My boyfriend’s parents DISAPPROVE of me… so I want them out of my baby’s life! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.
But before you rock out with your socks out, I
got a quick chuming an ad break from a sponsors
keeping the show rocking and rolling. My boyfriend's parents disapprove
of me, so I want them out of my baby's life.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
No approval, no baby.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
By the way, this comes direct from the Okay Storytime shubreddit.
It's one of us, one.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Of us, one of us, one of us.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
I Kia thirty eight female, and my boyfriend Connor twenty
seven male, are currently pregnant, severely pregnant. Our relationship has
been a rocky one, but never without love. By the way,
this comes from user verdict accepted And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subreddit where this story was submitted.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
I'm Kyle, and we're all here.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
To give good advice goofily, but we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we would do in
any given situation. So if you would do something different,
let us know in the comments. Opie says, for a
whole lot of background context. We met at work, a
big name logistics company, and worked side by side. Everyone

(01:17):
called us the dream team because of how well we
complimented each other's working styles. I'm small and petite and
he is tall and strong. Where I could fit into
the nooks and crannies and do the work down low,
he could handle the things up high. It worked for
us and we became friends. After three months of friendship,
our relationship escalated. We started dating when Connor was twenty

(01:39):
one and I was thirty two. Our relationship was wonderful.
Fast forward about three months later. I was injured at
work and could no longer continue working for the same company.
Connor would still come over while I was healing and
help me, taking care of me, getting me anything I needed,
and even just hanging out with me while I was
completely incapacitated. He was the ideal partner. Fast forward again

(02:02):
two years and tragedy struck. My grandmother passed away due
to neglect of diabetes, and he was still there for me,
going strong. My father, Matt fifty four at the time,
blamed me for his mother's passing, saying I should have
been more aware of her condition. Mind you my grandmother's
own husband. My grandfather wasn't aware of her condition as

(02:25):
she hid it away from all of us. We only
had insight after receiving the coroner's certificate. Well, Matt decided
to go into cahoots with my bio mom, who left
us when I was around the age of two, to
have me move with her across the country. Connor and
I tried to make a long distance relationship work, but

(02:46):
ultimately it became too difficult with us both working in
him also attending college, balancing friendships and home life. It
was me who ended the relationship as I felt neglected
and just wanted him to be able to concentrate on
his life and continue to succeed. I mean, the age
gap was probably gonna make that hard to anyway, especially
if he's going to school, Like I feel like he's
gonna get in there and be like, wait a minute,

(03:08):
I don't know if I'm ready for this kind of
relationship right now.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
That's probably what it is.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
I think they're gonna get back together, though.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Let's see only one I wanted to find out.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
We still kept a friendship as the split was not mutual,
but still amicable. A little less than A year later,
I moved back after receiving a phone call from Connor
where he seemed distressed about a girl he was seeing,
not dating. It upset me to the point that I
couldn't stand to see him hurt and not receive the
love he deserved. I decided then to make the three

(03:41):
day drive back across the country and left less than
a week later. I pushed to see him in person
when I got back. He wasn't sure about it, as
to be expected since our breakup had really hurt his feelings.
About a month later, we decided to meet up for
some spices sleep. Two months later, a tragedy struck again
when my best friend of twenty five years was in

(04:01):
a car accident and lost her life. He was there
for me and accompanied me to her services when I
spoke her eulogy, and stayed with me as I fell
into a depression. Another four months passed and I was
in a car accident where I was rear ended by
an intoxicated driver. I was in the hospital for four days.
When I awoke, he was the first face I saw.

(04:23):
He was there. He helped me with walking again and
helped me go to the bathroom and was absolutely amazing,
a wonderful friend I am eternally grateful for. We continued
being friends with benefits on and off for the next
year and a half. He saw people in between, and
I attempted dating as well, which didn't work out for
either of us. We decided to see each other exclusively.

(04:44):
I was still so in love with him that I
constantly asked him to define the relationship, to which he
was hesitant, understandably so. As my patients grew thin when
it came to defining what where we stood, I started
to distance myself. It just hurts so much to love
someone and feels so unsteady in the relationship. Unrequited feelings

(05:06):
would have you constantly guessing. As I started finally being
able to go without speaking to him, I found out
I was pregnant. Oh boy, the complicated cherry on top. Yes,
so this is where everything starts. He was hesitant yet again,
but ultimately told his parents when I was eleven weeks long.

(05:27):
I had found out at four weeks. He decided he
wanted to be there for our child and refused my
questioning about it further. He put his foot down. Okay,
mind you. Connor is a full time college student working
on his degree, working part time at a logistics company,
and traveling quite a bit to be with friends while
balancing work, school, and home life. He's very busy, but

(05:48):
still makes time for me. I see him once a week,
sometimes twice. He lives an hour from me, an hour
from work, an hour and a half from school in
the opposite direction, and at varying distances from his friend friends.
He is very busy, which I respect. His education is
of the utmost importance to me. Cut to his parents,

(06:08):
who he still lives with, because it's just more feasible.
His mother said nothing when finding out about the pregnancy,
just got up and walked away. She didn't speak to
him for at least three days. His father expressed his disappointment,
but since the family is religious, he didn't say much more.
They knew we weren't in a defined relationship, and Connor

(06:28):
told me they didn't know how to speak to me.
Because of that, Connor and I decided to get back
together and raise this child as a family. He told
me he loved me and never believed he had stopped. Oh,
he was just so hurt and with me giving him
what he wanted, why would he have to define the relationship.
My pregnancy sat with him heavily, but he told me
it helped him make up his mind and stop me

(06:51):
bssing me about it all. So, yes, we are back
together and just as in love as we always have been.
As my due date approaches, I sent a text to
Connor's father, letting him know how thankful I was for
a man like Connor and that he should be proud
of the boy he raised. I received no response, which
was okay, but still hurtful, and that was last week.

(07:12):
I really have a feeling this is like, yeah, you
guys weren't married, but I feel like they're freaked out
about the age gap. Cut to yesterday. I let them
know of my birth plan and invited them to be
the first visitors at the hospital to hold and shower
our child with love, aside from Connor and myself, of course.
The following was his father's response, Kia, please know that

(07:37):
Connor has been keeping us posted. We will be sure
to share your messages with family. We pray that you
and baby are in good health and your family is
safe and doing well. In responding to your previous messages,
we certainly hope you understand that we are worried about
our son trying to balance it all. You know that school, work,
Kio's place, and Connor's home are not in close proximity.

(07:59):
Yet you also know that Connor is a very considerate
and very conscientious person, and we, including yourself, know that
he has always wanted to finish higher education and still
be present for those that rely on him. We do
not believe he is a drift. Rather, he's trying his
best to balance at all. Going to college alone is
not easy, especially while trying to keep a job and

(08:20):
connections with friends and family that do not live close by.
It's evident that Connor's journey is now a complex one
and there is more for him to balance. Overall, our
emotions are running high and we are still adjusting to
this life changing situation. We have several concerns to share
with you, but prefer to speak with you in person

(08:40):
rather than buy text which could be misunderstood. In closing,
we will receive updates from Connor and will most likely
talk with you at a later time. We recognize that
you have a lot to balance too, keeping each of
you in our thoughts and prayers, Mister and missus Connor's parents.
They said, hello, Chatbot, can you write a response to

(09:02):
this the new mother of my grandchild that I don't
like that much, telling them I don't want to talk
to them, but let them know gently ish That message
made me sob for hours. Connor was at work, so
I just felt so alone. At nine months pregnant, literally

(09:23):
about to pop any day now, I just felt helpless.
They have been absent throughout the whole pregnancy. They did
not come to the baby shower. They have not acknowledged
anything really at all. I haven't seen them, spoken to
them nothing, but not for lack of trying on my part.
So Reddit, what I'm asking is, am I the a
hole for changing my mind and wanting to rescind the

(09:45):
invitation for them to come to the hospital as our
babies first visitors? Yeah? I think I think that you
can want that. I think definitely communicate it to your
partner that you find the that you're being sort of
ostracized by them unacceptable because regardless of what they think,

(10:06):
you are the mother of their grandchild, and you are
their son's partner, and you know, and those are the facts,
and y'all are having a kid, You're having a baby together.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, especially in this scenario, you don't have to please everyone,
especially if it is you know, Connor's parents, because again,
it's not fair the way they've been treating you, especially
this late into your pregnancy, nine months in and you
finally get this message. If that's how they're gonna, you know,

(10:38):
treat you and I guess communicate with you this far in,
you don't owe anything, especially if they haven't been any
helpful to you or you know, maybe we don't know
how they've been doing with Connor, but at least towards you,
they're definitely giving you like a cold shoulder, and what's
up with that?

