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r/relationships - Me [29 F] with my husband [32 M] together for 6 years, married for 3, found out he has a son [5 M] with a one-night stand
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
#reddit #funnyredditposts
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og okay storytime
podcast hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
This is part two of My husband has a Secret
son from a past partner. Man.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
It's been beening crazy already, but we don't know if
this secret son is actually the secret son.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yeah, and just for a TLDR for everyone who's just
coming into this one again and listen to the first
part if you haven't already. But Ope's has been got
a message from a woman claiming that her five year
old is his son, and Opie's been pretty ballanced about
this whole thing. She wants him to have a relationship
with the son. The guy's like, I don't know if
I really want to, and now OPI's like, hey, you
(00:44):
have a responsibility. She's kind of pushing him to have
a relationship. But let's see what happens. We're going into
the edit, so let's go. I want to thank everyone
who's taking the opportunity to respond, and I'm absolutely overwhelmed
by everyone's support. I'm definitely less emotional this morning, and
that is largely due to the community, so thank you.
I've told this story in the comments, but basically, at
the time the one night stand happened, she had just
(01:05):
broken up with her boyfriend and then got back together
with him not long after.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Hmmmm.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
So OPI's husband was like the meet in the middle, She's.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Like, She's like, oh, I don't got my boyfriend anymore.
Let's let's go back to the og daddy.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
O yep, and then a bata bing about a boom.
She pingpong ye ping pong, and the ex boyfriend claimed paternity,
but they are no longer together. So I think that
ex boyfriend thinks that he is the dad. She has
told us that he is aware that my husband is
likely the father, Okay, but I am not sure if
he accepted this at face value, or if a praternity
(01:42):
test has been done, or what his current relationship to
her son is. For the moment, we are limiting contact
with her, so I'm not in a position to ask
these questions. It's been pointed out to me that I
have contradictory statements in my posts versus in the comments.
That is absolutely true, as I felt and am still
filling a very conflicted about the situation. From a moral standpoint,
(02:03):
I would hope that my husband does more than the
bare minimum, as I feel that this is in the
best interest of the child and I will get over
myself and any doubt that I currently have. But personally,
that the roles were reversed, I would have a hard
time making payments and not playing an active role. I
would want either be involved or not at all. But
that's just me. At the same time, I wish that
(02:24):
this had never happened, that we could have continued on
living in oblivion, and that I wouldn't have to contribute
time in financial resources to a situation that I did
not cause. So yes, I feel conflicted, and hey, so fair,
so ridiculously fair. Yeah, this is a difficult situation. If
you weren't conflicted, I would be like, are you a human?
(02:46):
Are you a real person? Exactly?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And I think OP is like trying to figure out
and you know, what's another thing to shout out OP for. Yeah,
she hasn't like kind of pushed that agenda quote unquote
on the husband. Yet she's like, Hey, this is what
I would like to see from it. This is like
what I would like to see from a partner that
I hopefully will spend the rest of my life with.
But I haven't like yet, just like she didn't immediate
(03:07):
drop the hand and be like, what are you doing?
Why aren't you doing this? You know, kind of like
letting and seeing where the dust falls and how the
husband after, because she's like, let me settle down, then, let.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Me give you the space to make your own decisions. Exactly. Yeah.
She goes on to say, if the kid is in
a harmful environment, all bets are off and we'll go
for custody provided my husband is the father. And edit
too took away stuff about not wanting to double up
on support if someone has already claimed paternity and is
paying support as this is not really relevant. Again, if
(03:39):
you're new here, there's multiple parts of the stories, so
make sure to follow us on the Iheard app or
Apple podcasts. Let's get back to the story. But I
guess it seems like what they're saying here is I
don't know if we're gonna double up if someone has
already claimed support, like double up paying child's right or
paying and if we were and maybe him paying and
doubling up on top of what this other guy is
(04:00):
already paying.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I think That's what I understand it as, is like
if the boyfriend has been like paying maybe even more
than child support, just like fully like, you know, funding
at least his share of everything, They're like, Hey, the
kid already has you know, two incomes coming in. We
don't necessarily need to be obligated to add to it. Yeah,
I think which makes sense. It's like, hey, like just
(04:22):
play like an active role in the kid's life, I guess,
versus just like kind of dumping dumping money on them.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah. Also with the paternity thing, can they they could
you could do a court ordered paternity test, right, yeah,
so like, but how do they even make you do that?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
As the Wise Drake once said, paternity testing for women
that I've never slept with, I'm legally obligated if they requested.
So if there is a formal request, really I believe
you are I legally obligated.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
So someone random that listens to us could be like,
I formally request that I've never met, You're legally obligated
she requested. So Edit three. It's more apparent in the
comments than in my post. But I have been trying
to hide how I really feel and have been trying
to be supportive while dealing with my own stuff myself.
He doesn't know a lot of how I am feeling
(05:11):
disappointment that he doesn't seem to want to step up
at the moment. This is the feelings that she's talking about.
He doesn't know. Fear of taking on a child when
we are currently childless, and fear of dealing with the
baby mama. Those are those are real fears, and I
feel that if I share that at this time without
truly understanding my own feelings, I will just be making
things worse. He needs my support, not my judgment. Ooh wow,
(05:36):
ooh look at that. Oh, p is great. Oh he's
a real one. Dale. What a bar? Yeah, what a bar.
He's supportt not my Judgementesh, that's a that's a line,
that's like that should be a line in some song.
I've reached out to a couple's counselor this morning so
that this can be unpacked in a constructive way. Boom oh,
(05:56):
green flag after green flag, and he'll hopefully feel can
share things that he is likely hiding from me as well.
He's also the type of guy to have an initial reaction,
but then to dwell and think things through and come
to a different conclusion, so his stance can and will
likely change a bit. I don't have the greatest poker face,
so you probably will tell a bit how I'm feeling.
But we're pretty good at discussing things like adults. And
(06:17):
he knows that if I'm not sharing, it's because I'm
trying to figure things out. Healthy relationship. That's amazing. And John,
we have an update. Oh we haven't update coming, dude,
But before we hop into that update, any conspiracy theories
about what you think is going to happen, any predictions
how are we feeling about their communication style? Just yeah,
how are you feeling about everything? Right now?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Opie's handling everything very well, again exuding all of the
Okay storytime podcast principles here, like communicating early and often,
understanding the communication styles, you know, giving him space, but
trying to be supportive. I honestly think as far as
a conspiracy theory, remember the line that said he looks
exactly like the husband did at five years old. If
(06:58):
you look exactly the same, especially like yeah, like comparing
the childhood pictures, not even just like oh how he
looks now, like oh he has like similar eyes or
something like that, I think this is, and the one
night stand, I think this is.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, it does feel likely. Yeah, we don't feel likely,
but we don't have to proof, but it does feel likely. Yeah,
it almost like feels better to get it out of
the way, do it, do it sooner rather than later. Yeah,
because you don't want to settle in one direction or
the other and then be blindsided when it's the opposite judgment, Oh,
that's not my kid, and then it is, or that
is my kid and then it's not. You know, you
(07:33):
don't want to build up like an emotional attachment to
one or another out Yeah, rip the band aid.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Although like that's a tough it's like, okay, I just
need you just need to bite the bullet and.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Just like go for it. Easy advice to give, a
hard bite, hard advice to take. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he's John,
your og host. Here. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's a quick three minute break of ass from
our sponsors. But we got an update. So my thoughts
were all over the place, and I was very conflicted.
I'm not super proud of my reaction, but I was
trying to be as open and honest about my thoughts
(08:04):
as possible, and now that things have settled in my head,
we have more information. Oh and my perspective has changed. Oh.
My husband was aware that I made the post because
I needed to talk to someone, and he felt that
Reddit would be a good outlet. Since he is a
more private person than I am. He had asked that
I not talked too much about how he was feeling
(08:26):
unless it was relevant to my own feelings, which is
why it was focused on me. Also, because of the shock,
I may not have portrayed him in the best light.
He's very kind, he's empathetic, he's supportive, and has always
had my back for everything even before we were together.
He is my person and this situation has not changed that.
So what has all right? I think we're about to
find out what I said that leaving him I'd crossed
(08:51):
my mind it was the truth, But after talking to
a therapist, I realize that this stemmed from the fact
that I amied of being a parent and wasn't even
sure if deep down I really wanted kids at all.
I have diagnosed infertility issues and deep down never truly
(09:11):
thought I would be able to have children. There are
options that we can pursue when ready, but there's no guarantee,
so it was easier to just not really think about it.
At the end of the day when I imagined having
the conversation regarding divorce and how it play out, and
even in my imagination, I couldn't say the words to him,
never mind in real life. So that clarified that this
was just bear talking. Yeah, and I mean like it.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
There's a good a good point out too of Hey,
I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom
and does this mean I'm gonna like what's gonna napo
do I?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
You know?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
And it's there will never be, never be a perfect situation.
But yeah, it would be kind of implied that she
would kind of be in the mix somehow, right, But
you just have to be like, she doesn't app sanely,
there is a way I think we can make it
pretty clean considering the situation.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, but again, I just want to like focus on
how healthy yes Op is processing all this news, like
going to a therapist, a couple's counselor really sitting with
her feelings without reacting. It's just like a masterclass and
how to deal with crazy and crazy. Truly, this is
one of the crazy situations that that could happen to you. Yep,
(10:24):
and Ope is really dealing it with it with a
lot of grace and poise. Yeah, the title is a
bit misleading regarding the math though. The kid is five
and a half and my husband and I have been
together for a little over six years, married for a
bit over three mmmm, five and a half.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Which could work because of nine months of pregnancy, and
you know, some people like like you know myself, you know,
getting up to ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen months.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Well, it's just seeming like there's there's overlap there. It's
even on the super close, it's super cool, right on
the line. Maybe they weren't official, you know, for the
first thing, and he cut it off once it was official. True,
my husband and I were actually very good friends for
a few years before we began seeing each other, and
we're dating about three months before we had the exclusivity talk.
(11:11):
He slept with the mother during the initial stages of
our relationship, and I was fully aware at the time
that they had met online and had gone out once.
Ironically enough, he told her he didn't want to pursue
things with her because he realized he had deep feelings
for me and is guilt about sleeping with her prompted
the exclusivity talk. Okay, wow, the timeline kind of lines up.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah, and it was like communicated at the dude.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, communicating early and off to gosh wow, so beautiful conception,
real exception. A lot of people, including my parents, have
a bit of an issue with the timing. But he
did not cheat on me, and that is in bold.
Ladies and gentlemen have not cheat, and it doesn't seem
like he did. When we started seeing each other, we
had said that we would always be friends first and
(11:57):
would always be open and honest with each other, even
if it's difficult, and I have no reason to believe
that he slept with her since that time. Also, it's
that time to tell you that if you're new here,
this is just part two of this story. There's a
part one that we already went to, and we got
a part three coming up, so we got some juice
left to squeeze.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
To make sure you're following us on the Iheard app,
Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts, and click
the link in the description to go to our profile
to get the next juicy part of the story. All right,
let's get into the next part.
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og okay storytime
podcast hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
This is part two of My husband has a Secret
son from a past partner. Man.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
It's been beening crazy already, but we don't know if
this secret son is actually the secret son.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yeah, and just for a TLDR for everyone who's just
coming into this one again and listen to the first
part if you haven't already. But Ope's has been got
a message from a woman claiming that her five year
old is his son, and Opie's been pretty ballanced about
this whole thing. She wants him to have a relationship
with the son. The guy's like, I don't know if
I really want to, and now OPI's like, hey, you
(00:44):
have a responsibility. She's kind of pushing him to have
a relationship. But let's see what happens. We're going into
the edit, so let's go. I want to thank everyone
who's taking the opportunity to respond, and I'm absolutely overwhelmed
by everyone's support. I'm definitely less emotional this morning, and
that is largely due to the community, so thank you.
I've told this story in the comments, but basically, at
the time the one night stand happened, she had just
(01:05):
broken up with her boyfriend and then got back together
with him not long after.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Hmmmm.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
So OPI's husband was like the meet in the middle, She's.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Like, She's like, oh, I don't got my boyfriend anymore.
Let's let's go back to the og daddy.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
O yep, and then a bata bing about a boom.
She pingpong ye ping pong, and the ex boyfriend claimed paternity,
but they are no longer together. So I think that
ex boyfriend thinks that he is the dad. She has
told us that he is aware that my husband is
likely the father, Okay, but I am not sure if
he accepted this at face value, or if a praternity
(01:42):
test has been done, or what his current relationship to
her son is. For the moment, we are limiting contact
with her, so I'm not in a position to ask
these questions. It's been pointed out to me that I
have contradictory statements in my posts versus in the comments.
That is absolutely true, as I felt and am still
filling a very conflicted about the situation. From a moral standpoint,
(02:03):
I would hope that my husband does more than the
bare minimum, as I feel that this is in the
best interest of the child and I will get over
myself and any doubt that I currently have. But personally,
that the roles were reversed, I would have a hard
time making payments and not playing an active role. I
would want either be involved or not at all. But
that's just me. At the same time, I wish that
(02:24):
this had never happened, that we could have continued on
living in oblivion, and that I wouldn't have to contribute
time in financial resources to a situation that I did
not cause. So yes, I feel conflicted, and hey, so fair,
so ridiculously fair. Yeah, this is a difficult situation. If
you weren't conflicted, I would be like, are you a human?
(02:46):
Are you a real person? Exactly?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
And I think OP is like trying to figure out
and you know, what's another thing to shout out OP for. Yeah,
she hasn't like kind of pushed that agenda quote unquote
on the husband. Yet she's like, Hey, this is what
I would like to see from it. This is like
what I would like to see from a partner that
I hopefully will spend the rest of my life with.
But I haven't like yet, just like she didn't immediate
(03:07):
drop the hand and be like, what are you doing?
Why aren't you doing this? You know, kind of like
letting and seeing where the dust falls and how the
husband after, because she's like, let me settle down, then, let.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Me give you the space to make your own decisions. Exactly. Yeah.
She goes on to say, if the kid is in
a harmful environment, all bets are off and we'll go
for custody provided my husband is the father. And edit
too took away stuff about not wanting to double up
on support if someone has already claimed paternity and is
paying support as this is not really relevant. Again, if
(03:39):
you're new here, there's multiple parts of the stories, so
make sure to follow us on the Iheard app or
Apple podcasts. Let's get back to the story. But I
guess it seems like what they're saying here is I
don't know if we're gonna double up if someone has
already claimed support, like double up paying child's right or
paying and if we were and maybe him paying and
doubling up on top of what this other guy is
(04:00):
already paying.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
I think That's what I understand it as, is like
if the boyfriend has been like paying maybe even more
than child support, just like fully like, you know, funding
at least his share of everything, They're like, Hey, the
kid already has you know, two incomes coming in. We
don't necessarily need to be obligated to add to it. Yeah,
I think which makes sense. It's like, hey, like just
(04:22):
play like an active role in the kid's life, I guess,
versus just like kind of dumping dumping money on them.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah. Also with the paternity thing, can they they could
you could do a court ordered paternity test, right, yeah,
so like, but how do they even make you do that?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
As the Wise Drake once said, paternity testing for women
that I've never slept with, I'm legally obligated if they requested.
So if there is a formal request, really I believe
you are I legally obligated.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
So someone random that listens to us could be like,
I formally request that I've never met, You're legally obligated
she requested. So Edit three. It's more apparent in the
comments than in my post. But I have been trying
to hide how I really feel and have been trying
to be supportive while dealing with my own stuff myself.
He doesn't know a lot of how I am feeling
(05:11):
disappointment that he doesn't seem to want to step up
at the moment. This is the feelings that she's talking about.
He doesn't know. Fear of taking on a child when
we are currently childless, and fear of dealing with the
baby mama. Those are those are real fears, and I
feel that if I share that at this time without
truly understanding my own feelings, I will just be making
things worse. He needs my support, not my judgment. Ooh wow,
(05:36):
ooh look at that. Oh, p is great. Oh he's
a real one. Dale. What a bar? Yeah, what a bar.
He's supportt not my Judgementesh, that's a that's a line,
that's like that should be a line in some song.
I've reached out to a couple's counselor this morning so
that this can be unpacked in a constructive way. Boom oh,
(05:56):
green flag after green flag, and he'll hopefully feel can
share things that he is likely hiding from me as well.
He's also the type of guy to have an initial reaction,
but then to dwell and think things through and come
to a different conclusion, so his stance can and will
likely change a bit. I don't have the greatest poker face,
so you probably will tell a bit how I'm feeling.
But we're pretty good at discussing things like adults. And
(06:17):
he knows that if I'm not sharing, it's because I'm
trying to figure things out. Healthy relationship. That's amazing. And John,
we have an update. Oh we haven't update coming, dude,
But before we hop into that update, any conspiracy theories
about what you think is going to happen, any predictions
how are we feeling about their communication style? Just yeah,
how are you feeling about everything? Right now?
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Opie's handling everything very well, again exuding all of the
Okay storytime podcast principles here, like communicating early and often,
understanding the communication styles, you know, giving him space, but
trying to be supportive. I honestly think as far as
a conspiracy theory, remember the line that said he looks
exactly like the husband did at five years old. If
(06:58):
you look exactly the same, especially like yeah, like comparing
the childhood pictures, not even just like oh how he
looks now, like oh he has like similar eyes or
something like that, I think this is, and the one
night stand, I think this is.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Yeah, it does feel likely. Yeah, we don't feel likely,
but we don't have to proof, but it does feel likely. Yeah,
it almost like feels better to get it out of
the way, do it, do it sooner rather than later. Yeah,
because you don't want to settle in one direction or
the other and then be blindsided when it's the opposite judgment, Oh,
that's not my kid, and then it is, or that
is my kid and then it's not. You know, you
(07:33):
don't want to build up like an emotional attachment to
one or another out Yeah, rip the band aid.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Although like that's a tough it's like, okay, I just
need you just need to bite the bullet and.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Just like go for it. Easy advice to give, a
hard bite, hard advice to take. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he's John,
your og host. Here. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's a quick three minute break of ass from
our sponsors. But we got an update. So my thoughts
were all over the place, and I was very conflicted.
I'm not super proud of my reaction, but I was
trying to be as open and honest about my thoughts
(08:04):
as possible, and now that things have settled in my head,
we have more information. Oh and my perspective has changed. Oh.
My husband was aware that I made the post because
I needed to talk to someone, and he felt that
Reddit would be a good outlet. Since he is a
more private person than I am. He had asked that
I not talked too much about how he was feeling
(08:26):
unless it was relevant to my own feelings, which is
why it was focused on me. Also, because of the shock,
I may not have portrayed him in the best light.
He's very kind, he's empathetic, he's supportive, and has always
had my back for everything even before we were together.
He is my person and this situation has not changed that.
So what has all right? I think we're about to
find out what I said that leaving him I'd crossed
(08:51):
my mind it was the truth, But after talking to
a therapist, I realize that this stemmed from the fact
that I amied of being a parent and wasn't even
sure if deep down I really wanted kids at all.
I have diagnosed infertility issues and deep down never truly
(09:11):
thought I would be able to have children. There are
options that we can pursue when ready, but there's no guarantee,
so it was easier to just not really think about it.
At the end of the day when I imagined having
the conversation regarding divorce and how it play out, and
even in my imagination, I couldn't say the words to him,
never mind in real life. So that clarified that this
was just bear talking. Yeah, and I mean like it.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
There's a good a good point out too of Hey,
I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom
and does this mean I'm gonna like what's gonna napo
do I?
Speaker 2 (09:45):
You know?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
And it's there will never be, never be a perfect situation.
But yeah, it would be kind of implied that she
would kind of be in the mix somehow, right, But
you just have to be like, she doesn't app sanely,
there is a way I think we can make it
pretty clean considering the situation.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, but again, I just want to like focus on
how healthy yes Op is processing all this news, like
going to a therapist, a couple's counselor really sitting with
her feelings without reacting. It's just like a masterclass and
how to deal with crazy and crazy. Truly, this is
one of the crazy situations that that could happen to you. Yep,
(10:24):
and Ope is really dealing it with it with a
lot of grace and poise. Yeah, the title is a
bit misleading regarding the math though. The kid is five
and a half and my husband and I have been
together for a little over six years, married for a
bit over three mmmm, five and a half.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Which could work because of nine months of pregnancy, and
you know, some people like like you know myself, you know,
getting up to ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen months.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Well, it's just seeming like there's there's overlap there. It's
even on the super close, it's super cool, right on
the line. Maybe they weren't official, you know, for the
first thing, and he cut it off once it was official. True,
my husband and I were actually very good friends for
a few years before we began seeing each other, and
we're dating about three months before we had the exclusivity talk.
(11:11):
He slept with the mother during the initial stages of
our relationship, and I was fully aware at the time
that they had met online and had gone out once.
Ironically enough, he told her he didn't want to pursue
things with her because he realized he had deep feelings
for me and is guilt about sleeping with her prompted
the exclusivity talk. Okay, wow, the timeline kind of lines up.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yeah, and it was like communicated at the dude.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, communicating early and off to gosh wow, so beautiful conception,
real exception. A lot of people, including my parents, have
a bit of an issue with the timing. But he
did not cheat on me, and that is in bold.
Ladies and gentlemen have not cheat, and it doesn't seem
like he did. When we started seeing each other, we
had said that we would always be friends first and
(11:57):
would always be open and honest with each other, even
if it's difficult, and I have no reason to believe
that he slept with her since that time. Also, it's
that time to tell you that if you're new here,
this is just part two of this story. There's a
part one that we already went to, and we got
a part three coming up, so we got some juice
left to squeeze.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
To make sure you're following us on the Iheard app,
Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts, and click
the link in the description to go to our profile
to get the next juicy part of the story. All right,
let's get into the next part.
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