I UNINVITED my sister from my wedding… because she won’t talk to my fiancé! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Cowboy Sam and this is Yeh John And
we've last.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Showed in some amazing stories for y' all the Okay
Storytime podcasts.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But before that we got.

Speaker 3 (00:09):
A wrangle, a quick little to minute outbreak from those
bucking sponsors.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
We bucking love so much they paid us the bucks
to help this show stay alive.

Speaker 4 (00:18):
I uninvited my sister for my wedding because she won't
talk to my fiance.

Speaker 5 (00:22):
Don't ever talk to me, am I fiance again.

Speaker 4 (00:25):
My sister, Amanda and I used to be very close.
She's three years older than I am and I follow
her lead on everything growing up. Admittedly, I used to
be a human doormat, and thanks to my fiance Zach
and his mom, I have made significant improvements in my
boundary setting. With my sister, I never had to set
boundaries other than respecting each other's borrowed belongings because she

(00:48):
always looked out for me and had a strong moral compass,
so it was never necessary until oh oh. By the way,
this comes from top Conversation sixty four on the Charlotte
Dobray YouTube subreddit, and if you want some mait your
own stories, go to the r sash okay, storytime Subreddit. So,
about a year ago, my sister, who was pregnant at

(01:10):
the time, came to visit me and my fiance. At
the time, Zach was my boyfriend of two years, so
we were not yet engaged, but she introduced the two
of us originally, so they were friendly and familiar with
each other. Prior to this evening, she had expressed some
small concerns with me about Zach. Everything she mentioned I
discussed with him, and I did not find anything I

(01:30):
deemed relationship ending. Yellow flags at most hints we are
still together.

Speaker 6 (01:36):
Edit. A lot of.

Speaker 4 (01:36):
People asking what the yellow flags were. Uh huh, they
were preferential things. She doesn't like that he's extroverted and
I'm introverted, but I do. According to her, he spent
too much money on his car and my birthday presence,
et cetera, but I'm okay with it because he does
not fall on bills to do this. Also, stay your
own business, Yeah, who cares if someone's extroverted in another

(01:59):
person's introverted. The evening the three of us got together
was pleasant. We had dinner together. First thing then. Knowing
my sister was a firearms enthusianaist, she pulled out his
new pupew to show her. She admired it, and nothing
was said to indicate anything other than her enthusiasm towards it.
After that, she stayed another hour or so let us
fill the baby bump, and left at it too.

Speaker 6 (02:20):
Zach and I both believe.

Speaker 4 (02:21):
Booze and pup you don't mix, and I assure you
they were not mixed at all.

Speaker 6 (02:25):
They just had dinner. I don't think they were any
drinks of both.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
That's good.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
Next morning, I got a message from her asking to
meet for coffee because she had some things to say.

Speaker 6 (02:34):
Didn't she already say some things?

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Mmmm?

Speaker 6 (02:37):
This is what she's gonna do.

Speaker 4 (02:37):
She came to the couple and she was like, Hey,
this is what I see that isn't working. Now She's
gonna come to each of them independently and try to
break them up.

Speaker 6 (02:44):
She's trying to break you guys up.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
And why do you think she wants to do that, Riley.

Speaker 6 (02:47):
Because she wants to hold Zach's whoa.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Oh yeah, I think you might be right, and we
all know what actually rhymes with yep.

Speaker 4 (02:59):
This was strange, but I agreed to me. When I arrived,
she told me she was sorry for leaving abruptly at three.
She did not leave abruptly. She stayed another hour after that.
That is just her words at the coffee shop. But
she was uncomfortable and not okay with Zach's behavior the
previous night, saying that he was no longer welcomed in

(03:19):
her home because she does not agree with him welding
a firearm wasted and that she saw his finger on
the trigger too. Those are two things I agree with. Now,
this is what he said, She said.

Speaker 6 (03:31):
Kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 4 (03:33):
I do get robbed off the wrong way if someone
mishandles their firearm, if they like, you know, not safe
with it.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
It's like, oh, yeah, you know, I usually don't like
it when people use weapons in a dangerous way too.

Speaker 6 (03:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (03:43):
I told her that I wouldn't be okay with that either,
But that was not what I had witnessed. At the most,
he had two martinis, although I saw him drink one,
and it was after they looked at the puw pews.
Plus he had handed her the pewpew to see, so
she was obviously not in any danger unless she mishandled it.
Either way, I'm sure this intention was not to make

(04:04):
her uncomfortable, so she felt she needed to set that boundary.
I support it, but I don't agree with the reasoning.
I also asked her that if she was choosing to
implement that boundary, to discuss it directly with Zach, because
I don't feel like it's my responsibility to middleman that,
especially if I saw something different. She did not agree

(04:24):
to discuss with him, but I did end up telling
him anyway since I was pretty upset. He was also
very upset at the news because he had built a
relationship with her and my niece over the two years.
He ended up deciding to try to call her and
bury the hatchet. Did she answer and work things out
with him? Big Nope. She did not answer and instead

(04:45):
sent him a book worth of text about all the
problems with him, saying she wouldn't talk to him because
he would just use the conversation against me if she did.
She accused him of being a heavy drinker, substance user,
unable to handle FI arms properly, financially irresponsible, and added
a second boundary with him. On top of not being

(05:05):
allowed at their house, he is also unsafe to be
around her kid. She said she would not be okay
with having him around until she saw physical proof that
he was being more financially responsible and getting professional help.
Only then could they discuss the possibility of a relationship. Okay, interesting,
So she's cutting off the kids to Zach and you

(05:28):
can't come around the house.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
But then he started saying all this stuff about her,
about how she doesn't know how to handle weapons, still
saying yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
This led to a lot of disconnect, of course, because
I don't feel her discomfort warranted banning him from her house,
much less banning him from being around kids. If anything,
maybe she should have not chosen to be around our
place anymore, or as that we go there, that he
not bring a firearm, which he has never done when

(05:58):
we go to their place. Anyways, I really think there
could have been more reasonable response to the scenario, but
I feel like she just knew the situation, claiming a
man is unsafe for around children as a whole other
playing field. Since she had not done anything to me directly,
I went low contact, but I also want to respect
my fiance's feelings, so I decided I would also stop

(06:19):
going to her house as long as he is uninvited,
Even though we are low contact. I still show up
to help with three separate health related events, watching the
kids and bringing mills, et cetera. I still never disrespected
her wish to not have him around the kids, so
even when I watched them without her, I would not
bring them around our house.

Speaker 6 (06:39):
Amanda and I.

Speaker 4 (06:39):
Had a separate fight after all this, where I tried
to explain why everything she was saying about him was
not correct. I never asked her to change her mind,
but I did request again as she talked to Zach
and try to find a middle ground, because these are
her problems with him, not mine, But she refused again.
I don't recall which argument this started, but at some

(07:00):
point you started telling me how horrible I was being
and I was intentionally neglecting her and her kids and
hurting them by my actions. She also blamed her previous
divorce on me, saying that I was horrible in the
ways I spoke about my niece's bio dad, and it
was worse for me to do that because they were married.
I never voiced my opinion about him all until she

(07:22):
was considering divorce. I feel like there's more to this.
The reason she knew to it was there was more
underlying here. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
I don't Yeah, I mean that's a big thing to
just like throw in there that like wasn't mentioned before. Yeah,
my divorce is because of you, Like what that's huge. Yeah,
So it's like, what's actually going on?

Speaker 5 (07:45):
What are we even talking about anymore?

Speaker 4 (07:47):
Like, Yeah, I'm very confused here. I think she it
seems a little planned. You think it's a he said,
she said thing. It's sort of like whose word would
you take?

Speaker 6 (07:57):
More?

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (07:58):
What do you think? So for you?

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Yeah, I've I.

Speaker 5 (08:00):
Think everyone's just talking things.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
They're talking to talk. I feel like op knows what
she saw.

Speaker 6 (08:06):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it just.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
It feels like they're trying to talk, but nothing is
actually like being said, you know, like we're not getting
anywhere from this stuff. She's just like, ah, like this
is bad. It is bad to eat it. And then
Opie's like okay, but no, and then like you're wrong,
and then she's like, well, Nat might have always just
got up you, and like she's probably yeah, trying to

(08:30):
sabotage back to get some revenge or something.

