My boyfriend REFUSES to house sit for my parents… now I'm questioning our relationship! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
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So stick around two minutes and we'll get into the episode.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
My boyfriend refuses to house it for my parents. Now
I'm questioning our relationship.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Maybe he's scared of a ghost.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
My boyfriend twenty nine male and I twenty two female.
I've been together for about four years and I have
a toddler together. I have a full time college student
in a really hard program, and he works full time
as well. He supports us almost completely, doesn't pay my
car insurance, phone, clothes, personal items, and we've had to
live with his parents for almost two years. By the way,

(00:45):
this comes from Throwaway one four five, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r slash.
Okay Storytime suppered it. So I handled living with his
parents pretty well at first, and it was easy when
our son was an infant because we could just hang
out in our part of the house house and it
was very contained. But now he is a toddler, and

(01:05):
when I'm not in school, I'm with him one hundred
percent as he plays throughout the house. I'm also around
his parents a lot. This has been increasingly hard on me,
as it's a little house and his parents don't work
or leave the house, so I am around them constantly
all day. They can be super nice people, but we
don't always get along as they like to parent over me,

(01:28):
as in correcting our child and chastising him even when
I'm already doing it. His dad and I butt heads
a lot. In particular, once told me I needed to
do sit ups to lose my baby weight when I
was already down t one hundred and twenty five pounds
after a week, as he sort of has a tendency
to tell me what I should be feeding doing with
our son. Anyway, after over a year of this, it

(01:50):
has really started to wear me down. I am a
very introverted person, and the stress of being around people
who I feel judged by twenty four to seven is
really building up up. I'm also in the nursing program
at my university and it is extremely intensive, so I'm
stressed all day at school and coming home to more stress.
I told my boyfriend all of this and that I

(02:12):
really needed a break, and I tentatively asked him what
he thought about moving in with my parents, who are
only five miles away. He refused to do that and
said he would let me move out break up before
he came with me. Who pray, let's do that. Look
at that, let's do that. I support that fullheartedly.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Done, done, easy peasy.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
You're twenty nine living. I mean, you know, it's totally
fine to live with your parents at any age. Really,
there are like a lot of different circumstances. But I
do just want to point out it's twenty nine, got
together with an eighteen year old at twenty five, had
a kid immediately, doesn't seem like he's supporting her emotionally
or financially really that much.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
I didn't really care about her at all.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Doesn't care about her at all. Seems very immature. Isn't
with his kid much, isn't with his kid much? Not
looking great well. After a lot of tension about this
issue and it being a really big deal in our relationship,
my parents announced that they were going out of town
for a week for their anniversary. They asked me if
my boyfriend and I would stay in their house and
take care of the dogs. During this time, I was

(03:15):
so excited an empty house for a week. It sounded
like the best recharge from the constant stress of living here,
and I told my boyfriend as much. He ammed an
owd about it for a couple of weeks before finally
announcing that he would not do it. He told me
I should do it and he would try to stay
one day, but he was going to be busy at
work and did not want the extra drive time It

(03:37):
would literally be five additional minutes. He said he deserved
to be comfortable after a long day of work and
that there was no point in him coming to stay
with us, but that I was welcome to. He also
suggested me driving out three to four times a day
to let the dogs out while still staying here as
a good alternative. I told this to my parents that
I would stay, not him, and they were extremely insulted.

(04:00):
To them, this is just beyond disrespectful to make the
mother of his child stay alone instead of a five
minute additional drive. They said there was no way they
would let their daughter house sit alone with a toddler.
It's a semi iffy neighborhood and we've had some incidents
and now They're extremely upset with him, since they do
a lot for him and us, and this is the

(04:21):
first favor they've ever asked for. They can't afford to
kennel the dog, so this kind of calls their vacation
into question. MY feelings are hurt that he has no
problem upsetting my parents so much and doesn't care what
this does to their opinion of him. Be just not
great right now when they know how badly I want
to stay at their house my house, and he refuses anyway.

(04:44):
Sorry this post is so long, but this really has
me thinking. I did the math, and I have lived
with his parents for six hundred and thirty days. Girl,
you need to get out.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Of there, you know, run run far away, five miles away.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
Just short of it's one point seven years.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Told him that I am not comfortable living here, that
I feel judged, and that I'm generally not happy. This
has been a huge issue with us recently, and he's
still not at all swayed by this. I asked him
why he wouldn't do it for me for one week
when I do it for him. I living in his parents'
house every day, and his response was that he's not

(05:26):
making me do that he said, it's my choice and
I could leave whenever I want. So I can't say
it's something that I'm doing for him, but it is.
I'm doing it so I can be with him.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
So he just flat up said I don't want to
be with you.

Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, yes, he said, he said, And he would rather
break up with you than move in with your parents
for a week. Well, I mean that was that was
for full time. Yeah, the breakup part was full full time.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
But he won't even do it for a week in
an empty house, Like would you guys not want your
own space for a week.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
That's what I don't understand. I would like, like you
wouldn't jump at the chance to have an empty house
with your partner. But it is I'm doing it so
I can be with him, not because I just randomly
love it. Here, I don't get why he can't do
something for me that I'm willing to do for him.
I can't get this out of my mind that he
refuses to do this for me. He knows how much
this is bothering me, and he said a gush, I'm

(06:19):
being selfish, and then changed the topic. But I can't
change the topic. It's seriously all I think about. To me,
it has called our whole relationship into question and made
it all feel so one sided. There are more incidents
where he won't put helping me above his own comfort.
The other morning, I had been awake until four am

(06:39):
studying for an anatomy exam and he was watching TV late.
The next morning, I begged him to read out my
flashcards for me in the twenty minutes I needed to
spend getting dressed to go to class, and he said
he didn't feel like it. Why am I with someone
who isn't willing to make himself uncomfortable for something that
means so much to me? When he's fine with me

(07:00):
being uncomfortable where I live every day? Am I being
unreasonable and just can't see it? And there is an
update folks, But yeah, I think that this relationship is over.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
You're not unreasonable. He is a man child.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
Man child baby baby boy, and he can't do he
can't make sacrifices to to you know, and we're doing
strong yeah strong air quotations for sacrifices.

Speaker 4 (07:25):
And the beautiful thing here in this Reddit post is
she didn't know breaking up with him is an option.
After reading these comments, she's definitely.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Oh yeah, she's gonna be like, Oh, I can live
with my parents with my daughter and have a much
better life than I do.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
With this guy.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
Get my nursing dery. He's huh, yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
They're gonna call it way more than.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Update. So basically, we're currently and have been for the
past six days, house sitting for my parents.

Speaker 5 (07:57):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
The morning I made my post, I had also sent
him a text saying that basically I was still upset
over the issue and it wasn't going away. He didn't reply,
but called me on his way home our ritual and
said that he had been thinking about what I said
all day as he worked and wanted to wait to
actually talk about instead of texting. He said that he
had been thinking a lot about why he was being

(08:19):
selfish and what he was feeling. We had a long
talk and it was really nice and open, and we
both shared some of the negative feelings that we had
been having. I think we started working on a lot
of pent up issues and I'm so glad we got
things out in the open. He shared with me a
lot and then really listened to what I was saying
as well.

Speaker 3 (08:39):
I don't know, this sounds like such a backtrack.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, I don't trust this. He also said about the
house sitting, specifically that he had been afraid I was
using the nine days to try and trick him into
moving there. Red flag, God flag. This threw me for
a loop because that thought I'd been nowhere in my mind,
I was generally I was genuinely thinking of it as

(09:01):
a brief break. He said that this irrational fear of
me wanting to trick him into moving made him initially
want to say no, and then selfishness about changing his routine,
and then he said that just plain stubbornness made him
dig his heels in. After that, he was really open
and regretful about not being there for me. Anyway. My
parents left the next day and he came over with me,

(09:22):
and we've been staying here and it's been so nice
and relaxing. I feel refreshed. It is nice to have
family time. And his work schedule has been less demanding
than he thought, so he's been here a lot. His
commute has also only been about fifteen minutes total, so
not even more than usual. This man was complaining about
a twenty minute commute and it's.

Speaker 3 (09:43):
Not even twenty minutes.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
There's more to the story. But I feel like, oh,
he is in this very dangerous position of being like
everything's better when it's not.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
When it sounds like you guys still didn't actually.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
Talk of nothing Salid. It seems like he just got
his way.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
Right well, I mean, yeah, he came to staying at
the house belief.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Yeah, because he was like, oh, I'm gonna get my
way about staying here up to it with his parents
because he's like, oh, I don't have to move into
your parents' house, So I'm fine with this now.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
The only positive thing I could think of coming from
this is that they do this and he's like, Wow,
this space is so nice. Yeah, in the move in, Yeah,
I don't see that happening.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
No, I don't see this man doing anything that doesn't
benefit himself. But there is a little bit left to
this story. I don't like this man. You should divorce
him or break up. The only complaint is sleeping in
my not king size bed. So maybe that's not the
breakup ending that would be hoped for. It isn't. I'm upset,

(10:44):
but I feel so much better knowing his reasoning wasn't
just pure indifference and that he at least came around
the end, at least came around the end. Girl, you're
twenty two.

Speaker 5 (10:54):
You got a whole.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Life to live, don't waste it on this twenty nine
year old baby.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
I was really just the fact that he was like,
cause you were gonna trick me?

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah, he thought you were gonna trick them, And instead
of communicating, he just said.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Nah, right, he thinks that low of you.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
I was really so shocked when writing the last post
because he's not normally like this at all. Ken's why
it threw me that he would be so against this.
My only thing I would want advice about is how
to maintain this closeness even when we're back in the
more stressful environment of living in a shared space. You
can't don't go better Otherwise. Though I'm feeling so much

(11:30):
better than when I wrote the first post, I'm feeling worse. No,
that's a worse.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
I bought a new car even though I knew my
girlfriend would be.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Upset, and there it is.

Speaker 5 (11:42):
Uh. Oh.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
I am twenty seven and my girlfriend, Georgia is twenty five,
and she works as a pharmacy associate. We have been
together for two and a half years, and I do
see a future with her. I work in healthcare and
have been scrimping and saving through most of my twenties.
I didn't have much of a college experience and have
just stacked money for my future. By the way, this

(12:05):
comes from I buy Audie and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
storytime subreddit. So recently, I got fed up with my
Hyundai and decided that it's finally time to trade it
in for something nice and comfortable for myself. I told
my girlfriend about my plan and she asked me what
cars I was looking at, and she vehemently disagreed. I

(12:29):
found it surprising, but I said that I wanted to
get the car anyway. This was a point of contention
for a while, so I found myself holding off on
biting the bullet on purchasing a car. This has been
the first real fight in our relationship. I would bring
it up and she would either shut it down or
would give me some reason I didn't find particularly convincing.

(12:50):
It's too expensive. Well, I can afford it. I have
a lot of money save. Eventually, I was getting frustrated
and I vented with my friend and he said she's
joining us into your life. She can either hop.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
On or not.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
You don't need her permission. I figured that was a
valid point, so I told Georgia that I was getting
your car. She said, do what you want, and that
was that.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Wait, I'm confused why she's against it. Yeah, she's just
against it.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
She gave note it too expensive, But it's saving for
all of his twenties and his money.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
You guys aren't married.

Speaker 4 (13:23):
Yeah, I could see the thing because if you get
like a nice car, you also have to get nice insurance,
and then on top of that, you also have to
get nice gas.

Speaker 5 (13:31):
So yeah, like at the end of the day, it's his.

Speaker 3 (13:33):
It is his, I mean saving for a decade.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:36):
If my girlfriend wanted to get like a really nice
Chevrolet and I was like, hey, you know, you're gonna
have to like pay more gas more than this and money,
and if they're like always talking about how like they
don't have a lot of money, I probably would be mad.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
Sure, I could give advice, yeah, you know, be like, hey,
do you think do you have the money for that?

Speaker 3 (13:57):
Right? But if they came back and they were like,
I have money for it, say, oh great, I got
a twenty twenty two Audie A six forty five Premium Plus.
I test drove it and it rode so smooth. It
had black leather seats, white exterior, low miles, clean carfax,
and twenty inch V rooms. I was so happy. Oh

(14:18):
here we go. I got it for nine for thirty
nine K out of the door. I put fifteen K down,
traded in my Hyundai, and financed the rest through my
credit union. I drove home grinning ear to ear. I
called my girlfriend later that day and invited her to
my apartment. I cooked her salmon and mashed potatoes, and
cracked open a store bought cheesecake. Eventually, I took her

(14:41):
outside and showed her the car. I figured, once she
saw how nice of a purchase I made, maybe she
wouldn't be so mad. After all, could you be mad
as a passenger princess in German luxury? It was a
vain hope. She was upset. She said, you actually did it?

(15:01):
I said yeah, I said I was going to. We
started bickering. She asked how much it cost. I told her.
She said that's more than I make in a year.
I said, yeah, but I can afford it. We went
back and forth, but the argument devolved. Eventually, I said,
if you can't be happy for me, you can just
go ahead and go home. She started tearing up and apologized.

(15:27):
I apologized for snapping. We just had a quiet night
in after that. Today I spoke with my girlfriend and
she said that she wanted an apology from me for
disregarding her feelings regarding me purchasing an expensive vehicle. I
told her no apology was coming for that. I was
happy with my purchase. She can either get over it

(15:48):
or not, but how she felt about it was not
my problem to solve. She said that was really mean,
and I said it was really mean. She was trying
to control my purchases as a grown man. Am I
the A hole? And we have some comments? Do you
have any thoughts or do you want to just jump
to the comments. I think basically, she's so mad about it,

(16:13):
even though he was like, I can pay for it.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
I don't know why she's so mad about it.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
I apology for what for her. They got a little
snappy at each other.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
I think it's all silly.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
I think ultimately they're not married, they're not set to
be getting married. We have some comments comment one not
the A hole evidently y'all don't even live together. Not
her call. No apology is necessary on your part. Just
watch out if she continues to harp about it, shut
it down immediately. You might want to reconsider the relationship.

(16:47):
You're young and saved for this beautiful car and had
every right to purchase it. This is coming from a
mom and grandma a reply. Best thing to do is
treat the car right. Do the require maintenance, and we'll
run for a long time. Personally, I've always bought the
low end Honda Civic, ran it for one hundred and
twenty five thousand miles before I had to sell it

(17:09):
for moving overseas. New owner took it for a test
drive and asked if I wanted more money because it
was in pristine shape. Even friends and family discount. Ultimately,
it seems you and the girlfriend are not on the
same page financially. It's difficult to see this relationship working
out long term. And Opie says it's a German car,

(17:30):
so it's even more important to be on top of maintenance.
I'm going to treat her like a princess. The car
is that the girlfriend TVD right now, she's upset at me.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
I think that's just such a silly thing to be
upset about.

Speaker 3 (17:43):
Yeah, I also don't think that comment was necessary.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
But yeah, I have a ger my car. Blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
I'm sure about her.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, this is a you know what I would say
to the girlfriend. I would I would pull a superman
as well. You know that's very sick.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
That's what I would say comment too. If she has
no financial involvement, she has no say over what you
do with your money. Yeah, and someone says one hundred
percent correct. She can, however, consider how he spends his
money as a factor in whether he is someone she
wants to stay in a long term relationship with and
potentially marry. Sounds like Opie is already prepared for the

(18:23):
possibility she may break up with him, though. Update Well,
I got to the root of the issue with my
girlfriend after we spoke yesterday. First things first, to clear
up if you commonly mentioned things in the comments. My
girlfriend wasn't expecting a ring, didn't want one.

Speaker 5 (18:40):
Wall.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
She was deciding whether to go to grad school or
pharmacy school. I can afford the car. I work as
a nurse making over seventy K and have a lot
of saving matth Riley, Can you afford it?

