I want to DIVORCE my husband and Marry my Best friend! | Reddit Stories | EP2250 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og okay storytime
podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but
before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show alive.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
I want to divorce my husband and marry my best friend.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Why.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
I am twenty eight right now and he is twenty nine.
I had an arranged marriage back in late twenty twenty two. Okay,
that's why I don't have a father. He passed away
when I was sixteen. I had met a couple of
potential matches for marriage, and this one seemed like a
good guy. He appeared mature and was financially stable. Plused
he was, he was in Italics, he was something Italian.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Maybe he was a Titan, he was a tight, he.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Was a don't know what that was trying to say.
By the way, this comes from deleted and if you
would have spent your own stories, go to the r
slash okay story sign sepreddit. So to be honest, I
don't want to brag, but I've always felt I was
above average and looks and received attention from boys. I
had two serious relationships in school and college, but I

(01:02):
feel like they were only interested in me because of
how I looked. There was a stolen kiss with my
second relationship, and I felt like that was enough. They
didn't understand me, and I was looking for a meaningful relationship. Besides,
if my mom found out, she would have been so hurt.
We got married and things looked great, like everyone says,

(01:23):
it was wonderful until the honeymoon phase ended. Then things
started to fall apart. Our first fight was about finances.
We both work in the software industry. He earns twice
what I do, but spends almost everything on new gadgets
and fancy things to maintain. Is what is this something?
Status ilchin Ehian Illesian.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
So it's something to do with tech. Yeah, there's like
a scale of like people who are early adopters of
technology versus like people who yeah, adopt it when it's
already in kind of bow. Can you look that up? Kean,
What the heck does that mean?

Speaker 2 (02:03):
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (02:04):
It's like it's like I doublespital i am okay, wait
wait we got it, Sonya and Yeves in the comment
says that that refers to a student or graduate of
the Indian Institutes of Technology.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Oh okay, nice, so thank you so much to college
for technology? All right, I don't get it. I had
faced hard financial conditions after my father passed away, so
it's my habit to always save money. But he wouldn't
listen to me. Once he replied, oh, so you won't
let me enjoy my life after working my entire childhood

(02:39):
for it. I was baffled. I dropped the topic and
never raised it again. After that. We thought about his
late night outings, his friends coming over to watch cricket
and leaving the entire house a mess without helping me clean,
him mocking me in front of his friends for not
being able to pass je being too close with his
female friends, sitting on the sofa with dirty shoes, not

(03:01):
being clean, and many other things. The only one that
I'll give him is sitting on the sofa with dirty shoes.
Why are you sitting on the sofa with dirty shoes?

Speaker 1 (03:11):
Are your shoes on the sofa?

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Are your shoes on the sofa?

Speaker 1 (03:14):
What are you? Dave Chappelle?

Speaker 2 (03:15):
What's going on there? All of this led to huge
fights within our first year. Our intimate life was gone
after just five to six months of marriage. I had
explained to him a few things I didn't like in bed,
but he wouldn't listen. He was like, I've seen this
in videos and I want to try, but I wasn't
ready for it.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
Booooo boo everyone boo this man ikey.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Due to our lack of intimacy, he ended up having
an affair with a colleague. Yikes. I was devastated when
I found out. I discovered after marriage that he had
slept with at least five to six women before me. Okay,
and I was his first wife, but not his first
in other ways?

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Is every time that marriage is said in the story,
I just want to put arranged in front of it. Yeah,
because I feel like that's why this is so bad. Yeah,
this is just basically a stranger who doesn't like you.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
Unfortunately, it seem like that is the case here.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
I had assumed he's had one long term, long distance
relationship and they were close. I hadn't inquired much and
had filled in the gaps myself, but I hadn't expected
him to have been with so many women. I felt
cheated in this marriage. I wanted to save our marriage.
Every friend told me I shouldn't forgive him, that I
should file for divorce and ask for alimony. Instead, we

(04:33):
went to couple's therapy.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Oof.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
I mean, based on the title, it doesn't seem like
we're heading in the best place. And I feel like,
you know, these are the flags we should look out
for when someone cheats on you and really doesn't seem
like they like you all that much. I don't know
if that's a marriage that's worth fighting for.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
I just don't understand the cultural implications of it being
an arranged marriage, and like if I mean, all your
friends are telling you.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
To yeah, that's the thing. It's like not even like
your friends and family are saying, well, you can't get divorced.
Everyone's saying get divorced.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Hey, yeah, yey.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
After two to three months, I felt like my husband
didn't want to improve and didn't want to waste more
time and money. By this time, I hadn't involved our parents.
I didn't want to hurt my mom, but I had
to tell her. She cried over the phone. I knew
it was going to happen. My mom informed his parents,
and everyone came to our apartment. His parents scolded him

(05:30):
really badly and also scolded me for not informing them earlier.
My father in law was about to hit my husband,
but somehow my mother in law and my mom managed
to stop him. Things went back to normal. I felt
like he had improved and we started our life again happily.
We traveled and felt like friends for a couple of months,
but then things started falling apart again. We had more

(05:53):
quarrels and I lost interest in our intimate life and
he cheated again a couple of months ago. Enough was enough?
Please please leave him?

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Huh yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
I moved back to my mom's home in Ahmed Dabbed,
Ahmed Dabadabad two months ago before marriage. When I started
my job as a fresher, there were five new joiners,
including a cute boy let's call him mister m.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
Now let's call him Mark.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Call Mark. He never talked much, was always focused on
his work, kind of unfriendly, never joined us for restaurants
or anything social. A very punctual guy. After six months
or so, he was placed on my project. We sat
together and had basic conversations. He was really good at
his work and had a great reputation among seniors. I

(06:42):
was struggling to meet even basic deadlines. We became really
good friends over time, and he helped me a lot
in my initial phase. When I faced problems, he would
help me in the evenings by staying late with me
or calling from home. He never flirted, never tried to
take advantage of the situation or touch me inappropriately, never
sent any social media request to me. At some point

(07:04):
I had to ask him for a social media I
felt different around mister m He became a very close
friend to me. I understood the way he was, and
he understood me very well. Over the years, I could
tell him anything about myself, and I knew he would
understand without judging me. He came to my home multiple times,
and my mom liked him so much. Once after he left,

(07:27):
Mom even told me if he belonged to our cast,
I would marry you off to him. That boy likes
you so much. Oof.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's rough. Cast system bad bad, I'll say it. Yeah,
system bad.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
That's just like that's just yeah, there's no that's.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Thing.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Yeah. Cast systems are never good.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Ooh, that's so tough. Okay, leave, leave your terrible husband
and go be with Mark.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
Please.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
One day, when we were leaving a restaurant, he confessed
his interest and his desire to get into a relationship
with me. I couldn't do it, so I explain my
family situation to him. Although he was already aware of
most of the details, he was really sad to hear
my rejection. That was the first time I gave him
a hug, the first time I ever hugged a man

(08:21):
apart from my father.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
Oh, and your husband. This is a real big cultural difference.
I am completely unfamiliar with this kind of situation.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
The thing is, regardless of the cultural element of this,
which is important, your whole fan like your whole friend group,
is saying you should leave him, And it seems like you're, like,
she hasn't brought up Oh, like I can't leave him
because of societal pressure. Like, she hasn't really brought that up.
So I'm assuming that's not the main issue here. It

(08:56):
seems like she feels like she has to stick it out.
In general, I don't know where she wants to try
and make it work, and I don't have anything to
make work here.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
You guys, she hadn't ever hugged your husband.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
That's what it says. This is the first time I
ever hugged a man apart from my father. You've never
hugged your husband.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
I don't know if that's I don't know, I don't know.
That seems like a very very strong programming.

Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah, and also your mom is weird for that because
you have you're currently married, and your mom's like, oh,
I totally marry you get to this other guy if
he wasn't part of the cast, is like, you're currently married,
So it seems like she doesn't even want you to
be married to your husband.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Normalize breaking traditions that are nothing but a negative force.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Oh, Kim Roberts says, I think this was before she
was married. She met him before her marriage, so which
makes a little bit more sense why her mom would
have said that. Over time, we hugged a lot, held
hands and kissed once in a while, though I made
it clear that there was no future to this relationship. Okay,
so it seems like potentially they had met she said
I can't be with you because you're not part of

(10:02):
my cast, and so that was why the rejection happened.

Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, so that we just had the time.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
So the cultural context does make a lot of sense
here then, Yeah, and also makes sense she probably has
hugged her.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Husband, right, That's what I was. I was like, Okay,
so this was more like when I met mar Es.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yes it was.

Speaker 1 (10:19):
He was the first guy to ever hugged.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Yes, we're getting the background. After about a year, he
left to build his own business and I changed companies.
We stayed connected over social media and calls. My mom
started looking at marriage prospects for me, and that's how
I ended up with my current husband. Before Merrit, I
had dinner with mister m and updated him about my
life and my decision. He was showing that he was happy,

(10:44):
but his facial expression said otherwise. I mean, why would
he be happy. He's clearly into you. He's told you
he's into you, you're into him. Why would he be
happy about you marrying someone else? After that, he cut
me off from Instagram. There was only one call after
my marriage. I felt he wanted to have distance, and

(11:05):
I gave him space. I wanted to call him so
many times but didn't. After having fights with my husband
and coming back to the city, I wanted to meet
him again. I felt like I was an idiot for
not giving him a chance. We had been together for
at least four years, and he was the closest person
I've ever had besides my mom. I've called him and
we planned dinner. I don't know why I felt like

(11:27):
I overdressed or put on makeup to impress him. I
reached the restaurant and waited for him. I hadn't seen
him in years. Someone came to my table. It was him,
but he had changed. Earlier he looked like a boy,
but now he looked like a groan, mature man and
more handsome.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
Whoa, oh, he just discovered what aging is.

Speaker 2 (11:51):
We caught up on life, talked a lot, laughed a lot.
I didn't tell him about my marriage situation. I asked
him about his dating life, and he said he was
on and off dating, but most busy due to businesses.
Date his in love with you. M in love with you, dude.
This is like the summer I turned pretty, except they're
not siblings, I mean.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
And we don't know. We also don't know how pretty
they are.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
Oh he said she was pretty?

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Well, he literally said, I don't want to my own horn,
but I'm pretty attractive.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
I want to my own horn. But I did hug
that guy, and.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Then she said, mister, m pretty attractive too. She actually
do know how attractive they are according to themselves.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
According to them, So yeah, we investigated ourselves and found
us to be wildly attractive.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
But there is a little bit left to the story.
Do you have any final thoughts.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
It's hard because it's like this is a cultural thing
that's probably been programmed into.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
Op for a whole life.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
But it's like theoretical tradition all right of nowhere. Ever
in particular, say somebody wants to be a piano player,
but there's a tradition when you turn eighteen, we smash
your hands with hammers. Everyone does it. What you're not
going to do that, that's going to really put a
strain on the family. Dude, I'm gonna do me. I

(13:03):
want to play the piano. I'm not gonna smash my
hand with the hammers just because everyone has done it.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, tradition is great as long as you're into it, right,
not positive about it.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah, there's nothing positive about a cast system at all.
I none, nope, zero.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
But there is a little bit left of the story. Ohpee,
go after what you want, but first leave your husband.
Don't be a cheater as well. When we were leaving
in the elevator, he opened his arms for a hug
and I rushed in. It was the most satisfying hug
I'd ever had. But when we were releasing the hug,
I was so close to him, and like old times,
I kissed him. He stepped back, said something, I said something.

(13:47):
We kissed again. I went to his home and for
the first time we made love.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
Girl, I don't even care. She got cheated on so
many times, you've done all. This is your all. This
is nonsense. It's not even her husband.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
It is her husband.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
I don't see it.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
It is her husband.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
It literally is a piece. Yes, they don't. They feel
nothing for each other. On her seven times your husband.
This is the first guy she ever hugged. Yeah, this
is this is caste system. BS.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
You gotta leave your husband. You want to leave your husband.
Everybody wants you to leave your husband.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
The only reason they're not leaving each other is because
of the cultural and societal pressure, which is an outside source.
This functionally, they wouldn't have been married.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
When I woke up for the next day, I felt
like I had taken revenge on my husband, but in
the process had used my best friend. I couldn't keep
it to myself. When he woke up, I told him
everything about my marriage and being on the verge of divorce.
He was surprised to learn this, but in the end
he told me that if I was ready, we could
get married. He would be more than happy to marry

(14:49):
me rather than date another girl and build a life
with her. I've taken time to think about everything. I
know nothing about the divorce process. I want no alimony
from my current husband. What I've always looked for was
a meaningful relationship, that's all. Another big challenge is convincing
my mom to let me marry a boy from a
different cast. She's modern but still believes in cast differences.

(15:12):
I'm ready to fight for my life. I have a
good understanding with my mother, but I've never dared to
go against her. She puts strict rules on me when
I was growing up, and I understand why, But please
tell me how to go through everything. I mean, I
think at the end of the day, it seems like
you are pretty independent from your mother. Unfortunately, like it

(15:32):
would suck to lose the relationship, of course, but you
are getting nothing from being in this relationship with your
current husband. He sucks. You guys don't like each other,
uh and you love mister em And it seems like
she likes him. She's just got all of these, like

(15:52):
you know, ingrained biases against casts. But she still seems
like she'sn't like, you know, she supports who you guys
are together as a couple.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
So I'm not kidding when I say this, disappear and
start a new life with Mark, with mister m could
how could your parents support you being or your mom
because I think you're that passed away. How could your
mom support you being in a relationship with abusive kidd.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
I don't even know if she is, Like, we haven't
heard anything about the mom supporting this relationship, just that
she doesn't want her to marry Mark because of the cast.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
I just think it's implicit. I think, run away and
start a new life with this guy. If that's if
you're whatever, it's going to be better than what you're
doing now, get out new life. I kind of think run.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
If you're already doing the running away thing, then I
think you just tell your mom and say this is
what I'm doing. And if she reacts badly, then it
really is awful because clearly there's you know, familial elements
to the story that are very important. But like, you
were not happy and this relationship and you deserve happiness.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
Yeah, and it's tricky leave your husband.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
And that is the end of that story. We've got
another one, though, and we're gonna jump right into that.

Speaker 1 (17:12):
My husband called me lazy, so I taught them a lesson.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
You're gonna see how lazy I can be.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
Okay, I get the title sounds horrible, but hear me out.
I have a twelve year old son and a thirteen
month old. Before the pandemic, I worked part time, went
to school part time, and took care of the house
and kids when not doing the other two. Since the pandemic,
I became a stay at home mom, still going to school,
taking care of the house and kids, but now with
school back in session and my son doing e learning,

(17:41):
I also help a lot with that. By the way,
this comes from user no Zucchini forty six to fourteen,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I have a
pretty strict schedule that I keep for myself to allow
me to get household chores and the schooling for my
son and myself done each day. One day last week
I had a migraine. Nothing I did helped ease it.

(18:03):
At some point after three pm, after my son was
out of school and baby was down for a nap,
I laid on the couch to try and help the migraine.
Oh no, I see you as someone who gets migraines,
and like other weird things that happens if me, people
will think it's not real. Sometimes that's what her husband's
gonna do.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
I just think, yeah, I think he's gonna come and
be like, you're being lazy, and I'm gonna bop bop.
I wanna bop that.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
That's the lesson. That's the lesson. My husband came home
while I was sleeping and was already in a crap
mood and yelled at me that I didn't do anything
all day except sleep, eat, and get fat bob bob boo.
I tried to explain to him I hadn't been feeling
well and napped because of that. He said that was
an excuse, and how would I like it if I
went to work all day and he was home with

(18:50):
the children and I came in and he was asleep
on the couch.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
I'm sorry. Sorry. She works part time and goes to
school part time and takes care of the kids.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Can you give you all three of those things?

Speaker 2 (19:01):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (19:01):
Stupid, And then Opie says, I would have said, I
assume you were tired or not feeling well.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Like a kind partner.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
I got an empathetic partner. Doc husband took a few
days off work. I made arrangements with a friend to
do temp work with her. I went to work for
a few days, leaving him my daily schedule as a guide.
The first day he called me twenty times because he
couldn't handle my son's schoolwork, couldn't handle taking care of
the baby, couldn't even go to the bathroom without one
of them needing something. The second day he called me

(19:30):
ten times with the same complaints. Both days he was
asleep on the couch because he was exhausted from trying
to keep up with the kids in housework. I went
to work. Third day, he showed up with the boy
the kids and dropped them off without saying anything to
me or my friend. Luckily, my friend didn't mind. When
I got home the third evening, he was asleep on
the couch. I let him sleep. I mowed the grass,

(19:52):
pulled weeds, clean up the house, made dinner, which I
tried to wake them up for but he refused to
wake up, got the kid's bathe and ready for bed
before he Oh, so.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
Exactly what did he do?

Speaker 1 (20:03):
What is he doing around here sleeping?

Speaker 2 (20:05):
So he's like, yo, we could switch and I'll show you.
You won't like it. You're literally taking care of the
kids even when you don't feel well. He called you
fifty thousand times when he was supposed to be taking
care of the kids and you were working.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Not cool. Husband barely did the minimum of caring for
the house and kids while I worked. He said, I
did it to make him look like a piece of
crap parent, and I said, no, I did it to
teach you a lesson.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
You do that all on your own.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
Just because you don't see me actively doing something when
you come home doesn't mean I haven't done anything all day.
This all started because you refuse to let me tell
you I had a migraine and was just barely able
to function that day. Luckily, oldest knows what he needs
to do for schoolwork, just sometimes needs a little bit
of help with it. Baby is up at seven, but

(20:55):
goes down for nap at twelve. He sleeps three to
four hours. Am I the ale for trying to get
my husband to see what I do on a daily basis?
Are you an ale for having your husband take care
of your children?

Speaker 2 (21:06):
That's the thing. That's the crazy part. Shame, that is
the craziest part. O Pete literally just had her partner
be a dad for one day, and he was like,
this is soo hard, Like that's your freaking job. I'm sorry.
Is op an a hole for making you figure out
how to take care of your kids? Is she an

(21:27):
a hole because you don't know what your kids need?
That's so embarrassing for you.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
I hate that we live in a world where people
just don't know in their hearts that this is not
an ahle move.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
You should know or have access to the knowledge of,
like you know what your kids are learning, what doctors
they have, you know, Like it shouldn't be I need
to check in with my part Like you gotta know
that information just to faure know how to take care
of them on your own.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
It's it's not even that like I can almost be like,
all right, well that's something you can work on, right,
It's like, sure, it's a skill you can get better at,
and like, but it was the way that he went.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Well, what's the attitude.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
You did this to make me look like a bad parents.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
I desire to learn how to do it. He just
wants to blame her.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
We have some comments here. I'll take one guess on
what they voted. Yeah, not the A hole suck amentor
Wan says husband barely did the minimum of caring for
the house and kids while I worked. Comment one is
quoting back OPI saying my husband said I did this
to make him look like a crappy parent. No, I

(22:37):
didn't do it to make you look like a crap parent.
This is like a hypothetical response from this commenter. No, no, no,
I didn't do it to make you look like a
crap parent. I did it to show you you were
being a crappy person to me. But apparently I'm not
done if you still haven't learned the lesson nice got
him comment to not the A hole. Your husband needs
to learn to appreciate what you do. He's being manipulative

(22:58):
to get out of taking responsible as a parent and
is putting you down unnecessarily when you already have a
huge load when it comes to your kids to have
the audacity to show up to your work because he
doesn't want to deal with the kids anymore. Is a
bundle of red flags on its own. Comedra three says,
not the a hole. He has no right to call
you fat. Also, you didn't do it to make him

(23:19):
look like a crap parent. He is a crap parent
because he couldn't do it. Get rid of him, Be happy.
You seem to be more than capable of doing everything
yourself anyway. Enjoy the alimony and child support payments. His
crap face will have to pay. Commenter four, Not the
a hole. You didn't do it to make him look
like a crap parent. He's chosen to be this way

(23:40):
and a husband, and you forced him to at least
slightly understand that. The question is what do you do now?
Because spending the rest of your life with someone who
treats you this way is not the answer. There is
an update one month later.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah I don't. I think that they could absolutely figure
this out, But he just has to be willing to listen,
because right now he's blaming everything on you, and for
at first he's blaming you needing a break after taking
care of your kids all day and doing everything that
you're doing. And now he's blaming you for him taking
care of your kids all day, and you just have

(24:12):
to have a conversation and see if you can get
back on the same page about how to parent, cause
you are on totally different.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
Books, completely agree. You're living in fundamentally different realities right now.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
I mean, if he feels like he's inadequate as a parent,
then that's his problem. He's got to figure out how
to not be inadequate.

Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, it's like being like, oh, oh, I'm not strong
enough to lift this thing. I guess I'll never be
strong enough to do this. I guess that's it. You
go to the gym, you work on it, you incrementally
build improvement. About a month ago, I made a post
asking if I was the a hole for teaching my
husband a lesson about being a parent. In the days

(24:55):
that followed that post, I read the comments and messages
from everyone here. Seriously, they thank you, guys. You gave
me a ton to think about. I told my husband
that I wanted to separate, not a divorce, as I
wanted to try therapy Before making that decision. I told
him I didn't feel like he appreciated what I do
every single day. I also said that he needed to
get into therapy if he wanted to have a chance

(25:16):
to save our marriage. We could go together or separately,
but I already had an appointment set for myself. Kids
and I are staying with a friend who I do
pay some rent to, as well as cleaning up and
helping her in her little shop when she needs it.
I have the kids the majority of the time while
he's at work. The kids are with me three nights
a week. The kids will go with him, usually Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

(25:37):
depending on his work schedule. We have been to two
virtual therapy sessions with a marriage counselor. He is also
seeing a counselor on his own, as am I. In
the week since the post, I've seen a difference in
how my husband speaks and acts towards me. Whether it
stays is another matter. He wasn't always the angry, ungrateful
man that was portrayed in my previous post. There was

(25:58):
a time when he actually showed he appreciated the things
I did and would never say hurtful things to me.
I'm not sure when it all began to change and
when I began to believe it was okay the things
he said and how he acted. We both have a
long road to get back to normal. I do hope
I can do this with him, but it'll be okay
if I can't. I do love my husband and I

(26:19):
want to go home to him boom. But we are
almost done here. Oh boy, I mean I like what
we've done.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
I agree. I think not divorcing, but separation to try
and see if they can fix it is the best,
you know, solution. Yeah, getting therapy, seeing because at the
end of the day, the goal here is to effectively parent,
because even if they get divorced, you know, even if
they leave each other, he still has to a parent

(26:48):
those kids even more so you know, like now he
definitely isn't going to have her watching them twenty four
to seven, so now he would absolutely have to figure
out I how to care for them. Yeah, So either way,
that's kind of where he's going, and hopefully he can
do that with you.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Indeed, indeed, a few mutual friends that know the full
story of what's going on with husband and I texted
me to tell me they have noticed a change in
his behavior as well. One pointed out, he's not drinking
like he used to, but he's not wanting to go
home either. According to his friend, my husband complains that
it's too quiet at home and he doesn't feel like home.
Top comments to close it off. Comment one says, Oh, Pee,

(27:26):
I remember your post, and you are a better person
than I would have been. While you are the wronged party,
you are still acting as the bigger person as you
continue to work and take the book of the childcare duties,
and you didn't displace him with all your efforts. I'm
glad to hear that he realizes that even when he's
feeling the effects of the best possible scenario of a divorce,

(27:47):
he realizes he still isn't happy. It does sound like
you had the raw end of the deal for a
long time, and I'm sure the change in routines that
the VID caused didn't make life easier for either of you.
So I'm glad to hear that therapy is working and
really hoping he won't take you for granted anymore. No
matter what you decide to do. Ope, you're my idol.

(28:09):
Good luck and keep us posted. Comment two says, you're
rebuilding the boundaries this man wants completely trampled on. Good
for you and also good for him for attempting to
change his behavior. I hope that he does come around. However,
if he doesn't, please keep protecting your boundaries as the
mother of his children. You do not deserve to be disrespected,
especially with all that you do. I wish you, guys

(28:30):
the best comment to three says good for you. Honestly,
this will show him to not take you and your
supermom skills for granted anymore. I hope that this sticks
and you can go back to a happy marriage, and
that you spoke to the attorney just in case anything wins. Yeah,
and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
Good luck, o Pee. I wish the best for you
and your family. I want him to figure out how
to be a father. Anna. Everyone out there who's you know,
think about marrying someone, Think about having kids with someone,
think about it. Maybe have them babysit a couple kids.
See how they do. Do they know how to be
around children? Did they know how to keep a child alive?

(29:09):
Ask those questions, get their answers, and then we can
decide if we want to marry them and have kids
with them.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Agree you know, I'll always do your due diligence before
you sign up for a lifetime contract.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
But that is the end of that story, and we've
got another one for you.

Speaker 1 (29:25):
Here it is Sam. Here we're gonna get back to
the stories. But here's three of its bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
My husband let our daughter shave her head.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
Okay cool.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
We have a certain tradition in my family. During the summer,
all children in age ten have their hair dyed currently
with a special dye that wears off after a few days.
We dress and colorful clothes, decorate my grandparents' house and
celebrate for three days in three nights. There's cake, presents,
various contests, and so on. It is a family tradition,

(29:57):
not a matter of culture or country, and it comes
from the time when one of my great great grandmothers
lost many children before they turned ten. By the way,
this comes from deleted and if you would have spent
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, story time,
separate it. So my daughter turns ten this year. She
is one of three children in this age. The celebration
was scheduled for August. First, everything was going well, she

(30:20):
was very happy, and then I went on a business trip.
When I came back, my daughter had a shaved head. Honestly,
I was shocked because during this time I did not
receive any information or even a photo. I asked my
husband what happened. He said that he and our daughter
were watching some cartoon together and one of the characters

(30:41):
had a shaved head. So our daughter decided she wanted
to shave hers too, and he agreed. That caused a
lot of drama.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Because you guys are kind of silly.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
We had a bit of an argument, and honestly, at
the time, I was more concerned that he'd allowed her
to shave her head on such a small impulse. But
the next day my mother came in and a conversation
about tradition began. You know how to dye hair that
doesn't exist, Well, you're still dye a buzz cut.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
This is why this is so silly. This isn't about
dyeing the hair. This is what did What did she
shave her head with a double zero razor?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (31:15):
Disover it with like a skull shaver, luthored it? Yeah?
Is she straight up bald cap Luther? Right now?

Speaker 2 (31:21):
The only thing why that I will say, I don't
think that he should make a huge difference or a
huge deal about her daughter shaving her head now, because
it's already happened. I think you just got to be
supportive and be like it works great.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yeah, if you don't support get ready for way more
stuff that you're not gonna like.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
However, I do think that the dat like if it
was because it's the way that it's being written, it
seems a little bit like she was like, I want
to shave my hat and he was like all right,
which I do think you should have been like, let's
take a day. Let's see if you want to shave
her head tomorrow, Like you know, are you sure you're

(32:02):
not gonna have hair? I'm all for it if you
want to shaved head, but you just kind of give
because she's ten.

Speaker 3 (32:08):
I could see him asking, like a couple of times,
be like yeah, this is what you really want, honey,
and she's like, yes.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Yeah, if he did that, I'll all for it. But
you know, like she's ten, So I feel like there
are kind of impulses that maybe we.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
We say, let's think this through a little.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Bit, and if you've thought it through and you still
want to do it, all for it.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
I don't know, man, ten's old enough to know you
want to shave your head because you watched like a
thing and you're like, I really I really love that
character and I want to shave my head.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
I'm not saying that she shouldn't do it. I'm just saying, like,
if he was just like immediately, let's do it. I
think that there is kind of an element of when
you're talking to a ten.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Year old I did it.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
I think it's a little bit different.

Speaker 3 (32:47):
I did eleven. I was like, I want to shave
my head.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
I think it is my voice.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
Yeah, And they're like, all right, you're not gonna like it.
And I was like, hmm okay, mom and dad, yeah,
I'm not gonna like it. I proceeded to be like, okay,
this is is cool for the first day, like all right, I.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
Love a shaved head.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Again. I'm not anti the shaved head at all. I'm
just saying like, neither.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
I'm not saying it's just more that I feel like, Ope,
the mom in this situation is writing this in a
voice and tone that is sort of just like dismissing
any level of importance that it could have had. Sure
by being like, oh, by just she watched some cartoon.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
When I was some of those shows were the most
important things in my life.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
And also not that like she is, but you know,
hair is like she could be figuring out herself and
hair is a big part of that, you know.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Yeah, and hair grows back. I don't know if you
guys know this.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
This is so my mom though. She would be so
upset if I shaved my head at ten. She'd be like,
what have you done? You look terrible? I would not
mean to go, dude, I cut my hair. Sure I have,
there's a picture of it in my idea, which I
not gonna show you.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
I would love to set. Can we send your mom
a fake picture of you with the buzz cut?

Speaker 2 (33:59):
She would cry, She would get so mad. She'd be like,
what have you done? But I think that right now, Opie,
your daughter has already shaved her head. There's nothing that
you can do about that. Now.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
We just say, you look awesome, you look so cool.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
Let's dye the buzz cut.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Yeah, gas up your daughter? Yeah, you fool?

Speaker 2 (34:18):
But I do think that Opie's husband or is it
the ex husman?

Speaker 1 (34:23):
Well, it's you just need to gas You got to
gas up the daughter. You can't shame your child now
that they've shaved their head.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
It's too late. But I do think that he should
have told her, which is what people are saying, like
he should have been like, hey, she wants to shave
her head.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
I feel like he knew she would say no, and
then the daughter would be sad. I feel like this
is another case of the first story, where it's like,
why don't we just let people do what they want? Huh,
it's not hurting anybody.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
My mother suggested a wig or just painting my daughter's head,
but my daughter burst into tears because she realized she
would be the only ten year old whose hair wouldn't
be dyed. She also refused to go to the celebration
now because it won't be the same, And now she's mad,
and my husband is furious with me, thinking the whole
tradition is stupid and that it's the tradition's fault that

(35:09):
our daughter is upset. I, on the other hand, think
he was irresponsible and he should have thought about what
he was doing before he started shaving her head. Yes,
my husband knows about the tradition. He's been there twice
at it. Yes, my daughter is completely bald now, okay,
but he shaved down to the skin.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
That's crazy, that's insane. But Amy Lynn is saying, I
get what Fia is saying, because the daughter needs to
be taught how to think through her decisions. This is literally,
that's exactly what this is. Though she shaves her head
and then if she doesn't like it, she goes, oh wait,
I did this too fast. I've learned my own lesson now.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Yes, but I think there is there are ways to
do it that, like you don't have to go through
the like, oh my god, I just shaved my head
and I have to wait, you know, I think there are.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
Just billiu ved wigs.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
I think this is not at all on the same
level because it's not at all permanent because the hair
goes back. But it's like if a sixteen year old
comes to their parent is like I want to get
a tattoo, and the parent's like, uh no, you're gonna wait.
And if at eighteen you still want that tattoo of
a mustache on your finger, then you can get it
because I can't do anything. But I think it's about

(36:16):
teaching your children to not be so impulsive and to
like think about how that change is going to affect them,
how long it's gonna last, and if they still want
to do it after that, absolutely go for it.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
I just I guess I would just raise a bunch
of mongrels running around learning lessons.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yeah. As for what if one of the kids doesn't
want to dye their hair, the answer is that my
brother was that kid. So on the day of the
celebration he wore a rainbow wig and no one had
a problem with it. The thing is, as I've already
pointed out, my daughter doesn't want wigs or head paint.
She wants dyed hair.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
And does she want dyed hair because her mom freaked
out about it.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
It doesn't really sound like would be freaked out that much, though.
It sounds like sheways upset at the hustle.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Like I feel like if I freaked out, I wouldn't
put it in my post. Maybe is it just I
don't know, I don't know. Yeah, I don't have any
bandwidth for four any of this.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
Ed it too. I've noticed that many people in the
commons have a strange view of this tradition, so I
want to clarify something. No, we're not talking about passed
away children, nor is there a cemetery like atmosphere, although
it began with many deceasements. It is a celebration of
life and joy, something like a huge birthday. That's why

(37:33):
everyone dresses colorfully, That's why we paint ourselves and decorate
our houses, and that's why children get presents, comments Bomberg.
Mama says, not the ale. It's her hair to do
what she wants with. But she's ten too young to
remember stuff when she's excited or think much about consequences.
Your husband should already have remembered the party, which is
already scheduled and not that long away. And asked Oughter

(37:56):
if she was sure she wanted to do it, because
it would grow back in time to die for the party,
or at least as if she wanted to wait until
after the party, and then if she still wanted to
do it, she could, which is that's kind of my
thought process.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
I don't know, man, I just think you.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
I think that a job as a parent is to
inform your children of all of the gravitations everything that's
gonna happen, so.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
That they know, you know, it's like, are we just
assuming she didn't?

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Though?

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Are we assuming he didn't? Because this is literally how
you teach. People are saying, it's like, oh, this ten
year old, it's like, this is how you learn it, Like, yeah,
ten years old, eleven years old, that's like middle school,
Like eleven is middle school in America. I think that
if you cut your all your hair off and you
don't like it, you learn oh my god, I shouldn't
do that in the future.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
I think there are two different lessons going on here.
There was the first lesson, where he could have informed
her of all the things and if she still wanted
to do it, go ahead, but she knows all the information.
And the second lesson, which comes after you've shaved your
head and you realize you don't like it, and that's go, hey,
I understand you don't like it. I think it looks sick.
Arrah goes back and that's the second lesson.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
But I think that you can still choose.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
That first informed you know. I think you can still
I don't know, working on like giving everyone like your kids,
all the information.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
Yeah, but I'm seeing I really do think that this
kid is this upset because the mom is furious. She
was furious. I'm sure the kid picked up on that,
and now the kid is freaking out because they're like,
oh my god, I messed up. Now, mom's so mad.
I need to dye my hair, but I can't. Oh
my god, I'm freaking out. No, we need to do
it the way the mom wants. Like it's she's ten.

(39:36):
That's the thing that you need, Like, that's the thing
you should be more concerned about. Is like freaking out
your ten year old over something you can no longer control.
I agree if you could have just given her a wig,
but instead you probably freaked out.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Well, but I feel like you said I couldn't assume
about the dads, so you're assuming about the mom. So
we're making assumptions here. We don't know exactly how they
reacted or how the dad react.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
I'm just basing it off the kid. Think about that.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
Hazel Wisp says, yeah, this at ten. Kids don't always
think ahead. They just get caught up at the moment.
That's where the parent is supposed to step in and say, hey,
let's hold off until the party and if you still
want to shave it, we'll do it then. Not about
controlling her, it's about helping her avoid regrets later. Now
she's upset because she feels like she ruined something she
was excited about and that could have easily been avoided

(40:22):
judgment not the ale. And there is an update a
day later, and I think we just go into it.
I think we've discussed. Yeah, so a few things happened
since yesterday, and taking advantage of the fact that it's
currently eleven AM in my country and I'm home alone,
I'd like to share this with you. I guess I'll
start by saying that many of you were right, even

(40:42):
if you were wrong about the reasons. So three hours
after I published my first post, my husband's sister came
over to pick up my daughter. I decided to take
the opportunity and ask her for help, figuring she was
the perfect neutral person. My husband wasn't happy and strongly
opposed it, thinking it was unnecessary to still drag this out,

(41:03):
but I asked his sister to talk to my daughter
about what had happened. Anyway, she my husband's sister, currently
has a mohawk, so I asked her to simply start
with a hairstyles and then get to how it all started.
She agreed. They returned around eleven PM. We waited until
our daughter went to bed, then we sat down in
the kitchen and started talking. Well, my husband tried to

(41:26):
end this conversation many times, but I finally learned this.
The fact is that he and our daughter watched a
cartoon where a character shaves her hair. The fact is
that my daughter found it interesting. But that's where dady
started encouraging us to do it and saying it would
be great. Comes in my daughter told the sister how

(41:47):
he convinced her that it would be more fun this way,
and that this way should be able to play the
character in the game. When my husband's sister left, we
started arguing. I don't know if it's still obvious, but
even as I write this, I'm still pissed.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
Ah. So I was totally wrong, and it was the
husband trying to sabotage the tradition.

Speaker 2 (42:06):
That's so weird.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
Yeah, I didn't even why would you sabotage a tradition
given the context of that.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
I didn't even tradition that is an option me either.
I'm like, what is he purposely wanted to make his
daughter sad?

Speaker 1 (42:20):
This is now? I don't know what to think?

Speaker 2 (42:24):
What what?

Speaker 1 (42:25):
Okay? I mean, I definitely think I was wrong.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
I mean, I don't even know how you could have
been right about like I wouldn't. I didn't even see
how that was possible.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
At first, my husband defended himself, trying to say that
his sister was biased and that it was all lies
and the and that the idea was one hundred percent
our daughters. But in the end he told the truth. Yes,
he convinced her to cut her hair. No, it wasn't
just about a stupid tradition. It's worse.

Speaker 1 (42:52):
What Okay, So boy, okay.

Speaker 2 (42:55):
You see, before the date of the celebration was set
this year, August first, my husband wanted to go on
a week long vacation to Greece. They were supposed to
start August first. So yes, my brilliant husband shaved our
daughter's head to get back at me for taking away
his vacation.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
Is your husband twelve?

Speaker 2 (43:16):
I would divorce them over this?

Speaker 1 (43:18):
This is yeah, this is actually like insane behavior.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
Using your child to get back at your wife for
saying that you can't go on vacation.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Okay, it's psychotic, Oklahoma, drill for this guy.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
That's actually psychotic. I would divorce.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Green Goblin through the hotel lobby. This guy that's insane,
that's and you just used your without a care in
the world for how hurt your daughter would be.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
Like, I mean, how do you even like growing up?
If she ever finds this out, she's gonna be like, Yeah,
my dad convinced me to shave my head because he
was upset he couldn't go on vacation, go to Greece
and stay there, stay there forever. I don't want you
to ever come back here.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Have fun. I hear Santorini's nice, you piece of crap.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
He thought that this way we would avoid reuniting with
my family, or at least I would feel what he felt.
You're a terrible person, folks. There's a little bit left
to this story. I mean, like truly divorce door.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
It's like this divorce shave his head, fundamental thing that
permanently changes the way I look at you forever. Yeah,
there's no degree of talking or counseling that will make
me forgive you for like traumatizing our daughter. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
And also again, she might have been convinced, she might
have wanted to do this in like some small part
of her She's ten, and you know, if this wasn't
her idea completely and she wasn't advocating like I want
to do this, I like, let me do it. Do
you like that's gonna affect her so much?

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (44:51):
Just right, Yeah, your hair does go back and that
should absolutely Like you shouldn't make her feel bad or
like anything's wrong, Like you have to be.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Like I love your hair, it's so great, You're.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
So cool, like that is you know the way to go.
But but I just can't. Why would you do this
to a kid? Why would you do this to a kid?

Speaker 1 (45:10):
Have him listened to Soundgarden on repeat forever until he
meets James Gandolfini.

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Yes, I too don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I ended up sleeping on the couch, him taking the
bedroom and going to work in the morning. Now our
daughter is currently with my parents while I consider my
next move. I don't want arguing again, but I'm certainly
not going to leave it like that and edits. Our
daughter is currently staying with my parents. That said, when

(45:37):
I took her to them, we talked. The good news
is that we joked a bit about the fact that
at least now we don't have to comb her hair.
The atmosphere was better than in recent days. Together. We
found some positives in the whole situation, and using your advice.
I also decided to assure her that she still looks
wonderful and that nothing happened that was her fault or
I'm not mad at her. Good that's good parenting. Yeah. Unfortunately,

(46:01):
the bad news is that she's still sad. She said
she still wanted to have her hair dyed, and that
she's already starting to miss the plat Oh and there
are some comments. VID producer says, your husband used your
daughter to get back at you. Girl, run for both
of you. Moody B says, seriously, that level of pettiness

(46:21):
at your own daughter's expense is a huge red flag.
Poor kid doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle.
Sophia Dreamy Doo says, I'd be in jail. You mess
with my kid just to spite me. That's not petty,
that's straight up cruel. I don't care if it's just hair.
That's an effing child, not an emotional puncheon bag. Lisa

(46:42):
Nosbas says, can you ever trust your husband alone with
your daughter again? He used her to punish you. Think
about that now. She's upset because she's too young to
understand the results of shaving her head. Your husband is disgusting, Hope,
he says, I'm definitely thinking about it. I'm gonna pack
up some of our daughter's things and take them to
my parents' house. I won't let her be around him

(47:04):
until this whole thing calms down. Goddess from Cyprus says,
what on earth he was getting back at you as
he behaved this way before? Will he do it again?
Is my worry? How far would he go? I'm not
sure what you can do about your daughter's hair. Is
there a singer or actress she likes that wears wigs
to change her hair? If so, maybe show her to

(47:25):
encourage her to try. Hope, he says, you see, the
strangest thing is that I can't recall a single situation
where he was this extreme. Did we ever argue or
disagree on something? Sure, but he never used our daughter
against me or became like that. It usually went normal,
a small argument followed by an apology and a normal conversation. Literally,

(47:48):
just a few days ago, I would have called him
a good father and husband. Beagle Mama says, More like
he's been playing the long game, waiting for his chance
to get revenge. On you for all the years of
those celebrations. I think his mask has slipped. Using your
child as a pawn in an adult argument is reprehensible,
Ope says it would be even more crazy considering that

(48:09):
we've only been to two celebrations together so far. They
don't happen every year. A yeah, yai, And folks, that's
the end of that story. A tutorial for how to
what ruin your entire family, entire family immediately, so quickly.

Speaker 1 (48:25):
How to ruin your family dynamic one oh one.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
I mean, I would just not trust him around my
child ever again, because you left him alone for like
a weekend, and then you come back, your child's had
a shaved and you're like, whoa, what happened? And he
lies to you and says, oh, that's what she wanted.
She wanted it, and then you find out that he
was the one who was pushing her to do it.

(48:47):
I mean, like, how do you get over that? I
don't think I ever would. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
Yeah, But folks, that.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
Was the end of that story. And we have and
we got one more for this episode.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
John here og host, We're gonna get back to these stories,
but a quick three minute break from hops from our sponsors.
I want to take back my gift because my girlfriend
took the credit.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
You can't have it anymore.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
My girlfriend, forty one female, and I forty four male,
have been together on and off for the past twelve years.
She has a son from a previous marriage that was
four when we met. Fast forward to now and he
has just turned sixteen. He'll be getting his license soon.
She needs to get him a car. His dad is
not in the picture. By the way. This comes from
user No. Picture eighty seven fifty one, and if you

(49:31):
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime subret it. So. I still have the
car that I had when we met, but also I
had bought a new truck a couple of years ago.
The car isn't anything really special. It's a twenty eleven
with one hundred and seventy five thousand miles on it.
But the engine still seems strong and I've taken good
care of it. It's a Toyota Tacoma. I suggested that

(49:52):
we get it fixed up and give him that for
his first vehicle. That way, if he bangs it up,
it's not a big loss. I made arrangements with a
mechanic friend to do the labor on the car in
exchange for me doing electrical work at his house. There
was a lot of work needed on the car, so
I'll be providing about thirty hours of my own labor
that cover my side of the deal. We agrieve that
I would provide the car and cover the labor through bartering,

(50:14):
and she would pay for any parts needed to get
the car roadworthy for a new driver. I've been working
with my friend to get things going and have been
fronting all of the parts costs, which have totaled about
two grand. I also had the car detailed and have
the windshield schedule to be replaced through my insurance. We
had her son's birthday party the other day and she

(50:35):
was hitting kind of odd. She's constantly taking pictures and
wants all of us in them, but on this day
she was only posing with her son in front of
the car. I was not asked to join. She also
made him walk out of the house to see the
car second time and told him to act more surprised.
He's known he's getting this car for months, so I
knew this was all just for clout on social media.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
That's weird. Stop using your child for clout. Yeah, that's strange.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
Enjoy the things.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Yeah, and also I really wanted to take a take
another looksie at. He said they've been on and off
for fourteen years. I wonder what all those off periods
have been caused by. I don't know, you know, could
be like they've been together secret agent their thirties, you know.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
A secret a superspy's an he's an animorph.

