My boyfriend is about to PROPOSE… but I’ve been hiding a massive secret! | Reddit Stories | EP2092 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Here, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

(00:03):
I'm an og Okay story Time podcast host. I don't care.
I'm making sure that you stay here for the next
two minutes. All right, I'll be detained for the two
more minutes before we get into this episode. Yeah, we
got some maths coming up, so stick around. Stick around.
My boyfriend is about to propose, but I've been hiding
a massive secret. Oh how massive using a throwaway account

(00:25):
because he is a redditor so he might see this.
With some identifying info left out and a few timeline
details smudge to stay anonymous. This is a hugely emotionally
story and I am crying as I write this. Many
of the details I have kept secret four years and
if not told a soul going from zero to one
hundred real quick. This is a story where I am
unquestionably in the wrong and I've known about it for years.

(00:49):
Self aware and rare. By the way, this comes from
throw a liar too, And if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime.
So right, it's so first off, we have an amazing relationship.
I love him more than I can ever hope to describe,
and I want to spend the rest of my life
with him. Eventually we had kids and we want to
grow old together. Other than this admittedly huge thing, I

(01:13):
want to know what the huge thing is. I have
no reservations after over six years together. So for a
little backstory, I have stereotypical Asian parents, where successive results
in school were extremely important from an early age. I
realized in middle school that if I didn't tell them
about bad grades, then I wouldn't feel ashamed of disappointing them.
You've learned to lie. What a solution? WHOA? I developed

(01:36):
a slacker attitude through high school, but managed to do
well enough through smart laziness to get into university. I
wanted to study engineering, Sorry for being vague. Niche university.
Niche degree. Yeah, Niche degree. We love these Niche degrees. Yeah.
So the summer after our high school graduation is when
we started dating high school sweethearts. That's pretty sweet. It
can be great or it can be dangerous. At this

(01:58):
point I left for college and he's day back in
our home. Down to day classes in community college, we
were able to continue our relationship semi long distance. My
dorm was less than a two hour drive away, and
we took turns visiting each other at nearly every weekend.
Through a series of non relevant port decisions on my part,
I did poorly in school. I was put on academic probation.

(02:18):
Uh oh, we got a bad kid. I ended up
moving back home for a year, taking classes at the
community college. I was terribly depressed and did poorly, but
lied to my parents that I did well. The simple
solution to all of your problem lie and I ended
up telling my boyfriend this as well. My justification at
the time was that I did not want him to
have to cover for me. In hindsight, this is, unfortunately

(02:40):
where my spiral of lying about my education became abbot.
Yikes the ICUs are They're popping up about the bush?
Do you guys see those ICUs tell us? I say
in ICU. Oh God. Well. His application to transfer and
my application to resume school were accepted for the fall semester,

(03:02):
and we both moved separately. I would have liked to
move in with him, but knew my parents would never
allow it, and we moved to the town where the
university is located to be able to continue at school
after the semester. I would have to get good enough
grades to pull my GPA out of the gutter, or
else I'd be academically suspended due to the damage I
had done to my GPA the original first semester. At

(03:23):
this point, I had resolved to unlive myself if I
couldn't get the next semester OP and anyone going through
rough college or high school stuff. The grade is not everything.
There is life after an f Yes, I assure you,
I assure you. I mean, just look at John. You know, dude, John,

(03:43):
John did not do a tectonic plate class. No yet
here he is. You don't need to know about tectonic plates.
The freaking do well in life. I know about content.
You know about content is a got a PhD in TikTok. Yeah,
and that will get you further than know one about
the plates exactly. So again, just it's not that deep school, eh,
Who cares? Anyway? I did amazing in my degree classes,

(04:06):
but ended up ignoring my other classes because I was
not interested in them. Despite what was at stake, I
ended up doing better than my first semester, but not
good enough to prevent academic suspension. I am through. I
will not be able to continue school and fall. My
habit punts in and I smile and tell everyone that
I did well, as I am wondering to myself, how

(04:27):
I will unlive myself? Oh pee over the summer, though,
I find that he is my reason to live, this boyfriend,
that I could never unolive myself because I know it
would hurt him so deeply. I pretend that summer will
never end, that I will never have to deal with
the reality that I have failed out of school. Much
to my surprise, near the end of the summer, I
get a move and packet for the university owned apartments

(04:50):
that I had stayed in last semester and had planned
to move back into for the next school year. It
is a condition on the least to stay in these
apartments that you must have a minimum of twelve credit
hours hours of the university to live there. But due
to some fluke, they did not know that I would
not be taking classes due to my suspension. So Ope
might be able to like still lie that she's going

(05:11):
to school. Wow, and just like the lie continues make
it in there. Yeah, I mean, because she's like she
could still just go to class and stay in the
university housing. Wow. I see this becoming more precarious. Oh unfortunately,
Oh boy, do you want to do a trigger warning
for that? Figger warning depression and self harm? It is

(05:32):
vague enough that I feel like maybe it's uh, maybe
it's okay. But that may have been the only mention
of it. Yeah, I think that was the only mentioned.
But still I'll put that the notes. But I've not
told anyone about my suspension. So the path of least
resistance is to move back into the apartments. Okay. I
devise an elaborate lie to my parents about how I
wish to pay my own tuition through loans so they

(05:54):
can afford to put my sister through school next year.
Oh my god, getting deeper. This is not They are
so proud of me. I perish a little on the inside,
knowing what I'm doing. Oh, the next two years are
amazing for me and my significant other because I don't
actually have any classes to attend, our homework to do.

(06:14):
It's like all the benefits of school without the school.
I am able to spend a lot of time with him,
much more time than would be possible otherwise, especially with
me supposedly and a tough engineering program. But he doesn't
notice and we are madly in love. Despite my laziness
and terrible work ethic, I'm actually very good at math
and tutor him through both calculus and physics. Due to

(06:36):
feeling useful in some way, as well as significantly helping
someone I deeply love, I slowly get over myself loathing
and con view myself as something other than the useless
pile of nothing I previously thought I was. I brush
off questions of how my own classes are going with
lies I've been telling for over a decade. At this point, again,
the opie started lying in high school. I'm doing well well.