Speaker 1 (10:58):
We need to get on the same team if we're
if we're gonna especially if we're gonna be trying to
raise this kid together. And we have some very relevant
comments I think some long detailed responses here. Comment one.
You've been in Connor's life for six years. Were they
receptive to you before or did they see your age
difference as a red flag. I'm wondering why they're distant

(11:20):
since Connor has decided you are all a family the whole.
They knew we weren't in a defined relationship, and Connor
told me that they didn't know how to speak to
me because of that doesn't seem to hold up anymore.
Aren't you his girlfriend slash partner? Ope, the message isn't
the gusts sheet embracing message you were hoping for, but
he was still respectful. I don't think you'll have to

(11:41):
tell them not to come, as they didn't respond with
can't wait to meet our grand baby or anything like that.
My guess is they haven't decided if they're coming at all.
I know it hurts you that they're keeping you at
arm's length. Before you send any messages, though, make sure
you've thought logically about the bigger picture. Don't just respond
emotionally with you're no longer invited. I doubt you would
be that harsh, but I'm trying to make a point.

(12:03):
They're Connor's parents and to make both of your lives easier.
I would err on treating them with kid gloves. My
guess is that they're in denial and hoping the baby
isn't their sons. I say this based on them not
participating in anything. The history of your relationship with Connor
and the quote several concerns to talk to you about
in person that could be misconstrued via text. Uh also

(12:26):
right or not. I think it's a common reaction from
the man's family with an unplanned pregnancy. Please don't be
offended if they do bring it up, as it's a
measure for them to protect their son, as opposed to
actually thinking you cheated. I remember one of my guy
friends telling me his girlfriend had been pregnant. They'd been
on a break and sure enough, the first thing to
fly out of my mouth was, are you sure it

(12:46):
was yours? We were twenty and thankfully I've matured. Honestly,
when I asked him that question, I was solely trying
to spare him pain. After I'd asked, I wished I
would have kept that thought to myself. He was sure
it was his, so oh, I just listened. I'm probably
closer in age to the parents, so I was really
trying hard to view this situation from their perspective. It

(13:08):
doesn't mean their actions don't hurt, and definitely doesn't give
them license to be jerks. But I find understanding where
people are coming from makes it easier for me to
not take things as personally. I think they're concerned he's
not going to finish his schooling and his job may suffer.
Although I'm surprised they're having this deep of a reaction
with a twenty seven year old son, I'm confident that

(13:30):
once they see how you, Connor, and the baby are,
they will warm up to the situation. Congratulations on your
little one. Please don't let their aloofness affect this experience.
There is nothing greater than holding your child to the
first time. Hold on to every moment as they grow
way too quickly. Best of luck to you all. Oh
Pe responds, I don't feel his parents were being rude

(13:53):
in their response. I just feel like they're blaming me
for ruining their son's life, that they don't want me
nor are child to exist. When we were in our
prior relationship before I moved, they were very kind. They
invited me to Easter and Christmas dinners when I was
done doing things with my own family. I felt that
even though they might not have liked our age difference,
they had still accepted it. They never voiced being indifferent

(14:16):
about our relationship. When I called off our relationship after
I had moved, they told Connor that they respected me
from my decision to end the relationship as to let
him live his life and succeed. He reiterated to me
that they saw what I was doing as selfless and
had praised me for it. We're back in a relationship
and have spoken of marriage and living together, which his

(14:38):
parents also don't feel is a good idea, seeing as
they see us both as unstable. Connor has voiced to
me that his father wishes for me to attend college
and get a degree also, which is fine and a
part of a long time plan. It's just rather unfeasible
with expecting a newborn. I currently have a job working
at the TAD office. I have been pulled from I'm

(15:00):
working by my obgyn due to my pregnancy being considered
geriatric as I'm over the age of thirty five, so
I'm on disability currently for the duration of my remaining
pregnancy and the six weeks postpartum. A second comment says,
as a parent of adult children, I understand where Connor's
parents are coming from. You're nearly a forty year old
woman who baby trapped their twenty one year old son. Well,

(15:22):
he's not twenty one, he's twenty seven, and anyway, none
of this is what they would have wanted for him.
You were old enough to know better than to do
this to Connor. But instead you're sobbing that they're giving
you the treatment that you actually kind of deserve.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Again, is conn Does Connor have no agency? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (15:38):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Again, that's what I'm saying. Like the parents are everyone
other than Connor. Obviously, Connor's like okay, I'm I'm okay
with this, Like this is okay, let's let's let's do this.
Everyone in this case, the parents and this commentar are
pointing the finger at you. Yes, you're a little you
have a little bit more experience in life. But again,
Connor is a grown man, an adult who knows you know,

(16:01):
his choices and his actions.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah, this commenter continues, you should have left that boy
alone once it was over. None of this would be
happening had you cared enough about Connor to let him
be young and free and become a father to the
right woman at the right stage of his life. And
just again, this commenter, if you remember it was actually
Connor who reached out to her after a breakup, commenter continues,

(16:27):
But no, it's all about you, isn't it.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (16:30):
He replies, Okay, wow, harsh, I wasn't nearly forty. When
we met, I was newly into my thirties, and for
the first five months of our relationship I thought myself
only a few years older than him because of his
dependability and maturity. I found out later that he was
a decade younger than me. As for baby trapping him,
I gave him the out and told him that he

(16:51):
would hold zero responsibility. He is also now in his
late twenties, not a twenty one year old. I don't
know what I did for you to warrant that you
think I deserve to be extradited, when all I did
was love, care and encourage Connor to be his best self.
We both just ended up being less responsible than we
should have been. Connor and I don't refer to our
unborn child as a mistake or an accident, but as

(17:14):
a blessing, which are his words, not mine. As for
caring about him, I do almost as much as I
do for our unborn child.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
I did.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
I did let him go free. I did put my
own feelings aside to let him live his life. I
encouraged and am still encouraging him to do what's best
for himself and his education. Telling me to do something
I've already done and he's rejected is redundant. Telling me
to do something that can no longer be changed is
also redundant. I don't need to defend Connor's and mine's relationship.

(17:44):
We know what we have. Thank you for your opinion,
though A reply says, ma'am with respect, I think you
know he would trash his life to care for his spawn.
There's a power imbalance that's also baby trapping. Wait a minute,
but he has specifically said he's not going to. He
has specifically said he is going to pursue his education

(18:07):
above all else and make it work with everything else,
So this is irrelevant. I'm still gonna read it, though.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
So this commenter says the fact that you had spicy
sleep knowing getting pregnant with the possibility. I'm sorry to
say this, but honestly, from what you're saying prior to
getting knocked up, it sounds like you or the red flag.
Have you ever spoken with a counselor or a therapist
in the time since you met this young fella. It
would benefit you and everyone around you do what's best
for your baby, knowing that you wouldn't want the same thing.

