I tried to RECONCILE with my sister… but my husband ruined the progress! - r/Family | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og Okay storytime podcast hosts,
and we.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Have some rocking stories for you coming up.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
But before you rock out with your socks out, I
got a quick cheuminute ad break from a sponsors, keeping
the show rocking and rolling. I tried to reconcile with
my sister, but my husband ruined the progress.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Don't westart it, just continue trigger.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Warning mentions of my thirty two male sister twenty four
female and I were really close when we were kids.
She was a really sweet kid, and neither of us
were really good at making friends, so I was her
whole world and it was nice to feel loved. Our
parents pitted us against each other constantly. They compared our
academic achievements, our behaviors, our sense of style, et cetera.

(00:43):
By the way, this comes from fun wrong too Earth
ten And if you want to spit your own stories,
what are the our slish ow okay stories? I'm sawbred.
So it put a lot of stress on our relationship,
and it slowly made us more competitive over time. I
wasn't a good brother in the end. I don't feel
bad about leaving the house at eighteen. I couldn't live
there anymore with how our parents were. But I feel
bad about having cut my sister out of my life entirely.

(01:07):
I was more of a grind and Barrett kind of
guy when it came to our parents BS, But from
very early on, my sister was feisty and argumentative, refusing
to sit down and take it without a fight. She
tended to escalate whatever drama our parents started. I see
it now that she was very young at the time,
ten by the time I moved out, and didn't properly
know how to de escalate situations or handle her feelings.

(01:31):
At the time, I blamed her for the tention at
home and resented her more and more as the years passed.
So I didn't feel guilty about having cut her out
of my life. I didn't cut my parents out the
actual guilty ones, only her, Because I was more angry
she would to be more like me and make life
easier for both of us. I affed up bad and
abandoned her with no friends. I met my now husband,

(01:53):
thirty three male, in college. He was perfect, or so
I thought. We were both software engineers like this, the
same things, and very gentle and funny. I adore him.
He has two little sisters one sister in law twenty
eight female and sister in law two eighteen female. We're
gonna call him Sarah and Sally. Sarah is practically his
best friend. They are thick as thieves, and Sally is

(02:16):
the family's baby. His parents are pretty much better than mine.
And it's been because of interacting with my in laws
that I've begun to realize how none of it was.
What happened was my sister's fault. It was always my parents.
Sally was six when I met her. I've seen her
grow up, and I've seen what a proper childcare is
supposed to look like, and how dirty my parents did
me and my sister, and that they were the ones

(02:38):
to blame, not us, and especially not my sister. I
know I wasn't responsible for taking care of my sister,
because that's the parent's responsibility, but I wish I hadn't
completely left her alone and isolated. I don't think that
that was fair. I tried to connect with her six
years ago, but she was very cagy and unresponsive, so
I gave her space. We finally started getting some aggressed

(03:00):
down about two years ago. She also pursued a career
in tech and I got through to her with our
shared field. Okay, all right, so it seems like he
understands what's going on now.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Yeah, And I think the thing is when Opie left,
it was at a young age. Yeah, I mean, you
don't know. I guess it didn't hit Ope until he
saw Sally and Sarah like with their family dynamic and
you're like, WHOA. That hits me close to home too,
where I'm like, whoa, people have family dinners and run
family gatherings and they enjoy like game nights. I'm like,

(03:32):
what the heck is that? So I think, oh, he's
blaming themselves a little too much because they're like, oh,
it's my fault. Like I know it's all my parents,
but it's also my fault. Yes, But it's one of
those things where it's like it's a what if situation
and you can't really do what if, And now you're
doing the progress that hopefully leads to rekindle that relationship.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah. So these past few years, I found out a
lot about what happened after I left. I'll keep it
vague for her sake, but she was harmed by a
family member and blamed for it by our parents. And
she was still a kid, and later, being isolated and
needing love made her vulnerable to being groomed by a teacher.
She also had a few mental health struggles all along

(04:09):
that she'd barely started getting the courage to seek help for.
Mostly she struggles with is trust. Says, nobody who's promised
to be there for her has stayed, and she's been
hurt and mistreated by the people who were supposed to
take care of her. I'm very proud of her, and
I really feel like the person she's become in spite
of all that she's gone through. I wish i'd been
there to help with everything, but there's no point in

(04:30):
crying over spilt milk. As of today, i'd consider her
my best friend and I'm lucky she gave me another
chance for me to be her big brother after I
left her. At one appointment, she'd admitted she didn't know
what she wanted to study when she got to college,
and she chose tech, hoping we would meet again if
we were both in the field. We specialized in different areas,
but hearing that broke my heart, so I decided we

(04:52):
could work on something together, and for the past year
and a half. We've been working on a small video
game together, like the ones we played when we were kids.
We don't make a lot of progress since we're both
very busy, but we try to make time for it
at least twice a month. I'm having the time of
my life working with her. She's opening up more and
letting me in more the more time we spend together,
and I feel like our relationship is finally healing. She

(05:14):
spends a few evenings at my place so or I
go over to hers a couple of days out of
the month. Two times she's had to spend the night
with me and my husband. This is important. The first
time we lost track of time and worked so late
into the am, I felt more comfortable if she stayed
the night. The second time, there was a hailstorm and
it wasn't safe for her to be outside. I didn't
know my husband had a problem with this. We have

(05:35):
Sarah and Sally over all the time, and I'm fine
with that. Sarah and I are friends in our own
right way, and probably will stay friends even if I
broke up with my husband. Sally is a Sarahgate little
sister to figure to me. I love her. Sarah and
my husband are both musicians, and they work in indie
music together. Sometimes she'll spend the weekends over a night
included while they work on their creative stuff together, and

(05:58):
other times they'll spend a weekend out of the town
recording their music or in small music events. This doesn't
bother me at all. I like that my husband is
so close with his sister, and I like that I'm
close with Sarah too, and I like that they're so
passionate about their craft. My husband's passion for everything he
does was fifty percent of what made me so attracted
to him in the first place. Ever since the Hellstorm night,
the second time she spent the night at her place,

(06:19):
my sister has been coming over less and less and
has left her project short of abandon She texts me
more sporadically and doesn't call me anymore. This word and me.
He said, that's just how things are. Our siblings grow
apart in time, you're married now, and other things like that.
I didn't get it, because me being married has never
been a problem as far as I'm concerned. My husband

(06:40):
liked my sister as much as I like his. All
five of us hung out together more than once and
we've had a group chat and we keep up in
it when we don't have time to meet up. This evening,
Sarah came to talk to me after work while my
husband was still on his way home. She told me
that my husband told her how he had gotten rid
of my sister by having a stern talk with her
about boundary. Sarah likes my sister, so I didn't sit

(07:03):
well with her Seeing how my sister has been withdrawing,
Sarah's worried about her and decided to tell me what's
been going on.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
What.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
I was confused and angry, but I decided to be
an adult about it and wait until my husband came
back to talk. That was about three hours ago. Wait
what got rid of?

Speaker 3 (07:20):
I think it's jealousy, you know, the late nights. Maybe
it's like, oh, I don't know, Maybe there was no
communication from Opie saying, oh, my sister's gonna stay over.
I would assume so, but we don't know that. But
I think it's jealousy that Opie's husband is like, you're
hanging out with your sister and she's taking time away
from you know, you hang out with me, So I

(07:41):
don't know. That's my initial thought, but I could be wrong.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
Do you have anything No that I think jealousy.

Speaker 3 (07:48):
Which is weird because it's like very hypocritical because he
has like Sally, they do the musician stuff, the indie music,
and they do that on the side, and Opie's like,
that's great. You guys are hanging out. That's cool. So
who knows.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, it's weird that he could do it, but you can.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
Yeah, but we'll see the reasoning.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
I asked my husband what if Sarah said was true?
And he got this obnoxious choi and patronizing attitude, saying
that my sister wasn't respecting our married life she always has,
and that she was taking up too much space by
staying there. Keon was on it. Call it his sister
spends many night in our guest room when they're songwriting,
and my sister spent two nights because of external circumstances.