Speaker 6 (08:33):
In December, Zach and I got engaged. It was amazing.

Speaker 4 (08:36):
He took me to a place we often go, so
I was not expecting anything. Upon returning to his mom's house,
his family had gathered and he had paid to fly
my mom and brother in for the weekend and had
surprise engagement party planned for me after the proposal. I
live very far from all my family except for my sister.
They were in town for three nights. The night before

(08:57):
when I was unaware they were in town, and then
after the engagement party, neither of them told my sister
they were in town to keep the surprise, and because
my mom had been asked by my sister not to
talk about me in a previous conversation, so she obliged.
My sister was not invited because Zach planned it, and
by her own request, he's not allowed to be around
her and her kids, so frankly, why would he invite her?

Speaker 6 (09:20):
Makes sense? It makes sense.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
I posted the engagement on social media and my sister
saw it while they were still in town. She had
her husband call my brother to tell him how upset
she was that they made no attempt to come to
visit her or even tell her that they were in
town so she could come visit. She had a full
meltdown ended up cutting out my mom out of her
life entirely over saying she lied to her. Even though

(09:42):
I'm no longer interested in having my sister as my
maid of honor in the upcoming wedding, despite that being
my dream since childhood, I still want my niece to
be my flower girl. After all, I moved states away
from the rest of my family to help raise her
in her bio dad's absence slash neglect. So I called
my sister and pitched it to her delicately. I told her,

(10:02):
since she could take her time and think about it,
talk to her current husband, et cetera, and call me back.
The conversation ended on a promising note.

Speaker 6 (10:10):
But then she called back.

Speaker 4 (10:11):
She immediately started spewing all sorts of lies about mom
and my fiance and giving every possible excuse about why
she still can't discuss the problems she has with him directly.

Speaker 6 (10:23):
Not my brightest moment, but she got me fired up enough.

Speaker 4 (10:26):
I ended up yelling at her over the phone, and
I am not one of those who usually yells. I
told her I don't care at this point if they
never get along, but I would love for her to
get to a place where I can be in the
same room as my eventually husband and sister and our children.

Speaker 6 (10:43):
For the holiday.

Speaker 4 (10:44):
Even if they could just be silent enemies would be great.
And it's still not my responsibility to middleman their relationship.
But I shouldn't have to suffer just because she won't
even talk to him. I have offered every type of
conversation too, the three of us four, even with her husband,
so she doesn't feel ganged up on. Yeah, I mean,

(11:04):
it makes sense why you yelled at her because it's
just a one sided conversation.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (11:09):
Yeah, I'm exhausted, just like having to listen to her.

Speaker 6 (11:13):
I'm done.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah, oh yeah, it's time. It's like obviously, you know,
yelling's never good and you should never yell, but at
the same time, like it can be understandable. Why you know,
the heat of the moment can get you there when
this woman is being pretty fiery.

Speaker 4 (11:29):
Yeah yeah, just spewing things when you're trying to, like,
you know, make peace. Yeah, exactly, the two of them
in public, even with a professional counselor or pastor whatever
it takes to make her more comfortable, and she just
finds more excuses why she can't and continues to demand
physical evidence of things that I don't feel like she
has a right to. She asks, how is she supposed

(11:49):
to know he's safe around her family if I won't
give her the evidence? And I said, how about you
just trust me when I tell you, as your sister
that he is not a danger to you. But she
considers the original scenario as a danger to her. I'm
done with the sister in law. Yeah, with a sister.
She does not want a relationship with Zach. I don't
think you can talk her into it. It might even

(12:11):
be time to move back home because you went out
to be with, like, you know, the kids.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
But if you can't be around the kids anymore, Yeah,
what's the point that? Really it's frustrating when it's like
the one thing, it's like, first of all, the kids
are in the middle of the situation, yeah, and then
like they shouldn't have anything to do with this. But
then also too, it's like what can you do, Like
there's nothing, You've tried everything, and you're nothing's gonna help, Like, yeah,

(12:35):
get get through to her. So disappointing, but then hopefully,
I mean like hopefully they understand, like maybe you can
give the kids a gift and write them a nice
little card if you are moving away. It's like a
going away gift, you know, something to remember me by. Yeah,
and then because like obviously, you know, in a lot
of situations, if they did move away and then she
would just be like crap talking them to their kids,

(12:57):
and then they wouldn't even want.

Speaker 6 (12:58):
To reach out when you're old.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
But that's the hope, is that they would reach out
when they're older, you know. So yeah, maybe write a
late nice letter if you do that. But yeah, it's
just very difficult.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
I agree if I ended with me uninviting her from
the wedding completely as well as our lives, because she
can either have both of us in her life or neither.
And also we are not inviting anybody to the wedding
who treats the groom that way. She has not tried
to reach out to me since, and I also will
not speak to her one on one unless Zach is

(13:30):
present anyways, because she only feels like she can talk
about him if he is not around. I always dreamed
of my sister being my maid of honor, and with
how much time I spent with my niece raising her,
I want her in the wedding. Three months left until
the big day, and I can't stop mentally pushing myself
over uninviting them. I'm not afraid to change my behavior

(13:50):
or apologize if I did something wrong, but I'm not
willing to lose my man over something that seems this
silly to me.

Speaker 6 (13:57):
Am I the a hole.

Speaker 4 (13:58):
Please send advice if I can still have them in
my wedding somehow, I want that more than anything, And
more than that, I can't imagine going the rest of
my life having to choose between family time with my
sister's family or with my own. I don't know, Man,
she needs to have it out with Zach, but she's
refusing it because she might be in the wrong.

Speaker 6 (14:18):
Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. I don't like it. I
wish we could get her point of view, where like
I at least talk to her about this.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, get us on the phone with this girl. Yeah,
we gotta talk to her. We gotta have that conversation.

Speaker 6 (14:29):
Yeah, God, things say, it's weird, super weird.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
My sister dislikes my boyfriend, and she's making it obvious.

Speaker 6 (14:36):
Just not make it so obvious, Okay.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
I twenty six female have started living together with my
partner in twenty six mail after years of a long
distance relationship in different countries. We are both very happy. However,
my sister twenty six female is in no unclear terms
has let it be known that she does not like
my partner and does not like the idea of us
living together. It's been a few months since I stopped
talking to her, and I miss her. But upon over everything,

(15:01):
there are a lot of warning signs that make me
question whether moving forward is actually an option. By the way,
this comes from tempership and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the hour slash Okay storytime
separate it. So she expressed her views many times before
he came. I listened and tried to have a conversation
and challenge some of those views. I felt it went okay, okay.
Warning sign number one when I told her we were

(15:22):
looking at ways to help him immigrate here and how
difficult it is to move countries in the process is
starting to stress me out. And the fact there is
economic collapse and bombings in his country and I fear
for his life. I was crying at this point. Her
response was that I could just end the relationship and
then I wouldn't have to worry. Well, that's not a
reason to end the relationship. I mean, I think you

(15:44):
don't have to worry, but sure, Warning sign number two
he arrives first week. She video calls me a few
times to chat and pretends that he doesn't exist. She
doesn't ask how he is getting on, moving countries and
leaving everything familiar behind. I left it for the time
being because I knew she was still getting used to
the idea.

Speaker 5 (16:01):
Warning Sign number three.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
On one call after we ended, she messaged me to
go to another room so she could call back. I
was confused. We had just finished talking. I asked if
she was okay. A lot of back and forth, but
I relented. She called to grill me about my apparent eyebags.
She's been commenting on my bags since I was fourteen,
and to make sure that my partner hasn't been making
me cry. I was floored. I asked why on earth

(16:23):
would she just say that, and she said that she
was just making sure that her sister was okay and
came up with this safe word that she made me
promise I can use with her even if I ever
need to. My partner, of course, noticed this when I
returned and asked if everything was okay with her and
if she needed help. Over the next few weeks, she
would make comments that it is taking me longer to
answer the phone than usual, so something must be up

(16:45):
or I don't want to talk to her. She then
tried to say that I stopped picking up altogether after
I missed maybe one or two calls. I said, I
can literally show her proof I had not missed any
of her calls, but she didn't care.

Speaker 6 (16:57):
Okay, this is.

