My boyfriend grew up in a DISGUSTING household… and I can’t take it anymore! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2303 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
My boyfriend grew up in a disgusting household and I
can't take it anymore.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Then don't leave.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
My boyfriend twenty nine male and I twenty eight female,
have been together going on eight years now. We met
while I was in college and have been inseparable since
the first time my boyfriend picked me up to go
on our first daid. His car was so dirty. There
was trash and god knows what on the floor, and
I did not even want to put my feet down.
The first time he invited me over to his parents' house,
I almost threw up the smell, the dirt, old clothes, trash,

(00:39):
dishes everywhere, horrible bathrooms, stains in the toilet and on
the seat, and they rarely ever have paper towels, let
alone tissues. By the way, this comes from Purple Dynamite
seventy six seventy And if you want to submit your
own story's gonna be our slash Okay Storytime separated it
so but still I somehow managed to stay and came
over more times after that.

Speaker 4 (00:58):
I was never comfortable.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
I hated being there, but I never had the heart
to say anything until shortly before we got our own place.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
On top of this, they had roaches bad too.

Speaker 5 (01:07):
It was horrible.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
But again, I loved him so much and I was
scared to ever bring it up to him.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
But my thought was always how is he okay living
with this? His parents are great. I adore his mom.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
His dad can be embarrassing loud at times, but we
all still get along fine. I say to that, I
don't believe the issue has to do with the depression
or anything like that. I just think they're hoarders.

Speaker 6 (01:29):
Which is like, you know, it's still a mental health crisis,
Like people don't live that way. Yeah, because everything is
something is Yeah, something's wrong.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Yeah sucks because his mom tries, and I know she
probably just got tired of cleaning up after grown men
all their lives, so she stopped cleaning. His parents have
a huge pool in nice backyard, but it is still
junkie things everywhere, just like in the house. They have
a bunch of people over and I'm always so shocked.
I'm embarrassed to ever invite my parents over. My mom
would have a heart attack and probably judge me for
not ever saying anything. We have always been taught to

(02:04):
keep a clean house to avoid bugs, and always cleaned
up before having guests. I'm talking the house would be spotless,
so I imagine my surprise when I first saw how
he and his family lived. We've been together for seven
years and our parents have never met each other. Part
of the reason for me is because I know my
parents would not approve of how they live and would
probably look down on me for putting up with this,

(02:24):
especially since they always taught us to be so clean
and tidy. My parents always bring up the fact that
they haven't met their parents yet, much more lately than normal,
since we were reaching eight years and not even engaged,
But I always agree and laugh it off, never set
any plans in motion because in the back of my mind,
all I can think about is how different his family
is from mine. We recently moved in together in October
twenty twenty four and things have been good. I know

(02:46):
how he and his parents lived before, and I still
ignored all the red flags because I love him so
much and hoped it was only his parents with the
problem and not him.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:53):
Right. He made small efforts.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
To clean his room at his parents, but nothing ever stuck.
I even swept and cleaned his room one time and
shortly after we had been together, and it went right
back to normal. So I have no clue why I
thought things would be different just because he was no
longer living with them in our apartment.

Speaker 4 (03:09):
He does make.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Efforts to clean, but he lacks severely when it comes
to cleaning up after himself. He will make a sandwich
and leave all types of crumbs and jelly on the
counter and toaster, put dishes in the sink instead of
the dishwasher, leave hair and dirt stains on the toilet seat,
and never.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
Cleans the bathroom.

Speaker 2 (03:24):
It's so frustrating because he will literally ask me what
needs to be done, instead of being able to see
that there is mess that needs to be cleaned.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
It's like dealing with a toddler, and I don't even
have kids.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Whenever I say anything to him, I automatically feel like
I'm nagging him or hurting his feelings. He's very receptive
when I say things, and we'll do it, but my
problem is it never really stick. Fast forward to this weekend.
He worked for a few hours and came home to
use the bathroom and take a shower. I'm relaxing on
the couch and shortly after he finishes, I decide to.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
Go use the bathroom. To my shock and surprise, there
are stains on the toilet seat, poop still floating in
the toilet, and when I lifted the seat there was
a string was running off and it was so graphic.

Speaker 6 (04:06):
I could not stand this relationship.

Speaker 4 (04:08):
Yeah, man, I couldn't stand this relationship. That's hard.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
I couldn't.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
Yeah, I could not, because that's different than being like messy.
It is dirty. It's dirty dirty.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (04:21):
Oh yeah, man, I mean like, you can't be in
a relationship with someone who doesn't know how to look
after themselves.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yeah, it's hard, dude. That was my last straw.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
I immediately came out of the bathroom and told him
that he needed to clean it, and he responded, okay in.

Speaker 4 (04:37):
A low, sad tone, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
My blood was boiling because I still felt bad and
this was not the first time that something like this
has happened, and I'm always cleaning up his messages and
hate myself for not saying anything because to him, he
had no idea, and that was totally my fault for
always keeping things to myself instead of holding him accountable.
He cleaned the toilet but didn't do a good job,
and I still had to go after him and clean
the bottom of the toilet and floor, which I noticed

(05:07):
I always have to do when asking him to do
some type of cleaning. I have been so patient in
trying to wait for him to pick up on these things.
I'm pretty much a neat freak. I work from home
majority of the week, so I'm always wiping down counters
after I cook, do the dishes as I go, clean
the bathroom twice a week, mop, sweep, et cetera, and
clean up before bed. And he will sometimes help if
he sees me doing it or if I ask him

(05:28):
to help, which sucks. Why do I have to tell
you something needs to be done in order for you
to see that it is dirty. After he finished cleaning
and me going in to clean again after him, I
just got in the shower and started reflecting on our
entire relationship. So I decided I would speak to him
about it, and it went exactly how I imagined it would.
I told him the bathroom situation was not okay, and
how I don't understand how he doesn't see when things

(05:50):
need to be cleaned. I told him I feel like
a maid more often than not since living together, and
that he needs to be mindful he is no longer
living with his parents and that he's living with someone else.

Speaker 4 (06:01):
Yeah, that is. I did forget that they were living
together because I know he moved out.

Speaker 6 (06:05):
He moved out to live with her, and this is
what she's having to do, like picking up after him.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, it's so frustrating, right because at first I was
thinking like, yeah, this is the problem because if you
ever do live together, and they do live together, they
lived together, yeah, yeah, because he is like getting trained
that like that things will be fine, Like he's you'll
clean up after him, right and if or you'll tell
him what to do. Yeah, Like if he's okay with
living in this mess, then he probably thinks like, oh, well,

(06:29):
I mean she can clean if she wants to, because
I don't have a problem with it, so like I'm
not really you know what I mean. He apologized, said
he understood and said that he would try harder. He
did acknowledge that we grew up differently and that it
would take him some time to get out of some habits,
which I appreciated but still sucks to hear, and his
entire mood shifted. He was talking low, being short with me,

(06:50):
and I can tell I hurt his feelings, which is
why I always avoid having conversations like this because I
know that it will make him feel bad. And then
we just enter a quiet, awkward roommate phase of pleasantries.
And that's pretty much the vibe that it's been between
us since this weekend, us being quiet and polite as
we go about our daily activities.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
We'll break up.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
Yeah, that's not the best.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
Way to communicate in those guys, No, it's not. We
shouldn't just ignore problems until we can talk again.

Speaker 6 (07:16):
Liked bad, bad stuff bad, no nikes, dude, Yeah, break up.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
I don't want him to feel like he has to
walk on eggshells every time he does something in the
apartment and thinking it has to be cleaned up immediately
or I will get upset. I just want him to
be mindful when he does things and clean up any
messes he makes. I just don't know how I win
in this situation. To top things off, this morning, as
I was getting ready to leave for work, I noticed
he made a pep and jay because there were crumbs

(07:42):
and jelly on the counter, not even forty eight hours
after we spoke. So I texted him about it because
after we had our talk, he told me he wants
me to let him know when he does things around
the house and he promises that I won't be nagging him.
So I did just that, texted him and told him,
and he came back and said that he's sorry and
that he promises that he is trying.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
I believe he is.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
I just hate that as women we have to be
overly patient with men as we wait for them to
grow up and get their lives together.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
Don't, Yeah, you don't gotta don't. Can you choose it
who you want to be patient with?

