My boyfriend is OBSESSED with his hobby… his entire life revolves around it! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 1 (00:15):
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Speaker 2 (00:16):
My boyfriend is obsessed with his hobby. His entire life
revolves around him. Is it Babe Blades? Is it Pokemon?
What's it gonna be? My boyfriend is obsessed with climbing
slash bouldering. He plans almost his entire life around it.
He's very good at it, and he's even become semi sponsored.
He gets discounted gear through sponsorships, not money. By the way,

(00:39):
this comes from user Mulco and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
Storytime Suburdy. We met through climbing about four years ago
when we were both already in relationships and became friends.
While I've known him, he has become more and more
committed to the lifestyle. He sold his car to fund
a climbing trip. He was halfway through an engineering degree
and dropped out out because it was getting in the

(01:01):
way of competition. His other real life friends have all
moved on in various ways, so most of his friends
are just as obsessed with climbing as he is. He
still had other hobbies and a stable income until we
had relocated. I worked for the government whoo, and was
offered a promotion if I moved out west.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
My boyfriend was thrilled and really supportive.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Because of how many rock climbing spots are out there,
we decided to take the risk, except the position and
move in together. The new position required a lot of changes.
I'm on call most weekends, so my days of super
competitive climbing are cut back. I get hair tested, so
no more fun substance times. Some days I have to
travel to different work sites, so I won't get home
until after midnight. Overall, the job has been great though.

(01:40):
It's laid back and fun, and the benefits are phenomenal.
I'm really happy that I made the jump. However, my
boyfriend has gone the total opposite. Back home, he had
a forty hour a week job with benefits. Out here,
one of his climbing buddies got him a job at
a sandwich shop, working the lunch shift. He explained it
would be temporary while he searched for something better. Well
six months later, he's still there with no interest in leaving.

(02:02):
In his defense, he lives the absolute bare bones lifestyle,
no car, no insurance, and minimum possessions. He can get
by on very little, which is financially responsible for his income,
but he also has no saving. Any extra money goes
towards climbing gear, granola, and travel money like gas flights
and bus tickets.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
To attend competitions.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Don't get me wrong, I am still a competitive climber
and do well at it, but I really just want
to have fun and meet people. My boyfriend used to
be pretty relaxed about it as well, but since the
bar is so much higher out here, he's thrown himself
into getting better. The other climbing bros love it, and
they all feed off of one another. And let me
just say, most of those guys suck. They are almost
all single, one wears a wedding band with climbing inscribed

(02:44):
on it, Broke and shameless like musicians, but less cool.
The last time I hung out with all of them,
one of the guys told me I should buy drinks
since I make the big money. When he's not climbing
with the dudes, he's watching the same climbing videos online,
reading climbing forums, researching new gear, or can pu pulsively
checking scores on climbing results.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
I feel like all we ever talk about or.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Do anymore is climbing related, and I'm getting so frustrated.
I've talked about making plans to do other things, but
he won't commit because he's waiting to hear about climbing.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
No car means you're tied to the guy driving out.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
I even tried to plan a trip to New York
City for his birthday, but he says he doesn't know
if he can go until he figures out whether he
has enough points to attend a world level climbing competition
in August.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
And then I got pregnant.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
He is supportive in small ways, but is reluctant to
cancel a climbing date to go to the gestational ultrasound.
When we talk about options, he says he doesn't think
we're in the right place. I've never given much thought
to having children, but feel this little heartache at his answer.
He thinks I'd be a great mom. He wants to
have kids someday, just not now. And then I lost it.
He's moved on but I'm still pretty sad about it.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Reddit. I want to talk to him about all of
these feeling we are really growing apart. While I still
find him attractive, I don't want to have spicy sleep anymore.
I'm afraid I'll become pregnant again, and since nothing in
his situation is changing, he'll still choose climbing. He's become
the people that we used to joke about, people.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Who live in a van or a tent at the
prime climbing spots to eat, sleep, and breathe climbing. On
one hand, I'm glad he's happy out here, but on
the other I've found myself having a harder time relating
to him. It feels like something we used to have
in common has become really divisive. My parents are furious,
as he spoke to them before we left about being
committed to building a future together, and they don't understand
why he's backsliding.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
For that matter, I don't either.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
I told him last month that I didn't want to
hurt his feelings, but I thought his lifestyle was pretty disappointing.
He said he would look for different work, but hasn't
even tried. In the climbing quote, mansion, which is an
old house with six climbing dudes living in it near us,
a room is opening up. I'm seriously considering asking him
to move out and live with his buddies. However, the
other night he told me he was really happy with
us and wanted to discuss the future.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
I'm so confused.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
I love him and want to support him, but his
lack of ambition is such a huge turnoff. How can
he even bring up the future? The only goals he
has are all centered or around some crazy sport that
could easily end if he hurt himself. How do I
talk to him about this without hitting below the belt?
I want to do it soon because he asked one
of my close friends about ring shopping. Oh wow, good

(05:10):
sweet lord. I don't want to get engaged right now. Help,
there's an update. I didn't think people would care that
much about an update, but I keep getting private messages
asking what happened.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
I've gotten more messages than responses on my post.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Apparently a lot of us have dated climbers for the
sake of ending the story. Here's how things went after
our post or it could slow down a lot, and
while I was still putting in overtime here and there.
I wasn't really traveling to work sites. We were spending
more time together, and I felt like one night in
particular was a good time to bring up the subject.
The conversation went okay. I told him I was frustrated
that he keeps talking about finding a new job but

(05:43):
never follows through. I brought him two different work flyers
that I thought would be right up his alley. One
was for climbing up cellular reception towers. Come on, even,
I think that sounds intriguing and they pay really well, yeah,
it's super dangerousangerous. And the other was for an engineering assistant.
He basically said that he knows there's no future at
his current work, but it pays enough for him to
get by and he's having fun.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
I told him I understood, but I was thinking that
maybe we should stop living together. This turned into an
argument about chores, money, and the big one what we wanted.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Out of our future.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
He reiterated that he wants kids, marriage, and that he
loves me very much, but he doesn't want to do
those things right now. I asked him what would happen
if I got pregnanty and he said that was very unlikely,
and I told him I felt that he had made
climbing his number one priority. He balked and said I
was exaggerating. I threw open the closet door and pulled
out all the camping equipment he bought before we came
out here, all still with tags attached. Unless I've used it.

(06:34):
He has not come on those trips because he's been climbing.
It's giving that SpongeBob with Patrick when they were taking
care of that.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
Uh what were they taking care of?

Speaker 2 (06:41):
But like SpongeBob like pulled like open, like the closet,
it's like just diapers.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. They had like the little scallop.
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
This is hundreds of dollars of gear untouched over an
eight month period. I pointed out his dusty mountain bike.
He said, he doesn't have a car. What about the
Frisbee golf bag that is in our storage container. He
hasn't had time. At this point, I just started crying.
These were all activities we used to really enjoy and
do together. I just feel like an idiot. I tell him,
I understand where he's at in his life, and I
want him to be happy, but I'm going to start

(07:10):
looking for another apartment. We have a little over a
month left on our lease, so at the end we
can part ways amicably. He looks completely devastated. All he
says back is if that's what you want, we're coming.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
To the end of the story here.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Yeah, he's being shown like all the evidence that it's like, yes,
you really are prioritizing yeah, climbing over every other thing.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah, And he's just saying like nuh uh no.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah, she's literally pulling out all of the things, right,
And it's not even like it's you know, promised to
things like things they might be interested in, and like,
like she said, it's things that they have been interested in.
And so it's like if he's not understanding right now,
because I'm sure, like from his perspective, I'm sure they
have nice moments. I'm sure they do hang out with
each other, like they live together, right, So it's like,
I'm sure that there is some evidence that there is

(07:54):
a happy relationship, but not like well rounded, you know
what i mean, Like obviously just a part of the relationship.
And there's more that seems to be like neglected from
all the climbing. So that must be heartbreaking for him
to hear. But if that's what he wants to do,
he can. It's just it just isn't what she wants.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
If it is going to work, which it might not,
Like this would have to be the wake up moment. Yeah,
of like, oh okay, I can't just be like a
climbing vagrant, which is a really fun, cool, exciting lifestyle.
You're going all over the place, you're with friends, you're
living on a shoestring budget. It's like, yeah, I've been
there as like a snowboard guy, and it's really fun,

(08:32):
I'm sure, but like it's not conducive to starting a
family and raising a child or because like.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
She said too, I mean like he could easily be
he could easily be injured from all of this, and
if he doesn't even have a savings to like fall
back on, Like that's what something I'm so scared of is,
Like I feel like I need to have a savings
because hospital bills are greatly expensive. So I'm like so
scared that, Like I mean, obviously you don't have to
say for like a house and stuff whatever, but like

(08:59):
the hospital, it will scare me the most, right, and
if he doesn't have any savings, and he's always doing
something physically like difficult.

Speaker 4 (09:06):
He could totally get hurt.

Speaker 2 (09:08):
They are currently wanting like diametrically opposed Yeah, lifestyle exactly strategies.
I found an apartment and we'll be moving out in
a week. Things have been cordial enough. We share a
studio and he keeps the bed while I sleep in
the closet on a camping cot Hey, it finally got
some use. He's moving into the climbinghouse temporarily. Apparently my

(09:28):
parents are worried that I'm falling apart, but I feel okay,
I'm sad, but okay, I still really care about him.
But I've realized almost all of the stress in my
life was coming from the energy I was putting into
our relationship.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Maybe it'll sink in when we finally do split ways.
So there you have it.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Wow, I have a feeling it will like that will
feel like the wake up call. But like I still
don't know if, like if he comes back and is
like no, no, no, no, like I would still give it.
The real thing is like, what do you want if
you want this for your life and you want to
be a climbing vagrant? You have the right to that
as a person. We can all choose the way we
want to live our lives exactly. But it just means

(10:04):
that y'all aren't going to work together.

Speaker 4 (10:06):
Yeah, you just gotta find another spider girl.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
My girlfriend kept lying about graduating from college even after
I found proof.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
Actually I graduated in the astral plane.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
I recently found out that my girlfriend may not have
graduated from college and is lying to me and her
entire family about it. We have been dating for over
one and a half years. We moved in together after
only about six months of dating. But it's what we
both wanted. By the way, this comes from H ten
fifty three eighty and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the our slash Okase story dumb
so I wrote it. But the first year or so

(10:39):
things had been great. She's my first serious girlfriend, and
we both fell for each other really hard. About a
year in I was having some concerns about her finances
and that her job wasn't paying her very well. She
supposedly graduated with a bachelor's in science, right, yeah, in
general psychology in December twenty twenty three, and I just
graduated with a BSN Marine Science in May twenty two,

(11:00):
twenty four from the same university. I am now in
master's at the same university for sec ed to be
a biology teacher since the beginning of twenty twenty three,
before she graduated, she was hired as a BHT at
the local IU and work and works contracted max. Twenty
nine hours a week at twenty one dollars per hour.
At first, this was great while she finished school, but

(11:21):
she was supposed to graduate in May twenty twenty three
when her advisor told her that semester that she actually
had too many psychology electives and needed more general electives,
which would require her to stay at an extra semester.
It actually took her a few days to tell me
this once she found out, which I understand because this was.

Speaker 4 (11:38):
Devastating for her.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
But my mom and I now have a theory that
she may never have graduated due to some strange things
that we noticed see below, and I have gained proof
of this. My girlfriend took summer classes online in twenty
twenty three to get her closer to graduating so that
she would only have to take her senior semester in
fall twenty twenty three and graduate and walk in December
twenty twenty five.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
As far as I knew, she did just that.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
I even dropped her off at her senior semester class
a few evenings early in the semester. She stopped going
after a week or two and told me that she
didn't have to go because the professor didn't take attendance
and the class was basically about how to get a
psych job, which she already had. I didn't think much
of this, and she really only ever attended one more
time to give a final presentation about her job, which

(12:23):
I know that she made because she showed it to me.
But she decided that she did not want to go
to her commencement ceremony in December. Her family and I
were confused, but she said that all of her friends
walked the previous spring semester and she didn't want to
sit by herself and would rather we all go to
brunch instead.

Speaker 4 (12:39):
We reluctantly agreed and had a good time.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
Once she had her degree, her job was supposed to
negotiate a full time salary with her so that she
could increase her pay and k slowed from contracted work.
They had supposedly been telling her to expect a salary
offer of around thirty five K, but ended up offering
her twenty three K. She was shocked and upset and
turned this down, which I said supported, but to this day,

(13:01):
they have since not given her another full time offer.
She says her supervisors have tried to get HR rolling
on this to no avail. She is not exactly the
type to speak up for herself, so she hasn't done
much to fight this, and has been working contracted for
almost a year and a half now. In addition, the
university still has not sent her diploma. I graduated this
past May and received my electronic diploma in an email

(13:23):
a few weeks ago that stated my physical diploma would
be arriving two weeks from the date of the email,
which it did. My girlfriend has still not received hers
electronic or physical. Her mom and I have tried to
get her to call her email the school, but she
keeps forgetting and doesn't seem all that interested in chasing
down her diploma, despite telling me that she has been
looking at other full time jobs who will likely request

(13:46):
a copy of her diploma.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
This week, we are at the beach.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
The night before we left, I was finishing packing and
she was wrapping up work on her computer. She went
to sleep and left it open, and this is where
I admittedly did a bad thing. She has told me
her password before, so I went onto her school portal
and opened her transcript. Mine has a section at the
top saying degrees awarded with my degree beneath.

Speaker 4 (14:07):
No such heading appears on her transcript.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
In fact, hers states that she only has one oh
one credits of one twenty required to graduate. The semester
that we started dating Ball twenty twenty two, she has
a C, two d's, and an F, which I.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
Did not know.

Speaker 3 (14:24):
She's usually a straight A or B student and has
no c's or lower before the semester in winter twenty
twenty three, when she studied abroad, she has an A
in her study Abroad class and an F in two
other classes that I.

Speaker 4 (14:37):
Did not know she was even enrolled in.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
In spring twenty twenty three, she has five f's and
one B, which is in the class that she and
I took in person together. There is no record for
Fall twenty twenty three, when she supposedly took her last
class of senior semester to finish her degree.

Speaker 4 (14:53):
I am floored.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
I know that she withdrew from a class or two
in spring twenty twenty three, but five f's and no
class at all in fall twenty three. The evidence all
points to her lying about graduating. I try to casually
bring it up at the beach the other day, and
she said that her transcript does have the same section
as mine with the degrees awarded heading. I know it
doesn't because I took pictures of her transcript on her

(15:18):
computer for privacy.

Speaker 4 (15:19):
I will not be posting them. I don't know what
to do without revealing. I snooped.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
I feel like I need to confront her about this,
but we are on vacation with her family, and she
said that she didn't want to try to email about
her transcript right now because she doesn't want to have
to deal with this on vacation. There's still a few
days left before we go home. I feel like if
she is lying about this, it might mean the end
of our relationship. What happens if she gets laid off
or our future kid has appointments. This is just the

(15:44):
tip of the iceberg. But we just signed a brand
new one year lease for a new apartment at the
beginning of July, and we have three cats together. I've
expressed concerns about her low income before that she waves off,
and now I know there is an underlying lie. I
know she's not cheating because we lived in other and
besides work, she tries to spend every second with me.

Speaker 4 (16:02):
So what should I do? And we do have some comments,
but to god, I want to hear yours.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
I mean, from the sounds of it, it sounds like
you need to immediately be like, hey, so I snooped.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
Whatever made you do it?

Speaker 2 (16:13):
You're like something just felt weird and I looked to
just see and I can see that you you did
not graduate in the I don't know, like it did
you know she was an a student or were you
just assuming that.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
I'm assuming he knew.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
If you knew, you.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
Can be like, you know, you can have this come
from a place of concern, because it does sound like,
I don't know, concerning that's like a it sounds I mean,
if you were just looking at like paper, like watching
the grades, just like that would maybe look like an
acute issue, like like something like a substance abuse issue
or some sort of like acute like immersei emotional turmoil
going on in her life. Like something got something showed

(16:48):
up that completely removed her ability to crush school.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
But there are some comments.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Comment Number one says, obviously she is deeply ashamed. There
is also huge social pressure around college that it basically
determines your self worth Personally. I think college is overrated
and I have no BS degree but make way more
money than many who have a degree.

Speaker 4 (17:08):
But I understand the deep cultural pressure about the topic.

Speaker 3 (17:11):
Anyways, It's not going to be lying, but it's not
a mortal sin, so to speak.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
It is something that she could grow past.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
Maybe nobody in her life has ever been safe to
fail around. Maybe you can approach her with some compassion
and forgiving and be the person that she can actually
open up to. On the other hand, if she has
a pattern of bad decisions and behaviors and other parts
of her life, it may be more concerning and maybe
not worth continuing. Ope, he responds, thank you. Generally speaking,
I feel like the honeymoon phase began to wear off

(17:38):
for me because she is not nearly as ambitious or
motivated as she was when we met. She wanted to
have a doctorate in psychology, and now she doesn't know
if this is what she wants for her career despite
liking her current job. I completely understand this, as I
switched majors multiple times, and I'm sure half of all
people working in the workforce are doing something different from
their degree. But she has made no effort to figure

(17:59):
out how to change or find a steadier or better
paying job, and it concerns me. I've brought it up
a few times, but she shuts down any conversation about
her job or finances because it gives her bad anxiety.
My understand because she struggles with anxiety and depression. But
these are all life decisions that must be made all
the time as a couple, and I feel like we
can't talk about them. She has two families child of

(18:20):
a dvors who have given her a hard time about
school situations in her financial independence in the past, so
that could explain it. But I feel like this does
not bode well, and she could be thinking that she
can get away with more if she can get away
with this. Someone responds, what are your relationship goals? Being
able to take care of yourself is important, but she
doesn't need to be highly paid. If you get married
and have kids, she should drop out of the workforce

(18:42):
to take care of them anyway, so her hurting potential
isn't as important as her mother central. That said, it
can be a bad sign if she claims to have
all these goals and ambitions that she realistically isn't able
to achieve.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
There's absolutely nothing.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
Wrong with being a BHD at the local IU, and
I literally have no idea.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
You know what that is.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
My mom works in a grocery store and there's nothing
wrong with that either. There's nothing wrong with any job,
so she doesn't need a PhD in psychology to be
a valuable person or a great partner. That said, you
also would be within your rights to end things now
based on this dishonesty. The big question is really what
are your relationship goals and does she align with them?

Speaker 4 (19:20):
In other words, what do you want out of a partner?
Do you want kids? Et cetera. Oh, peer spots.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
Since pretty much the beginning of the relationship, we've been
on the same page. Want to get engaged and married
in the next few years, once both incomes are stable
and prefer and we prefer three kids. My income won't
be stable or full time until I graduate again in
May twenty twenty five. And look for full time teaching
jobs that start in twenty twenty five. I agree that
she doesn't need to be highly paid as long as

(19:45):
she is happy, but several times I've had to help
her with rent over the past year when she makes
more than me works more than me because I work
part time during school and has more time to find
more work hours.

Speaker 4 (19:56):
In a perfect world, I'd love for her.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
To leave the workforce to take care of our kids
when the time comes, but I will not be able
to support her and three kids by myself as a
high school teacher in an urban area. I apologize for
my lack of elaboration. She is a behavioral health tech
BHD at an intermediate unit, which means that she works
with kids twenty one and younger with special needs in
their schools or in their homes. The problem with this

(20:20):
line of work is that, as she is contracted, she
cannot exceed twenty nine hours according to her contract, and
usually she does not hit twenty nine hours anyway due
to conflicts with her clients beyond her control. She only
has three clients and kids, and almost every day one
of the kids is outsick or something with their family
comes up.

Speaker 4 (20:37):
Preventing her from getting hours.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
This is troublesome when we are trying to make rent
every month, and she has been pushing for us to be.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
Engaged, which I also want.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
But again, once my income is stable, our goals have
usually aligned, but I feel that she has not been
realistic lately in putting an effort with me to reach them.

Speaker 4 (20:53):
And that's the end of the story. Whoa woo woo,
who abrupt ending woo. My boyfriend accuse me of cheating
on him, but I really didn't. I'll see about that.

Speaker 5 (21:03):
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years.
We are long distance. We're from the same hometown, but
he goes to school in another state, so we see
each other over summer and most holidays. By the way,
this comes from throwaway didn't do it, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime suppered it. This past summer, I did
study abroad in Peru for two months. It was one

(21:24):
of the most amazing experiences and I had so much fun.
I didn't have a phone or regular internet, so I
communicated with email every couple of days. I told my
boyfriend this would be the case before leaving, and he
said it was okay when I get back. He was
excited to see me, and I was excited to see him,
but I was very tired and honestly fell asleep within
minutes of first seeing him. I'd literally gotten off the

(21:45):
plane just an hour before. When I woke up, he
seemed pissed. I asked what was up, and he just
started asking how my trip was. I told him it
was fun, told him about my friends, et cetera. Then
all of a sudden, he says, I know you cheated
on me. At this point, I'm confused. I just said what,
and he said, I know you did. It's okay whatever. Well,
I didn't cheat on him. There were only four other

(22:07):
guys on the trip. Two had girlfriends, one was incredibly gay,
and the only single straight one was hooking up with
this other girl. The whole time. I told him this,
and he just kept saying he knew I cheated on him.
Asked people on the trip, and nobody said anything to him.
They're all just as confused as me. I asked my
boyfriend why he thinks I did, and he said, I

(22:27):
just know. The weird thing is that he's saying it's
he's okay with it, but still keeps bringing up that
I cheated on him. It's pissing me off because I didn't.
I had a lot of opportunities to and never even.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
Got close to taking them.

Speaker 5 (22:41):
I told him the only guy I did anything close
with was my gay friend, and all we did was
dance at a club together. He started saying, well, I
don't know if it was one of your friends or
a local. I don't know what to do. He just
keep saying I cheated, but I didn't. He also says
he doesn't care but brings it up. I can't figure
out how to convince some other aside from the fact
that this is totally ridiculous idea. We had literally no

(23:05):
time to even talk to local people there enough to
hook up with him because we were busy every day
and all day doing things. Is this breakup worthy? I
love him, but I have no idea why he's doing this.
And there are some comments and an update comment one
ask your boyfriend for the evidence he has to support
his claim. I honestly think he cheated on you and
is projecting his cheating onto you and hopes you'll confess

(23:26):
so he can break up with you. And not tell
you he cheated and avoid being a giant a hole
for cheating. Oh, he says, Honestly, I've been wondering this myself.
Maybe he's saying he doesn't care and he's gonna drop
the bomb that he did in hopes I don't care.
The only thing is that, like, I can't imagine how
he cheat. He has no female friends, and neither do
any of his male friends.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
He's kind of weird and okay, do you like him?

Speaker 6 (23:50):
The thing is like, listen, I'm on like, I still
I'm on her side. He's still coming out like crazy
with like the you cheat, like that's still that's not acceptable,
just straight up no jokes, no bits.

Speaker 4 (24:02):
That's crazy.

Speaker 6 (24:04):
But it's all so crazy to then be like I
don't know how he'd cheat. He kind of sucks into
the loser.

Speaker 5 (24:10):
I'm like, all right, comment to my guess, he's very
insecure that he has heard slash read all the horror
stories of couples going abroad and cheating on the usso
the whole time, and he's projecting that insecurity on this situation.
Common three with the timing of him getting pissed, I
think he snooped. I think he looked through your phone
and saw something he thought was incriminating. Maybe it was

(24:31):
a picture of someone with their shirt off. Maybe it
was a text message he misinterpreted, maybe with something old.
Maybe he found out that you deleted something, or assumes
you did. I think you should tell him that he
may not care that you cheated, but you care an
f of a lot that you've been accused of cheating
when you didn't tell him. You have no idea where
this is coming from, but you're starting to think he

(24:52):
just wants you off balance because he cheated.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
Give him a choice.

Speaker 5 (24:56):
Either you will have an honest and mature conversation about this,
both about your cheat eating and about what he did
when you weren't around, or you're done. Opie says he
fell asleep with me, so I don't think he snooped.
I'm pretty sure he was just mad that I had
fallen asleep instead of sitting up and talking with him
or whatever.

Speaker 4 (25:11):
I was just so tired.

Speaker 5 (25:13):
It is possible he woke up and snooped, And maybe
I didn't wake up. But I didn't even bring my
phone with me, so anything on my phone and computer
is before I even left. I'm got a double check
to see if there's anything funny in my messages though,
and there is an update. Okay, So I want to
thank everyone for all of the advice. I really appreciate
it that so many people cared to give their ideas.

(25:33):
A lot of people thought cheating, but some suggested he
was just insecure. Last night, I asked him to come over.
I should have mentioned INOPI that the original event actually
happened in mid August when it first happened. After enough,
I said, listen.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
You're pissing me off.

Speaker 4 (25:48):
Stop saying that I did something I didn't do.

Speaker 5 (25:51):
And he just said, okay, sorry, exactly like that, but
then proceeded to occasionally bring it up since August until now. Also,
we are long distance. He goes to school in another state,
but is from my hometown. He's been here the past
few days due to family issues. So when he was over,
I asked him why he feels so strongly I cheated,

(26:11):
and at first he tried to brush it off. I
kept pressing him, and finally he said, I just don't
feel like you could go somewhere like that with a
bunch of guys and nothing would happen. I told him, well,
you go to Florida for most of the year for
school with a bunch of girls. So are you saying
that you don't think I could do it because you've
done something?

Speaker 4 (26:28):
Well?

Speaker 5 (26:28):
He flew off the handle and freaked out, started yelling
that he was so pissed I'd even think to accuse
him of cheating. Jo He but he never had and
never will that I knew about any time a girl
came on to him too strong because he'd tell me
about it, which is true. I just sat there and
watched him, and then finally asked, well, how is it
ridiculous for me to ask you that? But you think
it's ridiculous that I even argue that I never cheated?

(26:51):
He just said that he knows me, and he knows
what I do. Finally, I just got pissed and said
that if he can't trust me and think so lowly
of me, we probably shouldn't be together. He started going
off and saying, see, I knew you cheated. I got
fed up with the crazy and told him to go.
He asked if I was breaking up with him, and
I said no because I figured if I said yes,
he wouldn't leave. But I felt pretty sure that's what

(27:12):
I wanted to do. After he left, he called up
his brother, who I am sometimes close to, and told
him the story. He was surprised by how crazy he was,
but also told me that my boyfriend's last girlfriend his first,
had cheated on him, though he probably just thinks that
of everyone now. He told me that my boyfriend has
some massive anger issues. Well why did you never hear
about this if you're sometimes close with his brother. He

(27:34):
also told me about a bunch of other crazy things
my boyfriend has done, including running away from home as
a twenty year old when he didn't get his way.

Speaker 4 (27:42):
Is it running away from home if you're.

Speaker 5 (27:43):
Twenty cussing out his mom and telling her to pass away,
Oh my goodness, oh when she took his brother's side
over a petty argument, et cetera. Some other minor things
were that my boyfriend has apparently stated he never wants
to move out of his parents' house and continues making
YouTube videos for.

Speaker 6 (28:00):
The rest of Asia, and who would be making YouTube
videos this weak?

Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (28:04):
That, and how stupid my boyfriend acted to me over
me doing literally nothing made me decide I wanted to
end it. I called up my boyfriend and told him
it's over. I'm pretty sad about it. I do love him,
but I don't want to deal with crazy meaner. Plus
it's pretty lame. We've been together three years oof and
he still thinks he wants to live with his parents forever.
I've asked him a million times what he wants to

(28:27):
do when he's out of college.

Speaker 4 (28:28):
He just says, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (28:29):
People are asking how I never noticed these red flags earlier.
I kind of did, but wasn't sure we were long distance,
which I think often left me confused. A lot of
times I'd wondered if his actions were just because we
were far. Hearing his brother say those things just confirmed
that's not the case. Also, a lot of you were upset.
I called his ex crazy and referenced her spicy flower

(28:51):
use as an example. I actually knew her personally. She
was a pathological liar as well as being actually clinically
insane and did a lot of spicy flower Throwing the
word crazy around was rude of me, and of course
the spicy flower use doesn't mean crazy.

Speaker 4 (29:07):
I'm a bit jaded.

Speaker 5 (29:08):
When it comes to her because she used to be
my friend but has done some pretty messed up stuffs.
So sorry if I came off as sensitive and for
tossing those words around like that. He's like, I'm so sorry.
I hate this girl. That's my bad. I shouldn't have
told you guys.

Speaker 4 (29:21):
And that was the update was sorry, his ex is crazy.
I have proof I had a prophetic and also real
life agree. Yes exactly.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
Hey it's Sean here.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with Aswermur sponsors. I told my mother
to keep my pregnancy a secret, but she ignored me.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
She was just so excited.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
I just spent the weekend moving to our new home.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
It was so tiresome I could barely keep my eyes
open past nine pm. My parents came to help us,
and they outdid themselves this time. They bought new home equipment,
helped move furniture boxes, clean you name it.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
Wow. I was kind of waiting for that to be sarcastic,
but it wasn't.

Speaker 4 (30:03):
Yeah, I know, they actually helped, very helpful.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
I am deeply grateful for what they did for us,
and told them so.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
By the way, this.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
Comes from user I love Tarto phrases and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slage show Gay Storytime subreddit, so because there must be
a butt in this story. On Sunday, I received a
congratulatory comment on my Facebook about my pregnancy from someone

(30:32):
I didn't even know she knew. I clicked on the
link and it was one of fifteen other comments on
a picture of me and my mom posted without telling me.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
No big deal, right. The trouble is.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
I specifically asked her to keep my pregnancy to our
close family, my parents and my brothers. Even my husband
hadn't told all of his own family members. I especially
didn't want her sister to know yet, because she recently
turned into an extremist religious person and is well known
to not respect any boundary whatsoever. I am thirty six

(31:05):
years old, it is my first pregnancy, and I know
the rate of health issues with the baby.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
I have enough fears like that.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
I don't need to deal with my crazy aunt if
we need to deal with the inevitable. I simply wanted
to wait a little to have the green light from
my obgyn to feel at ease sharing this news with
loved ones without it turning into a show on Facebook.
I am quite reserved and like my privacy especially during
such an intimate event. Well, I read the comment, didn't answer,

(31:34):
and wanted to calm down before saying anything to my mom.
When we were all leaving, I took my mother aside
and calmly told her I would really like her to
not share my pregnancy on Facebook, since I'm uncomfortable and
not all my husband's close relatives are in the loop.
Yet she just said that she didn't have ill meaning.
It turns out, once in the car, she got a

(31:55):
phone call with a friend and had a lengthy conversation
about me and my pregnancy with someone she never told me.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
She told. I really tried to keep my cool.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
I waited a few minutes to have a serious conversation
about it. I remembered not to start with negative words
or accusations, so it went like this quote, Mom, I
know you didn't have ill meaning, but I'd like to
know who knows.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
About my pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
I cut my voice even well, she transformed into a
hysteric accusing me of so many things. I don't even
know where to start. I'm ungrateful, I'm unfair. I disrespected her.
She has the right to speak about my pregnancy to
whomever she pleases. I tried three or four times to
tell her I'd like to tell you something, until my dad,
who was driving, told her to let me speak. I

(32:40):
started like this quote, Mom, I'm thirty six years old.
One fourth of pregnancies at my age will stop by themselves.