Speaker 4 (16:58):
My like hot take from what I'm just seeing here.
I think she has a perception of your boyfriend and
kind of what kind of person is and what, you know,
what kind of scenario you're in, and she does not
like this person at all or like, you know, the type.
I think maybe a little xenophobic or maybe a little

(17:19):
toucher might be going into this.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
It seems like that's what I wonder, like what those
countries are and if there's like a history of that.

Speaker 4 (17:25):
Yeah, so that's why she's like, Oh, she must not
be herself or might not be unhappy. So that's why
she's doing kind of going out of her way and
making sure that you're safe. Ope, that's kind of what
I'm noticing. Yeah, but and that's why she's stepping up.

Speaker 6 (17:38):
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah. On one occasion, she called and I was in
a library, so I had declined the call and message
her saying that I couldn't talk right now. I'm in
the library and I will call back when I can
warning sign number four. Any other person would say, okay
and wait. She proceeds to call me five more times
and text me over messages, saying since I have my boyfriend,
that doesn't mean I started neglecting her and pushing my

(18:02):
family aside. I was honestly so confused. I had no
idea where this was coming from, so I just put
my phone away and got on with what I was doing.
This was not normal behavior, and when I got home
I said this to her. And this, combined with a
long and challenging day of work, I did not want
to speak with her that day, but I will call tomorrow.
That also did not go down well, repeated to the

(18:22):
point that anytime my phone vibrated I instantly felt anxious
that it would be her and trying to mentally prepare
myself for the onslaught. My partner saw the effects this
was having on me and told me that her behavior
is toxic and I should not put up with it.
I felt that he's kind of right, but at the
same time, this is my sister and just how she is,
so I put up with it. Morning sign number five,

(18:43):
Christmas Day, we were spending in a part due to
the pandemic, but video called my mom and her conversation
felt nice until my sister said that in three days
she will be coming to ours, no request, no word
of warning. I told her that that's a little too soon,
and her response, because us moved in was last minute,
she was therefore also allowed to be last minute. That's

(19:04):
not how that works. What like?

Speaker 5 (19:07):
But I because I made a.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
Last minute decision to move in with my boyfriend, that
means that anyone now can make a last minute decision
to come stay with us. That's not how that works. No,
not how that works. That's crazy. That's crazy logic. I
don't think she's using any logic. It's yeah, yeah, it's
no logic, illogical. I said I would think about it

(19:31):
and hung up. I was crying. My partner was livid
and how disrespectful she had been to both of us,
ruining our first Christmas together and constantly making me upset
every time she calls. That day, I sent her a
long message telling her how she had hurt me and
my partner due to her complete lack of concern for
the feelings of others and her feeling that it is
her right to make her opinions heard, no matter the impact.

(19:52):
I blocked her on that day and asked for space
for a while. Now we've got warnings sign number six.
She called me from hidden numbers and work numbers, and
then it blocked me back. There have been a few
texts between us since to wish happy birthday and talk
about gifts for parents for Birthday, Mothers and Father's Day.
I sent a long text to her detailing my feelings
and how her behavior was not okay. She hurt me

(20:14):
and she hurt my partner, and even if she doesn't
like him, that doesn't give her the right to treat
him so badly. And I don't intervene in her relationship
with her boyfriend, So why is she so involved in
causing issues between us sisters. Her response was that she
was just looking out as my sister.

Speaker 5 (20:30):
She has to say what she feels her right.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
It's up to my partner to make the effort, and
if it is my choice to put my partner before
my family, then so be it. I didn't respond because
this is BS. Yeah, that is BS. I'm sorry, I
have an opinion, So that means I have to say
it when it comes to your relationship. Wrong, that's wrong.

Speaker 6 (20:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (20:50):
Oh, there's also the thing where like you keep your
nose in your own business.

Speaker 2 (20:53):
Yeah, so exactly, stop sniffing everyone else's butte.

Speaker 4 (20:57):
I understand a sibling wanted to add or make sure
that you know they're okay and they're solid in the
relationship to a point.

Speaker 6 (21:05):
Yeah, I mean it's yeah, it's a little weird.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
Everyone's different. So it's like, even if you have your
family members in a relationship, like you probably wouldn't date
that person honestly, but there are things that they can
probably like put up with in that relationship that you wouldn't,
you know what I mean. But that doesn't mean that
they have to say that. I'd be like, oh, I
don't know, I think that a non negotiable for me.

(21:29):
That means that you guys should stop doing Yeah, no, it's.

Speaker 7 (21:31):
Like you're you're not in the relationship. Yeah, exactly, you're
not in this relationship.

Speaker 2 (21:35):
Where are there on it? Get out of there, Get out.

Speaker 5 (21:39):
I was hoping for an apology.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
My partner believes I should insist on one before trying
to resume contact. I know my sister and this is
the most I will get for the time being. My
mom thinks this too. She needs to work in her
attitude and how she interacts with people, because although this
is the worst I've seen it with myself, it is
definitely her default and it's not healthy for her or
her relationships. Life is short, too short to have negative

(22:01):
and hurtful people in your life, but also too short
to not try to make amends somehow, if it is possible.
This has been the only significant rift between my sister
and I. I don't know what to do from here.
Any advice and we do have an update? Yeah, man,
I don't know. I mean it's hard because there are
some situations where it's like Okay, yeah, you are pushing
out your family, or like you are actually differently because

(22:24):
of your relationship or whatever, and then other people outside
of your relationship have to be like, yo, this isn't cool.
This is not a cool relationship. You're not happy, like
as you're a sibling. You know, I'm gonna let you
know this isn't great. But this seems like everything isn't
like valid. She doesn't have anything that she's actually going
off of. Like everything, there's nothing that we're hearing anyway

(22:45):
from her reasoning and stuff is not actually reasons to
break up exactly.

Speaker 7 (22:50):
And that's like I feel like, as an individual, when
you're in a relationship, you have to be really attuned
to what those red flags are, yeah, to know when
it's just like when the red flags are coming from
your family, when they're coming from your partner, which is hard.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
It's hard to make that exactly decision.

Speaker 4 (23:05):
The thing is, though, like I see where the sister's
coming from, because I've seen siblings like worry about other
relationships where they should not be in.

Speaker 6 (23:13):
Yeah, you gotta trust them.

Speaker 4 (23:15):
And at a point too, like even if like I
was in a situation once so my brother's like, dude,
you got to get out of that, and I was
not listening to him, and I learned like a hard way.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Right, and that's what needs to happen sometimes And like
this again, this doesn't really seem like the situation, yeah,
exactly doing that, but the sister still either way, will
need to realize like, hey, even though I have my
disagreements for whatever reason, even though she's using no logic
at all, it's still not my mistakes to take. But anyway,

(23:44):
we do have an updates. So she said, I'm incredibly
self centered and selfish in my relationship because I made
my partner my priority over family. Of course I did.
He moved countries and left everything and everyone he knew
behind so that we could be together. I needed to
spend a lot more of my time an effort on
helping him adjust. But in no way does that mean
I stopped caring about her. She went on about how

(24:05):
I had been so hard to reach when he first
moved in, how I stopped picking up the phone and
took longer to respond, indicating to her that I was
happy in my little bubble and didn't care about anyone else.
I have physical proof that I missed maybe one or
two of her calls, but called right back, but she
refused to acknowledge this. I explained that he is now
my family, so he is as important to me as

(24:27):
my sister and parents are, and if anything was to
happen to me, he will be the one to help
me or look after me as we live together. As
far as I'm aware, this is perfectly normal to prioritize
your new family that you've created as an adult and
who you share life with. She feels that it's not,
and that whoever she lives with, I will always be
her number one priority. I told her that that's crazy.
She told me it's crazy that I wouldn't put her

(24:49):
as my number one? Is this self centered of me
to think this way? She accepts that her behavior upset me,
but I should know that that's just how she is.
She's always been like that and her boyfriend's so why
don't I. I express that her attitude has always always
upset me, but I always just used to let it go.
But that doesn't mean that the way she talks and
does things is okay. Her view is that it's my

(25:11):
fault for being so sensitive and that I always played
the victim and I'm doing just that right now. I
said what she did was unacceptable and she needs to
recognize the hurt her actions caused in me. Am I
playing the victim? No, dude, no, her saying like you're
playing the victim? You do? It's like my goodness. Like,

(25:32):
I know OP is saying that she's doing things too,
but OP is mostly just saying like, hey, I was
hurt by this, you know, And if that's the case
on the sister's end, she's not voicing that at all,
because I probably is the case. She's probably really just like, Hey,
I'm just hurt and I just missing it.

Speaker 6 (25:48):
Yeah, I lost a friend this way.

Speaker 4 (25:50):
I got into a relationship and couldn't be at her
beck and call twenty four to seven. She freaked out
and we ended our friendship, married that man and has
been so and I still miss her sometimes.

Speaker 6 (26:02):
I have seen this happen before.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
I've seen what happened too, and it sucks because it's like, well,
maybe you should have proposed then if you wanted to
be with me forever, man, Like, maybe you should have
figured that out. I said that what she did was
unacceptable and she needs to recognize that hurt her actions
caused in me. Am I playing the victim? No, she said,
all of these problems were unnecessary and it's me somehow
having a problem of her looking out for me. She

(26:25):
was simply asking if I'm okay and making sure that
I'm safe in the relationship. As she does not trust
my judgment and knowing if my relationship is toxic or not.
Matza and I are just insulting me. Great, I said,
I appreciate her looking out for me, but it is
not her role as a judge and assess the situation
and decide if she needs to take control and intervene. Instead,
she should express her concerns and views and let me

(26:46):
make my own decisions as an autonomous adult with some
gosh dag intelligence. She refused and said that she didn't
trust me and that no relationship that started online my
partners in mine did can ever be healthy.

Speaker 6 (26:59):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
Oh that's crazy, jeez man. So you're saying that this
is not healthy at all.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Yeah, you're saying that, like everyone in chat right now
can't have a healthy relationship with.

Speaker 4 (27:08):
Us anytime you have a significant other. That's why you
shouldn't be watching Okay story time. You should be watching
Okay story downe that much. You're like the sister of
that person. You or the sister.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Replay this for them to be like, yeah, this is
this is true. This is you dude?

Speaker 6 (27:19):
Really?

Speaker 2 (27:19):
She said she doesn't care about my partner and she
would be behaving like this no matter who it was.
I told her that that is straight up not normal
or healthy. It's toxic and that needs to be addressed.
She pulled the family card that I should have been
the bigger person and let her behavior continue until she
was satisfied that I was not being stupid blindly stumbling
into living with the person I know nothing about because

(27:41):
I can't possibly know someone in a distance to relationship. Man,
oh man, there's more to this story, but every single
sentence makes less and less sense by this woman.

Speaker 6 (27:50):
I've just realized with these last couple of stories, sister
in laws are exhausting.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
Yeah, they can be.

Speaker 6 (27:55):
I'm rethinking our relationship.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
I've got two sisters, you've got none, So yeah, what's
gonna happen there?

Speaker 6 (28:03):
You find someone that has no siblings or just brothers.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Cool, have fun with that. Anyway, There's more to this story.
So when our dad shouts and swears at us when
he's angry, I pointed out the way that he behaved
has been in no way acceptable and she should have
never put up with that. She agreed, but she said
that she has now managed to process that in herself,
and when it happens, she just detaches herself from the situation.

(28:27):
This broke my heart and I told her that that's
not a healthy behavior. It should never have reached that point.
I don't think she got this, and still reiterated her
point that I should have put up with her until
she was satisfied.

Speaker 5 (28:38):
I said I did for weeks.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Until I had enough on Christmas Day, but apparently that
wasn't long enough. She said she was relieved when I
blocked her, that she didn't have to deal with this
nonsense anymore and let me get on with it. I'm
disappointed we couldn't move forward. I really want to hear
if the problem is truly with me playing victim, or
if her behavior is the problem. The conversation has completely
drained me. I don't even know what to think any more.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Sam, Here, we're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
But here's three of its bads from our sponsors. My
friend who once rejected me now likes me because I
have money.

Speaker 3 (29:09):
Gotta get those bills, you know, actually plenty or shame
in it.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
Three years ago in university, I male twenty five told
one of my best friends, female twenty five that I
was in love with her. After pouring my heart out
she told me that she likes tall guys. Being told
that I wasn't tall enough hurt quite a lot, but
she wasn't trying to be mean, just frank. By the way,
this comes from G say it jas idn D I

(29:37):
j wiss j D.

Speaker 3 (29:41):
I think it's the keyboards keyboard smash yeah, and.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
If you want to submit your own stories, go to
the hour slash. Okay, sorry, time separate it. So eighteen
months ago I started a company that expanded very quickly,
and I now have over thirty employees. Obviously, being the
owner of a company this size, I now have a
lot more money. Anyway, Over the years, we've stayed good friends.
On Wednesday, three days ago, she told me that she
has feelings for me and wants to be together.

Speaker 5 (30:05):
She kissed me. We have a lot of history and
I do still love her. I told her that I
would have to think about it.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
I know that it's easy to assume that she just
wants to use me, But is it possible that she
now has real feelings for me? Can power make a
man more attractive? Am I still the same person as before?
Haven't changed at all? Part of me suspects that she
wants my money. But at the same time, I love
her so much and we've been close friends for a
long time. It's just the worst timing ever because the

(30:33):
money makes me question her motives. And there are some comments.
But do you think she's being genuine here or do
you think that it's because of the mulah?

Speaker 3 (30:41):
I think there is a chance, like people can develop
feelings over time. Sure, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
I think it's the money in this case.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Especially because she's like I liked tall guys and all
of a sudden, but also she.

Speaker 7 (30:54):
Was yeah, she was twenty two. Yeah, and it's been
three years. I think pieces I haven't changed, but she
could have changed.

Speaker 6 (31:02):
True.

Speaker 5 (31:02):
Maybe maybe there are some comments.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Young Jolie says, it go out with her and split
everything fifty to fifty, see what happens. Opie says, I
would feel so weird doing that. I've always paid at
least at the first date, so it would be especially
weird now that I have plenty of money. Plus she's
been having money problems. Dalita says, there could be a
huge change in someone from twenty two to twenty five.
I can't tell if she's a gold digger or not.

Speaker 5 (31:26):
Did you ask her.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
What's changed?

Speaker 2 (31:28):
Why is she interested now as she ever appeared? Shallop?
What do you like about her? Opie says, No, I
didn't ask her if anything has changed. From my end,
everything is exactly the same. She dated a very rich
guy a while back, and she likes nice things, but
not too different from anyone else. What do I like
about her?

Speaker 5 (31:45):
Where do I start?

Speaker 2 (31:46):
She's beautiful and smart, we can talk about anything. She
makes life bearable. We have the same sense of humor everything. Really,
I think she just likes you, as Carol Soup says,
from what you've said in your comments, example, she hasn't
had a good job since she graduated. You always pay
when you guys hang out. I wouldn't be surprised if
your money is what she's most attracted to. I don't

(32:08):
mean to think she's sitting in a darkened room plotting
to take your money and laughing maniacally to herself, but
it seems to me like she's now in a stage
in her life where she realizes that she doesn't have
the means to support the lifestyle that she wants herself.
You already pay for your outings, so you're the perfect candidate.
The working Deed one one two says I would have
major difficulty trusting the relationship, and the most important question

(32:28):
I would ask is will she have a good income
herself and she will be financially successful without you? Then
maybe she now sees you in a different light, and yeah,
I could trust her. If she is or was a
theater major working at Chili is expecting to rely on
you for financial support.

Speaker 5 (32:44):
Then I would move on out of curiosity.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
What type of business is it? OPI said she majored
in psychology, but doesn't want to go back to school
to study and hasn't really had a decent job since
she graduated. She wanted to be a psychologist, but I
don't think she has any idea now. That's one of
the main major reasons I question her. It's a software company.
What other type of business actually turns a profit these days?
Opie is replying to a deleted comment. She lost her

(33:10):
job three months ago, so I helped her with money
for two months after that, but she got another job
a month or so ago. Sincerely, x X says that
you wrote that you have let her three five hundred
dollars these past few months.

Speaker 5 (33:22):
That's that's that's a big detail that.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
We need to know.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Wow, that's not like lending her a couple hundred that
that's that's.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Yeah, that's not like paying for in and out when
you guys go out. No, that's wow.

