My cousin’s mother-in-law wants to JOIN their honeymoon…so I called her out! - r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
My cousin's mother in law wants to join their honeymoon,
so I called her out.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
Sorry.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Three is a crowd, yeah, I twenty five female have
always been close to my cousin thirty two female. A
little background. My cousin is very polite and sensitive, the
kind of person who can't say no. If someone believes her,
she will just come back home and cry. By the way,
this comes from user Pluto sixty seven eighty and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the

(00:45):
r slash Okay Storytime subrend it. Anyway, my cousin fell
in love with her now husband thirty six female, almost
five years ago. In these five years, her mother in
law never missed a chance to third wheel. They're going
on a mother in law wants to join they're having
a trip. How can mother in law be alone in
her home? They want to watch cinema. Mother in law

(01:07):
wants to watch it too. She has no one else
to go. They're going to a resort. Mother in law
is too sick to be left alone. In truth, my
cousin never had a date with her husband slash lover
without his mother. I was genuinely worried about this, but
it's not my life. I have no say in it.
But my patients crossed the limit on their wedding. The

(01:28):
marriage happened in February this year. Her mother in law
came to the wedding in a classic wedding dress with
heavy jeweleries, flowers, and a crown in her hair. She
just needed a veil to be bride. Except for the veil,
everything was there.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
She was even carrying.

Speaker 1 (01:45):
A bouquet of red roses.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
That's interesting, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh my god. The moment she entered, everybody looked at
her with wide eyes, and I saw my cousin's face fall.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
Dude, if I was the cousin, I'd be like, I
don't know if I can go through this marriage. Because husband,
you're not putting up any boundaries with your mom, and
you haven't ever put up boundaries.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
With your mom the whole relationship.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, this would be a straight up actually, like hey,
completely reanalyzing everything depending on how you react to this moment.
It literally looked like the mother was the bride and
my cousin was a bridesmaids. I felt hot air coming
out of my ears, so I gave the fakest smile
possible and said, Auntie, you're looking like you came to

(02:34):
marry your Sunday boo.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
And everyone laughed. Everyone laughed at her, What a crazy misunderstanding.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
You're not getting married today.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Married silly.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
To my utter surprise, some of the relatives laughed out loud. Yes,
someone even passed a comment like she dressed a little
nicer than her own wedding forty years ago. She got
visibly upset and spent the wedding with a gloom face.
She denied to be in some photos out of anger,
which was good for my cousin. I'm sorry she's still here.
No one made her leave and change her outfit. After

(03:07):
the wedding, the groom confronted me about my words. According
to him, it's her only son's wedding and she has
the right to dress up. We are all dressed up.
And I also thought that I crossed the line because
in our culture there's no rules for dressing up. There
are no such things like upstaging. The bride and the

(03:29):
close family usually dressing up in an extravagant way, but
never in a wedding dress with a crown. Yeah right,
It's like there's no rules until we have to make
one because he decided to show her as an actual bride.
So I thought about apologizing until I heard she wants
to go to the honeymoon with my cousin. Whoa, now,

(03:50):
what are we doing?

Speaker 3 (03:50):
Well?

Speaker 1 (03:51):
She was literally bragging to one of her relatives about
how her son had changed the honeymoon location from a
beach to a hill station because she don't like the beach.
I came back and asked my cousin whether she knew
about this. She said that her husband informed her in
the middle of their wedding.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
Uh, not getting married. Don't get married. Don't get married.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
You can't get married to a man who's marrying his
own mom.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
He's marrying his mom.

Speaker 1 (04:17):
Instead of apologizing, I posted a picture of the groom
and his mother with the caption vote. Wedding is over
advanced happy honeymoon. Yes, yes, the post was public and
some of the passers by really thought he married an
old woman and left really mean comments on the post.
When he saw the post, of course, he freaked out

(04:38):
and eventually canceled the honeymoon, which my cousin didn't want
to attend either. It's been months after that and he
still blames me for his canceled honeymoon and keeps pushing
me to apologize to his mother every time we meet.
For what they're still together.

Speaker 4 (04:53):
The cousin is like a people pleaser. Oh my god,
ticks does not you know, does not stand up for herself.

Speaker 3 (04:58):
So we already knew that.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
I refuse to apologize every time this idea was brought
up for me. I said the truth and didn't lie,
but my family thinks I should just apologize to solve
the issue for my cousin. She is still struggling with
her mother in law's interference. She still can't voice out
her opinion out loud, but she told me that her
husband suggested another honeymoon after I apologize, and she also

(05:22):
told me that she doesn't want to go because she
believes her husband would bring his mother again.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
If you believe that, and if you don't even want
to go on your honeymoon, why are you in this marriage?

Speaker 3 (05:32):
Get that marriage an.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Ould mull it over and then unnull it over. And
yes she did react with a haha to my happy
honeymoon post. I made that post private after some mean
comments from the general public. So I don't want to apologize,
am I to a hole? No?

Speaker 2 (05:48):
No?

Speaker 4 (05:48):
Also, it's like you didn't even really say anything that bad.
You just post a picture with him and his mom.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah. At that point, it's like we've already the damage
is done.

Speaker 4 (05:57):
Like they did that they didn't want to look like
the bride and groom, then maybe she shouldn't dress.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Like the bride.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
Here's an update. Oh I never thought I would update
this fast and the situation would turn out like this. Anyways,
here I am. First, let me clear up some confusion.
Her now mother in law was present in her every
date because her now husband owns a cafe and mother
in law just stays there. I mean she is a
frequent goer, and whenever they had a date, it was

(06:25):
always in his own cafe, when mother in law was
already present beforehand, or she joined later. My cousin was
a child when her father passed, so she never had
an ideal father figure in her life, and her husband
is kind of a family or family blind man, which
made her fall in love and stay with him for
five long years and get married. Now, after reading your comments,

(06:47):
I decided to have a talk with my mother That
same night. She told me that I was interfering in
a husband wife matter. It is their private business and
if they can't solve their problem themselves, and they shouldn't
be or stay married. I am not their marriage counselor
and I shouldn't try to be one. I agree. It
sounded like selfish, but my mother was so right. After

(07:12):
that convo, I sent this post link to my cousin
and brother in law. Ooh, so it's been revealed. The
general public's knowledge has been revealed. Yes, according to the comments,
they both needed this eye opener. But my cousin doesn't
open links unless you force her to open and read it.
And before I could get a free moment to call her,
my brother in law read this post. He called me

(07:34):
immediately and asked me to meet him. I was not
ready to meet or even talk with him, but he
requested and said it was urgent. So I meet him
in a public place and he showed me some chats.
Guess what was in those chats. He and my cousin
were planning another honeymoon at the hill station, separate to
her guides from mother in law resorts. All that those

(07:55):
chats were full of emoji stickers and all that good stuff.
You wouldn't even guess that she did like the idea.
He told me that he never informed my cousin about
their change of honeymoon in the middle of the wedding.
My cousin knew beforehand.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
Whoa, whoa, wait, new info, he said, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
And we've got sabotage. He said that he also knew
that mother in law shouldn't go to the honeymoon, so
when his mother forced him, he asked my cousin for permission,
and she said yes, okay, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
No no, I mean you're still the wrong name. But
like she clearly is not telling the truth about the situation.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
As someone's not, I don't know if it's her or him,
it's easy to fake a text chain right away. Hey, man,
make your own decision. I'm calling bs on all this
guy's stuff. He even planned those separate bamboo houses in
hill stations so that his mother can't disturb their honeymoon.
They planned for a separate tour guide for separate side
scenes too. According to him, if my cousin had any objections,

(08:56):
she should have said no rather than making a scene.
That's why he is angry with her. He wanted her
to apologize to his mother, not me. He never had
any conversation with me. If he wanted me to apologize,
he would have directly asked me like he did in
the wedding. I feel like I'm in a movie. But
do I trust him completely? Well? I do, because my

(09:17):
cousin is a people pleaser. She didn't want to add
her mother in law, but she didn't want to play
the bad guy either, so she made me play it
for her, as I do care for her too much.
Do I think my brother in law and his mother
were right. Absolutely not. I told him directly that he
needs to grow a spine and shouldn't even ask such
permission like taking mother in law on a honeymoon, and

(09:40):
he should ask his mother to apologize too. He explained
that his mother had a heart attack three times already,
so he wanted to go easy on her. But that's
not the way. If he wants this marriage to last
more than three months, than he should man up. Yeah.
And also, if your mom just had three heart attacks,
don't bring her to the top of the hill. Yeah,
don't go on vacation with her behind us a chill.
He said that he already got that lesson from the comments.

(10:03):
Kind of offended by the mama's boy tag. But but
the truth hurts sometimes. Do I let my cousin get
away with the way she used me? Never? You don't
mess with me and get away with it. So the
first thing I did was delete the link that I
sent her. Of course it was unread. Then I asked
my brother in law to replan the honeymoon the same
way like before, which means with my mother in law,

(10:24):
like the way they plan together in chat. If my
cousin asks, then he would say that I apologize to
his mother, which she believes I would never. So this
time I will take my mother's advice and stay silent.
If she doesn't want to take her mother in law,
she has to say it out loud. If she says
it out loud, her husband would take her input and
leave his mother out of the honeymoon. But if she doesn't,

(10:45):
then she can enjoy her honeymoon with her mother in law.
Maybe I am the a hole here, but you play
stupid games, you win stupid prizes. I have a feeling
she would call me today crying again. I fear the
comment section will be mean to me, but I don't care.
She still has options to say no. It's not like
I'm forcing her or encouraging her mother in law. We
all have lessons that.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
We need to learn in our lives.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Right, Clearly, Opie's cousin needs to learn the lesson that
you can say no to people. Now do we use
the honeymoon as a teachable moment for learning to say no?
And if she doesn't learn the lesson, then she has
to spend her honeymoon with her mother in law. I
don't know. I don't know about that one. Chief. I

(11:29):
don't think we do.

Speaker 4 (11:30):
Yeah, yeah, seems messy. It seems like both these people
pleaser is married each other.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
You know, well, it's to me, it feels like the
husband definitely just wants the wife to try to like
I like like the cousin or his wife to just
be like, yeah, I should have done this, so then
he can have the cop out of like, well, see,
I wasn't being a MoMA's boy. I was just trying
to be considerate of everybody. But you already know your
mom shouldn't be on your honeymoon, so now it's up

(11:57):
to you to tell her that that's not happening.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
You freaking know, man.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Update number two the last and most satisfactory update you
will ever get from me. I guess as I predicted.
My cousin called me just a half hour after I
gave my last update and asked me if I really apologized.
She said that I shouldn't have. I could have replied
to her on the call. But as I meet my
brother in law, I want to meet her too. I

(12:23):
asked her if she could visit me in my house,
and she came this evening. She is still with me
watching her favorite TV show as I'm giving this update.
Her husband would pick her up soon anyway. As soon
as she came, the first thing I asked her is
to be honest with me, otherwise I would cut her off.
She panicked who but agreed. Then I asked her, sorry,

(12:47):
that was just a little my little panic. There, We're
at the end of the day. I'm goofy deal with
if she knew about her mother in law's plan beforehand.
She said she had no idea about the wedding dress.
Of course I saw the shock on her face that day.
But she knew about the chain of honeymoon before the wedding,
and so why didn't she deny this idea? She was
dressed with the wedding and she panicked that if she

(13:07):
denied it, her husband would call off the wedding and
break up with her. As her husband threatened her with
these words, No he didn't, but her husband loves his
mother more than her, so she guessed that would be
the case. I felt a little bad here. Why didn't
she say the truth to me? She thought I wouldn't
react if she said that she agreed. She wanted me
to react. She did not want to go on the honeymoon.

(13:28):
Why doesn't she speak up for herself and want me
to react? She said that I have always been opinionated
since childhood. She tried to express her opinion too, but
I have support to react the way I do. She doesn't.
The moment she shares her opinions, they are relatives call
it fatherless behavior. Also, her mother doesn't support her either.

(13:50):
That's the conversation we had. I was speechless at some points,
but I am glad. I asked her to visit me
and didn't react on the phone. I did it because
someone commented, you shouldn't trust your brother and law over
your cousin. Thanks for that, so I guess nobody lied
this time. And good thing is she agreed to say
no for a honeymoon with her mic with her mother
in law. I already told my brother in law that

(14:10):
if my cousin says no, he has to oblige. He
agreed as he read all of your comments. I suggested
my cousin to appoint a nurse for her mother in
law for her safety. I hope everything goes well with
their honeymoon this time around. Another thing, I asked her
to not tell me about her problems before she talks
clearly with her husband, which is good. Let's talk about

(14:32):
our problems with the people who uh they relate to
instead of others, and then those people right exactly. She
agreed and asked me if we are okay, Well we are.
We are different kinds of people in real life and
in this case, we were all a holes in certain ways.
Uh I poked my nose. She used that nose. Her

(14:55):
husband doesn't have a nose. Her mother in law uses
her nose to lead her son to my brother in law.
If you are reading this, go plan a good honeymoon
at a sea beach. You can enjoy a full family
trip another time. Maybe in December. Good time to visit
the hills. You'll get snow and you need to sort
out your priorities. I know my auntie is sick, but

(15:16):
that is not an excuse to make my cousin sick mentally. Goodbye, everybody.
I'm not rude. It's just the way I talk. I
wish I could change, but I don't want to. I
wish I could change, but I love.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
That it's jumping in the.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
There's a third update. Would I be the a hole
if I don't reach out after my cousin blocked me?

Speaker 3 (15:38):
What? It's getting more messy.

Speaker 1 (15:41):
Getting it's giving even more of a message.

Speaker 3 (15:43):
Oh no, who?

Speaker 1 (15:45):
I never thought i'd be back here, but here I
am again. If you remember me, I was the girl
who called out my cousin's mother in law in public
for ruining her wedding and honeymoon. The honeymoon finally happened,
and without mother in law's interference. As much as I
want to say that things got better, things have not completely.
But I did take the advice and distance myself from
my cousin's married life. I just realized today that my

(16:07):
cousin has blocked me on social media.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
It's so weird.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
I don't know what happened, but from what I heard
from my other aunt and cousins, she said I'm the
one who cut contact.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
With her, so she just like is lying a bunch.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
Surely I did not block her. I just didn't engage
myself in her problems. All of my cousins think I
should reach out and make amends, but I'm not sure
if I want to. I have a feeling if I
reach out, I have to engage in her married life again,
and the problems will come like YouTube ads which I
can't skip. I'm not saying it's her problems, not mine,

(16:40):
but my brain is saying exactly that we were close
once upon a time, but with times I don't have
the same feelings that I used to have last year.
We just fine. People change, people grow apart, people grow closer.
But then also it's like, it's true, none of these
things are your problems, and especially it's like.

Speaker 3 (16:57):
And she keeps trying to make it your problem and
also lie about things.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Right, we are far apart now. I have faced the
worst betrayal from my ex best friend, and the friend
I least expected to help me pulled me out of
the dark. So it's like, I'm a new me and
want to leave the past behind. So should I reach out?
And by the way, you can always reach out to
full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify. iHeartRadio,

(17:22):
Apple podcasts. Wherever you listen to podcasts, just search theme
of our show. Okay, story time and you can have
the whole world in the palm of your hands, and
it's a world made out of stories that you can
listen to. You have a little more story left, let's
just finish it off to it. She's still facing problems
with her mother in law, and her husband wants her
to adjust. He wants to balance both sides, but somehow

(17:43):
it's not working. I have a feeling this will go
on until someone puts his or her foot down, but
nobody is Maybe that's the reason she's upset with me.
I'm good at setting boundaries, but as all of you
said before, it's not my monkey, not my circus. I
don't know what my mother thinks about this. She doesn't
know about the block, and I don't want to create
a big deal out of it. I'm ninety percent sure

(18:03):
that I shouldn't reach out, but ten percent is like,
am I being selfish? Uh? And that is the end
of that story. I wouldn't reach out.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
I'm not right now.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
I would think she's taking a lot of like she's
making up a lot of things, and it's just frustrating.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Focus on you, babe, Focus on you, on you, and
then you know.

Speaker 3 (18:24):
And then maybe and then maybe we can focus on
fixing that relationship.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Right, But that's not coming from you. You can't You
can't control how other people are gonna feel in their emotions.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
Exactly.

Speaker 5 (18:35):
My future brother in law wants my boyfriend to break
up with me. How do I get him to leave
us alone?

Speaker 1 (18:42):
Break up with your boyfriend? Easy?

Speaker 5 (18:45):
Uh? And by the way, this is a direct submission
from the r slash Okay storytime subburd It no so
one of ours, so thank you, one of you. I
thirty one female started dating my boyfriend twenty nine male
let's call him Ethan, seven years ago this month. Whoa
happy anniversary to us. Our relationship started off like any

(19:05):
other huge sparks at the beginning peo pew, zero issues,
just total bliss. We even moved away together for work.
Ethan worked in construction, which requires a lot of travel,
and took me a long to a new job as
his helper. I got to experience what life would be
like away from home for the first time, and Ethan
was there to encourage and support me while I learned

(19:27):
a lot of new skills at my new job. Life
was great. We eventually finished that job and moved back home.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Great.

Speaker 5 (19:34):
Ethan continued working and traveling doing some other construction jobs,
and I found more work at home. By the way,
this comes from user redwood bird Call on the URLA. Okay, storytime,
sup reread it and just like redwood Bird Call, did,
you can submit your stories to our subreddit. Do it
so we can read it. Do it just like this one.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Put them there right now easy.

Speaker 5 (19:56):
During our first year together, I was introduced to his
brother thirty eight mail we'll call him Derek. The first
time we met was in a group setting with other
family present. All right, he was very talkative, opinionated, and
wanted to know a lot about Moah. He was decent,
I guess, but annoying to me personally, a bit too
nosy for my taste. Anyway, the next several times we met,

(20:19):
he began to be more openly critical, and it got
to a point where I started to not really enjoy
his company or look forward to us making trips to
visit him at all. He dominates the room at all times,
and his tone is just always so negative and angry.
I know that's rather vague, but it would be nearly
impossible to explain all the ways he exhibits this behavior

(20:41):
for example's sake, though. One of Derek's proudest moments that
he loves to share at the first chance of opening
in conversation is a time he ordered a Bruski hmm,
but did not like the way the bartender poored it,
so he went around to the back of the counter
and showed the bartender how to poor it properly. This
is how you poured. Yeah, he's one of those.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Guys, David, tell you story. Oh, I outdid the bartender
that one time.

Speaker 5 (21:05):
If Derek calls Ethan on the phone and asks what
we're up to. Let's say we're going out to eat somewhere.
He immediately responds by mocking our choice of food for
that day. And it's not like just friendly banter poking
at us. These comments turn into twenty minute rants about
how uncultured we are.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
Ugh.

Speaker 5 (21:22):
It never fails, and it's gotten to where Ethan avoids
even telling him what we're actually doing or where we're
going so as to avoid being made fun of. So
this guy's just really toxic and he just likes to
be a bulk.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
Yeah, he's just like, Yeah, you think you're cool, You
think you all that?

Speaker 5 (21:36):
You never even seen a shred of Derek is literally
a book. Derek believes he's the greatest comedic genius since
Richard Pryor and uses his jokes as a way to
make fun of people. When we're all sitting around as
a group, he loves to go around the entire room
and pick each other, pick each person apart about the
flazzy season them, whether it be physical characteristics or their

(21:58):
choice and career, etc. Somehow, Derek believes his choices in
life are far supperier than anyone else's and he makes
sure to let them know it. Naturally, when the person
being picked on gets upset or tries to respond back
with their own defense, Derek shuts it down by saying
He's just joking.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
I'm just Derek, I'm just joking.

Speaker 5 (22:19):
Jkjk, It's just Derek being Derek jok and tries to
make them look goofy for not getting his joke, not
realizing he's actually the one making himself look like a joke.
Most people do their best to laugh it off, but
the things Derek says to them are really hurtful, and
it's easy to see how uncomfortable they start to become.
He never stops talking, so everyone in his line of

(22:40):
sight is a target so long as they're within eyesight
and earshot of him to make his next victim. This
is one of the biggest things that I can't stand
about him. He just flat out cannot have a normal
conversation with people without putting the whole room on edge.
It is exhausting. Derek is also a very proud and
passion agnostic.

Speaker 1 (23:02):
Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of being agnostic?

Speaker 5 (23:05):
I have no problem with this, but I, however, am
a Christian. Oh I see you. Derek knows this, and
apparently hey has a problem with it. He digs every
opportunity to mock my beliefs, one example being that he
uses swear words that are bothersome to me.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
Like gosh, darn yeah, but a bad one.

Speaker 5 (23:26):
I don't mind cussing, but that one in particular just
makes my skin crawl, and I can't stand when he
says it. I've never once tried to sway his beliefs
or make him share the same beliefs as me. He
simply is aware that I am a Christian, and to Derek,
it's one more opportunity for him to push my buttons
and have a reason to make fun of me. Outside

(23:46):
of religious views, Derek cusses like a twelve year old
little boy who learned a new cussword for the first time. Great,
it's literally every other word that comes out of his mouth.
I actually don't think I've ever heard him complete a
full sentence without there being a harsh language thrown in
the mix. Ethan has even politely asked him to please
reduce his use of bad language when he's around us.

(24:09):
It's just a respect thing. Derek just flat out doesn't
know when to stop or how to read the room,
because the room is always his. He wants to be
the center of attention, so he doesn't care how he
gets it.

Speaker 1 (24:20):
Like you can be the guy who like curses a lot,
but when people around you are like can you not
do that? You need to be like beggful and be like,
all right.

Speaker 5 (24:28):
Just chill with the kids when there's families around, like
it's okay. Like if there's no kids around, I don't care,
but if there's kids around, I don't like being a
bad influence. Yeah, that's the one time I'm like, felter
your language. That's really what it boils down to. Whatever's
on his mind, he's going to say no matter who
it's directed to or how it might affect that person.
In my professional opinion, the man is certain certifiably insufferable. Lol. Ethan,

(24:53):
on the other hand, is a complete opposite of his
brother Derek. Ethan is kind hearted, quick to listen, and
slow to speak. He is hardworking, compassionate, patient, and would
truly do anything for anyone and never expects anything in return.
We love Ethan Lowell. One flaw Ethan used to struggle with, though, however,
was standing up to his older brother. For a long time,

(25:16):
what Derek wanted is what Ethan provided until he had
finally had enough. Over the years, Ethan has grown tired
of his brother's constant bullying and negativity toward life, and
has really come to realize just how toxic Derek's behavior is.
The last several years, I've also managed to start speaking
up for myself and Ethan by putting my foot down

(25:36):
whenever Derek disrespects us. Nice I've maintained a level head
at all times when communicating with him, but I've been
very stern in order to make sure he knows that
he does not get to walk all over us anymore.
Let's just say Derek met his match when he met me.
He can't stand me because of this. The man condition it,

(25:57):
but he absolutely cannot take it.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Oh, we all know those people.

Speaker 5 (26:01):
I previously shared another post about Derek's antics. Feel free
to check that out. It's a doozy and I thought that,
after a few years of letting things calm down, that
we would move on and found a common ground. By now, clearly,
by me writing this post, we have not. Well, let's
get to present day. For additional context, I have to

(26:22):
also let you in on some personal things I've been
dealing with that have contributed to Derek not wanting Ethan
to be with me. I mean, you're putting Derek in
his place. Twenty twenty four has been a hard year
for me. For whatever reason, my body decided that all
the trauma from my past was going to bubble up,
and it's really been taking its toll on me. I've

(26:42):
been struggling with my mental health, which has unfortunately manifested
in some physical symptoms such as blurred vision, dizziness, fatigue,
and social anxiety. The total opposite of who I am
when I'm at my best. Typically, I'm a busy bee,
love hanging out with my friends and family, and absolutely
cannot sit still to save my life. I love going NonStop.

(27:04):
It's fun to me. Usually. Earlier this year, I unfortunately
had to give up a couple jobs that I really
loved because of my inability to show up and be dependable.
I left these jobs more so out of guilt to
my companies, rather than being let go as some might
as assume. It was a decision I made on my own,
along with my doctor's recommendation to take medical leave. Hmm, okay, Unfortunately,

(27:29):
my roles needed to be filled, and I made the
decision to resign so that the companies, or so that
my companies could find solid help to take over until
I could return. To make a long story short, I
fully cut ties with both companies because there just didn't
seem to be an end in sight for what I've
been battling. It was for the best.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
Boom maham, Well, I hope whatever is going on? Oh P,
I hope, I hope you're okay.

Speaker 5 (27:53):
Yeah, you know, there's a lot of people like that
are like workaholics or just love to work NonStop, and
it will eventually catch up to you. People deserves a break.
They deserve a break. Are ever even such just a
mental break? Take it, you deserve it. Ethan was in
full support of me taking the time off that I
needed and has been and has done nothing but helped
me find answers since day one, even when online. I

(28:16):
found different supplements for me to try and some eye
exercises for me to practice every day in hopes of
regaining control of my vision and overcoming the blurred vision
I get when I have anxiety attacks. He loves me
so good and he's been so caring and supportive of
me even on my worst days. Despite all these setbacks,
Ethan and I had actually been searching for our own

(28:36):
home to purchase, and in July of this year, we
found the one. My family was over the moon, excited
with our news and so supportive of us finally making
big steps to make our relationship further. We get a
lot of jokes about not being married yet, but we
believe slow and steady wins the race, smiley face, and
it's working for us. As you might imagine, Derek was

(28:57):
not happy to hear that Ethan was buying a home
home with me. He sent Ethan several lengthy texts about
how he felt that Ethan and I are incompatible and
that it would be a bit snake to buy a
home with me. Ethan told him that he was planning
on marrying me and for Derek to stop projecting his
own experiences onto us. Derek was previously engaged to a
girl he owned a home with that went south and

(29:20):
ended in a nasty breakup. This is the other story
on my page. Derek was so bothered by us having
our own home that he actually blocked me on Facebook
over it, so he didn't have to see our announcement
post lol. I have messenger seats to prove this cool. Anyway,
despite his disapproval, we moved in and a couple months
later I managed to start up my own small business

(29:42):
working from home. Let's go over ope, one of our family.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
A small business. Every year.

Speaker 5 (29:49):
M a win win because I can start earning my
own money again while having full control over my own schedule.
This allows me to rest and recharge as often as
I need to and still earn a decent income. And
my business has been pretty successful too. Ethan has even
joined me part time with the hopes of eventually leaving

(30:09):
construction all together and making this our full time gig.
We're very excited. Recently, we had a get together with
about six friends over and Derek was going to come too.
Ethan thought it would be a good idea to give
Derek a call before they get together to ask him
to please take it easy, be nice to everyone, and
to watch his language.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
Do you think that's gonna happen?

Speaker 1 (30:30):
I'm sure that won't set Derek off.

Speaker 5 (30:32):
Just laying some ground rules and placing some boundaries. We
are not out to change anyone, but we do expect
there to be a certain level of respect when entering
into our home, as it is our safe space and
we do not want there to be negative energy as
long as we can avoid it. Derek agreed to chill
out all right, but upon arriving, he announced to the

(30:54):
entire group of friends that he would be on his
best behavior as he was instructed to do so by
Ethan and I, even when as far as counting every
time a cussword slipped out and mocking us by saying, Oops,
there's another one. I better not get up to twenty
cuss words or I won't be welcome back here ever again.
Everyone in the room luke confused, and the whole atmosphere

(31:14):
shifted from lighthearted and fun to just awkward. By the
end of the night. After Derek left, everyone was talking
about how uncomfortable he made them and how he just
does too much, which I'm inclined to agree with. I
was so embarrassed and honestly so mad for several days
that I just couldn't get it out of my mind,

(31:34):
and I could feel it starting to negatively impact my
mental health progress. By this point, Derek had him block
me on Facebook, so I took it upon myself to
go ahead and block him from my end. I did
this for my own piece. It didn't take Derek long
to notice this, and he promptly texted Ethan to question
him about it. Ethan plainly said, I don't know man,

(31:56):
and left.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
It at that.

Speaker 5 (31:57):
A couple weeks ago, Ethan received another their lengthy text
out of the blue, from none other than Derek. And
this is about how much of a massive red flag
I am.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
Right, Derek, master of red flags.

Speaker 5 (32:10):
It is I, Derek, I have a red belt in flags.
His text was in reference to my mental health issues
and how he believes that I will waste away in
bed and Ethan will have no quality of life being
with someone like me. He said, I will never get better,
I will only get worse. God, I genuinely don't think
he realizes how much I actually do working from home.

(32:32):
But it's not up to me or Ethan to explain
our livelihood to him. Ethan didn't respond to him. In fact,
he'd even read Derek's entire text. Ethan told me that
he read the first couple lines and knew where it
was headed and just decided just to ignore it. I, however,
did read the message no tonight Ethan and I had
a very long conversation about what to do about Derek.

(32:56):
I'm not even sure there's a solution to dealing with
someone who is hell bent on trying to take away
our happiness. Thankfully, Ethan sees it like this, We have
too much going on that we're working to make better
my mental health than to place any energy into an
angry person's opinions of us.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
Literally, completely irrelevant what Derek thinks about you, guys.

Speaker 5 (33:17):
I love my fella so much for the way he
has encouraged me and continues to gently push me to
become who I am meant to be. He holds my
hand through my bad days, and he celebrates with me
on my good days. He knows as well as I
do that this season is only temporary and that we
still have such a full life to live together. I
will not give up on getting better and on one

(33:38):
day becoming the wife he deserves to have. I refuse
to let a bitter person take away the love Ethan
and I have built. Boy, is Derek in for a
surprise when I make a comeback.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
And you can come back again and again and again
and listen to full episodes with stories just like this
on Spotify and iHeartRadio and Apple podcasts and wherever you
listen to podcast just search, Okay, story time and that's
all you need to do to find the archive.

Speaker 5 (34:05):
Let's just finish this story. We don't want Derek.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
We know what we're doing. We're ignoring Derek. That's all
we need to do.

