My aunt doesn’t accept my relationship… just because we’re the same gender! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Cowboy Sam and this is eh John. And
we've last owed in some amazing stories for y'all the
Okay Storytime podcasts. But before that we got a wrangle,
a quick little two minute out break from those bucking sponsors.
We bucking love so much either paid us the bucks
to help this show stay alive. My aunt disapproves of

(00:20):
my relationship simply because we're the same gender.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
Well, I disapprove of your aunt.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
I second that disapproval. When I was little, I lived
with my mom and stepdad. Things were great and we
were very happy. That my mom passed away when I
was seven years old, so I moved in with my
father and stepmom. Things got complicated after that. By the way,
this comes from user throwaway stark o seven and if
you want to submit your stories, go to the r

(00:48):
slash Okay Storytime subreddit. So currently I have no contact
with my dad. He is not a good man nor
a good dad. And I live with my aunt since
twenty eighteen and her husband, who came along in twenty nineteen.
My aunt and I had an amazing relationship. She was
my favorite aunt all that. However, things started to go

(01:11):
wrong when I started living with her. I made the
mistake of answering that yes, I wanted to be treated
like her daughter. Along with her two sons, one my
age and the other three years younger. I had a
desperate need for a mother slash father, and she became
a kind of mother aunt and her husband a step day.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
It's a theme. We can't escape it. Mont.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
We've had multiple Monts, so I've got a Mont and
Mont's husband's stepdad. Oh how I regret this. Well. She
has a favorite son, the oldest, who is lazy, arrogant, disrespectful,
and a typical golden boy who got spoiled his whole life.
Now he doesn't care about anything other than himself. For
being the other woman in the house, she constantly pushes

(01:56):
house chores onto me instead of the boys. Subconsciously, I
believe she pretty much only asks me about things like
where her sons are, if the dogs were fed, if
the boys cleaned whatever room they were supposed to, stuff
like that. She's also constantly, very very rude to me,
to the point of her husband arguing with her about it.
I've developed this whole syndrome of everything being my responsibility

(02:19):
and anxiety when it comes to her, which has been
extremely exhausting over the years. I came out to her
about my bindess four years ago. I thought she would
take it well, but she didn't. She masks her disapproval,
but she clearly doesn't like it. I was really let down.
I genuinely thought she would be supportive into everything we expect,

(02:39):
but she first got confused, then annoyed, and has said
some very hurtful things over the years. Currently, I have
a girlfriend, age twenty two, and we've been dating for
over a year. They don't like each other very much.
My girlfriend doesn't like her because of all the things
she does to me, and my aunt doesn't care about
my girlfriend at all because well, she's a girl. That's

(03:01):
the context. Now here's what happened. My aunt sent some
kind of aggressive messages over something silly, and that caused
my anxiety to flare up for the gazillionth time, only
this time I had reached my breaking point. I called
my other aunt by consideration she's married to my granddad,
and asked for help, asking if I could move in

(03:22):
with them. She said yes. I then replied to my
aunt with a text saying I had enough and would
move in with my granddad She got upset and said,
among other things, that I had a blessing to leave,
even though I didn't ask for it. Oh, sorry, Aunt,
I didn't realize you were my prison warden. She called
my grandma, who I'm very close to, and my grandma

(03:44):
sent me some awful audio messages of how disappointed she was,
how I made my aunt sad, what people would think. Oh,
I used to be such a sweet girl, and now
this I love is a choice, and I had chosen
not to love my aunt. Stuff like that, which is
funny because it was the aunt actually discarded not to love. Ope.
My aunt and her husband went to dinner with my
granddad that night without my presence, and told them we

(04:07):
had an amazing relationship, that she didn't know what happened,
and that my problem was I couldn't take no for
an answer, et cetera, et cetera. Two days later, we
sat down to talk. She told me to start, and
I said all I wanted. She then started saying how
that kind of thing should not have been addressed through text,
which I agree, but I had to text or i'd
freak out. That she was harder on me than the boys, because,

(04:29):
in other words, the world was rough, and she loved
me the most.

Speaker 2 (04:32):
Oh, oh yeah, don't give me that I'm treating you poorly,
because I actually love you the most. It's like the
freaking I don't know, that's just messed up logic. It's
like I was protecting you so I had to. It's
the freaking it's the tangled logic. This is mother goffle.
She's like, no, I love you, That's why I have
to treat you like that.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Well, she was right. She should have kept her up
in that tower. Her hair was too long. Do you
know how dangerous it would be to walk around town
with your hair looking like that? Oh?

Speaker 2 (04:58):
My goodness, do you know how many things that you
could get your hair conon?

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Infinite infinite? Your hair's now caught in itself? Yeah, for one.
That's terrible. Anyway, back to the story, Her husband also
spoke about how he understands both sides and blah blah blah.
He said that I could go to my granddad, but
they felt like I should understand that I would only
go because they allowed it. If they didn't want me
to go, I wouldn't go, no matter what my grandparents

(05:23):
or my granddad's wife said. He basically wanted to assert
their power position. Since my mother's passing, my whole family
on her side feels responsible for me, so I see
all of them in the same way. None of them
are my mom and dad. They are all on the
same level to me and have the same rights. Him
saying that made me burn with the intensity of a

(05:45):
thousand suns on my insides, like they're entitled to me.
I don't belong to them or anyone. They're my aunt
and quote unquote uncle. That's about it. They think they
have something over me, but they don't. Then my aunt
said that I could go as long as I told
my granddad about my spicy proclivities and my girlfriend. Now

(06:06):
he's kind of old fashioned, and I'm scared he'll reject me.
We have an amazing relationship. I have lunch with them
every Wednesday, and I'm the closest grandkid he has. The
others aren't so invested. So I don't know if I
should tell him the truth and manage to leave depending
on his reaction, or if I shouldn't risk it and
stay in the toxic environment I'm in. And we have

(06:26):
an update.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
The thing is normally like you do not owe anyone
your identity, Like, you don't owe anyone telling them about
that or anything or disclosing that information. In this situation,
I think it may be better to risk that to
get out of that, like the toxic situation that you're
in right now, because you know, I feel like hopefully,

(06:48):
if your grandpa really loves you, he won't care. You know,
he'll realize that that like there's nothing wrong with you,
and you know it doesn't change who you are as
a person at all.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
Yeah. True, I'd be anxious to tell him just to
be like, all right, is this another person I can
get out of my life now? I mean, yeah, you're
not liking me just because I like ladies.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
I think it's absolutely very scary, but I think people
can surprise you. Yep, sometimes in a bad way, but
sometimes in a good way.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Hello, so things got much worse before they got better. Well,
they did say they got better. Let's give them names
so the storytelling will be easier. Girlfriend is Bee, aunt
is Lee, Come on, dude, husband is James, and my
aunt my granddad's wife is Rachel. I basically swallowed my
anger because I couldn't bring myself to speak to my

(07:34):
granddad about my biness. My grandparents are the most important
people in my life, as they've always been there for me,
and I was terrified of being disliked by him. That
was until December. Early December, I was leaving for work,
and before I left, they tried to notify my aunt
that Be would be spending Christmas and New Year's with

(07:56):
me and my siblings. Note my siblings had been looking
forward to her being there, especially my brother and my
sister in law Luke and Liah, Lilah, Lilah, Lilah, We've
got Bee Leah, Luke and Lilah. Gotcha. They made it
a point that she would go I have three paternal siblings,
so there's no relation between them and my aunt Leah.

(08:18):
We'd be staying in a city three hours away from
mine at my brother and sister in law's house. We
do this every year. She immediately said, you know, I
don't like this. I said yes. She then said good morning,
and I left for college. Who said that though I
think beyond Leah?

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah, I think so?

Speaker 1 (08:36):
Okay, gotcha?

Speaker 2 (08:38):
And which one's Bee? Again?

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Be's the girlfriend?

Speaker 2 (08:40):
Oh yeah, I think op. He was saying, Bee is
going to come stay with us and Leon was like,
I don't like death and op he said okay.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
Ohpi said yes. The next morning, I was eating before
going to work and Leah started talking about it. We
started a conversation that developed into a fight. She said
things like how dare I notify? How that's not how
things work, and that it would not happen because they,
meaning she and James don't feel comfortable with this. How

(09:08):
they think Luke wouldn't like this because no one likes
to have people over for a week. He and Lilah
were super pumped for me to go. How they don't
know my girlfriend enough. Come on, we had been dating
for over a year already. How they wouldn't like me
going with her to a stranger's house in complete disregard
to my point of view. It's my freaking brother, whom

(09:29):
they met a couple of times, by the way, not
a stranger. But to them, the only meaningful point of
view was theirs.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
Why did they get any Sam? This like, it's not
their house? How did they get any Sam? Well?

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Because it's there so important?

Speaker 2 (09:40):
They're so important, opu.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Are Their point of view is the only one that mets.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Twenty two years old, just say okay bye, yep.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Oh you don't like it. Dang. Oh are you you're
dating a woman? Oh no, you're with your husband?

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Right? Are you? Are you housing my girlfriend? Oh right, no,
that's my brother.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yeah. So none of this has anything to do They
really has nothing to do with you. Oh that's crazy.
You should like to shut your mouth.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
This is what you're doing, This is what I want
to do.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
She had even called my brother to basically check my story,
like what are you doing. She also said that we
were only teenagers. Seriously, twenty two and twenty here. I said, no,
she isn't, and neither am I. She said she didn't
say bee was. I then said, oh, neither of my
and she said I was because I didn't act like
an adult. Then I got mad and talked about how

(10:24):
I do literally everything around the house. I always walk
the dogs, even when I get home tired at ten pm,
even though they got there at seven pm. I hope
with grocery purchases. I pay the water bill, I clean
the house, I do the chores her boys don't do.
And when I'm not home, I'm either at work or college.
But when she disagrees about something, she just puts me
back in the teenager box. In the end, she said

(10:47):
that my raising was not like this. This made me
laugh in anger inside. She's been with me for five
years and I'm twenty. So that was it. I left
for work and got a text from her apologizing for
being rough, saying that she me and wanted to work
it out. That they wanted to talk to me when
I got home. I replied, saying the same. Later that day,

(11:07):
when we were all home, we gathered in the living room.
I was literally against the wall and intimidated deeply. James
started saying how much they loved me and wanted to
see me happy, as they want that for all their children.
Aunt Lee has two boys, my cousin, and James has
three girls. I then talked and expressed how I was feeling.

(11:29):
Then Leah started talking and basically said, in a nicer tone,
the same things she had said earlier, plus how they
want me to be happy and want things to work
for me, but they think it's too soon. They believe
it's not the right time they and therefore, despite being
against what they want, I could take b but only
in one of the two holidays which I could choose. Hey,

(11:52):
I'm gonna choose both of you to mind your own business,
because this is none of your business.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
It's none of your business.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
No, only worked it out, and we decided we'll be
okay with you to bring her to one holiday.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Oh that's nice. I'm gonna bring her to both, bring
her both holidays?

Speaker 1 (12:07):
What wing? Oh? But she was only supposed to be
if a one. Oops, Now she's here for two. What
are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Oh? She gets who shut up? Didn't realize she was coming.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
They're gonna whisper about it in my corner, and I'm
gonna say about it. I don't care.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
I'm gonna say. I can't hear you because you're whispering.

Speaker 1 (12:23):
Yes, mumbler, what do you mumble? Rumbler?

Speaker 2 (12:25):
Speak up?

Speaker 1 (12:25):
Really mustn't mumbl her. I'm getting back to the story.
I was in a bit of a shock. You see,
B and I had bought a bus ticket a while earlier.
I had no support and I was against the wall.
I was feeling pure defeat and I was tired. I
only said Christmas. Then. She then said we would sleep
in separate rooms and would not go on the twenty
second after work because she had already allowed an extra

(12:46):
night by allowing her to stay there until the twenty fifth.
I stayed in silence. They asked if there was anything
I'd like to add, and I said no. It wasn't
a conversation. At no moment did they actually listen and
consider me. They had their mindset way before we had
sat down to talk. I went to my room and
rolled all night in pure anxiety. This was Thursday. Friday.

(13:08):
I was a wreck and went to Bee's house to
check on her. She was sick that week and to
talk to her about what had happened. She noticed something
was off and I told her she got mad, sad,
We cried, et cetera. I went home feeling awful. My
anxiety had been one hundred percent all day long, and
I was in a really bad place, feeling deeply frustrated. Saturday,
I woke up worse and decided that I had enough

(13:31):
and I was not having that anymore. I went outside
and called my granddad. I talked about how I wasn't
feeling well and asked what he thought about me leaving home.
He said that their doors were always open and that
I could just tell my aunt that I was going
to live with my granddad and that was that. I
reframed the question, asking what he thought about me leaving
to live alone. He then got worried and said he

(13:53):
didn't think that was necessary, that I had them and
didn't need to do that.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Feels like they're all kind of like babying meal, Like
they're all very worried about you because you lost your parents,
and they all want to be there for you, but
like not really. I mean, you are twenty. That is young,
of course, and I understand why they would want to
be there for you, but they all still think that
they have like some sort of control over your life,
which is weird.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
And let the truth set you free.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
The thing is, I don't think you like normal circumstances,
but have to let them know. But I think because
your aunt would probably tell them if you went to
live with them.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
He then asked me to come over and talk to
him and Aunt Rachel. I accepted and told Leah i'd
sleep at granddad's. I got there and ate a bit
because I didn't want them extra worried. Although I felt
like throwing up at every bite, everyone went to sleep,
so did I. I woke up a bit later feeling worse,
and that's when I started to throw up. There's barely

(14:43):
anything in my stomach, and all I could do was
to throw up. The next morning, I was better and
had already told aunt Rachel about what had happened. She
found it absurd how things went. She had met Bee
a while back and they clicked very well, and was
upset about the things Aunt Lea had said. I decided
to talk to Granddad. Couldn't avoid this u object again,
especially now that he was so worried sick about me.
So I sat on the couch and told him what

(15:05):
was happening. I explained everything, told him that I'm like
his stepson's mother in law.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
She's married to a woman. It was the easiest way
I found to introduce the topic, and I told him everything.
He asked what I wanted him to do about it.
I said that I just wanted him to still love
me the same and remain normal with me.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
She's like grey Dad, I'm by and he's like, okay, wen'st.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Me about that? Are you asking me to fix that?
I don't know all about that, and that I'm still
the same person and have always been this way. He
just didn't know about it. And that changes nothing about me.
Aunt Rachel then joined us and asked what he was
thinking about it. She knows everything and is amazing to me.
He said he wasn't pleased, but that it was my
life and he had no say in it. He said

(15:48):
I should do what's right for me, but basically he
got much more worried about my mental health instead of
my spicy proclivities. He said that the doors were still
open and always would be for me. That he thought
I needed a home and thinks they can offer me that.
Aunt Rachel said that they wouldn't be obsessive after me,
demanding to know every step I take and bossing everything
like Leah did. She said that I have my graduation,

(16:11):
I work, make my own money, I'm responsible, have my
own life, and I'm not a child. I'm a twenty
year old adult and they would treat me as such.
So that was it. I went back home much more
confident and waited until nightfall because everyone was having a
good time and I didn't want to spoil that. I
realized aunt Leah and James were awake and went to
talk to them, and that, my friends, is when the

(16:33):
gates evac were open. I started by saying I talked
to my granddad about Be and my you know, spicy proclivities.
Leah asked me how it went, and I said it
was great. Then I said they could talk to him
since they wanted to decide with him about my going.
She said okay and asked when I wanted to go.

(16:55):
I said that it could be in the same week
since I was on vacation from college. She frowned, stood firmly,
and said, you know this won't change our decision about
the holidays. Right then it went boom. I said I
didn't agree with them and that it wasn't right for
them to dictate such things. I told them their values
and beliefs don't have to be mine, and Leah asked
why not, I replied, because I have my own. I

(17:17):
told them they were controlling and they made their kids
lie to them since they liked to compare raisings, and
they criticized Bee's mom raising because she gives her kids
freedom to live their lives and fully trust them. I
went on to say how Bee and her mom have
an amazing relationship full of love and trust. Be turned
out great, works hard, and just made it to psychology
at university helps immensely at home, and so has her sister.

(17:41):
As for their kids, they raised their kids poorly. They're
overbearing and that makes their kids not trust them and
lie a lot because of this necessity to control everything.
I stated that the raising they gave their children was
not my own, that I had multiple raisings, and that no,
they didn't raise me. I'm twenty. They've been with me
for five years. I said that was clear. Just look

(18:03):
at the difference between me and her boys. I won't
delve into this bit because it's not relevant, but the
difference is clear. They said I couldn't take no for
an answer and that it was my dad's fault. I
said they didn't know what they were talking about. It's
them who can't take no for an answer. Yeah, they're like,
we actually control your life. Opie says no, nig oh,
but we do. And Opie says, no, you don't. I

(18:25):
know how it actually went. While they made a full
story in their heads and believe that was the truth,
I knew how my dad used to tell my family
one thing and do another. They again said they wouldn't
treat me like an adult because I did nothing to
behave like one. I said that they didn't treat me
as I deserved, and they would always put me in
the teenager box whenever I acted differently from what they

(18:45):
thought was right.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
Get out of the box.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yeah, let me out of the box.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Let me in the box.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
But I was adult enough to lend James almost one
thousand dollars without Leah's knowledge. What is going on?

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Let's go on with your cousins?

Speaker 1 (18:57):
What is going on?

Speaker 2 (18:59):
Like a lot about their secrets? Are they like were wolves?

Speaker 1 (19:03):
No, they're wolf cousins.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
I was gonna bring up an anime, but I won't
keep going.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
She obviously tried to blame Bee, saying she was putting
things in my head and that the last conversation was
fine and now I'm throwing a fit. I said that
I said nothing else then because I felt cornered and
realized it wasn't a conversation, it was them simulating one
only to tell me what they were going to do
all along. I told them they didn't know Bee because

(19:28):
they didn't want to, and I wasn't comfortable bringing her
as it was an environment unwelcoming to her. She then asked,
what are you giggling?

Speaker 2 (19:36):
Skim be a Bee, you can live thirty years.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
She then asked if I would go another year like
this until I felt comfortable.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
I'm sorry she's saying. She's like, oh, I actually would
prefer if you didn't bring your girlfriend, cause it just
makes me uncomfortable when I see a woman, because I'm
in love with women too, and I get jealous. I'm
inserting this new story. Yeah, yeah, that aunt.

Speaker 1 (20:01):
Leah is like, I actually like your girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
I actually like you're the girlfriend I'm jealous of you.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
I said, yes, if that's what it took, that I
didn't really need to introduce anyone if I didn't feel
comfortable doing so. Leah once demanded to meet Bee after
throwing a fit at my birthday because Be planned a
day for me and my mother in law wanted to
make me lunch and they weren't invited. It was super uncomfortable.
My aunt described this day as uncomfortable in this argument,

(20:31):
I said, how about that day you guys met Bee
and her mom. Wasn't it uncomfortable? Of course it was.
I told you it would be. I told you that
was barging in and no one wanted it. Leah said that, no,
that wasn't the uncomfortable part. The uncomfortable part was how
Bee was daring her being all over me and kissing

(20:52):
me in front of her, that she had to be respected.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Dude, I bet a thousand freakin' dollars that Be and
O Pete went my oh hey, and that's it. It's
just like you were all over each other.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
I started hearing the kill bill. The we with the
alarm sound being all over me was me shaking from
the anxiety, and Be holding me to keep me on
my feet. The kissing was one greeting kiss, and Be
did nothing daring towards Leah. Believe me, if she had aunt,
Leah would definitely know. At the end, they asked if
I was taking Bee. I said yes. Leah said no,

(21:26):
since she called my brother and told him how things
would go down amazes me every time I remember this.
She wanted to dictate how the holidays would go in
someone else's house. My brother was just texting me saying
how Bee could go spend the whole holiday and we'd
just say she left after Christmas. So it wasn't a
very good argument on Leah's end. I said it was
my business and I was sorry, but it was my
brother my family, my relationship, my life, and it wasn't

(21:49):
up for them to dictate. They shouldn't feel comfortable or
uncomfortable since it had nothing to do with them.

Speaker 2 (21:55):
It's called nothing to do with you.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
And that my family who mattered in this was not
only comfortable, but very excited for Bee's presence. I told
him I knew I wasn't wrong since Granddad and Aunt
Rachel agreed with me, so they could go ahead and
talk to them if they wanted to. They ended up
showing me their thumb and I left for my room.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
I just don't understand how like freaking aunt Leah Leliah
Leah whatever can be just so like not accepting when
the grandpa is accepting.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Yeah, well that was her trump card. She was like,
what's going to happen when your grandpa finds out about
your ligial girlfriend?

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Then the grandpa finds out and he's like, Okay, don't
quite understand it, but it's all right, And she's like,
well you still can't go and hope He says, uh,
you actually have no say over my life. Now.

Speaker 1 (22:37):
That is my favorite part of this story. Yeah, because Grandpa,
I have a girlfriend and he goes, do you like
need something for me though, like, do you is there
a thing I should be doing about this?

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Do something?

Speaker 1 (22:49):
And she's like, no, no, I'm just telling you. He's like, oh, okay, well,
I still love you.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Don't quite understand it.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
But Grandma's like, I mean, how are you doing. He's like,
I don't know. I guess I don't. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
He's like, I'm not into that.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Aunt Leah left for granddad's house. Five minutes later cried
to him the whole works. She got back, went into
my room and in an ironic tone, said, sorry, I
know I'm not your mother. Stay within your raisings. I'm
just glad and relieved. My father wasn't as okay as
you thought. Her saying this seriously hurt me.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
She was like, I'm just glad he was a little
bit annoyed. I'm just glad he wasn't fully on board.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Like this woman is so annoying. I would full blown
just be going blah la la la la. I would
revert to childish tactics. Here you, I'd say what I
would do the chocolate, I'd say, are you mumbling? He
accepted for reasons and beliefs he has so go ahead
and pack your bags this week. You're free to go.
Sorry for the flaws. I was trying to get it right.

(23:47):
Be careful when you take that sticker off, don't ruin
the painting. And she left, I don't care. I hope
you ruin it painting. I hope you rip it off
the wall and you set it on fire. I condone
Arson against this woman, not really, but I don't think
you should be concerned at all with this woman's feelings anymore,
because she literally just went out of her way to

(24:09):
try to turn the granddad against.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
You, like just hateful, hateful.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yes, okay. The next day, Granddad came and we took
ninety percent of my stuff and I started officially living
with him and Aunt Rachel. Christmas was a bit awkward.
My maternal family does this early Christmas, so everyone's free
on the twenty fourth, but I was glowing, feeling like
the weight of the world had left my shoulders. So
I went with Bee to spend the holidays with my family.

(24:35):
My siblings, my sister in law's parents, and even my
one year old nephew absolutely adored b They now ask
about her even before asking about me. My paternal grandmother
loved her and was amazing. Told my aunt her daughter
that Bee was adorable and loving. It was amazing and
I cannot imagine twenty twenty three Christmas and New Year's

(24:56):
without Bee with us. She added so much. And by
the way, I'm gonna add right here that you can
go listen to full episodes with stories just like this
on Spotify us, like this, Apple pod, cash on iHeart Radio,
whatever you listen, just type okay story time into that

(25:16):
little search bar, type it and then two thousand plus
episodes you're gonna go bring right in your roat and
you've got unlimited power. Now before we fin oh our little story,
do we have anything to add?

Speaker 2 (25:30):
I think that you know who in your life supports you,
and that just stick with those people. You don't have
to like it sucks that your aunt isn't there for you,
but sometimes that's how it goes, and you just have
to stick with the people that love you. And you
know who that is, and that included girl friend.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
And she probably was like, you know, whatever she said,
but like, well, it turns out your granddad wasn't really
that cool with it. Whatever she said, and went over
there and cried and wailed and moaned about didn't change
his mind, that he's still gonna let you live there,
and that he still loves you. Oh, who cares, she's gross.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Anyway, Recently we've been to Luke's and Elilah's at Easter
and made Easter eggs together, watched movies, we went out.
We went to a family gathering where Bee, my uncle's cousins,
and grandmother, who was really happy to see her since
Bee couldn't go to her birthday because she had to work.
All got along really well. We see each other frequently.
Living with Granddad and Aunt Rachel has been amazing. I'm

(26:25):
finally gaming weight. Many people have noticed it, and it
quite frankly scared me a bit. I had no idea
it was so evident, but yeah, I'm doing great. Granddad
isn't ready to deal with this, so we don't talk
about it. He doesn't like it, doesn't really understand, but
he doesn't meddle. Grandma texted saying she wanted to meet
Bee finally since she found out through Aunt Rachel that

(26:46):
me and Bee are still together and going strong for
one year and a half already. I think she's taking
it seriously. Anyways, it was a nightmare, but things turned
out all right. Thank you to the people who commented
on my first post. It was nice reading the comments
and taking the options into consideration. And that is a
beautiful end to that wonderful story. Oh yeah, something, you

(27:08):
know what Sometimes I mean at twenty. I don't think
I could have stood on business at twenty. It's hard
to stand on business at any age against family too.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
Write however, you did it, you did it with help.
Well we did it, but you know most things are
done with help.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with help. Hey, it's Sam, your
og host here. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (27:30):
My daughter thinks her grandmother is deceased. Should I tell
her the truth?

Speaker 1 (27:34):
Yeah? What?

Speaker 4 (27:36):
I female thirty three, have three daughters, six year old
twins and a two year old. One of my twins
over the holiday period said one of my friends that
her mommy's mommy is in heaven. This really shocked me
when I found out. By the way, this comes from
Bandy x ox ninety one and if you want to
swing your own stories, go to our slish showcase story.
Tom suff read it so for context I was out

(27:58):
of the house when she said it to my friend
on the phone. I had just nipped out to pick
up a family member who is coming up to us
for Christmas Day. I found out when I was taking
my partner to work that day. Later in the evening,
my daughter began talking about her family, saying that her
daddy's mommy and daddy lived far away, and that her

(28:19):
daddy's mommy's mom lives far away. Did you not teach
him where grandparents were or what the title that was?

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Yeah, what's going on here? This is this shouldn't even
be a discussion.

Speaker 4 (28:30):
It's to explain the only family we have close to
her is mommy's nanny. My nan spoke up and asked her,
what about your mummy's mom, to which my daughter came out, No,
she's in heaven.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
My nana would.

Speaker 4 (28:44):
Suppress her a bit more about why she thought this,
and I abruptly interrupted and asked my Nan to come
and help me with something in the kitchen. Well, now
my Nan has spoken to other family members and I've
had my phone blowing up with opinions. I have some
family telling me I should tell my daughter the truth

(29:05):
and that her nan is not passed away. She is,
in fact alive. She's just too busy, and I've had
others tell me that I should just leave it alone. FYI,
She's not too busy. She's unemployed, has no hobbies, and
his home all day playing games on her tablet or phone.
I have a very strange relationship with my mother. For background,

(29:27):
growing up, I ran away from home at fifteen. Her
actions towards me as a child giving me years of
body image issues, self esteem problems, and I'm trying to
get over them. I'm in therapy for over how she
treated me as a child. When I first had children,
I was very much set on her having nothing to
do with my children, but my nan convinced me to

(29:49):
give her a chance. When my children were small, she
would make all the effort to go over and see them,
constantly wanting to be around them, giving them cuddles and
just show them lots of love. And they stopped being
such cute little babies, and the distance crept. And then
I had my youngest, and again she was there. There

(30:10):
was one incident that absolutely made my blood boil. My
youngest was only a week old when we took her
over to beat my nan and my mom was there,
and after my nan had finished having a cuddle, my
partner went to go and put my youngest back in
her baby carrier, where my mother said it was her turn.
The eldest of the twins was sat on her lap

(30:31):
at the time. She said nothing to my daughter about
wanting to have a cuddle with her new baby. Sister
just pushed my daughter off her lap so she could
hold the new baby. She was four at the time,
and she ran off in the kitchen rying her eyes out. Okay,
when I asked her what happened and what was wrong,
I was furious. My partner came and confirmed what happened,

(30:52):
and my partner and my sister managed to stop me
from going and ripping her head off. That was the
first time my daughter ever asked me why doesn't Nana
love me? And my heart broke real quick. This makes
sense why she's in heaven in your little girl's eyes.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
Starting to agree with that sentiment, Yeah, a little easier
to be like, oh, she's not here, other than like, well,
the truth about Graham Graham is well, she's on the
naughty list.

Speaker 4 (31:19):
Yeah, because that would be hard to think about as
a kid.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
Well, if you were gonna do anything. You could maybe
break it down like that, if y'all do Christmas and
she knows Santa, you can just be like Grandma's on
the naughty list, so we don't hang out with her.
But then that might I don't know. This is really
really hard.

Speaker 4 (31:34):
This seems like the easy route, and it seems like, oh,
this is best for everyone.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
AnyWho.

Speaker 4 (31:40):
When my youngest third one, we moved away so that
we could afford to give our children a better life.
Since moving, she had even less to do with my children. Now,
she didn't want to call them on their birthdays, and
over the fest of holidays, we've heard absolutely nothing from her,
No text, no calls. I speak to my sister regularly,

(32:01):
so I know nothing bad has happened to my mother.
It's just that she can't be bothered to find out
how her granddaughters are doing. My sister doesn't want children,
so my children are the only grandchildren for my mother.
I guess what I'm asking is am I the a
hole for not correcting my daughter when she said that
her nan is passed away?

Speaker 1 (32:21):
What she's like five?

Speaker 2 (32:22):
Right? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:23):
Six?

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Now?

Speaker 1 (32:23):
I think just get in front of it, dude, you
gotta fix it, but then also be like she's not gone,
but like she doesn't like us. I don't know. It's
how do you explain to a five year old that
your mom or their grandma is like it's you can't.

Speaker 4 (32:38):
Technically, I never said she was I just said she
was in a better place and that place was not
near us.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Oh you got me, Mommy, you twick me.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
I understand that.

Speaker 4 (32:46):
To add, I have never said to my children that
my mother's passed away.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
We just don't speak about her.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
I've left the lines of communication open for her to
reach out since we moved. I used to try calling
her regularly, but she would rarely answer, so I stopped
calling her. She never calls.

Speaker 1 (33:02):
Spiracy conspiracy conspiracy conspiracy Mom is on the phone talking
to somebody. Blah blah blah blah blah. She's me, little kid.
Here's when was that? Was that? That is true? He
kid eavesdrops? They all do you eavesdropped as a child.
We got an update keon what do you grandma, dad
or not? Just lie to your kid, like if the
grandma sucks, I don't want my child and near that

(33:23):
person and being inspired by that person. If you lie
to your kids about Sanna can lie to your kids
about Grandma? What do you mean by that? Santa's real?
That's the lie. Sanna's real. O. That's like a fear
I have of accidentally doing that.

Speaker 4 (33:36):
Well, my phone blew up with loads comments and thank
you for everyone's advice. I saw my daughter down and
tried to explain that her Non has not passed away,
that we live really far away and sometimes people get
a little busy and don't realize how much time has
gone by. She got very upset, and she couldn't understand
how someone could be so busy that they never call

(33:58):
and never answer the phone. I did have a conversation
with my mother via non. I was around my non
when my mother called her. The conversation that begone with
my Non was basically saying how I'm an awful person
and a terrible parent. My non shut her down, told
her I was there, told her to talk to me.
Non handed me the phone, and my mother proceeded to

(34:19):
just blow up at me, started saying things like, how
dare you tell my children she's passed away? How dare
I move her and take her baby so far away?
How dare I keep them from her? I raised my
voice speaking over her. Get your facts straight. I moved
to give my children a better life. I have never

(34:41):
stopped her from making contact. She is the one who
never picks up and that phone works both ways. I
never told them she passed away, But what does she
expect when she makes zero effort with them? I reminded
her that even when we did live close, she she
never made an effort to see them. Heck, my nod

(35:03):
would have them five days in a week when I
finished maternity leaf so I could go to work, and
she live literally around the corner. She never even bothered
to go see them. Yeah, I have a grandma that like,
if you want to visit her has been her timing,
not your timing, And it's really hard. One time I
had to get together that was like five minutes away
from her, but it wasn't her time. Wasn't her time?

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Yeah, and then she hasn't tried to make it guilty though,
right does she own it that it has to be
her time?

Speaker 4 (35:26):
My thought is like she's older, she has like CPD
or whatever COPD Yeah that thing.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah, Well, it's really hard to do anything when you
have COPD your lungs.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
She gets like really excited, so like, I understand it
does suck on my grandma. I'm like right down the road,
but I'm like, I'll just do whatever. You're too old.
My thought is like, am I gonna make something out
of this? That's not she's older. I'm just gonna see
her my nod moves so she could enjoy her retirement
and comfort, and I moved to give my babies a
better life. My mother lost it. She screamed down the phone.

(35:57):
You in my life.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
All you've ever.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
Done is her win my life. I brought you into
this world. I can take you out of it. It's
a shame I've not been successful in the latter. Yes,
you read that right. My mother has attempted in the
past to take me out. Her last attempt was a
glass in my Peebe and Jay, but that's a whole
nother story. Her attempts have always been something that can
be passed off as an accident. Okay, girlfriend, I think

(36:22):
grandmother is in heaven and she's in a better place,
and we're gonna have nothing to do with her. If
she's gonna do that to her own daughter, who says
she's gonna stop with.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Her grandbabies, right, exactly. It's once she's making like actual
threats of physical harm. Grandma's in the beyond place.

Speaker 4 (36:36):
Yeah, she's burning. I mean in a better place.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yea grandma go to heaven. No.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
After the glass incident, I win no contact. But when
I had children, I let my nan convince me that
she had changed. I let her back in, but she
dips in and out of my children's lives. She has
even accidentally given my daughter foods she's allergic to. Again,
that's another story. We want low contact, and my mother
was never allowed to be alone with my children. It's

(37:03):
been four months since she's called to speak to my children,
and the last time I spoke to her was when
she called my non. My non handed me the phone.
That was last week at its ad. I was naive
to believe that my mother was capable of changing. I
guess I just wanted to believe that maybe one day
my mother would love me and that she would be
proud of me and my family. The only access she's

(37:23):
ever had was at a family member's home before we moved.
II if there was a family gathering and she was
there the incident when she gave my daughter food she's
allergic to. She claims she didn't realize it contained the allergen.
I believe it was an accident, as there were two
foods identical, one with and one without the allergen. But

(37:45):
after this, I put in very strict rules that only
me or my partner could give my daughter any food
at family gatherings. Yeah, I'm like really confused why this
wasn't brought up earlier. This point about the alley ursions.
She seems to like to do things with food, if
you haven't noticed, Yeah, she's a danger.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
To clarify.

Speaker 4 (38:06):
The only contact she had after removed were phone and
video calls, which slowly stopped when she stopped calling and answering.
Only called if my children asked to talk to her.
But we want to talk to you right after this story.
All you got to do is go to your favorite
freaking podcast platform, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio app and search
up these beautiful.

Speaker 1 (38:26):
Words okay, story time.

Speaker 4 (38:28):
And there we will stay in contact in harmony for
fifty three days straight.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Actually I think it's like fifty eight till right the
pug told us our math was different.

Speaker 4 (38:37):
I'm just gonna finish the story. My nan has never
wanted to believe that her daughter would be capable of
the thing she has done to me. Well, now my
nan is seventy four, and her mind isn't quiet all
there anymore. And if you want to know what I mean,
I've tried to tell her of I suffered as a child,
both physically, emotionally and mentally. I try to explain the

(38:58):
times she has attempted to take take me out, and
I saw how much it broke my non. I don't
want to keep telling her how often her daughter is
so for now, rather than breaking my Non's heart, I've
opted to keep contact lines open in as far as
my mother calls me, I'll answer. When on passes, I
will close that contact down and I will remove my

(39:18):
psychotic mother run my life.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Wow, what a day that'll be. That will be a
sad day. Well hey, well dang. Honestly, at the very
beginning of the story, I was like, oh, yeah, ope,
he's about to be wrong. Should I tell my daughter
that her grandma's still alive instead of not? I'm like,
well yeah, But now I'm like, hey, don't let your
grandma take you out. Don't let yeah, don't come on this,

(39:41):
she's nefarious.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
My boyfriend told me that he's married days before I
give birth.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
How many days did he just get married?

Speaker 2 (39:51):
Yeah, we've been together for two years, but he lives
in a different city. When I got pregnant, he said
he was gonna move to my city and we would
move in together. He just to finalize some things with
his ex wife, like your marriage.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have to make her my ex wife.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
She's not yet my ex wife, but like theoretically, like
in my heart. He told me he was divorced when
we met, and I never had any reason to question it.
I knew that he had two kids with her as well.
He told me the truth about that, just not that
he wasn't divorced or even separated. By the way, this
comes from throwaway. I don't know what to say, and
if you want to submit your own stories, got r
slash Okay, storytime separate. Fast forward. I'm thirty nine weeks

(40:30):
and he suddenly got uncommunicative, which is less than ideal
when you're literally about to give birth. Bear in mind
that he was supposed to have been fully moved in
here a month ago. Blame the VID. Today I found
out I'm going to be induced on Monday, unless baby
decides to come out over the weekend. So I contacted
him and I was like, Okay, what's going on? And

(40:51):
that's when he told me that he isn't actually separated
or divorced. He never told his wife about anything, and
now he felt like he was backed into a corner.
I don't feel sorry ry for that, because that's his
own fault. But obviously, literally four days before giving birth
isn't the time you want to get this news. And
I have no idea what to do now. Tell him
to f off, obviously, but what else I feel like.

(41:11):
I mean, I can take care of the baby, but
I was preparing to have a partner to take care
of it with me. You know, I don't even know
what I'm asking for in terms of advice, but any
advice for moving forward and handling this is appreciated, and
there are some relevant comments. Lucy and Blood March says
lawyer the f up, get DNA tests, make sure he
pays you what he owes you. This is horrible and

(41:33):
I'm so so sorry he did this crap. He had
no right. Do you have anybody else that can be
there with you? Mom? Friends supports, Opie says, I'm going
to try to contact a dual organization, like someone in
this thread suggested, my mom can't be here because she's
out of state thanks to the BID. I was dumb
enough to think that he'd be there. P Square says, oh, man,
every negative belief I have about relationships with large age

(41:55):
gaps gets confirmed once again. Read what to do? Other
than getting child support from him? There's not much else.

Speaker 1 (42:00):
You can do.

Speaker 2 (42:01):
Do you really want this guy in your life any
more than absolutely necessary? And Opie says, yeah, it's not
a good choice. I wish I could go back and
tell my naive self to run away. I wish I
could zap him out of my life at all. But
you know, JPK thirty six says, this is a horrible situation.
Did you never go to his place of residence? How
could he hide something like this from you for two years?

(42:23):
You never asked to meet his kids once it got serious,
Hopefully you stick it to him, make him take responsibility,
even if it's just financially. And Opie responds, he had
an apartment. I get the feeling that I wasn't the
first person he tried this on. Told me his ex
wife at full custody. Blah blah, blah blah blah, typical
shady story I should have seen through. He was really

(42:47):
good at making it all sound realistic. He came to
my city for work frequently, so a lot of the
time we were here. But he really had all of his
bases covered. And j W six five seven one says,
so again, you never met his children. If a man
has children but never has them, then there's something wrong.
Opie says, yep, I never once met them. I realize

(43:07):
now that this is something I should have seen as
a red flag. I think I'm a pretty smart person,
but let me tell you, this has made me feel
like a huge idiot.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
I wonder what he would say about the kids. If
OPI was ever like, can I meet your kids? He's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
I wonder if she ever asked.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
They're allergic to strangers.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
Popeye Switch says, do you have proof that he's been
lying this whole time?

Speaker 1 (43:29):
You're gonna need it.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Opie says, I'm a sentimental hoarder, so I have a
lot of texts and stuff. Gonna make sure that I
screenshot anytime he talked about his divorce, custody, anything else
he lied about. Edit says, thank you all It seems
like getting legal help is priority number one. I'm just
in shock right now, like I almost feel numb. But
I really appreciate everyone here for your help. I was

(43:52):
really happy and looking forward to baby, and I just
feel really sad right now, so I need to take
a breather. Everything is ready for the baby, and I'm
still excited to meet them. But Jesus ed it two says,
in addition to all kinds of weird comments, I'm getting.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
A YadA YadA YadA. Okay.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
I called around to a few family lawyers in my area,
and the advice I get from posting here has been
absolutely brilliant. But I'm running out of the sass and
steam to deal with anything else that's happening here, so
I'm just going to check out. I'm going to leave
the legal business to the lawyers. Smart ray that he
didn't give me false information and I can actually find
him and try to remember how much I was looking

(44:30):
forward to being a mom before all of this happened.
I don't really care if people think it's fake or whatever,
because I've gained exactly nothing from making this post, and
I gain exactly nothing from arguing to everyone who shared
the stories with me. Thank you. I doubt anything of
monumental concern will happen between now and Monday induction. But
once baby is here, I will try to come back

(44:51):
and let people know what's happening. And there is an
update one week later. Boy, baby is here. Baby is here.
Baby is here, Baby is here.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Oh baby, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
I think there's nothing else you can really do besides
lawyer and get that child support and also tell.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
Wife, lawyer, tell wife, tell wife, who was kids? Have baby?
Turn baby into lawyer, baby lawyer. Now you've got three lawyers.
You've got a hit movie script yeah, and a lawyer. Baby,
I'm baby lawyer. You're essentially set up for life at
that point, I think, yeah, and then you make all
of the money from that movie, and I think of
all the cases that baby will win from being a

(45:26):
lawyer for so long.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
But there is an update and baby is here. First
things First, I had my healthy baby girl on Monday evening.
We were discharged shortly after birth due to the VID,
so I've been just trying to adjust to everything. Her
birth was a dream and I never want to do
it again lol. Second, I talked to his wife for
over an hour yesterday I guess he decided to tell

(45:48):
her okay ooh, like on the phone, or did she
come visit you in the baby?

Speaker 1 (45:53):
I feel like there's a lot to talk about for
an hour. Yeah, I don't hmm.

Speaker 2 (45:57):
She wasn't mad at me, thank god. She had her
suspicions but was trying to trust her husband, which I understand.
She was so nice honestly, and even though she isn't
angry at me, I still feel bad because she's such
a nice lady. She wanted to make sure I was
doing okay and that I didn't need anything, which made
me cry because postpartum hormones are whack. She's getting a
divorce from him, good for her, TBA. We're planning y'all

(46:20):
should get married. You guys should get married and raise
this baby and her two kids. Yeah, and take all
of his money.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
And it'd be like a twist. It'd be like instead
of friends, it'd be not friends because like the show Friends, Yeah,
because it starts with Ross's wife spoiler alert for Friends,
Ross's wife leaves him for a woman and raises their
kid with her. Yeah, same thing can happen here, except
it's bizarro friends exactly.

Speaker 2 (46:44):
We're planning to meet up and talk crap about him
once the virus is over. By the way, you can
talk crap with us if you listen to full episodes
with stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or iHeartRadio and search a book is story time.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Yes, talk all the crap you want.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
He won't be able to respond to you, but there
is a little bit left to the story. I think
you're on the right track. I think it's gonna be tricky,
and it sucks that he did this, but I think
you're doing everything you gotta do.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
I think actually finding a little bit of support in
the wife is like a crazy positive out of nowhere,
I think.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
I agree. Yeah, I think you guys both kind of
went through the same things on different ends, and it's
really really lovely that she's reaching out to you and
saying like, hey, do you need anything, because.

Speaker 1 (47:26):
She didn't have to do that. I know she probably
gets that she said two kids.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
Yeah, He's like, hey, I understand I had two kids
with that man.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
You just said one yeah, And he's not even there.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
He's not even there. I mean, I think, just like
if a person has kids meet him maybe at some
point before you have kids with that person.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
Maybe he just really was convincing about all the reasons
why the kids weren't available.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
He's like, oh, they've got soccer practice today, and she's
like it's like it's midnight, and he's like a hawk.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Rust don't understand their mom wants him to beat the caathletes.
They're they're training at all hours. They're trying to go
to the olymp We're trying to make a new thing
that's even better than the Olympics. Yeah, we haven't worked
out the name yet for.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
Just for my kids because they're so good. Yeah, but
let's finish the story off. I have a lawyer and
will establish custody and child support legally asap. He hasn't
bothered to contact me at all, but I don't particularly care.
I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. Even though it's
not a huge update. Thank you to everyone who checked in.
It means a lot. Also, I'm all set with everything

(48:27):
baby needs with things being as they are, considering donating
to a local diaper slash formula bank. Save your money
for awards on this post too, and put it towards
that help babies and mamas who don't have the resources
I do. Ohp seems like a great person. No, but
there are some relevant comments to finish it off. Deboles
five oh eight says, out of curiosity, did she reach
out to you? Did your ex give her your number?

(48:49):
Obi says he refused, so she went through his phone
to find me. She's a petty legend and a lever.
Serge Zomy says that was a far better outcome than expected.
I hope a friendship between the two of you blossoms
and the siblings can get to know one another. Don't
be surprised if she does step back, though. This must
be incredibly hard for her. Although it wasn't your fault,

(49:10):
you will always be a reminder that her husband cheated
and her marriage is over. Opie says, Oh, absolutely, she'll
need time to grieve. I want to support her in
whatever way I can, even if it means us stepping
away from each other. She's a great lady who ended
up in a crappy situation, and that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
Sometimes that's what happens, man.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Sometimes I have sound to Kookie krembles.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Sometimes a good person ends up with a bad hand.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
But sometimes post the bad hand, you wind up with
another good person.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
When you get brought low. All that means is you've
got space for an upswing, space to grow, You've got
space for things to get better.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Yeah, but that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Here's johni og host here. We're gonna get back to
the stories, but here's a quick three minute break of
ass from our sponsors. My ex boyfriend cheated on his
current partner with me. I I want to tell her
you should. I twenty five female, met Andy twenty nine male,
back in August of twenty nineteen on Tinder. We hit
it off super quickly because we were hardcore nerds, gamers

(50:11):
and in all honesty, probably very lonely and depressed adults
that craved affection from someone. By the way, this comes
from user fun Philosophy thirty seven to twenty eight, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay storytime subburd it. So we chatted
for about a week before we decided to actually meet
up for the first time for a date, which I
would say is about the maximum window you're allowed to

(50:32):
do that.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Yeah. I think for like an online dating I think
it doesn't make sense to keep talking.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Since we only lived about thirty minutes away from each other.
At the time, he was an AVYCB stationed at a
Port Town boiler alert. The date was awkward. We literally
just walked in silence, side by side together downtown, not
saying a single word to each other.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Dude, that could not be me. I can't do silence.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
It was obvious that we were both socially anxious and
nerves as heck man. After the date, which lasted less
than an hour, he took me back home, where I
proceeded to panic because I thought I blew it. He
ghosted me for three days until he finally responded. The
gist of the conversation was him coming to the conclusion
that he was probably always meant to be alone in

(51:18):
this world. I should have taken that as a red
flag from the very beginning. I asked if we could
still be friends, but he just said, that's probably not
a good idea. From that point on, I was devastated.
I really liked the guy, as he not only had
that adorably big nerdy cuteness to him, but I thought
we actually bonded. It took one real date for him
to get scared and run away fast forward eight months

(51:40):
of self loading later, and we actually end up running
into each other online in a twitch stream of a
very small streamer streaming League of Legends. At the time,
we actually didn't know it was each other when we
were talking in chat because we had username handles. I
know it sounds hard to believe to just randomly run
into the same person online after meeting them in real life,
out of the billions of people on the Internet, but

(52:00):
I guess it was just a sick and twisted play
on fate that we had to be viewing the same
small streamer at the same time. After we found out
that we were who we said we were, we DMed
each other privately and spilled our hearts out. He was
remorseful for what he did to me eight months ago,
and I simply forgave him because I thought this was

(52:22):
God giving me the chance to redeem myself for him.
After that conversation, we finally decided to try again and
actually become boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship was good for
the most part, except at some point I felt like
he was pulling away from me slowly. He would text
me every day and tell me I love you, until
he stopped saying it and would be a little shorter

(52:43):
than usual with me. I expressed my concerns and he
apologized for treating me this way. We eventually decided to
break up in July of twenty twenty. I just feel
like we lost all of the actual important context for that.
It's like he just kind of stopped saying I love you,
and then we broke up in July twenty twenty. Okay, okay, fine,
fair enough. We texted each other here and there, not often,
but we still were in the same circle now that

(53:04):
we both knew. We hung out in the same Twitch
stream and discord often. One night, we both got a
little too honest with each other and said we weren't
completely over each other. Has this relationship been in person
at all? Right? It had to have been for a
little bit, right.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
It was when they were dating because they live close
to each other.

