October 6, 2025 ā¢ 51 mins
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00:12 r/relationships - Me [32F] with my Husband [34M], 8 years, my husband is driving me crazy with last-minute chores and overwhelming me
20:28 r/relationship_advice - My [35F] husband [35M] and my friend [36F] acted like they wanted each other sexually right in front of me
37:42 r/charlottedobreyoutube - AITA for not wanting to ruin my cheating ex husband’s new life because I have cancer and chose peace, but instead now maybe want to take him for everything he’s worth?
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, your og Okay
story Time podcast host, and we got.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,
just stick around for a two minute break with a
word from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Our house stores are making me resent my husband.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh, make him do them.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Something has been really bothering me thirty two female with
my husband thirty four male lately, and I want to
get some serious perspective. This is a small issue in
an otherwise happy marriage. My husband is awesome, generally considerate,
and while we have minor incompatibilities, he's more play it
by year. I like schedules. We usually talk through things
without major problems. By the way, this comes from too
(00:40):
many chores throw And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it.
So I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and Opie says, However,
my husband drives me absolutely batty with something that affects
us almost daily, cooking. I've connected this to dishes and
(01:01):
general house chores in my head, and it feels like
it's gotten way worse lately. He seemed to slowly edge
towards this change, then went all in recently, last Thursday,
he got mad because I was tired, still working from home,
and didn't want to jump up to wash and cut vegetables.
Maybe I was being selfish, but if you wanted that done,
he should have told me earlier so I could have
(01:22):
handled it before work, not in the middle of my
work deck.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well, why are you washing your vegetables. That's where all
their good microbes are.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
See that's what I think about peeling your vegetables. For
eight years, our arrangement has been simple. My husband cooks,
I do dishes. There are occasional exceptions. I cook sometimes
and still do the dishes, and he helps with dishes
when I'm sick. He often makes a huge mess cooking lunch,
using every pot and never trying to conserve dishes, but
I usually handled the clean up anywhere. I just prefer
(01:53):
not to cook daily after work. Before we met, i'd
beal prep for the week or eat easy meals, which
worked fine for me. Here's the real problem. As the
years have gone on, two things have happened. First, he
treats me like his sooux chef. I wind up running
back and forth the kitchen, chopping and prepping while he
wants me to hover there for ten minutes at a
(02:15):
time with nothing to do, which I find infuriating. He
won't tell me what he wants to cook so I
can prep beforehand, when I first get home or in
the morning. Honestly, it feels like he just wants my
company while he cooks, but he doesn't actually talk to
me about non cooking things. This isn't like our date
nights when we cook together. This feels obligatory.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Second, have you told him?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah? Have we told him this?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Have you told Maybe it infuriates you.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Maybe the solution is like, you know, I've been helping
you sou chefing, so now you got to help me
with dishes. Second, he's gotten more stressed about daily cooking
and complains to the point where I agree to cook
and still do dishes. What makes this worse is he'll
say no, I'll cook when I first offer around four
thirty or five, then change his mind much later. By
(03:00):
seven PM or later, it's too late for me to
start cooking comfortably. If I'm going to cook after work,
I want to do it immediately when I get home
while I still have energy. I think whoever cook should
decide the timing, but he wouldn't want to eat that
early anyway, which is probably why we have the he
cook's arrangement. The scheduling situation means I have to snack
when I get home since my lunch is early eleven
(03:22):
thirty to noon. Because I go in early, I can't
control these timing since I also go to bed much
earlier than him. The snacking has contributed to some weight
gain over our relationship. My husband likes eating together and
eating later, but when I get upset about these late
cooking nights, he doesn't understand why, even though he knows
this context. This pattern extends to chores. Generally, I handle
(03:44):
most chores while he's sleeping, gaming, or relaxing. I do
more household tasks and even take care of some of
his things, like his laundry or tours that might hurt
his back due to his chronic pain. You know, it
is a chronic pain. Him not helping out, not out out.
I don't mind doing a little more, but what's frustrating
is that every time he decides some big chur needs doing,
(04:07):
he wants my help, usually last minute. It just feels
like you have this set up, this chur set up,
and whenever he wants to switch it up, you get
dumped with more tasks, but there's no actual like you know,
switching of the tasks, you just get more.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Rather like we should really hone in on the whole.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Like I'm more of a schedule type person and he's
more of a do it whenever like spontaneous person. It's like, well,
sounds like he's not really on the ball when it
comes to this kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
I think you just need to say I can't. I
gotta eat earlier, or we gotta find some sort of compromise,
or you eat later.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
He'd just be busting balls what he's Yeah, he's not
on it.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
He'd just be busting it.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
He's off the ball.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
He's very much off the balls, getting off your balls
and getting off the ball. Okay, Well, I think that
you should tell him and say, hey, falls, I understand
that you know you can't cook every night, and it's
okay if you want me to cook, but like let's
make a schedule for that schedule and if I cook,
then you out to help me clean.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Part of his unpredictability stems from legitimate back in health issues.
He doesn't know when it'll be in pain or how
severe it'll be. And I understand that when this happened
occasionally I attributed it to his health, but now it
feels like a habit that extends beyond pain.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Day.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
The same thing happens with erins. We split them fairly.
But then he asks me to tag along on his
because he's behind schedule.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
How is that going to speed up his errands? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
That that's a good question.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
How much faster is he going to get his errands
done with you?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I mean the.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Actually my also, is he asking you to tag along
so you can get him done faster?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Or is he asking you to tag along because he
likes you?
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Same thing with the like is he like, does you
want you to hang out?
Speaker 4 (06:01):
I know you said that it's like y'all don't talk
about like stuff besides cooking, But like, is that because
you're furious? Yeah, and so you're not really talking either,
Like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
I think you just need to talk about this more exactly.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Meanwhile, I've finished mine and just want to relax. I
don't see why I should have to come along because
he managed his time differently. I want to sit down
and unwind too. We spend plenty of recreational time together,
at which I love. I just want Aaron's done separately
sometimes because it's faster and less overwhelming. I have ADHD
and a stressful job, which doesn't help, though I think
(06:39):
this is normal thirty something overwhelming at least we don't
have kids and don't plan to. Basically, I want to
know is my irritation completely irrational or do I have
a point. I can feel how I feel, but I
wonder if I'm being lazy or childish since I don't
know what a successful double income, no kid's household should
look like. Why do you think my husband does this?
(07:00):
I want to approach him with empathy and will ask
him directly, but I really don't understand. It's like he
doesn't think he can do any chores or errand's without me.
Are there any practical solutions that might make us both
happier without feeling like overscheduling to my husband and real quick.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
She's thirty two and he's thirty.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Four overscheduling, so having just a schedule is overscheduling to him.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
That's concerning. If I can really can't have any sort
of schedule, especially because op he also kind of needs that.
If she's got ADHD, she probably kind of relies on
her schedule.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah, they would be helpful.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Yeah. Every time I make a schedule, I'll make it
and then I just don't do it, and I'm like, dang,
I thought that would make me do that.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
See, I have a bunch of notes things and it's
just like to do and I have so many of them.
I never have like I don't have like one to
do list that I come back to. I've got like
two hundred small to do lists and I need to
do them.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, yeah, or I forget yeah, to do anything. I think.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah, I think I think Africa decision with them. I
think you were saying it earlier. I think there is
a possibility that you guys just have like different kind
of social batteries because some people like, for me, I
really like doing chores with people, uh, and I think
it's really fun, whereas you know, some people are like,
I want this to be my alone time and I
(08:19):
need that. So maybe that's what he's thinking. Certainly, Sunshine says,
my ex and I stayed friends now that we don't
live together, he can suddenly take care of things himself
and knows to wash dishes as he goes when cooking.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I know that, but I can't do it.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
You can't wash dishes while you cook.
Speaker 6 (08:34):
Figure it out has to be after, figure it out after.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
After, Sophia, You and I cook a lot, so we
kind of know the time of things. Dakota, you need
to cook salmon, potatoes, and asparagus.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
What are you putting in first? Asparagus?
Speaker 5 (08:52):
Okay, all right, see that's it right there.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
That's why that's you can't with that.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I would follow the recipe. No, no, well that's okay.
But I guess that explains why you do the.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
Dishes at the end, because it's sort of like you
don't like not that you don't understand, but it's like
you're not familiar with the time of things.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Do you want to know the answer?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Potato and then as is So I was close. I
would say I would.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
And salmon at the same time personally, because both of
those don't take that long.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
They both take her on thirteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, boom, boom.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Dakota doesn't cook guys.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Funny enough, funny enough, But it's okay.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
See see that makes sense why you would do the
dishes at the end, but you still get the dishes done, right.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I don't koda that you get the dishes done Koto.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Riley was really trying to help you there. I got
some helpful advice and new ideas, though some suggestions were
things we already do or My husband is betoed in
the past. I sat down with him recently, but I'm
still not completely sure what to do. Here are the developments. First,
my husband doesn't really see the problem with spring projects
on me. He feels controlled when I ask for everything
(10:02):
to be so scheduled, though he said I wasn't trying
to be controlling, so I'm not sure what he means,
and neither does he. He's like, I don't really know
what I mean, but you're controlling, but you're not controlling.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
But I don't know you're controlling. But I need you
to control exactly how I do all this stuff. I
won't know how to do it.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
He seemed torn and felt bad about it, though he's
frustrated by this too, and says he thought we'd resolve
this incompatibility and that I'd learned to go with the
flow and relax, and he was disappointed. Go to the flow,
So why why does OPE have to make all of
the concessions and you don't?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Because we're going with the flow, and the flow is
my flow.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
The flow is wherever I'm flowing to.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
The flow is right here, the flow stage.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
When I suggested counseling to find better middle ground, he
said he'd go for me, but we both kind of
paid the idea. We had a good talk. He wasn't
a knucklehead, but he says he feels almost as panicked
about schedule things as I do about last minute requests. Well,
he needs to get over them. His newer job is
much more schedule oriented and already burns him out. However,
(11:08):
he's willing to try fixing the dinner situation in several ways.
We're setting at dinner time and designating nights when I
help versus nights when I don't. I'll still do all dishes,
and we only cook about four nights per week. He
still doesn't want me to cook, but he agreed that
if his back problems flare up, he'll text me immediately,
so we can either swap a takeout night with a
cooking night, or I can plan to cook something simple
(11:31):
this feels amazing to me, and I might not even
care about the broader scheduling issues if this works. He's
committed to trying this, but worried he'll be miserable with
a dinner time window. My biggest concern now is the
underlying incompatibility. I worry that even though he's compromising with
the dinner schedule, he's sacrificing a lot of himself. He's
(11:52):
willing to change, but admitted it'll be frustrating for a
while and ask me to be patient. He's willing to adapt,
but now I realize he feel like I used to feel,
and I worry will eventually divorce because he has a
lower tolerance for being upset than I do.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Oh dang.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Both my parents had multiple marriages and divorces, which feeds
this fear.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Oh man, it sucks that you had parents that have
you know, had divorces, because it's it makes it seem
more like an option.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Yeah, like my.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
Parents did a divorce, but doesn't feel like that's an
option going into a relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I mean, it's not great that he's already going into
this with like, Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna do.
It's not like, it doesn't seem like he's really fully
committed into helping find a compromise. It feels like you
both are just like I want it this way and
there is no middle ground.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
What was working for a while, wasn't it like before
this became a problem, it was working a little while,
and then and then he just started to stop and
then stop doing all the stuff that he actually did,
which is what.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I would worry about in this case, like is he
just gonna eventually stop? I'm going back to personal therapy
for my ADHD and depression to work on being more
assertive and figure out if I'm overthinking this. He also
proposed a solution I don't hate but find scary. We've
been married eight years, one of kids, and I'm currently
an ES teacher with summers off. He suggested I take
(13:14):
a leave of absence next year. I have tenure and
can keep my position temporarily for one year before deciding
permanently to see if we like me staying home. Since
I feel so overwhelmed, I don't think that's the solution.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
He's like, I know what we need to do.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
You create your job and then you'll have time to
do all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I don't do exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
That's crazy. He's like, Oh, you can do all the
chores you want if you don't have a job. That's
a terrible solution.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
Well, the only way to make the solution actually work
is if you pay her, because yeah, I feel like
when it comes to chores, I don't know why this
is such a heavy thing with relationships, because I guess traditionally,
you know, men would do the outside stuff and women
would do the inside stuff, and it would never but
men would also be for the house, and then you know,
(14:01):
it would make more sense. But now it's just splitting chores. Like,
why is this such a hard thing to do?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Shouldn't be that hard. I don't hate this idea. I'd
love to organize our house and handle everything. But I'm
really good at my job and mostly enjoy it. We
can definitely afford it, since his loan repayment just stopped
and that payment was more than my entire salary. Don't
quit your job because your partner says, hey, yeah, we're
having too much trouble with all of these chores. Quit
your job. That's terrible. You don't have kids. You find
(14:30):
a lot of enjoyment and productivity and just like you're passionate.
It seems you know, we haven't heard everything, but it
seems like you enjoy this job. So don't quit.
Speaker 6 (14:41):
Well, no one's saying you're quitting forever, but just the
fact that it's even to take a year off, that's
different and a little bit concerning that that's kind of
on the table.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And maybe just be like, maybe I need to figure
out what's some other stuff I like.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
True, I don't know. He's probably right that I'm not
stressed about these things when I'm off work. I don't
like him.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Wait, yeah, hold on, everyone's saying, no, it's like just
hire a maid. Yeah, you got the money, like that,
You got the money like that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Hired a maid.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I spend all of my chaos energy at work, just
like he spends all his order energy there. So then
why he should quit. If he's getting so stressed by
all the scheduling there, he should quit. This would solve
everyone's problems, and maybe I should do it. This would
solve his problems, but it puts me in an impossible
position if we divorce. When I raise this concern, my
husband even offered to sign a post up agreement promising
(15:34):
lifetime alimony. But I don't think he understands what he's saying.
That seems really unwise. He has no concept of divorce.
His parents never divorced. You of his friend's parents divorced,
and he grew up much more financially secure than I did.
I'd love to hear from others about staying home for
these reasons, or especially from anyone with similar incompatibilities in
the relationship who made it work. And there is a
(15:57):
second update, But I I don't want this dab it.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Over just making a couple of snacks.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
The thing is like, it's crazy that they're thinking about
her witting her job because he doesn't want to do.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Chores hiatus because you're overwhelmed by your husband's lack of
ability to do anything.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, without you. It seems like he's.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
Even being like, yeah, you're gonna come with me on
my errands because I'm running behind?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Is she flintstoning the car?
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Like?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Is she got like a little like a little horse with.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yaba Daba doing Like I'm confused? Yeah, what are you
Yaba Daba do it?
Speaker 5 (16:35):
I feel like if he accommodates around five hundred dollars
a month for cleaning around the house.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
This would all be sold.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I agree update too. Getting perspectives from others was helpful.
It was nice to realize my husband was the unusual one.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
The unusual, very unusual.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
But I still think you should take that ear long
hiatus and go to dirks and cake.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Turks and cake turks and cake oats.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I'd always thought I was weird for one dinner times
and bedtime since I didn't know any other dink adults
with those routines, and most of our childless friends leaned
towards his approach. I'm not scheduled crazy by any means,
but that's how he made me feel. Recent developments. I
got a promotion I've been working towards for four years,
so I'm definitely not quitting my job.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Okay, fair enough.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
The new role is ees coordinator, which means less chaos.
No more twenty two classes per week or constant last
minute meetings since I'll be organizing them instead. It also
pays significantly more. This should help with my chaos quotient
being max out before I even get home. My husband
wasn't pressuring me to quit, he simply suggested it. When
(17:42):
I didn't know the answer. We went to counseling, and
my husband finally admitted some issues stemmed from his OCD
mother and overly scheduled childhood, acknowledging that I'm not weird,
even if I'm more structured than people he knows. However,
he still feels he'd be miserable with too much structure.
Didn't solve much beyond explaining the root cause. We did
(18:04):
work out some smaller issues, though. We now have a
set dinner time that he's maintained groceries. I handle all
shopping with a shared Google list he adds to so
he avoids the store but us to plan ahead. He
still cooks four nights a week, but now cooks clean
and I just handle dishwasher loading and finally pots. This
means fewer dishes for me, fewer week day tours for
(18:26):
both of us, and I can grocery shop when convenient
instead of waiting for him to feel like it on Sundays.
There is a little bit left of the story.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Any thoughts, any final thoughts? Yeam, guys, I'm glad you didn't. Yeah,
I'm glad.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
I'm glad you had a raise. It seems like you
guys are working on it. That's good.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Yeah, keep going to that there, because even though it's
just you guys, got to the root cause.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
And he's like, too much structure will ruin my life.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
It's like, well, you guys can keep chipping away, Yeah,
chip chipping away.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
He working on that. He seems unhappy with the dinner
time scheduling, but sticks to it without much complaining. My
only remaining concern is that he doesn't want to continue
regular counseling. Uh oh, you should do that another routine appointment,
and I think we need something to improve our communication.
Is there anything besides scheduled counseling that might help. I'm
(19:22):
working with my therapist on being more assertive, and I'm
glad he recognizes his irregularity and is making concessions, but
I want better communication tools for the future. I hate
to add weekly or bi weekly counseling on top of
all the new schedules and routines we're implementing for my benefit,
even though he'd do it if I insisted we're attending
(19:43):
at least one more follow up appointment. But I'm scared
that once we stop, any improvements might disappear. I worry
that without strong communication skills, all our April and may
progress will wash away during summer when I don't maintain
strict routines or have work structure of forcing them. And
that's when, Yeah, you're gonna put it to the test.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
You should say all of that to your husband.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I agree, keep going to therapy, Keep going to therapy.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Make him. I don't care if he gets disgruntled by it.
Make him. He said, I can hear he'll go if
I force him. Then force him.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Yeah, Rake, right now, you said, oh, I don't know
how it's gonna last. When we're in summer, that's when
it's gonna be put to the test.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Force g force.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
But that's the end of that story, so we're gonna
jump into the next one.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
My husband and our friend are flirting in front of me.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Do it behind me?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Background, that's where you should be doing the flirting. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
My husband and I have been married for twelve years
together for seventeen. Two nights ago, we went out for
a friend's birthday, Jane. Jane is married to my husband's
childhood friend. They got married about a year and a
half ago, and they have not been doing well due
to him breaking Jane's TRUSTO.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
They're in therapy, but it's getting close to divorce.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
She is understandably very upset by the way this comes from.
You should throw away twenty twenty five oh seven, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Showkay story Time, suburd it.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I'm Dakota, I'm.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says more background that will
make sense later. My husband and I haven't had the
spases sleep in two months. I've recovered from an injury
that caused a lot of bleeding during a zispasis sleep.
A couple of times during those two months. I offered
(21:35):
a different form of zispasis sleep to him, but he declined,
that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
It is kind of that's it really, is he? Okay?
I didn't I didn't expect you to have that answer.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
No, that is crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
See all right, are you all right?
Speaker 5 (21:50):
It's he not like free money, like if you get
him hundred ability decline that too.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Is he like hate?
Speaker 4 (21:56):
And it's just not He said he wasn't feeling up
to it, and I offered, and I believe him.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I just want to make it clear this is not
a spicyless marriage.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Wasn't up to it.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
My husband also has some self esteem issues from prior trauma,
and he's in therapy for that. While we're out for
Jane's birthday with some other friends, everything is fine until
there are a few drinks in. I only had one
the entire night. Our other friends had to call it
a night, so it's just me, my husband, and Jane.
This is where things get weird. They start flirting in
(22:30):
this weird power play for dominance. I don't know how
to describe it really.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Jane says something about putting herself.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
In a box like spicy jail, because it's been so
long since she's done the spicy sleep, and my husband
jokingly grabs her by the throat and says, yeah, I'll
put you in a box.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Sorry shop, Wait, sorry, what does it even mean?
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Sorry? He went? He went, yeah, I'll put you in
a box?
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Huh yeah, like what underground? What? What kind of what
it's like? Like the undertaker?
Speaker 6 (23:08):
What?
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Not?
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Only did he say it?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
He put he said I'll put you in a box.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I'd be like, uh no, any girls who talk to
me now that I have a whoa.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
If that happened in front of me, I'd be like, whoa,
what just happened? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
No, I immediately call that out. I'd be like, uh,
water splash.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
So while all this is happening, there's this random dude
that's hitting on Jane. It's karaoke night, and the random
serenades her and gives her a silly lap dance. So
all fun and games, right, No, no, no, it just
keeps escalating from there. Later, Jane grabs my husband's hair
and shoves him into the wall, and he kind of moans, this.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Is not flirting. They're cheating on you in front of you.
This is not flagrant flirting.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
This is they're this is flagrant.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It's it's certainly flagrant.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
I would say flagrant flirt.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
He just moaned, Bro, no, it's about to get even
more flagrant. You guys thought that was flagrant of each other.
You guys thought that was flagrant you get ready for
the next sentence.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Oh no, he says, if you grab me by the hair.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Again, it will end with my ding a laying in
your hocktool. So that's not flagrant flirting. They're they're they're
full on cheating in front of you.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
That's just saying I will have the spotsy relations with
you if you do that again.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
He or something along those lines, is what was said?
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Why did you not?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Like?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Did you say anything?
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Here we go this entire time. I'm awkwardly laughing.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
At all because I know they're both wasted and they're laughing.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
No, no, tell them what's the saying action, what's the
saying divorce?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah, what's the saying? I don't know?
Speaker 4 (25:00):
No, just like like one check to the gut, yea
real quick.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
This is wild.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
At the time, I think my husband is playing around,
trying to make her feel better because it's her birthday
and her marriage is in the trash. I didn't realize
it until hours later. My husband wasn't giving me any
of the attention he usually does. Girl.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Come on, we need to open our eyes to the signs.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
More flirting keeps happening, and my husband asks me multiple
times if I'm okay. Ah, I just quickly answer that
I'm fine.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
No.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
If he's asking me that multiple times, doesn't that sound
like he knows something is wrong and he's just looking
to see how far this would go?