Speaker 4 (18:53):
Math Riley, depending on one where he lives, and then
two seventy K for five hundred dollars a month car
that's oo, I mean, but.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
He'd be done with that in three years, and presumably he'd.

Speaker 5 (19:04):
No, no, no, no, no, he'd be done with that if
it was.

Speaker 3 (19:06):
Just it was three years, no, no, five hundred and.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
Thirty without the gas and everything like that. Okay, yeah,
but that's still a hefty expense that if I was
making that much of that age, I probably would put
that towards like investments. Your money, your money, man, you
can definitely afford it.

Speaker 3 (19:22):
Though I've worked as a nurse for four years, I
lived with my parents for three of those years and
didn't spend much at all. They used Audie. A six
I purchased is the biggest purchase I've ever made, and
I wanted to finance half of it in case I
want a mortgage in the future. Things have gotten better
between the two of us since the exchange. At the
end of our last post, I did take her out

(19:42):
to get some ice cream and also surprised her by
taking her to get her nails done as well. She
asked if I was trying to bribe her out of
being mad, and I said no, just trying to be kind,
even though I had planned these weekend activities ahead of
time and was still fairly mad at her. Normally, after
a date out, we would wrap things up at my place,
but I didn't have the bandwidth and wanted some space.

(20:05):
I dropped her back off at her parents' house and
asked if she could come by my place tomorrow so
we could just squash the issue looming over our relationship.
She said, okay. I ran errands yesterday and prepared for
my girlfriend to come by. Around six. She came by
after her shift. I sat her down at the table
with a pizza. There's the bribe.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
The bribe is a whole day thing. There's it's multiple
steps to this bribe.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
Yeah, smart man, it would work on me, would work.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
It's already working. It's already working on it's already working.
Oh my goodness, what I wouldn't give.

Speaker 3 (20:41):
Pizza, ice cream and nails.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
I don't even like. I don't really get my nails done.
But I would work and then maybe a little four
forehead kids.

Speaker 3 (20:49):
Just smooch on the.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Dinner.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
Look at her longing into the distance and basically just
asked that we keep it civil and try not to
get too emotional. I asked her why the car was
too expensive. She said that it just was. It's an
excess and wasteful. I said that I agree. That caught
her off card She's.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Like yelling at you. She's like, it's excessive and wasteful,
and You're like yeah, and she's like, well, who I
didn't okay.

Speaker 3 (21:19):
I told her that I saved a lot of money
and basically spent very little on myself, so just once
I wanted to be excessive on myself. She asked if
it's a one off thing. I said probably. I intend
to treat the car very well. I asked why her
reaction was so strong to the car. This is where
she kind of shut down a little. I prodded her

(21:39):
a little. She said that she decided she wanted to
go to pharmacy school. She was going to tell me soon,
and while she was making this big adult decision in
her eyes, here I was blowing a bunch of money
on a luxury car. I congratulated her on making up
her mind on a career. I didn't particularly agree with
the characterization, but I could see how she could see

(22:01):
it that way. I asked which school she was applying to,
and she mentioned a few public universities in our state.
I asked how she was planning on paying, and she
said she had no other options than loans. She was
also hoping I would be willing to help out or
chip in.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
There it is folks. For there, it is folks. She
wants your money and that's why she's upset that you're not.
You're paying something else with a paying not titled to it.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
If that was the case, I would get a game
plan for an investment, because I like, oh, I'm going
to be investing in you. This will be interest, you know,
whenever we get married or whatever I want to. I
want you to do the chores or whatever, like I
don't know, make make an investment or like say you
pay more for the house or whatnot.

Speaker 3 (22:47):
I'm sorry, there's so much happening behind you.

Speaker 5 (22:49):
It's a guy. Anyways.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
I told her that I loved her, but that she
took out her anxieties of being able to pay for
her pharmacy degree on me instead of being happy for me.
She apologized for that and said she didn't realize that
getting a nice car meant a lot to me. She
started crying and I held her for a bit. We
have a little bit more. But that's I mean, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
I mean, really, I don't know. It's so presumptuous of her.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
Well, I thought you'd put fifteen k down on like school.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Truly crazy to me for her to have had this
whole thing where she's upset, blah blah blah, thinks that
him buying a car is accessible waste. And then you're like,
why why is she acting like this? And you find
out that this whole time, she doesn't have the money
to spend on the school that she wants to and
was expecting you to use money and never talked to

(23:41):
you about it at all.

Speaker 3 (23:42):
She said, get alone, but then him just like she
wasn't expecting to pay you back that money. I just
thought you'd chip in.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
I thought you'd just give it to me. That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
We spoke for a long time after that. In some
though things are uncertain. I feel like I saw a
really bad side of her before we took some really
big steps together.

Speaker 2 (24:02):
Her lack of.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Communication and feeling of control over my purchase concerned me,
and I don't think it would be a good idea
for me to marry her. I say marry her because
there is no way I would support someone through a
pharmacy degree without some sort of legal reassurance. Things left
on a bittersweet note, but in I Love you nonetheless,

(24:23):
I dropped her off back at our parents' house. Right now,
I'm ninety percent leaning towards ending this relationship because I
just don't see us heading in the same direction anymore.
I probably won't update or respond to comments.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
For a while.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
I have two back to back shifts starting tomorrow, and
I'm going to hit the hay after this post.

Speaker 6 (24:41):
My boyfriend said his exes are crazy, so I did
some research.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
Smart girl right there.

Speaker 6 (24:47):
My boyfriend, thirty one male, is great and kind to
me thirty one female. We are extremely alike, but we
make our difference work in our favor.

Speaker 5 (24:56):
I love them.

Speaker 6 (24:57):
We've made plans to marry in the next four or
so years, depending on how life and jobs go. It
is basically a promise to visit the option to marry
one day, and it has allowed us to start saving,
since a big wedding is what we would both want.

Speaker 5 (25:13):
By the way, this comes from user Wartworth wardwart Wort.

Speaker 6 (25:17):
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the Arslage Jokay Storytime Suburden. I have a son
from a previous marriage, and he is just great to
my son. They have a sort of friend relationship since
my ex husband is an active father and we have
joint custody. The problem is that and I just recently
found out about this through conversations with him, his family friends,

(25:39):
and just the way he acts when we see them
out in public. He says all his exes, every single
one of them, is crazy. There's about ten that I
know of, and that is weird to me. My ex
husband and I don't exactly have the most ideal relationship.
We won't ever be best friends, but I wouldn't call
him crazy. And I feel the same about my other exes.

(26:03):
I'm never going to be friends with them. They are
exes for a reason, but none of them are bad
people really, excluding one that includes a very long story
I won't get into here, and I wouldn't call them crazy.
If I see them out and about, I always at
least try to wave or say hi, even if I
don't really want to see them. It's just polite, I
think to acknowledge them, and I know it's awkward for

(26:26):
both parties sometimes, but I think dodging them and running
away would be more awkward.

Speaker 5 (26:31):
I mean, we're in our thirties.

Speaker 6 (26:33):
I actually have a professional relationship with one of them,
so he emails me work related stuff once a month,
and we are always cordial and professional. And one is
a chef at this restaurant I love, and I'd never
avoid it just to never see him. We just smile
and nod at each other if he happens to be there.
They get the same treatment I'd give just about anyone

(26:54):
my ex though apparently dodges them, runs and does everything
in his power never to have to speak to, or
remember or be reminded of any of his exes ever. Again,
he says he blocks them on everything, which he showed
me one day when we were having a debate about it.

Speaker 5 (27:10):
It was about twenty names.

Speaker 6 (27:12):
I didn't really have time to count all females all blocked.
They are all exes and dates that didn't work out.
That's the default for him. Now.

Speaker 5 (27:22):
People have crazy exes.

Speaker 6 (27:23):
I get it, I have one of them, but twenty
No one has twenty crazy exes or dates unless you
are really really bad at choosing your mates slash dates,
or you're the crazy one. I recently ran into one
of his ex girlfriends in a coffee shop. I didn't
know her, but she knew me because we have mutual friends.

