My boyfriend’s parents keep playing FAVORITES… now I’m rethinking our marriage! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your
warm embrace.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay
Storytell podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious
story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
But before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happen,
I bid thee farewell.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
See you in two minutes.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
My boyfriend's parents keep playing favorites. Now I'm rethinking our marriage.
If I'm not your favorite, I'm out of here. My
boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We
know each other well and are a good match for
each other. We've even talked about marriage to the point
where we both agree a proposal with an engagement ring
and all is pointless and would rather elope at city

(00:41):
Hall followed by a party for family and friends. By
the way, this comes from Throwaway four six two seven
five six, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. So, my
boyfriend is the third of four. He has one sister
and two brothers. His parents are very nice people and
have been nothing but kind to me. However, hearing my

(01:03):
siblings in law speaking about how their parents chose favorites.
Has really started to bug me and is making me
wonder if I want to join families with him. His
parents love the oldest brother above everyone else. The oldest
brother is a successful professor, while the second brother is
a teacher, and their youngest sister is training to become

(01:24):
a nurse. My boyfriend is a manager of a restaurant,
so he is fairly successful in his own right, so
it's not like the parents are playing favorites because of
a successful child. Some examples, when his second brother had twins,
the in laws to be were happy, but never took
time out for them, despite the fact that they are

(01:44):
both retired. They never took the twins out on walks
to the park or even to do the simple things
that grandparents do. It's like they just sort of existed
as pleasant, small people. When my boyfriend had a child
with his ex wife, they gave him the same treatment.
Loved the child, no doubt, but same sort of indifference.
The sibs and laws assumed that the parents were always

(02:07):
like this and just chose to show their love in
different ways. But then their oldest brother had a child
with his wife, and then all of a sudden they
became the most doting grandparents you'd ever seen. They'd have
blow up photos of this little lad all over the
house by expensive designer baby clothes, even socks for him,

(02:29):
and take him out for strolls and book baby photo
shoots so they can put it in the family album. Yeah. No,
they definitely have favorites. Yeah, especially if they're all living
within the same area that it makes as possible.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
Uh. But also I'm still wondering why.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Ope, he was like and that's why I don't want
to marry him because he's not his parents' favorite. Why
is that?

Speaker 4 (02:51):
Are you playing favorites?

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah, he's like I only married child like favorite child,
Only marry favorite children, only golden children.

Speaker 4 (02:58):
They never did this for the twins or my step
son to be, And it's causing a huge drift between
the brothers and sister. Uh, not so much the sister
because she is still young and not thinking about children,
but she has expressed resentment and worries that her parents
won't treat her child the same as recent little ones.
This scares me. I'm not close to my own parents

(03:20):
because of a history of so I've chosen to cut
them out of my life. I want my potential children
to have a good relationship with their grandparents and his
slash her half brother. But I don't want to have
a child with this man if it means that our
child will be neglected in comparison to the golden child.
And it is a huge stretch. But it's also making

(03:42):
me worried. And I know this is irrational, but I'm
afraid that my boyfriend will exhibit the same behavior towards
any children that we might have, favoring our sons slash
son to be over our own biological children. I don't
want to start a family with this type of environment.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
What do I do?

Speaker 4 (03:58):
And we have an update? Well, I mean, I don't
know why we're clumping boyfriend with the parents.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yeah, I don't know. I have a conversation with him
and say like, hey, I noticed your family's treatment. I
you know, it seems pretty unfair. How how do you
feel like I feel? I feel as if if your
partner was super enmeshed with his parents and you know,
siding with them over you, then I would say, yeah,
this is not a great family family dynamic, even if

(04:26):
you have a good relationship, he's always taking their side
over yours. But that's not the case here. It's just
that his parents have favorites and he's not the favorite.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Right Is he favoring the one brother's child over the
rest or does he see them all?

Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah? So I don't know.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
Well, great news, they talked update. I sat down with
the boyfriend to talk to him about my worries. I
even had to write them down so I knew I
would stay on topic. I worry that my boyfriend will
think that I may turn out to be harmful, consciously
or unconsciously, just like my parents, and whether this worries
him about our future together. I worry that my in
laws glaring preferential treatment of their eldest son and their

(05:04):
grandson over the other siblings and grandchildren will take an
effect on not only my fiance and stepson, but any
other children that we might have in the future. I
am afraid that I will come to resent them for
not being present in our children's lives as I have
seen firstthand how they treat my step son in comparison
to their eldest's son. My stepson is a great kid.

(05:26):
He is in that child phase where all he loves
to do is draw, draw, draw. He will draw all day,
every day, scribbling pictures for everyone in the family and
gifting them to each family member. He draws at least
half a dozen pictures for me personally, and I keep
them all in a box where I have his other work.
His grandparents, though, will take a look at it, praise him,
and a few days later they will be discarded in

(05:48):
the recycling bin. They don't even put a single one
on the wall or the fridge before casually disposing of it,
which breaks his heart. They don't have a single framed
photo of stepson around that.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Oh my god, I don't have like so many. Honestly,
I feel like you could limit. Yeah, just get over
if he's gonna have this, treat man well.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
Her other whole thing, though, is that she wants him
to have grandparents. But it's like you want to have
bad grandparents. Yeah, So when I see them fawning over
the child of their favorite son as if he were
Prince George, yes, it does irritate me a bit. I
subconsciously worry that my boyfriend will unconsciously follow his parents'

(06:29):
ways of child favoring and do the same to our children,
specifically the bio children we will have. I also understand
that this is the most irrational worry that I have
and is probably just me blowing it up in my head.
She swear, I expect my boyfriend to love our children
just as well as bonus son. Boyfriend expressed that, yes,
I was silly to worry that he would prefer one

(06:52):
child over another. Of course he would love all of them.
With that said, he also expressed that he worried that
since I didn't have the best family situation growing up,
I didn't have a normal set of parents to look
up to and mottow my behavior.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
Here, you both were like, oh, You're probably not gonna
be a good parent because of your parents.

Speaker 4 (07:10):
That's so rough.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, so rough and so untrue, both judging each other.

Speaker 4 (07:14):
Yeah, he doesn't worry that I would be harmful like
my parents, But he did confess that he did worry
that I wouldn't exactly know how this parenting thing should work.
Fair enough, because bonus Son would be right in the
picture from day one, rightful that he should worry about
my lack of skills, right, No, because you're currently his
girlfriend who has been doing great with his son.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
I don't know. I feel like, yeah, I feel like
if you. He had never I don't know, you had
never been around his son, never taken care of his son.
And then he was like, Oh, she wants to start
a family. Is she going to be ready? Maybe that's
a different situation, but you yeah, you've been.

Speaker 4 (07:49):
Around there for three years? Is there for three years?
I asked him to help me out with that and
we agreed to take parenting classes together sometime in the
new year. Solved. As for the biggest hurdle, the in
law boyfriend expressed a huge amount of resentment towards towards
his parents, which was surprising. He feels that the differential
treatment between the twins and his own son compared to

(08:12):
his nephew isn't healthy for anyone involved at all. We
didn't get too much into it, but he did go
on quite a bit of a rant about how his
parents have treated his siblings and now grandchildren differently throughout
their lives. Eldest brother had all his tuition paid for,
so by the time his brother and sister came along,
the parents had not saved any money for their educations,

(08:32):
so they had to take out a line of credit.
Later we found out that they had a fund for
his second brother that the parents gave to the eldest
son so he could attend and finish graduate school. When
eldest brother wanted to go on school trips, it was
all paid for with brother and sister and him. They
had to save up with their part time jobs. Parents
made whole family attend eldest graduations, complete with family portraits.

(08:56):
Not such a tight ship with the second brother or
with him. By the time little sister graduated university, only
he and his father went to the ceremony.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
God. No, the favoritism is so so.

Speaker 4 (09:10):
Do not have this many kids if you're going to.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Do this, Yeah, bad, bad parents.

Speaker 4 (09:16):
When the twins were born, the parents would go over
to their house to visit them almost every single time.
When the Golden Boy was born, his mother would slave
in the kitchen like a maid all day, making a
fantastic dinner and invite the whole family over for their visits.
I was there. It was an amazing effort she had
put in, and something that apparently the second brother resents

(09:37):
to this day.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
I just think that, Yeah, keep having those conversations with
your parents, not with your parents, with your partner, and
get on the same page on how you want to
raise kids. I like the parenting class idea, and stop
stop silently judging each other for what your parents do.
You're not your parents.

Speaker 4 (09:56):
Yeah, how have you guys not talked about that either?

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Crazy?

Speaker 4 (10:00):
Our conclusion was that I would stay out of this
as this oh, as this was a family matter between boyfriend,
his siblings and their parents. As I am not part
of the family yet, I won't have an official saying.
Boyfriend has said he will deliver my feelings to his parents,
but that he will be the main messenger. Apparently this
is a thing that has been bothering his siblings for

(10:21):
a very, very long time, so perhaps this is the
ball to get that discussion rolling. But again, I choose
to stay out of this can of worms for now.
I hooked up with another man after my ex stump me.
It made him furious, weren't you broken up?

Speaker 1 (10:36):
I was in a relationship for almost two years during
college twenty one months to be exact, and had made
future plans on doing so many things together and spoke
about marriage and children. I got dumped last summer the
same day I found out my grandfather passed away, an
absolute shock on both ends. By the way, this comes
from hopeful recover and if you want to spit your

(10:57):
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story time stuff.
He wanted to focus on hisself and distance was going
to be difficult. He decided to go to a different
continent for an internship and we wouldn't see each other
for six months, plus I would graduate a year earlier
than he was. Another reason for him taking this innership
was because he messed up his semester by taking too

(11:18):
many classes and getting high every day. A month later,
he messages me and tells me that another reason he
broke up with me was because he caught feelings for
some girl while we were together that he met once
at some street fair. I was completely floored by this
because this girl and him were just acquaintances and they
never spoke to each other. And then all of a sudden,

(11:39):
he decides to dump me because he thinks she could
be the one. In the coming few weeks, he would
tell me about how much he liked this girl and
how he wanted to take air places and hope she
liked him back to and he had a feeling that
she did. Fast forward to three months later, where I'm
in my last year of classes and I hooked up
with a guy that we both knew. This guy was
someone he had issues with and was insecure over. As

(12:02):
I had liked this guy before full disclosure, I lost
all feelings for him completely after a few months and
did not have any romantic inclinations once my ex and
I got together. X found out about it before I
had the chance to speak to him about it and
went ballistic, saying that I should have had the courtesy
to tell him about it, and now could I have
fed the one guy he had issues?

Speaker 4 (12:22):
Oh my god, you're not together anymore.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Of course, looking back, it has been a year since
this incident, I do agree that it was a mistake,
and I wish I never did it, But we were
both wasted then and both were single. Doesn't matter, literally
doesn't matter. You weren't with your partner at that time.

Speaker 4 (12:40):
And he dumped you.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
He dumped you for another girl.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
Yeah that started during your relationship. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't think he has any right to, you know,
cast judgment on you. I wish I did say something
to my ex sooner and just given him a heads up,
but I did not, and I accept that. X removed
me from all social media accounts and we did speak
from September to February. X then comes back from his
internship and I hear that he hasn't pursued the girl
that he dumped me for, And on my birthday someone

(13:08):
brings his name up and I start full on crying
because I realized I still miss and love him. He
hears and decides to meet me and starts an on
and off relationship. Feelings for that girl somewhat diminished but
still is a small thing. Then he decides that there's
another girl who he's been talking to and as a
friend of his, who he hasn't met in almost ten years,

(13:30):
but he thinks might also be someone he could like.
Needless to say, he and I would be fighting every
other week because I still loved him and was willing
to give him a chance after all that had happened.
I thought he loved me too, but he would still
bring up how I hooked up with the other guy
and guilted me into that. Being the state we were in,
we decided to end our relationship in the summer. This
past summer, we were driving to go somewhere and this

(13:52):
was my first time driving on a highway for a
long period, and I almost successfully made it to my destination.
We got into a small fender bend, but thankfully all
parties were okay. A month after that accident, which my
family doesn't know happened, and I have not driven since
because every time I think I'm ready, I start feeling
very panicky. He messages me saying I should have been

(14:12):
more careful while driving. You were driving with him.

Speaker 4 (14:15):
Yes, because obviously they did not listen at all, and
they're still talking.

Speaker 1 (14:21):
Actually before after Okay, even though the cop told both
him and me that it was the other person's fault
and I had done the right thing by breaking on
time at the light, still I carried a lot of
guilt from that accident, and to hear someone say that
maybe I should have realized how much someone was worth
after they passed away got to me. And he decides

(14:42):
to remove me from all social media accounts again and
cuts off contact. I started drinking heavily every weekend and
wasn't sure how to handle all the guilt that came
from the accident, as he is the last person I
would want to get hurt in an accident, and I
lost even more confidence in my driving and how we
I considered therapy and still am to cope over this.

(15:04):
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I get
a message from him where he asks how I'm doing
and make small talk. He apologizes for the comment he
made about the accident and said that it was not
my fault and he shouldn't have handled it the way
that he did, as this could have been our chance
to strengthen our bond, but he chose otherwise. He joined
therapy for some of his issues too, which I was

(15:24):
happy about because he has someone to speak to and
help him. We spoke here and there some more, him
messaging almost always except one time where I wished him
for a holiday. He would say things like how he
missed me and it felt so different for him to
be in the last year of school while I wasn't there.
I miss him too, but I wasn't sure what I
could do because we weren't living in the same area

(15:45):
anymore and he was applying for jobs all over the country.
He also just fought with me so much, and I
just didn't think it made sense to feed into something
that could end up hurting both of us again.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
Right, So we're not gonna go back, So we're gonna
stay broken up right, we're not going back.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
We're to stay apart because because you had a bad
relationship and he broke up with you for right right.
A few days ago, he messages me and said some
of the nastiest things I've heard in my life. Said
I was a gardening tool and a salute for screwing
up some guy that got in the way of our relationship,

(16:22):
even after I hooked up with said person after we
broke up and wished I would pass away. He said
I was a terrible person and had no idea how
relationships worked, and he was the one guy who was
everything for me and I couldn't find anyone better. I
didn't respond him because I was on vacation, but he
messaged me again the next day, asking why I hadn't

(16:43):
responded and how I wasn't brave enough to say anything
or face my issues.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
She doesn't owe you a response. You're not together, you
don't get the right to her time.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Not true, as I am a pretty outspoken person and
did not want to say something or else. He would
twist my words and continue arguing some more. I'm trying
to be more mature, but he doesn't seem to like that.
I've always told him that I regretted what I did,
and I've apologized numerous times and am not sure what
I can say at this point. I forgave him for

(17:14):
how he broke up with me while I was grieving
over it, and when he liked the girl. This time, however,
I just said that I said whatever that needed to
be said before and wished him well for his future.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
Hi sop.

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, he blocked my numbers, so I don't think he
got my message and has blocked me on Facebook as well.
His brother removed me from social media too. Is all
of this my fault? I have numerous friends who have
told me that he is acting immature overall that he
has done to me, But I still feel guilty that
I didn't say anything when I hooked up with a guy.
You don't owe him no. That actually would be crazy.

(17:49):
That would actually be crazy. If he texted direction was like, hey,
hooked up with this guy.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
Or texted you like a war if you were like, yeah,
just so you know tonight, like.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
I'm hooking up with that guy that I liked before
our relationship, And I already know that I should have
and wished I never did it. In the first place.

Speaker 4 (18:05):
No, you should not act. You have nothing to apologize
from this and nothing to read from this. He islating you. Oh,
I mean if if he stayed, block him back, just
in case he I'm blocking him back. Block him back and.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Stop feeling bad for things that happened after a relationship,
when he left you to go hook up with another
girl and admitted to having.

Speaker 4 (18:28):
Started that while you were still dating because you you
were broken up when you did what you did, he was.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
Dating you, still dating it, he was dating it. Yikes,
But there's a little bit left to this story. I
met a couple of friends this past weekend from college
and found out that my ex has been going around
telling people about the nasty things he texted me. He
apparently wrote a rap song too about it. Should I
feel honored or laugh? At the time, he was wasted.

(18:55):
I was really angry to begin with, because I was
still obviously hurt. But then I realized that this definitely
would not have worked in the long term, and I'm
glad he showed his true collers, even if it was
almost two years into the relationship. I'm also going to
start therapy soon just to deal with how much emotional
baggage she unloaded on me, as well as coping with
my accident.

Speaker 4 (19:15):
My wife asked for an open relationship, then cheated with
her ex.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
I think you jumped the gun.

Speaker 4 (19:21):
My wife, thirty three female, and I thirty female, have
been together for six years and married for three. The
past eighteen months have been hard, conflict over my amesh family,
less spicy sleep, constant, arguing for miscommunication, and we dropped
out of couples counseling because of my school and workload.
I returned to college to start a new career, fully

(19:42):
encouraged by my wife. By the way, this comes from
Danny Thinks, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subread it. So
she told me she was getting lonely and asked for
an open relationship. I was hesitant, but I agreed. A
couple weeks later, she changed her mind. Dating apps weren't

(20:03):
for her, so she got on BUMBLEBFF and made four
new friends. Then she asked me if she could message
her ex from ten years ago to make amends. I
was surprised because she had already done that six years
ago and was rejected, but she insisted so I said okay.
Her ex responded kindly this time, and they started emailing daily.

(20:26):
My wife said she felt a friendship was possible, even
though we had a rule xes remain acquaintances. I was
cautious since my wife's previous exes have crossed boundaries before
and it's made me feel invisible and disrespected. But I
said okay again on the condition she maintains healthy boundaries.
One week later, she says their conversations are deep and

(20:49):
emotional and things are progressing really fast. By talking to
her ex, she realized how she's repeated old bad patterns
from her past relationships into our marriage. I let her
talk without prying, even though I was uncomfortable. Then she
tells me she's feeling emotionally connected to her ex, but
says it's still just a friendship. I trusted her and

(21:11):
reassured myself that emotional closeness doesn't have to be romantic.
Then she starts meeting up with her ex every weekend.
I mention how fast is escalating, and she says it
feels natural and not rushed to her. Another week later,
she says she feels in alignment with herself around this connection.

(21:34):
I ask are you catching feelings, She says no. Then,
on a long car trip to visit my family, she
drops this. She wants to explore her feelings for her
ex and reopen our relationship with this person. I'm gutted,
but she says it's not about the X, it's about
her not repressing her needs anymore. I cave. I say yes,

(21:59):
even though I'm passing away inside because I just want
her to be happy. But I wake up the next day.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
In a rage.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
I feel betrayed. I trusted her. She said this would
be a friendship. I felt like in hindsight she downplayed
everything I tell her. I'm no longer okay with it.
She says she communicated every step of the way and
that I just wasn't paying attention. We go back and forth.
Eventually I say, fine, have your open relationship, but I'm

(22:26):
telling you I'm not okay. She thanks me and says
she'll respect boundaries. We agree to no spicy sleep, only
level one physical contact like hugs or a hand graise,
Level two PDA, and level three kissing. However, at this
point my wife said the thought of kissing her ex

(22:47):
repulsed her and was way too soon to think about
then the next day she meets her ex. It's imperative
for me to state how many days and weeks I
spent crying over my wife's decision to pursue this open relationship,
even though I continuously told her I wasn't okay. I
was sounding like a broken record at some point, always

(23:09):
bringing it up, but always telling her go ahead and
do it. But I'm struggling and I'm not okay. So
before she met up with her ex, I caved in
and couldn't hold it together. I expressed again how much
this is hurting me, and it pissed my wife off.
She said, why would you tell me this right before
I see my ex? Why did you give me your
blessing if you never meant it? Make up your mind.

(23:31):
I'm done with this back and forth. You are insensitive
for choosing to bring this up right before I see her.
After meeting up with her ex, my wife comes home
wearing a noticeably new necklace. I ask about it. She
says her ex gave it to her because my message,
the one where I said it wasn't okay anymore, made
her think she'd never see my wife again. She wore

(23:52):
the necklace because it made her feel better. That crushed me.
We have an update aang man, Dang, I mean wow, wow, wow,
you gave her permission.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
Yeah, I think you need therapy. Ope. I think that
you're going into this relationship being like, well, if I
tell her how I feel, she'll stop doing it. But
I think you need to either say no, I'm not
okay with that or leave.

Speaker 4 (24:18):
Maybe, but we need to cut out all the like,
I guess it's fine, but I'm not comfortable and you're
not fine. Like.

Speaker 1 (24:25):
I think there's this like idea that if you say that,
a person can like if you say no, I don't
want you to do that, it's controlling. It's more so
you say she comes to you and says I want
to go see my ex, and then you say I'm
not okay with that, you can't do that, And then
they have to decide whether or not they want to
stay in the relationship. Yeah, so either they go and

(24:47):
do that thing that you said, don't do that, or
they stay in their relationship.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
That's kind of Yeah, you can still have your boundaries.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Yes, those are boundaries. Op.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
We have an update. I changed my mind about the
open relationship last minute before she's her ex on Sunday.
The next day, on Monday, my wife was so wrecked
about my decision that she took the day off of
work and stayed in bed crying. She was on her
phone all day too. I tried comforting her, but it
didn't do much, and she wouldn't go into detail about

(25:17):
why she was upset. I don't know what happened next,
but at some point Monday night we were arguing. It
was probably the necklace because she was wearing it all
night while she grieved. I didn't know it at the time,
so I asked her, where did you get that necklace.
I've never seen it before, and she told me her
ex gave it to her as a goodbye. At this point,
I'm still not aware that the kiss happened on the

(25:40):
same day her ex gave her the necklace as a goodbye.
I do remember telling my wife that I need her
to give the necklace back before I lose my crap.
At some point during our arguing, I got frustrated and
stepped outside our bedroom to cool off. My wife sent
a flurry of text messages to me saying how much
her needs never get I, how much I don't care

(26:01):
about her feelings, and how insensitive and immature it was
for me to send that text and change my mind.
Moments before she met up with her ex, we were
just going back and forth, firing emotionally charged texts at
each other. So I had enough of the back and
forth texting. I decided to go into our bedroom and
confront her. I go into the bedroom expecting an angry,

(26:22):
emotional wife, but what do I find. I walk in
and my wife is on her phone giggling and texting.
I'm like, what the heck are you laughing at I
thought you were pissed, and she's quickly trying to adjust
her mood and downplay her actions. I said, are you
texting your ex right now? And she said yeah. I
was like, are you seriously laughing and being unseerious with

(26:44):
your ex while we're in the middle of arguing. It's
past ten pm. Why the heck are you guys still texting?
And my wife was like, fine, fine, okay whatever. On
Tuesday morning, I had a text drafted and ready to
send to my wife about how I really needed her
to enforce boundaries with her ex if we're going to
make our marriage work. I told her, look, I only

(27:05):
have two weeks left in my semester. And remember we
said we're going to work on our marriage and do
at home therapy when my semester is over. How are
you gonna focus on our marriage when you seem so
consumed with texting your ex, texting her during our argument,
wearing her necklace in our home. Where is the space
to repair our bond? You need to create space from

(27:27):
your ex if this is going to work, because now
I'm under the impression that this girl is texting you
all morning, all afternoon, all night every day. That is
not a friendship, it's borderline courtship. Well before I had
a chance to send my wife this text, she texted
me saying she had something to share. So in her text,

(27:48):
she told me that she kissed her ex and that
the text I sent before she met up with her
ex where I changed my mind last minute, pushed her
to make that decision because she wanted to exercise control
and not feel powerless to my decision. And she's sick
of feeling like my feelings control her every move. She
wrote lots of other meaningful stuff, but I couldn't get

(28:09):
past the kiss, and I addressed that immediately. She said
the kiss meant nothing to her, and it's not about
her ex. It's about herself and choosing her needs. For once,
I was like, but you told me you couldn't even
fathom kissing her. You said you had to take baby
steps before kissing her.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
Uh, Opie, let me introduce you something called lying.

Speaker 4 (28:31):
There's this thing.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
There's this thing, this new thing called lying.

Speaker 4 (28:34):
I also feel really bad for the ex because she's
kind of just like a pawn in their marriage, right, terrible?

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Yeah, Like Opie, like this wife reaches out to her
ex once, I says hey, no, waits a couple of years,
reaches out again. X' is like, oh, okay, yeah, we
can be friends, and then is dragged into this whole
thing where they're like, yeah, she want to be in
a relation, we can be in an open relationship. Yeah
you know, Oh it's totally fine. My partner's all cool

(29:02):
with it, and they're like, okay, I guess, so.

Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yikes, And my wife said again that my text before
meeting up with her ex pushed her to do it.
And then I guess that's around the time her ex
gave the necklace to my wife. So I was angry
hearing all of this. I was home and my wife
was at work. I went digging for the necklace, even
though my wife said she'll give it back. I found

(29:24):
the ex's necklace and kept telling myself, don't throw it away,
because you're going to escalate things. Your wife said she'll
give it back, but I guess the devil in me said,
when exactly is she gonna give it back. Plus they
kissed each other, and your wife still came home after
the kiss and wore the necklace. So I went ahead
and threw that crap in the dumpster, and I felt

(29:44):
dang good about it. I then texted my wife, telling
her I was in so much pain and anger that
I threw her ex's necklace in the trash in an
attempt to feel better, to which my wife responded, this
is it. We're getting a divorce. Clearly you're not mature.
Let's call this off before you do something worse. I
told her, fine, I took the necklace out of the trash.

(30:06):
I thought I was way too nice for taking the
ex's necklace out of the trash, so I peede on
it in order to get some sort of revenge and
maybe feel powerful against her ex.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
For one, I hate all I hate you both.

Speaker 4 (30:20):
You both suck. Everyone sucks here. You're bringing me real sentence?
What is this stupid power dynamic.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
Kiss? I kissed my ex to get power and then yeah,
peede on the necklace?

Speaker 3 (30:35):
What opie just said? Claimed that's mine?

Speaker 4 (30:38):
Now are you as Yeah, that's wild, that's you.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Took it out of the trash, just peeled it, She went.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
I was too nice for taking out of the trash.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
Did you peel it? Wait?

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Wait?

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Wait wait wait?

Speaker 4 (30:51):
Did you? Oh? You suck?

Speaker 1 (30:56):
You both suck, dude, This match made in heaven suck.

Speaker 4 (31:00):
My wife came home from her lunch break to take
the necklace. I have no idea if she gave it
back or if she's hiding it somewhere. I haven't asked
either way, they have a pisstained necklace and don't even
know it. Later on Tuesday, she sent me step by
step instructions on getting a divorce in California. We have
no kids, we don't own any property, so it should

(31:21):
be straightforward. Wednesday morning, my wife texted me that she
still sees divorce as a solution, but right now. But
right now, the steps in the process are not something
she wants to do because she believes it will further
complicate our lives and this whole ordeal has stressed her
enough she's not ready to go through it. She said
that instead of divorce and instead of me moving out,

(31:42):
she would like us to separate and have me stay
in the guest bedroom and take the guest bathroom until
she can figure out how to create distance between her
and her ex. She also said she wants her ex
to remain in her life because she believes her ex
is a genuinely good person who makes a good friend
and helps her grow in a positive way. It is

(32:04):
now Thursday, and I wish I could say our space
from each other has made things better, but things have
gotten worse. We have another update. How are you feeling? Wow? Wow,
wow Wow. They're still together. They're still together. The divorce
fake out and they're still together. They're like, they're still

(32:26):
living together. They're not getting a divorce, but they're staying
in separate rooms. Everything is still the same otherwise except.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
For the necklace, such as Cassonis is maybe the wife
wants to stay married for the tax break and show.

Speaker 4 (32:39):
It was also thinking.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
Yep, everyone sucks here.

Speaker 4 (32:45):
Yeah. Confirmed both of them are addicted to drama. They
both choose chaos every step of the way.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
Miss Boozy says, why does Opie have to take the
guest room? It's like adding insult injury. Well, you know
this is what happens. Our wife says, you have to
take the guests room, and op wan, I'm not happy
about it, but okay, I guess I'll do it.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
Of date number three. In the three to five days
since this happened and since this post, my wife told
me that she is going to continue seeing her ex
and let it develop into a romantic, spicy related relationship.
She said. If I don't want her to do it
while we're still married, then she will do it as
soon as we divorce. She said. The ideal situation is

(33:32):
that I stay married to her while she pursues this
romantic slash spicy related relationship with her ex, and then
see if she still wants this marriage with me. But
I cannot handle them being together while we're married. I
love my wife so much that I'd be dumb enough
to stay while she does this because I want to
be a couple at the end of the day. But

(33:52):
I think I should respect myself and walk away. So unfortunately,
divorce is on the horizon. I will do my best
to make sure I'm the one who serves her first.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
They're just this has all been one big power play. Yeah,
like constantly back and forth of who can win.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
Yeah. The wife is pushing this as far as you
will let her, and you're letting her like h.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
I mean even that last line of I hope I
serve the divorce papers first.

Speaker 4 (34:18):
Why a wind drama?

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 4 (34:23):
Yeah, yeah, your poison Tonic says they both have control issues.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
Yep, yep.

Speaker 4 (34:28):
Can I let you in on some irony to finish
this off. When my wife dated her ex all those
years ago, her ex was a married woman, and when
her ex went through a divorce, she had rebound date
girlfriends before her divorce was even finalized. Sound familiar, And
you didn't take this as a warning.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Come on, op, come.

Speaker 4 (34:49):
On now, my wife is doing to me what her
ex did to her. She can't even see it because
at this point in her life, her and her ex
are just so compatible and inseparable. And my wife is
tired of feeling like she can't get what she wants
in our marriage. In her words, she is not choosing us.
She owned up to being selfish and choosing herself even

(35:11):
if it destroys our marriage.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
That is the end of that. So your marriage is gone, man,
there is a real marriage.

Speaker 4 (35:17):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
We're gonna get back to these stories.

Speaker 5 (35:19):
But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that
keep the show alive.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
I created a fake dating app account and found my
wife's profile.

Speaker 4 (35:27):
Did you swipe right or left?

Speaker 1 (35:29):
I am thirty mail and she's forty, female, Australia, married
four years, dated three years prior to marriage. First time
I caught her was earlier this year. It was a
genuine accident. For a laugh at work. We made a
fake dating app profile to see who else nearby at
work was on this app. When I left work that day,
I drove home and parked out front. My wife was

(35:50):
home inside. Before exiting my car, I opened my phone
to check for any messages. The app was still open
on the screen when I unlocked my phone, and it
showed the nearest person to me on the app, very
clearly her. By the way, this comes from Billowing Betty
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. After a
few days, I confronted her. She cried and apologized and

(36:12):
called her mom and her best friend to get advice.
She returned and asked me what I wanted from her
in this moment. Example, sleep on the couch, leave and
go to an hotel, et cetera. Being the person I am,
I just wanted her stay and us to work things out.
She kept calling herself stupid, thinks she didn't know why
she did this, and just that she liked the attention
from others. In my panic of not wanting to lose

(36:33):
my wife, I asked if she wanted to go down
the path of an open relationship. Answer no, Does she
want to bring some toys into the bedroom to spice
things up a little? Answer no. She claims it was
all just an online chat, nothing physical ever happened, and
that it was only recent that she couldn't show me
any message history to prove it was only online because

(36:56):
she deleted the app when she got home to prevent
me seeing it, and redownloaded it at work the next time.
She wanted to chat deep deep, deep down in the
depths of my soul, I believe it. I'd been going
on for at least a month, or probably more, and
somewhere the terrified part of my mind really teeters on
the edge of believing she did physically cheat. I try

(37:18):
my best to give her more spicy related style tension
in the months that pass. I make sure I call
her beautiful more often, common on her looks and makeup
and hairstyles more often. Nothing seems out of the ordinary,
which I thought was good. Fast forward to now October.
I'm working away and feeling paranoid about the situation, going
back through the screenshots in my phone that I kept

(37:40):
a proof of her hookup apt profile, and it's not
helping my mindset. I download the app and make another
fake profile, add some filters to narrow the results, and
there she is again, however less obvious, this time no
photo age changed by one year. With my anonymous style profile,
I say a load to her, and her typing mannerisms

(38:01):
are enough to give it away to me. Jerry on top,
the kilometer distance the app says we are from each
other is smack bang on what Google's maps measured distance
shows from my work to her work where we both
were in that moment. There are other concerns in our
marriage I have, but I was willing and actively working
on them for our sake and for the love I
have for what is a real mind f I think

(38:23):
she still emotionally loves me too. There's no indication to
suspect this cheating other than my well placed apparently at paranoia.
We are still a romantic, fun, connected, caring, loving couple.
She's not a bad person in general except for this,
and I think that's the hardest part and what makes
it hard to accept. I'm not trying to stick up

(38:43):
for in any means. I guess I'm just presenting my
thoughts this time. I think I'm done.

Speaker 4 (38:49):
This is like half of that Pina claudassm.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
Yeah, they both found each other, except that she's actually cheating. Dude,
I it doesn't matter if I think that she loves you,
she's actually she's still cheating on you for a second time.

Speaker 4 (39:04):
It does not matter if if at home everything's great,
she is still cheating on you and still actively lying
to you.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
Yep, yep, yep, uh one, yeah, says opieus catfishing his wife.
Yeah for a second time.