(18:36):
Happening to your child, op He replies, just because you
say with respect, does it mean that anything you said
was respectful. He's not allowed to quit school. Those are
my terms. He has supported me in everything I do.
What kind of person would I be to not do
the same. And as for a therapist, yes, I do
see a therapist. And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Is there an update, honey? I will check, please and
thank you.

Speaker 5 (19:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
I don't understand the comment. Again, I can see where
everyone's like you were older than Connor. He was a
college boy. Again, they met at twenty one. But again
and like everyone's like, you came back into his life.
You did this, Opie? You you you no stop that.
It was both of them and there's nothing that fault there,

(19:20):
like this this happened and they were both of them
were like, you know, we're continuing this. Yeah, this is
our life. We want to have a family. Is there
an update? No.

Speaker 6 (19:32):
There's a couple more people in the comments saying that
she changed the the ages at some point, which Opie says, like, no,
we were twenty when we when we met.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
I think that's because we were also confused, right.

Speaker 6 (19:45):
He was twenty one. I was thirty two at the
time of this meeting. We are now the ages of
twenty seven and thirty eight. Yes, there's a ton of
people being like, oh my god, he was.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
Younger, you changed it.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
But I don't think that.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
No.

Speaker 6 (19:56):
I think other than that, we read every thing on here,
I think gotcha, and this reminder was is one of us?

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah, yeah again, op Uh, if you're here listening to
us or again, you do get to hear this or
watch this, do what's best for you. And I think
you're doing the right thing of like figuring this out
with Connor itself himself. Again, you just got to wait
and see what the parents want to talk to you
about before you really put up that wall. Get their

(20:27):
their no, get that conversation in person, and then go
from there. All I would say, OPI, is there's a
lot going on for Connor especially and for you. But
since he's doing you know, trying to finish school or
grad school, what have you, just make sure he doesn't
get too burnt out. You know, it's a whole lot.

Speaker 6 (20:44):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
And for yourself, I think again you're seeing a therapist,
but I think you're in this together, and just make
sure you guys support each other. You don't need his
parents to, you know, be there. But if they are great,
If they aren't, you know, I think you you and
Connor got this. Just make sure you guys are there
for each other and communicate wholehearted. My brother in law

(21:07):
turned my mother in law against me. Now I want
him out of the house.

Speaker 7 (21:12):
Get the heck out of here, you turn cold.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
We do have a trigger warning for financial.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Abise, not the finances long version.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
My cousin forty four female I'll call her Deb, has
been married to her husband, fifty three male, I'll call
him Jay, for thirteen years and they have a ten
year old son together. By the way, this comes from
the user fed up with pupews and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay story time separate it. I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly,
and we're here to give good advice. Googly, But we

(21:43):
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the comments. Yeah,
let us know what you would do, op says Jay
is very close to his family. His mom eighty five,
she'll be mother in law, and his two older brothers,
Eddie fifty seven and Phonsie denied. His dad. Father in
law passed away from complications with diabetes over five years ago.

(22:07):
His parents were not stellar financial planners. They had a
lot of credit card debt and barely kept their heads
above water. They had a small condo they refinanced a
bunch and owed like two hundred k on a condo.
They'd opted to not have father in law's pension continue
after he passed away, despite him being older and in

(22:27):
bad health, because they got a little more per month,
so mother in law was left with a tiny pension
like nine hundred dollars a month and about five k
in monthly bills. Neither qualified for Social Security due to
them having pension based jobs. Deb pushed for a long
term plan and saw financial doom coming long before father

(22:48):
in law passed. She had suggested they buy mother in
law's house and they let her stay in it. They
rent their own home right now as Jay is serving
in the military, and they had enough savings for a
down payment to buy the condo. Of course, it's still
very generous and though the small condo might make a
little equity for them long term, they will absolutely lose
money on it since they received no rent. Mother in

(23:11):
law and the two other brothers, Eddie and Phonsie pushed
against that idea. They all acted like the house was
supposed to be their grand inheritance and money would fall
out of the sky and solve the issue. Both brothers
are horrific with money and it endless amounts a debt.
They are both single and no kids.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
I mean, just this, these kind of stories just make
me like cringe at my own financial illiteracy. Yeah, it's
so scary. It's brutal out there if you just live
a whole life without ever figuring that out. I know it,
but I'm getting there.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
After father in law passed away, they expected Deb and
their youngest brother to pay five k every month for
mother in law's expenses until some magical money appeared out
of nowhere. After two months of Deb and Jay paying
five k for mother in law's monthly expenses, Deb insisted
mother in law let them buy the house and she did. Hmmm.

(24:09):
Mother in law was grateful in a way, but also
just felt bad about it and kept saying she didn't
want it but had no other solutions. Phronsie was a
professor at a junior college in a town a few
hours away. He made like eighty K and worked like
twenty five hours a week, eight months of the year,
and he constantly complained about it. He's very untechnical and

(24:29):
gave out copied handwritten tests during his courses. During the
VID the school asked him to digitize his lesson plans,
and he abruptly quit, apparently typing up his old handouts
was way too much. Phronsie moved into mother in law's
house permanently without so much as a word to Jay
and deb about it, becoming their unpaying tenant. Jay had

(24:50):
always worshiped his older brother and did not say anything
about it, though he was surprised and upset he quit
his job. Phronsie had a cheap condom near the town
he taught at. It took him over two years to
empty it while he slowly moved his stuff out, driving
back and forth between it and mother in law's house,
and the whole time blowing through his through his meager
retirement savings to pay the mortgage. He sold it eventually,

(25:13):
and as of a year or so ago, he had
forty K left in retirement and money from the condo.
He most likely has blown through most of this buy
now and on lottery tickets and nonsense.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Anh the stupid tax lottery tickets.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
Again, they're expecting money to fall from the sky.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
Hey, somebody's gotta win, though, right, you're more likely to
win the getting struck by lightning three times contest.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
Never tell him the odds. He claims he's contributing. He's
contributing by taking care of mother in law. She's old,
but she still does all his laundry, cooks for him
and cleans. She can't drive now, he occasionally drives her
to doctor appointments, though recently he refused to take her
to the dentist when her tooth hurt and he had
a stomach ache. Both mother in law and Jay have

(25:58):
always treated Fonsie like the goal and child. Deb does
not see why. She thinks he's lazy and selfish, and
resents him living at the home they bought and contributing nothing.
He also has these bratty tantrums about insignificant things. Deb
is not impressed. During the in law's last visit to
their house a week ago, Deb tried to be a

(26:19):
good host. She made them a few meals, made reservations
and took mother in law out for her birthday. She
made sure mother in law always had something to eat
and added a grab bar to their bathroom for her.
She also was working and taking care of her son.
Mother in law acted grateful and happy throughout the trip.
Pronzie tried to talk to her a few times, but

(26:40):
she mostly just smiled and walked away and avoided him,
as she was not a fan of his and felt
it would be better to keep her distance versus getting
into an argument with Phronsie. A few days after they
got home, mother in law called, crying and yelling at
Jay that he and Deb didn't make them feel welcome
or like a family because they didn't spend enough time
with them or make big family dinners together. Jay felt terrible.

