My boyfriend told me to LEAVE if I ever wanted marriage… so I finally did! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.
But before you rock out with your socks out, I
got a quick chum in an ad break from a
sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling. My boyfriend told
me to leave if I ever wanted marriage, so I
finally did. Good for you, Good for you. I forty

(00:21):
four female, live in a small town population about two thousand.
I've been dating my boyfriend, fifty two male for eight years.
We were at a holiday party in December with probably
two hundred guests. Someone asked when we were planning to
get married. My boyfriend said never. People continued to press

(00:41):
the subject, so I said that neither of us wanted
to get married currently, but if it changed, we'd be
sure to let them know. By the way, this comes
from user only measurement thirty two to forty seven, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon,
I'm Carly and d We're aready give good advice, goofilly,
but we're not perfect and we haven't experienced every single.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Story that we read, so if you've.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Gone through something like this, let us know what you
would do in the comments, Opie says. My boyfriend then
said quote, if you ever change your mind about marriage,
don't bother talking to me about it. Just move on
and find a man who wants to marry you. Everyone
was staring. I cried. We went home. He's brought it

(01:29):
up a couple of times since then, but it's not
really something I see a point in discussing. He's made
it clear from day one that he doesn't want to
get married, and I don't want to either. I wouldn't
have said what he did in public, but it's the truth.
The way he said it embarrassed me, and it hurt
my feelings that he was so flippant about breaking up

(01:50):
and going our separate ways after eight years of being
in love. But again, it's nothing I didn't know from
private conversations, which is exactly what that should have been.
Every Tuesday, we have dinner with friends at this Mexican restaurant.
Last night, at dinner, a guy that I know socially
from living in the same small town walked up and
said that he knew I was exclusively dating my boyfriend

(02:13):
but just wanted to say that I should call him
if I ever decided that I wanted a serious relationship.
Then he looked at my boyfriend and said, nothing personal. Man,
I know we go way back, but if she ever
decides she wants more than casual dating, it would be
over between you two. Anyway. What is going on? I
feel like I'm being punk? What did he say wrong?

(02:34):
Where did he lie? No, that guy didn't lie at all,
and he said it right to his face.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
I like how this is always happening in like a
public space.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah, we try that in a small especially in a
small town.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
In a small town, that's gonna spread like wildfire.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
Clearly it already did. Being confronted about it at dinner,
that's wild. After we got home, my boyfriend was upset
with me for not making it clear that we have
more than a casual relationship. I told him that I
wasn't the one that made our relationship status unclear, and
if he felt something was misunderstood, he could have set

(03:11):
things straight himself. And we have some relevant comments. Let's
read some of them. Shall we take? The red leaf?
Said lmao. The balls on that guy are genuinely impressive.
I mean, are you interested. I kind of think you
should be a wel your boyfriend is temporary. This seems
as good at jumping off a point as any Opie replies.

(03:33):
He's good looking, successful, smart, funny, never married, no kids,
was a bit of a womanizer when he was younger,
but he's made it pretty clear in the past few
years that he's looking to settle down and get married.
Checks a lot of boxes if a girl was looking
to get married, I'm just not and there is an update.
And I do know of one relationship specifically where they
just never got married. They have kids, they never got married,

(03:54):
they never wanted to get married. Do we know why
your partner op doesn't want to get married? I think
before we read it, my advice would just be like
get clear, Like just have a conversation with your partner,
get super clear and make it clear how you felt.
Use like the eye statements of like I felt embarrassed

(04:15):
just from the way you spoke about our relationship, like
it you could throw it away at any moment.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
And also if someone was saying that straight to your
face at a restaurant and you didn't like stand up
for that or yeah, that like one there's gonna be
a major change in either either your relationship or how
you see things because the fact that some some guy

(04:40):
who you know apparently well enough to be well enough. Hey, brother,
you're not treating her right enough. I'll fill that spot
for you. I'll take that spot because you're not doing it.
You're not doing the right job. Give her a business card.
He's just having like he's having like the fahidas.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
He's like, okay, yeah, like where where it was the
like standing up and being like, actually, we do have
a serious relationship. We're just not getting married. Unfair to
put that on her, to say, yeah, when you were
also sitting right there, we do have an update, let's
get into it. One month later after posting, I did
a lot of reflection on our relationship. One day, I

(05:19):
just packed what I had at his house and brought
it all to my house while he was at work.
When he came home, I told him that I had
moved my things out and I wasn't going to be
around anymore. I gave him his house key. My boyfriend
feels blindsided by my moving out. He doesn't understand how
we went from happy and peaceful to me moving out
and living an hour plus away when essentially nothing changed.

(05:42):
I still have feelings for him, but it wasn't nearly
as painful as I expected it to be. I have
too many hard feelings towards him for the way he
treated me and my kids, especially in the beginning of
our relationship, to try to salvage anything between us, and
I most definitely have too much resentment towards his youngest son,
twenty four male to ever consider working on things and

(06:05):
trying to be anything that resembles a family with either
of them. Eight years and I packed everything I had
there in two hours, like I was never there. WHOA
okay that I think what happened? I think we're about
to get the lowdown on exactly where this is all
coming from. But it sounds like y'all had way more
issues than this conversation that happened at you know, a

(06:28):
social function.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
Yeah where Yeah, this context came out of left field,
and I feel like we're going to get yeah gist
of that what yeah led up to this because that
was a lot to unpack.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
So during the first couple of years, I did tell
him how he made me feel, but his answer was
always this is the deal. Take it or leave it.
It took eight years, but I decided to leave it.
I suppose at some point I emotionally checked out of
the relationship and just sort of let things be. Many
of the issues have just sorted them out with time,

(07:01):
but the underlying hurt is still raw. My house doesn't
feel like home to me anymore. I've been staying with
my children, who are away from home attending college. I've
completely moved out of my house, and I officially put
it on the market last Friday. For now, I'll just
commute to work until I figure out what I want
to do going forward. And there are some more comments. First,

(07:23):
let me say I'm absolutely amazed by all your kind
words and well wishes. I can't believe how kind and
supportive you guys have been. I'll address a couple of
the most common comments and questions first. I guess the
most popular is about the guy from the Mexican restaurant
who just showed up.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
The guy who's like, Ah, if you're not gonna do
it for her, I'll do it for her.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
Here's my guard professional husband, give me a call. I've
spoken to him since. But it's not the fairy tale
ending you guys are dreaming of I'm definitely not in
a place where I'm ready to date. I can't remember
his exact words, but the gist was he'd be happy
to take me out sometime, but he was just being
annoying to my ex boyfriend on purpose because of what

(08:06):
he had said at the party and other things that
he'd seen boyfriend do over the years. Very anti climactic,
I'm afraid, although he does frequently work around where I'm living,
so who knows what the future holds. Second financial concerns,
If you guys want to take back all your I'm
proud of you comments, I understand. I really have no
excuse for staying. I'm well educated. I earn a good living,

(08:28):
well above six figures. I wasn't always, but I literally
spent twenty years going back to school time and time again.
For the past few years, I've made significantly more money
than my ex boyfriend. I really have no excuse for
why I stayed so long. If I could touch on that,
it becomes intoxicating when we let life happen to us

(08:50):
because it simplifies a lot of stuff. When you don't
feel the need to exert your willon the world around you,
everything gets easier to comprehend.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
It's just you settled. You settled, and you're just like,
I'm okay where I'm at right.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
You just convince yourself or whatever. But it's like, you know,
growth mindset is so important. Growth mindset versus a stagnant mindset,
where it's like the things that I do and the
things that I think and the things that I want
all matter, and I can take active steps to further
get to them and change the things around me to

(09:29):
be better. That's a growth mindset. The stagnation mindset is
it's like, ah, there's nothing I can do. It is
what it is. It's good enough. I guess you know,
it could always be worse. It's like that's and then
that contributes to this You're in this relationship for eight
years for no reason, apparently final comments. Uh thinks ying says, Honestly,

(09:54):
the fact that you guys have been dating for eight
years and it took you less than two hours to
pack is very telling. This guy did not give you
space or respect in his like that's actually, that's such
a good point. I didn't really even think of that.
I just thought, Opepe might have been really good at packing. Yeah,
but it's like two hours. You got to do everything.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Two hours into eight years.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah. I always maintained my own home in town, and
I honestly loved the house I bought for my college
age kids. I moved all of my life treasures there
when I bought it. Okay, so all of Opie's life
is in this other house that our kids are in
right now. I had mostly just clothes and toiletries at
his place. My male didn't even come to his house

(10:36):
five oh three, B says. And I most definitely have
too much resentment towards his youngest son. That the comment
about the youngest son. Give me some info about that, please,
Opie says. My husband passed away. I was a single mom.
Boyfriend's youngest was seventeen when we introduced our kids. He
hated me and my children and did anything he could

(10:58):
think of to cause us. Miss I can't think of everything.
But if we were planning to go out to dinner
and invited him, sometimes he'd refuse to come, like he'd
say that he'd have dinner with his dad only, And
if his dad said, okay, let's have dinner just us tomorrow,
he'd start with the guilt until boyfriend broke our plans.
Last time he did that, he was twenty or twenty one,
so definitely not a kid. One year, he threw a

(11:20):
fit at Christmas because he got wind that his dad
had got my kids a few things. I bought stuff
for him and his older brother as well. He was
nineteen at the time. Boyfriend returned the stuff he got
my kids and told me to do the same. Said
from then on, we'd each only buy for our own kids.
That's not that's not very sustainable. For his twenty first birthday,

(11:45):
he had a party at a restaurant on a day
I got off late. He told them one less person
than needed when he made the reservation, so when I
arrived there was no place for me to sit. We
went on a vacation that I paid for and invited
him on, and he threw a fit because his dad
was paying attention to everyone. He insisted that he was
leaving if boyfriend didn't leave the AIRBNBI rented and rent

(12:06):
them their own hotel room and not see us until
the end of the trip, which boyfriend did. We didn't
see each other until we got home. Thank goodness. My
son had driven his car because my daughter and I
had rode with boyfriend. He would randomly call and tell
his dad he wanted to hang out at his house
for a bit, but wanted me and my kids to leave.
Boyfriend told us to go out to dinner or something

(12:28):
and he'd text when we could come back. I'm ashamed
to say I did once before I put my foot
down and told boyfriend if we left, we would be
coming back. Probably a dozen or more times after that,
he still called and tried and threatened to never speak
to boyfriend again. Probably more stuff, but you get the idea.
That's complex, but that's the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
My boyfriend thinks I'm just a pretty face. Now I'm
starting to doubt us.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
Well, you don't have to doubt that you're pretty at least.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
The other day, my boyfriend one male, and I twenty
one female. We're talking on the phone when he told
me about his friend's twenty three male relationship and asked
for my opinion because he wanted the female perspective. His
friend had been dating a girl nineteen who did not
share his religion. He really wanted her to have the
same beliefs, so she decided to convert for him and

(13:19):
practice his religion.

Speaker 1 (13:21):
Oh, she's losing her religion.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
By the way, this comes from user Educational Cry twenty
eight seventy eight, and if you want submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subrenden. I'm Keon,
I'm Dakota, I'm Carly. So we'll try to give our
best advice. But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves,
so if you have, let us know in the comments.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
Op says.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Eventually her family disowned her. WHOA causing her serious problem?

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Is not that serious. It's just your family disowning you
over religion. No, that's very serious.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
They were in a long distance relationship at the time.
She converted later and they finally met in person and
spent two weeks together. He decided he did not have
feelings for her and broke up with her.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Holy wow.

Speaker 3 (14:08):
Two days after the breakup, he told my boyfriend that
he regretted it and thought he still loved her. This
is when my boyfriend asked for my opinion. I tried
to stay neutral and told him I thought his friends
should not get back with her because he had already
decided he did not love her. He would just be
wasting both their time. I added that if he was
a good person, he should leave her alone, since he

(14:29):
had already caused enough trouble in her life and then
threw her away after spending just two weeks with her.
My boyfriend then told me he thinks his friend should
get back with her because the girl is pretty nice
and actually loves him. I told him that was unfair
because he would be taking advantage of her. You do
not love someone just because they're attractive. That is when

(14:49):
he told me I'm such a feminist and that I
do not have to make everything about feminism.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
It's feminist to just like actually like the person.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Irritating, He said I was not being realistic, that I
do not know the girl to be on her side,
and that I watch way too many women empowerment videos.
I explained that this had nothing to do with feminism.
If the roles were reversed and it was my friend
telling me she did this to a guy, I would
still tell her to leave him alone because she caused
enough damage already. I would lose all respect for her.

(15:22):
You're not supposed to toy with people's feelings or life,
regardless of gender. I told him I was speaking from
basic human decency. My beliefs are built on a solid foundation.
I'm not an idiot. I'm a feminist and always will
be proud of that. But this conversation had nothing to
do with it. He seemed very biased towards his friend,
which I did not like at all. On top of that,

(15:44):
he lashed out at me for no reason, calling me
a feminist as if it were an insult. Now, I'm
honestly contemplating ending the relationship because of his way of thinking.
Looking back, this was not the first time he voices
dislike for my strong beliefs. He once told me he
liked me because he thought I was very feminine, and
he did not know I was a feminist. For the
longest time, the only thing he complimented on me was

(16:06):
my looks, Almost like I lacked depth as a person.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
Hmmm. I think even given the context of what they
were talking about, Like even if you took all the
gender out of it, and it's just someone said they
were in love with someone else and then turned around
and said they weren't, and now like three days later
they're saying they are. I'd just be like, don't get
back together with that person. That's that person doesn't know

(16:30):
what they want and they think it's you, but I
don't know. Give us some more time, they'll probably flip
it around again.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
Also, my favorite thing is he asked for your opinion
and he did not give that opinion at all to
his friend. He's like, no, that's stupid, even though I
really need an email's perspective on this.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
We often argued because he got upset when I disagreed
with him about certain things. He just did not want
to agree to disagree. I explained many times that we
are not supposed to be the same person or have
the same opinions, but he insisted we should agree on
almost everything because that is how relationships work.