Speaker 2 (51:28):
I honestly don't quite understand on and off relationships, but
we'll get into that later.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
She's been obsessed with growing her following lately, and her
main concern in any situation is that it be documented
for content. I find it pretty annoying, but have been
trying to keep that to myself lately because it's something
she enjoys, although I have voiced concern over her obsession
in the past. After the party, I took the car
home because he doesn't have his license yet and I
have a few last minute tweaks to make to it.

(51:56):
Her birthday is a week after this. For her birthday,
she made a post about all of her accomplishments over
the past year. It was a collage of video and
pictures with captions. I watched the video and near the
end I see a pick of her and him in
front of the car, and the caption reads, bought my
son his first car, which is a lie. Oh no, yeah,

(52:19):
which is dope?

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Oh no, don't you very stupid? Because he was gonna
see that obviously, and then when were you? And also
he knows presumably your child knows that that's his car,
you're If he's known for a month, he probably has
talked opey about it.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
If you wanted more clout from this, make it about
how your friend helped you and your son get him
his car, because more people will like that story anyway, Like,
you don't even know how to cloud chase.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
No, it's bad. No one's gonna no one's gonna listen
to you.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Yeah. And if I heard that after I gave somebody
a car out of the goodness of my heart, I'd
be like, Hey, so you either have to be like
I lied, or I'm taking the car back. Yeah, Like
I like, you need to publicly shame yourself or I'm
taking it.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
And then and then you got to what are you
gonna do with all of your clout? You got no car?

Speaker 1 (53:09):
Yeah, for all of your other videos. Hopefully you get
some clout when you're exposed as a dastardly liar. A
liar to this day, she has contributed nothing to getting
him into this car. It's my car. I made all
arrangements to get it fixed up, and I fronted all
the money for parts, which she has yet to pay
me for. She has done literally nothing, literally nothing. To

(53:32):
be clear, I don't care about getting credit on social media,
but I feel like it was a slap in the
face to exclude me when I've been the sole person
to make this happen. I feel like this is another
thing in a long list of situations where she has
disregarded my efforts and contributions, and I'm considering ending the
relationship over it.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
Are you gonna stay ended, though, because it seems like
you've done this a couple times now. How many times
have you been off and how many times have you
been on?

Speaker 1 (53:58):
It could be one hundred, be a dozen, been twelve years,
it's been eighty four years. However, I am also considering
telling her that if she wants all the credit for
getting your son this car, then she can pay me
full market value for it, so I can recoup the
parts in labor I have into it as well as
my initial investment. Would I be the a hole if

(54:19):
I took back the car and get him a cheaper
gift unless she pays for the whole thing. Edit to
answer some questions, this is my first time posing on Reddit,
but I'm a baby, and to be honest, I didn't
expect such huge sponts. My goal isn't to withhold this car,
more of a question of do I charge her the
full amounts since she wants all the credit. Some people
have suggested that I actually want the credit on social media.
I wouldn't have cared if there was no post about it,

(54:40):
or if she had even said we got him a car.
What I'm bothered by is her excluding me completely when
she felt like she needed to post about it.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
That's the thing like anyone who says, oh, ohp you
just want credit on social media, It's like no Opie
clearly didn't care about the social media like being posted
about on social media. It's the fact that she went
public and said I did it alone. It's like when
you go into a giant room and you said, yeah,
I should say I'm taking credit for this thing. That
I had no pardon, Like, yeah, okay, we didn't need

(55:09):
to tell a whole group of people, but now you
have told acroll group of people and you lied about it.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
Yeah, like literally, the only way they're keeping this car
is if they fully shame themselves. Yeah, they do. The
shame to her the game ring, iting, ding, reading ding, shame.
She has not refused to pay for the parts. She
just hasn't yet. What's the difference. Her son is in
no danger of not having a car. She makes good money,

(55:34):
and if he doesn't get this car, she would likely
finance him a nicer one. We have separate homes and finances.
While we've been off and on, it's been mostly on
together for three years, broke up for a little over
a year, and then got back together, been back together
for about eight years with only a couple of hiccups.
Since I intended to hold up my end of the bargain,
say as long as she does. The difference now is

(55:58):
she will need to reimburse me for arts prior to
me turning over the vehicle. If she won't do that,
I'll have to assess that at the time. Her son
and I have had some rough times over the years,
as well, but our relationship has been better in the
past couple of years than ever before. I included him
in my hobbies like golf and snowboarding and make sure
he has the equipment to participate. I also cover all

(56:20):
costs related to them. I enjoy including him in these
things and think he does as well. They are activities
he likely wouldn't be exposed to otherwise. I love them both,
and that's why I suggested this arrangement in the first place.
I wanted to help her financially, but was also excited
to play a part in this milestone for him. I'm
still considering our relationship, but I'm just very disappointed and

(56:42):
hurt by her actions. Come at number one says, was
she ever planning on actually paying you back for the parts?
Or was she just planning to pay you later aka
never paid me? Yeah, My guess is she never would
have contributed assent. She is taking advantage of you. You op.
If she did actually reimburse you for all the parts

(57:04):
you've purchased, I'd consider still giving her son the car,
but only if he's demonstrated he is thankful in not
acting entitled to it. But the love of God, though
break up with her and find someone with integrity who
wants to be with you for you and not the
money you give, not the ale. Comment two says OP
should invoice the girlfriend for the car, and if she
pays up, then she is indeed buying her son a

(57:26):
car for his birthday. If not, well, then I guess
OP can sell the car and make some money. Comment
three ess definitely confront her about the lie. Lying is
never okay, then ask her to delete it. She is
way too old to be acting like one of those
phony twenty somethings self appointed influencers. If she gives you
any pushback on either point, dump her and take the

(57:48):
car with you. Reply says, this is exactly what I
came here to say. Talk to her first, in a
non confrontational way. Use I statements. Quote when you first
posted that you bought your son his first car, I
felt blankety blank. Then, depending on the outcome of the convo,
make your decision about the car and the relationship. You

(58:11):
really have to speak up. She cannot read your mind
and may not realize her faux paw. And by the way,
you sound like a really kind and considerate person.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
I agree.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
Comment Ford, does the son know you were giving him
the car. He has he thanked you for the car.
If the answer is no to any of those questions,
then keep the car and sell it. Ope, he says, yeah,
I feel the same. If the kid knows what's up,
then don't bother. He did it for the kid. If
the kid is appreciative, then it's all good. Take the
car back, and the relationship with them is over. Based

(58:42):
on his feelings, it might already be over. So I
guess it becomes a question of whether he wants to
ruin his image in the eyes of the kid or not.
Girlfriend clearly values internet cloud over him and with low
following that means lower than zero, So no image to
save them.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
Oh, oh, like she valued she values you lower than
zero because she has such a low following. Oh you're
like less than her tiny following.

Speaker 1 (59:08):
And there is an update, Sophia.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
I mean, I think you have a conversation with her
because you've been together with her for so long and
you were literally about to give her kid a car. Like,
clearly this is an important relationship. But I think you
talk to her and you say, hey, I really didn't
appreciate that you said this online and made it seem
like I played no role here, like if it would hurt.
It felt like you were kind of taking advantage of

(59:31):
what I was doing. And then, depending on what she says,
we break up and we don't give this kid a car.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
It's like just on business, I'm standing on it. You can't.
I'm not letting you get away with this.