Speaker 7 (33:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
The commenter keeps going, that's a crazy amount to borrow
from her friend. I'm a hopeless romantic and want to
see the best. But the fact that you have been
just friends for years, she told you she wasn't interested
in me before, and now that you have lent her
three point five k, she wants you. I think it's
clear what her motives are. Opie says it was two
thousand last year, and one fifty two months ago, and

(33:59):
three thirty five hundred all fifteen hundred two months. Yeah,
fifteen hundred that's what I meant to say. Yeah, dank, yikes, dude, dang. Yeah,
that's a lot. But she hasn't paid any of it
back yet. The two KI told her not to worry
about why. She has just sort of gotten back on
her feet after struggling in the previous two months. There

(34:21):
is an update for.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Opie, who are you that you can say, hey, don't
pay me back two thousand dollars?

Speaker 2 (34:28):
Yeah, I think There are two kind of scenarios.

Speaker 7 (34:31):
One, she's a gold digger and she's seeing him spend
all this money and she's like, oh, I can be
with someone who has all this money.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (34:37):
The second one is she's seeing someone take care of
her and spend all this money on her and is like, Wow,
this person's really nice. I have feelings for them because
they've been so nice and loving and stuff.

Speaker 1 (34:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah, who to say, I wish one? Honestly, Yeah, because
I was I was thinking like, yeah, maybe I feel
like if it was a gold digger kind of thing,
it would be more immediate. But I actually I don't
really know, because then, like you know, if he's been
taking care of her like this for so long, maybe
after a while she's just like she's kind of falling
for him because of the money, which could be genuine

(35:12):
and could get to genuine emotions.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
Like if they're spending a lot of time together, there
could be that development of feelings. Like if they're spending
more time together now than they did when they were
first like kind of friends, and he like confessed his feelings, Yeah, Okay,
possibly there could be like that development. It's just the
money complicates at all, Like if she was paying him
back actively, right, Okay, Fine, there's like she's probably not

(35:36):
in it for the money at that point because she's
like not relying upon that financial contribution.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Right right. Yeah, So it's like, even if there are like, uh,
genuine feelings involved, we could probably have a good conversation
about finances, just to just to start, because that's already
just an important thing in a relationship anyway that you
want to be on the same page on, so at

(36:01):
least have a conversation.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
I would think as a strategy, try being less extravagy,
like go on cheaper dates.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
For a bit, like do more gestures rather than do
like have.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
Free activities like go to the park, go to like
Shakespeare in the Park, go to take a walk or something,
going a bike or I go on a hike.

Speaker 1 (36:20):
And if she's like after maybe a.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
Month or so, she's still as attracted without the outpouring
of the money and without the extravagance, yeah, maybe that
point you're okay to kind of continue it. Yeah, because
after maybe a month or two of that she would
get bored and move on the erectally yeah critically right, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
That's a great idea. Since she told me that she
didn't want me many years ago. It's not like I've
been lusting after her, but the feelings were still there.
I know that everyone told me that it was a
bad idea, but I had to try. I took everyone's
advice and made sure that I didn't pay for anything
that was extravagant.

Speaker 5 (36:54):
Look at you or over the talk.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
Anyway, last week we went on two dates, the whole
dinner and a movie thing, and also went to the museum.
Earlier this week we went to a play which sucked.
We got some food, after which we had spicy Sleep,
which has been a long time coming.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
All was good, great.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
Actually, yesterday I went over to her house to bring
her lunch. I knew she was home. I picked up
some Chinese food and drove to her apartment. I have
the spare key to her place, so I opened the
door and went in and I see her. Think some
guy on the couch, do we knock, knock?

Speaker 6 (37:30):
He had the key.

Speaker 5 (37:32):
Yeah, he had the spare key.

Speaker 3 (37:34):
And if they just had the spicy sleep, you know, yeah,
he considering what they've been through and what they've been
talking about, I don't think he would have expected to
come to that.

Speaker 5 (37:45):
Yeah, nikes, dude.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Yet in the act we made eye contact and then
I just walked out.

Speaker 5 (37:53):
She called me like an hour later and.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Told me that we weren't exclusive, and then if I
didn't want her to be with the other guys, that's fine.
An hour later, this girl was like, oh, oh, sorry,
let's just get back to it.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
Like she's in the middle of something.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
Yeah, something, she's got it to do, list right on
her schedule for the day, Like.

Speaker 6 (38:14):
Oh my gosh, priorities.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
Oh my god, I am less certain that she wants
to be with him for real reasons. Now, yeah, me
too that if I didn't want her to be with
other guys, that's fine, but I needed to tell her
in advance.

Speaker 5 (38:28):
I told her to get fed. I don't have time
for bs like that.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
So that was fun.

Speaker 5 (38:33):
But there are some comments to this story.

Speaker 2 (38:36):
So Hannasuki says, Honestly, OPI, if you didn't try this,
you probably would be thinking what if and regret not trying.
I know it hurts, but now you know for sure.
Opie says, yeah, I know. It just sucks because I
thought we were in a really good place. The firefly says,
here's the thing. If you hadn't had the we're exclusive conversation,
her sleeping with or dating other people is fair game.

Speaker 5 (38:57):
That tends to be how things work.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
That being said, since she was the one who expressed
interest in you, I think you made the right call.
If she was really invested in making this work and
it wasn't about the money, she wouldn't have been so
keen on effing another guy. If she really wanted you,
and since you've been friends for years, didn't need to
do the whole getting to know you thing, she would have.

Speaker 5 (39:18):
Acted like it said.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah, Opie responds, If she was really invested in making
this work and it wasn't about the money, she wouldn't
have been so so keen on having the other guy. Yeah,
so she's just, I guess repeating the commentary because that
is a very true line. She since says, I personally
have never done this, but I've had it done to me.

(39:41):
Did you guys have a conversation about where you wanted
it to go? Ohpi says, not specifically, but when she
told me that she had feelings for me, she said
I want us to be together. I thought that was
pretty self explanatory. Oh, this poor guy is just so
in love. He's just that he'll take anything. Deleted says,

(40:01):
So if you weren't exclusive or serious, then why did
you have a key to her place? Opie says, It's
not like she had a key cut specifically for me.
She gave me the spare key to her place ages ago.
I don't know why the idea of giving your spare
key to a friend in case you get locked out
is so foreigned everyone.

Speaker 7 (40:15):
Yeah, guys, I'm gonna have a key to Riley's place.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
There you go, but I'm gonna knock.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
So yeah, I took it home the Chinese food and
ate it all. It was pretty good, but I ate
way too much. Spectrum twenty eighty one says, Dude, having
a spare key you can use in case your friend
gets locked out is fine. Inviting yourself over without so
much as a call or text and letting yourself in
set spare key without ringing the doorbell. Come on, that's
live in boyfriend territory and you are only a few

(40:44):
dates in. I'm not saying you should have dated the
girl in the first place, but yeah, you were clearly
way farther into this relationship than you had any rational
encouragement to be so Railroad to Baron says, I think
it depends on the level of friendship. I have a
friend who has an open door policy. He home, You're
welcome to just walk right in. We have no idea
how often he used the spare key in visiting her,

(41:05):
but I would guess often since he doesn't think it's weird. Ope,
he says, that's pretty much it. When I came over
as a friend, I never had to tell her. I
would just come over, there we go. I've certainly never
walked in on her with another guy before. Generally, if
she knew she was seeing someone, I would give her
space and not come over.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
My bridesmaid is furious with me because she couldn't attend
my bachelorette party.