(27:45):
She seemed nice, so I was polite and we got
to talking about my boyfriend, just normal, how is he
kind of stuff.

Speaker 5 (27:52):
I couldn't help but.

Speaker 6 (27:52):
Ask her how he treated her while they were together,
and her response bothered me. She said that they were
inseparable for years. They had plans to marry and have children.
Then they split, like she went to stay at her
friend's house since he had to work and she didn't
want to be alone, and he took what little stuff
he had at her apartment and just split.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
I found the common denominator.

Speaker 6 (28:19):
Ooh hm, that's like the craziest way to do it too.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
He's probably did that for all twenty and he just
blocks them so they can't say anything or contact him
or find out what happened.

Speaker 6 (28:30):
What if he has kids with all twenty two that
would be the wildest plot twist. He never talked to
her again, He blocked her on everything, just ran for
it and never checked on her again. I thought maybe
she's being dramatic. Everyone has a side to the story.
But her friend who was there that day happens to

(28:50):
be my friend too, And I asked her, and she
confirmed all the tears and unanswered texts and how he
said he would pick her up and didn't it. I
have a bad taste in my mouth, but I asked
him because I wanted to.

Speaker 5 (29:03):
Know his side.

Speaker 6 (29:05):
He says, like he does about everyone he's ever dated,
that she was crazy and he had to leave no
choice quote she would have stalked me. The thing is
is that it's the same thing he says about every
girl he's ever dated. My grandmother, my light of rationality
and truth, told me that I'm probably going to end

(29:25):
up as the crazy ex when and if he and
I break up, because you can tell a lot about
a person by the way they treat the people they
no longer love. But she is very old school. She
dated maybe three people.

Speaker 5 (29:37):
Her whole life.

Speaker 6 (29:38):
I just suddenly have a bad feeling. He treats his
exes badly, he talks about them badly, he runs from
them in public, and.

Speaker 5 (29:46):
They can't all be crazy.

Speaker 6 (29:47):
Twenty women are not trying to track him down in
town he is cute, but.

Speaker 5 (29:52):
No one is that cute. I have a kid and
a career.

Speaker 6 (29:56):
And I'm in my thirties. I am way too boring
and exhausted to be the crazy X. But I think
he might make me into one in his head if
we ever split, and it just seems disrespectful to me.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
Yeah, of course, of course it is.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
Yeah, but here's the thing. You automatically have twenty girls
that are like, she's not crazy?

Speaker 5 (30:14):
Yeah, I mean, and.

Speaker 3 (30:14):
That's probably a lot for a small town, if you're
in a small town.

Speaker 5 (30:18):
Yeah, try that in a small town. What is that
song about? I can't even remember.

Speaker 6 (30:23):
I need some perspective because I'm over empathetic and extremely
sensitive to the feelings of others. I asked my ex
husband if he had more than one crazy X, and
he said he didn't have any.

Speaker 5 (30:32):
But if he did, that is the sort of mistake
you only make once.

Speaker 6 (30:35):
I'm not sure I want to be with someone who
continually keeps making that mistake, and if he is lying
about them, I don't want to be with someone who
disrespects people like that. I don't even know how to
begin a conversation with him about this. How do I
start Is it normal to have that many crazy exes?
There is an update, But I would say no unless
you're literally dating Ramona Flowers straight up.

Speaker 7 (30:57):
Even all of them weren't crazy. Some of them were chill.

Speaker 5 (31:00):
Yeah, and there also weren't twenty and.

Speaker 3 (31:02):
I bet if you talk to all these girls, they'd
all say the exact same thing, like he just went
away for work, I stayed with someone, he dipped, or
like he dipped in the middle of the night, twenty
never heard from him again.

Speaker 7 (31:12):
The fact that he's not even cordial with one of them?

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Go on that.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
What's that Facebook group?

Speaker 5 (31:20):
Oh? The do I date or whatever? The date check
orate him.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
Or something, I can't remember what it is. Every time
did this man? Or something?

Speaker 5 (31:28):
Every town?

Speaker 6 (31:30):
Yeah, I think, how do you have a conversation about this?

Speaker 3 (31:33):
Are we dating the same man?

Speaker 5 (31:35):
I think, like, I don't know. You just go I
met your ex. She's not crazy?

Speaker 3 (31:39):
Yeah, you say, hey, I ran into so and so.
Why did you What did she do exactly that you
had to dip in the middle of the night?

Speaker 5 (31:48):
I get wait, can I guess she already did though?

Speaker 3 (31:50):
Because can you name can you actually name one of
the crazy things that they did?

Speaker 7 (31:55):
I want to name and then why she's crazy, like
even just.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
For one of them, one thing for one of them,
and I bet he has nothing.

Speaker 6 (32:04):
I mean, is he like this in any other elements
of his life, like with his jobs or something like.
I feel like that's the most common one. Is it's
like someone is like always like, yeah, I had to
get a new job because it's like my manager was
like totally the worst, or like my coworker, I couldn't
stand my coworkers.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
I feel like those people though, usually like pick a topic,
like it's like dating our jobs.

Speaker 5 (32:23):
Yeah he's doing They pick a lane.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
He's over a cheating back in his lane, but he's
doing too much.

Speaker 6 (32:29):
Yeah, Okay, we got an update. I just wanted to
give an update since I was still getting comments. I
had a lot of good advice in the comments.

Speaker 5 (32:37):
Thank you.

Speaker 6 (32:38):
Basically I should have listened to my grandmother. I sat
down with my boyfriend last night and we talked. It
has been two years, but I feel like I barely
know him, the real him that other people get to know.
I asked about his exes, and I did this because
how he treats people matters to me, and it should
to anyone. How he treats his exes and just people
in general, is the exact way I can expect him

(33:00):
to treat me when he no longer has any use
for me.

Speaker 5 (33:04):
The talk was long, the talk was hard.

Speaker 6 (33:07):
The talk needed to happen if I'm going to marry
this man and if I'm going to continue to let
him have a relationship with my son. He has a
history of running, and always has That's how he deals
with problems, and his default is to avoid actually having
a conversation about hard things with people because he wants
to spare them feelings. But really what he's saying is
that he just doesn't want to have to deal with

(33:28):
having an impact on their feelings. It is cowardly, unkind
and isn't something I desire in a partner. Although he
tried to tell me I was different than all those
other girls, he needs therapy, obviously, So I told him
that we're breaking up, no longer together, but I'd give
him time to find a place to move.

Speaker 5 (33:45):
I own the house.

Speaker 6 (33:47):
He was free to crash in the guest bedroom or
office if that's what he wanted. I told him that
he needed to take a break from women and work
on himself. He said, he loved me and wanted to
be with me. He tried to claim his ex was lying.
He claimed a lot of those girls were one night stands,
maybe a few, but I know one or two who
he mentioned is one night's that were long term relationships.

(34:08):
I was done hearing him talk badly about people while
telling me he was a good person, so I ended it.
He promised to change, and I told him I'd love
to see that in him, but I'm not waiting around
for it. I care about him as a person, and
I want him to go and learn better ways to
treat people. But I can't be his partner, not with
how he treats people. I can't love someone like that.

(34:29):
I didn't block him. I didn't run away or change
the locks and never speak to him again. I even
gave him a hug and asked him how he was
doing because he was crying. I gave him more kindness
than he ever offered any of those women. He asked
me to give him a chance to get therapy and
get better and apologize to his ex fiance. I told
him that if he went to therapy and apologized to

(34:51):
her and to some of the others, then he and
I could talk, but he couldn't keep treating people.

Speaker 5 (34:56):
Like that, not if he ever wanted respect.

Speaker 6 (34:59):
Basically, we were going to take a soft break, but
not really break up so.

Speaker 5 (35:03):
He could work on those things. Ah, I don't know
about that's.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
Just breaking up. You're still just breaking up.

Speaker 6 (35:10):
I think you need to break up just because if
you add that caveat to this situation, you you won't
know if he's actually changing or if he's just changing
to reach the finish line, which is you getting back
together with him, and then he can just completely not
care about that ever again. I even held his hand
for a little bit after it was all over and

(35:30):
wished him, well, we do have a little bit more
story life. But do we have any closing thoughts? I
think I think we've done the right thing. You've broken up.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
Curly Sunshine says he wants to be the one to
end it and run away.

Speaker 5 (35:42):
Yeah, it sounds like I mean he's he's the first one.

Speaker 7 (35:45):
You're probably the first one to break up with him or.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Yeah, take away, which I feel like he's going to
have some crazy crash out and anything that he said
those girls were doing, he's going to do to you.
So prepared to be stock.

Speaker 5 (35:55):
Ooh, yeah, I would get ready for the crazy.

Speaker 6 (35:57):
If he says everyone's crazy and not him, he's going
to the crazy.

Speaker 8 (36:00):
Out or he's once he gets back, like I guess
back on his feet, he's gonna be like, she's crazy,
you're crazy, Opie.

Speaker 3 (36:07):
Well she'll be deemed as crazy either way. But I
think that he'll go a little bit crazy on her.

Speaker 5 (36:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (36:11):
I think it's just time to like, you know, don't
make it this song. I don't like the soft breakup.
It should just be break up. Don't talk to him,
don't listen to what he has to say. Just time
to move on your Your grandma is right. Yeah, you're
doing the right thing.

Speaker 8 (36:27):
Because you don't know how long it's gonna take. You're like,
I'll wait for you. You don't want to do that.

Speaker 5 (36:32):
You're leaving the door cracked for him.

Speaker 6 (36:34):
He asked if he could still pick up my son
after camp and take him out like they had planned.

Speaker 5 (36:39):
I agreed that I thought that was a good idea.

Speaker 6 (36:42):
While I was at work this morning, he moved a
lot of his stuff out of my house and unfollowed
me on all social media. I checked up on him,
and all my calls went right to voicemail. He never
picked my son up from camp. I'm pretty sure he
did what he always does.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
I'm shocked.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
What do you know.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories,
but here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that
keep the show alive.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
My mother is upset because my father is walking me
down the aisle. Well, go ahead and just crib me
river backstory. My mother and father had an emergency wedding
because they accidentally got pregnant with my twin brother and me.
Shock pudding, huh nice. They believed it was the right
thing to do since they got pregnant before marriage. My

(37:24):
father at the time was a heavy drinker. They eventually
did get divorced when I was seven, but about two
years before they did, he decided to get sober for
his family. By the way, this comes from toward or
fifty eight fifty eight on the r slash Charlotte dop
Bray YouTube subbred it and if you want to smit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subre
at it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and oh Pi says

(37:47):
after they got divorced, my mother attempted to not have
my father and my brothers in my life. After a
few years in the court system, they decided that we
could see my father every Tuesday and Friday after school.
She then started to state that she wouldn't be able
to pick us up afterward due to her going back
to school, which good for her. I do recognize her
going back to support us and herself. That was a

(38:09):
very selfless and brave thing of her, and she deserves
a round of applause for that. She also started bribing
us with movies, toys, and dinner. Sometimes we would take
it and sometimes we didn't, but if we didn't, she
would be upset at us for the rest of the week.
Keep the bribing part in mind for the future. My
father and I, as I got older, became really close.

(38:31):
We are both so much alike and I am so
happy to call him my dad. Even with all the
rough stuff from the past, I have forgiven him and
that has made our bond stronger as a whole. To
the story, I twenty three female, am getting married to Billy,
twenty seven male in May of twenty twenty seven. Billy,
at first, due to worrying about family drama, we were

(38:52):
going to a lope where we got engaged and go
crazy on her honeymoon, But after talking with one another,
we wanted to celebrate with everyone we love and bring
everyone together as a family, so we decided to have
a micro wedding instead. The first thing I should have
seen coming was that we had to have a talk
with my mother about my father being invited to my wedding.

(39:15):
At first, she was not happy and stated that she
might not come to our wedding. Oh my god, come on,
nor would my older and twin brother, nor most of
my family on her side. Is she telling you that?
Or did they say that? But after a while of
her thinking, she decided that she would have to think
about it. Sounded more like she was going to attend

(39:36):
my wedding, and I was satisfied. The second thing was
that I was looking at two venues, one closer to
her and one closer to me that Billie actually found
and I loved. She lives an hour away from me.
I told her the one closer to me was the
one I was looking at the most, because it's in
the middle for everyone. My fiance's family lives about an
hour away from me as well, but in a different

(39:57):
town than my mother. After sending her the link to
the venue, she became upset with me over the phone,
stating that it was closer to my Fiatze's family than
I was for her, and she felt a certain way
that Billy chose it. She also stated that she would
have to think about coming again because it was a
longer drive for her than it would be for his family.

(40:18):
It was only longer by seventeen minutes. I was hurt
and snaps, stating that Billy chose it because it was
everything I wanted for everyone, and not bad mouth him
due to my choice. She then became silent, apologized, and
we moved on. Here is the final straw and the
whole reason I'm writing this. I'm at the point of

(40:39):
my wits end. My mother called asking if I wanted
to have a day where we hang out, no chores,
no one else, just us. I agreed, thinking it would
be fun to a mommy daughter day. At first, everything
was great. We went out to eat, took a drive,
just talked, got some donuts, and just relaxed. It was

(41:00):
way too good for something not to be up, but
I didn't see it. After I left and started my drive,
back home, I got a phone call from her. Of
course I picked up, and then she started her questions.
She said she had a great time today. I told
her I did too, and that it was nice to
just hang out. She agreed, but then asked if she

(41:20):
could talk to me about something. Said sure, or what's up?
She asked, who was gonna walk me down the aisle?
I said I hadn't thought that far yet. She asked
if I had an idea. I said I didn't know,
but if I had to choose now, it would probably
be my dad. Yeah. She asked why. I said, because

(41:40):
he's my dad and that's the typical tradition, right. She said,
he didn't raise me. I said, well, he is a
big part of my life. Mom. She then said she
had to go and hung up the phone. Not even
five minutes later, I got a text from my grandma saying, oh, Pee,
you just broke your mother's heart. Shut out my gosh.

(42:02):
I was flabbergasted and angry. It felt like the whole
point of hanging out with her was just for her
to butter me up and tell her what she wanted
to hear. After I got home and talked with my
fiance and a friend about what had happened. They recommended
that I contact someone with an unbiased opinion, like a
pastor who has seen this stuff before. I don't go
to church, so I decided to contact the efficient for

(42:24):
our wedding. With his approval, I notified him of everything.
He stated, it's been a long time. My advice is
to have them both walk you down the aisle, but
not along with whom is sharing or giving away the bride.
But give them both a hog each and have them
sit down where they want. Yeah, but if if she

(42:46):
was not even like if she was thinking about not
even going to the wedding, yeah, I don't know if
she's gonna enjoy being right next to her ex.

Speaker 9 (42:53):
Husband, right, I know. I kind of wondered about that too, him, Like,
I mean, yeah, like that is a tradition that people
do too, Like it's usually the father, but like I
have seen where just.

Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yeah, both your parents.

Speaker 9 (43:04):
But but yeah, it's like I would wonder how well
they would act when they're like that close together.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
I can't imagine. Well, yeah, after I thought about it,
I agreed and sent her this message. I reached out
to the Efficient to get some guidance from someone with
experience and an outside perspective. He suggested the idea of
having both of you walk me down the aisle together,
not in a traditional giving away sense, but more as
a united show of support. After giving it a lot

(43:34):
of thought, I've decided this feels like the right choice
for me. I really hope you'll take some time to
think about this before making any decisions or involving others.
I'd appreciate it if we could keep this between us
for now, without others reaching out to try and change
my mind. This is something I've thought through carefully, and
it's really important to me to feel supported in this choice.

(43:55):
It has been a few weeks and she is still
not talked to me. Oh my gosh, what do you want? Mother?
Just be happy for your daughter to do you just
what do you even want? At this point? I'm over
the drama and I just want to be happy. Would
I be the butthole if I told her that she
needs to come up with a decision if she's coming

(44:16):
or not, just so I can stop worrying about her opinion.
I do apologize for this being a lot, and I
thank you all for reading and giving any advice you
have to give. And there's an update, But what do
you think? I don't know.

Speaker 9 (44:31):
Still try to find options something that will make her happy. Maybe,
you know, see if there's like another way that she
can be involved that still feels.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
As important or something like that.

Speaker 9 (44:41):
But I think maybe you'll have to kind of start
like accepting the factor or coming to terms with your
mom not being at your wedding.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
I think that you can send her maybe an RSVP
thing and be like, hey, need an answer by this
day whether or not you're coming right and being involved
in the wedding. And it doesn't even have to be
like you have to tell me or else blah blah blah,
you can't be in the wedding. It's just like for
the venue, we need to know by this date, right,

(45:13):
And then if she doesn't respond, then you're like, okay, yeah,
you won't be home in the wedding because he didn't
let me know in time.

Speaker 9 (45:19):
Yeah, and like I needed maybe give reasons, like you know,
I needed to confirm with the catering or something like
that or yeah, yeah, I think.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
That would be a good idea. Update. Thank you all
for the responses. I greatly appreciate all the help I
can get After some thought, I decided to text my
mom requesting if we could talk about everything, due to
feeling if we continue to not talk, we are only
going to mentally strain ourselves from one another. She immediately
called and we started talking. I let her talk first

(45:50):
and asked why she was so hurt about everything. She
started off talking about how terrible he was as a fatter,
everything I have heard in the past, and no. She
also felt that he does not even deserve to be
even a part of the wedding due to their poor relationship.
You guys have a poor relationship. Yeah, not ope, r Dad,
you two. I responded with apologizing to her, stating that

(46:13):
I should have never given another response. I did because
I knew I was not prepared for it. But I
also told her that she had no right to contact
family members and tell them how I broke your heart,
and that really upset me. I then went over about
how I feel them both walking me down together and
as a support way and not a giving way was
a great compromise and so that will be my final decision.

(46:36):
She was upset, stating that was not fair to her
and she preferred not to put herself in that situation.
I then went into a conversation with her, stating that
whether she likes it or not, I have learned to
forgive my dad and moved on from the past and
we have a wonderful relationship. I told her that he
has completely changed from what he was, but I understand

(46:57):
she doesn't have to talk to him anymore or be
around him, but I would really appreciate if she can come,
even just for the ceremony. That would mean a lot.
She just said, okay, but I still don't have a decision.
I then got a little upset. I won't lie and
stated to her, as I grew up, she always made
me feel pity for her. It was always poor her

(47:20):
everywhere we went, and it always felt like my brother
and I were a regret and we always had to
work around stuff to just see them, especially my dad
with sporting events, graduation, homecoming, and more. Then she went
silent for a very long time, and the next thing
she said was, what do you want me to do
about it? I think she wants you to go. I
think that's pretty clear. Yeah, I think she's just kind

(47:43):
of told you what she wants from you, just wanted
you to hear her out and then go to the wedding. Literally,
at this point I was done. I felt everything I
was saying was just going over her head. I told
her at this point, I think we should just assume
you aren't coming, and with that, I'll not be discussing
any wedding plans with you. But if you do decide

(48:04):
on coming and truly mean it, then we can talk.
But right now that's my decision for everything. She agreed
and we end at the call. Maybe one day she'll
come to her senses, but right now I'm weirdly happy
with this result. Knowing that I have an answer, I
feel more at peace. Thank you all for listening, and
if I have anything else, I'll let you know, and
if there's any more advice, I'm all yours. Well, yeah,

(48:28):
it makes sense why you're happy, or you know, in
a weird way, but you have an answer. You don't
have to live in this weird unknown where you're trying
to get your mom to come and you don't know
if she's coming.

Speaker 9 (48:38):
You know she's not, and that's probably best for like
your mental health too, Like I mean.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
I gotta worry about so many things.

Speaker 9 (48:44):
Right, And like at first, when you started saying like
you know, like just explaining that to your mom of
how it's always been a part of me was like,
oh no, but then she'll not come to the wedding.

Speaker 3 (48:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
But then it was like, Okay, well that's cool.

Speaker 9 (48:57):
Obviously not as important as like, you know, talking about
this with your mom and finally saying that to her.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
So I lak. It was good for you to get
that off your chest, for sure, but you could you
had the conversation you wanted to have. She's not coming
to the wedding, and that's her decision exactly. My stepmother
got pregnant. Now I plan to move out. There's no room.

Speaker 9 (49:20):
I twenty four females still live with my dad and grandma.
Typical Asian family set up. My parents divorced when I
was three, and I lived with my mom until I
was sixteen. From around age eleven to twelve, I was
basically living alone. My mom worked as a teacher in
the city, but also started a small salon business in
the province, so she was constantly back and forth. I
only saw her one to two days a week, but

(49:40):
she always left food and money for me. By the way,
this comes from a user name on the r slash
Charlotte Doverer YouTube Separate It and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story time sepread it. I'm Angie and I'm Sophia and
O pieces. During this time, I didn't have a real
father figure. I saw my dad maybe once or twice.

(50:00):
He didn't really know I was living alone like that.
By the time I was a teen, I developed this
mindset like you don't get to show love now when
I needed it most back then, and it was and
it still stuck with me until now. My father and
I don't have a strong bond or close relationship. We
barely talk even while living in the same house. The
only person I really talked to is my grandma. I

(50:21):
don't care much about his life and never had the
desire to build a father daughter relationship.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
This is how I got to live with him.

Speaker 9 (50:29):
At sixteen, my mom had financial issues and couldn't support
me properly anymore. She asked me to ask my dad
and grandma if I could move in with them. I've
been living with them ever since. So fast forward to
twenty twenty three, my dad finally married the woman he's
been with for ten years. His quote love of his life.
He waited that long because he wanted me to finish
high school. He's the calm, passive type who doesn't interfere

(50:52):
much with anything. Very typical Asian dad. My stepmom is
the complete opposite. She's loud, often yells when she gets wasted,
and loves to party. Oh. She's usually the one who
starts the arguments. They usually get invited by the neighbor
to parties, even on Tuesday nights. A few months ago,
out of nowhere, my stepmom started talking to me about

(51:13):
going to the pagoda to pray for a child. She said,
it's been two years and she still hasn't gotten pregnant.
She kept going and said that they were still trying
for a child. I didn't really want to hear this part,
so I just sat there nodding and giving polite responses
like hmm oh.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Then then she asked for my opinion.

Speaker 9 (51:35):
I said, well, that's your life, not really my business,
but I just getting a job and saving up some money. Also,
by that time, i'll probably move out. She immediately replied,
your father won't let you. I replied, he can't stop
me if I wanted to.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Oh pease an adult yeah, it was not let her
move out? Yeah, what is that? What does that mean?

Speaker 9 (51:57):
That conversation really made me start thinking about saving up
and planning to move out.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
Jump to August third.

Speaker 9 (52:03):
I was alone in the kitchen when she came up
to me and said, I have good news.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
I already knew what it was. She's pregnant.

Speaker 9 (52:10):
I congratulated her and asked how far along. She said
two months. Then she said, please don't tell your grandma,
your aunt, or anyone yet. I said okay. Then she continued,
you don't have to move out. Your dad doesn't want
you to, and your grandma will blame me if you do.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
This is weird.

Speaker 9 (52:27):
The thing is, I want to move out because I
want my own space. I can afford it, and I
can take care of myself. And I've always dreamed of
living alone again, Like when I was young. I grew
up in a different mindset, shaped by being independent at
a young age. I truly appreciate having a roof over
my head all these years, but I simply don't want
to live with them anymore. There was even one time
they got into a wasted argument that turned really bad.

(52:50):
She was screaming so loud and it traumatized me. That
was a turning point for me. At that moment, I realized,
if I stay, she'll just see me as proof to
my Grandma that she's not the reason I left. My
grandma already doesn't fully support their marriage. The reason she
doesn't want my grandma to know about the pregnancy yet
is that my grandma is not going to be happy
about it. My dad's income is around five hundred dollars

(53:13):
plus a month and will retire in eight years. Once retired,
his income will probably drop to three hundred dollars a
month or less. My stepmom doesn't have a job.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
That's crazy. Yeah, A bit more about her.

Speaker 9 (53:25):
She used to sing at restaurants and events, probably how
she met my dad Before the wedding. My grandma asked
her to quit because it wasn't considered a respectable job.
My dad didn't defend her or say anything. This is
where I find my grandma and my dad might be
the a hole here. After they got married, they tried
working out a printing shop but quit within days, saying
it was too hot. She then tried starting a meatball

(53:48):
business twice and failed both times.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
What what's a meatball business? I was assuming she's selling meatballs,
so random.

Speaker 9 (53:57):
So now she's unemployed and expecting a baby. I don't
want to be stuck in this household when things are
clearly going to get more stressful.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
I want my own space.

Speaker 9 (54:07):
Raising a child is so expensive if you only have
one income, and in the future don't want to be
expected to give money or allowance to a child.

Speaker 2 (54:14):
That isn't mine.

Speaker 9 (54:16):
I have my own life to live. I want to
leave and focus on myself, not on her kid. I
want to move out, not out of hate or resentment,
but to build a life of my own.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
So would I be the a hole? And there is
an update? But what do you think?

Speaker 8 (54:29):
No?

Speaker 2 (54:29):
Get out of there?

Speaker 9 (54:30):
No, not at all.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
I'm absolutely gonna expect you to pay.

Speaker 9 (54:33):
Get out of those sure, expect you to pay, expect
you to feed the baby, take care of it, all
that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
And it's like, okay, well, how about I just leave
and don't eat your guys' home? Just peace out.

Speaker 9 (54:44):
But there is an update. So hi again everyone. I
wanted to thank you all for your comments and support
on my last post.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
This is the first time I've ever had.

Speaker 9 (54:52):
A serious conversation and opened up to my family and
it was hard as an Asian daughter slash granddaughter. I
I ended up in tears from recalling the memories of
my childhood, but it gave me the courage to speak
up and take action. On August fifth, I talked to
my grandma and my aunt, who now knows about my
stepmom's pregnancy.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
I also opened up.

Speaker 9 (55:13):
To them about how lonely and upset I felt during
my younger years, growing up mostly on my own and
not feeling much emotional support. They both want me to
stay and asked me to reconsider my decision. My grandma
kept asking me why I wanted to move out, and
I told her I just want to walk a new
path in my life and live on my own. I
haven't told her about the pregnancy yet. I will talk

(55:33):
to my dad tomorrow as I can't do it anymore
for today. During the conversation, my grandma hit me with
why would you do this?

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Don't you love me?

Speaker 9 (55:41):
I'm only living here because of you. If you move,
I'll move too with her and my aunt.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Dang.

Speaker 9 (55:47):
She went on with many more similar words, blaming me
for wanting to leave and trying to make me feel guilty,
But honestly, that didn't really work on me. I understand
where she's coming from, but I also know that I
need to do what's right for me. Yes, I forgot
to mention. I have two sisters. They both grew up
with my dad's side of the family. It was a
big household since they lived at my grandma slash aunt's

(56:08):
place with about seven to eight family members under one roof.
My sisters used to go back and forth between that
house and mine. They also knew that sometimes I was
living alone when.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
I was younger.

Speaker 9 (56:19):
One of my sisters, the first, is living abroad and another,
the second, is living with us. She's a hoarder and
has been dealing with depression, though her condition has been
getting better. Unfortunately, my grandma doesn't understand mental health very well.
Every time they talk, she says, I don't understand you.
Why are you doing this to me? I'm only doing
it because I care about you. Instead of trying to

(56:40):
understand her, my grandma often labels her as a trouble
child and tells everyone, including our neighbors, about her behavior.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Oh my goodness, it's really disheartening.

Speaker 9 (56:50):
She tries to guilt trip her too, but that method
doesn't work on my sister either. I'm really proud of
my sister for standing up for herself despite all of
that good. I might look cold herder to them at
this point, but I know I've made up my mind.
I will not stay there. I'll visit them often after
work or on the weekends. I admit it does hurt
seeing my dad become a quote better man for someone

(57:12):
else when I've never got that version of him when
I was young. Some of the comments asked if I
could move in with my mom. The answer is no.
She's living in the province and has abandoned city life
since opening her small salon business.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
She's living alone with my sisters.

Speaker 9 (57:25):
The first ones cats, and she still lives paycheck to paycheck.
But my sisters and I help her every month with
rent and bills.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
But yeah, I mean, just don't listen to your grandma
trying to guilt trip you honestly stick stay the course.

Speaker 9 (57:39):
Yeah you've got this, But there is a little bit
more about finding a place. I actually already have one.
I've been renting it for a while now as a
way to escape the house from time to time. I've
slowly started buying things to fill it in, like plates,
an electric kettle and a dish rack. Right now, I
just need some cooking utensils, a rice cooker, fridge, and
a few other essentials.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
Need the retooker. I agree, very it's essential.

Speaker 9 (58:03):
The rent is quite cheap, and my partner is kindly
helping cover fifty percent of it.

Speaker 5 (58:06):
Wow.

Speaker 9 (58:07):
And no, I can't move in with my partner yet
because in our culture you wait until marriage to live together.
We're planning and saving for that, hopefully in twenty twenty
seven or sometime after. I'm doing this not out of
hate or resentment, but because I want to build a
life of my own, because you're an adult.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
Yeah, it's so clearly not out of any hate or
something about them. Yeah, you're doing You're an adult, and
you're moving out of home. That's it, exactly.

Speaker 9 (58:32):
I'll be moving out by the end of December or
early January.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
That's great. Love that.

Speaker 9 (58:39):
Yeah, it sucks to have like so much like pushback, yeah,
from family members and stuff, especially with the guilt tripping stuff.
But I'm glad that you're not falling for it, and
I'm glad that you're just gonna do your own thing anyway, Okay,
Grandma bye.

Speaker 5 (58:54):
Yeah, Hey, it's John here, we're gonna get back to
the stories.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
My mother wants me to finance her lifestyle. I refused.
Pay for it yourself. And there is a trigger warning
for substances. And also this comes directly from the Okay
storytime Separate It. So, Me twenty eight female and my
mom forty eight female have never been super close. She
did what she thought was best as I grew up,

(59:21):
but there were many instances where she wasn't the best mother.
Currently I have five siblings, Buttercup twenty nine female, Bubbles
twenty four female, Kal seventeen male, Kate fourteen female, and
Bob two male. By the way, this comes from Salamander
ninety seven and if you asmit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime Separate it So for

(59:44):
some examples of interactions between my mother and me. We
lived with one of her boyfriends when I was about
five to eight years old, who was a DJ on
the side and would host full rave parties in our backyard.
People would use various substances and myself and other kids
would locked in a room with some toys and told
to amuse ourselves as they'd partied the night away. Yikes, yikes, dude.

(01:00:06):
She would regularly trauma dump on me and my siblings
like we were adult friends of hers, changing partners regularly
and changing homes just as often. Don't get me wrong,
she made sure there was food in the fridge and
we almost always had a roof of her heads. I
know that she's better than some parents.

Speaker 9 (01:00:24):
That's a pretty low I mean, sure things could always
be worse, but it doesn't mean that you're in a
good spot.

Speaker 5 (01:00:32):
No.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
But I'm also old enough to understand she's just a
self absorbed person who never should have become a mother. Yep,
she seems like a pretty bad mother. I'm sure you
can understand why we aren't really that close now. So
life is long and complex, and after this and that,
I am actually looking after Kate in the very literal
I have adopted them way. This is due to my

(01:00:55):
mom going through a regular cycle of needing someone to
need her child boyfriend, except then getting sick of them
and wanting them gone. Kate is in regular therapy and
we still have issues even though they've been in my
care for about five years now. Though in my opinion,
they're definitely much happier and healthier now than they were
back then. I put my life on hold, moved cities,

(01:01:17):
and became a parent, despite knowing since I was a
child I never ever wanted kids. I mean, you probably
kind of were parentified, right, so it makes sense. I
am living that single parent life now and the housing
market in my country is insane. At the moment, my
house manager wanted to up my rent by almost one
hundred dollars, so we have had to end our contract

(01:01:38):
by the end of the month to move. To add
to this, because life just sucks sometimes, my car literally
passed away about a month ago. It could be fixed,
but the price of repairs wasn't going to be worth it.
In where I live, public transport sucks, so I need
a car to get to and from work. Without one,
I would definitely lose my job. Naturally, being neurospy I

(01:02:00):
see myself and looking after a neurospicy child. This wasn't easy.
The constant looming deadline of having to pack up and move,
having to find a new place, having to apply for
finance after finance to afford a car. It was and
still is a lot. I have very fortunately gotten the
car and just signed off on our new contract for

(01:02:22):
a small unit we will be moving to in about
two weeks. I struggled a lot during the past two months,
but I am essentially low contact with my family and
don't and didn't really let any of them know. I
have some local friends and friends overseas who would let
me vent, but I'm a person who won't often let
on just how stressed I really am. But I now

(01:02:44):
own a secondhand car, which is probably the nicest I've
ever owned, despite being a very common brand and model.
The struggle to get approved for finance comes from some
stupid choices I made as a teenager and a bad
but recovering credit history. I mean, oh, pee, give yourself,
you know, a break. You were very heavily you were

(01:03:06):
very heavily parentified and clearly now having to parent your sibling,
and didn't have a great childhood, so I'm assuming, yeah,
didn't have really a person who was teaching you how
to do that exactly. You kind of have to learn
the hard way a bit mm hm. As you can
imagine the stress of losing my car then getting a
new one, followed immediately by having to sort out moving
has been a lot. Sometime through this period, my brother

(01:03:28):
Kale called. He was also in my care for three years,
but has since moved out to start his own life
and is a true poster like Buttercup and Bubbles. He
brought up that our mom might call and try to
ask me for money, which wasn't new since it happens
every so often. But I laughed it off and explained
I didn't have any money to give at that moment
since I've been going through a lot. He understood, but

(01:03:51):
said she would probably reach out anyway to ask me
to get a loan in my name for her, and
you're gonna say no. Yeah, You're just say no. Hmmm. Admittedly,
for a moment, I was glad I had just had
to get one for my own car, since since thanks
to that, I had an easy reason to say no

(01:04:11):
other than I don't trust you. I thought that would
be that and I wouldn't hear from my mom about it,
since Kle is known to exaggerate and would probably pass
on my refusal in a more intense and over the
top way. But it turns out I was very wrong.
Maybe less than a week later, I was at home
after a busy day out with Kate sorting out some

(01:04:31):
items from the Dollar Store to make her an outfit
for bookweek. Feeling socially drained, I had gone upstairs to
boot up a game on my PC when I noticed
a mist call on my phone. It was from my mom,
and I honestly considered ignoring it, but she had left
a voicemail asking me to call her back. I hesitated
before calling her, and she did the usual how are

(01:04:53):
you before suddenly jumping into and what happened to your car?
After me explaining, she went on about how she needed
a car since ours broke down and she was sick
of barring others cars or sharing with her partner. I
don't like where this is going. That's a bummer. Yeah. Same.
The guilt tripping of how she always had a car,
even if nothing else, so she had the freedom to

(01:05:14):
up and leave whenever she needed began. My mom is
a very skilled, self absorbed person, and it took me
a long time to really notice and accept that she's
very talented at making you the problem and herself the
victim in any situation. Being a parent was an accessory
to her rather than a responsibility. And yes, I've been

(01:05:34):
to lots of therapy and am to this day still
medicated to deal with my own trauma. I explained repeatedly
that I am also in a tight spot financially, and
that I understood how much it sucked to not have
a car despite my subtle but clear indications that I
was not in a position to do so, and how
I had to ask around several places before I even

(01:05:55):
got the finance for my current car. My mom asked
if I couldn't ask for another finance to get a
car for her. No, No, I cannot do that. Yeah,
definitely not so sorry I can't. She went on about
how she would pay me back. I doubt that, how
unfair it was that her mother and brother wouldn't do

(01:06:15):
it for her. Then, when that wasn't working, she pressed
me about how much I earned and now what I
would be able to have two loans in a job
like mine. I kept politely turning her down, and I
think she got the message, but she kept that call
going for an hour, talking about her boyfriend and his children,
which I don't care about. I'm a pushover, I guess,

(01:06:35):
and feel that letting her do that sometimes stops her
from calling more. But after the call, I felt physically ill. Honestly,
I would be happy to never talk to her again,
but I stay in touch for Kate's sake and also
just because it seems easier than going full no contact.
There is a little bit left to the story. Do
you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 9 (01:06:57):
Like, I'm glad that Ope seems to not be falling
for anything. Yeah, yeah, I mean, she's very aware of
the tricks that her mom likes to play, right, It's just,
you know, obviously frustrating that she has to deal with
it at all. Absolutely, But yeah, I trust you, Ope.
I trust you You're gonna make the right decision for herself.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
I keep holden strong. Yeah, exactly, you got this. But
there is a little bit left anyway, Hopefully that's enough context.
My question for you read it. Can anyone think of
any other nice enough ways to tell her no if
she asks again? I do, like my mom, but I'm
in no way considering doing this for her. I don't
want to be a knucklehead and flat out say I

(01:07:36):
don't trust her to pay me back. Honestly, I wouldn't
do this for her, even if I did. Taking out
a loan in my name for someone else is something
I flat out would never do, and it's wild to
me that she would even ask me to do so.
Am I the weird one here for being so against it?
Any thoughts would be appreciated, and there are some comments,

(01:07:56):
but so obviously no, Yeah, definitely not. That is a
cree to do. Yes, super crazy.

Speaker 9 (01:08:02):
If someone like doesn't have the credit or the financial
income or something.

Speaker 2 (01:08:07):
Like that to even get a loan, they're not going
to pay you back. Now, you should believe the system
that the main cas said this person is not trustworthy
enough to give a loan too, right, comment one, not
the a hole. Just tell her your debt ratio is
too I after just getting the loan for your new car,
and you do not qualify for any more financing or loans.

(01:08:29):
Reply agree, it's the truth. She'll be mad, but that's okay.
I admire you. OP. Taking in and raising your sibling
is a lot. OP says, thank you. I keep hearing that,
and even though it wasn't easy, I would still make
the same choice over and over. They deserve health and happiness,
and I'm happy to provide that for them. There are

(01:08:50):
definitely moments where I miss what I had and lament
what I could be doing. But I love Kate and
Cale a lot, and that outweighs it all. And that's
the end of the story, folks. Yeah, but yeah, keep
doing what you're doing.

Speaker 9 (01:09:03):
Yeah, keep tak care of your sibling, right, Glad you're
not going to take out that loan. Yes, I'm glad
that you have a good relationship with your siblings.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
And you know, maybe talk to Kate about if she
even wants to have a close relationship to your mom,
because you said, like, the only reason I really am
not no contact with my mom is because Kate to
have a relationship. She's old enough to kind of know
whether or not she wants to have that type of
relationship with her mom.

Speaker 3 (01:09:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
Maybe maybe it's a legal thing, that might be it true,
But if it's not, have a conversation with Kate and say, like, Kate,
do you want to see her? Is this like something
where we're both on the same page and we just
haven't talked.

Speaker 9 (01:09:39):
About it, right, right, Like, let me we could be
honest about our opinions about mom.

Speaker 2 (01:09:43):
Here

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My boyfriend REFUSES to house sit for my parents… now I'm questioning our relationship! -r/relationships | Reddit Stories