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0:00 r/relationship_advice - A woman [33F] I [36M] am dating posted my picture to an online cheaters page
17:59 r/relationship_advice - My fiance (26F) and I (27M) are planning to move across the country together after I graduate from my program. However, I'm beginning to suspect she only wants me for the lifestyle she expects me to provide for her. 025
34:47 r/relationship_advice - My [27F] girlfriend [24F] lied to me about a specific ex when we first started dating. I asked her not to speak to the ex anymore, and her family and friends think I'm being controlling whereas my family and friends think she's shitty and I should leave. Can't tell who is right or wrong.
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
#reddit #funnyredditposts
okay storytime, okstorytime, okopshow, okop show
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John, this is the Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Good story is coming up for you.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
But before that, we have a little more sol of
a two minute ad break from the sponsors keeping the
show delicious. HM.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
My date posted my picture to an online cheter's page
to check my loyalty.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Oh yeah, uh, we're we're doing a deep dive.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I met Dan Gel on a dating app and we
immediately hit it off. Conversation was super easy for us,
so we swapped numbers and spent the next two weeks
texting and talking on the phone. I explained early on
that I want to take my time because not only
am I looking for something serious, but also have work
commitments for the next few months. I work in tech
product sales, which can be very busy and also involved
(00:49):
me leaving the city for a few days at the time.
By the way, this comes from a throwaway count, so
if you want to make your own stories good, the
r slash Okay Storytime subret it. So she said she
understood I was also looking for something long term. Great, peachy.
We met the weekend before Valentine's and had a nice
restaurant date followed by dessert and coffee. We finished with
a kiss, and I walked her back to the car.
(01:10):
It was definitely the best date I've been on since
my last relationship. The next day, I called her to
say I was looking forward to seeing her again and
would planned something when I got back. I live in
a major North American city, and from the fifteenth to
the seventeenth I was booked three hours away on on
site client meetings. I told her about this and let
her know we'd keep in touch. On Friday, i'm due
(01:31):
to get back, I get a message from a close
female friend asking who I pissed off. I have no
clue what she's talking about. She sends me a screenshot
of my photo on what looks like a Facebook page
and tells me it's a private group where women call
out men for cheating. Is this a real thing? Is
(01:51):
this true?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I mean, there's gotta be right. I mean, there was
the whole you know, there.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Was that like website for cheating, which is insane, and
it got leaked like a database of all the people
who signed up for the cheater website.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Let me know, let me know if anyone has perused
this or submitted pictures to this.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
And let me know if I'm on there.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Actually, yes, I would love to. I would love to
do it. I guess that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Yeah, even just getting thrown on there with like no
real evidence or anything.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
It's called are we dating the same guy? And this
particular group is just for people from my city. In
the screenshot, multiple people are posting under my picture with
mostly harmless comments like oh, I went on a date
with him years ago, he was okay, But there were
others like PM me for the t and a woman
said he's an angry a hole, stay away for your safety.
(02:44):
Because it's Facebook. I recognized her name as someone I
went on a date with last summer who I had
to block after she repeatedly tried to sell me her cat.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Absolute ludatic, right, this ahole wouldn't buy my cat.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
A few things about me. I am single, I have
never been married, and my last relationship was over a
year ago. I am very selective and Danielle was the
first date I'd been on since the end of summer.
I am also a very private person. I don't use
social media and I don't kiss and tell the fact
that my photo is on this site is mortified. What
(03:20):
makes it worse is when I got home, I started
getting a text from a bunch of other people I know,
either laughing at me or calling me a womanizer? Is
every woman on this Facebook page?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
What town do you live in? Where everyone is in
this Facebook? Ming?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Min says in the chat yep, Facebook groups in each
city slash area? Yeah, well, oh my god, let's go
to LA one or the Santa Monica.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
One and let's scared.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Let's look come on, wow.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Waits on Facebook?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
We got to have this? Okay, story time? Am I
dating the same guy?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Actually?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Maybe he has this volcano he throws people into.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
As of now, I'm aware that several female friends have
seen it. One coworker, my sister, and a woman I
know who lives in the same building as me that
excitedly grabbed me when I was leaving this morning to
tell me I saw you on that Facebook group. Apparently
it's a lot more popular than I realized. There's only
one person who have had the motivation to do this,
So I called in yell on the weekend and asked
(04:20):
her so really quick, pausing right here, deal breaker or
not for an early relationship?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I mean, like, it's definitely an eyebrow raiser.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It's weird. I feel like it. It it like, especially
this early on without any evidence, it feels like insecurity.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
It really just depends on the energy that I think
I'm being presented.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I would have to suss out the vibe.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
I could larays see this as easily a moment where
I go and I'm now done with this. Yeah, like
where I mentally I'm just like and now I'm looking
I'm getting out of this.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I think if if if this happened to me in
this way, I probably would not be interested in that
person anymore.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Because it's like, where does it end. It's like it's
about this, but like then it's going to be about
like it starts like this, we buy a hou so
now all of a sudden, I'm sleeping with the neighbor.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
It's like, no, I'm not. We went through this, so Sam,
I looked it up.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yeah, uh it's West Side or West La Santa Monica.
And Venice gets how many people are in this this community?
How many A one hundred thousand? Oh whoa, now five
hundred thousand. It's like nine to ten thousand shesh just
for a local area. Oh my god, you have to
join the group, So like, are you going.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
To be allowed to join? I'm looking at people saying
Princess mcnubbin's help keep those pages safe for women who
need to warn others. Aries eighty eight says she could
ruin his character Serenity Horse franchise. It's about safety due
to online dating. Wow, this is a whole little world.
If anyone is naturally part of this, you don't have
(05:49):
to screenshot. But if you're part of this, I would
love to know if any of us are on there.
You don't have to screenshot anything. You don't have to
let us in, but I would want to know.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
But in let me in.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So inally she denied it, but after some prodding that
flipped to apparently her friend posting it. Why because a
few of them had gotten tipsy together on Valentine's As
they're all single. My name came up after her friends
asked why she wasn't with me that night after the
great date. She told them about apparently me not being
around as I was leaving early the next morning for
work was suspicious, as was the fact we'd been talking
(06:23):
for multiple weeks but she'd never seen my place. She
gave them a pick I used on the dating app
and one of them posted it. She told me she
was sorry, but that I seemed too good to be true.
Her last relationship ended due to cheating, and she wanted
to make sure I wasn't married or in a relationship.
I told her I needed some time to think it
would be in touch. I feel like I feel like
that excuse feels I feel like I would feel better
(06:45):
about that again.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
It really all comes down to the vibe of the moment. Yeah,
cause it's like you got cheated on. Yeah, of course
you're gonna be like this guy playing me, but like
being like, I haven't seen your house it's been two weeks.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
It's like that's normal. Feels normal to me.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, I think it's I think this is like a
toxic friend group a little bit.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I cringer.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Maybe Opie's love interest is not toxic, it is a
red flag for sure. That was Saturday. We've been silent
until today when I woke up to dozens of messages
from her saying things along the lines of I'm so sorry,
I'm so angry with myself for this, and then the
real truth it was her that posted it. Now now
I actually probably wouldn't be interested.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Right, So yeah, this is now it comes to like,
all right, this is just like too much. Just be
real with me, if you were just real with me
the whole time and be fine.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
She wanted to come completely clean and apologize for lying,
telling me she panicked when I confronted her, but she
wants it all out now. She sent me screenshots unprovoked,
of the PM conversation she was having with women in
the group about me. Aside from the one head case
I mentioned earlier, there was nothing accusatory. But what I
couldn't get over was how they were discussing me in
such an open manner. I had nothing to do with
whether I was single or cheating. It was stuff like
(07:56):
he took me to this restaurant, he drives this kind
of car, this is what he's like in bed, this
is what his place is like. This is how much
money I think he makes. I would never talk about
ex's or people have data like that. And if a
guy tried to talk to me about Danielle like that,
I'd think he was an effing weirdo and tell him
to stop. My two closest female friends are divided. So
here I am for advice one thing that women need
(08:18):
to protect themselves against predators and violence, and groups like
this are necessary, which was what someone in the chat
was saying. The other is angry on my behalf because
the presumption of men being posted to that group are
that they're cheaters or sketchy. Otherwise, why would anyone even
post them there. I really don't know what to do next.
I've never had to deal with anything remotely like this before.
(08:38):
I like Danielle, but it was one date. She also
lied to me about it. At first, this seems like
a headache and we've never even had spicy sleep yet.
Is she going to get even more paranoid after that?
It doesn't feel like we're compatible. This feels like the
past three weeks of us talking have been one massive
waste of time. That actually stings because she's the first
person I've really liked since my ex. There is an
(09:00):
update and a lot more. Yeah, we are barely halfway through.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
I think i'd still be in it after like, Hey,
I'm getting you checked to see if you're a cheater
or like my whatever. I'd still be like, I mean, okay,
I'm not so like I'm fine. But then it's like afterwards,
it's like, I'm.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
So sorry, I'm so angry at myself, so stubborn, and
I'd be.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Like, whoa dude?
Speaker 1 (09:23):
One.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I honestly think reaction is the more a red flag.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Right exactly. That's what gets me out of there.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
For Yeah, yeah, I think I would be. I think
it's too soon to be this invested, and also to
not too soon to be this invested. I think it's
too soon to for further to be this many problems.
Did he do a second date or Amilin said, did
he confirm that he wanted a second date? I don't know.
I think they were just talking. I also think like
(09:51):
it seems like this girl, Danielle has been hurt in
the past. Probably I mean, she had someone cheat. I
don't know. If it doesn't seem like she's secure enough
for the relationship. I think she thinks so. I think
she needs to get over some things. And I think
that that's like that this this energy, this insecurity, I
think is pouring out into this relationship. I do recognize
(10:11):
like there is a need for these kinds of groups
for women's safety, but I think if I was posted
on one of those, I feel like I would feel
some kind of trust being violated, especially if I didn't
do anything. I think so I think I would feel
I think I would definitely feel weird about it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I don't know who knows, right, I don't know anything
about these groups, but I know people like to chat.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
I don't like it.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I think the reason it doesn't bother me too much
is that to me, it's like, just close the laptop
and it's literally not even there for me. But I
do think it's like, I think it'd be different if
it was like one of the posts of like hey
and then because the only one on one date. But
if someone did post me and was like this is
how much money he makes, is where he lives, like
this is what he'd I'd be like, Okay, now you actually,
(10:59):
why are you doing this? That's crazy to do that
to me. Yeah, but you know, since they only went
on one date, she doesn't really have any of that
information anyway. Yeah, but I would feel weird about that.
But the solution is still the same. You just go
and you close the commuter and it guys away. But
I don't I'm not.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I think for me it wouldn't be that I would
be I would feel weird about that picture being out there.
I would feel weird about the person that I'm entering
a relationship with doing something like that. I feel like
it represents like qualities that I just wouldn't be interested
in again, like the insecurity, the over cautiousness. But maybe
that's just like my my, uh.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I get you. No, i'd get you because it'd be
a game time decision for me. You know, it would
really depend on how funny the situation is. If there's
no funniness to the situation, I don't like.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Yeah, it's gotta be a little funny, says the.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
First date, unhinged Loull. But let's get into the updates
back with an update, but firstly, a couple of quick
notes based on the feedback I got. No, I'm not
Patrick or David or Eric or Pascal Brett to thank
you for the PMS asking as much as I'd like
to be a Brett since that was my favorite wrestler
as a kid.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
There's still time, op you can change your name to Brett.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It's concerning that these messages imply this seems to be
happening so much that identities can be confused. I don't
care if you think my close female friend violated the
sanctity of your super cool, secret girl's only club. As
she told me, her loyalties are to me. She's known
me since I was a child and knows that I
didn't deserve to have my photo plastered there. I understand
that those groups may be necessary in keeping women safe
(12:33):
or finding predators, but their moderators should go harder and
ensuring that it meets those goals, rather than running a
de facto gossip club where innocent people's personal lives are affected.
I've had dozens of people reach out with very simile experiences,
so perhaps your rules should reflect that rather than just
keep boys out. The lunatic who wanted to sell me
her cat. He seemed like a cold dude, but I
(12:54):
just wasn't in the market for a pet. He also
only had three legs, which made him run like a
wasted That's so cute, huh. All cats deserve of love.