Speaker 5 (41:26):
Oh well, go Crimey River.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
I twenty six female. I'm getting married later this year
and have four bridesmaid. One is my maid of honor.
I'll call her Lisa. Another one lives out of the
country and is not involved in any of this drama,
so I'll leave her out of this convo entirely. Pam
is finishing up law school on the opposite coast from
the rest of us. Ali twenty six female is the
last bridesmaid and is one of my oldest friends. By

(41:51):
the way, this comes from drama Lama ninety five and
if you want to submit your stories, go to the
r slash Okay story time subreddit. So we've been talking
about planning a bachelorette party for a little while now,
but it took a little while for things to get
off the ground. A lot of that was due to
my own indecision where I wanted to go and when.
Months back, Ali tried to talk to the group about

(42:13):
their availability for a bachelorette party, but it was just
way too early for anyone to know their schedules. Lisa
was in town with me last weekend for a dress fitting,
so we were talking about the bachelorette Typically it is
the maid of honors duty to plan this, so she
has been expecting to plan it all along. We agreed
it'd be really fun to visit pam'stown on the other

(42:34):
side of the country. I've never been and have just
been passing away to visit Pam out there, and Pam
has unfortunately been a little left out of some of
the other activities like Spridesmad's dress shopping because she's on
the opposite coast. Because Pam is finishing up law school,
she asked that we wait until she completes the bar.
So she suggested the weekend after. Anything later than that

(42:55):
would be tough because it would be very close to
the wedding weekend and most people would be traveling for
the weekend as well. Lisa and my fiance both agreed
it would be best to just pick a weekend and
when whoever can make it great and whoever not, oh well,
because you can't please everybody.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
That's honestly a good way to do it. I feel like,
even if it wasn't like a wedding thing, when you're
trying to make plans with friends, with a lot of
friends too, I mean, I guess only like four bride days,
but still you kind of just gotta yeah and then
have everyone.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
Especially as adult, it's so hard for us to like
balance time to like get together, yeah, because you've got work,
like you've got law school, you've got the bar exam
for For Pam, that's that's an insane amount of stress
and something that's honestly should be more priority than like
dress shopping or a bachelor It's important as that is
I'm not like taking away any importance to show like

(43:49):
this is a one time thing, whereas like law school,
the bar, the rest of your life that I think
has a little more weight.

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Yeah, totally, totally.

Speaker 3 (43:58):
I reached out to Ali to see if that weekend
would work for her. She said she would be at
a wedding an hour away that weekend. I saw this
as a great thing because she would already be in
the area and we were thinking of doing an extended
weekend there anyway, so she'd only miss one night of activities.
She said she doesn't want to rent a car or
drive anywhere. I said we could still come to her,

(44:21):
but she still sounded iffy. I said I would try
to work something out with another weekend, but I haven't
found anything that works with my own schedule. I think
as the person getting married, your schedule is the most important.

Speaker 5 (44:34):
Yeah, if anyone needs to be there, it's you.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
I decided to move forward with that weekend and sent
out an intro email to my friend saying that Lisa
would handle the details, but I wanted to gauge who
could or could not make it.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
I expected Ali.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
Would be disappointed or would maybe try to make it work.
But instead she was angry. She said that it felt
like a slap in the face after she tried to
organize something earlier in the year, and that she was
really her I said that I understood, and her feelings
are justified, but that Lisa should be planning it since
she is the maid of honor. Ali then said that

(45:07):
Lisa has done a crappy job of communicating anything, and
since I'm spending a crap ton of money on your wedding,
the least you could have done was check availability, because
it's clear I wanted to attend the bachelorette.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
I agreed she was right.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
I would look into other weekends, but really wanted to
do something on the opposite coast to include Pam and
asked if she was free the weekend after, even though
this isn't the best time for me. But I didn't
mention that part, and she said she would ask her work.
But honestly, it sounds like you have bigger priorities, so
do what you want. I can understand her being mad,
but then she added, and for the record, f Lisa.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
What was the point of that?

Speaker 3 (45:46):
Like, I understand point of that, bride Zilla, sometimes because
it's your special day.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
But bride'smaid Zella.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Yeah, that's a new one for me, honestly, like like yeah,
like OPI said, like okay, sure, maybe she should be
checked in with because she really wanted to go, so
I would be disappointed. It's like, oh, like at least
give me, you know, the chance or heads up or
like can we maybe is it too late to change it?

Speaker 3 (46:08):
You know?

Speaker 6 (46:09):
Right right?

Speaker 5 (46:09):
But you don't got to say ev Lisa.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Lisa's trying her best too, like she's got to make
the schedules work for everybody exactly.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
It's like, okay, great, well, now that you're throwing that
in there, I don't want you there anymore, right, I
would feel I.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Told her I would give her a call this weekend,
but she hasn't responded. Nothing is set in stone yet,
no plane tickets booked or anything for the bachelorette, so
I could try to move stuff around. I just sent
out the email as a feeler kind of thing. I'm
so upset at myself for hurting her so badly that
she reacted this way. But at the same time, there's
a part of me that just wants to move forward.

(46:45):
I've learned very early on that wedding planning easily can
become a logistical nightmare, and it is impossible to please everyone.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
Elpie, why are you mad? Why are you mad? This
is your day?

Speaker 3 (46:55):
And now I know that she has all the hostility
towards Lisa, which is totally undeserved in my opinion. I
even feel uncomfortable having them all hang out together, and
I'm worried about her holding a grudge. What should I
do or say to her to make this right? I
feel sick at the idea of having a friendship and
over something so stupid. I'd rather just cancel everything and
not even have a bachelor party at this point. And

(47:17):
we have some comments, so.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Comments from the peanut.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
Galp Yeah right, I just I've heard so many stories
of like bachelorette parties or like bridal parties just causing
so much drama. And it's like, guys, it's just because
we're just getting married. We're just in love over here.
Can we just party it up and like be chill
about it, Like we don't need to. We don't need
to make it a giant thing. Like Okay, if you're

(47:43):
really said you can't make it bachelreat maybe rent a
car you know, maybe figure out some little thing that
you can do, or if you really can't go, then
hang out with Opiate another time or something like, or
try to find solutions yourself rather than just saying if
everyone else and like just being mad all of a sudden,
Like no one's doing this maliciously.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
There has to be some underlying and like unspoken hostility here,
especially if it's specifically directed at Lisa in the scenario.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Yeah, because this is a this is a big blow up.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Over missing one day.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Yeah, this is one.

Speaker 3 (48:21):
You're making this about yourself, like this is totally yeah,
main character syndrome that is absolutely undeserved. This is not
your wedding. Like I would understand if this was your
wedding and you wanted it to be perfect and people
were actively like sabotaging your plans. But no, Opie is
trying to include everybody. She's trying to include the most

(48:43):
people possible and even going out of her way to
make these plans happen. And you're just making this all
about yourself.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Yeah, exactly, it's not okay, not what you should be doing, girl.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
There's there's a lot of entitlement there and a lot
of delusion. Yeah, So moving to the comments, comment one,
I mean I see her point. Reading the story, it's
pretty clear that your priority was including Pam and making
it easier for Pam. You chose her city and even
waited until she would be done with the bar. It's
understandable that Ali did not want to somehow fit a

(49:15):
bachelorette into her schedule when she was already at a
wedding in another town. It's a bad weekend for her,
so from her perspective, her efforts to get something organized
earlier were rebuffed, and then you and Lisa went out
of your way to accommodate Pam without really caring if
it was good for her. She feels like you value
Pam more than her. Obviously it's inappropriate to say f Lisa.

(49:36):
The mature response is to say I'm disappointed, but I
understand and then pulled back from the friendship. If she
feels like it's uneven, the reply was I have no
idea why this comment isn't higher. Ali seemed excited in
taking a role in helping plan the bachelorette part. Then
she finds out not only is she not helping plan
the bachelorette party, but the OPI has been trying to

(49:58):
coordinate availability with everyone and butt her first, then asks
her if she can shoehorn her attendants in between attending
another wedding an hour away. That being said, I think
it's pretty easy for Ope to fix. Just acknowledge that
you realize she feels pretty crappy about things and it's
fair for her to feel that way. Emphasize that she

(50:18):
just wants to have a bachelorette party with all her
friends and she'd much rather do it another weekend if
it means Ali can attend to maybe even throw in.
We both know any bachelor att party wouldn't be the
same without you. If Ali's truly a good friend, she
should apologize for her own comments and OPI and her
and they can both get back to focusing on making

(50:38):
this work logistically. If she doesn't apologize and continues to
be butt heard about this and guilt trip the op,
then maybe she is the witch that everyone else is
commenting that she is. But I don't get the sense
that she is.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
That was full of grace, and I appreciate that they're,
you know, looking out for.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
That girl comment too.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
Has something happened between Lisa and Ali that you maybe
don't know about. Was Ali upset that Lisa was your
maid of honor instead of her? Has Lisa been rude
to or ignored Ali when it comes to the wedding,
or really anything. It just sounds like from her reactions,
something has happened between her and Lisa that's left a
sour taste in her mouth. She's just not handling it maturely. Oh,

(51:18):
he says, not that I know of. The only time
Lisa and Ali have interacted in person was when we
all went bridesmaid's dress shopping. They have very different personalities.
Lisa is very open and not shy, whereas Ali is
much more prim and proper and generally pretty quiet. Lisa
and Ali live in the same city, and I know
Lisa told her they should hang out some time, but

(51:39):
said Ali didn't really respond. I could see Ali thinking
that Lisa was vulgar and rude or something, but no
one has said anything to me about that.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
Okay, okay, interesting. Interesting.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
It could just be clashing personalities, Yeah, definitely could.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
Mean but you gotta put up with that when you're
going to be on the same bridal party.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
Still, it's a nice It's still not warranted and effort yeah,
especially if exactly going by this they haven't interacted. They're
just different people. It seems just like a too much
of a blow up to be warranted. Maybe it's just
that OP doesn't know it. Yeah, yeah, I feel like
there's God it still feeling.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
The right right, But I don't know. Maybe we'll find out.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
We have an update. I didn't really want to make
an update because I was totally embarrassed at how stupid
I was in the original. But I do feel like
this sub needs more happy updates. So here we are.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Okay, happy update. Hey, we don't get enough of those.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
We didn't.