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Why are you saying you're okay? Like start yelling, I
don't know, do something, girl. They're cheating on you in
front of you.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
When the bar is closing, I drive us home. Jane
doesn't want to go home because of things going on
in her marriage. She stayed with us before, so that's
not out of the ordinary.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 5 (26:09):
I think I figured out why he didn't want to
have a spicy relations with you earlier.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah, he's already having it.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
He's shaving it for.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
You, and of course it just gets weirder. Jane pushes
my husband onto the couch, straddles him and it yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Oh, He's like, huh oh pee, well girl, what are
you doing.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
I'm sorry, they're cheating in front of you and you're
doing nothing. Ha hahu. Like to be clear, they're obviously
the ales in the situation, but what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Find your backbone?
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Like backbone, come on laughing. This isn't flirting. They're cheating
on you in front of you.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
You're like basically banging, banging in front of you.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
My husband is enjoying this. I'm standing there, found it.
He kept saying how the dynamic was weird, but how
much he wanted it. Later, while my husband is in
the restroom, Jane tells me they are not spicily attracted
to each other, but they are both very attracted to me, like, yes,
(27:17):
I know my husband is attracted to me. He comes
out and at some point my husband says he wants
to throw us both down and f us and says,
go f my wife to Jane, what.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
So is going on?
Speaker 5 (27:34):
They've planned this?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, they wanted threesome. They wanted.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Oh, he says, as soon as what was said involved
me directly, which.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
By the way, all of this involved you directly.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Having you directly from the bar. I had something to
say then ope.
Speaker 6 (27:55):
He said, well wait a minute, I said, what if
maybe we'd what if well perhaps, oh, he said, what
if we didn't do that?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Maybe also, maybe we will do it. I said, I
think both of them sober. Wouldn't do anything behind Jane's husband,
who is my husband's best friend from childhood's back, regardless
of how much of an idiot he's being. And I
wasn't down to do anything when Booze is involved. They said, Okay,
(28:26):
what I said was a cop out.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah, honestly, yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable if Booze wasn't
involved either.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
The answer is get out of my house.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, the answer is smack dude.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Okay, again, not blaming you maybe the reason that they
think that you're into this is because the whole time
they've been doing it in front of you, and you've
been like a haha, me.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Like yeah, I'm fine, Yeah, I'm okay, So it's fine,
like which, I guess it makes sense.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
You can dissociate as a dissociator. You can.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
You are clearly when you get asked the director question
of hey, would you do what do you what's going
on here?
Speaker 3 (29:03):
You say, no, get out of my house.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, I don't even know what's going on here. I
just know I want you to leave.
Speaker 4 (29:08):
But I didn't know how to reasonably voice that, so
I used booze as an excuse. Later, I've come to
understand I was dissociating at the bar and was not
processing what was happening. I also didn't want to come
between whatever was happening because they are two adults.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
One of them is your husband. I'm sorry, one of
those adults is your husband.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
There's actually three adults there. You're one of them.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
You're like, I didn't want to stop what was happening
because they're they're both adults, adults.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
You're an adult, and you're in a relationship with one
of them.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
What and it's your husband's best friend's wife.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Yikes.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
I shouldn't have to be the sober person to stop
or otherwise prevent something happening by being a mother, hen
my husband should know better. Well, that's there's a true statement.
We had previously talked about how I was uncomfortable earlier
this month when she had put her hand on his
chest while laughing.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
She was also wasted.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Then he apologized for not stopping that. So what would
the night have been like if I wasn't there? I
feel grimy or ashamed, but I didn't do anything, So
why do I feel that way? How much of this
is being wasted and silly and not having had spicy
sleep in a while, and how much of it is
something else?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
All of it is something else? All of it. Yeah,
they're cheating on you. They have cheated on you. They
cheated on you in front of you.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
That was like so weird. Remember, folks, it's the dangers
of being overly passive.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
If you're passive to the point where you let your
husband cheat on you with his best friend's wife right
in front of you at the bar, that's too passive.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
So is this going to happen?
Speaker 4 (30:39):
Anytime he has a few dreams and someone gives him attention.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
I've communicated all of this to my husband once he
was sober, and he says he feels awful. He apologized
and made us an appointment with a marriage counselor. I'm
asking the above questions and does it seem like therapy
would even help good? Has anyone else dealt with something similar?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And what was the result.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
I'm having nightmares about this. I'm so hurt and angry.
I can barely even look at my husband. Am I
being unreasonable? Is it my fault for not saying I
wasn't okay until later, even though I wasn't given the
chance to really think about it.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
No, you're associating.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
You were dissociated, but I didn't have to think about
whether or not you're okay with your husband, being like,
I'm gonna d you down if you do that to
me one more time.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It really is another woman directly in front.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Of it, to be clear, Like, it doesn't really matter
what you should have done in the moment. The point
is that your husband cheated on you in front of you,
and now you should divorce him.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
Yeah, there's an edit It's four thirty in the morning here,
and I should really try to sleep. I've been trying
to read and reply to all of your comments, but
my head is pounding.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Me too, sister.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
I'll pick this back up later on today. Thank you
to everyone. If I haven't replied to you yet. And
there are some comments, and boy, are they going to
be nice and friendly? I'm sure, I'm sure coming number one,
I don't understand. How are you not freaking out? More dissociation.
I am not married, but my boyfriend and I have
been together for six years. If a friend was straddling him,
(32:14):
choking him, pushing him around, touching his hair, and making
these comments, he and that friend would be out of
the door so effing fast. I'd also be wondering if
something has been going on with them already, because this
seems pre planned almost, but obviously I wouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Comment too.
Speaker 4 (32:30):
For perspective, I'm a forty two year old man at
the time. I think my husband is playing around, trying
to make her feel better because it's her birthday. I
literally said, what louder than my usual tone when I
read this. This is so whack that it's hard to
know where to start. First of all, you have a
very loose grip on playing around if it involves them
(32:51):
mind banging right in front of you while giving you
a play by play of their desires in their role playing. Yeah,
telling another woman, even your friend, that he would do
what he would do to her, is not trying to
cheer her up. This is lust that normally goes unspoken
alchemachaal slash. Being wasted doesn't give someone new desires, it
(33:12):
removes their inhibitions that were already there. I've been wasted
off my booty, but when I was younger and I
didn't act like this with other women, And of course
it just gets weirder. Jane pushes my husband on the
couch and straddles him. My husband's enjoying this. Nobody would
disagree that cheating while being wasted is still cheating. Many
(33:32):
people believe that there are different forms of cheating. To me,
they were cheating right in front of your eyes. I
literally said what out loud. Again, that is not normal
nor excusable. Don't let them blame it on the booze.
This woman is not your friend. She used booze as
an excuse to be forward with other men. I sincerely
(33:52):
doubt your husband is the first person she's pulled this
behavior on while still yet being married to somebody else.
Every day you can continue this friendship, you are letting
her spit in your face.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
As for your.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
Husband, I don't know what to tell you other than
you are completely in the right and there is an update.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Sam here, We're gonna get back to the stories. But
here's three of minus bads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
Divorce doores, divorce, divorce.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Divorce were at least therapy, but divorce.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
So much therapy and divorce double or nothing divorce. He
cheated on you. He cheat like I don't know how
to make it more clear. He cheated on you in
front of you. It's like in front of your face.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I wonder what would have happened though, if when he
had turned back to you and was like are you okay?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (34:34):
And if you would if you had said no, if
you would have shut it down instantaneously.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Probably, But it doesn't mean that he didn't cheat, right
because if op's sitting there going fine, I'm sure if
he actually was paying attention and yeah, he's like drinking.
But like, there's no excuse.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
For the update.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Not really much to add but I know people are
asking for an update. First therapy session went well. My
husband is genuinely remar and has no problem never communicating
with Jane ever.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Again.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
I'm doing my best to work through how I feel
about all this and not compartmentalize. Time and hard work
will tell if our relationship survives. I've not had a
conversation with Jane yet, but I know I need to.
She's asked me to go to lunch or dinner just us,
but I've had a migraine when she wanted to go,
so that was canceled.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
I'd never talk to you again, there.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Is no need to ever.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
I'd be like, no, I'm good bye.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
You figure out your marriage.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
I'll figure on mind, yes exactly that.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
I've had one session with my own therapist so far,
and I feel like i'll be better equipped to handle
that conversation once I've had a couple more. If people
want to know how that goes, I guess I'll comment
on this post and post it to my profile.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Yep, we got a little bit more in this story here, lived,
but I think we maybe need to do a little
bit of separation.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
I yep, don't talk to Jane anymore, and separate.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
I think separate, and then if he immediately goes out
and finds another lady, you know there is no point
in trying to keep this going.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yep, because he is ruled by his.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
China trader and he's got zero inhibitions just at standards respect, responsibility, responsibility,
none of that.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
As far as I know, Jane has asked her husband
for a divorce. I only know this because he messaged
my husband about it. Jane has not told her soon
to be ex husband what happened on her birthday, and
my husband wants to tell him.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Of course, yeah, because that's his best friend. He's trader.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Probably needs to come to light.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Yeah, not sure when that will happen, but it definitely
needs to since they're already getting divorced. I could see
how people might feel like that would just be adding
salt to his wounds, but he has the right to know.
I'll also post a comment when that happens and post
it to my profile. I think that's everything, Just a
few developments to share, and there I forgot to add. Apparently,
Jane said to my husband in the car the next morning,
(36:59):
if I were sober, I would have fed you, he said.
He just kept driving stone faced. Also, my doorbell camera
caught her asking him, do you think I fed up?
I haven't formulated what I'm going to say to her
about this yet.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
You don't have to talk to her. She cheated with
your husband. You say, you don't have to talk to her.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
You say, make you make bird noises?
Speaker 3 (37:25):
You say uh, and you hang up the phone.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
You say, hang.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Up the phone. That's it.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
That is the end of that story. Oh my gosh,
thank you good, Thank the Lord. And we are going
to pull up the next one.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
My husband left me with nothing after he cheated.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
That's terrible.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Trigger warning for cancer and chemo. I fifty female was
married to my ex fifty one male let's call him
Richard Wiener for short, for twenty five years, happily together
for thirty.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
I bet it was for sure.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
Yeah, ooh ah.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
We met at just eighteen years old and spent the
rest of our lives building a home and family. We
have two daughters now twenty and twenty three. He'd always
been an amazing hands on dad and affectionate husband. We
were far from perfect. We're human, after all, and I
could be a witch sometimes apparently.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yikes.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
By the way, this comes from prof cancer patient on
the r slash Charlotte do Bray YouTube subreddit, and if
you want to smit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime Separated It. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota,
I'm Riley, and Op says. Nearly seventeen years ago, he
was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had surgery and was
fine after a few weeks of radiation. It was a shock,
(38:44):
but we took care of him and made it through.
The cancer never came back. Then, in twenty fourteen, I
was diagnosed with stage four liver cancer at thirty nine
years old and was considered terminal.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Oh my glory, Wow.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Our girls were nine and twelve. Then My cancer wasn't
just dreaded diagnosis with an ending. It became learning to
live with it while simultaneously living in fear of passing
away every day, and that lasted the whole nine years.
It was a constant rollercoaster of emotions, good, bad, and scary,
but we stayed positive and did so many things as
(39:17):
a family to make memories and stay united. We were
all pretty good at communicating, sharing feelings, and doing lots
of listening, lots of I love yous all day, every day.
Nine years of me going to weekly chemotherapy, the cancer
spread first to my lungs, then a few years later
to my brain. There were brain and lung radiations, multiple surgeries,
(39:39):
endless doctor appointments, and hundreds of scans for me, for us,
it was a family affair and incredibly difficult, but we
made the best of our time.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
My god, I really am so I'm so hard, I'm
so glad. I feel like this didn't happen in the
United States.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Oh my god, because if this happened in the US,
you wouldn't be talking about how we made the best
of our time. You'd be talking about how generationally in
debt and destitution.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
Yeah, years of chemotherapy. My heart broke for him because
he was stuck. You know, no one signs up to
be a caregiver, and I felt he deserved so much more.
He was so caring, kind, strong, thoughtful and by my
side one hundred percent of the time, every appointment, every scan,
every hard day. We went through so many ups and
downs a couple, there's nothing more we can do, and
(40:26):
even made my funeral arrangements. Living in limbo was the
hardest part it was torture and it took its toll. Then,
after nine long years, I was declared any deep, no
evidence of disease, and able to stop treatments. Ned ned,
you got ned ned, declassified H School survival Guide. Not
(40:47):
cancer free just yet, but incredible news. I mean yeah,
nine years our little family and community were over the moon,
and we looked excitedly ahead cautiously. Of course, my girls,
who become a young care givers, were able to have
this weight taken off their shoulders for the first time
in years. They weren't afraid to leave me anymore, and
we were just so grateful. There were no signs, no
(41:10):
talks of anything negative or upset feelings in any way.
He was the same person he'd been all of our life.
One evening, my daughter seventeen at the time, and I
picked up my husband's phone to retrieve photos from the
day trip we'd just taken. I also went to look
through the deleted photos, because each time he took a picture,
I was like, used up, I'm disgusting and made him
(41:30):
delete them. I was bald and not feeling sassy at all,
so my thumbs were randomly hitting things when I came
across his deleted messages. No, I had no reason to
suspect him of anything. This man was my puppy dog
for thirty years. The world spun around me, and he
was not that guy. He was by my side one
thousand percent of the time, except while he was at work.
(41:53):
That's where she comes into the picture. We'll call her Jojo.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Jojo siwah oh na h jo Ju God.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
She worked with my husband for about five years, and
I never knew she existed. She was married herself, with
three kids, all younger than mine, I later learned. Apparently
my husband at the time was very fond of her.
Another coworker told me back to the deleted messages. I
saw a photo of women's legs like she took it
to send to him, and I thought, no way. My
(42:24):
husband eights people and is very private. This had to
be sent in error. But I continued to scroll. There
were thirty days worth of messages and a few boring picks.
They went back and forth, thirty where are we meeting up?
And meet up behind the building and I can't wait
to be unclothed with you again again? So much more.
(42:45):
I knew right then this was real. I woke his
butt up from a sound sleep. He was on the
couch downstairs around nine pm, and he played dumb denial dang.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
I would have woken him up in the wildest way
I could have possibly am.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
I would have tarred and feathered this man out of
his nap.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
That's pretty brutal. He was acting all sorts of tired
and confused about what was going on. I told him
I saw the messages, and so did our daughter. She
was with me while I looked for picks, and I
actually asked her to help me find the folder I needed.
I hate that she saw this. It makes me sick
because I know how it's affected her. My other daughter
didn't see the messages. She was in another room. We
(43:24):
only told her about them, but she didn't want to
hear the details. This is a man who treated us
all like we were so precious. He could never every
emotion under the sun multiplied by a million, then adds
some more just for good measure. He devastated our family
and all our friends and extended family as well. No
one could believe he would ever be that guy. I
(43:46):
still can't. I punted him out. He slept on the couch,
then went to work at five am, then to his
father's house after work. The shame he felt making that
phone call must have been hard since his mother did
the exact same thing to his dad years ago, and
he hated his mom for it. Ironic I was in
the er coughing up blood that first night, and he
took Jojo out to dinner. I went from feeling like,
(44:09):
can you blame the poor guy He's been through so
much to screw him. I'm gonna make sure he's living
under a bridge. In the blink of an eye, I
drew up a separation agreement and we signed it. He
didn't argue anything. I thought, Wow, he must really want out.
I went from treasured wife to stranger in days. It's
obvious things changed for him. At some point. He was
(44:30):
under a lot of stress, but his boss paid him
his salary, gave him bonuses and time off for any reason,
anytime he needed it. Our health insurance was amazing, so
we only had deductibles to pay once. I said, I'm
ned he flipped the switch. Now he can leave me
and not look like a bad guy because I stopped chemo.
His reason. He didn't even know he was unhappy until
(44:51):
he found himself embraced in a hug from a coworker
that turned into a kiss. That hug was a sorry
for your lost hug due to a passing in our family.
I spoke to three different divorce lawyers and they all
agreed that any healthy person has a hard time getting
through divorce proceedings, never mind a cancer patient in poor health.
It might be better for me if I could avoid
(45:11):
the hassle of it all, if we agreed on my terms,
that may be what works for now.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
Hey it's Sam. We're going to get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (45:21):
Yes, I was off chemo, but after nearly nine years
on it, my body was weak, never mind other serious
issues I was having and still have. Ooh, she's a mess.
Speaker 5 (45:31):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
That is just.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
So much like you just found out you're not cancer free,
but you know, no disease detected, and then you find
out that your husband's been cheating on you for a while.
I mean, like, unfortunately, this is something that does happen.
I feel like when you have long term diseases, because
it's just like a person who is the caregiver either
(45:55):
grows apart or feels the weight of like caregiving and stuff,
which never excuses it, but I feel like sometimes that
does happen, and it really really is awful that you
would trayed your trust, Like was this person that there's
some hearing for you?
Speaker 4 (46:09):
Interesting psychology going on with his mom having done that
to his dad as well. I think that might have
riven him to do it in a way that he
probably doesn't fully understand.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Is just like us. But it's weird that it was like.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
A hug over someone passing and then that turned into
again and he's like, that's when I realized I was unhappy.
It's like, I don't know, dude, just get away from me. Yeah,
at this point, just get away from me.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
And he's probably rationalizing it, like, oh, well, I can't
leave her, you know. I can't break up with her
because she's going through all this things, so I have
to cheat. I can't tell her like No, we decided
to stick to the agreement I made up. He needed
to leave but pay all the bills like he was
still here, and we would address it again after our
daughter graduated college. Currently is she my other daughter and
(47:00):
I live peacefully in our warm home, living our best lives,
he's still in his dad's house. He makes good money,
has investments and an amazing four one K retirement and stocks.
Speaker 4 (47:13):
I just giggled at this comment. Linda put in all caps,
I wouldn't divorce. I'd stay married and make him suffer.
Honestly justified crash out about this. That's it's just an
insane thing to realize someone had been doing to you
all that time.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
Yeah, well they were, like supposedly, you know, there for
you one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
I think he was just waiting for you to go.
Speaker 3 (47:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Yeah, he's just waiting for you to bite it, which
is awful.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Awful. I can't work. I'm permanently disabled now. I have
ongoing medical issues and can't lose my medical insurance, which
is through his job. I have nothing to my name.
Even my jeep is in his name, and the transmission
is shot. I'm thinking ahead about I'm going to get
a new car with nothing to my name. We share
the house and that's it. I don't know what I'm
(47:58):
entitled to, but I I wanted to keep the peace
for as long as possible so I could heal and
the girls could have a new foundation. Now I'm feeling
like I need to show the world what a dirtbag
he is. We all feel like he got away with this.
He seems like nothing in the world bothers him and
treats me like I did something wrong to him.
Speaker 4 (48:15):
It's wild, okay, Yeah, no, run his whole pockets, Run
all of his pockets.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (48:21):
If I don't know, I hope you're not in like
Ireland or one of these countries where you can't like
actually divorce someone even when they do this to you.
Speaker 3 (48:28):
Yeah, Like, hopefully you can get some sort of favorable
outcome because he cheated. He has me convinced he's doing
me a favor by allowing me to live here while
he still pays the bills. I'm sure I would get
more money in any divorce settlement than he pays now.
I continue to take the high ground so he has
his privacy not to mention. My girls and her three
kids didn't ask for this mess, and it embarrasses them
(48:50):
as well. I also don't want him to lose his
job selfishly, even though I think he should. He's just
waiting for me to pass away. It seems he's a
not glad to my face, but perfect gentleman. When it's
in writing like emails and texts. Yes, they both let
their families and are still working together. I think they
took a few little weekend trips and whatever else they do.
(49:11):
I don't know anything. I choose not to. They have
no shame and everyone knows what they did. Either way,
I don't care about this. My issue is I know
they will assure I have nothing if I fight him
in court, and I should be grateful I have anything.
Plus I don't have the money for a lawyer anyway.
Speaker 4 (49:28):
Now it does sound like it's happening in the States
because she needs his health insurance that he gets the job.
Speaker 3 (49:35):
Oh, this is terrible. He's terrible. He's so awful.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
Honestly, I bet you you could find with your story
really insanely good divorce attorneys who'd be like, I'd do this, yeah,
like pro bono worth Like I honestly, this is so
unbelievably screwed.
Speaker 2 (49:53):
Up out, I will help you take all of his money. Yeah,
And all we need to do is have dinner once
a week, just once a week, like, just to just
so we can catch up and keep up. Because I
that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (50:06):
This is terrible.
Speaker 4 (50:07):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (50:07):
Oh, PM's so sorry. That you had to go through
all of this, you know, medical stuff, and then this terrible.
I'd love to cause some trouble, but I don't want
to hurt my girls any further. However, they both said
they just want me to be happy. Plus he would
be mortified if the courts got involved and he had
to spend any extra money. That's my motivation. I think
he's still a good dad to the girls, sees them
(50:29):
once a week for dinner and texts often. They feel
bad that he chose to stay with this woman over them.
I explained, it's not them he left, it's me, But
they're hurt too. It's like they hate him for doing this,
but still love him because he's their dad and was
great up until he wasn't. But it's all different now.
I don't even know if I have any options with this.
(50:50):
He's just so smart and always ten steps ahead. So
am I the ale thinking I can outlive divorce proceedings
and finally take my dirty X to the cleaners. I'd
pass away happy seeing him cry over money.
Speaker 4 (51:02):
Though, Are you the a hole because you want to
prosecute your your cheating husband, garbage bag husband?
Speaker 3 (51:09):
No demo, You're absolutely not the perminal liver can't no, no,
not the ale at all.
Speaker 2 (51:20):
I'd be more upset if you didn't do anything.
Speaker 3 (51:23):
Yeah, get your money, get your money's worth, my goodness.
But that is the end of that story and the
end of this episode. So if you love us, make
sure to subscribe.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
We love you and seeing tomorrow.
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, your og Okay
story Time podcast host, and we got.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,
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Speaker 3 (00:12):
Our house stores are making me resent my husband.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Oh, make him do them.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Something has been really bothering me thirty two female with
my husband thirty four male lately, and I want to
get some serious perspective. This is a small issue in
an otherwise happy marriage. My husband is awesome, generally considerate,
and while we have minor incompatibilities, he's more play it
by year. I like schedules. We usually talk through things
without major problems. By the way, this comes from too
(00:40):
many chores throw And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it.
So I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and Opie says, However,
my husband drives me absolutely batty with something that affects
us almost daily, cooking. I've connected this to dishes and
(01:01):
general house chores in my head, and it feels like
it's gotten way worse lately. He seemed to slowly edge
towards this change, then went all in recently, last Thursday,
he got mad because I was tired, still working from home,
and didn't want to jump up to wash and cut vegetables.
Maybe I was being selfish, but if you wanted that done,
he should have told me earlier so I could have
(01:22):
handled it before work, not in the middle of my
work deck.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Well, why are you washing your vegetables. That's where all
their good microbes are.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
See that's what I think about peeling your vegetables. For
eight years, our arrangement has been simple. My husband cooks,
I do dishes. There are occasional exceptions. I cook sometimes
and still do the dishes, and he helps with dishes
when I'm sick. He often makes a huge mess cooking lunch,
using every pot and never trying to conserve dishes, but
I usually handled the clean up anywhere. I just prefer
(01:53):
not to cook daily after work. Before we met, i'd
beal prep for the week or eat easy meals, which
worked fine for me. Here's the real problem. As the
years have gone on, two things have happened. First, he
treats me like his sooux chef. I wind up running
back and forth the kitchen, chopping and prepping while he
wants me to hover there for ten minutes at a
(02:15):
time with nothing to do, which I find infuriating. He
won't tell me what he wants to cook so I
can prep beforehand, when I first get home or in
the morning. Honestly, it feels like he just wants my
company while he cooks, but he doesn't actually talk to
me about non cooking things. This isn't like our date
nights when we cook together. This feels obligatory.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Second, have you told him?
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yeah? Have we told him this?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Have you told Maybe it infuriates you.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Maybe the solution is like, you know, I've been helping
you sou chefing, so now you got to help me
with dishes. Second, he's gotten more stressed about daily cooking
and complains to the point where I agree to cook
and still do dishes. What makes this worse is he'll
say no, I'll cook when I first offer around four
thirty or five, then change his mind much later. By
(03:00):
seven PM or later, it's too late for me to
start cooking comfortably. If I'm going to cook after work,
I want to do it immediately when I get home
while I still have energy. I think whoever cook should
decide the timing, but he wouldn't want to eat that
early anyway, which is probably why we have the he
cook's arrangement. The scheduling situation means I have to snack
when I get home since my lunch is early eleven
(03:22):
thirty to noon. Because I go in early, I can't
control these timing since I also go to bed much
earlier than him. The snacking has contributed to some weight
gain over our relationship. My husband likes eating together and
eating later, but when I get upset about these late
cooking nights, he doesn't understand why, even though he knows
this context. This pattern extends to chores. Generally, I handle
(03:44):
most chores while he's sleeping, gaming, or relaxing. I do
more household tasks and even take care of some of
his things, like his laundry or tours that might hurt
his back due to his chronic pain. You know, it
is a chronic pain. Him not helping out, not out out.
I don't mind doing a little more, but what's frustrating
is that every time he decides some big chur needs doing,
(04:07):
he wants my help, usually last minute. It just feels
like you have this set up, this chur set up,
and whenever he wants to switch it up, you get
dumped with more tasks, but there's no actual like you know,
switching of the tasks, you just get more.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Rather like we should really hone in on the whole.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Like I'm more of a schedule type person and he's
more of a do it whenever like spontaneous person. It's like, well,
sounds like he's not really on the ball when it
comes to this kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
I think you just need to say I can't. I
gotta eat earlier, or we gotta find some sort of compromise,
or you eat later.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
He'd just be busting balls what he's Yeah, he's not
on it.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
He'd just be busting it.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
He's off the ball.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
He's very much off the balls, getting off your balls
and getting off the ball. Okay, Well, I think that
you should tell him and say, hey, falls, I understand
that you know you can't cook every night, and it's
okay if you want me to cook, but like let's
make a schedule for that schedule and if I cook,
then you out to help me clean.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Part of his unpredictability stems from legitimate back in health issues.
He doesn't know when it'll be in pain or how
severe it'll be. And I understand that when this happened
occasionally I attributed it to his health, but now it
feels like a habit that extends beyond pain.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Day.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
The same thing happens with erins. We split them fairly.
But then he asks me to tag along on his
because he's behind schedule.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
How is that going to speed up his errands? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (05:42):
That that's a good question.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
How much faster is he going to get his errands
done with you?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I mean the.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
Actually my also, is he asking you to tag along
so you can get him done faster?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Or is he asking you to tag along because he
likes you?
Speaker 3 (05:56):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Same thing with the like is he like, does you
want you to hang out?
Speaker 4 (06:01):
I know you said that it's like y'all don't talk
about like stuff besides cooking, But like, is that because
you're furious? Yeah, and so you're not really talking either,
Like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
I think you just need to talk about this more exactly.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Meanwhile, I've finished mine and just want to relax. I
don't see why I should have to come along because
he managed his time differently. I want to sit down
and unwind too. We spend plenty of recreational time together,
at which I love. I just want Aaron's done separately
sometimes because it's faster and less overwhelming. I have ADHD
and a stressful job, which doesn't help, though I think
(06:39):
this is normal thirty something overwhelming at least we don't
have kids and don't plan to. Basically, I want to
know is my irritation completely irrational or do I have
a point. I can feel how I feel, but I
wonder if I'm being lazy or childish since I don't
know what a successful double income, no kid's household should
look like. Why do you think my husband does this?
(07:00):
I want to approach him with empathy and will ask
him directly, but I really don't understand. It's like he
doesn't think he can do any chores or errand's without me.
Are there any practical solutions that might make us both
happier without feeling like overscheduling to my husband and real quick.
Speaker 5 (07:15):
She's thirty two and he's thirty.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Four overscheduling, so having just a schedule is overscheduling to him.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
That's concerning. If I can really can't have any sort
of schedule, especially because op he also kind of needs that.
If she's got ADHD, she probably kind of relies on
her schedule.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah, they would be helpful.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Yeah. Every time I make a schedule, I'll make it
and then I just don't do it, and I'm like, dang,
I thought that would make me do that.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
See, I have a bunch of notes things and it's
just like to do and I have so many of them.
I never have like I don't have like one to
do list that I come back to. I've got like
two hundred small to do lists and I need to
do them.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, yeah, or I forget yeah, to do anything. I think.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Yeah, I think I think Africa decision with them. I
think you were saying it earlier. I think there is
a possibility that you guys just have like different kind
of social batteries because some people like, for me, I
really like doing chores with people, uh, and I think
it's really fun, whereas you know, some people are like,
I want this to be my alone time and I
(08:19):
need that. So maybe that's what he's thinking. Certainly, Sunshine says,
my ex and I stayed friends now that we don't
live together, he can suddenly take care of things himself
and knows to wash dishes as he goes when cooking.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I know that, but I can't do it.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
You can't wash dishes while you cook.
Speaker 6 (08:34):
Figure it out has to be after, figure it out after.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
After, Sophia, You and I cook a lot, so we
kind of know the time of things. Dakota, you need
to cook salmon, potatoes, and asparagus.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
What are you putting in first? Asparagus?
Speaker 5 (08:52):
Okay, all right, see that's it right there.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
That's why that's you can't with that.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I would follow the recipe. No, no, well that's okay.
But I guess that explains why you do the.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
Dishes at the end, because it's sort of like you
don't like not that you don't understand, but it's like
you're not familiar with the time of things.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Do you want to know the answer?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Potato and then as is So I was close. I
would say I would.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
And salmon at the same time personally, because both of
those don't take that long.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
They both take her on thirteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Yeah, boom, boom.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Dakota doesn't cook guys.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Funny enough, funny enough, But it's okay.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
See see that makes sense why you would do the
dishes at the end, but you still get the dishes done, right.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I don't koda that you get the dishes done Koto.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Riley was really trying to help you there. I got
some helpful advice and new ideas, though some suggestions were
things we already do or My husband is betoed in
the past. I sat down with him recently, but I'm
still not completely sure what to do. Here are the developments. First,
my husband doesn't really see the problem with spring projects
on me. He feels controlled when I ask for everything
(10:02):
to be so scheduled, though he said I wasn't trying
to be controlling, so I'm not sure what he means,
and neither does he. He's like, I don't really know
what I mean, but you're controlling, but you're not controlling.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
But I don't know you're controlling. But I need you
to control exactly how I do all this stuff. I
won't know how to do it.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
He seemed torn and felt bad about it, though he's
frustrated by this too, and says he thought we'd resolve
this incompatibility and that I'd learned to go with the
flow and relax, and he was disappointed. Go to the flow,
So why why does OPE have to make all of
the concessions and you don't?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Because we're going with the flow, and the flow is
my flow.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
The flow is wherever I'm flowing to.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
The flow is right here, the flow stage.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
When I suggested counseling to find better middle ground, he
said he'd go for me, but we both kind of
paid the idea. We had a good talk. He wasn't
a knucklehead, but he says he feels almost as panicked
about schedule things as I do about last minute requests. Well,
he needs to get over them. His newer job is
much more schedule oriented and already burns him out. However,
(11:08):
he's willing to try fixing the dinner situation in several ways.
We're setting at dinner time and designating nights when I
help versus nights when I don't. I'll still do all dishes,
and we only cook about four nights per week. He
still doesn't want me to cook, but he agreed that
if his back problems flare up, he'll text me immediately,
so we can either swap a takeout night with a
cooking night, or I can plan to cook something simple
(11:31):
this feels amazing to me, and I might not even
care about the broader scheduling issues if this works. He's
committed to trying this, but worried he'll be miserable with
a dinner time window. My biggest concern now is the
underlying incompatibility. I worry that even though he's compromising with
the dinner schedule, he's sacrificing a lot of himself. He's
(11:52):
willing to change, but admitted it'll be frustrating for a
while and ask me to be patient. He's willing to adapt,
but now I realize he feel like I used to feel,
and I worry will eventually divorce because he has a
lower tolerance for being upset than I do.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Oh dang.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Both my parents had multiple marriages and divorces, which feeds
this fear.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Oh man, it sucks that you had parents that have
you know, had divorces, because it's it makes it seem
more like an option.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Yeah, like my.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
Parents did a divorce, but doesn't feel like that's an
option going into a relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I mean, it's not great that he's already going into
this with like, Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna do.
It's not like, it doesn't seem like he's really fully
committed into helping find a compromise. It feels like you
both are just like I want it this way and
there is no middle ground.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
What was working for a while, wasn't it like before
this became a problem, it was working a little while,
and then and then he just started to stop and
then stop doing all the stuff that he actually did,
which is what.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
I would worry about in this case, like is he
just gonna eventually stop? I'm going back to personal therapy
for my ADHD and depression to work on being more
assertive and figure out if I'm overthinking this. He also
proposed a solution I don't hate but find scary. We've
been married eight years, one of kids, and I'm currently
an ES teacher with summers off. He suggested I take
(13:14):
a leave of absence next year. I have tenure and
can keep my position temporarily for one year before deciding
permanently to see if we like me staying home. Since
I feel so overwhelmed, I don't think that's the solution.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
He's like, I know what we need to do.
Speaker 4 (13:28):
You create your job and then you'll have time to
do all this stuff.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I don't do exactly.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
That's crazy. He's like, Oh, you can do all the
chores you want if you don't have a job. That's
a terrible solution.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
Well, the only way to make the solution actually work
is if you pay her, because yeah, I feel like
when it comes to chores, I don't know why this
is such a heavy thing with relationships, because I guess traditionally,
you know, men would do the outside stuff and women
would do the inside stuff, and it would never but
men would also be for the house, and then you know,
(14:01):
it would make more sense. But now it's just splitting chores. Like,
why is this such a hard thing to do?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Shouldn't be that hard. I don't hate this idea. I'd
love to organize our house and handle everything. But I'm
really good at my job and mostly enjoy it. We
can definitely afford it, since his loan repayment just stopped
and that payment was more than my entire salary. Don't
quit your job because your partner says, hey, yeah, we're
having too much trouble with all of these chores. Quit
your job. That's terrible. You don't have kids. You find
(14:30):
a lot of enjoyment and productivity and just like you're passionate.
It seems you know, we haven't heard everything, but it
seems like you enjoy this job. So don't quit.
Speaker 6 (14:41):
Well, no one's saying you're quitting forever, but just the
fact that it's even to take a year off, that's
different and a little bit concerning that that's kind of
on the table.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
And maybe just be like, maybe I need to figure
out what's some other stuff I like.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
True, I don't know. He's probably right that I'm not
stressed about these things when I'm off work. I don't
like him.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
Wait, yeah, hold on, everyone's saying, no, it's like just
hire a maid. Yeah, you got the money, like that,
You got the money like that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Hired a maid.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I spend all of my chaos energy at work, just
like he spends all his order energy there. So then
why he should quit. If he's getting so stressed by
all the scheduling there, he should quit. This would solve
everyone's problems, and maybe I should do it. This would
solve his problems, but it puts me in an impossible
position if we divorce. When I raise this concern, my
husband even offered to sign a post up agreement promising
(15:34):
lifetime alimony. But I don't think he understands what he's saying.
That seems really unwise. He has no concept of divorce.
His parents never divorced. You of his friend's parents divorced,
and he grew up much more financially secure than I did.
I'd love to hear from others about staying home for
these reasons, or especially from anyone with similar incompatibilities in
the relationship who made it work. And there is a
(15:57):
second update, But I I don't want this dab it.
Speaker 5 (16:01):
Over just making a couple of snacks.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
The thing is like, it's crazy that they're thinking about
her witting her job because he doesn't want to do.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Chores hiatus because you're overwhelmed by your husband's lack of
ability to do anything.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, without you. It seems like he's.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
Even being like, yeah, you're gonna come with me on
my errands because I'm running behind?
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Is she flintstoning the car?
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Like?
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Is she got like a little like a little horse with.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yaba Daba doing Like I'm confused? Yeah, what are you
Yaba Daba do it?
Speaker 5 (16:35):
I feel like if he accommodates around five hundred dollars
a month for cleaning around the house.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
This would all be sold.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I agree update too. Getting perspectives from others was helpful.
It was nice to realize my husband was the unusual one.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
The unusual, very unusual.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
But I still think you should take that ear long
hiatus and go to dirks and cake.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Turks and cake turks and cake oats.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I'd always thought I was weird for one dinner times
and bedtime since I didn't know any other dink adults
with those routines, and most of our childless friends leaned
towards his approach. I'm not scheduled crazy by any means,
but that's how he made me feel. Recent developments. I
got a promotion I've been working towards for four years,
so I'm definitely not quitting my job.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Okay, fair enough.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
The new role is ees coordinator, which means less chaos.
No more twenty two classes per week or constant last
minute meetings since I'll be organizing them instead. It also
pays significantly more. This should help with my chaos quotient
being max out before I even get home. My husband
wasn't pressuring me to quit, he simply suggested it. When
(17:42):
I didn't know the answer. We went to counseling, and
my husband finally admitted some issues stemmed from his OCD
mother and overly scheduled childhood, acknowledging that I'm not weird,
even if I'm more structured than people he knows. However,
he still feels he'd be miserable with too much structure.
Didn't solve much beyond explaining the root cause. We did
(18:04):
work out some smaller issues, though. We now have a
set dinner time that he's maintained groceries. I handle all
shopping with a shared Google list he adds to so
he avoids the store but us to plan ahead. He
still cooks four nights a week, but now cooks clean
and I just handle dishwasher loading and finally pots. This
means fewer dishes for me, fewer week day tours for
(18:26):
both of us, and I can grocery shop when convenient
instead of waiting for him to feel like it on Sundays.
There is a little bit left of the story.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Any thoughts, any final thoughts? Yeam, guys, I'm glad you didn't. Yeah,
I'm glad.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
I'm glad you had a raise. It seems like you
guys are working on it. That's good.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Yeah, keep going to that there, because even though it's
just you guys, got to the root cause.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
And he's like, too much structure will ruin my life.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
It's like, well, you guys can keep chipping away, Yeah,
chip chipping away.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
He working on that. He seems unhappy with the dinner
time scheduling, but sticks to it without much complaining. My
only remaining concern is that he doesn't want to continue
regular counseling. Uh oh, you should do that another routine appointment,
and I think we need something to improve our communication.
Is there anything besides scheduled counseling that might help. I'm
(19:22):
working with my therapist on being more assertive, and I'm
glad he recognizes his irregularity and is making concessions, but
I want better communication tools for the future. I hate
to add weekly or bi weekly counseling on top of
all the new schedules and routines we're implementing for my benefit,
even though he'd do it if I insisted we're attending
(19:43):
at least one more follow up appointment. But I'm scared
that once we stop, any improvements might disappear. I worry
that without strong communication skills, all our April and may
progress will wash away during summer when I don't maintain
strict routines or have work structure of forcing them. And
that's when, Yeah, you're gonna put it to the test.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
You should say all of that to your husband.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I agree, keep going to therapy, Keep going to therapy.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Make him. I don't care if he gets disgruntled by it.
Make him. He said, I can hear he'll go if
I force him. Then force him.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
Yeah, Rake, right now, you said, oh, I don't know
how it's gonna last. When we're in summer, that's when
it's gonna be put to the test.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Force g force.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
But that's the end of that story, so we're gonna
jump into the next one.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
My husband and our friend are flirting in front of me.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Do it behind me?
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Background, that's where you should be doing the flirting. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
My husband and I have been married for twelve years
together for seventeen. Two nights ago, we went out for
a friend's birthday, Jane. Jane is married to my husband's
childhood friend. They got married about a year and a
half ago, and they have not been doing well due
to him breaking Jane's TRUSTO.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
They're in therapy, but it's getting close to divorce.
Speaker 4 (21:02):
She is understandably very upset by the way this comes from.
You should throw away twenty twenty five oh seven, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Showkay story Time, suburd it.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I'm Dakota, I'm.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says more background that will
make sense later. My husband and I haven't had the
spases sleep in two months. I've recovered from an injury
that caused a lot of bleeding during a zispasis sleep.
A couple of times during those two months. I offered
(21:35):
a different form of zispasis sleep to him, but he declined,
that's crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
It is kind of that's it really, is he? Okay?
I didn't I didn't expect you to have that answer.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
No, that is crazy.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
See all right, are you all right?
Speaker 5 (21:50):
It's he not like free money, like if you get
him hundred ability decline that too.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Is he like hate?
Speaker 4 (21:56):
And it's just not He said he wasn't feeling up
to it, and I offered, and I believe him.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
I just want to make it clear this is not
a spicyless marriage.
Speaker 3 (22:05):
Wasn't up to it.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
My husband also has some self esteem issues from prior trauma,
and he's in therapy for that. While we're out for
Jane's birthday with some other friends, everything is fine until
there are a few drinks in. I only had one
the entire night. Our other friends had to call it
a night, so it's just me, my husband, and Jane.
This is where things get weird. They start flirting in
(22:30):
this weird power play for dominance. I don't know how
to describe it really.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Jane says something about putting herself.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
In a box like spicy jail, because it's been so
long since she's done the spicy sleep, and my husband
jokingly grabs her by the throat and says, yeah, I'll
put you in a box.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Sorry shop, Wait, sorry, what does it even mean?
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Sorry? He went? He went, yeah, I'll put you in
a box?
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Huh yeah, like what underground? What? What kind of what
it's like? Like the undertaker?
Speaker 6 (23:08):
What?
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Not?
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Only did he say it?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
He put he said I'll put you in a box.
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I'd be like, uh no, any girls who talk to
me now that I have a whoa.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
If that happened in front of me, I'd be like, whoa,
what just happened? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (23:24):
No, I immediately call that out. I'd be like, uh,
water splash.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
So while all this is happening, there's this random dude
that's hitting on Jane. It's karaoke night, and the random
serenades her and gives her a silly lap dance. So
all fun and games, right, No, no, no, it just
keeps escalating from there. Later, Jane grabs my husband's hair
and shoves him into the wall, and he kind of moans, this.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Is not flirting. They're cheating on you in front of you.
This is not flagrant flirting.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
This is they're this is flagrant.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
It's it's certainly flagrant.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
I would say flagrant flirt.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
He just moaned, Bro, no, it's about to get even
more flagrant. You guys thought that was flagrant of each other.
You guys thought that was flagrant you get ready for
the next sentence.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Oh no, he says, if you grab me by the hair.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Again, it will end with my ding a laying in
your hocktool. So that's not flagrant flirting. They're they're they're
full on cheating in front of you.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
That's just saying I will have the spotsy relations with
you if you do that again.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
He or something along those lines, is what was said?
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Why did you not?
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Like?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Did you say anything?
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Here we go this entire time. I'm awkwardly laughing.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
At all because I know they're both wasted and they're laughing.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
No, no, tell them what's the saying action, what's the
saying divorce?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah, what's the saying? I don't know?
Speaker 4 (25:00):
No, just like like one check to the gut, yea
real quick.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
This is wild.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
At the time, I think my husband is playing around,
trying to make her feel better because it's her birthday
and her marriage is in the trash. I didn't realize
it until hours later. My husband wasn't giving me any
of the attention he usually does. Girl.
Speaker 3 (25:21):
Come on, we need to open our eyes to the signs.
Speaker 4 (25:25):
More flirting keeps happening, and my husband asks me multiple
times if I'm okay. Ah, I just quickly answer that
I'm fine.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
No.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
If he's asking me that multiple times, doesn't that sound
like he knows something is wrong and he's just looking
to see how far this would go?
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Why are you saying you're okay? Like start yelling, I
don't know, do something, girl. They're cheating on you in
front of you.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
When the bar is closing, I drive us home. Jane
doesn't want to go home because of things going on
in her marriage. She stayed with us before, so that's
not out of the ordinary.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 5 (26:09):
I think I figured out why he didn't want to
have a spicy relations with you earlier.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah, he's already having it.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
He's shaving it for.
Speaker 4 (26:19):
You, and of course it just gets weirder. Jane pushes
my husband onto the couch, straddles him and it yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Oh, He's like, huh oh pee, well girl, what are
you doing.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
I'm sorry, they're cheating in front of you and you're
doing nothing. Ha hahu. Like to be clear, they're obviously
the ales in the situation, but what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Find your backbone?
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Like backbone, come on laughing. This isn't flirting. They're cheating
on you in front of you.
Speaker 4 (26:50):
You're like basically banging, banging in front of you.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
My husband is enjoying this. I'm standing there, found it.
He kept saying how the dynamic was weird, but how
much he wanted it. Later, while my husband is in
the restroom, Jane tells me they are not spicily attracted
to each other, but they are both very attracted to me, like, yes,
(27:17):
I know my husband is attracted to me. He comes
out and at some point my husband says he wants
to throw us both down and f us and says,
go f my wife to Jane, what.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
So is going on?
Speaker 5 (27:34):
They've planned this?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, they wanted threesome. They wanted.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Oh, he says, as soon as what was said involved
me directly, which.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
By the way, all of this involved you directly.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Having you directly from the bar. I had something to
say then ope.
Speaker 6 (27:55):
He said, well wait a minute, I said, what if
maybe we'd what if well perhaps, oh, he said, what
if we didn't do that?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Maybe also, maybe we will do it. I said, I
think both of them sober. Wouldn't do anything behind Jane's husband,
who is my husband's best friend from childhood's back, regardless
of how much of an idiot he's being. And I
wasn't down to do anything when Booze is involved. They said, Okay,
(28:26):
what I said was a cop out.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah, honestly, yeah, I wouldn't be comfortable if Booze wasn't
involved either.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
The answer is get out of my house.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, the answer is smack dude.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Okay, again, not blaming you maybe the reason that they
think that you're into this is because the whole time
they've been doing it in front of you, and you've
been like a haha, me.
Speaker 4 (28:49):
Like yeah, I'm fine, Yeah, I'm okay, So it's fine,
like which, I guess it makes sense.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
You can dissociate as a dissociator. You can.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
You are clearly when you get asked the director question
of hey, would you do what do you what's going
on here?
Speaker 3 (29:03):
You say, no, get out of my house.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Yeah, I don't even know what's going on here. I
just know I want you to leave.
Speaker 4 (29:08):
But I didn't know how to reasonably voice that, so
I used booze as an excuse. Later, I've come to
understand I was dissociating at the bar and was not
processing what was happening. I also didn't want to come
between whatever was happening because they are two adults.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
One of them is your husband. I'm sorry, one of
those adults is your husband.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
There's actually three adults there. You're one of them.
Speaker 4 (29:30):
You're like, I didn't want to stop what was happening
because they're they're both adults, adults.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
You're an adult, and you're in a relationship with one
of them.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
What and it's your husband's best friend's wife.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Yikes.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
I shouldn't have to be the sober person to stop
or otherwise prevent something happening by being a mother, hen
my husband should know better. Well, that's there's a true statement.
We had previously talked about how I was uncomfortable earlier
this month when she had put her hand on his
chest while laughing.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
She was also wasted.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Then he apologized for not stopping that. So what would
the night have been like if I wasn't there? I
feel grimy or ashamed, but I didn't do anything, So
why do I feel that way? How much of this
is being wasted and silly and not having had spicy
sleep in a while, and how much of it is
something else?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
All of it is something else? All of it. Yeah,
they're cheating on you. They have cheated on you. They
cheated on you in front of you.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
That was like so weird. Remember, folks, it's the dangers
of being overly passive.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
If you're passive to the point where you let your
husband cheat on you with his best friend's wife right
in front of you at the bar, that's too passive.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
So is this going to happen?
Speaker 4 (30:39):
Anytime he has a few dreams and someone gives him attention.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
I've communicated all of this to my husband once he
was sober, and he says he feels awful. He apologized
and made us an appointment with a marriage counselor. I'm
asking the above questions and does it seem like therapy
would even help good? Has anyone else dealt with something similar?
Speaker 2 (31:00):
And what was the result.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
I'm having nightmares about this. I'm so hurt and angry.
I can barely even look at my husband. Am I
being unreasonable? Is it my fault for not saying I
wasn't okay until later, even though I wasn't given the
chance to really think about it.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
No, you're associating.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
You were dissociated, but I didn't have to think about
whether or not you're okay with your husband, being like,
I'm gonna d you down if you do that to
me one more time.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It really is another woman directly in front.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Of it, to be clear, Like, it doesn't really matter
what you should have done in the moment. The point
is that your husband cheated on you in front of you,
and now you should divorce him.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
Yeah, there's an edit It's four thirty in the morning here,
and I should really try to sleep. I've been trying
to read and reply to all of your comments, but
my head is pounding.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Me too, sister.
Speaker 4 (31:52):
I'll pick this back up later on today. Thank you
to everyone. If I haven't replied to you yet. And
there are some comments, and boy, are they going to
be nice and friendly? I'm sure, I'm sure coming number one,
I don't understand. How are you not freaking out? More dissociation.
I am not married, but my boyfriend and I have
been together for six years. If a friend was straddling him,
(32:14):
choking him, pushing him around, touching his hair, and making
these comments, he and that friend would be out of
the door so effing fast. I'd also be wondering if
something has been going on with them already, because this
seems pre planned almost, but obviously I wouldn't know.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Comment too.
Speaker 4 (32:30):
For perspective, I'm a forty two year old man at
the time. I think my husband is playing around, trying
to make her feel better because it's her birthday. I
literally said, what louder than my usual tone when I
read this. This is so whack that it's hard to
know where to start. First of all, you have a
very loose grip on playing around if it involves them
(32:51):
mind banging right in front of you while giving you
a play by play of their desires in their role playing. Yeah,
telling another woman, even your friend, that he would do
what he would do to her, is not trying to
cheer her up. This is lust that normally goes unspoken
alchemachaal slash. Being wasted doesn't give someone new desires, it
(33:12):
removes their inhibitions that were already there. I've been wasted
off my booty, but when I was younger and I
didn't act like this with other women, And of course
it just gets weirder. Jane pushes my husband on the
couch and straddles him. My husband's enjoying this. Nobody would
disagree that cheating while being wasted is still cheating. Many
(33:32):
people believe that there are different forms of cheating. To me,
they were cheating right in front of your eyes. I
literally said what out loud. Again, that is not normal
nor excusable. Don't let them blame it on the booze.
This woman is not your friend. She used booze as
an excuse to be forward with other men. I sincerely
(33:52):
doubt your husband is the first person she's pulled this
behavior on while still yet being married to somebody else.
Every day you can continue this friendship, you are letting
her spit in your face.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
As for your.
Speaker 4 (34:04):
Husband, I don't know what to tell you other than
you are completely in the right and there is an update.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Sam here, We're gonna get back to the stories. But
here's three of minus bads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
Divorce doores, divorce, divorce.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
Divorce were at least therapy, but divorce.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
So much therapy and divorce double or nothing divorce. He
cheated on you. He cheat like I don't know how
to make it more clear. He cheated on you in
front of you. It's like in front of your face.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I wonder what would have happened though, if when he
had turned back to you and was like are you okay?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (34:34):
And if you would if you had said no, if
you would have shut it down instantaneously.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Probably, But it doesn't mean that he didn't cheat, right
because if op's sitting there going fine, I'm sure if
he actually was paying attention and yeah, he's like drinking.
But like, there's no excuse.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
For the update.
Speaker 4 (34:53):
Not really much to add but I know people are
asking for an update. First therapy session went well. My
husband is genuinely remar and has no problem never communicating
with Jane ever.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Again.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
I'm doing my best to work through how I feel
about all this and not compartmentalize. Time and hard work
will tell if our relationship survives. I've not had a
conversation with Jane yet, but I know I need to.
She's asked me to go to lunch or dinner just us,
but I've had a migraine when she wanted to go,
so that was canceled.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
I'd never talk to you again, there.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Is no need to ever.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
I'd be like, no, I'm good bye.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
You figure out your marriage.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
I'll figure on mind, yes exactly that.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
I've had one session with my own therapist so far,
and I feel like i'll be better equipped to handle
that conversation once I've had a couple more. If people
want to know how that goes, I guess I'll comment
on this post and post it to my profile.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Yep, we got a little bit more in this story here, lived,
but I think we maybe need to do a little
bit of separation.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
I yep, don't talk to Jane anymore, and separate.
Speaker 4 (35:56):
I think separate, and then if he immediately goes out
and finds another lady, you know there is no point
in trying to keep this going.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Yep, because he is ruled by his.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
China trader and he's got zero inhibitions just at standards respect, responsibility, responsibility,
none of that.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
As far as I know, Jane has asked her husband
for a divorce. I only know this because he messaged
my husband about it. Jane has not told her soon
to be ex husband what happened on her birthday, and
my husband wants to tell him.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
Of course, yeah, because that's his best friend. He's trader.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
Probably needs to come to light.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Yeah, not sure when that will happen, but it definitely
needs to since they're already getting divorced. I could see
how people might feel like that would just be adding
salt to his wounds, but he has the right to know.
I'll also post a comment when that happens and post
it to my profile. I think that's everything, Just a
few developments to share, and there I forgot to add. Apparently,
Jane said to my husband in the car the next morning,
(36:59):
if I were sober, I would have fed you, he said.
He just kept driving stone faced. Also, my doorbell camera
caught her asking him, do you think I fed up?
I haven't formulated what I'm going to say to her
about this yet.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
You don't have to talk to her. She cheated with
your husband. You say, you don't have to talk to her.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
You say, make you make bird noises?
Speaker 3 (37:25):
You say uh, and you hang up the phone.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
You say, hang.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Up the phone. That's it.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
That is the end of that story. Oh my gosh,
thank you good, Thank the Lord. And we are going
to pull up the next one.
Speaker 3 (37:42):
My husband left me with nothing after he cheated.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
That's terrible.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Trigger warning for cancer and chemo. I fifty female was
married to my ex fifty one male let's call him
Richard Wiener for short, for twenty five years, happily together
for thirty.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
I bet it was for sure.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
Yeah, ooh ah.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
We met at just eighteen years old and spent the
rest of our lives building a home and family. We
have two daughters now twenty and twenty three. He'd always
been an amazing hands on dad and affectionate husband. We
were far from perfect. We're human, after all, and I
could be a witch sometimes apparently.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Yikes.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
By the way, this comes from prof cancer patient on
the r slash Charlotte do Bray YouTube subreddit, and if
you want to smit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime Separated It. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota,
I'm Riley, and Op says. Nearly seventeen years ago, he
was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had surgery and was
fine after a few weeks of radiation. It was a shock,
(38:44):
but we took care of him and made it through.
The cancer never came back. Then, in twenty fourteen, I
was diagnosed with stage four liver cancer at thirty nine
years old and was considered terminal.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Oh my glory, Wow.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Our girls were nine and twelve. Then My cancer wasn't
just dreaded diagnosis with an ending. It became learning to
live with it while simultaneously living in fear of passing
away every day, and that lasted the whole nine years.
It was a constant rollercoaster of emotions, good, bad, and scary,
but we stayed positive and did so many things as
(39:17):
a family to make memories and stay united. We were
all pretty good at communicating, sharing feelings, and doing lots
of listening, lots of I love yous all day, every day.
Nine years of me going to weekly chemotherapy, the cancer
spread first to my lungs, then a few years later
to my brain. There were brain and lung radiations, multiple surgeries,
(39:39):
endless doctor appointments, and hundreds of scans for me, for us,
it was a family affair and incredibly difficult, but we
made the best of our time.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
My god, I really am so I'm so hard, I'm
so glad. I feel like this didn't happen in the
United States.
Speaker 4 (39:55):
Oh my god, because if this happened in the US,
you wouldn't be talking about how we made the best
of our time. You'd be talking about how generationally in
debt and destitution.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
Yeah, years of chemotherapy. My heart broke for him because
he was stuck. You know, no one signs up to
be a caregiver, and I felt he deserved so much more.
He was so caring, kind, strong, thoughtful and by my
side one hundred percent of the time, every appointment, every scan,
every hard day. We went through so many ups and
downs a couple, there's nothing more we can do, and
(40:26):
even made my funeral arrangements. Living in limbo was the
hardest part it was torture and it took its toll. Then,
after nine long years, I was declared any deep, no
evidence of disease, and able to stop treatments. Ned ned,
you got ned ned, declassified H School survival Guide. Not
(40:47):
cancer free just yet, but incredible news. I mean yeah,
nine years our little family and community were over the moon,
and we looked excitedly ahead cautiously. Of course, my girls,
who become a young care givers, were able to have
this weight taken off their shoulders for the first time
in years. They weren't afraid to leave me anymore, and
we were just so grateful. There were no signs, no
(41:10):
talks of anything negative or upset feelings in any way.
He was the same person he'd been all of our life.
One evening, my daughter seventeen at the time, and I
picked up my husband's phone to retrieve photos from the
day trip we'd just taken. I also went to look
through the deleted photos, because each time he took a picture,
I was like, used up, I'm disgusting and made him
(41:30):
delete them. I was bald and not feeling sassy at all,
so my thumbs were randomly hitting things when I came
across his deleted messages. No, I had no reason to
suspect him of anything. This man was my puppy dog
for thirty years. The world spun around me, and he
was not that guy. He was by my side one
thousand percent of the time, except while he was at work.
(41:53):
That's where she comes into the picture. We'll call her Jojo.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Jojo siwah oh na h jo Ju God.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
She worked with my husband for about five years, and
I never knew she existed. She was married herself, with
three kids, all younger than mine, I later learned. Apparently
my husband at the time was very fond of her.
Another coworker told me back to the deleted messages. I
saw a photo of women's legs like she took it
to send to him, and I thought, no way. My
(42:24):
husband eights people and is very private. This had to
be sent in error. But I continued to scroll. There
were thirty days worth of messages and a few boring picks.
They went back and forth, thirty where are we meeting up?
And meet up behind the building and I can't wait
to be unclothed with you again again? So much more.
(42:45):
I knew right then this was real. I woke his
butt up from a sound sleep. He was on the
couch downstairs around nine pm, and he played dumb denial dang.
Speaker 4 (42:54):
I would have woken him up in the wildest way
I could have possibly am.
Speaker 2 (42:59):
I would have tarred and feathered this man out of
his nap.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
That's pretty brutal. He was acting all sorts of tired
and confused about what was going on. I told him
I saw the messages, and so did our daughter. She
was with me while I looked for picks, and I
actually asked her to help me find the folder I needed.
I hate that she saw this. It makes me sick
because I know how it's affected her. My other daughter
didn't see the messages. She was in another room. We
(43:24):
only told her about them, but she didn't want to
hear the details. This is a man who treated us
all like we were so precious. He could never every
emotion under the sun multiplied by a million, then adds
some more just for good measure. He devastated our family
and all our friends and extended family as well. No
one could believe he would ever be that guy. I
(43:46):
still can't. I punted him out. He slept on the couch,
then went to work at five am, then to his
father's house after work. The shame he felt making that
phone call must have been hard since his mother did
the exact same thing to his dad years ago, and
he hated his mom for it. Ironic I was in
the er coughing up blood that first night, and he
took Jojo out to dinner. I went from feeling like,
(44:09):
can you blame the poor guy He's been through so
much to screw him. I'm gonna make sure he's living
under a bridge. In the blink of an eye, I
drew up a separation agreement and we signed it. He
didn't argue anything. I thought, Wow, he must really want out.
I went from treasured wife to stranger in days. It's
obvious things changed for him. At some point. He was
(44:30):
under a lot of stress, but his boss paid him
his salary, gave him bonuses and time off for any reason,
anytime he needed it. Our health insurance was amazing, so
we only had deductibles to pay once. I said, I'm
ned he flipped the switch. Now he can leave me
and not look like a bad guy because I stopped chemo.
His reason. He didn't even know he was unhappy until
(44:51):
he found himself embraced in a hug from a coworker
that turned into a kiss. That hug was a sorry
for your lost hug due to a passing in our family.
I spoke to three different divorce lawyers and they all
agreed that any healthy person has a hard time getting
through divorce proceedings, never mind a cancer patient in poor health.
It might be better for me if I could avoid
(45:11):
the hassle of it all, if we agreed on my terms,
that may be what works for now.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
Hey it's Sam. We're going to get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (45:21):
Yes, I was off chemo, but after nearly nine years
on it, my body was weak, never mind other serious
issues I was having and still have. Ooh, she's a mess.
Speaker 5 (45:31):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
That is just.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
So much like you just found out you're not cancer free,
but you know, no disease detected, and then you find
out that your husband's been cheating on you for a while.
I mean, like, unfortunately, this is something that does happen.
I feel like when you have long term diseases, because
it's just like a person who is the caregiver either
(45:55):
grows apart or feels the weight of like caregiving and stuff,
which never excuses it, but I feel like sometimes that
does happen, and it really really is awful that you
would trayed your trust, Like was this person that there's
some hearing for you?
Speaker 4 (46:09):
Interesting psychology going on with his mom having done that
to his dad as well. I think that might have
riven him to do it in a way that he
probably doesn't fully understand.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Is just like us. But it's weird that it was like.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
A hug over someone passing and then that turned into
again and he's like, that's when I realized I was unhappy.
It's like, I don't know, dude, just get away from me. Yeah,
at this point, just get away from me.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
And he's probably rationalizing it, like, oh, well, I can't
leave her, you know. I can't break up with her
because she's going through all this things, so I have
to cheat. I can't tell her like No, we decided
to stick to the agreement I made up. He needed
to leave but pay all the bills like he was
still here, and we would address it again after our
daughter graduated college. Currently is she my other daughter and
(47:00):
I live peacefully in our warm home, living our best lives,
he's still in his dad's house. He makes good money,
has investments and an amazing four one K retirement and stocks.
Speaker 4 (47:13):
I just giggled at this comment. Linda put in all caps,
I wouldn't divorce. I'd stay married and make him suffer.
Honestly justified crash out about this. That's it's just an
insane thing to realize someone had been doing to you
all that time.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
Yeah, well they were, like supposedly, you know, there for
you one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
I think he was just waiting for you to go.
Speaker 3 (47:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Yeah, he's just waiting for you to bite it, which
is awful.
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Awful. I can't work. I'm permanently disabled now. I have
ongoing medical issues and can't lose my medical insurance, which
is through his job. I have nothing to my name.
Even my jeep is in his name, and the transmission
is shot. I'm thinking ahead about I'm going to get
a new car with nothing to my name. We share
the house and that's it. I don't know what I'm
(47:58):
entitled to, but I I wanted to keep the peace
for as long as possible so I could heal and
the girls could have a new foundation. Now I'm feeling
like I need to show the world what a dirtbag
he is. We all feel like he got away with this.
He seems like nothing in the world bothers him and
treats me like I did something wrong to him.
Speaker 4 (48:15):
It's wild, okay, Yeah, no, run his whole pockets, Run
all of his pockets.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
Yeah yeah.
Speaker 4 (48:21):
If I don't know, I hope you're not in like
Ireland or one of these countries where you can't like
actually divorce someone even when they do this to you.
Speaker 3 (48:28):
Yeah, Like, hopefully you can get some sort of favorable
outcome because he cheated. He has me convinced he's doing
me a favor by allowing me to live here while
he still pays the bills. I'm sure I would get
more money in any divorce settlement than he pays now.
I continue to take the high ground so he has
his privacy not to mention. My girls and her three
kids didn't ask for this mess, and it embarrasses them
(48:50):
as well. I also don't want him to lose his
job selfishly, even though I think he should. He's just
waiting for me to pass away. It seems he's a
not glad to my face, but perfect gentleman. When it's
in writing like emails and texts. Yes, they both let
their families and are still working together. I think they
took a few little weekend trips and whatever else they do.
(49:11):
I don't know anything. I choose not to. They have
no shame and everyone knows what they did. Either way,
I don't care about this. My issue is I know
they will assure I have nothing if I fight him
in court, and I should be grateful I have anything.
Plus I don't have the money for a lawyer anyway.
Speaker 4 (49:28):
Now it does sound like it's happening in the States
because she needs his health insurance that he gets the job.
Speaker 3 (49:35):
Oh, this is terrible. He's terrible. He's so awful.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
Honestly, I bet you you could find with your story
really insanely good divorce attorneys who'd be like, I'd do this, yeah,
like pro bono worth Like I honestly, this is so
unbelievably screwed.
Speaker 2 (49:53):
Up out, I will help you take all of his money. Yeah,
And all we need to do is have dinner once
a week, just once a week, like, just to just
so we can catch up and keep up. Because I
that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (50:06):
This is terrible.
Speaker 4 (50:07):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (50:07):
Oh, PM's so sorry. That you had to go through
all of this, you know, medical stuff, and then this terrible.
I'd love to cause some trouble, but I don't want
to hurt my girls any further. However, they both said
they just want me to be happy. Plus he would
be mortified if the courts got involved and he had
to spend any extra money. That's my motivation. I think
he's still a good dad to the girls, sees them
(50:29):
once a week for dinner and texts often. They feel
bad that he chose to stay with this woman over them.
I explained, it's not them he left, it's me, But
they're hurt too. It's like they hate him for doing this,
but still love him because he's their dad and was
great up until he wasn't. But it's all different now.
I don't even know if I have any options with this.
(50:50):
He's just so smart and always ten steps ahead. So
am I the ale thinking I can outlive divorce proceedings
and finally take my dirty X to the cleaners. I'd
pass away happy seeing him cry over money.
Speaker 4 (51:02):
Though, Are you the a hole because you want to
prosecute your your cheating husband, garbage bag husband?
Speaker 3 (51:09):
No demo, You're absolutely not the perminal liver can't no, no,
not the ale at all.
Speaker 2 (51:20):
I'd be more upset if you didn't do anything.
Speaker 3 (51:23):
Yeah, get your money, get your money's worth, my goodness.
But that is the end of that story and the
end of this episode. So if you love us, make
sure to subscribe.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
We love you and seeing tomorrow.
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