Speaker 1 (32:48):
I have a much higher risk of developing complications.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
And then she cut me off, mocking me, saying I
was too melodramatic and abnormal to not be willing to
share the news.

Speaker 5 (32:56):
It's very common for people to not share the news
about the pregnancies, especially early on in the pregnancy. So
I don't know what this mom is talking about.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
Just crazy vibes to not be like my bad.

Speaker 5 (33:08):
Yeah, I won't talk about it to anyone else. Immediately
just jumping on the defensive, even though he's not, you know,
even accusing her of really of anything. She's just saying, hey,
I know you didn't mean anything bad, but like, can
you not share it with anyone?

Speaker 4 (33:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (33:21):
After all that was said, I lost my crap.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
Not a proud moment, but I could not support being
there and telling her about my most profound fears and
then being mocked. I told her the only person that
had any right to this pregnancy is me and my husband,
and that I had the exact same conversation about privacy
with my mother in law, but at least she had
the decency to send an email to the person she
spoke to about us and not make a freak show

(33:44):
on Facebook. And she understood my reservations and asked for forgiveness.
I told her she was in hysterics because she got
caught red handed and hadn't the balls to recognize it
and was trying to shift the blame. She tried to
deny I asked for discretion, told me she would have
preferred that I hadn't told her. I told her I
did tell her. I asked her what I was supposed

(34:06):
to do if the baby had big health issues. I
told her I would never deal with her crazy sister
if such a thing were to happen. I told her
I never shared anything about her on Facebook because it
was her private life. Why does she think I didn't
deserve this same privacy? And finally I told her it's
cool she had no fears, but I do have profound

(34:26):
fears and asked her if it was too much to respect.
Silence ensued. They dropped me at my place. I told
my father goodbye. Turned to my mom and she asked
me if I wasn't about to tell her goodbye. I
asked her if she would again mock my fears, and
she tried again to shift the blame. I told her,
I just defended myself and I went away read it.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
I don't know how to deal with this.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
We're supposed to spend a week with them on Christmas,
but I am so tired of this BS. I cannot
tell her the slightest thing without it blowing out of proportion.
I just need to take the verbal abuse, take their gifts,
and shut up. If I'm not an ungrateful witch. I
am so tired of this. How can I keep my
family and my mental health at the same time?

Speaker 1 (35:12):
And edit here?

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Blown away by the comments and support you're giving me,
I'd like to thank every one of you. I really
needed some validation about being hurt by all of this.
I don't know yet what we're going to decide about Christmas,
but for the moment, I'm going no contact. And as always,
she tried to be helpful in some way so as
we keep contact without resolving anything.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
This is very typical of her.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
Like when I was a kid, she used to drop
money on my desk after we had an argument. Say ay,
hey colock In at your shift at the argument factory.

Speaker 4 (35:43):
She said, you'll forget about this.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Hey, what is a nice George Washington? I have to
say about that?

Speaker 4 (35:51):
I would you don't still one.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
I learned a long time ago that anything I told
her could be turned against me. I guess I was
naive to open up to her. I won't make that
mistake again. Thank you again. There's a second edit and
then a little update, and we're still going to do this.
A second little edit. There are a lot of advices
about not going to Christmas, and as appealing as it sounds,
my mother is currently undergoing breast to treatment. Chemo is over,

(36:16):
thank god, but still she has a protocol to follow
and we already last lost my grandmother last year, which
her mom, so I don't have the heart to miss
Christmas with her and my family. I'll probably cut the
time there though, and avoid any pregnancy topics.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
And there is an update.

Speaker 5 (36:33):
Yeah, Sophia, yeah, take it away.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
What are we thinking?

Speaker 5 (36:38):
Well, I think that your mom is clearly disrespecting your
boundaries when it comes to your child, and also doesn't
seem willing to, you know, listen to you or apologize,
but you also want to have a relationship with her
because you've had a really tough year, which is fair.
I think that you could go to Christmas and just
not have that conversation. I guess it's it's just like,

(37:00):
how is this the pill that you're willing to you know,
pass away on? And it's totally fine if it is,
because she did disrespect you and she did cross your boundaries,
but it doesn't seem like she's going to change.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
I have a technique I'm trying to develop for these
kind of situations. Yeah, I don't know if this would
work for this one, because she seems pretty ordinary. Yeah,
but you turn her into a baby in your mind,
not in the real world, because that's we haven't invented
Benjamin button technology yet.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
But you just go, silly baby in your head. You go,
what kids, My mom is such a silly baby.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
She doesn't know that she needs to respect me right
now because it's my pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
H silly baby.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
And uh, you know, it's probably not a real long term,
sustainable solution, but it might be able to get you
through Christmas.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Let's get into the update after reflection.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
My husband and I decided to join my family on
Christmas at my parents' home, but we cut short the holidays.
It went well and we were all happy to share
and celebrate the news of my pregnancy with my brother's
aunt and cousins, and my mother didn't stir up any
more drama.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
Good.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
After that, my parents came to visit us on three
occasions to help us settle in, paint the rooms.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
Blah blah blah, all pretty chill.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
But everything came to an end after four days after
I gave birth to our precious baby boy.

Speaker 4 (38:24):
Oh boy, the boy, the boy who lived.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
And I'm still completely at a loss about what she
was able to tell me. So I gave birth last Thursday.
My parents wanted to visit us and meet the little one.
They called us to tell us they were coming on Sunday.
No problem first, A very strange thing that happened. On Saturday,
we received a text telling us they were on their

(38:48):
way and arriving in the afternoon. Okay, I guess my parents,
especially my father, are usually quite respectful about time and schedule,
so it was a bit odd that they didn't ask
us first, but no big deal. They came, They met
the baby, but they couldn't stay more than two hours
at the hospital and were coming back on Sunday. Sunday
arrived and my husband and I were expecting my parents

(39:09):
any minute, since they knew visits on Sunday finish earlier.
We spent all day waiting for them, with no notice whatsoever.
Finally they arrived at five o'clock. Bear in mind, I
had just given birth. I breastfeed my baby, so I
barely sleep at night and wake up super early, so
at five pm, I'm simply exhausted.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
When they arrived, I asked.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Them what they were doing all day long since we
were expecting them. My mother replied they didn't want to
disturb my neighbor. I had to share my hospital room
with another lady and her baby. What and she spent
the day cleaning up our house, which was clean, by
the way, But my mother is a bit obsessed with
cleaning up. So I thanked my mom for the cleaning,

(39:54):
but told her I would have rather they came earlier.
On Monday, I was released and.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
We all headed home. My mother took my husband shopping.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
She brought us enough food to feed an army, diapers,
a new vacuum and a barbecue.

Speaker 4 (40:09):
You can't go anywhere without your barbecue.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
So she's all giddy with these new purchases.

Speaker 2 (40:15):
We are really grateful and thank her, but honestly, we
did not ask nor need so much. The day went well,
except I noticed my baby asking for more feeding. My
husband asked my parents if they could stay with me
on Wednesday since he exceptionally had to go back to
work all day long and I was a bit anxious
to stay alone from eight am to.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Eight pm, and they agreed.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
On Tuesday, we were all at home, but we needed
to go back to the hospital for a routine exam.
The trouble was it took me half the day to
secure an appointment to get it done. By the time
we arrived there, my slight headache from the previous night
had gotten bigger, the baby was still asking for more feeding,
and now we were stuck in the exam room with
the screams of babies surrounding us.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
That's not good for a headache, No, it's gonna make
it worse. Of course, our baby boy was growing anxious too.

Speaker 4 (41:07):
Ah, that's screaming.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
Doctors and pediatric nurses told us everything was all right.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
And we were free to go.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
We came back home and the baby literally latched on
to my front air bag and I'm impossible to let
him go for five minutes without screaming. Now my mother
is growing anxious too, and telling me I probably need
to compliment his feeding with milk. My head is about
to explode no matter what medicine I take. My wife

(41:35):
called me to My midwife called me to check on me.
I told her what was happening, and she simply replied
that it is completely normal, and that the baby was
disturbed twice in his routine, first from the hospital to
our house and then to the hospital again.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
And since all the signs are positive that he's.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
Gaining weight and being correctly hydrated and fed, I only
have to feed him as he asks and keep him
close to us and it will pass. She was about
to visit us at home the following morning. I spent
almost five hours non stop nursing. By the time my
husband arrived home, my head was unliving me. I was dehydrated, sore,
stressed as I have never been, starving, and exhausted.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
Thankfully, my parents made me dinner.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
My husband took the baby so that I could eat
I barely had time to eat two mouthfuls before my
mother went at me again, telling me I needed to
compliment my milk, that I was not feeding him properly.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
I could feel what was going on in my mom's head.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
She was absolutely anxious and stressed and pouring it all
on to me. I repeated again with the doctor and
the pediatric nurses, and my midwife told me that it's normal.
He's gaining weight every day and there's nothing to do
at the moment, and my midwife will be there at
nine am the following day. She replied that I needed
to ask again until I had another answer, maybe an

(42:50):
answer that she liked and agreed with.

Speaker 4 (42:52):
She needs to leave. She's not being helpful, truly, she's
just giving me a headache.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
Yeah, she's like, hey, do you want to be more
stressed by Hey, Hey, you're doing that wrong.

Speaker 1 (43:02):
You're doing the mom wrong. You need more milk.

Speaker 5 (43:04):
Your milk is not there to already be in a
stressful situation and have someone who just actively makes it worse.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Yeah, now the baby is screaming again.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
My headache is splitting my brain in a thousand pieces,
and I lost it.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
I told her to stop it.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
I couldn't bear to hear another negative comment, and that
I knew what she was doing, making me bear her
own anxiety, whereas I already had my own fears to bear.
I just couldn't take any more. My father interjected that
it was not a negative comment. My husband interrupted us
to tell me that the baby just needed to have
his diaper changed and to relax, and my mother started

(43:39):
screaming at me that she wanted to leave, that she
was there because we asked for her help, and that
she spent too much money on us too, and that
I always take her as a scapegoat. I replied, and
that I just gave birth, had a bloody headache for
two days, and was nursing for five hours, and that
I was and that I was at the end of
my rope and I just needed support and not criticism.

(44:02):
And the cherry on the cake was her response. If
you're at the end of your your rope, then you
need to see a psychiatrist.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
I think you just need to leave.

Speaker 4 (44:11):
You just should go. Yeah, please just go. You tell
your mom she gotta go.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
Your mom is the catalyst for your need for psychiatry.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Yeah, yeah, did She dropped the comment on like I
already spent too much more now and you I'd be like,
then you can take all that stuff back at all.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
I didn't want that on it.

Speaker 5 (44:29):
You can ride it home, take it away, want your vacuum,
take it back to the store.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
Cue.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
I asked her if she really thought she was helping
me at that moment, and that if she couldn't understand
that now was not the time for her to play victim.
I really had nothing else to say. She yelled at me,
saying she didn't want to hear anything else. I just
told her, then go take your presence with you, since
you always throw them in my face. I went back

(44:55):
to my room, trying to close my eyes for a
minute to ease my migraine.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Ten minut and it's passed.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
My husband came back with our baby and everything was silent.
He told me my parents went away without even telling
him goodbye. He was alone, trying to calm our son
in the bathroom. Came out asking for a hand and
found no one. Ten minutes later, my migraine went away
and our baby was sound asleep.

Speaker 4 (45:16):
Imagine that funny how that happens.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
Yeah, they left us at midnight without even telling me,
without even telling my husband, who did nothing but tried
to bring peace into this bloody mess. I've never felt
so disgusted in my life. And just to be clear,
when my midwife came the following day, she examined our
son and assured me he was perfectly fine. He gained
seventy grams in one day. The average is fifty quick

(45:41):
at him. I told her what happened, and she understood
completely that my mother was projecting something about her own
story onto me, and that it wasn't fair nor healthy
for me or the baby. The baby actually could feel
the tension and was expressing it through his screams.

Speaker 4 (45:56):
They was like, come on, guys, it's working out. We
don't need to fight anymore.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
The baby's just screaming in baby language.

Speaker 4 (46:05):
Grandma, leave stop it. No one gets what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (46:14):
It's like baby geniuses. But he's like a licensed therapist.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
We shouldn't really be leaning on these parents for help
in the future.

Speaker 5 (46:25):
Yeah, like you can go to Christmas and hang out
with her, but I don't think having her over at
your house in any sort of like you know, helping
capacity is good because she's not helpful.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
Yes, so here I am read it.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
I haven't had any news from them since their departure
two days ago. I've got the temptation to expose this
story to the whole family, first to let them realize
how awful they were to us, and secondly to warn
my brothers that my mother is perhaps losing her head.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
But I really don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Yesterday I received a weird message in my Facebook inbox.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Apparently it was for my mother.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
In law, but somehow arrived in my inbox and my
mother was inviting her at her home and telling her
how happy she was for us and for our baby,
as if nothing had happened. This is insane. So far,
we're going no contact until a proper apology.

Speaker 1 (47:18):
What would you do?

Speaker 4 (47:19):
I don't think you need to go to the whole family.

Speaker 5 (47:22):
I think you could talk to your siblings if you're
close with your siblings, But yeah, I don't know about
like whole family.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
I think going to the whole family kind of You know,
not to harp on the silly baby's technique, but when's
the last time you sent a message to your whole
family about something a silly baby did? Yeah, you know,
so a silly baby pooped their pants? On your silly
baby pooped your pants.

Speaker 4 (47:42):
Everyone texts the whole family, Chin.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
Baby pooped the pre Is it going to bring more
peace into your life? To get your whole family? I
think the only thing I would recommend there is if
you really feel like your mom's behavior is like going
to another level or like getting out of control, like yes,
then going from a place have concerned to your family
and being like, hey, do we all think mom is okay?

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (48:04):
I think that would make sense.

Speaker 5 (48:05):
But in the like in any other circumstance, it just
feels like added stress for you.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
Yeah, and for baby and for bab don't need this. Hey,
it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories. But
here's three minutes of ads for our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (48:19):
I gave my father an ultimatum about his life choices,
but it changed nothing. Trigger warning booze. Over the past
year and a half, my family has been having some
problems centered around my dad's drinking.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
It will probably be it's gonna be a little intense,
So if you guys.

Speaker 5 (48:34):
Do not want to hear that story, come back probably
in thirty minutes. I am eighteen, my brother is sixteen,
and my parents are forty male forty one female.

Speaker 4 (48:44):
By the way, this.

Speaker 5 (48:45):
Comes from Dad is a an alcoholic help and if
you want to sumit your own stories go to the
r slash Okay storytime separate it. So when the drinking started,
both of my parents have always drank adult soda to
a unwind after the day, couple of nights a week.
They don't get sloppy, wasted or bits drink. They never
drink and drive, have never been violent, nothing like that,

(49:07):
so I have no problem with their adult soda drinking.
About a year and a half ago, my dad had
cut back on his hours at work and got depressed.
He is a very intelligent man and I think he
could have been so successful if he had devoted himself
to his studies when he was younger. He has always
loved science and has a passion for astronomy. After twenty
years as a manager slash fry cook at the same restaurant, though,

(49:30):
he really felt unfulfilled with his life. As a result,
he turned to whiskey. When my dad drinks whiskey, he
turns into the biggest a hole I have ever met.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
He gets really.

Speaker 5 (49:42):
Slurred, belligerent and all around annoying. It was just something
my family put up with for a few months, but
the nights where he'd get wasted became more and more frequent.
Sometimes he would ask me to take him to the
liquor store after he had already been drinking adult soda,
and I apply. And I applied because I didn't want
to make a mad and I hadn't realized the extent

(50:03):
of the problem yet. He was drinking a large bottle
of crappy, cheap whiskey every time he got wasted. He
usually only drank later at night until he tried to
quit smoking early February of this year. He would start
drinking as soon as he got home from work two
to three pm to try to curb his nicotine cravings.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
Oo oo, Yeah, and that if that's not the most
addiction codd strategy for quitting cigarettes I've ever seen in
my life.

Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah, that's pretty that's bad.

Speaker 5 (50:33):
But as you can imagine, it really only made them worse.
My mom and I were becoming increasingly unhappy as this
went on. For around a month. They would have a
brief verbal fight almost every night until my mom just
said ef it and went to bed. I dreaded coming
home every day, not knowing how wasted, he would be.
I acted pretty cold to him when he would try
to talk to me during this time. One night, I

(50:55):
came home at five forty five pm as he was
angrily storming out of the house to get in his car.
He has never drank and drove before, or even attempted to.
He usually spends the night at whiche, her friend's house.
He was playing poker at or gets a ride, so
this was pretty uncharacteristic of him. Apparently, he had asked
my brother to drive him to the liquor store when
he realized he didn't have any whiskey. My brother as

(51:17):
a permit, but hadn't driven in a few months and
didn't feel comfortable driving on the highway at such a
busy time of night, so he said no. I took
my dad to the liquor store so he wouldn't drive,
and we had an argument on the way there. I
was giving him the cold shoulder, obviously, and I went
something along the lines of him, Oh, so you're really
gonna act like that?

Speaker 1 (51:38):
Huh?

Speaker 4 (51:38):
Is that how you're gonna be? God?

Speaker 5 (51:40):
Dang, you make me wanna buy SIGs while I'm there. Me,
I'll turn this freaking car around right now. If you do,
don't you dare try to blame this on me when
Mom and I have been nothing but supportive and encouraging,
even when you're being such a knuckle at. He said
something and I ended up getting in the turning lane,
but he said he wouldn't buy any so I took
him on the condition that I would leave him there

(52:02):
if he bought any. I made him empty his pockets
in front of me and checked the receipt before I
left him. Before I let him in the car, and
I called him pathetic. We drove home in silence. When
it came to ed around two weeks after that incident,
my mom came out of a room where she had
been talking to my dad and asked me to take
her to a friend's house. I asked her what was

(52:23):
going on, but she asked me to please take her.
She needed to get away for a while. She just
had this internal eternal sadness about her.

Speaker 4 (52:31):
It was awful.

Speaker 5 (52:32):
So we got in the car and I kept asking
her what was going on. She kept saying, I just
needed to get away. I've tried my last try. I've
done all I can do. I pushed the subject and
she told me that they had not had spicy sleep
in two years.

Speaker 4 (52:46):
Why are you telling your daughter this?

Speaker 1 (52:47):
Why are we involving these people?

Speaker 5 (52:49):
This really pissed me off. My mother has always done
so much for me and my brother. She works forty
five hours a week Monday through Friday without fail, takes
care of all the finances, are dogs, and the housework,
while my dad pretty much does nothing. He makes less
than half of what she does in one week when
he used to make more than her, and we're pretty poor.

(53:11):
So not only was my dad not satisfying her financially
or emotionally anymore, he wasn't even satisfying her spicely.

Speaker 1 (53:19):
I was why are the kids tuned in to that?

Speaker 5 (53:22):
I don't that's I mean, I'm sure she's going through
a really, really hard time, but don't involve your kids
in that. I was so angry I almost cried right there,
but I didn't. I dropped my mom off and went home.
My dad was pissed off at me when I got home,
but he just left me alone in my room after
asking who's house she was staying at. I got online

(53:42):
later that night to look at my mom's bank account
to budget whether or not we could afford to move out.
I found out we could, and I also found out
the extent of my dad's whiskey purchases. It came out
to around ninety dollars a week when he only makes
two hundred and fifty dollars a week. I called my
mom and told her we could afford it if we
moved out. I said I loved her and told her

(54:02):
good night. She came back the next day and my
dad was angry, but it kind of fizzled out after that.
He started smoking again and drinking decidedly less, although still
too often and too much. During all of this time,
I had never really spoken to him about how much
it hurt me. My Mom had relaid some things I
had told her, but I was too chicken to talk
to him when I normally never avoid confrontation the past

(54:25):
two weeks. After that, my dad drank less, but I
was still angry at him for what he had put
us through. My mom, brother and I had some emotional
conversations about it, and my mom told my dad about
how she had been depressed in the past and that
something had to give. They had to start having spicy
sleep again and he needed to quit drinking. She told
him that I pretty much thought he was a loser.

(54:47):
I also found out that the night I had taken
her to a friend's house, she had made up her
mind to leave him, but she decided to try again.
My mom is such a strong woman and isn't the
type to give up on someone so easily. As you
can tell, he cried with her about it and promised
he would change. He wrote me a letter two weeks
ago and apologized for what he had put me through.

(55:08):
He told me he had been depressed and had begun
to take my brother and I for granted, even though
we've been such awesome kids, and that he took my
mom for granted too. He acknowledged that he had been
drinking too much and promised to be a better man.
But I think OP just like realized, this is someone
who is actively, you know, has a drinking problem, and

(55:28):
it doesn't just go away with them saying words. This
is someone who needs professional help, and he's not doing
it because he doesn't like you or you know, this
is an addiction. I hugged him and told him I
loved him after reading it, but I didn't get my
hopes up for change, as I've been disappointed by him
so many times in the past. Well, I was right

(55:51):
not to get my hopes up. Things had started to
look up because he was being nicer to my mom
and they started having spicy sleep again. You shouldn't know this.
You should not know that.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
What are the eight are? Am? I? What are there eighteen?

Speaker 4 (56:05):
I don't think a eighteen. I don't I don't want
it at twenty four. I don't want to know.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
I don't like either of your parents.

Speaker 5 (56:11):
I don't think either of your parents should be telling
you anything about their spicy life. That's totally inappropriate. He
didn't stop drinking whiskey at all, though, he just started
trying to hide it. I found bottles of whiskey in
our game room. I don't know why he thought. I
wasn't going to go in there and check for bottles,
but I do every night. This past weekend, my mom
went camping with her friends, and he sent me a
text that said, disclaimer, I got some whiskey for tonight.

(56:35):
I just sent him back a dot dot dot. When
he got home and I was acting cold, he asked
me what was wrong. I responded that he could probably
figure it out on his own. Then he said the
whiskey bough. Just get over it?

Speaker 4 (56:48):
Does he think I am so naive as to not notice.
I'm eighteen, not four.

Speaker 5 (56:53):
I can tell that something is off when he goes
out to the car to get SIGs and walks in
oddly holding his arm over his to try to cover
the bottle of whiskey. That happened last night, and I
have been so angry all day thinking about it. I
cried at school while venting to a friend about it,
which was embarrassing. I really just want to rip up
the letter and leave it in his chair and in
the bottles in the game room so he'll bring it up,

(57:16):
since I'm too chicken too. I hate avoiding conflict, which
I never do, but I'm so scared of him actively
choosing the whiskey over me once I lay it all
out on the line. I just keep thinking about a
video I saw where someone laid out a huge pile
of jellybeans, with each jellybean representing one day of your life.
He took away all the time the average person spends

(57:38):
on leisure and basic tasks and work, until you're left
with not very many jelly beans at all. I don't
want to waste any more of a quote unquote jellybean
worrying over this when I'm about to start a new
life in the fall. I love my mother so much.
She's my best friend, and I'm afraid that if I
don't talk to my dad anymore, I won't be able
to see her as much since my college is seven

(57:58):
hours away. Talk to her about it again tonight, and
she told me she understood how I felt her dad
was a boozy ac too, which I already knew, so
she really does know what I'm going through. She said
things were starting to look up since the restaurant he
works at is revamping itself and he'll be working more.

Speaker 4 (58:16):
She told me she.

Speaker 5 (58:17):
Wasn't necessarily going to stay forever, and that if things
really didn't improve anymore, she'll leave. I just don't know
how much longer I can keep doing this, though. I
told her I was not going to act all hunky
dory around him anymore. And at the point where he
can either have whiskey in his life or his daughter,
I really don't even want him to come to my
graduation in three weeks either. That's how much I can't

(58:39):
stand him. Help and there is an updates. This is
not your responsibility. You don't know how, you're not a professional,
you don't know how to fix this rightfully. So and
I think this is like you're about to go off
to college. Obviously, I'm sure you want to like keep
your you know, brother, keep in touch with your brother
and everything, and keep in touch with your mom.

Speaker 4 (58:58):
But I think it's.

Speaker 5 (58:59):
It's you're eating space so that you emotionally are doing okay,
because yeah, you have this heavy, heavy burden and it's
just too much for an eighteen year old to bear.

Speaker 4 (59:11):
Update.

Speaker 5 (59:12):
Since I posted a little over a week ago, not
much has changed. This Saturday night after I posted, my
dad was drinking again and was wasted. At this point
I could kind of hear him and my mom talking
about the whole situation and his depression out on the
back porch. After a while, he went out to his
car and I'm assuming got whiskey because he was walking
strangely and went straight into the game room where he drinks.

(59:33):
When he went back outside, I mustered up the courage
to go out there and said something along these lines.

Speaker 4 (59:38):
Me, so are you guys talking about it or what?

Speaker 5 (59:42):
Him silence me, All right, Fine, you don't have to
answer I'll bring it up and say what I want
to say. You're a boozyac, and I hate it. Every
time you pick up the bottle. It makes me hate.
You used to be such an awesome father, and I
don't know what's happened to you. I understand that people
get depressed, but I feel like you took us all
for granted. Every time you drink, you act fine. That's

(01:00:04):
how you guys like to relax and have fun after work.
Sometimes I get it. I don't have a problem with that.
I have a problem with the whiskey. Every time you
start drinking it, you turn into an a hole. You're annoying,
and you push my buttons. And what really pisses me
off is that you wrote me that letter saying you
were going to change and that you love me and
all that other crap. But you didn't even stop drinking

(01:00:25):
for a frickin' day. That is not what I consider
to be changed. So you can choose whiskey or me.
You can't have them both. I love you and I
want you to get better, but apparently that the loving
approach isn't working with you. It never has before. So
an ultimatum is my only way to go, But I'll
tell you what. If you're going to try to act
like you don't drink whiskey anymore, but you do, I'll

(01:00:47):
find out, and then I will be gone forever, and
you're going to miss out on being a part of
my awesome life that I have ahead of me. I'm
sure that's a lot more put together than what I
actually said, but I did feel like I covered all
of them points I wanted to in my little speech.
I felt really proud of myself for keeping a calm
tone throughout the whole time too. Anyway, he just didn't

(01:01:08):
say anything after that, so I slammed the sliding glass
door and went back to the computer. They were silent
for a couple of minutes until I heard my mom say, well,
I don't even know what to say right now, and
then I couldn't hear the rest of their talk, nor
did I really want to. My mom came in and
talked to me, told me she loved me, et cetera,
and I told her I was fine, I felt good

(01:01:28):
and all that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
Jazz.

Speaker 5 (01:01:29):
I feel bad because at one point she had tried
to interrupt me, and I told her to shut up.
I normally don't ever say anything like that to her,
but I was in a rush to get all of
my feelings and thoughts out at once, since I had
been keeping them inside for so long. I apologized to
her and she accepted. Over the past week, not much
has gotten better at all. He drinks twice. He drank

(01:01:50):
twice last week. I don't know if he did last night,
but I know he didn't. I know he did tonight.
I've been very short with him, not saying anything at
all if I don't have to. I haven't told him
I love you, or said good night back, nothing like that.
My voice is always pretty monotone, but I'm trying not
to sound witchy, just totally indifferent. I'm being eaten up
by it on the inside, though I am utterly completely heartbroken.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
Yo.

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
If his habits are as addictions off and are like
motivated by like guilt or shame, and then you're bringing
to him like, hey, I'm like ashamed of you and you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
Should feel guilty about how.

Speaker 2 (01:02:24):
You drink, it sort of just like amplifies the downward spiral.
It's like, so it's and you were totally in the right,
and it's like you needed to stand up for yourself
and say that, and it's like to get that off
of you. But it's like, again, I think this is
just your dad needs an addiction specialist.

Speaker 4 (01:02:41):
Yeah, because like you're eighteen, you don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
See of course you're eighteen, and a lot of times
people it's it's like that feels like the right thing
to do in that situation.

Speaker 1 (01:02:49):
It's like try to wake them up, like hey, I'm
this is this is reality.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
But then like, yeah, it can just kind of I mean,
he kept drinking because he probably felt guilty and ashamed
about it. But so maybe looking into resources and just
take the burden of like this, any of that change
off of you because it has nothing to do with you.

Speaker 6 (01:03:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:10):
I didn't expect him to stop drinking whiskey when I
gave him the ultimatum, but it really really sucks to
be right about that. I was on a school senior
trip this weekend and I talked about it to one
of my friends and had a pretty good crying inventing session.
I've been talking to my friends about it for a while,
but nothing beats a heart to heart in the dark,
especially on a front porch on the river at one am.
It was a very peaceful moment, even though I felt

(01:03:31):
sad and alone. There is a little bit left to
this story. But do you have any final advice for.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Op Focus on school, go to school, focus on you,
maybe learn more about addiction.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
I think I think you can do such.

Speaker 5 (01:03:46):
Yeah, knowing that your dad is on his own journey
and so is your mom, Like she's kind of stuck
in this relationship. And the thing about like, ah, she
doesn't want to quit's tricky because this is not a
healthy relationship for anyone. But that's their own thing. They're adults,
they are making choices, and I think, yeah, just just

(01:04:08):
choose yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:04:09):
And that's all you can do right now.

Speaker 5 (01:04:11):
Yeah, but there is a little bit left to this story.
To those who suggested going to an AA meaning, I've
been looking into it. My only problem is that I'm
agnostic in a very Christian area, so I know i'd
be with people who are talking about the Christian God
as their higher power. I'm going to I'm going to try,
not this Monday, but next and see if I like it.
In the meantime, I'm going to read some books on

(01:04:31):
my situation. I've found a few that I want my
mom to read too. My graduation is this Saturday, and
even though I really don't want them there, I'm not
sure I can keep them from going. I wish this
wasn't going to overshadow It's supposed to be my day
to celebrate my accomplishments these past four years. But I
don't know what else can be done. I mean, you can,
you can say I don't want you to come, or
you tell your mom hopefully you'll listen to that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
Yeah, that's tricky, I think. Oh, I'm sorry, someone is
pointing this out to me. Uh, just me is saying
al Anon is for the family a A is for
the actual person going through the substance abuse.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
Okay, okay, so I actually did not.

Speaker 5 (01:05:13):
In the I just thought we couldn't say that. Yeah,
I just yeah, they did say alan On in the post. Yes,
I did not know that that was the thing.

Speaker 4 (01:05:22):
I also didn't know that that is when.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
That's the new thing I learned today.

Speaker 4 (01:05:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:05:28):
But yeah, for anyone who's experiencing this with a family member,
has experienced this, you know, reach out to the people
that you love you and your support system. Check out
alan Onray.

Speaker 2 (01:05:39):
And you're going to school, you're eighteen, you're going to college,
like really like focus luck into that talk into your
life and then just you know, don't hold any like
hate or presentment in your heart.

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
Just wish people wish me the best,

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