Speaker 3 (52:37):
I told Ali that I was going to call her
the next morning to talk. I did, she didn't pick up.
I spent most of Saturday worrying myself, actually sick and
basically crying on and off all day because my mind
immediately went to worst case scenario and I was just
so sure she never wanted to speak to me again
and it was all my fault. I called her again
yesterday night. She didn't pick up, but she called me

(52:59):
back pretty quickly. I immediately opened with my apology, which
she accepted. She also said she was sorry for overreacting
and saying some of these things, just that she was
really hurt and lashing out. I told her that her
feelings were justified. What I'm doing now is wrapping the
Bachelor Atte weekend into the bridal shower weekend so people
only have to travel once. Ali made it clear that

(53:20):
I didn't have to do this for her, but I
told her I wanted to because I really do. There's
stuff to do near where the bridal shower is, so
we should be able to find plenty of stuff to
do once we get a headcount of who can make it.
I am totally backing out and letting the bridesmaids plan
amongst themselves together. I'm also going to visit Pam separately
after she finishes the bar, so I will still get

(53:40):
a chance to visit that city, which should be fun. Okay, hey, okay,
I feel like that is probably the best case scenario
for everyone involved. Like traveling for a destination wedding, I
see the appeal, but also it's hard for the people
who are attending.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
It's very very hard for sure, anyone what the like
destination is like If some people are going to be
traveling anyway, like you know, if they're if it's like
in America or something like that, and they're like gonna
have to go to a different state anyway, so might
as well, like, I don't know, do it in a
prettier state than your own something like that. I could,
you know, that's like okay, whatever, But like if you're
going to like another country or something like that, that

(54:18):
makes it difficult.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
But like an island resort getaway for thecation.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
Yeah, yeah, right, but yeah, people are doing a lot
lot when they're attending weddings like that.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute
break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
My friend made me plan her bachelorette party without the
maid of honor, knowing more bridal trauma. I twenty seven female,
officially hate weddings, so I'm in my friend's twenty eight
female wedding party. This friend and I used to be close,
but our friendship recently isn't as close as it used
to be due to my friend being a crazy, dramatic, selfish,

(54:53):
borderline histrionic woman. We took a long break from our friendship,
but it seems like her crazy had evened out. When
she got engaged, she asked me to be in her
wedding party and asked her oldest friend to be her
maid of honor, though she repeatedly told me that she
wanted me to plan her bachelorette party. By the way,
this comes from wedding drama Lama, and if you want

(55:14):
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay story time separate it. So now I accepted because
her crazy has mostly gone down, but we don't see
each other as often as we used to. I didn't
mind planning her bachelorette party because I like planning parties,
and I assumed the maid of honor was on board
with me planning everything.

Speaker 5 (55:32):
I talked to the bride and she tells me all
the details.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
Of what she'd like at the party. We plan the menu,
the costs, and she provides me with a list of
things that she'd like, as well as the email addresses
of the bridesmaids that'll be assisting us with the party.
A couple of days ago, at work, she sends me
a link message telling me that I think it's time
for us to email the other girls about the party.

Speaker 5 (55:52):
I'm too busy at the time.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
So today I linked her back and we chat about
the party, and I tell her that I'll send the
email with details about the party to the other girls
so we can start divving up the costs and plan
who brings what. The bride immediately tells me to hold
off because she needs to tell the maid of honor,
who will call her Ellen that she gave her a
number or email to me, or she'll pop.

Speaker 5 (56:15):
Off at being randomly hit with these plans. That's suspicious.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
Why is that we knew why we saw the title?

Speaker 2 (56:24):
But but so what the f I asked the bride
if Ellen knew that the bride will call her? Carrie
asked me to plan the party. Carrie immediately jumps.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
In with I never asked you.

Speaker 5 (56:36):
You volunteered falls I have texts that say otherwise.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
She's got receipts.

Speaker 5 (56:42):
Dude, you can't deny it.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
I tell Carrie that she knew that's not true, and
that I wasn't doing a thing until she talked to Ellen.
If I were Ellen, I'd definitely take that the wrong
way and think I was wandering into her territory, so
to speak. Carrie immediately got defensive and complained that Ellen
wouldn't pay for anything. She was so stressed out with
planning everything that she couldn't deal with this, and Ellen

(57:04):
would throw a solid party, etc. When I questioned Carrie
on whether or not she had talked to Ellen about
the party, she refused to answer me directly until she
finally admitted that Ellen had sounded really excited about planning
the party and even had a.

Speaker 5 (57:18):
Few ideas of her own. This poor girl, Ellen, Why
are they doing this to you?

Speaker 2 (57:25):
No? Which I told her in no uncertain terms that
she was to work this out with Ellen, and that
it's the maid of honors job to plan the bachelorette party.
To take that away from Ellen when she was already
planning it would be bs unless Carrie talked to her first.

Speaker 5 (57:40):
Well, Carrie talked to Ellen, all right.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
I just got a nasty email from Ellen addressed to
myself and the rest of the bridal party, including the bride,
complaining about being rushed about the bachelorette party, how someone
had volunteered to plan it behind her back, and how
she is thinking about pulling out of the.

Speaker 5 (57:58):
Wedding entirely because of this.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
Oh my gosh, weren't weddings supposed to be happy.

Speaker 5 (58:04):
Not according to Carrie in this story. My goodness, So.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
I hope you gotta hit her with the receipts and
be like, hey, I did not plan for I thought
it was weird that Carrie told me.

Speaker 5 (58:17):
That I want I needed to do this. Okay, sorry
that you feel rushed.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
I would love to make changes, like I'd love to
give you the ideas of what I planned out and
you can handle it from there. That's what I think.

Speaker 3 (58:29):
There's no consistent communication whatsoever, especially with this many people. Yeah,
things are getting lost in the convos. Someone's getting confused,
someone's getting missed up. I don't think it's malicious or
like wilful, yeah, but it's causing trouble like.

Speaker 5 (58:44):
Yeah, to say the least.

Speaker 2 (58:45):
For sure. She's mad at Carrie for not having her back,
but utterly pissed at me because she thinks I plotted
to steal the party from under her, take credit and
replace her as maid of honor. Carry in the meantime,
is begging me not to say anything and telling me
that Ellen's wrath will blow over and then I should
just go with it.

Speaker 5 (59:03):
I don't even want to be in this effing wedding anymore.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
Wait, what did you mean, like, don't say anything? So
does is Karen acknowledging that she did?

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Like ask her, Well, Carrie knows the truth. She's trying
to deny it. But yeah, she's trying to tell op
to like, hey, keep our secret and just like let
Ellen be mean to you.

Speaker 5 (59:22):
It's gonna blow over eventually.

Speaker 3 (59:24):
It's like, girl, but you gotta be at the same wedding.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Yeah, you're gonna face this person.

Speaker 5 (59:30):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
There's gonna be a clash one way or the other.

Speaker 5 (59:32):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
It's gonna build up, right or too.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
Like from Ope's perspective, she's gonna get some sort of
wrath from either Ellen or Carry. So either way, I mean,
just just get out of the wedding. Yeah, So should
I roast Carry with the truth and contact Ellen directly
to tell her the truth, or in the interest of
having already bought the dress, go with the flow. I'm
so pissed right now, I don't think I can even
really see straight. And there are some comments.