(08:30):
Apparently what bothered him was at the night where my
sister stayed home because we worked late into the night.
The first time we spent there, I fell asleep with
her in the guest bedroom. When we were kids and
still got along, we would wake up in each other's
bedrooms talking until one of us fell asleep. There's nothing
weird about it. So my favorite childhood memories are hearing
my sister babble about her cute little thoughts as I

(08:51):
dozed off to sleep, or seeing her become drowsy as
I told her about my day at school or my
dreams of the future. That night, my husband wasn't even
going to come back home. He was out with Sarah
at a music event, and he said he wouldn't be
back until morning. Since my husband wasn't supposed to be
home at all, I thought he'd be sweet and my
sister and I could regain one of those childhood traditions.

(09:11):
He came home around three am because of some problem
with the show and got upset that he couldn't sleep
with me that he decided to go to my sister
behind my back and tell her on behalf of both
of us. I was un informed of this, and that
she was taking up too much space in our relationship
and he needed to back off and respect I have
a life without her, now what well.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
That left up?

Speaker 1 (09:32):
That's wild?

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Dude?

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Also three am? Brother, who's up three am? Like you're
upset because your partner's not and your bed at three
am what I one night, it's like one or two nights.
This is out of pocket.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, this is out of bucket. Also, you'rely one of them.
You could probably drag me in bed be like, oh come.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
On, come on, or we wake them up, check on.
I'm like, if they're both asleep by three am and
it's like cutie, And especially if you know OP has
a traumatic past with their sibling, it's really left.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Up, dude. My relationship with my sister is still fragile,
even two years into our reconciliation. I left her for
the better part of eight years, and she's been betrayed
by family, friends and romantic partners. She has a lot
of trust issues and she's working very hard on overcoming that,
but she's not quite there yet. She's still afraid I'm
going to leave her, and she still has never been

(10:22):
manipulative about it. She's grey at communicating and she needs
reassurance rather than being manipulative about it. It's just that
I can still read her in her expressions that she's
still insecure, even if she keeps it to herself. We've
always been good at reading each other at a glance.
She's doing so well all things considered, and she's trying
to regulate her feelings and manage all this by herself.

(10:44):
For the most part, I'm so freaking proud of her.
I can only imagine hearing what my husband told her
to her. When I told my husband he had no
right to speak on my behalf to my sister to
say something like that, he said, I'm overreacting and that
I would have done the same thing if he had
replace to sleep with his sister. I didn't replace him.
He wasn't supposed to be home, and I was deep

(11:06):
asleep when he arrived. He didn't even wake me up
so I could join him in bed. Instead of talking
to me about it, he waited until my sister spent
the night again because of a hell storm and talk
to her behind my back. Dude, this is some snake
activities right here.

Speaker 3 (11:21):
And of course the sister's not gonna say anything because
she's already on like, uh, I don't trust anyone, just
on the nice then nice she's yeah, everything's like very
on thin ice. She doesn't trust anyone, and sure she's
like this is great, but like, I have no reason
to confront my brother because you know what sucks.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
It sucks yeah, I'm too pissed to be with my
husband right now. I pack some bags and I'm going
to the bus see my sister. It's late at night,
but I need to talk to her and clear this up.
I don't want her to think I'm leaving her again,
or that I want her at arm's length. I don't.
I want to be close to her as we were
when our parents ruined everything. I'm not sure what I'm
going to do with my husband, but hearing him say

(11:59):
all those awful things about my sister and pretending he
did nothing wrong by telling her she was bothering us,
bothering me and she needed to step out of my
life makes me feel like I never do him at all.
Even Sarah was distraught when she told me what he'd done.
She said she would have never thought her brother would
do anything like this. I have no idea what the
next step is. All I know for now is I'm

(12:21):
not going to lose my sister again, and I'll have
a long talk with my husband when i'm calm old
a civil conversation. But I'm not sure if I'll be
able to forgive him for this. I feel like he
crossed a line we got an update, and yeah, goodness,
gracious Todd, what the heck is wrong with this guy?

Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yeah? What is this stepping from? I mean, obviously it's jealousy,
but the fact that this is one night and again
it's the hypocrisy of your sister says over all the
time too, and you guys do indie music and you
guys go late into the night, and I don't batny,
But the one time my sister does it, it's all
heck breaks loose.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
It's tech and music really that different.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
It's not even that, it's just like bonding with your sister. Yeah,
she was having a sibling bond and hanging out, and
you're getting jealous because the sister's staying in your house
and enjoying time with Op.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Yeah, pretty well.

Speaker 3 (13:10):
Come on, And it was after one time. It was
one time of coming home three am, and like, oh,
OPI didn't tell me this was gonna happen, even though
I said I wasn't coming home.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Come on, come on, come on, come on. Update. I'm
not sure how to feel right now. I made it's
my sister's place close to midnight after riding the last post.
She was surprised to see me there at that time,
and I was even more surprised. When I got there,
she had her own bags packed. Her boss had offered
her to transfer overseas a while back and told her
to think about it. She said she didn't have anything

(13:40):
to think about. At first, she appreciated the effort I
was putting into rebuilding our relationship, and she wanted to
stay close to me. However, my husband so helpfully told
her the load of bs he did, and she changed
her mind. We spoke for over an hour. I clarified
that my husband was full of crap and none of
what he said was on my behalf. I don't think
she's taking up space, not anymore than my sister in

(14:03):
laws are in any case, and I've always been expected
by my husband to be in aoka with that I
am because he's close to them. I couldn't change her mind.
I'm writing this from Sarah's house. I still can't look
at my husband in the face, and I'm not sure
what comes to our marriage after this. In the end,
my sister decided to leave because she's afraid. She confessed

(14:23):
that for the past two years that we've been getting
close again, she's had feelings that if she makes the
smallest mistake. I'm gonna leave her again.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
That sucks that she's like again, she's like emotionally she's
been through so much. Yeah, and that the fact that, like,
even though you guys are having a good reconnection, it
still feels like she's on eggshells.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, that is so crazy, dude. I would divorce her
husband after this. She also said she knows that this
isn't a fair way to feel, and that she has
told me anything about it because she didn't want to guilt,
trip me, or make me feel bad. My husband was
telling her to piss off on my behalf was the
final I told her she has a right to feel
like that. I did leave her. She was just a kid,

(15:04):
and I pinned all the blame on our parents' bs
onto her. I left her when I should have had
her in my life. Still, things got very very ugly
for her, and I have the feeling that she hasn't told
me the full extent of how bad it was. I
set the president fourteen years ago that I could just
up and leave her at any point without warning. Combined
with all the craps she's gone through ever since, I
don't blame her for feeling like that. I asked her

(15:26):
to stay. I told her we could still fix it.
She said she needed some time on her own. She
still feels like having an abandonment and trusted shoes as
her fault, or that it's manipulative by default. I can't
stress enough that she'll never try to guilt, trip me,
or do anything that could remotely considered manipulative. She's been
a champ at handling her issues and her fears by herself.

(15:47):
She said she can't get in between me and my husband,
and no matter how many times I told her that
my husband's actions are the reasons we separated and not
anything she did, it was like talking to a brick wall.
She got all cagey and negative. That my husband and
I can fix this and I love them very much
and she's not going to be the reason I lose him.
She also said that the entire incident stirred her up

(16:08):
and she can't be fair now, so she needs space
since she's always scared I'm going to leave her. She
doesn't want to stick around for me to see how
bad her mental health can get, and feel bad and worry. Honestly,
I think she's trying to leave me before I leave her.
This time she saw the slightest of abandonment and hit
the bricks. I'm angry at her for that. I really
wanted to fix things with her. She's been my best

(16:30):
friend for two years and now she's gone.

Speaker 3 (16:33):
It's hard because you can't be angry at her. I know,
it's like I don't like that decision, and I you know,
you set out everything and like, this is not your fault.
She's still in that mindset, and I don't think we've
talked about her having therapy through all the trauma she's
gone through, and she's handled it. As you said in
that last sentence, she's handled it by herself all these years.

(16:54):
She said, don't have a support system. Yeah, that's what
it is. She doesn't have a support system. I mean,
even though she got like the tiniest little bit of
support from you, she still is like h arm's length
of like I don't want that right now.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
So you can still tell her all these things, and
she's still gonna have that fence. When it comes down,
it comes down, but you can't force it to change that.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yeah. Oh absolutely, There's so many layers here that she
needs to go through. A lot of therapy, So yeah,
she promised she wasn't ditching me and she just needed
time alone after this. So far, she's been calling every
night before bed, so we talked at least once a day.
But still I miss her. I miss her a lot.
She said, it's not a permanent relocation. Who knows. I
feel like I just got my sister back and now

(17:35):
she's gone again. Was this what it felt like for her?
She was ten, She woke up one morning and I
wasn't there. I didn't leave it up. I didn't call,
I didn't text until she was eighteen. I kept in
touch with my parents, but not with the brat, as
I called her. Do I have the right to be angry.
We got a little bit left here. I'm just gonna
get into.

Speaker 3 (17:53):
It, get into it.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
My husband was very happy when he heard from Sarah
that my sister was gone. Really, dude, dude what He
told me to go back home and that the trouble
was over. I didn't answer. I just hung up. He's
called a lot, but I haven't picked up the phone.
He's texted me that I can't put a sister over
a partner and that I'm exaggerating and I'm going to

(18:16):
regret this when he runs out of patient. Oh that's weird.
I'm seriously considering divorce. We've been together for twelve years,
but I don't think I can forgive him for this.
He knew how important fixing things with my sister was
for me. All he says over text is that she
wasn't my responsibility, only my parents. I know that. I
know she wasn't my responsibility, But does that mean it

(18:38):
was okay to leave without warning and to cut all
contact with her? I've never bothered following up with her.
I hated her by the time I left. I escaped,
got the crap out of her. Instead of blaming our
parents for their crappy behavior, I've been staying over at
Sarah's place for now. She isn't talking to my husband either,
and Sally's torn up over this. He tried using her
like a carrier pigeon between him us, but Sarah told

(19:01):
her in no uncertain terms that my husband shouldn't be
using her like that. I don't know what comes next.
I miss my sister. My husband did something I would
have never thought him capable of. I'm sure my sister
is suffering more than she gets let on and she's
at a point where she isn't ready to accept help.
So I can't do anything. I'm only feeling numb. I

(19:22):
feel so so portrayed. My husband knew how important this
was to me. He knew how much I loved my sister,
he knew she had issues. How could he do that
to the both of us?

Speaker 3 (19:32):
Dangn that's wild jealousy, bro, It's twelve years of marriage
angry over one little thing.

Speaker 1 (19:40):
Also, he was happy she left. He knows that you've
been trying to get closer together. He was jealous and
when he said come home before my patience runs out.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yeah. No, this is a control thing. This is like
anything I say goes and it seems like, oh, you
went against my word. Now I'm angry. Nah, I think
this is divorce. Divorces. Yeah, you already said it. Divorce
in the fact that Opie's partner said, oh, you're gonna
choose your sister over me? Come on saying it's a

(20:10):
blood is thicker than water. I mean, yeah, your your
partners say. But I mean if the counteraction was, what
if I told you to leave your sister for me?

Speaker 1 (20:20):
Oo, what would you do?

Speaker 3 (20:22):
Then?

Speaker 1 (20:23):
Would he still have the same reaction.

Speaker 3 (20:24):
I think his reaction would be like, of course, uh.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Really, I think his reaction would be, oh, my gosh,
why would you say that? Blah blah blahlah blah blah
blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (20:33):
I yeah, I had a crush on another woman and
my wife discovered it. A more than marrier, just a
little crush. My wife and I have been married four
years and together for six. I love her deeply. However,
recently I have developed an infatuation for a woman I
work with. Oh boy, eh, stop that, you don't do that.

(20:53):
I did not cheat and have a strictly work relationship
with her. I recognize my feelings as a mere crush,
but still felt guilty and needed to talk about it.
By the way, this comes from user tim bond r
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separated it So about
two months ago I posted on a forum not read

(21:13):
it about this woman and found sympathy. It helped me
understand how will crushes in a long term relationship work.
A month ago, I came home to my wife having
printed my post. She confronted me and as I was
taken by surprise. I didn't really know how to explain myself.
Did you use your names? How the heck did she
know it was you? But that's weird. I couldn't lie either,
so I just apologized to her. She read me my

(21:35):
post while crying. I cannot post it entirely here, but
basically I said she was a breath of fresh air.
The reason I'm happy to go to work. I wish
I could hold her in my arm and know how
she smells. I often dream of her. Sometimes I lie
down and imagine her in front of me. These were
things I was thinking but couldn't say out loud. They
were things that could have been written in a diary.

(21:56):
They were private thoughts, and I never imagined my wife
would read them. In the end, it is just a fantasy. No, no.
Ever since that day, my wife has barely spoken to me.
She refuses to discuss it and won't look at me
in the eye the rare time she addresses me. She
moved into our guest room. She told me she was
getting ready to divorce and would file when she has
enough money, and that I shouldn't hope that I am

(22:18):
free to pursue that woman. I understand why she is hurt,
but it is just an infatuation. It is not comparable
to the love and history I have for her. How
can I get through to her? She told me she
never had feelings for another man and that I betrayed her.
She wants say married to a man who yearns for
another woman. I told her I would change jobs, but
she just said I'll still dream of her. She is

(22:40):
completely closed off. What can I do? I apologize for errors.
I'm stressed and not a native English speaker, and we
has relative comments.

Speaker 1 (22:48):
Rightley, what do we do? Call it a day?

Speaker 3 (22:50):
Let work time to make I'm single now I'm ready
to hold you in my arms. This is terrible.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
I need a picture of them as a couple, and
then a picture of this person that way. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
The fact that you're like, it's just it's just like
a fantasy. This person is someone you see every single day.
There's a major difference of having like a celebrity crush.

Speaker 1 (23:10):
This does feel like a celebrity crush, but they're just
not a celebrity.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
No, no, no, like there's like, oh, it's just like, oh,
it's funny, like I have a celebrity crush on Anne
Hathaway great, like it's never got to happen. But it's like, oh,
Anne Hathaway's beautiful, and Carly knows this, and she's like, cool,
that's funny. And I know Carly has celebrity crushes too,
and I'm like, that's funny.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
I'm a great stitch.

Speaker 3 (23:31):
But this is not a fantasy, because you are going
into the workplace every single day staring at this woman,
yearning for her. You talk to her, you're friends with her. Yeah,
we have some relevant comments and I want to see
what they're gonna say. Croatian chick. So have you gotten
a new job yet? What have you done to show
your wife that you're serious about your marriage and that

(23:52):
she's the only one who matters to you. Op He says.
She won't let me talk to her or touch her.
Sometimes she will leave the room when I come in.
She is like a wall. I tried buying her her
favorite flowers and wrote a card, but she didn't take them.
I'm an invisible to her. I was looking for jobs
when I informed her I would change jobs to avoid
the woman, but she told me not to bother as
she was leaving. In this economy, I cannot easily risk

(24:15):
being unemployed, especially if I will end up divorced. Pancake
Waffle's toast. There's an innocent crush, and then there's wanting
something to happen between the two of you. Your wife
knows this, everybody knows this, and you should know this.
You wanted to hold your coworker in your arms, et cetera,
et cetera. It's not the fact that you have a
crush on someone. It happens naturally and it's human nature.

(24:36):
It's the fact that you have had a crush and
wanted things that happen between you two, and that's what
broke your wife's heart. Also in the first place, if
you wanted to keep your thoughts private, you shouldn't have
posted it on the internet.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
So you kind of wanted to get caught. This is
kind of what cheating's like. I'll do a little bit cheating.
See if I get caught.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
Yeah, this is literally emotionally cheating, even though yet that
you haven't done it, but in your head it's like
you are. I feel like you're trying at work. I
feel like you left out with clear details that you're like, Oh,
I want to go talk to this woman at work.
I want to go hang out. I want to be
around her every single time I'm at work. You literally said,
it's the reason why I go to work. It makes
work happy for me. That's crazy, man. Yeah, we have

(25:15):
an update. Let's just get straight into it. Five months later,
I had forgotten about this post, and I'm back to update.
So maybe seeing my stupidity could prevent someone else from
making the same mistakes. I cringe when I read today
what I wrote months ago, and it seems ridiculous to
me that I could have felt this way about another woman.
I wrote that I would imagine my former coworker while

(25:36):
lying in bed, But in the end, when my wife
stopped acknowledging my existence, waking up without seeing her face
was just an absolute torture. I really took all I
had for granted until I almost lost it. So I
took some a device and decided to court my wife
again the hardest I could. Of course, the first step
was looking for another job, and it took me a month,
but I managed to find a similar position in another enterprise.

