I was ADOPTED by my best friend’s family…then they casted me out! - r/charlottedobreyoutube | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation. It's a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
We'll get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
I was adopted by my best friend's family and then
they kicked me out. Here's my story of the past
three years of drama, So buckle up. I twenty one female,
moved into my best friend's house when I was eighteen,
right before graduating high school. My relationship with my single
mom was strained and I felt emotionally abusive, leading to
all of my siblings moving out at eighteen. By the way,

(00:39):
this comes from user adept Square four thirty six on
the r slash Okay Storytime Stop read it. So my
best friend, let's call her Haley, same age as me,
had been best friends for seven years and her family
always seemed to support me. Her dad even welcomed me
to move in before I asked. Now, I moved in
with Haley, her dad, and her brother, Brad, sixteen male.
I finally felt want and felt like I could start

(01:01):
living my life. Haley's dad gave me my own room,
helped me get my license, pick a college, and even
let me borrow their car if I covered gas and insurance.
He remarried a woman from another country who moved in
with her son. I helped with their wedding and tried
to make them feel welcome. After only three months of
living there, both parents approached me and asked me if
I wanted them to.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Adopt me as an adult.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
I was very confused and hesitant, since I didn't want
to cut myself off from my biological family, but Haley
assured me it was like we had always dreamt about
and wanted me to be family. This felt kind of strange,
since they said it would finally make me part of
the family, while I had felt we already were. They
continued to ask me, and after asking for the third

(01:44):
or fourth time, I said yes. I was excited as
everyone seemed thrilled about the adoption. Haley's dad made promises
like treating me fairly and the same as his other children,
always being there for me, and covering doctor visits and
food costs because health is important. I was excluded from
most of the legal process, only signing documents and attending

(02:05):
court I felt it was really rushed, happening just four
months after they first asked. During my first year of college,
because of the adoption, I had to change my last
name and keep it a secret from my family, as
my mom worked at the courthouse, and they told me
they were worried she would interfere in it. Looking back,
I realize how crazy this whole situation is, and I

(02:25):
still feel awful about going through with it. During this time,
I met my boyfriend, who has been my rock through
this whole thing. Because after the adoption was finalized, things
went south quick. Right after high school, I went straight
to college and lived on campus, coming home only during breaks.
Since I didn't have a car and the campus was
nearly three hours away, I pay for college completely on

(02:46):
my own, making it hard to afford a car. During
the summer after my freshman year, I hit a ditch
and damaged a tire due to my inexperience. Hailey's parents
blamed it on my insomnia and declared me unfit to
drive until I fixed it. I would have to rate
my sleep every morning to them, which felt extremely degrading.
I hadn't slept well for years, often lying awake for

(03:07):
hours and waking up from nightmares caused by childhood trauma
which couldn't be treated with medication. They made me feel
like less of a person, asking me to fix something
out of my control and insisting I take sleep meds
to drive again. Meanwhile, Haley total de car and Brad
totaled two from careless driving, all in the same month.
Neither of them faced any consequences or restrictions. This wasn't

(03:29):
the end of the difference in treatment. If someone left
a dish in the sink, it was always my dish
by default. Haley would leave a pile of arts and
crafts all over the table for months, but if I
left a book or sweater in the living room, it
was thrown in my room the next day.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
I would have to buy.

Speaker 3 (03:44):
My own food, but they spent about one hundred and
eighty dollars on Brad's food every week to support him
small things like this. The sleeping medication they insisted I
take did not agree with me and caused me to
have some heart problems. I was hiking with Haley and
suddenly had burning chest pain and could barely breathe, extreme
dizziness and heart palpitations when I.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Got out of the woods.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
They told me to just lay in the car until
I felt better and to not ruin their camping trip.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Haley didn't care either.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
Later that week, someone scraped their leg and was taken
to the doctor. Next summer, we faced bigger problems. They
planned a family vacation to Florida and told me I
had to go because I'm part of the family, despite
needing to work to pay for my college.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
Brad was allowed to stay behind for work.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Hailey's father forgot his bipolar and diabetic medication, becoming extremely
irritable and yelling at Haley on the way home. Luckily,
Haley and I were able to take a separate car
the rest of the way back, where she ranted to
me about all the problems she had been having and
said she noticed they weren't treating me fairly either. She
got in a three hour screaming match with both parents

(04:48):
and Brad when she got home. I was not involved
in these arguments at all. I felt unsafe and had
a panic attack in my room, so Haley and I
stayed at a hotel that night. I stayed at a
friend's house for a few days to cool down and
let them know I it was safe.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Neither of them asked me where I was.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Upon returning, her parents accused me of causing the argument,
called me a liar and manipulator for not telling them
where I was, and he yelled at me for over
an hour, causing another panic attack. They just stared at
me like I was faking it and walked away. They
belittled me constantly, and I spent most of my time
in my room or at my boyfriend's house. They sent
passive aggressive messages, treated me poorly, and said I owed

(05:24):
them for the adoption. He would ignore me when I
said I love you and deny he heard it numerous times.
Hailey stepmother gave me the silent treatment for a month,
saying I deserved it for not telling them where I was.
I tried my hardest to fix the situation, but nothing
was good enough for them. I left for college as
soon as I could. While I was away, Haley told
me that they were using my room as a marital

(05:45):
bedroom at least once a week because I bought a
TV for my room and it was the only one
in the house. They thought it was a weird brag
to say they didn't have one but would watch shows
on their computers anyway. This also led them to eat
and leave trash all over my room when they had
family movie night on my bed. I worked throughout college

(06:05):
and saved enough to study abroad in New Zealand for
five months. I just returned four weeks ago this June.
Before leaving, my mom found out about the adoption, and
we started rebuilding our relationship without them knowing. They did
not contact me the entire time I was there, including
to see if I made it safely, which stressed me
out like crazy. I would try calling and they would

(06:26):
say they were busy and hang up. I tried reaching
out to Haley and she denied anything was unusual. I
tried asking what I did wrong and was met with silence.
I had no idea what I'd be coming back to.
When I returned four weeks ago in June, they had
packed every belonging I owned and put it in a
room downstairs.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
The boxes they used had mold.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
On them, and there was cat pee and throw up everywhere,
and mold growing from the damp carpet.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
What is this? What is this random bit that they have?

Speaker 3 (06:57):
They all continued giving me the silent treatment like a
child might do. I moved back in with my mom,
but I couldn't take everything with me. When I tried
to retrieve the rest of my things, they locked me out.
They deny having my birth certificate, social Security card, and
kept bonds given to me as a baby. And we're
gonna get the police involved. If you don't join us
live on YouTube every weekday at three PMPST, just tap

(07:21):
our profile. I later learned Haley had spread rumors about
me her parents, she never heard from me, and she
didn't even know who I was anymore. Some friends have
suggested giving Haley space and eventually reconnecting, but I've decided
I'll never associate with her or her family again after
their behavior good I believe everyone deserves better treatment. Thankfully,

(07:42):
I'm recovering with the support of my mom, boyfriend and
his parents, but of course I'm still torn up about it.
I have no details as to what the other families
thinking was, but a few people have taken some guesses.
The most common guess is that since I'm entering my
senior year at an expensive college, they won't be receiving
my tax return money or tax breaks from me being

(08:02):
a dependent, which outweighed the cost of me using a room.
I also think the people who know them stopped praising
them for being such kind and caring people and for
taking me in since enough time had passed since I
moved in. So am I the a hole in this
situation or maybe asked for too much of them?

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Or are they in the wrong here.

Speaker 4 (08:26):
I want to tell my brother he's adopted, but my
parents will go no contact If I.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Do, parents or brother, Which one do you pick? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (08:34):
Just make a pros and consos real quick.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:36):
I'm twenty six years old and I don't live with
my parents, but had a great relationship with him as
well with my little brother Moses. Moses doesn't have a
great relationship with their parents. He's never really had a
relationship with them. I don't fully understand why. From what
I can gather from my research, adopted children, even those

(08:56):
who were too young to remember, can still have mental
blocks and trauma which prevents them from forming full relationships
with their adoptive parents.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
It's interesting I was not aware of that.

Speaker 4 (09:08):
By the way, this comes from Classic Advice fifty one
to fifteen. Our Slashowkay Storytime suff read him. So Moses
is thirteen years old and we're so close. He spends
most of his weekends at my house. His school breaks
up for summer in a week. He's already told me
he will to spend the first fortnight with me at
my house, something our parents don't care about. When he's home.

(09:29):
It's like constant fighting between them. I'm sure some of
it is his teenage hormones, and possibly some of it
is what I spoke about before.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yeah, but you definitely got a lot of teenage hormones
at thirteen, definitely.

Speaker 4 (09:43):
I was almost fifteen when Moses came to live with us,
and I remember our parents explained to me why it
was important to keep the adoption a secret. Didn't want
him to feel different, didn't want him to feel bullied,
et cetera. At the same time, it seems sensible, so
I agreed to that, capt to a secret. I feel
really regretful that I did. Moses talks to me about

(10:04):
feeling different from the rest of the family, and I
would reply with things like, no, it's normal to feel
that way when you're young, et cetera, which looking back,
I can recognize as almost gaslining him, something I truly
feel guilty about. I never questioned it, not until about
two years ago when I started to unpack it in
my mind. But if I am completely honest, I feel guilty,

(10:26):
and so I repressed it, but it kept coming back up.
I did some research into adoption and the trauma it
can give children, Like I said, those who can't even
remember being adopted. I have no expertise in psychology. I
don't claim to be an expert, but this is just
what I have gathered from my own research. On one hand,
telling him could make his relationship with our parents even

(10:48):
worse than it is. On the other, I feel like
it can be hidden from him forever, not successfully. I
don't want to fool myself into thinking it could make
their relationship better, but I don't see how it could.
It would give him the satisfaction in knowing he isn't
crazy or for feeling different. The more I thought about it,
the more I start to resent my parents for forcing

(11:09):
me in this role of lying to Moses. I started
to avoid contact with him to the point they noticed
I spoke about how I felt, and they told me
I can't tell Moses and it will make everything worse
for him.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah, I mean for real, Like you, you've put yourself
in an unwinnable position now, like, no matter what you do,
it's like it might not work out for the best.

Speaker 4 (11:30):
Like, yeah, but the true I always feel like the
hard thing to do is always the right thing.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
Well, I mean from the very beginning they should have Yeah,
I mean, as soon as he was old enough to
understand it, they should have been like, okay.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah, you're you're adopted.

Speaker 4 (11:44):
Yeah. As soon as he.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Started putting out like the I feel different, Like.

Speaker 4 (11:48):
Yeah, come on, they said, if I tell him, they
will go no contact with me and make it incredibly
difficult for me to have contact with Moses.

Speaker 2 (11:56):
Boo boo these people.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
Is telling him the right thing to do? Or am
I just being selfish? I feel like I'm lying all
the time now and we have a freaking update. We're
telling him.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
We tell him immediately, yep, we tell him right away
like people. People deserve to live in reality. Yep, especially
if they are people you care about. And I understand
the parents have the right to tell him, Moses. And
if they came to and said, hey, we want to
wait until he's eighteen to actually tell him, give me
a game plan.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, but this is his brother.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
This is his brother, So does he not have equal
you know, sort of I mean maybe not equal, but.

Speaker 4 (12:35):
I mean they picked him out, op, didn't.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
We didn't they you you weren't at the dog pound
with us when we picked him out. Oh, you don't
get to say no, it's just not right.

Speaker 3 (12:45):
It's as soon as he himself started saying I feel
different from everybody, that's when it should be like, all right,
cause you are. Yeah, it's like you don't want him
to feel like he's like, we don't want him to
feel different. It's like, news flash, he already does so well,
now you need to make him feel correct.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:02):
Before telling him, I got in contact with my friend
who is a social worker. I asked him, what if
my brother decided to live with me against my parents' wishes,
what would social services do? He told me, because Moses
was at an awkward age of thirteen, it would be
a toss up on whether they would listen to my
brother and allow him to stay, or whether they would

(13:23):
force him to move back with our parents. I was
advised at parental responsibilities, so if they really pushed, he
wouldn't be moved back. But if the social worker felt
he was in any way unsafe, For example, Moses, saying
he would run away if brought back home. They would
be likely to leave him living with me temporarily, So

(13:44):
it was a toss up. But Moses could do some swindling.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
Yeah, I think you just discussed with Moses.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
You're like, this is how we swindle CPS to let
you live with me, and.

Speaker 4 (13:53):
You have to sign this NDA contract not to explain
that to the mom or dad. For twelve million dollars,
I to get my parents a final chance tell him
the truth or I will. They told me that in
no uncertain terms, will they ever tell him he's adopted,
and if I do, they will go no contact with me.
I said, I would rather they tell him, but I

(14:14):
don't want to be the one to tell him. But
I believe he has the right to know. They outright refused.
Moses normally walks home from school, so instead yesterday I
went to pick him up. I told him we needed
to talk. I said that mom and dad weren't going
to like what I tell him this, but I believe
he had a right to know. I explained to him
the whole thing.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
Wow, I mean, he he does have a right to know.
Like you can you can make like a call on
whether or not it would be beneficial for him to
know it right. But once he gets to like thirteen,
and he's like, I feel different, Like you need to
tell him.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Yeah, how he was adopted when he was around one
and a half. How I didn't know that much about
his background or where he was before he lived. Thus,
I told him I was fifteen at the time, and
how mom and dad told me it would be best
for you not to know, and how I stupidly believed him.
I said, if he was angry at me, I understood.
I said I would take him home if he wanted.

(15:12):
He was curly in shock, but he asked to come
to my house. He didn't speak at all on the
drive home. When we got to my place, he just
went into his room and was quiet. I was worried,
was it sure if I had done the right thing.
He came out maybe an hour later and just asked
me so many questions. I tried my best to answer them,
but I told him I didn't know a lot. I
said I would support him in asking mom and dad.

(15:35):
He said he didn't want to talk to him. He
sent a text to them saying he was staying on
my house for the weekend, something he normally does. Wasn't unusual.
We put on a film and things were a little tense,
but honestly, I expected more from him. He was so quiet.
He went to bed early, and I was worried. I
checked up on him every ninety minutes. I bet opeik
an't even sleep.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
No, I op kane. I would be completely I'd be like,
did I just accidentally ruin my brother's life?

Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah. This morning he was a bit more back to
his normal self. He said he was thankful that I
told him. I asked him what he wanted to do.
I would support him in whatever he chose. If he
wanted to confront Mom and Dad, I would support him.
But if he wanted to stay here, he could as
long as he wanted to. He said he just wanted
to process everything. I asked if he had spoken to
Mom or Dad, and he said beyond saying he was here.

Speaker 5 (16:23):
No.

Speaker 4 (16:23):
We played Fortnite together all day and he hasn't brought
it up again. But he's acting like a weight has
been lifted off of his shoulders. I thought this would
be sad news to him, but it seems like he's relieved.
He's in better sleep now. I'm worried about our parents
are going to react, But equally, I am glad Moses
now knows the truth. I'm glad that things seem to

(16:43):
be working out. Okay, I hope they continue. We have
a second update.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
Oh, second update. I bet you it's not a good one.

Speaker 4 (16:51):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
I feel like it'll be good for Moses, but maybe
not for the parents because they're gonna get upset.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
Yeah, and I understand he's not really had a good
relationship with the parents, but well, let's like this does
change Moses and he's able to have a good relationship
with him. He's like, hey, guys, I am mad. He
didn't tell me that. I didn't know, but I mean,
I know he is thirteen. But let's say like he
takes it really well. The parents are like, oh, we
were scared over nothing.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
Well, yeah, I feel like that's exactly what it's gonna be.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Like He's he's probably gonna be I don't think it's
exactly gonna be like parents are gonna be mad at ope, yep,
and really worried about Moses, and then Moses is gonna
be like, I mean, I don't even think Moses gonna
be mad he's just gonna be like, I get where
you were coming from, but like, honestly, I I'm so
glad that I know the truth.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
And then once he says that, I feel like maybe
they'll relent their their rage directed at Ope.

Speaker 4 (17:40):
They won't go no contact if Moses seems to be okay.

Speaker 3 (17:43):
Exactly, once they realize like, Okay, this is actually probably
a great benefit, Like they might just be like thanks
for telling him.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
We were never gonna do that.

Speaker 4 (17:51):
Yeah, we didn't know how he was gonna take it.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (17:53):
I wanted to give an update on these situations since
it was my last post. First Off, thank you to everyone.
After I told Moses true, I was really worried about
how we would process everything and what it would mean
for our relationship and his relationship with our parents moving forward.
Moses stayed with me the whole weekend and I tried
to maintain a sense of normality. I could tell he
was processing everything, but thankfully he seemed to be relieved

(18:16):
to know the truth. Yesterday night we had a conversation.
He told me about how he always felt different and
out of place and never really understood why. He said,
knowing his adopted gave him a sense of clarity. He
said he was unsure how he feels about our parents.
I'm trying to support him without pushing him in one direction.
Moses asked me to tell our parents I had told
him yesterday. Honestly, I didn't want them to know yet,

(18:37):
but I'm following what he wants.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Well.

Speaker 4 (18:40):
They pardiculably did not take the news well, the normal
of them being furious and accusing me of betraying them
and purposely ruining their relationship because I was just jealous.
I wanted to say they were doing fine at ruining
their relationship without me, but I bit my tongue and
I told them it was the right thing to do,
but they in it. Listen. They kept saying that keeping

(19:02):
the adoption a secret was the best way to protect Moses,
and that revealing the truth would only harm him in
distabling the family. I told them that Moses already had
a sense that was something was off and continuing the
lie would not do anything but deep in his sense
of alienation. And you will never be amilated. Every weekday
at three PPSD when you tap our profile and join

(19:24):
us on YouTube live.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
That's correct.

Speaker 4 (19:26):
During the argument, something one of the commoners said, started
to nag at me. I asked them directly if I
was also adopted, and it was like they froze.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
No way.

Speaker 4 (19:37):
They didn't say anything for a good thirty seconds, and
when they did, they just dismissed what I said. But
I could feel something was different. I'm considering taking a
DNA test to put my mind at ease, but I
don't know if that's the right thing to do right
now when it should be focusing on Moses.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
No, dude, that's definitely the right thing to do. Get
you and Moses a DNA test right now.

Speaker 4 (19:59):
Like immediately today, Moses tried to go home after school.
Our parents locked the doors and would let him in.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
What is wrong with these people, dude?

Speaker 4 (20:09):
They ignored him knocking on the doors and have also
ignored his text messages to him. He came back to
my place clearly upset and confused. Moses is such a
good kid that I think he was willing just to
move on, but now they've locked him out and he
feels incredibly hurt and rejected. But I can't understand why
they would do that to him. I can't understand them
doing it to me, but not him. These people have

(20:31):
gone off the rock or the story.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
The story.

Speaker 4 (20:34):
I'm checking to see if there's there's gotta be more
what we got. You gotta see these d This is beautiful,
that's at story.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
It's insanity.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
Crap, Dude.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
I refused to let my adopted son choose the movie.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
My wife is furious.

Speaker 4 (20:53):
Like Big Brother or Cinderella.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah, who knows.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
We're gonna have to figure out exactly what movie it was.
I forty five male, have four sons, three biological seventeen,
fifteen and twelve Mail, and one adopted thirteen Mail. We
adopted Jake when he was three years old. He came
from a really difficult background, and we've always tried to
give him as much love and support as possible. But
if I'm being honest, it hasn't been easy. By the way,

(21:19):
this comes from user Dazzling Pumpkin ninety four hundred on
the r slash Okay storytime separated it. So, Jake has
always been more of a challenge compared to my other boys.
He's extremely sensitive and gets upset over the smallest things
due to the trauma he experienced early on. Jake is
mentally and emotionally more like an eight or nine year old,

(21:40):
even though he's thirteen. This isn't because of any special needs.
It's just the result of what he's been through. When
he was younger, he struggled a lot in school, to
the point where he was eventually expelled from his primary
school for behavioral issues. It was a really tough time
for our family. We ended up enrolling him in a social,
emotional and mental health school, which costs around seventy thousand

(22:01):
pounds per year.

Speaker 4 (22:02):
Eighty seven thousand dollars.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
While the school has helped him somewhat, Jake still causes
a lot of problems. The school often calls us because
Jake's had a meltdown or couldn't handle something, and it's
clear he needs a lot more attention than our other kids.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
At home.

Speaker 3 (22:16):
Jake's neediness can be overwhelming. He's constantly seeking reassurance and
gets upset if things don't go exactly his way. My
wife has always been very patient with him, maybe too
patient in my opinion. She tends to cater to his
needs a lot more than the other boys, and I
can see it starting to wear on them. I can
tell they're starting to feel like Jake gets special treatment.

(22:39):
It's kind of like a reverse of the typical right
where it's like the adopted child is getting special treatment
and the biological children are like, hey, how come you
love the adopted kids so much? Yea, when I feel
like it's usually the opposite, this is interesting. I mean, hey,
he'll probably grow out of it, right, He just needs time.
He just needs time and care.

Speaker 4 (22:59):
Also, wonder why he is acting like this.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Oh, trauma, trauma. It's it always goes back to trauma, folks.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
Earlier today, during our usual Saturday family movie night, this
issue came to a head. We always vote on the
movie to keep things fair. The older boys and I
wanted to watch the first Avengers movie. When we voted,
Jake was the only one who wanted to watch Spider
Verse instead. Jake loves Spider Verse and we've watched it
several times before. Seeing how upset Jake was getting, my

(23:27):
wife suggested that we just watch Spider Verse to avoid
a meltdown.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
No, but you can't do that.

Speaker 4 (23:33):
Can't keep doing that.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Nah, you can't do that.

Speaker 4 (23:35):
It's dangerous.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Then they just have meltdown anytime they want what they want.

Speaker 4 (23:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
She felt it wasn't worth the fight and wanted to
keep the peace.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
Especially considering how sensitive Jake is.

Speaker 3 (23:46):
But I felt like it wasn't fair to the other
boys who had won the vote fairly. I said, no,
we're sticking to the movie that won the vote. Jake predictably,
got really upset, stormed off to his room, and refused
to come back downstairs. After the movie, my wife and
I had a huge argument. She said I was being
too harsh and that I don't understand how difficult things
are for Jake because of his past. She thinks I

(24:07):
should have just let him have his way to avoid
the conflict. But I'm tired of walking on eggshells and
constantly giving in to Jake at the expense of the
other boys.

Speaker 4 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, can't be at the expense of the other kids. No,
absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (24:21):
And he's and this is feels like it's a learned behavior.

Speaker 3 (24:24):
Jake at this point has learned that if he throws
a tantrum, he'll get what he wants. He gets what
he wants, and if he just doesn't relent, he will
always win.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
Yeah, that's what it sounds like he's learned.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
I don't think it's right to let Jake dictate everything
just because he's more sensitive. Am I the a hole
for not letting my adopted son choose the movie on
family movie night, even though it upset him and led
to a huge argument with my wife.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Let's decide, Uh.

Speaker 4 (24:51):
No, you're not here.

Speaker 2 (24:53):
I say no.

Speaker 4 (24:54):
I understand that Jake is probably going through a lot
more than your other boys, and maybe I would. You know,
I'm a about seeking a professional to understand that. But
if you like let this behavior continue, they're not going
to be functioning adults because his parents, like my parents
always taught me, my mom maybe do laundry at ten.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
You you got to find the right opportunity to like
have these life lessons.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
This is like a perfect one.

Speaker 4 (25:19):
Yeah, because she's like, you're not gonna live here all
the time. I can't be doing new laundry all the time, right,
So I had a lesson to that learn how to
do laundry, because you're gonna need to know that lesson.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
You don't always get to pick the movie because he
didn't win the vote.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
Also, give Avengers a chance. There's a great movie.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yeah it's not bad.

Speaker 3 (25:34):
But let's get into this update. Not bad, Well, I mean,
yeah it's not bad. Hi all, This is an update
post I made about four months ago. For full context,
you might want to check out the original post. After
reading through your comments and taking some time to reflect,
I came to realize I've been too harsh on Jake,
not just regarding the movie night incident, but in general.
Jake has had a difficult journey since he joined our family,

(25:55):
but that's not his fault. When we chose to adopt him,
we committed to supporting him through every challenge. He didn't
choose his trauma, and he certainly didn't choose to end
up in a family where he might feel different from
his siblings. That responsibility lies with us. We've made a
few changes, starting with family movie night. Instead of voting,
which often left Jake feeling excluded, we've switched to a
rotation where each person takes a turn picking the movie.

(26:17):
This simple change has removed a lot of the tension
and has made movie night feel more inclusive for everyone.

Speaker 2 (26:22):
Honestly, that's such a good idea. I can't believe about that.
I love that.

Speaker 4 (26:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
Just remove the vote, Yeah, just let there's no vote.

Speaker 4 (26:28):
You're choosing dictatorship.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Yeah, I honestly can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.
Thank you to everyone who suggested it. In hindsight, I
realized my original post felt more like a venting session,
and I regret the way that I spoke about Jake.
I needed to get those feelings out, But now I
understand it wasn't fair to talk about him in that way,
even anonymously.

Speaker 2 (26:46):
Did we really whiff on that? Dang? Do we miss
do not catch us? We missed that entirely. Dany?

Speaker 4 (26:53):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (26:53):
Do we hate adopted children?

Speaker 4 (26:54):
I guess we're both to get rept of shreds right now.

Speaker 2 (26:57):
We hate adopted people?

Speaker 4 (26:58):
I guess.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
I guess. I guess that's it.

Speaker 4 (27:01):
Dang, just because of a movie?

Speaker 2 (27:03):
Man, Wow, he was just venting.

Speaker 4 (27:06):
He was just vincing. We see where he's coming from.
We weren't saying anyone was bad.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Yeah, you know what, you know what.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
I stand by everything I said. I didn't say Jake
was bad. I didn't say that Dad was bad. I
was just like, stand up.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
I think the only thing we were saying is like,
you can't just let a kid have anything they want
when they throw a tantrum, because.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
They can.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
I stand by everything I say, you know what, I
don't care.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
But it's also trauma oriented.

Speaker 3 (27:31):
Yeah, but still, even with that, I said, secret for us,
he can't. Since then, I've started journaling to work through
my emotions privately and with a clearer head. I'm really
grateful for the wake up call your comments provided. One
point raised repeatedly in the comments was the glass child concept,
the idea that our other boys might feel overlooked because
of Jake's needs. That really hit home for me. To

(27:53):
address this, we started a new Sunday tradition. Each Sunday,
I take one of our boys out for a full day,
just the two of us, doing something that he chooses.
It's been great for all of us and has given
me precious one on one time with each of my sons.
My relationship with them feels stronger, and it's something I
look forward to every week. Jake and I also had
a long heart to heart after my original post, opened

(28:15):
up about feeling like his opinions and wants don't matter
and that he sometimes believes I.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
Love my other boys more.

Speaker 4 (28:21):
Oh No.

Speaker 3 (28:22):
Hearing that broke my heart, and I took responsibility for
my role in making him feel this way. His early
trauma definitely impacts his sense of security, but I can't
ignore that my own behavior contributed to it as well.
I'm committed to showing him that he's just as valued
and loved as his brothers. And by the way, I
would value and love you if you joined us every

(28:44):
weekday at three PMPST when we go live on YouTube,
all you gotta do is tap our profile and then
maybe tap it again. You might have to tap it twice,
maybe tap it and then tap it again.

Speaker 4 (28:55):
This story is so wholesome.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
I love it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (28:59):
I like that everyone sharing their feelings, and I feel
like when more people share where they're coming from, we
get clarity of where everybody's at.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
I feel like it's this started as like maybe a
little VENTI just being like.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Oh, my my thirteen year old daughter is so hard.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
To deal with, And now he's like when I have
a game plan and my life is uh, my relationship
with all of my children are stronger than it's been.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
Yeah. Yeah, So I just kinda have vince sash and
get ideas from other people. This is what this is
how beautiful it can turn out to be.

Speaker 3 (29:27):
Sometimes sometimes Internet is just a beautiful little place.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
Yeah, and lots of times it's not.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
Yeah, but so so let's make sure it is by
finishing this story off. Finally, some people asked about therapy.
Jake's been on the waiting list for a more specialized
therapist for a while now, well before I made the
original post.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
In the meantime, he.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
Does receive some therapy through his school and general therapy
through child and Adolescent Mental Health services, which helps, but
we know he'll benefit much more once he has a
consistent access to a trauma informed therapist. We're hopeful this
will come through soon. Thanks again to everyone who shared
insights and advice. These changes have made a huge difference
in our family's dynamics, and I feel closer to all

(30:08):
my sons. I'm working every day to be a better
parent to Jake and a more balanced dad for all
of our kids.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (30:15):
That was nice.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (30:18):
Love it when somebody is willing to put in the
work and they're not afraid of therapy.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
They see it as a positive and he's putting in
the work.

Speaker 4 (30:25):
Putting it in guys, nice, beautiful, congrats And that's the
end of that story.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
Hey's John Og host.

Speaker 6 (30:31):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick free.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Minute break of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 6 (30:36):
I tried to reconnect with my mom for years. She
never reciprocated, so I'm cutting her off.

Speaker 5 (30:41):
Cut her off.

Speaker 6 (30:43):
Hi, everybody, I've listened to stories for quite some time,
but this is my first post. I've debated with myself
for years about keeping my mom and my life or
if I'm making the right decision to keep my distance
and essentially go no contact. I thirty one female, have
had an extremely complicated relationship with my mom as far
as I can remember. To put it into a bit
of perspective, my parents had divorced when I was about seven,

(31:05):
and it was extremely toxic and continued to be toxic
into my teenage years. By the way, this comes from
Silent Love three sixteen on the Okay Storytime Separated. So
I've always grown up as a daddy's girl, bonded with
him the most, enjoyed talking with him the most, wasn't
afraid to tell my thoughts or worries, and most importantly,
it was extremely rare for us to get into spats

(31:27):
or disagreements until I was college age. That's pretty impressive
any who. My relationship with my mom, on the other hand,
we were always arguing. She was very controlling and made
me feel very isolated. An example of this is when
we used to live in an apartment building. I would
go outside in the yard to play with a few
kids my age who also lived there. It was always

(31:48):
required of me to carry a walkie talkie and I
had to reply within a moment's notice and always stay
within view of the kitchen window of our apartment. If
I went out of you at all, even when I
was an older child and more responsible and sensible, I
would get in massive trouble and ground it. Another instance
is I had gotten into a horrible fight with her
at one point when I was around eight to nine

(32:09):
about what. I don't remember anymore, but it started with
my door not being taken off so I couldn't go
to my room and lock myself in for space. Then
it escalated to completely removing my door. When that still
didn't work, she took away all of the lights in
my room when she knew I was very afraid of
the dark at that point in my life. Your mom
sounds horrible. I was so scared to sleep and cried

(32:31):
for a light, but she refused to give one back.

Speaker 5 (32:33):
What is going on here?

Speaker 6 (32:34):
Literally a nightmare? Even into my teenage years, I wasn't
allowed on the computer unless she typed in the passpord
refused to share it with me and was watching me
from behind. I also was not allowed to have a
key to the apartment. Ever, if I missed the bus
to school, which rarely happened, I had no way of
getting back in and had to wait outside the door.
The worst instance is one thing that the courts mandated

(32:55):
after divorce was that I go to therapy. The therapist
deemed that I apparently had anger issues and depression, and
even though I was told anything I talked to them
about was in confidence, it wasn't.

Speaker 5 (33:06):
I wonder where this stemmed from.

Speaker 6 (33:07):
But that's a whole other problem. Well, they deemed I
needed to go on antidepressants. My family doctor at the
time had warned my parents that the medication would have
a very negative effect on me and to not take it. Well,
of course, my mother forced me to take it. I
begged her to stop making me. I hated it and
it made me feel bad, but did she listen.

Speaker 5 (33:28):
No.

Speaker 6 (33:29):
Within about a month, it made me so incredibly sick
that I ended up in the emergency room. Your dad
needs to get full custody of you, because this is crazy.

Speaker 5 (33:37):
What is going on? She started off like Daddad's.

Speaker 6 (33:39):
Great my mom is a psychopath nightmare fuel No. Only
then did the hammer come down about axing those meds. Sorry,
that was a long one, but that's just a few
small examples of many to explain why we don't get along.

Speaker 5 (33:53):
Those were the small examples. Those were the small ones.

Speaker 6 (33:57):
We started at taking your door, and then you were
in the hospital.

Speaker 5 (34:00):
Take away the lights and give you trauma because you're
scared of the dark.

Speaker 6 (34:04):
When I graduated high school and was off to college,
my mama told me that she was moving since there
was no reason for her to stay there anymore. I
offered to help her pack, and she was moving to
the same state as her brother, who was helping her move.
I had asked where exactly she was going, what's her
new address? She refused to tell me. I was shocked.
I asked my uncle where she is moving to, and

(34:25):
he told me my mom had told him not to
tell me. I was completely blindsided and extremely hurt. She
ultimately left the state and I was left completely clueless
where she left for. I really started to distance myself
from her after that, and especially since I was grown
and wasn't forced to be with her via court custody.
We hardly talked much for a few years, but fast
forward to seven years later. We have the occasional text

(34:48):
to each other, but we never got into personal topics
or conversations. Basic questions, basic topics. In twenty twenty one,
my now husband and I were planning our white dress wedding.
We have already been legally married for two years, but
I've always dreamed of having a big wedding with friends
and family and a gorgeous dress like most girls dream of.
Please note, for our twenty nineteen legal wedding, both my

(35:11):
husband's parents and my dad and stepmom were all there
for us that day. My mom wasn't invited and didn't
even know about it. Yeah, it makes sense. She's basically
cut herself out of your life. She mistreated you your
whole childhood, and then she left and didn't tell you
where she was going. She doesn't deserve to be a
part of your life.

Speaker 5 (35:29):
It seemed like she didn't want to be a mom whatsoever.

Speaker 6 (35:31):
As the big wedding got closer, I was having a
strong feeling of missing my mom. After so many years
of hardly communicating and I reached out to her to
see if we could maybe start anew. I should have
known it would have been the same circle of manipulation
as growing up, but I had hope and it blinded me.
I suppose, and there is more to the story, but
really quick, I think it's less about ope he missing

(35:54):
her mom and more missing you know, what she could
have had with the mom. She wants a mom figure
and she's missing that because she never had.

Speaker 5 (36:02):
It exactly, which sucks. I was gonna ask about the
step mom if that ever replaced.

Speaker 6 (36:06):
It seems like, I mean, she has a better relationship
with everyone else besides.

Speaker 5 (36:10):
Her mom, oh one hundred percent. And she's like the
mom just sucks. Sucks, like she sounds straight out of like.

Speaker 6 (36:15):
A yeah, like she's like an evil stepmother. But she's
the mother.

Speaker 5 (36:20):
I don't know why. Oh, maybe it's just the want
or the yearning for a mother.

Speaker 6 (36:24):
I think, a desire of Oh maybe she's improved, maybe
you know, maybe this time it'll be different.

Speaker 5 (36:29):
H I don't like this mom.

Speaker 6 (36:31):
I had invited her to come visit us at her home,
and the first visit actually went really well. Surprisingly, we
hugged and teared up a bit and talked a lot.
Her second visit some months later didn't go very well
at all. My mother in law was also visiting at
the time, and her and I have an extremely good relationship.
She might as well be my real mother, and their
trips overlapped by two or three days. Fast forward a

(36:54):
few awkward days, and my mother in law and mom
had a one on one talk one night after my
husband and I had gone to sleep. A quick recap
via my mother in law that my mom had admitted
to her that she was very jealous of her relationship
and how close we are You did that you literally.

Speaker 5 (37:08):
Left literally how dare you be? Like I'm jealous of
what you guys have You could have had that you
could have had it.

Speaker 6 (37:14):
Mother in law had replied to her that she loves
having me as a daughter in law, and the relationship
I have with my mom is of her doing yes
mother in law and how she's treated me over the years,
and that if she wants to be close to me
as well, she needs to step up more and be
there in the picture and not disappear. Fast forward another
handful of months later, and it was getting to be

(37:35):
about six months from the wedding and my husband was deployed,
so she had come out for a visit again, just
her and I. I had a lot of questions for her,
but my main and most important topic was asking why
does she refuse to tell me where she lives? I
still have no clue where she lives at during this time,
even years later, we were sitting on the couch and
I brought up the hard topics in a mature way,

(37:56):
keeping calm and collected so we didn't get heated. Do
you know what her response was to my question? I
don't know you well enough and don't trust you to
know my address. Excuse me?

Speaker 2 (38:08):
What the f?

Speaker 6 (38:09):
This is not a random stranger, this is your daughter.

Speaker 5 (38:13):
You were like, I'm jealous of your connection, and you
wonder why you have no connection.

Speaker 6 (38:19):
What do you think she's gonna do? Show up and
steal your door? This is crazy. I was absolutely floored.
Doesn't trust me. I can understand her not knowing me
since we've been strange for so many years, but not
trusting me her daughter and only child. What have I
ever done to make her say that? I've never been
cruel to her or purposely tried to hurt her emotionally

(38:41):
or physically. Was it because I had always been closer
to my dad than to her. I took the answer
and didn't scream or yell, but buried it to process later.
We ultimately cut her trip short because we were both
frustrated and knew it was time for her to leave good.
I had truly tried to understand her perspective over the
next few months, but I just couldn't. I told her
about how much this had been bothering me and how

(39:02):
hurt I was, but somehow she came back with this
was all my fault for how bad our relationship is
and that she's always been there with open arms. No, No,
she wasn't.

Speaker 4 (39:13):
What do you mean you were.

Speaker 6 (39:14):
Always there with open arms. She doesn't even know where
you live.

Speaker 5 (39:17):
This is all on you.

Speaker 6 (39:18):
I've been here the whole time. It's like where you've
been where the whole time? We still don't know.

Speaker 5 (39:23):
Yeah, you left, and since you were a kid, I
just didn't really give anything about you. I didn't care
about you. Yeah, send her to the ort cloud.

Speaker 6 (39:31):
Send her to the ort cloud, the cloud you go.
She deserted me and I have no idea where she was.
Once again, I couldn't believe what she was telling me.
I distanced myself a lot more, once again to the
occasional text message, I think you just need to cut
her off.

Speaker 5 (39:45):
She's not worth it.

Speaker 6 (39:46):
She's just not worth it. She's just gonna keep hurting.

Speaker 5 (39:49):
You, especially during your wedding time or the preparation. This
is the last thing you need to stress about.

Speaker 6 (39:55):
As the wedding approached, I had decided to uninvite her
from our formal wedding. Good she was welcome to attend
via video to watch the ceremony, and I made that
very clear to her, but she was no longer to
attend in person after how much she's hurt me. There
were other factors that contributed to me uninviting her. She
was getting controlling and trying to bring some man I've
never heard of with her. As one example, she refused

(40:18):
to tell me his name who he was if they
were dating. I literally knew nothing, and it made me uncomfortable.
She also disrespected my RSVP date. She knew about our
date almost a year in advance. When it came to
a month before the dude date, she kept telling me
she didn't know if she was coming. Well, you can
make sure that she doesn't.

Speaker 5 (40:35):
Come I'm confused. Op was just like how she was
being treated by her was like that didn't cross the line.
It was like the other things like crossed the light. No.

Speaker 6 (40:43):
I think it's truly just dopia has so much like
hope and longing for this relationship.

Speaker 5 (40:48):
I feel like the mother in law and stepmom are
like kind of filling in that void. But it's like
when you really want your own mom. I get it.

Speaker 6 (40:56):
But I kept following up every week, and one day
before the dude, I asked again if she was coming
or not. She still didn't know. I gave her a
one week extension past the RSVP deadline, and she still
wouldn't give me an answer.

Speaker 5 (41:09):
Just stop putting effort into it.

Speaker 6 (41:10):
I got so frustrated and officially uninvited her at the
point for her to then come spitting at me about
how dare I put a timeline on her the mother
of the bride. I told her, I don't care who
you are, You're still a guest and need to respect
me and the rules of the venue. Our wedding happened,
and my mom and I did have a quick one
on one video chat before I put my dress on,

(41:31):
which was nice, but I still felt guarded, and we
kept it short but pleasant. After our wedding, both of
us continued to stay at a distance and were back
to occasional messaging with vague and general topics, never anything
personal in our lives. It hurts that we've gone back
to square one after trying for so long to reconnect
in a healthy way. For years, even when I was

(41:53):
a teen and a young adult, I would ask her
about her life and things that were going on with her,
but she would always refuse to get give me any
information about her life at all. After trying for years
to try and get more personal conversations with no reciprocation,
I eventually gave up. Funny how she was always asking
questions about me in my life, but would never answer
questions I had for her about her life. It needs

(42:15):
to be more than a one way street. And after
years of nothing, I was emotionally exhausted. Would you believe
me if I said she even invited me and my
husband to come visit her over and over again, but
refuse to give us an address to get there.

Speaker 5 (42:28):
Wait, why meet me at the random coordinates?

Speaker 6 (42:32):
Just like you have to solve this riddle to find me?