(27:02):
Anne was apologetic, but mother in law hung up on
him and said she never wanted to talk to him
ever again. It's obvious to Deb that Phronsie felt slighted
by Deb and ranted too mother in law for days,
convincing her they wronged her all while they both live
in the house. Deb and j pay for Jay initially
told Deb they wronged mother in law and it was

(27:22):
a learning lesson for both of them. Deb balked a
bit she had worked hard to be a good host,
but didn't argue too much. She knew she avoided them
a fair amount due to her dislike of Phronsie. Then
she thought about it and realized Phonsie had most likely
poisoned mother in law against them for feeling slighted, though
she doesn't know for sure. Jay mostly agrees and says

(27:43):
he feels like a chump. He admits the struggling to
enforce boundaries with his older brother. Deb is done with
his family and wants nothing more to do with them,
but wants Jay to be okay with them, as she
knows how important it is to him. She thinks Jay
should make Phonzie get a job and contribute, and threaten
to a victim if he doesn't repair the issue with
mother in law he most likely created. Jay has struggled

(28:04):
to even bring up the issue. He's made it clear
they will sell the house once mother in law passes
away and Phonsie will have to leave. Fonzie most likely
thinks he'll somehow sweet talk Jay into letting him mooch
on them forever. It took Deb years of pushing Jay
to ask Phonsie how her survive once they sell the house.
He claims he wants to drive trucks and deliver groceries

(28:26):
for a local grocery store. He hates driving and does
not have a commercial license. He said that a year
ago and has done nothing toward toward accomplishing that goal.
I think Fansie is an evil mooch and Jay is
a pushover who's letting Phonsie financially abuse them, and they
should have vict his butt yesterday. Dev thinks if they

(28:46):
threatened to vict Fhonnsie, mother in law will flip out
even more, and Deb doesn't want to destroy mother in
law's relationship with Jay, though she very much wants Phonsie
to contribute and not keep being a wiener. Jay claims
he's very sorry to death, but has taken no action
with Phonsie. Should Jay evict Phronsie or do something less drastic,
we have some comments come a number one. Unfortunately, your

(29:09):
cousin and her spouse are probably going to have to
go the legal route and evict this non paying non
coner of the property. They have a verbal agreement to
allow mother in law to live there, but it doesn't
sound like there's anything in writing. So she can't get
on board with them ousting her adult sons, then her tendency,
her tendency there may have to be threatened. Ideally, this

(29:32):
would irritate all parties so much that they all decide
to leave. Then your cousin and her family could live
there in peace, since they're the legal mortgage holders. Coming
number two. Deb and Jay are stuck in a dynamic
that is really unhealthy. But their root issue is not
just Phonsie. It is boundaries. Right now, Phonsie is taking

(29:53):
full advantage of Jay's loyalty to his family and Jay's
reluctance to comfort to confront him. Mother in law has
likely been conditioned to believe Ponsie is the golden child,
so she defaults to siding with him, even if he
is free loading and stirring drama. The hard truth is
that nothing will change until Jay sets real boundaries. He
has to stop worrying about being the bad guy and

(30:16):
start protecting his own household first, which is Deb and
their son. It does not matter that mother in law
might blow up if Phonsie gets pushed to contribute or leave.
She is already showing that she can be turned against
them at the drop of a hat, and if Jay
keeps avoiding conflict, the cycle will repeat forever. If Jay
refuses to take a stand, Deb will always feel like

(30:37):
she is competing with a freeloading brother in law and
a mother in law who sides with him. That resentment
could eventually poison their marriage. The best advice is that
Jay needs to stop being a pushover and start being
the head of his own household. Otherwise, PHONSI will be
sitting in mother in law's house at seventy years old
and Deb will be left holding the bag and that
is the end of the story. Yeah, I mean the

(30:59):
fact that they keep paying for this and mother in
law still like, he's, you know, not cool with you guys.
After Fonsie was like, I feel hurt, Mama, make them
feel bad.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
It hurts my feelings that they don't want me to
be responsible, but they should know I'm I'm specially can't
be helped responsible, help my feelings, my feelings.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
Yeah, I don't know. I think it's hard when you're like,
you know, family's family, and then like roommates and roommates
and landlords or landlords, but you're combining all of those
and then the lines get blurred. So it's like, I mean,
me and Keon have had this conversation, even with his sister.
It's like, we all live together, and it's it's not
a it's a it's a roommate dynamic more than more

(31:52):
first beyond, Like when we're talking about costs and rent
and blah blah blah, it's not like her brother. It's
her roommate. It's not me who's known her forever, it's
just her roommate. We're talking about logistics and business and
whether this guy's your family or not. If he's living
here and contributing Jack squat but taking plenty, that can't

(32:15):
that's not a long lasting situation. It's something that might
be like, Okay, we'll do it for a little bit,
but if your plan is to just do this forever,
we're not gonna be okay with that. And it shouldn't
matter if your mother in law is like, but but Phonsie,
he's got the leather jacket.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
He's so cool, it doesn't matter, he says, walk will walk.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
He's got to contribute. Sam here og host, we're gonna
get back to these stories. But here's three minutes fads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 8 (32:41):
First my sister ruined our trip, then I ended up cutting.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
Them all off.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Bye bye.

Speaker 8 (32:48):
My mother wants to organize a dinner for my sister
Eva twenty two to celebrate her good grades, something we've
never done before, with some family and Eva's girlfriend. The
problem is even I haven't talked since a trip that
ended with her calling me a manipulator because I upset
her girlfriend. By the way, this comes from Twinkle Pringle
and if you want to spit your own stories, go

(33:10):
to the r slash Okay story time, separate it.

Speaker 3 (33:11):
I'm Sophia, I'm.

Speaker 6 (33:13):
Keon, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 3 (33:16):
Goofully.

Speaker 8 (33:16):
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we do, So let us know what you'd do
in the comments, and Opie says, our mother asked me
if I wanted to join tomorrow. Originally it was just Rose, Eva,
Granny and my mom. It feels like it was meant
for them, and my mother just added Tina and me
because she noticed the distance between us. I was unsure

(33:39):
when she asked, since I thought I made Rose and
Eva uncomfortable. That thought stressed me out. I don't want
to pretend fake anything or feel bad. After being unable
to sleep because of it, maybe having panic attacks, I'm
not sure, but I felt the sense of doom and
like I couldn't breathe. I decided the next day to
tell my mother I wouldn't join.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
She asked why.

Speaker 8 (34:01):
When I tried to explain, she said I have to
get over being called the manipulator and that I have
to join. She shut the conversation down, saying she didn't
want to hear about it anymore because she was busy
and tired. This is going to be long and disorganized
because I'm really hurt and I've never felt this alone.
I'm very aware this is just my side, and I

(34:23):
could get things wrong since I'm forgetful and would rather
forget bad things too. Also sorry for typos or grammar spelling.
English is a second language, and I don't want to
reread this because it's painful. I don't think I'm a
perfect person. There are definitely parts where I could have
been the problem. But I feel lost and writing this
out might help me gain some insight or even get

(34:44):
some outsider opinions. In July, my sisters Tina seventeen and
Eva twenty two, Eva's girlfriend Rose twenty two, and I
twenty eight went on a trip. When I agreed to
the trip months before, I was under the impression it would.

Speaker 3 (34:58):
Just be us sisters.

Speaker 8 (35:00):
We'd talked about a sister trip for years and I
was really looking forward to. Then, in a random conversation
between the three of us, Tina and Eva mentioned Rose
would be joining. I was surprised. After thinking it over
and worrying that canceling would be rude, I awkwardly told
Eva I'd rather her girlfriend not come since this was

(35:20):
supposed to be our first sister trip. I thought we
came to an understanding, but misunderstandings kept happening, and this
eventually escalated into her calling me a manipulator. She told
me she always knew I was bad, but didn't know
how bad.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
I'm sorry, How are you manipulating anything when you just
said I don't think Rose should come.

Speaker 8 (35:40):
Yeah, that's it, that's not really, that's pretty straightforward.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
No manipulation. You just said I don't want her to come.