Speaker 5 (34:11):
I feel like we've exhausted all we know to do
outside of cutting him off completely. What should we do?
The last thing I want is for Ethan to lose
his relationship with his brother. But I am so exhausted
of dealing with this. I would appreciate some advice. If
anyone has any to share, Thank you. Plain and simple,
tell Derek, you tell him, Hey, this is how you

(34:32):
make us feel. You're not respecting our boundaries. If you
keep doing this, we're cutting ties. It's plain and simple.
If Derek does not get that, Boom, it's so straightforward
and to the point that you don't need to walk
around or beat around the bush here. It's Hey, you're
being so negative towards us. We don't need it in
our lives, So what are we gonna do? Boom?

Speaker 1 (34:54):
I disagree with this take, oh, which is weird because
you said, what is technically like the right thing to do,
but I think we need to treat Derek like he's
a six year old that just asked, like, why does
war happen? You can't really explain to a six year
old child the intricacies of geopolitical warfare. Yeah, but here's
the thing, he's not a six year old, but I
know you have to treat him like one because the

(35:16):
inane babble that comes out of his mouth when he's
talking about you and your husband is irrelevant. It doesn't
matter at all. So you're, like you just said in
that last thing, You're like, I'm so exhausted by this,
I'm so tired of this. But your husband got that
text message and didn't even read it, and you decided
to read it. You didn't need to do that. You

(35:36):
need to follow your husband's leader and just completely stop
caring what this guy has to say in terms of
his color commentary about your freaking relationship. It's not influencing
your husband at all, so it doesn't matter. It's not
It shouldn't influence you either, because he is clearly a
dufist that you don't need to listen to.

Speaker 5 (35:53):
He's just it's getting exhausting at this point. Like you said,
your mental health is what matters most here that what
do we need to do here that is best for you?

Speaker 1 (36:03):
Because if the other thing is if you like do
confront Derek about it, and you're like, your goal is like,
I don't want to blow up my husband's relationship with
his brother. If you confront him about this, you're blowing
it up. Dude, it's gonna blow up. So you have
to treat him like a little baby boy. But really
the point is is it's like the main takeaway year
is Op's like, I'm exhausted by this. Stop engaging. You

(36:25):
don't need There's no other solution here but to just
don't entertain his mumbling.

Speaker 5 (36:32):
Jumbling semantics. But also talk to Ethan. Talk to Ethan.
He let him take points, don't take his brother.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
You're worried about blowing up his situation, just worry about
what he wants to do about it.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
Hey, John ogi host here, we're gonna get back to
this episode, but a quick three minute break of.

Speaker 1 (36:49):
Ads from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
I refuse to share my inheritance with my sisters because
they excluded me for years.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
That's your money.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
Don't let anyone tell For context, I, twenty four female,
am the product of an affair. My father was married
when I was born, and his marriage fell apart because
of it. My dad eventually divorced his now ex wife
and his three kids, My half siblings, thirty two female,
thirty male, and twenty eight male, have always resented me
for it. That's so messed up.

Speaker 4 (37:18):
I understand that they probably children at the time, but like,
oh piece a baby boopie was just born.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
Yeah. By the way, this comes from Single Hope ten
oh nine, and if you want to submit your own stories,
just go to the art slash Okay storytime subpread it.
So I understand what happened between our parents is messy
and destroyed their happy family. But I was just a baby,
and they've punished me for it my whole life growing up.
They excluded me from everything, they didn't want me around,

(37:44):
made cruel comments when I was and acted like I
didn't exist unless they were making me feel unwelcome. The
worst part was when my mom passed away when I
was nineteen oh No. While I was mourning my mother's
they openly celebrated. I found out that They made jokes
about how the track she took itself out, how callous Jesus,

(38:04):
and through a party less than a month after the
funeral to celebrate it.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
That is like so like they need to go to therapy.

Speaker 3 (38:13):
Oh my goodness. That broke me and I've been in
no contact with them for years over it. Our shared
grandmother wasn't much better. She wasn't outright cruel to me,
but she clearly favored my half siblings. They spent vacations
in summers with her while she barely acknowledged me. She
also made it known on more than one occasion that
she wanted her jewelry to go to my oldest half sister,

(38:34):
thirty two female, when she passed away as the oldest
female grandchild in the family. Since she never had any
daughters of her own, it was well established to everyone
that knew her that this was her intention. However, she
didn't leave a notarized will, so legally her estate went
to my dad as her own child. Just to my shock,
my dad gave the entire jewelry collection to me. He

(38:55):
said he regretted how I'd been treated by the family
and wanted me to have something meaningful. It was the
first time he had ever done something to truly acknowledge me,
and I was floored. Now I have siblings are furious,
especially my oldest half sister. She is demanding I give
her some of the jewelry, claiming that since she was
closer to our grandmother and she had always intended for

(39:15):
her sister to have it, it's unfair that I kept
it all. She even said I wasn't really a part
of the family and has been calling me selfish and
accusing me of stealing what was rightfully hers. But I refuse.
I told her that after years of being treated like garbage,
I'm not giving up the one thing my dad has
ever done to acknowledge me. She accused me of being

(39:37):
bitter and petty, saying I'm using this to punish them
for things that happened years ago. I'll admit part of
me feels like I'm finally getting some conversation for their
horrible treatment of me. But the other part of me
wonders if I'm being petty or cruel by keeping it
all when the others were so much closer to her.
So am I The ahole edited to add due to
some people making assumptions about my mother. She didn't did

(40:00):
not know my father was married. Originally, they married after
my father's divorce because at the time, my mother could
not support the two of us by herself, and being
an unmarried, pregnant woman was a major cultural taboo for her.
My father spent a majority of his time home when
he actually bothered to come at all, trying to make
it up to his children and my half siblings when
it was his time with custody. As far as I'm aware,

(40:21):
my mother never treated them poorly. They tended to ignore her,
and she did the same when they were around our house.
And there are some comments, but what do we think
is Opie the a whole? I don't think so, Like
is it petty? Sure?

Speaker 4 (40:36):
But also like when people are awful to you, what
did like the other kids expect taking it beyond is
Op's choice petty or not?

Speaker 3 (40:44):
What did the other half.

Speaker 4 (40:46):
Siblings expect was gonna happen when they treated Ope terribly
her whole life? And then she has this opportunity to
be like, well, I'm not giving you any of this money.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Because you guys. Yeah, it's kind of like at this point,
like might well be petty? It's like sure, I guess
to be the bigger person or whatever, or like to
do the objective right thing, it would be to give
the stuff. But like, at the end of the day,
if these people have been terrible to you your whole
life and then celebrated your mom's passing so openly and

(41:19):
so thoroughly.

Speaker 4 (41:20):
And you're no contact with them, Also, someone who didn't
even know that the husband was in a marriage, like
she didn't.

Speaker 3 (41:26):
Even know, and like the dad is clearly to blame here.

Speaker 4 (41:30):
It's like, if you want to go attack someone, go
attack your dad. He's the one who gave it to me.
Why are you coming after me? Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
So it's like, if all of this stuff is happening
and you clearly don't have any sort of positive relationship
with these people and don't ever care to or don't
plan to, and you're already cutting them off, like might
as well just be like, yeah, screw you, guys, I'm
keeping it.

Speaker 4 (41:52):
And also, yes, it might be a petty decision, but
it's also like a decision of like, oh, he said,
this is the one thing that I got from my dad.
This is one acknowledgment I've had of his wrongdoing and
of how I've been treated and all that stuff, so
it's somewhat symbolic.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
There is an update so four days later. First, I
want to thank everyone for the responses, advice, and support.
I never expected this post to gain so much attention,
and it's been overwhelming, but also incredibly validating to know
that so many of you understand Where'm After reading through
the comments and reflecting on everything, I decided to stand
firm in my decision to keep the jewelry. Yeay, this

(42:28):
is the first meaningful gesture my dad has ever made
towards me, and I'm not going to give it up,
especially to people who have done nothing but make me
feel like an outsider my entire life. For a greater clarification,
the jewelry also represents a greater apology to me. No
one had ever apologized for the treatment I faced throughout
my entire childhood, even when I chose to cut them off.
Not for the constant name calling, not for the actual

(42:50):
slurs they would regularly call me, Not for the unwanted
comments of my weight and how I was a pig
just like my mother, none of it.

Speaker 4 (42:58):
I'm actually wondering stuff of that, like comment slurs, if
op is not white, and this family is why, and
that's contributed to a lot of this kind of vitriol
and stuff directed towards Ope. I mean, we don't know
that for sure, but like the slurs in which case
like even more so, I wouldn't want to get these
people anything before.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
This is the only apology I've ever received, even tangentially
relating to my childhood. And yes, I'm very aware of
how bitter I sound here. That said, I don't want
to completely close the door on reconciliation, so I reached
out to my dad to discuss everything. I asked him
why he gave the jewelry to me and what he
thought about the backlash from my half siblings. He admitted
that he regrets how he handled things during my childhood

(43:37):
and feels that he prioritized the other kids at my expense.
Giving me the jewelry was his way of trying to
make amends, even if it's late. I also told him
about how my half siblings were treating me now and
the things they had said about my mom in the past.
He was upset and so that he would speak to
them about their current behavior, though it wasn't my intention
and I doubt it will make much of a.

Speaker 4 (43:58):
Difference, but it absolutely is his responsibility. I mean, he's
trying to do a nice thing quote unquote, but in
doing that, it's opening pe.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Up to even more hate.

Speaker 4 (44:08):
So it's his responsibility if he's going to make this
decision to also follow up and make sure that she's
not getting more backlash from.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
The family members. Absolutely, I mean he's like the only
one that kind of can even if it won't work,
it's like worth of time. As for my half siblings,
the situation has only escalated. My oldest half sister of
thirty two females sent a long message accusing me of
being vindictive and selfish, still claiming that I'm taking the
jewelry out of spite, which I suppose is partially true.

(44:35):
She tried to guilt trip me again by bringing up
how close she was to our grandmother and how much
she wanted these specific pieces to remember her by. I
didn't respond, but I've saved the messages in case things
get worse good idea. Unexpectedly, my middle half brother, thirty male,
reached out privately. He admitted he was wrong for how
he treated me in the past and apologized. He said
that he doesn't care about the jewelry and just wants

(44:56):
to move forward. I told him I appreciated his apology,
but I need time to process everything before I can
even consider having a relationship with them. That's a great thing.

Speaker 4 (45:04):
Yeah, I am like a little bit worried though, but
hopefully it's just being nice.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
Hopefully. I am still no contact with my oldest half
sister and youngest half brother at this point. I don't
see that changing. To those wondering about the jewelry itself,
I've decided to have some of the pieces of praise
and restore it. I plan to wear a few of
them on special occasions and keep the rest stored safely.
They hold sentimental value to me now, not because of
my grandmother, but because they represent a step towards my

(45:28):
dad finally seeing me as a part of the family,
even if it's imperfect and over too. That said, after
speaking with my middle half brother, I've come to understand
most of my half sister's anchor and attacks come from
a place of grief. As such, I plan to give
her my grandmother's favorite pair of earrings.

Speaker 4 (45:44):
That is much nicer than you need to be. But yeah,
props to you. Yeah, she wore them constantly.

Speaker 3 (45:49):
And while I doubt my sister will have any gratitude
towards me, I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture nonetheless. And
you know what gesture I would appreciate always, is you
going to your favorite podcast up, iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcast,
whatever it is, searching up Okay, story Time and finding
more episodes with stories just like this. It means so much,
but there is a little bit more. But what do

(46:11):
we think about these possible solutions right now? I honestly
think Ope as being very nice. The fact that she's
willing to give this specific piece saying that, you know what, fine,
I don't care if you thank me or not, but
I'm gettave it to you, is making steps towards having
about a relationship with one of her half siblings. I
think this is all right moves. I agree. I do
think it's a classing move to at least give, like,

(46:32):
you know, the one pair of earrings, but I'm keeping
the rest of it. That's a good way to go
about it. But there is a little bit more. Thanks
again for all the support. This whole situation has been messy,
but I feel more confident in my decision now. If
anything else significant happens, I'll update again and edit. Sad
the comments have made me realize that I've probably been
giving my sister too much benefit of the doubt. While

(46:53):
I do want to return the earrings to her, I
think I'll offer to let her buy them back instead. Ooo.
That's cool.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
I like that too. It's definitely like even more petty,
but I like though for the people concerned that letting
her take them may incite her to sue me for
the rest, I'll see how soon I can speak to
a lawyer for a consultation, and that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 4 (47:17):
I would say probably the only reason that I would
probably sell them is if there was some sort of
legal thing that she could do to try and take
the rest of them, like that you could get away with.
If it was just selling all the rest, I probably
would keep it too. Like just giving that one earring
or something you don't have.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
To do anything. Really seems like we're headed in the
right direction. Yeah, I think I wouldn't mind like giving
some sort of thing, being like, okay, pick one, you're
allowed one thing. That's a I get everything else. If
some sort of fight comes out, and she's still being
petty and like, all right, fine, if you want to
give me a hundred dollars, fine, if you want it
so bad, hand over the money. But that is the
end of that story. Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three
of bits of bads from our sponsors that keep the
show alive.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
My sister in law expects to be my maid of
honor after ignoring me from the start.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
Don't you have to like have low expectations to have
any sort of happiness in life? That's how that phrase goes, right, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
Exactly, I should be the worst possible made of honor,
and then on the day of I really step up exactly.
For context, my husband and I started dating in our
senior year of high school. His sister, will call her Hannah,
was five years older than us and was never more
than cool and polite with me whenever I was around.
She was never around very much anyways, because she was

(48:31):
super busy with work and going to a local college.
By the way, this comes from deep Cry six y
five three zero on the r slash Ooky Storytime subreddit,
and if you want to submit your own stories. Go there, Wow,
this is one of our own, one of our own.
Are children not children my septics. Hannah's dynamic with my
husband has always been competitive. Hannah is the oldest and

(48:52):
only girl with three brothers. My husband told me that
growing up, none of the boys were ever allowed to
be interested in slash have the same hobbies as Hannah,
because Hannah, says, they get or like your parents were like, no,
only Hannah can do this. Anything that Hannah did was
her thing, and her mom always made sure my husband
never got to explore any of the things his sister

(49:12):
already claimed. This spiked a very competitive nature in my
husband as a young boy, because he didn't understand why
he was never allowed to go horse riding or do
any of the other rather gender neutral hobbies his sister did.
He would try and do those things on his own anyways,
and would try to be better than his sister so
he could prove to his mom he was worthy and
talented enough to have the same hobby. He would always

(49:34):
be reprimanded and scolded and made to stop doing it, though,
because he was being selfish and stealing the spotlight from Hannah.
Sorry if this detail is unnecessary, But fast forward to
my husband and I first year of dating Anna, I
got engaged to a guy that everyone kept warning her
was no good. She stubbornly stayed with this guy against advice.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
Though.

Speaker 4 (49:52):
I got invited to the bridal shower, but the means
in which I got invited was a little awkward. I
had asked my husband boyfriend at the time, if I
could try off a gift for his sister. He immediately
texts his sister and asks if I can come to
a bridal shower. I was mortified because now it seemed
like I had invited myself and I was very new
to the family. Still, my boyfriend assured me it was fine,

(50:13):
But I'm not sure if this is where the attitude
towards me started or if it was always there to
begin with. I went to a bridal shower, though, and
brought her a small gift and congratulations. She seemed happy
and greeted me nicely at the shower. It was a
little awkward, though, because I was meeting a lot of
my boyfriend's family for the first time at this shower.
I did not stay long, though, under the excuse that

(50:33):
I had homework, and only stayed thirty minutes. I was
also at my husband's wedding date. At her wedding, and
his mom insisted I come back into the bridal suite
for the buttoning of the dress and all the pre
wedding preparations. I tried to be supportive and stay out
of the way at the time, and mostly just ignored me. Anyways,
it was my husband's mom that kept insisting I be included.
The wedding was a small church wedding, but very sweet

(50:55):
and intimate with close friends and family. I did tear
up at the father daughter dance and I to excuse
myself to the bathroom so no one would see me cry.
I cried because my father had left my family two
years prior, and it hit me that I would never
get a father daughter dance at.

Speaker 3 (51:09):
My future wedding. Oh that's so sad.

Speaker 4 (51:12):
I only told my husband boyfriend why I was upset,
and I pulled myself together. I don't think anyone else noticed,
or if they did, they never asked. Later for the
family photos, my husband's mom insisted I get into some
of the photos. Less than a year later, Hannah filed
for divorce because the guy she married turned out to
be the embodiment of her and was a terrible, no

(51:33):
good person, just as her family and friends had tried
to warn her all along.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
Well, it's hard to you know. Sometimes people need to
learn that lesson themselves. Yeah, when you're in that situation,
you have to learn the harder. But that still says Yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:45):
My husband was incredibly supportive of her during this time,
but she became reclusive and depressed. She buried herself in work,
changed her major in college, and rarely came to any
family function. When she did, I barely got an acknowledgment
of existence. I would try to hug and read her,
start conversations, et cetera, but she remained very distant and cool.

(52:06):
When my husband and I would snuggle on the couch,
I would sometimes catch her staring at us, and then
she would look away. I felt bad for her because
I knew that seeing our relationship must hurt, since hers
ended so badly. My husband and I were together for
five years and never once did Hannah ever ask how
I was doing, ask how college was, or try to
be involved in my life or my husband's life.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Yeah. So clearly there's no real relationship here.

Speaker 4 (52:30):
Yeah, it doesn't seem like there's any animosity, but just
like nothing, it's just non existent neutral. When we started
planning our wedding, we told Hannah about the wedding date
we had chosen a year beforehand. The date was special
to us and the date would fall on our sixth
year anniversary of being together. She hemmed about the date
and said that with her work, she could never be
sure about what days she would have to work on.

(52:50):
She told us she would more than likely have to work.

Speaker 3 (52:52):
We didn't pressure.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
We just said we understood if she had to work,
but if she could be there, we would love to
have her. My husband would be the first of her
brothers to get married, and he still currently has the
longest lasting relationship out of any of his siblings. It
did strike me as odd that she didn't even consider
taking a personal day or a day off, or even
talking to her boss, seeing as we gave her a
whole year's notice. Anyways, fast forward to a month before

(53:16):
our big wedding and my husband gets a text along
the lines of Hey, Hannah's wondering if op has made
a group chat with the bridal party yet and if
maybe she forgot to include Hannah in the chat.

Speaker 3 (53:27):
Nope, the group chot exists. You're not getting any of
the texts. You're not in it because you're not in it.

Speaker 4 (53:32):
You're not in it because we don't have a relationship,
So you're not gonna be in my bridal party.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
Yeah sorry either way. OPI is probably just busy with
wedding planning and forgot to include her. Let me know
what tress she needs to get as soon as possible,
as we are on a time crunch. Now.

Speaker 4 (53:45):
To say my mouth hit the floor is an understatement.
I was flabbergasted. A year ago she told us she
more than likely wouldn't be able to come because of work.
Neither my husband nor I had spoken to her since then,
not out of Spider or anything. We just never stayed
in contact with her period. We had sent her and
her new current boyfriend an invite to the wedding.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
That was it.

Speaker 4 (54:06):
I had picked my bridal party, wedding colors, dresses, and
everything over a year ago. I never even thought to
include Hannah because she knew nothing about me or my friends.
Because you guys are not friends, right, I don't understand
she never stayed in touch with my husband aka her brother.
So as far as I knew she could barely be
bothered to take a day off to attend our wedding,

(54:28):
let alone be a part of it. My husband immediately
tried to do damage control and asked me if I
could just make Hannah a bridesmaid to keep the peace.
At first I said absolutely not, because I was fuming
that she would care so little about us as a couple,
and then a month before a wedding, assumed she was
a bridesmaid. I had never mentioned it or asked her.
I never even had a conversation with her in which
she could remotely accuse me of misleading her into thinking

(54:51):
she was part of the bridal party. The only conversation
we had was about the wedding date and that we
would love to have her at her wedding if she
didn't have to work. Not wanting to cause a rift
in his family though since now his mom was involved,
I finally calmed down and consented to make her a bridesmaid,
and we planned who we would ask to be an
extra groomsman to walk with her. For context, the other
two brothers had been asked by my husband to be groomsmen,

(55:13):
so at hindsight, maybe she just assumed that since all
the brothers were a part of the wedding, then she
must be two. We decided we would call Hannah ourselves
and explain the situation that we thought based on our
last conversation, she wasn't going to be able to get
off of work for a wedding, so we didn't want
to include her in the bridal party. If she wasn't sure,
she couldn't be there. However, if she was now able
to come to our wedding, we would be more than

(55:34):
happy to include her and make her a bridesmaid. I
tried calling Hannah first, no answer. I sent her a
text just in case she didn't have my number saved,
and then tried calling her a second time. It rang
twice and then sent me to voicemail. I told my
husband to try calling her, since she might not answer
a strange number. My husband tried calling her, no answer.
We knew from his mom Hannah I'd just been on
the phone with his mom, so it wasn't like she

(55:56):
was suddenly busy. He tried calling us second time, and
still no answer. My husband texted his mom that he
was trying to call Hannah, and his mom responded with, well,
Anna's feeling a little hurt because she feels like y'all
really don't want her at your wedding now, so she's
just thinking about not coming at all now, girl, pig one,
you can't be switching up like this. Also, they said
it in the nicest way possible. They were like, hey,

(56:18):
didn't realize you were coming to the wedding. Sorry, Yeah,
we'd love to have you as a bridesmaid because you
told me that you probably wouldn't be able to come
into the wedding.

Speaker 3 (56:24):
Told me that you were gonna be there. What are
you talking about for a stupid reason too? I'm sorry,
you're making no sense, nothing, not at all, not one sense. Ever.

Speaker 4 (56:32):
My husband told his mom we did want her to
come and that we were trying to resolve things, but
that she wasn't picking up the phone. My husband then
tried calling Hannah a third time and a ring twice
before setting him straight to voicemail. At this point, my
husband's ticked off and says that he refuses to grovel
and beg for her to be in the wedding when
she never prioritized coming in.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
The first place.

Speaker 4 (56:52):
We didn't keep calling and she never called back or
responded to any of my texts. She didn't come to
my bridal shower or our big web. We never got
a card, a congratulations, or reason why she wasn't there.
I was baffled that she would treat family this way,
but my husband's mom was upset at us because traditionally,
the groom's sister is always a bridesmaid. What are you
freaking talking about.

Speaker 3 (57:13):
No, it's traditionally the people that the bride is friends with,
the people that the bride is close with. Traditionally, the
groom's sister will not say a year in advance, sorry,
have for work, Yeah, I can't go, sorry, Like traditionally,
this is just gonna be there. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (57:28):
Traditionally when people say, oh, I can't go, you think
that they can't go, so you get other people to
fill in. Traditions be nothing anymore. I am from the
South and I have never heard of this tradition or
even been to a wedding where this tradition is followed.
I always thought that the bridesmaids were picked by the
bride and were people that were close to the bride
and groom and supportive of the bride and groom. Either way,
we have seen his sister twice since our wedding, and

(57:50):
the topic has never been brought up. She's especially cold
and distant from us. We recently attended the wedding of
one of the other brothers and she was there as
a bridesmaid.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
She has a.

Speaker 4 (57:59):
Wonderful relationship with the other brother's wife, talks and laughs
with her, goes shopping with her. And now I'm the
sister in law on the outside looking in. I feel
left out and hurt. I tried to be friendly with
her and to get to know her. She never let
down her walls to let me pass the polite barrier.
I did greet her at the wedding and I hugged her.
She seems surprised at the warmness of my greeting and

(58:20):
did not hug that. My husband also hugged her and
sparked a small conversation with her. She seemed to warm
up to my husband a bit more by the end
of the evening, but she never talked to me the
entire night, even when I was sitting right beside her
and trying to start a conversation.

Speaker 3 (58:34):
By the way, you can listen to our conversations if
you go to full episodes with stories just like this
on Spotify, Apple podcast or iHeartRadio and search a book
astart time. But there is a little bit left to
this story. Do any final thoughts though, Yeah, it's just
the same stuff. Like, that's just I don't understand having
all these expectations when you're not doing your part. It's

(58:56):
like you can't.

Speaker 4 (58:57):
Yeah, and then getting mad about the you know, the
switch up when there wasn't really a switch up.

Speaker 3 (59:01):
It was like you switching up. Yeah, it's like you're
just like, okay, so, like this is what's gonna happen.
I understand this. I'm not gonna talk to her about
what's gonna happen to see where she's at. I'm just
gonna expect to be there. And then when I'm not
what she can't read my mind?

Speaker 5 (59:15):
Huh.

Speaker 4 (59:15):
And then when she says, oh, didn't realize you were coming,
I'm gonna be like, well, now I'm not coming for
sure because you didn't know I was coming.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
You're being so poudy, so poudy. Yeah, ridiculous, ridiculous. But
there's a little bit left to the story. Let's do it.

Speaker 4 (59:29):
I guess I just don't know what to do now,
and it hurts to be the disliked sister in law.
I have never been close to her, and now I
feel doomed to never be close with her or any
of the other sisters in law because now that my
husband and I live long distance, all the other girls
have heard is whatever opinion of me Hannah has already
told them, So when I get to meet them, I
get the side eye and I'm left out of their sparkling,

(59:50):
laughing conversations. So am I the ale for not making
her bridesmaid? To begin with, thank you for sticking around
to the end, and there are some comments to finish
the story off. Comment one, yes, did you or your
husband tell your mother in law that Hannah specifically stated
that she was probably going to have to work on
the day of your wedding? If not, please tell your
mother in law what actually happened and how you feel
that Hannah is bullying. You tell the family that this

(01:00:12):
situation needs to be resolved amicably, or you will be
going low contact because of Hannah's bullying. If you have
told mother in law what actually happened, then I would
tell a family, the whole family, that you and hubby
are going low contact because of the way Hannah is
treating you. How it makes you feel bad, how you
feel excluded, all the feels. If they don't do anything,
then you know you made the right decision and follow

(01:00:33):
through with low contact. If they do take actions to
correct it, then you get resolution and hopefully happiness and reconciliation.
Opie says. My mother in law knows what happened. We
explained to her that Hannah told us she would probably
be working during our wedding. I thought I mentioned this
in the original post, but mother in law is the
one who sent the first text letting us know Hannah
expected to be at bridesmaid in the first place. But

(01:00:54):
all mother in law told us afterward is that Hannah
felt left out and pretty much just left us to
try and fix things, and it again went back to
the whole tradition thing. Mother in law has tried to
force video calls between us, like at Christmas time last year,
but it was very awkward and forced. When Hannah does
talk to us, when she talks, it's just for mother
in law's sake. We are pretty much already low contact

(01:01:16):
with Hannah anyways, as she never contacts us and we
don't reach out to her. We haven't said anything to
anyone else in the family about it because mother in
law would get upset if we said something against Hannah.
Mother in law is very protective of Hannah and it
would cause a big uproar if we called her out.
The whole family has tiptoed around Hannah since her divorce, understandably,
maybe they don't want to risk her cutting contact with

(01:01:37):
the whole family. My husband is of the opinion that
he just doesn't want to stir anything up if it's
quiet right now. His mom can be a very hard
person to deal with at times as well. I'm convinced
she is a covert, self absorbed person. So we have
just slowly been going low contact.

Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
With mother in law as well. There is another comment
comment to maybe try to get the new sister in
law alone and tell her how you feel. Let her
know that you feel like she made an opinion about
you without her ever meeting you. Really let her know.

Speaker 4 (01:02:05):
If that's really how she is, then that's fine and
you'll leave her alone, but you feel like you deserve
a chance to tell your side of things.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
I would also have my husband talk to his brother
about it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:13):
You will need to try and work something out before
you have children. My brother in law couldn't stand me,
but I made the effort so that our children could
grow up together as cousins. I think it's very important,
and my children.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
Cherish those relationships. Opie says.

Speaker 4 (01:02:26):
I have not sat down with my new sister in
law privately and talked to her about this, But my
husband and I were sitting with his brother is then fiance,
and my husband casually brought up the conflict and asked
if they had heard anything from Hannah. Sister in law
got really quiet and pulled out her phone and started
texting someone. I couldn't see who, but I almost wondered
if it was Hannah. All the brother said was he

(01:02:46):
knew Annah was upset and that we should probably try
to resolve that before our wedding. So sister in law
got to hear our side but said absolutely nothing. The
conversation got kind of tense, so it felt like they
knew more about the situation but weren't telling us. They
changed the subject and we let it drop and never
brought it up again. That was before our wedding and
their wedding. They both came to our wedding and had

(01:03:07):
a good time I tried to be super welcoming to
her and includer on our wedding day. Then Hannah ends
up being a bridesmaid at their wedding the next year.
There's no bad blood between myself and new sister in law,
but I know Hannah has gotten to her and I
am still on the outside. My husband has a good
enough relationship with his brother that I think they would
allow our future kids to have relationships. I just feel

(01:03:28):
like I will never be able to get close to
his family because it feels like I messed up.

Speaker 3 (01:03:33):
Oh boy, oh man, And that's the end of the story.
It's a lot, But I think it's just like knowing
that it seems like you really didn't do anything. Yeah,
and sometimes unfortunately people just don't like you and there's
really little that you can do about it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:46):
Yeah, you know, I think having a one on one
conversation with the other sister in law trying to talk
to her, you don't necessarily have to explain everything that happened.

Speaker 3 (01:03:54):
But I think just saying like, hey, we'd love to
hang out with you one on one.

Speaker 4 (01:03:56):
Let's go get coffee, let's go shopping and stuff, and
just make an effort to hang out with her one
on one without all of the drama and stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:04:04):
Yeah, I agree. I think you can put in that
little effort if she doesn't reciprocate. I don't think you
need to continue doing it. You don't need to carry
that at all. And it could just be the kind
of thing where it's like, Okay, you know what you
did was fine. You know that you shouldn't feel guilty
for it because it was justified and it was not
a problem at all, exactly, And if they don't agree,

(01:04:24):
then they don't agree. Maybe eventually they'll come around, but
you can't control it so exactly. Yeah, but that is
the end of that story.

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