Speaker 4 (17:07):
Eh.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
Wrong, wrong again, my guy.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
He made weird comments over time, but I always stood
up for myself. Most of the time, he acknowledged his
mistakes and apologized, which is why I chose to stay.
He did not try to work on these things and
be better for me. I always chalked up his behavior
to his lack of experience, but now I feel like
I should not be doing that. It shocks me how
he is not a feminist himself, given that he is

(17:31):
a sister who literally took care of him and raised him.
She is an amazing, smart, beautiful woman. I cannot help
but think, how could he not think of his sister
when he says these things about other women. I was
so shocked by his response, and he made it with
so much hostility, I thought he was joking for a minute.
According to him, his friend should try to keep this
girl because she is pretty kind and loving, and it's

(17:54):
hard for someone like his friend to find a girl
like that because he is not that attractive and does
not have many good quality Wow, dang.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Are we gonna see your good qualities anytime soon?

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Here?

Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, you've clearly got the quality of being able to go. Oh, babe,
I'm so sorry. Please forgive me and your girlfriend goes okay,
and then you never change. What a great quality?

Speaker 3 (18:15):
Oh if he does say he is a good boyfriend
and was great throughout our relationship, But lately I have
noticed a shift in his behavior that has me rethinking everything.
He lacks emotional intelligence. A huge part of me believes
I deserve better, but another part tells me that I
cannot find the perfect guy and that is okay. Maybe
I should settle and try to help him become a

(18:36):
better person. Then I tell myself, it is not my
job to fix someone, and I should do better than this.
That is why I'm very conflicted. He does think feminism
is centered around hating men, even though I explain that
it is about equality and that everyone, regardless of their gender,
should be treated the same way. He totally does not

(18:57):
see me for me. He just thinks I'm I'm pretty
and nice and that is about it. There is an update, Dakota, Op.
Come on, like, what would you tell OP if your
friend was in this situation. You knew, OP, and you're
hearing this that, Oh, he only likes me because I'm attractive, I.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Would just go. So then why are you dating it?
Why are you still dating it? Because the moment he
finds someone more attractive than you in his eyes who's
also into him, You're gone. Op.

Speaker 3 (19:26):
There's so many other qualities that are probably really great
about you. You seem like you're very intelligent. You seem
like you're very down to earth. I don't know, you
probably have you know you guys. Probably, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
You're young. That's the thing.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
You're both twenty one, and I feel like you'll find
a partner that you'll be like Wow, it's EON's. EON's
better than this guy. I don't know, just saying we
have an update, I have decided to break up with him, yes,
right now. I told him we should take a break
because I need time to figure things out. But honestly,

(20:00):
I just need that space to build the courage to
end things. My mind is already made up. When I
told him I wanted this break, he freaked out and
asked if I knew what happens when people take breaks,
but I insisted I know. He came across as a
terrible person in my last post. He was not the
worst boyfriend on Earth. He was actually good in many ways.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
He actually can't know if he's the worst boyfriend on
Earth that you've dated every man on Earth. He's probably
not the worst, but he can't be that great.

Speaker 3 (20:26):
He was actually good in many ways. I love spending
time with him because he's funny. He's sweet, loving, and
fun to be around. The main reason I want to
end things is because he does not truly see me
for who I am. He does not understand me, and
he never really tried. I know he loved me in
his own way, but it always felt shallow. I should

(20:48):
clarify that I never got intimate with him, and he
respected my wishes from the beginning. I told him I
was not willing to do anything physical beyond holding hands
and hugging, and he never complained. If I told him
something made me uncomfortable, he apologized immediately and did not
repeat it. He always listened to when I needed to
talk and tried to comfort me in his own way.
I'm saying this not to change anyone's mind, but because

(21:11):
I feel like I owe it to him to admit
that he was good to me.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
In many ways.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
I also genuinely loved him and once saw a future
with him. Unfortunately, I do not see that future anymore.
I realized he only valued me for my looks. I
remember once asking him why he chose me. My answer
for him was that I liked how honest, kind hearted, sweet, supportive,
and respectful he was, and that he celebrated my achievements.
I said he seemed like the type of person I

(21:37):
would want to grow with. His answer to me was
because you're beautiful, and it is hard to find girls
like you nowadays.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
You are everything I want in a wife.

Speaker 3 (21:46):
You would take care of our future family, you know
to cook, and you genuinely care about me. No, Na
one good trade about her besides pretty and that she
can take.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
Care of you.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
You're pretty and you can cook. Pretty wife, take care
of family wife. Dude. This guy is gonna freak out
when he realizes that every idea he has about like
a woman being a wife can just be replaced by
like an AI in a year. Probably this guy's gonna
have an AI wife.

Speaker 3 (22:14):
At first, I laughed, thinking he was joking, but he wasn't.
Something broke inside me then. Though I tried to excuse
it by telling myself he just did not know how
to put his feelings into words, over time I realized
it was just not poor phrasing. He really only cared
about how I looked. I could never have a deep
conversation with him because he simply lacks depth. He hated

(22:36):
feminism and even called me weird for being strong willed,
saying it would not benefit me because I'm not struggling
and no one is bothering me.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
What when an idiot? Dude?

Speaker 3 (22:48):
None of this is true. In university, I often got
treated like I am an idiot because of how I look,
even though I work very hard as a med student.
Some professors treat me with disrespect until they see my
exam results, and then they are surprised I did well.
People assume I'm shallow because I'm pretty. He knew all
of this, but he dismissed it, telling me I should

(23:09):
not fight for my rights or try to earn respect.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
What he yoed? Who is this guy? Who? Where did
they build this guy?

Speaker 3 (23:19):
My boyfriend knew all of this, but he dismissed it,
telling me I should not fight for my rights or
try to earn respect.

Speaker 4 (23:25):
Eh.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
During arguments, he often tried to twist my words, put
words in my mouth, or flipped the situation onto me,
But I always called him out and refused to fall
for his manipulation. Only then he would apologize and own
up to his mistakes. He once told me that he
thought he was the only person in the relationship putting
in effort and that I did not contribute at all,
which completely blew my mind because it was far from

(23:48):
the truth. I also realized that he took my forgiveness
for granted. Sometimes you would not take our arguments seriously
when I tried to resolve things maturely by talking them out.
He knew that at the end of the day.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
I would forget him.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
That was something I could never overlook because I only
offer that kind of forgiveness to people I truly love
and care about. It is a form of vulnerability for me,
and seeing him take it for granted broke my heart.
That was the breaking point for me. I know now
he will never truly understand me or see who I am.
I tried talking to him about this. When I asked
if I if my looks were all he saw in me,

(24:21):
his response was, well, you said everything so obviously, the
things you've said about me and you being a great
future wife. What is that response?

Speaker 1 (24:31):
What is that? What is that response?

Speaker 3 (24:33):
I told him, I feel like he does not understand
me or even try to. He would tell me we
just have different interests, but that's not what I meant.
He's never complimented me on anything except being pretty. Only
recently he called me smart, and that was just because
we got our exam results back to him, I'm just pretty,
just a face. He does not see that I'm kind, funny, understanding,

(24:55):
or smart. In his eyes, I'm just a pretty girl
who was hard to get and those are is exact words.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
He's like, you're like the You're like the equipment from
the video game that takes like the long time to
get You're just a valuable piece of asset.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
He only sees you for like five percent of who
you actually are. Op, You're way more than that. That's insane.
There's a little bit left of the story, but it
seems like, OP, you did the right thing. I just
think you need to find someone who values you for
who you are, not just your face.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Yeah, and it should be easy to find someone who
values you more than this guy.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
And it's probably because you maybe haven't had an experience
with boyfriends really, but you'll find somebody who is like
they'll have same interest as you, you know, agree with you,
but like in a way that you can actually have
a conversation and not be like no when you do
agree on everything. You're going to find someone who's gonna
treat you well and love you for who you are.

(25:57):
Any other words, any words of wisdom over there, mister Payne.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Don't rush into the next relationship super duper fast just
because you find someone who treats you better than your
last guy. That is a low bar. Don't get swept
up in the first next thing that comes to you.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
Yeah, so I finished the story. I also talked to
him about feminism. I explain what feminism actually means, that
it's about equality, that woman should be treated with respect
and that they should get paid the same amount as men.
I asked him if he thought it would be fair
for his sister, who raised him, got paid less than
a man who did the same job, simply because she's

(26:36):
a woman. He said no, but then proceeded to argue
that I am not being harmed by men, that this
does not affect me because no one is doing anything
to hurt or mistreat me. I told him about situations
I had been and where I was effective negatively, but
instead of engaging, he changed the conversation. I tried to
talk to him many times, but he genuinely could not

(26:56):
have a serious or deep conversation. He always said he
did not no and shut down anything that required him
to think for more than a minute because he was
simply a shallow person.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
I've been through.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
Breakups before, and I know I will be just fine
without him, even it makes me sad for now, I
am okay with that, and that is the end of
that story.

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Good. It's just as sad for now sad for now,
much happier for later. Hey it's Sam. We're going to
get back to these stories, but here's three minutes of
ads for our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
My boyfriend tried to control my entire life until I
finally left.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Him, left him in the dust.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
All twenty five female refer to my boyfriend as Xander
thirty one male. He comes from a powerful and wealthy
family in my city, which is relevant. Later things started
off peachey. He was always affable, pleasant and accommodating. However,
I'm starting to realize certain issues which have me questioning
everything yet. Oh now, by the way, this comes from China,

(27:56):
Red Flag BF and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slashy storytime Separate it.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
I'm Carly, and we try to give our best advice.
But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so
if you have, let us know what you would do
in the comments. But Opie says incident number one, he
got mad at me because he felt I wasn't appreciating
an expensive gift. He got me a specialized tech gadget
which cost about four thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Okay, that's pricey. Was it something you actually wanted?

Speaker 2 (28:31):
I was surprised by it, as I'd never mentioned any
inclination towards this gadget. I'm not very tech savvy at all,
and he'd never asked me about it. Also, this gadget
requires a lot of time and practice to use. I
was concerned that it had cost so much. If I
had known, I would have told him to get me
something less expensive. Anyway, I still thanked him and said

(28:53):
that I appreciated it very much. A week later, he
asked me if I had used it yet. I answered no,
but would eventually get around to it. He got upset
and repeatedly asked me if he had just wasted his time, effort,
and money, and told me that if that was the case,
I should just dump the thing.

Speaker 1 (29:10):
He's like, I spent four thousand dollars on the most
high quality theorem in what he can buy?

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Why was that the first thing I thought about? Too?

Speaker 1 (29:19):
A theramist.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
I was gonna say a theramin instead of a island,
but I was like, ah, people won't get it.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Because we want with therem and folks.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
With therem and folk, we we're just shimple fan themmin
folk trying to make our way in the world. He's like,
you just don't understand why the theremin's just sound like
you're humming. What I could?

Speaker 1 (29:44):
I could?

Speaker 2 (29:44):
I could do that for free.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yeah, we don't even need it theramy anymore. We can
just make the noise.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Incident number two, he blew up at me when I
was at the gym at midnight. Fitness is very important
to me, so I always make sure to go to
the gym consistently. I usually go right after work, which
ends at six pm. However, sometimes life happens and I
go later. One day, I went at ten thirty pm.
Before I left, I told him I was heading to
the gym, and he said okay, then silence, so I

(30:12):
assumed he was doing his own thing. I was done
around midnight, checked my phone and there were twelve missed
calls from him. I immediately called him back. He demanded
to know why I hadn't been answering my phone. Didn't
I know what time it was, Didn't I know what
sort of impression it was giving for me to be
around other half unclothed, sweaty guys this late, and that

(30:34):
he was too old to be chasing his girl around
in the middle of the night. I'm not your girl anymore.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Then I was at the gym idiot.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
I was honestly shocked because when we started dating, I
would tell him when I went to the gym late,
and he didn't have any issues. I think he's projecting
and he's cheating on you. Probably incident number three, he
told me he didn't feel attractive when I asked if
we could reschedule to one hour later. We planned to
meet up on Saturday afternoon. On Friday night, he called

(31:05):
me and we ended up talking until three am. Because
of that, I overslept on Saturday. I texted him, telling
him I overslapt and would probably take an hour more
to come over. He told me that he felt I
didn't seem interested in him or our relationship anymore, and
that he was the only enthusiastic one. I tried to
tell him that wasn't the case. I just needed some
mean time. It's the weekend and my only time to

(31:27):
sleep in, but he still told me he didn't feel
loved in this relationship. For context, we usually see each
other one day during the work week and I spend
the weekend. It hits Incident number four. He got mad
when I talked to another guy on our holiday tour.
We signed up for an eight to nine hour tour.
Another guy around our age was traveling alone, and Xander

(31:48):
got talking with him about work, sports, and current issues.
They seemed to like each other well. I was happy
that Xander had made a friend and just let them
be At the end when we were heading back, I
also got into conversation with this guy about what he
thought of the tour, what else he was going to
do on this trip, et cetera. All along my conversations,
Xander kept butting in, asking me abrupt, irrelevant questions completely

(32:13):
unrelated to my conversation, so I wasn't very responsive as
I was engaged. When we got back, Xander told me
that he felt I ignored him and was more interested
in the other guy than spending time with him. He
also said that if we had been back home, he
would have told the guy to get lost so we
could spend time together. But because we were in a

(32:33):
foreign country, if the guy had reacted badly and they
had gotten into a fight, we would be screwed because
nobody knew of him or his family there. I'm sorry.
He was saying that he was going to use his
family's prestige. He's like, if.

Speaker 4 (32:48):
I if we were back home, I'd just told that
man to get lost. Don't you know the do the
smithsa If we were back home, I would have had
that man thrown into a ravine and nebody would have
stuck there.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
I would have him thrown into the People who speak
out against my family reveal don't you know him?

Speaker 2 (33:06):
My mommy is.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
Don't you know my father's the dentist in this town.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
Don't you know my father runs the only dentist office.

Speaker 2 (33:17):
I come from a long line of dentists.

Speaker 1 (33:19):
Don't you know If he would have done that in
my hometown, I would have taken his teeth.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
My father will hear about this.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
My father will be undoing your teeth.

Speaker 2 (33:27):
Incident number five, he was getting me to apply sunblock
on him because he didn't want to get his hands dirty.
It started with him asking me to put sun block
on his back, which I'm okay with since he can't
reach normal. Yeah. Then he told me I should do
the rest, which I found princessy but did anyway. By
the third day, I was tired of it and told

(33:49):
him he should sunblock.

Speaker 1 (33:50):
Himself, and on the third day, I decree, I'm sorry,
will sunblock thyself.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yeah, he made you put sun block on his whole
body for three days.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
Well after day one he's like, I guess this is
the program.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
You just do it so well. I would help with
his back, but he could do the rest on his own.
He said, but my hands.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Will get dirty. What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (34:14):
And I responded, oh, so it's okay for me to
get my hands dirty, but not you. He made a
face and said, well, this is new. I've never dated
a girl like this. I still stuck to my pupews
and did not apply some block on the rest of him.
Incident number six, he told me that my past bothered him.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Oh, break up with me. Yeah, break up with me then.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
By when I was younger, I was very sheltered and religious.
A few years ago, I realized I had no clue
about dating or being physically intimate. As a result, I
ended up hooking up casually for a while before realizing
casual isn't for me. I focused on dating to know
someone better without sleeping with them. I was honest with
Xander about this phase before I met him. At the time,

(34:57):
He seemed okay and told me he had done similarly
or in college. However, recently he told me that it's
different for guys than it is for girls, and that
what I had done bothered him. I countered that I
had been honest. It was a while ago, and I'm
comfortable with who I am today. If this was an
issue for him, he shouldn't have gotten into a relationship

(35:18):
with me. I told him that if he couldn't get
past this, he could move on. Yep, bye, Incident number seven.
He sort of broke up with me, but didn't follow through.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
Girl, where is that with him? Pick your self? Respect up?

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Off?

Speaker 1 (35:35):
Poor god? Dang it.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
When I told him he could move on if he
couldn't get past my spicy related history, he paused and said,
well I did try. I asked, does this mean work done?
And he said I guess. He started to leave, and
I told him to take care and all the best.
As he gathered his stuff, he kept saying, I'm sorry
we couldn't make it work. And I did really have
a good time.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
Wow, he was saying all values he'd be like, I'm
sorry I could make it work. I mean, I really
did have a great time.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
With you oooo. I said, you don't have to apologize
or try to make me feel better. It's fine. Really.
He hesitated and said, are we both sure this is
what we both want? I said, well, it seems like
it's what you want to which he said, no, it's
no what I want. I thought it was what you wanted. What?

Speaker 3 (36:23):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (36:23):
Literally said, I don't think I can get over your
past and he said, okay, well my past isn't going anywhere.
And he said, well maybe this is over.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
Yeah, and let's say, thinking rich family can build a
time machine, my past is where it's at. And he goes, oh, wait,
but are we sure we both want this? I'd be
like I do now, you absolute puffoon, get out of
my face.

Speaker 2 (36:47):
I meant that if he couldn't get past my history,
he could move on, but otherwise I was willing to continue.
We eventually didn't break up.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (36:56):
After that, he told me that it bothered him that
I could have let things go so easily. You're the one,
You're the one who said I want to move on.
So I don't know, am I being irrational or is
this legit? Are we still getting used to each other?
And can we make this work? And there is an update.
Oh what do you say to Gotta?

Speaker 1 (37:15):
I would rather you date a sea urchin. Yeah, I
would rather you get overly attached to a eccentric hobby
like speed cubing or cup stacking.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
I would rather you were on that show, my strange.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
I would rather you to like a lamp, not date
this guy.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
Yeah. Pretty simple, Pretty simple.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Date the lamp, date the lamp update.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
After making the post, I reevaluated the relationship and had
a talk with Xander. Against my better judgment, I decided
to give him another chance. Ah the incident that was
the straw that broke the camel's back. Last Sunday, I
asked if we could spend Friday night together to get
an early start to the weekend. He said he would
let me know about his Monday. I received a dinner

(38:02):
invite for Friday from good friends. Since Sander hadn't confirmed
his schedule, I assumed things were still up in the air,
so I accepted. I informed Xander that I would be
doing dinner with my friends and would meet him a
couple hours later than initially suggested.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
He lived out how many double triple, quadruple front flip backflip?
What are we talking.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
About at least one. He demanded to know who's so
important and I was good to meet. He asked if
a frivolous dinner with mere friends meant more to me
than spending time with my significant other. I responded that
of course I valued my significant other, but there were
other people I liked to have in my life. He
told me I could go date those people. Then he
went on about how I was incredibly disrespectful towards his

(38:45):
time and that I was jerking him around. I told
him I didn't CEO that counted as disrespectful since it
was only Monday and the invite was for Friday. I
was keeping him updated way in advance so he could
plan his time. It wasn't like I was pushing Playsan's
back last minute or canceling.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
Now he's like, oh, wow, you have friends that you're
gonna hang out with. Great. He just wants control, he
wants he just wants to be able to control you
and dictate whatever you're doing.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
Salvaging this is like trying to salvage the wreckage of
the Titanic. It's just better off while leave a dying
dormant at the bottom of the ocean.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
But Opie continues. I told him that since he hadn't
gotten back to me on a schedule, I had the
impression we weren't confirmed, so I accepted the invite. I
also said that from my point of view, when I
make plans with someone for the whole weekend and they
push things back a couple hours, it wouldn't be a
big deal to me, so I didn't see why he
was being so drastic. He then said to enjoy myself

(39:45):
with my friends and that he hoped the dinner would
be worth the cost of our relationship. I responded, Okay,
there's still some stuff that both of us have at
each other's places, so we're meeting up later this week
to return things, and there is a second update five
days later.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
Just swear if this update ends with you all getting
back together.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Well, it says the exchange went smoothly, so not a
great start. As per suggestions, I went with a friend
who's a semi pro MMA fighter.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Wow, that was a suggestion.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Danner seemed pretty upset and was being really nice to
me and wanted to hug it out when we met,
I grabbed my stuff, dropped his, and left. Oh, I
guess they are bringing up Yes, I gave that four
thousand dollars gadget back, not interested in keeping any remnants
of him around or giving any possible reason for him
to contact me again. And that's the end of that story.

(40:36):
My parents hit my stepsister for years until I accidentally
found out you.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
Just found the hiding spot after all this time. She's like,
I've been playing hide and seek for so long my
whole life.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
So let me clarify. I'm writing this out of confusion
and crap. I twenty eight love my parents. They've always
been great to me, loved me and supported me. They've
been staying with me and my wife since we had
a baby to help out, and if I'm being honest,
it has been a great help having them around. By
the way, this comes from never told of Sister, And

(41:10):
if you want to smit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay storytime severed it.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Carly, and.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
We try to give what that's not right pretty soon,
and we try to give our best advice. But we
haven't been through all of these situations ourselves. So if
you have, let us know what you would do in
the comments. Yesterday, my dad asked me to get the
mail from his place after work so he could pay
his bills. Well, I got the mail and most of

(41:38):
it was bills and ads, but there was one actual letter.
He apparently threw it out, but my wife noticed it
in the trash and read it. She didn't know what
it was when she saw it. She brought it to
me and it was addressed to my dad as father.
So obviously my half sister. She's pregnant and asking for
money because it's harder for her to make it and

(42:00):
she just wants to support her baby. I confronted my
parents and yeah, she's twenty one ish, born from my
dad's affair. He gave her money until she graduated. The
title is inaccurate. It would be half sister Ah. She
writes some letters. She's apparently not in college because she's broke,
and he thinks she's spicy dancing or doing spicy sleepwork.

(42:25):
He doesn't even know for sure. He just told me
he's done supporting her and she isn't his responsibility. We
talked more about it for half an hour. My mom
was quiet and my dad has never been like that.
I don't even know the word to describe how he was.
It just made me so effing angry. I made them
leave right there, without even talking, without even taking their things,

(42:46):
without even taking their things back, because it feels like
my fault. I have a sister out there who's living
like garbage while I'm out here enjoying my life. After
looking into her a bit more, I talked to two
cousins two hours ago and both divided on if I
did the right thing. One cousin thinks I was an
a hole for making my parents leave without okay, without

(43:06):
talking things through or even making a plan, But her
sister thinks I did the right.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Thing talking things through and making a plan. The guy said,
she's not my responsibility. What are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (43:17):
Ohp was given OPI just on out he has a
half sister he didn't know about, and that his dad
had an affair. I think I think they're allowed to
be a little shocked and say can you please leave?

Speaker 1 (43:28):
We can have a grace period for that.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
I don't think that's an a whole move. I think
that's just I'm in shock and I just found out you.
I don't even know you guys. My wife told me
she's staying out of it since she regrets reading somebody
else's mail. I just don't know myself. I feel like
an a hole for making my parents leave because I
love them so much, But at the same time, I
feel so mad over the situation. Well, I guess, I

(43:51):
guess I see what they're saying in that they were
living there, so I guess it's like a little bit
more of a get out, like you can't stay here anymore.
But still I think that's a valid reaction. I would
just need like way more context.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Yeah, yeah, because it's like, I don't know, she's sent
a letter asking for money, she's pregnant. It seems like
a pretty crazy move to just be like, I'm going
to completely disregard her right now and refuse to help
her whatsoever. Also, I feel some kind of prior something.

Speaker 2 (44:22):
Yeah. I also feel like it's kind of awful that
he's kind of framing this as, oh, she's always asking
for money. She's only twenty one. That's kind of reasonable
age to be still asking parents for money at it.
Since people are wondering if my mom knew because she
was so quiet she knew everything. Oh and top and
relevant comments next, Lengthiness says, I'm a bit torn on

(44:45):
this one, but ultimately everyone sucks here. Your wife for
reading something that wasn't addressed to her, your parents for
not telling you about it once you were old enough,
and you for kicking your parents out without even letting
them gather their things again. I feel like that's how
of a justified a whole move, Opie says, to clarify
about my wife, she didn't see the envelope. She saw

(45:06):
the letter in the recycling not that she thinks it
makes it better, but she didn't go out of her
way to open unopened envelope. Miserable Key says, not the
A hole reddit is such a weird place. I don't
get how people are coming up with these. Everyone sucks.
Her responses, your wife snooping through private mail isn't exactly
the best thing to be doing, But I don't know
how that is bad compared to a man cutting his

(45:27):
daughter out of his life for over two decades without
telling his own son.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
Wait, yeah, because how old is Opie is older?

Speaker 2 (45:35):
Oh? He's older. I don't because it was a fair
after it so.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Not only was it a product of an affair, and
also op he didn't even know about the affair.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
Yeah, OPI he didn't know about the affair. It's about
the sister. Come on, okay, Smell says Ope. Did it
not occur to you that keeping this secret was intended
to protect you?

Speaker 4 (45:54):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (45:54):
I hate that argument. Your parents were well aware that
your father did wrong, but having an affair child in
your life would not have been pleasant for you when
you were a child. Your father and mother probably did
not want this behavior to be normalized by introducing the
concepts of affairs, children out of wedlock, et cetera. When
you were seven years old.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
They don't have to explain it's seven, you goofball.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
I don't doubt that many of this young woman's problems
started with the shaky family structure his actions produced. But really,
what would not keeping the secret have looked like and
felt like in your childhood. Sometimes when people do something bad,
they have to carry on as best they can.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
This is just like a commenter who did the exact
same thing.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Yeah, your mother had a choice too, and she probably
didn't punt dad to the curb for your benefit so
you could grow up in a stable family. There really
was no ideal solution here, and OPI says, Okay, what
about when I turned eighteen? What about when I turned
twenty two? What about twenty six? I found out at
twenty eight because my wife saw a letter in the
recycling Yeah, pee, yeah, tell them.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
Yeah, get them, tell them?

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Were they got to t tell me at thirty two,
at thirty six, forty fifty. It hasn't been for my
benefit for ten years. I must say, justified, you're the
a hole one hundred percent. Get where you're coming from.
I'd be disappointed in my parents and also feel guilty
for him helping me and ignoring her. I don't think
you should have kicked them out since they are helping you.

(47:19):
We also just had a baby, and my mom lived
with us slash now babysitting since moving out, which A
they don't have to do, and b is a lot
of work and inconvenience on their part. Grand's kids are
supposed to be the easy ones for them. I feel
like it would be I would be so I don't know.
I'd have so many mixed feelings if my parents were

(47:40):
helping with my kid and then I find out that
they have another, or like my dad has another kid
that he just didn't help.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
With yeah, it'd just be like it's like oh, and
then it's like oh, yeah, well she's you know, and
then trying to be like yeah, I oh no, she's
like a mess. She's like a spicy dancer worker or whatever. Probably,
and it's like, gee, wouldn't it have been maybe better
if she had a little more stability in her life,
maybe some kind of father maybe.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
So I get your anger, but there's got to be
a better way to get a satisfactory result without burning
your bridges with him, and Opie says, why do I
deserve this help? Though he's not giving it to his daughter.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
That does that. Yeah, I think that the whole point
of this post is op he's having a moral conundrum
of being like, now I feel guilty by by just
virtue of existing with my parents.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
What did I do to deserve it? Other than being
born to the right woman. Mister Hamman says, everyone sucks here.
That's a heck of a lot for you to take
on board in a short space of time, So can't
harsh it too much. For the gut reaction, I don't
think it was the best reaction though from your dad's reaction,
he seems pretty cold, But then there's twenty one years
of history, so maybe he does have a reason other

(48:51):
than indifference.

Speaker 1 (48:52):
I don't know if there's twenty one years of history, buddy,
he's barely seen his daughter. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
He could just be that cold. Hopefully you can talk
this one through, and OPI says, he's never been this cult.
He's never even been like a man's man type of
guy either. He was a loving, caring guy. And I
know that might seem odd, but he was kind of
like boiled from Brooklyn nine nine. If it helps, if
I just can't get my head around it. But there
is an update six months later. Do you have any

(49:20):
thoughts before we get into that.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
No, I think I've been saying them in a stream of
consciousness style.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
Agreed.

Speaker 1 (49:25):
I think it's kind of crazy that everyone's being like, well,
you know, you shouldn't have kicked out your parents. It's like,
I mean, are they on a fixed income? Can they
not get like a hotel room?

Speaker 3 (49:34):
Like?

Speaker 1 (49:34):
Can they not?

Speaker 2 (49:34):
It's not like you're making them homeless entire Yeah?

Speaker 1 (49:37):
Are they entirely helpless? Right now?

Speaker 3 (49:39):
Like?

Speaker 2 (49:39):
Yeah, six months later, I want to thank everyone who
said go talk to my parents. That's the first thing
I did. I went to their place and tried to
talk to them, but it was frustrating, and my mom
got angry when I said I was going to reach
out to my sister. She asked why I cared, and
I got upset and told her because she taught me to.
My dad saw me out after that and surprised me

(50:01):
by telling me he was proud of me for being
a better man than him. That was weird. Anyway, my
wife reached out to my sister Anna, and she agreed
to meet. We went with my cop friend Joe, because
you never know. We met Anna in her apartment and
it's in a rough side of town. It's tiny and
a crap place to live. And as a small, quiet

(50:23):
girl who works in a library, she reminded me of.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
My grand She's in like a sitcom scenario. She lives
in the rough part of town, she works at the library.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
And she's just and she reminds of he of his grandmother.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
She claims she's only a waitress at a spicy club
to make ends meet. Obviously she can't do it now.
She says she's failed like her mom, and the best
thing she can do is have her kids succeed. She
said she just wanted cash to take pregnancy classes. I
would be even more mad at my dad after this interaction. Yeah,
I gave her my number and in cash, of which

(51:01):
she gave a lot back right away. That night, my
wife asked if I could let Anna move in because
she felt heartbroken.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Wow, that seems like a little bit too quick of
a job.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
Yeah. I gave Anna the offer, but she refused and
said she won't take advantage of us. This seems like
a really great person based off of this very little
information I have. But about a month later, she phoned
me crying and said there's black mold in her building
and she asked to go. She came to us with
barely anything, just clothes, a wallet, a toothbrush, and a
sack of old books. Since then, she's been sad and

(51:34):
really alone because she thinks she's taking advantage. She tries
to help with tours a lot and always apologizes. She's
only happy when she plays with our baby. And now
you have a new babysitter. You got rid of your parents,
and now you have a new person out with a baby.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yeah, and you saved her from the black mole win Win.

Speaker 2 (51:49):
It was her birthday a few days ago, and she
asked if we get her cupcakes. It was like she
expected me to say note, but my wife went and
got them in a whole dairy queen cake while I
got her the box set of the Expanse books.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
Those were books.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
I don't even know what that is.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
It's like a sci fi series, but I'm.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
Gotta check that out. She started crying and hugged us
both when she saw everything on the living room table.
For in the days since, she seemed happier, and I
won't lie. I'm worried for her, but I do think
stability has helped her. As for my parents, my mom
refuses to come as long as she is there, so
I visit her with a baby. Sometimes my dad refuses

(52:25):
to go because he says he's ashamed he should be.
On the other hand, my wife's parents told me they
are more proud of me than ever. There is a
little bit left to this story, But do you have
any final thoughts?

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Your dad's a coward.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
Your dad's a coward, and you're a really great person.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Yeah, And it was you were justified in being like, yeah,
I don't know who you are anymore. I literally thought
you were someone and then we had a conversation, and
now I don't know you anymore, so you're gonna have
to get out of my house. Yeah, and that was
totally fair.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
Very emotional comment from Op. Thank you. I guess A
big question that ran through my mind was how on
earth am I ever going to be able to say
that I've been a good father. If I can't be
a good brother, what lesson am I teaching my child?
I needed to help my sister. I hate that we
grew up apart. I hate that she's had such a
miserable life. Honestly, a few weeks ago, I showed her

(53:18):
my favorite movie for a few dollars more, and I
do hope that helped her understand that she's my sister
and I will always try to do good by her
from now on. So thank you so much. It means
everything to hear someone tell me I'm a good brother,
and de Justa Verre says, at least your dad got
one thing right. You're a better man than he is.

(53:39):
And special shout out to your wife for opening her
home and heart to this woman who is essentially a
stranger to her. I hope you take some time to
show her how much you appreciate her support in this.
All three of you are very lucky to have each other.
And that's the end of the story. I'm really glad
that it turned out like that.

Speaker 1 (53:57):
I am too. You know what, it's good end.

Speaker 2 (53:59):
It's a good end. Me too.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
Sounds like the good parts found each other. Yeah, and
the parts that I mean, you can try to come
back from that, but you'll never do it until you
take accountability. Yeah, and responsibility instead of just being like, oh,
I'm so ashamed, I can't. I could never.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Yeah, that's the thing. Hope he's never gonna be able
to have like the same relationship with his parents, and
especially not if the dad never acknowledges that he Papa
has this kid.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
Papa acknowledge your daughter. Hey, it's John here. We're gonna
get back to the stories. Put a quick three minute
ad break from our sponsors that keep the show going.
I stole my necklace from my mother because she refused
to give it back.

Speaker 2 (54:39):
That's mine.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
When I twenty nine female was adopted from China, my
grandma bought a really pretty pearl necklace and gave it
to my parents with a note stating it was for
me and that it was intended to be worn on
my wedding day. It had sat in my mom's curio
cabinet for years, and I was really excited to be
able to wear it when the time came. By the way,

(55:01):
this comes from user no Platform fourteen eighteen, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay story time so Breddit.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
And we are here to give good advice googly, but
we don't have all the answers. We only know what
we would do in a given situation, so if you
do something different, let us know in the comments. Op says, Unfortunately,
I was unable to wear it on my wedding day
because it was lost in storage and my parents either
couldn't find it or didn't look where I said it

(55:34):
should be. Anyway, my parents bought a new house in
the past year, so it's out of storage and back
in the curio cabinet. So I would like it back,
as I'd like to wear it on date nights with
my husband or for our anniversary, but my mom is
refusing to give it to me. She doesn't see why
I should have it and why I want it now,

(55:55):
five years after my wedding. She just likes how it
looks in her display of things she got in China.
Was never her necklace? Well, is she gonna make another
box and put you in there?

Speaker 2 (56:05):
That's icky.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
I don't like that things. Oh, here's all the things
I got from China. You and also my daughter.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Yikes.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Ope, he says it was never her necklace. It was
always mine. My mom knows this and knows that my grandmother,
who is still alive, if that matters, wanted me to
have it for my wedding. If I ask her to
bring it to me if she ever visits, I'm sure
she'll conveniently forget it the way she has done so
in the past. My mom has a habit of manipulating
me with claims forgetting key discussions we've had, then bringing

(56:37):
those things up again when we're in front of other
people she thinks will peer pressure me into giving in
to her. My idea is to steal it back the
next time my family visits my parents. I would have
a conversation and politely ask for the necklace and see
how it goes. If my mother chooses not to let
me have it. I would wait until the last night,
and when everyone's asleep, I would take the necklace and

(56:59):
the note and replace it with a different put necklace,
just to see if she can even tell the difference.
I don't need the box it comes in, so that
can stay. It would be only the necklace and the
note that leave with me. Would I be the a hole?

Speaker 2 (57:13):
No? No, your mom is an a whole for taking
like a familial tie from you. That's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
Yeah. Additional context, the grandma is my adoptive paternal grandma.
She and I have always had an understanding with each other,
and we've been close since I lived with her for
a summer when I was twenty one. I think I
remember her asking about it on my wedding day and
I just had to tell her that it was lost
in storage. Like my parents said, I was adopted from
an orphanage and have no paperwork about my biofamily. I

(57:44):
don't even know my real birthday. I've always had a
sense that my mom creates these scenarios and plans in
her head for other people and the way she wants
them to behave When those things don't happen, either because
the people don't want to or because she didn't actually
tell anyone she was expecting a specific outcome.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
She freaks.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
She really is the main character and everyone else is
the supporting cast. She's always been like this since I
was little, and it's not likely to change. She has
a learning disability and cannot read or write past an
eighth grade level, and she struggles with her mental health
due to her thyroid problems. I doubt she would have
the presence of mind to switch them herself, and I

(58:24):
also don't believe she'd take me to court over it.
Her mom was the same way with her, so that
she's that way with me. For example, her mom had
a set of end tables that belonged to my mother
for years, and she would not give them up until
my parents bought the house therein Now. Her mom would say,
you have no use for them. You know, you don't
have a space in your house. Blah blah blah blah.

(58:45):
It's not worth going to small claims court because it's
a pretty simple necklace that wouldn't be worth the court fees.
It's a single strand of pearls with a goldfishook style
class it's max worth is one hundred fifty to two
hundred bucks. But it's just the principle that bothers me,
especially because it's just one example of the many manipulative
and underhanded things my mom does to me. We don't
talk much because of this, and I see my parents

(59:07):
once a year maybe. And there is an update. I mean,
do the Indiana Jones heist? Yeah, pull a little Oceans
eleven clists.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
I mean it's no, I was wrong about it being
a family heirloom, but it's still important to you, and
it still was given to you by your adoptive grandmother.
So go get your necklace.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Yeah. So update, not exciting news per se, but an update. Nonetheless,
I've received some information that clarifies the ownership of the
pearl necklace. So what happened was my parents bought it
in China and then gifted it to my paternal grandma,
who then wrote up her note stating she wanted to

(59:51):
give it to me for my wedding day. The necklace
was then handed back to my parents for safe keeping,
and I was shown it multiple times and told the
story throughout my life. Now my parents are going to
be visiting my family and me this coming week for
five days, arriving tomorrow. Today, I was texting my dad
and I casually asked if he could bring some of
the other things of mine my parents had held onto

(01:00:13):
for all these years that I left at home when
I moved out. They had been buried in storage when
my parents moved, so it wasn't possible to retrieve them
until now. I also asked if they could bring the
necklace with them, and here's how the conversation went. I
told my dad that they could give me whatever things
of mine they wanted to clear out of the garage,
since I was sure there were a few boxes, and

(01:00:35):
also my pearl necklace. He replied that Mom wanted to
keep the necklace because she had it displayed with all
the nice things they bought in China. I explained that
I was really disappointed when I couldn't have the pearls
for my wedding like I was supposed to, and I
wanted them back because they meant a lot to me.
They were from Grandma, and I was worried we didn't
have much time left with her. My dad said he understood,

(01:00:56):
but he remembered that they had bought the necklace in
China and didn't call Mom ever giving it to Grandma.
He asked me to understand that Mom was heartbroken when
she couldn't find the necklace for my wedding. He said
it was all she talked about leading up to that day,
and now she had it displayed with the note Grandma
gave her saying it was meant for me on my
wedding day. He thanked me for understanding and said he
just didn't like it. When Mom and I argued, I

(01:01:18):
told him Grandma wouldn't have written that note if it
wasn't her necklace to pass down to me. She bought
it and wanted me to have it. I wasn't asking
for something that wasn't mine. I pointed out that it
really seemed like Mom cared more about her curio cabinet
display than about my feelings. I said, I didn't like
arguing with her either, but she often made decisions with
her head that affected both of us and then expected

(01:01:41):
me to honor them for whatever reason she had. It
didn't create a healthy dynamic between us. My dad replied
that Mom had bought the necklace and given it to Grandma,
and Grandma was just passing it on. I said that
did not make it mom's and it didn't make it
okay for her to withhold it, But I told him
I wouldn't fight about it anymore. Then he said Mom
was hoping to give the necklace to my firstborn daughter

(01:02:03):
for her wedding day.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Just give it to Opie.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
Just give me the necklace.

Speaker 2 (01:02:09):
I'll give it to her. Let's cut out, cut out you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
I told my dad that was really messed up. Mom
was withholding the necklace from me so she could give
it to my child later, which meant I would never
get to have the necklace my grandma gave me. This
heirloom was going to skip me completely just because Mom
wanted to display it like a trophy and then have
a moment with her grandkids someday. At that point, my
dad shut me down and he told me arnough wasn't

(01:02:34):
enough and that I shouldn't worry about it, and that
I obviously didn't understand or care about Mom's feelings. Then
he ended it by saying they would bring the necklace.
So now I have a very awkward week long visit
from my parents to look forward to starting tomorrow. I
low key wish I hadn't asked this time and just
taken them when we were planning to see them next
at Christmas. All that's happened is now I've made the
whole trip awkward and it's going to feed into Christmas too.

(01:02:57):
But at the same time, conflict blade is conflick magnified.
My parents have a lot of beef with me and
the choices I've made as an adult for myself and
my kids. I'm just not doing things the way they
had thought I would, and I understand that must be
hard when the things you imagine for years don't actually
work out in reality. We have a little bit more

(01:03:19):
story left. I don't think it's really you that have
made things all now.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
They literally refuse to give you your necklace and then made
a whole fuss back and they were like, fine, if
you really if this necklace is such a big deal,
it's their fault. They're the a holes.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
And why is it? Why is all this happening like
through dad instead of mom? That's yeah, where is she
to take accountability? I think if they bring the necklace
and give it back to you, just be like extra thankful,
being like, oh, like, I'm so glad that you gave
this back. After all this time, it's so great, thank
you so much, Like you know, I'm so glad. Like

(01:03:58):
just like you know, use the like to go high
when they're trying to go low and be like, wow,
just all you care about is the necklace. You don't
even care about your mother's feelings. Be like I'm so sorry,
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah, just
do that. And you know, because it's ridiculous for them
to try to paint you as like the.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
Bad guy in wanting your own necklace.

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
So I just can't keep up this dynamic with them.
It's exhausting and unfair to everyone, including my kids. I
just don't know what to do. Really, there are lots
of conversations that need to be had, but I think
my parents don't want to talk about it because they
think I will remove them from my life, where they're
bummed that reconciliation won't include me rolling back my choices

(01:04:43):
and boundaries, which aren't even insane by the way, Like
my only big ones are don't kiss my kids and
don't feed them a ton of sugar and dies seems
pretty reasonable.

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
It seems reasonable. And don't steal my.

Speaker 1 (01:04:56):
Jewelry and don't steal them the pearls. It's just us.
Been a long road with my folks, and I had
a lot of issues when I left the house and
got married. I guess we'll just see if they bring
the necklace. If they do, they're gonna be very misalty
about it, and it'll ruin this visit and probably Christmas.
If they don't bring it, I'll just be taking it

(01:05:18):
in December and that trip will be ruined too. Hooray
for navigating relationships with your parents as an adult. And
that's the end of that story. However, I would just
like to say I don't think it has to ruin
both of the trips. I think if you just brute
force happiness over them, they will just give up. Like

(01:05:39):
if they're pity party and like raining on your parade
or whatever you want to call it, like just doesn't
get to you. I think that they'll just give up.

Speaker 2 (01:05:48):
Every time you, yeah, every time you see them, you're like,
oh my god, you're ranging the necklace, the like thank
you so much. I know it was such a I
know it's really hard for you to give it up,
but I just.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Write it and I'm so glad I love it so
much on a necklace. All this time, I finally can
wear the necklace. I love it so much. Thank you.
And I will be passing it down to my child
and I'll tell them that I got it from that
it's from their grandma and my grandma, their great grandma, Like,
thank you so much for passing this, I really appreciate blah.
And if they're still salty, then you just be like, Hey,

(01:06:20):
is there something else besides the necklace that we should
talk about.

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
Yeah,

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