Speaker 5 (42:35):
Use the power of love to find me.

Speaker 6 (42:38):
How does that even make sense? We can't travel to
an unknown destination, which is why the three visits we
have were always to me and never as to her.
The final straw that broke the camel's back was last
year in twenty twenty three. I had gotten a text
from her saying that she was in the er for COVID,
but she was back home. Why didn't she tell me
sooner when it happened? I would have been there for her.

(42:59):
She then said her doctor told her to go back
to the er again, but she didn't want to. I
told her she needed to go back what she did.
I didn't want her to dismiss the doctor's opinions and
her health, which she did with op Five days later,
I haven't heard a word from her and asked if
she was out of the hospital, but I didn't get
a reply until the following day with a one worded
reply of yes. I was so incredibly frustrated that I

(43:22):
was left hanging and not knowing if everything was okay.
I was worried and to only get a one worded answer.
I was at my wits end with not ever being
given any kind of information about her. Her life emergency status. Nothing,
but we'll give you all the information that you need.
To join us live every weekday at three PMPSD on YouTube.

(43:42):
Just tap reproval and there is a little bit left.
She just keeps hurting you. I think you just need
to go no contact.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
There's no point. I feel like you're just talking to
a brick wall at this point. Is very just like
there's just like no context, there's nothing to talk about.
I feel like the mom has trust issues.

Speaker 6 (43:58):
Yeah, which is so weird. I can't tell you. It's
a secret. I work for the FBI.

Speaker 5 (44:03):
Let's hang out.

Speaker 6 (44:03):
You mustn't know where I am. But there is a
little bit left to the store.

Speaker 5 (44:07):
Okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 6 (44:08):
I finally broke after years of going back and forth
amidimal contact, to trying to reconnect, to going low contact again,
just an endless circle of frustration and disappointments. I've grown
so tired of trying to always be let down or
led in the same circle over and over. To this day,
we haven't talked or reached out to each other. I'm
just mentally done. I've reached the point where I have

(44:29):
no intention of telling her our new address. We have
since moved to a new state, since our wedding, and
no intention of including her and any future grandchildren. Sometimes
I feel so incredibly guilty for how things have gone
and played out since my childhood, and other times I
feel relieved to get rid of all that stress and
constant disappointment. I was in therapy for over a year

(44:50):
just to try and manage my stress about my mom,
and I've learned I can't control her actions, only my own.
But I still struggle sometimes with guilt. Have I given
up too easily? Am I right to protect my mental
health by going low no contact? Or have I pushed
things too far? I go back and forth about it
so much, and it rips me apart inside much of

(45:11):
the time. So reddit am I the a hole?

Speaker 5 (45:16):
No?

Speaker 6 (45:17):
You need to go no contact with your mom. It's
going to be really hard. But I think that this
wishy washiness is going to hurt you so much more.

Speaker 5 (45:23):
And it hat the fact that you keep coming back,
even though this's like a little thing like checking on
like a text. It's just those little things like keep
you stuck to that idea. You've had your wits end
with it. It's not worth it, and you know it's
not worth it anymore.

Speaker 6 (45:36):
Cut it off. Yeah, but I feel for you, Ope,
because this really sucks, is really sad.

Speaker 5 (45:40):
The fact that you kept trying and trying and trying
and wanting. The fact that chat the mom didn't see.

Speaker 6 (45:46):
That, yeah, and blames you. It's just ridiculous. But put
what you guys in the chat think, oh you should
do if anything differently going forward. But that is the
end of that story.

Speaker 5 (45:57):
My manipulative mother try to take over my brother's wedding,
so they kicked her out.

Speaker 6 (46:03):
Kick her out.

Speaker 5 (46:04):
So I twenty one, have grown up with a large family.
I am the second youngest of five and my parents
are still together. My oldest brother Ben twenty eight, just
got married last week. It was a beautiful wedding and
I love my sister in law Izzy twenty six. The
only thing that spoilt the whole day was our mom.
By the way, this comes from user rosso one to

(46:25):
eleven on the r slash. Okay, storytime suppered it. So
my mom fifty seven has always had controlling and manupuitive ways.
She would throw tantrums all the time at all of
us children if we didn't do exactly what she wanted.
At the second she wanted it done.

Speaker 6 (46:40):
Just toxic moms left and right.

Speaker 5 (46:42):
Toxic moms, evil mothers, evil mothers. We were expected to
drop what we were doing and go do what she
wants before anyone asked no. It was not like doing
the laundry or washing up dishes. It was more like
going out to the shops to get her stuff, but
with our own money. Or she would ban us from
going out to see our friends. She was barely emotionally

(47:02):
there for any of us, and things like graduation or
birthdays were centered around her. For the last few months, Izzy,
my sister in law, has kept her wedding dress a secret,
and she wanted to surprise everyone. However, my mom didn't
like that and continuously begged for her to show her
the dress.

Speaker 6 (47:19):
I don't trust her. I feel like she's gonna show
up in the same dress one percent.

Speaker 5 (47:23):
Every time Izzy refused, very politely, I will add, my
mom would throw a fit and would yell and scream
about how it was unfair, rude, belittling.

Speaker 6 (47:32):
What are you a baby?

Speaker 5 (47:34):
Also, every chance my mom would get, she would put
her opinions in every decision that Ben and Izzy made.
This included the cake, the flavor of the cake, the
decorations of the cake, the ceremony and where it should
be held, the decorations of the venue for the after party,
what color everyone should be in, what soup Ben should wear,
and more.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
When she wouldn't get.

Speaker 5 (47:54):
Her way, she would have a meltdown and either scream
and yell or hysterically sobs. Forward to two weeks ago,
Izzy came over with my sister and bridesmaid's dresses. They
were stunning. My mom did her usual act of asking
about seeing the wedding dress and then throwing a tantrum
when Izzy said no. After her tantrum, my mom turned

(48:14):
her attention to my sister in my dress. She started
calling them horrific, ugly, and even said she wouldn't be
caught in them. This obviously upset Izzy, as she had
been really excited when my sister and I loved them.
My father then swiftly took our mom away from that situation,
and Izzy left in tears. Last week, the day before

(48:35):
the wedding, my mom, Ben, and our two brothers, Dan
and Harvey, and I went to the wedding venue to
see everything. However, my mom started ordering the staff to
fetch her a glass of wine or get her a
chair because her feet were so sore. The staff couldn't
bring her wine as all the food and drink will
be kept for the wedding and not all of it

(48:56):
had come in yet.

Speaker 6 (48:57):
Yeah, where was she getting this glass of wine?

Speaker 5 (49:00):
Just bring your own wine? Byobi. My mom started hysterically
crying and begged the staff to for wine.

Speaker 6 (49:06):
I need wine, I need my wine, and my feet sore.

Speaker 5 (49:13):
However, Ben stepped in and said that everything is safer
tomorrow and that she can have as many glasses as
she likes, but tomorrow. This backfired on him on the
wedding days.

Speaker 6 (49:24):
He's literally trying a gentle parent here. I was about
to say, I was like, that's not a great idea.
She's allowed to have as much alcohol as she wants,
and this is her sober.

Speaker 5 (49:33):
I mean, what would you do?

Speaker 6 (49:34):
What would I do? I wouldn't invite her if this
was how my mother was acting, I'd be like, you
can't come.

Speaker 5 (49:42):
Fact that she's throwing temper tantrums literally at anything that
doesn't just she doesn't want or it doesn't go her way.
I'd be like, you gotta stop.

Speaker 6 (49:51):
There's no way that she's not gonna have a tantrum
at the wedding. There's gonna be a tantrum every five minutes.

Speaker 5 (49:57):
At this wedding, especially when you add more.

Speaker 6 (50:00):
You've already promised that she can have as much all
she wants.

Speaker 5 (50:02):
If she's already like not driven crying with sober.

Speaker 6 (50:08):
This is literally her going like screaming and crying on
the floor and going last year, last yet I had
Pino Grizio and he's like, okay, we'll get you another present.
She's like, I want bety seven Pino Grizios.

Speaker 5 (50:20):
We're getting you Kianti. And she's like, now I would
like put my foot down, like if you don't stop,
you're done. You're not coming to the wedding. And then
she started start crying and sobbingnymore. But she can cry
and sob in her room and not in my wedding.
After her crocodile tears stopped, she started looking at the
venue's decorations and picked out everything she hated. Oh these
flowers are dreadful. They look like someone had bled all

(50:42):
over the room. That was one of her comments of
the day. We all ignored her comments and helped that
staff finish up, Although It was painfully hard to listen
to my mom burrate the staff and tell them exactly
where everything should be. If the staff ignored her, she
would then say I want the best for my baby boy, Benji,
so just move that there.

Speaker 6 (51:00):
She only speaks in alliteration.

Speaker 5 (51:02):
We all managed to push through and the day was done. Again.
This is the day before the wedding.

Speaker 6 (51:06):
She should not come to the wedding, but I know
she is.

Speaker 5 (51:10):
I'd be like, I'm so stressed though.

Speaker 6 (51:11):
This is the nightmare.

Speaker 5 (51:12):
Obviously our mom Shenanigan's didn't stop there. The wedding day came,
everyone was ready and the ceremony went smoothly, although I
could see my mom whisper to one of her friends
in the audience in giggle whilst pointing at Izzy's dress.

Speaker 6 (51:25):
No stop bullying your daughter.

Speaker 5 (51:29):
During the wedding party, my mom made her loud comments
about how the venue wasn't decorated properly and Ben and
Izzy should have listened to her suggestions. Everyone ignored her
and continued eating and talking, although it did make everything uncomfortable.
Just imagine your mom just stands up like this wedding sucks.

Speaker 6 (51:46):
These roses are hideous.

Speaker 5 (51:49):
The colors do not match.

Speaker 6 (51:50):
The colors are all wrong. I told them that they
should have listened to me.

Speaker 5 (51:55):
This is bad cantle the wedding. Well, everyone's just like,
I'm having a great time.

Speaker 6 (51:59):
Yeah, they're trying to eat.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
She's like, just stop it.

Speaker 5 (52:01):
About halfway through it was speech time. Everyone who were
allowed gave speeches, and Ben even did one to Izzy,
which upset our mom as Ben said nothing about her.

Speaker 6 (52:11):
Yeah, why would he say anything about his terrible mom?

Speaker 5 (52:14):
Before Ben sat down, our mom ran up and ripped
the mic from him and gave her own improvised speech.

Speaker 6 (52:21):
What who let this woman improvise?

Speaker 5 (52:24):
I can't remember it all, but I will give you
the rundown and type out what I remember. Hello. I
am little Benny's mom. I hope everyone is having a
nice night, because I am sure not. These decorations are
not up to the standard. Is he should have let
me choose the decorator. Is he didn't let me see
her dress, which is quite apparent as it is the

(52:45):
ugliest thing I've seen in this wedding apart from the ceremony.
Is he also choose the bridemaid's dresses, which is apparent
as they.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Are bleeping ugly too.

Speaker 5 (52:56):
The food I will not even serve to my cat man.

Speaker 6 (52:59):
So this happens, I just start everyone and we go boooo.
Everyone just booze her off, cut the mic, cut the mic,
boo her off, and then keep going. Get her out
of the wedding. Someone take her home. Yeah, not your dead,
not your dead, someone else yeh.

Speaker 5 (53:13):
Her rambling went on for a good five minutes. She
sleeated Izzy and blamed Izzy for everything she hated about
the wedding. No one tried to stop her. After our
mom sat down, Izzy went out the back with Ben
and her sister. Whilst they were gone, our mom got
up again and started trying to pull the decorations down,

(53:33):
but was stopped by security and other family members.

Speaker 6 (53:36):
It scored her out.

Speaker 5 (53:38):
At this point, everyone had enough of her, and Ben
got security to take her out of the venue and
get her a cab to the hotel.

Speaker 6 (53:45):
Literally should have done that.

Speaker 5 (53:46):
During the speech, she threw a tantrum and begged for
them to keep her in. She claims she was drunk
and that she will try and unlive herself if they
did this.

Speaker 6 (53:56):
You just need to have someone watch her. I'm done
with her.

Speaker 5 (53:59):
I'm done with her. By the way, you can join
us live on YouTube every weekday at three pm PSD.
Just tap our profile.

Speaker 6 (54:05):
Tap it.

Speaker 5 (54:06):
There's another relevant update here, but let's just discuss. I'm
bamboozled because I would have kicked her out.

Speaker 6 (54:11):
I wouldn't have invited her to the wedding.

Speaker 5 (54:13):
I hate how the final straw was. She was tearing
down the decorations. Yeah, why is that the final straw?
The final straw should have been the first.

Speaker 6 (54:19):
Thing way earlier, at least, I mean, not necessarily security
escorting her out, but at least one of the family members,
you know, takes her out or something.

Speaker 5 (54:27):
I'm confused why no one stopped her?

Speaker 6 (54:30):
Like, what is the dad doing here?

Speaker 5 (54:31):
What is anyone doing here?

Speaker 6 (54:33):
Literally, no one's doing anything. Yeah, I feel so bad
for the new wife, the daughter in law. She's married
into this family with this horrible mother.

Speaker 5 (54:42):
It seems like everyone loves her, but the mom. I
think the mom likes her is just the way that
Tredding went.

Speaker 6 (54:46):
She treats her. It's pretty bad.

Speaker 5 (54:48):
But let's go ahead and finish up the story. After
the wedding, all of us siblings have gone no to
little contact with our mom. Our father has tried to
reason with us, especially Ben and Izzy, but no one
is having it. Although I do believe my mom was
very drunk at the wedding, I do not know what
I can do. I can't decide where I stand with this.
I want to have a relationship with my parents and
know that I always have somewhere to go if everything

(55:11):
goes wrong. My brother Harvey is torn about this too,
mainly because he is the youngest and comes home from
his college breaks. He doesn't want to lose his home
or room. My sister Freya and Ben think we should
all just drop our mom and move on with our lives.
Advice is needed. Should I let it go or should
I cut her off like my siblings are doing.

Speaker 6 (55:30):
I think you got to cut her off. She's a nightmare.

Speaker 5 (55:33):
She has to learn her lessons.

Speaker 6 (55:34):
Unless you show her that there are consequences to her actions.
She's going to keep doing this because even when, like
I think it was pretty obvious, even when she had
that tantrum about the wine, it was just like everyone
was like accommodating her.

Speaker 5 (55:48):
It's like pushing things under the rug.

Speaker 6 (55:49):
If you keep pushing them under the rug, that rug's
going to start to smell, so I think, cut your
mom off, follow your siblings out the door.

Speaker 5 (55:56):
Of that, I mean for the youngest one, I feel like,
just wait until you gratay college, because you do need
a place to be. But at the end of the day,
I think even if you do little to no contact,
maybe they'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (56:06):
Hey it's Sam, We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 6 (56:11):
My sister insulted me, and my dad took her side,
So I'm going no contact.

Speaker 5 (56:16):
Why are you taking sides?

Speaker 6 (56:18):
Yeah, like, why are you taking sides with your daughters?
You just gotta unless the insult is really bad. I
went down to see my family for Father's Day weekend
with my two kids, three boy, nine month girl. My
sister is eleven and I'm twenty seven. Damn, you have
beef with an eleven year old. She's always trying to
compete at an adult level when she's around me and
kind of pops off.

Speaker 5 (56:38):
Are you fighting an eleven year old right now? Are
you losing to an eleven year old?

Speaker 6 (56:42):
I never say anything. My parents have said you're gonna
have to say something if she oversteps. By the way,
this comes from deleted on the Okay Storytime severed it.
This time, she was ranting about how she would never
want to be like me because in school I had
poor grades and got pregnant with the baby that I
gave up, and academic makes mean a lot to her.
I told her that she doesn't know what it's like

(57:02):
to have a baby at a young age or make
the choice to give it up. Also, I had all
a's and was supposed to early graduate in high school,
so I don't know where she got her information from.
I told her that she is eleven, a child commenting
about adult things that she doesn't even fully understand, and
that she's not an adult and can stop speaking to
me like one. Well, my dad, want to point out,

(57:24):
he's been my dad since I was four and I've
never had another. Dad literally got in my face, screaming
at me that she's allowed to have her opinion and
what did she say that was wrong? I had to
physically push him out of my face. He was like,
you come down here and act like this is your
house and take her mom away from her. I bring
stuff for my small kids, and we usually stay for

(57:46):
three to four days, and small kids kind of need things,
and I was like, I come down here expecting to
be with my family and see my mom. She has
literally every single day with her mom, and I only
see her once a month when I drive down. I
lived two states away. And he said I come in
and invade their space, and I was like, I mean,
I don't mean to just small kids need a lot,

(58:07):
and I don't mean to take up anyone's space. So
I just left. There's more, but that's so sad. That's
so hurtful to be like, is eleven year old attacking
you and you're like, hey, dude, stop, I'm an adult,
you're a kid. And then the dad to come in
and start yelling at op.

Speaker 5 (58:23):
She could say whatever she wants to you, because she's
my daughter. It's just daddy's girl. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (58:27):
And also it's really tragic because oh, Pee clearly seem
you know, at least saw this guy as her father figure.
I mean, she's known him since he was four, and
he doesn't seem like that's reciprocated, which is really sad.

Speaker 5 (58:39):
If he heard the conversation, you be like, one.

Speaker 6 (58:42):
How would you think that's okay to say to someone.

Speaker 5 (58:44):
Who is this eleven year old? Like why do you
think they're so entitled you wish she yeah, why is
eleven year old? Literally like I'm better than you? You
know you got pregnant and you suck.

Speaker 6 (58:53):
After driving two and a half hours down there, I
just left. I feel like the worst mom for making
my literal baby be in the car for five hours.
But he was screaming at me, and my kids were
bawling their eyes out. I felt like my peace was
being ruined. My kids have never seen me cry like that,
or seen anyone scream like that at someone else, especially
their mom. My son keeps saying Grandpa is mad, and

(59:16):
Grandpa made mommy cry. I feel so bad, and then
I don't know if I should. I feel bad for
my mom also because she was just crying and telling
my dad to stop and he's wrong, and holding my babies.
While I was gathering my stuff. She said that I
never invade her space and I'm always welcome. But am
I like my dad said, I heard his daughter, but
I always thought I was his daughter too, And I

(59:37):
always ask what do I need to bring? If X
y Z is okay with him? He never says no
or hints he's upset. I'm feeling pretty devastated. My entire
soul hurts, and I just randomly start crying. But maybe
I'm overreacting and being overly sensitive. I just don't know.
I made this text to send to my mom today.
I haven't sent it, but this is what I'm going

(59:59):
to say. I definitely think for a while I'm going
no contact with dead. I just can't expose myself or
my kids to someone who thinks like that, even things
said in anger oole truth. Amy's opinion is based off
an incomplete narrative from an unreliable and incredibly biased source. Yeah,
who is she hearing that information?

Speaker 5 (01:00:16):
Bro?

Speaker 6 (01:00:16):
I don't know, could be the dad, Probably is. She
did nothing wrong, just parroted what dad has previously said,
and I have brushed it off before. I'm older now
and I have anne had a right to protect my piece.
It's too bad that's how they see me. But I
don't need anyone's approval but my kids. As long as
they look at me as good role model, then that's
all I care about.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Truly.

Speaker 6 (01:00:37):
My son keeps saying Grandpa mad, Grandpa made mommy cry
and Grandma cry. I never ever have exposed my kids
to that type of yelling. And screaming, especially the way
he got in my face and I physically had to
push him away. Yet that was unacceptable. I'm not some
child he can push his authoritarian parenting tactics on. I
also want to point out he was an authoritarian bully

(01:00:59):
to me growing up, but with Amy, the parenting is
completely different. She's allowed to say whatever she wants to adults,
but if I had poffed off like that, I'd have
been slapped and put in the corner.

Speaker 5 (01:01:09):
For Hours's girl.

Speaker 6 (01:01:10):
When she says things like that to me, he smirks
and thinks it's funny because we're sisters. That doesn't mean
she can say whatever to me and oh golly, it's
just fine. Nope, obviously she can say whatever. But if
I stand my ground and say no, that's not okay,
it's unacceptable. That's his daughter, got it. Even if he apologized,
which isn't really his m O. I don't think things

(01:01:31):
would ever be the same. I don't think i'll ever
feel that like that's my home again or safe there,
because I'll always feel like I'm invading their space. I
love you, Mom, I love you so much and I
miss you all the time. Hopefully we can get together sometime.
And you're always welcome to come to my home, am
I the Ale and you guys are always welcome to
join us live every weekda at three PMPST just to

(01:01:51):
have her profile. And there is a final edit to
finish the story off. But what are your thoughts?

Speaker 5 (01:01:58):
I feel so bad.

Speaker 6 (01:01:59):
I feel really bad.

Speaker 5 (01:02:00):
So I was gonna say, like, oh, the father owes
an apology, Yeah, but Opie kind of just took it
out of my mouth, like even I get an apology
from him. One, he's not gonna do.

Speaker 6 (01:02:09):
It, no, but two it wouldn't change things.

Speaker 5 (01:02:10):
It's not gonna change things, like he verbally and kind
of physically like went at her. Yeah, I got in
her face, yell let her for kids, like the fact
that she stood her ground. I get. It's so weird
because the dynamic is a full on adult and an
eleven year old. The eleven year old doesn't know she
probably should know better.

Speaker 6 (01:02:28):
The eleven year old doesn't know better because her dad
is there telling her, oh, your sister did this in
this mess.

Speaker 5 (01:02:33):
So it sent me from the father, because it sent
me not from the mom. No, no, it's send me
from the father, or at least someone that's close knit
to the family that is like, you're feeding the child these.

Speaker 6 (01:02:43):
Lies and very biased information.

Speaker 5 (01:02:45):
And OPI was just like stop it. Yeah, she literally
like stop it. You're not an adult. I'm an adult.
Stop it. And the dad like, you can't talk to
her like that. I don't understand why again when I
said earlier Daddy's little girl, Daddy's perfect princess.

Speaker 6 (01:03:00):
No, I think that you just need to unfortunately, maybe
cut him off to the extent that you can where
you can still see your mom. Maybe it's just like, hey, Mom,
I'd love to still see you, but it's gonna have
to happen either at my place without them, or you know,
we meet up somewhere, but I can't see him.

Speaker 5 (01:03:17):
He definitely needs to apologize. I think when mom receives
that text.

Speaker 6 (01:03:21):
She's be like, regardless of whether or not OP wants
to see him again, he still needs to apologize.

Speaker 5 (01:03:26):
Ope, you are still owed in apology. Yes, I from
the father for sure, and the kid and the kid,
but eleven year old. Again, a kid doesn't know any better.
You can't really just place that on the kid. But
the kid needs to watch the context because the kid's
doing that to family. Imagine doing that to like somebody else,
like a stranger.

Speaker 6 (01:03:43):
But there is an edit to finish the story off.
I sent my mom the text and she just said
I understand, I love you and miss you too, and
then indefinitely shared her location with me. And sister was
continuously said over the last couple of years that she's
an only child, she wishes I didn't exist, that we're
not really sisters because I don't live there. I've told
sister that when our parents she will only have me

(01:04:05):
and my family, and if she pushes me away, she
will be alone. And she says she doesn't care what
I forgot. This is redded and the crazy things that
come out. So let me be clear. My sister is
not the baby I gave up for adoption. She was
two when I gave birth to a baby boy when
I was eighteen. My sister and I are sixteen years
and one day apart. But that is the end of
that story. Yeah, I think that you just need to

(01:04:27):
cut them off, cut them off, but not your mom.

Speaker 5 (01:04:29):
Made that kid is a brat. Yeah, the fact that
the kid is like, I have no sister, I'm an
only child. She's definitely getting like she's.

Speaker 6 (01:04:36):
Getting all of us from her dad, which sucks, and
she's gonna realize later, hopefully down the line, that he
is a terrible person.

Speaker 5 (01:04:42):
Again, I like to discredit the kid is eleven and
kids say the darkness things, but like, this kid needs
a reality check.

Speaker 6 (01:04:50):
The thing is that like in like if she had
actual parents, they would have said, hey, that's not okay
to say you need to apologize to your sister, but
she doesn't.

Speaker 5 (01:04:57):
Yeah, like the mom's not saying anything to the kid too.

Speaker 6 (01:04:59):
Like the I think, based off this dynamic that we're getting,
it seems like the dad is kind of this authoritarian
ruler in the house.

Speaker 5 (01:05:06):
I think so too, especially when she's like, when I
grew up with him, I was limited, yes, but she's
got unlimited power.

Speaker 6 (01:05:14):
That was the end of that story. So we'll see
you next time.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I was ADOPTED by my best friend’s family…then they casted me out! - r/charlottedobreyoutube | Reddit Stories