Speaker 3 (39:17):
Dad.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Our other concerns were our future and her no longer
wanting kids, me wanting them. She had recently said she'd
done soul searching, and despite not wanting kids, she still
wants to be with me. Yah, But now I'm mentally
taking a step back and looking at the situation. It
makes me angry. Don't lure me into a sense of
relationship security when you're out of here chatting to other

(39:38):
guys on dating apps. Anyway, what helped me was reading
other people's stories and seeing different scenarios. So I thought
i'd post mine here as well for others and for
future updates. And there is an update, folks, so let's
dive into it. I'm going to confront her this Friday.
Every day my emotions get more and more intense towards

(39:58):
her and the situation. She has put what was the
straw that broke the camel's back? In her hookup profile,
she wrote, I can put my legs behind my head.
I had an effing breakdown when I saw that, but
it also helped me decide then and there it is over.
As I'm away currently, I don't have the option to
be there physically to confront her, but I just cannot

(40:18):
wait this out much longer. I'm having sleepless nights going
over and over in my head what I want to
say to her, I cannot concentrate at work. All the
light and happiness day in day to day life has
disappeared for me. I feel like an empty shell of
a man. I'm going to have a tiny shred of
decency towards her and wait till a Friday after work

(40:39):
so she has the weekend to think about how she
ruined our marriage and probably cry and feel sorry for herself.
As per my previous post, she does not know that
I know, and in the past she deleted the hookup
app before she'd get home, so there was never any evidence,
and the chat history disappears every time. This Friday, I'm
going to video call her without warning, tell her to

(41:00):
share her screen Facebook Messenger and say, open up the
hookup app and open up your chats and show me.

Speaker 4 (41:07):
Why why why do you want to see that? It
is going to hurt you so much more. Just end it.
You are ending, you know what's in there.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
I assume she'll panic and either refuse, which tells me
everything I need to know anyway, or show me. And
I know it's not gonna be pretty after that. I
guess I'll wait to hear her pathetic excuses and I
will say my bit. I've written it all out on
my phone, so I don't forget a single bit. Lastly,
I have this feeling she will tell her family and
friends I split up with her because she doesn't want
kids and I do.

Speaker 4 (41:35):
I am a good person.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
I always get eft over for being too nice and
too eager to help others and too polite and too respectful,
and I won't have it this time. I will probably
contact her parents I'm close with them, and give them
a very brief idea so that she cannot paint me
as the bad guy. And there is a second update.
But I mean, my advice is just leave.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
Who cares if you look like the bad guy? Care?

Speaker 1 (42:00):
Like, get get everyone out of get all these people
out of your life.

Speaker 4 (42:03):
They won't be there anymore. It won't matter.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
Yeah, it's just yeah, amulances. I feel like this is
Opie's gotcha moment for closure. Sure, but I think Ope's
approaching it from less like I want to get revenge
or I want to get closure or something, and more
like I need more evidence.

Speaker 4 (42:19):
Right, like he doesn't have.

Speaker 5 (42:21):
And it's like, no, you have evidence, Yeah, you you
literally have crashout SAPs Fedora Crashout is great, but there's
another update, folks.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
On a Saturday, I video called her, and without explaining,
requested she shared her screen Facebook Messenger video chat and
open the app and show me every single chat with
every single man. She acted confused, claiming she had no idea,
despite me seeing the app in the bottom corner of
her screen, just lying through her teeth to me. Still,
I became angry and nearly yelling. Not once have we

(42:54):
ever yelled at each other before this. She became more defensive,
yelling back. She turned her video sharing off and claimed
it was glitching out. In this time, she deleted the
app and all the evidence. The way she talked to
me and acted was so confronting. She immediately turned into
this new person I had never ever seen in our
whole relationship. It really scared me. Eventually, after more denial

(43:16):
and lies, she gave up lying and just said I
don't want to do this. A bit more back and forth,
I said to her, we will discuss this further when
we see each other in person next and then we
hung up. The next morning, I planned to go to
the movies to get my mind off it, but as
I got ready, I just broke down. I mean, I
cried in a full body reaction emotional state. I just

(43:37):
could not stop. I have never ever cried like that
in my entire life. Because I knew what I had
to do, and I drove hours to her and showed
up at the front door. We sat down and cried together,
and I explained all my feelings about the situation. We
both agreed we had been in a weird place recently,
as she had decided she didn't want kids and I
am very much set on having kids, so perhaps we

(43:59):
were headed down on a slow breakup route.

Speaker 4 (44:01):
Regardless, he was just in denial for so long.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
I mean kind of crazy that she's like, we were
already got a break up? You that's not okay. Yeah,
we had previously talked about working out a way for
three kids. We didn't know how yet where we could
still be a big part of each other's lives, but
perhaps living separately but close by. But the fact she
took action to cheat on me and break my heart
anyway is so afft up. If she wanted to leave,

(44:28):
she owed it to me to tell me, not destroy me,
and I let her know that.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
I mean, she sucks. Yes, the whole thing was terrible,
I think break up. Yeah, it's it's doing what you
guys need to do. Opie was definitely in denial till that,
like crash out on the movies, I feel bad for
the guy.

Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, I've been there.

Speaker 4 (44:48):
I get it. Sad.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
It sucks, man, it sucks. But like I think, going
into your next relationship, you're you, like, be very straightforward
about what you want in a relationship. Do you want kids?
Do you want to get married? And if someone says no,
I don't want those.

Speaker 4 (45:06):
Things, believe them. You guys aren't compatible.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:10):
And also it kind of makes sense because she's like forty,
so she's probably you know, not just like I don't
want to have kids.

Speaker 4 (45:16):
I'm older past that in yeah, people's minds.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
Yeah, like not that you can't have kids when you're forty,
but it does.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
Most people are already like thinking about it.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Yeah. Sure, so get you know, find someone that is
on the same page with you, yeah about things in
your relationship, and also that doesn't cheat on you. In hindsight,
I obviously would have driven to see her on the
Saturday and taken her phone and gone through it myself.
But truthfully, I was just scared crapless about the whole situation.
Her family and best friend have all reached out to

(45:44):
me since to check if I'm okay and offer a
shoulder to lean on. I have got myself a tiny
studio to rent, and I'm beginning to rebuild myself alone.
I'm still really struggling emotionally, and I really wish I
could disappear into a cave and not have to see family,
relige lives shortly for Christmas and go through the whole
story again and again and answer questions.

Speaker 4 (46:05):
My wife cheated on me with my friend after I
let him live rent free.

Speaker 1 (46:10):
Dang, that's not a good house guest.

Speaker 4 (46:13):
After twenty one years and two kids, my wife decided
to have an affair with my now former best friend
yet I served together in Afghanistan. He was going through
a divorce and blamed his wife for cheating on him.
Turned out he was caught sleeping with two other friend's
wives and was sent to Afghanistan to get him away

(46:34):
from them so those families could heal and work on
their relationship. By the way, this comes from Adam T
one thousand and If you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. So after
we came home from Afghanistan, I left the military and
started working for an airline. When my former best friend retired,

(46:55):
I helped him get an airline job too, not the
same company, as he failed the interview you at mine.
The interviewers said he had psychopathic traits and turned the
interview around on the interviewers. He came to visit for
work and it was just me going to take him
out for dinner when he was in my city. Eventually,

(47:15):
my now ex wife said that she and the kids
would like to meet him since he was my best
friend and we talked all the time. So I brought
them all out to meet him on his next trip,
and he charmed her and the kids like he does everyone,
super manipulative and deceptive. He then asked if he could
come visit not just for work, and I invited him
to stay with us in our home. That turned into

(47:37):
a monthly thing. I thought it was great to get
to spend so much time with my best war buddy.
He had alternative reasons. After a few trips to visit us,
he shared that he wanted to move to our city
and asked if he could rent my guest sweep from
me until he found a place of his own. I
welcomed him in and didn't think twice about helping my
buddy out. As soon as he moved in and I

(48:00):
barely saw him anymore. I would get my airline schedule
and give it to my wife and she would send
it to him. Then his airline would bid for schedules
after mine was released, and he made sure he was
in my house when I was working, and he was
working when I was home. This went on for six months.
Not only did I not see him, but he never

(48:22):
paid me a dime and used those six months to
have complete access to my family and home. Looking back,
I see how utterly dumb this was, to allow a
divorce man to be in my house, around my family
when I wasn't there. I started getting the umplompa vibes
around my birthday when she started dressing nicer, doing her

(48:42):
hair and nails, and I would see them drinking coffee
together in the morning. She never drank a drop of
coffee before him living with us. My fortieth birthday came
up and she didn't even say Happy birthday to me
that morning. Something was off that way. God, Okay, not.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
Someone happy birthday is not okay.

Speaker 4 (49:02):
We were still having spicy sleep. In fact, it was
more frequent than ever, but not even a happy birthday.
On my fortieth something was up. We had a ring
camera in the living room to watch the dog when
we would travel. I hadn't been snooping on my family
while on the road, but should have been. They both

(49:22):
knew that the camera was there too. Two days after
my birthday, I was on a trip and the camera
goes off in the middle of the night. She's running
downstairs from the guest suite in nothing but her birthday suit.
I rewound the video and watched the previous few weeks
and saw it all. They had spicy sleep in my

(49:42):
living room, groped each other and made out in front
of my kids. While it was brutal. I punted him
out and took my wife to intensive marriage counseling. She
lied through her teeth to the therapist and made me
feel bad about her, and.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
The therapist wasn't like, well, you cheated on your husband,
so what how do you lie about that?

Speaker 4 (50:08):
She said that I wasn't attentive enough, that I was
a bad dad, that I never let her do what
she wanted that I didn't speak her love language, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera, all blame shifting to me. I
was gaslet so hard my head was spinning. I lost
forty pounds in two months and was a wreck. Three
therapy sessions a week weren't helping, and she was caught

(50:29):
sneaking out to see him over and over.

Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah, you need marriage is done. Your marriage is over.
I don't understand where I'm still here. I mean, I
probably because the kids, but.

Speaker 4 (50:39):
But still why we're not talking divorce.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
You're not going to be a good father if you're
losing forty pounds in two months. Insane, just in a
terrible mental health you know, yeah, mental state.

Speaker 4 (50:52):
When I would present her with the proof on the
continued affair, she would deny on stop. She lied to
the therapist constantly until the last session, where I showed
proof of a recent spicy related encounter with him two
days earlier. She swore she had been no contact for
over a month. The therapist's jaw was on the floor.

(51:15):
After that session, I finally decided this wasn't the life
I wanted and initiated the divorce. So nearly six years later,
here we are. She got a job teaching at my
kids high school and manipulates the kids daily. They know
what she's doing, but they still want a mom. My
kids hate her for what she did to me and
all the lies she told them about me. They are

(51:36):
fifteen and seventeen. They know the truth about what happened,
and my ex is still with the guy. She told
them five different stories about how they started dating after
the divorce. I set the kids straight, and then the
kids find her handwritten cheating love letters in her home
that detailed their affair while we were married. I can't

(51:56):
make this up. She has lost all of her friends.
She has made some new acquaintances at work, but they
don't know her. All of her old friends have seen
the videos, emails, texts, and wrote her off like a
bad case of her piece.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Are you like sending them out to everyone? How are
they getting this?

Speaker 4 (52:12):
Don't do that?

Speaker 3 (52:13):
Maybe no?

Speaker 2 (52:14):
Maybe she like she has so many I mean, if
she's details about it, she probably shows it to them.

Speaker 4 (52:18):
Yeah, she's probably bragging. Yeah she's luke y, I mean
right in front of the kid. She might just be
doing it in front of everyone else. It's true that
she could she takes him out.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
She has no shame.

Speaker 4 (52:27):
She spends every three minute with him, and he is
still sleeping around on her, according to mutual friends who
have kept tabs on him.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
I mean, that's what happens when you when you start
cheating with a guy who's literally known for being a
serial cheater with his friend's wives. What do you think
is gonna happen?

Speaker 4 (52:45):
My ex wife is just one of many for this psycho.
As part of the divorce, I agreed to a one
million dollars settlement over eleven years, nearly all of it
in cash, minus one hundred and twenty five k and
ira for her. We had a lot of retirement accounts,
military retirement, home brokerage, et cetera. To divide. I kept

(53:07):
everything and agreed to pay half upfront in cash and
ira and the rest over eleven years with restrictions. The
alimony has the standard clause that it will end if
she gets married, but I also added in that it
ends if she cohabitates. That is not part of the
state law at all, but I got it added in mediation.
So six years in they still aren't engaged or living together.

(53:30):
She has the perfect setup. He can tell her she
has to keep her house and can't live with him.
Since my kids loathe him, she can't bring him around
the kids, so he is free to play with other
women while she has the kids half of the month.
In five years when the alimony ends, do you think
he will finally move her? In eleven years in I'm
almost enjoying watching this. She has burned through every penny

(53:52):
I gave her upfront, four hundred and eighty thousand. It's
all gone. I double her paycheck with my alimony child
support each month. But she has expensive taste for a
school teacher. Our last month of marriage she averaged eleven
thousand a month on her credit card. I now give
her just three thousand a month. I'm saving a fortune

(54:13):
by not having to support her reckless spending. If you
subtract out the money she was bringing into the marriage
from her average monthly bill, that left me with eight
thousand in credit card debt to pay off each month. Now,
just giving her three k means I say five K
a month. That's a sixty thousand dollars a year savings
just on her credit card alone. Divorce has been an

(54:35):
amazing financial boost. My income has increased fourfold since the
divorce and she gets none of the extra I also
wrote that into the divorce, my net worth has also quadrupled,
and I'm well on my way to an early retirement
if I so choose. She, on the other hand, just
started working for a city school at age forty three

(54:56):
and has no retirement savings other than the IRA I
gave her. She will be working for a long time
unless she finds someone to marry her and pay for
her I took the divorce heard and my weight went
up and down in unhealthy ways. I lost forty pounds
this past year and have finally prioritized my health overtaking
care of everyone else. It has been amazing. But the

(55:18):
best part and why I needed to share the other
crap before this, I have had the most amazing partner
for the last two point five years. Hey, okay, look
it up. She was also married to another narc. We
have helped each other heal and grow. We get each other,
and our relationship is so loving and amazing. It made
being mistreated for twenty one years worth it to teach

(55:41):
me what I wanted and what I would never tolerate again.
And my kids see it too.

Speaker 1 (55:46):
That's that's very rewarding to realize that you've actually found
someone who like respects you. You respect them, your kids
respect the relationship that you guys have. That's great.

Speaker 4 (55:55):
We share two dogs together, and everyone in our world
is happen. There is an abundance of love, smiles, hugs, money, time,
empathy in my home now, and everyone is thriving. I
never thought it would happen. I feel like, yeah, you
guys have left each other.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
The marriage is over. You're with another cool person. Do
your kids know the truth? I think everything's good.

Speaker 4 (56:19):
Everything's great, right, everything's great. Nothing's gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (56:22):
Right.

Speaker 4 (56:23):
My ex has gained a ton of weight and is
almost unrecognizable to me. I'm guessing at some point her,
a fair partner will finally write her off for good
and she will be left with a big nothing sandwich
to chew on. She's living paycheck to paycheck on six
k a month and has to curb all her expensive
tastes on six km months.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
And you're living paycheck to paycheck on six k a month.

Speaker 4 (56:47):
This insane.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
I mean, unless she's spending a bunch of stuff on
the kids, which could be possible, but I feel like, oh, peace,
Probably I mean.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
There is she's also getting the money from.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
Yeah, she's getting three K from him.

Speaker 4 (56:59):
She probably just still has are spending as she was
on her credit card. Sure. Meanwhile, my kids and girlfriend
travel abroad and are living an amazing life together free
of her drama and manipulation. I have been in therapy
for the last six years and have learned so much.
If you are struggling, pay the money, find a good
therapist or support group, and do the work on yourself.
It takes an average of half the time you were

(57:21):
in a relationship to get over it when it ends traumatically.
I'm a little over halfway on the healed timeline. Every
day it gets a little better.

Speaker 3 (57:29):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.
Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
My wife told me she's pregnant, but she doesn't know
I'm infertile.

Speaker 4 (57:38):
Oh, she's a cheat.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
And my wife Female thirty three and I Mail thirty
four have been married for three years together for six
She's always been one of the most amazing people I've
ever met. No huge fights, love, languages match up, and
we're both fairly active people, which has been why we've
had such a strong relationship and that's why this is
so difficult from me. By the way, this comes from

(58:01):
user throwaway my Supermazoa and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the RM slash.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
Okay story time suburday.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
So we've both been doing well in our careers the
last few years. She's in marketing and I work independently
as an IT consultant, allowing me to set my own
hours and be flexible. How flexible, we decided last year
that we wanted to start a family, with her likely
keeping her job full time and me scaling back to
part time. We've both been anxious but excited to have

(58:31):
our own kids. Long story short, I was diagnosed with
azuspermia last December, a blockage in the pipes me It
meant I wasn't producing any baby juice.

Speaker 3 (58:46):
Uh and it's.

Speaker 2 (58:47):
Curable with surgery, thankfully, and we finally got it scheduled
for July. She has a high spices leap drive so
and as do I, so we've still been very active.
But there should have been no way I could have
gotten her pregnant. She missed her period this week. I
couldn't imagine that she might actually be pregnant, right the

(59:09):
babies are bottled up until they get the blockage out.
She took three tests, though, and sure enough, each one
was positive. At first, I was stunned because this shouldn't
be possible. She's never been unfaithful and never given me
a reason not to trust her. I'm not the jealous type, either,
but I'm literally stuck. The doctor said this couldn't happen,

(59:32):
and I can't believe my wife would jeopardized the future.
We've been so excited for over some fling when we
have such a great emotional and physical connection. My wife
has been ecstatic. She's given no indication of guilt or
worry that she may have cheated. She was so excited
when she found out that I didn't express my worries,
but she left for work, and now I feel completely torn.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
What if she did cheat? Looking back now, there are
a few.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
Tiny things that didn't seem like issues, but now have
me racking my brain for clues. Her job often has
her taking clients out for dinner, and it's not uncommon
for her to get back later in the evening. She
definitely had a busy last few months, but that's normal
for her job. She always wears one of the same
two perfumes, but she came back one night smelling completely different.

(01:00:18):
I remember seeing a text message on her lock screen
of just a winkie face, but assumed it was one
of her girlfriends.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
I set up an appointment on Monday to see if
there's any chance it could be mine. If it is
mine and I accuse her of cheating, I would feel
like the world's biggest a hole. But she's coming home
in a few hours, and I don't know what I'm
gonna say to her. I can't stop thinking of these
small things that may have been her cheating and I
just didn't see it. Do I wait until the Dodger
appointment Monday before talking to her, or do I bring

(01:00:46):
it up the Do I bring up these insecurities while
she's celebrating the pregnancy. I'm worried I won't be able
to hide what's going on. I should add I have
been cheated on before. Our relationship has been pretty healthy,
but that old fear is creeping back in now fair.
This is bringing up some old emotional scars and it's

(01:01:06):
just effing with me. I'm usually never this insecure or
uncertain about being straightforward. I think I need to just
find some way to bring it up without being accusatory.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
I please, Okay, well, okay, I think it maybe could
be good if you like waited for the appointment and
got you know, got double checked. However, I honestly think
if you're gonna be worrying about it until that appointment,
just like sit her down and say, hey, uh, I'm
really excited about the baby. I just wanted to talk

(01:01:36):
to you. I'm not accusing you of anything, but you
know that I had like the sperm stuff blah blah blah.
You could even bring up like.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
I don't know, she doesn't. She doesn't.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
That's yeah, that's what I'm saying. She does not know
that she knew. No, she doesn't, she has no knowledge
of that.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
I'd be like, hey, I found out that I'm is
you supermic?

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
Yeah, it's like you need to and I think you
can do it without being accusatory, But it needs to
be like a thing where it's like, so.

Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
I literally got told by.

Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
The doctors that this was impossible, and it's like, I am.
I want to be excited, but because I've heard that.
I am feeling impossibly confused right now over what I
should be feeling. And I don't want to accuse you
of anything, but you can see how after me being
told that, I would feel maybe a natural skepticism commens.

(01:02:31):
I'd say you should wait for the appointment. Biology can
surprise us sometimes, but prepare for the worst case scenario.
Opie says, should I take her with me to it,
I'm weighing the choices between that and going alone. I'm
going to have to bring it up anyways. There's no
way I can hide this when she gets back. Another
user says, I literally just study this. So although you've

(01:02:52):
been diagnosed with azuspermia, it means that when they looked
at your juice in the lab, it didn't have any
little wigglers in it. However, you produce a lot of
the juice and the lab only looks at a little
bit of the juice, which usually gives a good response.
Usually you would repeat several times before concluding that diagnosis.

(01:03:14):
Although just because the lab didn't see any baby juice,
it can mean that you had an incredibly low count,
so none of their samples from the sample you have
showed any This doesn't necessarily mean that. For example, in
a normal in the normal processes of the normal guy
having the thirty to nine hundred million little swimmers, it's

(01:03:36):
usually about fifteen million per milliadre. It's possible you maybe
even one thousand little swimmers per milliadre and you would
still be diagnosed.

Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
Yes, okay, so this this comment is saying there.

Speaker 1 (01:03:48):
Is little and still be diagnosed.

Speaker 4 (01:03:52):
It only takes one. It takes one.

Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
It only takes one. Oh p replies goes man. I
hope you're right.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
I don't remember exactly what they said, but are there
any forms that would have a complete lack of a.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
Baby juice count?

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
They seemed to be convinced that it was completely blocked off.
But this was all months ago and I don't remember
exactly what they said, and there is an update two
days later. I took a lot of what you guys
said to heart. I had an X years ago who
cheated on me, and it really left a scar. It
wasn't until I got more involved with sports and getting
in better shape that I was able to move on.
My wife and I actually met in a soccer league we.

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
Were in together.

Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
We've had so much trust for so long that I
thought those fears had gone away. It wasn't until now
that I really started to feel shaken like that again.
But I didn't want to let my pass get in
the way of what could be just a huge blessing.
A few people really articulated the right way to communicate
my feelings without being accusatory, and.

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
Being respectful to my wife, who's never really given me
any reasons to doubt her.

Speaker 2 (01:04:54):
It's not uncommon for her to sometimes be home late,
and she'll usually go straight to bed. I didn't want
to dumb this on her immediately and decided to give
myself a night to sleep on it. I got up
pretty early, just being restless, went for a run and
cleared my mind.

Speaker 3 (01:05:08):
I couldn't wait any longer.

Speaker 2 (01:05:10):
I made our favorite omelets and told her I needed
to talk to her about something.

Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
She says, you know I'm not Ashley, right. She knows
me well. Ashley is my ex who cheated. So first
I apologized.

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
I apologize because I let this build up in my
head for so long without talking with her about it. Sooner,
what should be a blessing has been nothing but insecurity
and fear for me.

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
We talked for a while. I told her how happy.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
It made me to see her ecstatic and excited for
the baby. I told her how much I love the
relationship we've built together, and I felt like an a
hole for questioning her loyal She had never given me
a reason not to trust her, and I still couldn't
emotionally get over the thoughts of infidelity because of my ex.
She thanked me for telling her and knew how hard
it was for me to get over that. She volunteered
to have us get a paternity test right when he

(01:05:53):
or she is born, which made me feel better at first,
but something still felt off. I honestly don't know something
about how she was so eager to get a paternity
test and almost not mad at all for having kept
this from her. Normally, she would have been upset that
I didn't bring it up right away, but there was
just a weird feeling I couldn't shake for the rest

(01:06:14):
of my day. It seemed like she was saying all
the right things, but I couldn't get rid of this
clawing feeling inside of my head.

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Maybe there's a gut feeling that I need to listen
to but I ended up going to the appointment alone,
as we decided it would be good to see if
I still needed the surgery. Turns out it is obstructive
as us. I've read so many stories about people who
were supposed to be infertile who ended up getting pregnant,
so I brought that up and how my wife's pregnancy
was affecting me. Their urologists thought it would be pretty

(01:06:44):
unlikely that I wouldn't need surgery to have a kid
with how mine was presenting. He mainly tried to skirt
around the topic and mostly pushed me towards making sure
she was actually pregnant. Being there didn't really help. I
feel like I just got more uncertainty. She had another
night out until eight thirty last night. We talked about
scheduling an appointment to verify the pregnancy. When she got home,
she seemed a little confused, but then quickly agreed. She

(01:07:07):
promised to do it in the morning. I asked how
work had gone, and she gave me a kind of
noncommittal answer about her boss pushing her too much and
being stressed out. Nothing huge there, but she did seem
just off a little bit.

Speaker 3 (01:07:19):
I really couldn't put my finger on it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
We were still acting all lov dow, but something just
felt wrong and I couldn't talk about it without repeating
the same conversation we had Sunday. I've been trying to
throw myself into work to distract myself, but I haven't
been able to focus. We have a joint checking account
that will sometimes move money in and out of, but
really only use for groceries or household items unless we
talk about it beforehand. This morning, she moved half of

(01:07:43):
it to hers, about seventeen hundred dollars.

Speaker 3 (01:07:46):
We don't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:48):
She is never needed to do this before, and I
checked our healthcare portal. She made the appointment for the
time Thursday that I mentioned, I was busy working on site.

Speaker 3 (01:07:58):
We were supposed to go together. I'm starting to go crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
How do I bring this up without just having the
same conversation again. Now you bring it up and you
get a little more confrontational bout.

Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
You're like, Hey, what's up with seventeen hundred dollars? What's
going on?

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
I'm looking into getting a second opinion for myself, but
I need a litmus test from objective outsiders to know
if I'm really losing it, or if this seems weird
to someone else, we have a second update. I've been
trying to center myself. We talked calmly for a bit
on the phone, and she claimed she moved the money
out in anticipation for the deductible payments she'll have with
different visits. I didn't bring up anything else, but she

(01:08:36):
seemed a little impatient with me, probably rightly so, and
I implied we'd have a longer talk when she gets home.
I'm just trying to not overreact right now. I don't
know what to think. This is either a misunderstanding on
my side and I'm a father or not. Thankfully she's
not working late today.

Speaker 3 (01:08:52):
Update threem.

Speaker 4 (01:08:55):
I literally don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:08:56):
It really could go either way. I really don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:08:59):
Why would she make the appointment on the one day?

Speaker 4 (01:09:02):
No, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:09:03):
I don't know why. I don't know why.

Speaker 2 (01:09:07):
I think that just needs to be a hey, can
I noticed that the appointments on that Thursday?

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
Can we change it?

Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
Can we change it?

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
And if she goes no, no, no, we can't, it'd
be like a why But it's like we can change it.
There's literally no rush to do this. We can do
it Thursday. We can do it next Thursday. We can
do it, Saturday, we could do it whenever day, just
literally not that day because we have to go together.

Speaker 3 (01:09:28):
Update three. I went for a long run to clear
my mind.

Speaker 2 (01:09:31):
My wife should be home soon, and I'm going to
go into the conversation without judgment, just objectively walking through
the facts and why I'm still struggling personally with some
of them, regardless of what happens. I'm done with any
confusion left between us and a note here op he's
asking redditors for a script to ask his wife, Hi, honey,

(01:09:52):
I was looking at our medical portal to see when
might be a good day for an appointment. But notice
that you booked it for Thursday. That's okay. I'll take
some vacation and come along. It's too important to be
close to you for that appointment. Chat about other stuff briefly.
And then, oh, by the way, I noticed you moved
seventeen hundred dollars out of our joint account. Was that

(01:10:13):
for the appointment or did I miss something? We have
some more comments here. Do you have any sick time?
Calling sick on the day of the appointment and go anyway?
She's technically already kind of agreed to go together, so
it makes sense she can't argue with that. OPI replies,
I wouldn't want to surprise her, but I think I
might wait until she's home and mention I can take
the day off and see what she says. Another user says,

(01:10:35):
solid plan. Honestly, I hope it ends up just being
a misunderstanding, for your sake, and honestly, for my sake
and for everyone's sake.

Speaker 4 (01:10:42):
Please, Dear God, I just need it to be a misunderstanding. Please.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
It's better to be sure, and it's not as though
you're being unreasonable. Op replies, thank you, thank you. I'm
trying to get all my uncertainty out to make sure
I don't just act on fear.

Speaker 3 (01:10:58):
I'm a little uneasy how.

Speaker 2 (01:10:59):
Popular the post, even though there she rarely uses Reddit.
I'll probably have to take this down eventually. Update four
three days later.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
I'm scared.

Speaker 2 (01:11:11):
We got ninety three percent of polars saying it's cheating.

Speaker 4 (01:11:15):
I don't want it to be cheating.

Speaker 3 (01:11:18):
No, use the power of manifestation to manifest that there
was no cheating in this cheating.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
I know it's Reddit.

Speaker 4 (01:11:26):
I know it's Reddit.

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
Come on, please please now come.

Speaker 2 (01:11:32):
Three days later, we finally sat down after she got
home last night. I told her everything that was going on,
the urologist, the money, the upcoming appointment. I told her
how even with all of her reassurances, there are too
many suspicious things that are happening. She agreed how everything
looked and immediately apologized. She didn't realize how much my
last ex's cheating was still affecting me. She knew I

(01:11:55):
was off going into the weekend, but thought we had
addressed that. We talked about it Sunday. But I can
get pretty internal with all these worries and not show
them outwardly. So while she thought we were communicating, I wasn't.
We decided to start from the beginning and go through
everything together. The money was the real problem for me,

(01:12:15):
She agreed, how inconsidered it was with where my head
was at to do that without mentioning it. Apparently, the
prenatal visits are so structured that they want you to
set up a payment plan right away, and she wanted
to make sure it was squared away to keep the appointment,
She offered without me prompting to call them with me
tomorrow to verify that, or if I really wanted, we
could move the money back. She does get better rewards

(01:12:38):
out of her account, so it kind of makes sense.
We read up on my condition, and it doesn't seem
like they're often invincible force fields. It seems like only
the actual absence of the vast deference guarantees complete infertility,
so it's possible for some to get through. We're going

(01:12:58):
to go back to the original specialist I was working
with last year and hopefully get a clearer picture. It
turns out the appointment she made was the only time
they had available.

Speaker 3 (01:13:07):
Is so soon.

Speaker 1 (01:13:08):
That's what I was thinking. That was mine and I
didn't say before, but my first thought, having just done
like a bunch of pet stuff, is like, it's so
hard to get doctor's appointment stuff, just like in general,
Oh my gosh, it like I try to get a
doctor's appointment with my doctor specifically, which I mean, I'm
sure she would want to go to her doctor or
like a trusted something. Uh, And it was like month's

(01:13:30):
out and so I had to go to a different doctor.
And then for PT, I had to wait two months
to get into PT. So like that that was my
first thought was that this was just the first day
that was available, and.

Speaker 3 (01:13:39):
That's why our healthcare is the best, because we pay
so much money for it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:44):
Anyway, Okay, she said it was the only time they
had available so soon, and she figured it'd be best
not to wait. I told her I took off work
to go with her, and she was relieved I could join.

Speaker 3 (01:13:55):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:13:55):
I think she's genie. Okay, I don't think either. She's
a very good act actress.

Speaker 2 (01:14:01):
Once again, she said all the right things and seems
genuine about getting us on the same page. After going
through each thing, I was just wishing I believed her
a little more before she stressed out with work and
when she'll have to take off. But she really seemed
to want to go out of her way to alleviate
my concerns. She even offered an open phone policy if
I needed. We did look at the text I had seen,

(01:14:21):
and it was just a girlfriend. I declined though right now,
since I don't want to be that husband.

Speaker 4 (01:14:27):
Where to God, you're jo your joy hate.

Speaker 1 (01:14:33):
Doesn't tell us whether or not she cheated with definitive proof,
I'm gonna go crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
This has really made me take a deeper look at
what's in my past. And how that still affects me today. Fire,
that was a bar, that guy that's cooking. Even thinking
back to this weekend, it was so hard to see
in the moment how much all the uncertainty was affecting me.
That level of anxiety literally makes you question everything around
you and if it's real. I think trust but verify

(01:15:03):
is the best way to put it. I was just
trying to verify without any of the trust.

Speaker 3 (01:15:08):
That's all.

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
This has put a strain on our marriage right now,
but I'm feeling more like we're a team again, working
towards easing that. She thought that a non invasive prenatal
paternity test asap was a great idea as long as
we also.

Speaker 3 (01:15:21):
Get some kind of counseling together.

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
I'm not big on therapy, but I can probably agree
that it will most likely help. I'm feeling a little
better about everything. It's time for me hopefully be a father.
And update five, The paternity test came back initially positive.

Speaker 3 (01:15:38):
For anyone that's going to see this, okay, wait, yeah,
that's his child.

Speaker 4 (01:15:42):
This is good.

Speaker 3 (01:15:44):
There's no cheating.

Speaker 1 (01:15:45):
I did doubt it, but I never I never fully
was on the cheating train. And I'm proud of it.

Speaker 4 (01:15:49):
I have to say that I he doubted him a
little bit

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My boyfriend’s parents keep playing FAVORITES… now I’m rethinking our marriage! | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My boyfriend’s parents keep playing FAVORITES… now I’m rethinking our marriage! | Reddit Stories