(07:00):
I got an A in my midterm. Homework was long,
but I'm done now. I have only vague plans for
how it will end the lie. At this point, I
tell myself that I will work up the courage to
tell my parents I am failing and will be quitting school.
But as time goes on, I just keep telling the
small lies that my education is going well. Then after Christmas,
disaster strikes out of the blue. The apartment manager has

(07:21):
found out that I am not enrolled in any classes.
I realized, though, after speaking with him, that he cannot
see my transcript, but only my current enrollment status. Do
you think Op's going to tell the truth? Oh, I
wish it were so. No, no, no. I lie to
him and say that it was last semester that I
had difficulty and I am in the process of enrolling

(07:44):
in night classes to repair my GPA. Opie is quick
with it. Opie is quickly. I mean she's had it, Bros.
The decade of experience. Put that on your LinkedIn. Yeah,
I have a decade of experience in lying. I mean
you could be a lawyer like, uh, I don't know
what else? Who else? Lie? Criminals? Yeah, work for a
rito scammer, mafia. Yeah, I don't know. I am in

(08:06):
the process of enrolling in night classes to repair ABU GPA.
There is a clause in the Least allowing for this.
I enroll in night classes but have no motivation to
take classes that won't count towards my degree. So okay,
So at least Opia is in night classes, but she's
not taking selection is very limited, and I realize that
this is only a temporary solution. I realize my only
way out of this is to move out of these apartments,

(08:29):
and seeing as our relationship is now almost four years old,
I decide with my boyfriend to move in with him
in a new apartment of our own next semester. So again,
instead of Opie telling the truth that she's been kicked
out of school, what for two years now? Two years?
Almost two years? That right, I'm gonna going crazy almost

(08:50):
about two years almost two years, She's like, I'll just
say I'm gonna be living with my boyfriend and then
I'll never have to tell the truth. I wonder what
she's doing all day, Like she's she's also a boyfriend.
Did I catch this right?

Speaker 2 (09:02):
That she was like, oh, I can take out the
loans to be able to because she's I mean, she
granted she's just paying for housing, but.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
My understanding is no. I think she's like, hey, parents,
you don't take out loans for me. I'm going to
pay it all myself, right, Oh man, oh man, oh man.
For the first time in my life, I openly defy
the wishes of my parents and tell them that I
am moving in with them. They complain, worry about how
it will go, but because I've decided to get a

(09:28):
job to pay for my half of the rent, they
cannot stop me. For the first time in my life,
my own desires have won out over my parents. I
guess that's progress in some way. That is progress in
some way. I will say that maybe this will be
like the kick in the pants here caught on fire
pants to finally tell her parents more things that will

(09:49):
make them upset, like I've been lying for you for
the past like two years. Could be. It could be.
At this point, I am ready to end my college charade,
but I come through the horrifying truth. My previous exit
plan for the lie to fake a later dropout will
now make my parents hate my significant other. They will
think that it is his fault. I'm also too scared

(10:11):
to expose the lie as well, because I know he
will be disappointed. I've been lying to him too, both
to prevent him from having to lie for me to others.
Up to this point, though, it has only been a
huge amount of small lies about being in class or
how I was doing in school. I mean, but like
it's not small lies. Yeah, it's your whole life. I
mean it's like, oh, like John like asked me what

(10:33):
I was up to today? Oh what are you up
to today?

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (10:35):
You know, like we had just like you know, some
small operations we had to do on the ISS, like
I had to use like a wrench to fix one
of the nuts on the outside of the spaceship. Just
you know, screwing nuts and space. Screwing nuts in space,
that's a that's I mean, that's my job. That's my job, really,
screwing nuts and space.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
Really it wasn't you know, it wasn't us like sitting
in a room like working on all the.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
No screwing nuts in space. You might think that just
because like I go back back and forth often, Oh
I see, but yes, I asked. See that is not
a little lie. That's pretty big. It's a big lie
about how a manastra in space working on the ISS. This,
this is a big lie.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
It like feeds down into everything in their life because
it's like, oh, like are we going to go? I
feel like it just makes him ask, like you said earlier,
what else is there if you could lie about this,
where's where's the trust in the nation?

Speaker 1 (11:22):
And where's the end of the lie? I mean, I
feel like Ope's identity is that of a student. She's
lying about her entire like a huge part of her identity. Yeah,
all right, question for chat, question for you, John, Talk
to me Let's say op comes clean, yes, and you
are the partner. Yes, you staying or you breaking up?

(11:44):
There's more to this story, by the way, but are
you staying or are you breaking up? I want to
know from Chat. Maybe Kean k week we do a
little poll, stay in or breaking up? John? I think
the question here is can trust be rebuilt? I thought
the question was staying or breaking up? The real question?
Your question. Your question could go kick rocks my question

(12:08):
the real question.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, probably not. I think this is probably too insurmountable.
I also wonder how reliable of a narrator we have.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
Yeah, I know, if there weren't other lies sprinkled in.
I mean if she's lying, I mean she could be
lying about how much he's lying. Yeah, yeah, So yeah,
I think just not enough to trust. I don't know
if it can make it. Might have to break up.
Yeah I would. I'm in breakup camp if I'm BF.
So far, one hundred percent of Chat is in breakup
on one person, storm Kid, we're calling you out, storm Getting,

(12:40):
explain yourself. Sorry to rain on your arm. Yeah, but no,
that's crazy storm Getting and the the ed boy boy,
what do you do with Josephied? What are you doing?
I feel like y'all. Yeah, they're doing a best of that.
There's no way. Well, most people like Natalie, you, Nola
and the Lawyer Princess and Jenny Gardener like normal people. Yes,

(13:03):
it seems like they would break.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
Up if it was a few days, if it was
a few weeks, different stories.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, way too long. Two years that's like most of
their relationship. Yeah, okay, so basically it's like, do some
counseling and then maybe break up anyway, eighty percent of
chat says breakup. There we go. Well, I know in
the back of the head I will have to lie more,
but I ignore the thought. We move in together and
it is a wonderful summer. This is the part I

(13:29):
am most ashamed about, not all the other show. Oh
here we go. The fall semester starts, and I now
have to lie to him more than my parents. I
come up with a fake schedule and make sure to
be out of the apartment at these times every week,
And somehow I'm still able to get campus meal plans,
so we eat lunch on campus daily. I pretend my
old textbooks are new and keep a binder full of

(13:49):
old tests. His major isn't engineering. You can't tell the
difference and doesn't suspect anything. The lies are too easy.
Now she's gloating. I don't like this at all. We
have a one full year living together and connect at
a deeper level than I even previously thought possible. He
eventually graduates, and I noticed some holes in the process
and realize that I can easily fake my own graduation

(14:13):
next year. Borrow, dude. I feel like Opie's just going
to get an engineering job. I feel like Opie's gonna
fake a graduation, fake a resume, And I mean, like,
all right, how often are like maybe the big engineering
companies are like yeah, you know, all right, let me
let me check, Like with the school, I have never
had a job check my gpa. Never, Yeah, never, I

(14:36):
didn't have a GPA to check. Yeah, you don't need
a gpa. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
But no, it's like, could could she essentially like get
in to a job. I mean this is if you
guys heard of quiet quitting, Like this is an extreme version.
But she could go find like someone else essentially to
like contract a lot of this work out to like
a developer, and then like basically.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, she can hire. She could hire a developer to
do her work. Dude, I know a guy that did
that at Google, or a guy I know a guy
who knows a guy who did that Google and got fired. Yeah,
this is I think she's reaching. Not that I thought
it could happen, but even even more dangerous levels. This
is again in spooky. This is getting spooky, and Dude,
I feel like this is the first time she's like

(15:17):
kind of proud of it. She's like, no one suspected thing. Well,
we stay in the same apartment while I finished school
and he gets a job. My graduation in air quotes
comes around. I buy the robes, the cat's, the tassel,
the graduation announcement, et cetera. There are too many students
for them to do any personal ceremony. You just sit
through the ceremony and then walk on stage and hand

(15:38):
them your card and they read your name and degree
from the card. My whole family comes as well as his.
Oh my god, and we have all become very close
at this point. His mother even spent Thanksgiving with our family.
If that is your real family. His parents are divorced.
I prepared a fake card using his form from last year.

(15:59):
The announcer who would suspect that it did not actually
graduate when there is video evidence of me on stage
shaking the Dean's hand. I walk off the stage with
my empty diploma cover. Actual diplomas are merry mailed. Later,
we celebrate, and everyone is so proud of me. I
almost believe it myself that I've graduated. Holy Crapkenoda says

(16:22):
she is way too good at this. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
all right. And just just to to assuage any, like
any disbelief about being able to sneak into a graduation,
there's a pretty big YouTuber that snuck into the UCLA
graduation and walked and got his name read out.

Speaker 2 (16:43):
Dude, I was about to say, I think we need
to go get like a like a Harvard Yale. Like
I think we just need to go get all the degrees.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Dude, I think so. I think so, dude, collect every degree.
We're gonna be the most pedigreed men in all of history.
Why not? Why not? Bro? My god? Also though, but
sitting through those UCLA graduations, there's like forty thousand, not forty,
there's like ten thousand people, and it's just like it's
no fun. Huh? Is it yours fun? Your graduation ceremony. No,

(17:10):
it's so boring. I had a really good time at
our graduations. I'm sure you did. I'm sure you had
some shooters. Yeah yeah, we also got fireworks and yeah everything. Yeah,
oh yeah, ours was so lame. Bro. Well, I always
believe it myself that I've graduated, and now we get
to now we have moved and we both have great jobs. Well,

(17:33):
I've managed to get a good job with at a degree,
and I have budged the details to friends and families,
telling them that the reason I have a job that
doesn't match my degree is that I enjoy it more.
But we've been talking lately about our future. We put
off any specifics until after my graduation, but now that
it's past, we've gotten this serious talk out of the way.
I know it's coming soon, and when he asked, I

(17:54):
will be saying yes. But my big lie weighs on me.
Other than the big lie that I've ever lied to him,
was the various white lies we tell to everyone we know.
I've made it a point of it. I feel too
guilty from the big one, and I know how hard
it would be to stop if I started. The guilt
is bad and I think if I told him, you
might even understand and we could still have a future together.

(18:16):
Even if it was the end of our relationship. I
am a stronger person than I once was. Even if
it is too much for our relationship, I know I
wouldn't want to unlive myself out of the shame like
I had wanted in the past. Those days are over.
But if my family finds out, they won't understand. It
will destroy what I now have with them, what they
have with him. And if I tell him, either they

(18:36):
find out too or he becomes part of the lie.
I don't want to put him through that, and I
don't want to do either option. The easy choice is
to take this secret, my big secret lie to the grave.
Because of my chosen career path, I don't think it
will ever come up that I lack a degree. My
employers know that I have partial college. It would be
so easy to keep that fact in the dark. But

(18:58):
even though our amazing real relationship is otherwise free of lies,
I feel so wrong knowing that this huge one exists.
I feel cornered between hurting someone no matter what I do,
And here is what a summary of what I feel.
My choices are we're going to get into those choices. Yes,
that hope he feels like they have all right. Here's
a summary of what I feel. My choices are. Choice one,

(19:18):
come clean to him first, and then to the rest
of the family. He's going to break up. I would
break up with this person, Yeah, dude, I think I
would break up. So result either we split or my
family disowns me because I have lied to them so
thoroughly for so long. I lied to their faces to
keep the deception, and I am forever a disappointment to them.
Both our lives are torn apart, even if our relationship survives.

(19:38):
Choice two, come clean to him and swear to secrecy.
Result either we split or I have now made him lie, forever,
tainting our relationship. This is a choice I refuse to take.
Choice three. I tell no one and hope it never
comes to light. Result. I feel guilty for years, but
gradually maybe the guilt fades and the lie comes out.
It could be even worse, especially if we have kids.
When it does, I just don't know what to do.

(20:00):
I know that I am in the wrong here, and
I hope not too many people will dull them that
I would change the past if I could, but that
is impossible. I just don't know what to do. Do
I come clean and destroy what we have, or do
I take the easy path and continue the path I've
been on for years? At it, I'm headed to work,
so I won't be able to respond until after my
lunch break. There is more. But yeah, I mean I
think if you you've built a life based on a lie.

(20:21):
Mm hm, that's just gonna suck. It's just gonna suck
too much, too much of a load to bear. Yeah, dude,
I can't. I cannot lie. I think like I just
like burned it out of my bit, like my tool set. Yeah,
you're a great truther. And do I tell the truth
too much? I tell the truth way too much, and
it's way better than lying because at least, like everyone
knows where you stand. Yeah, And so I could not

(20:44):
fathom this is not to lie. But I would say
the solution if you are trying to get rid of
the guilt and you're trying to live your best life, Yes,
it might be hard in the short term, but I, like,
I really do think putting this in the light will
build a better long term future for you.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, And honestly, the chance is our slim. I do
think there is a chance that the boyfriend might understand.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
I also think there's a chance. I also think there's
a chance that the parents don't disown her.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah, you know what, there there's I think a good
a good takeaway from the stories. You never know what
someone is going to respond with until you actually tell.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
Yeah. Yeah, and don't speak for your family and your
your boyfriend totally. I think you start with telling the
boyfriend and see how that feels, and then eventually tell
the parents. Kimberly Fine says I'm not entirely convinced that
it is actually possible. With this track worker, she could
probably pull off a time machine. Yeah she is. I mean,
I feel like she's got that engineering brain keeping track
of all these lives. Honestly, I think what's weird about

(21:40):
telling the truth all the time is sometimes the truth
of action changes because we change. That feels deep. Yes,
what does that mean John to you?

Speaker 2 (21:49):
Maybe it's like we change sometimes, so like the personal
truth in living our truths, maybe that changes.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
But uh, yeah, that's as far as I can get.
I bleed red Bull thirty two says, I'm staying I
can build the trust I've caught in the into the
live bunks and never brought it up. I hate conversation.
I get too angry. But let's see what the end
of the story says. At A two, I've been reading
everyone's messages for a couple hours, and I want to
thank everyone for all of them, both the understanding and

(22:19):
supporting ones and the negative ones too. You guys have
said a lot of stuff that I needed to hear.
Knowing that this situation is more common that I thought,
makes me feel like less of a slaves ball. This
is common, uh oh, but I've also taken it to
a crazy extreme. By the way, if you want to
take us to a crazy extreme, you could go from

(22:41):
just watching this little video to listening to fifty three
straight days of our podcast. Go to the extreme, put
us in your ear holes twenty four to seven, whispering
sweet Nothing's in tear by listening to full episodes of
stories just like this on Spotify, Apple podcasts, the iHeart app,
or your Hey rip podcast app. Just search Okay story time.