Speaker 5 (59:57):
Comment number one says, throw the bride under the bus.
She would do the same for you. Yeah, she did.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
She's been doing that is actively what she's been doing.
She did throw her like cement roller fat, literally.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
A cartoon on the ground right now. Comment to her.

Speaker 2 (01:00:14):
Number two says, I would reply all to the email
with attached screenshots of the texts where she asked you
to plan it and say something like, look, everyone, Carrie
asked me to plan a party, So I planned a party.

Speaker 5 (01:00:24):
Here are the texts to prove it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
I was not trying to move in on anyone's turf,
stir up drama, et cetera. I simply did a favor
because I was asked.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
Don't worry.

Speaker 5 (01:00:32):
I'm canceling all the arrangements I've made and you guys.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Can plan your own. And please, no one feel the
need to invite me to either the party or the
wedding because I am definitely not going to show peace receipts.
That's a beautiful way to put it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:45):
Beautiful way to put it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
That really is common. Number three says, first, you can
sell the dress I did when I had drama as
a bridesmaid in a wedding that ended up being canceled
due to set drama. So don't let this be the
reason you go with the float. As someone who ended
a close friendship over words being twisted and tried to
explain my position. I've found reasoning doesn't work quite well,
so go on and roast away. You've already tried the

(01:01:09):
calm approach and tried reasoning with her. I like the
idea of giving Ellen a separate email, because really both
of you are the victim of this bride and her dramatics.
Good luck. Common Number four says this almost reads like
Harry did all of this on purpose, just to cause
drama centered on uh, but not directly involving herself. Opie
says she did it because she's selfish. She didn't trust

(01:01:30):
Ellen to throw the bachelorrett party she deserves, so she
tried to get me to do it and look like
the bad guy by stealing Ellen's project instead of having
a grown up conversation with Ellen about having me do
the planning. She looks like a saint. I look like
an a hole. This is manipulative and there is an update.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
It was a two party thing.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I just can you imagine, like
if if that one commenter is what Ellen or what
Opie actually does and is like reply to all see
all the text messages and stuff. I imagine being those
other bridesmaids that are involved and just being like, oh
my god, crazy stuff is going down right now.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
How do you go to the wedding knowing that and
keep a straight face?

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
No, honestly, because then I'm thinking, like, maybe, just to
avoid more drama, like you should just tell Ellen separately,
But they're gonna find out either way.

Speaker 3 (01:02:18):
Oh absolutely, so talk might as well might There's some
side chats going on, def for sure, but we do
have an update.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
So first of all, thank you everyone for your advice
and wedding horror stories. They were all greatly appreciated, and
it's refreshing to hear, even though we know what happens
wedding horror stories, to know that I'm not the only
one to deal with this ratchet. Uh.

Speaker 5 (01:02:40):
Anyway, as I.

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
Stood, my boyfriend convinced me against letting the drama bomb
explode and roasting anyone AKA be the one that acts
like an adult and is the bigger person. So, after
strong advice from him and my mom, I proceeded to
email Ellen privately and explain that I think a huge
miscommunication occurred and that I'm sorry if I stepped on
her toes, but I'll be very happy to help her
with anything she needs to make the event a success.

(01:03:01):
Ellen emails me back to apologize for getting so upset,
but says that she had really really been looking forward
to planning the bachelorette party. She wasn't able to plan
the wedding shower because Carrie's mom insisted on taking over,
so she felt that this could be the thing she
does for her oldest friend. I assure Ellen that everything
that's planned can be changed, and no deposits have been
made as of yet, so we can go forward on

(01:03:24):
her agenda. Think that was smoothed over? Wrong?

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
No, I thought you were so close to another happy ending.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
Great.

Speaker 5 (01:03:35):
That looked great.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
It looked like they're figuring things out as adults and
apologizing and getting to the bottom of this.

Speaker 5 (01:03:40):
This is breddit ange.

Speaker 1 (01:03:43):
Too mature adults, Too mature adults.

Speaker 5 (01:03:45):
It can't exist.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
Oh my two pretty best friends, but too mature adults
are Yellen?

Speaker 1 (01:03:51):
Literally literally.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
So Ellen contacted Carrie to tell her that she spoke
to me and then everything is smoothed over and that
she be taking the reins on the party.

Speaker 5 (01:04:02):
And that's when I got a nasty link message from
Carrie at work.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Carrie calls me an effing witch for contacting Ellen without
her knowing. I don't have any permission from you ho
and now and now because of that, Carrie won't get
the bachelorette party she wants.

Speaker 5 (01:04:21):
And now I know Ellen is going to throw her.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
A cheap, horrible bachelorette party, or at least that's that's
what Carrie is accusing her of.

Speaker 5 (01:04:30):
Carrie further tells me that I should have just gone
along with the.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
Plan and that Ellen would have moved over and let
me throw at the party Carrie wanted. After a minute,
Oh my gosh, this is Ellen is such a like
good friend, wanted to do this to for her oldest friend,
and Carrie is just screwing her over.

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
Carrie's like a puppet master that doesn't know how to
use a puppet.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
Yeah, she is just so awful to her so called
oldest friend like that, Carrie. Oh my gosh. I told
Harry if an effing party was more important than her
best friend's feelings, she needed to get her priorities straight.
I told her that she's done nothing but treated us
like her servants, not just for her wedding, but for
the duration of her friendships.

Speaker 5 (01:05:12):
Until she learns how to treat people better. I'm refusing
to be in her wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:05:15):
Her response is to say, who do you think you
are with this crap, and followed by you're easily replaced.
My gosh, man, I think.

Speaker 5 (01:05:24):
I'm someone that's not going to your wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
No, my thing I am?

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
After that, No, like a friendship's done?

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
Oh yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
Was that even really a friendship? Or was Carrie just
using people that she thought she could get stuff out?

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
Yeah, I have I really doubt that it was a
real friendship.

Speaker 5 (01:05:39):
So that was at eleven am.

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
It is now five forty seven pm, and she's already
texting me begging for forgiveness and.

Speaker 5 (01:05:46):
Saying that we can work things out and that she
never wants to not be friends.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
Yeah. Okay, my goodness a day, dude.

Speaker 3 (01:05:54):
No, just no, no, do you even respond or just
let that fit at that point?

Speaker 6 (01:06:01):
Dude?

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
Yeah, I think you just have to have to let
it go, just like, Yeah, I'm not gonna be friends
with you anyway. I'm not gonna keep trying to argue
with you because it's never going to end. H So
there are some comments common Number one says, and I'd
let Ellen know about Carrie's craziness and misgivings about her
maid of honor Ellen and the party. Not for revenge,

(01:06:22):
but so Ellen knows what she's dealing with and what
is expected for the party. Perhaps it may help to
either improve the party or Ellen may realize and she's
also better off not hanging around either. Then I'd stay
away from Carrie and the wedding and watch the fireworks
from afar up, He responds, I'm with you on it
being too late. It definitely is for me. As for Ellen,

(01:06:42):
she's been friends with Carrie much longer than I have.
I can only assume she knows Carrie is crazy already,
but I won't rule it out. Should Ellen contact me
to ask why I'm no longer in the wedding party?
Commentore number two says, I'm thinking the tube of toothpaste
isn't empty.

Speaker 5 (01:06:57):
Yet and we'll be making a huge mess by the
day of the wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:07:01):
If you decide to nope on out of this wedding,
of this circus, and you're friends with the bridesmaids, you
can invite them for an after wedding cocktails a week
or so after so you can all decompress. Hope he says,
I have a feeling you're right. I woke up this
morning with fifteen unread texts from her.

Speaker 5 (01:07:18):
The Lord better give me string.

Speaker 2 (01:07:20):
That is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
Good loves, I.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
Want to know we Oh my gosh, good grief.

Speaker 6 (01:07:30):
Dude.

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):
That is just so exhausting. They're old enough to get married,
yet they're dealing with high school crap. Man, high school crap. Yeah,

All Episodes

I UNINVITED my sister from my wedding… because she won’t talk to my fiancé! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

The Breakfast Club

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I UNINVITED my sister from my wedding… because she won’t talk to my fiancé! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories