he would do fun things with me,
take me to sports games, play with me in the yard,
sometimes buy me McDonald's or ice cream. He was the
fun parent, and my mom was the caring one. She
(01:41):
always made me food, helped me in school, packed my bags,
comforted me when I was sad, and took care of
me when I was sick. When I got older, I
started to realize more and more how much my mom
did well. My dad would sit on the couch and
watch TV or stuff like that. My mom asked me
when I was quite young to help her out with cleaning,
et cetera, and I remember I would get mad at
(02:01):
her when she asked. I didn't want to clean. Who does?
But one day after she had got annoyed. I didn't
even pick up after myself. I yelled at her to
leave me alone. I was probably like twelve, and that
day I heard her cry in the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Afterwards, Oh, at least he knows how much that made
her feel.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, when I realized I made her cry, it clicked
in my head that she was doing everything for us
and Dad did barely anything and I did absolutely nothing
at all. Well, I think that you have like this,
you know, parental figure that is modeling to you that
it's okay that you do nothing. And it's like, yeah,
this is the woman's job, so it's fine if you
(02:39):
just watch TV and play games and you need like
a you need a figure in your house to show
you that.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Everyone ship's in exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
It felt like I grew up super quickly over the
course of a week, and I started helping my mom
a lot more. It became a bonding thing for us,
talking and helping each other out with cleaning and groceries,
et cetera.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Oh, it's really cute.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
My dad was still the fun parent, would take me
the games and all that, but I grew more and
more annoyed that he didn't help out at all. I
think when I was like fourteen, I once said to
his face that he never helps out around the house,
and he got furious with me, yelled in my face
and sent me to my room. My mom comforted me
and told me to just let him be you and
I got this alone anyway. The few times he was
(03:23):
dragged into helping, he would always make a mess somehow
and it would end in an argument with him and Mom.
I've realized now he most likely did a bad job
on purpose, so he wouldn't ask him for help. When
I was fifteen, Mom found out that Dad cheated. Oh God,
had been for like a year. There's no redeeming quaudies
to this guy.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yikes, it don't help out. Just watch TV and he
cheats if.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You were what.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I watch YouTube, but I also produce YouTube and I
make sure that I put out content. Mm hm, he's
not even doing that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Nope. They had the biggest fight ever, and my dad
left us that night to live with his mistress and
her daughter from a previous marriage. He came a few
days after and picked most of his stuff up. I
don't remember much how the divorce went, other than my
mom being a wreck. When it was finalized, she honestly
broke down even more. I fed her, helped her into
the shower, held her at night. I've never seen her
(04:17):
that bad. And if I didn't hate my dad for
what he had done in general, I started absolutely despising
him for what he did to my mom. Oh, that
is a really tough situation to be put in as
a fifteen year old, where you have to kind of
be the father figure, yeah, for your own mother, you know,
or like the husband figure for your own mother.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, that supporting person.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Family from my mom's side would help us too, but
it was mostly me since no one could really move
in and stay with us full time. I picked up
a job at sixteen to help at home. It took
my mom maybe half a year to start going back
to her old self. She grew up to be better, happier,
and I had never seen her so full of life
when she was with dad. A month or two after
the divorce was over, my dad started pushing for me
(05:01):
to live with him fifty percent of the time. I
told him to f off, basically, but Mom said I
shouldn't shut him out completely, so I went to him
every other weekend. He tried to be all nice to me,
and so did his mistress, but I hated their guts.
The mistress, let's call her Hannah, tried to be nice
to me but also boss me around, and I basically
(05:22):
ignored her. She has a daughter from a previous marriage
who tried to bond with me, but I ignored her too. Barely.
Even a year after the divorce was over, Hannah got pregnant.
Oh gosh, wow, and they had another daughter. Dad and
Hannah have tried to push for me to be a
big brother for them, but I couldn't care about them less.
Now I'm eighteen, and I gradually stopped going to my dad's.
(05:44):
I barely ever stay at night. I just visit, and
my dad keeps trying to blame my mom for it.
Hannah gives me more and more attitude and tries to
use her daughters to guilt me into staying over, saying
they missed their big brother. You're so selfish, that is
that's wow, that's really not the way to get what
you want.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
There, Well, that's really gonna help bond this family. Yeah, yeah,
bonding over guilt.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Grace sold him beauty perfect. We had a big confrontation
when I visited last. I stayed for twenty minutes before
Hannah started to lecture me. So I just started leaving.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Bro knows what your will is, you know.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
He's like, wait, I actually don't have to stay here.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Dad blocked my way and told me I have to
grow up and leave the past in the past. It's
not the past though, you're actively sucking right now. And
also you never seemingly apologized for any of the behaviors
from the past. He said, I can't be mad forever,
and I'm acting as if I don't love him and
we're all family. That just set me off. I started
(06:47):
screaming at him that I haven't loved him in years.
I told him that he was always a lazy pos
who acted more like a child than a husband. To
my mom, she always cleaned up after him, cleaned the
house alone, washed his clothes, made him food, fetched him
another adult soda even though the kitchen was five steps away.
But all that ever came out of his mouth was
(07:08):
complaints and demands. Oh my god, oh he is reading him.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Also, this is a really bad time to bring this up.
But one of my favorite things is whenever andrewe brings
me Lacroix from her parents' house and it's really cold.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Well, that's different. You guys know each other. Yeah, that's
not this I do.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I do things for her.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
All the time, but in this situation he's demanding things
and never does anything.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
But it is nice. It really is nice.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
It really is nice.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I told him, Oh, so that makes me point out
she does a lot of nice things for you. There
we go. Okay, I feel less bad now, yeah, because
I was like, dude, sometimes Angie gets.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Me, but you get you do stuff in exchange point,
I try to braik her hair. Yeah, when I go
over to my friend's.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
House, oh, get over it. And a month this will
come out say it.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Oh yeah, hopefully at this point.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Damn, when you go to your boyfriend's Okay, hopefully this
is coming out in the month.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Okay, I hope he's my boyfriend by then.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
You can just say I just manifested.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Manifest No, I can't, because that'd be so embarrassing if
he wasn't.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
We're not talking as if it was September fifth, Yeah,
like October fifth.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Anyway, hopefully at the time this time, he's my boyfriend.
I think whenever I go over to his house. He
always makes me food and he's like, do you want
a snack? And then he comes out and he like
toasts really nice bread and like he did all he did,
like he mashed up avocado and like cut up this
like real fresh tomato and like had like olive oil.
I was like, damn, I do that every time she
(08:48):
comes over, snack that I need. He's such a good cook.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I need to work on that.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Cook you're but you've also improved a lot to thank you,
thank you, I think anyway, I told him he took
me out to do fun things, sure, but that's not
all there is to being a dad. He was never
there for me, helped me in school, drove me anywhere,
or picked me up, comforted me. And then he did
the worst possible thing. After years of standing on my
mother's back and using her, he went and eft a
(09:19):
random woman and absolutely broke her.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, I mean I think op needed to say this,
Like obviously it's not ideal that he's like screaming all
of this, but you know, he's eighteen. His dad has
been pushing this relationship that Opie clearly doesn't want to
have anymore, and you know, sometimes it just all comes out.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
If the dad wanted to have an actually genuine conversation
like relationship, he should have said he was sorry. He
said it was crappy, and at least owned up to
what he did.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, I screamed about how a kid had to pick
up the pieces of his own mother because his father
was such a pos and useless garbage. I felt enough
for him. In fact, I hated his gut still, and
I hated his mistress too. I turned to Hannah and
told her that she means nothing to me. She has
no authority over me. I don't give a crap about
(10:11):
her or her kids. I told them both I wish
nothing bad at their daughters, but Hannah is a horrible
person for filling her kids' heads with lies about how
I am their brother when I've repeatedly told them I'm not.
Then I looked my dad in the eyes and said,
my father passed away to me years ago, and that
man wasn't even a good dad. You're just a stranger
(10:32):
to me. I pushed my way past him and left.
Ooh day, oh see movies, you need to get that
off his chest. Let's write a script, gees, Yeah, I
write a script about your life story.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Ouch, that's I hope.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Your dad was just like, I'm just imagining the dad
being like it's like a fish.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Uh yeah, Yeah, he definitely sat down later that day
and started thinking about what you said.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Wow, I was never gonna forget that.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Do you think the dad could come back from this?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
There is a way, but it requires a lot, a
lot of therapy, self reflection, apologies, and.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Just like, do you think you'd have to divorce Hannah? Probably?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I don't know if well, you know what, I think
Hannah would kind of because Hannah is a problem too,
because she's like, she's the one who's kind of spewing
that filth at ope. Yeah, but I don't think that
he could do that. And also I think he would
be a little bit the able for divorcing this, you
know woman.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, okay, so there is one way. Yeah, but father, but.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
You'd become an adhole in a new way to your daughters.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, you've already You've already chose your path here.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah. When I got home, I told my mom everything
and cried. She hugged me and told me she understands
my emotions but wishes I wasn't so aggressive for my
own sake. My mom has never said a bad thing
about my dad despite everything, and when I would curse
him out, she always told me it wasn't worth it.
My dad and his new family were silent for a
few days, but then started bombarding me with texts about
(12:02):
how I was a horrible fun and my dad hasn't
stopped crying since. Good Finally he gets, you know, a
feel for how OPI's mom was going, you know what
she was going through, gets it. I know he always
wanted a son and wanted to close bond, but he's
failed me as a father and I don't care. But
family from Hannaside I've met like once or not at all,
have also started messaging me saying I was out of
(12:24):
line and everyone makes mistakes.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Block block blah.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I'd be like, I know you, but I don't think
it's a mistake. I genuinely think my dad's a pos
and I don't know him anything. But I guess all
the hate from so many people has me doubting myself.
Maybe I should have just left without a word. So, yeah,
am I the a hole? And there is an update,
but I think I've already said it. It's like, yeah,
(12:49):
maybe not the best move, but sometimes you can't stop that.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, you're young, justified a hole? I agree, justified. I
agree you did an a whole move, but everyone can't.
You have to be an a hole sometimes, Yeah, you
have to.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Can't just keep all of that in. I don't think
it would be healthy for you to keep that in.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
No, no, could you've written a letter and said everything yes,
and you would be the ahole. That scenario but justified ahole.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I agree. Update. I know it hasn't been long since
I posted, but I quickly got so many not the
a hole and people who agreed with me that I
acted pretty fast. I wrote out a long text to
my dad that looks like this. Okay, hey Dad, I
know what I said yesterday was very harsh, but I'm
not apologizing for it. Growing up, you made it clear
what a partner and a husband shouldn't be. Even though
(13:35):
mom and you worked the same hours, you were always
entitled to your alone time and your rest while she
was left to pick up after the whole family. I
realized at a young age that mom needed help, and
every time I picked up your old socks or put
your dishes away, I got more and more annoyed at
what a lazy pos you are. A twelve year old
did more housework than his father. Let that sink in.
(13:57):
You went and did fun things with me. I acknowledge
and did appreciate that. But that's not all there is
to be a parent. I needed you other times when
I was sick, sad, stressed, needed help with homework, or
even just talking to you. I know you always wanted
a good father and son bond, but we never actually talked,
not small talk, proper conversations. I honestly feel like you
(14:18):
don't even know who I truly am. But when I
went to you with anything, you told me to go
to mom because you had a long day at work.
I hope, for your new daughter's sake that you start
picking up your crap after yourself. I can't stand Hannah,
but I somehow also hope she doesn't get stuck in
the loop of scrubbing your back and holding your spoon
when you eat, never allowed to ask for a favor
(14:38):
and rest. You need to tell her to get her
family to stop pestering me about this, or I'm blocking
you all you included. Hannah has no authority over me,
and I have no respect for her because she's slept
with the married man. She also is not entitled to
a relationship with me. I've always tried to be polite
but not welcoming because I don't see her as anything
other than your mistress. She needs to get that through
(15:01):
her head. And like I said, I will never wish
anything bad on to her daughters, but I am not
their family. You filling their head with that BS is
only causing them a harm. Get that through your head. Yeah,
he's really smoked, hope, he's really hammering this in. There's
a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
If you're unhappy in your marriage, you either try to
work it out, go to therapy, or split on whatever terms.
You don't cheat on your partner like a dirt pickle.
It doesn't matter how you felt for Hannah and Mom
at the time. You should have split with Mom before
pursuing Hannah. I'm effing eighteen years old, and even I
know that if the text don't stop today, I'm blocking
(15:43):
every last one of you. I'm already blocking Hannah's family,
but I'm keeping you and her unblocked for whatever reason.
This is not me forgiving you. I don't think we
can work through this. Because we can't. I'm not visiting
you for a while, and if I ever want to again,
it will be on my terms. This is not up
for negotiation. And again, if you try to pressure me
(16:04):
or guilt trip me, I will literally just never speak
to you again. I hope you go to therapy and
get fully torn down so you can build yourself up
to be someone worthy of respect, because right now you're not.
Now leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Oh ooh ooh oof you wow ooh you just right
for the throat.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah wow, I mean you got the letter you wanted Ley.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah, that was that was beautiful. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Set your boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Man, you have to you gotta Yes, you were aggressive,
but you have to be weren't lying. I saw my
mom crying, yeah years about a man that just wasn't
worth the hill of beans.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I gotta hate him too. Gosh, here's a little bit
left though. After like three or four hours, Dad responded,
I understand, and nothing else. The random texts have stopped.
I don't know. I sort of feel free, but also sad.
I'm not burning the bridge fully, but I'm also done
with their bs. So yeah, that's where I stand right now.
(17:08):
Thanks for listening. Yeah, hope you're gonna be sad because
this is really tough. You've had to cut off this.
I mean, like again, I think it's the thing of
you're not mourning the relationship you had with your dad,
You're mourning the desire for a good relationship with a
father figure. Yeah, and you've never really I mean, you've
had it to some extent because he was he does
(17:28):
seem like he was, you know, the fun parent for
a time. Yeah, took you to games, but eventually you
realize that, like the fun parent isn't the parent who's
there for you and like stepping out for you. But
that's the end of that story. And we've got another
one coming right up.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
My mother disapproves of my fiance and it's ruining everything.
Why don't you like trigger warning for emotional abuse. For
some quick background information, my mom fifty five female and
I twenty five female. We're in a pretty bad car
accident in Georgia in twenty nineteen that gave her traumatic
brain injury and damage her frontal lobe, decision making, emotional regulation,
(18:05):
and logical thinking. I had a knuckle like this. It
took him a while to get back around, but it's.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Tough because I mean, like, you can't really fault them
because it's not them.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
She moved to Arizona about six months later, was doing fine,
then the VID hit and she was made homeless. I
was in college at the time and in no position
to up and leave, so we helped my younger brother
twenty mile at the time, move out to Arizona to
help her.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Ugh, that's tough on him.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
By the way, this comes from deny the patriarchy and
if you want to make your own stories, go to
the yard slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Riley, I'm Sophia. No,
he says. Fast forward four years, and it's been a
series of disasters for them. I have helped where I can,
but they basically have been royally screwed by individual people,
the insurance companies, by advocacy groups, and by mental health faculty. Well,
(19:00):
she came to Georgia to visit for the first time
since she's left and is staying for a month. Okay, yay.
She doesn't know my fiance twenty seven mel very well
since we started dating after she had left, and they've
only interacted in one family beach trip which went poorly
and when we move my brother out west. She hates
(19:22):
the fact that his family has different political views than ours.
Never mind that he is very aligned to our beliefs,
it's his family that's the problem. She also believes that
he wants to isolate me from my family in an
attempt to become emotionally harmful. Oh, she thinks that our
future children will grow up to be hateful, discriminatory, and
(19:42):
that I will end up a battered woman. Oh my god,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, obviously all this is kind of like it sucks.
But what of this that she's spewing is how she
was before or you know, or is this just how
she is after the accident? Because I think like if
she's just a little bit more aggressive post accident, think
you just got a treat her like a person. You know,
(20:11):
you can't be I think you can't be like so
mad at it when you like, when you know the reasoning,
but or you just have to like focus on Okay,
I know why she's acting like this.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
And be mad at that, yeah, rather than her.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Yeah, it's like treating you know, you know, you have
to treat certain people with special needs differently, and this
is a special need.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, so it's like, how do we I think.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
We address their or help those, help those.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And how do we protect ourselves?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yes, absolutely, because you can't just let her spew all
that and take it like. That's not the solution either.
It's figuring out what the balance is.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
It's a tricky one. She has her own trauma, and
I know that any aggression, perceived or real, is hard
for her to handle. During a discussion, my fiance made
a comment how his mom had said she wanted to
put me in a home if she were ever unable
to take care of herself, and my mom flew off
the handle in rage about how he wanted to put
her in a home and how he was attacking an older,
(21:09):
disabled woman if I ended badly with her, walking out
of the house swearing that she would leave and never
come back. She screamed hateful things about my fiance, about me,
and about how I was re traumatized by not defending
her against him. That was yesterday, and after talking to
my best friend and my work family, I'm realizing that
I need to establish some boundaries with my mother. It
(21:31):
hurts me, it hurts him, It hurts the relationship between
my mom and I. When she screams, insults him and
about me. She keeps saying she won't make me choose
between them, but if I want to be with him,
my family will hate him forever and will never even
be in the same room as him or his family again. Yikes.
(21:53):
Has anyone ever been in a situation where they had
to contemplate cutting ties with a parent. I don't want
to cut her out, but she is causing me so
much stress, and she's actively driving a wedge in my
relationship with my fiance. Am I just being a young,
naive girl in love or does this behavior seem irrational? Yes?
I know she has a brain injury and is already
irrational to some degree, but this seems like way more
(22:16):
than that anyone else. My family is small, just me
and my mom and my younger brother at this point,
and I feel like I'm in an impossible situation or
either lose my fiance or I lose my mom and
my brother. Literally. Any advice is appreciated. I won't be
on Reddit unless I was desperate. We have an update
six days later.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well, I think you know that she's acting irrationally. I
think you already said it. I think that this isn't
I think it. I mean, like to your question of
like always this even more, you know, not just the
brain injury. I think it is the brain injury. She
probably has some worries that are just coming from herself. Yeah,
but it's like all like intensified ten times because of
(23:01):
this brain injury. I'm assuming obviously I'm not her doctor,
but it does seem like if this is a change
that you've noticed.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
As a woman, doctor, I'm gonna have to agree with that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, okay, doctor, what woman? Doctor? Right here?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
This woman's acting more rational than most women.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Dang it, dang it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Uh, this is so sad and yeah, it's such a
true It's very tricky because how do you protect yourself
from her words. Well, I think you also have a
relationship with her and your fiance at the same time,
like in the same.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I think you just got to keep having your relationship
with your fiance and kind of take your mom's words
with a grain of salt, and also maybe speak to
her doctors a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Maybe, I don't know. I don't know. We'll see what
no pdos gosh uh update I twenty five female have
been engaged to my fiance twenty seven, fit mail for
just over two years, and we have dated for nearly
three years before he proposed. We set a wedding date
back when we got engaged, but postponed it because my
family was going through a rough patch and it didn't
(24:07):
feel right at the time. We are now aiming for
April twenty twenty five. Venue is booked and everything. I'm
a kindergartener teacher working on my master's with no plans
for kids in the next five years, which he supports.
He's an electricianal engineer also getting his masters and disagrees
with his family's beliefs. She visited for a month and
(24:28):
it ended horribly, me driving her to the airport two
weeks early. Now she swears she'll never come back to
a state or be in the same room as my
fiance or his family. Well, while she was here, I
didn't get a chance to tell her that we were
planning to go through with the wedding. Things are booked,
et cetera. I fully intend to, but with all the
(24:48):
fighting and turmoil, I didn't have a chance. Now my
fiance and his family are asking questions about where we
are at in the wedding planning process. And I'm really
torn about how to to answer. On the one hand,
we could reschedule the entire thing and I could work
with my mom to get her to agree to come.
On the other hand, we go through with the wedding
(25:09):
and I would have exactly zero family members present. Oh
what about your brother? You can't come, he's taking care
of the mom. Mmmm.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah. I think if it is really important to you
that your mom comes, which I mean I imagine it would be,
then you know, maybe take that time, see if you
can change your mind, Try try everything in your power
to do that, and then at the end of the day,
if you can't, you can't. Yeah, which is really tough.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I'm not sure I want to keep postponing the wedding
because she's not ready for me to get married yet.
So would I be the a hole if I do
go through with it?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Debatably be an a hole to your mom? But is
that worth anything to you? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I think it's just like, do you have to ask
yourself how much do I want my mom? Have I
done everything that I'm willing to do to get her there?
And if the answers yes, then yeah, I'll have the wedding.
It's just like weighing how much you want her versus
how much you know you've already how much energy you've
already expended.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
So we got to edit to ad. My mom does
have a TBI, which affects her emotional regulation. She has
had the TBI since before I started dating my fiance,
so he's never met her beforehand. Despite the brain injury,
she swears that she's just being perfectly reasonable, and that's
how an older woman who has dated a lot more
(26:35):
than I just the one that I should trust her
implicitly and leave him info. Everyone has been asking, So
here are some of the warning signs she saw. He
wouldn't leave me alone with her while she was here visiting.
She's referring to the fact that while we would talk
in the evenings, he was always in the room because
(26:55):
we talked in the living room of the small house
we live in. Never mind that he literally really stayed
out of the house for two days so we can
hang out together just Mom and I. He does not
encourage a strong bond between my mom and I. She
means that he has not pushed me to go visit
my mom and my brother across the country. Even when
they needed help. My reasoning is that I don't actually
(27:17):
want to go across the country very often, so even
when he asked me if I want to, the answer
is usually no, he is attracted to the same gender
and is using me as a beard.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yikes. Oh.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
She was referred to the fact that years ago, before
we started dating, I made an off and comment about
how people thought that the newer server might be gay server. Okay,
like like a b oh okay. Well, we worked in
restaurants with lots of liberal college kids and straight people
were the minority, so we were kind of assumed everyone
(27:53):
was LGBTQ plus unless told otherwise gay until proven straight.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I was obviously wrong, as we have been together for
five years with no issues in the bedroom and many
conversations about the facets of spicy. Relatedly, so she thinks
he's gay.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah. See, that's why you know she's being in rational
and you're like, mom, no, I could tell you he's not. Dude,
kind of confirm that.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
You know how if I knew this, and I thought
my future mother in law knew this, I would toy
with her so much.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Yeah, you'd be like that man is so cute, just.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Like a little offhanded comment like oh he's hot, or
I'd like do a certain laugh that she might think, well,
I'll go.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Like tea or somewhere to do that.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
But that's whenever I'm making a bit like it would
have to be a little convincing, dude. One time, my
great grandpa's wife, she's like, Ley, I just want to
let you know, like it's just so sad seeing that
all these people are gay and stuff and all this stuff.
And that was I was so close she probably would
have believe me. That's why I didn't do it. I
was so close to being like, Grandmammy, I got something
(29:06):
to tell you. I wanted to do so bad, but
I was like, she probably would believe me. I better not.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
I'm better not.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Oh man, Okay. So he encouraged me to lie to her.
I lied about going to a trip to Puerto Rico
entirely by my own choice, and despite multiple warnings by
him and my best friend that it would end poorly.
It did end poorly, and she does not trust me anymore,
which is a separate issue, but again my choice to lie.
He actively told me it was a bad idea, and
(29:38):
I didn't listen, consistence, not the ahole. We have some
comments by Opie, I don't know any anything else in
the mom same thing.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Same thing. Yeah, you just gotta you just gotta set
up those boundaries for yourself.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah, look out for yourself, girl. Literally, no one else
has any concerns about him. My best friend actually we
lived with us for three years while we were dating
and then engaged and now and she only ever has
good things to say about him. I've known her since
middle school, I know her family well, and I fully
trust her to tell me if I'm being an idiot
(30:13):
or needed dump his butt. Plus, his parents are very
rational and haven't raised any red flags, even going so
far as to invite me am i fiance to their
beach house for a week and a half. None of
my coworkers, who've all met him repeatedly, have any concerns.
It's just my mom and my brother who have actually
(30:34):
only been in his presence for less than two months total.
She actually has only met his mom and brother once
on a family beach trip for four years ago. The
trip was awkward, but nothing that should linger this long.
She's basing most of her assumptions on the fact that
they're from a small town in South Carolina, and he's
the first to be college educated in his family. Update two,
(30:56):
I knew that was kind of the library.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Well, yeah, no, she's clearly like he lives in Georgia,
a lot of assumptions about him that are we already
know aren't true. And then coupled with the fact that
she probably has already you know, she's got a lot
of these preconceptions about who this guy is. And then
she's had this traumatic brain injury. So it's like not
a great combo.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yeah, you know, I bet you it's an a half
million dollars that these parents have a beach house in
Myrtle Beach on the north Side.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I believe. I'll believe you.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yeah, yep. And that the dad has a family business
that went really well. That's why they have the beach house.
They probably run it out sometimes. The mom is a
very sweet person and knows how to make good sweet
tea and cornbread. He's probably a teacher or receptionist.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
I buy it, I buy it, or bookkeeper or bookkeeper. Yes,
that's just your dream life.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
That no, no, no, it's not. That's not my dream No, no, no,
my dream wife.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I said, dream life.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Oh, dream life. No, that's not my dream life. I'll
tell you my dream life is uh total energy. Is
like a lawyer. It's like a boss girl of a wife.
And I'm the stay at home dad and I'm just
doing like video stuff on the side.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
I love.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
That's that's what I want. And then I have a
playground that is one like half of it is workout
equipment and the other half is playground so I can
do my squats, whether like going down the side and stuff. Yeah,
and we have a bunch of.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Lands icy and also we live on a compound together. Yes, okay,
now now I'm on board.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Update too, John here og host. We're gonna get back
to these stories. But a quick three minute break from
house from our sponsors one month later. A little background.
We had Live three sixty on our phones for years
since my mom was a single mom and my brother
and I got home from school before she did. It's
never been a problem because she checks it for peace
of mind knowing where kids are. Now she lives across
(32:51):
the country with my brother and I'm in a different state.
She still looks at my location a lot. Since I'm
not great at answering texts all the time. My mom
is interfifth and I'm twenty five. My brother's twenty three.
Last Christmas, I turned off my lie through sixty because
I was going on a trip to Puerto Rico that
I knew she wouldn't approve of. I lied about it.
When my brother asked why I turned it off. My
(33:12):
mom caught me in the lie, and it blew up
our relationship pretty badly because she felt like she couldn't
trust me. I'm well aware that I was the a
hole in that part of the situation. I shouldn't have
turned it off, and I definitely shouldn't have lied. However,
nearly a year has passed, our relationship is still very rocky,
and recently we are on the outs about my upcoming marriage.
(33:34):
She doesn't approve and doesn't want it to happen, but
I'm still doing it.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I feel like she is somewhat I mean, like again,
I don't know how much of this is like brain
and how much is her, but it feels like she's
still kind of been fantalizing up peep, like she sees
you as younger than you are and she needs to
help you make all of your decisions.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
You needed an elderly and more mature woman to guide you.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
She's like, I know best, mother knows best. You gotta
listen to me. But every you know, there comes a
time in every kid's life where they have to tell
their parents that I'm an adult now, and you know,
I don't need you to be that same kind of
controlling figure or like guiding figure. You're still the parent,
(34:19):
You're still you know, they're never gonna not be your parents,
and they can always offer advice. Yeah, but there does
come a time when they can't tell you what to do.
They can only advise you. And I think she's learning that.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I remember when I whenever my mom would tell me something,
it would be a suggestion. Like a friend of mine
was like, you know, like you don't have to actually
do that, it's just a suggestion now because you're in college. Yeah,
I was like, oh interesting, really, huh you stop taking
all those vitamins now.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah, I'm never taking a vitamin again.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah. She started using my location against me, calling and
starting fights whenever I spend my time. I was soon
to be in laws, asking why I'm leaving the house
in the evenings or what my plans on the weekends.
Are that require me to drive an hour away from home.
My brother texted me a couple of days ago asking
me to please turn my location back on so they
can know when I'm home. I'm reluctant because I'm still
(35:17):
angry in hurt by their words and actions. And it's
honestly been pretty freeing to know that my mom can't
sabotage my days by calling and starting fights when I
leave the house. I know she does look up my
location for peace of mind, remember brain injury. Very emotional,
very anxious. I also feel that at twenty five, in
(35:38):
a different state, I should have a certain level of
privacy from my mom. She does not need to know
my every move.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Yeah, I mean personally, I share my location with my mom,
but she doesn't share hers with me.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
I know you're about to say that, what's up with that?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
I always requested it. I've requested it multiple times. She
doesn't share. It's messed up.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
It's messed up stuff, man, Come on, tell you she
just wants to know where you're at.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
I just want to know where my mom is at.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Where. But I did turn it off once before that
ended up causing a huge bottle of mistrust and lies.
I don't want to do that ever again. So would
it be the a hole if I keeped it turned off?
Or should I do what they want and turn it
back on?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
I think because you know that she's going to abuse
it to keep it off. Yeah, they'll get used to it.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Yeah. And we have an update from seven months from
this last post, nine months from the original post. Yeah,
so you're getting closer. I don't know what time it is, Yeah,
closer with the wedding. So update three. For some background,
my mom and I were decently close growing up, but
she moved to Arizona when I was in junior in college,
(36:48):
and our communication has suffered a lot. There are other
circumstances that have led us here, but but just is
that I don't want to talk all the time. I
do not have the social battery to talk to her
every single day after school. I'm a kindergartener teacher. I
usually Yeah, you're busy. You know how many other questions
you've had to answer that you know.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Like, how many other like annoying questions this poor woman
has to answer every day.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
You know how patient you have to be with the.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Well, Honestly, she's probably the best person to be in
a situation because she probably is a very patient person.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
I would debate that.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
You think, oh, you think all of her patience is
used up?
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Yes, m I could see that too, You'd think she
had a more patient tolerance. But two point, like do
you like reading stories after work? I like reading books,
But like would you read them out loud to me
if you asked me to? But would you get tired
of that?
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Probably?
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah? I usually aim for once a week updates and
check ins. I don't even do that like every other
week with your mom.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
I call my mom and my dad almost every day.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, at least at least multiple times a.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Week every day I can. I'm sorry, I heard a
lot in to day. However, my mom is a very
social person and has a hard time understanding how I
can care about her When I don't talk to her,
She says, it feels like I'm ignoring her, that I
don't care enough about her life, and that this isn't
a healthy relationship. She says that I should be able
(38:13):
to communicate more regularly with people that I love. I
am stuck and struggling with how to move forward because
the fact is she is draining our phone calls are
several hours long.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
My phone calls with my mom are like five ten minutes.
My phone calls with my dad are longer. But my
mom and I, it's usually like, what do we need
to talk about? Okay, and then my mom goes, okay,
well that seems like all we got to talk about,
and then she hangs up.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Your mom's so funny.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
So they don't last that long.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
My mom's anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah, my dad we go longer.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, so incredibly exhausting. And I don't want to force
myself through that just to maintain a relationship with her.
Then again, she's my mom, and relationships take work on
both sides. Do I make myself suff with more frequent
phone calls? Or is it okay not to talk to someone,
especially mom, that frequently? Am I missing something about how
communication should work between a mother and a daughter. I'm
(39:11):
self diagnosed autistic, and my mom chooses not to believe
me because she thinks it's an out for me not
to handle things that I should have update.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
That's classic mom, the classic mom thing. I think it's
starting to seem like not all of this is brain injury.
It seems like it's probably exacerbated, but it seems like
a lot of this is just controlling Mom.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
I see what you're saying now, Yeah, best to kind
of inch away.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, I think you keep the contact that you can bear.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
Yeah, you know. I can't even blame the brother in
this scenario because he's just getting fed from the mom
about how bad you are and you're the villain and
he's not the villain, so he's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Whatever you say, Mom, Yeah, couldn't be me.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Six days from the last update, So an update. We
got married.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Woo, congrats o pie.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
She went through with it. A lot of y'all told
me to go through with it, and after a lot
of thought, we did. When my mom left in October,
we were in a bad place and we were having
a lot of really awful phone calls in screaming fights.
I was desperate to do something, and I finally found
a therapist who helped me process some of the things
that happened between my mom and I and my role
(40:25):
in things. So the months leading up to the wedding,
my mom continued to scream at me over the phone
and make threats about choosing him or her and how
she hoped I wasn't the kind of girl who got
rid of her family to please a man who would
end up leaving her. Anyways, she was downright hateful, and
I spent a lot of time crying over our relationship
(40:45):
because I couldn't believe that it's gotten to this point. Oh,
that's so sad.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Girls support girls.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah, it's tough. I think it's good that you're on
a therapy.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Though we got married in April and my mom and
brother did not attend, I was able to re connect
with my mom's cousin who I used to be close
with as a child, and she had her family come
toward the wedding.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
I'm glad you had some family at the wedding. That's
really nice.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
I had my best friend, her family, and my work
family there to support me. Okay, a close friend performed
the ceremony. Plus, of course, my husband and family was
very supportive. There were times I missed my mom and
I wanted to see her smile in the audience, but
I was ultimately glad that she wasn't there. I would
have felt like I had to perform and cater to
her every whim And I'm so glad I was able
(41:31):
to just have a lovely day with all the people
who came to celebrate with us. We have a little
bit left here. How do you feel about these boundaries?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
I think they were necessary. I think Ope was kind
of burning herself out and trying to have this relationship
with her mom when her mom was so against kind
of just any step. Oh. He took to have a
little bit more autonomy in her life and a little
bit more like independence, And so I think I think
she needed to create this boundaries. And I think maybe
she could come back around later in life once so
(42:01):
you know, her mom realizes that her husband's not terrible. Yeah,
and maybe they could reclaim that relationship. But for now,
I think this was probably the best agreed for both
of them.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Yeah, agreed, So just to reaffirm my feelings about her
not being there. My mom did not contact me at
all the day of and only called me a week
later to ask whether I would be sharing any pictures
with her.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
I did send her a few because I thought a
small part of her might care. All she did was
comment about how it looked like a cheap Amazon wedding. Oh,
she hoped I was happy with my crappy choices and
that they were worth the loss of my family.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
That's terrible. I'm sorry she hit the.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Block button right after this conversation. I missed her constantly
despite all her issues, but I have it cut her
off completely. We've been having our time communicating at all
right now, and I don't know if it'll ever get better.
I am happily married, and I don't regret it. Thanks
for reading this far. I appreciate all the kindness and
honesty I got from my original post. And that's the
(43:04):
end of that story.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Huh oh, bitch, ouch ouch ouch, you got this, Opie,
you got your you know, you got a new chosen family. Yeah,
and I really hope that you can, you know, have
a relationship at some point with your mom. But for now,
focus on the people that want to support you and
uplift you, not the people trying to drag you down.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yep, not a crab in a bucket. You're better than
a crab in a book.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
You are better than a crab in a book.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
We'll get another story coming up. We're gonna grab that
right now.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
My adoptive mother is neglectful, so I ghosted her.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Ghost of Christmas past.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
So to add some meat to the story, I was
adopted when I was four years old. I came from
a horrendous family, and social services had been intervening for years,
until eventually myself and my younger half brother were placed
under child protection and separated from my three other older siblings.
By the way, this comes from Daphne Blue ninety six,
(43:56):
directly from the r slash Okay storytime Separate It. So
I'm I'm Riley, and Opie says I was adopted by
a recently widowed woman. Her partner was lost in tragic
circumstances not much more than a year before she adopted us. Anyhow,
it became quite clear very early on that I was
going to have a strained relationship with my adoptive mother.
(44:17):
I'll refer to her as Mom in the story. She
was incredibly controlling, beyond the realms of what would be
considered normal. I add serious behavioral issues due to years
of neglect and abuse, so I really needed a lot
of help and attention. The issue in our relationship really
started as I was quite independent and I was old
enough to have memories of my childhood prior to adoption,
(44:38):
and asked a lot of questions. My brother, on the
other hand, did not. He was quickly selected as the favorite,
and the favoritism he benefited from was unbelievable. Why are
you even adopting a child if you're not able to
like uncondisial yeah, or just like handle all of the
things that they've gone through.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Hey, it's sam og Hos. Back to these delectable stories.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to
help support the show. I was ignored for the majority
of my childhood. My successes were rarely acknowledged. For context,
I was a very athletic kid. I was in every
sports team at school. I was the fastest runner in
my years, so would regularly be selected for the school
team for interschool competitions, et cetera. I have countless medals
(45:23):
and ribbons from a variety of events, and these were
never celebrated. My brother, however, didn't really find his calling
when he was younger. He wasn't naturally athletic or overly
talented in anything. Really, he just wasn't that type of
kid I.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
Suppose interesting, So even though you went out and did
usually it's a flipped where the brother or like, you know,
the favorite child gets all the medals and stuff. Yeah,
this is a little odd or like, well, I.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Think it's because Ope has you know, memories and the
behavioral issues and stuff, and so he's not like I
feel like sometimes bad adoptive parents want kind of the
blank slate child that they can mold, and Opee is
a little bit less that. Ye, my mom would go
to all his events, regardless of how small they were.
She turned up to our first cross country event at
(46:07):
a new school genuinely only to watch him. I won
my race. He legitimately came last as he walked the
whole lot because he couldn't be bothered. She didn't even
see my race. She spent her time watching my brother instead.
I was due to leave primary school, so every year
the school put on a mini graduation ceremony for us
so parents can come watch. We sang a song as
(46:29):
a year group, and then were brought on stage individually
in an assembly hall so parents could take pictures. There
was a slide show in the background with a photo
of the kid and what their future aspirations were. Ninety
nine percent of kids had their parents there standing up
taking photos when their child came on stage. I went
on and neither my mom or her partner were there.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Oh my gosh, so sad.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I wouldn't mind, but they had nothing on that evening.
They lived two hundred meters from the school. They sat
at home to watch a film with my brother instead.
They should not be parents Anyway. A year goes by
and it's my brother's graduation. Guess what they both turned
upt is of course they have to their little baby boy.
My adoptive family has been witnessing the favoritism for many years,
(47:18):
and it often caused some arguments, particularly between my nan
and my mom my mom's mother. Obviously, I was very
close with my nan until she passed.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Ugh.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
She was my guardian in a lot of ways. I
would stay at hers most weekends. I think she'd ask
if I wanted to stay at hers just to get
me away from my mom for a bit. I didn't
realize that at the time. I used to get screamed
at for everything as a kid. She was that lunatic
mom you sometimes see at the grocery store screaming at
her kids for every minor infringement. When I turned sixteen,
(47:48):
I started working full time as an apprentice. That's when
our relationship started reaching its boiling point. I had ran
away from home multiple times at this point, as she
had been screaming at me about something minor and I
just had enough. Her brother would often take me in.
He knew the whole story and sided with me on it,
so she started threatening to kick me out. This went
(48:08):
on for ages, as I just argued with her constantly
because I simply didn't respect her anymore. She had spent
a lifetime excluding me and neglecting me emotionally, and I
didn't see her as a mom more as an authority figure.
She would tell her ex husbands who passed away parents
constantly that she was going to kick me out. So
I grew tired of the threats, and when I turned seventeen,
(48:30):
I moved out and didn't tell any of my family.
I stayed at my friends in a tiny, spare bedroom
until eventually my mom's brother found out and took me
for lunch and told me that I would be moving
in with him. As in his words, if you're going
to be staying anywhere, it's going to be with family.
Good on your mom's brother, cause she sucks. I just
don't understand why you would.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Like, Yeah, why you saw brousers.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
You choose to have a child. That is so much
more choice than you know, having a kid biologically.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
You know what probably happened. What, Hey, I'd like to
have this kid. Oh it comes with this, Okay, all right, yeah,
I'll do that.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Yeah, but that's just crazy to me. It's like, if
you're not ready to be a parent of both these kids,
don't adopt them.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I would have watched the Mark Wahlberg movie where he
adopts kids.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, I liked It's key o.
This caused a massive feud with my mom and my uncle,
one that still hasn't healed. My mom accuses him and
his wife of trying to steal me away from her,
and they've done it my whole life, which isn't true.
They would just come and take me out on weekends
and stuff, simply to give me some normality. I think
a lot of it was orchestrated by my nan. Anyway,
(49:41):
scroll forward four years. I hadn't spoken to my mom
In that time. I'd settled down with my uncle and
aunt and finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Oh, my
mom suddenly got ill and looked like she might not
make it, so I decided to reach out and went
to see her at hospital. We reconciled, but I really
struggle to forgive her, as any time family was brought
(50:02):
up in conversation, she would bad mouth my uncle and aunt,
Bearing in mind they'd basically been my parents for the
last six years. I didn't like hearing them being slandered
when what my mom was saying was just nasty and untrue.
She firmly believes, even to this day that she was
never in the wrong. Oh my gosh, I mean, your
mom just is terrible for us.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
She just sucks.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
I'm glad that you have, like other people in this
family that are looking out for.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
You, though I'm afraid because OPI had to raise yourself.
I'm also afraid that the brother didn't get much raising. Well.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
What I'm sad about is that Opie and his brother
probably don't have a good relationship because of this favoritism,
which is so not the brother's fault. Yeah, it's boy,
I don't know. Uh here I'll go people, What are you?
Forty four? Doesn't say it's from it's from our subreddit.
It's daphnely Blue. Yeah, it's a woman.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Confused
they all all the genders just come together and came together.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Yeah, okay, but.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
That is tough that your relationship rifted because he kind
of had to be the good brother to stay in
the good graces of his parent.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
Mm hmm. It's like not beneficial for either of you
their treatment. I tried to maintain a relationship with her
for years after her brief illness, but it always felt forced.
I was always made to feel like I was the
one that owed her something. She would never message me
or speak to me unless I physically went to her
house to see her. To the main point, the last
two years, she has invited me via text to hers
(51:30):
on Christmas Day. I have refused every time, as I
would prefer to spend it with my aunt and uncle,
whom I owe so much to, and to be honest,
I see more as my parents. I feel loved there
and comfortable, and I feel like that's an important thing
to feel. On Christmas Day last year, she invited me
around and I told her I wouldn't be going to hers,
and she kicked off and started ripping into my aunt
(51:52):
and uncle again, saying I always prioritized them over her,
et cetera, et cetera. I ignored her and left it.
I mean, she ever prioritized you, So it's tough.
Speaker 1 (52:02):
You know, who would have known? This would have been
the consequences of your actions.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
Yeah, you don't know this woman anything?
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Christmas ghosts.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Yeah. A year went and I decided mid year I
was tired of trying to maintain a relationship with a
woman who offered nothing positive to my life and refused
to acknowledge her shortfalls as a parent. She legitimately hasn't
messaged me on my birthday for the last ten years.
Whoa I am her son who she chose to adopt,
(52:30):
whom she emotionally neglected for years. Yet she expects me
to come to hers on Christmas Day as if it's
her god given right.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Okay, so this is a guy, yes, son, Dang, I
was wrong about that. Everyone. This is a This is
a guy.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
I mean I've been saying they for most of it,
but I was keeping.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
A safe two yeah ah yeah, okay, son, Gosh, dude,
you don't you do not like this woman doesn't deserve
your time, no at all.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
You don't know we're literally anything.
Speaker 1 (52:57):
I'm glad you're coming to the consistent I'm glad you're
realizing this now.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
Yeah. I mean, you have the people in your life
who care about you and have showed up for you,
and she's never once showed up for you and is
now demanding, you know, the emotional like she's demanding your
love and affection when she's given nothing back or nothing
to earn it. So I sent her a very long,
well written message stating how I'd never been a priority
(53:22):
of hers and now she has never shown any interest
in my life at all, and I was tired of
pretending like everything was okay. So after this, we literally
didn't speak all year, and we made it to this
Christmas just gone, and she invited me again, to which
I refused. She invites me around mainly to save face
in front of her ex husband's parents, who are very
prominent figures in my life. I am super close with
(53:43):
my grandfather, not technically my grandfather, as I've never even
met his son, as he passed before we were adopted,
but I do share his middle and last name, so
it makes sense. There is a little bit left to
this story. Do you have any final.
Speaker 1 (53:56):
Thoughts that no, it's tricky this woman, yeah some politics
and is using you.
Speaker 2 (54:02):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (54:03):
I think just hang out with uncle and Auntie. They
seem like a pretty vivy people.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
I agree. I agree, stay with those, Stay with them.
My grandparents go to my mom's for Christmas Day every year,
so I'm assuming she doesn't want to be it with
questions like is a p coming around today at all?
So she messaged me a week before Christmas and asked
if I wanted to call around and get my presence
off her. I never did go and get them and
haven't spoken to her since. I feel bad in some
(54:28):
ways that she made an effort to buy me a present,
but it just feels so forced. Would you make an
effort with someone who has neglected you for so long?
I feel like I've tried for long enough and I
need to draw a line under it and cut her off.
It's so hard when it's your mom, though, I don't
get why. Maybe a part of me is still seeking
the validation she never gave me as a kid who
knows ps. She only messaged me to collect my Christmas
(54:51):
presents offer because when she tried to give them to
my brother to give to me, he refused to take
them and told her how crappy that was and that
she needed to make an effort with me.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Well, I'm glad that it seems like your brother is
still cool.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
He gets it, which is great.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
I love that. Yeah, that's the end of that story.
Speaker 1 (55:08):
I grew up seeing this is so sad. But I
grew up going to basketball games and these parents would
always be like taking stats of their kid and everything.
So I had three kids. One's the oldest, and then
they had twins, and the oldest was a golden child.
You know, he's good at basketball. I love to play
him in basketball again right now. But anyways, he was
(55:29):
always like I think he dated my ex at one point.
I don't know, but he was always like, you know,
parents loved him. And then the other two they're just
kind of like they show up, but they weren't as
like involved. I was just like, dude, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah,
and then that and then the twin brother was talking
to my cousin, but then that didn't work out.
Speaker 2 (55:47):
Alexis yeah that you met. Yeah yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (55:51):
Feel like an old guy that I remember. Well.
Speaker 2 (55:56):
Anyway, that is the end of that story and this episode.
So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (56:03):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
Hey, this is Am. This is John, your og okay
story time podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy
stories coming up. But if you want to hear that deliciousness,
you know, just stick around for a two minute break
with a word from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I told off my cheating father. Now his new wife
is calling me heartless.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
She's a hot eat. I don't know that's a song.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I know the title sounds super bad, but hear me out.
I eighteen mail am an only child. I lived with
my mom full time. My parents are divorced. Some quick context.
During my entire life, my mom always picked up after
me and my dad. They both worked full time. But
my mom handled breakfast, lunch, dinner, groceries, cleaning, laundry. What
(00:42):
did my dad do? Mow the lawn, shovel snow, fix
things like the sink if it ever wrote so not
things that happen every day.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
It's like he handles the outside, she handles on the inside.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, but the inside things happen like every day. He's
doing things that happen well, maybe once a week.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
This is how my grandparents live.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Yeah, but that's a different time.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I feel like it's they still live this way.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Well, I know, but they're different generations.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, but he's always in the garden always, but yeah,
you know. Okay, By the way, are they cool with it?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I presumably not, seeing as he is a new wife.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Oh boy.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
By the way, this comes from Throwaway pasta error and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley,
and Op says. When I was younger, I always loved
my dad because he would do fun things with me,
take me to sports games, play with me in the yard,
sometimes buy me McDonald's or ice cream. He was the
fun parent, and my mom was the caring one. She
(01:41):
always made me food, helped me in school, packed my bags,
comforted me when I was sad, and took care of
me when I was sick. When I got older, I
started to realize more and more how much my mom
did well. My dad would sit on the couch and
watch TV or stuff like that. My mom asked me
when I was quite young to help her out with cleaning,
et cetera, and I remember I would get mad at
(02:01):
her when she asked. I didn't want to clean. Who does?
But one day after she had got annoyed. I didn't
even pick up after myself. I yelled at her to
leave me alone. I was probably like twelve, and that
day I heard her cry in the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Afterwards, Oh, at least he knows how much that made
her feel.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, when I realized I made her cry, it clicked
in my head that she was doing everything for us
and Dad did barely anything and I did absolutely nothing
at all. Well, I think that you have like this,
you know, parental figure that is modeling to you that
it's okay that you do nothing. And it's like, yeah,
this is the woman's job, so it's fine if you
(02:39):
just watch TV and play games and you need like
a you need a figure in your house to show
you that.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Everyone ship's in exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
It felt like I grew up super quickly over the
course of a week, and I started helping my mom
a lot more. It became a bonding thing for us,
talking and helping each other out with cleaning and groceries,
et cetera.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Oh, it's really cute.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
My dad was still the fun parent, would take me
the games and all that, but I grew more and
more annoyed that he didn't help out at all. I
think when I was like fourteen, I once said to
his face that he never helps out around the house,
and he got furious with me, yelled in my face
and sent me to my room. My mom comforted me
and told me to just let him be you and
I got this alone anyway. The few times he was
(03:23):
dragged into helping, he would always make a mess somehow
and it would end in an argument with him and Mom.
I've realized now he most likely did a bad job
on purpose, so he wouldn't ask him for help. When
I was fifteen, Mom found out that Dad cheated. Oh God,
had been for like a year. There's no redeeming quaudies
to this guy.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yikes, it don't help out. Just watch TV and he
cheats if.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
You were what.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
I watch YouTube, but I also produce YouTube and I
make sure that I put out content. Mm hm, he's
not even doing that.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Nope. They had the biggest fight ever, and my dad
left us that night to live with his mistress and
her daughter from a previous marriage. He came a few
days after and picked most of his stuff up. I
don't remember much how the divorce went, other than my
mom being a wreck. When it was finalized, she honestly
broke down even more. I fed her, helped her into
the shower, held her at night. I've never seen her
(04:17):
that bad. And if I didn't hate my dad for
what he had done in general, I started absolutely despising
him for what he did to my mom. Oh, that
is a really tough situation to be put in as
a fifteen year old, where you have to kind of
be the father figure, yeah, for your own mother, you know,
or like the husband figure for your own mother.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, that supporting person.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Family from my mom's side would help us too, but
it was mostly me since no one could really move
in and stay with us full time. I picked up
a job at sixteen to help at home. It took
my mom maybe half a year to start going back
to her old self. She grew up to be better, happier,
and I had never seen her so full of life
when she was with dad. A month or two after
the divorce was over, my dad started pushing for me
(05:01):
to live with him fifty percent of the time. I
told him to f off, basically, but Mom said I
shouldn't shut him out completely, so I went to him
every other weekend. He tried to be all nice to me,
and so did his mistress, but I hated their guts.
The mistress, let's call her Hannah, tried to be nice
to me but also boss me around, and I basically
(05:22):
ignored her. She has a daughter from a previous marriage
who tried to bond with me, but I ignored her too. Barely.
Even a year after the divorce was over, Hannah got pregnant.
Oh gosh, wow, and they had another daughter. Dad and
Hannah have tried to push for me to be a
big brother for them, but I couldn't care about them less.
Now I'm eighteen, and I gradually stopped going to my dad's.
(05:44):
I barely ever stay at night. I just visit, and
my dad keeps trying to blame my mom for it.
Hannah gives me more and more attitude and tries to
use her daughters to guilt me into staying over, saying
they missed their big brother. You're so selfish, that is
that's wow, that's really not the way to get what
you want.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
There, Well, that's really gonna help bond this family. Yeah, yeah,
bonding over guilt.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Grace sold him beauty perfect. We had a big confrontation
when I visited last. I stayed for twenty minutes before
Hannah started to lecture me. So I just started leaving.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Bro knows what your will is, you know.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
He's like, wait, I actually don't have to stay here.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Dad blocked my way and told me I have to
grow up and leave the past in the past. It's
not the past though, you're actively sucking right now. And
also you never seemingly apologized for any of the behaviors
from the past. He said, I can't be mad forever,
and I'm acting as if I don't love him and
we're all family. That just set me off. I started
(06:47):
screaming at him that I haven't loved him in years.
I told him that he was always a lazy pos
who acted more like a child than a husband. To
my mom, she always cleaned up after him, cleaned the
house alone, washed his clothes, made him food, fetched him
another adult soda even though the kitchen was five steps away.
But all that ever came out of his mouth was
(07:08):
complaints and demands. Oh my god, oh he is reading him.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Also, this is a really bad time to bring this up.
But one of my favorite things is whenever andrewe brings
me Lacroix from her parents' house and it's really cold.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Well, that's different. You guys know each other. Yeah, that's
not this I do.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
I do things for her.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
All the time, but in this situation he's demanding things
and never does anything.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
But it is nice. It really is nice.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
It really is nice.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
I told him, Oh, so that makes me point out
she does a lot of nice things for you. There
we go. Okay, I feel less bad now, yeah, because
I was like, dude, sometimes Angie gets.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
Me, but you get you do stuff in exchange point,
I try to braik her hair. Yeah, when I go
over to my friend's.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
House, oh, get over it. And a month this will
come out say it.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Oh yeah, hopefully at this point.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Damn, when you go to your boyfriend's Okay, hopefully this
is coming out in the month.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Okay, I hope he's my boyfriend by then.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
You can just say I just manifested.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Manifest No, I can't, because that'd be so embarrassing if
he wasn't.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
We're not talking as if it was September fifth, Yeah,
like October fifth.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Anyway, hopefully at the time this time, he's my boyfriend.
I think whenever I go over to his house. He
always makes me food and he's like, do you want
a snack? And then he comes out and he like
toasts really nice bread and like he did all he did,
like he mashed up avocado and like cut up this
like real fresh tomato and like had like olive oil.
I was like, damn, I do that every time she
(08:48):
comes over, snack that I need. He's such a good cook.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I need to work on that.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Cook you're but you've also improved a lot to thank you,
thank you, I think anyway, I told him he took
me out to do fun things, sure, but that's not
all there is to being a dad. He was never
there for me, helped me in school, drove me anywhere,
or picked me up, comforted me. And then he did
the worst possible thing. After years of standing on my
mother's back and using her, he went and eft a
(09:19):
random woman and absolutely broke her.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, I mean I think op needed to say this,
Like obviously it's not ideal that he's like screaming all
of this, but you know, he's eighteen. His dad has
been pushing this relationship that Opie clearly doesn't want to
have anymore, and you know, sometimes it just all comes out.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
If the dad wanted to have an actually genuine conversation
like relationship, he should have said he was sorry. He
said it was crappy, and at least owned up to
what he did.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, I screamed about how a kid had to pick
up the pieces of his own mother because his father
was such a pos and useless garbage. I felt enough
for him. In fact, I hated his gut still, and
I hated his mistress too. I turned to Hannah and
told her that she means nothing to me. She has
no authority over me. I don't give a crap about
(10:11):
her or her kids. I told them both I wish
nothing bad at their daughters, but Hannah is a horrible
person for filling her kids' heads with lies about how
I am their brother when I've repeatedly told them I'm not.
Then I looked my dad in the eyes and said,
my father passed away to me years ago, and that
man wasn't even a good dad. You're just a stranger
(10:32):
to me. I pushed my way past him and left.
Ooh day, oh see movies, you need to get that
off his chest. Let's write a script, gees, Yeah, I
write a script about your life story.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Ouch, that's I hope.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Your dad was just like, I'm just imagining the dad
being like it's like a fish.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Uh yeah, Yeah, he definitely sat down later that day
and started thinking about what you said.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Wow, I was never gonna forget that.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Do you think the dad could come back from this?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
There is a way, but it requires a lot, a
lot of therapy, self reflection, apologies, and.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Just like, do you think you'd have to divorce Hannah? Probably?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I don't know if well, you know what, I think
Hannah would kind of because Hannah is a problem too,
because she's like, she's the one who's kind of spewing
that filth at ope. Yeah, but I don't think that
he could do that. And also I think he would
be a little bit the able for divorcing this, you
know woman.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, okay, so there is one way. Yeah, but father, but.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
You'd become an adhole in a new way to your daughters.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, you've already You've already chose your path here.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Yeah. When I got home, I told my mom everything
and cried. She hugged me and told me she understands
my emotions but wishes I wasn't so aggressive for my
own sake. My mom has never said a bad thing
about my dad despite everything, and when I would curse
him out, she always told me it wasn't worth it.
My dad and his new family were silent for a
few days, but then started bombarding me with texts about
(12:02):
how I was a horrible fun and my dad hasn't
stopped crying since. Good Finally he gets, you know, a
feel for how OPI's mom was going, you know what
she was going through, gets it. I know he always
wanted a son and wanted to close bond, but he's
failed me as a father and I don't care. But
family from Hannaside I've met like once or not at all,
have also started messaging me saying I was out of
(12:24):
line and everyone makes mistakes.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Block block blah.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I'd be like, I know you, but I don't think
it's a mistake. I genuinely think my dad's a pos
and I don't know him anything. But I guess all
the hate from so many people has me doubting myself.
Maybe I should have just left without a word. So, yeah,
am I the a hole? And there is an update,
but I think I've already said it. It's like, yeah,
(12:49):
maybe not the best move, but sometimes you can't stop that.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Yeah, you're young, justified a hole? I agree, justified. I
agree you did an a whole move, but everyone can't.
You have to be an a hole sometimes, Yeah, you
have to.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Can't just keep all of that in. I don't think
it would be healthy for you to keep that in.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
No, no, could you've written a letter and said everything yes,
and you would be the ahole. That scenario but justified ahole.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I agree. Update. I know it hasn't been long since
I posted, but I quickly got so many not the
a hole and people who agreed with me that I
acted pretty fast. I wrote out a long text to
my dad that looks like this. Okay, hey Dad, I
know what I said yesterday was very harsh, but I'm
not apologizing for it. Growing up, you made it clear
what a partner and a husband shouldn't be. Even though
(13:35):
mom and you worked the same hours, you were always
entitled to your alone time and your rest while she
was left to pick up after the whole family. I
realized at a young age that mom needed help, and
every time I picked up your old socks or put
your dishes away, I got more and more annoyed at
what a lazy pos you are. A twelve year old
did more housework than his father. Let that sink in.
(13:57):
You went and did fun things with me. I acknowledge
and did appreciate that. But that's not all there is
to be a parent. I needed you other times when
I was sick, sad, stressed, needed help with homework, or
even just talking to you. I know you always wanted
a good father and son bond, but we never actually talked,
not small talk, proper conversations. I honestly feel like you
(14:18):
don't even know who I truly am. But when I
went to you with anything, you told me to go
to mom because you had a long day at work.
I hope, for your new daughter's sake that you start
picking up your crap after yourself. I can't stand Hannah,
but I somehow also hope she doesn't get stuck in
the loop of scrubbing your back and holding your spoon
when you eat, never allowed to ask for a favor
(14:38):
and rest. You need to tell her to get her
family to stop pestering me about this, or I'm blocking
you all you included. Hannah has no authority over me,
and I have no respect for her because she's slept
with the married man. She also is not entitled to
a relationship with me. I've always tried to be polite
but not welcoming because I don't see her as anything
other than your mistress. She needs to get that through
(15:01):
her head. And like I said, I will never wish
anything bad on to her daughters, but I am not
their family. You filling their head with that BS is
only causing them a harm. Get that through your head. Yeah,
he's really smoked, hope, he's really hammering this in. There's
a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
If you're unhappy in your marriage, you either try to
work it out, go to therapy, or split on whatever terms.
You don't cheat on your partner like a dirt pickle.
It doesn't matter how you felt for Hannah and Mom
at the time. You should have split with Mom before
pursuing Hannah. I'm effing eighteen years old, and even I
know that if the text don't stop today, I'm blocking
(15:43):
every last one of you. I'm already blocking Hannah's family,
but I'm keeping you and her unblocked for whatever reason.
This is not me forgiving you. I don't think we
can work through this. Because we can't. I'm not visiting
you for a while, and if I ever want to again,
it will be on my terms. This is not up
for negotiation. And again, if you try to pressure me
(16:04):
or guilt trip me, I will literally just never speak
to you again. I hope you go to therapy and
get fully torn down so you can build yourself up
to be someone worthy of respect, because right now you're not.
Now leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Oh ooh ooh oof you wow ooh you just right
for the throat.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah wow, I mean you got the letter you wanted Ley.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah, that was that was beautiful. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Set your boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Man, you have to you gotta Yes, you were aggressive,
but you have to be weren't lying. I saw my
mom crying, yeah years about a man that just wasn't
worth the hill of beans.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
I gotta hate him too. Gosh, here's a little bit
left though. After like three or four hours, Dad responded,
I understand, and nothing else. The random texts have stopped.
I don't know. I sort of feel free, but also sad.
I'm not burning the bridge fully, but I'm also done
with their bs. So yeah, that's where I stand right now.
(17:08):
Thanks for listening. Yeah, hope you're gonna be sad because
this is really tough. You've had to cut off this.
I mean, like again, I think it's the thing of
you're not mourning the relationship you had with your dad,
You're mourning the desire for a good relationship with a
father figure. Yeah, and you've never really I mean, you've
had it to some extent because he was he does
(17:28):
seem like he was, you know, the fun parent for
a time. Yeah, took you to games, but eventually you
realize that, like the fun parent isn't the parent who's
there for you and like stepping out for you. But
that's the end of that story. And we've got another
one coming right up.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
My mother disapproves of my fiance and it's ruining everything.
Why don't you like trigger warning for emotional abuse. For
some quick background information, my mom fifty five female and
I twenty five female. We're in a pretty bad car
accident in Georgia in twenty nineteen that gave her traumatic
brain injury and damage her frontal lobe, decision making, emotional regulation,
(18:05):
and logical thinking. I had a knuckle like this. It
took him a while to get back around, but it's.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Tough because I mean, like, you can't really fault them
because it's not them.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
She moved to Arizona about six months later, was doing fine,
then the VID hit and she was made homeless. I
was in college at the time and in no position
to up and leave, so we helped my younger brother
twenty mile at the time, move out to Arizona to
help her.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Ugh, that's tough on him.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
By the way, this comes from deny the patriarchy and
if you want to make your own stories, go to
the yard slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Riley, I'm Sophia. No,
he says. Fast forward four years, and it's been a
series of disasters for them. I have helped where I can,
but they basically have been royally screwed by individual people,
the insurance companies, by advocacy groups, and by mental health faculty. Well,
(19:00):
she came to Georgia to visit for the first time
since she's left and is staying for a month. Okay, yay.
She doesn't know my fiance twenty seven mel very well
since we started dating after she had left, and they've
only interacted in one family beach trip which went poorly
and when we move my brother out west. She hates
(19:22):
the fact that his family has different political views than ours.
Never mind that he is very aligned to our beliefs,
it's his family that's the problem. She also believes that
he wants to isolate me from my family in an
attempt to become emotionally harmful. Oh, she thinks that our
future children will grow up to be hateful, discriminatory, and
(19:42):
that I will end up a battered woman. Oh my god,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah, obviously all this is kind of like it sucks.
But what of this that she's spewing is how she
was before or you know, or is this just how
she is after the accident? Because I think like if
she's just a little bit more aggressive post accident, think
you just got a treat her like a person. You know,
(20:11):
you can't be I think you can't be like so
mad at it when you like, when you know the reasoning,
but or you just have to like focus on Okay,
I know why she's acting like this.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
And be mad at that, yeah, rather than her.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Yeah, it's like treating you know, you know, you have
to treat certain people with special needs differently, and this
is a special need.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Yeah, so it's like, how do we I think.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
We address their or help those, help those.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And how do we protect ourselves?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yes, absolutely, because you can't just let her spew all
that and take it like. That's not the solution either.
It's figuring out what the balance is.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
It's a tricky one. She has her own trauma, and
I know that any aggression, perceived or real, is hard
for her to handle. During a discussion, my fiance made
a comment how his mom had said she wanted to
put me in a home if she were ever unable
to take care of herself, and my mom flew off
the handle in rage about how he wanted to put
her in a home and how he was attacking an older,
(21:09):
disabled woman if I ended badly with her, walking out
of the house swearing that she would leave and never
come back. She screamed hateful things about my fiance, about me,
and about how I was re traumatized by not defending
her against him. That was yesterday, and after talking to
my best friend and my work family, I'm realizing that
I need to establish some boundaries with my mother. It
(21:31):
hurts me, it hurts him, It hurts the relationship between
my mom and I. When she screams, insults him and
about me. She keeps saying she won't make me choose
between them, but if I want to be with him,
my family will hate him forever and will never even
be in the same room as him or his family again. Yikes.
(21:53):
Has anyone ever been in a situation where they had
to contemplate cutting ties with a parent. I don't want
to cut her out, but she is causing me so
much stress, and she's actively driving a wedge in my
relationship with my fiance. Am I just being a young,
naive girl in love or does this behavior seem irrational? Yes?
I know she has a brain injury and is already
irrational to some degree, but this seems like way more
(22:16):
than that anyone else. My family is small, just me
and my mom and my younger brother at this point,
and I feel like I'm in an impossible situation or
either lose my fiance or I lose my mom and
my brother. Literally. Any advice is appreciated. I won't be
on Reddit unless I was desperate. We have an update
six days later.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Well, I think you know that she's acting irrationally. I
think you already said it. I think that this isn't
I think it. I mean, like to your question of
like always this even more, you know, not just the
brain injury. I think it is the brain injury. She
probably has some worries that are just coming from herself. Yeah,
but it's like all like intensified ten times because of
(23:01):
this brain injury. I'm assuming obviously I'm not her doctor,
but it does seem like if this is a change
that you've noticed.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
As a woman, doctor, I'm gonna have to agree with that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, okay, doctor, what woman? Doctor? Right here?
Speaker 1 (23:15):
This woman's acting more rational than most women.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Dang it, dang it.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Uh, this is so sad and yeah, it's such a
true It's very tricky because how do you protect yourself
from her words. Well, I think you also have a
relationship with her and your fiance at the same time,
like in the same.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I think you just got to keep having your relationship
with your fiance and kind of take your mom's words
with a grain of salt, and also maybe speak to
her doctors a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Maybe, I don't know. I don't know. We'll see what
no pdos gosh uh update I twenty five female have
been engaged to my fiance twenty seven, fit mail for
just over two years, and we have dated for nearly
three years before he proposed. We set a wedding date
back when we got engaged, but postponed it because my
family was going through a rough patch and it didn't
(24:07):
feel right at the time. We are now aiming for
April twenty twenty five. Venue is booked and everything. I'm
a kindergartener teacher working on my master's with no plans
for kids in the next five years, which he supports.
He's an electricianal engineer also getting his masters and disagrees
with his family's beliefs. She visited for a month and
(24:28):
it ended horribly, me driving her to the airport two
weeks early. Now she swears she'll never come back to
a state or be in the same room as my
fiance or his family. Well, while she was here, I
didn't get a chance to tell her that we were
planning to go through with the wedding. Things are booked,
et cetera. I fully intend to, but with all the
(24:48):
fighting and turmoil, I didn't have a chance. Now my
fiance and his family are asking questions about where we
are at in the wedding planning process. And I'm really
torn about how to to answer. On the one hand,
we could reschedule the entire thing and I could work
with my mom to get her to agree to come.
On the other hand, we go through with the wedding
(25:09):
and I would have exactly zero family members present. Oh
what about your brother? You can't come, he's taking care
of the mom. Mmmm.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah. I think if it is really important to you
that your mom comes, which I mean I imagine it would be,
then you know, maybe take that time, see if you
can change your mind, Try try everything in your power
to do that, and then at the end of the day,
if you can't, you can't. Yeah, which is really tough.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
I'm not sure I want to keep postponing the wedding
because she's not ready for me to get married yet.
So would I be the a hole if I do
go through with it?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Debatably be an a hole to your mom? But is
that worth anything to you? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
I think it's just like, do you have to ask
yourself how much do I want my mom? Have I
done everything that I'm willing to do to get her there?
And if the answers yes, then yeah, I'll have the wedding.
It's just like weighing how much you want her versus
how much you know you've already how much energy you've
already expended.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
So we got to edit to ad. My mom does
have a TBI, which affects her emotional regulation. She has
had the TBI since before I started dating my fiance,
so he's never met her beforehand. Despite the brain injury,
she swears that she's just being perfectly reasonable, and that's
how an older woman who has dated a lot more
(26:35):
than I just the one that I should trust her
implicitly and leave him info. Everyone has been asking, So
here are some of the warning signs she saw. He
wouldn't leave me alone with her while she was here visiting.
She's referring to the fact that while we would talk
in the evenings, he was always in the room because
(26:55):
we talked in the living room of the small house
we live in. Never mind that he literally really stayed
out of the house for two days so we can
hang out together just Mom and I. He does not
encourage a strong bond between my mom and I. She
means that he has not pushed me to go visit
my mom and my brother across the country. Even when
they needed help. My reasoning is that I don't actually
(27:17):
want to go across the country very often, so even
when he asked me if I want to, the answer
is usually no, he is attracted to the same gender
and is using me as a beard.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yikes. Oh.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
She was referred to the fact that years ago, before
we started dating, I made an off and comment about
how people thought that the newer server might be gay server. Okay,
like like a b oh okay. Well, we worked in
restaurants with lots of liberal college kids and straight people
were the minority, so we were kind of assumed everyone
(27:53):
was LGBTQ plus unless told otherwise gay until proven straight.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I was obviously wrong, as we have been together for
five years with no issues in the bedroom and many
conversations about the facets of spicy. Relatedly, so she thinks
he's gay.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah. See, that's why you know she's being in rational
and you're like, mom, no, I could tell you he's not. Dude,
kind of confirm that.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
You know how if I knew this, and I thought
my future mother in law knew this, I would toy
with her so much.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
Yeah, you'd be like that man is so cute, just.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Like a little offhanded comment like oh he's hot, or
I'd like do a certain laugh that she might think, well,
I'll go.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Like tea or somewhere to do that.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
But that's whenever I'm making a bit like it would
have to be a little convincing, dude. One time, my
great grandpa's wife, she's like, Ley, I just want to
let you know, like it's just so sad seeing that
all these people are gay and stuff and all this stuff.
And that was I was so close she probably would
have believe me. That's why I didn't do it. I
was so close to being like, Grandmammy, I got something
(29:06):
to tell you. I wanted to do so bad, but
I was like, she probably would believe me. I better not.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
I'm better not.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Oh man, Okay. So he encouraged me to lie to her.
I lied about going to a trip to Puerto Rico
entirely by my own choice, and despite multiple warnings by
him and my best friend that it would end poorly.
It did end poorly, and she does not trust me anymore,
which is a separate issue, but again my choice to lie.
He actively told me it was a bad idea, and
(29:38):
I didn't listen, consistence, not the ahole. We have some
comments by Opie, I don't know any anything else in
the mom same thing.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Same thing. Yeah, you just gotta you just gotta set
up those boundaries for yourself.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah, look out for yourself, girl. Literally, no one else
has any concerns about him. My best friend actually we
lived with us for three years while we were dating
and then engaged and now and she only ever has
good things to say about him. I've known her since
middle school, I know her family well, and I fully
trust her to tell me if I'm being an idiot
(30:13):
or needed dump his butt. Plus, his parents are very
rational and haven't raised any red flags, even going so
far as to invite me am i fiance to their
beach house for a week and a half. None of
my coworkers, who've all met him repeatedly, have any concerns.
It's just my mom and my brother who have actually
(30:34):
only been in his presence for less than two months total.
She actually has only met his mom and brother once
on a family beach trip for four years ago. The
trip was awkward, but nothing that should linger this long.
She's basing most of her assumptions on the fact that
they're from a small town in South Carolina, and he's
the first to be college educated in his family. Update two,
(30:56):
I knew that was kind of the library.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Well, yeah, no, she's clearly like he lives in Georgia,
a lot of assumptions about him that are we already
know aren't true. And then coupled with the fact that
she probably has already you know, she's got a lot
of these preconceptions about who this guy is. And then
she's had this traumatic brain injury. So it's like not
a great combo.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
Yeah, you know, I bet you it's an a half
million dollars that these parents have a beach house in
Myrtle Beach on the north Side.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
I believe. I'll believe you.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Yeah, yep. And that the dad has a family business
that went really well. That's why they have the beach house.
They probably run it out sometimes. The mom is a
very sweet person and knows how to make good sweet
tea and cornbread. He's probably a teacher or receptionist.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
I buy it, I buy it, or bookkeeper or bookkeeper. Yes,
that's just your dream life.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
That no, no, no, it's not. That's not my dream No, no, no,
my dream wife.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I said, dream life.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Oh, dream life. No, that's not my dream life. I'll
tell you my dream life is uh total energy. Is
like a lawyer. It's like a boss girl of a wife.
And I'm the stay at home dad and I'm just
doing like video stuff on the side.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
I love.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
That's that's what I want. And then I have a
playground that is one like half of it is workout
equipment and the other half is playground so I can
do my squats, whether like going down the side and stuff. Yeah,
and we have a bunch of.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
Lands icy and also we live on a compound together. Yes, okay,
now now I'm on board.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Update too, John here og host. We're gonna get back
to these stories. But a quick three minute break from
house from our sponsors one month later. A little background.
We had Live three sixty on our phones for years
since my mom was a single mom and my brother
and I got home from school before she did. It's
never been a problem because she checks it for peace
of mind knowing where kids are. Now she lives across
(32:51):
the country with my brother and I'm in a different state.
She still looks at my location a lot. Since I'm
not great at answering texts all the time. My mom
is interfifth and I'm twenty five. My brother's twenty three.
Last Christmas, I turned off my lie through sixty because
I was going on a trip to Puerto Rico that
I knew she wouldn't approve of. I lied about it.
When my brother asked why I turned it off. My
(33:12):
mom caught me in the lie, and it blew up
our relationship pretty badly because she felt like she couldn't
trust me. I'm well aware that I was the a
hole in that part of the situation. I shouldn't have
turned it off, and I definitely shouldn't have lied. However,
nearly a year has passed, our relationship is still very rocky,
and recently we are on the outs about my upcoming marriage.
(33:34):
She doesn't approve and doesn't want it to happen, but
I'm still doing it.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I feel like she is somewhat I mean, like again,
I don't know how much of this is like brain
and how much is her, but it feels like she's
still kind of been fantalizing up peep, like she sees
you as younger than you are and she needs to
help you make all of your decisions.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
You needed an elderly and more mature woman to guide you.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
She's like, I know best, mother knows best. You gotta
listen to me. But every you know, there comes a
time in every kid's life where they have to tell
their parents that I'm an adult now, and you know,
I don't need you to be that same kind of
controlling figure or like guiding figure. You're still the parent,
(34:19):
You're still you know, they're never gonna not be your parents,
and they can always offer advice. Yeah, but there does
come a time when they can't tell you what to do.
They can only advise you. And I think she's learning that.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
I remember when I whenever my mom would tell me something,
it would be a suggestion. Like a friend of mine
was like, you know, like you don't have to actually
do that, it's just a suggestion now because you're in college. Yeah,
I was like, oh interesting, really, huh you stop taking
all those vitamins now.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Yeah, I'm never taking a vitamin again.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah. She started using my location against me, calling and
starting fights whenever I spend my time. I was soon
to be in laws, asking why I'm leaving the house
in the evenings or what my plans on the weekends.
Are that require me to drive an hour away from home.
My brother texted me a couple of days ago asking
me to please turn my location back on so they
can know when I'm home. I'm reluctant because I'm still
(35:17):
angry in hurt by their words and actions. And it's
honestly been pretty freeing to know that my mom can't
sabotage my days by calling and starting fights when I
leave the house. I know she does look up my
location for peace of mind, remember brain injury. Very emotional,
very anxious. I also feel that at twenty five, in
(35:38):
a different state, I should have a certain level of
privacy from my mom. She does not need to know
my every move.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Yeah, I mean personally, I share my location with my mom,
but she doesn't share hers with me.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
I know you're about to say that, what's up with that?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
I always requested it. I've requested it multiple times. She
doesn't share. It's messed up.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
It's messed up stuff, man, Come on, tell you she
just wants to know where you're at.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
I just want to know where my mom is at.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Where. But I did turn it off once before that
ended up causing a huge bottle of mistrust and lies.
I don't want to do that ever again. So would
it be the a hole if I keeped it turned off?
Or should I do what they want and turn it
back on?
Speaker 2 (36:21):
I think because you know that she's going to abuse
it to keep it off. Yeah, they'll get used to it.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Yeah. And we have an update from seven months from
this last post, nine months from the original post. Yeah,
so you're getting closer. I don't know what time it is, Yeah,
closer with the wedding. So update three. For some background,
my mom and I were decently close growing up, but
she moved to Arizona when I was in junior in college,
(36:48):
and our communication has suffered a lot. There are other
circumstances that have led us here, but but just is
that I don't want to talk all the time. I
do not have the social battery to talk to her
every single day after school. I'm a kindergartener teacher. I
usually Yeah, you're busy. You know how many other questions
you've had to answer that you know.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Like, how many other like annoying questions this poor woman
has to answer every day.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
You know how patient you have to be with the.
Speaker 2 (37:16):
Well, Honestly, she's probably the best person to be in
a situation because she probably is a very patient person.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
I would debate that.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
You think, oh, you think all of her patience is
used up?
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Yes, m I could see that too, You'd think she
had a more patient tolerance. But two point, like do
you like reading stories after work? I like reading books,
But like would you read them out loud to me
if you asked me to? But would you get tired
of that?
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Probably?
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah? I usually aim for once a week updates and
check ins. I don't even do that like every other
week with your mom.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
I call my mom and my dad almost every day.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
Yeah, at least at least multiple times a.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Week every day I can. I'm sorry, I heard a
lot in to day. However, my mom is a very
social person and has a hard time understanding how I
can care about her When I don't talk to her,
She says, it feels like I'm ignoring her, that I
don't care enough about her life, and that this isn't
a healthy relationship. She says that I should be able
(38:13):
to communicate more regularly with people that I love. I
am stuck and struggling with how to move forward because
the fact is she is draining our phone calls are
several hours long.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
My phone calls with my mom are like five ten minutes.
My phone calls with my dad are longer. But my
mom and I, it's usually like, what do we need
to talk about? Okay, and then my mom goes, okay,
well that seems like all we got to talk about,
and then she hangs up.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Your mom's so funny.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
So they don't last that long.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
My mom's anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah, my dad we go longer.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, so incredibly exhausting. And I don't want to force
myself through that just to maintain a relationship with her.
Then again, she's my mom, and relationships take work on
both sides. Do I make myself suff with more frequent
phone calls? Or is it okay not to talk to someone,
especially mom, that frequently? Am I missing something about how
communication should work between a mother and a daughter. I'm
(39:11):
self diagnosed autistic, and my mom chooses not to believe
me because she thinks it's an out for me not
to handle things that I should have update.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
That's classic mom, the classic mom thing. I think it's
starting to seem like not all of this is brain injury.
It seems like it's probably exacerbated, but it seems like
a lot of this is just controlling Mom.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
I see what you're saying now, Yeah, best to kind
of inch away.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, I think you keep the contact that you can bear.
Speaker 1 (39:44):
Yeah, you know. I can't even blame the brother in
this scenario because he's just getting fed from the mom
about how bad you are and you're the villain and
he's not the villain, so he's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Whatever you say, Mom, Yeah, couldn't be me.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Six days from the last update, So an update. We
got married.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Woo, congrats o pie.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
She went through with it. A lot of y'all told
me to go through with it, and after a lot
of thought, we did. When my mom left in October,
we were in a bad place and we were having
a lot of really awful phone calls in screaming fights.
I was desperate to do something, and I finally found
a therapist who helped me process some of the things
that happened between my mom and I and my role
(40:25):
in things. So the months leading up to the wedding,
my mom continued to scream at me over the phone
and make threats about choosing him or her and how
she hoped I wasn't the kind of girl who got
rid of her family to please a man who would
end up leaving her. Anyways, she was downright hateful, and
I spent a lot of time crying over our relationship
(40:45):
because I couldn't believe that it's gotten to this point. Oh,
that's so sad.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
It's tough.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Girls support girls.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah, it's tough. I think it's good that you're on
a therapy.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Though we got married in April and my mom and
brother did not attend, I was able to re connect
with my mom's cousin who I used to be close
with as a child, and she had her family come
toward the wedding.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
I'm glad you had some family at the wedding. That's
really nice.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
I had my best friend, her family, and my work
family there to support me. Okay, a close friend performed
the ceremony. Plus, of course, my husband and family was
very supportive. There were times I missed my mom and
I wanted to see her smile in the audience, but
I was ultimately glad that she wasn't there. I would
have felt like I had to perform and cater to
her every whim And I'm so glad I was able
(41:31):
to just have a lovely day with all the people
who came to celebrate with us. We have a little
bit left here. How do you feel about these boundaries?
Speaker 2 (41:39):
I think they were necessary. I think Ope was kind
of burning herself out and trying to have this relationship
with her mom when her mom was so against kind
of just any step. Oh. He took to have a
little bit more autonomy in her life and a little
bit more like independence, And so I think I think
she needed to create this boundaries. And I think maybe
she could come back around later in life once so
(42:01):
you know, her mom realizes that her husband's not terrible. Yeah,
and maybe they could reclaim that relationship. But for now,
I think this was probably the best agreed for both
of them.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
Yeah, agreed, So just to reaffirm my feelings about her
not being there. My mom did not contact me at
all the day of and only called me a week
later to ask whether I would be sharing any pictures
with her.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
I did send her a few because I thought a
small part of her might care. All she did was
comment about how it looked like a cheap Amazon wedding. Oh,
she hoped I was happy with my crappy choices and
that they were worth the loss of my family.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
That's terrible. I'm sorry she hit the.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Block button right after this conversation. I missed her constantly
despite all her issues, but I have it cut her
off completely. We've been having our time communicating at all
right now, and I don't know if it'll ever get better.
I am happily married, and I don't regret it. Thanks
for reading this far. I appreciate all the kindness and
honesty I got from my original post. And that's the
(43:04):
end of that story.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Huh oh, bitch, ouch ouch ouch, you got this, Opie,
you got your you know, you got a new chosen family. Yeah,
and I really hope that you can, you know, have
a relationship at some point with your mom. But for now,
focus on the people that want to support you and
uplift you, not the people trying to drag you down.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yep, not a crab in a bucket. You're better than
a crab in a book.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
You are better than a crab in a book.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
We'll get another story coming up. We're gonna grab that
right now.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
My adoptive mother is neglectful, so I ghosted her.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
Ghost of Christmas past.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
So to add some meat to the story, I was
adopted when I was four years old. I came from
a horrendous family, and social services had been intervening for years,
until eventually myself and my younger half brother were placed
under child protection and separated from my three other older siblings.
By the way, this comes from Daphne Blue ninety six,
(43:56):
directly from the r slash Okay storytime Separate It. So
I'm I'm Riley, and Opie says I was adopted by
a recently widowed woman. Her partner was lost in tragic
circumstances not much more than a year before she adopted us. Anyhow,
it became quite clear very early on that I was
going to have a strained relationship with my adoptive mother.
(44:17):
I'll refer to her as Mom in the story. She
was incredibly controlling, beyond the realms of what would be
considered normal. I add serious behavioral issues due to years
of neglect and abuse, so I really needed a lot
of help and attention. The issue in our relationship really
started as I was quite independent and I was old
enough to have memories of my childhood prior to adoption,
(44:38):
and asked a lot of questions. My brother, on the
other hand, did not. He was quickly selected as the favorite,
and the favoritism he benefited from was unbelievable. Why are
you even adopting a child if you're not able to
like uncondisial yeah, or just like handle all of the
things that they've gone through.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Hey, it's sam og Hos. Back to these delectable stories.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to
help support the show. I was ignored for the majority
of my childhood. My successes were rarely acknowledged. For context,
I was a very athletic kid. I was in every
sports team at school. I was the fastest runner in
my years, so would regularly be selected for the school
team for interschool competitions, et cetera. I have countless medals
(45:23):
and ribbons from a variety of events, and these were
never celebrated. My brother, however, didn't really find his calling
when he was younger. He wasn't naturally athletic or overly
talented in anything. Really, he just wasn't that type of
kid I.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
Suppose interesting, So even though you went out and did
usually it's a flipped where the brother or like, you know,
the favorite child gets all the medals and stuff. Yeah,
this is a little odd or like, well, I.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Think it's because Ope has you know, memories and the
behavioral issues and stuff, and so he's not like I
feel like sometimes bad adoptive parents want kind of the
blank slate child that they can mold, and Opee is
a little bit less that. Ye, my mom would go
to all his events, regardless of how small they were.
She turned up to our first cross country event at
(46:07):
a new school genuinely only to watch him. I won
my race. He legitimately came last as he walked the
whole lot because he couldn't be bothered. She didn't even
see my race. She spent her time watching my brother instead.
I was due to leave primary school, so every year
the school put on a mini graduation ceremony for us
so parents can come watch. We sang a song as
(46:29):
a year group, and then were brought on stage individually
in an assembly hall so parents could take pictures. There
was a slide show in the background with a photo
of the kid and what their future aspirations were. Ninety
nine percent of kids had their parents there standing up
taking photos when their child came on stage. I went
on and neither my mom or her partner were there.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Oh my gosh, so sad.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I wouldn't mind, but they had nothing on that evening.
They lived two hundred meters from the school. They sat
at home to watch a film with my brother instead.
They should not be parents Anyway. A year goes by
and it's my brother's graduation. Guess what they both turned
upt is of course they have to their little baby boy.
My adoptive family has been witnessing the favoritism for many years,
(47:18):
and it often caused some arguments, particularly between my nan
and my mom my mom's mother. Obviously, I was very
close with my nan until she passed.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Ugh.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
She was my guardian in a lot of ways. I
would stay at hers most weekends. I think she'd ask
if I wanted to stay at hers just to get
me away from my mom for a bit. I didn't
realize that at the time. I used to get screamed
at for everything as a kid. She was that lunatic
mom you sometimes see at the grocery store screaming at
her kids for every minor infringement. When I turned sixteen,
(47:48):
I started working full time as an apprentice. That's when
our relationship started reaching its boiling point. I had ran
away from home multiple times at this point, as she
had been screaming at me about something minor and I
just had enough. Her brother would often take me in.
He knew the whole story and sided with me on it,
so she started threatening to kick me out. This went
(48:08):
on for ages, as I just argued with her constantly
because I simply didn't respect her anymore. She had spent
a lifetime excluding me and neglecting me emotionally, and I
didn't see her as a mom more as an authority figure.
She would tell her ex husbands who passed away parents
constantly that she was going to kick me out. So
I grew tired of the threats, and when I turned seventeen,
(48:30):
I moved out and didn't tell any of my family.
I stayed at my friends in a tiny, spare bedroom
until eventually my mom's brother found out and took me
for lunch and told me that I would be moving
in with him. As in his words, if you're going
to be staying anywhere, it's going to be with family.
Good on your mom's brother, cause she sucks. I just
don't understand why you would.
Speaker 1 (48:50):
Like, Yeah, why you saw brousers.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
You choose to have a child. That is so much
more choice than you know, having a kid biologically.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
You know what probably happened. What, Hey, I'd like to
have this kid. Oh it comes with this, Okay, all right, yeah,
I'll do that.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Yeah, but that's just crazy to me. It's like, if
you're not ready to be a parent of both these kids,
don't adopt them.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
I would have watched the Mark Wahlberg movie where he
adopts kids.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, I liked It's key o.
This caused a massive feud with my mom and my uncle,
one that still hasn't healed. My mom accuses him and
his wife of trying to steal me away from her,
and they've done it my whole life, which isn't true.
They would just come and take me out on weekends
and stuff, simply to give me some normality. I think
a lot of it was orchestrated by my nan. Anyway,
(49:41):
scroll forward four years. I hadn't spoken to my mom
In that time. I'd settled down with my uncle and
aunt and finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Oh, my
mom suddenly got ill and looked like she might not
make it, so I decided to reach out and went
to see her at hospital. We reconciled, but I really
struggle to forgive her, as any time family was brought
(50:02):
up in conversation, she would bad mouth my uncle and aunt,
Bearing in mind they'd basically been my parents for the
last six years. I didn't like hearing them being slandered
when what my mom was saying was just nasty and untrue.
She firmly believes, even to this day that she was
never in the wrong. Oh my gosh, I mean, your
mom just is terrible for us.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
She just sucks.
Speaker 2 (50:24):
I'm glad that you have, like other people in this
family that are looking out for.
Speaker 1 (50:27):
You, though I'm afraid because OPI had to raise yourself.
I'm also afraid that the brother didn't get much raising. Well.
Speaker 2 (50:34):
What I'm sad about is that Opie and his brother
probably don't have a good relationship because of this favoritism,
which is so not the brother's fault. Yeah, it's boy,
I don't know. Uh here I'll go people, What are you?
Forty four? Doesn't say it's from it's from our subreddit.
It's daphnely Blue. Yeah, it's a woman.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Confused
they all all the genders just come together and came together.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Yeah, okay, but.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
That is tough that your relationship rifted because he kind
of had to be the good brother to stay in
the good graces of his parent.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
Mm hmm. It's like not beneficial for either of you
their treatment. I tried to maintain a relationship with her
for years after her brief illness, but it always felt forced.
I was always made to feel like I was the
one that owed her something. She would never message me
or speak to me unless I physically went to her
house to see her. To the main point, the last
two years, she has invited me via text to hers
(51:30):
on Christmas Day. I have refused every time, as I
would prefer to spend it with my aunt and uncle,
whom I owe so much to, and to be honest,
I see more as my parents. I feel loved there
and comfortable, and I feel like that's an important thing
to feel. On Christmas Day last year, she invited me
around and I told her I wouldn't be going to hers,
and she kicked off and started ripping into my aunt
(51:52):
and uncle again, saying I always prioritized them over her,
et cetera, et cetera. I ignored her and left it.
I mean, she ever prioritized you, So it's tough.
Speaker 1 (52:02):
You know, who would have known? This would have been
the consequences of your actions.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
Yeah, you don't know this woman anything?
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Christmas ghosts.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Yeah. A year went and I decided mid year I
was tired of trying to maintain a relationship with a
woman who offered nothing positive to my life and refused
to acknowledge her shortfalls as a parent. She legitimately hasn't
messaged me on my birthday for the last ten years.
Whoa I am her son who she chose to adopt,
(52:30):
whom she emotionally neglected for years. Yet she expects me
to come to hers on Christmas Day as if it's
her god given right.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Okay, so this is a guy, yes, son, Dang, I
was wrong about that. Everyone. This is a This is
a guy.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
I mean I've been saying they for most of it,
but I was keeping.
Speaker 1 (52:47):
A safe two yeah ah yeah, okay, son, Gosh, dude,
you don't you do not like this woman doesn't deserve
your time, no at all.
Speaker 2 (52:55):
You don't know we're literally anything.
Speaker 1 (52:57):
I'm glad you're coming to the consistent I'm glad you're
realizing this now.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
Yeah. I mean, you have the people in your life
who care about you and have showed up for you,
and she's never once showed up for you and is
now demanding, you know, the emotional like she's demanding your
love and affection when she's given nothing back or nothing
to earn it. So I sent her a very long,
well written message stating how I'd never been a priority
(53:22):
of hers and now she has never shown any interest
in my life at all, and I was tired of
pretending like everything was okay. So after this, we literally
didn't speak all year, and we made it to this
Christmas just gone, and she invited me again, to which
I refused. She invites me around mainly to save face
in front of her ex husband's parents, who are very
prominent figures in my life. I am super close with
(53:43):
my grandfather, not technically my grandfather, as I've never even
met his son, as he passed before we were adopted,
but I do share his middle and last name, so
it makes sense. There is a little bit left to
this story. Do you have any final.
Speaker 1 (53:56):
Thoughts that no, it's tricky this woman, yeah some politics
and is using you.
Speaker 2 (54:02):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (54:03):
I think just hang out with uncle and Auntie. They
seem like a pretty vivy people.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
I agree. I agree, stay with those, Stay with them.
My grandparents go to my mom's for Christmas Day every year,
so I'm assuming she doesn't want to be it with
questions like is a p coming around today at all?
So she messaged me a week before Christmas and asked
if I wanted to call around and get my presence
off her. I never did go and get them and
haven't spoken to her since. I feel bad in some
(54:28):
ways that she made an effort to buy me a present,
but it just feels so forced. Would you make an
effort with someone who has neglected you for so long?
I feel like I've tried for long enough and I
need to draw a line under it and cut her off.
It's so hard when it's your mom, though, I don't
get why. Maybe a part of me is still seeking
the validation she never gave me as a kid who
knows ps. She only messaged me to collect my Christmas
(54:51):
presents offer because when she tried to give them to
my brother to give to me, he refused to take
them and told her how crappy that was and that
she needed to make an effort with me.
Speaker 1 (55:00):
Nice.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Well, I'm glad that it seems like your brother is
still cool.
Speaker 1 (55:02):
He gets it, which is great.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
I love that. Yeah, that's the end of that story.
Speaker 1 (55:08):
I grew up seeing this is so sad. But I
grew up going to basketball games and these parents would
always be like taking stats of their kid and everything.
So I had three kids. One's the oldest, and then
they had twins, and the oldest was a golden child.
You know, he's good at basketball. I love to play
him in basketball again right now. But anyways, he was
(55:29):
always like I think he dated my ex at one point.
I don't know, but he was always like, you know,
parents loved him. And then the other two they're just
kind of like they show up, but they weren't as
like involved. I was just like, dude, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah,
and then that and then the twin brother was talking
to my cousin, but then that didn't work out.
Speaker 2 (55:47):
Alexis yeah that you met. Yeah yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (55:51):
Feel like an old guy that I remember. Well.
Speaker 2 (55:56):
Anyway, that is the end of that story and this episode.
So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (56:03):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
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