(23:03):
There's another relevant updates and I'm gonna get straight into it.
I'm coming to the realization that I do have some
sort of problem. Yes, and I need some sort of help. Yes, yeah,
I've always hated the idea of psychologists in mind altering substances,
and I always thought of therapists in the same way.
But from what I have read in your comments, it
sounds like this isn't the case, and I need to

(23:24):
look into that seriously. I'll update more later, but I
do want to tell him, but I'm not in the
right mental state right now do so. And that is
where that story is. I'm checking if there's an update. Yes, wa,
please tell me there is an update. But holy Moly,
guac to the MOLLI I mean technically speaking, just in

(23:45):
the universe of this story. She got away with it.
She got away with it. She pulled off the heist.
She said, catch me if you can, and they did it. Man,
I I think again, if this isn't a poster child
for telling the truth, he is it a child for
a lion. She's the most successful liar. She is successful,

(24:05):
but she feels bad about it. How bad does she feel? Though?
She feels bad enough to write you know, however, A
long ride was Yeah, that's a long story here. I
think it's weighing on her. I think it's weighing on her.
I mean, that's that's a lot of eyes. Insane journey,
and even more insane that she made it all the
way through without telling anyone or getting out. Well. Question

(24:26):
for you guys, what do you think Opie should do?
Tell the lie or tell the truth? Put your answer
in the comments, blow with Johnny Bahami or yeah, do
we have another story? There's another story? Yes, but update
there's no update. No update. It's just comments of her
saying like, yeah, my job accepted me. They don't need
a college degree, and that's about it. There's no update

(24:47):
on the boyfriend. That's it.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Also, she wrote, all right, boys, you ready for this
next one? Yes, let's let's go. My ex left dude
to cultural pressures. Now he wants to reconnect. No, get
out of here. I'm pressuring you out of my little
cultural bubble. Yeah, my culture is You're not in it.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Sorry, pal.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
So I met my ex, Raj during the beginning of
my senior year of undergrad I went to a fairly
diverse university and we met at a party. We hit
it off right away, which was surprising. You see, Raj
is Indian and I am black. While that might not
seem like a big deal to some. As I continue,
you'll see why it is okay. By the way, this
comes from Fried Chicken and Curry gotta love it. If

(25:24):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
rsize Okay storytime sub reddits. So anyways, at my university,
the Indian students tend to click up and keep to themselves.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
No, biggie, I get it.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
It's a cultural thing and they have a lot in
common with each other. That's why I was surprised when
he approached me. I thought he was cute, so I
started talking too.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Talk that talk, walk to that walk, move that booty
into that ooy.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
And at the end of the night, he asked me
for my number. I gave it to him and he
texted me that same night. The next day we went
on an official day and had been practically inseparable ever since.
So this was like dude, gets a number, texts next
day date like day moving quick. We are moving and
grooving and as we get to know each other, I
learned that he was a first generation Indian American and

(26:09):
is the firstborn son. When he told me that, I
didn't really take it beyond face value. I relate that
I'm the last born daughter of Black Americans who have
been here for generations, and we moved on. We'd been
dating for around three months before I realized I was
in love. Opiece is in love as Sam as tired.

Speaker 1 (26:26):
It's so freaking cute, running on fumes and hearts. Oh.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
He was smart, sweet and funny and would truly do
anything for anyone except me.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Oh, do I see a little wrench in your love?

Speaker 2 (26:40):
Car put some ICUs in the comment, if you see
what's going about to happen. At the seventh or eight
month mark, I thought it was time to meet each
other's families. It was clear that we were serious about
each other, and graduation would be coming up soon. My
parents live out of state, as did his, but both
would be flying in for the graduations. So I thought
it would be a perfect opportunity. This makes sense, you know,

(27:03):
almost at the year meet the parents.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
Here we go.

Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yep, feels like it's about time. Feels like it's about time.
But I had already told them about Raj, and they
had talked to him briefly on Skype a couple of times.
I had only ever seen pictures of his family, However,
he spoke about them relatively frequently and would say little
things like my mom is going to love you, or
my sister likes X as well. You guys would probably
get along. I just assumed they knew about me and
were fine with our relationship. I didn't think there was

(27:28):
a reason they wouldn't be. I am detecting some lies
of omission. Hmmm, well, lies of a mission, Jehanny Bahami,
the lies.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
Of a mission being like, oh, yeah, you and my
sister would get along. Still great, Oh my parents will
love this cute thing you do. Oh da da da da.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Well, that's not saying my parents don't know about you.
My sister don't know about you. Oh you think you
think this is a surprise.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
I think this is a This is a surprise, and
not in like the fun birthday come. I'm thinking that
there might be a little prejudice coming from there. I'm
thinking a little bit of familial racism, our little family dynamic.
Think thinking, think of things that I did a little spicy. Unfortunately,
you might be right, Sam, You just might be right. Well.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
Moving along, graduation comes up, and the week or so
before we got into a big fight about where a
relationship was going after graduation, and he broke up with me.
I thought they were in love.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
I'm gonna admit I did not see that coming, at
least not at this point.

Speaker 2 (28:24):
No, No, I thought it was gonna be later. Yeah,
this is like, this is premature. I don't know what's
going on here. I'm confused.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Ok.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
The plan was we were going to be moving in
together in the city we went to college in. But
he wasn't sure anymore because he hadn't gotten a job
offered yet. This was already after we went apartment hunting
and signed a lease for the one I couldn't afford
by myself.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
Wait, so they signed a lease together. Yes, So are
they gonna still live together and not be in a relationship.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
It might be one of those that azy I have.
I know of a situation that I like that that
has happened rough just bad.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, dude, this girl that I was dating was living
with her ex boyfriend after they broke up for like months,
and also working with him. Oh like she had because
she got him that job. Oh so brutal. Because when
they start seeing other people so brutal, it's not good

(29:23):
not advise. Oh yeah, when they started saying, like you're
trying to like eat like some cereal in the morning,
and you just hear, just hear some birds going off.
Those are not the birds you want to hear. She's
practice her clapping in the morning. Yea, the face with
the round of applause. You know I'm not living me
in cereal. Nope.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Well, he didn't think that I was being sympathetic or
something like that, and that's why he ended the relationship.
Looking back now, he picked the fight as an excuse foreshadowing.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Of course.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
I was devastated, but my family came and the high
of getting my degree put a band aid on things
for a while. Like any girl fresh from a breakup
with someone they still love, I was stalking his social media.
You gotta stock not advised also, that will.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Only hurt you.

Speaker 2 (30:09):
It will only hurt you. His family did indeed come
to town, and they were all smiles in the pictures.
We were in different schools within our huge university, so
the odds of seeing him or his family during graduation
were slim, so I didn't get my hopes of for
accidentally bumping into them. I saw from his social media
that after graduation he went to India for a couple
of weeks and he looked like he was having.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
The time of his life without op I mean, that's
I think that's I don't see anything bad about that yet.