(25:59):
I did what was suggested of taking over every chore,
and she stopped ignoring me, but would simply stare at
me with some kind of hostility and go on with
her life. I'd tried flowers, but she would leave them
to pass away. My wife's dominant love language is physical,
but I wouldn't dare try touching her, so I went
for telling her. I somehow realized it was really the
content of what I wrote about the other woman, which

(26:21):
obviously when you are deep in a crush, is amplified.
That really hurt my wife. I tried engaging her in
conversations so we can talk about what was happening to us,
but more importantly, what I did to her, but she
remained closed off, and so I started writing her letters
and would leave them under her pillow. At first, I
apologized for everything, for writing the post, for not putting

(26:42):
an end to the crush faster, for making her feel
like another woman could hold a higher place of importance
to me, and for not taking the initiative to change
jobs earlier, and for making her life hard by creating
this situation which ended up her sleeping in the guest
room of her own house. Oh boy, for making her
and causing stress to her.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
Dude, you got so much to fix, tor, You're battling
up ill battle.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yeah, but that's what you want to do and save
your marriage. That's what you're going to have to do. Yes,
put in the triple effort.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
Then I wrote her love letters telling her how much
I loved her, how the crush couldn't compare to the
deep love I have for her. I was chewed out
for saying I loved her because of our history in
my last post, but I was misunderstood. I meant that
the love I have for her has gotten stronger with time.
Five years ago I loved her but wouldn't have given
her one of my organs if she needed.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Sometimes you dig a hole and you just kind of
break the shovel because you're not getting yourself out of it.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Yeah, for example, while now I would without hesitation. That's
a weird way of saying I love you. But okay,
our history is what caused the attachment to grow stronger.
Therefore no random crush could override that. I was owed
in front of my crush and wrote sappy things about her.
But in the end, I do not know this what
been On a personal level. While I have seen the

(27:57):
worst of my wife and the love Rema, I told
her how beautiful she was and how impressed and proud
I was with her development as a person since we
have met, how grateful I was for her presence in
my life and every single thing I was thankful for
that she did and enhanced my life, and how much
I needed her and missed hearing her tell me how
her day went, laugh at my bad jokes, and basically

(28:19):
just missed hearing all the sound of her voice. I
feel like you should have thought of that, you know,
during your crush.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
Why are you writing the post for the other chick?

Speaker 3 (28:27):
Yeah, dude, maybe that should came up. These are all words?

Speaker 1 (28:30):
Does feel real? Yeah, it doesn't feel like you actually
mean any of this. Yes, trying to make up for.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
It, especially from this post. Maybe I don't know, but like,
just stop stop. It's the it's the action speak louder
than the words kind of thing, and I guess you
are doing it, but you know your words were a
lot louder than your actions.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, this is.

Speaker 3 (28:49):
A small sample, but it must have taken a good
three weeks of daily letters until she answered me back.
She answered with a letter of her own, telling me
how much I have hurt her with my crush, how
I made her feel invisible next to that woman, how
I never told her such loving words until the letters,
how much she hated me, but also how much she
loved me and missed me too. Her letter allowed me

(29:10):
to feel her vulnerability. After reading it, I cried and
went to see her. We locked eyes, she cried, and
we held each other for a long time.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
No way.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
She started talking to me again then and softened. Honestly,
the possibility of the marriage ending just like that scared
the both of us. It's on you. He's coming back,
He's coming back. I mean, there's a little bit left
to this story. I don't know how this is extreme love.
Her comment is like, you never said any of this
until you got caught, and then you're like, oh, I

(29:41):
got caught red handed. I don't want a divorce. I
don't want any consequences for my actions. And come on,
you know, come on, this is hard. Yeah, I don't
know a couple's therapies required here, because now you're just
love bombing, and what's stopping you from like, all right,
you did all that work, and what's stopping you from
coming down again and doing the crush thing to another

(30:02):
female coworker. Let's go ahead and continue and finish the story.
As of today, we are, to my surprise, mostly back
to normal, and actually I feel closer to her. We
continue with the letters, which have helped increasing our emotional intimacy.
I make an effort to tell and show her my love.
I am very grateful that she has given me a
second chance, and even more so that she has decided

(30:23):
to put the crush behind us. We had maybe two
fights since, but she hasn't brought it up and doesn't
punish me. It really wasn't the crush on itself, but
how I went about it and the lack of affection
from my part in comparison. Maybe I'm being optimistic here,
but I truly think we are going to get through this.
We will be going to couple counseling after our vacation
just to make sure things are really settled between us,

(30:45):
and we have some final comments Toothless two dash zero.
It's nice how hard you are trying. The thing you
need to continue to work on is not stopping this
once you have got her completely back. For me, I
would never get over what you said. I would have
filed for immediately. I'm glad things are working out for you.
Though I hope he says thank you, I do not
plan on stopping. I realized I wasn't putting enough work

(31:08):
into my marriage before.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Oh yeah, I think he's going by the grass is
greener on the other side. Yeah, but he's like, I
need to water it to make it greener on this side.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
And there's a couple more comments terrible dragon for hire. Yeah, buddy,
save the letters. And when you have a fight or
you forget how much you love her, you break that
crap out and remind yourself and the ineffable one. I
would un alive or pass away to see my late
wife again for even one second, treasure her and don't
f up again. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Yes you know that's Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 3 (31:40):
Here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I
let my friend move into my home.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
He trashed it trash pandor.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
I, thirty four female, bought my own home in Michigan
a year ago, completely by myself. To this day, every bill,
repair payment, and furnishing has been paid for solely by me.
This is important later and I swear it's a beautiful
one hundred year old house that I'm hoping to restore
one day. Seems like you're gonna have to do a
lot of restoration now. By the way, this comes from

(32:10):
empty moment four seven two two on the r slash
Charlotte do brat YouTube subreddit, and if you want to
sumit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story time subreddit. So for context, I was phoned about
five months ago in November by my friend's boyfriend, Alex
thirty six mail because he'd lost his job. They were
thinking of moving to the area I'd bought a house
in and wanted to be roommates until they could get

(32:31):
back onto their feet. At this time, they lived two
states away from where I own a home, and since
the rental lease was upcome April, they were going to
need somewhere in between to at least move their stuff
to while they looked for a place. I agreed under
the stipulations that since I travel for work, they a
maintain the house's current state of cleanliness. I'm not a

(32:51):
clean freak, but I expect a reasonably tidy home. No
underwear on the floor and shared spaces, no rotting food
on the counters or in the fridge, vacuum once a week,
wash your dishes, clean the bathroom once a week, et cetera.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Sounds pretty easy.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Yeah, that doesn't seem hard at all. Just don't keep
running food in the fridge. B We all later discussed
and agreed that they together would pay half of the
mortgage payment, which was less than half their existing rent,
plus whatever gas electric they used while I wasn't home.
I would pay sewer, water, garbage collection, my half of
the mortgage, and repairs and maintenance normal house stuff. I

(33:27):
pay my mortgage at the end of the current month
for the next month, so I'm never late on payments
with banking errors or whatnot. See, no one would come
over the house when I wasn't there that I hadn't
already met. I have multiple different past traumas regarding my
home space being mistreated, robbed, and destroyed that I requested
to have respected d The bulk of their stuff would

(33:48):
be stored in the massive room downstairs and the bedroom
I provided second only to the master, besides obvious things
like hygiene products in the bathroom and pans in the kitchen,
et cetera. Ease Since they were moving from out of
state and I'm working out of state, open. Communication has
to be kept about who is at the house and
when on both sides, so that if a bill has
to be picked up, a service call has to be

(34:09):
dealt with, or something is wrong, we know who is
at the house, so it can be dealt with. F
we'd partner collectively for someone to be at the house
if any services have to be done. Gee, if something
needs to be borrowed, it needs to be expressly discussed beforehand,
not an afterthought or something I find out later. That's
a huge breach at my trust. H I have three
people in my life that have expressed permission to be

(34:31):
at my house for asylum. The agreed this list was
one hundred percent fare. They know all three people and
understood their situations were rocky and they could need to
get out of their homes at a moment's noticed. However,
as soon as I knew this could be possible, either
myself or these individuals would let them know so they
wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
Okay, real quick, Yeah, forgiving these people disagreement, Do you
have any inklink that they will not hold up to this?

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah? Like, do you know anything about their previous apartments.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Have been Yeah? Because I would be do you have
any who are your previous.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
Landloris lamor yeah, do call up the landlords. I think
that if you are this kind of worried and have
had bad experiences before, I don't think it's wrong to
be like, I need your references and stuff. I want
to make sure. Let's have a contract. Let's not just
say this out loud and expected to happen. They're living
in a place that you own, so there has to

(35:24):
be a little bit of you know, logistical talk happening
that involves contracts.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Because with all these rules that you have, yeah, that
you've laid down, I can already see what's about to happen.

Speaker 3 (35:34):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
I I wouldn't clean out my library from the room
they were moving into, but would leave the guest bed
and dresser so they had furniture to move stuff into.
There was still plenty of space to put additional furniture.
This was just to get them started further. Whenever I'd
reach out to my friend prior to this and his
girlfriend Anna thirty seven female about arrangements, either she'd defer
the conversation to Alex or he'd randomly start messaging me

(35:57):
about the conversation so all communication that wasn't in person
between the three of us was between him and I.
We had this conversation of terms and agreed to them
all in person in February of this year. By the
beginning of March, I had no room to sit on
my couch because it was overrun with stuffed animals.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
Seems like a really easy fix.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
They like to go to the carnival lot.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Yeah, it's just like those giant like pandas. Alex had
moved in the house completely and had been living there
since the middle of February without informing me to start
the job he'd gotten in the area. Great. I asked
if this meant he was moving up when we agreed
to rent starting since he'd moved in early. He seemed cobsmacked.
He asked, well, why would we do that? I said,

(36:41):
because you moved in early. Literally every bill has gone
up because you've been there. You'll have been here a
full month and a half earlier than we agreed to.
I'm doing you a favor, and because you haven't communicated
with me, I'm supposed to eat the living costs of
you being here. He then claimed he thought he'd talked
to me about him moving in early. Come on, you
don't just forget that you haven't talked to your freaking

(37:02):
friends slash Landlord.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
Ridiculou number one.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, spoiler alert, he hadn't even mentioned it. Yeah, no, kidden,
only that he'd gotten a job, but no start date. Nothing.
We addressed his lack of communication. He promised to do better.
He'd pay his half a quarter of the mortgage for
the month of March since he was there and he
didn't communicate, and we'd all move on as this was fair.
At this point, it wasn't about the money, but the principle.

(37:28):
Our friend group at a very late friend's Christmas party.
Due to all our schedules being completely conflicting. During this party,
I hosted alone, even though Alex and Anna were both
in town for this party, so I did almost all
the cooking. Some friends brought food to make or just
to serve Potlock style. I did all the cleaning. The
only thing I asked was that Alex take the garbage
out and to the curb on Monday, our garbage day.

(37:50):
This was on Saturday, as I had to leave town
to return to work and wouldn't be back for at
least three weeks, he agreed. I went back to work.
All's fine and dandy until I get a Facebook message
from the previous owners of my home informing me that
the neighbors reached out to them in desperation because it'd
been almost a week and they couldn't get a hold
of me or anyone at the house. My neighbor had

(38:11):
hit the gas meter on my house and our gas
was shut off. So I call Alex because if he
turns any fire on in the house, it could blow
Oh my gosh, I'm so scared. This is when I
find out not only has he lost his new job,
he has also moved back to Iowa in the meantime
to continue packing and moving their stuff into my house
without bothering to tell me.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Okay, so he's not there.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
Well, at least your house isn't gonna blow up.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
At this point, I'll admit I lost my cool. I'm
at work six hours away, desperately trying to make it
back to my home that has said the gas shut
off during nearly freezing temperatures that the gas company cannot
turn back on without having someone in the house to
let them in. And this is when I find out
he's not even in the state. He said, Oh, I
thought I told you. I must have forgotten.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Hey, don't forget to stop packing because you're not going yeah, yeah, anymore.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Oh, I forgot to tell you you're not about to
be in the house anymore.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
This was a fun idea.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
Yeah, it didn't work out.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Not gonna happen, not gonna.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Work, Bud. Sorry, I'm sorry. I can add there now
if you, like I said, forget it. I hung up
on him and called a friend, Ken, who lives almost
two hours away, for help. Ken got to the house,
checked it all out. It's all fine. Crisis averted. I
find out also around this time that, oh, by the way,
during the last set of storms that blew your way,

(39:30):
you have a whole corner of the roof shingles that
are completely ripped off your house. You might want to
get those looked at. Awesome, Alex informs me the next
day he's coming back into town with a load of
their stuff to drop off so he can be there
when the gas company arrives to turn everything back on.
Ken agrees to be there for the roof repairs. That's great.
I turn back around and go back to work. Gas

(39:50):
meter gets fixed. Neighbor's super sorry. I get a service
order with dates put in for the roof. Life moves on.
I come home after the three weeks of being gone
to all the lights in the basement on, and my
house smells rotten. No imagine musty, moldy chicken, soured honey, ham,

(40:10):
spoiled green beans, and other vegetables. I cannot recall or
recognize old gas station food wrappers that got caught in
the mix and couldn't escape. Truly rantsid stuff. So I
asked Alex why the lights were on. He said he
must have forgotten about them when he was there two
weeks ago. This is his favorite reply.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Dude, I forgot. Here's what you do. You take everything
out of the house, get away, Yeah, change the locks,
all that jazz, and when he comes in, try and
you know, get back in the house. Why can I
get in? Oh I forgot. I'd chanse the locks. Oh
I forgot, Like you're not living here.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Totally slipped my mind. Sorry, Please, OP, say for this.
You can't, I mean, like at this point, like Op,
he's already said, oh, forget it, don't worry about Like no,
The first sign of that trouble. You're like, okay, I'm sorry.
I'm not in the statem. You know I'm not close
by him six hours away. We have made a deal.
Are we gonna have to sign a more thorough contract

(41:10):
that says what I need you to do, because right
now you're not fulfilling your end of the bargain? I said,
that cannot happen unless you're paying the bill. He apologized,
We move on. I then ask if he ever took
the garbage out after the party like we talked about it. Responds, no,
I haven't been there. I have been at the house
about as much as you have been the last few weeks.

Speaker 3 (41:28):
Lol.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
I said, so, the one thing I implicitly asked you
to do, you couldn't be bothered. I lost my cool
again and hung up on him. So I went to
the fridge. Sure enough, the food I spent one hundreds
of dollars on hours cooking, weeks planning was rotting in
the fridge because even though he'd said he'd be there
to eat it and was looking forward to enjoying the leftovers,

(41:48):
he'd left him in the fridge to rots. I checked
the garbage can. Sure enough, it was full of rotten food,
additional garbage he'd added since he was back and forth,
and maggots. I saw red. I took all the food
out of the fridge and threw it all away, and
spent the next two hours airing out and cleaning my house,
dishes and fridge. By the time I was done, the
house was back to its clean state. I could breathe again,

(42:10):
and the smell of rancid passed away. Raccoon had finally faded.
Let me tell you that was the coldest cleaning day
in my existence. One hundred percent. Do not recommend. I
addressed it with him, got half hearted apology at best,
and we moved on.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
The girl.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Stop moving on, girl. This is where you say, I'm
drawing the line.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Drawing the line and singing him an invoice.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Yeah, the cleaning exactly.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
Oh you can't pay it, SKay. I got a lot
of your stuff here I can probably sell. Yeah, that
might not be worth anything. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
I found Christmas toats on sale, which I needed to
put away at my Christmas decorations. I knew they were moving,
so I asked Alex if he wanted any of them.
He asked for five. I said, okay, pay me back
when you get the chance, and brought both his and
my note. Flash forward a couple of weeks. All the
tots are gone except for one. I was already using
every single one of the eleven that we're in. We're gone,
so I asked Alex about them. He said, oh, I

(43:04):
thought we talked about those. I took them back to
iwey with me while I fill them with our stuff
to bring things back with. I said, we talked about
the five you asked for that you haven't paid for yet,
not all eleven. I'd like mine back so I could
put my Christmas decorations back. It's February, they shouldn't still
be up. He said, Oh my bad. I'll buy new
ones and move our stuff over as soon as I

(43:24):
get back. I figured this was the end of it. Nope.
He buys new totes, sends me a picture of the
different colored totes and says, here are your new totes.
I'll bring them to the house next time i'm there.
Excuse me, you say what so? I said, Oh, that's kind. However,
you can just return my totes, no big deal. He
starts trying to convince me just to leave them with
the tots they took from me, since these are the

(43:45):
exact same model totes, so they didn't have to move
their stuff out of the ones I'd bought. I repeated,
I just like mine back, thank you, you finally rented,
And I figure that was that. I mean, if op
he's getting this upset about totes, kick this guy out.
You hate him, you hate him?

Speaker 1 (44:02):
Dang totes. Toats is such a funny word.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
It is a funny word. I agree. It's been a
month and he still hasn't moved their stuff out of
my toats so I can put my Christmas decorations away properly.
It's now the middle of April and the empty and
full toats are both still there.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Oh my gosh, girl, dump about what are we doing?

Speaker 2 (44:21):
But now I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to March,
Alex calls me and informs me that Hey, during one
of his job interviews, they asked him if he'd be
willing to relocate to Indiana for work. Anna and I
discussed it, and there's nothing really holding us to Michigan,
so we agreed we'd go start looking for and applying
for jobs in Indiana. I have a friend who lives

(44:43):
down there that I've already talked to, who said we
could live with them until we get a place, and
we'll just leave all our stuff in Michigan with you
until we actually buy a place. This way we don't
have to move stuff again and again until then.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Buy a storage unit, storage unit? The purpose of that? Girl?
If you don't put this house on Airbnb, what do
you do? What you're losing money?

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Yeah, Alex hadn't even applied for the job yet, but
they'd already worked out alternate accommodations. He'd set up the
interview for there, and they had plans in place for it.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
Thanks for putting into consideration all I've done for you
and everything You've given your word for nothing that really
held you here. But good for you, buddy. I took
this to mean I didn't need to finish cleaning up
the bedroom they were moving into, as they were no
longer moving in. I even confirmed where am I to
HOW'SE guests? Since you are not moving in as I
normally did, was the response. So I left the room

(45:35):
alone and continued on with everything else I had to do.
I find out a week later that Alex got the job. However,
he's worried he won't be able to keep it as
the one he got fired from maybe caused him to
lose the job he'd had for maybe two weeks. I
asked him why was that. He said, Oh, because I
got fired from the first one for stealing from the
company and getting caught. I panic, say, what the ethnicw

(45:58):
this is OPI's trauma?

Speaker 1 (45:59):
Is this your line? Wait? Her trauma? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (46:01):
She said that she had terrible experiences of people trashing
her house and stealing from her.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
I thought this was happening.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Now it is, But she also had past experiences where
people did that.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
Okay, that makes sense. Sorry, I'm not saying like her
trauma's bad, but if someone's like trashing her house, wouldn't
you draw the line there?

Speaker 2 (46:17):
You would think, hey, oh no, you're not coming over here.
But OPI's very easily swayed girl.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
You can have boundaries. I don't think she knows the
definition of boundaries.

Speaker 2 (46:27):
I don't think so She's like, Oh, I don't know,
be annoyed at them, but invite them in your house.
That's a boundary.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
I just you know, clean up after room. Why not?

Speaker 2 (46:35):
So during this conversation, Ken is at the house for
the roof pear. I call him to ask him to
go through my house. He says he'll go through the house,
but the roof repair is done. Everything's good. I let
Alex and Anna know. Everything's good, yay, until I got
a call back from Ken. He tells me the house
doesn't look like anything's missing, But what happened to my house?
I'm confused and anxious. What's wrong?

Speaker 1 (46:57):
He said?

Speaker 2 (46:57):
There's stuff everywhere. I said, I'll take care but once
I'm own, because I cannot handle it at this point
and it's only one week. But thanks for letting me know.
Ken also asks me if there's any reason why the
big smit lights were left on when he got there.
I said no and asked Alex. He'd forgotten to turn
them off again when he was there earlier in the week,

(47:18):
so he'd been adding to the electric bill for almost
a week.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Again, Girl, why are you so nice? This is what
happens whenever you have chronic pepe.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Yeah, yeah, you just let people walk all over you.

Speaker 1 (47:29):
You have no backbone, you got your wet toast. Fine,
please don't do this.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Hi to take this further. In the middle of March,
I became extremely sick was almost hospitalized, and we're still
not exactly sure what was wrong. It wasn't the FID,
but that's all we know for sure. So long story
short there is I didn't make it home for that
week that I was supposed to anyway, I was supposed
to help them move the rest of their stuff into
my house during that time. I blame the curse of

(47:56):
the People. Please, we called it. We called it for
offering in the first place. Stop CPP get fixed too,
you get out today for nineteen ninety nine.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
Call somebody, Call someone.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
Obviously, I was too sick to do this and stay
with my boyfriend during this time so he could take
care of me. When I got back to my house
after being really sick, I find their stuff everywhere. There
is now officially two rooms in the entire house that
do not have a single item of theirs. The only
rooms not conquered by their stuff my bedroom and the
laundry room. At this point, I'm livid. We had set

(48:28):
guidelines and discussions in place. Why is my house now
overrun by their stuff when this is expressly not what
we agreed on when I texted to ask about it.
Because I now trust nothing verbally discussed Alex hops in
to inform me that they had issues with some of
the items being too heavy, so they put them at
the bottom of the stairs and that will be the
first stuff taken out as soon as they get a place.

(48:51):
I asked about the dresser in the dining room and
was informed that's because the bedroom wasn't clean out. Like disgust,
I said, that's because you said you weren't moving in.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Never try to reason with the fool You're reasoning time
and time again.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Yeah, they don't understand what you're saying. You're gonna say
why did you do this? And he's going to I forgot.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
That's the only response he has.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
He doesn't remember any other responses. He's got one. That's it.
I said, that's because you said you weren't moving in.
Why would I clean out a bedroom you're not moving into.
I asked about the stuffed animals. He said, oh, yeah,
I didn't have space in the bedroom. I told them
we discussed this before. I cannot sit on my couches.
That's not what we agreed on. They needed to be moved.

(49:33):
The stuff in the garage. I wanted to mount them
in the basement, but wanted to wait to talk to
you first, so we agreed on where to put them in.
The rolling bar was too heavy to go down your stairs.
I asked, why you're not moving in? Remember also, if
you need to make adjustments, you should have asked or
talk to me, not just put stuff anywhere. We discussed
a set place, and none of these are in that place.

(49:57):
It's been weeks, almost a month since this discussion. They
haven't moved. Kick them out.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
Kick them out.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
It's to the point that when I come home, I
go to my boyfriend's house instead of my own because
mine is being overrun by roommates that are not even
living there. Ken is literally begging me to change the
locks in the house, give him a key and he'll
meet them whenever they need to go at thous so
that I don't have to worry about my stuff being stolen.
And I'm to the point of sincerely wondering if my
kindness was a mistake. Yeah, well the problem is that

(50:27):
your kindness is fine, but you just didn't set any
boundaries in an effective way. So fast forward to today.
I found out the dates for the next time I'm
to be home. I'd like to set up to have
some work done on the house to recap. It's now April.
I haven't been paid a single penny, not for the toats,
the bills, the rent, or at this point for storage.
Oh pee, you gotta do something. I'm paying for when

(50:49):
Alex was living a the house and for them to
store their stuff at my house. Alex is a thief
and didn't bother to tell me until it was too
late for me to refuse for them because they had
keys to my house. They barely, if at all, notify
me when they're coming and going in the house. My
Christmas toats are still full of their stuff. My house
is overrun by their stuff, even though they're not even
living there, but are living in and only visit maybe

(51:11):
once a week to pick up the mail. I receive
no communication regarding their comings and goings in my house.
I'm getting reports that the house is basically trash right now,
but I haven't seen it to confirm. They're not upholding
their agreements at all, and that's when you kick them out.
That's what agreements are for. If they're not upholding them,
you say goodbye. I'm sure there's more that I've either
forgotten or am just too exhausted from my newfound lifestyle

(51:34):
as a writer on here to type out either way,
the facts are that I'm starting to feel really used
and would really just like to have my house back.
So would I be the able for changing the locks
on my house after agreeing to let them live with me?
So they have to actually hold to their agreements notify
me when they're coming and going to the house. I
actually have locks that work for all my doors, and

(51:54):
I can have some peace of mind and control back
over my own home. There is an update, folks, but
he keeps saying like they didn't listen. They violated the agreements.
They violated the agreements. If someone violates your agreements, you
set a boundary, You say, Okay, if you do this,
this will happen.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
Draw a line in the same a line. I think
that's her problem. She has these boundaries and things, but
herself so easily moved, she just doesn't draw that line
at all, and she just puts.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Herself months not paying anything.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
You know, it's money you're losing driving six hours there
and back.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Exactly to check on the house that they're ruining. Like,
if they are ruining it, you have reasonable cause to say,
get out this isn't working. Yeah, but there's an update.
I really hope that you get rid of them. I
changed the locks finally. As many of you pointed out,
I had indeed given Alex and Anna too many chances
and had now effectively taken up residents as a door mat.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
Oh my gosh, Anna is the wife.

Speaker 2 (52:50):
I think so. So while I was home from my
workout of state, I scheduled some maintenance and added some
new rules. They can only enter the house if Ken
and I are present, as we have the only keys.
They need to get their mail forwarded to their new address,
or have it go to the post office for them
to receive it, as I no longer want it coming
somewhere they are not living. They have until the end
of the month to get their stuff out of my

(53:12):
house or I will. I also have my totes back,
Let's go. He loves these totes. The Christmas decorations are
finally down and stored properly. I really think that was
a lot easier than you made it seem. I feel
like we just could have emptied the totes out.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (53:27):
Who knew that would be such a ridiculously eventful situation.
Oh and for the tea. Anna was one hundred percent
in the dark about what Alex was pulling. She had
no idea he wasn't communicating with me, and as he's
been lying to her about it from the beginning and
insisting on handling everything to make it easier on her,
or or she's lying she forgot. Yeah, She's like, he

(53:48):
never told me, and Alex is like, no, I definitely did,
and she's like, I forgot. That has now been rectified
after he received a wonderfully glorious butchering when I surprised
the two of them at my house to confront them
at the BS they've been pulling. My only regret about
the conversation that I hadn't made popcorn to enjoy the show.
And there is a second update, and I think final update, folks,

(54:11):
but I think will be finally is developing that spine
that she's been lacking the whole story.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
My heart has been just like this whole time. This
is wild.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
It is I think that again, anyone out there is
doing a favor for her friend, if it is longer
than you know, a couple of weeks, if it is
more expensive than a couple like a hundred of bucks
I don't know. Then write up a contract, write up
some agreements about when you want that money back, about
when you want them to leave, about what you want
them to do. Well, they're at that place, and if

(54:43):
they break it, they're done. They're gone. But there is
a second update and final update. I have my house back.
There are about one hundred percent moved out. I would be
so excited. It seems that even after our conversation at
the house, that Alex still had much he'd kept Anna
in the dark about. It seems their relationship but it
might be a bit more precarious all of a sudden. However,

(55:03):
that's not my story to tell. So after our brief conversation,
I began working in the shadows. I compiled a detailed
timeline with receipts of costs, broken agreements, breakdowns in communication,
and where exactly he had begun to take advantage. I
typed this up and send it first to her with
a brief message at the top stating that I don't
know what she has been aware of or not, but

(55:25):
here are the facts as I know them. Then again
I sent the same message to him with read receipts
to prove they've seen them. I gave them until April
thirtieth to remove all of their belongings. She apologized profusely
and stated he had much to work on and that
she would be more present in the lines of communication
going forward, since that is clearly one of his opportunities.
There is a little bit left to this story. Do

(55:47):
you have any final thoughts? Yeah, I mean she cannot
catch a break.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Hope he can't catch a break? Yeah, either, Anna. I
don't know how much I'll buy this Anna story.

Speaker 2 (55:56):
I don't know if I buy it, because how did
she not know? I mean, like they were living in
a pigstye? Was she not there? Was she not never around?
Suspicious very But Opie's finally kicked him out, so let's
bring her home. He also apologized, but in a sort
of backhanded way that didn't really feel like an apology,
and said he'd make it up to me as it

(56:16):
was his responsibility. Listen to anyone else, Eat and Crow,
Maybe don't use the term to your standards in any
capacity when apologizing. It doesn't feel sincere we agreed on
a date and time of pickup, they showed up with
a moving truck. Well, Ken, he really is a godsend
of a friend was working on some repairs for me
and collected everything they had at the house. It's gloriously

(56:39):
empty now. I've never thought I'd empathize so much with
the quiet now, but the shadows are welcoming. Oh and
it's in writing. He's paying me every penny he owes me,
or they'll be facing legal action. Ken and I will
be going for a much deserved sushi, sake and massage
paid for by me as a treated break from this chaos.

Speaker 1 (57:01):
Right, love to see it.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Thank you everyone. Sometimes the people pleaser and me needs
to remember that myself and my peace of mind are
worth defending too.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 1 (57:17):
I refuse to attend my friend's wedding because of what
they did.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Keep your mouth shut.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
My husband and I were close with another couple constant
double date game nights. We hosted a weekly D and
D that one of them, DMed oh, picked up hobbies together,
and generally did a lot together. That's until my health
significantly declined, like a couple of surgeries in three months,
recovery symptoms and what led to surgery. By the way,
this comes from a user, something clever and if you

(57:44):
want some of your own stories, what are your slash
okay story time celebread it so she would mock the
fact that I was always sick by the time I
had surgeries and found answers. They were more or less
not close enough for us to share my condition or
what I had surgery. We did reconact between surger, filled
them and invited them to be with our two witnesses

(58:04):
at our courthouse wedding. She'd climbed. She said that they
had worked that day, not during the wedding, but a
couple hours after.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
She's like, I've got to keep the whole day free.

Speaker 1 (58:13):
My husband was also insulted, but we decided we didn't
know the situation with her work, how it impacted her
asking to come in late, requesting time off. We're switching shifts.
My issue is she never acknowledged me since no ngrats,
no sorry, I couldn't make it. Just a joy message
from them to my husband two or three days after
the wedding asking for the ride to the airport. On

(58:34):
top of that, my surgery was a day after our wedding,
which they knew. I also couldn't set up by myself,
so I was extra hurt that they thought that this
was appropriate. Honestly surprised at this point that they didn't
twist the knife and deeper and ask us to how
sit their dog that isn't housebroken. Seems like they were
more resourceful enough to take care of their dog. They

(58:54):
had options other than asking us for a ride. I
don't want to guess that they were being so crappy.
It has now been three months. A month ago, my
husband planned to talk to him on an outing he
planned while she was at work, but in another absolute insult,
the guy's night was crashed by her. Yeah, apparently it
isn't easy enough for her to call off work. It
was just assume my husband will be his groomsman. He

(59:16):
wasn't formally asked, and that is why my husband wanted
to speak with him. We don't get it. Husband was
asked at the outing to attend a full tux fitting
take place the next day. Turns out she will be
there too. Husband could have changed his plans to attend,
but was supremely annoyed by how much their relationship has
one sided, respect. I just don't want to attend their

(59:39):
wedding and silently resent them on their big day.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Don't w each other wedding they didn't come to yours.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
But on the other hand, we're all so shared, so
many mutual friends care. Some of them will be traveling
from out of state who we don't otherwise get to visit,
and I don't want to draw attention to the rift.
Our mutual friends do not know how we feel. We
just started sharing. We are married, so we should go
without saying. We didn't make sharing our exciting news with

(01:00:06):
their shade. It would have been easier to talk to
the guy friend, but he has since kept offline on
discord and kept himself scarce. I'm going to be hurt
and embarrassed whether or not it's in their wedding. We
don't even know if I'm allowed to sit with my
husband or if I am effectively attending stack. Is there
any anti drama advice? I want to believe I am

(01:00:26):
above stealing their joy with my mood, but it doesn't
hurt to hear any advice. We got an update oo,
I mean just.

Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
Go Yeah, Honestly, either you sit with your friends who
are coming out of state, or you talk to your
husband and say like, hey, can you please ask them
because I want to sit with you. You are my husband.
I don't want to have to sit alone. See if
they can like work that out, and then you know,
slowly phase that out of your life.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Yeah. Go to the wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:00:53):
This has been I think because your husband's going, I
would say if you both weren't going, it would make
a little bit sense, and then you could make up
some excuse about like it not working with timing and stuff.
But because he has to go as best man, it
probably will bring a little bit more attention. Oh sorry, Grisbin.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
I would go just honor the times you guys had together,
and then.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
From there, yeah, and hang out with all those friends
that you haven't seen.

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
In a while. Yeah, and then just take it easy
after that, like, oh it's okay, we're just not in
the mood to hang mm hmmm. Update, Well, my husband's
friend has since unfriended him on one platform, probably blocked
him on others. This similarly came out of nowhere. Husband
was able to finally speak to his friend after months
of being ignored and one slightly successful attempt to talk
in person. That was crashed by her. As their wedding approached,

(01:01:37):
they suddenly became very interested in us, spam calling and
texting for last minute night of plans, interrupting our already
progress date, offending themselves because we weren't available for their
aggressively spontaneous calls and texts. Shout out to another friend
that mentioned conversation consent because that concept needs to be
more readily involved in our lives. This couple took every

(01:01:59):
opportunity to be insulted by our less immediate responses earlier
in the day. That would message my husband during training
for his new role, then text and called me to
ask why he ignored them. They pulled the same thing
after he got off work text or call during our dinner,
then texted me to ask why we are ignoring them.
Ef actually ruined the mood with their anxious attachment and dramatics.

(01:02:21):
I just responded to her that to say my husband's
started a new position was very busy, and to answer
if something was wrong. I was disheartened by this sudden
influx when we had not existed to them for months prior.
I didn't get so much as a sorry I couldn't
make it or attend your wedding text or congratulations, nothing
about my expensive surgery that incapacitated me, just as text

(01:02:44):
asking why my husband seems to be ignoring them, that
it isn't lost to me that she can text when
it is approaching her wedding and she wants us to
attend slash be involved. My husband arranged to meet up
and talk things out with his friend alone, as he
had intended five months ago. Honestly, I was so excited
for them. During the mid progress update call from my

(01:03:05):
husband as they drove in their respective cars to grab
some food, my husband was saying how receptive his friend was.
All the things my husband spelled out that hurt our
feelings or made us feel disregarded. He said how his
friend was not defensive or otherwise providing excuses, just engaged,
listening exclamation.

Speaker 3 (01:03:24):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
Pi's husband was like, and I didn't appreciate how you'd
you know, you've kind of ignored my wife's like feeling
hurt about and he's just like, uh huh uh huh
oh you seem pretty receptive.

Speaker 1 (01:03:36):
Yeah yeah, wow, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
And he doesn't actually say anything, he just goes, uh yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
Yeah for sure, yeah yeah. He seemed to understand that.
While we understood things don't always work out, there was
a lot of insult to injury that I pretty much
wrapped up with the friends, stating he had been a
crappy friend. I would really like to try to make
things right between us and salvage a relationship. It felt
well worth the canceled plans I had with my husband.
He got home around ten ten thirty maaning maybe three hours.

(01:04:03):
My husband went to sleep shortly after getting home, and
we effectively forfeited any chance of a night together. At
eleven thirty or so, husband received a text from her.
I already see the problem. I see the common denominator.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Oh no, it seems like the fiance has been okay
because Opie's husband is still a groomsman. Yeah, it's the
woman who has been like making fun of Ope, not
checking in with her about anything.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
Kind of critical, yeah, hypercritical, weird. She did not like
whatever was second handedly transcribed to her. It was a
defensive pity party, saying, how I didn't know you didn't
like me after all these years. I didn't know you
thought I was controlling to fiance. I didn't know you
thought I was never nice to opie. She threw around

(01:04:49):
how she was known and hung out with my husband
for seven years, ignored the fact that I've known her
for five and might as well not even exist. I
felt insulted all over again by her actions. Her earlier
message felt like so much more of a failing Bechtel test.
I existed exclusively as an extension of my husband. She

(01:05:10):
had just apologized for not reaching out to me directly.
Here she was indirectly complaining about me, my husband nor
I even saw the text that night. There was, of course,
so much more to come, because she was insulted some
more before we woke up. This is why I appreciate
the concept of consent to conversation. She was messaging my
husband while he continued to be unavailable to respond, angering

(01:05:31):
herself further that he didn't drop everything to engage. He
had to pacify her and essentially say that he is
calling out her actions and not her character. He doesn't
hate her like she seemed to believe. She never responded urgency,
like most things in relation to her, is one sided.
A few days later, my husband was reached out by

(01:05:51):
his friends, saying my husband needed to confirm that day
that he would be a groomsman husband said that as
he needs an answer tonight, it will have to be No,
there are too many things unresolved. Nothing else has been said,
and it appears as though my husband has been removed
from the friends list on steam.

Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
Ooh dang, Rough, you can't go back from that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
You really can't. Ah, it's so hard. Yeah, you probably
got blocked on Discord too. Probably they're no longer Reddit buddies.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
Ah, that's man.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
My husband is understandably hurt. Yeah, it is an understatement
to say it's a little awkward, because this is just
some of out of town friends connected with us to
make plans to attend the wedding together. We haven't breathed
a word to our mutual friends. We figured we should
bury our feelings and tend to keep appearances as we
faded out of our former friendships.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
They can want you to attend if they block to you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
I'm sure uninviting us will raise alarm bells with other friends. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Oh, so they're only inviting you to like keep up appearances,
and you guys are only going to keep up appearances.

Speaker 1 (01:06:57):
Mm hmm, that's exactly what it is. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:07:00):
Oh, if they're treating to this bad. I mean, let
your friends find out.

Speaker 1 (01:07:04):
Yeah, after party in my place.

Speaker 3 (01:07:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:06):
Literally, From where I stand, I think they all had
more to lose, strong attention to how rude they've been
to us. We haven't edit.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Well, honestly, I don't even know if you guys have
to go to the wedding.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
No, don't.

Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
But at this point your husband's no longer a groomsman.
It seems like that's kind of what they've been fineing, right.
You aren't close with the friend either of the bride.
You're only going to keep up appearances. They're only inviting
you to do the same thing. So it's like, why
go there and be resentful? And like probably you're gonna
want to tell your friends, but you'll feel like you
can't because you're at their wedding. I feel like not

(01:07:39):
going and if anyone asks you just say this is
what happened.

Speaker 1 (01:07:42):
Yeah for sure, dude. For those of you concerned about
getting ahead of the story so they don't spin it,
I don't think anyone will favorably look upon their consideration.
I started going public with my health condition. I did
an organ the removed, and then had another surgery within
three months to remove tissue into different places, starting IVF
or more, freezing my eggs the same month as their wedding,

(01:08:04):
and those suckers are deteriorating. She keeps telling people Slash me,
I only gave her twelve days notice for my courthouse wedding,
so of course she couldn't make it despite it not
being during work hours. But the wedding was in fact
because my husband and I were experiencing my health hardships
and had to make tough calls like freezing embreers or
just losing fraternity, possibly within the year. She is not

(01:08:26):
going to walk away from this unscathed. I made a
social media post in honor of International Women's Day. Our
friends saw it, and that's when she started essentially reaching
out to us. She knows she doesn't look good, and
she kept digging her whole deeper at it. Tude. Oh,
and my husband and I got married on my husband's birthday.
It was a Monday, My surgery was on that Tuesday.

(01:08:49):
We bought rings right before Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving messed up
courthouse hours. We thought it was slightly romantic, and she
couldn't attend my husband's birthday. Slash wedding even as one
half of our required attendees. I was ashamed to tell
people the day we got married. But it is a
whole other level of disreward that casually missed our wedding.

(01:09:11):
It will not take us bad mouthing her for people
to think she has been a heartless. But and that's
the end of that story.

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