Speaker 2 (59:44):
Fortney Electro says they were twelve years on an off relationship.
If you don't lock it in after that long, I
don't know what to say. I mean, like, I don't
even think I think that. I don't know if you're
saying marriage or anything. I don't think they have to
get married to be locked in. But it doesn't seem
like they were locked in in general. So yeah, it
doesn't seem like this is, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
My eyes relationship for you never got married to your
life partner. Yeah they were locked in.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
Yeah, I think you can absolutely be locked in without
being married. These people were not. And she's selfish, So
there you go.

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
I was waiting to talk to her in person, but
we only see each other once a week, and plans
fell through this weekend because she got called into work.
I texted her asking why she would exclude me told
her it was a slap in the face to see
the post claiming she had bought the car. She apologized
for making me feel that way, but claims she didn't
realize I wanted this to be a shared gift because

(01:00:38):
I never asked for recognition.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Huh what what? I'm sorry? What she's like, Oh, I
didn't realize that you wanted to be thanked, so I
stole your gift. I thought that was fine.

Speaker 1 (01:00:52):
Yeah, I thought we had the rule, we didn't need
bibliography as for.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
Any of the I thought like when you were giving
all those checks to my parents for their birthdays, I
thought those were from me. I told them all that
that was from me, not from you, because you never
thought she wanted any things. That makes no sense. That's nonsense.
For King's set, that is n o n sense.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
She claimed she thought I was selling it to her
for the cost of repairs. She also stated that it
was a post celebrating me and my accomplishments since turning forty.
Said maybe it was selfish, but it was a proud
mom moment after scraping by sixteen years ago to now
be able to fully provide her son with a car.
You're not well I mean the under the assumption that
she really did believe that, you know, maybe there was

(01:01:39):
a miscommunication and she's like, oh, I can buy it
from you for the cost of repairs.

Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
Okay, but she but isn't I mean, she that's the plan.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
But it's like, yeah, I think op's realizing, Like Op,
he's trying to be like, do you realize that, like
I could have charged you, like way more money, yeah,
for this car, churaging.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
You for the repair.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
So really, I'm not even charging you for the repairs.
You're getting a car and then you have to repair it,
like you know, like that's you'd.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
Have to do that if I'm rocking with what I
think we're rocking with here. It's like an old, reliable
twenty eleven truck. Yeah, it's seventy five. I think that's
a Toyota and it's probably worth somewhere in the neighborhood
of ten to eleven k yeah, not two.

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
She did admit that she had done nothing to date,
but didn't realize I wanted her to because again, you didn't.

Speaker 2 (01:02:28):
Ask again, so she is not planning to pay for anything.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
I replied that I didn't realize I needed to ask
for appreciation when gifting a car worth a minimum of
fifteen hundred and then my goodness, fifteen hundred. That's not
that's not a tacoma, and then providing labor that was
a minimum of another fifteen hundred, and fronting the cost parts.
I said that covering parts was two thousand, but fully
providing the car was closer to forty five hundred. Her

(01:02:53):
response was, Oh, I guess we were just thinking of
it differently. She then offered to pay the forty five hundred,
or that I could just sell it elsewhere and get
more for it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Yeah, she isn't taking responsibility in any way.

Speaker 1 (01:03:05):
But like, I don't know, part of me really feels
like this was just a misunderstanding. Okay, okay, And there
is like that like the immediate like oh, well, yeah,
i'll buy it for forty five I'll buy it for that.
I'll buy it for however much it costs you to
fix it, because I thought that was our agreement.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Yes, it totally could be a miscommunication, but I do
think that even that type of miscommunication says something. It's
like someone gives you a gift and you're like, oh,
I don't have to thank them. I don't have to
say anything. They gave it to me, so I don't
know with them anything. It's like someone's done you a
very kind thing, and it's just kind of it's just

(01:03:46):
kind of obvious to me that you would thank them
and appreciate them and say like, hey, son, your you know,
or my boyfriend has just done something amazing for you.
Write him a thank you card. I don't know, take
him out to dinner.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
But did they tell them that in person? Like I'm like, really,
like I've flipped on this now because because of the
like the immediate willingness to be like, oh, well I
can pay the I can pay the more for it,
Like I truly just thought because it's like, yeah, if
it's a post about being like I'm so happy I'm
able to provide for my son. My friend is like

(01:04:22):
giving me this car now. But it's like, I'm she
sounds like she's fully paying on paying that money. Yeah,
she has enough money to pay it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
So suspicious, but I think it's a suspicious miscommunication personally.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Yeah, I told her it was never about the money
for me, But if she wanted it to be all
from her, then forty five hundred was fine. I also
told her she's not obligated to buy this car since
it's more than what she initially thought. She said she'd
call about getting a loan to pay for it. Not
sure why. I was surprised that she doubled down and
then gas lit me as if I should have to
ask for appreciation or acknowledgment of my efforts. So like

(01:04:57):
she didn't come up with you at all, like personally,
like it doesn't seem like but like when this happened,
was she not like, oh my god, you're gonna do
this for me, like thank you so much? Like I'm like,
I feel like most of this is just coming from
It's like, well that Instagram post is fake and I'm sorry,
get offline.

Speaker 2 (01:05:15):
I disagree. I disagree. But if it was if someone
for free, if it was literally for zero dollars, I agree.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
If it was for zero dollars, this is like what
are you doing? But she's going to but she wasn't
planning to.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
That's the thing she said, Oh, I didn't realize you
wanted me, Like she said, I didn't realize you wanted
to be to pay anything or that I had to
thank you. No, that's what she said.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
Yeah, I think, but it's in the context of the post.
She was planning to pay that two thousands she said.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
She just said, like just now. When he confronted her,
he said or. She said, oh, I didn't think I
had to pay you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:49):
No, it was I didn't think I had to pay these.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
She said both let me go back. Yeah, or I
might have misunderstood, but like I think regardless, she went
online and told everyone a lie, and then he saw that.
I would be her too. I'd be like, why are
you Why are you lying?

Speaker 1 (01:06:04):
I really do think, like, so, okay, it could be
I said that covering parts was two k, but fully
providing the car was forty five. Her response was, I
guess we're just thinking of it differently. I don't know
that yet. It just really feels like she was planning
to just pay forty five hundred at some point, or
to that two thousand, which is I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
I just think we should not care about what a
name post on social media are, especially if it was zero.
If it was zero dollars, I'd be like, yeah, that's dumb.

Speaker 2 (01:06:34):
I think I disagree with that, just because if someone
I don't know and I don't care about post something
about me. Sure, I don't care if a partner, a
close friend posts a lie on that has something to
do with me, I'd be like, hey, why are you
spreading this information?

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
Maybe she's just casting herself up. Man, I don't know.
She's still gonna.

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
Pay now, but let's finished off.

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
So now it's up to her whether she wants to
buy this car outright, get a different one, or just
honor the agreement I thought we had to begin with.
Whatever happens with the car is inconsequential to our relationship.
It's pretty clearly over at this point, and that's the
end of that's. Yeah, and there you have it. Yeah,
I really, I just.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
Don't think they're I just don't think they're like men
for each other if they're going on and off and
then she lies on social media, and that's the end
of the relationship. This clearly wasn't a good relationship. But folks,
that's the end of that story and the end of
this episode. So if you love us, make sure to
subscribe We Love You and see them a

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