I hope he got away from her. Some of you
alarmingly struggle with concepts of consent. I consented to my
photo appearing on a dating app. I did not consent
to my photo appearing in a is this guy trash group.
(13:15):
There are not the same, and the stigma and assumptions
associated with both are vastly different. I really shouldn't have
to explain this, but here we are regarding me not
realizing how big this group was. Three of the women
in my life all found out about it the same way.
On Valentine's Day, A radio show ran a segment on it,
then got picked up by blogs and social media. It's
(13:35):
even appeared on a local television. My friend saw it
on Twitter. Another saw a this guy was dating twelve
women posts that got shared and decided to investigate. My
sister was texted by her friend about it, and when
they all rushed to check the group chat there, I
was great timing. It currently has over fifty thousand members.
Moving on, I decided not to pursue things with Danielle.
(13:57):
She took the post down during our radio silence, but
it mainly boiled down to just not seeing her in
the same light anymore. I can accept that she genuinely
is sorry, but I also know how I am, and
it wouldn't be fair to either of us. This is
supposed to be the honeymoon period. Everything is supposed to
be light and cute, now it's just suspicion and resentment.
Not gonna lie. That period when we first started talking
(14:18):
to when I went away on my trip was really great.
I look forward to talking to her. When I would
see a text, I got butterflies. When we kissed, it
felt electric. Some people said what she did was such
an obvious red flag that they were questioning why I
was even hesitating. The reason is that I haven't felt
like this in some time. My last relationship lasted five
years after we broke up. I legitimately wondered if I
(14:39):
could find that spark again, especially after trying dating apps
here and there and not having much luck finding the
right person. I do want to feel that spark again
and find my person. But holding on to something that
already has these problems before it even starts is the
wrong move. And said, I'm simply happy I got the experience.
Now I know it's out there and possible again, just
not with Daniella, but I'll be on it. I woke
(15:00):
up today thinking, hey, you never know, maybe a couple
months down the line all think different and maybe we'll
go grab a drink, And then I saw she had texted.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
It no no In the fourth quarter.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
By the way, you can listen to full episodes of
stories just like this. Can Can you shoot us a
little text, do us a little message. Just go to Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay,
story time, there's another relevant update. Oh there's another relevant update.
Got some juice still, But the coda break up or not?
(15:34):
Break up or not or not break up? Stop yours
like you stop? Like, Look, it's all based on the
vibe I'm approached with. If the vibe is just like, hey,
I gotta run a bandground check on you, make sure
you're met like a serial cheater, I'd be like, you
did a funny you said that in a funny voice.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Okay, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Literally, yeah, But like if you do that and then
you like it's like a freak out, like I lied
to you, and I'm like, we went to one thing.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Wait, we went to Panda Express. It's okay, this is
whatever week, It's fine. Yeah, I don't know. I just
think maybe a weird I don't think I want to
pursue this because it just seems like this is gonna
happen the whole time.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Maybe yeah, And I don't want that it's only gonna
get worse, Like this is a really yeah, this is
a big red flag. She needs to figure things out more.
Right now, we are one hundred percent for breakup. But
let's say Clifford the big red flag the preface. Before
I left the city for work, she sent me a
photo with a message, don't forget about me. It was
her and a bikini on a summer beach, blowing a kiss.
(16:37):
She's quite chesty, so it's not exactly safe for work,
but there was no nudity.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
This woman has a chest. It's unsafe.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I opened today's text, which reads, Hey, Hope, I'm not
disturbing you, but i'd like to ask you to delete
that picture I sent and not share it with anyone.
But the f I replied, the only copy of that
picture is in our chat thread. Do you seriously have
that low an opinion of me, to which she apologized
and said she was just making sure fine. At first
(17:06):
I was annoyed, but then I realized the most important thing.
It was a reminder that I had made the right decision.
So I made another and deleted her number.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Oh ah, yeah, okay, cool, Yeah, yeah, that is a
good decision.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
That is a good decision. I think when someone, dude,
when someone shows you crazy, you run especially early. Usually
people don't show you crazy until you're you know, a
little little down the line. Someone shows you crazy early,
you run again.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
I don't even think that the cheating thing, the cheating
background check, is even that crazy. But it was more
everything around it. Yeah, everything was surrounding is what made
it crazy.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
It would definitely give me, It would definitely give me pause.
It definitely give me pause. You know what else is
a great.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
Story in my hand right now, and it's the one
we'll be telling immediately.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I'm suspicious of my girlfriend. I think she only wants
my money.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Well a lot. You know, maybe you got a lot,
Maybe you can give her a little.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
My fiance and I have been together for a few
years now, and everything has been going well. We have
a lot of similar interests, hobbies, humor, and more. The
things we don't agree on are usually solved with the
discussion and compromise. I love my fiance and I planned
on spending the rest of my life with her. However,
she said something earlier this week that made me really uncomfortable,
(18:29):
and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
There's always a However, she was like, what if.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
It was bigger?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
By the way, this comes from users snowboard Man sixty three,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the arm slash Okay, storytime subarate it. So for
a little context, I am graduating dismay from grad school
and I've been interviewing at a bunch of different jobs
across the country. We do not plan on staying in
our current state. It was a super stressful process and
(19:00):
I've actually gained quite a few gray hairs during all
of this. I landed an offer last week downtown in
a city across the country that we've always wanted to
move to, but the reviews from former employees about the
place said to stay far away and that the company
was extremely toxic. Okay, so I haven't responded yet to
the offer. Good good, Hey, you know what, you.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Can get in there and change things from the inside, right,
you could?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
But what if you just joined something nice? Yeah? Or
do that?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I received another offer this week from a company in
the suburb of that same city, and they had much
better reviews, so I planned on taking this job. My
initial reaction was one of excitement, as this job pays
really well, has good benefits, and is located just outside
of where we've always wanted to live. I got the
offer right before my fiance and I were planning on
(19:51):
grabbing food with a friend, so I told them the
good news during lunch. I see you.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Oh, she's gonna be like, why didn't you take the
job with more money.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
No, she's going to say, why don't you take the
job with the cool where we get to live in
the city and live the cool life, lived the cool
life in the cool city because he said this paid.
This job pays great as well. So I think it's
gonna be more of like the lifestyle. Yeah right, I
thought you were gonna be my cool city husband. Yeah,
we're gonna move to the suburbs, where are we old
and dead like?
Speaker 2 (20:18):
But I mean, I think that is fair to for
that to be a light like that. That's a lifestyle
shift to go from the city to the suburbs. And
maybe that isn't a life she want. I don't think it.
I think it could be more about lifestyle that you
want to live rather than just money.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
However, instead of being happy with me, she seemed upset
when I told her, almost outright disappointed in me. She
didn't really talk to me during lunch, and when she
did speak, it was to make remarks about how the
location of the job wasn't downtown like she wanted, but
instead twenty five minutes outside of it, and how she
wasn't going to be happy living.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
That far from the city center.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
She knew the downtown offer I had already and we
had discussed how the employees there had warned people to
stay away due to the toxic environment, and we had
agreed that I shouldn't accept that job. However, I was
a little taken aback by her comments, since I didn't
think living twenty five minutes outside the city center would
be such a big deal to the point where she
would get upset.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Over a job offer. Could they not live in the
city center?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Yeah, and then like just commute to wherever it would
be lived? Like, yeah, right?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Is that? I feel like that's a solution, but I
want to see where the story goes.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
She told me that she wasn't about to move across
the country with me unless she could live in a
high rise downtown, have a high end lifestyle, and also
not work for the rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
All right, that is a red flag. There we go,
there's the red flag. Yikes, good luck, yikes, good luck
doing that on your own, buddy.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I told her that I'm fine with her not working,
since I should make enough for both of us, but
commuting close to an hour every day for work from
a far more expensive place to live unnecessarily seems inconsiderate
of her when there's plenty of great places to live
near where I work, not to mention that my salary
split between two people is not going to be enough
to live a high end lifestyle. I also said that
(22:07):
we can go downtown often and do whatever she wants,
but spending five thousand dollars a month for a shoe
box apartment and not even being close to my job
seems like a nightmare to live in personally. And at
this point, she and her friend came up on me.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
They're having this conversation in front of her friend. Oh yikes, yikes, yikes. Okay,
all right, let's keep going, let's keep going. But this
is bad.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I'm sensing I'm getting a message from the beyond.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yep, what was it saying?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
This relationship is already dead?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Wow? So wise?
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Oh wow, and made me feel bad for even considering
an offer that was outside of the city center and
not tailored exactly to her desires.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
I tried to explain that the whole world doesn't revolve
around you. No, just kidding, That's not what OP said.
I tried to explain that the job market is awful
right now, and being a new grad doesn't exactly give
you very many options on.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Where to work. Well, he's a new grad.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
He's getting a job right out of grad school.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Oh, grad school.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Even landing a job at all in this economy and
as a new grad took me hundreds of applications and
months of interviewing and a pretty substantial mental strain. I
also said that once I gain a year or two
of experience, I can definitely apply for a job closer
to where she wants to live and not have to
settle for toxic company. But she seemed unwilling to wait
(23:29):
that long. I don't think she was convinced at all
by what I said, and it left me feeling defeated.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Afterwards. I thought about that.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Conversation the entire ride home, and now I'm genuinely terrified
of moving with her. The way she spoke made it
seem like she wasn't planning on moving across the country
to be with me, but rather to live the lifestyle
she had envisioned me providing for her. She hasn't explicitly
said it yet, but has hinted that she would rather
I take the toxic job downtown just so she can
(23:59):
be closer to where she wants to be.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Brother, I'm pretty sure she said that.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
She literally said that easy, that I want the high
end lifestyle in the high rise.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
I've tried to have a few follow up conversations about it,
but they've been short and it doesn't seem like she
wants to discuss it in detail with me.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Prevorse prevorce Who said it first? Yeah, Gira Reyes prevorce
pre divorce. Yep.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
This is clearly not someone who's wanting to grow with you.
He wants to like be grown by you. Yeah, you know,
it's like, please give me your nutrients, give me all your.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Water, like when you make me grow.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Anyway, she eventually told me it's fine to take the
farther job, but her actions and behavior suggests she doesn't
really feel that way. At this point, it almost feels
like I have to choose between her happiness her mind
with no chance of compromise. She's done this before for
other things, but we've always been able to talk it out,
except this time she doesn't seem like she wants to.
(24:58):
I'm unsure of how to approach this. I hope we
can work this out, but I also don't want to
risk moving in together and having her or I be miserable.
The Europe is making me burb burba. I really really
don't want to take the downtown job. As I've been
a firm believer of researching companies ahead of time in
order to avoid being trapped in toxic situations. It's like, yeah,
(25:21):
I don't want to work for the most toxic company
in town.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Is that crazy? Is that crazy?
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Come on? Brother?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Also ambulances? Tell Mike to make me grow if we
both out of sandwich? Is it a mic three way?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Uh? Is Mike junior?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Oh, Mike Junior? Wait Mike, so we're Uh? I want
to be myself? No b' the give suit? Mike? All right, Sorry,
we're not We're done. We're done, We're going context Uh.
There is a trend online where people I go to
Jersey Mike's and say give it to me, Mike's way,
give it to me like this Mike's dirtiest way. Just
put Mike's special sauce on it, Just cover, cover my sandwich,
(26:01):
just go in the back, etc.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I honestly feel trapped already for being forced to consider
either a job I'm probably going to hate or potentially
losing my fiance. If anyone has been in a similar
situation to me, how did you handle it? How did
it turn out? What advice do you have for me
in this situation?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (26:22):
And there is an update, Oh my god, thank god.
But what are we thinking over here saying I mean
red flag, huge, red flag. She wants you for the
wrong reasons, she wants to be with you for the
wrong reasons. You should not take a job that you hate,
and your partner shouldn't push you to take a job
you hate, right like yeah, for for her to not
work and just like mooch off of you. I mean this,
(26:45):
I don't I don't like this.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
You know, there are sometimes I think where and we
did have a story like this where this this was
my take where sometimes you might hate your job, your
job might drive you crazy. But like there are contexts
as like a family or a partnership where It's like
sometimes you just really need like the money, secure money,
and it's like, hey, we're doing this for us, but
this is coming from a US place. This is coming
(27:08):
from a me me me, me, me, me me place,
Like I want the Burken bag right what you? Oh,
you can't give me the downtown high rise my Instagram
selfies from so that everyone can see how good and
cool I am.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Yeah. I do not like this at all. I think
you should really question if this is the right relationship
for you.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
And I would marry Op if he came to me
and was like, hey, I got a house for us
in the suburbs.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I'm like ring on it right.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Now, right now, let me property owner, make my body
perfect for you. You could have your way with.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
It, literally to the laboratory, build me however you want,
as long as.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
As asps way, Okay, let's go, let's do the update update.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Thank you all for the helpful comments. It was validating
to hear that she was acting selfishly.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
How did we not know.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
That he's got the rose colored glasses?
Speaker 4 (28:05):
Really, I really question how people get into these situations
like being engaged without knowing when someone's maybe being a
little selfish.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, but let's keep you going. I want to hear.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
I want to hear other sense, it gave me the
initiative I needed to confront her about it again. For
everyone suggesting I dump her, I can see where you're
coming from. If this is how she acts all the time,
I wouldn't want to be trapped in that type of
relationship either. Being sad, I should have mentioned that she's
stuck with me through my worst and brokest years of
grad school while she worked full time, rarely taking any
(28:37):
time off of her very stressful job. That was important
information I should have included, but I didn't. That's on me,
and I apologize for making the original post one sided.
I don't think she's a gold digger, but probably just
someone who's tired of living in poverty and working all
the time. While the other person didn't bring in any income,
I would be as well if the positions were flipped
(28:58):
either way. I still needed to confront her about her behavior.
A breakup would be an absolute last option, but I
definitely prepared myself for the worst body. I don't think
you're seeing the disparity between your two situations here.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I also she worked, but was she providing for both
of you while she worked.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Well, I mean, well I think so. Yeah, maybe for
there could have been, but it's you were going to
grad school. Yeah, She's like, I want to be in
the high rise apartment and not work for the first year.
It's like, dude, if you're in the suburbs and not
working for the first year, you can take a twenty
minute drive to the city.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
You got nothing but time on What are you talking about?
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Right, it's you know, you're not going to grad school
while he's worked.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Like, I don't know, I do.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I do think the context provides a little bit more.
I think I think the context provides like a little
bit more empathy for his partner. I'm hoping that maybe
this is just a slight lapse in judgment.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Hopefully.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Well let's see, she.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Could have been platinum plattin. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
See.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
I choose a day we both had off, made sure
we ate, and gave her a heads up before dinner
that I wanted to discuss the things that had been
bothering me. I sat her down in our bed while
I sat across from her to give her some space
and make it less confrontational. I tried to make the
environment as stress free as possible to avoid the possibility
of another pointless argument where things could escalate. As I
(30:17):
brought up the topic after dinner, I was extremely anxious
and had been preparing for the worse. However, she told
me that she had actually been thinking about it and
discussing it with her therapist, and that her therapist basically
told her what.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
You guys said in the comments.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Go to therapists.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Let's frecking go sitting Sweetie buyer being selfish, and she went,
I need my baby talk therapist.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, my Jim Gaffigan, my baby.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
It's instead of talk therapy, baby talk therapy. Just people
who need to be told things like therapeaby. Yeah, because
they're acting like a little.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Beer being a little baby right now. Okay.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
It was a good reality check for her, and she
sees where her demands were unreasonable and elfish. She's now
open to find a job and also compromise on where
to live after our discussion.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Yeah, growth, we love to see it. We love to
see it. This is good. This is good, all right.
I really like seeing this.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
I love seeing that your partner was not scheming on
you the entirety of your relationship. It was refreshing to
work with her as a team to find a solution
instead of trying to fight her to see my side.
As of now, we're planning to live near the suburbs,
but not too far from the city. She's also going
to start applying to jobs as well, and hopefully have
one by the time we move. We also went over
a rough budget of what we will and won't be
(31:34):
able to afford, and we're able to come to a
consensus on the kinds of things we can and can't
live without.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Great communication. We love to see it, We love to
see it. This is good, This is good. Okay, textbook.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Maybe I think this is maybe starting it up.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
You really do to Cathy.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
There's still like a chance that she just realized, oh,
this might make him leave me. I should be happy
that he's going to put me in a house in
the suburbs. Maybe I can get him to make that
a little closer home. I don't know. I would say
fundamentally a little like I really felt like you just
made me cash cow right there.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Yes, yes, But I would like to believe that she
was frustrated from all the years Maybe she provided for
him wanted to break she says no, I need this,
and it was a moment of selfishness. In a greater
context of giving.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
I would need to hear that yeah from her. I
would have to hear her say those words and be like, I.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Get you, baby, guys, I love you.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
I want to hold you.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Hold your my house in the Suboobs. That's not twenty
five minutes away from the city, but it's maybe like
eighteen to fifteen minutes away from.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
This on traffic.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
That's a little more equitable for both of us. Yes,
somebody give that guy a name like Okay.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
I wanted a larger portions of our earnings to go
into savings, and she was willing to let some of
her initial demands go and promised she would do her
own hair, lashes and nails to save money. We cut
out unnecessary luxuries that would eat up our budget, and
I feel more secure in our finances after the discussion.
(33:11):
By the way, after this discussion, you can go listen
to full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify, iHeartRadio,
Apple podcasts wherever you listen. Just search Okay story Time
and you can listen to over two thousand.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Episodes Crazy with a Lot. We have a little bit left.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
This story just speed right into it.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
I think let's just get right to the end.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
I feel better about our move now, and I think
the discussion really did help us iron out things that
would have built up resentment over time. She isn't a liar,
so I feel good trusting her to hold up her
end of the bargain. Thanks again for all of your
supportive comments. I really appreciate the time everyone took to
read my very long post and comment their thoughts. Maybe
(33:57):
I'll do another update in a few months about how
things are going.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Take care everyone, And that is the end.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Boom. Yeah. No, I mean it feels like we had
some great communication here. No, I'm feeling good about where
things ended.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I still would like to hear directly from her that like, yeah,
this is like so where did I want to hear
like a Hey, I feel like maybe what I said
could have made you feel like sort of just like
a fiscal tool or an object to me, like just
a thing that can provide me. And it's like, I
just want to make it clear that that's not I
(34:32):
think about you. I need her to really go deep
on that. I think she needs to over mental reasoning
but I am. I am happy with where things ended. Sure, Sam,
here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
First, my girlfriend lied about her ex, but I still
ended up being the villain.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Well, it's because you have that twisty mustache.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Well. We met over Tinder in twenty fifteen, sometime when
I was visiting nearby where she lives about four hours
from me. We became long distance virtual pen pals pretty
much for a couple of years, texting on and off
for periods and skyping at the time. Feelings developed, and
we started dating in January of last year. So we've
been friends for over three years and dating for almost
(35:14):
a year and a half. Congrats by the way, this
comes from LMFK Duh. And you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime celebrate it.
So the day we started dating, she confessed to me
that she had hung out with an X who I
knew about, but didn't tell me purposely because she didn't
want to upset me.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Like day one, she's hanging out with her ex, red flag,
what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
I was upset. She purposely hid something but was happy
she told me and told her I didn't care about that,
just don't lie about it. Shortly after, we were laying
in bed and her phone was going off a lot.
I see you in the chat if you see what's
going So she grabbed it and it was a bunch
of messages from the X.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
I thought it was gonna be pizza hut.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
She put her phone down quickly and then told me
some other friend was blowing her up and to give
her a sec while she answers and sat up so
I couldn't see. I knew it was the X and
was like, what DF, but then gave her the benefit
of the doubt that it was fair still fairly new,
and she probably still thought it was going to be
jealous even though I didn't care. Another red flower brother. No, ye,
(36:20):
are just driving through all these.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
On principal, you press that moment you go, hey, so
do you think I was literally born yesterday?
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I literally can see your phone.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
I just wanted you to think, do you really think
you just like got me with that.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
A couple months later, had plans near her with a
friend and asked her to join one of those nights.
She agreed and then the day of she didn't talk
to me all day until around nine pm. She was
hanging with her ex for sure, and told me she
was still with her friend right she was with the
night before, and we'll probably just stay there another night
because it got late. I was mad, but she said
(36:55):
her phone passed away and she didn't want to take
the train all the way to where I was. I
was upset because we lived kind of far and so
seeing each other was rare, and I didn't understand why
she'd so casually ditch whatever. I didn't like it. Moved
on with my night with my friend shortly after the
big lie came out unrelated to the ex. When we
(37:18):
first met all those years ago on Tinder, when I
was visiting and she came to meet me, she wasn't
comfortable yet with being openly by, so she told her
friends she was meeting some dude named Michael.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
Michael, you're jo You're not serious right now? Dude, you're kidding?
Did you do that?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Did you do that? I didn't have time to do that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
No, she didn't realize how the nature of our friendship
was going to play out, but as time passed, she
kept referring to me as Michael, even long after she
was open and comfortable about her spicy preferences. She said
the lie had gone on so long she was afraid
to admit it to her friends. When we started dating,
she told them she was dating Michael, who lived four
(38:00):
hours away. Obviously this upset me, but I understood that
sexuality was weird. I told her I understood why she
did it, but I don't feel happy about it. She
said she would begin telling people, and a few days
later she told her dad. Then months passed and she
didn't tell anyone. I started to worry something was going on.
The lying about who I was, combined with the lying
about her ex, made me think she was secretly seeing
(38:22):
someone and wanted to keep me distant. I expressed this
to her, and she said she would get the ball rolling,
so she started to tell her friends and family. Things
started normalized.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
It was about eight or nine months into our relationship,
and we started getting a lot closer, starting being more
open with each other. It became a really great relationship.
Then this past February, I was visiting her. She had
the previous year's calendar up and I saw that the
ex's name was written on it from February last year.
(38:52):
I rolled my eyes and thought, Okay, she clearly lied
about that and didn't tell me how many times has
this happened? So I started flicking through the calendar and
stumbled upon a weekend in April with the ex's name
written across two nights. I got six. She didn't tell
me she stayed with her let alone for multiple nights.
(39:14):
I just kind of stared, wondering if I should confront
her about it, and then it dawned on me, that's
the weekend that she ditched me.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Can you imagine, like having so many rocks in your
brain that you put your infidelity down on the calendar.
I mean, you got you gotta keep track on the calendar.
Cheating on my boyfriend with my ex weekend.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
It's it's hard girlfriend school to juggle multiple people. You
gotta you gotta make sure it's it's a Google calm.
That's the weekend she said she was with these specific
friends when really she was with her for two nights
and ditched me to stay. I just kind of closed
the calendar, stopped looking at it, and stared at the wall.
That's rough. I fell overwhelmed and upset and hurt. She
(39:56):
came in and saw me and asked what was going on?
Then point to the original day I saw and said,
is it that that upset you? And I grabbed the
calendar and opened it up to the two nights and said, no,
this upset me. And she stared and I said this
was the weekend you dished me, and she sat down
and said, I don't know what to say.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
Eh, because you can't lie your way out of that one.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
I got up and went into the bathroom. She had
to leave shortly after to pick up her car that
had broken down with her dad. I stayed and packed
my stuff because all the lies were just too much.
So rough, Yeah, call my best friend, who told me
if I was going to break up with her, i'd
regret not doing it to her face. So I waited
till she got back. I got stuck with her and
her family all day, and she was moving into a
(40:39):
new apartment and we had no time to talk. By
the time the end of the day came, I was
emotionally drained. We sat and talked about it all. She
said she had lingering feelings almost five months into our
relationship for her her ex, and saw her attention in
the beginning of her relationship and felt guilty and felt
the need to lie about it even though they were
just friends.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, right, you still can't stop lying.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yeah, that's still a lie, She's I think it's compulsive lying.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Oh man.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
I told her I couldn't be with her as long
as that X was still in her life. You lied
too many times about it and about the other things,
and that specific lie and having feelings crossed my boundary.
She said the X wasn't worth it and she'd not
have contact with her. Don't buy it, Opie, don't buy it.
There's too many lies. She's covering up lie after lie
(41:27):
after lie with more lies. This was four months ago.
Now cut to this past weekend. I'm visiting out her apartment.
So Opie didn't break up with her, Opie.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
What are we like? You?
Speaker 4 (41:38):
Literally from the very beginning was like, I'm cool, just
don't lie. Then she lied, and you're like, nah, I
guess I'm still cool, And she's gonna keep doing it
now and now she knows she can get away with it.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Don't be cool.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Our relationship again has been more than great. We were
sitting having a good time and she goes to text
her dad. So she scrolled down on her phone and
I see the name of her ex X is in
the phone, So I said, have you talked to her?
And she said I was meaning to tell you. She
texted me congratulating my sister and getting married, and I
said thanks and stuff. I got really upset and said,
I told you if you talked to her, I couldn't
(42:11):
be with you. I set that boundary, so I left.
I told her she was selfish and lies too much,
that I'd never do that to her and could do better,
all the sort of stuff someone says when they're mad.
I said it. Eventually, after realizing there was no bust
for me to go home, I agreed to come back
and talk it out. We cried. She said she didn't
mean to hurt me so many times. She's sorry. I
(42:32):
said I was too sensitive and she needed to be
more considerate of my feelings when she does things.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Oh pee, break up, break up, this is hurting me.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
The next day, I woke up and I still didn't
feel good, and we agreed to talk more. You don't
need to talk more. So as we were talking, it
came out that actually the X didn't text her. She
texted the X, so again she misled me to make
things seem not so bad. I told her that she
was doing was crappy, and she said she didn't see
it as a big deal. I told her that I
(43:03):
had talked to my friends the day before when I left,
and they were all shocked and angry and agreed, she
keeps breaking my trust.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
Dude, I need you OPI to embody both the kool
aid Man and usin Bolt because I need you to
immediately sprint through the closest wall out in a way
from this woman.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Oh yeah, X, make her your X. She said, her
friends and family think I'm being controlling by telling her
who she can or can't talk to. Get out of here.
That is a lie. I explained it was situational. I
didn't care about anyone else in her life, but that
she misled and lied to me multiple times about this
one X, and I was no longer comfortable being in
a relationship under those conditions. And she agreed the X
(43:45):
wasn't worth it and to have no contact.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
No.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
We've been going back and forth on this for days.
She told me she thought it was stupid. I'd asked
her not to be friends with her and then admitted
that though she went a period not talking to her
and respecting my wishes, she then started talking to her
again again hiding crap. She said she did it because
I'm being controlling and she feels caged in. Oh my god,
yahliding this is manipulation. This ah, do.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
You know how to set her free?
Speaker 4 (44:11):
Now?
Speaker 1 (44:12):
Go? Oh you're caged in in a relationship. I guess
we'll break up.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Bye. Kate of Nomes says, all this girl seems to
know how to do is trickle truth. Her partner, Yeah, agreed,
and that it's stupid. I'm telling her I'm uncomfortable when
it happened so long ago, even though I just found
out about it four months ago. I keep telling her
I don't care who she talks to. But she completely
f this situation up and I'm not doing it. I'm
not saying if she's going to be in contact with her, no,
(44:40):
just don't stay period.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, it's just time to go.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
She said she didn't have a strict idea of monogamy
and that if I'd done what she did, she wouldn't
be upset and it have just told me to work
my crap out.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Cool, you're not me I'm gonna leave.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I'm really, really distraught. On one hand, this is literally
one of the best relationships I've ever been in. We
get along great, we enjoy being around each other, we
love each other a lot. On the other, she consistently
thinks it's okay to lie to me into people and
thinks I'm being controlling. The one time I asked her
a respect of boundary, I didn't say anything. For multiple
times she lied to me. I even set aside my
feelings about being offended. She lied about my identity, and
(45:16):
she can't just put herself in my position like I
have her so many times. So what is it? Is
she wrong? Am I wrong? Are we both wrong? I'm
not looking for you should just break up? I'm fully
aware this is dysfunctional, but you should. You should just
break up. She keeps lying and she's not She's not changing.
If you want someone to change and they're not changing,
then either you have to accept that they're not going
(45:38):
to change and stop asking, or you leave to find
someone better. This is not good leave. But I want
to know who is in the wrong, because if there's
some semblance, we can come to a reconciliation. I'd prefer
that you.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
This, there's enough this. It's lying to you through her
teeth and won't stop. You're just trying to make yourself
okay with this.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
So uh, Dakota one, who's in the wrong and what should?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Both of you are now in the wrong.
Speaker 4 (46:05):
Op's in the wrong because you literally said from the beginning,
don't lie to me.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
All she's done the whole time has been lied to you,
and you're just making that a non issue for you
for some reason.
Speaker 4 (46:16):
That's not right. You're wrong for that, and she's wrong
for lying to you constantly, but you're wrong for trying
to make this work.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. But we got an update. Hey
is John og host.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I spent all last week in a daze and really
angry but sad. We got into multiple arguments about it
over and over. She feels bad about lying, but still
thinks it's controlling for me to ask her not to
be friends with someone I knew it was being emboldened
by people in her life who probably don't have the
full story. Kind of in the same way I was
being emboldened by the people in my life. My friends
and I have all had bad experiences in the past
(46:54):
with being cheated on in really horrible ways. The second
any of our partners do something fishy, we all get
up in arms. I called my oldest sister for some
neutral grounding. She's a therapist and knows me and has
met my girlfriend, and I wanted to tell her how
bad of a week I'd had. She kind of gave
me a reality check. Come on, come on, give us
something good.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Kind of even still kind of.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
She said, based on everything she thinks girlfriend is telling
the truth, and while she shouldn't have lied, it was
long enough ago that she probably has changed like girlfriend
is claiming. She said that because girlfriend has never had
a serious relationship, she probably didn't think that hiding something
that would upset someone as anything out of the ordinary,
But now she does.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
When is that? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard?
Speaker 2 (47:39):
That therapist should not have any clients far of that therapist.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
Was that her therapist? Or is that her sister?
Speaker 2 (47:44):
That was her sister who is a therapist? Oh god,
that shot. That is the worst advice I have ever heard.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Hasn't changed at all, she's been lying the whole time and.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
It hasn't been that long.
Speaker 4 (47:56):
Ah, yeah, what what she said?
Speaker 2 (48:00):
What my girlfriend said? Girlfriend said, I'm reacting like she
cheated when she hasn't, and that I'm reacting poorly to
it because of things that have happened in the past. Bro,
I'm associating her hiding this friendship from me to a
relationship I was in before for five years and was
cheated on and found out she was spicy texting and
hiding things from me for the whole relationship.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Can we just really quickly point out that she was
texting not just a person, it was an ex. Yeah,
and I repeatedly told ope, I'm done talking to this
person and lied about it over and over again.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
I think so. My thought process is, I actually don't
care what someone lies about. If they're lying, it's not
a relationship that I want to be in.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
Right, It's like, it's why are you just straight up lying?
Speaker 4 (48:43):
And you're gonna say, oh, she didn't know that you
shouldn't lie to people about stuff?
Speaker 1 (48:48):
What is she a four year old?
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Like?
Speaker 1 (48:51):
What are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (48:52):
You literally had a two day sleepover with her ex
and didn't tell op about it we don't know and
says she cheated her or me.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
But come on, yeah, dude, of course she was a
bored guesterday. Did you play scrabble for forty eight hours?
I've never had a game last that long, scrabbled her gut.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
He oh, I had Mike's way with that scrabble board.
She said we both needed to change some of our behaviors,
and that she likes girlfriend and thinks our relationship is good.
And if I keep trying to control situations like this
and being unforgiving, then I'm going to screw up what
has been good relationships.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
It has not been good. It has not been good.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
So I spoke to girlfriend after some self affection a
first thing that goes so well, because she assumed I
was just about to start another fight like I had
been all week. But once we got past that, we
got into the deeper issues. I said she needed to
stop lying to avoid situations she perceives as uncomfortable. I
admitted I was treating her like she cheated and my
reaction was poor. I said I was sorry for up
(49:52):
and leaving both times I got upset instead of staying
and trying to work things out. She obviously apologized over
and over her lying, which she had already done lot
since the fight. I told her that we both created
a divide in the self preservation. I got mad and
wanted out and demonized her, and she lied to keep
me separate from dumb things she did at the start
of the relationship. By the way, if you want to
(50:15):
avoid the dumb things in your life, you should make
sure to listen to full episodes with stories just like this.
Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app
and search. Okay, storytime, there's another relevant update. But oh
my god, is this not the worst situation and advice
that we have heard? This is the worst advice.
Speaker 4 (50:34):
So I There was a comment that maybe suggested that
OP did not OPI gave the soft truth to protect
their partner's sort of image or integrity in the situation.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
Maybe, but it seems like I mean, but like the
sister knows that the girlfriend is lying.
Speaker 4 (50:53):
This is a tale as old as time, dude. It's
like someone lies to you. Who is the scorpion in
the frog? Ye, the scorpion needs a ride across the river.
It's like, I'm not gonna sting you. Then it stings
the frog, and he goes as, what I do.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
You should know that. You should know even if I
tell you I won't, I will because it's what I do.
She's not gonna just oh, she said, she's done lying
now for the seventeenth time.
Speaker 4 (51:17):
This is the time. It's finally real. No, she's gonna
keep talking to this ex.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Kate of Noome says, runopete, run far far away. I
think the same. But let's she trying to.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
Slip it around on you.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
She tried to say, bro, she said, I'm my definition
of monogami is not as strict.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
As you are. Ridiculous. That's insane, ridiculous, Get out of that.
In the end, I didn't want to be controlling. That's
not who I am as a person. The compromise we
agreed to was that friendship needs to be put on
hold for now until I can trust her after lying.
I can't make myself vulnerable like that, and I'm only
going to trust her if she can prove she's not
going to lie to me in every difficult situation. And
that's where we're at. I feel better now that we've
(51:57):
reached a resolution. I know I might be told I'm
an idiot but I said in my last post too,
I generally don't think she cheated. I'm willing to work
on this to save the relationship because she's my best
friend and I don't want to lose her right now,
not when I think things can get a lot better.
And now then I'm working on not dragging around my paranoia.
She's ideally going to work on not hiding things from me.
(52:18):
There won't be things boiling under the surface, waiting to
spill over. Maybe it's stupid, maybe it's not.
Speaker 4 (52:23):
You can't call it paranoia, it's suspicion. Paranoia is if
it was not real. It was real real the whole time.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
I guess I won't know until the relationship ends, either
from a breakup or death. H and that is where
that story ends.
Speaker 4 (52:38):
You say, ha, but it sounds like that's the only
thing that could happen that would separate y'all.
Speaker 2 (52:42):
Badpool Girl says, OP needs a real therapist. Yes, yes,
this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Op needs a real therapist.
This sister should be have her license taken away if
she is a real therapist. Oh, supernova, ass I missed.
Is she really hot? You might be really hot? She
might be really high.
Speaker 4 (53:01):
Well it's look I am betting because it's true. I
feel like no therapists would say that about this situation.
I think OP did not give the full story, and
that's why she's like, oh, that's not that bad. OP
was probably telling the story that would make the therapist's
sister say it's not that bad. So OP could hear
that from their therapist's sister and go, Okay, this is salvageable.
Because for some reason, Ope refuses to see this as
(53:25):
a finalized, oh it's over situation.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
Yeah, she won't let it go. Let us know if
you think differently, which is a comments, and if you
think OP should do something different, but I think OP, please,
and this relationship it's not healthy. I think you're holding
on to something that isn't really there. But with that, yeah,
unfortunately that is where this story an episode adds.
Speaker 4 (53:47):
I need final thought that I'm cretching my head over
is because now that she's like, well, I just want
this to work and I can't lose it right now.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
And now she knows that, and she knows.
Speaker 4 (53:57):
Oh, I can lie about anything as long as I
gets sad and I say I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
It's Fine, Yeah, she's gonna keep doing it.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
You're as setting a terrible precedent, but unfortunately that is
where this story and episode ends. So if you love us,
make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
We love you and see you tomorrow. Mike's Way
This is John, this is the Okay Storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Good story is coming up for you.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
But before that, we have a little more sol of
a two minute ad break from the sponsors keeping the
show delicious. HM.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
My date posted my picture to an online cheter's page
to check my loyalty.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Oh yeah, uh, we're we're doing a deep dive.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I met Dan Gel on a dating app and we
immediately hit it off. Conversation was super easy for us,
so we swapped numbers and spent the next two weeks
texting and talking on the phone. I explained early on
that I want to take my time because not only
am I looking for something serious, but also have work
commitments for the next few months. I work in tech
product sales, which can be very busy and also involved
(00:49):
me leaving the city for a few days at the time.
By the way, this comes from a throwaway count, so
if you want to make your own stories good, the
r slash Okay Storytime subret it. So she said she
understood I was also looking for something long term. Great, peachy.
We met the weekend before Valentine's and had a nice
restaurant date followed by dessert and coffee. We finished with
a kiss, and I walked her back to the car.
(01:10):
It was definitely the best date I've been on since
my last relationship. The next day, I called her to
say I was looking forward to seeing her again and
would planned something when I got back. I live in
a major North American city, and from the fifteenth to
the seventeenth I was booked three hours away on on
site client meetings. I told her about this and let
her know we'd keep in touch. On Friday, i'm due
(01:31):
to get back, I get a message from a close
female friend asking who I pissed off. I have no
clue what she's talking about. She sends me a screenshot
of my photo on what looks like a Facebook page
and tells me it's a private group where women call
out men for cheating. Is this a real thing? Is
(01:51):
this true?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I mean, there's gotta be right. I mean, there was
the whole you know, there.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Was that like website for cheating, which is insane, and
it got leaked like a database of all the people
who signed up for the cheater website.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Let me know, let me know if anyone has perused
this or submitted pictures to this.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
And let me know if I'm on there.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Actually, yes, I would love to. I would love to
do it. I guess that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
Yeah, even just getting thrown on there with like no
real evidence or anything.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
It's called are we dating the same guy? And this
particular group is just for people from my city. In
the screenshot, multiple people are posting under my picture with
mostly harmless comments like oh, I went on a date
with him years ago, he was okay, But there were
others like PM me for the t and a woman
said he's an angry a hole, stay away for your safety.
(02:44):
Because it's Facebook. I recognized her name as someone I
went on a date with last summer who I had
to block after she repeatedly tried to sell me her cat.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Absolute ludatic, right, this ahole wouldn't buy my cat.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
A few things about me. I am single, I have
never been married, and my last relationship was over a
year ago. I am very selective and Danielle was the
first date I'd been on since the end of summer.
I am also a very private person. I don't use
social media and I don't kiss and tell the fact
that my photo is on this site is mortified. What
(03:20):
makes it worse is when I got home, I started
getting a text from a bunch of other people I know,
either laughing at me or calling me a womanizer? Is
every woman on this Facebook page?
Speaker 1 (03:30):
What town do you live in? Where everyone is in
this Facebook? Ming?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Min says in the chat yep, Facebook groups in each
city slash area? Yeah, well, oh my god, let's go
to LA one or the Santa Monica.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
One and let's scared.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Let's look come on, wow.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Waits on Facebook?
Speaker 4 (03:52):
We got to have this? Okay, story time? Am I
dating the same guy?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Actually?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Maybe he has this volcano he throws people into.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
As of now, I'm aware that several female friends have
seen it. One coworker, my sister, and a woman I
know who lives in the same building as me that
excitedly grabbed me when I was leaving this morning to
tell me I saw you on that Facebook group. Apparently
it's a lot more popular than I realized. There's only
one person who have had the motivation to do this,
So I called in yell on the weekend and asked
(04:20):
her so really quick, pausing right here, deal breaker or
not for an early relationship?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I mean, like, it's definitely an eyebrow raiser.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
It's weird. I feel like it. It it like, especially
this early on without any evidence, it feels like insecurity.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
It really just depends on the energy that I think
I'm being presented.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I would have to suss out the vibe.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
I could larays see this as easily a moment where
I go and I'm now done with this. Yeah, like
where I mentally I'm just like and now I'm looking
I'm getting out of this.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
I think if if if this happened to me in
this way, I probably would not be interested in that
person anymore.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Because it's like, where does it end. It's like it's
about this, but like then it's going to be about
like it starts like this, we buy a hou so
now all of a sudden, I'm sleeping with the neighbor.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
It's like, no, I'm not. We went through this, so Sam,
I looked it up.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Yeah, uh it's West Side or West La Santa Monica.
And Venice gets how many people are in this this community?
How many A one hundred thousand? Oh whoa, now five
hundred thousand. It's like nine to ten thousand shesh just
for a local area. Oh my god, you have to
join the group, So like, are you going.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
To be allowed to join? I'm looking at people saying
Princess mcnubbin's help keep those pages safe for women who
need to warn others. Aries eighty eight says she could
ruin his character Serenity Horse franchise. It's about safety due
to online dating. Wow, this is a whole little world.
If anyone is naturally part of this, you don't have
(05:49):
to screenshot. But if you're part of this, I would
love to know if any of us are on there.
You don't have to screenshot anything. You don't have to
let us in, but I would want to know.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
But in let me in.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
So inally she denied it, but after some prodding that
flipped to apparently her friend posting it. Why because a
few of them had gotten tipsy together on Valentine's As
they're all single. My name came up after her friends
asked why she wasn't with me that night after the
great date. She told them about apparently me not being
around as I was leaving early the next morning for
work was suspicious, as was the fact we'd been talking
(06:23):
for multiple weeks but she'd never seen my place. She
gave them a pick I used on the dating app
and one of them posted it. She told me she
was sorry, but that I seemed too good to be true.
Her last relationship ended due to cheating, and she wanted
to make sure I wasn't married or in a relationship.
I told her I needed some time to think it
would be in touch. I feel like I feel like
that excuse feels I feel like I would feel better
(06:45):
about that again.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
It really all comes down to the vibe of the moment. Yeah,
cause it's like you got cheated on. Yeah, of course
you're gonna be like this guy playing me, but like
being like, I haven't seen your house it's been two weeks.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
It's like that's normal. Feels normal to me.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, I think it's I think this is like a
toxic friend group a little bit.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
I cringer.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Maybe Opie's love interest is not toxic, it is a
red flag for sure. That was Saturday. We've been silent
until today when I woke up to dozens of messages
from her saying things along the lines of I'm so sorry,
I'm so angry with myself for this, and then the
real truth it was her that posted it. Now now
I actually probably wouldn't be interested.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Right, So yeah, this is now it comes to like,
all right, this is just like too much. Just be
real with me, if you were just real with me
the whole time and be fine.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
She wanted to come completely clean and apologize for lying,
telling me she panicked when I confronted her, but she
wants it all out now. She sent me screenshots unprovoked,
of the PM conversation she was having with women in
the group about me. Aside from the one head case
I mentioned earlier, there was nothing accusatory. But what I
couldn't get over was how they were discussing me in
such an open manner. I had nothing to do with
whether I was single or cheating. It was stuff like
(07:56):
he took me to this restaurant, he drives this kind
of car, this is what he's like in bed, this
is what his place is like. This is how much
money I think he makes. I would never talk about
ex's or people have data like that. And if a
guy tried to talk to me about Danielle like that,
I'd think he was an effing weirdo and tell him
to stop. My two closest female friends are divided. So
here I am for advice one thing that women need
(08:18):
to protect themselves against predators and violence, and groups like
this are necessary, which was what someone in the chat
was saying. The other is angry on my behalf because
the presumption of men being posted to that group are
that they're cheaters or sketchy. Otherwise, why would anyone even
post them there. I really don't know what to do next.
I've never had to deal with anything remotely like this before.
(08:38):
I like Danielle, but it was one date. She also
lied to me about it. At first, this seems like
a headache and we've never even had spicy sleep yet.
Is she going to get even more paranoid after that?
It doesn't feel like we're compatible. This feels like the
past three weeks of us talking have been one massive
waste of time. That actually stings because she's the first
person I've really liked since my ex. There is an
(09:00):
update and a lot more. Yeah, we are barely halfway through.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
I think i'd still be in it after like, Hey,
I'm getting you checked to see if you're a cheater
or like my whatever. I'd still be like, I mean, okay,
I'm not so like I'm fine. But then it's like afterwards,
it's like, I'm.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
So sorry, I'm so angry at myself, so stubborn, and
I'd be.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Like, whoa dude?
Speaker 1 (09:23):
One.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
I honestly think reaction is the more a red flag.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Right exactly. That's what gets me out of there.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
For Yeah, yeah, I think I would be. I think
it's too soon to be this invested, and also to
not too soon to be this invested. I think it's
too soon to for further to be this many problems.
Did he do a second date or Amilin said, did
he confirm that he wanted a second date? I don't know.
I think they were just talking. I also think like
(09:51):
it seems like this girl, Danielle has been hurt in
the past. Probably I mean, she had someone cheat. I
don't know. If it doesn't seem like she's secure enough
for the relationship. I think she thinks so. I think
she needs to get over some things. And I think
that that's like that this this energy, this insecurity, I
think is pouring out into this relationship. I do recognize
(10:11):
like there is a need for these kinds of groups
for women's safety, but I think if I was posted
on one of those, I feel like I would feel
some kind of trust being violated, especially if I didn't
do anything. I think so I think I would feel
I think I would definitely feel weird about it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I don't know who knows, right, I don't know anything
about these groups, but I know people like to chat.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
I don't like it.
Speaker 4 (10:37):
I think the reason it doesn't bother me too much
is that to me, it's like, just close the laptop
and it's literally not even there for me. But I
do think it's like, I think it'd be different if
it was like one of the posts of like hey
and then because the only one on one date. But
if someone did post me and was like this is
how much money he makes, is where he lives, like
this is what he'd I'd be like, Okay, now you actually,
(10:59):
why are you doing this? That's crazy to do that
to me. Yeah, but you know, since they only went
on one date, she doesn't really have any of that
information anyway. Yeah, but I would feel weird about that.
But the solution is still the same. You just go
and you close the commuter and it guys away. But
I don't I'm not.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I think for me it wouldn't be that I would
be I would feel weird about that picture being out there.
I would feel weird about the person that I'm entering
a relationship with doing something like that. I feel like
it represents like qualities that I just wouldn't be interested
in again, like the insecurity, the over cautiousness. But maybe
that's just like my my, uh.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
I get you. No, i'd get you because it'd be
a game time decision for me. You know, it would
really depend on how funny the situation is. If there's
no funniness to the situation, I don't like.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Yeah, it's gotta be a little funny, says the.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
First date, unhinged Loull. But let's get into the updates
back with an update, but firstly, a couple of quick
notes based on the feedback I got. No, I'm not
Patrick or David or Eric or Pascal Brett to thank
you for the PMS asking as much as I'd like
to be a Brett since that was my favorite wrestler
as a kid.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
There's still time, op you can change your name to Brett.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It's concerning that these messages imply this seems to be
happening so much that identities can be confused. I don't
care if you think my close female friend violated the
sanctity of your super cool, secret girl's only club. As
she told me, her loyalties are to me. She's known
me since I was a child and knows that I
didn't deserve to have my photo plastered there. I understand
that those groups may be necessary in keeping women safe
(12:33):
or finding predators, but their moderators should go harder and
ensuring that it meets those goals, rather than running a
de facto gossip club where innocent people's personal lives are affected.
I've had dozens of people reach out with very simile experiences,
so perhaps your rules should reflect that rather than just
keep boys out. The lunatic who wanted to sell me
her cat. He seemed like a cold dude, but I
(12:54):
just wasn't in the market for a pet. He also
only had three legs, which made him run like a
wasted That's so cute, huh. All cats deserve of love.
I hope he got away from her. Some of you
alarmingly struggle with concepts of consent. I consented to my
photo appearing on a dating app. I did not consent
to my photo appearing in a is this guy trash group.
(13:15):
There are not the same, and the stigma and assumptions
associated with both are vastly different. I really shouldn't have
to explain this, but here we are regarding me not
realizing how big this group was. Three of the women
in my life all found out about it the same way.
On Valentine's Day, A radio show ran a segment on it,
then got picked up by blogs and social media. It's
(13:35):
even appeared on a local television. My friend saw it
on Twitter. Another saw a this guy was dating twelve
women posts that got shared and decided to investigate. My
sister was texted by her friend about it, and when
they all rushed to check the group chat there, I
was great timing. It currently has over fifty thousand members.
Moving on, I decided not to pursue things with Danielle.
(13:57):
She took the post down during our radio silence, but
it mainly boiled down to just not seeing her in
the same light anymore. I can accept that she genuinely
is sorry, but I also know how I am, and
it wouldn't be fair to either of us. This is
supposed to be the honeymoon period. Everything is supposed to
be light and cute, now it's just suspicion and resentment.
Not gonna lie. That period when we first started talking
(14:18):
to when I went away on my trip was really great.
I look forward to talking to her. When I would
see a text, I got butterflies. When we kissed, it
felt electric. Some people said what she did was such
an obvious red flag that they were questioning why I
was even hesitating. The reason is that I haven't felt
like this in some time. My last relationship lasted five
years after we broke up. I legitimately wondered if I
(14:39):
could find that spark again, especially after trying dating apps
here and there and not having much luck finding the
right person. I do want to feel that spark again
and find my person. But holding on to something that
already has these problems before it even starts is the
wrong move. And said, I'm simply happy I got the experience.
Now I know it's out there and possible again, just
not with Daniella, but I'll be on it. I woke
(15:00):
up today thinking, hey, you never know, maybe a couple
months down the line all think different and maybe we'll
go grab a drink, And then I saw she had texted.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
It no no In the fourth quarter.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
By the way, you can listen to full episodes of
stories just like this. Can Can you shoot us a
little text, do us a little message. Just go to Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay,
story time, there's another relevant update. Oh there's another relevant update.
Got some juice still, But the coda break up or not?
(15:34):
Break up or not or not break up? Stop yours
like you stop? Like, Look, it's all based on the
vibe I'm approached with. If the vibe is just like, hey,
I gotta run a bandground check on you, make sure
you're met like a serial cheater, I'd be like, you
did a funny you said that in a funny voice.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Okay, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Literally, yeah, But like if you do that and then
you like it's like a freak out, like I lied
to you, and I'm like, we went to one thing.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Wait, we went to Panda Express. It's okay, this is
whatever week, It's fine. Yeah, I don't know. I just
think maybe a weird I don't think I want to
pursue this because it just seems like this is gonna
happen the whole time.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Maybe yeah, And I don't want that it's only gonna
get worse, Like this is a really yeah, this is
a big red flag. She needs to figure things out more.
Right now, we are one hundred percent for breakup. But
let's say Clifford the big red flag the preface. Before
I left the city for work, she sent me a
photo with a message, don't forget about me. It was
her and a bikini on a summer beach, blowing a kiss.
(16:37):
She's quite chesty, so it's not exactly safe for work,
but there was no nudity.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
This woman has a chest. It's unsafe.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I opened today's text, which reads, Hey, Hope, I'm not
disturbing you, but i'd like to ask you to delete
that picture I sent and not share it with anyone.
But the f I replied, the only copy of that
picture is in our chat thread. Do you seriously have
that low an opinion of me, to which she apologized
and said she was just making sure fine. At first
(17:06):
I was annoyed, but then I realized the most important thing.
It was a reminder that I had made the right decision.
So I made another and deleted her number.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Oh ah, yeah, okay, cool, Yeah, yeah, that is a
good decision.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
That is a good decision. I think when someone, dude,
when someone shows you crazy, you run especially early. Usually
people don't show you crazy until you're you know, a
little little down the line. Someone shows you crazy early,
you run again.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
I don't even think that the cheating thing, the cheating
background check, is even that crazy. But it was more
everything around it. Yeah, everything was surrounding is what made
it crazy.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
It would definitely give me, It would definitely give me pause.
It definitely give me pause. You know what else is
a great.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
Story in my hand right now, and it's the one
we'll be telling immediately.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
I'm suspicious of my girlfriend. I think she only wants
my money.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Well a lot. You know, maybe you got a lot,
Maybe you can give her a little.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
My fiance and I have been together for a few
years now, and everything has been going well. We have
a lot of similar interests, hobbies, humor, and more. The
things we don't agree on are usually solved with the
discussion and compromise. I love my fiance and I planned
on spending the rest of my life with her. However,
she said something earlier this week that made me really uncomfortable,
(18:29):
and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
There's always a However, she was like, what if.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
It was bigger?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
By the way, this comes from users snowboard Man sixty three,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the arm slash Okay, storytime subarate it. So for
a little context, I am graduating dismay from grad school
and I've been interviewing at a bunch of different jobs
across the country. We do not plan on staying in
our current state. It was a super stressful process and
(19:00):
I've actually gained quite a few gray hairs during all
of this. I landed an offer last week downtown in
a city across the country that we've always wanted to
move to, but the reviews from former employees about the
place said to stay far away and that the company
was extremely toxic. Okay, so I haven't responded yet to
the offer. Good good, Hey, you know what, you.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Can get in there and change things from the inside, right,
you could?
Speaker 2 (19:26):
But what if you just joined something nice? Yeah? Or
do that?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I received another offer this week from a company in
the suburb of that same city, and they had much
better reviews, so I planned on taking this job. My
initial reaction was one of excitement, as this job pays
really well, has good benefits, and is located just outside
of where we've always wanted to live. I got the
offer right before my fiance and I were planning on
(19:51):
grabbing food with a friend, so I told them the
good news during lunch. I see you.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Oh, she's gonna be like, why didn't you take the
job with more money.
Speaker 4 (19:59):
No, she's going to say, why don't you take the
job with the cool where we get to live in
the city and live the cool life, lived the cool
life in the cool city because he said this paid.
This job pays great as well. So I think it's
gonna be more of like the lifestyle. Yeah right, I
thought you were gonna be my cool city husband. Yeah,
we're gonna move to the suburbs, where are we old
and dead like?
Speaker 2 (20:18):
But I mean, I think that is fair to for
that to be a light like that. That's a lifestyle
shift to go from the city to the suburbs. And
maybe that isn't a life she want. I don't think it.
I think it could be more about lifestyle that you
want to live rather than just money.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
However, instead of being happy with me, she seemed upset
when I told her, almost outright disappointed in me. She
didn't really talk to me during lunch, and when she
did speak, it was to make remarks about how the
location of the job wasn't downtown like she wanted, but
instead twenty five minutes outside of it, and how she
wasn't going to be happy living.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
That far from the city center.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
She knew the downtown offer I had already and we
had discussed how the employees there had warned people to
stay away due to the toxic environment, and we had
agreed that I shouldn't accept that job. However, I was
a little taken aback by her comments, since I didn't
think living twenty five minutes outside the city center would
be such a big deal to the point where she
would get upset.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Over a job offer. Could they not live in the
city center?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Yeah, and then like just commute to wherever it would
be lived? Like, yeah, right?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Is that? I feel like that's a solution, but I
want to see where the story goes.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
She told me that she wasn't about to move across
the country with me unless she could live in a
high rise downtown, have a high end lifestyle, and also
not work for the rest of the year.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
All right, that is a red flag. There we go,
there's the red flag. Yikes, good luck, yikes, good luck
doing that on your own, buddy.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
I told her that I'm fine with her not working,
since I should make enough for both of us, but
commuting close to an hour every day for work from
a far more expensive place to live unnecessarily seems inconsiderate
of her when there's plenty of great places to live
near where I work, not to mention that my salary
split between two people is not going to be enough
to live a high end lifestyle. I also said that
(22:07):
we can go downtown often and do whatever she wants,
but spending five thousand dollars a month for a shoe
box apartment and not even being close to my job
seems like a nightmare to live in personally. And at
this point, she and her friend came up on me.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
They're having this conversation in front of her friend. Oh yikes, yikes, yikes. Okay,
all right, let's keep going, let's keep going. But this
is bad.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I'm sensing I'm getting a message from the beyond.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yep, what was it saying?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
This relationship is already dead?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Wow? So wise?
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Oh wow, and made me feel bad for even considering
an offer that was outside of the city center and
not tailored exactly to her desires.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
I tried to explain that the whole world doesn't revolve
around you. No, just kidding, That's not what OP said.
I tried to explain that the job market is awful
right now, and being a new grad doesn't exactly give
you very many options on.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
Where to work. Well, he's a new grad.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
He's getting a job right out of grad school.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Oh, grad school.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Even landing a job at all in this economy and
as a new grad took me hundreds of applications and
months of interviewing and a pretty substantial mental strain. I
also said that once I gain a year or two
of experience, I can definitely apply for a job closer
to where she wants to live and not have to
settle for toxic company. But she seemed unwilling to wait
(23:29):
that long. I don't think she was convinced at all
by what I said, and it left me feeling defeated.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Afterwards. I thought about that.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Conversation the entire ride home, and now I'm genuinely terrified
of moving with her. The way she spoke made it
seem like she wasn't planning on moving across the country
to be with me, but rather to live the lifestyle
she had envisioned me providing for her. She hasn't explicitly
said it yet, but has hinted that she would rather
I take the toxic job downtown just so she can
(23:59):
be closer to where she wants to be.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
Brother, I'm pretty sure she said that.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
She literally said that easy, that I want the high
end lifestyle in the high rise.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
I've tried to have a few follow up conversations about it,
but they've been short and it doesn't seem like she
wants to discuss it in detail with me.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Prevorse prevorce Who said it first? Yeah, Gira Reyes prevorce
pre divorce. Yep.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
This is clearly not someone who's wanting to grow with you.
He wants to like be grown by you. Yeah, you know,
it's like, please give me your nutrients, give me all your.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Water, like when you make me grow.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Anyway, she eventually told me it's fine to take the
farther job, but her actions and behavior suggests she doesn't
really feel that way. At this point, it almost feels
like I have to choose between her happiness her mind
with no chance of compromise. She's done this before for
other things, but we've always been able to talk it out,
except this time she doesn't seem like she wants to.
(24:58):
I'm unsure of how to approach this. I hope we
can work this out, but I also don't want to
risk moving in together and having her or I be miserable.
The Europe is making me burb burba. I really really
don't want to take the downtown job. As I've been
a firm believer of researching companies ahead of time in
order to avoid being trapped in toxic situations. It's like, yeah,
(25:21):
I don't want to work for the most toxic company
in town.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Is that crazy? Is that crazy?
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Come on? Brother?
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Also ambulances? Tell Mike to make me grow if we
both out of sandwich? Is it a mic three way?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Uh? Is Mike junior?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Oh, Mike Junior? Wait Mike, so we're Uh? I want
to be myself? No b' the give suit? Mike? All right, Sorry,
we're not We're done. We're done, We're going context Uh.
There is a trend online where people I go to
Jersey Mike's and say give it to me, Mike's way,
give it to me like this Mike's dirtiest way. Just
put Mike's special sauce on it, Just cover, cover my sandwich,
(26:01):
just go in the back, etc.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I honestly feel trapped already for being forced to consider
either a job I'm probably going to hate or potentially
losing my fiance. If anyone has been in a similar
situation to me, how did you handle it? How did
it turn out? What advice do you have for me
in this situation?
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (26:22):
And there is an update, Oh my god, thank god.
But what are we thinking over here saying I mean
red flag, huge, red flag. She wants you for the
wrong reasons, she wants to be with you for the
wrong reasons. You should not take a job that you hate,
and your partner shouldn't push you to take a job
you hate, right like yeah, for for her to not
work and just like mooch off of you. I mean this,
(26:45):
I don't I don't like this.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
You know, there are sometimes I think where and we
did have a story like this where this this was
my take where sometimes you might hate your job, your
job might drive you crazy. But like there are contexts
as like a family or a partnership where It's like
sometimes you just really need like the money, secure money,
and it's like, hey, we're doing this for us, but
this is coming from a US place. This is coming
(27:08):
from a me me me, me, me, me me place,
Like I want the Burken bag right what you? Oh,
you can't give me the downtown high rise my Instagram
selfies from so that everyone can see how good and
cool I am.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Yeah. I do not like this at all. I think
you should really question if this is the right relationship
for you.
Speaker 4 (27:26):
And I would marry Op if he came to me
and was like, hey, I got a house for us
in the suburbs.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I'm like ring on it right.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Now, right now, let me property owner, make my body
perfect for you. You could have your way with.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
It, literally to the laboratory, build me however you want,
as long as.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
As asps way, Okay, let's go, let's do the update update.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Thank you all for the helpful comments. It was validating
to hear that she was acting selfishly.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
How did we not know.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
That he's got the rose colored glasses?
Speaker 4 (28:05):
Really, I really question how people get into these situations
like being engaged without knowing when someone's maybe being a
little selfish.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, but let's keep you going. I want to hear.
Speaker 4 (28:15):
I want to hear other sense, it gave me the
initiative I needed to confront her about it again. For
everyone suggesting I dump her, I can see where you're
coming from. If this is how she acts all the time,
I wouldn't want to be trapped in that type of
relationship either. Being sad, I should have mentioned that she's
stuck with me through my worst and brokest years of
grad school while she worked full time, rarely taking any
(28:37):
time off of her very stressful job. That was important
information I should have included, but I didn't. That's on me,
and I apologize for making the original post one sided.
I don't think she's a gold digger, but probably just
someone who's tired of living in poverty and working all
the time. While the other person didn't bring in any income,
I would be as well if the positions were flipped
(28:58):
either way. I still needed to confront her about her behavior.
A breakup would be an absolute last option, but I
definitely prepared myself for the worst body. I don't think
you're seeing the disparity between your two situations here.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I also she worked, but was she providing for both
of you while she worked.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Well, I mean, well I think so. Yeah, maybe for
there could have been, but it's you were going to
grad school. Yeah, She's like, I want to be in
the high rise apartment and not work for the first year.
It's like, dude, if you're in the suburbs and not
working for the first year, you can take a twenty
minute drive to the city.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
You got nothing but time on What are you talking about?
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Right, it's you know, you're not going to grad school
while he's worked.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
Like, I don't know, I do.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
I do think the context provides a little bit more.
I think I think the context provides like a little
bit more empathy for his partner. I'm hoping that maybe
this is just a slight lapse in judgment.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Hopefully.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Well let's see, she.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Could have been platinum plattin. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
See.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
I choose a day we both had off, made sure
we ate, and gave her a heads up before dinner
that I wanted to discuss the things that had been
bothering me. I sat her down in our bed while
I sat across from her to give her some space
and make it less confrontational. I tried to make the
environment as stress free as possible to avoid the possibility
of another pointless argument where things could escalate. As I
(30:17):
brought up the topic after dinner, I was extremely anxious
and had been preparing for the worse. However, she told
me that she had actually been thinking about it and
discussing it with her therapist, and that her therapist basically
told her what.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
You guys said in the comments.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Go to therapists.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Let's frecking go sitting Sweetie buyer being selfish, and she went,
I need my baby talk therapist.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, my Jim Gaffigan, my baby.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
It's instead of talk therapy, baby talk therapy. Just people
who need to be told things like therapeaby. Yeah, because
they're acting like a little.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Beer being a little baby right now. Okay.
Speaker 4 (30:54):
It was a good reality check for her, and she
sees where her demands were unreasonable and elfish. She's now
open to find a job and also compromise on where
to live after our discussion.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Yeah, growth, we love to see it. We love to
see it. This is good. This is good, all right.
I really like seeing this.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
I love seeing that your partner was not scheming on
you the entirety of your relationship. It was refreshing to
work with her as a team to find a solution
instead of trying to fight her to see my side.
As of now, we're planning to live near the suburbs,
but not too far from the city. She's also going
to start applying to jobs as well, and hopefully have
one by the time we move. We also went over
a rough budget of what we will and won't be
(31:34):
able to afford, and we're able to come to a
consensus on the kinds of things we can and can't
live without.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Great communication. We love to see it, We love to
see it. This is good, This is good. Okay, textbook.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Maybe I think this is maybe starting it up.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
You really do to Cathy.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
There's still like a chance that she just realized, oh,
this might make him leave me. I should be happy
that he's going to put me in a house in
the suburbs. Maybe I can get him to make that
a little closer home. I don't know. I would say
fundamentally a little like I really felt like you just
made me cash cow right there.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Yes, yes, But I would like to believe that she
was frustrated from all the years Maybe she provided for
him wanted to break she says no, I need this,
and it was a moment of selfishness. In a greater
context of giving.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
I would need to hear that yeah from her. I
would have to hear her say those words and be like, I.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Get you, baby, guys, I love you.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
I want to hold you.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Hold your my house in the Suboobs. That's not twenty
five minutes away from the city, but it's maybe like
eighteen to fifteen minutes away from.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
This on traffic.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
That's a little more equitable for both of us. Yes,
somebody give that guy a name like Okay.
Speaker 4 (32:49):
I wanted a larger portions of our earnings to go
into savings, and she was willing to let some of
her initial demands go and promised she would do her
own hair, lashes and nails to save money. We cut
out unnecessary luxuries that would eat up our budget, and
I feel more secure in our finances after the discussion.
(33:11):
By the way, after this discussion, you can go listen
to full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify, iHeartRadio,
Apple podcasts wherever you listen. Just search Okay story Time
and you can listen to over two thousand.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Episodes Crazy with a Lot. We have a little bit left.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
This story just speed right into it.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
I think let's just get right to the end.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (33:37):
I feel better about our move now, and I think
the discussion really did help us iron out things that
would have built up resentment over time. She isn't a liar,
so I feel good trusting her to hold up her
end of the bargain. Thanks again for all of your
supportive comments. I really appreciate the time everyone took to
read my very long post and comment their thoughts. Maybe
(33:57):
I'll do another update in a few months about how
things are going.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Take care everyone, And that is the end.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Boom. Yeah. No, I mean it feels like we had
some great communication here. No, I'm feeling good about where
things ended.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I still would like to hear directly from her that like, yeah,
this is like so where did I want to hear
like a Hey, I feel like maybe what I said
could have made you feel like sort of just like
a fiscal tool or an object to me, like just
a thing that can provide me. And it's like, I
just want to make it clear that that's not I
(34:32):
think about you. I need her to really go deep
on that. I think she needs to over mental reasoning
but I am. I am happy with where things ended. Sure, Sam,
here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
First, my girlfriend lied about her ex, but I still
ended up being the villain.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Well, it's because you have that twisty mustache.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Well. We met over Tinder in twenty fifteen, sometime when
I was visiting nearby where she lives about four hours
from me. We became long distance virtual pen pals pretty
much for a couple of years, texting on and off
for periods and skyping at the time. Feelings developed, and
we started dating in January of last year. So we've
been friends for over three years and dating for almost
(35:14):
a year and a half. Congrats by the way, this
comes from LMFK Duh. And you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime celebrate it.
So the day we started dating, she confessed to me
that she had hung out with an X who I
knew about, but didn't tell me purposely because she didn't
want to upset me.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Like day one, she's hanging out with her ex, red flag,
what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (35:38):
I was upset. She purposely hid something but was happy
she told me and told her I didn't care about that,
just don't lie about it. Shortly after, we were laying
in bed and her phone was going off a lot.
I see you in the chat if you see what's
going So she grabbed it and it was a bunch
of messages from the X.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
I thought it was gonna be pizza hut.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
She put her phone down quickly and then told me
some other friend was blowing her up and to give
her a sec while she answers and sat up so
I couldn't see. I knew it was the X and
was like, what DF, but then gave her the benefit
of the doubt that it was fair still fairly new,
and she probably still thought it was going to be
jealous even though I didn't care. Another red flower brother. No, ye,
(36:20):
are just driving through all these.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
On principal, you press that moment you go, hey, so
do you think I was literally born yesterday?
Speaker 2 (36:28):
I literally can see your phone.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
I just wanted you to think, do you really think
you just like got me with that.
Speaker 2 (36:33):
A couple months later, had plans near her with a
friend and asked her to join one of those nights.
She agreed and then the day of she didn't talk
to me all day until around nine pm. She was
hanging with her ex for sure, and told me she
was still with her friend right she was with the
night before, and we'll probably just stay there another night
because it got late. I was mad, but she said
(36:55):
her phone passed away and she didn't want to take
the train all the way to where I was. I
was upset because we lived kind of far and so
seeing each other was rare, and I didn't understand why
she'd so casually ditch whatever. I didn't like it. Moved
on with my night with my friend shortly after the
big lie came out unrelated to the ex. When we
(37:18):
first met all those years ago on Tinder, when I
was visiting and she came to meet me, she wasn't
comfortable yet with being openly by, so she told her
friends she was meeting some dude named Michael.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
Michael, you're jo You're not serious right now? Dude, you're kidding?
Did you do that?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Did you do that? I didn't have time to do that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
No, she didn't realize how the nature of our friendship
was going to play out, but as time passed, she
kept referring to me as Michael, even long after she
was open and comfortable about her spicy preferences. She said
the lie had gone on so long she was afraid
to admit it to her friends. When we started dating,
she told them she was dating Michael, who lived four
(38:00):
hours away. Obviously this upset me, but I understood that
sexuality was weird. I told her I understood why she
did it, but I don't feel happy about it. She
said she would begin telling people, and a few days
later she told her dad. Then months passed and she
didn't tell anyone. I started to worry something was going on.
The lying about who I was, combined with the lying
about her ex, made me think she was secretly seeing
(38:22):
someone and wanted to keep me distant. I expressed this
to her, and she said she would get the ball rolling,
so she started to tell her friends and family. Things
started normalized.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:32):
It was about eight or nine months into our relationship,
and we started getting a lot closer, starting being more
open with each other. It became a really great relationship.
Then this past February, I was visiting her. She had
the previous year's calendar up and I saw that the
ex's name was written on it from February last year.
(38:52):
I rolled my eyes and thought, Okay, she clearly lied
about that and didn't tell me how many times has
this happened? So I started flicking through the calendar and
stumbled upon a weekend in April with the ex's name
written across two nights. I got six. She didn't tell
me she stayed with her let alone for multiple nights.
(39:14):
I just kind of stared, wondering if I should confront
her about it, and then it dawned on me, that's
the weekend that she ditched me.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Can you imagine, like having so many rocks in your
brain that you put your infidelity down on the calendar.
I mean, you got you gotta keep track on the calendar.
Cheating on my boyfriend with my ex weekend.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
It's it's hard girlfriend school to juggle multiple people. You
gotta you gotta make sure it's it's a Google calm.
That's the weekend she said she was with these specific
friends when really she was with her for two nights
and ditched me to stay. I just kind of closed
the calendar, stopped looking at it, and stared at the wall.
That's rough. I fell overwhelmed and upset and hurt. She
(39:56):
came in and saw me and asked what was going on?
Then point to the original day I saw and said,
is it that that upset you? And I grabbed the
calendar and opened it up to the two nights and said, no,
this upset me. And she stared and I said this
was the weekend you dished me, and she sat down
and said, I don't know what to say.
Speaker 4 (40:15):
Eh, because you can't lie your way out of that one.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
I got up and went into the bathroom. She had
to leave shortly after to pick up her car that
had broken down with her dad. I stayed and packed
my stuff because all the lies were just too much.
So rough, Yeah, call my best friend, who told me
if I was going to break up with her, i'd
regret not doing it to her face. So I waited
till she got back. I got stuck with her and
her family all day, and she was moving into a
(40:39):
new apartment and we had no time to talk. By
the time the end of the day came, I was
emotionally drained. We sat and talked about it all. She
said she had lingering feelings almost five months into our
relationship for her her ex, and saw her attention in
the beginning of her relationship and felt guilty and felt
the need to lie about it even though they were
just friends.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Yeah, right, you still can't stop lying.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yeah, that's still a lie, She's I think it's compulsive lying.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Oh man.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
I told her I couldn't be with her as long
as that X was still in her life. You lied
too many times about it and about the other things,
and that specific lie and having feelings crossed my boundary.
She said the X wasn't worth it and she'd not
have contact with her. Don't buy it, Opie, don't buy it.
There's too many lies. She's covering up lie after lie
(41:27):
after lie with more lies. This was four months ago.
Now cut to this past weekend. I'm visiting out her apartment.
So Opie didn't break up with her, Opie.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
What are we like? You?
Speaker 4 (41:38):
Literally from the very beginning was like, I'm cool, just
don't lie. Then she lied, and you're like, nah, I
guess I'm still cool, And she's gonna keep doing it
now and now she knows she can get away with it.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Don't be cool.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
Our relationship again has been more than great. We were
sitting having a good time and she goes to text
her dad. So she scrolled down on her phone and
I see the name of her ex X is in
the phone, So I said, have you talked to her?
And she said I was meaning to tell you. She
texted me congratulating my sister and getting married, and I
said thanks and stuff. I got really upset and said,
I told you if you talked to her, I couldn't
(42:11):
be with you. I set that boundary, so I left.
I told her she was selfish and lies too much,
that I'd never do that to her and could do better,
all the sort of stuff someone says when they're mad.
I said it. Eventually, after realizing there was no bust
for me to go home, I agreed to come back
and talk it out. We cried. She said she didn't
mean to hurt me so many times. She's sorry. I
(42:32):
said I was too sensitive and she needed to be
more considerate of my feelings when she does things.
Speaker 1 (42:37):
Oh pee, break up, break up, this is hurting me.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
The next day, I woke up and I still didn't
feel good, and we agreed to talk more. You don't
need to talk more. So as we were talking, it
came out that actually the X didn't text her. She
texted the X, so again she misled me to make
things seem not so bad. I told her that she
was doing was crappy, and she said she didn't see
it as a big deal. I told her that I
(43:03):
had talked to my friends the day before when I left,
and they were all shocked and angry and agreed, she
keeps breaking my trust.
Speaker 4 (43:09):
Dude, I need you OPI to embody both the kool
aid Man and usin Bolt because I need you to
immediately sprint through the closest wall out in a way
from this woman.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Oh yeah, X, make her your X. She said, her
friends and family think I'm being controlling by telling her
who she can or can't talk to. Get out of here.
That is a lie. I explained it was situational. I
didn't care about anyone else in her life, but that
she misled and lied to me multiple times about this
one X, and I was no longer comfortable being in
a relationship under those conditions. And she agreed the X
(43:45):
wasn't worth it and to have no contact.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
No.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
We've been going back and forth on this for days.
She told me she thought it was stupid. I'd asked
her not to be friends with her and then admitted
that though she went a period not talking to her
and respecting my wishes, she then started talking to her
again again hiding crap. She said she did it because
I'm being controlling and she feels caged in. Oh my god,
yahliding this is manipulation. This ah, do.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
You know how to set her free?
Speaker 4 (44:11):
Now?
Speaker 1 (44:12):
Go? Oh you're caged in in a relationship. I guess
we'll break up.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
Bye. Kate of Nomes says, all this girl seems to
know how to do is trickle truth. Her partner, Yeah, agreed,
and that it's stupid. I'm telling her I'm uncomfortable when
it happened so long ago, even though I just found
out about it four months ago. I keep telling her
I don't care who she talks to. But she completely
f this situation up and I'm not doing it. I'm
not saying if she's going to be in contact with her, no,
(44:40):
just don't stay period.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, it's just time to go.
Speaker 2 (44:43):
She said she didn't have a strict idea of monogamy
and that if I'd done what she did, she wouldn't
be upset and it have just told me to work
my crap out.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Cool, you're not me I'm gonna leave.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I'm really, really distraught. On one hand, this is literally
one of the best relationships I've ever been in. We
get along great, we enjoy being around each other, we
love each other a lot. On the other, she consistently
thinks it's okay to lie to me into people and
thinks I'm being controlling. The one time I asked her
a respect of boundary, I didn't say anything. For multiple
times she lied to me. I even set aside my
feelings about being offended. She lied about my identity, and
(45:16):
she can't just put herself in my position like I
have her so many times. So what is it? Is
she wrong? Am I wrong? Are we both wrong? I'm
not looking for you should just break up? I'm fully
aware this is dysfunctional, but you should. You should just
break up. She keeps lying and she's not She's not changing.
If you want someone to change and they're not changing,
then either you have to accept that they're not going
(45:38):
to change and stop asking, or you leave to find
someone better. This is not good leave. But I want
to know who is in the wrong, because if there's
some semblance, we can come to a reconciliation. I'd prefer
that you.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
This, there's enough this. It's lying to you through her
teeth and won't stop. You're just trying to make yourself
okay with this.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
So uh, Dakota one, who's in the wrong and what should?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Both of you are now in the wrong.
Speaker 4 (46:05):
Op's in the wrong because you literally said from the beginning,
don't lie to me.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
All she's done the whole time has been lied to you,
and you're just making that a non issue for you
for some reason.
Speaker 4 (46:16):
That's not right. You're wrong for that, and she's wrong
for lying to you constantly, but you're wrong for trying
to make this work.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. But we got an update. Hey
is John og host.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
I spent all last week in a daze and really
angry but sad. We got into multiple arguments about it
over and over. She feels bad about lying, but still
thinks it's controlling for me to ask her not to
be friends with someone I knew it was being emboldened
by people in her life who probably don't have the
full story. Kind of in the same way I was
being emboldened by the people in my life. My friends
and I have all had bad experiences in the past
(46:54):
with being cheated on in really horrible ways. The second
any of our partners do something fishy, we all get
up in arms. I called my oldest sister for some
neutral grounding. She's a therapist and knows me and has
met my girlfriend, and I wanted to tell her how
bad of a week I'd had. She kind of gave
me a reality check. Come on, come on, give us
something good.
Speaker 1 (47:13):
Kind of even still kind of.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
She said, based on everything she thinks girlfriend is telling
the truth, and while she shouldn't have lied, it was
long enough ago that she probably has changed like girlfriend
is claiming. She said that because girlfriend has never had
a serious relationship, she probably didn't think that hiding something
that would upset someone as anything out of the ordinary,
But now she does.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
When is that? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard?
Speaker 2 (47:39):
That therapist should not have any clients far of that therapist.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
Was that her therapist? Or is that her sister?
Speaker 2 (47:44):
That was her sister who is a therapist? Oh god,
that shot. That is the worst advice I have ever heard.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Hasn't changed at all, she's been lying the whole time and.
Speaker 2 (47:54):
It hasn't been that long.
Speaker 4 (47:56):
Ah, yeah, what what she said?
Speaker 2 (48:00):
What my girlfriend said? Girlfriend said, I'm reacting like she
cheated when she hasn't, and that I'm reacting poorly to
it because of things that have happened in the past. Bro,
I'm associating her hiding this friendship from me to a
relationship I was in before for five years and was
cheated on and found out she was spicy texting and
hiding things from me for the whole relationship.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Can we just really quickly point out that she was
texting not just a person, it was an ex. Yeah,
and I repeatedly told ope, I'm done talking to this
person and lied about it over and over again.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
I think so. My thought process is, I actually don't
care what someone lies about. If they're lying, it's not
a relationship that I want to be in.
Speaker 1 (48:40):
Right, It's like, it's why are you just straight up lying?
Speaker 4 (48:43):
And you're gonna say, oh, she didn't know that you
shouldn't lie to people about stuff?
Speaker 1 (48:48):
What is she a four year old?
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Like?
Speaker 1 (48:51):
What are we talking about?
Speaker 2 (48:52):
You literally had a two day sleepover with her ex
and didn't tell op about it we don't know and
says she cheated her or me.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
But come on, yeah, dude, of course she was a
bored guesterday. Did you play scrabble for forty eight hours?
I've never had a game last that long, scrabbled her gut.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
He oh, I had Mike's way with that scrabble board.
She said we both needed to change some of our behaviors,
and that she likes girlfriend and thinks our relationship is good.
And if I keep trying to control situations like this
and being unforgiving, then I'm going to screw up what
has been good relationships.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
It has not been good. It has not been good.
Speaker 2 (49:30):
So I spoke to girlfriend after some self affection a
first thing that goes so well, because she assumed I
was just about to start another fight like I had
been all week. But once we got past that, we
got into the deeper issues. I said she needed to
stop lying to avoid situations she perceives as uncomfortable. I
admitted I was treating her like she cheated and my
reaction was poor. I said I was sorry for up
(49:52):
and leaving both times I got upset instead of staying
and trying to work things out. She obviously apologized over
and over her lying, which she had already done lot
since the fight. I told her that we both created
a divide in the self preservation. I got mad and
wanted out and demonized her, and she lied to keep
me separate from dumb things she did at the start
of the relationship. By the way, if you want to
(50:15):
avoid the dumb things in your life, you should make
sure to listen to full episodes with stories just like this.
Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app
and search. Okay, storytime, there's another relevant update. But oh
my god, is this not the worst situation and advice
that we have heard? This is the worst advice.
Speaker 4 (50:34):
So I There was a comment that maybe suggested that
OP did not OPI gave the soft truth to protect
their partner's sort of image or integrity in the situation.
Speaker 2 (50:46):
Maybe, but it seems like I mean, but like the
sister knows that the girlfriend is lying.
Speaker 4 (50:53):
This is a tale as old as time, dude. It's
like someone lies to you. Who is the scorpion in
the frog? Ye, the scorpion needs a ride across the river.
It's like, I'm not gonna sting you. Then it stings
the frog, and he goes as, what I do.
Speaker 1 (51:07):
You should know that. You should know even if I
tell you I won't, I will because it's what I do.
She's not gonna just oh, she said, she's done lying
now for the seventeenth time.
Speaker 4 (51:17):
This is the time. It's finally real. No, she's gonna
keep talking to this ex.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
Kate of Noome says, runopete, run far far away. I
think the same. But let's she trying to.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
Slip it around on you.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
She tried to say, bro, she said, I'm my definition
of monogami is not as strict.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
As you are. Ridiculous. That's insane, ridiculous, Get out of that.
In the end, I didn't want to be controlling. That's
not who I am as a person. The compromise we
agreed to was that friendship needs to be put on
hold for now until I can trust her after lying.
I can't make myself vulnerable like that, and I'm only
going to trust her if she can prove she's not
going to lie to me in every difficult situation. And
that's where we're at. I feel better now that we've
(51:57):
reached a resolution. I know I might be told I'm
an idiot but I said in my last post too,
I generally don't think she cheated. I'm willing to work
on this to save the relationship because she's my best
friend and I don't want to lose her right now,
not when I think things can get a lot better.
And now then I'm working on not dragging around my paranoia.
She's ideally going to work on not hiding things from me.
(52:18):
There won't be things boiling under the surface, waiting to
spill over. Maybe it's stupid, maybe it's not.
Speaker 4 (52:23):
You can't call it paranoia, it's suspicion. Paranoia is if
it was not real. It was real real the whole time.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
I guess I won't know until the relationship ends, either
from a breakup or death. H and that is where
that story ends.
Speaker 4 (52:38):
You say, ha, but it sounds like that's the only
thing that could happen that would separate y'all.
Speaker 2 (52:42):
Badpool Girl says, OP needs a real therapist. Yes, yes,
this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Op needs a real therapist.
This sister should be have her license taken away if
she is a real therapist. Oh, supernova, ass I missed.
Is she really hot? You might be really hot? She
might be really high.
Speaker 4 (53:01):
Well it's look I am betting because it's true. I
feel like no therapists would say that about this situation.
I think OP did not give the full story, and
that's why she's like, oh, that's not that bad. OP
was probably telling the story that would make the therapist's
sister say it's not that bad. So OP could hear
that from their therapist's sister and go, Okay, this is salvageable.
Because for some reason, Ope refuses to see this as
(53:25):
a finalized, oh it's over situation.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
Yeah, she won't let it go. Let us know if
you think differently, which is a comments, and if you
think OP should do something different, but I think OP, please,
and this relationship it's not healthy. I think you're holding
on to something that isn't really there. But with that, yeah,
unfortunately that is where this story an episode adds.
Speaker 4 (53:47):
I need final thought that I'm cretching my head over
is because now that she's like, well, I just want
this to work and I can't lose it right now.
Speaker 1 (53:55):
And now she knows that, and she knows.
Speaker 4 (53:57):
Oh, I can lie about anything as long as I
gets sad and I say I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
It's Fine, Yeah, she's gonna keep doing it.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
You're as setting a terrible precedent, but unfortunately that is
where this story and episode ends. So if you love us,
make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
We love you and see you tomorrow. Mike's Way
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