My ex fiancée GHOSTED me before our wedding… now she wants to reconcile! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
My ex fiance ghosted me before our wedding, and now
she wants to reconcile.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Oh thank You're a little too late for that, missy.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
That's just a little too late. My thirty eight female
ex fiance ghosted me thirty nine male before our wedding.
I was never given an explanation. She just left and
told nobody. It was literally right before our big wedding ceremony.
She didn't even know nothing. She just left. Even her

(00:42):
family was baffled. She just up and left. We had
dated all through high school and all through college. And
by the way, this comes from user Throwaway and Ghosting Adventure,
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay story time subreddit.

Speaker 3 (00:58):
I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and I'm Sophia, and we are
here to give good advice goofly, but we don't have
all the answers.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
We only know what we would do in this situation.
So if you would do something different, let us know
in the comments. As Op says, she eventually returned, but
not to me. I had to learn via third party
her parents, that she had no intentions of coming home.
She wanted nothing to do with me and told her
parents to avoid having me around. I never got a

(01:25):
choice in the matter. I respected her wishes, Yeah, because like,
what else are you gonna do? Yeah, She's just like,
I want nothing to do with my fiance. I was
gonna marry.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
It's like, okay, well, I'm gonna beg for that back.
She'll probably moved this.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Huh, you're gonna have to live with that now, which
is I guess fair, fine or whatever. You gotta do
what you gotta do, right.

Speaker 4 (01:44):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
It's not your fault, or it could be, but you
can't do that. This is a conversation that needs to
happen before the day of the wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yep, exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
I never understood why she did it. My only guess
was she had a mental breakdown because she cut off
all contact with everyone. We were both young, still growing.
I don't know, but I've struggled with it since. Out
of the blue, she dm me on Facebook after all
these years and wanted to meet up. It was an
influx of emotions, anger, nervousness, hope, sadness. I still had

(02:15):
feelings for her. I didn't know if I could take
her back, but looking at her Facebook made me miss her.
She looked even better than before and she was single.
Run No, I don't know, brother, I think it's time
to let this one go. To say, I was conflicted.

(02:36):
She wouldn't talk about why she left. She said it
was best to do so in person, and the only
thing I could tell from her Facebook was a bunch
of posts about her being weak, living a life full
of shame and regret, and being lonely. This was dumb.
She ghosted me and I should want nothing to do
with her, but dang it, I still had feelings for
her and I never stopped thinking about her. What should
I do? Ghost her in return, call her out, see

(02:58):
where this date takes us? And there's some comments. But
what would y'all say? I say, get info? I just
want to get the perspective.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, I agree. I would definitely want to know and
possibly hear her out, but I would probably be coming
into it with a whole lot of doubt and a
whole lot of protection for yourself.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
You, let's have a seance with this goes, let's get
some information.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, exactly, nice, exactly. I think you really just need
to keep in mind that this is maybe not someone
that you should go back to, even if you want to. Yeah,
and if she's posting about, you know, all these things
that she's done and being shameful and regretful and just
feeling bad about herself, she's posting about all of that online,

(03:44):
it doesn't seem like she's maybe in the best mental
health space right now, So I wouldn't trust it just yet.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
Comments comment one. First off, dang, op that's rough. Sixteen
years is a long time when meeting up with her
set you back in the time you've spent getting over this.
Or will they give you the closure you never found?
Opie says, I don't know. I just want closure. For
the longest time, I thought she had cheated on me.
But the only things I've been told from her family

(04:11):
and the few friends she didn't cut off, it was
more like a MENTB aka mental breakdown TB, little quit NICLEMNTB.
I know she was very scared about the wedding and
her looming finals and her career. She was beyond stressed
and she ghosted everyone, but gradually came back. However, I
was never involved. I have never stopped thinking of her.

(04:32):
Reply says, are you single? Closure can only be found
within yourself if you've not moved on in sixteen years.
Therapy will help you more than meeting with her. You
two were barely even adults when she abandoned you, and
she is now approaching midlife crisis age and trying to
go back to when she was a kid with you.
Because she hasn't managed to grow immature into a person

(04:53):
she's satisfied with. It sounds like you have been similarly stunted.
Cut contact and find therapy. Comment too says, I'm sorry,
but sixteen years is not a mental breakdown. She bailed
and doesn't deserve any closure with you. Go ahead and
meet with her, but all it'll do is keep giving
you what ifs one to two years would be a breakdown.
Sixteen years is like you never knew the person in

(05:13):
the first place. Comment three. He says, ask her to
write a letter to you about what happened, then read
it and decide if you want to meet in person
and there's an update. I don't know if I would
do the letter thing, because.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
I feel like, just tell me in person.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
Yeah, I'm gonna be able to sense more of like,
all right, how much of this is a lie? What's real?
How are you actually acting? Responding in person?

Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'm going to be able to tell that, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
And we have an update.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Oh wow. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like doing
it for closure isn't really a reason. I kind of
agree that with that commentary that's like closure only really
comes from yourself. I feel like people do a lot
of things for closure and like talking to x's and
stuff like that, when maybe they shouldn't. In this case,
I still wouldn't call it closure, But I'm just curious

(05:57):
and I want to know what happens. So I vote
talked to her.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, you gotta do a little digging. Yep, sixteen years
needs something. But you got to make sure that it's
not going to like bite you anything, you know on
the back end.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Well, he says, well, that was something I got closure
at least.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
We met at a cafe and sat outside to talk.
The first thing I noticed was how much pain was
in her face. Long story short, she wanted to break
up long before the wedding, but she was too weak
and cowardly to speak up for herself. She had a
complete nervous breakdown over everything. She had been tired of
being forced into doing things she never wanted to do
and never having the guts to stand up for herself.
She was mad at her family for pressuring her to

(06:34):
get married and pump out kids, and she was mad
at them for forcing her into a degree she didn't want.
And she was mad at herself for not being able
to speak up. Nothing she did was justified, which we
agreed on. When I first proposed to her, I did
it in a public area. I had put her on
the spot and she wanted to say no, but she
couldn't bear to see me hurt.

Speaker 4 (06:53):
She was right.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
I made all the choices for her. I was a
very different person back then, and she was very meek,
meaning she just went with the flow and had no
back bone. I drowned her voice out often and never
gave her the chance to grow into a person. Back then,
I was focused only on myself. Eventually, everything came to
a climax and she had a complete mental breakdown. She
ran away from her problems at the behest of her

(07:15):
best friend, the only person in the world she ever trusted.
She said, the only thing she knew how to do
was run. She never had the spine to speak up,
and her life spiraled downwards. She was homeless for a
few years after her best friend's husband exiled her from
their place. The rest of that time was spent in prison,
though she didn't specify what she did.

Speaker 4 (07:34):
Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
She was released about a year ago and has been
turning her life around. She has a job, she's reconnected
with her parents, and she's finally reconnecting with me. She
never stopped trying to get in touch with me. As
for our future, we have none. We both agreed to
end things and go our separate ways. We're both changed,
and we're both two different people. We have nothing in
common anymore and don't live near each other. She doesn't

(07:57):
justify what she did, nor does she want to be
forget given. She thinks it's repulsive and is a shame
of her action. I wanted to be angry, but I
really couldn't be. I just forgave her.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
I'm so shocked right now. That's wild, that's wild.

Speaker 4 (08:12):
Yeah, so that.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
One comment that was saying, like, you know, a few
years is a mental breakdown with sixteen years, Yeah, apparently
sixteen years is still mental breakdown.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
Well, and to be fair, I think that they were
saying like it was more like the impetus of the
running away from the wedding was a mental breakdown, not
that she was in a constant mental breakdown for sixteen years.

Speaker 2 (08:31):
Well yes, but yeah, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Like because I think that's what that comment was trying
to imply. Oh, it was like sixteen years is in
a mental breakdown, like that was a choice. It's like no,
I think they were saying that a mental breakdown caused
the initial split and ghosting, right, and then clearly she
went through a lot and now yeah, you are different people.
You just needed this conversation to realize, like all right,
six over over.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yeah that's crazy. It's just proof that, like you truly
don't know the whole story, man, things can happen that
are so insane and crazy wayzy and you just don't
even know. Life is pretty cuckoo man.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Crazy wazy, let's finish this story then this crazy wazy
store raizy. With that, we shook hands, said our goodbyes,
and that will likely be the last time we ever
see one another. It's bittersweet because I got the closure
I wanted, I mean, we both did. It feels like
a burden was released. I know now we never had
a future together and never will. But on the other hand,

(09:30):
I'm sad because it's all over all. These years of
hoping something would happen were for nothing. But in the end,
this is an ending and I finally have closure. Not
many get to say that. Do I believe her story?

Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (09:43):
I do, And even if she's full of it at
this point, does it even matter. I've always known her
to be very weak willed in me. She often just
does what everyone else tells her to do and runs
when things get too difficult. She avoids her problems because
she's too weak to stand up to them. It makes
sense why her family wouldn't talk to about her. They
were the typical tiger parents who disowned their problem child.

(10:05):
Comments comment one. Although a lot of time has been
lost for either of them, it seems odd that no
one noticed the situation of her problems earlier on. It
is explained in the post, but it still sounds weird,
and the reply says it sounds like she was repressing
a lot, bottling it up her friend, though she should
have been the one to see it. Opie says her
friend was an enabler. I mean we all were. Her

(10:25):
friend was the only one who encouraged her to run.
Of course, nobody forced her to. It was all her.
If I hadn't ignored her problems, and if I actually
had been a part of her life, I might have
seen it. But it is what it is, and that
is the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
I'm claiming custody of my son even before he's born.

Speaker 2 (10:43):
Well, I mean that sounds about right.

Speaker 3 (10:45):
So I twenty eight female, am pregnant with my second child,
a daughter. My first is seven years old from a
previous relationship. My current partner, thirty four male, and I
got into a fight today following several other fights about
my seven year old. By the way, this from hat
Flat seventy six ninety and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story
time Separate.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
I'm Sophia, and I'm Angie and I'm Keon, and we're
here to.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
Give good advice goofy, But we don't have all the answers,
we only know what we'd do, so let.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Us know what you'd do. In the comments, and.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Opie says, my seven year old doesn't like him. Generally,
she's one of the most kind and polite children you'd
ever meet. I've been told this by countless people, but
she's not very fond of my boyfriend. It became noticeable
because she would forget to say hi or by to him,
even ignoring him at times when he'd say it first.
When I'd ask her why, she'd say she forgot to

(11:37):
acknowledge him or didn't hear him. Several talks and months later,
I got her to understand that it's rude to not
greet people, especially in their own home. She now says
hi and by, but that is pretty much all she
says to him. If we're all in the same room,
she'll usually only talk to me, only show me things,
or only look for me when she needs help, even
if he's clearly available. After talking some more, I got

(11:58):
her to admit she didn't like him. Her reasons were
because she feels I spend more time with him. Before
we moved in with him, me and her had slept
in the same bed. I kept my relationship somewhat separate
from her. This is the first time she's experienced me
in a relationship this serious, so I can see why
it would be an adjustment when I have her Wednesday
through Sunday. She's with her dad Sunday through Wednesday. We

(12:20):
practice Spanish, cook together, sometimes craft or play outside, so
I do spend a lot of time with her. After
another talk, she admitted she wanted me and her dad
back together and wasn't really interested in getting to know
my boyfriend. I asked her if she'd rather live with
her dad, and she said yes because she has more
fun there. With all of these talks and all of
her different answers, my boyfriend labels her as a liar,

(12:40):
since her reasoning in the beginning was because she forgot
to say hi, and not because she didn't like him.
I think she's just a regular seven year old trying
to understand her own feelings. This has caused him to
feel like he can't trust what she says and has
taken it as far as saying that I'm not parenting correctly.
Since it hasn't gotten better, he says he doesn't want
I want a liar around his daughter and will keep

(13:02):
my two girls apart.

Speaker 2 (13:04):
Oh no, I'm sorry. I don't like that.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
Sorry he's calling your seven year old daughter a liar
because she didn't feel super comfortable around him.

Speaker 2 (13:13):
Yeah, I just don't like it. I just don't like
what he's doing here, mean neither. Well.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
I do understand him being upset about feeling her not
liking him or including him in anything. I feel he's
being extremely dramatic regardless of my differing opinion. I've tried
to explain to my daughter that most people don't feel
like it's okay to have someone that doesn't like them
around their child, and that she needs to try and
be his friend. On the other end, my boyfriend and
I have been fighting for two nights straight because I

(13:41):
believe he should also be putting an extra effort as
the adult.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Yeah not also he should be, and she's it's like
the main priority.

Speaker 3 (13:49):
It's not really like, yeah, go to the daughter and
say you have to be nice to him or else.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
It's she's like seven, right, seven years old. That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (13:56):
He's not mean to her or a bad guy, which
she has said her, but that makes him believe that
he doesn't need to do more. When we moved into
his house. He led her paint her room pink. He
carried her up the creek in our backyard. He built
her a futon bed, and when he builds he lets
her help or watch and teaches her things. Those things
are what he brings up when I tell him he
should put more effort in. He feels he's put enough

(14:17):
in that she has no reason not to like him,
and he refuses to cater to a child. All this
led to multiple heated discussions about the situation. At first,
I listened to his feelings, talk to my daughter about it,
and reassured him that it was being worked on. Recently, though,
he began being nasty to me during these talks. He
brings it up before she has time to make progress
and makes the threat that she can't be around her

(14:39):
sister if nothing changes. His tone has been more aggressive,
cursing and getting louder, and he tells me time and
time again how I'm doing a bad job because of
the lack of change.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
I don't trust this guy. Your seven year old already
doesn't like him. I don't like him at all. This
is wild, not a little bit threatening that she can't
see her sister. Yeah, because she's seven years old and
not like always saying hi.

Speaker 3 (15:03):
Do you how many times a seven year old's gonna
lie to you?

Speaker 5 (15:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (15:07):
There's seven, isn't there?

Speaker 4 (15:10):
You know?

Speaker 2 (15:10):
Seven year old makeup? That's just how that works, and
saying that you won't cater to her, Yeah, how are you?

Speaker 5 (15:18):
Kids are usually brutally honest too.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
Yeah, but they're also tell like really dumb lies.

Speaker 6 (15:23):
That's very true, like no, I didn't do that, and
you're like, are you sure?

Speaker 3 (15:27):
See you eat there's crumbs on your face.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
I didn't eat it. Yeah, exactly did you take the cookies?
What you like?

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Did you take the cookies? No?

Speaker 2 (15:34):
No? Yeah. And there's also just a reason that you know,
she's not saying hi, Like maybe if you were nice
to her, didn't make her feel so scared of you,
then maybe she would want to say hi.

Speaker 4 (15:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (15:46):
The fact that you're making a kid uncomfortable, I get it,
but like to be offended by that that she's like
not cool with you, seven year old?

Speaker 2 (15:53):
Come on, come on, I think we need to break
up with this guy.

Speaker 4 (15:56):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
Sure, I'm eight months pregnant and getting fed up with
the pressure being put on me more aggressive he gets
the less willing I am to just shut up and listen.
That alone is another issue. He believes he should have
control of the conversation and that if I'm being disagreeable,
I should shut the f up, which he's been saying
to me quite often lately. No, if any says that

(16:16):
to me once. If anyone has shut the f up
to me, done done. At this point, I feel like
not only is he picking on my child, but he's
also taking his anger out on me. He's told me
countless times he's going to end up leaving me, and
he wants the baby a majority of the time. He
believes he's smarter than me and that I'm not a
good enough parent. And I believe that you should break up.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah, you should record all of these conversations, record him
yelling at you and talking to the child, and then
use that in court against him. Oh well, to get custody. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I believe he's being ignorant, prideful, and selfish overall. I'm
afraid he's going to try and keep my daughter away
from me and try to control me having my other
daughter around. I've been thinking of just going straight to
court to request full or joint custody just to gearant Tea,
he can't take the baby away from me, but I
know that this will set him off and cause more problems.
Would I be the ale if I took him to

(17:07):
court before the baby is even born?

Speaker 2 (17:09):
And update? But before we get into that update, do
you have any thoughts? Hmm?

Speaker 5 (17:14):
I do think it's funny that this guy's kind of
threatened by a seven year old.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yeah, literally, like, what are you doing?

Speaker 5 (17:21):
Just I don't know, this is just beef with like
a seven year old, a.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Seven year old because she doesn't like him. Yeah, that's
so insane, I think. Yeah, it probably will cause problems.
Of course he's not gonna be happy about that. I
think that's one hundred worth it though, because if he
does end up causing more problems, like you know, then
you get a restraining morder and if he causes problems,
and that's just even more reason to not keep him around,
Like this is not something that you should be around,

(17:47):
not someone that should be around your kids, And it's
just it's worth it just to deal with the problems,
to get him over with, get.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
Him out of their update. Just to address a few things.
Most importantly, her reasoning for not liking him has nothing to.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
Do with essay.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
I've grown up around a lot of women who have
experienced that type of harmful act, and even though I
trust my partner and even have a male best friend
of fifteen years, as a mother, I've never been comfortable
leaving my little girl alone with a man. My work
schedule fits around her school schedule, and she doesn't need
a babysit are in rare situations where she does. My
niece watches her, so I've never left her alone with

(18:24):
my partner. Also, he doesn't verbally abuse her. He's made
it a point that he can't say much to her
because he's not her father. I've told him that as
an adult and the man of the house, he can
tell her things as long as he isn't mean or nasty,
but he refuses because he believes he might come off
that way anyway. I believe her dislike of him comes
from her sensing his energy or having some jealousy and

(18:44):
seeing me settle down with someone for the first time.
Some of you are also saying, why would I be
with or get pregnant by someone my daughter doesn't like.
If I knew, I wouldn't have this wasn't a problem
before I moved in, and I got pregnant fairly quickly afterwards.
For all the nasty comments about child support, that's the
furthest thing from my mind. He makes more money than me,
but I make a decent amount and never asked him

(19:06):
for money. It might be a pride thing on my part,
but I do it on my own before asking him
to step up and do what he knows he should.
Money is not an issue. Moving out of state isn't
an option, as I'm a cosmetologist and my license is
only valid in the state i'm in. Also, my daughter's
father and school are here, and I'm not willing to
leave my daughter for too long. All that being said,

(19:27):
I packed and left yesterday. I met my brothers for
the time being the last fight my partner and I
got into, he did end up telling me to get
out Friday. So Saturday I spent the day at my
mom's with my daughter, and Sunday morning, I dropped her
off at her dad's and went to work. After work,
I went home and started packing immediately.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Do you have any final thoughts? Well, I'm glad she
seems like she's getting out of there. Yeah, man, hopefully
she goes to court and does get custody, and just
to be sure, the seven year old is not his daughter.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
No, she has seven year old with another but she's
having the new baby with this boris right.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Right, Yeah, I think get on those recordings and screenshots
of all of your text messages and stuff, and uh yeah,
get out of there. Yeah, at the very least so
you can get joint custody.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
But before you even think about taking them to court,
definitely make sure you have an exit plan and a
place to live.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (20:21):
Alex from TikTok says, if you can't control your own kids,
it's your fault, not the partners.

Speaker 3 (20:26):
I agreed, but also I don't think it's on the
partner to control your kid. However, I don't think this
is a problem of controlling her.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yea.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
Rather, she doesn't feel comfortable around him, and he's making
no efforts to.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
Fix that exactly. He's saying that it's a problem that
she's not being controlled, But there's no grounds.

Speaker 3 (20:45):
But we got a little bit of left of the story, right.
I only waited to avoid my daughter being in any
of the chaos of packing and moving. When he realized
what I was doing, he seemed shocked and claimed not
to remember telling me to leave. He ended up apologizing
a bunch, saying he didn't actually want me to go.
We talked for a bit, but ultimately I stood my
ground and left. I feel broken, but I'm safe. Thank

(21:06):
you everyone for the advice and resources. I didn't expect
to get this many comments, but the reassurance of leaving
being the right decision makes it easier. I know it
might have been the clear option for a lot of you,
but it's hard to accept that I put myself and
yet another child in a position of a broken home
with no way to repair it.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
And that is the end of the story. My ex
married his affair partner and I refuse to have her
near my kids. Don't come near me or my kids
ever again. And this comes directly from the r slash
Okay storytimes directly. This is one of our own. So

(21:44):
we were married for eleven years. He has a daughter
from a previous marriage I'll call Jordan. She was four
when we got together and is autistic. Her mother was
never in her life, so when we got together, I
just stepped in. By the way, this comes from a
tough rip forty seven to fifty five and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay story Time Separated It And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia,
and I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice goofily,

(22:06):
But we don't have all the answers. All we can
say is, well we would do in this situation. But
let us know what you would do down below in
the comments. So Opie says, I also have a daughter
from a previous marriage who was a year old when
I got with my ex, and her dad wasn't involved either.
I'll call her Sophie. We also had two boys together,
who are now eleven and nine. When we got divorced,

(22:28):
they were two and four years old. Our divorce was
the result of an affair and he ended up marrying
his affair partner just four days after our divorce was finalized.
And that's what we call overlap. That is crazy yoakes.
At the time, my four year old was all about
his dad and wanted nothing to do with me. Whenever
his dad was around. My ex would get home from work,

(22:50):
and our son wanted to sit on his lap while
they ate. When his dad sat down to watch TV.
Our son had to be right there with him. They
have a bond that I can't explain. The divorce traumatized him.
He called for his dad NonStop and cried for months.
During that time. His dad wouldn't accept my calls when
our son wanted to talk to him and wasn't very involved.
Oh my goodness, he went off the rails for a while.

(23:12):
Since then, things have changed. His daughter is twenty now
and will never live on her own, so we share her.
So luckily after the divorce, I kept her full time
the first year or so. Then when he started to
get his life together, we began joint co parenting. She
is mentally like an eight or nine year old and
needs a lot of care. She can't make her own food,
wash her own hair, et cetera. I've been fortunate that

(23:34):
he allowed me to stay in her life because I
was terrified of losing her when we separated. We divorced
in the summer of twenty eighteen. So many years have passed.
The first couple of years after where non stop fighting.
It was so stressful. I started therapy right away and
still go now when I feel like I need it.
It took me a long time to work through with
the heartache, bitterness and anger towards our dad. Our son,

(23:55):
now Levin, also started therapy a couple of years back.
He went alone with each of us separately and sometimes
with all of us together. We've made a lot of progress.
He carried anger towards his dad's wife for quote taking
his dad, and was so angry with his dad for
leaving us. Time in therapy it created space and now
they are starting to get close again. During therapy, he

(24:17):
said that he wanted his dad and me, along with
the kids to do things together so he could have
us both. At the time, I was reserved and nervous,
but I wanted to give him what he needed. Fast
forward a couple of years and now we go to
functions together and once every couple of months out to
dinner with all the kids. Our communication is very open
and I tell my ex everything about the kids. We
lived three hours apart, so I try to keep him

(24:37):
as involved as possible. Here's our problem. Our boys hate
their step mom. Some of it, yeah, some of it
is the history between us all, but also because she
doesn't treat them well. She's insecure and jealous of the
relationship that my eleven year old has with his dad.
When the kids visited her and their dad, she tried
to separate them and wouldn't let them have alone time.
A few years ago, my son colored a picture for

(24:58):
her and gave it to her. She threw in the
garbage right in front of him and said that she
didn't want it. Why do you have beef within eleven
year old? Dude? That is crazy? Come on, Oh my gosh.
That same visit, while his dad was at work, she
made him stay in his room all day and told
him not to come out. Word got back to me

(25:19):
and I flipped, dude, that is like some Cinderella type stuff. Literally,
I'm sorry, is this Rapunzel? You get a lock her tower?
Oh my gosh. There have been many other incidents and
she makes it very clearly she doesn't like him or
want him around. She's decent to the younger boy, but
he's a mama's boy and doesn't have as close up
a bond with his dad although his dad. It's really

(25:39):
working on it. When therapy first started, our very first
visit included his dad, me and our son. Our son
was in tears the whole time and immediately said that
he didn't want to be around her anymore. I mean, yeah,
I wouldn't want to be around her either.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
She's locking me in rooms and saying I hate you,
and she's questioning why I have a close relationship with
my dad. Yeah, she's like, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 7 (26:01):
Yeah, I want to be closer with your dad than
you are. Just like, stay in your room, though in
your lane, but l lady love me. Thankfully, his dad
listened and no longer takes him to their house three
hours away, except for big holidays like Christmas. During those visits,
they are never left alone with her. If their dad
runs errands or leaves, the boys go with him. He
works us seven on seven off schedules, so on his

(26:23):
days off, he travels here to spend time with them.
During those trips, she isn't invited. That's also when we
swap Jordan between us. When he visits.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
I'm usually working, but if I'm off, he often invites
me to dinner with them or other activities. It's been
peaceful between us, and the boys are happy. The kids
all have their own phones and he texts them daily
and calls every couple of days. He and I text
often about the kids. His wife hates that and doesn't
want us talking at all. Well, I don't care, it's
not really up to you. Yeah, all heck breaks loose

(26:54):
for him if I go anywhere with them when he visits.
If he stays too long in my house, she blows
up his phone. She tracks him and demands to know
why he's there so long, even if it's just five
minutes to drop off the boys. When it's just him
and the boys, she constantly calls and texts checking in.
The boys complain because even when they're at the park,
he's glued to his phone. I know he's trying to

(27:15):
keep the peace with her, but it only makes the
kids dislike her more. My eleven year old doesn't want
to be around her at all and tells his dad
exactly how he feels, curse words and all. I don't
allow cussing, but in those moments, I let him have
his feelings. She's very insecure about me. She was his
affair partner, and although he cheated on me with her,
that doesn't mean that I do that to her. I
don't have romantic feelings for him, but I admit it's

(27:37):
nice having a co parent that I can rely on.
We deal with constant issues with school and his medications.
While trying to stabilize him, his emotions often come out
as anger when he's overwhelmed or overstimulated. We've really had
to work together to support him. I love that I'm
not handling it alone. Having his daughter and our youngest
both on the spectrum is hard, but it helps knowing
that he's in this with me. Because of his wife's behavior,

(28:00):
no longer allow the boys to be around her. In fact,
I blocked her on their phones. She has zero contact
with them except on holidays when their dad is present.
Sometimes I feel guilty because if I were in her shoes,
I wouldn't like my husband being close friends with his
X or talking as much as we do. I get it,
But from my side, I know it's not that we're
just parenting. This is just so obviously because their relationship

(28:21):
started while he was married. Yeah, so it's like you can't.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
Be jealous, yeah and all like I don't know, just
all controlling when you're the one who took oh P's husband.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Yeah, like you are the cheater.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
Yeah, you're gonna be insecure because you got into a
relationship with a guy who was married.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
Right exactly, it's not a great start to a relationship.
So that's your deal. Like, I agree, Like if I
was married and my partner was like talking all the
time with their ex and like, yeah, i'd be like
kind of weird. But if they're co parenting, they're co parenting. No,
it's not. That's so normal. Yeah, I know her feelings
are hurt that she isn't included when he visits, but

(29:01):
the damage she's caused is still being repaired. Their dad
doesn't share school or medical information with her or any
private details about the kids. That's smart. He's put his
foot down and she hates that. Personally, I wouldn't want
to be in a relationship like theirs. But uh, there
is a little bit more into the story. But yeah,
it's not even that she's been crappy because of like
little comments that she said, or just like generally doesn't

(29:25):
spend time with them or something like that. She did
some crazy locking them in real literally evil stepmother.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, come on, So I wouldn't even want him to
like have the kids around her at.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
All, like even on holidays.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
No, I'd be like, hey, custody agreement. This guy's wife's
doing some crazy stuff.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Yeah, that's wild, and I mean, hopefully they can talk
to the dad about like being on his phone all
the time, because it seems like, you know, they're working
on their relationship. The dad is working on his relationship
with the kids, But yeah, being on your phone all
the time, we're supposed to be spending quality time on
Kema Kema. I'd be fine including her in family functions,
but we've tried that. Her rude comments and constant drama

(30:06):
ruined it. I can stay peaceful in front of the kids,
but she cannot. She's even told me off in front
of them. I should add that my ex was forty
three when he met her, and there's nearly a twenty
year age gap. A lot of it is immaturity on
her part, and it's clear that she has a lot
of growing up to do. I do feel sorry for
her because I know it must hurt, but I also

(30:27):
have to protect my children and help them heal. Am
I the a hole for cutting off contact between her
and the kids and for talking to their dad as
much as I do. Am I out of line? Any
advice would be wonderful, and if anyone knows a better
way to deal with this. I am open to suggestions
and that's the Amath story. There you go, folks, Yeah,
I feel like no. I mean, you're talking about parenting

(30:47):
stuff that's important to talk about. I agree. So there's
nothing wrong with she needs to.

Speaker 3 (30:53):
Change her attitude or he needs to change who he's
in a relationship with.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
Sam. Here we're gonna get back to the stories. Here's
three of minus bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (31:02):
My boyfriend gave my dream dress to his mother after
I told him about it.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
Ew what no.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
Hi, twenty three female have been dating my boyfriend twenty
six mail for the past three years.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
About two months ago, while we were out shopping, I.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
Saw this really gorgeous, amazing dress that was just perfect
for me and in my favorite color. He looked at
the dress and said it was beautiful, but it was
rather expensive two hundred dollars, so we didn't end up
getting it. By the way, this comes from Professional I
ninety six eighty and if you want to submit your
own story, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 2 (31:36):
I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah.

Speaker 4 (31:38):
I'm Riley And for all of you guys who.

Speaker 3 (31:41):
Don't know who Savannah is, Savannah's part of my sketch
group Slash, also.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
One of my best friends. Yeah, I'm here and she's here.
We'll try to give our best advice.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so
if you have, let us know you're taking the comments.
Opie says, for weeks after this, I would constantly talk
about the dress to him, and I couldn't stop thinking
about how beautiful it was. I hope one day I
could save to buy it, since we've been budgeting a
bit lately. You would hear about this dress from me
all the time and talked about how great he thought

(32:13):
it would look on me. So yesterday was my birthday
and we had a little get together with some members
of both of our families to celebrate. Except when his
mother arrived at our house, she was wearing the exact dress,
in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought he
must have told her about it and she went and
got one. But it turns out that wasn't the case.

(32:34):
In my surprise, I said, ohmge, there's no way that's
the same dress I was looking at and mooning over
for months. She replied, saying, oh really, Zane, my boyfriend
gave it to me as a gift last month. Ooh,
the dress that was expensive. This is like she's been

(32:54):
talking about this for months, the story of the traveling dress.
Except it doesn't except it doesn't go to anyone.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
Except his mom. It doesn't travel anywhere, except it travels none.
Only the idea travels.

Speaker 3 (33:07):
I was shocked and confused, even more so when my
boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me and
it was a gift card for Sephora for fifty dollars.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
What not two hundred dress but only fifty dollars. He's
a mama's boy. Oh, he's got to get his mama
a two hundred dollars gift. Mama needs a dress. Mama
needs a dress. Girlfriend, you need makeup? Clearly, Oh my god,
for real, what you're too ugly for that dress?

Speaker 3 (33:32):
It kind of is give me that, That's what it's giving.
For the rest of the night, I sat quietly in
a corner in silence and confusion. I felt hurt and
was lost in my head as to what was going on.
My boyfriend and everyone was blissfully unaware and happy the
entire night. I didn't want to ruin the mood, so
I started to try to put on a good face,

(33:52):
but I can't shake this feeling of being hurt. A
part of me feels like I'm overreacting and spoiled and entitled.
Am I. I just need to know if I need
to calm down and not be upset about this. And
there are some comments what does OP do?

Speaker 2 (34:06):
I wouldn't break up, Yeah, I would just have the conversation.

Speaker 6 (34:10):
Of like, hey, because my friend actually is like kind
of in the similar situation short of like a mama's
boy thing.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah, right, when someone related to me. So it's weird.
So I won't get into it. But I can't tell
you anymore.

Speaker 6 (34:25):
I will tell you none, but I will hint that
it is a not good situation, which I feel like
you need to like cut you gotta address the mama's
boys stuff.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
There are some comments.

Speaker 3 (34:36):
Rich Ad says, Babe, there's no way a twenty six
year old man is this oblivious. He's treating you like dirt.
It's not about the dollar value of your birthday present.
It's that it was just a gift card with zero thought.
Then for him to know how much you've been banging
on about this dress and to randomly buy it for
his mother is beyond strange your twenty three just quietly

(34:57):
and the relationship. You don't even need to cite this
as the ree he and his mama will gaslight you anyway.
Oh no, just say you don't feel the same and
are ending it. Don't say more. I had the thought
of is this worthy of a breakup after this? But
I always have a habit of doubting my feelings as
being valid. I spent most of the night thinking I
was being a brat about it. So thank you for

(35:17):
the kind words and encouragement. The reddit kid's return says,
it's actually so odd that you talked about this dress
so much and he went out of his way to
buy it for his mom. I genuinely can't even imagine
a good excuse for this, lol, I would be so
weirded out. Also, I feel like I had been with
a sociopath or something, because that's an insane lack of

(35:37):
empathy or understanding on his part. Opie says, what is
even more odd is this The shopping area we saw
the dress at is a good distance from our home,
and the dress is not his mother's taste at all,
So this means some time after the fact of us
being there. He drove all the way back there and
for some reason bought the specific dress I wanted and

(35:58):
gave it to his mother for no reason. It wasn't
her birthday nor any special occasion for her. According to her,
he just randomly said, I've got something for you, mom,
and he brought the dress over to her house. She
didn't know any of the other details about that being
a dress I wanted.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
Oh got something for you mom. Yeah, Like, well, I
wonder if he like gives gifts to her all the time.

Speaker 6 (36:19):
Yeah, I don't know. I'm not a man. I wouldn't
a man if I was.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
In his shoes. Yeah, you're this man. I am this man.

Speaker 6 (36:27):
You know I'm gonna buy gifts for a girl. I'll
buy gifts for my mom. You know, if it's like
her birthday or whatever.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
She's not she'll never get a gift in her life
unless it's her day of birth. But I'm saying, like,
I just don't get it.

Speaker 3 (36:41):
Upset does says weird And I don't think that too
many moms wear the same style as their girlfriends. Is
this a real story? If so, then dump Zaye, because
there's no reason why you would do such a thing.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
What an idiot? Oh, he says, It's very weird and
weird is how I feel. Best way to describe how
I feel.

Speaker 4 (36:58):
Weird and hurt.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
I have no reason to make this up. And she
doesn't wear the same style as me, never has, and
not even close, so I don't understand it even more.
There just is completely not her taste. Bubble says, mother
of a son here, Please tell this mom what her
son did.

Speaker 6 (37:13):
Not.

Speaker 3 (37:13):
All of us are under the assumption that our jobs
end when that boy turns eighteen, and she may be
one of them. My responsibility in the legal sense ends
at eighteen. But I'm still gonna be his mom, and
that involves helping them when it's needed, and this boy
clearly needs help. Shallifino says mom here. I have no sons,
but I guarantee you if we did, their father and
I would be extremely disappointed in that behavior, and we

(37:35):
would make it known. In fact, if I were a
mom in that situation and we were the same size,
I would give her the dank dress myself and do
it right in front of the sun. She could wear it,
make napkins out of it, or burn it in a
ritualistic cleansing ceremony, wouldn't give a crap throw the whole
man away, and there is an update.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
I just want to see his logic here.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Want to break up until I get that conversation of
what's going on? Why'd you get mama a dress?

Speaker 2 (38:01):
Yeah? And where's mine? And where's Mike? I would get
it if you got both of us, Yeah, both of us.
That's a weird.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Yeah, Like, at least I got my dress, Like, am
I gonna act your mom later?

Speaker 1 (38:10):
Probably not.

Speaker 6 (38:11):
I hope we don't end up in the same situation like, oh,
family reunion, we're both wearing the same dress.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
Weird?

Speaker 3 (38:16):
Yeah, But like I do also think it's interesting that
the mom was like, she got the dress that wasn't
her style and then wore it, because from my mom experience,
if I bought my mom something that wasn't her taste,
she'd be like, I hate this, take it back?

Speaker 6 (38:30):
Oh same ye immediately, Yeah, so my mom gets mad
when I say it's like.

Speaker 2 (38:36):
Yeah, yeah, literally, Like.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
So I'm wondering why his mom wasn't like, this isn't
my taste at all? Why would you buy me this
mexy dress? But there is an update. I finally got
the nerve to straight up ask him about everything, and
his response was that he thought he thought I had
to be humbled a bit because I got way too
overly excited about something as trivial as a dress break up. No,
he said he thought it would be fun to see

(38:59):
my reaction to it.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
All.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
His mother had no idea about any of this and
just thought her son was giving her a gift. I'm
so upset and hurt that I just called my mom
to come get me. I will be staying with her
for a few days while I figure out the next steps,
but I'm not going back to him. There is a
little bit left to the story.

Speaker 6 (39:16):
Do you have any final thoughts me personally, I'm like
always looking for the closure. Yeah, I like needed, I
hang on to it, and then I come up with
like every single way.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Of like, oh, like this is it.

Speaker 6 (39:28):
It has to be this, you know, But in this case,
he just seems really rude.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (39:34):
I agree, really rude, And I just think that that
is not a way to go about it after especially
three years being together, even if you were together for
like a month and you still do that.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
But there is a final update. Ooh, me and Zaan
and are over for good?

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Oh good? Yeah, get him out of here.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
He keeps calling me, but I won't answer. There's nothing
he can say or do to change that. I've realized
and taken this as a sign of a nature he
had kept hidden so well until now. Some comments useful friends,
Dude is playing some hardcore manipulation games right that if
you know, you know are harmful as f and warning
signs of a self absorbed sociopath. He did all that

(40:09):
on purpose to intentionally hurt you and make you feel
like you don't matter on your birthday. There's no reasoning
with individuals like this. Attempting to be validated or have
them take accountability will only waste your time and potentially
escalate the manipulation. Break up, block, separate yourself from him.
This will wound his ego, and he may try to
get you back under his control, first with sugar, then

(40:32):
with fear, or maybe straight to fear, abuse or threats
of violence, or whatever else he thinks will motivate you
to do what he wants. Don't let anyone tell you
the behavior around this dress your birthday, All of it
are not real. Big Rather scary red flags for a
sociopathic person once you have separated, if you choose to,
you really should do some reading on self absorbed personality

(40:52):
disorders and relationships to make yourself aware of the tactics
and strategies they use to avoid them in the future.
That crap is cruel how he went about making sure
to hurt you on your birthday, And it's fing pathetic
on his part. Whatever fake name says, I would be
upset too. It's okay that he gets his mother a
present more expensive than yours, But buying the thing you
wanted so much for his mom and letting her wear

(41:14):
it at your birthday, that's either stupid or really mean.
And Opie says, yes exactly that I wouldn't mind at
all a guy buying his mom gifts. I strongly believe
good mom should be cherished. Why this gift? Why was
it the dress that I wanted? I've been trying to
make it make sense. I mean, he told you he
wanted to make you feel bad's and Eve knew it

(41:35):
would work.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
That's what I thought too.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
My fiance planned his birthday with another girl without involving me.

Speaker 4 (41:43):
MM, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
This was tricky.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
I thirty female, have been engaged to my fiance, thirty
two male for about a year now. We both agree
to a long engagement since we are still saving up
for the wedding. His birthday is coming up next month,
and I've been really excited planning for his birthday since
I know that he did not really get to celebrate
growing up due to family issues. By the way, this
comes from bim Bimba four five six and if you

(42:06):
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia, oh and I'm Savannah,
I'm Riley. And guys, we try to give our best advice,
but we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so
if you have, let us know your take in the comments.
And Opie says every year, for the past four years,
I've always planned something for his birthday. I try to

(42:27):
communicate with him about it because I want to get
his input on how he would like his birthdays to go. Recently,
I've been planning for his birthday next month. He said
that he wanted to have an intimate birthday party or
dinner with friends, so I've been planning meticulously to pull
this off, from small details like looking for rustic D
and D themed plates, sick cute and cutlery, to renting

(42:47):
a whole villa so he could really enjoy his day.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
I put my effort into making it special.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
Then I was told that he already planned his birthday
with a female friend without telling me ahead of time.
I understand that they have known each other longer than us,
but I could not help but feel betrayed and jealous.
He made plans with his friend without even telling me,
and everything was already prepared and done. I communicated with
him and asked if he could set this birthday party
on a different date since the villa I rented is

(43:15):
non refundable.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
Ooh, nope, deck.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
He only told me that he could not because they
had already made all the preparations. He said he would
just reimburse me for half of the money I spent
on the villa. I stayed quiet for the whole day
and did not talk to him much. I could not
help but feel betrayed. Later that night, he said that
I was overreacting over a small thing and should be
grateful that I would not have to do any of
the hosting designing or preparing.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
She already did the preparation.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Yeah, it's like she already had it prepared.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
He paid for the thing, exactly. It's too late.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
So now I am left wondering if I am really overreacting,
jealous and unreasonable. Comment one, did none of the friends
you're inviting tell you about the other party?

Speaker 4 (44:00):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (44:00):
He says, none of his friends inform me about this?
Oh so there were other.

Speaker 6 (44:04):
Friends that were involved with the other planning that did
not tell her.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
That's crazy.

Speaker 6 (44:09):
There's no way that none of that got in my
years together, probably because they haven't invited them yet or
have informed anyone about them planning it.

Speaker 2 (44:16):
Okay, so they didn't know. Okay, you know I jumped
the gut on that one. Sorry sorry friends. Sorry reply.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
As the fiance, you should have been included from the start,
So that's also a problem. Comment two says, why are
you spending so much money on said party and a
non refundable purchase without discussing it with them? Knowing you're
saving up for a wedding. You should have discussed this
far prior to when you did.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
He should have.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Told you his plans, especially knowing you've been the one
to step up and plan for the last four years.
I do find it odd that they're that close and
he still didn't feel the need to talk about the
party that another woman planned for him. He should have
said you already had a covert and politely declined. You
should have spoken up about your discomfort rather than sit
and mope all day, because where does that get you. Luckily,
he's willing to help cover some of the cost.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
Luckily she's not. They have not the sit in mope.
I don't like that comment.

Speaker 3 (45:06):
I have discussed with him, as I most of the
time communicate with him and take his inputs on things
he wants to happen on his birthday, replies, says, what
does disgust mean to you? Did you mention you were
planning his party or did you just ask for subtle
things he likes in order to plan it. Was he
fully aware you already planned his party and still let
his girlfriend plan a different party. If he made plans

(45:27):
with you and then blew them off to go get
a party planned by another girl, it's clear where his
priorities are and maybe a sign that marriage isn't on
the table right now. Ope, he says, yes, I did
mention that I'm planning his birthday party. One he shouldn't
have gone to this girl's or he shouldn't be going
to this girl's yeah thing, and two he should absolutely

(45:47):
pay for the full refund you know, yeah, to be like, Yeah,
I knew you were planning me a party, but you
still have to pay half of that. Yeah, that's ridiculous.
M That's why I'm always asking for his inputs. I'm
pretty much sure that he's fully aware about this, since
I update him with the with every progress I made
on planning this party. Reply says there's no easy way

(46:08):
to say nor for you to accept it immediately.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
But I would break up over this.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Ooh, it's clear disrespect and disregard for your emotions, all
to make what.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Some other girl happy.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Ooh, she chows to go out of her way to
plan your fiance's birthday party. I would go to whatever
she planned, just so you can save more money and
see how she is around him. There's lines you don't
cross in friendships, and she went over it. But your
fiance disrespected you by allowing this to even happen in
the first place, let alone say he's going to her
party despite him giving constant feedback for the party you

(46:43):
his literal fiance plan for him. Truly, hope you guys
can talk it out and he sees where he went wrong.
Maybe even show him this post so he knows you're
not overreacting, but there is an update any more thoughts.

Speaker 6 (46:56):
I don't agree with the like, oh, well you should
have said something, yeah, should like she did.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
We also know that she did, yeah, and that's the
other thing.

Speaker 6 (47:04):
It's like, no, I did say something, yeah, and also
you know this this, this is the other thing happened.
So it's like, I feel like you have all the
information there and he just chose to disregard it. And
then it's trying to be like, well, you know, how
was I supposed to know it's my birthday exactly?

Speaker 3 (47:20):
I also think like, if you've been in a relationship
for four years, the last couple of you are engaged,
and are engaged, she's.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Planned all of the previous birthday parties.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
Yeah, and then someone says, hey, like, i'd love to
plan a birthday already for You've got this great idea.
My first thought would be, hey, that sounds really great,
but you know my girlfriend usually does that, so I
want to make sure she doesn't have it, even if
she hadn't told you know, I agree, so what's up
with that, dude?

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Or I would.

Speaker 6 (47:44):
Correlate with the fiance, yes, like or I feel like, hey,
I heard that you are throwing something. I think he
would also enjoy this or something, you know, like putting
the two together. I feel like if you want, she
was just lost and then now it's like a weird
three people.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Trying but not. Yeah, and you have to choose which
birthday is the best.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
Updates today, I broke up with him, Yes I did.
It took me a while to come up with this decision,
but I still let myself think it through, just to
be sure. The birthday party is happening this weekend, not
the one I planned, but the one his female friend
planned for him. He was so excited, even buying new
clothes and accessories for it. Last weekend, I spent some
time with my friends and opened up about it. Just

(48:27):
as expected. They said the same things many of you
did in the comments. I still did not listen because
I was holding onto the hope that things might change.
But it only got worse. After that trip. I went
back to work, and it has been really stressful lately.
Yesterday was literally the worst day of my life. I
had an argument with my manager that left me confused, anxious,

(48:48):
and down. It bothered me a lot. Of course, as
stupid as I am, I shared it with him. I
wrote a long text message explaining what happened. Since he
was also at work and I could not call him
to explain further, I sent some voicemail.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
Again.

Speaker 3 (49:01):
I was sad and looking for comfort from him, but
all I got was gaslighting. He did not react to it.
I do not even know if he listened or read anything.
He just said, okay, sorry, I'm tired. I was left
hanging with my feelings. I know it's not his responsibility
to comfort me, but I was expecting him to at
least show some's care and not disregard me because he

(49:21):
was tired. Yeah, But as many of you said, I
had to communicate more with him, so I asked if
he had time to talk, and he said sure, Oh,
now we can talk.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
I thought he was tired. I told him that I
needed him.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
To at least listen and care for me at that moment,
since I was feeling sad and low.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
He again just said that he was tired.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
And dismissed me. I let it go, since I knew
talking to him at this point would be pointless. Morning
came and he said that he was ready to talk.
He's like, all right, he goes.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
He goes, ah, I'm a better now.

Speaker 6 (49:51):
My issues have been solved. My tiredness has just all
of a sudden gone away. We can discuss what you're doing.
You know what you do when.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
Your girlfriend needs to talk about our bad day and
you're tired.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
You drinking urba.

Speaker 6 (50:05):
Oh, I drink water, guys in the occasional smoothie.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
This is weird talk.

Speaker 3 (50:11):
So I told him how his actions made me feel yesterday.
I told him that I felt dismissed and unseen. I
felt like I was all alone. I explained it in
very calm voice. But then he started getting mad, saying
that he did say sorry yesterday because he was tired,
and I should have been more understanding. He turns back

(50:32):
on you, He goes.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Oh, I had a bad day too, and you didn't say, oh.

Speaker 6 (50:36):
I'm so sorry you were tired, guys, I didn't get
to take my afternoon.

Speaker 2 (50:40):
Now, it's ridiculous. Heck, he told me I was attacking
him over something. He didn't even know about.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
All I had done was try to communicate. Then he
dropped the line, if you cannot take responsibility for your actions,
you can just leave. At this point, I was done.
I asked if that was what he wanted, and he
did not answer. He just said that all he wanted
was for me to take responsibility for what was happening
to us at that moment.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Ooh, do you have any final thoughts? I hate this man.
The gaslight is just like so rude. I hate that.
It's like so frust.

Speaker 6 (51:14):
The fact that it's like them doing it, and then
like the hypocrisy is just like, Oh, well, I said,
I was tired, So what's wrong?

Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yeah, I'm inside of the road. Do you care at all? Yeah,
I'm tired. I can't come pick you up. I'm tired.
I'm tired, guys.

Speaker 3 (51:32):
Yeah, no, ridiculous break up by I could not see
the point in continuing to communicate with him when everything
I said.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Was being thrown back at me, making me feel.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
Bad for simply asking for understanding. So I left. I
left without a word, as you should. I blocked him
on all socials and his number, but I'm not gonna lie.
My heart still hurts, and a part of me still
hopes he'll reach out how so we can patch things up.
But another part of me says, this is for the better.
I deserve better. I deserve someone who will treat me
with kindness and softness, someone who will understand me better. Oh,

(52:05):
and I invited my friends over the.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Villain to have a post breakup party. How fun? I
would actually love this so fun? Like, Hey, guys, come
to my breakup party at.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
The villa original originally his birthday party, but no birth
is celebrated here. A hot new bombshell is single. I
guess it's still served its purpose.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
And there is yes the story.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute
break from as for more sponsors.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
I found my boyfriend spicy chats with coworker after he
repeatedly denied it.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
Done done, done, breakup. That's it.

Speaker 4 (52:47):
I just found out that my thirty four female boyfriend
thirty eight male has been cheating on me, and it's
extremely fresh. He broke down, wailing on his knees, talked
about how it was never physical, and beg to me
to make it work or give him a second chance.
By the way, this comes from throw Kurt Closet twenty

(53:07):
six And if you're listening your own stories, go to
the r slash okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
And I'm Savannah and I'm Sophia.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
We will try to give our best advice, but we
haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so if you have,
let us know your take in the comments. OPI continues
some backstory. It started with a weird text. Something bothered
me because I'd seen a message pop up on his
phone from one of his best friends named Logan. That
could also be a unisex name. By the way, everyone

(53:37):
that's true except I know this friend. We played video
games together and they usually talk over steam Chat. He
also would never do the anime action speak example hookes cuddles.
The message was poke, what are you doing? It just
rubbed me wrong. His guy friend would never talk to
him like that. I sat with it for the rest
of the afternoon until finally, as we were settling for

(53:59):
a bet, I opened his phone. It was not passporwad protected,
as we literally never check each other's phones and he
keeps his closed Anyways, he had gone to the kitchen,
so I swiped to see if it had been open,
and it did. Conversation was short, but it had a
woman's foot with an ankle bracelet, and talked about how
much she missed him and couldn't wait for.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Some time, some time together. Hmmm, for kind of time,
not not the ankle bracelet move.

Speaker 4 (54:27):
She asked what he was up to, and he responded,
it's just me and her. I pretty much broke down immediately.
He didn't realize and was getting ready for sleep. At
this point. I got up and cried in the kitchen.
He finally came to check on me and sorry to him,
and I blew up. I yelled at him that I
knew everything, had seen the text and pulled them up.
He said he had them set to delete every ten minutes,

(54:49):
which is why the conversation seemed so short. In fact,
there was no telling how far back those messages go,
so he immediately started crying and asking to explain. He
said it was not physical at all, that it's been
going on for three months, and it was an old
coworker of his, that he was just talking to her
through her divorce, and it escalated so I did a

(55:11):
search on Facebook and found her and it still says
she's married. Though he hasn't been at that job for
almost a year now and it seems odd that it
just started up. He has been begging me to fix
this and make it work. In my anger, I told
him to call his parents and leave them a voicemail
to let him know what he's been doing, because I'm

(55:31):
not going to let him demonize me if we break up.
I also called him pathetic in an a hole for
ruining the past three years that we have been building together. Yeah,
another three year relationship down the drain.

Speaker 6 (55:44):
Honestly, that's kind of like Loki flex because she's like,
you know what, you're not going to demonize me, call
your parents and tell him. Dude, well, telling your parents
at thirty eight years old what you did? Ooh, mommy,
I have to explain the something happened at me.

Speaker 4 (56:03):
But like, I mean, that is something you can do.
But that's the first thing she thought of. Wild.

Speaker 6 (56:10):
That also is wild, that reaction of like, let's get
your parents involved.

Speaker 4 (56:14):
I think that was not talking to my parents. No,
it's not do that.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Tell them what you did. They'll agree with me. That's
a power move, but also.

Speaker 4 (56:24):
It really is, especially as a weird parent relationship. So
we are both from out of state with no family here.
I love him tremendously. I know I've gained weight to
distress at my job. He said that he started talking
to her supposedly three months ago because I was being
difficult and emotional due to my job and he didn't
know how to handle it. I know this is all

(56:45):
over the place and not cohesive, but I'm emotionally wrecked.
I know I have two options. One work on this
with him, or two tell him to walk. The house
is basically mine, most of the furniture is, The cats
are mine, and he has some furniture and his clothes
and his computer. Right now, he's in the guest bedroom
sobbing and crying and telling me how much he loves

(57:08):
me through the walls. I'm just exhausted. You're living for
this sounds.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Like the sketch that we're doing, like good night, good night.

Speaker 4 (57:19):
Oh gosh. I had loved him fiercely, I just hadn't
felt pretty since the weight gain and our intimacy has dropped.
We still kiss and hugged and rubbed each other. I
just didn't feel attractive enough to do anything anymore. Maybe
that's why he started emotionally cheating. I feel ashamed and
to blame for this, even though I was not the one. Rationally,

(57:42):
he keeps begging for a chance and saying that he
has wanted to break it off, But they don't always
say that. He showed me that he blocked and deleted
the number. Am I weak? If I stay or try
and figure it out? Is it possible, like statistically, for
this to work. I'm so sorry. Sorry, this is going
so long and all over the place. I just need

(58:03):
to scream into the void and hope someone has some
words of encouragement or advice on how to move forward.
We have an update, Oh we do.

Speaker 6 (58:11):
I kind of feel bad for her, yeah, I mean, like, yeah,
I feel bad for anyone in this situation, but like
the fact that she, like you can tell how it
just spirals towards the end and then it's like I
wanted to you know, do that? Am I being crazy? No,
not at all being crazy. You're like actually reacting very
very normal.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (58:29):
My opinion, like if someone was cheating on me, like,
why would it be my fault?

Speaker 2 (58:33):
Why? Why do I always have to feel bad? You know.

Speaker 4 (58:35):
The underlying theme or like thing that I'm really seeing
here is her self confidence. Yeah, and how her self
confidence is tied to this relationship, her job. And I
think it's a wake up call of hey, you're noticing
some things. You're noticing you're kind of losing yourself again.
It's actually turned around. This happened, and it also shows
that your boyfriend is not supporting you.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
Yea, you are emotionally at least. Yeah, physically you get
in the.

Speaker 4 (59:00):
She's getting a free rub here and there.

Speaker 6 (59:02):
Physically the free rub is still there, but mentally the
rub is not there.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
She's getting none on the mental rub.

Speaker 4 (59:10):
So if you have prediction before we get into the update,
did she stick it out?

Speaker 2 (59:14):
No?

Speaker 4 (59:14):
No breakup? She broke up.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
Yeah, I'd say breakup for sure.

Speaker 4 (59:18):
Update. I had started an update but didn't save it,
so I had to start over, and I just didn't
have it in me to start over until this morning.
I guess he got to my profile. You can find
the first part, but in summary, on Labor Day, I
found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me
with someone. For all those who said it was happening
a lot longer than three months, and it was definitely physical.

(59:39):
He said, it was just cheating. You were right, of.

Speaker 6 (59:42):
Course, I'm her in that situation of like, no, no,
I'm great, like he would never do that to me.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
I'm a specialized to make.

Speaker 6 (59:49):
And then it's just like then your world comes crashing down,
because then it's like, wow, so I actually meant nothing.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
That's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (59:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (59:56):
I finally spoke to him Friday. He's written a bs
let about how he tried to fend off her advances.
It was never physical. It was all conversations and fake
flirting on his part, truly manipulative crap. I had come
prepared Friday with seven points I wanted to make a
part of me had truly wanted to believe that maybe

(01:00:17):
he was just talking. I know, I know, I'm an idiot.
My seven points were one, I want to see your phone,
then try and restore messages, and if he permanently deleted them,
then I know he was lying and trying to get
rid of incriminating crap or see the truth. Two that
his letter is nonsense and the timeline doesn't add up.

(01:00:38):
Three I want all of the truth if he has
any hope of reconciliation. Four after my work trip. He
needs to move out if he has any hope of reconciliation,
I need my space, and if he needs to be
on his own self, reflect what he truly wants and
why he did what he did.

Speaker 6 (01:00:55):
Five.

Speaker 4 (01:00:55):
I need to go through the holiday season alone. This
is the time I lost my dog. This is the
time my family will be down. This is the time
I am the most sensitive and I need to be
by myself. This time period will be low to no contact. Six.
He needs to go to therapy and be one hundred
percent honest with himself. I will go to seven. If

(01:01:16):
he is truly serious and truly believes the jargon he
wrote about me being his person. We are starting completely over.
No moving in for quite a while. We're starting all
over because he broke the foundation of what we had.
You can't build on that. The only thing we can
do is start completely over. And if I come to
terms with I cannot forgive you for what you did,

(01:01:39):
or it's still on my mind, then it is what
it is.

Speaker 6 (01:01:44):
Agreed. I think those are all great points. Yeah, and
I'm glad that she made a list.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
That's what I do.

Speaker 6 (01:01:49):
I'm very much I'm like listlessless I love my list,
but true, Yeah, but I think that those are all
very good points. And the thing is, now it's a test. Yeah,
Now you just have to test him, and then you
have to like keep going back in your mind, like
is it worth the mental turmoil of all of this?

Speaker 4 (01:02:05):
I think two things. One, I've seen this only happen
once and work out where they were like, we're starting
completely over from scratch and it works out and they
were happy. Don't know how that happened.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (01:02:15):
Two, if this guy knows this is the feat he
has to go through to be with you know, the ope,
He's probably not gonna do it because, oh, miss Ankle,
bracelet over here. I can go over and hang out
with her. She's going through divorce. That seems easier. I
think he's just begging, please don't make me go back
to my mom and dad. Yeah I don't want to

(01:02:36):
go back.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Yeah, I would have to agree with that.

Speaker 4 (01:02:38):
Okay. So sat down on Friday and I was shaking.
No one tells you how your body physically reacts to things,
but I was shaking. I hadn't eaten anything since Monday.
I did eat some crackers Saturday, but I could barely
taste it. I had typed everything down so I didn't stray.

(01:02:59):
He said, I wrote you a letter too, And anyway,
I began with my first point that i'd like to
see his phone. He jumped at it and led me
to his phone, and I told him what I was
going to do, and he kind of shifted and was like, oh, yeah, sure.
I think he still thought I wouldn't be able to
recover all of the messages. There were over two thousand

(01:03:20):
messages between them.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
Oh my god, the.

Speaker 4 (01:03:22):
Grossest messages ever, super explicit, talking about the things they
did to each other, how they missed each other, him
calling her princess, his baby, the rage I felt, I'll
admit it. I yelled, I cried. I was reading the
text out loud, and he just cried, saying it was

(01:03:42):
just physical that he loved me. We spent three hours
going in circles with him, begging for a second chance.
I'm sorry, I can't remember all of it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
That's so horrible.

Speaker 4 (01:03:52):
He started talking about how he has to go back
home now because I won't give him another chance, that
he would stay and live set separately if in having
another chance with me, no matter how small a percentage
that it would be. I told him it was zero
point zero one percent.

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
I wouldn't even give it that. Can you go negatives?

Speaker 4 (01:04:13):
You can get add a couple more zeros in between
there and that. Right now, I just find him disgusting.
I might not be able to see him as anything more.
I was hurt and so much was said, and I
told him I needed my space and he needs to
get out, just like I had asked in my written
letter from sobbing and crying. His face completely changed, no tears,

(01:04:36):
no nothing, just completely in the flattest of voices. Well, then,
I guess you're going to have to evict me.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
What so, now it's turned on her.

Speaker 6 (01:04:46):
She's the bad person for, you know, kicking him out
after he did everything horrible to her.

Speaker 4 (01:04:52):
What No, Yeah, call up the sheriff. Sheriff, I got
somebody out of my house.

Speaker 2 (01:04:57):
I gotta I gotta go see my ankle.

Speaker 4 (01:05:02):
Oh man. I was like, okay, bet, I'll start working
on that now. And here you were begging for a
second chance. Now you tell me you need ninety days
to leave this place. It was just such a terrifying
drop of emotion, a real sociopath move. He does not
want to go back to his parents. Guys, yeah, I undertand.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
He's trying every single reason not to.

Speaker 4 (01:05:23):
It makes me more scared that I have to be
gone Tuesday night through Monday. I bought some cameras for
the house. I basically had told him that there is
a chance for us if he does what I asked,
but I don't know how long that would be and
how long my healing would need to take. Six months,
a year, or two or maybe never. I'm not promising anything,

(01:05:46):
but there's like that zero point one percent chance, And
he was like, that's all I need. I'll do anything. Okay,
I'll start working on moving out, and I will still
help with rent, and I won't drag my feet on this,
so I'm trying to move carefully. He of course told
his parents not the truth and basically framed it as

(01:06:08):
if I misinterpret the text and I'm overreacting. When I
pointed this out, he said, no, no, I told them
the truth Thursday because I realized I had to come
clean to you. I told him, I don't care what
you told them, but I'm using the last ounce of
grace and compassion I have left to give you the
time you need to figure your crap out and just

(01:06:31):
leave me alone. I just want to be left alone.
Should op just say one hundred percent we're never getting
back together.

Speaker 6 (01:06:38):
One of them said, like, he's crying because he got caught,
not because he's sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
Oh that's one. I think her name was Amy, Amy,
Amy Lynn. But yeah, they're right on the money.

Speaker 4 (01:06:50):
Yeah, Amy Dean, maybe Dean right, got.

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
Caught, not because he's sorry.

Speaker 6 (01:06:54):
Agreed one percent And usually, honestly, that's how it always is.

Speaker 2 (01:06:59):
Yeah, and it sucks that we have to go through this.

Speaker 4 (01:07:02):
Yeah, it is that because you love someone and you've
been with him for three years and you're you're like, hey,
I gotta see a future with you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:07:10):
Oh man, I'm terrified that he's going to try and
stay and threaten me with legal crap and drag me
through this. I don't know what to do. I'm scared
he's going to drag me through heck, and all I
want is to have him leave. This isn't my house
and I don't have a formal lease, so this is
just messy. If anyone has any advice, please, I did

(01:07:33):
leave a voicemail with an eviction lawyer. I have already
boxed a lot of stuff up for him, gifts that
he gave me, photos, any of the stuff that was
his in our room. I gave him whatever he needs,
but he was trying to make me give him ninety days.
If he forces my hand with a viction, I'll push
for the smallest amount of days as possible. I told him,

(01:07:55):
if he wants me to be a monster, I can.
I was trying to literally be nigh by giving him
time until after my work trip, like the end of
the month. At this point, I'm trying to figure out
how to get him to leave his leak out

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My ex fiancée GHOSTED me before our wedding… now she wants to reconcile! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My ex fiancée GHOSTED me before our wedding… now she wants to reconcile! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories