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00:00 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - I (20M) went to a strip club with my girlfriend (20F) and it was a disaster
10:24 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - My GFs "girl nights outs" included her friends SOs, I feel left out
22:15 r/BORUpdates - AITAH for hiding that I'm homeless from my girlfriend?
32:20 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - AIO? I think my gf might be cheating on me through her Dungeons and Dragons game
52:05 r/relationship_advice - I [28F] gave my boyfriend [28M] an engagement ultimatum and I might be regretting it
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
#reddit #funnyredditposts
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Who is more respectful of you in the future. Her
(00:02):
character flaws finally revealed themselves, and she was not a
great partner to you. I am sorry, and I'm sorry
that that is the end of that story.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I've been hiding my homelessness for my girlfriend and it's
getting hard.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
It's getting hard.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
It's probably been hard the whole time.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I'm eight seed mail and I'm dating my girlfriend who
just turned twenty. I've been in Foster Hare since I
was thirteen. I lucked out when I was younger. I
had some good homes, but the most recent one I
had was really bad. By the way, this comes from
Icy Residence seven seven two, and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the hour slash Okay
story Time. Supp run it and we'll read it. So
I've been homeless for one month now. It's been exhausting
(00:39):
hiding it for my girlfriend. And one of the jobs
I work is at a local martial arts gym in
my city, which I sneak back into at night because I.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Have keys for lock up.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm pretty sure that the owner knows that I'm sleeping
here because there are cameras. He hasn't said anything, though
sometimes he leaves me food. So I'm doing okay for
being homeless. I'm saving up and I'm trying to find
another job so I can make money faster and find
a place to live. I'm staying out of trouble. I
don't drink booze and I don't do substances. My girlfriend
lives in a university dorm with a roommate. She goes
(01:08):
to a prestigious school that she worked really hard to
get into. Tonight, she said I have sad eyes, and
she asked me if something was wrong. I wanted to
break down and tell her everything. Instead, I said I
was sleepy and hugged her, then made a joke, which
distracted her and changed the topic. I know in a
relationship you're supposed to be honest, but I guess I
have pride or something. All these years growing up, there
(01:28):
were so many times that I felt like I had
no dignity. So it's really hard for me to let
go of this pride or whatever you want to call it.
It's hard to explain. Besides, she can't really help me.
It would just be adding to her stress. So am
I the a hole for thinking that I can find
a place get settled? In and basically fix this problem
and then tell her I see these on TikTok all
the time, and I know what I'm asking is not
(01:49):
the same as wedding drama or marriage drama, but I
thought I would give it a shot. With this being
anonymous and all, I mean, there are some comments joyful
stitches ninety six is not the a hole, but it
sounds like you're focking yourself out of opening up to
her about this. She might not be able to fix everything,
but she can offer support. It sounds like you could
really use that right now, angry dresser says agreed. Also,
op I'm sorry I've been homeless myself, but this. You
(02:12):
don't deserve to be eighteen dealing with all this. No
one does. But you are just in a position that
I know many go through, but I wish no one experienced.
Opie says, I'm sorry you had to deal with homelessness too.
Deep down, I know I'm lucky for the circumstances I
do have, like the ability to crash my boss's jym.
It's a lot better than being in a shelter. Those
honestly scare me. Bbe four oh one for real, says
(02:33):
my now husband was living between friends' houses and a
direct provision center when we met. He is a very
proud man and was vague or wouldn't discuss where he
lived or allow me to drop him anywhere, and said
things like he was going to visit friends at night.
And he was always so upbeat and caring towards me
that it seemed like a small thing, so I didn't
push it. He's also a really hard worker and works
(02:53):
day and night. I initially worried that he didn't trust
me to see his house in case I turned stalker
or something. I thought, wait, with all the working hours,
maybe he had already had a family or something like that.
Except he added me on his social media and openly
walked around town with me, so that didn't make sense.
I totally didn't realize the things he must have been
going through till way later we had our own place,
(03:14):
and I accidentally saw an old document that he had
with the DP address as his address, and it all
made sense. How he is always helping people who he
meets to have a hard time, bringing friends and getting
them a couch to sleep on, et cetera. At the time,
he helped me with any problems I was having but
is very religious and used to tell me that he
shared his problems with God. And me, being in my
little happy self and spending time with him, it was
(03:37):
enough for me to do to help him back. From
the woman's perspective, I respect.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Him so much.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
He didn't lie to me, but he kind of made
it clear what he did and didn't want to talk about.
And I respected and accepted that I have a good
job and my own money. But he always liked to
pay for things like if we got coffee, et cetera.
Things were probably very hard for him, but I'm glad
that I didn't push it and forced him to be
vulnerable with me about his fears and circumstances, because because
I know him, and that would have damaged his pride
(04:02):
in himself. Sorry for the long rambling reply. I suppose
what I'm trying to say is, once you don't make
her a question how you feel about her, it's okay
to struggle and be man and keep your pride in
her eyes. Yeah, I feel like it's definitely up to
you what you want to talk about, for sure. I
hate that that makes you feel like opening up about
that makes you feel less prideful. You know, because it's
(04:24):
not really your fault any of this, you know, but
it's like, you.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Know, it's the messaging we're giving her a lot of
our lives. It's like, you know, to be a provider.
And then it's like, well, if you can't provide yourself
with the basic still, you know, and then there's yeah,
people out there who are really shallow, and there are
people out there who would go, oh, all right, bye,
right brokie, like.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Right, stuff happens, it's horrible. So yeah, makes sense.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah, but I'm sure that, like I mean, if she's
a good girlfriend, then hopefully she would still support you.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yes, of course I should give my actual take along
with that. You should talk to your girl because you
would want to know either way if she was someone
who would just leave you.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Or if she's someone who would help you. So true,
you still have to just talk to her.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, And I mean it's okay to like lean on
your girlfriend for support, you know, that's what they're there for. Mope,
your response to that comment this was really inspiring. I'm
really glad that you shared this with me. I actually
read it over two times because it made me feel
less bad about myself. I want to be that kind
of man one day. Like your husband, I try to
show up for my girlfriend and the few people in
my life, not as a burden, but someone that they
can rely on. Normally, I'm really good at presenting myself
(05:30):
a certain way, no matter what's happening to me. I
will go as far as to hide injuries, and I
think I have a really high pain tolerance.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Now.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I'm always smiling and I like to focus on other people,
not myself. But lately I'm working a lot more, and
even though I have a place to sleep every night,
there's this stress that never leaves. So I guess I'm
not as convincing as I usually am because I'm too tired. Like,
I don't know what I'm saying right now. What was
the point I was trying to make. I need to sleep,
But you said quote He didn't lie to me, but
he kind of made it clear what he did and
(05:59):
didn't want to talk about, and I respected and accepted
that maybe I could try approaching it somehow, just like that.
So the consensus from the comments is that opia is
not the a whole.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well, thank god they're not saying that the eighteen year
old the homeless boy is an a hole.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, and that thing I feel like, obviously this is
like a hard time for him right now. But like so,
you know, you probably don't have the time or the
mental space to address like you know, keeping things in,
But that might be something to think about later in
life and reflect on. You don't have to keep things
in and just be happy all the time for other people.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, no, because that'll make you go insane.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Oh yeah, you'll break down. But we do have an update, howdy.
I just wanted to come back and share that I
ended up confiding in my girlfriend about my homelessness. She
was devastated for me, but ultimately I'm really glad that
I pushed myself to tell her the truth. It was
really eating at me, and it was a huge relief
in itself to no longer be carrying that around On
top of everything else.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
We're still together.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Also a huge relief my girlfriend is keeping my homelessness
a secret. One thing I haven't shared with her or
anyone really outside of you guys, is that I continue
to struggle with feelings of shame and inadequacy about the situation.
But I know those are more my internal dialogue and
not necessarily how others perceive me given that they don't
really know. I'm trying really hard to keep my head
up and maintain my self worth and convince myself that
(07:16):
I'm not trash. I also ended up telling the owner
of the gym that I've been crashing at what I've
been doing, as I suspected he knew about it, but
doesn't want to acknowledge it for insurance purposes. So essentially
this conversation didn't happen. He said that I can keep
doing it given that I find housing asap. I have
to move on to a new place to sleep if
I'm still homeless in a few weeks. There is a
little bit more into the story we have any final
(07:38):
thoughts before we move on.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Keeping secrets is a burden, and there's people who literally
like take stuff all the way to their deathbed and
then they'll be.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Like, h wait, this is one thing.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yeah, and it's like, yeah, get in front of it.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
You don't want to have a secret your whole life
for you to keep, and you shouldn't. You know, I
have to keep this a secret from Yeah, your girlfriend
maybe not let it go on the first date, right.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Sure, but you know, Yeah, I think in general, like
if you're putting on this work in a being there
for other people, like you can let yourself lean on
them in exchange, you know, Like that's kind of the
give and take of friendships and girlfriends, people that are
close to you, like, you know, if you're there for them,
there for you, So take advantage of that. Maybe don't
take advantage of them, but like, you know, let yourself
(08:26):
relax a bit. Okay, there's a little bit more into
the story. So I've got two places pending that I
know are strongly considering me. I'd happily take either one.
Affordable housing here is really difficult to come by and
very competitive. There's a lot of interest per listing. I
started expanding my search area and this helped, although my
commute is going to be rough. Thanks again to everyone
who commented on my other post. Some more comments are
(08:50):
from race Walk. You have people in your life that
care about you. Keep your head up and you will
get through this. Cherry Snuggles says, absolutely. The support Op's
gotten proved that they're not alone this, even if it
feels like it. Sometimes owning the truth like that takes
serious strength, and it's clear that they've got people who
truly care one step at a time. They've got this.
Puns and Roses four twenty says, honestly, man, I'm so
(09:12):
sorry here that you're going through this, and I'm sending
you an air hug. Sometimes just being able to confide
in people about the awful things that happen can be
a source of relief and just help with relieving the
intense pressure and stress. If nothing else, and even if
the problems aren't fixed, being open about your situation is tough,
but for whatever it's worth, I'm honestly proud of you
for being brave enough to do it. Being eighteen in
the world is already hard enough. Having to face it
(09:33):
out of an unpleasant foster situation and with the stack
you've been given isn't fair or right. But I can
tell from what you've written that you've been fighting to
get to where you need to go. You'll get there.
You deserve to be happy and have a place to
call yours. You deserve to feel safe and get away
from the stress that you've been under. Op says, thank
you so much man, from the bottom of my heart,
(09:54):
I feel really glad that I posted here. I know
the we're all strangers but it's been so impactful for
me to read the comments. Thank you for taking time
to do that. It's hard to explain, but I needed
the boost that you gave me. It rewired how I
view myself for the better. And that's the story with
a lovely ending.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Zah, hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to
this episode, but a quick three minute break with Asthramur sponsors.
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me through her
Dungeons and Dragons game.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
I guess she year old and nat one on deception.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
I twenty seven male, have been going out with my girlfriend,
twenty five female for almost four years, and we've been
living together for a few months. She's funny and wonderful
and kind and honestly pretty much everything I've ever wanted
in a girl. She's also a bit of a D
and D type NERD, which I don't think is a
bad thing. It's good that she has her own friends
and hobbies. By the way, this comes from leaving questions
(10:45):
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separateding. So she tried
getting me into it, but I don't really get it.
She tried teaching me about Dungeons and Dragons, but there
were just too many weird rules in dice and I
just didn't see the fun in it.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
That's a red flag. Maybe she's a bad teacher.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
We tried playing boulders Gate three together, thinking that it
would be easier to get into for me and for
me to experience her world in a way, but I
got really bored, really fast, and at that point it
was better to let her do her own thing. We've
got plenty of other stuff that we do together, and
as I said, it's not a big deal for her
to have hobbies that don't include me, and she does
love her hobby, and she gets very excited about her
(11:24):
weekly games and sometimes tells me about the epic adventures
they gone, which admittedly sounds pretty fun secondhand, but is
not really fun for me. We live in a two
bedroom apartment, so we have a bedroom and a home
office that we share where our laptops are. Her Dungeons
and Dragons games are online and usually happen in the evening,
so I just hang out in the living room or
go out when she plays, so it's not too intrude.
(11:45):
But a few weeks ago, I noticed that she locks
the door when she plays interesting it.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Depends how intense the D and D sessions are.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
I thought it was a little weird, because why would
you lock the door to play Dungeons and Dragons? And
it didn't sit right with me. So I did what
I now think might have been very sad and pathetic,
but I genuinely didn't know what else to do. The
last few weeks when she had her game, I sat
out in the hall by the door and I listened.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I understand that he's coming from a place of, you know, suspicion.
I do think we could have just been like, hey,
can I come listen to one of your games.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
She uses headphone, so I could only really hear her
side of the game, and at first it was just
some stuff about rolling dice, joking around with her friends
and spells doing whatever. But I kept at it. I
sat there for four hours last week. She also said
that me sitting outside to listen in on our game
was a violation of her privacy and showed that he
didn't trust her, which was why she felt like she
(12:45):
needed to lock the door in the first place. I
apologize for that, but at the same time, I said
that me being wrong to Eavesdrop doesn't justify what she did,
to which she said she didn't do anything wrong. It
was just what the game was and it was just
a game. But that made me feel even worse. Maybe
I'm being whiny or misreading it, but she is the
first person that I was ever really vulnerable with like that,
(13:07):
and the way she spoke to me when she told
me how much she loved me, it was just so
similar to the way she spoke as her character that
it made me uncomfortable. It made me feel like something
was only mine and only for me was just being
given to someone else for a game, and it felt
like it cheapened it. Was she faking it with me?
Was she genuinely feeling that for another person. I don't
(13:29):
know what exactly it is that's bothering me, because technically
she's not wrong, But I don't care if she's technically
not cheating. I just feel like there are certain sides
of my girlfriend that should be reserved only for me,
shouldn't there. I couldn't really verbalize it to her, and
after a bunch of arguing back and forth, we just
went to bed, and for the past few days we've
been in this weird state of limbo where we're both
(13:50):
going on like nothing happened, but also there's clearly tension. Today,
I couldn't take it anymore and said that we needed
to talk about it. I said that I understood her
hobbies are important to her, but I am her boyfriend
and there should be certain things that are just for me.
I can't go on knowing that she's talking like that
to some other guy. So I told her that I
support her going on with the games, but I ask
(14:12):
that she no longer locks the door and no longer
do whatever romantic stuff that she does in game. Why
I even play?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Why even play?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
She said, I didn't mind when she talked to me
at length about her romance with the Astereon guy in
Balder's Gate. I told her again that that's not the same.
I don't mind her playing at romance with a bunch
of pixels and being moved by fiction, but that her
D and D game isn't just fiction. It's her telling
those things to an actual person, and that bothers me,
(14:41):
so I want her to stop. She said I was
being possessive and controlling, and that I can't tell her
to not have hobbies or how to behave. I told
her that's true, but if she doesn't understand how I
feel about this, we might not have a future together.
She got angrier and said, I'm clearly not in a
state to be having this discussion, and we'll talk again
when I've calmed down and we went to school. She's
getting her MA. But in the time since I've been
(15:03):
the opposite of calming down, I just get more upset
the more I think about it. Clearly, me being upset
should at least make her consider stopping, even if she
isn't actually cheating out right. Shouldn't my feelings matter on
this issue? But also maybe I'm not being reasonable, maybe
I am overreacting. Help.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Oh boy, I can't wait for the comments to roast you.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
We have a very charged up Sophia Donner. Sophia, the
floor is yours.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I'm upset again. She is acting. She is playing a
character in a game that is completely different from her. However,
a lot of who she is comes probably because she's
not like a professional actor. Even if she was, a
lot of who you are comes out in the characters,
(15:52):
because you don't necessarily if you're not like a professional.
You don't know how to create an entirely different person
from you who's like so far removed. So she's pulling
from what she knows to create and play a character
for a game. The fact that, I mean, okay, I
don't think that this is like they have to break up.
(16:14):
I think that there is a way they can get
out of this. If she makes him watch just hours
of D and D podcasts. I need him to go.
His homework is to go watch D and D podcasts
to understand that these are actors playing characters and that
everything that happens in the worlds as long as all
of the players are you know, consenting and everything, and
(16:34):
it's not like icky, you.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Know, like stuff that makes everyone's on board, everyone's comfortable.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Everyone's on board, everyone's comfortable. Then it has nothing to
do with your relationship outside. Yeah, it's just completely different. Again,
This is the same as actors acting in a play
and confessing love to someone in a play. I mean,
like in his whole thing about like, oh, well, you're
reading lines. Okay, Well what if I'm improvising in the
scene and I confess love to someone.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
That's not real And guess what, D and D is improv.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Yeah, it's a really interesting scenario because it's like I
think again, like me not understanding D and D at
all the actors example, I'm like, I get it instantaneously, right, Yeah, Yeah,
it's like, hey, if this is acting, I will say too, though,
And I'm curious on both of your perspective of specifically
U Sophia, Like I could see someone saying and I
think this would be reasonable where it's like, hey, I
understand like people who are actors, like you have scenes
(17:30):
where you're confessing love or maybe like there's like scenes
or whatever in a movie, in a play or whatever,
and it's like I totally respect that and salute to that,
but I don't know if I'm built for that, if
my partner is doing that. But you just don't like
that's just like a misalignment and you don't like try
to make something work that doesn't work. There, We've got
some other relement commis, Lads and gentlemen. What a breakdown,
(17:50):
So low Flight thirty seven and one says, I'm sorry
to say this, but yes absolutely I don't play Dungeons
and Dragons anymore and don't like it. But people do
all sorts of things to maintain an atmosphere where they
feel safe. Role Playing is incredibly vulnerable, and it's easy
to feel stupid if someone overhears. You should have asked
why she locked it if you were curious, again, get curious, Yeah,
(18:11):
get curious before invading privacy always, or just don't invade privacy.
Try that. Your post implies that, rather than her having
an actual emotional affair, which is possible but unlikely, the
point of contention is the act of saying it to
someone else hurt your feelings. I can see why it would, honestly,
but you hit her with a double whammy. You invaded
her privacy and then made an accusation. She's not going
(18:34):
to be in a state to be considerate of your
feelings after that. Do you want a relationship to still
be there after you win the argument? I don't want
to be harsh, but this seems like a bad situation.
You're probably a decent person and you're hurt right now,
but there are times when you have to recognize that
you're the transgressor tild art. Yes, if you had asked
about the lock, or asked more about what the games
are like before eavesdropping, you would likely not be surprised
(18:58):
and hurt.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
I agree if you had gotten a little bit more curious.
I mean like she's trying to teach him, and I
think probably every time she's talked about it, he's like, yeah, okay,
it so many rules, and I feel like if you
have asked a couple more questions about what was normal
or even done in little research before he made all
of those you know, demands.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
I accept that I probably appt up here, maybe a lot,
and I will apologize for it. But I just can't
be okay with her simulating a romantic relationship with another person.
I can't. And if I just apologize and let it go,
I'm going to be spending the rest of our time
together feeling like I have to share her emotional vulnerability,
if that makes sense. I don't want to be apprude,
but I can't get comfortable with my girlfriend telling other
people she loves them romantically, even in the context of
(19:39):
a game. It hurts too much. And we have an update,
ladies and gentlemen. So, having read the comments y'all gave,
I thought I maybe was actually overreacting and really did
f up. Especially helpful I thought was a comment someone
made about asking her about maybe keeping the door unlocked
and being allowed to listen in on the session to
get content and learn to accept her hobby and let
(20:02):
her still enjoy it without me spiraling. So when she
came home from school, I made an apology dinner, homemade
pizza from scratch, her favorite. When I saw pizza at first,
I'm like, dude, I'm like homemade pizza.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Okay, pizza from unnamed.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
Jane, and so we then sat down to talk. She
started by demanding an apology because whatever else I say,
eavesdropping and not trusting her were huge f ups on
my part. I agreed and apologized immediately because that was
crappy behavior on my part. No question. That helped her
to be more open to hearing me out. So I said,
more calmly and tactfully, that it bothers me that she
(20:37):
is simulating romantic love with a person I don't know
in a context I don't understand. I said that I
can and do apologize for my actions, but I can't
change how I feel, and that also needs to be discussed.
So she asked what I had in mind. I told
her I think that trust should go both ways, so
me trusting that the game is just a game and
it doesn't mean anything is well and good. But in return,
(20:58):
I'd like for her to keep the door unlocked and
let me sit in for a few sessions. I promised
not to be disruptive, not to overreact or interrupt the game,
and to bring up any issues I had privately with
her until after the game was over. She seemed relieved
because she was so worried I'd demand she'd drop the
game or break up with her, and she said personally
she didn't mind, but she needed to bring it up
with her group, which I thought was very reasonable. The
(21:20):
rest of the evening, though, she was constantly on her phone,
constantly getting Discord notifications and seemed more and more upset.
This lasted for literally hours well into the night passed.
When I was asleep. I asked if anything was wrong,
and she said maybe, but not to wait up, and
she promised to tell me everything in the morning.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
She's getting all these notifications.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Yeah, and maybe she even shared like yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
She might have said like he's not really comfortable, so
he wants to listen in and they were like no.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
So I didn't get much sleep, but I also didn't
want to pry too much, having just promised not to
good boy. So come morning, when I asked what happened,
since she clearly didn't get much sleep and was clearly nervous,
she said she brought it up with the group, and
reactions were mixed. I'm going to give these people fake
names to track. So when she brought it up, everyone
seemed okay with me listening in except Joe. Now, this
(22:07):
obviously made my girlfriend respond that seeing the relationship between
their characters was the whole point of me listening in,
to which he said that I'm being unreasonable and violating
his boundaries by making unreasonable demands. This was already pretty
bad in my eyes, but then she told me about
the private messages after the group exchange. She got three messages.
One was from Joe. Joe wrote a long, really really
(22:31):
long message about how much he cared about her, how
much it hurt him to see her dim her light
to appease a controlling, harmful boyfriend who stifled her creativity,
and how she should be with someone who appreciated her,
and that he was available if she wanted to talk.
He finished with a paragraph about how women like her
always go for the selfish a holes and don't appreciate
(22:54):
all the wonderful guys around them. How he felt such
a connection with her through their characters, and how could
she ignore it. I genuinely couldn't believe I was seeing
one of these in the wild. I don't usually get
secondhand embarrassment, but that crap is so cringe. I almost
passed away, like I genuinely laughed. I couldn't really be
angry because that crap was just so sad. She also
(23:15):
got messages from Jenny, another player, who said Joe seemed
way too invested in the romance for her taste, and
she thought that those segments were taking up a lot
of game time, which she thought was better used elsewhere.
She never said anything because she thought that my girlfriend
was really into it, but now that it became an issue,
she thought that she should. She also mentioned she found
Joe creepy, which I personally appreciate. Jenny's a girls girl.
(23:37):
I don't know any of these people irl because it's
an online group, but I certainly think Jenny might be
my new best friend. Finally, there was a message from Mitch,
the man running the game, who said that Joe reached
out to him demanding I not be allowed and this
is a quote to violate the intimacy of the group,
and he should talk to my girlfriend too to get
(23:58):
her to drop me listening in and possibly drop me
all together. I don't even know how or why Mitch
would even attempt to do that. Mitch make her breakup
with her boyfriend, nigger, break up with him?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
You wait, Mitch, you're the DM mitge, come on, roll.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
The dice and piket all. This resulted in them canceling
the next game as they work it out. My girlfriend
didn't respond to Joe yet, but at least she seems
relieved that I am taking this well. I told her,
of course I am. I'm not going to be upset
over some guy being into her. This is good. She's wonderful.