Speaker 1 (53:21):
Oh yeah, they lived thirty minutes away. Okay, I forgot
that part. I forgot that part.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
It's like I realized I had to redeem myself for
this man that I met once for thirty minutes eight
months ago.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
And had no words for.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
And also like the ghosting where she was like, hey,
ghosted me. I don't know, like texting three days later
after really bad date. It's not even ghost It's not
even ghosting, not really. This is giving off very parasocial energy.
You gotta get real social.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
One thing led to another, and we ended up setting
a date for me to go over to his place
for the first time. I got questions first time.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
No, no, no, his place, his place for the first time.
Maybe they went to oh Peace place. You guys met
in person, right, you guys were dating in person?

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Right? I cannot tell, she said, now that we run
in the same circles on Twitch and discord doesn't feel
like it happened in real life.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Keep going.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
So one thing led to another, and we ended up
setting a date for me to go over to his
place for the first time. And yes, we ended up
doing the deed. I don't know if that's a great idea.
We got back together yet again. I ended up going
to his place a second time that December. I'm sorry
what we had July twenty twenty and now fast forward

(54:34):
December is the second time you're going over to his house? Gotcha?
This time when we were cuddling each other in bed,
he showed me a YouTube video on his phone to
laugh at. At the top leftish corner of his phone screen,
I noticed a small Tinder logo app in the recently
opened apps. I don't know what phone he had, but
it was an Android and correct me if I'm wrong,
But I'm pretty sure those phones show the logs of

(54:55):
recently opened apps the top of the phone screen somewhere.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
But are y'all even like dat? And Dayton, this is
the second time you've been to his house?

Speaker 1 (55:01):
Are you like dating? Where are we at? So feels
looking for the loophole.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
No, I'm just like, are you guys like officially dating?
Or you went over to his house? This is the
second time you've gone over.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
This feels like it was like a yeah, we did
the deed at his house. Yeah we're dating. It doesn't
feel mean wow. He's like, yeah, I don't know. She
came over and we hooked up.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
That's what that feels like.

Speaker 4 (55:20):
See I'm on her side here if I'm doing the
US on one, I'm like, yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 (55:24):
We're right, but like, are you going to talk about it?
She's my baby girl? So like deed signed? You sign
the deed and now you go, hey, so what are
we now? Right, since we did that or thing, So
you bring that up. That's the point. Well, by the time.

Speaker 4 (55:37):
It's been a month, I men or mom have a
good relationship status with her and her parents, and I'm
a cool guy, like, yeah, I've already put in a
lot of work. You know how many flowers I probably
bought by this point and dates.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
But presumably we're asking how you had the conversation. You
can't just assume things based off.

Speaker 1 (55:53):
Just like you're my girl, so you have the conversation.
If you want to get straight about where you're at
with somebody, you gotta have a conversation with him about it.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
If you only want to do the deed with the
person that you're in the relationship with, then make sure
you're in the.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
Relationship before you do it. I would agree, And I'm
not saying that.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Oh he's like it doesn't have a right to be
like upset or anything. I'm just saying, she can't be
like he's cheating on me if they're not officially dating.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
Okay, I internally panicked after seeing the tender logo, but
my dumb booty self decided to ignore it and not
ruin the moment together since this would be my last
time seeing him as he was going to be stationed
in Okinawa for the coming new year. So we ended
up breaking up in February of twenty twenty one because
he wasn't willing to do a long distance relationship from

(56:41):
that far away. However, he was willing to text me
every single freaking day and flirt with me on occasion.
From that point on, I realize now that it was
a situationship, and my stupid self allowed it because in
my head it meant that he would still give me
affection and love, as he actually said, I love you
more often from that point on.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
Okay, I will say Opie said they broke up, so
it seems like they were officially together, I suppose, but
also I don't like fully trust no Pea.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
Well, that's Ope says clearly, we're in a situation ship.
I think the whole time y'all have been in her
situation ship.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
I need more clarity from both sides because I feel
like he's always been on like, yeah, we're casually hooking up,
it's nothing crazy, and she's like we're married.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Onto where the story starts to get spicier. It was
around March twenty twenty two, and we had been texting
each other every single day for over a year now,
with the occasional flirting and spicy texting. He mentioned a
girl in his gaming group that he was complaining about
constantly trying to get every guy in that group's attention.
Let's call her Samantha. She was the only girl in

(57:49):
that group as far as I know. He even went
as far to call Samantha an e girl. He went
as far as to call her an egl and said
that she actively flirted with Andy's engaged friend in voice chat.
This was during gaming sessions. It was Destiny too, by
the way, and they would flirt so much to where
Andy would tell them to stop. It takes two to

(58:11):
flirt though, Yeah. Andy told me that he was the
only guy in that group who could talk to her
in a more serious and friendly way, while every guy
always seemed to kind of act simpy towards me.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
You know, needs to be sent to space.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
Both of these people both to these people to space,
and they did to look at the planet Earth.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
Andy.

Speaker 1 (58:27):
Andy reassured me that he would not act like those
guys around her. Ever, as I expressed concerns about her
attention seeking behavior telling me that he's not a symp
towards Samantha like every other guy in their destiny group.
My gut feeling told me that he probably wasn't telling
me something. I did not like her being in that
friend group with him, as I was definitely getting jealous

(58:49):
and worried that she might make a move on Andy,
who is not your boyfriend? You guys broke up. I
didn't feel like I could say anything as we had
broken up back in February twin twists, do you know
that you broke up? Oh? My god? Okay, but we
were obviously flirting and texting every single day since then.
I swallowed my feelings. It wasn't until later in twenty

(59:10):
twenty three that Andy told me that his girlfriend was
quote self harm baiting him and he didn't know what
to do or how to handle her. This all came
out of nowhere, and I was obviously shocked by the
news of him having a girlfriend and her doing that
to him. I got viscerally angry at the betrayal on
his part, but decided not to act or speak on it. Instead,

(59:31):
I chose to tell him I wasn't sure what to
do or tell him, and left it at that, which
is fair. I ignored Andy's text for about a week
and finally decided to respond to him. I laid it
all out on him and told him I wasn't okay
with him flirting with me anymore. As he went and
not only flirted with another girl behind his girlfriend's back,

(59:53):
but it was with his ex girlfriend who he kept
in a situationship. He never told me, girl, we gotta
start taking a acountability for our actions. We gotta start
taking accountability for our own behaviors. Nobody kept you in
a situationship at all. You participated, Yeah, in a back
and forth with your ex boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Yeah, there are two sides to that. It's like when
someone like is like flirting with you in the DMS
and you're responding, You're like, why are they talking to me?
It's like you're talking back. Obviously he might be manipulative
or he is manipulative, But you gotta I mean two
to tango, man. The only one that can take you
out of that situationship is you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
He never told me who the other girl was exactly,
but after he spoke about how he and her played
Destiny together a lot, it didn't take a genius to
know it was Samantha he was dating, Yes, the same girl.
He reassured me he would never simp for the same
girl who flirted with his engaged to be married friend.
Andy apologized and said he did not mean to hurt me,

(01:00:54):
but knew it was his fault for stringing me along
and cheating on his girlfriend with me. He just to
find his actions by saying that he and Samantha decided
to conveniently open the relationship while she worked things out
with her own boyfriend at the time. She confirmed that
she was also cheating on her previous boyfriend with Andy.
I told Andy that the least he could do is

(01:01:15):
tell Samantha the truth about his cheating, and he agreed,
though he did say that he could not lose her
as she was everything to him. I reassured him that
I wouldn't tell her anything and that he would have
to be the one to confess. Now here's where I
may be the a hole. A few days after that
conversation with Andy, I saw that he unfriended me on
discord and left my personal discord. This might have happened

(01:01:38):
way before, but I didn't notice it until now, and
for some reason that got me pissed. Are we gonna
really say for some reason.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Let him release you Take this moment and be like, wow, okay,
he's unfriended me. I'm free.

Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
Thank god. I can stop this cose play. I've been
role playing as as girlfriend. It's over now, It's not real.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
This is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
In my fit of rage. I looked up Andy's girlfriends
discord handle in another friends discord, I found her and
decided to message her. I typed, Hey, I need to
speak to you about something important. Hours later, she replied
with sorry, I don't know you, so I'm not interested,
and then blocked me. Not even an hour later, I
get a DM from Andy saying please leave my relationship alone.

(01:02:21):
From that point on, I blocked both of them and
blocked Andy's phone number and Instagram. Thank god. And by
the way, you can listen to full episodes with stories
just like this, no blocking, no ghosting. We're always going
to be there on Spotify, on Apple podcasts, on iHeartRadio, hey,
even on YouTube. If you want to just get the

(01:02:41):
podcast experience, search Okay, story time, and that's all you
need to find all the stories that your heart could
ever want to listen to now there is a little
bit more story here. We're both just gonna say, please,
Dear God, please stay broken up with this guy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
Literally, never talk to him again. He lives in Okinawa.
You don't have to ever see him again. You don't
not have to ever talk to him again. So go
back on Tinder if you'd like, find that a next
person boom, go one a day with them.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
I feel like knowing what kind of person Samantha is,
and the response she gave me was very telling. Something
tells me she already knew about this whole situation and
did not care, as she not only cheated on her
own previous boyfriend to be with Andy, but also flirted
with Andy's engaged friend before this whole debacle even started.
I only feel bad that I went back on my

(01:03:31):
word against Andy for saying I wouldn't tell Samantha or
at least attempted to tell her about his cheating. So
am I the a hole for attempting to tell my
ex boyfriend's current girlfriend that he cheated on her with
me after telling him I wouldn't say anything to her.
You're kind of the a hole for even writing that sentence.
You're being an a hole to yourself. Yeah, just freaking
move go outside, Go outside. I just swear to God

(01:03:55):
this is you are chronically online and you are inside.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
My AX has been neglectful of my son, so I'm
taking action.

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
Yeah, I would hope some legal action.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Maybe For context, I twenty seven female and my ex
thirty three male, have a three year old little boy
and he has what is called a non IgE dairy allergy.
My ex has never really been the providing type. By
the way, this comes from Creola Blackstars and if you
want to spit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay, storytime separate it. So when I got with
my ex, I initially only started dating him during the VID.

(01:04:30):
During the first big lockdown in the UK, I became
very lonely. I started speaking to him on friendly terms
as we had a lot in common. At the time.
I had mistaken him being unemployed for the fact that
the lockdown did not really allow for his line of
work to continue. Oh if he was like, oh, he
doesn't have work because the lockdown, and then you later
found out, oh, he doesn't have work because it's bad

(01:04:51):
at his job. My ex and I lived with my
parents from the point we got together due to the
VID restrictions, so we could still see each other until
we got the keys to our flag at which we
were waiting for for about six months. Fast forward about
eight months and I found out that I was pregnant
with my son. This was June twenty twenty one. At
this point, my ex got a job to help provide

(01:05:12):
for a sun, which went very well for the nine
months that I was pregnant. Once my son was born
in twenty twenty two, my ex made any and every
excuse to bunk off work, and the excuse was usually
always saying that I was to blame. Our relationship started deteriorating.
In August of twenty twenty two, I had a friend
who lives in another country travel to England and stay

(01:05:32):
with me at this time. During this time, my ex's
best friend continuously hounded me, requesting me to ask my
friends stupid and rude questions that I did not feel
comfortable asking, so naturally, I said no. Towards the end
of my friend's day, he asked me again to ask
these same rude questions and I snapped. I started rationally shouting.
I said no, no means no, stop asking what are

(01:05:55):
these questions that he's asking out of nowhere. Another friend
of mine ex, who was un a aware of what
was going on, she shouted, oh, b you're a bee,
and my ex didn't say a word. From there onward,
our relationship was strained. He never defended me. Fast forward
a couple of months later, October twenty twenty two, we
got the VID. Because of this, though, the restrictions had

(01:06:18):
very much lightened and we were not being told to
stay home at this point, I actually still worked through
this entire time because I was told I would be
fired if I didn't. I soon left this job. My ex,
of course, did not go to work during this period
of time because of this. His boss said that it
was the final straw and let him go. My ex
tried to do some tentwork here and there so we

(01:06:39):
had an income, but wasn't really bothered about showing up
and going. After about three and a half weeks of
him doing tent work, we were offered the keys to
our flat. At this point, he never went back to work.
I was in between leaving my previous job and starting
my new job, which I currently still work at, and
we used this small time to move into our flat paint, lay, flooring,
et cetera. From the point where I went back to

(01:07:01):
work he was supposed to do the same. Within a
few weeks, he decided that he wanted to be a
stay home dad. He's like, I don't know, the job
thing's not really working out for me, so I'm just
gonna stay here.

Speaker 1 (01:07:14):
Yeah. I've heard that taking care of a baby's way
easier than having a job, so I guess I'll just
do that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
I also don't think they've had the baby yet.

Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
Yeah, And he's like, I'm just gonna warm up.

Speaker 2 (01:07:28):
Yeah. I don't want to like go into it dry,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:07:31):
Yeah, I want to have some experience under my belt.
There be in a state home net, which is where
you'll be growing the baby once we have one. I
also want to clarify I don't think raising a baby's easy.
I was speaking in character as the dumb guy.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
Giving him a chance to prove that this was better
for our family than sending my son to a nursery
or child minder. I allowed this. Oh boy, was that
a mistake. I would go to work every day Monday
through Friday, eight thirty to five, whilst my ex stayed
home with our sons. Okay, so the baby has a ride.
He would stick our son in one of those baby
play pens with the TV on something like Miss Rachel

(01:08:08):
or Blues Clues, whilst he sat at his computer playing
video games like Fortnite or Minecraft. So he's not parenting.

Speaker 1 (01:08:15):
He's learning how to take care of a whole world.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
These are skills that he can bring into any field
of work.

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
He's learning how to garden, how to build houses, like
he's going to be a one stop shop for he
could build a cabin out in the woods. Fortnite, He's
actually on there talking to the seven year olds and
eight year olds who play that game.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
He's like, do you have a good relationship with your father?
How can I have a good relationship with my son?

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
He's like likes, dislikes, Yeah, you know what can I do?
You know what are we feeling? Oh? Keep playing Fortnite. Nice.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
I would come home from work and I would have
to cook, clean and care for my son who had
been neglected almost all day. I'm sorry that happened more
than once and you didn't go WHOA, Well, my child
is unsafe. I need to get out of here, like
I can't imagine knowing that my child is being neglected,
and not immediately saying.

Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
Whoa, whoa, we need to have a.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
Really serious conversation because you're not doing anything that you
said you would.

Speaker 1 (01:09:14):
Maybe she's just weighing it against the option of like, well,
I keep letting him play Fortnite, and then he wins
the Fortnite Championship and we get, you know, one hundred
million dollars exactly long term, did he give all those
V books to a son? Yeah, exactly. These V books
are for my boy.

Speaker 2 (01:09:29):
I'm putting them into a college fund, a V Books
college fund.

Speaker 1 (01:09:32):
Yeah, We're gonna go to college in Fortnite.

Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
I would then have to organize myself for work the
next day, prep lunches, wash my hair, et cetera, all
while he would still be sat on his computer playing
Fortnite or Minecraft. He was not contributing towards the upbringing
of our son, and he was not contributing financially. Fast
forward again to February twenty twenty three. We had been
in this cycle since the end of November twenty twenty two,

(01:09:56):
and I was at my wits end. I communicated on
multiple occasion about how I felt overworked overtired, overlooked. I
needed help with the flat, our son and ensuring the
bills were being paid. I had a number of conversations
with my ex about this. These conversations typically would be
shrugged off or he would laugh at me. What he's

(01:10:18):
obviously the bad guy here, obviously, But I just like,
if your partner is shrugging off or laughing at you
about your concerns about them neglecting your child while you're
not there, then that relationship isn't working clearly, and you
need to leave. You're already a single mother.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
Yeah, It's like, I question what situation would cause you
to stay in that. He's not making any money, he's
not bringing any security to the relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:10:41):
Sucks.

Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
He doesn't own the property you're living in, right, It's like,
so leaving this guy would essentially do nothing but improve
you and your child's situation because you don't have to
feed this parasite that is just leeching off of you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:10:56):
One morning, at the beginning of February, we had a
very large and very verbally explosive argument because one of
our bills had bounced after being assured the money was
in his bank account to pay for it. I expressed
that I was unhappy in the situation and something needed
to change once again, and at this point I made
the decision to call it. I said, I'm done. We
are done, finally, I asked him, in a very colorful manner,

(01:11:20):
told him to f off to leave. At this point,
he did not realize that this was me ending the relationship.
I had come to the decision that our son deserved
too happy parents, even if that meant we were not together.
We had this tense and awkward atmosphere that continued for
a number of days, including on my birthday a few
days later, where he proceeded to question what my.

Speaker 1 (01:11:39):
Problem was, literally, you do you're my problem? You being
married to use a problem.

Speaker 2 (01:11:45):
Which created another argument and caused me to cry. On
what was my twenty fifth birthday, we were having a
small celebration that was pre planned before the breakup in quotations.
As again, he did not realize that was me ending things.
Y'll need to clarify asap, so we sucked it up
for the celebration. I waited a few more days to
sit him down and have a conversation. I reiterated him

(01:12:06):
calmly how I felt and explained that when I said
that I was done and we were done, that was
me ending the relationship. Oh, He's like, so you remember
when I said that we were done and all of
this was done, that was me saying that we're done.

Speaker 1 (01:12:19):
Are you doing it again? Yeah, you're doing it again.
That's a classic joke, babe, for real. So what are
we gonna get for dinner? What are you making?

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
And then she just kind of goes back into it seems,
and she's like, yeah, I guess I'll go. I did
not want to be with him anymore, and our relationship
was destroying me and would destroy our son as he
grew up. After a couple of months, we found ourselves
in new relationships. He moved in with his partner to
get out of our flat. I was going to allow
him to keep the flat as he was home with
our son five days a week doing what Why are

(01:12:47):
you still letting him watch your son?

Speaker 1 (01:12:49):
He's not even watching He's not even watching your son.
He's got like a mirror. He's in the same similar
science over at the mirror while he's playing video games.
He like looks and he's like, all right, the still
where I left it? Cool?

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
Well, when I started dating somebody. We had one intimate
night that led me to me getting pregnant, and my
ex made the decision to surrender the flat to me.
From about May twenty twenty three to April twenty twenty four,
my son lived with his dad and his dad's girlfriend,
which I did not approve of, Monday through Friday, and
stayed with me on the weekends. I soon went on
maternity leave from work, and after having my second child,

(01:13:23):
now one, we made the decision in December twenty twenty
three that we would change from our current arrangement to
share our son fifty to fifty. For clarification, the entire
time I X had my son seventy thirty, I paid
child maintenance for him. If he needed anything like extra
food or nappies, et cetera, all he needed to do
was ask and I sent more money to him. In
March twenty twenty four, my ex ended up getting a

(01:13:45):
new job, short lived as he was fired within four weeks.

Speaker 1 (01:13:48):
No way will's working.

Speaker 2 (01:13:50):
His girlfriend was going through some sort of mental health crisis.
I sympathize with this as I do struggle with my
mental health, but with the situation my son was put
in Because of this, I was angry. At the beginning
of April twenty twenty four, my ex texted me to
tell me that our son needed to stay with me
one hundred percent of the time as his girlfriend did

(01:14:10):
not want him in her house. This guy's a terrible father.
What I respected that and welcome my son in with
very happy, wide open arms. At this point, I was
promised two hundred pounds of child maintenance a month. I
did not receive a single penny from April twenty twenty
four to February twenty twenty five. He doesn't have money
because he doesn't have a job.

Speaker 1 (01:14:30):
Shouldn't his parents be helping him pay that? Shouldn't he
like keep his job well? As you know, his girlfriend
was going through a mental health crisis, which means he
has to be unemployed.

Speaker 2 (01:14:41):
Yeah, He's like, I have to help her, and by
help I mean play more Minecraft.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
I have to be there for her in my room
playing Fortnite.

Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
Kind of like a body doubling. But I'm in the
next room and she's crying and I'm playing Minecraft.

Speaker 1 (01:14:54):
One day, when you're really in love, you'll understand.

Speaker 2 (01:14:56):
From roughly May twenty twenty four, our arrangement changed and
my ex started to have my son again on weekends.
Within a few weeks, he became less consistent with picking
my son up. He would be late, make excuses at
the very last minute, or just not show up at all. Now,
if he had said to me, I don't really care
about seeing her son, I would not have cared and
I would have said no worries. He was due to

(01:15:18):
pick up our son in the mid afternoon every Friday
and drop him off the same time on Sunday. The
pickup time was agreed to be mid afternoon because he
was unable to wake up before twelve.

Speaker 1 (01:15:28):
Pm too much g fuel and child doctor's orders. I
had to sleep in till noon.

Speaker 2 (01:15:36):
The excuses he would give me would always be along
the lines of girlfriends not well, or I don't feel well,
or girlfriends in a bad place. So he just alternates.
He's like, yeah, I'm not real feeling up to it.
My girlfriend's not feeling up to it. And read that
last there's one more the last week. We need to
clean our house. Sorry, spring cleaning. Gotta do this cleaning,
gotta clean It's February, and he's like, well, never start

(01:15:56):
too early.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
Well, it's spring somewhere, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:15:59):
They are both on employed and have no responsibilities Monday
through Friday during the day, So this created some confusion
with why they specifically had to clean the house on
the weekends and why it couldn't be done during the week.
How are they both unemployed? Are they living off the
child support money that you're sending?

Speaker 1 (01:16:15):
No, they're at his day. It's either his dad's or
his girlfriend's death. I'd assume it's his day.

Speaker 2 (01:16:20):
Crazy man, that's crazy. They're both unemployed and he's still
taking care of their son.

Speaker 1 (01:16:27):
Bad day? What are you doing again?

Speaker 2 (01:16:29):
I wouldn't have cared otherwise, But all while he was
doing this, he was also telling people. We both knew
that I was taking his son away from him and
stopped him from seeing him, which was never the case.
This carried on for months. In January twenty twenty five,
we had a chat and both agreed that the way
things had happened over the last year needed to change
and we needed to cooperate better. We agreed that our

(01:16:51):
son needed to see us get along and co parent
in a way that prioritized him. I feel as so
my son has always been my priority, but for my ex.
I don't feel like this has been the case. Within
the first six weeks of January, the same thing continued.
Out of the six weeks, he picked our son up
on three. Two of the weeks he made some sort
of excuse, and one of those weeks he just didn't

(01:17:13):
bother shown up. I decided at this point that for
our son's sake, this couldn't carry on this way, and
I saw legal advice.

Speaker 1 (01:17:21):
Finally, we're in the right place now, like took.

Speaker 2 (01:17:24):
A long time. The solicitor advised me to try initially
to reduce contact with my ex instead of every weekend,
to try every other weekend. My ex refuse this idea.
The next advice was to go to meditation. I have
made contact with some meditation companies in our area, but
I'm still waiting to hear from them to get the
show on the road. I'm sure your solicitor was like, Okay,

(01:17:45):
one you can try and change your custody, or two
you can meditate and that's kind of it.

Speaker 1 (01:17:50):
Yeah, two you can try to achieve nirvanaantline your chalk
resus on that one.

Speaker 2 (01:17:55):
That'll probably help you. The solicitor also advised me to
go through the child maintenance service apply for him to
pay me child maintenance. This would then ensure I was
receiving a financial help for a son. With this, he
paid one month's worth of child maintenance and quit his
most recent job after two shifts so he didn't have
to pay me. Within the last twelve months, I have
received a total of thirty five pounds to help buy

(01:18:17):
the things our three year old needs, which is most
certainly not enough. I have had to pay for everything
on my own. Food, dairy free alternatives for his milk,
allergy clothes, nappies and potty training pants, wipes, toys, childcare costs,
travel costs, petrol, et cetera to get from A to b,
gas to keep our boiler on, electricity to ensure we

(01:18:38):
can cook food, et cetera. And a roof over his head.

Speaker 1 (01:18:42):
No, guys, no, no, no, don't laugh at that, because
we knew that the whole time. That was the joke, right, No,
I just so read it wrong. No no, no no.

Speaker 2 (01:18:50):
My eyes glazed over and I read meditation. It literally
says mediation, but I put a tea in there and
I read it as meditation. Being funny. We were being funny, guys.
I was so thoroughly convinced that that said meditation. By
this time next year he will be in school and
will need a school uniform that will come out of

(01:19:11):
my pocket too, with no help from him. I have
absolutely no issue with going out of pocket to ensure
my son has everything he needs. I do strongly believe
that it takes two to tango.

Speaker 1 (01:19:22):
Yeah, it does. If you're not practicing in the mirror
by yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:19:25):
It is as much his responsibility as it is mine
to ensure son has everything he needs. Whilst waiting for
the mediation to progress, this weekend, my ex decided to
inform me that for the previous weekends he has had
our son, he has chosen to ignore the fact that
our son has an allergy to dary, meaning he has
given our son normal milk and cheese. The days following

(01:19:46):
my son's return from his dad, he had horrific diarrhea
because of this. Because of the type of allergy my
son has, non edge, there's no way to medically prove
the allergy. It has a name, and also, like medically,
you can just know that when he has dairy he
reacts terribly to it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:06):
Non isommetric diametric Goop.

Speaker 2 (01:20:09):
The way it is diagnosed is purely based on the
symptoms mucus in the stool, blood in the stool, rash
is an exzma, and so on that feels medically proven.
Because this can't be medically proven like with a blood test,
my ex refuses to believe he has an allergy. The
only way he will continue to keep our son dairy
free is if I provide meaning I buy it and
it comes out of my pocket him with all of

(01:20:32):
the dairy alternatives he needs to feed him over the weekend.
By the way, you can provide us with your ears
and go listen to full episodes with stories just like this.
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio and search
your booka straight time.

Speaker 1 (01:20:46):
Give us your.

Speaker 2 (01:20:47):
Ears, friends, countrymen, romans, lend me your ears, and listen
to full episodes of stories just like this. Anyway, there's
a little bit more to this story. But do you
have any final thoughts?

Speaker 1 (01:20:59):
First of all, I'm just like, Okay, clearly, dad, little absentee, right,
little trash bag Dad. I'm pretty sure that whatever allergy
your child has is provable or is an autoimmune thing.

Speaker 2 (01:21:09):
I don't know. I think it's just because it doesn't
show up in blood tests, is what they're saying. There
is a little bit left for the story. I am
not in a position to do this when I'm the
only one who provides for a son as it is.
Would I be the a hole if I told my
ex that he cannot have my son over the weekend anymore?
How should I move forward with this? I really need
some advice, thank you in advance. Ope, you need to

(01:21:31):
get full custody if you can of your child, because one,
you're the sole provider, your ex is actively ignoring allergies
and is basically in neglecting it, doesn't have money to
provide for his child. So like I feel, I mean,
it seems like there's always something going on with these
child you know, custody battles where there's a lot more

(01:21:52):
going on and it's not a straightforward. But I feel
like you have a very good case at the very least.

Speaker 1 (01:21:57):
Yeah, sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Dad, I
don't want a dad. Why are we even pretending?

Speaker 2 (01:22:02):
Why are we trying to Dad?

Speaker 1 (01:22:03):
It's not even that he doesn't want a dad, he's
actively like, give him my kid the runs.

Speaker 2 (01:22:07):
Yeah, he's actively being a bad dad, and that's messed up.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My aunt doesn’t accept my relationship… just because we’re the same gender! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories