I went to my birth mother’s funeral… now I’m reunited with my real family! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, Alyssa, Sayale, and this is John. Welcome to the
Okay Storytime podcast game show.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
The show where you can hear the greatest stories on ours.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
And luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the
best stories your ears could listen to. All you have
to do is wait for two minutes through these messages
from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
I went to my birth mother's funeral and now I'm
reunited with my real family.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
Congratulations.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
I twenty four female, was given up by my parents
as a baby because they were both eighteen and had
no way to properly care for me. I didn't have
a very good life until I got into college off
of a sports scholarship, and it was then that I
decided to investigate my past. I found out that my
parents were still together, that they had two other kids
a lot younger than me, and had overall, I become
very successful in life. By the way, it comes from

(00:47):
Das Stroop and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the ours slash Okay Storytime supread it. So
I started to feel very resentful, and although I almost
reached out, I decided that I couldn't. I still kept
tabs on them to see how they doing, how my
siblings are, how my siblings are, and stuff. When I
found out that my mother passed away, I did attend
the funeral a few weeks ago. It was a big funeral,

(01:09):
A lot of people attended, but it wasn't packed cause
uh wait, but it wasn't packed because the thing is
other than my hair being jet black, I looked just
like my mother did, so when people were leaving, I
got spotted by my mother's hysterical great aunt, who assumed
that I was my mother. I excused myself, but I'm
pretty sure I exposed who I was, because just a

(01:29):
few days ago, my father managed to find me and
reached out to me. When we met at a coffee
shop three days ago, he apologized for having given me
up not reaching out sooner, and ended up crying over
not getting to raise me. It's the first time I
saw a grown man cry. He asked if I needed
anything from a car to a place to from a
car to a place to stay. But I couldn't help

(01:49):
but feel like I was embarrassing him, so I said
goodbye and left. But I've received a lot of texts
and voicemails from him since then. Since then, asking why
I left early if I'll meet him again, but don't
I feel like I can talk to him. Then I
got a phone call from a woman saying that she
was his cousin and my aunt and I know and
my aunt that I should have stayed away because he's

(02:10):
inconsolable now and I'm an a hole for choosing a
funeral to reveal myself. Why not, I mean throw around
that word ale.

Speaker 4 (02:20):
Like choose to really reveal yourself.

Speaker 5 (02:23):
Was that it was just like, well, this is happening now,
like yeah, you know what I mean. It's like it
wasn't like it was like all right, I'm gonna like
it was like that was just the moment that that
was gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah, regardless, I wanted to go to your your mom's funeral,
like like, I feel like my aunt is right because
all I've done is brought him new grief after he
just lost his wife. And there are some relevant comments.
Motorcycle addict says, not the a hole. You didn't ask
your aunt to out you. She is the ale by
telling your father the cat is out of the bag now.

(02:54):
So I do think you need to communicate and not
shot him out you did kind of bring this on yourself.
It's an unintended consequence. By going to the funeral, which
was an honorable and right thing to do, you did
create a situation where this could occur. I do think
that you need to see this though, i'd suggest you to.
I'd suggest you try and ignore everyone else and just

(03:15):
talk to him and tell him that you didn't mean
to reveal yourself at the funeral. You just came to
quietly pay your respects. And now things have escalated and
there is an update. Yeah, I don't Yeah, I mean, yeah,
that kind of happened. I still wouldn't call her an
a hole for that, but yeah, it's unintended consequences. It's
not her fault that he's inconsolable. Sorry, I'm not the

(03:35):
one that gave me up, Like.

Speaker 5 (03:37):
Right, it's like that's it's always like the weird logic
chain of like, well if he would just have never known,
it's like, but he did. He did that, Yeah, gave
it up, And now you want to be like it's
your fault that he's upset. Now, I'm pretty sure his
actions have led to this upset that he feels.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Yeah, there is an update. So thirty two days later.
Very specific. So I'm posting this because I said that
I would In a month. Things happen and it's gotten better.
The first thing was my aunt Dad's cousin phoned me
like the day after and apologized to me. She told
me that she practically raised my dad and seeing him
like he was made her act without thinking. She told
me my dad wanted to see me again and would

(04:17):
appreciate it if I would meet her too. I told
her how hurtful what she said was, and I needed
time before seeing her, but did agree to meet him.
Fast forward a week. I go to meet my dad.
I kept rereading everyone's advice and using it to prepare
what to say. He was more composed. I told him
it hurt me so much to be abandoned, and it
hurt seeing how successful he was, and it made me
feel not wanted, and meeting him made me want to

(04:39):
be forgotten. Wow. He told me he never forgot about me,
and showed me a small baby photo of me that
he keeps in his wallet and told me that he
still sees me as his baby even though I'm grown.
He told me he and my mom used to cry
for me every day. After giving me up, but they
still prayed for me every day, even until the end.
He once again told me whatever I wanted he could
give me if i'd let him. I told him I

(05:00):
wanted no money or anything from him, and I didn't
intend to reveal myself. He told me it was okay
if I wanted nothing to do with him, but asked
that I be a part of my mom's great aunt's life,
as she hadn't stopped asking about me since exposing me
and gave me her address. He insisted that I was
always wanted, but he always thought that I had been
adopted and didn't want to ruin my life, and that's

(05:21):
something a lot of you said, so I was prepared
for it. He asked me to forgive him for not
being there for me, and said that he'd do whatever
to be my dad. I guess I realized that I
could push him away or finally have what I wanted.
I told him my teenage fantasy that he'd come save
me from the orphanage, and we both started crying. He
told me that we can save each other, and I
hugged him and forgave him. Since then, I started seeing

(05:42):
him more, visiting my great aunt every other day. She
started calling me by baby nicknames as she had for
my mom. My dad also started coming to the gym
that me and my fiance and my best friend started
after grad school. He had been He has been trying
to do all the dad stuff that I missed out
on that we can still do, like teaching me how
to drive, business advice and stuff. I also finally don't

(06:06):
feel so upset over my siblings getting a better life
than me. He also got us both into counseling, and
I've finally been able to talk about all my years
in the system before I aged out. He is hosting
a New Year's party and asked me to come so
I can meet all my relatives, cousins and siblings, and yes,
I am going. So I want to thank everybody that
prepared me for how he felt and giving me up

(06:26):
and how he felt and getting to see me again.
I think that if you all hadn't pointed that out
to me, I probably would have just tried to stay
hidden and wouldn't have finally gotten a dad. And we
do have an updates. But this is becoming so lovely.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
Its good. It's going good.

Speaker 5 (06:42):
Yeah, better than I anticipated. Yeah, I think that our
previous stories. I expect that's fair.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
It's okay. You're just voicing the struggles that she had
growing up in the system, because again, she's probably felt
like that towards him. I'm sure there's anger in there
even though she wanted him to come back. Sure, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (07:08):
That's why it's just so complicated, a very complex situation.

Speaker 6 (07:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:12):
Sure, but I'm really love to say it's not.

Speaker 3 (07:13):
This is all happening. I mean, I like asking I
don't know him, asking to forgive or to be forgiven
is like I never like that. I never like, oh,
please forgive me. It's like, no, they need time, do
it on their own time. You don't have to forget
right away. But you can like be on that journey
or like start working towards that by hanging out with

(07:34):
each other and he can make it up to her
and stuff. But we got there, and it seems like
things are going well so far. And there is a
second update. I finally got to meet my entire family.
This is sixty days later, so I guess this is
kind of an update to my amily. The eight whole post.
I'm not sure if I can mention that sub here,
you don't worry about it. You totally can. But a
bit over two weeks ago, at the end of the year,

(07:55):
I finally got to meet all of my family and
it was the best time ever. On the thirty first,
my dad went into my apartment, chatted in Spanish for
like half an hour with my fiance nobody speaks it
in our country, and then I left with him for
his house. My fiance said that he would come later.
When we got to my dad's house, I was like,
oh my god, I'd seen photos before, but dang, it's

(08:15):
like a mini mansion, especially next to my apartment. It
made me smile so much when I told Dad that
you have a beautiful home, and he told me it's
your home too. When we got in and my dad
led me to the living room where my siblings were
waiting with my dad's uncle and one of my cousins, honestly,
I was really really scared. But then my cousin and
uncle came and gave me a huge hug and so

(08:37):
that they've waited for this for so long. It was
a bit more awkward with my siblings because they're both like, uh,
because they're both little, like not even ten yet, But
when they started asking questions it got a bit overwhelming,
so my dad made them stop. But I liked it
because it means that they want to get to know me.
It did make me a bit sad when my little
sister said that I look so much like mommy used

(08:57):
to Oh, oh my gosh. Yeah, because they're so young
with their mom passing away. Wow, I can't believe I
didn't notice it until then. But there was this giant
photo of my parents and a baby over the fireplace.
Like my dad looks super young in that photo, younger
than me even, so I had to ask is that me?
When my dad said yes, I started crying. My great uncle, uh,

(09:20):
my great uncle took my siblings away, and my dad
and my cousin consoled me. Honestly, it may seem selfish,
but that felt really good. That doesn't seem selfish.

Speaker 6 (09:27):
Yeah, so.

Speaker 4 (09:29):
Yeah, yeah, how do you think you are? Yeah? You
get him? Yeah, get him.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
That guy's being selfish over there, Oh my gosh. But yes,
my goodness, yes, this is such a nice turnaround from
all the other stories.

Speaker 5 (09:44):
We've been painting over the fireplaces. I mean, like, I guess,
I don't know. It might sound bad, but it's like, uh,
I guess it was worth it.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, I do wonder like that probably did motivate I mean,
if they were eighteen and couldn't take care of a
kid and now they have like a mini mansion like
they they worked hard to give them their current kids
or their newer kids like a life like this. So
props to them. Man, there's a little bit more into
the story. Let's get on into it. Rest of the

(10:13):
day went great too, especially when my fiance came as well.
Right at dinner time, my dad did a large toast
to all the relatives and introduced me and my fiance. Honestly,
I don't know if I can write most of what
he said, but it just made me feel so loved
and so happy that I led him into my life.
I went back to my apartment with my fiance really
early in the morning, but since then I've never felt better. Honestly,

(10:34):
the only reason I remembered to post this is because
today my dad sent me a text asking if my
fiance and I want to go on a trip with
him to Spain in February.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (10:43):
If we will be able to yet, but we'll see.

Speaker 5 (10:46):
My mother treated us like strangers. So we're moving without notice.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
Yeah, get on out of it.

Speaker 5 (10:53):
There's a trigger warning for financial Last year, my grandfather,
whose health has been deteriorating for a couple of years now,
got into a accident while driving uber. He told the
car and stopped working entirely, and my grandma was laid
off at her job, leaving my mom paying for the
entire households bills. At the time, my adopted sister and I,
both the twenty six female, were living in a high

(11:13):
cost of living city in another state, barely making hands
meat way over paying for rent, and hardly eating due to.

Speaker 4 (11:19):
Our financial hardship.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
That sucks.

Speaker 5 (11:21):
My mom called us to tell us about grandpa's accident
and told us that she would likely have to tell
the house and move in with one of her sisters.
By the way, this comes from user automatic Cobbler twenty
six and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my
sister and I discussed it and told our mom that
we could move in with her to help her pay
the mortgage.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
Which she was so excited about.

Speaker 5 (11:43):
She told us this way she could help us fix
up the house in the next couple of years and
eventually leave it to us when she passes, so we've
been living with her for the last year now. Some
details about this living arrangement. My sister and I paid
two thirds of the mortgage and utilities, which was.

Speaker 4 (11:59):
Dick by my mom.

Speaker 5 (12:01):
We live in the unfinished basement. Sister's room doesn't have
a wall or door separating it from the shared laundry room.
We do not have access to the kitchen upstairs and
have been using only a hot plate that can't even
boil a pot of water, a microwave, and a toaster
of and to cook everything. Our shower is tiny and
hardly functional, and I have no windows or natural light
in my bedroom. Also, we have roaches because nobody upstairs

(12:24):
cleans their kitchen thoroughly. When we first moved in, my
sister and I very much wanted to rekindle a relationship
with our mom, which was heavily damaged by the abuse, neglect,
and general poor decision making she showed us during our childhood,
and things were looking promising for a while, but the
relationship has severely deteriorated in the last number of months.
Our mom has expressed jealousy of the two of us

(12:46):
that we are happy and have prospects in life, which
was very unsettling to hear. She has started treating us
quite poorly, being me and snippy, blaming it on her
frustration with dealing with her domineering parents but taking it
out on us. Additionally, when we moved in with her,
she told us that she realized we were fully grown
adults and we would be free to leave and live

(13:06):
here independently, coming and going as we please. But now
she's upset when we have people over. We're very quiet
and unobtrusive. We only ever have friends over for chill
movie nights. She was upset that we got a cat,
even though she'd previously okayed it, and in general, she
seems to be upset that we don't check in with
her more than we do, telling us that she constantly
feels like she is in shooting despite us never saying

(13:28):
anything to the ed effect, and she constantly tries to
guilt trip us, saying how sick she is of being
in this house and how she wants to sell it
but is only staying because of us. Another factor in
all of this is that we live relatively nearby about
an hour's drive from two of my mom's sisters. They're
both more financially well off than my mom, having multiple

(13:49):
properties blah blah blah. Both of them have offered to
take my grandparents in. My family are immigrants, coming from
a country where children are expected to care for parents
into old age, sacrificing their money and freedom to do so.
Be One of my aunts pulled out of this because
her husband and my grandfather don't get along, and the
other aunt is severely dragging her feet and getting one
of her properties ready for them to move in.

Speaker 4 (14:10):
My mom is very resentful of the.

Speaker 5 (14:11):
Fact that she has to take care of and deal
with her parents, but doesn't seem to push her sisters
or parents on this to change it. Recently, our mom
has increased my sister's and my rent, which she has
used as a way to increase her spending. In turn,
despite saying that she never has money, Mom goes on
multiple vacations a year, orders stuff on Amazon all the time,

(14:33):
undertakes needless expensive projects, and just generally lives beyond her means.
My sister and I are trying to make a better
life for ourselves and have been living very frugally. This
rent increase also feels insulting because we feel like we
are paying more than our fair share. Like I said before,
we have access to less than half the house and
the living conditions are quite poor, but we pay two

(14:54):
thirds of all of the costs. Our grandparents and mother
alike may terrible financial decisions, and they raise our utilities needlessly,
keeping lights on all the time in every room, running
the heat and the ac in the summer, blocking vents
with furniture, et cetera.

Speaker 4 (15:11):
Needless to say.

Speaker 5 (15:12):
My sister and I have been wanting to move for months,
and this all came to a head this past week
when my mom tried to insist that we give up
our cat because he would irritate me when I try
to work downstairs. That was the straw that broke the
camel's back, so to speak, and my sister started looking
for another place for us to live. She connected with

(15:33):
the reputable private landlord in the area who has rented
to friends of ours before, and we've since toured the
new place and signed.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
The least okay, so we were moving out. We're moving okay,
good because I would, I mean, you can't like what is?
What are they supposed to do to it, to take away.
The cats have not bother her while she's working or
something like it. It's a cat. Just let it roam around.

Speaker 4 (15:58):
Yeah, it's uh, what do you can do about it?
A cat? What is the cat doing? Is it like
it's on a typewriter.

Speaker 5 (16:06):
Yeah, it's being loud and it's it's a black cat
on a typewriter, smoking cigarettes, trying to write the next
big stage play.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
There you go.

Speaker 4 (16:14):
I can't have your cat.

Speaker 5 (16:16):
I can't have your anthropomorphic playwright cat writing scripts in
the basement while it's just chain smoking Marlborough Reds although
in the laundry room. Really it's crazy. And then I
look at the scripts and they just say yah.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
Yam yam, yam, yam, yam, yam, yamyam yam yam. Yeah,
even in the play cats, they have real words.

Speaker 4 (16:35):
Here is where my confusion lies.

Speaker 5 (16:38):
We thought that the process of finding another place to
live would take longer than it did. We got a
great place at a great deal and jumped on the
chance to secure it. But my mom has no idea
that us moving out is even on the radar. She's
been away on another vacation the last few days, and
we plan on telling her that we will be moved
out by the start.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
Of August tonight when she gets back.

Speaker 5 (16:59):
Ideally we would have given her more notice, of course,
but this timeline is just how everything happened. We've been
paying the month in advance, so we are paid up
for July.

Speaker 4 (17:08):
We have to start.

Speaker 5 (17:09):
Paying for our new place at the beginning of August,
so we don't really have the money to pay her
for a month of us being here.

Speaker 4 (17:14):
When we won't even be living here anymore.

Speaker 5 (17:17):
I don't want to leave her in the lurch, but
at this point, with her irresponsible spending, lack of financial sense,
and the way she's been treating us, we can't help
but feel she has slightly done this to herself. I'm
sure either of her sisters could loan her money, or
she could start ubering on the side again to make
the balance we would have paid.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
But I just feel very conflicted about it all.

Speaker 5 (17:35):
So would I be the ale to tell her we
are leaving at the end of this month without paying
for a month?

Speaker 4 (17:40):
We're not going to be here for no.

Speaker 5 (17:44):
Imagine any other situation like this where it's just not
your mom and it's just a landlord.

Speaker 4 (17:50):
Would you be thinking the same way.

Speaker 5 (17:52):
Yeah, imagine if you had a place and you paid
an even split of rent and they're like, by away,
you can't use the kitchen, you can't comp me over,
and your cat can't chain smoking right plays in the basement.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
That's not a deal you want to sign up for.

Speaker 5 (18:08):
Come on, it's unacceptable. It's literally unacceptable. I am feeling
really torn about what to do and wanted to get
some outside perspectives and there is a lot of context
that colors how I feel about this all. Any advice
is much appreciated, and we have some comments. Comment one
not the ahle yo Mama is taking advantage of you both.

(18:32):
She's not using this as an opportunity to fix up
the house and get things straightened out. She's using you
guys to fund her continued irresponsible lifestyle. Just pack your
crap up and quietly leave. I would also mute notifications
from her on your phone when you do comment to
perhaps move your important stuff to your car. Today And

(18:52):
there's an update update. Thank you so much to everyone
who commented. I wrote the post yesterday morning and as
of this morning, we are safe out and fully moved
into our new place.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
As I said in a reply below.

Speaker 5 (19:04):
My sister and I have both lived in horribly abusive
home situations before, so it unfortunately takes a lot to
push us to our breaking point. But reading all of
the comments was a big reality check for us, and
it opened our eyes to just how bad and unfair
we had been treated.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
I still can't believe I'm out and better.

Speaker 5 (19:22):
Yet everything yesterday went smoother than I could have imagined. Surprise, surprise,
my mom extended her vacation and will only be coming
back early this week, so no confrontation happened at all.
Our grandparents were clueless and only really cared that we
were letting the ac out by having the back door open.
We've blocked everyone in the family for now, as we

(19:43):
are quite sure they will also try to reach out
and guilt trip us. But all that is left to
do is text our mom, tell her we aren't coming
back and block her too. All in all, we had
some incredible friends come over and help empty out the basement,
even through the rain and the heat, and we're now happy,
secure in our new place, and our kiddy gets a
new place he can roam freely around in.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
My boyfriend stood up to my father. Now my parents
are getting divorced. My father is the classic and misogynistic
golden child ahole. His parents pretty much worshiped him and
ruined him to the point where my aunts and uncles
have caught him and us out of their lives. At
last I saw them was when my little sister was born.
He runs his own company, so I think it's pretty

(20:25):
safe to say that he has never heard the word
no in his life. By the way, this comes from
Kayla is here, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time
and separated it. So Mom, little sister who's seventeen, and
myself female twenty eight are slash were essentially his servants.
He would sit in his chair, drink adult soda and

(20:46):
order us around, scream and yell at us. Mom was
afraid of him, Sis and myself too, Plus we grew
up that way and all three of us hated it.
I begged my mom to divorce him for years, but
she didn't want to because she didn't want to share
custody with him and leave us, and later just says
to be treated like crap when we would have to
go to him. I absolutely understand why she didn't, and

(21:08):
I appreciate her wanting to protect us, even if I
didn't agree with her method. That all changed December twenty fourth,
not right before Christmas. My boyfriend thirty two, and I
have been together for one and a half years roughly,
so this was our first Christmas where we celebrated together.
Small note on boyfriend. He is not afraid of anyone
and hates disrespect with the passion. We walk into my parents'

(21:30):
house and Dad is in his chair while Mom is
working on dinner in the kitchen. Boyfriend goes to Mom
to greet her and complimented her on the decorations. Massive
smile from Mom, and he greeted Dad second. That pissed
off Dad, but boyfriend has always greeted my mom first,
unless Dad is significantly closer to him. Dad has complained
to me about it because he is the man of
the house and should be greeted first, and more bs

(21:52):
like that. My boyfriend has told me that this is
how he was raised by an amazing woman, single mom
of two older sister and him, and he's not changing
anything and I don't see why he should. Boyfriend took
an interest in mom's cooking, which smelled amazing, and I
saw Mom light up like I have not seen before,
answering questions, explaining things, sharing tips between them. He has

(22:12):
a really good cook too, absolutely lovely to see.

Speaker 4 (22:16):
We sat down in.

Speaker 3 (22:16):
The living room. Sis came downstairs and joined us. Had
a great time together and pretty much ignored Dad, who
was glued to the TV as usual. My mom asked
if anyone wanted something to drink, and boyfriend jumped up
and said, you've worked hard on the food, it's your
time to relax. I'll get it, and he took our
order and went into the kitchen. Dad wanted adult soda.
Boyfriend asked him what adult soda he wanted, since there

(22:38):
are a lot of different runs in the fridge, and
Dad said, in an angry tone, just grab one. I
don't care. Boyfriend comes back with a bottle of wine
and two glasses for Mom and myself in one hand
and sisters drink and the other went back into the
kitchen to grab the adult soda and his own drink,
but the adult soda on the table in front of dad.
Dad stands up and yells, that's it. I will not

(22:59):
be disrespected like this in my own house, Mom sys
and me just shrunk. But boyfriend turned around and said,
I asked what adult soda you wanted, and you said,
just grab one. What's the problem, Dad, It's not about
the adult soda. I got served last in my own house.
You will not just respect me like that, boyfriend. First off,
I got served last. In fact, I've not even put

(23:20):
my drink down. And what and what did you want
me to do? Did you want me to He actually
did air quotes for this, disrespect your wife or your
daughter's instead, I have two hands, both were full, and
he turned around and sat down. Dad tried to respond
but just stuttered and pretty much ran upstairs. Boyfriend continued

(23:41):
the conversation like nothing happened until Dad slammed the door,
and boyfriend said, well that door is shut and broke
the tension, and we laughed.

Speaker 4 (23:49):
This amazing guy, I gotta crush on you.

Speaker 5 (23:52):
Oh he's got a crush on you, little dad sitting
in the chair.

Speaker 4 (23:57):
He's got a crush on you.

Speaker 3 (23:58):
It's crazy, dude, dude, awesome, awesome of this boyfriend, those
amazing responses. It's like, yeah, well do you like why
do you want me to admit that you want me
to disrespect your wife, admit that it was like that
was the moment that something changed for my mom. A
bit later, we sat down for dinner. I went to
get Dad and told him that dinner was ready, and

(24:20):
he snarled, I'm not coming. We used to beg him
to come down, not the first time he's pulled this stunt,
but after seeing boyfriends stand up to him, I just
said okay and went back down. We had an amazing
dinner with Mom, boyfriend, Sis, and myself. Afterwards, we sat
down in the living room for gifts. Mom went up
to get Dad again and came back down not even
thirty seconds later, and sat on the floor with us

(24:40):
to open the gifts. We had so much fun opening
the gifts, laughing, drinking, throwing wrapping paper at each other,
just having fun without a care in the world, which
I've never seen Mom do. Hours later, boyfriend and I
were heading back home. Mom pulled us both in for
a massive hug, seriously massive Mom hugs are something else,
and thanked us for the best Christmas she has had

(25:02):
in years.

Speaker 5 (25:03):
Oh my god, I forgot that the context was also
that the dad's trying to ruin Christmas.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
Yeah, which is insane.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
It's like he's.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Literally in the grin. She's like, Oh, I'm gonna slam
this door and take away Christmas And they're like fahoo, Doris, dude,
like we're good, We're freaking good.

Speaker 5 (25:19):
This is like the perfect example of like do you
end up being like this is all I have?

Speaker 4 (25:24):
And then like someone just shows up and you're like.

Speaker 5 (25:26):
Oh that's oh, Oh I can divorce my husband because
he's a horrible.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
Yeah, I'm o miserable man.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
This is amazing. Op and this boyfriend can never break up.
Now they have to work out. While driving home, Sis
texted me a picture of her and Mom on the
floor watching a movie surrounded by a mess, which is
weird because Mom always had to clean and keep everything
perfect or our dad would yell and call her or
us lazy. But Mom was cleaning it tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yes Mom.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
That all leads to today. Mom called and asked if
her and says could come over to discuss something. They
arrived and wow, Mom has had simple mid black hair,
no color, no flavor, just as simple as possible for
as long as I've been alive. But now shoulder length
bob with some low lights absolutely stunning. Boo all the

(26:17):
sadness and beer on her face gone, still mom, but
an absolutely gorgeous version of mom. She told us that
she's going to see a divorce lawyer on the ninth
and will try to find a place and move out
as soon as possible. After long discussion on how she
wants to do everything, we asked her why now, and
she said, And I'm proud and so effing happy that
she said this. At Christmas, something changed for me to

(26:40):
see boyfriend's name stand up to dad like that, and
the way boyfriend always treats you your sister and meet
with so much love and respect. Boyfriend actually treats me
like I'm my own person, and I've not felt like
that in a long time. With you too. I'm mom,
don't get me wrong. I absolutely love being mom for
you too, But I'm more than I was either mom

(27:01):
or Dad's wife, which is true. He would always introduce
her as my wife. Name never name my wife. Might
not seem like a big deal, but to her it
is and was.

Speaker 4 (27:11):
This is great. She's is good news.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, she got the breakup haircut already, She's smiling, she's
not cleaning. This all changed so fast and so easily.

Speaker 5 (27:22):
Dad's upstairs in his room, Like, yeah, I'm not gonna
come out of my room until you say you're not
divorcing me.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
Yeah, this is amazing. Oh my gosh, I've not been
the mom's actual name, not just mom in a long time.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
I've had enough.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
I'm not letting him treat me like this anymore. I
am not in love with him anymore. In fact, I
haven't been in love for a very long time. I
don't even have love for him anymore. But sis is
old enough now, and with the two of you and
boyfriend's name with me, I can do it.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (27:54):
I'm so damn proud of my mom for standing up
for herself now. I'm so damn happy my boyfriend was
able to make her feel like her own person again
when he didn't even try. I'm so damn happy that
mom and says and myself never have to be treated
like crap by that man again. I am just so
effing happy. This is amazing. We have enough comment that

(28:15):
is the end of that storage yet.

Speaker 4 (28:17):
Go mom, divorce your stinky ex husband. Yeah, dude, all right,
you won't be disrespected?

Speaker 2 (28:24):
In my eye?

Speaker 4 (28:25):
Was like, are you sure?

Speaker 3 (28:26):
Yeah, It's like, well, what are you gonna do, are
you sure? All you gonna do is slam some doors
and leave us. That's kind of what we want us.

Speaker 4 (28:35):
Well, that door's closed. He's literally crushing.

Speaker 5 (28:39):
It'sushing in the living room and Dad's upstairs, like, dude,
for real.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
It's like, what we're what we're supposed to come? Beg
you to come downstairs like we always do. We don't
want you.

Speaker 5 (28:50):
He comes down anyway and sits on the floor like
a petulant child.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
Like fine, yeah, he can't even do that.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Hey, it's Sam, your ogi host. Here the stories. But
here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
I refuse to spend my birthday with my sister because
of the things she did. What did she do? I
fifty nine female, have one sister, sixty one female. I
will call her Leah for context. We're half sisters, but
grew up together and never considered each other as anything
but full sisters. We share the same mom, and my
sister and my mother are very similar personality wise. And

(29:26):
trust me when I tell you this is not necessarily
a good thing. By the way, this comes from no
lengthiness eighty eight ninety five. And if you want to
spend your own stories. Go to the r slash Okay
story time separate it. I was close to my sister
growing up. She was thinner, prettier, smarter, and always appeared
more put together than me, and I worshiped the ground
she walked on. She was also the responsible one and

(29:47):
got the perks for this, such as a brand new
car at sixteen, going on school trips, and had nicer clothes, shoes,
and stuff. I wouldn't say she was the golden child,
but as she was the eldest between me and our cousins,
she was the one everyone one looked up to and
everyone deferred to, especially me. I, on the other hand,
was the overweight, weird, socially awkward kid, a total pushover,

(30:08):
people pleaser, and easily manipulated. I constantly got picked on
and bullied both at school and inside my family dang
My sister could at times be both my greatest tormentor
and my biggest advocate, especially against my mother, who was
hands down the person who manipulated me the most. Though
I was well into my adulthood and my mother had

(30:29):
passed away several years ago before it dawned on me
how bad my relationship with my mother was. I stopped
being close with my sister in her senior year of
high school when she rightfully chose her friends over her family.
I say rightfully because this is part of growing up
and expanding your wings. The thing was, I felt abandoned
by her. As the years passed, her priorities changed and

(30:50):
I adjusted. It hurt too much to be ignored and
overlooked by her, so I put her out of my heart. She, though,
never let me go, and for a long time we
never discussed my change feelings for her. She always assumed
everything was normal when it hadn't been that way for me.
Leah started dating her husband, Pete sixty one mail since
high school. He was part of the reason she moved
away from me emotionally. I became close to his family,

(31:13):
and they included me in their lives as one of
their own. But I was never that close to Pete.
He thought I was kind of a loser, and he
often insulted and berated me while they dated. When she
sat me down and told me they were getting married,
I told her that I was happy for her, but
I did not like Pete, and I likely would not
have a close relationship with him. This did not make
her happy, but all she could do was try to
mend our connection as best as she could. They had

(31:34):
a small wedding and I was her only maid of honor.
Fast forward several years. I started getting my act together.
I had a decent job, I had a solid group
of friends. I thought my familial relationships were on the
right track, and though I was single, I was ready
to have a child. I considered artificial insemination for this.
I was not quite ready for motherhood, but getting closer,
and I was pushing forty, so my biological clock was

(31:56):
almost at a standstill. Leah and Pete hadn't had children,
and my mother was the only one of her siblings
that was without grandkids. Then she got the devastating diagnosis
that she was terminally ill with lung cancer. I pushed
up having a child because of her diagnosis. I went
through the process without telling anyone what I was doing.
I even dealt with a miscarriage on my own. I
finally got word that I was pregnant. I took my

(32:19):
mother and sister out for my mother's birthday and told them,
and they were shocked and ultimately not happy about it.
My mother even told Pete that he would likely be
the one to raise my kid. I didn't realize how
prophetic that offhand comment would become. My mother purchased a
condo a few years before my son was born. She
had me shop around with her for the condo. She
claimed it was going to be her retirement home, but

(32:40):
wanted me to move in it before she was ready
to retire. Later, after she retired, she confessed that she
purposely bought the condo for me, and that meant that
I was now indebted to her. I knew this was
another way of her manipulating me. I tried, before getting
pregnant to leave her my home town and start a
new life elsewhere, but it didn't work out. In fact,
when the job opportunity that would enable me to move

(33:02):
away from her and my sister fell through, she cheered
loudly when I told her that I didn't get the
job and listened to her happily crow way while I cried,
feeling horrible I was stuck. After the baby was born,
she told me that I needed to sell the condo
and move in with her so she could be with
her grandson Adam until she passed away. So I did
just that, and she complained constantly to my sister about me,

(33:26):
pretty much every day until she passed away, but I
dealt with it and also with undiagnosed PbD. She lived
long enough to see my son take his first steps.
She started to get sick on Christmas Eve and was
sick all through the holiday.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
It was awful.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Now I was stuck in my childhood home, my work situation,
and my mental health became erratic once again. My sister
took over the role of being my harshest critic. She
let me live rent free in my childhood home, which
he now owned, and I struggled, which made my parenting
of Adam suffer. Leah and Pete criticized everything I did
with Adam. I'm not saying all of my decisions were great,

(34:01):
but I couldn't catch a break. Then, when Adam was four,
I had a real setback with some career and financial
decisions and my undiagnosed mental health issues, and I had
a small breakdown. I was worried I would hurt Adam.
That was the last thing I wanted to do. I
asked Pete to come take them. I checked myself into
a mental hospital, but they didn't help me at all.
When I returned, I had no job and I lost

(34:23):
my son. Leah and Pete decided to keep Adam e
which honestly to decide that though well, yeah, no, of
course not. But I doubt oh Pee could adequately fight
to get back her son when she literally just checked
herself into a mental hospital. I fully agree that maybe
that's where we're at here, but I'm not easy. But
like it's like, at the end of the day, I do.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
I agreed because I needed to get myself back on track.
It was only supposed to be temporary, but they decided
they wanted to keep him permanently. I was told that
if I fought them in court, they would win because
these were two people who made six figures each at
a stable home and could give him the stability that I,
a single mom barely making above minimum wage and living
rent free in my sister's house, could give him. This

(35:04):
was a battle I knew I would lose, but I
never gave up custody or granted them guardianship. I was
told that if I did, they could keep him from
me permanently. Leo would claim she would not do that,
but my gut told me otherwise. I became more the
fun mom for my son while they were his disciplinarians.
Adam and I grew closer over the years, and my
home was his sanctuary, his soft place to land where

(35:25):
he could rest, relax and breathe easy. Things never got
easier with me and my sister. I lived in a
state of resentment, and she passed off her role as
the giving and supportive thifter. She was always involved too
much in my life, using Adam as her excuse. I
never stopped wanting to get away from her, but I
wasn't going anywhere until Adam was out of school. He
was my top priority. During the VID, tensions started to

(35:46):
worsen between her and me. We battled constantly and her
passive aggressive insults cut deep. Over the years, she often
brought me to tears, and she ramped this up in
twenty twenty and I hated being around her. The final
straw came on Adam's seventeenth birthday, which was also Inauguration Day.
I went to her house to celebrate. She made me
feel unwelcome and uncomfortable the moment I stepped inside her home.

(36:09):
We had a big blowout over one of my birthday
gifts that I gave Adam the results of a DNA test,
and I left, OH and stopped talking to her. Oh.
That was the last time I stepped inside her home.
We remained distant, only getting together for Adam's high school graduation.
A year after Adam started college, I finally moved out
of state and away from her. Since my move, my

(36:29):
life has improved greatly. Leah and Pete never completely lost
touch with me. They came to visit me during the
holidays several months after I moved, and then again when
I moved to another apartment in my new city. Both
times they came with Adam. A few months ago, Leah
and I had a long conversation over the phone where
we hashed over our differences and where I finally admitted
to her that I left the state to get away

(36:50):
from her. This hit her hard, but I was sympathetic
to her pain, and for her sake and for my
son's sake, I decided to leave the door open on
our relationship. She and Pete came to visit, just the
two of them, about two months after we had our
four hour long phone conversation. You have long context of
my contentious relationship with my sister. Now to the topic
at hand. My birthday. First, I am not great about

(37:12):
celebrating my birthday. Many of them haven't been the greatest
over the years. Most were non memorable. It's the milestone
birthdays that needed to have significance but always fell flat.
I remember ordering an Amaretto sour for my twenty first birthday.
I can remember for the life of me what I
did for my thirtieth. It was obviously nothing spectacular. On
my fortieth, I rented a cottage in Indiana by Lake

(37:32):
Michigan and invited my family and friends to come celebrate.
The cottage was the party house, with a huge backyard
and pool. Adam was a year and a half. I
remember that at one point that weekend arguing with Leah
and Pete. I think it had something to do with Adam,
and it was so bad that I was in tears. Thankfully,
the guests that arrived saved me from being completely depressed.
But I got through my fortieth without too many scars.

(37:54):
My fifthieth, I planned a trip, initially just for me
and Adam to go to Maine. Leah and Pete also
wanted to go, and so I relented and we made
it a family vacation. They added a short stay in
Quebec City. The trip started out pleasant enough, but as
we went to Quebec City, the drama in suit. And
it started with Pete being a knucklehead and my sister
getting involved, and the arguments between the three of us
were horrible and tear inducing, and I wanted the trip

(38:17):
to end. We called the truce, but when we returned
to Maine for my fiftieth birthday, I didn't even get
to pick the restaurant. We ate that my sister made
the choice as she was paying, and it was somewhere
Pete prevert. My option was sneered at. I was deflated,
but I kept up appearances as if I did not,
I would be considered ungrateful and then be blamed for
causing more drama. Now, my sixtieth birthday is fast approaching,

(38:39):
I've been contemplating taking a trip to New York City
to see a Broadway shoe woo, or go to Newport
and go sight seeing, or take a drive in Virginia
or the Gulf Coast. I planned to do this on
my own, celebrate myself, goodness, do that. Adam starts his
final year of college the week of my birthday, so
he can't accompany me, but later I'm planning to take

(39:00):
him with me to Europe for my sixtieth birthday and
his graduation a gift for graduating that will likely be
next May or June. Here's my dilemma. Yesterday, my sister
texted me to check in, give me updates on my aunt,
my mom's younger sister, and to see if I would
like to come back to my hometown to see them
for my sixtieth birthday. I would visit my aunt, who
is in hospice and wants to see me, and they
would plan a whole big event for my sixtieth. If

(39:22):
things work out, I can also take my son to
school to settle in for his final year. It sounded
like a great option, but now after thinking about it,
I'm not so sure I've been good keeping low contact
with my sister. I want to just immediately be like,
don't go.

Speaker 6 (39:38):
You had this perfect plan for your own little sixtieth
and you can go see your aunt on your own
a different time, like it doesn't also have to be
your birthday weekend.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Oh pee, you can say no. I had plans set
in my head for sixtieth drama free fun birthday for
a while. Now there is the monkey wrench thrown into
my plans. He didn't promise her any answer yet. She
wanted to pay for my plane ticket, but I told
her I would drive. It's a five and a half
hour drive. I keep remembering past birthdays and how awful
they were. I wonder if I should put myself through
this again. But if I say no, this will stir

(40:08):
up sour feelings. I feel stuck, like once again my
choices are being taken away or being made for me.
She's a master manipulator, and I'm a hopeless people pleaser.
Would I be the a hole if I refused her invitation?
How would I go about doing so without muddying these
murky waters? Further comments coming.

Speaker 6 (40:24):
One.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
You've spent sixty years sacrificing yourself and your happiness again
and again because she or your mom told you to.
Hindsight is a witch and you can't take back your actions.
But you never should have left your condo. Your life
and your relationship with Adam would look so different if
you hadn't. They stole your son away from you by
convincing you that they were the better option for him.
You were right, not to ever sign away your rights.

(40:46):
They never had children, but it probably wasn't for lack
of trying, though. When you got pregnant, she saw this
as her chance to become a mother. She had successfully
manipulated you your entire lives and knew that it wouldn't
take much to push the situation to her favor. A
good sister would have done everything she could to help
you cope with motherhood, not convince you that the best
option for you was to give your child to her instead.
You've tried several times to sever the ties that buying

(41:08):
you to her, and you said it yourself, You've never
been happier than when she wasn't in your life. But
while your self esteem is dependent on you being away
from her, hers requires you to be a presence in
her life, which is a wildly toxic dynamic that she
is the sole beneficiary of. Now, regarding your birthday, you
should visit your aunt in hospice. You should ask Adam
if he'd like for you to help him get situated
for a senior year. If he does, great, spend it

(41:30):
with him and enjoy it, and then avoid your sister
like the plague. You already know the answer to your
own question. She'll make your day all about her again,
and you want to enjoy it again. The definition of
insanity is repeating the same action again and again and
expecting different results. You've tried it her way before many times.
There can be a plan in place. She'll promise to
honor your wishes in regards to that plan, and then

(41:51):
she'll ignore them in favor of her own, and you'll
be left hurting. For sixty years, you've allowed her to
walk all over you. You've spent your entire life feeling
inferior to her, and she's spent her entire life in
forcing this. My guess is she's wildly and happy in
her own life and in her marriage. This is why
she needs you around to put down and make herself
feel superior by forcing you to feel inferior, which you

(42:12):
are not. The best sixtieth birthday present you can give
to yourself is to finally cut her out of your life.
Write a letter detelling exactly how miserable she's made you
feel your entire life. Give examples of all the ways
she's dismissed, disregarded, and disrespected you in the sixty years
you've known her. Tell her that for your peace of mind,
and because you finally decided that enough is enough you
no longer want her in your life. Also, if he

(42:34):
doesn't know any of or all of this already, you
should have a long, honest talk with your son about this.
Apologize for not being stronger when they told you that
you weren't fit to be his mother, for believing them
and letting them bulldoze you. But make sure he knows
that despite everything, you only ever did what you believe
was the best option for him because you were so
traumatized by their treatment of you that you genuinely believe
their lies and manipulation. No doubt, he's been told stories

(42:57):
about you growing up in their house, and he may
not even realize the extent of manipulation he himself could
have been subjected to. Big hugs you, I truly hope
you managed to break free from this unhealthy relationship with
your sister. You are in no way inferior and it
shouldn't have taken you sixty years to finally understand that. Oh,
he says, I have had long conversations with my son.
He knows the deal between the two of us. Unfortunately,

(43:19):
he's been out in the middle of this ridiculous drama,
but for far too long, he's even used it to
his advantage at times, sort of like some children of
divorce might do by playing us against each other. It's
definitely a twisted and toxic situation. I want more than
anything to walk away forever from my sister, but because
Adam is such an important part of both of our lives,
that right now is not possible. You might go to

(43:40):
grad school close to me than to my sister in
his current state. Things might change again when or if
that happens. I do need to take some time to
consider my next move, because the last thing I need
is to be drawn back into this mess, which may
indeed be something she desires for whatever motivation or twisted
reason she has, while I only desire peace in my life.

Speaker 6 (44:00):
My sister excluded us from a family trip because she
thinks we don't like her.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Is it true?

Speaker 6 (44:06):
I male forty six, live in the UK. I have
recently been diagnosed with ADHD. My parents were the type
to not believe in things like ADHD or mental health issues,
coming from a background of pick yourself up and get
on with it, or just snap out of it when
faced with depressive people. My parents and siblings are slash
were a family of five. Our parents are divorced and
I have two older sisters. This is about the younger

(44:29):
of my two sisters, her suspected narcissism, and her enabler,
who's our mother. By the way, this comes from my
main profile, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
Here's a list of our people that we got here.

Speaker 6 (44:42):
Father seventy eight, mother seventy two, older sister Olivia fifty two,
younger sister Yasmin fifty, me forty six. I should add
that while I do not consider my childhood to have
been harmful or particularly hard, things that were said and
done in my presence and during the time of the
divorce had some effect, and the feeling of being piggy

(45:03):
in the middle changed who I was and what I
thought life was. An example, I unfortunately had to drop
out of college in my second year and take full
time work as I had to help pay the mortgage
or lose the house after our mother left home. I
do not blame her for that, because I wouldn't want
her to have stayed in that situation. But I can't
help acknowledge that it probably changed my future in certain ways. Father,

(45:25):
Olivia and I are no contact with Yasmin. Olivia and
I are also minimal contact with our mother. Our mother
and father have been divorced for around thirty years now,
but get on enough to be in the same room
as each other if there is a reason to be
there which is relevant later. Yasmin is, in my untrained
yet observant opinion, an undiagnosed, over self absorbed person showing

(45:48):
traits of Munchausen syndrome, martyrdom, and others. She seeks attention,
makes up wild accusations and scenarios that don't add up
and become more exaggerated over time. She is obsessed with
our mother to a cringe worthy level of sappy puciku mummy, Mummy,
I'm your one and only child and your little girl
kind of posts on her Facebook. She flirts and cuddles

(46:11):
with other men in front of their partners, has been
going through other people's stuff to the point of stealing
and opening letters that are not addressed to her flity.
She either makes up or exaggerates illnesses or injuries. She
has two failed marriages that ended entirely because of the
husband's faults and failings nothing she did.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
Of course, she's perfect.

Speaker 6 (46:32):
Yet these men have gone on to have successful, long
relationships with other people, and one of them, who was
branded as violent and harmful, has remarried to a nurse,
had another child, and is going strong while she remains single.
As all men are a holes, she has been called devious, manipulative, controlling, jealous,
and more. But one common theme whenever anyone confronts her

(46:54):
is that the other person is either lying, delusional, or doesn't.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Remember it the way it was.

Speaker 6 (46:59):
Other than a troublemakers, everyone else loves her and thinks
she's lovely, but she's the type of person who will
wave and smile at you in the street one day
and completely blank you and walk the other way the next.
When we were kids, she would look after me while
our parents were at work, but would play and talk
to me in the morning, then blank me in the afternoon,

(47:20):
depending of course, on mood, the alignment of the stars,
or if a butterfly got caught inside an airplane cockpit
and twitched its wings thirty five thousand feet.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
Above peeking her.

Speaker 6 (47:31):
Other alleged exploits include parental alienation of her children, over
friendly behavior with her stepfather and male members of her
partner's family, over friendly behavior with her supervisors and those
in authority, male theft and hiding of bills or statements
in others names, and too many more to post. She
had not talked to our father for many years and

(47:53):
pretty much called her stepdad her real dad, and even
her oldest children have tattoos of granddad relating to their
step granddad, not their real granddad. But since he passed
away and a small medical emergency our real father had,
she had been sending him sappy text messages saying how
much she loves him, et cetera. I have copies of them,

(48:13):
enabling her in this is our mother who won't hear
a bad word said about her. Everyone lies, everyone makes
up things to get their own way. Yasmin is an
amazing mom who had to choose to raise four children
with nothing because their fathers didn't want to were prevented
from knowing their kids and our a holes and need
to be squashed like a bug. At the start of

(48:34):
twenty twenty three, I went no contact with our mother
after an argument about money. Since I've been out of work.
I have asked to borrow money from time to time
and bank transfer it back when I can.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
Now I will.

Speaker 6 (48:45):
Hold my hands up here and say that in the
past I have not always been one hundred percent about
paying back money, although sometimes I was told not to
worry about returning it, but then admonished for not doing so. However,
for a few years leading up to the argument, I
had been making sure to remember to pay it back.
But as far as our mother is concerned, I have
never paid back a penny. I asked to Farrow fifty

(49:07):
pounds for food to make it to the weekend for
us and our kids, her grandchildren, and was made to
feel like I was bleeding her dry. Then, in the
same phone conversation, she told me how she had offered
to financially help Yasmin to get her car ready for
its annual inspection. When I pointed out the blatant favoritism
in this, our mother said that she knows that Yasmin

(49:27):
will definitely pay her back, but that it's irrelevant because
Yasmin simply wouldn't ask anyway nor take it if she
was offered. Okay, but there is evidence that you haven't
paid things back.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
Yes, Yeah, it's like, is it blatant favoritism if Yasmin
is paying it back and if you haven't. And I
don't want to say like obviously he's having some like
financial troubles, but yeah, totally. You know, I do think
it's somewhat understandable that your mom doesn't want to necessarily
you offer up money in the same way that she's
doing for Yasmin if you're not paying back.

Speaker 6 (49:59):
And also if we're basically no contact with mother. But
we have lots of other family members that we have
mentioned that we are still talking to.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
Maybe we could go to them.

Speaker 6 (50:07):
Yeah, there is also some bad feeling about money anyway,
since our stepfather left Yasmin twenty five thousand pounds in
his will but told Olivia and me to go punt Rocks.
After the argument, I started looking back at bank statements
and found that between twenty nineteen and January twenty twenty three,
I had transferred a little under twenty one hundred pounds

(50:29):
to our mother's account. Again, I'm not saying that was
everything that.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
Was borrowed, but it's not nothing either.

Speaker 6 (50:35):
In December twenty twenty two, I noted that we had
borrowed three hundred pounds to get through Christmas and paid
it back as soon as we had money in January.
When I asked for the fifty pounds, Yasmin had told
our mother that her New Year's resolution should be to
not lend any more money to anyone. The no contact
lasted until twenty twenty four, after our mother contacted me
wasted to talk. Ironically, after having a fallout with Yasmin.

(50:59):
Minimal contact then resumed. But nothing is the same as
it was. The reason that Yasmin and our mother fell out,
as above, is because they and Yasmin's kids were all
invited to my daughter's sixteenth birthday party. She doesn't live
with me, She lives with her mother about forty five
miles away. Yasmin didn't want to go because everyone hates
her and she'll be left all on her own, despite

(51:20):
having her kids and their partners there, as well as
several family members who would talk to her. Yasmin is
very woe is me, everyone hates me. The classic self
observed person line, I don't even know what I've done
wrong is used often. Our mother was aggravated by this
because she was supposed to come to the party with Yasmin.
She doesn't drive and so couldn't go either. I should
point out here that Yasmin has twins whose birthday is

(51:43):
on the same day, but they are adults, and so
we're having a little party the next night, which our
mother refused to attend. Go onto the am I overreacting part.
April twenty ninth this year was Olivia's fifty second birthday,
and she, along with mother, father, and my wife and
I met up at a cafe for breakfast. Our mother
offered to pay for our food, but wife and I

(52:04):
had already ordered, so she paid for herself.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Olivia and father.

Speaker 6 (52:08):
During the next hour we talked normally about anything and
everything and left separately. Due to the minimal contact, our
mother probably did not expect to hear from Olivia or
myself for a few days. The following up morning, Olivia
tried to phone our mother for a reason that I
forgot to ask. Someone answered her phone, and Olivia found
out that our mother had accidentally left her phone in

(52:29):
the departure lounge of Heathrow Airport, which is about one
hundred and twenty miles away. Through a bit of back
and forth, we discovered that Yasmin and our mother had
taken a flight to New York for four days. Olivia
and I knew nothing about this, despite having seen her
the previous day, and after finally getting through our aunt
mother's sisters, we were told that Yasmin had asked that

(52:50):
we not be told prior to their leaving because and
I quote, we all hate her. Needless to say, this
was quite the shock, But my first thought was what
difference did it make if Olivia and I knew about
it before they went?

Speaker 2 (53:02):
How does that affect them?

Speaker 6 (53:03):
This seems to be the drama that Yasmin loves to
cause she thrives on it, and I can imagine on
the outside she was very much please don't tell them,
they hate me and I'm scared, But on the inside
she was loving the drama cause and how easily she
could manipulate our mother and other family who discount our
thoughts or opinions by using the possible reaction we might
have to reinforce her insistence that she's perfect and it's

(53:26):
the rest of us who are unreasonable and controlling or cruel.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
I'm torn on how to feel about this.

Speaker 6 (53:31):
On the one hand, it's really none of my business
what they get up to and the circumstances are just
what they are. This is more enabling of my Yasmin's
twisted mentality, and now to me, at least, my mother
has become exactly like her. There is now blatant favoritism,
and I once again should cut my losses and walk away.
It's also ironic to me that shortly before Olivia's birthday,

(53:53):
a longtime friend of our mother had passed away, and
our mother was disgusted that none of her friend's children
had come to see their mother because they had fallen
out and her friend had ultimately passed away alone. She
noted that she hopes it would never happen to her,
and then a few days later she participated in well this,
so am I overreacting?

Speaker 3 (54:14):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
It feels like you don't like either of them, and
that's fine.

Speaker 4 (54:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (54:17):
Hey, it's John here, og host of the show.

Speaker 4 (54:19):
We're gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's
a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
My brother in law uninvited my wife to the wedding,
so I stole her gift back.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
Yeah, I mean, if you don't want me at the wedding,
I don't need to give you a gift, then right.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
My wife, Lena crochets a lot and often gifts it
to friends and family. When her second oldest brother got married,
she made the bride a shawl to wear over her
dress in the evening. The bride loved it, and ever
since Lena has made shawls for everyone in her family
getting married. By the way, this comes from wedding shawl
and if you want to spit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. So now

(54:56):
Lena's oldest brother, George is getting married again. Lena and
It doesn't have a relationship with George, as he was
awful to her as a child, but if she has
to see him then she is polite but distant with him.
She doesn't want to cut off the rest of her
family because of George. I work with George and while
we aren't friends, we are friendly at work. Lena encouraged this.

(55:17):
When George got moved to my team, I was going
to request a transfer, not wanting to expose Lina to George,
as my team do a lot of get togethers with
our significant others as it is a family wedding. Lena's
mom asked her if she could crochet a shawl for
George's fiancee, and Lena agreed. Oh.

Speaker 3 (55:37):
It was arranged that once.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
It was finished, I would take it to work to
give it to George so that Lena didn't have to
see him. That's I don't know if I would agree
to make a shawl if I really did not get
along with this person and I couldn't even give them
the present.

Speaker 3 (55:52):
Yeah, like give some sort of credit.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
Yeah, I know, I've.

Speaker 3 (55:56):
Maybe her perspective is like, oh, like I'm doing this
for this person so that like they can give this
as a gift or something like that. But yeah, this
be weird.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
Earlier this week, the shawl was completed, and I emailed
George at work to let him know that I would
bring it in today as the wedding is tomorrow. When
I got into work this morning, I gave George the
shawl and let him know that Lena and I were
looking forward to the wedding. Come lunchtime, Lena called me
to let me know that George's fiance had called her
and told her that she was no longer invited to

(56:27):
the wedding, but citing the place they're having the wedding,
and the reception at is too small for the number
they have coming, so they're having to make cutbacks. However, however,
I was still invited to the wedding. Oh my gosh, crazy. Yeah, no,
you're not getting a shawl. No waiting a shawl. We're
saving that for someone else next wedding. That's ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
Sorry, like I don't, I'm sorry. My schedule is too
small to make this for you.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Yeah, my shawl can't make it to the wedding either.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
I was mad at this because they clearly only invited
Lena to get a shawl.

Speaker 4 (57:04):
Oh, which to me is just rude.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
Yeah, if they had asked Lena outright to make one,
she probably would have done it because she loves to crochet.
On my way out of work, I noticed George wasn't
at his desk, but the shawl.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
Was hmmm, perfect timing.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
I was still mad that they had used Lena to
get a shawl, and I just shoved it in my
work bag.

Speaker 3 (57:29):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
I left a note on his desk telling George since
Lina was no longer invited the shaw and I would
no longer be attending either. Boom on my way home,
I told Lena what I had done and asked her
if she wanted to go out instead so as not
to waste having a sitter. Lina was upset that I
had taken the shawl, as it was causing an uproar
in her family group chat where people were calling her petty.

(57:51):
Because I took it back, Lina wants me to give
it back. I don't think I should. They don't deserve
Lena's kindness. However, at the same time, I don't want
Lena to be upset with me over George and a shawl?
Am I the a hole for taking back the shawl?
And little edit. I have messaged the group chat letting
them know that I took it and if they should

(58:13):
be pissed at anyone, then it should be me. But
I would also do it again because no one gets
to be a wiener to Lena and there is an update.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
What do you think I think you should talk to
Lena so she thinks about this whole situation.

Speaker 2 (58:26):
See if she you know, I mean, she seems like
she wants him to give it back, and I think
she made it.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't think you're really like
I don't know if we got that perspective from Lena, right.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
Yeah, you talked to her and she said, can you
give it back? My whole family's getting mad at me.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
Oh, I see, I got those names. Makes it okay? Well, yeah,
I mean I.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Guess I think you gotta give it back just because
you're you know, your partner said please do that, and
also she made it and spend all this time. Yeah, However,
you're not the a hole for taking it. Yeah, and
you Yeah, I would do it again too. They suck
and they don't deserve that. So everyone will be glad
to know that I have not given George back the shawl.

Speaker 3 (59:11):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
I mean, part of the reason I haven't given it
back is because he's on his honeymoon. I hope it
has rained for the two weeks, but even if he wasn't,
I still wouldn't give it back. Later that evening, Lena
apologized for being mad at me. She said that she
should have never agreed to make the shawl in the
first place, and was grateful I had taken aback hereiod go.
Lena and I had a long discussion about her family

(59:34):
and how they treat her. I told her that I
would always stand up for her when it comes to
her family, because I will stand strong when she can't.

Speaker 3 (59:42):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
I asked her what she thought about going lower contact.
We were already low contact with George, his now wife,
and her mom. Lena said that she wanted to go
no contact with George, his wife, her mom, and to
go low contact with everyone else but her second oldest
brother and his wife we'll call them Michael and Sarah.
She said she wanted to do this because of how

(01:00:03):
toxic the group chat has become, which she has now
left and has shown me that she has left and
deleted the chat. We have both blocked everyone but Michael
and Sarah. I'm going to wait a couple of weeks
before I approached therapy for Lena again. I just want
the dust to settle a bit, as I don't want
her to feel pushed into anything. The story the wife
gave Lena about their not being enough space was bs.

(01:00:26):
Michael confirmed that George had told them weeks ago that
they were well under the numbers for their venue. It
was just a crap attempt at a power move. Dang man, because.

Speaker 3 (01:00:36):
It was also like like they uninvited her from the wedding,
like right before the wedding. Yeah, hey, like she she
already had a sitter and like what, like why why
why would you do that?

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
They just suck, Yeah, they suck. I know some editors
were concerned about my work life after I took the shawl.
I spoke with my manager and told them that Lena
had made a shawl for George's wife, but they had
given a for uninviting her to the wedding the day
before the wedding, and I took it back. When I
told my manager this, he sighed heavily before telling me
that he wished I hadn't taken the shawl because George

(01:01:12):
could make things difficult for me, but that he would
have done exactly the same thing because George is a nightmare.

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
Well.

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
I told him that I'd like to move to another
team because it wasn't good for Lena to have to
be around him. He told me to leave it with
him and he could see what he could do. I'd
have moved when George was first put on my team,
but Lena encouraged me not to as she didn't want
me to rock the boat with her family. I heard
back on Monday that I will be getting moved to
another team at the end of the week. This other

(01:01:40):
team is desperate for someone. So when my manager reached
out to other managers to see if anyone had an
internal vacancy, this manager bit his arm off. The day
of the wedding, Michael called Lena and asked what our
plans had been.

Speaker 3 (01:01:54):
For the day.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Michael knew that Lena wasn't invited to the wedding and
rightly assumed I wouldn't go if she was welcome. Lena
told them that we had planned to go out for
dinner and drinks. Michael told her that sounded like a
plan and to text him where we were going for dinner.

Speaker 4 (01:02:08):
Nice.

Speaker 3 (01:02:09):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Michael and Sarah had decided to skip the wedding after
seeing the meltdown of George, his wife, and their mom
in the group chat. Apparently, they continued spouting abuse at
Lena even though she had left the group chat. My gosh,
when the family turned on me and our children was
when Michael and Sarah decided they weren't going to the
wedding at all. They were just going to go to

(01:02:32):
the ceremony. After Lena had been uninvited. They messaged George
to tell them their flight had been delayed and they
wouldn't be able to make it. Their flight wasn't delayed,
it was just the excuse they used, and George never responded.
Michael had seen George's abuse of Lena first hand. He
had tried to protect Lena where he could, but there
was only so much he could do as a child himself,

(01:02:53):
and he didn't want to be on the receiving end
of George's temper either as an adult. He took the
first chance he had to move away from his family
while only maintaining contact with Lena. So we went out
with Michael and Sarah, having a much better night than
we would have done at the wedding. There were no
snide commons, no belittling, nothing. Lena was happy as she

(01:03:13):
got to see Sarah, and that was what she was
looking forward to. Lena being happy was all I wanted.
It's all I ever want my family to be happy.

Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
Ah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
Oh, he's just looking out for his wife.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
This is so cute, This is so sweet.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
I love this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
Yeah, I'm glad that that people understand that George is
not a pleasant person.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Yeah, it's not just you, like, Yeah, some other people
recognize that he sucks, right, and.

Speaker 3 (01:03:41):
The boss recognizing that too is great important. Ye.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
Both Michael and Sarah's phones did keep going off all
night as mother in law and George kept messaging them
angry at their non attendance, especially after Michael posted a
picture of the four of us together having drinks on
Facebook with a caption about how he was choosing Lena
over George going forward because she doesn't use people to
get what they want like George did over a crochet

(01:04:06):
shawl Dang. He posted that on Facebook.

Speaker 3 (01:04:09):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
Michael admitted to me later that he did this to
anger George because he'd have a meltdown at the reception
and then his in laws could see what a butt he.

Speaker 3 (01:04:19):
Actually yow, that's like Aod'm I get behind that scheme.
Usually I don't really like care for the schemes where
it's just like, oh, I'm gonna do this so this
person reacts. But that actually like it set him up
perfectly for her for like, oh, yeah, now you're gonna
have to do this in front of everyone. They all
understand and it worked, and it worked.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
Given the gleeful messages I got from Michael last week
after he had heard back from a cousin who attended
George had a complete meltdown. Lena knows about this post,
but she's not comfortable with me posting pictures of her work.
She considered unraveling the shawl, but she found it too
difficult to undo all her hard work, which I understand.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
It's the very.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Reason I didn't unravel it myself and tell George it
was an Ikea shawl. Well, all that and I didn't
want to face it mad Lena, after talking with Sarah
about what to do with it, she has decided that
she's going to keep it, but she'll die it here
you go. Michael suggested that she wears it to the
family Christmas. We aren't going to see Lena's family at Christmas,
so it won't be happening anyway. I think this is great.

(01:05:23):
I'm very pleased about this.

Speaker 3 (01:05:25):
Yeah, you guys figured. You know, I've got no notes.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
You got Michael and Sarah, and that's all you need.
Mikeel and Sarah and you guys against the world.

Speaker 3 (01:05:31):
You just have Michael Sarah, and that's all Michael Sarah
you need.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
Michael and I are at the same level of pettiness
as I had previously suggested. As some people commented on
my original post that I could wear it to work
when George is back.

Speaker 3 (01:05:45):
Nice.

Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
I didn't show Lena in many of the comments. She
doesn't need to know that people are calling her a
doormat or saying she needs to grow a spine. Those
people clearly have an other spirit, completely broken by the
people who are meant to love them unconditionally, or were
completely cut out of the family events. When George graduated
from UNI, Lena was left at home. She was eight

(01:06:06):
years old and left home alone all day Christmas was
spent mostly in her bedroom because her grandmother didn't want
Lena around, as her presence would just upset George until
she was fourteen, then she would sneak out and spend
it with me and my family. Lena was just left
out of everything. Her dad used to work away from
home a lot, so we had no idea what was
going on. You just assumed Lena liked her own space,

(01:06:29):
not that she would just stay in her room because
she was used to being neglected by her family and
that's the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
Wow, yikes. Yeah, I'm glad that Lena has kind of
stood up to her family. Yeah, absolutely, and has decided
that she doesn't need to contact these people anymore because
that sounds like terrible things that they did to her.

Speaker 2 (01:06:49):
So yeah, and props so Pepe for like, you know,
standing by her this whole time.

Speaker 3 (01:06:54):
Yeah. Yeah, And that was so weird. I think I
like forgot that they were married for some reason. I
thought that op was like they were just friends at first.
But yeah, the fact that Lina got uninvited and he
was invited, yeah, Lena.

Speaker 2 (01:07:11):
Yeah, George's sister got uninvited in favor of his sister's husband.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
Right, like the own family is not invited yet her. Yeah,
that's just strange, insane, strange, insane

All Episodes

I went to my birth mother’s funeral… now I’m reunited with my real family! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Cardiac Cowboys

The Joe Rogan Experience

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I went to my birth mother’s funeral… now I’m reunited with my real family! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories