I went no‑contact with my ex‑wife’s daughter after the divorce… she treated me like an ATM! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
I cut off my ex wife's daughter after divorce. She
treated me like an ATM. Give me the money, Okay,
I need help. Am I the ale for cutting off
my former stepdaughter. The background is I married her mom,
raised my stepdaughter since she was nine, gave her everything
she wanted, supported her in all of her extracurricular activities.
By the way, this comes from Big Stretch thirty six

(00:31):
forty five and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Storytime suppered it.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
So when her car broke down and was too expensive
to fix, I let her use my dream car, a
Dodge Challenger. When she went to college, I promised her
she would come out debt free. Oh yeah, and when
she needed money or her rent paid, I would pay
it and sacrifice the last little bit of cash I
had for I am in the middle of divorcing her
mom right now, and she said she doesn't want to

(00:57):
be in the middle of things, but things I tell
her somehow, would get back to her mom here and there.
Now she's living with her mom since graduating college. My
ex wife accused me of deleting all of her social media,
and my stepdaughter believed her and went off on me
and told me I need to move on another thing.
But I showed her proof I didn't do any of that.
My stepdaughter didn't apologize for her accusations. My stepdaughter has

(01:20):
blocked me on her social media, blocked me on her phone,
which I pay for. I also pay for her health
insurance and the car insurance. My lawyer has given me
the green light to cut off my stepdaughter. So I
am asking before I do it, for suggestions and to
see if I am the ale and there is an update, folks,
But what do you think?

Speaker 4 (01:41):
I'm so confused by that one. I'm not sure why. Okay,
so I can explain.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Yeah, OHP is divorced, that was married to his stepdaughter's mom.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes for a while, Yes, since she was nine.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I doesn't exactly say how old she is now. It
might be in the she wasn't living with mom for
a while. I believe she's like gone to college or
is in college.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
Maybe, But then it sounded like she was back with mom,
but the other persons still paying for stuff.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
He's oh, he's still paying for all okay, okay stuff.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Basically the point is that he's still paying for all
of that stuff, and now she's basically being lied to
by her mom right about all of these like saying, oh,
like op, he did this and this and this, and
she's taking her mom's side and is blocked op and
Opie's like, should I cut her off?

Speaker 4 (02:30):
That she should cut her off?

Speaker 3 (02:32):
I think he I think that she's cut you off.

Speaker 4 (02:34):
Yeah, no, I would agree. If if she's not talking
to you anymore, how are you gonna.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
Give her money for stuff? I think That's what I.

Speaker 4 (02:40):
Was so confused about it. I was like, wait, isn't isn't.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
She already cut off? Yeah, she's cut herself off. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
And if she's if you know, she's going to realize,
oh wow, he was paying for everything.

Speaker 4 (02:51):
Right, and then maybe she'll come back, come back.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
But thank you for the comments. I've read them all.
So I've decided to try and reach.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
Out to her.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Okay, good, there we go, see if that works. I've
also decided to take a step back and try and
not to let my emotions get to me. I also
decided to say no more to being an ATM for
I think that's great.

Speaker 4 (03:12):
You can still like close things off nicely.

Speaker 5 (03:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
I also have seen about the health insurance, and y'all
are right. I have to wait for the divorce to
be final to take her off of that. The car
and phone, I have decided to give her a timetable
to get her own and then shut the phone off
and then take the car back. It seems like, oh,
he's kind of still on the you know, cut off financially. Yeah,
but don't do it so like suddenly, yeah, which I

(03:37):
think is fair like period there. Yeah, I know this
is not a huge update or me going full nuclear
assaulting the earth kind of way. Yes, some of you
will see me as being soft. But I raised that
girl since she was little.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
Great point.

Speaker 4 (03:49):
Yeah, it's a girl he's done since she was nine.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Here bio dad was a piece of work and was
never there for her. As for her mom, well, that's
a whole other Reddit post, and there is a second update.
I think reaching out is good. I still think that
he could he would be fine if he cut her
off financially, but I think that let's talk first.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
Yeah, and I do think that him doing it slowly,
slowly is like the perfect way of being like you
have time to figure it out.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
So I had a meeting with my lawyer and things
went okay as much as possible. Like I said, I
will have to put a post about me and my
ex and what we are going through on a different
post for my stepdaughter. While I told her I am
blocked her on my phone and I would like to
talk to her. The first thing she said to me
was are you going to update the tags on my car?
Remind you this is my dream car that has everything

(04:39):
under my name. I realized that is all she cares
about her lifestyle and what she can get from me.
Needless to say, it broke me at that point. So
I called my lawyer and we have to get through
some motions I have submitted to the court, and she said,
then we can get to the car. Unfortunately, the car
is part of the divorce. So I told my lawyer
that my ex and her daughter can either pay me
the fair market value of the car or I get

(05:00):
the car back, simple as that. So we will have
to wait and see what happens after my next court
date on a personal level. I gotta admit this freakin
sucks a lot. It has hurt me so much to
realize all that time I was good for what I
provided in not being a dad to her. I am
glad I got good insurance from the company I worked
for because I have decided to seek some therapy to

(05:21):
help me out because as veterans know, the VA sucks.
And update three things I've improved with my daughter. Oh
I was about to say.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
I was like, wow, I just be like, Okay, that's
done them.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, But it took her getting into a minor accident
and being scared half to death calling me in tears
to talk to me. So I worked a double light
shift and graveyard shift and slept. My stepdaughter called me
and needed me. I dragged my body out of bed,
got dressed, grabbed my tools.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
And went to where she was.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
The damage to the car was minor at worst. She
came out of her work and ran up to me
with tears in her eyes and hugged me. Okay, not
gonna lie. I was caught off guard, but at that
moment I didn't see anything else but my little girl.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Needing her stepdad there for her. Stop. I was literally
about to cast judgment.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
I waited, leave, leave, and then I said, wait, let's
read the update.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
And it was nice. She's just a silly girl. She's learning.
I was learning, and your papa, oh me.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
She told me what happened. I asked her why she
didn't stop. She said she was scared and was running
late to work. I looked over the car and got
the bumper back and play with some tools and paracord
for a temporary solution. I called my insurance and got
it fixed while I was working on the car, and
we started to talk and laid all of our cars
on the table. I apologized for all the mean and
hurtful things I had said and told her she's still my.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Daughter and I love her very much. Okay, she said
she loved me too, and I'm her dad.

Speaker 4 (06:51):
Okay, give her Okay, give her.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
All the money, give anything I told her. For now,
we can give each other's space and time to heal.
And when she's ready to talk again, I am there
and the door is always open to her. But she
has started to stand on her own two feet, and
I'll guide her on how to do it. It will
be hard, but she can do it with the education
she asked for the ex wife. She's still a knucklehead

(07:16):
to me, but things are moving along with that. In mediation,
I told her I either want the car back or
I get a fair market value for the Challenger. She
hit the roof when I said that. She thought I
was just going to give up my dream car. I
talk at least once a week to my stepdaughter on
the phone. I see my kids more often, but still
get resistance from my ex wife. But my kids are
back in my life.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
That's what matters to me.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Things will take time, and I understand that. Oh last thing,
my stepdaughter wants me to meet my wants to meet
my girlfriend and have dinner with us.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
So that's good. I guess. I know this isn't the update.
Y'all want exactly what This is what I wanted.

Speaker 5 (07:52):
This is why I wanted.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
But the most important thing to me is to not
be the villain in my kid's books. I can be
the villain everywhere else except.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
To my kids. More updates to come when I got them.
There is a last update. This is really nice. It's
so wholesome. I really like this.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
I was kind of hoping I'm not gonna lie that
he was gonna be like, let's work out a deal
where you, like pay me for the car. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
I thought that she's learned and she's I think it
seems that she is genuinely apologetic. However, I don't think
this means that you go back to the same way.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
It doesn't. I think we can.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
I think we can hold off on a full financial
cut off.

Speaker 6 (08:29):
Yeah, but I think it does like if there had
been a deal for like her to just take over payments,
there's something which it sounds like that kind of is
what it was like the give me the car or
pay me for the car.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
I think that's where we should end here. I think
that that should be like the solution, Like she learns
a little bit of what you're doing for her, and
you work on your relationship together.

Speaker 4 (08:51):
And it was happening and it was so.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Sweet, which is a little bit more scared.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
So my stepdaughter texted and called me making small talk
about this and that I thought our bond was coming back.
Oh no, no, no, no no. I couldn't really talk
long because I was dealing with work stuff. The next day,
she texted me with her usual text hout. She messages
me asking if I was awake since I work chaotic

(09:16):
hours for my job. I told her I was awake
and just having my coffee. She said she needs a
favor from me, and I asked what is it. She
asked me to pay her copay for the insurance for
doctor's appointment. I asked how much it was and she
told me it was almost all I had left in
my account. I told her that I would take the
last of my money, and she texted, me, well, can
you do it or not? I told her no, I

(09:36):
need that money for gas and food. She said, fine,
never mind, I'll just cancel my appointment, and I texted back,
I'm sorry I couldn't help her, but I was already blocked.
I guess I'm nothing more than a piggy bank. I
really thought things were improving.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Speaker 5 (09:52):
I have been lood to cut her off.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
I'm just cut her off. I'm just sad now.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
I'm pissed off.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
I feel like I've been betraying rola coaster emotional rollo
coaster cut her off.

Speaker 3 (10:06):
Utterer off.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
Why is that all the money you have in your
guy is.

Speaker 3 (10:10):
Off your gun get more money? It's I'm giving your
money to your daughter. If this is all the money,
why were you paying in the first place, you don't
have any money? Cut her off. Oh well, that's the
end of that story, folks.

Speaker 7 (10:24):
I had to walk away from my sick father. He
never appreciated me.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh boy, I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (10:32):
You ready to get sad, everybody? Probably?

Speaker 7 (10:34):
I twenty six mail have two sisters eighteen and twenty three,
from the same mom and dad in their fifties. When
I was sixteen, my parents went through a messy divorce
which resulted in my sister's staying with my mom and
me staying with my dad. By the way, this comes
from user ah Layton, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

(10:55):
subburt it.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
So.

Speaker 7 (10:56):
My dad is disabled and has been unable to work
due to a long list of medical issues since I
was sixteen. He has kidney failure and is currently on
dialysis while waiting for a transplant. This is meant that
I have been looking after him in a variety of
caretaker ways for a decade now. Throughout this time, his
contact with my two sisters has been minimal. He has

(11:17):
in the past allowed my eldest sister to claim benefits
that she was not entitled to by claiming to be
a care for my father, amongst others. She has at
no point in her life provided care for my dad.
This caused many fights between my dad and I, as
I felt he was allowing her to commit fraud just
so he could feel like he.

Speaker 5 (11:37):
Was helping her.

Speaker 7 (11:37):
I was recently contacted by his doctor who told me
that my dad was no longer on the transplant list
to receive the kidney transplant he needs. Apparently his health
is now so poor that they don't know for sure
if he'll survive general anesthetics for the operation.

Speaker 5 (11:52):
That's terrible.

Speaker 7 (11:53):
I was told that a major factor for this was
his poor diet, which was exacerbating.

Speaker 5 (11:58):
His existing health. Ish hearing this.

Speaker 7 (12:01):
My wife and I decided to move back in with
my dad to try and get him onto a healthier
diet to hopefully prepare his body for the transplant he needs.
After we moved in, I was going through his most
recent letters when I discovered a letter informing him that
my youngest sister had applied for a grant for young
carers as a result of caring for him. My dad

(12:21):
is lucky to see my sister once a month, let
alone the sixteen hours a week this grant requires. I
confronted him and he said he was just trying to
help her out in any way he could. This again
led to a massive fight, as currently me and my
wife are the only family members actually supporting him. My
sisters do nothing for him. They are both adults, and

(12:41):
yet neither have lifted a single finger once to help him.
And yet here he is, again, essentially committing fraud to
help them out. We can't help but feel taken for
granted and simply unappreciated. Okay, I understand that totally. I
agree is his fraud. It's also a dad helping out
his daughters that he's estranged from, essentially, And I guarantee

(13:04):
you if you applied for these grants, he'd help you.
I don't think he would say I'm not going to
help you with this. I just don't think you're doing
anything like that, which is fine.

Speaker 5 (13:14):
Maybe you don't need it.

Speaker 7 (13:15):
I don't know if being angry at him for helping
your sisters in a sort of deceitful way is really.

Speaker 5 (13:23):
What you're mad about. I don't know. It's just so complicated.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
I could see that, like there's some other things going on,
maybe some resentment from past things.

Speaker 7 (13:31):
There's grief, and there's you know, the stress of like
his health is failing him. It's like, I don't know
if he knows that your sisters are just using this money.

Speaker 5 (13:40):
I don't know.

Speaker 7 (13:41):
But there's a lot going on here. We can't help
but feel taken for granted and simply unappreciated. We do
everything we possibly can for him. We sacrifice time, energy,
and money to ensure he has a more comfortable life.
But time and time again, he chooses to focus his
energy on helping my sisters cheat their way to funds
and benefits they don't deserve. He's never once to ask

(14:03):
them to help him. So the burden of responsibility for
his care rests entirely on our shoulders, despite the fact
that of the three siblings, I'm the only one not
currently receiving any benefit related to his care.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
Are you applying for them?

Speaker 3 (14:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (14:18):
Are you actively seeking out these benefits? Good questions because
if you are and he's being like no, then that's crazy.
But if you're not, and he doesn't have any idea
that you would want them, then that's more of a
you problem.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Yeah, it can't be too mad at him for that.

Speaker 7 (14:33):
We are now the point where we are considering pulling
all our support financial and physical, and leaving his care
entirely to the two women who are actually benefiting from
quote unquote providing it. Would I be the a hole
for withdrawing support from my father? Consensus is not the
a whole? However, have we had conversations? Have we talked
before you press the big red nuclear bomb button, just

(14:56):
like talk out all of your feelings with your dad?

Speaker 3 (14:59):
Yeah, you're missing information for this decision, Like maybe there's
more to this that we're just not seeing or something.

Speaker 7 (15:05):
It feels like it shouldn't be like a should I
cut my dad off? It should be like should I
confront my sisters for like basically like sort of manipulating
him into committing fraud for them?

Speaker 5 (15:15):
Because of course he's gonna do it.

Speaker 7 (15:16):
It's his daughters, and he's been as stranger them like
he wants them to think.

Speaker 5 (15:20):
Good of him in any way that he could.

Speaker 7 (15:23):
I'm sure I would say if you do this without
communicating to your father and also like applying for these
same benefits, that it sounds like you are completely eligible
for in a non fraudulent way, Like, if you don't
do all of that before you cut off your dad,
you're the a hole, and you'll be the a hole
to yourself more than anyone, because if time goes by
and your dad passes and then you look back and

(15:45):
you regret doing this, that's you've poisoned yourself.

Speaker 5 (15:49):
Why would you do that?

Speaker 7 (15:50):
Comments As someone who is highly familiar with this family
dynamic and has read a lot of books about this,
let me rephrase the question.

Speaker 5 (15:58):
Would I be the a hole if I withdraw my.

Speaker 7 (16:00):
Unappreciated long term support from my dad, who has been
deliberately neglecting me the entire time while passing all my
benefits to my absence but entitled siblings who don't even
see him often.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
Not the a hole.

Speaker 7 (16:13):
It is not your fault that he is knowingly applying
double standards, rewarding the neglect of his favorites and grooming
them to be entitled, and punishing and invalidating the sacrifice
of his designated scapegoat.

Speaker 5 (16:24):
I didn't see any of that.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
I wonder if this comment is actually getting this from
this story, or is protecting their own experience onto it.
Filling in the gaps.

Speaker 7 (16:32):
Yeah, I didn't see any explicit examples of like neglect
or like him taking advantage. It really seems more like
your problem comes from your sisters getting these benefits when
you could get them.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yeah. I do feel like there's just more to the story.
The first part of it before the question felt too short.

Speaker 7 (16:49):
Let's keep going. He can't have it both ways. It's
time to set things straight. If he truly appreciates your efforts,
then he should have given the benefits to you. This
is the problem. He didn't give the benefit. Yeah, the
sisters applied for the benefits and then he like signed
off on, like yeah, they are doing this stuff, so
it's not like he has like a pool of benefits
to give out. They went and applied for them, and

(17:12):
he lied on the paperwork in that story, I never
heard him tell Op, I won't help you get benefits
for being my care It does.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Really feel like you said earlier, like she should be
mad at the sisters.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (17:26):
I feel like that's where all of Op's frustrations really
are at, is that he feels like I'm being not
acknowledged because I'm not getting benefits while the sisters who
are doing nothing are when really it has nothing to
do with what you're doing for your dad. It has
to do with your dad wanting to get brownie points
with his daughters. I'm sure if you expressed you wanted benefits, maybe.

Speaker 5 (17:44):
He doesn't think you need them. Maybe he doesn't think
you want them.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
Yeah, especially if you've been vocal about the fraud that's
involved and not liking that, then he's probably like she
probably doesn't want to be involved. I won't get her
in trouble.

Speaker 5 (17:57):
Right.

Speaker 7 (17:58):
If he wants to give the benefit to others, then
you should pass the responsibility to them. The ones who
answered you're the ahole or everyone sucks, you're probably not
from toxic families with toxic parents who are neglecting but
quick to demand the scapegoat child's perfection and time, energy,
and money. It's easy to use compassion in taking care
of the elderly to guilt someone else into staying in

(18:18):
an unfair setup when it doesn't involve any sacrifice on
your part. Edit to address a comment below. My conclusion
is based on the information presented. He's neglecting of himself
while he feels entitled to the designated scapegoat's time, money,
and energy to cater for his needs while giving nothing
in return and choosing to glorify and prioritize the other
children instead. That's a neglect and lack of gratitude. It's

(18:40):
not extrapolation, it's deduction. No, stop it, guy, you're deducing
regardless of what it is, you're filling in gaps that
are not clear. Okay, so here we go. This I
might agree with a little more. It's not about whether
it's the actual monetary values big, it's about the unfair treatment, invalidation,
and double standards. We all have difficulties and insecurities, but

(19:02):
they're not an excuse to deliberately treat others horribly. Again,
didn't really see a whole lot of horrible treatment. Yeah,
I didn't hear any conversation or communication happening between OPI
and their father.

Speaker 5 (19:16):
None.

Speaker 7 (19:16):
I heard no expression of these feelings or thoughts between
these two people until I hear that. I don't think
you should cut off anything. Work out your issues with
your dad. This is all an emotional problem, especially if
he's having so many help, is using possibly at the
end of his life.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Right, Like, this is the time to not just like
stop communication before having a conversation first, like start with
communication before you decide to stop communication.

Speaker 7 (19:43):
And then like that commenter being like that it's like,
oh he's being Gasolin and taking care of the elderly.
It's like not even that, Like it's just like, that's
your dad, and if you make the decision to like
pull yourself out of his life when he needs help,
like and then he passes, it's gonna bother you forever.
So in a selfish way, you shouldn't cut him off

(20:05):
because it's gonna only impact you in a worse way,
especially because so far it sounds like you're gonna go,
oh my god, I didn't even really have an issue
with my dad. I had an issue with my sisters.
Oh my god, and I cut off my dad.

Speaker 3 (20:17):
I really hope that Ope figures that out. Let's find out.

Speaker 7 (20:20):
Not the a hole, I'm not sure I'd be able
to stop caring for him, but the petty in me
would be contacting whoever portions out those grants to let
them know the truth. Pretty fed up that they're comfortable
taking that money when it should be going to people
who are actually cares and who need it, which is true,
Op says exactly. My thoughts too, says another commenter. If
it was only them it impacted, i'd have reported it immediately,

(20:42):
but unfortunately there's a chance he'd lose his benefits to
as a result of it. Personally, I just can't wrap
my head around the kind of person who's okay with
taking money meant for cares with zero intention to actually
care for anyone. The entitlement is unreal. Ope comments. I
will say that during UNI, I did qualify for a
low income support grant as my dad was my sole

(21:02):
parent supporting me. Mom wanted nothing to do with me,
so I did receive that in help. That's about it,
though I know that I have no responsibility to help
and that ultimately I'm only doing this because I love him,
But that's what makes the decision all the harder.

Speaker 5 (21:16):
I've been the only one willing to help, so.

Speaker 7 (21:18):
I really worry for how much long term damage will
be done to his health as a result of pulling support,
which is why you shouldn't do it.

Speaker 5 (21:25):
Did you hear exactly what you just said?

Speaker 7 (21:28):
I love him, I really worry what kind of long
term damage would be done if I pull my support,
So don't.

Speaker 5 (21:34):
Because that will eat a hole through you forever.

Speaker 7 (21:37):
The current boundary we set with him was to tell
my youngest sister that he won't assist her in getting
the care or support that she applied for unless she
actually comes around and helps him. That was yesterday and
he still hasn't spoken with her. If he can't do that,
then the balance of support or don't support would definitely
shift more towards don't support. We are comfortable financially and
are no longer students, so are no longer eligible for

(21:59):
any financial support. I have never received any benefits for
his care, though due to being in full time education
at the time, the rules around this may have changed now.
I have repeatedly asked my sisters to help my dad
with specific reference to the benefits they receive as a
result of his disability. The response every time has been
f off. This is between me and Dad. I don't

(22:20):
give an f what you think. Paraphrase but not far off,
which makes sense because those are the sisters.

Speaker 5 (22:25):
They were raised by.

Speaker 7 (22:26):
The mom who didn't want anything to do with OPI,
so sisters probably have a pretty negatively impacted bias about
their brother. I wish he would convince them to help
him financially, but it'll never happen. He's refused to in
the past as he sees that as hurting them. He
does feel guilt at not providing for them, but they
lived with my mother, who was and is comfortably middle

(22:46):
slash upper middle class with no concerns for money whatsoever,
so they're not dependent. I have only received a grant
for low income support for UNI, as he was the
only parent I had, supporting me nothing else. My eldest
sister has also received this byoting him down as her
sole parent despite living with my well off mother, as
well as a car that he receives for his care.
I was expecting to receive this car significantly cheaper rental

(23:09):
and insurance compared to normal, and then use it for
us while I live with him, but he instead decided
to give it to my sister when she passed her
test first, and then refused to take it back and
give it to me. This car is supposed to be
exclusively for his care and nothing else. In the four
years she has had it, she has never used it
for him once, although she does pay the rental for it.

(23:30):
The support my youngest sister's requesting won't impact me, but
will be another instance of him willing to bend over
backwards and break the law to help them despite nothing
in return. I will say that my attitude towards them
getting benefits they don't deserve and aren't entitled to is
definitely impacted by our upbringing. Post divorce, I lived with
my dad, whose sole income was benefits. We lived in poverty,

(23:51):
but may do as best as we could. My mother, however,
is fairly successful in her career and lives a very
comfortable life with enough of her own income let alone
combined with her husband, to give my sisters everything they
could want and more. She has contributed nothing to me
financially since the age of sixteen, and was even claiming
childcare from my dad for my sisters despite us being

(24:13):
in poverty. So it sounds like your issue is not
with your dad at all.

Speaker 3 (24:17):
Wake up, bo pie.

Speaker 7 (24:18):
Your dad is a human who wants his daughters to
like him, to love him. He has been estranged from
them by his ex wife, who hates him and you apparently,
and has probably been poisoning them for years. So it's
not really he doesn't appreciate me or he doesn't care
for me. It's he is blinded by the ceaseless need

(24:41):
to be loved by his own daughters exactly.

Speaker 5 (24:44):
That has literally nothing to do with you.

Speaker 7 (24:47):
So please don't cut off his support if you love
him and care about him, just because he can't help
but help his daughters when they ask him to do
things anyway. With that in mind, I see them trying
to feign poverty and pretend to be poor despite being
comfy upper middle class. As sickening as for my father
enabling that behavior and what it's gotten him. One daughter

(25:10):
won't even call him on his birthday and another calls
him twice a month, and that's it. I want him
to actually stand up to them and go if you're
willing to claim money off the back of my illness,
can you come help me with it? As otherwise the
entirety of that caregiving burden falls on me and my wife,
and quite frankly, we're sick of it being that way.
We have an update from four years later. Four years

(25:30):
is more than enough time to have a conversation. Hopefully
that happened all of these things, And you know, it
could be that OPI has expressed all of this, but
OPI has not let us know.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
You gotta talk to us now communicate to us.

Speaker 7 (25:43):
Every last thought and feeling that you're having about this
should be expressed to your dad. And that's all I
have to say. And I hope I'm about to read
that That's exactly what happened me too. Four years later,
I remember this post as my dad's birthday recently passed,
and I thought, but I might as well give an update,
even though.

Speaker 5 (26:01):
No one asked.

Speaker 7 (26:02):
January twenty twenty three, my father passed away from complete
kidney failure, which is terrible.

Speaker 5 (26:07):
It wasn't a surprise to me.

Speaker 7 (26:09):
His health had been in decline and a transplant wasn't
going to happen.

Speaker 5 (26:12):
The rest of the family, though, were shocked.

Speaker 7 (26:15):
The last time he spoke to anyone, I showed him
the seven week scan of my now two year old son,
his first and only grandchild. We'd rush to get the
earliest scan we could, knowing he didn't have much time.
My son looked like a seahorse tadpole, but at least
he got to see him. He cried when I showed him,
and we had a short talk about fatherhood before exhaustion
took over.

Speaker 5 (26:33):
He fell asleep and never woke up.

Speaker 7 (26:36):
Dang silver lining right got it in at the last second. Hey,
you're me a grandfather. We're having a child. He has thoughts.

Speaker 5 (26:42):
We're talking about fatherhood this last conversation. Yeah, that's kind
of beautiful.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
Absolutely.

Speaker 7 (26:46):
I asked him not to tell anyone since we were
still early and didn't want to jinx it.

Speaker 5 (26:51):
He said, I'll take it to the grave and passed
away three days later. He kept his word.

Speaker 7 (26:56):
I think seeing the skin and having that moment made
him pass away peacefully and happy.

Speaker 5 (27:01):
As for my sisters, they never changed. I let it go.

Speaker 7 (27:04):
I knew I couldn't change my dad, and he was
on borrowed time. For his birthday that year, we rented
a canal boat since he'd always wanted one. He crashed
it almost immediately, and he said, yes, I've always wanted
to crash a canal boat. They gave him less and
less consideration, ignoring him completely on what turned out to
be his last birthday. No visit, no call, not even

(27:24):
a text. He was devastated and reduced contact with them,
though he never stopped helping them financially. When they found
out he was passing, they rushed to his side and
stayed until he passed.

Speaker 5 (27:35):
But like before, it was too little, too late. He
was already unconscious.

Speaker 7 (27:39):
They hadn't shown urgency when he was first admitted, only
showing up when I told them he had chosen to
end life support. I'd been told the day he was admitted,
over two weeks earlier, that he might not survive, and
I believed it. I'd seen him in these situations before,
and this time felt different. The rest of the family
still thought he would recover and didn't treat him as
a priority because they took it for granted, and they're

(27:59):
going to be haunted by that forever, so they get
what they deserve. I feel like it was bittersweet because
it's like he did clearly. I don't think he pulled
his support. I think he stayed there for his dad.
He probably realized, Hi, this is problem I have with
my sisters. I like that that did not happen.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
It seemed like it went as well as it could
have for the situation.

Speaker 7 (28:17):
Still don't know if they really talked it out fully.
I would assume they did. Yeah, And at this point
I think you move forward. You just go low, no
contact with your sisters. I'm focusing on my life with
my wife, with our child, or.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
If it's still a problem. Like still have the chance
to talk to them about it too. If you really
need to still have that conversation, then go right ahead.

Speaker 5 (28:36):
Eventually, my dad asked me if he was passing away.

Speaker 7 (28:40):
Everyone else had been giving him false hope, mostly for themselves,
so I had to tell him, yes, you're going to
pass away soon.

Speaker 5 (28:46):
And that was not an easy conversation.

Speaker 7 (28:48):
He passed surrounded by family who barely gave him their
time when he was alive. My sisters definitely regret how
they treated him, but it's too late. We were civil
at the funeral, but haven't spoken since. I scattered my
I share of his ashes at the end of the canal.
He never got to see. My sisters turned theirs into jewelry.
I miss him every day, especially as his grandson looks

(29:08):
so much like him. It's a shame things never got
resolved with his daughters while he was alive. But I
think he passed a happy man, and that's enough for me.
And that is the end of that story. You got
to find the silver lining where you can find it,
and it looks like he has.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (29:28):
My ex wife is taking advantage of my kindness. I
want to bankrupt her.

Speaker 3 (29:33):
Maybe we should go to the therapy.

Speaker 4 (29:35):
My wife and I legally separated two years ago and
filed for divorce last year. During the divorce, we agreed
that I would keep the house, refinance it, and pay
her fifty percent of equity. Ode she was bringing in
six figures and I only made about fifty eight K
during the marriage, so she paid me spousal support because
she put the down payment on the house. I decided

(29:56):
to give her an extra ten percent of the equity split,
as I leave that to be fair. By the way,
this comes from Ye's's walks and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
storytime subreddit. So we also had two cars that we
needed to refinance to take each other off the loan.
While none of this happened, of course, because I chose

(30:18):
to keep things amicable between us and didn't seek legal counsel,
I filed the divorce papers myself. Fast forward to February
of this year, I get a call from CarMax trying
to collect a debt my ex wife missed a car payment.
We talked about it. I understood that things come up,
and I said I wouldn't mind making the payments this

(30:39):
one time, as long as she pays me back. I
was still peeved, though, as I suspect that she missed
her payment because of the same reason she had failed
to make an alimony payment a few months back, because
she's financially supporting her new unemployed daddy of four Fela
and niece boyfriend, Clooney's boyfriend Interesting comes around and I

(31:01):
get another call from CarMax. April, May, June, and July.
Calls from CarMax every month. By May, I was already concerned.
I come to find out that she's accumulated an exorbitant
amount of debt in one year, the length of her
new relationship.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
Dude, why are we helping her so much? Aren't we divorced?

Speaker 4 (31:21):
So many months? Are we divorce? Her credit is almost nonexistent,
but she's buying Great Danes and Hu pews, She's buying.

Speaker 5 (31:31):
Days what the dog?

Speaker 3 (31:35):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (31:36):
I think, Oh, I was just gonna She's buying multiple
Great Danes, weapons, shopping on Timu, and traveling around the
US with her boyfriend. I'm so concerned about what she's
doing with all of these things.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
She taking the Great Danes around the US. She's taking
the Great Danes. Okay.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
I continued to make payments on her car because I
didn't want my credit to be affected by her in action.
She was paying me back, but it was like pulling teeth.
By June, I got fed up and asked her to
either refinance or sell her car, which of course, she
refused to do.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
Dude, you can sue you're paying for the car payments.

Speaker 4 (32:15):
That's your car. I kept pleading with her, trying to
make her understand how much financial stress this was putting
on me, and I let her know that I felt
as though she was taking advantage of me. July rolls
around and I make another payment.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
Dude, come on, what are you doing do in here?

Speaker 4 (32:31):
This time? The Carmacs paper bill was sent to her house.
First week of August, I get a call from her
boyfriend to yell and berate me. He demanded to know
why my ex and I were still talking. I told
him that she owed me money and that I needed
her to get rid of her car because I was
the one making payments on it. A week went by
and I hadn't heard anything. She had already blocked me

(32:53):
at this point, so I sent her an email requesting
to know details about the car. As usual, she was uncooperative,
and it took me telling her that I would drive
to her house and pick up the car myself to
sell it. That did it. The next day she had
sold the car. She emailed me a few days later
demanding a timeline for refinancing the house. I told her

(33:13):
I wouldn't be refinancing anything until we meet with a
mediator to ensure that she is held accountable. This is
a house, not a car. It took seven months to
get her to do anything with the car, and I
was still owed alimony and car payment slash. The mediator
would facilitate the distribution of our remaining assets, as I

(33:34):
can no longer trust or even communicate with her effectively.
She replied by telling me that she will not be
subjected to my demands any longer, and that she is
titled to one hundred percent of the equity.

Speaker 3 (33:47):
Dude, don't we have a court order?

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Don't we have a shame that says exactly what she's
entitled to.

Speaker 4 (33:53):
I don't think they got that far yet y'all do better.
She also said that because she already filled her divorce
agreement by selling her car, not true. She still owes
me money, so nothing's fulfilled. That I am now in
contempt of court because I have not deposited all hundred
percent of the equity from a house that I haven't

(34:14):
even begun to refinance.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
She said, your even contemptive courts. You're not in court.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
You're not in Core're not in court.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
That's not how contemptive court works.

Speaker 4 (34:26):
Uh, I'm now in contempt of court because I've not
deposited one hundred percent of the equity from a house
that I haven't even begun to refinance, because I need
legal assistance with it. To make matters worse, she told
me she needs the money asap because she's getting married.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
You're steady married.

Speaker 4 (34:45):
However, she wants me to deposit money into her account.
She is refusing to go through with this the right
way because I suspect she doesn't want to disclose her finances.
She is, after all, helping her ex fellon boyfriend run
a business that can not legally operate in the state.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
And also buying pu pews, which he probably should not
be own if he's excell on and the great days.

Speaker 3 (35:09):
Don't forget the great days.

Speaker 4 (35:12):
At this point, there was no salvaging this relationship that
I was trying to keep with her. I wanted to
do things amicably with a mediator and come to an
agreement on the house. We emailed back and forth a
bit more about how I would be seeking legal counsel
if she refused to go to mediation and settle this
like civil adult that once loved each other so dearly.
I still do love her, which is why it hurts

(35:35):
so much. But I am also to the point where
I am ready to lawyer up and take whatever assets
she has left to get my money back and legal
fees paid am id a hole. We do have an update.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
Okay, it's a little bit unclear.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
It doesn't sound like they are officially divorced quite Yeah, Yeah,
could be wrong about that. It sounds like they're still
just separated, but they've filed for divorced.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
They're in filed, they're in the divorce proceedings.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
Yeah, and she's had a boyfriend for a year.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
She's like, I want to marry him a cold months,
great dance a couple of months. Uh is he's getting alimony.

Speaker 4 (36:09):
Yes, she's trying to get the house fun I don't know,
like the house funds. But he's in charge of refinancing.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
Uh, they were for some reason paying for a car together,
which I guess.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
The cars were in his name, I think, and she
stopped paying.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
But like she took she took them, he let her
take them. Weird, weird. Should have changed those to her name, right,
I don't know why you didn't do that. Man, If
she's going to take the cars, change them to her name.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
I don't. You guys did divorce badly?

Speaker 5 (36:42):
You guys? Are you?

Speaker 3 (36:44):
Guys?

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Had a stupid divorce? F F failed divorce? Actually you
get a D for divorce.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
Update. I scheduled a.

Speaker 4 (36:53):
Couple of meetings with attorneys next week to discuss my situation.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
Edit.

Speaker 4 (36:57):
I just wanted to add a bit more background to
explain why I feel like the a hole. My ex
and I remained friends after the separation.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
Did you?

Speaker 4 (37:05):
We still send each other funny memes and we were
checking in on one another. The communication increased late last
year when she missed her first alimony payment. This is
when she began to tell me more and more about
her new life and relationship. She started telling me that
her boyfriend was always asking for money and that she
was stressed out constantly. She also said that he attacked

(37:27):
her one night that they had an intense argument. She
also started telling me that she missed me and that
she wanted to leave her situation but had nowhere to go.
This lasted the entire seven months that I was paying
for her car.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
What is your relationship? What is your relationship?

Speaker 5 (37:43):
Like that?

Speaker 3 (37:43):
Awful? Awful?

Speaker 2 (37:44):
If she's in that situation, awful, I'm confused what your
relationship is?

Speaker 4 (37:49):
I'm worried.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
Also, if he's an ex.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
Fella, report that report that maybe don't have weapons around him.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
Yeah, that's what the Great Danes.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
Are around the kids. Okay.

Speaker 4 (38:01):
I was worried for her. I wanted to help her.
I began to piece things together and all I needed
was a name and a truth Finder account to find
out that her new man is a convicted felon with
bankruptcies and illegal business dealings. I asked her if she
knew about this over the phone one day, and she
said no, but didn't seem.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
Too concerned about it.

Speaker 4 (38:23):
Why we continued to stay in contact with her, even
calling me in the middle of the night to ask
if she can bring the dogs over and spend the night.
After another fight, the relationship turned sour after the guy
saw the CarMax bill and called me to confront me
about it. That is when she blocked me. Her attitude
towards me changed when I told her that I was
afraid and that she would continue to drag out the

(38:44):
car situation, especially now that we wouldn't be able to
talk as frequently. This is when she blew up on
me and told me that all I ever cared about
was money and that I was bailing on her when
she needed me the most. She told me that she
felt used by me during the marriage and when she
was buying me cars and houses. There is another update, dude,
what he's going on?

Speaker 3 (39:07):
I okay, just to recap.

Speaker 4 (39:10):
Yes, we've got this.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
These two people decided to separate, didn't go through the
courts because they wanted to do it amicably, but then
filed for the force proceedings and stuff.

Speaker 3 (39:21):
Yes, Uh did it badly? Did it badly?

Speaker 7 (39:26):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (39:26):
That now she's not paying for these car payments that
she promised to pay for. He let her go with
the car because she's like, well, we're friends, they're sending each.

Speaker 4 (39:35):
Other memes well, because it sounded like they were. It
was going well between them until the boyfriend that she
also sounds like she doesn't want anymore.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
It's not a good situation, but I just think it
like divorce from what we've read in all of these stories.
Even if you wanted to be amicably, let's just get
a mediator.

Speaker 3 (39:57):
In just a mediator.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Even, let's just get some sort of legal stuff going
on in there so we don't have to.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
Do this deal with it later.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
Get some great dams.

Speaker 3 (40:07):
Yeah, so yikes.

Speaker 4 (40:10):
For the record, she and I met in the Marines
and had nothing to our names when we got out.
We both worked and were full time students for the
GI Bill for four years. In the marriage, I made
more than her, but because of her career, she moved
up very quickly and was making around one hundred and
ten K when we split up. She now makes closer
to one hundred and eighty K. I, however, was playing

(40:31):
catch up in grad school while also working a full
time job and doing paid internships, and was constantly berated
for not being at her level yet, which she referred
to as power couple status. So when she called me
to tell me that she had sold the car and
wanted equity because she's getting married. I was flabberg acid. Yeah, wait,
she's also getting married to this man.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
You guys aren't even divorced. We've gotten no clarity.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
I don't think they are. I just can't believe it. Mean,
I can't believe that she's used me, or is some
of what she's saying true. I don't recognize her. I
don't know what to believe anymore. My brain can't process this,
and I think my desire to rescue her is why
I've been doing this with her so long. Stow, and
that's the end.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
Of the straw.

Speaker 5 (41:18):
Hey, it's johni og host here.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but it's a
quick three minute break of ass from more sponsors.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
My niece wanted me to design her wedding. I'm not
available for that day.

Speaker 5 (41:27):
Sorry, niece. I'm too exclusive for you.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
I'm facing situation and not sure how to handle it.
In April of this year, my oldest niece, don thirty,
announced that she and her boyfriend would be getting married
in September fifth of this year. My niece asked me
to please handle all centerpieces, and I need decor for
the wedding as well as being her maid of honor.
I was thrilled and worked my butt off for four months.
By the way, this comes from tatted up Girl, and

(41:51):
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slush okay storytime supreddit. So it was really
hard work, but I pulled it off and my niece
was over the moon with how her wedding turned out.
But Don left all of the decor up to me,
saying that I could do what I wanted to, and
thankfully she and everyone else at the wedding loved it.
At the reception, my youngest niece, Leah eighteen, decided that

(42:12):
her oldest sister's wedding was the best time to tell
everyone that she and her boyfriend are getting married on
Halloween this year.

Speaker 7 (42:18):
A wow, always the worst time to do that at
someone else's wedding.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
Plus that's like a month or like a couple months
September fifth to Halloween.

Speaker 5 (42:26):
Not really enough notice.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
I was busy and had heard her saying something, but
didn't really think about it again until this afternoon. Don
called saying that Leah had called her saying that she
had bought her wedding dress. Leah told Don that since
Down makes cakes, she wants her to do the wedding cake.
And she loved what I did for Don's wedding, so
she wants me to do hers as well. While I'm
glad to be the person that she wants to decorate

(42:49):
her wedding, this brings up a crap load of issues.
The issue number one. Three months ago, my mother, who
is sixty, and I booked a trip for out of
the town the weekend that has picked for her wedding.
Call me selfish, but we have been really looking forward
to this trip. Our lives have always been kind of
crazy and the time away is really needed. Issued number two.

(43:10):
I paid for all the crap that I needed to
make the centerpieces and to decorate for Don's wedding. I
told her that it would be my husband and I's
wedding gift to her. I paid for everything so she
could have really nice stuff that I knew that she
couldn't afford on her own, and Don was over the
moon at that time. I had the money to do it.
Two weeks before Don's wedding, I moved into a new house,

(43:31):
then got laid off the next day. My money is tight.
I have a family to help support. And Leah told
Don that she has zero money for decorations and the cake,
meaning that she expects Don to make the wedding cake
pay for it, and for me to pay for a
decor and centerpieces. With Don and myself just paying for
Don's wedding, we are all tapped out. She's also expecting

(43:54):
my parents to pay for the food, since they just
paid for the food at Don's wedding. Issued number three.
Leah paid October thirtieth for the day of the wedding.
We live in southern Indiana, and whether in the Midwest
this time of year can either be your rain or
even snow. The location of the wedding is at my parents'
farm outside. There is nowhere to go if it rains

(44:16):
or anything. It is all one hundred percent outside, So
I'm not gonna lie. Leah is and always has been
a huge a hole. She thinks just because she says
this is what I want, everyone should hop to she
can be really effing difficult. Just because Don asked Leah
what kind of made of honor dressed you needed to
look for, and Leyah's answer was whatever she wants her

(44:38):
wedding cake to be nightmare. Before Christmas themes said her
wedding color is navy blue and doesn't have any thoughts
about anything else, So she wants everyone to do everything
and come up with it all on her own. And
when dealing with Leah, that means that even though she
purposefully didn't say what she wanted, what you give her
will not be good enough or write and she will

(44:59):
throw a f It's the reasons that I had to
stop buying her anything for Christmas and her birthday because
nothing was good enough and she would freak out. So
no more gifts.

Speaker 5 (45:09):
Happy Birthday. I didn't get you anything you didn't want.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
There you go. That's my gift is not giving you
something you're gonna throw tantrum over. So my question, Reddit
is how do I go about talking about all of
these issues with Lamb. I can't do what she wants,
none of us can. While I do want to do
for her what I did for Dawn, I'm just not
in the place to do it again this soon. If
I could talk her into moving the wedding to December

(45:33):
and having it at her dad's giant building, I could
do what she wants. No one would be in the
rain or snow, and my mother and I wouldn't be
out of town. So how do I tell her this
without her turning it into me just trying to tell
her what to do? We do have some relevant comments,
and then I want to hear your comments. To coda,
so Hats and top Coats says, the wedding is at

(45:54):
your parents' farm when your mother won't be there. Opie says, yep,
my niece. I didn't ask anybody anything. She just started
telling everyone when she's getting married. I'm telling Leah Tuesday
about the trip and everything that I put in my post.
I want her to actually listen and not think that
I'm just being a wiener or don't care or something.
Work Safe account fifteen says, maybe your mom could say, listen,

(46:17):
I don't feel comfortable having dozens of people at my
house when I'm away on vacation. You may use my farm,
but not on a weekend when I'm not there. You
have to reschedule or find somewhere else, and then watch
the whole thing implode when she can't find a venue
this late in the game. Anyway, I'll pe your response
to that. You know I think you're right. My mom

(46:38):
is way stronger than me. I cave because I don't
want to hurt feelings, but my mom cuts right through
the bs. Thattus Crane says, Wow, does her boyfriend even
know that he's getting married? That's fine, and in this timeline,
I would just tell her, No, you're busy that weekend,
as is your mother, who's farm she's planning on using.
And furthermore, it's not in your budget. Your reasons are

(47:01):
incredibly reasonable, and your niece sounds like she couldn't handle
her sister getting married and being in the spotlight more
than her. Opie responds to that, I think that's exactly
what it is. Two months before the wedding, Leah set
off for boot camp, so for the months leading up
to that she was getting a lot of attention. Then
something happened. No one knows the truth, and she got

(47:21):
shipped back from boot camp. Three weeks leading up to
the wedding. Don refused to make Leah a bridesmaid and
told her that there was no time for her to
get addressed and all that. So, of course, she thought
Don's wedding was the best time to tell everyone that
she is getting married. And we do have an update.
But oh boy.

Speaker 5 (47:39):
She sure sounds like she's not difficult at all, not
at all.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
No, just have it the next year. Just give it
a year, have a whole nother year to put everything together.
Two months is po little time.

Speaker 5 (47:50):
Feels super reflexive and impulsive.

Speaker 7 (47:52):
It's like she was like, Oh, well, this person's having
a really great wedding, and look all these people are
helping her with it, so now I'm going to demand
that they do the exact same thing for me in
less than sixty days.

Speaker 3 (48:03):
It's like, that's just not how that works, my friend.

Speaker 5 (48:06):
But we do have an updates, and she got kicked
out of boot camp, right.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
I guess you.

Speaker 7 (48:10):
Gotta be pretty obstinate to get kicked out of boot camp.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
I want to know more of that story. But let's
see how she deals with this difficult woman. So update.
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who commented
on my original post. In my everyday life, I'm the
problem solver, the fixer, So I was looking at this
entire situation as a problem that I needed to solve.
I knew that if I asked you guys what to do,
you would all just see it from a perspective that

(48:36):
I was just too close to see. Thank you all
for showing me that not only was any of this
not my problem, but also that it was not my
responsibility to do anything at all in this situation. Clearly
I have crap that I needed to work on and
keep working on. My husband has helped me over the
eleven years that we've been together. I used to be
like a field mouse and absolutely terrified to say no

(48:56):
to people, sometimes even crying over it. Thanks to the
people on here who suggested it, I'm actually going to
start practicing saying, standing up for myself and letting no
be a complete sentence. My husband said that I can
practice on him whenever I needed to, and we will
start working on that today. Oh sweet, Okay, So the
update Sunday night, I called my mom and told her everything.

(49:18):
I pointed out that we will be gone on the
weekend Leah was wanting to get married on and said
that for once, I will be putting my foot down.
We will be going on that trip. My mom laughed
and said not to worry, and that Leah has lost
her dang mine if she thinks that any of us
will pay for anything. I told her to call my
dad before my sister had a chance to lie to him.

(49:39):
My dad said the same thing as mom did and
decided to call Leya's dad to find out what was
going on. Lea's dad said that he told Leah that
since he just bought her a car and his business
is getting ready to shut down for the winner, he
could not afford a wedding for her this year. He
told her to put the wedding off till around May
of next year and that would be enough time. Le

(50:00):
I lost her crap.

Speaker 7 (50:02):
Are we surprised, No, zero percent surprised, not at all.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Her dad said that after a lot of screaming, she
finally yelled, I'll pay for it myself, And apparently in
Leah's mind, that meant getting all of us to pay
for it.

Speaker 7 (50:16):
Right, I'll pay for it myself means I'll find other
people to pay for.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
This, Yeah, come on. My dad said that he needed
to tell Lea that not a single one of us
will ever pay for her to get married ever, and
if she just absolutely has to, she can do it
at the courthouse. Later that night, Lea's dad called my
dad back and said that he sat Laya down and
demanded to know why she was pushing for a wedding

(50:41):
so soon. That is true, that's a good problem to
address as well. It didn't even think of that.

Speaker 7 (50:46):
I think it's that jealousy or like seeing someone else
have it.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
Yeah, she just needs her moment. Turns out that her
boyfriend is joining the navy and they thought it would
be a good idea to get married. Oh is the
best idea? Oh yeah. Her dad told me that none
of us are paying anything for her wedding and she
would have to go to the courthouse if she had to,
but there will be no wedding this year. After an
hour of yelling, Leah said fine, and she will just

(51:11):
move the wedding to next year. But honestly, if her.

Speaker 4 (51:14):
Boyfriend is going away, I can totally see.

Speaker 3 (51:16):
Her finding a new guy while he is gone and
the whole wedding thing going away. Anyway, Thank you all
so much for helping me. Lea's finally got it through
to her that no one will be paying for her wedding,
and she agreed to put it off. I'm going to
work on myself and have an awesome trip. Go up,
go you. We do have some relevant comments coming right up,
but do you have any comments of your own, Dakoda.

Speaker 7 (51:38):
Yeah, I mean, like just go on the trip, Like
you know, if you've planned on doing something for a
long time and someone comes around and says, hey, like
do this thing for me. But it's like a demand
and I'm not nice about it and I'm annoying, like.

Speaker 5 (51:50):
Don't feel at all obligated to cancel your trip and such.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
Short notice, because i mean, I'm guessing that for the
other wedding, she probably got so much time beforehand to
figure everything out, so.

Speaker 5 (52:03):
A lot longer than less than two months.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
Yeah, and she probably asks instead of just being like, hey,
you're doing this and you're paying for it all you
crazy girl. We do have some relevant comments. Delete it,
says thanks for the update. She sounds like the type
to cheat on her boyfriend when he hasn't even been
at boot camp for a week. Opie says she has
cheated on him a lot. Oh man nix de Boss says, wow,

(52:26):
effing tell him, don't let him get married. She sounds crazy,
and Opie responds to that. The ft up thing is
that she tells him him herself. She cheats on him,
tells him about it, and says that he can't get
mad because she was honest with him.

Speaker 5 (52:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (52:41):
Sure, in backwards upside down nonsense land, that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
Oh my gosh, why does the boyfriend want to marry
Leah after all that he has a very low self
esteem and self worth? He thinks that Leah is the
only person who will ever love him. Donna's told him
many times that he could find someone better. Wow, and
we do actually have a second update. Would you look
at that?

Speaker 5 (53:02):
I hope it's him finding someone better.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
I hope so too. That is so cruel of her
to do to him. My goodness. So update number two, Well,
a few people wanted an update to the update, so
I thought i'd let everyone know that. Don and I
found out today that Leah got married on Tuesday, exactly
what we want to happen. Absolutely no one knew about it,
but Leah's mom and my sister. Don called her today

(53:26):
to try to get her to talk Leah out of
the whole marriage thing altogether. Don said to her mom
that there's no way that she could think it's a
good idea for Leyah to get married, and my sister replied, well,
it's kind of late for that. Don asked her mom
what the heck that meant. And she said that they
snuck off on Tuesday and got married at the courthouse.

Speaker 5 (53:45):
I mean, it is what everyone told them to do.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
I guess she's like, Okay, fine, I guess we're getting
married when we were No, they gotta.

Speaker 4 (53:52):
Lock this down.

Speaker 5 (53:53):
I feel so bad for that guy.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
My sister tried to act like Leah had no choice,
since it's my fault that none of us would pay
for her wedding.

Speaker 7 (54:00):
What sure, whatever? Why do I have to pay my taxes?
It's because of that one fish that crawled out of
the ocean. That's whose fault it really is.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
It's their fault. Ow dare they There's a little bit more,
but do you have any final comments?

Speaker 5 (54:13):
Some people can't be saved.

Speaker 7 (54:15):
Yeah, it's hard, but like you've done what you can
for that guy, being like, you can find someone else,
and he's like, no, I don't think I can.

Speaker 3 (54:22):
Hopefully they can just be like a good family support
system to him. Maybe done so much to her, and
then you know, hopefully even though she's terrible to him,
everyone else can be good.

Speaker 5 (54:36):
Everyone else in your life is great except your wife.

Speaker 3 (54:39):
But there is a tiny even more to the story.
So Apparently I somehow have the power to tell my
parents not to pay for a wedding, and since I
thought that my trip was more important and refuse to
let mom cancel, what was Leah supposed to do? Don
went off on her mom and stuck up for me,
But I couldn't care less if she is blaming me.
I cut my sister out of my life sixty years

(55:00):
yars ago, so anything that she says means nothing in
my life. Leah says that they will have a real
wedding next year, and Don told her mom that when
she does have it, not to ask her for a
cake or me to decorate. And Don said that we
will not help in any way. And she told me
that she's gonna beat me if I help, but I
told her not to worry about it. So yeah, that's that.

(55:23):
I guess. Hope my sister can pay for the divorce.
Dag Man. I think this is for some context, like
previous context. So I make handmade gifts for people that
I love, and I used to make my niece handmade
things for her all the time until one day she
let it slip that everything I've ever made for her
she has sold online.

Speaker 5 (55:41):
What Wow?

Speaker 3 (55:43):
She told me that I should be flattered because everything
sold for a good chunk of change. That was six
years ago, and she doesn't understand why I no longer
give her any gifts at all. She completely broke my heart.
The one that really broke my heart was when I
made her a customed coffee table out of a door
from our grandma's house. That door was the last thing
that we had from the house, and now it's in

(56:05):
some stranger's house. Wow. Someone then asked, not to be weird,
but I saw that you had written about her a
while back. Is she still married? Are their kids? Elmeo?

Speaker 4 (56:14):
Ohp?

Speaker 3 (56:14):
He responded, that's a difference. She's actually married to someone
else and she can't have kids.

Speaker 7 (56:19):
Okay, well, at least that guy is not married to
her anymore.

Speaker 5 (56:23):
Wow.

Speaker 7 (56:24):
Sounds like just about the most selfish piece of work
I've ever heard.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
That is so insane.

Speaker 7 (56:29):
You should feel flattered that I sold all of the
gifts you got me because they sold for good money.
They weren't like hot wheels or something. They were like thoughtful,
handmade gifts. What a garbage bag of a person ask.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
For all of that money back?

Speaker 7 (56:44):
Yeah, I'd be like, that's actually my income. Now I'm
so flattered. Are you gonna give me the money? Well, yeah,
just don't bother with this person.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
What a terrible, terrible person. But that is the end
of that story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I went no‑contact with my ex‑wife’s daughter after the divorce… she treated me like an ATM! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories