My boyfriend is policing my eating habits… and I’m tired of it! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2313 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
This is John the og story Time podcast host.

Speaker 3 (00:04):
Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
But before that, we got a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like
a little house.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 (00:13):
My boyfriend is police in my eating habits and I'm
tired of it.

Speaker 5 (00:17):
What that's not cool?

Speaker 4 (00:19):
For the record, I am a small, framed, visibly muscular
five four a woman whose weight fluctuates anywhere between one
twenty eight and one thirty five. My boyfriend has always
teased and encouraged me to eat more, but it's always
been playful. Before I used to tease him about his
mammoth sized portions.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
Seriously, where does it go?

Speaker 4 (00:36):
Because I had to start making date night dinners that
should serve four.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
By the way, this comes from.

Speaker 4 (00:40):
Users cc boy f and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime
subvert it so to be clear, he constantly underestimates his
calories and is often shocked when I'm reading nutritional information.
I don't know where he got the idea he's knowledgeable
enough to be judging what I'm eating, but there you go.
Lately he's become very fixated on this idea. I'm going

(01:02):
to start starving myself without his guidance. I don't have
a big sweet tooth. I don't snack on the regular.
I really only eat about half of my restaurant entrees.
When we order, we usually split appetizers. I'm a line
wait I prefer a light lunch. These are all things
he's starting to criticize on the regular. I want you
all to understand I'm really not depriving myself.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
I don't go hungry.

Speaker 4 (01:25):
I just don't enjoy stuffing myself. He doesn't listen when
I tell him. He's constantly ruining my appetite by forcing
snacks upon me.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Yesterday, we woke.

Speaker 4 (01:33):
Up late and I knew we were going out to lunch,
so I only had one slice of thick brioche French bread,
powdered sugar, syrup, butter, half a peach, and two slices
of summer sausage. He had five slices of French toast
with all the toppings, whipped cream, one and a half
peach cans, and the rest of the summer sausage and
an egg. I ended up eating a third slice of

(01:55):
his summer sausage dipped in his egg to get him
to stop nag me. He made another two comments about
how little I ate before lunch. Then at lunch he
had new fights to pick. He didn't want me to
order plain iced tea or a diet soda. I don't
like overly sweet drinks. He didn't want me to order
an entree salad, ranch, bacon, avocado, egg, blah blah blah.

(02:17):
We negotiated my lunch to a breadstick, a side salad
at plus avocado, two slices of pizza that he nagged
me to finish until his dad told him to lay
off because he didn't want me too full for jeelado. Later,
the whole meal was pretty embarrassing for me. Of course,
my boyfriend wasn't happy that I wanted a small gelato
cup instead of a cone.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
I don't have a sweet tooth.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Remember, we knew we were going to go have a
late dinner, so we stopped at a gas station later
that evening to get him a snack. I just wanted water,
but picked up a small package of corn nuts in
the hopes of making him happy.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
And we still had a minor spat so I picked
out some candy too.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
He didn't notice he was the one to end up
eating it, he claimed. We disagreed because I was irritable
from hunger. We picked up dinner out of a face
style place that charges you by weight for to go containers.
He decided I had to use a medium container instead
of a small. Admittedly, I just filled the difference with
varieties of salad, but I also had a very rich
mac and cheese and some fried foods in my containers

(03:13):
as well. He was bothered by the small portions I
was serving myself, but I was taking many more varieties
than him, like a sample platter.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
My container was full.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
This is where we had our first real fight about
my eating habits. He decided to make a third container
of food to make sure I ate enough when we
got home.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
The restaurant we were at was not cheap.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
I refused to back down on not blowing a bunch
of money on food that we just end up picking
at and throwing away a lot of the things He
picked our foods I don't like when they're reheated.

Speaker 3 (03:40):
We've been working hard on being more frugal together.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
Lately, so I was pretty pissed when he ignored me
and paid for the extra food. In the car ride
on the way home, the argument continued until it got
to the point where he was very frustrated and teared
up as he shouted, I work so hard to take
care of you, and you're always fighting me to hurt
yourself then and proceeded to give me a long, condescending
guilt trip. I was pretty enraged, to be honest.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
Once we were a home.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
Dinner went cold while we google fought over how calories, protein, sugar, and.

Speaker 3 (04:11):
My BMI work, you name it.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
No matter what I showed him, he wouldn't back down
on not feeling like I don't eat enough because muscle
weighs more than fat, so you're actually underweight and hiding
it by lifting weights.

Speaker 5 (04:23):
Like I don't even understand what he's trying to say.
Is he's saying, No, you're actually it's all just muscle weight. Well,
it should be fat weight to be fat that you can.

Speaker 4 (04:34):
Actually get to a point where if you lose so
much body fat and you have just muscle that it
can be a detriment to your health. However, Ope, he
is expressed, Dad, they are perfectly healthy.

Speaker 5 (04:48):
Yeah, really doubt that, Like she is just at a
point where she has like one percent body fat or
something like that. Like, I just that's so hard to
get to and it in like with the I feel
like she would already have to be on like a
strict eating diet if that was the case, you know.
So it's like that. Yeah, he's just and it's like

(05:09):
so stupid.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
Yeah, I don't even know what to say to that.
So I went home.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
He texted me twelve times because I left the cold
dinner at his place. I was ignoring him while I
made food, but finally caved and told him I was
eating something else. He asked me to text him a
picture of my food. I never responded, and he texted
me another three times. This morning, he texted to ask
if he could bring me breakfast.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
I said no.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
I'm kind of bewildered and annoyed. I'm not really sure
how we can resolve this one relevant comments here from
Dynamite seventy seven. He claimed we disagreed because I was
irritable from hunger.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
This is really controlling behavior.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Is there any space in his brain for you to
be right about your eating habits?

Speaker 3 (05:52):
Does he do this with other things in your life
as well?

Speaker 4 (05:55):
Op He replies, Yeah, it was about as enraging as
when guys try to say being on my period is
why I'm upset. He's normally very laid back, but we've
only known each other for eight months. M M one
seven two says, does your boyfriend have some kind of
feeding fatouche or is this reverse psychology in an effort
to get you to develop an ed Because your weight

(06:16):
is almost exactly in the middle of healthy range for
your height, and it sounds like you're perfectly capable of
picking up balanced meals for yourself. There's zero justification for
counting every calorie or measuring portion size the way he's
trying to do. If you want to try and play catim,
tell him you'll make an appointment with your doctor and
discuss healthy eating while you're there. Until then you don't
want to hear another word about meal choices, and if

(06:36):
you're given the all clear, this discussion is done. But personally,
I think I just bail. His obsession with this is
just too weird. OHP says I'm not sure. Says he
likes my body the way it is, but thinks I'd
be skinnier if he wasn't around a Nagmy, I'm pretty
happy with the way I look right now. To be honest,
the thought of having to take him to professionals to

(06:56):
get him to listen to me isn't very appealing. So
ah eight says, put your stats in a calorie calculator.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
Don't do any of this for God's sakes, break up
with them.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
What are we talking about?

Speaker 5 (07:10):
Crash out? Oh pe, we're crashing out on your behalf,
please for us.

Speaker 4 (07:16):
So OPI replies to this comment, I downloaded a calorie
counter app last night and entered what I would have
eaten yesterday without his influence, and it came in well
over my daily requirements. But that developed into him picking
apart how calories and the BMI system works. I know
this is absurd behavior, but he doesn't seem to have
a malicious intent, So I'm more puzzled than angry right now.

Speaker 6 (07:34):
At And also, go see a doctor, go see someone
that has actually medically licensed in this area and prove
them wrong, or like, actually get the stats and be like, hey,
this is what this guy said to do. Cause I
mean literally, this guy probably got all of his information
from YouTube videos and just watching YouTube stuff.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
Yeah, like watching podcasts.

Speaker 6 (07:53):
Yeah, about the mail physique and how much you should
be taking it as a mel I know I'm.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
Not giving him an out. There's no out.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
Your partner has repeatedly, repeatedly told you stop it.

Speaker 5 (08:04):
I think it would be the kind of thing like
if he was watching these podcasts or whatever. It's like
that just explains it, but definitely doesn't excuse it.

Speaker 3 (08:11):
Yeah, you're still a horrifically terrible partner to go.

Speaker 5 (08:13):
Into any more effort to just into this man at all.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
No, it's over, It's over.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
Okay, I'm just going to the update forty days later
in case anyone's wondering. It turns out mine now ex's
mother and two sisters had him convinced I had some
kind of eating disorder and would nagget him about it
and make him feel like crap for letting me hurt myself.
So all three of them are obese, So I don't
know why he weighed their opinion on nutrition so heavily.

(08:43):
I pointed that out with a little more tact, and
we had a much better conversation about why he needed
to lay off on how I eat. He did make
a lot of effort to keep his opinions to himself,
but could never completely let his worry go.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
We have a little bit more story left.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
I still think break up because again, it's it's just
more of the fundamental of like a partner who is
unable to accept you for who you are and is
also unable to follow boundaries of like stop telling me
to do this.

Speaker 5 (09:11):
Yeah, you know, trying to parent me, rite, infantilize.

Speaker 4 (09:15):
Me, googugaga. I can make my own decisions. I don't
need my mom and sister to tell me how to think.
So officially, this isn't why we broke up, but it
was kind of like the shattering illusion from how I
met your mother that kind of made me start noticing
how he's quick to be arrogant, condescending, and patronizing when
he thinks he's right, and now he buys into every

(09:35):
dumb thing his family tells him without question.

Speaker 6 (09:38):
I am going to a destination wedding with a friend.
My girlfriend is now having doubts. I karamba my girlfriends
when you two female and I twenty three male, have
been dating for about eight months, around four months before
I met her, my sister announced she is having a
destination wedding. Being that I was single, I asked my
friends when he's you female if she wanted to go
with me. There has never been anything romance between us,

(10:01):
and that is one of the things we value about
our friendship. By the way, this comes from Verdicon one
two three at fewness me your own stories go to
the our size okay stories I'm sub Reddit. So I
promised her that even if I got into a relationship,
we would still go, because I think it would be
crappy of me to take that away from a long
standing friend and give it to a relatively newer girlfriend.

(10:22):
After a few months, we both ended up in happy
and supportive relationships. As it turns out, my friend and
girlfriend went to the same high school together, but did
not interact as much as they were very different people
back then. To give some perspective on the girlfriend, she's
someone who goes far out of her way to accommodate
others and make people feel comfortable, putting her own happiness

(10:45):
second to those around her. We are both great communicators
and are probably able to talk through our problems, and
are always able to talk through our problems. I brought
up the destination wedding trip and details early on the
little relationship, so it wouldn't be a surprise and it
didn't seem to really be an issue initially. Over time,

(11:06):
her friends, who I believe were looking out for her,
expressed concern that I was going to a romantic destination
wedding with someone that is not her and they think
it's inappropriate.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Then she met my family.

Speaker 6 (11:21):
They brought up the wedding on multiple separate occasions forgetting
that she was not going, and when we reminded them
of this, she was met with, oh, we wish she
were going. Reasonably, these things got to her and built
up to her being adamantly against the concept of the trip.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
By this, I mean.

Speaker 6 (11:39):
That she never asked me not to go, and she
never asked me not to let go, and she never
asked me to let her go instead of my friend.
But she said that she does not want contact with
me while I'm gone and does not want to hear
about the trip. She has stated that when I return,
if she can forget it ever happened to move on,
then we will be fine. But if she can't get

(12:01):
past it, then our relationship is likely over. I feel
like I'm doing the right thing by keeping my promise,
but she feels like the right thing would have been
for her would have been for me to realize months
ago that this is inappropriate and to take her instead,
even though she did not ask me to do that.
Am I the a hole?

Speaker 5 (12:22):
Edit?

Speaker 6 (12:22):
There is no time to change plans. The fly is
tomorrow morning, and there are no more rooms in the resort.
Girlfriend has no passport, so this is impossible at this point.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
Well, yeah, so they both suck.

Speaker 6 (12:32):
Yeah, comment that eight oh five, daddy, and everyone's in
a hole here. She should have been a bit better
at community, but you also should reap. I get that
she's just a friend, but hear me out. Let's say
your girlfriends because she was going to a romantic went
to high school with even though you're dating. Now, I
understand why you're thinking you're not the a hole because
it's fascially platonic. I found myself in a similar situation

(12:55):
being questioned about mine on a trip with a platonic friend.
But when I took a step, you could probably rub
two brain cells to figure out why she's being made uncomfortable.
But she could probably have done a better job communicating
her issues ahead of time. Hope, he says, I actually
was in a similar situation early on in the relationship.
She went on a cruise with her ex because it
was planned before they broke up. I also, it was

(13:17):
also a graduation gift from his parents to them, so
she had to go and could have asked him uncomfortable
with it at the time and try to see if
she could get out of it. Overall things, she handled
the situation more reasonably than I handled hers.

Speaker 5 (13:30):
What this is?

Speaker 2 (13:31):
This is a double dipping situation, dude?

Speaker 3 (13:35):
Yes, yes, I got nothing to say.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Which one's worse? Which one's worse?

Speaker 6 (13:41):
A cruise going on with your ex and like having
to watch your colfor for doing it, or you're going, uh,
you're going on a destination wedding with your family. I
feel like the cruise is worse because the family everyone
was watching it, and it's like, hey, why you don't
she but on a cruise thoughts downloading?

Speaker 4 (13:54):
But yeah, that giving the rationale behind it where it's like, oh, well,
it was a gift and we planned it and it
was bought for us by his parents, so we can't
back out.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
It's like not true.

Speaker 4 (14:05):
There is no vampiric legally binding count or lock contract
stating you have to get on the boat or like
the black plague will.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
Come to you.

Speaker 4 (14:15):
That's not how that works. You can just not go
because it's your ex boyfriend. Now what Okay, the girlfriend
is so much worse.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
Do not go on the.

Speaker 6 (14:25):
Trip with an ex? Yeah, Chris, dude, cohameda bag, this
is good to go to. I don't know, dude, she
wanted to a cruise with her ex. I would have
cut it off there. They were already broken up and
she couldn't make him take someone else.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Why.

Speaker 6 (14:36):
I'm just gonna keep it one thousand percent with you,
my guy. They used to date, and something tells me
they didn't trade shifts between the floor sleeping on the floor.
To me, that is way more disrespectful than going on
the wedding. So you should take your friend and when
you come back, break up with your girl. Hope, he
says they did. They didn't end up on bad terms.

(14:56):
It was pretty early in the relationship. You can't trust
your partner. I be with him, bb Ux says, I'd
say you're the ahole. It was unreasonable of you to
make such a promise to your friend. You were only
considering two people's feelings. But now your girlfriend is a
real person with real emotions. It sounds like your family
wants your girlfriend to come, not your friend. If this
includes your sister indeed seeing her as it's her wedding,

(15:19):
it is strange that your friend hasn't given up on
the spot out of politeness, seeing as you're now in
a serious relationship. I can't imagine not doing that even
though you promised it to her. Girlfriend has already expressed
her discomfort with the situation, and it's not unreasonable. Why
ignore her? Why does it matter that she appeared to
not care earlier. The wedding hasn't begun yet.

Speaker 7 (15:40):
Edit.

Speaker 6 (15:41):
Also, it will be incredibly awkward as people will assume
your friend is your girlfriend, and then you'll have to
explain that you have a different girlfriend and you didn't
bring her for a silly reason. It's just a kind
of humildating for your girlfriend. But this also, this was
also her opportunity to get to know your extended family
as your partner. I think you've dropped the ball here.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
Yeah, that would be the case if she was ready
and waiting and had all the stuff lined up and
had expressed that she wanted to go, and then he said,
like that promise to this other girl I'm not dating.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
Yes, you're not you.

Speaker 4 (16:13):
Kuming had a comment in here where it's like, yeah,
the reason she's this upset about this while also having
no passport is because she knows what she did on
the cruise, so now she's like, oh, he's gonna go
do that at the wedding.

Speaker 6 (16:26):
For got An update six days later for those of
you saying you probably won't have a girlfriend when you
get back and waiting for the edit saying your girlfriend
broke up with you, prepare to be disappointed. The wedding
was a lot of fun, and we talked every day.
She had a good weekend visiting a sibling and we
hung out. When I got back, she made me brownies
and I gave her some rum cakes from the trip,

(16:47):
and we all caught up and joked around. Were already
planning a getaway trip for her birthday with just.

Speaker 2 (16:52):
The two of us. So things are really looking up.

Speaker 6 (16:55):
Every relationship has bumps and mistakes, not everything has to
be a deal breaker. Second update six years later, I think, okay,
break up, that's wild.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Sorry. I love it when they go deep into the
deep later.

Speaker 6 (17:11):
On, but I think the girlfriend looked at it or
even now I went to that cruise, you did a
little destination wedding with your friend or you even.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
Nah, it's crazy.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
I mean, I know you're you're just messing around, but
there's no room for mess around in this. It's insane
to me that this guy is willing to look past
that well. I mean, hey, hey, if you can't trust
your boy, your relationship, why I have one. Well, I'm
going to need a passport for this update that happens
six years later because mine has expired six years later. Question,
what is the smallest amount of money that you would

(17:44):
be life changing for you at this moment?

Speaker 5 (17:46):
Hope?

Speaker 2 (17:46):
He says, three thousand dollars.

Speaker 6 (17:47):
I'm saving up to take my girlfriend of four years
to Amsterdam so she can fulfill her dream of seeing
von Go Museum. What she didn't know is I'm going
to propose there soon. I'm very worried my job is
going to lay off a lot of employees. I think
I'll be on that train on it if I if
it departs, I'm unsure if I can afford it this summer.

(18:08):
So what he was, probably dude, fantastic job, Lana, because
she went and she looked at their profile and like
found like him commenting on other subreddits.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
So this's what he found. We have an update. First
of July.

Speaker 6 (18:23):
I am in Paris for a few days after getting
engaged in Amsterdam. Planned this trip half a year ago,
and we're just saying in a hotel, I'm almost passed
out in the line of the news mus ozare this
morning and I think I saw that And editor's note,
relationship link of four years suggests that this is not
the original girlfriend.

Speaker 4 (18:41):
So okay, So basically, thank you, Lana, because it's always
the worst when we're like, oh my god, and they
just like stayed together.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
So what that was was evidence that these two broke up.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
Oh he said six years later.

Speaker 4 (18:57):
Yeah, so it's like, okay, six years later, Okay, this
is probably somebody else that he's now getting here.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
Yeah, guys, based on the length.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
Of their relationship, then it would have been they would
have been together a lot longer.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
What he would have said, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (19:10):
I want my ex to return the birthday Xbox even
though it was a gift.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
Mama's got to pay some bills.

Speaker 5 (19:17):
By the way, this comes straight from the r slash
Okay story time separddit Hey, everyone, first time writing and
sharing this story being that it's happening now, and honestly,
I just have some questions and I want to see
what y'all think. This is female thirty, male thirty. Love
language is gifts. I don't have a problem expressing how
I feel. I just like to show it by buying

(19:37):
stuff for myself for others. For example, if I'm having
a bad day and you say something that brings me
out of my funk, days later, I'll get you some
shoes and say thanks for hepping me out a bad time.
I'm also one of those people who laugh at everything,
even when things are awkward. I can't help it. If
it's a serious situation, I'll just dismiss myself. By the way,
this comes from a lady night Wolf one and if

(19:58):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r Slasher story time separated. So this dude I was
talking to I was supposed to go out of town
to meet him in like two weeks. His birthday was
July third and mine is June third. We have been
talking for four months straight with no problems, good communication
and conversations. He got me something for my birthday and
I had gotten him something and we would exchange them all.
When I got there to Atlanta literally the fourth of July,

(20:21):
we had gotten into a disagreement. The second one actually
about the same thing, nothing too serious, but the same thing.
I'm about to tell you, long story short. I told
him I was about to leave the house to go
and pop some fireworks. Before I got off the phone,
he said that he was going to text me. Side note,
he effing sucks that texting me. But we talked about
me liking texts more and him liking to actually talk

(20:44):
on the phone. I actually have made that effort. We
would talk for hours on the phone, and he did
start off texting me really well, but it slowed once
we really started talking on the phone. That's not a
bad thing. Just sometimes I want to text because I'm
doing other stuff, or I'm watching something. I don't want
to be on the phone but not listening to you
when my attention is elsewhere. So I said, are you
really going to text me? It was honestly a joke.

(21:06):
I've said it to him before several times, but all
in a joking manner, so I really didn't think he
was gonna get this upset. I had been drinking and
smoking the whole day, So I honestly was laughing at
this whole situation. It was awkward, like, you're really upset
for me saying that there was no serious tone in
my voice. I was laughing when I said it. If
I didn't mention it. We were on FaceTime and talking

(21:26):
so he could see my face. I thought the dude
had grown another head. He literally started yelling and scolding
me about saying that I always tell him he doesn't
text me. I was trying to apologize because we did
talk about this before and he said that he would
work on it, and I was trying to apologize because
he actually was texting me the whole day. But I
wasn't able to even get the apology out because he

(21:49):
was talking over me, telling me that I was crossing
his boundaries and being rude. Then he hung up on me. Yikes.
This was something I really can't stand, and I voiced
this to him when we first started talking. I find
it very rude when someone hangs up on you, especially
if you're trying to make it right and the person
is just talking over you. So now I'm pissed because
he intentionally hangs up in my face because he always

(22:10):
knows that I hate that, So all I texted was
I'm going to remember that. The next day, we don't
talk at all because I don't have anything to say.
When I get mad, I tend to just go off
by myself. This is also something that we've talked about,
so none of this is new to him. We already
talked about these things when we first started talking, and
I made sure that he knew this about me. I

(22:30):
don't like being forced to talk. I'm the type of
person where I need to sit on it and see
and evaluate the conversation in situation. So if I see
that I did something wrong, I don't mind apologizing, making
my wrongs right, and moving on. He texted me that morning.
I didn't answer, so he called me a couple hours
later that day and I answered the phone. I didn't
have an attitude. I simply said hello once again. He's

(22:53):
scolding me, and I say scolding because he has a kid,
and I don't. I feel some people with kids talk
to or down on people who don't have kids, like
how they would scold a child when they do something wrong,
or how you would just talk to a child, if
that makes any sense. He's telling me and not to
talk to him all day. I'm using that as a
weapon towards him. I'm honestly just listening because I'm thinking

(23:14):
if I let him talk, then he will let me
talk next without the interruption. Sometimes it's not the case.
The whole time he's talking, he's calling me negative, saying
that that's always the first thing that comes out of
my mouth when we talk, but it's not. He's saying
that he doesn't want to deal with someone like me
who doesn't listen to him, and that I can go
on and find someone else to date and talk to.

(23:35):
At this point, I'm already done because you're gonna tell
me some crap like that after I already invested my
time and money into you. Like, really, I'm not listening
at this point. So I snapped and said very loudly
into the phone, I've already tried apologizing and you're not listening.
What the f else do you want?

Speaker 2 (23:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (23:53):
No, this is just crazy. This is just if you're
that upset over this stuff or over anything, talk like
a normal person. You talk like a normal person.

Speaker 6 (24:04):
Don't talk to me like I'm a toddler that just
you know, eight a box of crayons.

Speaker 7 (24:08):
Yeah, exactly exactly like which he has done, by the way,
but you, yeah, you have to like how people respond
to conflict is huge about their character.

Speaker 5 (24:21):
I've literally ended friendships over it because people have responded poorly,
and I just don't want to deal with that, even
if it's not a romantic relationship. So yeah, this is
just you're better off without him. So guess what, his
butt hangs up again. So I'm definitely done at this
point because once again I can't say anything, and when

(24:43):
I try to, you hang up. And why do I
have to listen to you but you don't have to
listen to me? In our first argument, I told him this.
I told him this isn't fair once he doesn't agree
with something I say, or you can't just talk over
someone and dismiss them. And then he just hangs up again.
And at this point I'm just over it. I didn't

(25:04):
say it, but now I am. The gift I got
him was an Xbox one, nothing special, just reused from
the game stop. He had an Xbox three sixty And
when we were always on the phone talking, he would
be soon he would be about to go play the
game or get in the group chat and play the
game with his friends. So in my mind, way before

(25:24):
his birthday, I was like, that's what I'm gonna get him,
So way before all of this, I sent it out
because I didn't want to go through the airport with
it in my hand. I kind of feel like right
after I sent it out, he started acting funny. So
me being me, I wanted to put it on hold
because I didn't like how I'm being treated, but it
was already too late. The package got there July seventh,

(25:44):
and the argument happened at the fourth of July, and
FedEx was closed on the weekend, so I couldn't even
call to hold it. The same day he picked it up,
we had another argument. It pretty much started off with
me just recapping everything, and while I'm recapping and trying
to explain my side, he's literally cutting me off and said,
are you gonna hurry up and get to the point?

Speaker 2 (26:03):
What is this all for?

Speaker 7 (26:04):
Now?

Speaker 5 (26:04):
I'm man because I'm trying to recap and explain everything
to him and he's rushing me. He tells me I'm
crossing his boundaries by being rude asking him to text,
and because I was laughing and I'm like, you already
know this about me when it comes to laughing. This
is once again not new. So I cut him off
like he So I cut him off like he does
to me, and I asked him straight up to the

(26:26):
point because he says he's one of those people who
thinks things are black and white, So I said black
and white? Do you want to continue dealing with me?
And he's trying to go round the question, so I
just ask him again, cutting him off, do you want
to deal with me? You keep calling me negative and
saying all this crap about me, but you're taking gifts
from me. At that point, he hung up again and

(26:48):
texted me that he does not want to talk to
me anymore. So I text his butt back, I don't
give two flying f's, we can do that.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
Oh, so he says, call the dude's mom and daub
on him.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
Yeah, there you go. I told him he's a user
and he's only started acting this way once I sent
him his gift. I honestly didn't care what he had
to say next, because I ended up just blocking him
and unfriending him on everything because we were friends on everything.
I did tell him that he can keep it, being
that it's already with him. Uh, the Xbox that is,
and it was only one point eighty. I have my

(27:24):
cdl so that's nothing to me. I already have a
Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and laptop that I used mostly
for sims. Will I see it as if I want something,
I'm gonna Uh. I see it as if if I
want something, I'm gonna get it. So I was just
being nice, as I said, my love languages gifts, and
I appreciated all the conversations, the late night talks that
we had. I haven't had that for a long time,

(27:46):
so I honestly thought we were gonna be something serious.
I was able to cancel my plane to get great.
It's credited now, so I guess that's better than nothing.
He ends up calling me like a day or two
later from an unknown number because I blocked him on everything,
and he left a voicemail telling me to call him
because he knows that he's blocked on everything. I ended
up unblocking his number and texting him you called me.

(28:09):
I wanted to keep it real simple. I saw it
as you're not worth my time or words anymore, since
you don't want to listen. But I was curious about
what he had to say. So he pretty much says
that he never used me because I also was placing
bets for him because being that I live in Denver
and he lives in Atlanta, you're not allowed to gamble there,
and this is on fandom.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Oh sports betting.

Speaker 5 (28:31):
Interesting, So he's also is placing bets.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
For him, Yeah, like sports bets.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
So why would that be a reason that.

Speaker 6 (28:40):
Her though, bro, he probably was like, hey, could you
put in this bit of Vimo fifty blocks and go
with this bet in for.

Speaker 5 (28:46):
This, then that might even prove that you're using her
even more. You can't gamble where you are, so you're
let make it her new.

Speaker 6 (28:53):
Ice of he's just kind of lie and figure out
a way to.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
Keep his Xbox.

Speaker 5 (28:58):
But that's a whole other story for a different day.
So he says he's never used me and that he
could have gotten himself an Xbox if he really wanted to,
he just didn't, and he and that he was gonna
send it back and all of a sudden bs about
how he could have had other people do his best. Dad,
that's so stupid. I'm gonna I'm gonna bring up with
you and not be like, oh I could I could

(29:21):
get this love from anyone else. It's no I could
get someone else to gamble for me.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
Dude, I don't A man's crazy. What a man like
just being independent?

Speaker 7 (29:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:31):
I love it, love it.

Speaker 5 (29:32):
Love to see it. So I saw it as if
you don't want my gift, you definitely can send it back.
I just sent him the address of where to send
it and blocked him again. That was last week, So
yesterday I ended up calling FedEx and getting the shipping
label to return it back to me set up since
he hasn't done it yet because I checked to C
nothing happened yet. And I'm like, okay, if you're gonna
say something and be about that. But I also feel

(29:55):
like he was trying to manipulate me and make me
feel bad and be like, no, you keep since I
sent it as gift. But I'm like, if you don't
want to give it back to me, I can take
that one adyan use it on something else or someone else.
I see it as if I'm this bad person who
crossed your boundaries, was being rude to you and laughing
at you. Why are you taking my gifts? And let's

(30:18):
note I didn't even get my gift from him, because
I never went out there because I canceled the trip.
But I saw the gift because we talked on facing
him all the time, so I know what it is.
But of course I know I'm not gonna get it,
which is not a big deal. I can literally go
buy what he bought me.

Speaker 7 (30:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (30:33):
Well, so I texted him on Facebook and I say, hey,
the shipping label is all set up. All you have
to do is take it to the FedEx and they'll
handle the rest. I know he viewed the message because
it says he viewed it. It's Facebook. It's Facebook messengers,
so it lets you know automatically when someone has seen
your message. But he hasn't responded.

Speaker 6 (30:50):
Oh, girly, girly, girly. We already know, really, we already
know what he's doing.

Speaker 5 (30:55):
Yeah, we have a little bit more to the story.
But yeah, he's not gonna send it over. I didn't
even need the Xbox because I could buy one if
I wanted to. I just haven't.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
I don't even need to go. You're a fan of
someone other friends.

Speaker 5 (31:08):
Yeah, I'm gonna keep it though. I'm yeah, honestly, like.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
This is so good. I don't even care. I usually
hate doing this, but this is so good.

Speaker 5 (31:21):
Yeah, Honestly, I feel like she did say something like
if if he was so mad at me and like
I did this and this and this, why would he
keep my gift him?

Speaker 2 (31:30):
This guy's alluding.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
There.

Speaker 5 (31:33):
Yeah, well, I kind of feel like I just kind
of be like if you if if I, if she
was actually in the wrong and I was the boyfriend,
I'd be like, if you I'm gonna keep this and
I send it back. I'm gonna profit of it.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
This that's what he's doing without saying you.

Speaker 5 (31:47):
Yeah, exactly, I'm gonna give it till Friday because honestly,
I'm not in a rush and I haven't said everything
I wanted to say on my mind. So I'm just
waiting till that day so I can really pop off
and just be done with him. Like I said, it's
not a big deal. He can keep it. I did
give it as a gift, but don't But I'm but
don't sit here and try to manipulate me and lie
and be like, well, I'm I'm gonna send it back

(32:08):
to you because I never used you. I'm not that person.
So my question is for everyone out there reading this,
am I and Ale if I try to take legal
action to get it back, because I feel like being
petty and can you even take this type of legal action?
Like I totally understand if I lost it, not a
big deal, but I'm petty as crap, and I just
want to know what everybody thinks of the whole situation
because I'm for sure done with his butt, but I'm

(32:30):
just curious. Am I crazy? Am I in the wrong?
Was I crossing boundaries and being rude? And I also
have all the text messages, so if you guys want
to see, I will put them up because I probably
left out something and I don't mind being called out
on it. Please do if you see anything.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (32:50):
My ex demands full access to my life just because
we co parents. No No. I twenty five female have
a six month old baby with my ex twenty four
mail and we've been trying to co parents since we
split a few months ago. But now he's saying that
I'm being an a hole for not telling him everything
I do and the baby isn't even with me by
the way. This comes from tight Kale fifty nine and

(33:11):
seventy nine. If you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime. Separate it. So
we were together from high school twenty fifteen up until recently.
Our breakup happened shortly after I gave birth, when I
found out that he had been cheating on me with
multiple women. His excuse that I wasn't being spicy enough
postpartum and he had a high libido. So his excuses
that he sucks, Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that was enough

(33:33):
for me to walk away. Since then, I've been rebuilding
my life. I got more involved in my church, formed
my new friendships, and started feeling like myself again for
the first time in a while. I've also done everything
I can do to keep things calm and respectful for
the sake of our baby. But now he's making it
an issue that I don't share details about my personal
life with him. He says that I should be more
transparent and that it's important for co parenting. No, he

(33:56):
wants to know who I'm hanging out with, what I'm doing,
who my new friends are, even if I'm just out
while he has the baby. His reasoning. He tells me
about what he's doing, so I should do the same.

Speaker 6 (34:05):
I actually prefer you don't tell me what you're doing, yes,
because at one point you didn't tell me what you
were doing and look, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 (34:12):
But here's the thing. I've never asked him for any
of that information. He voluntarily tells me I'm about to
hang out with this girl, or I've been seeing someone new,
even when our child is not in his care at
the time. It's his personal time, and I've told him
I don't need or want those updates. Yet now he's
acting like because he shares that info with me, I
owe him the same level of openness, even though I've
never requested it and it's unrelated to our child. He's

(34:33):
also been following some of my new friends on social
media and asking me questions about them. My account is private,
so I don't know how he's even finding them. I
suspect he's using a burner account where he's viewing my
church's page, who posts pictures of me and the people
I hang out with at time. I had to ask
them to stop posting me. We have a photography team
that takes pictures during service or after service and post
them online for media purposes and to ask them to

(34:55):
stop posting me for a while, because I believe he
was using those posts to find my friends and all
of them. He's never reached out to any of them,
but the whole thing feels really creepy and invasive. It's
crossing a boundary for me. I've talked to some friends
about this, and their opinions are mixed. Some say he
has a point that we should be transparent with each
other since we share a child. Others think he's overstepping
and that this isn't part of normal co parenting, especially

(35:16):
since our child hasn't met any of these people and
I'm not dating anyone right now. That's the thing.

Speaker 8 (35:21):
Yeah, if it were like I'm dating someone and I'm
bringing them around our child, that is totally different. Those
are things that you should be talking about, right real
people says it's a control thing. It definitely definitely is.
Anyone who's coming around the kid. You should be informing
other parents about that.

Speaker 5 (35:36):
Yeah, like other than that, right, Yeah, it sounds like
the intro to a dateline story. Yeah, honestly, it kind
of does. Because he like felt justified and cheating on you.
I don't think he really wants to be away from
this relationship. He still wants her there. Yeah, even though
he's not treating her right, And since she walked away,
he's still trying to like get that control over, like
knowing about what she's doing and stuff. Because what is

(35:58):
gonna happen When she does say like, hey, I'm dating someone,
He's probably gonna step in and be like, hey, like,
I don't think you should shake that prayer for the child. Yeah, exactly,
you can't date another person. But even my mom is
siding with him.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 5 (36:10):
She's liked him together in high school and anytime we argued,
she tended to take his side and ask what I did? Girl.
Now she's saying I should be open about who I'm
hanging out with to better co parents. And then you
tell her.

Speaker 8 (36:22):
Now, I'm gonna be less open with you because I
feel like you're probably gonna tell him exactly.

Speaker 5 (36:27):
That makes me question myself even more. I'm not trying
to be an a whole or difficult. I believe in
healthy boundaries. If someone's going to be around my child,
I'll share that. But just living my life and seeing
friends when my baby isn't with me. I don't think
I owe him a play by play hope you know.
So now I'm wondering am I the a hole for
keeping parts of my life private for my child's father
when it doesn't involve our child? And there's an edit

(36:48):
to add Wow. I genuinely didn't expect this post to
get the attention it has. I know everyone says that,
but seriously, I thought maybe four people would comment. Thank
you so much to everyone who's taking the time to
give advice or even offer support. I've been reading through everything,
and it's given me a lot to think about. A
lot of people have mentioned co parenting apps, which I
honestly didn't know much about before, but I'll definitely be
looking into that. Having a structured and more monitored way

(37:09):
to communicate feels like something I really need at this point.
There's no court order in place right now, but I've
been heavily considering it. Lately. He has been more and
more insistent about knowing the details of my personal life,
especially if he thinks I'm spending time with male friends. Yep,
he doesn't just ask casually. He demands to know who
I'm with, even when the baby's not involved at all.
I personally don't feel like I owe him this kind
of access, but it's becoming a consistent pressure, and I'm

(37:31):
starting to feel like court might be the only way
to establish clear boundaries. Some people have asked why my
mom seems to be on his side. I touched on
this in a comment, but for context, my mom has
always been very male centered. She tends to take the
man's side in most situations. She did the same thing
to my sister during her marriage issues. When I told
her about the cheating, her response was, well, men don't

(37:52):
just cheaf for no reason. What were you doing? Your
mom sucks too. Mom's the worst. That's so crazy. That's crazy.
That's crazy crazy too, because there could be so many
worse situations where like she could just would be a
victim blaming Yeah, what did you do? What were you wearing?
That kind of stuff. I hate your mom. She's never
really supported me in situations like this. I also think

(38:13):
a lot of it stems from her own past. My
dad cheated on her a lot, and she stayed with him.
She genuinely sees cheating as something normal the couples should
just work through. No, So no, she wasn't supportive of
me leaving my ex, and she still says that I
should have given him more attention during that time. I
wonder if that is also because like she wishes she
could do that, or she was gaslighting herself when she

(38:34):
was cheated on and being like no, like I need
to stay even though like I don't want to. Yeah,
And now that she sees her daughter like doing that successfully,
she's just like show us she's yeah, jealous and matt
at herself her not leaving. Yeah, And it's frustrated that
other people are able to do that, I feel. On
top of that, some people mention the possibility that he's
only sharing info about the girls that he sees to

(38:56):
make me jealous, and honestly, I one thousand percent believe
that I never ask him about what he's doing when
the baby's not with him, but he offers up these
updates like oh, I'm hanging out with this girl or
I've been seeing someone. I think he expected me to react,
but I don't really care, and the fact that I'm
not reacting is what's frustrating him. So now he's trying
to flip the script and demand transparency from me. Also, somebody'

(39:16):
all suspect my mom might be feeding him info about me,
And I hate to say it, but I wouldn't be surprised.
She watches my baby sometimes when I go to church
events or other things like that, and her and my
ex are still Facebook friends, and I believe that she
has his number. She does bring him up constantly, even
saying stuff like he's way cuter than the guy you
said was cute and things like that he chanted on her, Yeah,

(39:36):
because she was pregnant.

Speaker 6 (39:38):
Yeah, sounds like we got to go on a diet
and information diet mom.

Speaker 5 (39:42):
Yeeah. Definitely. So Yeah, I wouldn't be shocked if she's
told him I've been out or who I might be with.
I'm taking a step back from her and what I
tell her, and taking a step back from having her
watch my child for the time being. Anyway, thanks again
for all the insight. I really appreciate it. It's helped
me feel a lot less crazy for being uncomfortable with
all this. It's from the comments, is that Opie is
not the a whole? Yeah, there are some comments though

(40:04):
coming Number one says, not the ahole. He's just trying
to control you. He doesn't get to do that anymore.
Opie says, I definitely agree with what you said. It's
like he's purposely trying to make me feel jealous by
telling me about all the women he's hanging out with.
I agree that he may not handle it well. When
I start seeing someone new today, he insisted I was
seeing someone new and demanded to know his name. He
also wanted to know my guy friend's names because he

(40:24):
doesn't trust them, thinking that they have bad intentions and
that guys and girls can't just be friends. He's like,
I've never been friends with a woman. I just cheat
on women. Yeah, if I had any friends with women,
I was actually just cheating on them, and they were
actually my favorite were not my friends.

Speaker 8 (40:38):
Just like I don't really clear I am not able
to be friends with women because I do not respect
or value women.

Speaker 5 (40:43):
Coutre number two says, your mother is a fool. If
she shares details of your life with your ex, then
stop sharing so much with your mother, who should be
on your team. Why isn't she so? I usually don't
tell her much anymore. I'm kind of pulling back from
those convos just for my own sanity. It sucks, but
it is what it is coming. Number three says, just
to play devil's advocate here for a moment. Your post
paints your ex possessive and intrusive, asking about your life

(41:03):
and trying to make you jealous by telling you about
his life and his new dates in the guise of openness.
Here's the thing you do share childs and as much
as it pains you listening to your ex about who
he's dating, knowing who might have access to your kid
through your husband is something that you need to get
nosy about. Your ex is asking about your life, and
so much as it concerns who has access to his kid,

(41:24):
that is a good thing. I disagree that would show
that he is a good dad that is worried about
his kid when his kid isn't with him, as all
good parents do. Have a real talk with him and
set boundaries not just for each other, but for who
you both bring around your kid. Really helps if you
have a third party there to mediate. If he is
a good dad, this can go well. If he is
just a terrible person, well, now you have been the

(41:45):
reasonable person and you have a witness that he's just
doing this to make you uncomfortable, and he's a clown
and there is an update.

Speaker 8 (41:52):
Oh yeah, I see what the commenters trying to say. Yeah,
I don't think he's a reasonable person.

Speaker 5 (41:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (41:57):
The thing is that it seems like they've already talked about,
you know, if it has to do with her child.

Speaker 5 (42:02):
Yeah, absolutely, we have to talk about that. Yeah.

Speaker 8 (42:05):
I think maybe you could have a conversation and say,
I'll tell you this stuff if it has to do
with their child. I'm not telling you anything more. Yeah,
but yeah, I don't think that comment truth. Yeah, point
locked into.

Speaker 5 (42:14):
The story again, Like, yeah, I don't mind playing Devil's advocate.
I think like some things like that are important toll
we got for, but the way he's doing it definitely
doesn't seem like he's just trying to do it for parenting.
But I mean it could be a good thing to
discuss again of like, hey, like even if I'm dating people,
which I'm not going to tell you all the details
about because you're ex this much. Yeah, or I'm only
going to tell you if I plan on introducing as

(42:36):
a child, I think that would be good. Yeah, but
there is an update. So unfortunately, things have taken a
turn during our most recent drop off. My child's father
started demanding once again, then I tell him where I go,
who I'm with, and who I hang out with in
my personal time, even when our child isn't with me.
I stood my ground and told him very family that
I'm not interested in hearing about his personal life, and
I'm not obligated to share mine either unless it's a

(42:57):
conversation directly involving our child. I'm not in gauging. He
then responded by saying, which I tried to cut this
conversation off beforehand to no avail. But if I have
friends over at my apartment, even if it's just a hangout,
or if I attend church events, that he wants to
be physically present during those moments to monitor who's around
our child. No, no, he's like, I actually have to

(43:18):
be present at all times. And maybe I should sleep
in your bed.

Speaker 8 (43:21):
Yeah, just to really keep an eye on it.

Speaker 6 (43:24):
And honestly, I think we should just like, you know,
bring your mom, have your mom move into so she
knows like she's always going to be a good enforcement
and influencer for.

Speaker 5 (43:32):
The kid, right, and maybe we should go like to
a wedding. Yeah, yeah, exactly, dude. No, no, he would
like it if she was always around him and like
his girlfriends and no double standard. He then said, if
I don't start sharing more about what I do and
who I'm with, he's going to pursue full legal and
physical custody. Would not win. Like, Okay, yeah, go ahead,

(43:53):
because I want to do the same thing. I want
to go to battle for that.

Speaker 8 (43:56):
Oh my goodness, Yeah, thank goodness, I wouldn't have to
talk to you anymore.

Speaker 5 (43:59):
Yeah, I've never really been through the legal system before,
but I'm going to reach out to a caseworker or
a family attorney this coming week. A lot of people
had following up questions or offered suggestions, So I just
want to respond to a few things that came up repeatedly.
I've started looking into parenting apps and legal steps. That
was something that I hadn't really considered before, really knew
much about, but after how things have gone so far,
I know it's necessary. So I was asking about my mom. Yeah,

(44:21):
that dynamic has always been hard. She's sided with him
since high school. Even when I told her about the cheating,
she responded with, well, men don't cheat for no reason. Yeah,
she's distancing herself from the mom. As for the jealousy
and manipulation theory. A lot of people have pointed out
that he might be trying to make me jealous by
constantly bringing up other women, and I agree. I also
think he's using the so called honesty and straightforwardness as

(44:43):
a guy is to get information about my personal life.
This does feel manipulative because he's creating a one sided
demand for transparency. No, we don't have a custody agreement
in place yet, but I am taking steps to speak
with a caseworker or attorney. Some suspect my mom maybe
giving him info, and honestly, I wouldn't doubt it. She
and my ex are still friends on face. There have
been instances where he knows things that weren't posted publicly,

(45:03):
but we're known by her. If anyone has experienced navigating
custody arrangements or parenting apps, please share. Also, if you've
ever had to juggle expenses from situations like this, like
going to court or seeking legal representation, any advice is
greatly appreciated. There is a little bit more to the story.
But what do we think about this so far?

Speaker 8 (45:20):
Yeah, I think you got to limit contact with both
these people to the extent that you can legally probably
limit very much contact with your mother, go to courts,
get costody of this kid, because your ex is going
to keep trying to overstate his boundaries, or at least
get like a certain you know, have the court say
this is what you have to do, and this is
what you don't have to Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
Yeah, but like what about with the mom now too?

Speaker 5 (45:45):
I said limit contact.

Speaker 6 (45:46):
I say limited contact too, because I mean, we haven't
heard anything a lot about the dad in this scenario, right.

Speaker 5 (45:51):
What she did, and it's like out of the picture. Yea,
he might be out of the picture. Even if we
talk to the dad about this, he might have very
biased Yeah, because he cheated on your mom, and.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
That's also wild.

Speaker 6 (46:01):
Do you think that might be a reason why she's
like stay with him because I wish I stay with
your dad.

Speaker 5 (46:05):
Well, yeah, that's what Angie was saying earlier. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well,
because she did stay with the dad. Yeah, but there's
a little bit more into the story. Comments or number one,
we've got some comments. Your mom is telling him everything,
limit her access to your social media, put her on
an information diet. Speaks to the case worker to make
custody situation official. To stop him kidnapping your kid. Look
into the parenting app and consider a restraining order as

(46:26):
his behavior keeps escalating. Also, are you going out on
dates or seeing someone new just now? As if this
is the case and you told your mom, that will
mean that he will probably escalate to stalking you as well.
Good luck, Hope you get a positive outcome. Hope, he says. So,
I'm not dating anyone or seeing anyone right now, but
my ex seems to think I am. I have no
idea why he thinks that, but he's convinced that I'm

(46:48):
seeing someone because he's scared that you're seeing someone. Yeah,
he can't see himself, he's jealous. Commentar number two says,
if you're in a one party state where only one
of you needs to know your recording, start recording phone
calls and in person interactions. If you have a dashcam
in your car, you can have that running whatle you
talk to him, but just make sure that the audio
is being picked up and stand where the camera can

(47:10):
see both of you while getting the audio as well.
I believe that dashcam video doesn't require the second party's consent,
as it's a safety feature for your vehicle. But double
check with the attorney, as each state has different views
on those laws. Try to keep all communication to texts, voicemails,
and emails. That way, it's documented. If you can't and
you are not in a one party state, open each

(47:31):
conversation with I'm recording this call for my own purposes.
If you do not consent, please end this conversation and
take it to email or text instead. That way, you're
covered by second party consent and him and your mom
both have the option to end the conversation there, and
they can choose to text or email instead. In other words,
flip the narrative on them. They would manipulate. Do the same.
Whatever you do. Do not engage with anger that can

(47:54):
be used against you in court if they're doing everything
that they can to push you to get angry with them,
and all communication. With a very calm response of I
am not going to continue this conversation in this manner.
If you cannot be civil, I'm hanging up or walking
away and leaving, whichever fits the situation, Opie responds, thank
you so much for this. I actually completely forgot that

(48:15):
I have a dash cam in my car, and after
reviewing some of the footage. This morning, I discovered something
really unsettling. My ex has been parking outside my apartment
building multiple times this past week. Yeah, that honestly should
be like enough, like legal courts. Yeah, like wore he's
stalking me? What's going on? Orts? I never noticed this
until now, which again is quite unsettling. I also really

(48:37):
appreciate the reminder about recording laws. I'm in a one
party consent state, so moving forward, I'm going to start
recording phone calls and in person interactions. I'm also transitioning
as much communication as possible to text an email to
keep a clear paper trail, especially since he often twists conversations.
Later on, the part you said about staying calm really resonated.
He absolutely tries to get a rise out of me,

(48:58):
and it's becoming clearer that it's all about control. I've
been reminding myself to treat our interactions like business, short,
direct and only about our child. And you're totally right
about my mom too. I've blocked her on Facebook and
we'll have limited contact with her going forward. Thank you again,
your advice was really helpful. I do believe he's trying
to provoke a reaction from me. Back when we were together,
he would do the same thing, accusing me of things

(49:20):
just to get under my skin. I remember how worked
up I used to get trying to defend myself over
and over even though I had nothing to hide. Now
that we're not together, it feels like he's still using
those same tactics, hoping that I'll react emotionally so he
can turn the narrative against me. It's taking me a while,
but I'm learning how important it is to not play
into it. I've stopped defending myself when there's nothing to defend,

(49:41):
and I try to stay as neutral and calm as
possible during our exchanges. It's frustrating, for sure, but I
know losing my cool is exactly what he wants, if anything.
Seeing this behavior continue now that we're broken up just
confirms how necessary it is to start drawing firmer boundaries.
The patterns haven't changed, only now I'm more aware and
I'm not letting myself be pulled into the chaos. Commagere

(50:02):
number three says, dropping off at the police station is
good advice, Opie. It puts him on notice. Opie response.
Our recent drop off was at the police station. I
felt that that would be best, since he's been acting
so rationally lately. I didn't even think about that, like
having your exchange of the kid at the police station.
You know that that was a thing, nor did I.
Commuchre number four says that you are the a hole

(50:23):
for not putting your mom on an info diet as
soon as you knew she took your ex's side. That's stupid.
You're not an a hole for that. She is absolutely
providing in with information, so stamm it. I do love
how redditors railed to get you to see the danger
and advised what to do. Good luck, Opi. Opie says
to clarify, I've never given my mother direct information when

(50:43):
she is caring for my child. I may mention I'm
going to a church event or out with friends. The
first time I noticed a potential leak of information, I
stopped telling her even that tiny bit of information. I've
never given her specific details. I believe she gets most
of my information in who I'm hanging out with from
my Facebook account, which I didn't consider until recently. She
is blocked and I no longer leave my child in

(51:04):
her care.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (51:05):
Commentary number five says, a judge will laugh his butt
right out of court if he tries that, and will
probably make him pay your lawyer, op, he said. I
did some digging into the judge who usually handles these
cases in my accounty, and from everything I've seen and
even witness firsthand, he tends to rule in favor of
the father, oh when and there's clear evidence to unsafe behavior. Yikes.

(51:29):
I don't like that. Yike. There were multiple cases where
women had proof of stocking, violence or pestering, and he
still denied them restraining orders or vPOS, saying that they
needed to work it out for the child's day. I
was even in court with a friend last year, and
I watched him deny almost everyone's request for protection, even
women in tears, with solid evidence. So I'm genuinely nervous

(51:51):
because I don't think this judge is as reasonable as
most people would expect. And yeah, you're absolutely right about
my mom. She's officially on an info diet starting today.
I'm also dating all my privacy settings because I can't
afford for anything to link back to him.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Hey's johnyo Og host here.

Speaker 4 (52:05):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

Speaker 8 (52:08):
My boyfriend hired a spicy worker, so I dumped him.

Speaker 5 (52:12):
Uh oh party time.

Speaker 8 (52:14):
So this comes directly from the Okay Storytimes subreddit Ooo
of our own I thirty female, moved to a different
country four years ago and met my now ex forty
one male not long after at a bar. We became
friends and I found out he was by something I
could relate to as a pan woman. We were friends
with benefits for about six months before realizing we.

Speaker 5 (52:36):
Liked each other. That's actually so funny, Like you're friends
with benefits and then six months.

Speaker 8 (52:41):
Later you're like, like, wait a second, like each other
and eventually began dating. By the way, this comes from
Remarkable King thirty one twenty one and if you want
to smit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subpred it. So we had fantastic three years
where we'd have our own little daily rituals and be
stupid together. He was a great boyfriend, was attentive, would

(53:01):
drop everything when I asked for help, and was there
when I was feeling down or anxious. But as with
all relationships, there were issues. Early on, I noticed a problem.
He was very conflict avoidant when he was upset. He'd
avoid eye contact or physical affection, but wouldn't explain what
was wrong.

Speaker 5 (53:18):
This made me anxious.

Speaker 8 (53:19):
After several arguments, I told him how important it was
to talk things through so we wouldn't let small resentments grow.
He started making small efforts to communicate, which I appreciated.
Another issue was cultural differences. Although my mother is from
the same country as him, I wasn't raised there, so
I struggled with certain custom I had hoped he would
also make an effort to understand my culture so we

(53:39):
could meet halfway. The biggest issue, though, was how his
actions and words affected my anxiety. I initially thought it
was just my mental health, but after the breakup, I
realized much of it stemmed from him. It started when
he took frequent, all paid vacations about five or six
times a year with a friend who was previously one
of his clients from when he used to escort. He

(54:00):
told me nothing had happened between them and over a decade,
and that the friend was just lonely and liked to
travel with them.

Speaker 5 (54:08):
That's big, Yeah, that's make Yeah. I'm sorry.

Speaker 8 (54:11):
You guys were together and now you're traveling alone together.

Speaker 5 (54:14):
He's a client when he would escort he's different from
just being friends.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (54:19):
Different.

Speaker 8 (54:19):
I believed him at first, as this was before we
were even dating, but I started to question things when
he said he wouldn't be okay with me sharing a
room with someone.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
I'd had history.

Speaker 5 (54:28):
Oh, double stand double standard, double standards equal red flags.

Speaker 8 (54:32):
Yes, that comment made me suspicious and I began to
feel unprioritized since he used all his extra vacation time
for this friend. At the end of last year, he
went to Thailand with this friend. When he returned, he
admitted to receiving a happy ending massage. I'm sorry, what what,
claiming he couldn't say no to the workers.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
Sure you can, fun fact.

Speaker 6 (54:55):
Fun fact, the workers don't ask that. The person that
goes there asks that question.

Speaker 5 (54:59):
You can absolutely say no and also not ask for it.

Speaker 8 (55:02):
I accepted it, knowing how conflict avoidant he is, and
I asked him not to let it happen again and
to refuse next time.

Speaker 5 (55:09):
Sorry, I just accepted the fact that he did that
because I know that he doesn't like conflict. What this is? Silly?

Speaker 8 (55:16):
Good? I also told him it made me anxious due
to STD risks, which he did get tested for and
was clean for a few months. He didn't travel with
the friend. When he asked to go again, I reluctantly agreed,
stop agreeing, planning to bring it up afterward. After he
came back, something about a story felt off. He said
they went to a go go bar and the friend

(55:36):
got dancers to sit with them. My ex said as
dancer couldn't speak English, and that nothing happened, though he
mentioned his friend received a hand job. Something about it
didn't sit right with me. A few days later, while
he was asleep, I gave into temptation and looked at
his phone, telling myself it would ease my anxiety if
I found nothing in his chats. There was nothing directly
suspicious with the friend, but I found messages from two

(55:58):
apparent spicy works. One said let me know when you
get to the room. You looked cute today. The other
said I missed you. I read further. One chat was
short and inconclusive, but the other included an exchange over
three nights, likely with the massage parlor worker. On the
third night, he messaged, I'm really wasted. I don't know
if I can f tonight.

Speaker 5 (56:19):
So what do you mean? He didn't find anything like
it directly, So you found something directly.

Speaker 6 (56:24):
Yeah, this is called intent. You know, people can go
to jail for murder intention like, oh, they were gonna
murder that person, but it didn't work out. People still
go to jail for that.

Speaker 5 (56:33):
Also, it sounds like he has f't before. You know, yeah,
he has cheated on she said TONI.

Speaker 8 (56:39):
I was in shock. I left his place and went
to a friend's to think things through. The Next day,
I asked him to come over and confronted him. At first,
he denied anything happened in Thailand, but when I told
him I'd seen his messages, he'd admitted he got a
hand job at a massage parlor.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Oh, bro, you are more than this. You don't have
to put up with this.

Speaker 8 (56:58):
You have to insisted it was harmless, no mouth, no
STD risk, but I knew he was still downplaying things.

Speaker 5 (57:08):
Don't worry, You're not gonna be in danger of STDs.
She only used her hands. She only used her hand,
that's all. I gave him back his belongings and told
him that I wanted to break up with him. Yes day,
this is great.

Speaker 8 (57:20):
Later he messaged asking for another chance. No, I didn't
reply at first because I was too angry and upset.
Eventually he said he didn't want to cause me more
trouble and was ending it, which made me even angrier.
I called him and told him it wasn't his place
to cut ties. He needed to take responsibility. I told
him I needed answers and that we'd meet the next

(57:42):
day so I could ask my questions. When we met,
I asked why he'd done it after I'd made it
clear how I felt about the previous trip, and also
really quick, pretty annoying that he's like, fine, outish Jan,
you're upset about this.

Speaker 5 (57:54):
I'm ending it, And she's like, no, I already ended.
You can't end it. I already ended it right Like,
you're not gonna be the one to break up with
me right now. I literally just said I don't want
that's like getting fired from job. You're like, yeah, well
I quit. Yeah, No, It's like I literally just hired you,
Like come on.

Speaker 8 (58:12):
He didn't have a real answer, but eventually said he
wanted an easy release, that intercourse felt like too much effort.

Speaker 5 (58:19):
Sometimes.

Speaker 8 (58:19):
That confused me because I used to offer tand stuff,
which he often refused. He claimed it felt bad to
ask his girlfriend for that. But it feels better to
cheat on your girlfriend.

Speaker 5 (58:29):
Huh. I can't ask my girlfriend for that, even though
she offers it. But I can ask a massage parlor,
I can ask any stranger. It's like I don't even
know Hug yet.

Speaker 8 (58:41):
Before that Thailand trip, we had spicy sleep two nights
in a row, and somehow he managed to get me
to use my hands every night on the trip, despite
usually saying three times a week was his limit. I
suspected he did it because he thought he could get
away with it if he downplayed the details. I told
him I think about what to do next, and took
a break to stay with my grandparents. What do you
mean think about it? What do you mean think about it?

Speaker 5 (59:01):
Break up? Yeah.

Speaker 8 (59:03):
During that time, I realized what hurt most wasn't the cheating.
It was the lying, the betrayal, and the fact that
he ignored my boundary. I had been willing to work
through the earlier issues, his conflict avoidance and cultural misunderstandings,
but now I couldn't trust him. I told him that
if we were to try again, we'd have to start
from scratch and he'd have to rebuild my trust. Four

(59:23):
days later, he came to the town where my grandparents
live and asked to meet.

Speaker 5 (59:27):
I agreed.

Speaker 8 (59:28):
When we met, I felt he didn't fully understand why
we broke up. I explained again, and he gave up
quite easiep That hurt. It made me feel like our
relationship hadn't meant.

Speaker 5 (59:38):
Much to him. I think he assumed my mind was
made up and didn't want.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
To fight for it.

Speaker 5 (59:42):
Do you have any final thoughts? Yeah? Actually awesome. Ashley
has a good comment. Stop thinking, start doing exactly. Yeah,
you keep wishy washing it. Yeah, like maybe I'll take
Maybe you have to think of it. You have enough
to think about.

Speaker 8 (59:55):
You've got enough thought already, too much information, and you'll
just be stuck.

Speaker 5 (01:00:00):
Yeah, and you'll just be more upset and confused. You
know what you gotta do. Just get out there. He
hurt you. That's not something that you can like really
get back. No, you're done. You're doneach, there's a little
bit left.

Speaker 8 (01:00:11):
Later, when he came to collect the rest of his things,
I told him I still had feelings and part of
me wanted to get back together.

Speaker 5 (01:00:17):
No.

Speaker 8 (01:00:18):
I felt guilty for deciding to break up without discussing
it first. You did discuss it. However, I don't regret
ending it, but the second chance was on the table.
Stop take it off the table. We decided to have
no contact for two to three months to reset right now.
In the first month of no contact, I broke it twice.
Once while wasted, I cried damn that I missed him.
He responded kindly and even offered to meet once a

(01:00:39):
week if I couldn't handle the silence. The second time,
my message to let him know I had bacterial vauginosis
not an STD. I want to see him again, but
why did you text him?

Speaker 5 (01:00:48):
I don't know if it's not an STD. I don't
know why he should try to know why. Maybe it
was just like a moment of weakness since she wanted
to just like have comfort or support about it.

Speaker 8 (01:00:58):
I want to see him again, but I'm trying to
hold back because I know I need to rebuild myself first.

Speaker 5 (01:01:03):
I need to be okay.

Speaker 8 (01:01:04):
Even if we don't get back together, you should not
get back together. Still, I wonder how he feels and
whether reconciliation is possible. I know what he did was wrong,
but I also believe better communication might have helped. I
feel that now through this breakup, he may finally understand
how I felt and what I needed from him. Is
it possible to reconcile.

Speaker 5 (01:01:23):
No, yeah, I know I don't think so. I think
even if it was possible to reconcile, you shouldn't. You
should not. Don't stop it. He's done this multiple times. Yeah,
betrayed your trust. Someone in the comments mentioned like he
doesn't think that Spicy Workers is cheating. No, he clearly not,
which is very possible because he used to be an
escort himself. But if that's something that they have discussed

(01:01:47):
and she feels like that's cheating, that's one of her
boundaries with that, then that's what that's the boundary. Yeah,
and that's like and he needs to respect it exactly.
So it's not a person that you want to be with,
even if you can reconcile.

Speaker 8 (01:02:00):
Now common one he chose to go on vacations withouts,
but did he ever invite you along? To me, those
were his easy releases to go have a good time,
and wouldn't be surprised if there were more things you
don't know about. You could say no to the happy
ending every time. It's his choice. Thankfully, there wasn't an std,
but don't risk there being a next time. I'm still
finding my own things with my excess communication and finding

(01:02:23):
out how much I was lied to. These kind of
lies are betrayals that will continue. If you say you
forgive them, they will see it as something you can forgive.

Speaker 5 (01:02:30):
I have all the faith. You will be stronger as
you rebuild you.

Speaker 8 (01:02:33):
It takes time, Temptation and longing for what you thought
you had will be there. But let time be your
biggest healer, as you see you are worth so much
more

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My boyfriend is policing my eating habits… and I’m tired of it! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2313

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My boyfriend is policing my eating habits… and I’m tired of it! - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2313