Speaker 8 (35:48):
She said she was done with me and told me
to leave her apartment in a foreign country, even though
I was traveling with Tina, who I was responsible for.
There had been tension about the girlfriend before. Even I
used to be very close since we went through the
same family problems, but when she started spending more time
with Rose, I missed her. Eva came out to me
a year before anyone else in the family knew, and

(36:10):
during that time everyone kept asking me where she was
since she was rarely home. I felt like I had
to keep her secrets and she didn't want anyone else
to know. It got harder each day. She wouldn't tell anyone,
but kept going out without covering her tracks, leaving me
to make up excuses. I felt like I was in
the closet for her. When I told her this, she

(36:31):
didn't even care. Eventually I stopped covering for her. When
anyone asked, I told them to ask Eva, but it
still took months before she told anyone else. The next
person was our little sister Tina. There was also tension
because I pointed out she wasn't hanging out with the
family much, only talking to me when she was worrying
about grades or her relationship. I felt like she only

(36:52):
asked me on the trip for her exchange program because
she was scared of being alone in a new country
and needed my help setting things up, not because she
wanted sister time. Even Tina noticed Eva growing distant, writing
her a poem called you were gone before you left.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
It's kind of dramatic. We had a conversation about this.

Speaker 8 (37:12):
I told her that I miss hanging out, that I'll
be there to help, but I also want to do
fun things. Eva suggested we go shopping for the trip
as a way to reconnect. Before the trip out of nowhere,
she said Rose would be joining us again. I was surprised,
but felt like I couldn't say no. They make a
cute couple, which I didn't expect since Eva had complained

(37:33):
about Rose before.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
Ah. Yes, every rose has its thorn.

Speaker 8 (37:36):
Uh A nice Rose wasn't what I pictured when I
thought of someone who made my sister insecure or upset. Still,
I felt left out. They had eyes only for each other,
sneaking kisses when they thought I wasn't looking, caressing each
other during lunch, I told them they were being a
bit touchy. They were taken aback, which led to a
conversation about group dynamics and how I feel weird about

(37:59):
couples who came can't stop touching in group settings. I'm
fine with PDA on solo dates, but in groups I
find it inconsiderate. That was my first real interaction with Rose.
I need to know how they were touching cuz by
that sentence it feels like, Oh, you may be just
a little bit like two upset about things that aren't
a problem.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen anything that's.

Speaker 8 (38:21):
Like she didn't say they were like making out or
like being kind of appropriate.

Speaker 2 (38:26):
They swiped off all the all the furniture or all
the table where and then they started just making out
on the table. That's a totally different.

Speaker 3 (38:34):
Story, but like them kissing when you aren't looking.

Speaker 8 (38:37):
A day after that meeting, in January, Eva and I
went on a three day trip to help her settle
in the new country.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
I thought it was lovely.

Speaker 8 (38:46):
I helped her get a mattress, run other errands, got
her presence because she had her birthday on the trip,
went to dinner to celebrate, and walked her to class
for one day since she wanted to already join one,
hung out with her roommates, and explore the city. I
would have rated this one of the best trips I
ever had. Family trips are so hectic, our family isn't

(39:06):
the healthiest and overprotective and strict mother and a sometimes
distant father that hate each other but for some reason
still live together. This was so nice, I thought, But
during the big fight on the July trip, Eva said
she hated that trip and thought I'd been manipulative then too,
that broke my reality. What are you manipulating her?

Speaker 2 (39:27):
I want to know what?

Speaker 3 (39:28):
How are you manipulating?

Speaker 2 (39:29):
What does she think manipulation is?

Speaker 3 (39:30):
What does she think that means?

Speaker 8 (39:32):
Before we went on the trip, there was a constant
back and forth about whether that girlfriend would be joining.
The only thing I would compromise on was a few
days overlap, since Eva would be starting the trip with
Rose three weeks before Tina and I. When we were
finally booking the tickets, there were a bunch of discussions.
I wanted a hotel for Tina and me, but Eva

(39:53):
said it was okay for us to stay at her place.
Her roommates would be away for summer vacation, so the
living room would be available sleepin' Since this.

Speaker 3 (40:01):
Would be cheaper, I agreed.

Speaker 8 (40:03):
Then Tina wanted to go earlier, even though we all
agreed to go at the end of the month, which
made it so Rose would be there the whole time,
which I didn't agree with.

Speaker 3 (40:11):
Eva said to.

Speaker 8 (40:12):
Just agree because it wouldn't be the only time I
would have to hang out with Rose. I still disagreed,
contemplating canceling at all, but worrying Tina might be disappointed
because our parents only agreed to her going because I
was going. Then Tina said she wanted to go on
the fifteenth. Both Eva and I agreed, which was not
the end of the month at all. So annoyed Tina said,

(40:34):
I got my way. The tickets were booked, and soon
after Eva left for her trip with Rose. When the
group trip approached, I got a message from Eva saying
Rose was going to stay for three of the six dates.
I reiterated that was okay, but I just wanted some
of our first trip as sisters. She didn't really respond
to this. I was really stressed because I don't often

(40:57):
travel alone and this time I was going.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
With a sassy teenager.

Speaker 8 (41:01):
Apart from not sleeping well, the actual traveling was fine.
I kept Eva updated where we were and when we
would arrive. The plan was that she'd pick us up
at the airport we land. I text her and she
said she forgot. What do you mean you forgot? Let's
get over to the airport.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
I thought you meant the fifteenth of next month.

Speaker 8 (41:21):
Try she would be there in an hour. I was annoyed.
The tiredness did not help. When I was trying to
figure out what to do next, I spotted Eva and
Rose being all sneaky and smiley.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
It was a joke.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
I just let it go.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Oh okay, Oh come on, all right, you didn't forget
you guys were doing stuff.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Oh yeah, I guess maybe that's.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
They lost track of time. There was traffic.

Speaker 8 (41:47):
I was quiet and more reserved. I'm assuming Eva and
Rose were their touchy selves, so I stuck more to Tina.
Eva didn't really talk to me, and Rose awkwardly tried
talking to me, but it felt forced. I just tried
responding genuinely. Two were questions.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
I kept thinking, why isn't Eva being.

Speaker 8 (42:04):
The middleman here? I don't know what to talk about.
All I heard about Rose was bad stuff. When we
arrived at Eva's apartments, the roommates were there, to everyone's surprise,
they weren't gone for the summer, as Eva assumed. I
saw Eva try to tell the roommates, her two sisters
and girlfriend would be staying. It didn't look like they
knew either what Rose, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Or Eva?

Speaker 3 (42:25):
Sorry? Eva, what are you doing?

Speaker 8 (42:26):
So this is now Yeah, she hasn't told any of
her roommates. I again thought this was so inconsiderate of Eva.
This ended in Tina having to sleep in the same
room as Rose and Eva. I was really uncomfortable with this,
but kept it to myself. I don't think that's a problem.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
I don't think any of this is a problem.

Speaker 8 (42:44):
Yeah, as long as they're not like being make you know,
weird when or like being super touchy and romantic.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
Wow, I guess in the room, let me guess they're
touchy in bed they cuddle.

Speaker 8 (42:55):
Yeah, if it's that, then like, calm down. I would
just have to deal with it. For three days, we
were constantly together. There was no breathing room.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
This is a university dorm apartment after all.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
I was, as you know what, even at this point,
if I walked in because one, I would feel so embarrassed. Yeah,
to see all those roommates there and be like none
of them knew, none of them knew. I would literally
just go to a hostel. Yeah, a hostel or like
a cheap hotel. I know it sucks for the first night,
and just rethink our plan.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (43:26):
We went on some nice hikes and I thought things
were fine. We tried having a movie night, but we
couldn't choose a movie. By the time we agreed to
watch a movie I had already seen, Tina was too tired,
so she left. That's like pretty standard, though. A few
minutes into the movie, Eva and Rose started cuddling, which
bothered me, so I told them to enjoy the movie
as I had already seen it. Okay, Ope, you need

(43:47):
to Oh, you need to cool it. They're in a relationship,
They're gonna cuddle. I had already told them how I
feel about PDA and a group and didn't want to
tell them what they can or can't do.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Cuddling isn't PDA to me. Cuddling during a movie is
not PDA to me.

Speaker 8 (44:02):
Afterward, I realized I avoided them when they were too touchy.
In my opinion, I thought it best to just give
them space. The evening before Rose was leaving, Eva confronted me,
shouting that I should act comfortable or just leave. Yeah,
maybe Tina joined Rose in the living room. My mind
was racing, thinking where I could find a place for
Tina and me at this hour. This also came out

(44:22):
of nowhere, since Eva hadn't talked about this before, or
even at all. Her girlfriend talked to me more than
she did. I really thought everything was fine. Eva said,
I don't put an effort at getting to get to
know Rose. That I talked more to Eva's roommates. This
was true, since I had met them more than I
had roads and they were very kind. Then Eva said
the previous trip we had was bad. That she was

(44:44):
worried I would be angry for only doing stuff for
her or helping set things up, all because I expressed
wanting fun things too. She said I was a manipulator,
for example, hanging out more with Tina during the trip.
How she described me made me sound like a monster.
She said this trip was about her and her leaving
the apartment. I kept thinking, what am I doing here?

(45:06):
Why ask your sister to join? Why do you want
a monster to join? She said, if things were going
to be like this, she was done with me. I
also felt like she was trying to paint me as
a closet guard, even though I came out to our
dad at seventeen is by and she hadn't told them
for a year that she had a girlfriend. I was stunned.
I felt like I left my body and strangely felt numb.

(45:28):
On top of that, I didn't have the money to
just book a new place for the rest of the trip.
At that hour, I didn't know what to do, so
I asked if it was okay to call her mom
on speaker. I realized both our feelings got hurt and
we needed a mediator. I tried explaining the situation as
non biased as I could, telling Eva to jump in
if she had another opinion. I admitted I was quieter

(45:50):
and more distant than normal during the trip. After I
said my piece, Eva just scoffed but didn't really explain
her side. When our mother said I didn't have to
do what even wanted, Eva just quietly cried. When our
dad asked what was going on, I couldn't tell him
since everything hinged on a secret that wasn't mine. I
felt trapped, and to cool things down, I left Eva

(46:11):
alone to apologize to Rose, who was in the living room.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
I think this is kind of an not everyone sucks here.
But you two suck.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
Tina doesn't suck.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah, Tina's fine.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
The teenager to be the worst.

Speaker 8 (46:23):
One can see, Like Rose is that bad? We don't
really know anything bad about.

Speaker 2 (46:26):
Rose to talk to you and you just I feel
like you just don't like Rose.

Speaker 3 (46:32):
Because because you have a problem with your sister.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
But again, your sister was probably just airing it out,
like oh my gosh, Rose does this, Rose does that.

Speaker 8 (46:39):
But like, I think what we've got here is you
got Eva, who has one been you know, disrespectful to
her roommates, not clearly communicated, uh, invited Rose onto something
that was supposed to be kind of a sister trip,
like done all of these kind of inconsiderate things.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Yeah, if Eva wanted to be like, this is a
sister's trip and then was like, no, Rose is coming
sister's trip with Rose, I would have been again, I
would have just backed out. Yeah, like yeah, hey, if
you want to just hang out with your girlfriend, go
do that. Tina and I can go somewhere else where
we're not bothering you guys, and we can have like
a little sister trip her and I.

Speaker 8 (47:19):
Yeah, and then on the other hand, that's all of
like Eva's transgressions. But then you have you who you
know you're not really I feel like you're not confronting
Eva about your main problem, which is the fact that
you know, yeah, you're not getting what you like, the
attention that you want from Eva, which is fair, like
you want to have a close relationship with your sister

(47:40):
and she's been disrespectful. But I think that you're covering
all of those underlying feelings by saying like, oh, I
don't like the PDA and I don't want to talk
to Rose, and yeah, I was scrambled, but I remember
apologizing for making things like this that I originally didn't
want her there. I didn't know what Rose knew. I
think Eva was very in considerate, so I assumed she

(48:01):
didn't tell her anything, which must have been a shock.
Then I told Rose to go to Eva, as she
might need her now. The rest of Rose's stay was fine,
in my opinion. We went to the movie. We all
talked about the movie. This felt like the most comfortable moment,
nothing felt forced, since we all thought it sucked. Then
Eva got back from bringing Rose to the airport and

(48:21):
she told me Rose cried and blamed me for it,
which I thought was fair. I personally think she was
crying because of the stress of the situation, but I
owned up to playing a part in it. I told
Eva I apologize to Rose and that she has the
right to be angry at me because in her eyes
I heard her girlfriend. Then us sisters had a discussion,
and I think Eva felt ganged up on because both

(48:44):
Tina and I said we missed her and we've expressed
that before. She said she was too clinging with Rose.
Tina said she kept hearing them kiss. That's what I'm
asking because it feels like, oh, he's pretty strict on
you know what, like she holding hands.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:59):
No, Often she's.

Speaker 8 (49:00):
Like, oh, they're just touchy, And I'm like, what is
what do you mean? Like are they touchy in that
they're like hugging each other and like or are they
like being inappropriate about their touching because there is a
difference and it feels like you might be airing on
the side of like they're literally touching, like their hands together.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
It's like, hey, guys, would you do that in front
of your sibling? No, you're doing it in front of
your sibling. Yeah.

Speaker 8 (49:24):
Eva accused us of conspiring that we were saying she
wasn't doing anything right, that we never wanted to do
anything with her or never do anything for her birthday.
At the moment, I believed her, But then I remember
the last birthday she had here with me, where I
bought gifts and dinner, and the countless times I tried
cheering her up or helping her with advice when I
myself was having a year long depressive episode where I

(49:45):
was unable to leave the house, barely talking to anyone.
She was quiet and distant on the rest of the trip,
which I don't blame her for.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
Do you have any final thoughts.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
I feel like you need to tell the truth to
your sister, like, Hey, I just wanted to hang out
with you and only you, and if you if you
don't see that, and if you want rose there, I
feel like that's not fair to me. It's not fair
to toa Tina. That's one thing. The second thing is
your PD. Even though you guys are cuddling and that's

(50:19):
okay for you, it's not okay for me. It does
make me uncomfortable. And I've told you this and you're
just you're disrespecting again my boundary. But again, if it's
like they're holding hands and I find out disgusting. It's like, okay,
well you got to have a compromise.

Speaker 3 (50:32):
Yeah, I don't just because I'm thinking.

Speaker 8 (50:34):
I'm like I cuddle with my friends like all the time,
and if someone came in and was like, don't do that,
be like what? But it depends on what they're doing.
And then because I could be I could totally see
them being like way more touchy.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
And then it's like, okay, wells do that in the
privacy if your room.

Speaker 7 (50:49):
Yeah, but there's a little bit left.

Speaker 8 (50:50):
But it did feel like she wanted to sabotage the
rest of the trip, like not telling us the places
we were planning to go we're going to be closed
until we were right about to arrive, and saying things
like we do that tomorrow or in two days when
there was no more time left, smirking when we pointed
this out. Now it's months later and I haven't really
talked to Eva. I feel betrayed and rejected by the

(51:13):
one person I thought understood me. I've never felt so alone,
but I can't bring myself to reach out to her.
I constantly worry that I am a manipulator. After all,
I feel like she abandoned me, and I can't trust
her with my emotions. Being asked at dinner, not even
by my sister, doesn't feel safe. So am I wrong
for not wanting to go to dinner because I can't

(51:34):
let go of this. I'm just hoping for a balanced
perspective so I can stop identifying with the monster that
lives in my sister's head. And this is the end
of the story. I think you guys have to have
like a full on conversation.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
Yeah, and it, guess what, get all of that off
your chests. You're you are the oldest sibling. You gotta
again kind of steer this way in the right direction.
You guys sometimes got to bite your tongue and she'd
be like, Hey, I'm sorry, Sissy, I love you, I
love you, I want to hang out with you. Yeah,

(52:09):
I hope everything could be cool. I know we had
some bad blood, but let's put a bandage on that
and let's move forward from that.

Speaker 8 (52:17):
Yeah, let's have a conversation. Let's not skirt around and
point fingers at like things that aren't actually the problem.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 5 (52:29):
My best friends always had time for each other, but.

Speaker 7 (52:32):
Never for me.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
Those aren't your best friends.

Speaker 5 (52:34):
And by the way, this comes directly from the ours
last Showkay story Time Separate it.

Speaker 7 (52:38):
This is one of our children twenty eight female.

Speaker 5 (52:40):
I met five girls, let's call them Ava, Becky, Carla,
Danica and Ellie.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
We got the whole.

Speaker 7 (52:46):
Beginning of the alphabet there.

Speaker 5 (52:47):
Back in twenty twenty two, I met Ava at a
house party and got to know the rest Gradually. They
kind of knew each other, but weren't really a solid group.
Once I got to know them, I started initiating plans,
art museums, sip and paint sessions, group activities because I
enjoy thought full shared experiences. By the way, this comes
from Express Middle eighty five, twenty five. And if you

(53:09):
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime Separated.

Speaker 7 (53:12):
And I'm Angie and I'm Keon, and we're here to
give good.

Speaker 5 (53:14):
Advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers, so
we're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation.
But if you would do anything differently let us know
in the comments down below, but Op says, at the time,
I had a job I really loved, in a creative
research role where I would go to events, explore trends,
and pitched concepts to my company.

Speaker 7 (53:34):
I was also in a relationship that wasn't the healthiest.
What I didn't.

Speaker 5 (53:38):
Realize back then was that I probably should have built
stronger one on one relationships before trying to form a
group dynamic. I had individual bonds with Ava, Becky, and Carla,
but I wasn't very close to Danica and Ellie was
often just rude. Ellie would make remarks about my clothes,
question why I take photos on trips, and treat me
like I.

Speaker 7 (53:56):
Was too much.

Speaker 5 (53:58):
It didn't stop until I finally brought it up, and
she only really apologized because others called her out after
she ruined Danika's proposal by making it about herself.

Speaker 7 (54:07):
She would shut down.

Speaker 5 (54:09):
Despite that, I still kept checking in on her during
her stressful exam period, going with her to run Errand's,
keeping her company, even traveling forty to fifty minutes just
to hang out. Meanwhile, whenever I planned group hangouts, no
one would really respond. They'd read the messages and not reply,
or I'd have to personally follow up and ask, hey,
are you coming. It always felt like I was pushing

(54:30):
for connection, never just included. Earlier in twenty twenty five,
I went on a short trip with Becky. While she
was scrolling on her phone, I accidentally saw a group
chat pop up with some of the other girls. When
I asked, she hesitated and said, oh, that's just for
splitting bills from ages ago. We just send memes sometimes,
but it felt off. I brushed it aside, but something

(54:53):
shifted for me that day. By mid twenty twenty five,
I was juggling job hunting, family pressure to getting married,
a business that's still finding its footing, and therapy. My
therapist suggested spending time with people I love, but I
was too emotionally drained to keep initiating everything. So for
two weeks I went quiet, no text, no memes, just
blank snaps. None of the girls from the group reached out,

(55:16):
not one but friends overseas, so I hadn't even seen
in year's noticed they messaged things like are you okay
you haven't posted art in a while, or your steps
seem low. That contrast broke me. Then Ava messaged our
group asking if we were all.

Speaker 7 (55:32):
Meeting on the thirtieth.

Speaker 5 (55:34):
I replied briefly, and she asked if I wanted to
catch up over the weekend after I had asked to
meet weeks ago, and she said that she was too
busy but had hung out with Becky and Ellie in
the meantime. When we met, I opened up. I told
her that I had been going through a hard time
and it hurt that no one noticed when I went silent,
that I was tired of always being the one to

(55:54):
initiate things, that even if people are busy, no one
thought to check. In her response, like emotional deflection, she
said that I needed to look at the facts, that
maybe I was overthinking, and that since I'm not working
right now, I might be reading too much into things.
She told me to ground myself and talk to my therapist,
that next time I should think things through before bringing

(56:15):
these feelings up, and that from her end, it's not
like that I started tearing up, not sobbing, just quietly overwhelmed.
She said It's okay, cry if you need, but then
awkwardly laughed and added, oh gosh, no, this is making
me look bad.

Speaker 7 (56:30):
That lines stuck with me.

Speaker 5 (56:32):
I was being vulnerable, and somehow it became about how
she looked. I left that conversation shattered. I've spent years
showing up for these girls emotionally, physically, and mentally, and
I felt like no one had truly done the same
for me. Something broke inside me that day, and now
I don't know how to.

Speaker 7 (56:47):
Be normal with them anymore.

Speaker 5 (56:49):
Am I the a hole for wanting to slowly pull
away from this group? I don't want to hurt anyone,
ghost any want, or create drama, but I can't keep
chasing connection with people who wouldn't even notice if I disappeared.
And we do have an update, But do we think
that op would be the ahle for that?

Speaker 2 (57:04):
I was gonna I was gonna kind of be an
a hole. I'm like, Opie, they've kind of done that
with you.

Speaker 7 (57:09):
Yeah, Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
You can and you should.

Speaker 8 (57:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
You're putting way too much energy and time into these
people that really it seems like they have drifted away
from you. If you're hanging like again, if they kept
you in the loop and all that jazz, But I
think this is going to be the last time you
want to hang out with them. I don't think you
should even hang out with them. I feel like you
should just even go You should leave the conversation. The
fact that none of them have like really reached out

(57:35):
to you is insane, right. It's like the it's kind
of like the Boy Who Cried Wolf kind of thing
where you like, you know, you keep you keep believing it,
you keep believing it.

Speaker 5 (57:45):
Right, You're believing the words, but you're not seeing it
backed up by actions.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
Yeah, at the end, at the end of the day,
you're like, you know what, you could keep crying. I'm
not coming out like I don't care anymore. So it
does suck it friendships, especially with like you. It's a
group of people. But find yourself a better group that
genuinely care for you and are there for you and
you know, want what's best for you rather than ostracize

(58:10):
you and you know kind of just blame you for
your own faults that you don't even have.

Speaker 7 (58:17):
It's crazy exactly, but we do have an update.

Speaker 5 (58:20):
So the thirtieth is today, and I'm writing this with
tears in my eyes. I'm the type who doesn't know
how to cut someone out, so I usually just distance
myself and keep that tiny bit of hope alive that
I was wrong about all of it. Before I went
to this hangout, Becky texted me out of nowhere, asking
when I would be reaching. Then she dropped this bomb
that she got an offer this week and resigned her

(58:42):
current job. I was like, that's great, congratulations, because I'm
genuinely happy for her, even though I'm still working on
my own business and haven't landed a full time job yet.
I had this split second of hating myself, feeling like
a failure, but I pushed it down and tried to
focus on being happy for her. I got ready and left,
telling myself to keep an open mind. I reached Ava's

(59:02):
place early, which made me feel a bit awkward. Ava
texted that she was at the grocery store grabbing snacks
and would be about ten minutes late. So I waited
in the lobby and then Ava and Becky showed up
from behind me. I asked if they were shopping together
and Becky was like, no, no. I got there early
and joined her. It started off okay. We were catching
up about bad days and bad dates, just chatting. Danica

(59:25):
showed up too, which felt nice since I hadn't seen
her in a while, and then Ellie came an hour later.
I tried to just relax and not overthink. Sometimes there
were moments where I would speak or try to say
something and they would change the topic or someone would
talk over me and I'd just stop talking. Whenever I
did say something that I was excited about, they would
make fun of it or make a joke out of it.