Speaker 2 (30:37):
We gotta we gotta move on, you know, got to
move on. Look at him, green new pastures, meet with him,
mute him, or.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Just block him if it's really if you can't, you know,
if you can't control yourself looking at his profile. But
put your phone in a blender. Put your phone in
a blend, take your computer and throat in the ocean.
Become a Mennonite. Yeah, there are solutions throwing their their
computers in the ocean these days. Dude, you give you
give me technology. Get that out of my face, get
that into the ocean, out of here. That's what I'm

(31:04):
just saying. We have it, You have solutions, OPI. Anyways, Hey,
it's Sam, your og host here. Bring it back to
the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsored.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
I moved into the apartment that we had picked out
since it was going to be hard to break the
least thankfully, my dad picked up some of the slack
on the rent.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Okay, so bope, just okay, So he's moving in. Yeah,
but the guy isn't moving in.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
With the guy, isn't moving in, but she's got rent helps. Okay,
it seems that's doable.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Also, Josephine Madola a Miller Payin Donner hershman says, I
see you arrange marriage. The question is if that's true.
When was it? When was it arranged?

Speaker 2 (31:37):
Was it was he already married before or like betrothed
the you know, yeah, they decided, yeah, they decided that,
you know, Josephine, you might be onto something. So thankfully
my dad picked up some of the slack on the rent.
It was a one bedroom, which is why I couldn't
get a roommate and began my career. A little over
a month after graduation, I got a knock on my door.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
Oh who's that? It's raw? Why is he? He just
showed up? Is this a mirage? Why am I seeing Raj? Okay? Yeah,
why are we seeing Raj? He think I'm so in
love with you and I want a minage. Not that,
not that.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
So he's holding flowers, looking apologetic and cute and like
a fool.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
I let him in. No cut that crap, cut it out.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
He explains that he was stressed about being an adult
and just wanted to be able to pull his weight
in the relationship. He didn't want me to be paying
the majority of rent while he worked a minimum wage
job while hoping to get an offer in his chosen fields.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
And that made sense to me. No, don't make it
make sense. This is weird. Yeah, because like he hasn't
talked to you at all. He hasn't talked to you
at all, Like he like just came back from India.
Maybe did this arranged thing didn't work out or whatever,
Like you know, he's coming crawling back to you, come
and crawling back.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
Cause like I'm wondering why he didn't respond back with, well,
why didn't you just ask me if I felt that way?
Maybe he's like I don't care, like I just wanted
to live with you and have you be my boot.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, maybe it's an insecurity thing. You gotta talk about it.
We got to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
While I couldn't call him misogynistic, being the head of
the household was definitely important to him.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
I forgave him and we got back together. No, no,
I break up. Jus Me says he was hiding her
in his little Heidi hole, his his his other boot,
his other booth thing. I think maybe he was just
hiding him from the parents. Maybe his parents are like,
I don't want you. I want you dating someone that
is like culturally relevant to us or something.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Yeah, the conspiracy theory too. I like maybe there was
maybe it wasn't even a whole marriage, but maybe his
parents like found someone they pressured him into doing it,
and then he was like, man, screw this, I'm out.
But he still hasn't like revealed the mult situation. I
feel like that's what's going to happen. Let me know
what you think of the comments and vote in the poll,
but we're gonna keep going. So while he was away,
he got a job offer and was making more than

(33:56):
enough to be an equal partner and above that, we
were very very happy.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
But I still had yet to meet his family. Why.
I mean, I guess what. It's spent a year more
than a year now.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
Almost certainly more than a year, because they've graduated, she's
moved in. Like I feel like, bare minimum a few months,
if not like six plus months have passed from now he.

Speaker 1 (34:16):
Went, he went to India for a few weeks. Time's past,
and it is not like an easy fight.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
No, no, no, no, No, he had met my parents
during the Thanksgiving holiday and I mentioned going to his
for Christmas, but we ended up spending it separately. Time
went on and I stopped pushing it, but would still
bring it up occasionally. And then I got pregnant a
little more than two years into the relationship.

Speaker 1 (34:36):
Oh Jesus, that's complicated. Wait so we still haven't met
the parents and you're two years in and baby is
bacon in the oven on the way, baby's in the oven?
Oh boy, that that complicates thing. This complicated. That complicates things.
I am not feeling very confident about this relationship right now.
I'm not.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
Hey, listen, we love to be optimistic on the show.
We would love to think that a big turnaround is
gonna happen and rings, But I don't know if I'm
gonna see it in this one. I don't know, Kean,
if you're feeling any differently, if you think there's what
do you think plot twist hiding around the corner?

Speaker 1 (35:12):
Well, the baby's the plot twist? Now, Yeah, you're a
big plot twist. True? Hey, parents, guess what I got right?
Right now? You're gonna be grandparents? Yeah? Is that enough
to be like? Hey, I know, I like, you know,
didn't tell you anything. But here's a surprise baby. I
mean also baby Baby's like, hey, this is my new girlfriend.
I know she's like different than what you expected. But
grand baby exactly? How the grand baby collateral? That's what

(35:35):
I'm saying, dude, Like it could be, it could be.
I know how much they love those grand babies. Oh, dude,
listen grand parental rights that you know that that is
a thing they are. Listen these grandparents out here, they'd
be liking them babies. Yeah. By the way, currently ninety
seven percent of chat is saying to break up and
not move forward.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
That was probably before the baby though, But you want
to do a reset note, let's do. Let's do just
one more, just just for kicksing giggles. Let us know
what you think. And if you're watching this in the comments,
please please tell us if you think they should stay together,
especially after the baby. That does change things, but we're
gonna find out how it does. So I got pregnant
a little more than two years into our relationship. He

(36:14):
was excited. I was excited. We were excited.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
Marriage became more than just an idea, and we were
talking about tying the knot.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
After the baby was born. With a child on the way,
family became even more important to me. I pushed harder
than ever to meet his parents. I was always met
with an excuse, dude, why oh, because they're out of
the country, his mom was sick, we couldn't afford the airfare,
there was already family visiting them, and he didn't want
to bombard them, etc.

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Etc. I mean, it could be that, it could potentially be,
like I totally lost my train of thought. You know
what it could be.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
It could be catfish because in catfish, if they don't
want you to see the partner, this is a parental
catfish where he's like, I'm an orphan.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
Oh, I remember I was gonna say. I could be
legitimately it's it's too far and too expensive, but like
no FaceTime, no, no, how face time. Right, that's the thing.
It's like, Okay, yeah, maybe we can't visit them, but
something Yeah, give me a give me a call. Melody says,
flights to India can be three thousand dollars sometimes so yes, expensive.

(37:20):
But to John's point, what appens free? Whatsappens free? Talk
to him? Just that we we should have this by now.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
But Opie goes on to say, the nine months flew by,
and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
My family was there, his wasn't His family wasn't there
for the birth of your kid. As far as we
know right now, zero contact brow not even a gift
a card, or do they even exist. I don't believe
either either. They don't exist, which would be like, hey,
it's okay, Like if.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
You don't have a family unit like that, you know
you deserve a love or And I honestly, this is
the one that I think is the reality. There is
a reason why he doesn't want to introduce her to
his parents.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
That is I still got my money on racism.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
I honestly I think that's I think that's what's what
it's going to end up being. By the way, we're
not even halfway done, ladies and gentlemen, So this is
there's more to the saga.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
Don't don't think. Don't think we're ending here. So if
he says, I remember asking if they even knew I
was pregnant, and he just dismissed the question.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
So six months after giving birth, I gave Roj an ultimatum,
you set up a meeting with your family, or I
will be contacting them. I had never done it before
because I didn't feel like I should be the one
to make that step, but I had had enough. I'm
the mother of their grandson slash nephew, and he deserves
to know that side of himself and learn about his culture.
And I have a quick question for you, saying, yes,

(38:46):
do you think we are usually anti ultimatum? But do
you think in this specific case that the ultimatum was
just so and I will Yeah, this thing is there,
we go it is so.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
I'm going to fix this in a bit. But basically
she's saying, if you don't meet, if I don't meet
your family, it's over. I think we need to ask
where she needs to make a request first? Where I
think so, you know, often ultimatums are like if you
don't do this, I will do this, And I think instead,
just make a request because I think if she makes

(39:21):
it a threat, then he's less likely to do the
thing that she she wants. Yeah, so just say like, hey,
I want to get closer to you. I want to
feel comfortable in this relationship. Can you like I'd like
to meet your parents? Like I think it's really important me.
It's really important for me in feeling like we have
a family to meet your parents and you obviously have
a more some lun And if he says no to

(39:43):
the request, then I think that's when you bring us
like I don't know if I can continue. I don't
know if I can continue, And Jess says he's been
requesting for two years. Yeah, but I think now now
it's like make the request again. If it's completely done,
then say like, hey, I don't know if I can
be in this relation.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
Yeah, I think, I mean she had we don't know
exactly what those conversations were, but one more I mean
I think she has been asking for years. Honestly, she
I think she might be in the place now where
it's like hey, but I think the like the phrasing
of it is important, like, hey, I don't know if
I could continue being in a relationship if if we
don't meet your parents.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, I think you do one more request just because
like maybe it hasn't been brought up in a second. Yeah,
and that but like immediately after you make the request,
then it's then it's it's then it's like, hey, like
I don't know if I can be in a relationship
ticket yeah, yeah, Oh, Jen Thompson said he's disowned or
already married that man. If it's already married and he

(40:40):
just kind of like ran away from that, that could
be interesting. I'm not sure, but we're going to get
back to the story. So finally he gave in. Turns
out he was lying about where they lived and they
were actually a couple of hours away. I was beyond pissed,
and on the way there, he tried to explain that
he kept me away for my own sake, but I
wasn't hearing it at the time. We get to his
hometown and we meet his mom, dad, and one of

(41:02):
his siblings at a restaurant. I was hella nervous, and
rog was petrified. It still didn't click for me.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
We sit down for dinner and immediately I'm uncomfortable to
say they were shocked to see me and my son
was an understatement.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
I mean, that's uh, that's kind of a shock. That's
kind of a shocker to see. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
Yeah, for if he didn say anything, that's gonna be crazy.
His parents barely acknowledged my son, though his sister did
coo at him until the father gave her a look
to stop. Rog explained who I am, and the entire
dinner they refuse to speak English, let alone look at me.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
There was a lot of angry voices and gesturing in
my direction. Rog tried his best to reply in English
and defend me, but as the verbal harmful act got worse,
he stopped replying in English. I guess so I could
be completely in the dark about what they were saying about.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Again, I think it's I think it's a bit of racism.
Dude got It's gotta be also like messed up of
him to get op so deep into this relationship and
not reveal this.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
A thousand percent and to like, I mean, I want
it's not explicitly clear. I wonder if this was him
just sitting down and being like surprise, or if he
told them at all in advance, if he didn't tell
them at all in advance, Like.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
It feels like he didn't tell them at all.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Yeah, and then they're just seeing it for the first time,
and like, so here we go. Since I was being
shut out, I began putting the pieces together in my head.
He had never told them about me, So there we go.
They didn't know we had a son. They would never
accept their son was with a non Indian racism we oh,

(42:41):
we called it, got it, we called it. Needless to say,
I had had enough and we left. On the car
ride home, he was extremely apologetic, told me he loved me,
that he would cut them off if I wanted to,
that he knew they would react that way, and that's
why he didn't introduce us. Just to pause real quick,
right there.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
You're not saving anyone. I hate the argument saying, oh,
I didn't want to hurt you, so I didn't tell you.
Like that gets us nowhere? Yes, because that's where we now,
because because yeah, now we're into this situation where OPI
has not been informed of this like relationship dynamic with
your parents and now is caught with a baby in

(43:19):
your life.

Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yeah yeah, And you know, just just to say it,
like it seems like the parents are are awful and
racist and maybe this won't work out. But what if
he had just gone to them and tried to give
them a chance. Yeah you know what I mean, Like
he didn't give just came out in as the worst
possible way. Yeah, he came out in the worst possible.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Failing on all fronts.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I asked a few questions, including how he had kept
me a secret for so long. He said he had
a separate social media and would overall just lie whenever
they asked if he was in a relationship.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
What is with these liar stories? Geez, yeah, this is
on lies today.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
He broke up with me on purpose during graduation to
keep me from meeting them. On his trip to India,
he was surprised to be meeting a girl he was
to marry, so that one was also true.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Shout to Josephine who called it chat dude, come on,
where the dream team right now? Wow?

Speaker 2 (44:09):
But he didn't go through with that marriage because he
loved me. I was pissed, of course, but I got it.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
No, wait, no what. I did some research and saw
that it isn't uncommon for Indian American children to hide
their non Indian significant others from their families. Indians have
such a strong culture that going outside of it is
still taboo to many. I mean, I know there are
still prejudices in this world, believe me, I do, but
I thought that if they got to know me and
their grandchild, it would be okay. That's what I would

(44:37):
have hoped to do. I feel like to understanding. Yeah,
this is this is a lot. But what does Opie do, Sam?
What does OPI do? Chat leave.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
I didn't break up with him, no, no, nor did
I demand he cut off his family. They cut him
off though.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Oh wow, look at that.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
I could tell it bothered him, and I began to
fear he'd resent me. I mean, yes, but well, how
do you feel, Opie. He didn't, though, and we began
to move on with our lives. It was a couple
of months after my son's first birthday that Raj got
a call in the middle of the night. His father
had passed away from a heart attack.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
Oh no, the news literally killed his dad? Oh no? What?
Oh no? Wow? Oh no, how did we get here?
This is insane? Wow? Oh, I wonder if rog is
going to feel responsible?

Speaker 2 (45:31):
And then and then does Raj take it the next
level up and say, if I had just break broken
up with you, if you just let me go, he
you know, would still be.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Or maybe in a better way. If I had told
them earlier, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Hopefully, if I
didn't blackmail them with my my baby mama, you know,
just like out of the like literally surprise attack. Yeah,
with my with a baby, that is a surprise to anyone. Yeah,
you know, regardless of like race. But yeah, he did

(46:04):
it the worst way. Well, he said.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
I wanted to be there for him, but given the
way his family felt about me, I knew I wouldn't
be able to go to the funeral.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
To process this at his side.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
He flew to India for a few weeks and during
that time our communication was low. I chalked it up
to the time difference in him being busy. When he
got back, though, I could tell something was off.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
Hey, it's John here.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
We're gonna get back to the stories. Put a quick
three minute ad break from our sponsors that keep the
show going. I have another ice to you, go, ah,
I have another ice to you. His family was able
to guilt him into agreeing to marry another woman that
they wanted to his father's last request. No whoa whoa
his father's na keon, keon.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
You might have just done that. I hope not. You
might have just done that. You might have just predictled.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Oh that is tragic. This could be tell me, tell
me so. He was barely back home a day before
he told me that he was the man of the
family and he had the honor that. I cried and
I asked him not to leave, but he's dead.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
He had to. He packed up and he left just
like that. What about man of the family you created? Yeah, yeah,
you're what about your kid? You're just gonna have abandoned
your kid.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Being a man of the family doesn't mean abandoning the
literal family you create. That That to me, if if
we're going to use the phrase be the man of
the family, yeah, apply to ask where a child? Yeah,
that's where it should be applied. Like, listen, everyone else
they cut you off? Yeah, how is it fair?

Speaker 1 (47:27):
And how does it make sense that it's like, oh,
they cut me off all, but now I need to
be there from they didn't need it. Make it makes sense?
Doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
During that time he was gone, he would send money
for us on every couple of months, but overall I
didn't hear from him. Hey, at least he's doing that something,
I guess. Of course, I was devastated, but more so
for my son. I so wanted him to grow up
with the father like I did. I would send Raj
photos and keep him up to date on my little bear.
But he wouldn't respond. It was radio silence. And that's
when I got pissed.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Now, finally, he deserved to be pissed way earlier. Yeah, ah, dude,
Katie Paladin says, no spine, No spine, dude, Come on,
Mommy Desert says, your mother is no longer your priority, dude,
your child is. Yes.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
I stopped sending pigs and messages and basically said, f him,
It's just me and my son now, so that you're
all caught up, here's my dilemma. There wasn't a dilemma before. Oh, oh, Sammy,
this is the dilemma.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Oh chat, oh bucker earth, Oh baby, there's a dilemma
because he's back. Oh he's back, Dad, He's he's worse
than before. Somehow he's pulling this move again.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
Once again. He showed up at my doorstep. I slammed
it in his face. This time he knocked until I
threatened to call the cops. He left after that, but
showed up the next day and the next and the
next restraining order. Yeah, dude, at this point, you're entitled
to a girl. And finally, for my son's sake and okay,
mine too, I let him inside. He explained that after
his father passed away, his family basically blamed him for it.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Yep, he called that. He called that.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Yeah, they said the stress of this, of the dishonor
he caused by being with me, sent his dad to
an early grave. He let them guilt him into leaving
us and going back to them once again. They tried
to marry him off, and once again he didn't go
through with them. He said he still loved me, loved
our son, missed us, and hated that he abandoned us.
He said he knew that he'd have to earn my trust,

(49:21):
but he wants to be a family again. This was yesterday.
So here's the question. Do I take him back? I
still love him, but trust is shattered. I don't know
if it can ever be repaired. Nah, dude, Nah, how
can wait back?

Speaker 1 (49:36):
No? Can wait? Take those checks though, all the way
to the bank from him, But don't take him back.
He just not dure, deserve your your trust, get that
child support.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
I don't know if it can ever be repaired if
I don't take him back. Now, how much access should
I give him our son? I don't want him to
get attached to his father, only for Raj to disappear
the next time as a family emergency. And lastly, has
anyone else had this problem? We have an edit coming up,
oh boy, have relevant comments with the community weighing in,
and an update.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Oh my god, the whole kitten kaboodle.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
That is a lot, but we've already answered the question, No,
don't get back together with him. I do wonder though,
and I'm very curious on chat with anyone that has
experienced any situation or seen a similar situation, what should
we do on on child custody because he could just
dip and leave on the child again, like oh p mentioned.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
I mean, I think don't give him the opportunity to
I think the default should be like giving him the
opportunity to prove that he can be a good dad
to this kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I think that
would be good. But for sure, don't take him back.
But I think, like, let him spend some time with
the kid. But I feel like you should have main
custody maybe with him, like yes, having some visitation, right

(50:46):
I yeah. De Red says, don't take him back, but
co parent. The reason I was like, not co parent
right away because it doesn't sound like he's putting any
effort into thinking about this kid.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
Yeah, I think, like, honestly, I feel like it might
be best when we've seen in a couple cases where
like op gets full custody from the partner that's wrong them,
and then they give it a long time, like talking years,
and then they decide, Okay, have they earned like a
legal right to like a percentage?

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Yeah that's see. Yeah, I agree. I agree with that.
But man, do not get back together with this guy.
Don't do Tom says, she gets full physical custody and
she keeps all legal documents of her child. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
and making pay child support. That's another big part of
the equation.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
So edit, I have read everyone's comments so far, and
I truly appreciate all the advice. I'm on a lunch break,
so I wonder to you brief and address a couple
of things. He is not staying with me currently. We
only talk from maybe thirty to forty five minutes. The
other night, someone asked me if his parents knew I
was black or not before the dinner, and I can
only assume by their face that they did. Many of
you pointed out that me excusing his behavior because of

(51:47):
his cultural ties needs to stop and I see that now.
I'm meeting with Raj again tonight to iron out a
few things. I will give a formal update later on
in the week on what we talk about, but I
need to do a couple of things first, mainly go
see a lawyer.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
Thanks again. Nice.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
Comment number one says Indian here, this guy's crap. He's
a coward and doesn't deserve you and uh or apply
to that Indian Muslim woman here. This is not religion,
this is culture, This is cowardice. Tell him he must
learn a stand up for his own family that he
has began with you. How can he claim that it's
a product of an obligation to his family when he
is neglecting his own family in the.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Process we said that.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
Comment Number two says I would allow him to be
in his son's life, but I wouldn't date him.

Speaker 1 (52:29):
Definitely not dated. Yeah, make it clear that you care,
but you need some more stability in your life. I
understand he's torn between you and his family. That has
to be hard. I get why he did what he did,
but you and your son's feelings matter too. They matter
a lot. I would say your son.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Needs a dad who's willing to stain his life. It
seems like your ex care. So he needs to get
his priorities in line, and we have our updates coming up.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
I'm down to get straight into it. I mean, i
feel like we've we addressed all those comments already. All
it's all there, Reddit geniuses. All that left is to
see how the chips fall. Let's see him. Let's see him,
all right, let's get into the updates. Hello again everyone.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and
kind words for my last post. It seemed that the
consensus was that Roj was just using his culture as

(53:12):
an excuse to.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Be a coward, and not to trust him or take
him back. Many also suggested that I talk to a
lawyer to get soul custody of my son and to
get child support ironed out. So the day I posted
it was a day or two after rog showed up.
I was shocked, to say the least, and my mind
was everywhere. But the next day Roz showed up again
with my knowledge's time to discuss a few things. I
had dropped my son off at my best friend's house

(53:35):
for the time being so we could talk with no interruptions,
and the conversation went well. I made it clear that
for the foreseeable future, we will not be getting back together.
I made sure that he knew that I did not
trust him, and that at the moment, I didn't even
like who he was as a person. Good, good, Opie,
stand your ground, yeah, lay down your round yes. And
I think it's also good just to know, like exactly

(53:56):
where where she stands, you know what I mean. He
asked if I still loved him, and I answered honestly
that I did well, but at this point in time
it didn't matter. He didn't really remark on that, but
seemed to take it at face value. He said that
he understood why we couldn't be together, but that he'd
wait for me to be ready.

Speaker 1 (54:12):
Again.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
I told him not to hold his breath, and then
he needed to focus on being a father, not a boyfriend,
which brings me to the next and most important part
of the conversation. I told him that again, for the
foreseeable future, he would only be having supervised visits with
our son undermine discretion good. We would be meeting at
a specific place at a specific time, and he missed
one meeting all bets were off.

Speaker 1 (54:33):
I like it. You got to make him get on it.
I also did not want my son to be in
contact with anyone from his family, especially if they're like
racist or anything. You don't want your kid anywhere near that.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
This could absolutely destroy this kid's like sense of self
and character and self secure in us one hundred percent.
He said that when he left his family and cut
contact with him, his sister left too, the same sister
that was at the dinner and looked sympathetic to me
and my son. Apparently she realized what was happening was
wrong and decided to take a stand. I was wary
of his sister and told him that I'd have to

(55:05):
meet her and speak with her a few times before
I would be comfortable with her around my son. I
informed Raja I was going to see a lawyer to
talk about custody and child support. He said, ultimately, like
a few years ago, he would like close to fifty
to fifty split. No way, you know, you haven't earned
that at all? In what world do you think you
can have that? And it's like, it's like very concerning

(55:27):
that he has the gall to ask that that, Like
I could see him being like listen, I want to
work towards fifty to fifty.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
I know I don't deserve it right now, so we'll
get there. This was not it. Yeah, this is not it.
He would go with whatever I wanted.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
Ultimately, he also threw out a number for child support,
more than what I was thinking, and we agreed to
that number. Of course, we will get all this legally
taken care of, because his word is crap. At the
end of the conversation, I suggested he go and see
someone about his family issues and the guilty feels, and
he mentioned that he had already looked into it. I'm
not sure if that meant he has been going or what,
but as of right now, I'm not going to push it.

(55:59):
And I think that basically means like going to a therapist,
you know, someone who could counsel a month.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
So that initial conversation was great. I went and saw
a lawyer and he said.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
With our history, I would have no problem getting everything
I asked for, especially since Roger has been putting up
a fight.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Nice at least that's a win. At least we've got
to win there.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
We have an appointment with a mediator in the next
few weeks to make it legally binding. Ever since he's
been back, Roger has been calling every day to talk
to our son. A few days after our second conversation,
he brought a check for the back child support, something
that I hadn't yet asked for nor was suspecting so quickly.

Speaker 1 (56:31):
Okay, I mean, it seems like he's showing up finally.
These are the example. These are example is taking. Yeah,
I mean it's not going to repair everything, but I
think you know it can get you to a better
place than you are now. Yes, this is what you
should be doing. This is what you should be doing.

Speaker 2 (56:44):
He's been showing up for all of our meetups early
at that and spends the entire time with our son,
not trying to get back with me. That's also another
good point. This was something I was worried about, but
he's been trying to prove that he can be a father.
Before he left, I would have said he was in
excellent hands on dad, And it looks like this guy
coming back. But again it's only been three weeks. I'll
be more confident once he's been consistent for six months,

(57:05):
a year, two years.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
You get the idea.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
So yesterday I met with him and his sister without
my son. She seems like a nice person. She was
really apologetic and even cried and apparently on top of
thinking it was wrong the way his parents acted, she
was sapphok and her orientation is frowned upon by their mother. Okay,
so basically she's like the black sheep of the family too.
So she understands like what it means to be on

(57:27):
the outside.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Yes, which honestly kind of great that. I think the
siblings have each other like an eternal champion. Yeah, one
hundred percent.

Speaker 2 (57:35):
As an aside, I don't want anyone to think all
Indian people are discriminatory closet guards get in term of
that one racists basically, especially since a lot of people
of the same or similar culture while commenting on my
last posts saying they'd experienced something similar, but Raj's family
are some seriously judgmental people.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
Together. They tried to show me proof that they had
cut off their family.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
They showed me unanswered texts, played me angry voicemails that
weren't in English but sounded mad and rag translated. He
showed me email that his mother had sent that was
in English, basically telling him that if he came back
now and married the girl they had lined up for him,
all would be forgiven. But if he didn't, he was disowned. Wow,
they would never talk to him again.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
I mean, that's gonna be tough for Ra too. I mean, like,
definitely he's been in the wrong, but not an easy
thing to get cut off from your family. But hey,
if thirder family's going to cut you off for this reason,
then maybe they aren't the best to be around anyway.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Yeah, and you know, I do have some good news
if you are worried about getting cut off from us.
Oh yeah, it's literally impossible impossible. And you know why
that is, Sam, Why is that because we have over
two thousand podcast episodes for you to binge.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
It your heart's content, those in your ear hole that's
Rice get married to them.

Speaker 2 (58:43):
Go to Spotify, Apple or the iHeartRadio app and search
Okay story Time and you can binge all of our
podcast episodes for more insane plot twisting stories like this one.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
We're about at the end. But I mean, I don't
know if there's anything left to said. We haven't Aready said, Yeah,
I mean, I think the relationship is going in the
right direction, very least that is saying very little because
it was going extremely deeply into the wrong direction. Yeah,
give it those years, OPI mentioned, and you know, then
we can talk. But to close this out, Opie says
his reply to saying that he'd be cut off was

(59:15):
that he was with his family and that he was
not going to leave us again. It seemed to be legit,
but I am skeptical. Nothing but time will fix that.
So there you have it. Raj is being a father.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
We are not getting to get back together anytime soon,
if at all, and he has cut off his family
for good, hopefully. I know many said that I shouldn't
even given him another chance to be in our son's life,
but making that decision would not have been fair to
my son. Raj knows this is his last chance and
that he better not f up. He better he better
not f up.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
But hey again, I think op now finally got a
little spine, went from noodle to maybe some wood spine.
Oh yeah, and is putting down the things that she
needs to make a relationship work for her. So I
feel like there's been character element on op side and
also some character development Rogers's side, like, you know, not great,
but he is making moods is paying for the kids,

(01:00:07):
so it feels like we are ending in a better
place than we started. Absolutely, and hey, as long as
they continue on. I think this should be good. But
I wanna but I think, but I think we can't
continue on in this episode. We can't because it's done.
So if you love us, make sure to subscribe We
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