Of course, guys are going to be into her wherever
she goes. The issue I was worried about was that
(24:35):
she was into him back, and these messages convinced me
that that is clearly not the case, which seems to
have made her feel a lot better. We talked a
bit more, and now she seems to agree that locking
the door in context might have seemed suspicious and that
going forward, our ground rule should be that character dynamics
that make her feel like she should lock the door
might be the exact dynamics she should make me aware of,
(24:57):
which I promised to trust her to tell me these
things and to not eat drop anymore into approach her
openly about listening in on sessions. Also, the romance with
Joe's character isn't going to continue.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
I think Joe should be like out of the group.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yeah, Joe sounds like a terrible person to have in
the group.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Like again, like in past D and D experiences and stuff,
where like I've had a couple of moments where someone
has kind of cross boundaries or like made someone else
uncomfortable and the DM was super recepted. Like, as a DM,
I think you are kind of like HR. You are
like the boss, You're a game kind of, but you're
also HR. And so people come to you. Hopefully you're
(25:39):
a good person, but people come to you, and so
you have to make sure that everyone feels comfortable. And
so I think that they should get rid of Joe.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
Imagine Joe's the duender Master.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
And that does happen.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
Everyone you must love me and break up with their boyfriends.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Unfortunately, that is a thing that happened.
Speaker 5 (25:58):
There are some really power or crazy dms out there.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Especially when you have like women in a group, you
have to be very careful.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Now. Also, the romance with Joe's character isn't going to continue,
but seeing how she feels about Joe now, I think
I do trust her to do character romance going forward,
just to not hide it from me or be selective
who she does it with. I don't know how this
Joe situation is going to be handled within the group,
but I guess that's up to them, since playing with
him is obviously going to be very awkward for her guests.
Since she doesn't intend to keep up the romance, it
(26:28):
doesn't really matter. Small edit since the situation has basically
resolved itself now, Joe didn't like being left on Red,
so he wrote my girlfriend a very rude message here
we go about how I kid you not she was
going to pass away alone with cats because her a
whole boyfriend is going to leave her when she loses
her looks. He literally never saw her in person, to
(26:49):
be clear, uncovering my secret plan, I guess. So she
blocked him and sent a screenshot to Mitch. Joe isn't
going to be part of the group anymore. I'm sorry,
but like just the very first, if I'm like Dungeon Master, yeah,
block absolutely second that Don.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Joe comes to anyone and says they have to break
up with their girlfriend and I am in love with
or like whatever you said.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
Bye bye, abay girlfriend, apologize for not recognizing how absolutely
unhinged this guy was. We reasserted that in any game
interaction she isn't comfortable having in front of me is
probably one that she shouldn't be having. Relevant comments Familiar
Barraque to forty three says, I'm glad everything seems well,
but I feel like you still need to have a
discussion about why she was locking the door in the
(27:32):
first place, because to me, that says on some level
she knew it was wrong and that it would hurt you,
And if I was you, I'd be unable to not
cope with that until I get the full truth.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I mean, I disagree with that because I feel like
they've already addressed it. Yes, and also we know that
the first four hour session nothing happened. Yeah, so it's
not like you know.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
She didn't like this is something that she very much loves.
She wants to be able to do it and express
herself fully without limitation.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Yeah, Like, it's clearly not that every time she has
a session she's like romancing someone or whatever. It's like
we already know she got watched or listened to. It
was fine.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
I feel like it. I was like she got uncomfortable
because she's like, oh, I don't want to feel like
I have to change myself or something like that, Opie says.
From what she said, since it basically wasn't so much
about knowing this was wrong, since she supposedly was locking
her door at her parents' home too, which is where
she lived before and before the romance even took place,
and more about feeling safe to get into the headspace
(28:28):
to perform. Since I explained that this was part of
what made it feel so off to me, and given
how Joe clearly had a very different view of the
situation than her, she agreed that going forward, the door
should remain unlocked, and she will work on getting more
comfortable performing even in my presence, be it with me
in voice chat or president in the room. Since Joe's
reaction clearly didn't happen to a void unhinged as it was,
(28:49):
and we have this relevant comment. Pea Buns says, you
were very valid with your feelings of being uncomfortable with
your partner emulating love with another, even if it was
just role playing. I myself played D and D and
would be super uncomfort if my partner was sitting there
flirting at the table with someone else quote unquote in character.
So it's understandable that you would be two. I'm not
sure why people thought your boundaries you're wrong on your
initial post. Glad you guys could figure it out. Nonetheless,
(29:11):
and Opie says, I'm not saying this is going to
be easy, but I love her and if this is
important to her, I feel I owe her at least
the benefit of giving her that grace.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Don't fully agree with that last commenter. Again, like an
excellent example of this is the D and D show
that I watched to mention twenty, the original group that
they have. There is a married couple in it and
they both romance. You know, different characters all the time,
so it's you know, at the.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
End of the day, don't control people, don't control, don't
be doing it, but.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
You can still express as long as you're truthful and
you don't eavesdrop on their conversations for six hours. If
OPI had gone to his partner and said, Hey, why'd
you lock the door? It makes me a little bit insecure.
Probably would have solved things way earlier.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Would have all come out for ladies and gentlemen. That's
the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam. We're going
to get back to these stories. But here's three minutes
of ads for our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I gave my boyfriend an engagement ultimatum. I want to
take it back.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
Hmmmmm.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
My boyfriend and I are both young professionals in our
late twenties who moved in together six months ago after
graduating from professional school and relocating to a new city
for work. We have been together for four years and
have had no issues adjusting to living together. We're happy together,
want the same things out of life, and take excellent
care of each other. By the way, this comes from
(30:31):
dangerous grocery and if you want to smit your own stories,
good with the arslash. Okay, storytime hubvered it. So. The
issue is that I have known for a while that
he's the person that I want to spend my life
with and I would like to settle down and hopefully
start a family soon. I have been in a serious
relationship also lasted four years before him, so I know
what I'm looking for. On the other hand, my boyfriend
(30:52):
is not in the same headspace as me about this
for a few reasons. One, he was a late bloomer
when it comes to relationship and I was his first
real girlfriend. And two, he has a hard time making
decisions about everything from his job to what pair of
shoes to buy. When we discussed the future, I am
very clear that I'm ready to settle down with him asap.
(31:15):
He is also very clear that he loves me. He
thinks we have a great thing, but he wants to
take more time to see where it goes. He also
jokes around about how he hasn't banged enough chicks. We
had some serious commitment discussions last year when we were
deciding where to live after graduating, and I told him
that I wasn't going to try to relocate to the
same city as him unless we were engaged. He didn't propose,
(31:39):
and I stuck to my pupews. Despite very slim odds,
we both coincidentally found jobs in the same city halfway
across the country, so we moved there together and got
an apartment together. Now I'm starting to get fed up
and heard about this situation. It was causing a lot
of stress for me, and it was the main point
of contention in our relationship. So in September twenty seventeen,
(32:03):
I told him that when our lease is up in
April twenty eighteen, I was going to move out unless
we were engaged. He hasn't made a decision ever in
his life without a deadline, so I figured this would
help nudge him in the right direction. However, I'm starting
to worry that he's not going to propose, mostly because
he's telling me that he's not going to propose. Are
(32:25):
we sure? He's like, I don't know. I just get
the feeling that he's not going to propose because he
told me that.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
But wait, won't he do the opposite of what he's
exactly telling you?
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Now I'm regretting this ultimatum, and I think maybe I
was stupid for ruining a good thing by trying to
rush things, but it's been four years. Also, I worry
that if he does propose, it will be forced and
he'll always regret it. On the other hand, I gave
him basically the same ultimatum last year during our job search,
and he made it very clear that he'd rather end
(32:58):
up in different cities, which no US would likely mean
breaking up, then get engaged. I'd like to think that
I am being rational and empowered here, But am I
being stupid and desperate? If he doesn't propose by April,
should I stick to my pews and move out, basically
sacrificing this great relationship because it wasn't moving at my pace.
(33:18):
I'm happy to answer any questions to the situation is
getting so stressful, and I appreciate anyone who takes the
time to read this and give advice. And there is
an update, But what are your thoughts?
Speaker 4 (33:29):
John, It's just giving the classic like, oh, my partner
is so perfect except for everything about them, but then
also all the other things, like bro is literally telling
you that he wants to bang other chicks. He's not
ready to commit, And I think, like, it's not that
you're stupid and desperate, but I think we need to
recognize the situation for what it is. And it's like
(33:51):
he does not want to commit, potentially doesn't even want
to be in this relationship. He's just like waiting for
you to end it. Like it is good to recognize
those things because when you try to ultimatum or like,
you know, hard, you kind of hard press someone into
doing something that's not gonna be a winning scenario.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
If you have to ultimate them someone into a proposal,
you guys probably aren't ready to get married. Ready. I
don't think they're ready.
Speaker 4 (34:19):
That's what I think.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
I agree completely with you, John One. You can't force
someone to marry you. And also, it just really doesn't
seem like this guy wants to be in a relationship
with you. It just feels like he thinks it's the
easiest option. He's like, I mean, I guess we're in
the same city. So he's like, if I have the
opportunity to bang other chicks.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
What do you think I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I don't think that you're wrong for wanting to marry
someone after four years. I just think you're different.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
But bro does kind of suck.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Bang other chicks. Saying that to your girlfriend wild and
she's like, yeah, he just makes funny jokes. He's just acting.
It's like, no, girl, we're not playing D and D.
This is real, live, but there is an update. Let's
go now on to the update. Boyfriend knew and acknowledged
the ultimatum. He's like, yeah, I hear you, and I
tried to use this as a springboard to have a
(35:05):
serious conversation about where he sees the future going. We
did have some sit down talks that didn't really go anywhere,
and he told me to stop bringing up so I stopped.
We carried on for a little while being our happy
selves without mentioning the ultimatum. Part of me hoped he
had a proposal planned and would surprise me.
Speaker 4 (35:25):
Okay, op, we have to open our eyes for ourselves.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
The man saying that he doesn't want to marry you
and he wants to bang other chicks is not planning
a surprise proposal for you. Now. We are ten days
away from March thirty, first deadline, which I one hundred
percent planned to stick to, and he just told me
that he wants me to visit his parents in their
home in September, and after the visit he would then
(35:51):
talk with them about our relationship and consider proposing around December. Wait,
now he's kind of changing his mind.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
He's thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Part of me is so insulted and angry by this idea.
First of all, I have met his parents before and
actually spent plenty of quality time with them so far.
I like them, they like me.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
They live in a.
Speaker 3 (36:08):
More isolated state that's hard to get to from where
I live. Playing tickets are pretty expensive and it would
be a two day drive. I have suggested that I
visit them multiple times, and we've had plenty of opportunities
to do so, but my boyfriend was against it for
one reason or another. The saddest thing is that we
both coordinated time off work last week. We knew about
(36:30):
the vacation for months and had plenty of time to plan.
He told me that he was going to visit his
parents and said that he was thinking about asking me
to come with, but kept it vague. He's telling you
that he was thinking about asking you to come with.
He hasn't even asked you to come with.
Speaker 4 (36:47):
I'm like thinking about it, but like there's these like
other chicks that I want to bang, and like I
might invite them, so you know, I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
I looked up flights which were reasonable in price at
the time, and tried to play and everything. But when
I presented the information to boyfriend, he would say now
too busy and put off planning the trip. Then, less
than three weeks before the vacation started, boyfriend told me
I needed to come to his family's home with him
on this trip, and if that didn't happen, there was
(37:18):
no way he would propose. By that time, all the
flights I had been tracking had gone way up in
price because the departure date was so close. It would
have been financially very tight for me to pay for
the flight. And honestly, I think what he did was
crappy because he told me at the last minute what
I had to do instead of planning in advance like
I had tried to do. So I thought it over
(37:41):
and decided not to go with him. Now he is
saying the reason he can't propose is because I haven't
met his family in their home. Like I said, I
met his family a handful of times in the past.
His family and my family have met each other. He
says that this needs to happen for his family to
be okay with us getting married. He had told me
any time before the vacation was close and flight price
(38:03):
is shot up, it would have been fine. We had
multiple vacations since I issued the ultimatum, and we could
have gone to visit his parents. Then I feel like
this whole thing was him setting me up for failure
so that he could not propose and then blame it
on me. Not sure if it's relevant, but he is
Asian American and I am white. He was born in
the US. I asked him if the need for me
(38:25):
to visit his parents' home before he proposes is an
aspect of his culture, and he said maybe. What he's like, oh,
that's actually a pretty good excuse.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Yeah, maybe is a larious Maybe just maybe is crazy.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
I don't want to be culturally insensitive at all, So
if anyone has knowledge about this, please sure. He doesn't
even have knowledge about this. Now that we're ten days
out and he's realizing I'm serious, he spends all our
time together begging me not to go through with it,
but he's not planning to propose. He says, it doesn't
make sense because he's telling me that he would propose
in December, but he was willing to take the risk
(39:04):
of losing me rather than propose by April. I see
where he's coming from. In a way, if we do
both want to get married, but I can't do this anymore. Also,
I think he's an adult and find it insulting that
he's blaming this whole thing on his parents. Not meeting
me in their home. They're asking him constantly what his
plan is with me. They don't know about the ultimatum,
(39:25):
and so I get the impression that they are just
as curious about the future of our relationship as I am.
I don't think they sat him down and told him
I need to visit them before he can propose, But
that's just a hunch. Any advice or comments on the
situation would be appreciated, and there is an update a
year later. So I think we're going to get some
of the juice.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
That's tea.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
That is tea, But do you have any SIPs to share?
Speaker 4 (39:50):
I'll pour something out. I mean, next bro is gonna
be like I was gonna propose you on Seventh Street
because seven is my lucky number. But like seventh Street's
when like so busy, it's like under control, so like
we have to wait till it's like done. I can't
even imagine proposing too, so like we need to wait
for the city.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I mean, you're driving yourself crazy trying to, you know,
meet all of his insane demands, and then putting your
own demands that are as like malleable as you know,
freaking Plato. No one actually is doing anything to solve
these problems, and I think maybe the solve is to
leave this relationship with a man who doesn't want to
(40:26):
commit to you. But there is a year leader update.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
I'm hoping it's going to go where I wanted to go.
March twenty eighteen, I couldn't go through with the ultimatum.
I was planning to move out, actually find a new apartment,
and wrote the check for the deposits. But when push
came to shove, I couldn't picture my life without my boyfriend.
I decided that I loved him too much to leave
him over the arbitrary deadline that I created. I also
(40:50):
believe that he meant what he said about getting engaged.
In December. I felt I was being silly for leaving
him after four and a half years because I wouldn't
wait another few months. As a compromise, he said we
could get a cat. I had been wanting one, but
he'd been saying no. He said he'd go to at
least one family event with me this year. Wow, one
family event. That's so nice of him. On March thirty first,
(41:14):
the day I was planning to move out, we got
a cat together. April to September of twenty eighteen, my
boyfriend and I spent time enjoying each other without really
mentioning the ultimatum. We both needed to recover from the
damage it did to our relationship. I got a therapist
and started working on myself. I picked up a new
hobby running Yep, you certainly are running away from things,
(41:35):
developed new friendships, and spent a lot of time working
on my career and hanging out with my amazing new cat.
I think focusing on myself, my career, and my friendships
took some of the pressure off of him. Also, multiple
family events came and went, and my boyfriend had an
excuse not to attend all of them. I'm not sure
it was that big of a deal. Anyway. By the
(41:57):
end of the summer, we were doing great and it
was like the ultimatum now happened.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
We ignored all of our problems that never brought it up,
so it was all perfect.
Speaker 3 (42:04):
He also complains about our cat constantly September twenty eighteen
visiting his family. As I promised, I went to visit
his parents in their home in September. As I mentioned
in the previous post, he is Chinese American and I'm white,
so I studied up on my basic Chinese and was
able to speak and understand a little when we were
all together. It was a great trip, and I genuinely
(42:26):
enjoyed his parents and had a lot of fun in
his hometown. I left a few days before he did,
so that he'd have time to spend with them alone
and speak with them about his plans for us in
the future. I asked him a few times how that
conversation went, and he said that they're happy with us
having a future together, but that getting engaged in December
would be too fast. That seemed absolutely crazy to me,
(42:49):
and again it seemed like he was projecting his own
views onto his parents. He also told me I needed
to learn Chinese before we get married. His parents speak
perfect English, but prefer Chinese they are with family. So
I started doing Rosetta stone October to December of twenty eighteen.
Around November, I started getting antsy that my boyfriend was
going to change his mind again. He was starting to
(43:10):
show his pattern of making excuses. For instance, one day,
he casually mentioned that he couldn't propose by December because
he needed to save money. We share finances and money
is not an issue for either of us. Another time,
he freaked out that I have student loans most people
in my profession do, and I have a very secure job,
good pay and automatic loan payments, and demanded that he
(43:33):
see a spreadsheet of my finances before you could consider
having the future together. Luckily, I already have the spreadsheet,
which I showed him and he calmed down. In the meantime,
my friends and family were starting to ask questions about
the future wedding. Although they had the best intentions, it
was stressing me out because I was worried that after
all of this there would be no wedding. I worked
(43:53):
with my therapist on letting go of this stress, redirecting
my family away from relationship questions. I also created an
no nagging rule in my mind. I stopped dropping hints mentioning, wedding, engagement,
et cetera. With my boyfriend. Didn't do it much anyway,
as I had learned my lesson from the ultimatum. We
spent Christmas together for the first time this year, and
I really thought he would propose then, but he didn't,
(44:17):
and I didn't bring it up or pat about it.
He visited his family for New Years and I was
left in our city working, so it definitely didn't happen.
Then January twenty nineteen, I accepted that he actually didn't
follow through with what he said he would do despite
me holding up my end of the deal. I was
the perfect girlfriend that he asked me to be, and
I try to use this as an opportunity for growth,
(44:39):
both individually and within the relationship. And still nothing changed.
I was still on the momentum of not nagging him
and trying to suppress all of my thoughts of wanting
to marry him. It's now to the point that I
equate my own thoughts of marrying him with shame and
self loathing, like they are bad thoughts that I shouldn't have.
Your therapist sucks.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
If I could just say, real quick, what is she say?
I was being the perfect girlfriend? Suppressing your feelings to
appease someone else as not being the perfect girlfriend. You
have the full right to express what you want and
what you're looking for in a relationship and it is
not okay that you know he brought you to a
(45:19):
place where you feel like you have to just like
screw this lid on everything you think and feel unacceptable.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Absolutely, you are allowed to ask for the things that
you need in your relationship. He is allowed to say
I don't want those things. But then it's like, okay,
maybe we depart. I realize I have been feeling sowned
with my own desires for my future, which is so sad.
But a few things have happened in the past few
weeks that have made me realize that this is all
bs who took a while. First, one of my superiors
(45:48):
at work offered me some great opportunities at my job
if I stayed on board long term. However, my boyfriend
wants to think about moving us out of the city
we live in because we don't like it here. I'm
actually okay with it for the most part. He also
has given a hard no to ever moving back to
my home state. He's reason my family lives there and
they annoy him. I started thinking, Wow, this person is
(46:10):
putting a lot of limits on my life for someone
who still can't commit to me. For the long term.
Then this weekend, I went back to my home state
for my best friend's baby shower. Also, I want to
have kids. That's the main reason I'm in a hurry
to get married. Biological clock is ticking. So yesterday I
was hanging out with my friend and her husband, helping
them set up their nursery, and I had this aha
(46:31):
moment where I realized that it's okay for me to
want to get married and have kids. There's no shame
in having my own wants. Yes, Oh, he's finally realizing it.
And at this point, not only have my wants and
desires been shut down by my boyfriend no marriage. We
can't stay in the city where I have job opportunities,
(46:51):
we also can't live in my home state, where my
entire family is. But I've internalized this sense of shame
about expressing or feeling anything that comes from with his desires.
So I'm starting to form a plan to move on
because this dude has taken more from my life than
he's adding to it. I'm hoping to get anyone's opinion,
advice support about where to go from here. Also, I
(47:14):
am willing to hear all the I told you sos
from everyone who said I needed to leave this guy
in March when I said I would, I totally deserve it.
Thank you for reading, and there is a third update.
I do want to point out that it's been a
year and while Opie's thinking about it, she has not
(47:34):
actually broke up with her boyfriend. I'm hoping that the
next update that we get does do that.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
You can't be a perfect girlfriend to someone who truly
doesn't want you.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
The thing is, you're literally meeting all of the goalposts
you started learning Chinese. You will never meet them because
he's going to keep moving.
Speaker 4 (47:52):
I think sheby's finally having the epiphany, which is great.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Some people need five years to realize that their partner
doesn't want to be with them.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
It can happen, We've seen it longer on this show.
But the important part is she is realizing it. She
is growing, and we're slowly steering the ship back towards
you know, like op he said, just because I want
to have kids to get married. It's not a bad thing. Yes, yes,
do not demonize yourself. There is no bad want or need.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
But let's get into this update. I spoke with my
boyfriend last night about all of this, I started by
asking what his roadblocks are and where he sees the
relationship going. He brought up the fact that it's moving
too fast for his parents. You liar, your parents don't
think your five year relationship is moving too fast. And
some issues that he has with the relationship. Number one,
(48:43):
that we don't make decisions together. For example, the fact
that I wanted to stay in our city for career
opportunities despite him wanting to move next year. Also, sometimes
I make plans to hang out with friends on weekends
when he's free, instead of us planning the weekends together.
Second point is that you have friends. Cool. Number three,
he worries about the fact that I get a lot
of Amazon packages and he doesn't know what I'm buying.
(49:06):
I showed him my Amazon history. It's mostly household supplies
that we both use and occasionally supplies for my hobby.
But that's like twenty dollars a month max. Also, that
is all on my credit card, which I comfortably pay
off each month.
Speaker 4 (49:19):
Hey, you need to stop buying soaps online or I'm
breaking up with you. The proposals off.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
This man would have a conniption if he lived in
our house, so I don't think I need to clear
every purchase by him. And he also doesn't like that
I'm chronically five minutes late to everything that's true, and
my fault five minutes late is like, really not that bad.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
Basically, Opie's existence is wrong in this man's eyes.
Speaker 3 (49:43):
There is nothing wrong with you. Also, since it came
up a lot in the comments, I wanted to mention
that he explicitly said that none of this has to
do with cultural barriers or the fact that we're an
interracial couple. Well, actually he explicitly said maybe after all this,
he said he's not ready for marriage. Shocker. We are
(50:04):
alarmingly close to the end of the story. I'm worried.
I'm just oping this update with her breaking up with
this man, because if it doesn't, I was pretty pissed
and told him I wished he told me this a
year ago so I could have moved on. The only
credit I will give him is that he did tell
you that he didn't want to marry you a year ago.
(50:25):
He basically tried to keep me around for another years
so that he would have more time to figure out
if he was ready. So I told him the relationship
is over and he's appearing to be in disbelief. He's
trying to be really nice now, probably to get me
to change my mind. But I'm remaining gently firm here.
The relationship is over. That was a nightmare, a five
(50:48):
year nightmare.
Speaker 4 (50:49):
I feel like I had like a rotting just like
nerve exploding tooth, just like implanted in my jaw, and
I'm like, please, someone just yank it out with pliers immediate.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
I really love the phrasing of I remained gently firm
because I can just imagine her being like, no, I
think I have to leave you.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
He's like, babe, I'll let you have one extra soap
that you order on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (51:13):
Were cool. I think it's really funny because I do
think of in these scenarios a lot of times, like
the partner is scared that the relationship's gonna end. They're like, okay, fine,
I'll marry you. Obviously, it doesn't even seem like he
tried that hard. He was just nicer. But yeah, she
laughed at him.
Speaker 4 (51:26):
Finally, Yes, happy ending
Who is more respectful of you in the future. Her
(00:02):
character flaws finally revealed themselves, and she was not a
great partner to you. I am sorry, and I'm sorry
that that is the end of that story.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I've been hiding my homelessness for my girlfriend and it's
getting hard.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
It's getting hard.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
It's probably been hard the whole time.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I'm eight seed mail and I'm dating my girlfriend who
just turned twenty. I've been in Foster Hare since I
was thirteen. I lucked out when I was younger. I
had some good homes, but the most recent one I
had was really bad. By the way, this comes from
Icy Residence seven seven two, and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the hour slash Okay
story Time. Supp run it and we'll read it. So
I've been homeless for one month now. It's been exhausting
(00:39):
hiding it for my girlfriend. And one of the jobs
I work is at a local martial arts gym in
my city, which I sneak back into at night because I.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Have keys for lock up.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm pretty sure that the owner knows that I'm sleeping
here because there are cameras. He hasn't said anything, though
sometimes he leaves me food. So I'm doing okay for
being homeless. I'm saving up and I'm trying to find
another job so I can make money faster and find
a place to live. I'm staying out of trouble. I
don't drink booze and I don't do substances. My girlfriend
lives in a university dorm with a roommate. She goes
(01:08):
to a prestigious school that she worked really hard to
get into. Tonight, she said I have sad eyes, and
she asked me if something was wrong. I wanted to
break down and tell her everything. Instead, I said I
was sleepy and hugged her, then made a joke, which
distracted her and changed the topic. I know in a
relationship you're supposed to be honest, but I guess I
have pride or something. All these years growing up, there
(01:28):
were so many times that I felt like I had
no dignity. So it's really hard for me to let
go of this pride or whatever you want to call it.
It's hard to explain. Besides, she can't really help me.
It would just be adding to her stress. So am
I the a hole for thinking that I can find
a place get settled? In and basically fix this problem
and then tell her I see these on TikTok all
the time, and I know what I'm asking is not
(01:49):
the same as wedding drama or marriage drama, but I
thought I would give it a shot. With this being
anonymous and all, I mean, there are some comments joyful
stitches ninety six is not the a hole, but it
sounds like you're focking yourself out of opening up to
her about this. She might not be able to fix everything,
but she can offer support. It sounds like you could
really use that right now, angry dresser says agreed. Also,
op I'm sorry I've been homeless myself, but this. You
(02:12):
don't deserve to be eighteen dealing with all this. No
one does. But you are just in a position that
I know many go through, but I wish no one experienced.
Opie says, I'm sorry you had to deal with homelessness too.
Deep down, I know I'm lucky for the circumstances I
do have, like the ability to crash my boss's jym.
It's a lot better than being in a shelter. Those
honestly scare me. Bbe four oh one for real, says
(02:33):
my now husband was living between friends' houses and a
direct provision center when we met. He is a very
proud man and was vague or wouldn't discuss where he
lived or allow me to drop him anywhere, and said
things like he was going to visit friends at night.
And he was always so upbeat and caring towards me
that it seemed like a small thing, so I didn't
push it. He's also a really hard worker and works
(02:53):
day and night. I initially worried that he didn't trust
me to see his house in case I turned stalker
or something. I thought, wait, with all the working hours,
maybe he had already had a family or something like that.
Except he added me on his social media and openly
walked around town with me, so that didn't make sense.
I totally didn't realize the things he must have been
going through till way later we had our own place,
(03:14):
and I accidentally saw an old document that he had
with the DP address as his address, and it all
made sense. How he is always helping people who he
meets to have a hard time, bringing friends and getting
them a couch to sleep on, et cetera. At the time,
he helped me with any problems I was having but
is very religious and used to tell me that he
shared his problems with God. And me, being in my
little happy self and spending time with him, it was
(03:37):
enough for me to do to help him back. From
the woman's perspective, I respect.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Him so much.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
He didn't lie to me, but he kind of made
it clear what he did and didn't want to talk about.
And I respected and accepted that I have a good
job and my own money. But he always liked to
pay for things like if we got coffee, et cetera.
Things were probably very hard for him, but I'm glad
that I didn't push it and forced him to be
vulnerable with me about his fears and circumstances, because because
I know him, and that would have damaged his pride
(04:02):
in himself. Sorry for the long rambling reply. I suppose
what I'm trying to say is, once you don't make
her a question how you feel about her, it's okay
to struggle and be man and keep your pride in
her eyes. Yeah, I feel like it's definitely up to
you what you want to talk about, for sure. I
hate that that makes you feel like opening up about
that makes you feel less prideful. You know, because it's
(04:24):
not really your fault any of this, you know, but
it's like, you.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Know, it's the messaging we're giving her a lot of
our lives. It's like, you know, to be a provider.
And then it's like, well, if you can't provide yourself
with the basic still, you know, and then there's yeah,
people out there who are really shallow, and there are
people out there who would go, oh, all right, bye,
right brokie, like.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Right, stuff happens, it's horrible. So yeah, makes sense.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah, but I'm sure that, like I mean, if she's
a good girlfriend, then hopefully she would still support you.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yes, of course I should give my actual take along
with that. You should talk to your girl because you
would want to know either way if she was someone
who would just leave you.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Or if she's someone who would help you. So true,
you still have to just talk to her.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Yeah, And I mean it's okay to like lean on
your girlfriend for support, you know, that's what they're there for. Mope,
your response to that comment this was really inspiring. I'm
really glad that you shared this with me. I actually
read it over two times because it made me feel
less bad about myself. I want to be that kind
of man one day. Like your husband, I try to
show up for my girlfriend and the few people in
my life, not as a burden, but someone that they
can rely on. Normally, I'm really good at presenting myself
(05:30):
a certain way, no matter what's happening to me. I
will go as far as to hide injuries, and I
think I have a really high pain tolerance.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Now.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I'm always smiling and I like to focus on other people,
not myself. But lately I'm working a lot more, and
even though I have a place to sleep every night,
there's this stress that never leaves. So I guess I'm
not as convincing as I usually am because I'm too tired. Like,
I don't know what I'm saying right now. What was
the point I was trying to make. I need to sleep,
But you said quote He didn't lie to me, but
he kind of made it clear what he did and
(05:59):
didn't want to talk about, and I respected and accepted
that maybe I could try approaching it somehow, just like that.
So the consensus from the comments is that opia is
not the a whole.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Well, thank god they're not saying that the eighteen year
old the homeless boy is an a hole.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, and that thing I feel like, obviously this is
like a hard time for him right now. But like so,
you know, you probably don't have the time or the
mental space to address like you know, keeping things in,
But that might be something to think about later in
life and reflect on. You don't have to keep things
in and just be happy all the time for other people.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, no, because that'll make you go insane.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Oh yeah, you'll break down. But we do have an update, howdy.
I just wanted to come back and share that I
ended up confiding in my girlfriend about my homelessness. She
was devastated for me, but ultimately I'm really glad that
I pushed myself to tell her the truth. It was
really eating at me, and it was a huge relief
in itself to no longer be carrying that around On
top of everything else.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
We're still together.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Also a huge relief my girlfriend is keeping my homelessness
a secret. One thing I haven't shared with her or
anyone really outside of you guys, is that I continue
to struggle with feelings of shame and inadequacy about the situation.
But I know those are more my internal dialogue and
not necessarily how others perceive me given that they don't
really know. I'm trying really hard to keep my head
up and maintain my self worth and convince myself that
(07:16):
I'm not trash. I also ended up telling the owner
of the gym that I've been crashing at what I've
been doing, as I suspected he knew about it, but
doesn't want to acknowledge it for insurance purposes. So essentially
this conversation didn't happen. He said that I can keep
doing it given that I find housing asap. I have
to move on to a new place to sleep if
I'm still homeless in a few weeks. There is a
little bit more into the story we have any final
(07:38):
thoughts before we move on.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Keeping secrets is a burden, and there's people who literally
like take stuff all the way to their deathbed and
then they'll be.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
Like, h wait, this is one thing.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Yeah, and it's like, yeah, get in front of it.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
You don't want to have a secret your whole life
for you to keep, and you shouldn't. You know, I
have to keep this a secret from Yeah, your girlfriend
maybe not let it go on the first date, right.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Sure, but you know, Yeah, I think in general, like
if you're putting on this work in a being there
for other people, like you can let yourself lean on
them in exchange, you know, Like that's kind of the
give and take of friendships and girlfriends, people that are
close to you, like, you know, if you're there for them,
there for you, So take advantage of that. Maybe don't
take advantage of them, but like, you know, let yourself
(08:26):
relax a bit. Okay, there's a little bit more into
the story. So I've got two places pending that I
know are strongly considering me. I'd happily take either one.
Affordable housing here is really difficult to come by and
very competitive. There's a lot of interest per listing. I
started expanding my search area and this helped, although my
commute is going to be rough. Thanks again to everyone
who commented on my other post. Some more comments are
(08:50):
from race Walk. You have people in your life that
care about you. Keep your head up and you will
get through this. Cherry Snuggles says, absolutely. The support Op's
gotten proved that they're not alone this, even if it
feels like it. Sometimes owning the truth like that takes
serious strength, and it's clear that they've got people who
truly care one step at a time. They've got this.
Puns and Roses four twenty says, honestly, man, I'm so
(09:12):
sorry here that you're going through this, and I'm sending
you an air hug. Sometimes just being able to confide
in people about the awful things that happen can be
a source of relief and just help with relieving the
intense pressure and stress. If nothing else, and even if
the problems aren't fixed, being open about your situation is tough,
but for whatever it's worth, I'm honestly proud of you
for being brave enough to do it. Being eighteen in
the world is already hard enough. Having to face it
(09:33):
out of an unpleasant foster situation and with the stack
you've been given isn't fair or right. But I can
tell from what you've written that you've been fighting to
get to where you need to go. You'll get there.
You deserve to be happy and have a place to
call yours. You deserve to feel safe and get away
from the stress that you've been under. Op says, thank
you so much man, from the bottom of my heart,
(09:54):
I feel really glad that I posted here. I know
the we're all strangers but it's been so impactful for
me to read the comments. Thank you for taking time
to do that. It's hard to explain, but I needed
the boost that you gave me. It rewired how I
view myself for the better. And that's the story with
a lovely ending.
Speaker 4 (10:10):
Zah, hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to
this episode, but a quick three minute break with Asthramur sponsors.
I think my girlfriend is cheating on me through her
Dungeons and Dragons game.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
I guess she year old and nat one on deception.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
I twenty seven male, have been going out with my girlfriend,
twenty five female for almost four years, and we've been
living together for a few months. She's funny and wonderful
and kind and honestly pretty much everything I've ever wanted
in a girl. She's also a bit of a D
and D type NERD, which I don't think is a
bad thing. It's good that she has her own friends
and hobbies. By the way, this comes from leaving questions
(10:45):
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separateding. So she tried
getting me into it, but I don't really get it.
She tried teaching me about Dungeons and Dragons, but there
were just too many weird rules in dice and I
just didn't see the fun in it.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
That's a red flag. Maybe she's a bad teacher.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
We tried playing boulders Gate three together, thinking that it
would be easier to get into for me and for
me to experience her world in a way, but I
got really bored, really fast, and at that point it
was better to let her do her own thing. We've
got plenty of other stuff that we do together, and
as I said, it's not a big deal for her
to have hobbies that don't include me, and she does
love her hobby, and she gets very excited about her
(11:24):
weekly games and sometimes tells me about the epic adventures
they gone, which admittedly sounds pretty fun secondhand, but is
not really fun for me. We live in a two
bedroom apartment, so we have a bedroom and a home
office that we share where our laptops are. Her Dungeons
and Dragons games are online and usually happen in the evening,
so I just hang out in the living room or
go out when she plays, so it's not too intrude.
(11:45):
But a few weeks ago, I noticed that she locks
the door when she plays interesting it.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Depends how intense the D and D sessions are.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
I thought it was a little weird, because why would
you lock the door to play Dungeons and Dragons? And
it didn't sit right with me. So I did what
I now think might have been very sad and pathetic,
but I genuinely didn't know what else to do. The
last few weeks when she had her game, I sat
out in the hall by the door and I listened.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I understand that he's coming from a place of, you know, suspicion.
I do think we could have just been like, hey,
can I come listen to one of your games.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
She uses headphone, so I could only really hear her
side of the game, and at first it was just
some stuff about rolling dice, joking around with her friends
and spells doing whatever. But I kept at it. I
sat there for four hours last week. She also said
that me sitting outside to listen in on our game
was a violation of her privacy and showed that he
didn't trust her, which was why she felt like she
(12:45):
needed to lock the door in the first place. I
apologize for that, but at the same time, I said
that me being wrong to Eavesdrop doesn't justify what she did,
to which she said she didn't do anything wrong. It
was just what the game was and it was just
a game. But that made me feel even worse. Maybe
I'm being whiny or misreading it, but she is the
first person that I was ever really vulnerable with like that,
(13:07):
and the way she spoke to me when she told
me how much she loved me, it was just so
similar to the way she spoke as her character that
it made me uncomfortable. It made me feel like something
was only mine and only for me was just being
given to someone else for a game, and it felt
like it cheapened it. Was she faking it with me?
Was she genuinely feeling that for another person. I don't
(13:29):
know what exactly it is that's bothering me, because technically
she's not wrong, But I don't care if she's technically
not cheating. I just feel like there are certain sides
of my girlfriend that should be reserved only for me,
shouldn't there. I couldn't really verbalize it to her, and
after a bunch of arguing back and forth, we just
went to bed, and for the past few days we've
been in this weird state of limbo where we're both
(13:50):
going on like nothing happened, but also there's clearly tension. Today,
I couldn't take it anymore and said that we needed
to talk about it. I said that I understood her
hobbies are important to her, but I am her boyfriend
and there should be certain things that are just for me.
I can't go on knowing that she's talking like that
to some other guy. So I told her that I
support her going on with the games, but I ask
(14:12):
that she no longer locks the door and no longer
do whatever romantic stuff that she does in game. Why
I even play?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Why even play?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
She said, I didn't mind when she talked to me
at length about her romance with the Astereon guy in
Balder's Gate. I told her again that that's not the same.
I don't mind her playing at romance with a bunch
of pixels and being moved by fiction, but that her
D and D game isn't just fiction. It's her telling
those things to an actual person, and that bothers me,
(14:41):
so I want her to stop. She said I was
being possessive and controlling, and that I can't tell her
to not have hobbies or how to behave. I told
her that's true, but if she doesn't understand how I
feel about this, we might not have a future together.
She got angrier and said, I'm clearly not in a
state to be having this discussion, and we'll talk again
when I've calmed down and we went to school. She's
getting her MA. But in the time since I've been
(15:03):
the opposite of calming down, I just get more upset
the more I think about it. Clearly, me being upset
should at least make her consider stopping, even if she
isn't actually cheating out right. Shouldn't my feelings matter on
this issue? But also maybe I'm not being reasonable, maybe
I am overreacting. Help.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Oh boy, I can't wait for the comments to roast you.
Speaker 4 (15:25):
We have a very charged up Sophia Donner. Sophia, the
floor is yours.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I'm upset again. She is acting. She is playing a
character in a game that is completely different from her. However,
a lot of who she is comes probably because she's
not like a professional actor. Even if she was, a
lot of who you are comes out in the characters,
(15:52):
because you don't necessarily if you're not like a professional.
You don't know how to create an entirely different person
from you who's like so far removed. So she's pulling
from what she knows to create and play a character
for a game. The fact that, I mean, okay, I
don't think that this is like they have to break up.
(16:14):
I think that there is a way they can get
out of this. If she makes him watch just hours
of D and D podcasts. I need him to go.
His homework is to go watch D and D podcasts
to understand that these are actors playing characters and that
everything that happens in the worlds as long as all
of the players are you know, consenting and everything, and
(16:34):
it's not like icky, you.
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Know, like stuff that makes everyone's on board, everyone's comfortable.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Everyone's on board, everyone's comfortable. Then it has nothing to
do with your relationship outside. Yeah, it's just completely different. Again,
This is the same as actors acting in a play
and confessing love to someone in a play. I mean,
like in his whole thing about like, oh, well, you're
reading lines. Okay, Well what if I'm improvising in the
scene and I confess love to someone.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
That's not real And guess what, D and D is improv.
Speaker 4 (17:07):
Yeah, it's a really interesting scenario because it's like I
think again, like me not understanding D and D at
all the actors example, I'm like, I get it instantaneously, right, Yeah, Yeah,
it's like, hey, if this is acting, I will say too, though,
And I'm curious on both of your perspective of specifically
U Sophia, Like I could see someone saying and I
think this would be reasonable where it's like, hey, I
understand like people who are actors, like you have scenes
(17:30):
where you're confessing love or maybe like there's like scenes
or whatever in a movie, in a play or whatever,
and it's like I totally respect that and salute to that,
but I don't know if I'm built for that, if
my partner is doing that. But you just don't like
that's just like a misalignment and you don't like try
to make something work that doesn't work. There, We've got
some other relement commis, Lads and gentlemen. What a breakdown,
(17:50):
So low Flight thirty seven and one says, I'm sorry
to say this, but yes absolutely I don't play Dungeons
and Dragons anymore and don't like it. But people do
all sorts of things to maintain an atmosphere where they
feel safe. Role Playing is incredibly vulnerable, and it's easy
to feel stupid if someone overhears. You should have asked
why she locked it if you were curious, again, get curious, Yeah,
(18:11):
get curious before invading privacy always, or just don't invade privacy.
Try that. Your post implies that, rather than her having
an actual emotional affair, which is possible but unlikely, the
point of contention is the act of saying it to
someone else hurt your feelings. I can see why it would, honestly,
but you hit her with a double whammy. You invaded
her privacy and then made an accusation. She's not going
(18:34):
to be in a state to be considerate of your
feelings after that. Do you want a relationship to still
be there after you win the argument? I don't want
to be harsh, but this seems like a bad situation.
You're probably a decent person and you're hurt right now,
but there are times when you have to recognize that
you're the transgressor tild art. Yes, if you had asked
about the lock, or asked more about what the games
are like before eavesdropping, you would likely not be surprised
(18:58):
and hurt.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
I agree if you had gotten a little bit more curious.
I mean like she's trying to teach him, and I
think probably every time she's talked about it, he's like, yeah, okay,
it so many rules, and I feel like if you
have asked a couple more questions about what was normal
or even done in little research before he made all
of those you know, demands.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
I accept that I probably appt up here, maybe a lot,
and I will apologize for it. But I just can't
be okay with her simulating a romantic relationship with another person.
I can't. And if I just apologize and let it go,
I'm going to be spending the rest of our time
together feeling like I have to share her emotional vulnerability,
if that makes sense. I don't want to be apprude,
but I can't get comfortable with my girlfriend telling other
people she loves them romantically, even in the context of
(19:39):
a game. It hurts too much. And we have an update,
ladies and gentlemen. So, having read the comments y'all gave,
I thought I maybe was actually overreacting and really did
f up. Especially helpful I thought was a comment someone
made about asking her about maybe keeping the door unlocked
and being allowed to listen in on the session to
get content and learn to accept her hobby and let
(20:02):
her still enjoy it without me spiraling. So when she
came home from school, I made an apology dinner, homemade
pizza from scratch, her favorite. When I saw pizza at first,
I'm like, dude, I'm like homemade pizza.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Okay, pizza from unnamed.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
Jane, and so we then sat down to talk. She
started by demanding an apology because whatever else I say,
eavesdropping and not trusting her were huge f ups on
my part. I agreed and apologized immediately because that was
crappy behavior on my part. No question. That helped her
to be more open to hearing me out. So I said,
more calmly and tactfully, that it bothers me that she
(20:37):
is simulating romantic love with a person I don't know
in a context I don't understand. I said that I
can and do apologize for my actions, but I can't
change how I feel, and that also needs to be discussed.
So she asked what I had in mind. I told
her I think that trust should go both ways, so
me trusting that the game is just a game and
it doesn't mean anything is well and good. But in return,
(20:58):
I'd like for her to keep the door unlocked and
let me sit in for a few sessions. I promised
not to be disruptive, not to overreact or interrupt the game,
and to bring up any issues I had privately with
her until after the game was over. She seemed relieved
because she was so worried I'd demand she'd drop the
game or break up with her, and she said personally
she didn't mind, but she needed to bring it up
with her group, which I thought was very reasonable. The
(21:20):
rest of the evening, though, she was constantly on her phone,
constantly getting Discord notifications and seemed more and more upset.
This lasted for literally hours well into the night passed.
When I was asleep. I asked if anything was wrong,
and she said maybe, but not to wait up, and
she promised to tell me everything in the morning.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
She's getting all these notifications.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Yeah, and maybe she even shared like yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
She might have said like he's not really comfortable, so
he wants to listen in and they were like no.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
So I didn't get much sleep, but I also didn't
want to pry too much, having just promised not to
good boy. So come morning, when I asked what happened,
since she clearly didn't get much sleep and was clearly nervous,
she said she brought it up with the group, and
reactions were mixed. I'm going to give these people fake
names to track. So when she brought it up, everyone
seemed okay with me listening in except Joe. Now, this
(22:07):
obviously made my girlfriend respond that seeing the relationship between
their characters was the whole point of me listening in,
to which he said that I'm being unreasonable and violating
his boundaries by making unreasonable demands. This was already pretty
bad in my eyes, but then she told me about
the private messages after the group exchange. She got three messages.
One was from Joe. Joe wrote a long, really really
(22:31):
long message about how much he cared about her, how
much it hurt him to see her dim her light
to appease a controlling, harmful boyfriend who stifled her creativity,
and how she should be with someone who appreciated her,
and that he was available if she wanted to talk.
He finished with a paragraph about how women like her
always go for the selfish a holes and don't appreciate
(22:54):
all the wonderful guys around them. How he felt such
a connection with her through their characters, and how could
she ignore it. I genuinely couldn't believe I was seeing
one of these in the wild. I don't usually get
secondhand embarrassment, but that crap is so cringe. I almost
passed away, like I genuinely laughed. I couldn't really be
angry because that crap was just so sad. She also
(23:15):
got messages from Jenny, another player, who said Joe seemed
way too invested in the romance for her taste, and
she thought that those segments were taking up a lot
of game time, which she thought was better used elsewhere.
She never said anything because she thought that my girlfriend
was really into it, but now that it became an issue,
she thought that she should. She also mentioned she found
Joe creepy, which I personally appreciate. Jenny's a girls girl.
(23:37):
I don't know any of these people irl because it's
an online group, but I certainly think Jenny might be
my new best friend. Finally, there was a message from Mitch,
the man running the game, who said that Joe reached
out to him demanding I not be allowed and this
is a quote to violate the intimacy of the group,
and he should talk to my girlfriend too to get
(23:58):
her to drop me listening in and possibly drop me
all together. I don't even know how or why Mitch
would even attempt to do that. Mitch make her breakup
with her boyfriend, nigger, break up with him?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
You wait, Mitch, you're the DM mitge, come on, roll.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
The dice and piket all. This resulted in them canceling
the next game as they work it out. My girlfriend
didn't respond to Joe yet, but at least she seems
relieved that I am taking this well. I told her,
of course I am. I'm not going to be upset
over some guy being into her. This is good. She's wonderful.
Of course, guys are going to be into her wherever
she goes. The issue I was worried about was that
(24:35):
she was into him back, and these messages convinced me
that that is clearly not the case, which seems to
have made her feel a lot better. We talked a
bit more, and now she seems to agree that locking
the door in context might have seemed suspicious and that
going forward, our ground rule should be that character dynamics
that make her feel like she should lock the door
might be the exact dynamics she should make me aware of,
(24:57):
which I promised to trust her to tell me these
things and to not eat drop anymore into approach her
openly about listening in on sessions. Also, the romance with
Joe's character isn't going to continue.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
I think Joe should be like out of the group.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Yeah, Joe sounds like a terrible person to have in
the group.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Like again, like in past D and D experiences and stuff,
where like I've had a couple of moments where someone
has kind of cross boundaries or like made someone else
uncomfortable and the DM was super recepted. Like, as a DM,
I think you are kind of like HR. You are
like the boss, You're a game kind of, but you're
also HR. And so people come to you. Hopefully you're
(25:39):
a good person, but people come to you, and so
you have to make sure that everyone feels comfortable. And
so I think that they should get rid of Joe.
Speaker 4 (25:46):
Imagine Joe's the duender Master.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
And that does happen.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
Everyone you must love me and break up with their boyfriends.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Unfortunately, that is a thing that happened.
Speaker 5 (25:58):
There are some really power or crazy dms out there.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Especially when you have like women in a group, you
have to be very careful.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
Now. Also, the romance with Joe's character isn't going to continue,
but seeing how she feels about Joe now, I think
I do trust her to do character romance going forward,
just to not hide it from me or be selective
who she does it with. I don't know how this
Joe situation is going to be handled within the group,
but I guess that's up to them, since playing with
him is obviously going to be very awkward for her guests.
Since she doesn't intend to keep up the romance, it
(26:28):
doesn't really matter. Small edit since the situation has basically
resolved itself now, Joe didn't like being left on Red,
so he wrote my girlfriend a very rude message here
we go about how I kid you not she was
going to pass away alone with cats because her a
whole boyfriend is going to leave her when she loses
her looks. He literally never saw her in person, to
(26:49):
be clear, uncovering my secret plan, I guess. So she
blocked him and sent a screenshot to Mitch. Joe isn't
going to be part of the group anymore. I'm sorry,
but like just the very first, if I'm like Dungeon Master, yeah,
block absolutely second that Don.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Joe comes to anyone and says they have to break
up with their girlfriend and I am in love with
or like whatever you said.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
Bye bye, abay girlfriend, apologize for not recognizing how absolutely
unhinged this guy was. We reasserted that in any game
interaction she isn't comfortable having in front of me is
probably one that she shouldn't be having. Relevant comments Familiar
Barraque to forty three says, I'm glad everything seems well,
but I feel like you still need to have a
discussion about why she was locking the door in the
(27:32):
first place, because to me, that says on some level
she knew it was wrong and that it would hurt you,
And if I was you, I'd be unable to not
cope with that until I get the full truth.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I mean, I disagree with that because I feel like
they've already addressed it. Yes, and also we know that
the first four hour session nothing happened. Yeah, so it's
not like you know.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
She didn't like this is something that she very much loves.
She wants to be able to do it and express
herself fully without limitation.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Yeah, Like, it's clearly not that every time she has
a session she's like romancing someone or whatever. It's like
we already know she got watched or listened to. It
was fine.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
I feel like it. I was like she got uncomfortable
because she's like, oh, I don't want to feel like
I have to change myself or something like that, Opie says.
From what she said, since it basically wasn't so much
about knowing this was wrong, since she supposedly was locking
her door at her parents' home too, which is where
she lived before and before the romance even took place,
and more about feeling safe to get into the headspace
(28:28):
to perform. Since I explained that this was part of
what made it feel so off to me, and given
how Joe clearly had a very different view of the
situation than her, she agreed that going forward, the door
should remain unlocked, and she will work on getting more
comfortable performing even in my presence, be it with me
in voice chat or president in the room. Since Joe's
reaction clearly didn't happen to a void unhinged as it was,
(28:49):
and we have this relevant comment. Pea Buns says, you
were very valid with your feelings of being uncomfortable with
your partner emulating love with another, even if it was
just role playing. I myself played D and D and
would be super uncomfort if my partner was sitting there
flirting at the table with someone else quote unquote in character.
So it's understandable that you would be two. I'm not
sure why people thought your boundaries you're wrong on your
initial post. Glad you guys could figure it out. Nonetheless,
(29:11):
and Opie says, I'm not saying this is going to
be easy, but I love her and if this is
important to her, I feel I owe her at least
the benefit of giving her that grace.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Don't fully agree with that last commenter. Again, like an
excellent example of this is the D and D show
that I watched to mention twenty, the original group that
they have. There is a married couple in it and
they both romance. You know, different characters all the time,
so it's you know, at the.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
End of the day, don't control people, don't control, don't
be doing it, but.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
You can still express as long as you're truthful and
you don't eavesdrop on their conversations for six hours. If
OPI had gone to his partner and said, Hey, why'd
you lock the door? It makes me a little bit insecure.
Probably would have solved things way earlier.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Would have all come out for ladies and gentlemen. That's
the end of that story. Hey, it's Sam. We're going
to get back to these stories. But here's three minutes
of ads for our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I gave my boyfriend an engagement ultimatum. I want to
take it back.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
Hmmmmm.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
My boyfriend and I are both young professionals in our
late twenties who moved in together six months ago after
graduating from professional school and relocating to a new city
for work. We have been together for four years and
have had no issues adjusting to living together. We're happy together,
want the same things out of life, and take excellent
care of each other. By the way, this comes from
(30:31):
dangerous grocery and if you want to smit your own stories,
good with the arslash. Okay, storytime hubvered it. So. The
issue is that I have known for a while that
he's the person that I want to spend my life
with and I would like to settle down and hopefully
start a family soon. I have been in a serious
relationship also lasted four years before him, so I know
what I'm looking for. On the other hand, my boyfriend
(30:52):
is not in the same headspace as me about this
for a few reasons. One, he was a late bloomer
when it comes to relationship and I was his first
real girlfriend. And two, he has a hard time making
decisions about everything from his job to what pair of
shoes to buy. When we discussed the future, I am
very clear that I'm ready to settle down with him asap.
(31:15):
He is also very clear that he loves me. He
thinks we have a great thing, but he wants to
take more time to see where it goes. He also
jokes around about how he hasn't banged enough chicks. We
had some serious commitment discussions last year when we were
deciding where to live after graduating, and I told him
that I wasn't going to try to relocate to the
same city as him unless we were engaged. He didn't propose,
(31:39):
and I stuck to my pupews. Despite very slim odds,
we both coincidentally found jobs in the same city halfway
across the country, so we moved there together and got
an apartment together. Now I'm starting to get fed up
and heard about this situation. It was causing a lot
of stress for me, and it was the main point
of contention in our relationship. So in September twenty seventeen,
(32:03):
I told him that when our lease is up in
April twenty eighteen, I was going to move out unless
we were engaged. He hasn't made a decision ever in
his life without a deadline, so I figured this would
help nudge him in the right direction. However, I'm starting
to worry that he's not going to propose, mostly because
he's telling me that he's not going to propose. Are
(32:25):
we sure? He's like, I don't know. I just get
the feeling that he's not going to propose because he
told me that.
Speaker 4 (32:31):
But wait, won't he do the opposite of what he's
exactly telling you?
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Now I'm regretting this ultimatum, and I think maybe I
was stupid for ruining a good thing by trying to
rush things, but it's been four years. Also, I worry
that if he does propose, it will be forced and
he'll always regret it. On the other hand, I gave
him basically the same ultimatum last year during our job search,
and he made it very clear that he'd rather end
(32:58):
up in different cities, which no US would likely mean
breaking up, then get engaged. I'd like to think that
I am being rational and empowered here, But am I
being stupid and desperate? If he doesn't propose by April,
should I stick to my pews and move out, basically
sacrificing this great relationship because it wasn't moving at my pace.
(33:18):
I'm happy to answer any questions to the situation is
getting so stressful, and I appreciate anyone who takes the
time to read this and give advice. And there is
an update, But what are your thoughts?
Speaker 4 (33:29):
John, It's just giving the classic like, oh, my partner
is so perfect except for everything about them, but then
also all the other things, like bro is literally telling
you that he wants to bang other chicks. He's not
ready to commit, And I think, like, it's not that
you're stupid and desperate, but I think we need to
recognize the situation for what it is. And it's like
(33:51):
he does not want to commit, potentially doesn't even want
to be in this relationship. He's just like waiting for
you to end it. Like it is good to recognize
those things because when you try to ultimatum or like,
you know, hard, you kind of hard press someone into
doing something that's not gonna be a winning scenario.
Speaker 3 (34:12):
If you have to ultimate them someone into a proposal,
you guys probably aren't ready to get married. Ready. I
don't think they're ready.
Speaker 4 (34:19):
That's what I think.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
I agree completely with you, John One. You can't force
someone to marry you. And also, it just really doesn't
seem like this guy wants to be in a relationship
with you. It just feels like he thinks it's the
easiest option. He's like, I mean, I guess we're in
the same city. So he's like, if I have the
opportunity to bang other chicks.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
What do you think I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
I don't think that you're wrong for wanting to marry
someone after four years. I just think you're different.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
But bro does kind of suck.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
Bang other chicks. Saying that to your girlfriend wild and
she's like, yeah, he just makes funny jokes. He's just acting.
It's like, no, girl, we're not playing D and D.
This is real, live, but there is an update. Let's
go now on to the update. Boyfriend knew and acknowledged
the ultimatum. He's like, yeah, I hear you, and I
tried to use this as a springboard to have a
(35:05):
serious conversation about where he sees the future going. We
did have some sit down talks that didn't really go anywhere,
and he told me to stop bringing up so I stopped.
We carried on for a little while being our happy
selves without mentioning the ultimatum. Part of me hoped he
had a proposal planned and would surprise me.
Speaker 4 (35:25):
Okay, op, we have to open our eyes for ourselves.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
The man saying that he doesn't want to marry you
and he wants to bang other chicks is not planning
a surprise proposal for you. Now. We are ten days
away from March thirty, first deadline, which I one hundred
percent planned to stick to, and he just told me
that he wants me to visit his parents in their
home in September, and after the visit he would then
(35:51):
talk with them about our relationship and consider proposing around December. Wait,
now he's kind of changing his mind.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
He's thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Part of me is so insulted and angry by this idea.
First of all, I have met his parents before and
actually spent plenty of quality time with them so far.
I like them, they like me.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
They live in a.
Speaker 3 (36:08):
More isolated state that's hard to get to from where
I live. Playing tickets are pretty expensive and it would
be a two day drive. I have suggested that I
visit them multiple times, and we've had plenty of opportunities
to do so, but my boyfriend was against it for
one reason or another. The saddest thing is that we
both coordinated time off work last week. We knew about
(36:30):
the vacation for months and had plenty of time to plan.
He told me that he was going to visit his
parents and said that he was thinking about asking me
to come with, but kept it vague. He's telling you
that he was thinking about asking you to come with.
He hasn't even asked you to come with.
Speaker 4 (36:47):
I'm like thinking about it, but like there's these like
other chicks that I want to bang, and like I
might invite them, so you know, I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
I looked up flights which were reasonable in price at
the time, and tried to play and everything. But when
I presented the information to boyfriend, he would say now
too busy and put off planning the trip. Then, less
than three weeks before the vacation started, boyfriend told me
I needed to come to his family's home with him
on this trip, and if that didn't happen, there was
(37:18):
no way he would propose. By that time, all the
flights I had been tracking had gone way up in
price because the departure date was so close. It would
have been financially very tight for me to pay for
the flight. And honestly, I think what he did was
crappy because he told me at the last minute what
I had to do instead of planning in advance like
I had tried to do. So I thought it over
(37:41):
and decided not to go with him. Now he is
saying the reason he can't propose is because I haven't
met his family in their home. Like I said, I
met his family a handful of times in the past.
His family and my family have met each other. He
says that this needs to happen for his family to
be okay with us getting married. He had told me
any time before the vacation was close and flight price
(38:03):
is shot up, it would have been fine. We had
multiple vacations since I issued the ultimatum, and we could
have gone to visit his parents. Then I feel like
this whole thing was him setting me up for failure
so that he could not propose and then blame it
on me. Not sure if it's relevant, but he is
Asian American and I am white. He was born in
the US. I asked him if the need for me
(38:25):
to visit his parents' home before he proposes is an
aspect of his culture, and he said maybe. What he's like, oh,
that's actually a pretty good excuse.
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Yeah, maybe is a larious Maybe just maybe is crazy.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
I don't want to be culturally insensitive at all, So
if anyone has knowledge about this, please sure. He doesn't
even have knowledge about this. Now that we're ten days
out and he's realizing I'm serious, he spends all our
time together begging me not to go through with it,
but he's not planning to propose. He says, it doesn't
make sense because he's telling me that he would propose
in December, but he was willing to take the risk
(39:04):
of losing me rather than propose by April. I see
where he's coming from. In a way, if we do
both want to get married, but I can't do this anymore. Also,
I think he's an adult and find it insulting that
he's blaming this whole thing on his parents. Not meeting
me in their home. They're asking him constantly what his
plan is with me. They don't know about the ultimatum,
(39:25):
and so I get the impression that they are just
as curious about the future of our relationship as I am.
I don't think they sat him down and told him
I need to visit them before he can propose, But
that's just a hunch. Any advice or comments on the
situation would be appreciated, and there is an update a
year later. So I think we're going to get some
of the juice.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
That's tea.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
That is tea, But do you have any SIPs to share?
Speaker 4 (39:50):
I'll pour something out. I mean, next bro is gonna
be like I was gonna propose you on Seventh Street
because seven is my lucky number. But like seventh Street's
when like so busy, it's like under control, so like
we have to wait till it's like done. I can't
even imagine proposing too, so like we need to wait
for the city.
Speaker 3 (40:05):
I mean, you're driving yourself crazy trying to, you know,
meet all of his insane demands, and then putting your
own demands that are as like malleable as you know,
freaking Plato. No one actually is doing anything to solve
these problems, and I think maybe the solve is to
leave this relationship with a man who doesn't want to
(40:26):
commit to you. But there is a year leader update.
Speaker 4 (40:28):
I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
I'm hoping it's going to go where I wanted to go.
March twenty eighteen, I couldn't go through with the ultimatum.
I was planning to move out, actually find a new apartment,
and wrote the check for the deposits. But when push
came to shove, I couldn't picture my life without my boyfriend.
I decided that I loved him too much to leave
him over the arbitrary deadline that I created. I also
(40:50):
believe that he meant what he said about getting engaged.
In December. I felt I was being silly for leaving
him after four and a half years because I wouldn't
wait another few months. As a compromise, he said we
could get a cat. I had been wanting one, but
he'd been saying no. He said he'd go to at
least one family event with me this year. Wow, one
family event. That's so nice of him. On March thirty first,
(41:14):
the day I was planning to move out, we got
a cat together. April to September of twenty eighteen, my
boyfriend and I spent time enjoying each other without really
mentioning the ultimatum. We both needed to recover from the
damage it did to our relationship. I got a therapist
and started working on myself. I picked up a new
hobby running Yep, you certainly are running away from things,
(41:35):
developed new friendships, and spent a lot of time working
on my career and hanging out with my amazing new cat.
I think focusing on myself, my career, and my friendships
took some of the pressure off of him. Also, multiple
family events came and went, and my boyfriend had an
excuse not to attend all of them. I'm not sure
it was that big of a deal. Anyway. By the
(41:57):
end of the summer, we were doing great and it
was like the ultimatum now happened.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
We ignored all of our problems that never brought it up,
so it was all perfect.
Speaker 3 (42:04):
He also complains about our cat constantly September twenty eighteen
visiting his family. As I promised, I went to visit
his parents in their home in September. As I mentioned
in the previous post, he is Chinese American and I'm white,
so I studied up on my basic Chinese and was
able to speak and understand a little when we were
all together. It was a great trip, and I genuinely
(42:26):
enjoyed his parents and had a lot of fun in
his hometown. I left a few days before he did,
so that he'd have time to spend with them alone
and speak with them about his plans for us in
the future. I asked him a few times how that
conversation went, and he said that they're happy with us
having a future together, but that getting engaged in December
would be too fast. That seemed absolutely crazy to me,
(42:49):
and again it seemed like he was projecting his own
views onto his parents. He also told me I needed
to learn Chinese before we get married. His parents speak
perfect English, but prefer Chinese they are with family. So
I started doing Rosetta stone October to December of twenty eighteen.
Around November, I started getting antsy that my boyfriend was
going to change his mind again. He was starting to
(43:10):
show his pattern of making excuses. For instance, one day,
he casually mentioned that he couldn't propose by December because
he needed to save money. We share finances and money
is not an issue for either of us. Another time,
he freaked out that I have student loans most people
in my profession do, and I have a very secure job,
good pay and automatic loan payments, and demanded that he
(43:33):
see a spreadsheet of my finances before you could consider
having the future together. Luckily, I already have the spreadsheet,
which I showed him and he calmed down. In the meantime,
my friends and family were starting to ask questions about
the future wedding. Although they had the best intentions, it
was stressing me out because I was worried that after
all of this there would be no wedding. I worked
(43:53):
with my therapist on letting go of this stress, redirecting
my family away from relationship questions. I also created an
no nagging rule in my mind. I stopped dropping hints mentioning, wedding, engagement,
et cetera. With my boyfriend. Didn't do it much anyway,
as I had learned my lesson from the ultimatum. We
spent Christmas together for the first time this year, and
I really thought he would propose then, but he didn't,
(44:17):
and I didn't bring it up or pat about it.
He visited his family for New Years and I was
left in our city working, so it definitely didn't happen.
Then January twenty nineteen, I accepted that he actually didn't
follow through with what he said he would do despite
me holding up my end of the deal. I was
the perfect girlfriend that he asked me to be, and
I try to use this as an opportunity for growth,
(44:39):
both individually and within the relationship. And still nothing changed.
I was still on the momentum of not nagging him
and trying to suppress all of my thoughts of wanting
to marry him. It's now to the point that I
equate my own thoughts of marrying him with shame and
self loathing, like they are bad thoughts that I shouldn't have.
Your therapist sucks.
Speaker 4 (44:58):
If I could just say, real quick, what is she say?
I was being the perfect girlfriend? Suppressing your feelings to
appease someone else as not being the perfect girlfriend. You
have the full right to express what you want and
what you're looking for in a relationship and it is
not okay that you know he brought you to a
(45:19):
place where you feel like you have to just like
screw this lid on everything you think and feel unacceptable.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Absolutely, you are allowed to ask for the things that
you need in your relationship. He is allowed to say
I don't want those things. But then it's like, okay,
maybe we depart. I realize I have been feeling sowned
with my own desires for my future, which is so sad.
But a few things have happened in the past few
weeks that have made me realize that this is all
bs who took a while. First, one of my superiors
(45:48):
at work offered me some great opportunities at my job
if I stayed on board long term. However, my boyfriend
wants to think about moving us out of the city
we live in because we don't like it here. I'm
actually okay with it for the most part. He also
has given a hard no to ever moving back to
my home state. He's reason my family lives there and
they annoy him. I started thinking, Wow, this person is
(46:10):
putting a lot of limits on my life for someone
who still can't commit to me. For the long term.
Then this weekend, I went back to my home state
for my best friend's baby shower. Also, I want to
have kids. That's the main reason I'm in a hurry
to get married. Biological clock is ticking. So yesterday I
was hanging out with my friend and her husband, helping
them set up their nursery, and I had this aha
(46:31):
moment where I realized that it's okay for me to
want to get married and have kids. There's no shame
in having my own wants. Yes, Oh, he's finally realizing it.
And at this point, not only have my wants and
desires been shut down by my boyfriend no marriage. We
can't stay in the city where I have job opportunities,
(46:51):
we also can't live in my home state, where my
entire family is. But I've internalized this sense of shame
about expressing or feeling anything that comes from with his desires.
So I'm starting to form a plan to move on
because this dude has taken more from my life than
he's adding to it. I'm hoping to get anyone's opinion,
advice support about where to go from here. Also, I
(47:14):
am willing to hear all the I told you sos
from everyone who said I needed to leave this guy
in March when I said I would, I totally deserve it.
Thank you for reading, and there is a third update.
I do want to point out that it's been a
year and while Opie's thinking about it, she has not
(47:34):
actually broke up with her boyfriend. I'm hoping that the
next update that we get does do that.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
You can't be a perfect girlfriend to someone who truly
doesn't want you.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
The thing is, you're literally meeting all of the goalposts
you started learning Chinese. You will never meet them because
he's going to keep moving.
Speaker 4 (47:52):
I think sheby's finally having the epiphany, which is great.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Some people need five years to realize that their partner
doesn't want to be with them.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
It can happen, We've seen it longer on this show.
But the important part is she is realizing it. She
is growing, and we're slowly steering the ship back towards
you know, like op he said, just because I want
to have kids to get married. It's not a bad thing. Yes, yes,
do not demonize yourself. There is no bad want or need.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
But let's get into this update. I spoke with my
boyfriend last night about all of this, I started by
asking what his roadblocks are and where he sees the
relationship going. He brought up the fact that it's moving
too fast for his parents. You liar, your parents don't
think your five year relationship is moving too fast. And
some issues that he has with the relationship. Number one,
(48:43):
that we don't make decisions together. For example, the fact
that I wanted to stay in our city for career
opportunities despite him wanting to move next year. Also, sometimes
I make plans to hang out with friends on weekends
when he's free, instead of us planning the weekends together.
Second point is that you have friends. Cool. Number three,
he worries about the fact that I get a lot
of Amazon packages and he doesn't know what I'm buying.
(49:06):
I showed him my Amazon history. It's mostly household supplies
that we both use and occasionally supplies for my hobby.
But that's like twenty dollars a month max. Also, that
is all on my credit card, which I comfortably pay
off each month.
Speaker 4 (49:19):
Hey, you need to stop buying soaps online or I'm
breaking up with you. The proposals off.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
This man would have a conniption if he lived in
our house, so I don't think I need to clear
every purchase by him. And he also doesn't like that
I'm chronically five minutes late to everything that's true, and
my fault five minutes late is like, really not that bad.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
Basically, Opie's existence is wrong in this man's eyes.
Speaker 3 (49:43):
There is nothing wrong with you. Also, since it came
up a lot in the comments, I wanted to mention
that he explicitly said that none of this has to
do with cultural barriers or the fact that we're an
interracial couple. Well, actually he explicitly said maybe after all this,
he said he's not ready for marriage. Shocker. We are
(50:04):
alarmingly close to the end of the story. I'm worried.
I'm just oping this update with her breaking up with
this man, because if it doesn't, I was pretty pissed
and told him I wished he told me this a
year ago so I could have moved on. The only
credit I will give him is that he did tell
you that he didn't want to marry you a year ago.
(50:25):
He basically tried to keep me around for another years
so that he would have more time to figure out
if he was ready. So I told him the relationship
is over and he's appearing to be in disbelief. He's
trying to be really nice now, probably to get me
to change my mind. But I'm remaining gently firm here.
The relationship is over. That was a nightmare, a five
(50:48):
year nightmare.
Speaker 4 (50:49):
I feel like I had like a rotting just like
nerve exploding tooth, just like implanted in my jaw, and
I'm like, please, someone just yank it out with pliers immediate.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
I really love the phrasing of I remained gently firm
because I can just imagine her being like, no, I
think I have to leave you.
Speaker 4 (51:09):
He's like, babe, I'll let you have one extra soap
that you order on Amazon.
Speaker 3 (51:13):
Were cool. I think it's really funny because I do
think of in these scenarios a lot of times, like
the partner is scared that the relationship's gonna end. They're like, okay, fine,
I'll marry you. Obviously, it doesn't even seem like he
tried that hard. He was just nicer. But yeah, she
laughed at him.
Speaker 4 (51:26):
Finally, Yes, happy ending
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