Speaker 7 (59:44):
And I'd be like, never mind whatever.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
But as time went by, I started.

Speaker 5 (59:48):
Picking up on all these small things that hurt, like
Ellie never really makes plans with me, but she's always
out with Danica and now that their fight is over,
And from there in conversation, I realized that Ava met
Becky and Ellie at some point this week. Then Becky
and Mountanica separately too, And I was just there sitting
and thinking how I've been asking them for months to
meet up, always offering to go somewhere close to them

(01:00:10):
because I know it's easier, but it never seems to
work out. Yet they make time for each other without
even trying. I had this moment, like a switch flipped,
just sitting there, feeling like a lost puppy. They put
in the effort for each other and I'm sitting there
feeling like maybe I'm just not worth that effort, like
I'm the extra the afterthought. And what broke me was
that I've been asking all of them to meet. I

(01:00:32):
even offer to come closer to their offices to make
it easier, and they still don't try.

Speaker 7 (01:00:36):
But for each other it's no problem.

Speaker 5 (01:00:38):
I don't know if I'm overthinking or if I'm just
not enough for them, but I'm tired. I'm really really tired.
All I wanted was my girls to be there for me.
Actually just maybe ask once in a while, how are
you or something like that, you know, and we.

Speaker 7 (01:00:50):
Do have an update.

Speaker 5 (01:00:52):
But ope, Oh my gosh, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:59):
These aren't your friends. Oh yeah, it's the You see
it a lot and I don't even know what the
term is called, but you see it a lot in
shows and movies where like everyone in the group picks
on somebody in the group. Mm hmm, like you're you're there.
It's like you're there for their entertainment, which sucks, which
is like, you guy, all of them are bullies. Yeah, exactly,

(01:01:21):
they're all pretty much bullies.

Speaker 5 (01:01:23):
You don't know how to just like if if they're
just not vibeing with you, like, they don't have to
vibe with you, but they also don't have to be
mean like that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Yeah, that's the thing. I was like, if they if
you know, you're catching up and but anytime you brought
up something or like something that you were like wanted
to talk about, yeah, they laughed at it and just
switch the topic over you. That's those aren't friends. Those
are Those are crappy human beings exactly.

Speaker 5 (01:01:46):
And it does not mean anything about you at all,
not at all. This is like one, this is just
these people just for some reason don't like you.

Speaker 7 (01:01:57):
I don't know why.

Speaker 5 (01:01:58):
I couldn't think of a but even if there was
a reason, it doesn't matter because they're just mean and.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
I would call them out in that scenario. We're like, hey,
you know what, who are you people? Yeah? Are you guys? Friends?
And you know what You're like, You're like, yeah, we're friends,
but really you talk over me, you don't. You guys
don't hang out with me. You guys lied behind my back,
to my face. I put in so much energy. Again,
it's a friendship, just like any other relationship you want.
It's a dance. It's a two way thing, fifty to fifty.

(01:02:26):
Yet sixty forty. Yeah, but you're doing one hundred and
or like ninety five, they're doing five, right, that's what
it is.

Speaker 5 (01:02:33):
Yeah, you're being a good friend, and unfortunately these ones
aren't reciprocating that. So you'll just find another Because like,
initiating things is a very good skill to have when
making friends, So I because of that, I have no
doubt that you would be able to find other friends.

Speaker 7 (01:02:49):
But we do have a second update.

Speaker 5 (01:02:51):
So recently I've been making new friends because I realized
that it's not fun relying on.

Speaker 7 (01:02:55):
My old group anymore.

Speaker 5 (01:02:56):
It all started all over again once I sent out
birthday and here's where things stand. Ava never asks to
meet unless I do. The only time she reached out
was after her birthday party, saying thanks for coming. By
then I was already spending time with the new friends,
so I said maybe next week and she said let
me know. That's the last I've heard from her. Danica

(01:03:18):
I still met once in a while and texted here
and there. Becky and I rarely meet, but we exchange memes.
Ellie I don't talk to at all. Carla doesn't live
here anymore, so there's not much contact, only occasional replies
to stories for context. Before any of this birthday invites stuff,
I actually invited everyone from the group to my family's
nov ratreat.

Speaker 7 (01:03:37):
I don't know if I'm saying that.

Speaker 5 (01:03:38):
Right, but this is a Hindu religious gathering where families
host prayers, food, and celebrations. I didn't want to leave
anyone out when it came to something spiritual, because to me,
that felt like it could create bad karma. But for
my birthday, I only invited Danica and Becky. Ava isn't
in town, and since I don't talk to Ellie, I
didn't see the point. Honestly, if Eva were around, I
don't even know what I'd have done. I sent the invites.

(01:04:00):
Becky texted me asking if there was an issue between us.
I said that I used to be upset, but I've
kind of gotten over it. Then she brought up old stuff.
We have a private group Instagram page. At one point
they blocked people from seeing stories that were posted on it,
and it felt weird to me. I mentioned it to Danakam,
and she offered to ask Becky about it because she
thought Becky might respond better to her since in the past,

(01:04:22):
whenever I had tried to raise things directly, Becky either
got mad or gave me the silent treatment. She also
brought up a joke that I made ages ago. Becky
had left our group chat quote for fun, and back
then I said something along the lines of, oh, maybe
she left to make a dramatic exit, since I thought
that it was about her and.

Speaker 7 (01:04:40):
Danica having a fight.

Speaker 5 (01:04:42):
Before this even happened, Becky herself told me that she
had left the group chat just for fun. But now
she's saying that what I said was me escalating things
that weren't there. And there is a little bit more
to the story.

Speaker 7 (01:04:53):
But this is exhausting. This is so exhausting.

Speaker 2 (01:04:57):
Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm so happy for you
that you literally found people that you deserve. I mean,
I get it. You're trying to keep connections and this
is it's life. You can't maintain all your relationships, even
though if they seem great, or if even if they
seem okay. Sometimes you need to focus on the ones
that you know, you enjoy and you want and you deserve.

(01:05:18):
So again, I would say, cut off those who really
do not bring anything positive to your life, right, That's
that's all like, especially with all this negativity and this
exhaust all all this exhausting is it's gross.

Speaker 7 (01:05:32):
It's very gross.

Speaker 5 (01:05:32):
It's very exhausting, you guys, it's like such high school stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
It's very I was gonna say, it's like very mean girls,
very high school asque, very very It's it's very gross.

Speaker 7 (01:05:44):
Like I, yeah, it's very, very annoying. But there is
a little bit more to the story.

Speaker 5 (01:05:50):
The whole conversation with Becky only came up after I
sent the birthday invites. She even asked Danica who else
was invited. But honestly, there isn't really a group anymore.
These Ava, Becky, and Ellie hang out together without me,
go to concerts, cycle and post about it. For context,
Becky and I had spoken about cycling together so many times,
but it never happened, and then she suddenly went with

(01:06:11):
Ava instead. I didn't take it personally, just noted it.
So now I'm wondering, am I the a hole for
not inviting some of the group to my birthday? I
don't want drama, but I've been excluded a lot already,
and when I do try to talk directly, I've either
been ignored or met with rudeness. Am I the a
whole if I just stop bothering with them and focus
on my new friends. Absolutely not, Oh yeah, absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (01:06:35):
No, you're so you're so good, you don't. You don't
need these people in your life. No, you don't need
to invite them, you know. Yeah, you don't owe them anything.
You really don't. You really don't. I know you want
to be You seem like such a sweet soul. You
don't need to invite them,

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