Speaker 7 (08:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (08:16):
I do get the pressure, but like, but yeah, yeah,
Amuln says, Okay, that is a bigger problem. If you
can't handle hearing, then he made a mistake without making
Opie feel guilty, then he's not ready for this level
of commitment.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Yeap, honestly, Because I mean, this is obviously like.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
A big issue, but what if there's even bigger problems
that come up and he she doesn't a relationship.

Speaker 4 (08:34):
Yeah, like you have to be.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Open to constructive criticism you're dealing with emotion, It's true.

Speaker 5 (08:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
I also feel like if I do get to the
point where I want to leave him, that also sucks
because now the next woman will have the perfect partner.

Speaker 5 (08:47):
He is literally great to me.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Besides his cleanliness, so loving, kind and thoughtful, and he
makes me happy. We have the same likes and dislikes
and have a lot of fun together. I love him
so much, if you can't tell by the things I
put up with, and we've discussed getting married and kids,
but it's getting to the point where I'm not sure
if people really ever change, even if he says he will.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
And I can't help but think to the future.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
How am I possibly going to be comfortable having kids
with him, knowing his parents will want to see and
spend time with our kids at their home. I literally
get sick thinking about my future kids crawling on those floors,
using the bathroom, putting stuff in their mouths, and playing
with the roaches. I just don't know if I can
do this anymore. It's really been taking a toll on me. Yeah, honestly,

(09:28):
don't do it anymore with all that dirty stuff. It's
like that is a health issue. It's a hell that
you I can yeah be around that. And kids are
already so messy. So it's like you have to please,
as someone has grown up in a cluttered household, please
don't be cluttered for your kids.

Speaker 4 (09:44):
Teach them out a cly Yeah, it's hard, you guys,
teach your kids.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
So it's like if you're like, that's something that you
would want to look for in a partner when raising kids, especially.

Speaker 6 (09:54):
Because Ope called herself an eat freak exactly.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
Thing freak. Yeah, it's like that's something that we can't
be living with this guy.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, So how hot is this guy then to look
past this much mess? Yeah, dude, it's gonna be like
he like shines out in the middle of it, like
like a Prince charming like yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
And it honestly does like show more about their poor
communication if she's just been dealing with this the whole
eight years that they've been together. So how am I
to deny our kids from spending their time with their grandparents?
And I know it is too late for them to
change at this point, just because of how I'm feeling.
So I'm just feeling stuck. I'm such a nice person

(10:35):
and I hate it. I hate confrontation. I have a
hard time speaking up for myself and I can just
see an unhappy, miserable future for myself with postpartum depression guaranteed.
Please please, I need some advice on how I should
move forward with this relationship. I have been trying hard
not to show it, but I know he can tell
something's off with me, and I know his feelings are
still hurt. But I just don't know how to talk

(10:57):
to him about all of this. Our least in October
of this year. It will be August and three days
and we've been talking about and scheduling appointments to two
of the new apartment buildings once our lease is up.
But after the incident with the toilet, I've been popped
back into reality of our relationship and I don't know
what to do.

Speaker 6 (11:16):
Help.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
There is an edit I mentioned after the conversation we
had on Sunday, and it's now Tuesday morning that things
have been super awkward, quiet and polite between us. I
went out with my family on Sunday, and before I left,
I cleaned the shower and wiped the sink in the bathroom.
I was leaving the floor and toilet for him to
clean since we were going back to deep cleaning on Sundays.
I ran out to the dollar store to pick up
a few things before I left, honestly just feeling tired

(11:38):
and exhausted from the conversation we had, thinking about the
last seven years, reading all the harsh truths in the
comments and advice, and especially due to his reaction since
his feelings were hurt. I came back home and he
was in the middle of cleaning the entire apartment. Oh whoa, okay, dang, okay,
big turnaround.

Speaker 6 (11:56):
Well it feels like an turn on and more of
just like, oh maybe if I do this.

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah, I mean it's one day, so it's definitely not
like habits that he's forming.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
But I mean seven weeks, yeah, seven weeks. It takes
the minimum amount of time it takes some farm my habit.
Yeah yeah, yeah, so break one.

Speaker 2 (12:11):
But I mean it's it's a positive. Then it's a positive.
And I mean cleaning it how I would clean it.
In my head, I said, there's hope, but I also
feel like, wow, so you were able to clean the
guy clean this whole time.

Speaker 4 (12:23):
You just needed me to say something. Yeah, that's a
good point. I didn't think about that.

Speaker 6 (12:27):
That's what I was about to say.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
He swept, mopped, wiped down and put away our eating trays.
Oh my gosh, unloaded the dishwasher, wiped the counters, washed
his clothes, and even wiped the windowsills where we keep
our plants. I was shocked and relieved. I thanked him,
of course, and told him that I didn't expect him
to do it at all on his own.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
He told me, I want to do it.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I just don't want you feeling like a maid anymore,
So I'm okay to do everything for now.

Speaker 4 (12:52):
This this was all I wanted.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
And part of me feels like a monster for coming
on Reddit and airing out his business when this was
all I on it. I hate that it took the
toilet incident for this to be the result. But hey,
fast forward to last night, just Monday now. I got
home early from work and got on the treadmill in
our building to clear my mind before going back upstairs.
He got home maybe fifteen minutes after I did, and

(13:15):
if I'm being honest, I was avoiding him a little,
so I took longer. I know he was still sad,
and the awkward silence and excuse me as we walked
past each other in the apartment while trying to go
about our daily routine was something I just didn't have
the energy for. After a long day at work, I
came home noticed he was sitting on the couch folding
his clothes. We did our pleasantries, and I got in
the shower. As I was in the shower, I had

(13:36):
a mini cry session, just thinking about all of it
and how I really feel about our relationship. And it
sucks because I still love him so much that it hurts,
and I see he is trying, but I also still
feel like I'm not as happy as I should be,
especially now.

Speaker 4 (13:49):
After Saturday. When I got out of the shower, I
took a little longer to.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Do my aftercare routine because I knew that he would
be able to tell that I had been crying in
the shower. I came out after about ten minutes and
said hi to him, and he immediately said, so, I've
been thinking more about our conversation and I'm sorry. He
then went on to say that he is sorry that
I made him feel like a maid and that he
was sorry that I felt like I couldn't talk to
him about these things. He also brought up a conversation
that we had four years ago when I indeed tried

(14:15):
to break up with him because of his cleanliness and
ended up staying with him after he apologized and we
had a heart heart Okay, so that's interesting.

Speaker 4 (14:24):
We did have a conversation with this a few years ago.

Speaker 6 (14:27):
Yeah, but it did nothing changed until like now, I
guess not.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
I mean, he apologized before, and I guess that was
enough to keep her in the relationship.

Speaker 4 (14:36):
But I guess so I'm a little worried that that
means that that's gonna happen now.

Speaker 6 (14:41):
I feel like he's just gonna revert back.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah, exactly after that convo, he asked me to always
let him know when something is bothering me, no matter what,
if it hurts his feelings or not. I will admit
I'm in the wrong because I did tell him I
would work on doing that, and I can admit I
have not.

Speaker 4 (14:56):
Done that, So that's on me.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
The people, Yeah, they don't seemed to have very good
communication in this story.

Speaker 4 (15:03):
She always like kept it in and just kind of
cleaned is let it fester.

Speaker 3 (15:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
After he apologizes, he also adds that he wants me
to give him some time to make all of these
things have it, and he admitted that this was his
first time living alone after his parents, and he thanked
me for having patience with him. After this, he started
remembering a very few small things that I do that
annoy him.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
I asked.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
I did ask him when we had the conversation on Saturday,
so that I could be mindful and didn't want him
thinking that I was just picking on him. When I
told him, I felt like a maid because of all
the things I do to clean up after him. So
yesterday he brings up that sometimes maybe twice left the
toothpaste in the sink, understandable in an accident, but I
agreed to be mindful. He says that I will sometimes

(15:44):
tell him that I will do something like wipe out
the dryer, put a load of clothes, and.

Speaker 4 (15:50):
Don't get to it.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
When I say, in my head, I was thinking yes,
probably because I got sidetracked and started to clean up
one of his messes, but I didn't say this out loud.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
I see what's happening.

Speaker 8 (16:00):
Yeah, we have the boyfriend that has a huge problem,
and he feels very called out for having this huge problem,
and the girlfriend has small little problems. But to keep
it even he's playing school because he keeps bringing up
stuff from the past, you know.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, And I think it's important to note that these
problems are cleanliness problems too, So he's probably thinking, like, well,
why are you saying this about me when you're doing
all this difference?

Speaker 8 (16:24):
Yeah, because I think there's a difference between being human
and forgetting a few things versus living disorderly.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Yeah, I exactly like choosing to live like that.

Speaker 8 (16:34):
Yeah, I've learned that I do not like a messy room.
How it was pretty rough being with me in my
room today, wasn't it. Well you're moving I know, but
like I understood, I was like, ah, yeah, yeah, I'm
not having a good time.

Speaker 6 (16:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
Which is honestly a kind of good example because it's
like it affects your mental health.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
You're a living space, oh yeah, even though it might.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
Be comfortable because you're used to that, like it overall
and very subconsciously, if you have a clear space, you
will just feel so much better, even if you're not
in nutspace, Like even if just the backyard was clean,
and you just saw it through the kitchen, like I
think would feel better.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
A clean room reflects the state of your mind, for sure.

Speaker 4 (17:14):
All in all, the conversation went well.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
He apologized for being quite the past few days and
that he was just sad and processing everything that I
said to him. He said he loves me very much,
and he hugged and kissed me afterwards.

Speaker 4 (17:24):
I couldn't help but.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Think about the toilet again. But I'm willing to give
him until the end of our lease to make a
one eighty. If he does it, then I'll know what
I need to do. I have a bunch of money
saved up, and we'll start to look into a studio
apartment as a backup option in case things don't work out.
I think it's nice to like give him a little
bit of grace here. He learned these habits from his

(17:47):
parents and growing up, and it's like that's so hard
to unlearn because you just see no problem with it. Really,
Like you're like, yeah, I could clean it, like I
know how to clean it, but like I just don't
think I need to. Like it just doesn't you know,
we're is crazy for the woostains, But yeah, like it
when you're with your family or when you're with a partner,
you have a lot more forgiveness there, which is obviously

(18:07):
what's happening with Op.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
Two.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
But like once, if you're either living on your own
or like living with roommates, that you don't have any
forgiveness there because they're like, dude, you gotta do this
or else, like like it becomes like a business transaction there.
So yeah, yes, maam, but there's a little bit more
into the story. So I really do love him, and
I see that he is trying. As I'm typing this,
he texted me asking how he left the toilet this morning,

(18:31):
because he made sure he looked at it when he finished,
and he flushed twice. I appreciate his efforts, I really do,
but also some part of me still feels like it
would be best to end things and if we end
up back together, then we do, and if we don't,
we don't. He kept saying to give him some time,
But how much time is too much?

Speaker 5 (18:47):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
I will try to go back to normal as much
as I can, because I know that that's what he's
hoping for. After we talked yesterday, I know he could
tell something was still off, and I know I told
him and you wonderful people in the comments that I
would tell him when some things bothering me. So I
want to tell him I truly appreciate his efforts to
keep the apartment clean, but his car his parents' house
is still a very big issue to me, and honestly,
just to see what he says after these conversations we've

(19:10):
had to do, feel as if I'm able to open
up a little bit more to him. So I want
to give myself time to think about the wording, but
I'm planning on bringing this up to him soon. Thank
you all so much for the advice and comments and
words of wisdom.

Speaker 4 (19:22):
I truly needed it.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
I'm also researching therapists to help me with my own issues,
and am contemplating and bringing it up to him once
I do find one to see if he would be
open to seeing one as well.

Speaker 4 (19:32):
So thank you.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
I like this.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
I like this a lot. Taking a step back. I
could not live with someone this messy, because.

Speaker 7 (19:41):
Like that affects your mental health, dude, it really does,
and you've got to be the best possible person of
yourself before you, you know, engage in a marital situation right,
and she was thinking.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Too, like about kids, like if they had kids, and
like either they lived like this or they wanted to
go to his parents' house, like the kids would be
getting all that grime all over them because they're kids.

Speaker 4 (20:02):
They don't know.

Speaker 8 (20:02):
Well, they could also help with their immune system though, yes,
but I see what pros now.

Speaker 4 (20:07):
You could have diseases though, no, beat the diseases.

Speaker 8 (20:10):
When you're younger.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Node.

Speaker 6 (20:13):
My sister wanted my wedding to be all about.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
Her, Well, maybe she should get married.

Speaker 6 (20:18):
And folks, this comes directly from the r slash Okay
storytime superate it. I'm getting married in August this year.
Me female twenty eight, and my fiance, male twenty nine,
are very excited and looking forward to it. I made
my sister, a female forty three, my maid of honor
because I knew how much it would mean to her
as my maid of honor. She was planning my bachelorette
party as a surprise to me. She recently had a

(20:39):
baby who is gorgeous, but when she was still pregnant,
she basically told me that she can't drink at my
party and she would have to bring the baby along
as they would be too young to leave. The baby
would be about three ish month months old. By the way,
this comes from throwing shade four nine nine and if
you want to spit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay Storytime superate it. So I asked for

(21:01):
a very simple occasion that wouldn't cost people a lot
of money, just food and drinks in my local city,
and possibly a cocktail making class, as I have always
found those fun before. However, my maid of honor was
having difficulty finding a bar that would allow her to
bring her infant son along to the cocktail class. She
constantly told me that she can't do that, and so
she was going to let one of my other bridesmaids

(21:23):
organize it because she wouldn't plan a party she couldn't
go to, which I told her was fine if she
didn't feel comfortable planning it and that my other bridesmaids
could plan. This annoyed her as she wanted me to
change my expectations and centered it around what she could attend.
She wanted to try and involve my young nieces and
nephews from both mine and my fiance's side in the
party process, like having one where the kids could get involved.

(21:46):
I said, the kids don't need to be involved, as
in my opinion, it's a very adult occasion and I
spend as much time as I can with all the
kids anyway, So my maid of honor eventually had an
idea and organized a party. The other bridesmaids basically kept
telling me that they didn't even know what was happening,
and they were constantly offering her to help, which she declined. Eventually,

(22:08):
my mom female sixty seven, had to tell her to
utilize the others who were more than willing to help
as she was busy with a new baby, totally understandable.
Then the party came, and at first I thought it
was a cool and neat idea, but after a while
it started to feel like a kid's party with crafting
and stuff. Yet she's throwing a party for her baby,

(22:28):
which I wasn't really interested in and had explicitly asked
for there to be no crafting. I like crafting in
my spare time as a hobby, knitting, crocheting, and cross stitching,
and I've done pottery painting a few times too. I
wanted a night off from crafting, as I do it
almost daily anyway, the cocktail we made was done at
a table, not behind a bar, and was done in groups,
so it felt like when you were doing something in

(22:50):
groups at school and you had to take turns pouring
the stuff into the cocktail shaker, with the bartender actually
talking to us like kids at one point, as my
maid of honor had to keep going going off to
the side to upfront to speed the baby. My future
sister in law took up running some games and activities
during this time so that there wasn't a lull. I
realized the effort that went into it and did not

(23:12):
want to seem ungrateful, so constantly thanked my mom and
maid of honor for their efforts, and my other bridesmaids
for the small parts they played. After this main event,
a few of us went out for more food, drinks,
and dancing. I realized, although it wasn't really what I wanted,
a lot of effort went into it and we did
have fun during some of it. My future sister in

(23:34):
law female thirty three is one of my bridesmaids as
I love her so much and feel lucky I have
in laws I love so much. I felt like I
talked with people throughout. There were about fifteen people plus me,
but having been seated at the top of the table,
I included everyone as much as I could. Plus we
had games too, which integrated everyone.

Speaker 4 (23:54):
It doesn't sound like that bad.

Speaker 6 (23:56):
My future sister in law knew I was a tad
uneasy about the baby being there to booze being involved,
made of honor, wasn't drinking, so she was keeping an
eye on that and making sure nothing went wrong so
I could relax. Anyway, fast forward to the next day.
I stayed at my future sister in law's house as
she came out dancing with us after and wanted to

(24:16):
make sure I was safe. After sleeping in and getting
takeout breakfast, I made my way back to my mom's house.
They had taken some of my gifts and party favors
back to their home for me, so I didn't have
to carry them around with me. I walked in and
could instantly tell something wasn't right, as when my mom
saw me, she didn't seem happy. I said my pleasantries

(24:36):
and asked what was wrong. My mom then started shouting
and freaming at me. She let rip at me for
god knows how long about how I ignored everyone but
my future sister in law and other bridesmaids, and that
I had taken everything they had done for granted and
not said thank you.

Speaker 4 (24:52):
Once I pointed out.

Speaker 6 (24:54):
I thanked everyone who had a part to play, especially
my mom had made of honor. Every time I thanked
my mom at the event itself, she told me it
was all my made of honor and she didn't need
the thing. So I posted a thank you on Facebook,
and now she was angry she wasn't mentioned in it.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Dang, what a completely useless thing to be upset about.

Speaker 6 (25:12):
Truly, it was a lose lose situation. She then proceeded
to shout about all the effort that went into it,
how much it had cost, and that my other bridesmaids
had paid small amounts for what they had done and
were expecting for my mom and made of honor to pay,
which didn't sound like them at all. She also decided
to remind me that future sister in law is not
my family and as much as future sister in law

(25:35):
wants me to be the sister she never had, that
I will never be your sister.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
Girl, calm yourself down, what is going on?

Speaker 6 (25:43):
Why are you freaking out, and this is what I
found most hurtful, as to me, it speaks to her
state of mind of people who have married and are
yet to marry into the family, including my fiancee. Will
my mom ever truly see fiance's family even when we
have been married for ten twenty thirty years. It was

(26:04):
so hurtful and upsetting, and I told her, I'm glad
she's made her views on in laws not being family,
and that I would be sure to tell fiance that
he will never be treated like family by my mom.
I told her, I'll be sure to tell my two
brothers wives the same thing. My dad was trying to
stick up her and said that's not what she meant,
but that I ignored my own sister in favor of
my future sister in law, which isn't even true. My

(26:27):
dad tried to get us to calm down and talk
things out, but I was so angry. I said all
I did was bend over to make my sister comfortable
at that party. How I had to sacrifice the party
I wanted so she could feel more included, and that
everything about this wedding has been about accommodating her. We
had to try on so many bridesmaid's dresses because she

(26:47):
didn't like the ones I had picked out because she
wouldn't be able to breastfeed. That is a fair concern,
but I feel like there's got, I don't know, gotta.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Be some easier fix.

Speaker 6 (26:57):
We had to see her next to my mom so
she could have help with her eldest child. She's a
single mom. I even wasn't allowed to ask my future
sister in law to wedding dress fittings because it would
upset her. Okay, well no, no, it's your wedding dress fitting.
Why did you make her your maid of honor?

Speaker 3 (27:13):
You can get what you can. Anyone else would bring
me whoever you want to this event.

Speaker 6 (27:18):
My sister even fought me on what we had asked
her to read at the wedding ceremony because she didn't
like it and wanted what we had asked my sister
in law brother's wife to read. I told my mom,
I'm done making allowances for my sister and making this
wedding about her just because she's jealous that I'm getting married.
I left sobbing and called one of my friends who
is a BM bridesmaid and lived close by to tell

(27:41):
her what happened and could I drop by, as I
didn't want to go home in such a state. I
called my fiance, who was so angry he offered to
come get me, but I said I was at a
friend's house having a coffee and then I'll come home
when I've calmed down. We then conference called with future
sister in law and my other friend slash bridesmaid, and
I told them all all what happened, ride some more,

(28:02):
and then eventually calm down enough to go home. My
fiance is angry and wants to say something to them,
which I think would just make things worse. I think
so too.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
I think if you said something in anger it would
make things worse. But I don't know.

Speaker 6 (28:14):
I think you just need to start setting up those
boundaries and if they say, well, we want to do this,
you say, well, I'm sorry, it's gonna happen like this, and.

Speaker 4 (28:21):
If they don't like it, they don't have to come boom.

Speaker 6 (28:24):
My mom has tried calling me multiple times and then
texted me to say what I said was horrible and
that I was an a hole for rubbing my sister's face,
and the fact that I'm getting married, well, she's still
thinkle So am I the a hole?

Speaker 3 (28:37):
It sounds like there's a lot of complicated stuff going
on here. It's like, clearly your sister had a baby
and she's kind of mad that she didn't have a husband.

Speaker 5 (28:48):
Yeah, yeah, I guess.

Speaker 4 (28:51):
I would ask MESSI I would ask has she always
been like this?

Speaker 6 (28:55):
Is this kind of new behavior? Is her having to
raise a child as a single mother? They're contributing to
any of this kind of obsessiveness and controllingness, you know?
Or has she always been like this?

Speaker 3 (29:09):
And maybe we need distance information?

Speaker 6 (29:12):
Yeah, but folks, we got a little bit left. Honestly,
so shocked at how many people reached out with help,
advice and support. I am somewhat of a people pleaser
and do love my family and don't feel mentally ready
to go no contact. But I am going to go
low contact under the assumption that I am busy with
last minute wedding preparations. My wedding is actually next week.

(29:34):
I don't want to rock the boat. So my future
sister in law is stepping up as interference for my
sister as my sister's speeding. I have also warned my
photographers to avoid my sister for the candid shots and
just had the few posed ones.

Speaker 4 (29:47):
I have three other.

Speaker 6 (29:47):
Bridesmaids, including future sister in law. I've said they have
a surprise plan for me in two days. Oh, these
are the good ones. These are the good people.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
I thought that could be fun.

Speaker 6 (29:58):
Maybe they're throwing you a bride's a bridal party, or
a bachelorette that you actually want.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
No crafts involved, or three month old babies.

Speaker 1 (30:06):
Hey, it's Sam, your ogi host here bring you back
to the stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
My friend's kids are greedy with food and I don't
want them over again.

Speaker 5 (30:17):
I don't know, maybe you should feed them.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
No, let them fight for it. I twenty eight female,
have two kids, and for my son's birthday about a
little over a month ago, we decided to celebrate on
the weekend by taking a trip to the Big Water
Park about an hour away. We wanted to keep the
guest list small since we were already doing something at
home on his actual birthday. The drive is far and
admission is pretty pricey. By the way, this comes from

(30:42):
a user adds similar thirty nine to sixty on the
Charlotte Doughbray YouTube subredit and if you want to submit
your own stories, weren't you going down to the Okay
storytime separated? We should have made them there. So I
created a Facebook event and I invited a few of
our closest family and friends, stating that all guests would
pay for themselves the see free. We'd provide lunch, cupcakes

(31:04):
and a meeting area with shade and decorations. When I
was going through my friend's list, I accidentally clicked on
someone twenty four female, let's call her Sarah, who wasn't
originally on my guest list. Sarah is someone I'm not
super close with. I only met her through mutual friends.
She's never been invited to any of my children's birthday
parties before. Since we mostly only see each other at

(31:25):
events through mutual friends a couple times a year, we
don't hang out on our own terms. And while her
kids and mine are somewhat the same age as they're
not close friends by any means. Sarah's kids are rude, entitled,
and get unlimited unsupervised screen time, and say cusswords, the
exact opposite of my children. When I created the Facebook event,
I didn't even realize I'd clicked her name until I

(31:47):
got the notification that she had marked herself as going.
I checked the settings and no, it's invite by host only. Crap.
I'd just seen her at a previous event and figured
it would be rude to uninvite her now. So that's
the harm in adding a couple more people, right?

Speaker 6 (32:03):
Wrong.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
Sarah has four kids, all between five months and six
years old. She's unfortunately raised some red flags within our
friend group regarding not showing up as a good friend,
setting bad examples for her kids, and getting too involved
in others business, borrowing money, and issues surrounding food consumption.
It's a lot of issues. Sarah's family noticeably eats more

(32:26):
than any other family at events. At My Best Eat,
Tatiana's daughter's birthday party, Sarah alone ate five slices of pizza,
Her fiance four, and her two oldest children each ate three.
That's sixteen slices for her family alone. When the pizza arrived,
they were first in line and took the majority before

(32:47):
others could eat. Tatiana and her husband didn't even get
a slice because they waited for everyone else, and the
birthday girl herself only got one slice, so people noticed
and whispered, but no one said anything. That's the problem.
Then at Thanksgiving, another friend, Kaylee, invited Taziana for friends Giving.
During a group FaceTime, Tatiana mentioned going to Kaylee's. Sarah

(33:10):
mentioned she'd be in town visiting in laws, so Kaylee
politely said if she had time to stop by for
a quick visit, she'd love to see her. Sarah apparently
took this as a dinner invitation. Yep, that's what you did.
You invited her to dinner. You can't be mad, but
she's gonna show up after You're like, I'd love it
if you could stop by.

Speaker 5 (33:26):
We'rey and me having a dinner. You should totally swing through.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
So later, Sarah texted Kaylee saying she was too tired
to visit, but asking if Kaylee could make her a
to go plate with leftovers and meet her at the door.
Kaylee was appalled. She'd never invited Sarah to dinner and
to ask for leftovers in the same breath as declining
to visit is unreal. Now back to my son's birthday party.

(33:51):
The water park at Mission is expensive, with no group
discounts if your child is above thirty six inches tall day,
pay full price. Sarah doesn't work and her fiance is
between jobs. She mentioned to Taziana that she didn't have
a babysitter for her youngest and was broke asking to
borrow money for admission. She's food and secure. They're food and.

Speaker 5 (34:08):
Secure, and you clearly know this from what you're typing.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
I mean you should be able to gather that protext.

Speaker 5 (34:16):
Clue a little bit, get internet and get two extra pizzas,
send them home with pizza leftover pizza. Here you go.
You wane to dig this home.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
That's a pretty rough situation. Can't really get your own job,
is Sarah, because you got five kids and then husbands
in between jobs. That's illegal. Can't do that? Not allowed.
So Sarah's asking money to borrow for admission. Tatiana, who
Sarah still owed money to from before, explained she couldn't
afford to pay for Sarah's family on top of her own.

(34:45):
Sarah got noticeably irritated and ended the call. Two days
before the event, I called Sarah to confirm attendance. She
said she wasn't sure, but would let me know. She
never did the day of the party, I ordered a
big costco sandwich platter, chips, can and fruit and veggie platters,
more than enough for my confirmed guests. Everyone starts arriving

(35:06):
and walking through the crowd. I see Sarah, her fiance,
and their four kids. I had no problem with them coming,
but a head's up would have been great.

Speaker 5 (35:15):
I mean, she did originally invite RCP.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yes you do kind of.

Speaker 5 (35:21):
I would have assumed they were coming.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
During the party, their family ate most of the food
because they don't have any. As I was cleaning up
before singing Happy Birthdays, Sarah asked if there were more
sandwiches left. Their family had already eaten. I opened the
platter and there were only six sandwich halves left. Sarah
grabbed three halves. Her fiance reached in and took two more,

(35:43):
leaving only one half.

Speaker 5 (35:45):
Yes, that's five for the five of them and their family.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
It's pretty wild.

Speaker 5 (35:50):
Yes, it does sound like the family lacks a lot
of like tax Yeah, the tact and how they're going
about it, Like the birthday person should eat first, they
should hold back and just take a little bit of
it at a time. At the same time, no one
else is in a place where they're showing up to
a party, hungry and now they're around food that they're
allowed to grat, like give them way more grace than

(36:12):
you're giving them. Yeah, but they could have better etiquette
about how they.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
Go about it. Both sides need to be like, yeah,
I agree, Gayla says everyone sucks here. I kind of agree.
Both sides need to be going about the way that
they communicate better. If your food insecure and your friend
group doesn't know, you don't need to keep it a secret.
And if you have someone in your group who's like
eating all of your food all the time and you're
like why are they doing this? You need to like
have a conversation with them about it.

Speaker 5 (36:35):
Are you guys, okay, do you need food?

Speaker 3 (36:36):
Cause it's like I don't know some people who've grown
up and like never had food in security. It could
be like, oh, like I almost don't even think about
that being an option, and it's like you're lucky, Okay.
When my daughter asked for a sandwich, I gave her
that last piece. I the one who paid for the platter,
only got to eat one half because I was busy
chasing my kids and hosting. Sarah's kids had been asking

(36:57):
when's the time for cupcakes every few minutes. Despite my explanations.
Once I set the cupcakes out, before I could even
grab a lighter for the candles, Sarah's daughter pushed past
me and stuck her fingers directly into the blue icing
on the cupcake at the top of the three tier stand,
the exact one I was going to put my son's
candle on. I was furious. I told her not to
stick her fingers in the cupcakes and to sit down

(37:19):
and wait like everyone else, or she wouldn't get any
She ran away, crying to find her dad. I didn't care.
Don't touch my son's cupcakes. They may be like down
their luck and food and secure, but it sounds like
they are raising gremlins. Yeah, like cupcakes. Anyway, After we sang,
I handed out cupcakes to everyone with Sarah's last minute edition.

(37:41):
There was only enough for everyone to have one cupcake each.
I announced this from the start. Oh while I was
helping my daughter in the bathroom, Sarah's kids decided to
help themselves. The seconds every other child had one cupcake,
only Sarah's kids each got two. Sarah's family ate most
of the food and were also the only ones to
bring a gift not that gifts are required, but I've

(38:02):
never shown up to a party empty handed, especially when
I didn't confirm attendance for but they did. Now, my
daughter's third birthday is coming up next month. I'd never
invited Sarah to any of my children's parties before, since
we're not close and our children aren't really friends. I
want to keep it small with super tight close friends
and family who are a part of her everyday life.

(38:23):
I also don't want to invite Sarah because she's not
a close friend and her family of six eats enough
food for a family of sixteen as a stretch. I'm
worried that since she was invited to one party, she
might expect future invitations and be offended if she doesn't
get one. Every single other person from my son's party
will be invited to my daughter's party. I'll only be
excluding Sarah's family. She loves drama and makes petty comments

(38:44):
when excluded, and my anxiety combined with my people pleasing tendencies,
has me overthinking this. So would I be the a
whole for not inviting someone to my daughter's birthday party
because they have poorly behaved kids and their family eats
too much? At the end of the day, even if
I am the a whole, I really don't want to
invite people to my child's birthday party who don't have
a meaningful connection with her. And we have some comments.

(39:07):
Everyone sucks here, dude. Everyone needs to learn how to
talk and be real with each other, all right, because
y'all kind of suck for not just being like, hey,
not cool how your kids are acting and not cool?
Like are you guys? Why are you guys doing this?
You're okay? Do you need food? You want to go?
Let's go to the food pantry. It's go do something.
There's got to be local resources somewhere for people who

(39:28):
have food and security. Comment to number one, you're the
a hole for allowing yourself to be treated that way,
not the a hole for not inviting rude, entitled people
to your events. Got them, got us in the first half.

Speaker 5 (39:40):
Woo.

Speaker 3 (39:41):
You aren't supposed to or expected to do that to
yourself or your other guests. A reply says, I'm betting
it won't work to just not invite her. Since she
got invited before, she may find a way to insert
herself into the party. I think you should call her
and tell her exactly why she isn't invited to your
house for the party and will not be invited in
the future to any event you have. No bullies need

(40:02):
to be put in their place. Every situation needs a hero,
and you should be the hero here. Allowing her and
her family to join in caused your child to be
deprived of fully enjoying the party. It would even be
better if the other moms joined you in a conference call,
since they've been bullied as well. No, you, psycho, what
are we talking about?

Speaker 5 (40:21):
Also?

Speaker 4 (40:22):
Was your three year old's party ruined?

Speaker 5 (40:23):
Does your three year old.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Remember the birthday party?

Speaker 3 (40:26):
Guys, we don't need to like all gang up on
them and be like you you are excluding in your
bed because you keep taking all the food. You're crazy
for that commenter. These people probably need this food because
they don't have any money. They might not have any food.
But they're wrong for not saying it, and you're wrong

(40:49):
for not being like, what what is going on here?
They are bullies and you all need to stand up
to them and let them know they are not welcome,
and if they show up after that, politely but firmly
lets them know they must leave. Comment two says Oh
you need to grow a dang backbone. No way am
I letting someone just come in and eat everything without
calling them out. I'm an a hole like that comment

(41:10):
three says, not the a hole. No need to lie either.
If asked, you say your family shoves food down their
throats like a bunch offensive linemen. And I can't afford that.
That is, I guarantee you something this person would never
say in their life. That's an absurd thing to say.

Speaker 5 (41:22):
Sandwich.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
This is not the caviat and gold leaf like Hamburger.

Speaker 5 (41:28):
Whatever individual restaurant meals. We got a flatter of subs,
come on, clatter of hogies, if you will.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
Then that's actually that's the end of that story. Oh damn,
that's again a crazy comment. I haven't been Food and Secure,
but I know people who have been, and it's like
a horrible place to be and it's crazy, you know,
it's again. I guess if you've never been there sometime,
or you don't know anyone who's been there, it could
be something you completely overlook as a possibility. But like,
that's so clearly what's going on here.

Speaker 5 (41:56):
It feels very clear.

Speaker 3 (41:59):
If it's not, then they are just like goblin people,
but like that's what's happening. I still bet everything.

Speaker 5 (42:06):
Everyone sucks a little bit there, but like help each
other out.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
I don't even know if sucks is the right word.
It's just like those situation sucks. Everyone needs to do
better at communicating.

Speaker 5 (42:17):
My brother pulls scams for a living and our parents
support him.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
That's bad.

Speaker 5 (42:23):
I twenty six female, have two brothers, Bobby twenty eight
male and Carl, twenty four male. My dad, sixty five male,
has his own company where Bobby is employed. Bobby still
lives with my parents with his wife. They've been married
since twenty twenty one. I've been living in X country

(42:43):
since finishing high school. I got my degree there, and
I'm currently working in the same country. Carl is working
in a multinational company in our home country directly after
graduating college. He's been living in another city since his employment.
By the way, comes from Throwaway seven h nine and
if you want to see your own stories, go to

(43:04):
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. Our family has been
dealing with a problem regarding Bobby since early twenty twenty two.
Bobby works in a certain company. His task is to
look for people to invest their money for certain projects. Okay,
the company promised profit returns after six months. The problem

(43:26):
is none of the investors have received their initial investment
and the promised profit up until this point July twenty
twenty three. According to the info I got from my parents,
the amount of investments may have reached one hundred and
fifty thousand dollars. That's a lot of money for our country.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
That's just a lot of money even in this country.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
Well what, I don't know whether the money was really
used for the projects, but those projects weren't gaining profits
as planned, or the company simply scammed people. I'm going
with scammed people because Bobby's the one who looked for investors.
Those who invest are, of course, mostly people he knows.

Speaker 4 (44:06):
Oh wow.

Speaker 5 (44:07):
His relationships with friends and acquaintances are ruined. Bobby's constantly
bombarded with text from people asking about their money. Some
people came to our house looking for Bobby. He is
often not at home to greet these investors, so my
dad has to be the one to deal with them.
Some even demanded my dad to pay back their money.

(44:29):
Oh my god. I also invested about five thousand dollars
in that company. It was a huge amount for me
because I have only just started working and saving money. Yes,
I was naive and shortsighted, and I trusted Bobby at
that time. I was promised the investment by February twenty
twenty three, but I haven't received my money until now.

(44:51):
I don't think I will be getting my investment money back.
I take this as a huge learning opportunity with quite
a price. Bobby chose to continue work looking for that
company even though there's no hope in that company. Dad
said they couldn't even pay their monthly office space rent
since about June twenty twenty two, which means the company
isn't getting any profit. Why does Dad know this? The

(45:14):
debt collector went to our house and demanded the rent
be paid. Bobby said he likes being in that company
because the employees are young and he gets along with them.
He doesn't seem to care or feel guilty that he's
made people lose their money. He often got angry at
the investors because they kept on asking him about their investment.

(45:35):
The crazy thing is Bobby isn't paid by that company.
He isn't even an employee. He's basically just a lackey.
Bobby is very loyal to that company and would drive
every week to another city to do things for that company.
He's usually gone for two to three days. Nowadays it's

(45:57):
more like five to six days, using his actually my
Dad's car and his own money from my dad to
do business errands for that company. Bobby has never provided
for himself. He has never really earned money in his life,
maybe a little on paper. He's still working for my dad.

(46:18):
Dad still pays his salary, which is higher than normal
wages for his monthly even though he didn't do any
work for him due to him being so invested in
that scamming company. Dad said, Bobby doesn't want to apply
for work. He only works for people who offer him
a job, who will of course exploit him because he's

(46:39):
desperate and stupid enough to take that job. I think
Bobby just doesn't have any confidence in him. Bobby also
had a history of working for an MLM. I used
to send money to my family, including Bobby, monthly. I
would transfer the money to his account and he would
distribute it to my parents and Carl. Back then, when

(47:00):
I first started sending money home, I gave him instructions
on how to divide the money. Basically, everyone got a
fifth and the last fifth was used for house supplies
and groceries. During my last holiday at home, I asked
Mom how much money Bobby gave her that month, and
it was less than a fifth. Moreover, Mom also told
me that his wife doesn't know that he gets money

(47:22):
from me every month. Dad also said that his wife
may not know that Bobby got bonus money from my dad,
even though he doesn't do any work for Dad, which
means Bobby can't be trusted about money anymore. I don't
think Bobby could have ever been trusted about money from
the sounds of it.

Speaker 3 (47:40):
I don't think anyone in your family can be trusted
about money right now? What's going on? Including you? Why
are you still paying your brot? Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 5 (47:46):
What are we doing? We said? The title of this
was that your parents still support Bobby. You still support Bobby?

Speaker 3 (47:52):
You just said you're still paying it.

Speaker 5 (47:54):
After the conversations with my parents, I stopped sending Bobby
money and transferred any money home to Dad's account. Another
thing about money, Bobby has borrowed money from Kral and
probably from other people as well, which he hasn't returned yet.
The more annoying side of this problem is Bobby starts
to act more and more like a man child. He's

(48:16):
often irritated and angry at Dad, Mom, and his wife.
He ruined my last holiday at home with his tantrums.
It got to a point where I don't want to
spend my precious holiday time with him in the future.
Bobby also has made Mom cry multiple times through his
actions and words. Bobby is one of the major reasons

(48:37):
why Dad is constantly stressed, to the point of him
having digestion problems. Dad still has to keep on working,
even at sixty five, to provide everything, even though he's
supposed to enjoy his life at that age. I think
Bobby doesn't have any friends anymore because of his scamming company.
He used to have a lot of friends and hang
out with them often. No one's on his sne now

(49:00):
besides the scamming company and maybe his wife. I think
even his wife is now starting to get sick of him.
My parents are worried about Bobby's relationship with his wife.
I do sense the divorce coming if Bobby doesn't get
his act together. I mean, I wouldn't be able to
put up with what his wife has to go through.
Bobby and his wife had only been dating for about

(49:21):
two months before they decided to get married. I think
Bobby hasn't provided anything or very little financially to his marriage.
His wife works at her mother's company, so she is
not financially dependent on him. Bobby is charismatic and has
a way with words. I think that's why his in
laws were convinced to marry their daughter off to him.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
Oh, oh, that might be arranged and arranged and marriage.

Speaker 5 (49:47):
I asked his mother in law jokingly why she let
them get married after such a short period of dating.
She said, he is mature. He does give off that vibe.
Bobby's in laws are now utterly disappointed in him, I mean,
like rightfully so. During a video call with my parents yesterday,
they told me that Dad and Bobby have made an agreement.

(50:08):
By the end of twenty twenty three, Bobby needs to
make a choice stay in the shady company and not
get paid by Dad anymore. Uh, work with my dad
with a higher salary. Yeah, I know. Dad still desperately
wants Bobby to work within his company, work somewhere else.
If Bobby decides to work for Dad's company, Dad will

(50:29):
somehow find a way to help him with the lost
investment money, which means Dad will pay back the victim's money,
not all of them, only those that Dad knows personally.
But still I find this to be the most baffling
thing Dad has ever said regarding this whole thing. How
is Bobby supposed to learn from his mistakes and go
through the consequences if Dad bails him out all the time.

(50:52):
Another big what the F moment? Dad plans to build
Bobby a house so he can live there with his wife.
The problem is Bobby clearly doesn't want to work for
my dad. He told my mom that he's jealous of
me and Carl because we can do whatever we want. Well,
we don't. We obeyed Dad to a certain degree, but
then tried to make something good out of the situation.

(51:15):
Bobby just wallows up in his hole woe is me
attitude and blames Dad for all his traumas. I told
Dad to stop giving Bobby any money anymore so Bobby
can learn some consequences and snap out of it. But
Dad said, you shouldn't be cruel to family. He doesn't
have the heart.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
You're being cruel to him by like keeping him in
a perpetual state of helplessness.

Speaker 5 (51:39):
He doesn't have the heart to just cut his financial
support for Bobby, and also said I can't do this
to my own child. I am torn between feeling frustrated, angry,
and sad. Frustrated with Dad for enabling Bobby, Angry towards
Bobby for treating my parents and his wife like crap
and taking advantage of them because he knows they won't
leave him. Instead that I'm kind of losing my older brother,

(52:03):
that he's no longer his old self. Bobby's actually a
nice and dependable person. I think he's lost, depressed and
ashamed of himself, but doesn't know what to do. I
used to call Bobby often. After the investment thing, he
stopped contacting me. I think out of fear of being
asked about my money. Right now, I honestly don't have

(52:24):
the mental and emotional capacity to keep any contact with him.
I also grew to loathe the video calls with my
parents because I know they will speak vent about Bobby
and I will be left angry and frustrated for the
next days or even weeks. I am angrier that they
can't see the problem with them enabling Bobby's behavior. I
really don't know what to do at this point. I

(52:46):
feel bad for everyone involved to varying degrees, but don't
see any way out without Bobby changing himself. And I
think every sensible person knows that we can't change a
person unless that person wants to. I only have three
questions for my fellow redditors. Maybe someone could give me
different perspectives on this whole mess. I plan to do

(53:06):
an honest talk with Bobby. Will that make a difference
for the better or should I just remain silent? Is
there a way I can make my parents, especially my dad,
realize that their behavior is contributing to Bobby's reluctance to change.
What can Bobby do to improve his situation?

Speaker 2 (53:22):
That's the end of that.

Speaker 3 (53:24):
Take responsibility and have personal accountability. And like cold water,
this is a cold water moment. You can't continue to
do the same thing, which is like it's okay, Bobby,
like we'll figure it out, and he needs to be
like you really messed up, Bobby, And now it's like
a make or break moment where you need to fix
it to bootstrap up.

Speaker 5 (53:41):
The issue is is a cowboy time on that Opie
stopped sending the money. It's like, fully their dad now.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Yeah, And if that's gonna be the case, then I
don't know, there's not anything you can do about it.
He's still his own person, he's in adult He's gonna
be able to make his own decisions and take his
own actions. And if he decides to not change and
not take any action, then there's not much else you
can do about it. Yeah, other than removing yourself from
the equation.

Speaker 5 (54:07):
I feel like it's kind of just like you're stuck
until someone else like snaps onto your side, and then
you guys have like man power. Yeah, go for his wife.
Get his wife. When you suck, get him get his wife.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast.

Speaker 3 (54:24):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
My cousin stole from my father right after he passed away, scandalous.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
I have no words to describe how furious I am
right now.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
My dad passed away from pancreatic camps three days ago.
He was diagnosed two weeks ago, spent all of the
first week and a half in the hospital until the
doctors told us to take him home. He spent the
last part of his life in hospice Kara, unable to talk,
in horrible pain. I was the only one with him
when he passed, and it wasn't easy. Having to hold
his hand and soothe him in his final moments was

(55:05):
the hardest thing I've ever.

Speaker 4 (55:07):
Had to do.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
By the way, this comes from oxy family issues, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story time sep reread it. We're
a big Hispanic family, so we had lots of family
coming in and out for the last week.

Speaker 4 (55:18):
Several stopped by the day that he passed.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
Away, one of which included my constantly in trouble cousin.
Long story short, I caught him looting and ransacking the
bathroom and the room my father passed in looking for
the oxy cotton my dad was prescribed for his palliative hair.
Keep in mind, he was prescribed a substantial amount and
I now can't.

Speaker 4 (55:38):
Effing find it.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
I lost my crap, hit and screamed at him, and
all but chased him out of the house. I'm furious,
and since I'm the only one planning the funeral, I've
banned him and his enabling family from the funeral. I'm
so angry and so upset that they'd let him not
only disrespect my dad by ransacking his things, but defended
him after the fact. When I called my aunt to

(56:00):
confront her about what her son did, she defended him
and so that he would never do such a thing.
And then I must have mis seen something. Since I
decided to ban them. I told my closest aunt and
uncle to give them the news that we do not
want them there and that if they were seen anywhere
near the church or the funeral home.

Speaker 5 (56:17):
The police would be called.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
I am now being bombarded from my family members telling
me that it's not right for me to ban them
from the viewing and funeral, and that I'm being way
too hard on them, considering my dad loved them. If
my dad had caught them doing any of the things
that I caught their son doing, he would have thrown
him out the door on his but period. I'm refusing
to budge on this. However, my mom, who's been kind

(56:39):
of out of it since the passing is now sort
of gently prodding that maybe we should relent and allow
them in. My siblings and I are generally united, except
my sister thinks that maybe we should allow them to
attend if my cousin agrees to turn over what he
stole and apologizes to our family.

Speaker 4 (56:54):
So am I being too hard on them? I'm just
so angry. I don't think I can forgive it. And
there are some comments I.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
Think your brother needs addiction treatment.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Fact that they're just defending it okay, But the fact
that they're not seeing this and they're like, oh, something's
wrong with him, like we need he needs his own help,
completely separate to this problem, you like, that's that's another thing.
It's like you're not just ignoring what he's doing to
Opie's dad. It's just like there's a much bigger problem
at hands here that we're ignoring.

Speaker 4 (57:22):
That's very disappointing.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
But yeah, I mean, honestly, that uphill battle like requirement
of like, oh, well, you can hand him over if
you want to come back, it's like that's kind of
a good way to not let.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
Them back in, you know what I mean, Even if
you do give that out, it's like they could just
give you half of it.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
Roth Lobster says, we should allow them to attend if
my cousin agrees to turn over what he stole and
apologize to our family. I think this is the correct
route to go. It shows everyone in your family that
you have a reason to be mad. It solves drama
and in a way that makes him look bad, not you.
It means that you don't take crap from family for this.
It puts pressure on your cousin from your family to

(57:58):
return the substances and admit to his wrongdoing, as opposed
to that pressure.

Speaker 4 (58:02):
Only coming from you. You can still not forgive them,
You can still never invite them to things. You can
still exclude this person from your life from now on.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
However, it solves the immediate cluster f that and avoids
the drama that it might perpetuate. And as a side note,
assuming he admits guilt, I would absolutely ban him from
your house. Lita says, I agree. The stealing is horrible, provided,
as one commenter noted, he took the meds not hospice,
as is often protal call.

Speaker 4 (58:28):
But I just don't think this is Opie's call to make.
It's her mom's call.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
She sounds like she wants to let it go and
have the funeral be about her husband, not about the
drama and banned family members. I'm a big believer in
the funeral is for the living, not for the past away,
and as the closest person to the deceased, it's mom's decision.

Speaker 4 (58:45):
I agree. An apology is an order.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
A cousin was certainly trying to steal something at any rate,
but that shouldn't be conditional on the cousin and his
family attending the funeral. Opie is fine not to forgive
them or speak to them following the funeral, of course,
but for now, I ask Opa to take some breaths,
let the anger subside, and think of your mom and
what she wants. Signed someone who bitter tongue about addict
or a thief cousin coming to Grandpa's funeral because it's

(59:08):
what Grandma wanted. Oh Pi responds. The thought of him
being there literally makes my jaw clench. I cannot stand
the thought of him or any of them showing their
faces at an event meant to be about respect and
honoring my dad when they all over it by letting
their disgusting excuse for a son disrespect him. I know
my mom wants us to forgive him and let him come,

(59:29):
but I'm just so so angry. This feels like a
literal slap to the face. I know her feelings matter,
but aren't our feelings valid too?

Speaker 4 (59:37):
And there is an update, so this is six days later.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
For those that asked me if I was sure my
cousin was looking through my dad's things looking for substances,
I can one hundred percent assure you that he was.
Drawers were pulled out, cabinets were flung wide open. When
I caught him in the act. He was actually rummaging
through the pockets of the pants my dad was wearing
when he passed. So yes, I'm very sure that he
was after the substances. I talked to my mom about

(01:00:02):
the possibility that hospice took the substances, and she told
me that they got rid of all the morphine and larazapam.
The oxytocin was untouched and it was hidden in a
very specific drawer which I found upended. It's safe to
say that I know he took them anyway. Now the update,
so I was all set to stick to my pew
pews and prevent them from attending. However, I got a

(01:00:23):
call from my Abulita, and I agreed to bring her
some dinner and talk with her. I know she's been
taking my dad's passing really hard, and I didn't want
to do it, but I still felt like I had
to hear her out. I sat down with her and
had a long conversation, and some things came out that
I didn't know before. My aunt, the one that I
abanned from the funeral, actually bailed my dad out of
jail once when he was a very young man and

(01:00:44):
had a problem with booze. She paid for his attorney
and legal fees and everything, and I guess the experience
is what helped my dad get his crap together and
straighten his life out. I never knew any of this
because my dad swore her and the rest of my
family to secrecy. I suspect he was ashamed, since he
worked so hard to keep me and my siblings on
the straight and narrow. Abulita told me that she understood

(01:01:04):
how I felt, but my aunt was a huge part
of my father's life and that she wanted all of
her children there, and that being so angry and taking
my anger out on other people would do nothing to
bring him back, kind of broke down.

Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
She was right.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
When I wasn't angry, when I wasn't busy, and once
I was left with just myself, all I felt was
exhaust And I don't know, I don't even know how
to describe a feeling that goes beyond heartbroken. Someone here
commented that it was like a grief that puts a
passing of itself in you. A commentary was one hundred
percent right. Abilita wanted it, and my mom wanted it.

(01:01:37):
My siblings and I reluctantly agreed to lift the ban,
and my aunt told my other aunt and uncle that
we had changed our minds. However, we would really appreciate
it if the cousin did not attend. The viewing was yesterday,
and of course they brought their crap bags on with them.
He acted like a straight fool. While he had the
common sense to avoid me like the plague, he had
the effing nerve to act like he was so torn up,

(01:01:59):
made a show of.

Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
The casket and so on. What do you think about that?

Speaker 3 (01:02:02):
I don't know. That might not be a show man.

Speaker 4 (01:02:04):
That's what I'm kind of thinking too.

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
You know, people with addictions are still like people with feelings,
and he probably does feel really mixed up about what
he did, like because it's a real shameful thing to do, totally.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
I mean, I could understand if, like, if you're kneeling
at the door or at the casket and stuff is
like a little much for.

Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
What he would usually do, maybe you can be a
little annoyed. But like again, like I agree with you,
I don't think any of it's really malicious.

Speaker 5 (01:02:30):
You know.

Speaker 4 (01:02:30):
Obviously he wasn't being super respectful when he was looking.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
At all that stuff, but we know why, you know,
so I think a little bit of grace can be
given to this guy.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
It's a hard spot to be in to have to,
you know, deal with On the other side, it's a
hard spot for him to have to deal with it
as well. Whatever's going on at the funeral. It's really
hard not to move through this and from a personal place,
you're saying it really personally it's a personal thing.

Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
Yeah, and you're grieving what all.

Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
This, Yeah, and it's and it feels unfair and wrong
and it's just hard. But he needs help, you know, right.

Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
I know it's so different than like the other stories
where someone gets really weird about money when someone passes away. Yeah,
and they get really greedy with that stuff because it's like, okay,
well you are in a fine state of mind to like,
you know, deal with money, you know, But with this,
it's like, okay, you know, I feel like people who
are people who have problems with that kind of stuff
don't have a lot of you know, chances of these

(01:03:24):
medications just laying around. So this is like the perfect
opportunity for him, and he can't help it.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
So clearly he can't because of how he acted, Like
that's absurd to be going through the pants. Yeah, yeah,
like it's just crazy, it's wild.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
But there is a little bit more to the story.
So then he proceeded to get so crap faced at
the bar next door. He promptly returned to the funeral home,
wandered into the room where refreshments were being served, and
when my brother said something snide to him, a pushing
match ensued, in which an entire tray of desserts went
crashing to the floor. My uncle promptly strong armed both
of them out the door and told them both not

(01:03:59):
to coming to the funeral service the next day. If
they couldn't act right, which I don't blame him for.
My siblings were under strict instruction not to engage.

Speaker 4 (01:04:07):
Him in any foolishness.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
A d bad cousin didn't show up to the service,
but his parents did. The service went far smoother than
the viewing. I gave the eulogy and we all said
goodbye to my dad.

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
Everyone's gone.

Speaker 4 (01:04:19):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
I don't feel angry anymore. Now I just feel so
sad and incredibly alone. I'll be missing my father forever.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
And that's how we end that story. Oh Pee, I'm
so sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
Hopefully now that that kind of funeral drama is over,
now you can actually focus on healing and grieving in
the

Speaker 4 (01:04:36):
Proper way, rather than like all this other stress distracting
it

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My boyfriend grew up in a DISGUSTING household… and I can’t take it anymore! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2303

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My boyfriend grew up in a DISGUSTING household… and I can’t take it anymore! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP2303