My ex-friend tried to get my husband DEPORTED… now she wants my help? - r/AITAH | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So we'll stick around two minutes and
we'll get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My ex friend try to get my husband deported. Now
she wants my help.

Speaker 4 (00:20):
Deportation is where I draw the line no help out that.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
That's where I don't help you before it's cool. I
female twenty six, am white, and my fiance, male thirty one,
is originally from Japan but has pretty much been living
here in the States since he was thirteen, and yes,
is a US citizen. I also have a group of
friends from college, and in that group was a woman
who will call Karen, female twenty five, who was the
sister of our friend who I will call Ruth. By

(00:45):
the way, this comes from Hailey cz CT and if
you want to spend your own stories, go to our
slash Okay Storytime subpart it. So, Ruth, who was genuinely
a nice person, was our friend, but her sister, Karen
was the golden child sibling who only hung out with
us because she Karen cannot maintain irl friendships of her own,
in part due to her antisocial tendencies, and their mom

(01:06):
pretty much pushed us to let Karen hang out with us,
since Karen was jealous of Ruth having real friends and
we only tolerated Karen because of Ruth, who also didn't
really want Karen hanging out with us. Dang. When Ruth
moved here to the Northeast for college from Mississippi, Karen
also followed her, and their mom pushed Ruth to let
Karen stay with her. Unlike the five of us, Karen

(01:27):
did not go to college with us. Wait, she was
just like living with y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:31):
Oh, just like chilling. She's like, hey, guys, hey, guys, Like,
what are you doing? We're going to class. She's like,
I don't know, that's fun. I don't do that.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
You guys should stay scoffed at the idea of higher
education and the only thing she knew were what she
saw online or whatever her boyfriend of the day was into.
Over the years, since gradually becoming more and more hateful
towards the LGBT, Jews and immigrants. Bear in mind that
my mom is an immigrant from the Czech Republic. Thus
we kind of started distancing ourselves from her after first

(02:00):
noticing it at around twenty twenty or so. Ruth unfortunately
passed away in twenty twenty three after a biking accident.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
Oh my, I didn't wow. It's tragic all of a sudden.

Speaker 3 (02:11):
God, But we continued to allow Karen to hang out
with us because of pity, I guess. But a couple
in our group outright cut her off after Ruth's passing,
while the rest of us just tried to gradually distance her,
hoping she'd get the message or get bored and stop
trying to contact us. However, the breaking point was on
October last year, when Karen reported my fiance to Ice
because she thought or wanted to believe, he was an

(02:32):
undocumented migrant. And when we confronted Karen, the conversation boiled
down too that she felt it was wrong for me,
as a white woman, to be with an Asian man,
and she felt that white girls like me you should
be with men who look like me. And she felt
uncomfortable with how my family is very welcoming and accepting
of my fiance.

Speaker 4 (02:51):
So she's a moron. So not only is she just
like it hateful and ignorant. She's like literally was like
tried to get an American citizen.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
She's like, I don't know, I just felt like it
and I'm just like, like, it just.

Speaker 4 (03:03):
Doesn't seem right. So I called Ice.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
This is why we shouldn't pity hang out with people.
If they're awful, people just hunt hang out with them.

Speaker 4 (03:12):
You could be like, hey, I'm sorry for your there's
a range. I think she's on the range.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
That is true. That is true. I come from a
very liberal, upper middle class family, and we'd often take
my fiance out with us on family outings, be it
at our family's vacation home in Lake Champlain or sailing
to Block Island on my grandpa's yacht. Dang. That said,
Karen felt that someone of my status should be with
someone who looked like me. These words, why are we
talking to Karen?

Speaker 4 (03:39):
Why is she still here?

Speaker 3 (03:40):
Why is she still here? You have no connection to
her that is like strong enough to have her continue
to be around.

Speaker 4 (03:48):
Well, if they're still friends with her after that, that.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
Would be crazy. I would you're like, oh, Karen.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
Karen, Karen, She's like she always try to support my
American said people's fiance caring. She tried five last week.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
But that she plainly said she wanted to my fiance
deported so she could try hooking me up with the
brother of her then boyfriend. Mind you, her then boyfriend,
with whom she has a kid with, and his brother
are misogynists who constantly share Andrew Tait interviews. Can't hold
the job for very long, yet expect women to stay
home and know their place, whereas my fiance works in

(04:24):
mental health and I work for my grandpa's lafer. After that,
the rest of us told her to f off, and
up until the last week or two, we've gone no
contact with her. Good makes sense, That makes sense.

Speaker 4 (04:35):
That does make sense.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
That said, after her boyfriend left her and their son,
she showed up at my door with her baby one
day to demand that since my family is well off,
I should help her buy her groceries and ask my
grandpa to give her a job since her EBT card
wasn't working and her now ex vanished. I reminded her
of how she tried to get my fiance deported and
how I'm not her friend, so she should f off. Apparently,

(05:00):
she's also been badgering others in our friend group and
her mom even called me telling me off or not
helping Karen and trying to justify what Karen did by
saying she was just doing what's best for you.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
So the mom was like, she had a point.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
She had a freaking one girl. I mean, are we
really surprised that her mom is crazy, seeing as she
was the one who was pushing Ruth to make to
include Karen and everything.

Speaker 4 (05:24):
Ruth seem pretty cool.

Speaker 3 (05:25):
Yeah, Ruth is cool, but I'm not surprised that the
mom is not, because she was the one who.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
Bring her sister word and she's like she's twenty anyway.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
I then asked her that since she's Karen's mom, why
doesn't she help Karen or take her back into which
the mom said that her new husband doesn't like having
Karen or her other kids around. I reminded Karen's mom
that Ruth was our friend, but Karen is not, and
we have no obligations to Karen. Sorry if this is long,
but it pisses me the heck off correction. I previously

(05:55):
incorrectly mentioned that her EBT card wasn't working due to
the government my bad. I asked dosumed that ebt cards
not working was somehow caused by Trump's executive order to
freeze federal funding for certain programs. So I incorrectly incorrectly
mention that I've never had to use snap or WIC
So I have no idea how these things work. And
there is an up date, But do you any thoughts

(06:16):
before we jump into this? Update? Feels very straightforward, It
feels incredibly straightforward. It's just stop talking to Karen.

Speaker 4 (06:24):
Yeah, this ridiculous human is making a ridiculous request, and
then her mom is also making me trying to validate
the ridiculous requests. Yeah, and there's a and she simply was.

Speaker 3 (06:36):
Like nu, update, all right. So in my last post,
I Female twenty six mentioned that a discriminatory former friend,
who I will call Karen, tried to get my Japanese
American fiance Mail thirty one deported, only for her to
come back begging for help after her EBT cards stopped working,
her boyfriend ditging her, and her now being a single mom. Firstly, though,

(06:57):
I would like to address a common question from my
last post, host, why did we tolerate Karen for as
long as we did? We were friends with her older sister, Ruth,
who went to college with us, Ruth was the kindest
and nicest person most people would ever meet. But Karen,
despite not going to college herself, traveled up here to
the Northeast, falling Ruth because their hometown was boring. Basically,

(07:17):
their mom wouldn't allow Ruth to have friends unless Karen
was included, as Karen can't seem to maintain friendships or
relationships of her own. Ruth unfortunately had trouble saying no
to her controlling and manipulative mom. Hence, we tolerated Karen
so we could continue having Ruth hang out with us.
After Ruth passed away, we only tolerated Karen for a
few more months, mostly out of pity. But even then

(07:39):
we were already trying to distance her from us by
organizing get togethers that didn't include Karen, not engaging Karen
in conversation whenever possible, and basically hoping she got bored
of us and would leave on her own. That didn't work,
and admittedly it was too passive. Also, I have no
idea how EBT cards even work, Hence I assumed it
not working had something to do with government. Now to

(07:59):
the update for this Valentine's Day weekend, my fiance and
I drove up here to my grandpa's vacation home in
Lake Champlain for a few days of relaxing, hot cocoa,
chill and Netflix. Yesterday, my friends who I will call
Chantelle and Kate called me to say that Karen came
back and knocking on Kate's door, demanding that we let
Karen back into our friend group and support her, as

(08:20):
well as demanding to speak with me and Luna. Luna
is a friend in our group. This time, Karen came
along with her mom, son, stepdad, and two stepbrothers who
decided to drive up all the way from Mississippi for this.
It seems like everyone like her family hates her so
much that they will stop at nothing to dump her
on someone else.

Speaker 4 (08:40):
Please see how long after this is after college?

Speaker 3 (08:44):
Yes, she has a kid.

Speaker 4 (08:47):
He's thirty one?

Speaker 3 (08:48):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (08:48):
How old is op at this point?

Speaker 3 (08:50):
Wheny s.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
So, there's like a year since colle Yeah?

Speaker 3 (08:56):
And this man still and.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Her family is still to man friendship shocking years later?

Speaker 3 (09:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (09:02):
And financial support.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
Yeah from a person who was never really really friends
with Karen. Seantell and Kate told Karen that we don't
want anything to do with her as well. As mentioning
that Luna, who was in Europe at the time, and
I and Lake Champlain were away and not in town.
They got into an argument with Karen and her family,
with Karen's mom apparently calling Kate Tamala in a mocking tone,

(09:24):
note that Kate is mixed race as her mom is
black and her dad being white. Yes, so the whole
family is just with Karen's mom telling them that since
we were friends with Ruth, Ruth, we for some reason
need to do what she Karen's mom says and need
to support Karen and her child. Shaantal told Karen's mom
that just because it was easy for her to manipulate
and boss around Ruth doesn't mean she gets to do

(09:44):
the same with us, as we have nothing to do
with Karen or her family. Additionally, she went on to
say that if Karen is really so desperate for support,
why doesn't Karen just move back to Mississippi with her family,
with Karen replying by saying something along the lines of
I deserve to live the way you all, and Karen's
mom mentioning that her husband, Karen's stepdad, doesn't want Karen
or her kid living with them when Karen's stepbrother, upon

(10:07):
noticing security cameras in Kate's house, started trying to rip
out her doorbell camera, followed by Karen and her family
running off when Kate's dad finally called nine one one.

Speaker 4 (10:17):
Yeah, now they're destroying property.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
Truly, just oh my god. However, before they left, they
use their truck to deliberately sideswipe Kate's dad's Lexus, driving
into the garage door, and Karen shouting people like you,
Kate don't deserve to live in a nice house like
this as they drove away. Can we can we send
her to jail? Do you have like footage of this
because you have presumably he didn't succeed in pulling out

(10:42):
the ring camera.

Speaker 4 (10:43):
Well, I think I think the footage you're having him
is like the camera here and he's like the ring like.
But I mean.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
Sometimes ring cameras are like you can see like a
driveway or something, So maybe you have footage of this
that's insane. Given the gravity of the situation, I did
notify my parents of what happened and that Karen and
her family may try to come over to our house,
as well as warning Luna as well. I also called
the police back in my hometown on the non emergency

(11:11):
line of the incident at Kate's home, and that they
Karen's family may try to come over again to my home,
but thankfully they haven't done so yet. In turn, Kate
and Chantelle have also given statements to the police as well.
And you guys can give us your full attention by
listening to full episodes with stories just like this. Just
go to Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favorite podcast stuff

(11:34):
and search a Bookay story Time And there is just
a teensy bit left to the story left. But I
feel like I feel like we've.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
We've feel like we've crossed to the restrained order.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
I feel like we know what we need.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
Decision.

Speaker 3 (11:46):
Yeah, it's it's good. A restraining order on people who
shouldn't be, shouldn't be in your life, shouldn't have been
in your life. Just get them out and we're gonna
get into the rest of the story. Note no real
names were used in the story, and certain small details
were changed a little just for the sake of the
privacy of everyone involved. Additional info to clarify Luna is

(12:06):
not my fiance. Luna is a friend in our group
who I barely mention as she doesn't really play a
part in any of us. But that is the end
of that story. Man, oh man, I think it's pretty
pretty cut cut and dry. Yeah, restraining order, restraining order,
don't talk to them ever again. Yeah, and then we
have it.

Speaker 4 (12:25):
My husband's ex best friend took advantage of us. I'm
putting my foot down. Put that foot down, put it down.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Also trigger warning for brief mentions of animal abuse in
this story.

Speaker 4 (12:34):
This is going to be quite long, so I'll try
to keep it to the main details. My husband's ex
best friend, we will call them Paul. Paul and my
husband Cody. We're in the Marines together and formed a
very strong, basically brotherhood. He came down from Georgia to
Arkansas to visit Cody and vice versa. And by the way,
this comes from you dash that to one conservative And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to

(12:55):
r okay storytime subrit it. So Cody brought up to
me how Paul was living in a shed on his
rental property due to his camper getting struck by lightning
and it didn't have electricity anymore. He took a small
matt off the bunk bed in the camper and just
moved into the shed, sleeping on the small mat on
the floor for contexts. He has three dogs. We had
a great time when he would come and visit us

(13:17):
in Arkansas and even stayed on an extended vacation for
over a month with us. Well, since that went well,
I told my husband if it needed a place to stay, well,
he could stay with us till we got on his feet.
At this time, my husband had even let him borrow
his childhood truck that was running great for him to
use in Georgia. Well, he moved in with us in
the beginning of July twenty twenty four. I forgot to
mention he gets disability from the VA for four thousand

(13:39):
dollars a month, and we got him a job within
a week with our friend's dad at his mechanic shop.
We have four dogs ourselves, so adding three more was
quite streussful at first, but it was manageable and I
love dogs, so it was fine. Seven dogs in one
household is a lot.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
Of dogs, A lot of dogs.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
It's now September twenty twenty four. My husband and I
have had multiple miss carriages and struggled with infertility that's awful.
We found out that month we were pregnant with our
rainbow baby. We were so insanely excited and just socked
since it had been over two years since our last miscarriage.
After it came out that I was pregnant, Paul started
making comments by how we just had to get pregnant

(14:17):
and basically ruin his plans.

Speaker 3 (14:19):
These plans, what are his plans? He's like all my plans.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
A couple of months go by, and Paul and I
have had some problems with him saying disrespectful stuff to me,
I mean, also snapping back at him. Wonder if this
is more general, if this is like related Around the
child child birth, he started to spend more time away
from the house with his boss's son. That boss's son
was my husband's friends since high school. There was a
whole friend group that my husband had been friends with

(14:45):
since he was young. Meanwhile, he had his dogs in
their kennels from sun up to sundown. He also would
be to one of the dogs sitting him on the ground.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
Freaking truby show. That's terrible.

Speaker 4 (14:57):
Don't even.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Get to the jail for that.

Speaker 4 (15:01):
The dogs, the poor dogs. I'm done, discussed done he
did not appreciate when I told him that was too much.
I also brought it up to my husband that he
needed to talk to him because that is completely uncalled
for and it made me be on piss.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
Honestly, I would I would even go one step further
and I would say, you should call like an animal
abuse thing.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
I would hit him with you if I see you
doing that ever again, you're out.

Speaker 3 (15:24):
Yeah, I think you should absolutely call some sort of
like line about this about animal because this is unacceptable.

Speaker 5 (15:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (15:32):
On top of him not taking care of his dogs,
he would drink almost every night and leave these bottles
by the couch or on the kitchen table. He left
trash like fast food and dip spit cups everywhere, including
on the floor. That's disgusting, that's so gross. I cleaned
up after him. I got to the point where I
brought it up to him and just honestly gave up
on cleaning up after him. I wish you never cleaned

(15:53):
up after Why.

Speaker 3 (15:54):
Why remind me why he's there again?

Speaker 4 (15:56):
Because it is the husband's best friend from like military.

Speaker 3 (16:00):
No, I'm now like I if this was if this
was going on under my roof, I'd won call someone
on the sky for the dogs, and I would say
to my partner, I'd be like, no, like, I'm not
having this person around me.

Speaker 4 (16:13):
It was Opie's idea for him to move in, and
it was because of like he was living in a shaft.
Sure not, I'm just giving that as but still she
needs to she.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Needs to change it.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
Okay, never mind this to happen so our living area
was just disgusting. Meanwhile, it's creating issues and find speech
to my husband and me. I worked from home, so
we didn't get why I wasn't keeping the house clean.
He was like, I explained, he is not my child,
and I will not clean up after his friend, the Paul,
had been looking for rentals for months. He kept finding
something wrong with each rental, many times of his petty stuff,

(16:47):
like it didn't have a workshop for him to fix
his cars in and the garage wasn't big enough. When
he was moving down, he told us he would pay
us five hundred dollars a month to live with us.
We never asked him to pay us a dime since
we truly wanted to help him. We actually decided to
buy a house in December twenty twenty four, since it
was the best decision for us, especially since we were
having a baby girl and he was living in what

(17:08):
would be her nursery. We explained to him so many
times I lost count that he could not move in
with us and stop letting him pay us to live
there so he could save up for a deposit on
a rental. He had told us he found a place
in January February, well weeks before we were closing on
our home. He was telling my husband he didn't have
enough money for a deposit. This was going on to

(17:28):
the second or third month for us not having him
pay for anything. We paid for all the groceries, and
my husband would cook each night, even for him. If
we went out to eat, we paid for him since
he was always broke.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
Why are you letting this happen?

Speaker 4 (17:42):
Yeah, some of them. Some of these things, I'm like, okay,
Like that's kind, But if you're paying for him to
go out one, it's just creating a strange dynamic. Yeah,
it's one thing to help a friend out, but it's
another to like continuously be paying for him even in
situations that aren't like one hundred percent necessary, Like you're

(18:04):
bringing him to dinner and you're paying for him like
he's your child. Yeah, just creating a really interesting financially
dependent relationship. Here's a solution.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
Just kick him out.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
Literally, Yeah, I mean that's fair. He's had all this
time and it's like, hey, sorry, it's causing We tried
to help you out. It's causing problems. You're being disrespectful,
your abut your dog, like this is not working out.
So if we went out to eat, we paid for
him since he was always broke. The bills he had
were a car payment, insurance, and a phone bill. He'd
broken my husband's truck that he was borring and had

(18:36):
to go get a truck from a dealership. The engine
blew up in the truck because he did not put
oil in it. He claimed he put six grand into
the truck, so that meant he should be able to
keep the truck. I've not seen one receipt for any
of those charges. He also bought new tires for it
and put those tires under my husband's name. My husband
put five hundred and fifty dollars down for the tires himself,
and Paul said he would pay him back since he

(18:57):
wanted the tires. I'm confused is this the husband's truck,
or this is this is.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
The husband's truck. Okay, yeah, that the friend is borrowing.

Speaker 4 (19:05):
And then saying that it's his now because he put
a lot of money into it. Yes, okay, well the
guess So the question did you ask, if I put
all this money in, is it my truck now? Because
if not, it's not your truck.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
It's not your truck.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
The truck did not need new tires whatsoever. My husband
also paid the bill on them when Paul got behind
on payments multiple times. So this information will come in
handy later. So back to now, late January twenty twenty five,
very recent I sent Paul a message explaining he could
not move with us to the new house because of
how stressful he was making my pregnancy with threatening me.
He took a screenshot of that message and sent it

(19:37):
to my husband's whole friend group and said that I
was punting him out. I never said get out. He
still had almost a whole month to get into the
rental he claimed he had. The friend group then unfriended
my husband and took Paul's side.

Speaker 3 (19:49):
And then you text them all and you say, yeah,
totally understand. You guys should take him in, Yeah, take
him in. It's so great.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
Having him there, wonderful, It's really great. He doesn't leave
any dip cups around all over the floor ever. Mm hmmm.
And he treats his dogs wonderfully mm hmmm. One of
the friends in the group my husband was supposed to
be a groomsman for, but was told he was not
going to be part of the wedding party going forward.
I knew Paul was definitely making up lies to the
friend group about me and definitely crap talking to them,

(20:20):
but I just didn't care because I'm in a high
risk pregnant scene. I'm trying to enjoy the last few months.
I will not lie and say I didn't snap back
at Paul, because I most definitely did. I was walking
on eggshells in my own home. If we went out,
I got onto Paul because he would blatantly stare at
women to the point they got uncomfortable. If someone turned
him down, he would literally say to the bartender or waitress,
fu b my man is a menace.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
We kind of really shocked why your husband is friends
with him at all, and.

Speaker 4 (20:46):
If your husband's whole friend group through one text friends
your husband they're not the best of friends. Yeahs, unless
he was spreading like meticulous lies.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
And possibly, but I think even then, you should always
be you should always check with that, you should be like, hey,
is this true? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (21:03):
So my father in law had also let Paul borrow
money more than once, which I did not like since
he had enough money and it was not my father
in law's responsibility to take care of a thirty old
man my husband and our four years younger than him. Well,
he got the whole group to ostracize my husband from
the group when my husband had just lost a family
friend he was very close to. He's also very rude
to my husband constantly and would get in moods if

(21:24):
my husband left the house with me and we didn't
tell him where we were going. Paul did not like
me talking to my husband about how things would change
when our daughter came, which meant he couldn't just randomly
stay out with the boys all night fishing or at
the casino, since I would need his help. But we
need your help. Listen to full episodes of stories just
like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your
favorite podcast app in search. Okay, story time, just do it.

(21:46):
There's another relevant update, but let's discuss.

Speaker 3 (21:49):
Okay. I got a couple of thoughts to my first one.
I mean, you should never have taken this guy in,
but you did, and then you should.

Speaker 4 (21:56):
Have been kind of maybe some room for taking a
manager just for sure are little.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
I'm hindsight, I guess. But then he did and he sucked,
and I think you know you needed you could have
kicked kicked him out way sooner. Uh, And then all
of your friends, just like or all of your husband's
friends just kind of switched so quickly. I don't, I don't,
I don't know. I don't trust your husband. Oh, I

(22:22):
don't trust your husband anymore because I feel like people
are a reflection of their friends. And if you have
a friend like this, who I can't imagine is like
only a horrible roommate, I'm I feel like he must
be horrible in all areas of his life.

Speaker 4 (22:37):
This man, Yes, well yeah, cussingect him exactly.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
So I'm like, if I had a friend who was
like that, you can't just let that slide. And I
feel like this husband was probably letting a lot slide
until it directly impacted him.

Speaker 4 (22:52):
Yeah, there's a there's a whole conversation around the husband's complicity, yeah,
and him not stepping up for his wife. Yeah, him
not standing up to his friend just like doing objectively
morally wrong behavior. And so that's a whole conversation of
the husband being implicit in this and not standing up

(23:13):
when he needed to.

Speaker 5 (23:14):
Agreed, especially since all the other friends were like bye bye. Yeah,
Like everyone's like, oh, dude, what it was his Paul. Yeah,
E's like, oh, we love Paul.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
Yeah, like Paul. You guys were that.

Speaker 5 (23:24):
You guys read to Paul, kicked him out. We don't
like you anymore?

Speaker 3 (23:27):
What.

Speaker 4 (23:27):
Yeah. I did take pictures after he left all the
areas he was inconsistently to show how nasty he was living.
He had dog hair stuck to the floor because of
his dog pissing on the floor and him not cleaning it.
I'm going to stop this thread here just because this
whole situation has been exhausting and there's so much more
to tell, but I'm just glad it's over with. So
am I the ahole for standing up for myself to
my husband's ex best friend, who then had my husband's

(23:49):
friend group all unfriended him. No, I think your boundaries
should have been stronger. Yes, and earlier husband should have
had boundaries, and the husband should have had boundaries, and
I under shouldn't been friends with these friends. Boundaries are
extremely difficult for most people, and so I'm not dissing
you for this, but there was room for even more
boundaries than you're putting down right now. Yeah, wasn't Opie?

Speaker 5 (24:09):
Also like what the like the third trimester or something
like that, or like yeah, and also pregnant.

Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah, oh and yeah, great punt.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (24:16):
It is the health of your child and the help
of your partner or the health of yourself.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Yeah, did your child?

Speaker 4 (24:23):
And yeah?

Speaker 5 (24:25):
And OPI for sure what the fact that everyone is
like so negligent here is like it was making me shocking.

Speaker 4 (24:31):
Yeah, So it's more than just like, oh, I'm being disrespected,
it's the health of yourself and the child.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
My friends treated me horribly on our group trip, so
I cut them off for good.

Speaker 4 (24:41):
It's always the group trips.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
Sorry if this is long. This happened in early twenty
twenty three, and after this trip, it left me with
a lot of anxiety and trust issues when it comes
to friendships. So I just wanted an outside perspective. By
the way, this comes from Particular Web two two sixty
nine and if you want to your own stories, good
our slash shokey story tim separate it. In May of
twenty twenty three, my friends and I booked a cabin

(25:03):
for a long weekend trip away. When we went away,
I thought it was just going to be a chill
weekend where we could relax and spend time together. The
first issue started when my best friend at the time
and her girlfriend spend most of the trip away from
the group and hid in their room. Then being separated
from the group wasn't the issue in it itself, but
when I decided I wanted to do things on my
own or with one of the other people in the group,

(25:25):
I was accused of being lazy and not wanting to
spend time with anyone. At the time, I was going
through a lot with my mental health while also working
a full time job, and was just generally struggling. I
wasn't trying to be rude or ignore anyone, and I
still contributed when I needed to, but I wanted to
use this trip as a way to relax, going along
nature walks when I wasn't really feeling up to it

(25:45):
didn't feel like something I should have to do. This
was also alongside being constantly yelled at and ignored when
I was in group settings with them. Skip ahead. Tonight
three of the trip, and we decided we wanted to
have a barbecue and make some burgers, sausages and things
like that for dinner. When it came to cooking, everyone
kept avoiding it, so I said I would make the
food if everyone else just set the table and brought
out the snacks. I was making food for eight people

(26:08):
all by myself, and kept getting ignored every time I
asked for some help. When everyone finally had their food,
mine had gone cold, but I sat down to eat
it anyway, just so we could enjoy a meal as
a group. This was when the second thing that made
me want to cut them off happened. We were all
eating and every few seconds people were making horrible comments
about the food, saying it was crap.

Speaker 4 (26:29):
Oh my god, these people are terrible.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
These are not your friends. My best friend said, hmm,
just as good as crappy weatherspoons food. WHOA, I don't
know what that is, but that will be insulting.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
This is OPI a woman. This is a human made
food for all of you, and you literally insult it.
I feel like that's like the most obvious, like no, no, yeah,
all time. Don't insult someone's food after they make it
for you.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Literally. This obviously hurt my feelings, but I tried to
brush it off by jokingly saying, if you keep saying
things about the food, I'm just gonna go inside and
eat alone. That doesn't sound like a joke. How do
you make that sound like a joke. He's like, man,
if he keep sharying things about my food, I'm gonna
go cry. Guys, it's funny if someone said, no, they're

(27:16):
not having a good time. I didn't want to cause
an issue, but I wanted to try and let them
know the comments were getting to me.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
You have every right to also express being upset in
any moment.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
However, the second I said this, one of them replied,
I can't remember who now, Okay, go.

Speaker 4 (27:31):
Then WHOA your friends don't like you? Yeah? I was
I was gonna. I was just bringing up now this
is you're not like, this is not like a perfect
friend group. And then you're going on this trip and
everyone just transforms in front of you. I know this
is if there's a friend group with like this type
of behavior, I would be shocked that it wasn't happening
all this time before. This is indicative of like it

(27:54):
just feels like a lack of care in the friend
group at all.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
Absolutely, I'd had enough at this point and just went
in and sat in my room to eat. I will
be honest, I broke down and cried. Oh. I left
my room an hour later when a group of them
went out for a walk, and just kept myself for
the rest of the night, as it was the last
night there and I didn't want any drama. Skip to
the next day. We are going home. Four of us
were in one car going back to where we live,

(28:17):
and four in the other car were going to where
they live. Around an hour and a half into the drive,
we stopped for some food at a restaurant and everyone
got to talking. I was trying to just keep the
peace and get home, but as we were sitting down eating,
two of the people in the car I was in
started saying they didn't want to go straight home. They
wanted to go somewhere and do something that that would

(28:38):
piss me off. If I was really tired, I could
see that I'd be like, no, no, you're dropping me
off and then you can go wherever you.

Speaker 4 (28:45):
Want out of a trip if you were tired. Yeah,
I'm going straight home after a trip.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
At this point, I was feeling very fed up and
just wanted to go home, and one of my other
friends felt the same. So we both said, do you
guys mind just going out after we get back because
we just want to go home. This was apparently an issue,
and it started a whole thing of well, we want
to go out, and the two of us who didn't
want to were just trying to say that's fine, but
can you go out after you drop us off. This
went on for a little while until my ex best

(29:12):
friend's girlfriend decided to insert herself into the conversation and say, well,
if you don't want to go out with them, make
your own way home. This annoyed me because I had
been promised I would be taken home, and also it
just felt rude. She wasn't even part of the conversation
because she was in a different car for me and
the friends who wanted to go out. Oh this this

(29:32):
pisses me off.

Speaker 4 (29:33):
Yeah, it's just like a lack of goodwill at all.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
Yeah, I hate these people. I was annoyed, but just
responded with I don't really have the money to be
doing that. Instead of leaving it there, she just had
to carry on and replied, didn't you just get paid?
How do you not have the money? How do you
not have the common sense to shut up?

Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yeah? And also, Opie, you could have just said I'm
tired and I don't want to go out, and that's enough.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
That should have been enough.

Speaker 4 (29:57):
That's enough reason. You don't have to say it because
I don't have the money. You literally shouldn't have end
of a trip.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
Well, I think LP specifically saying I don't have the
money to get like an uber to get Oh god, Yeah, yeah,
that's what they're saying, which is also insane that they're
putting her in the Yeah, I'm sorry, Like the it
seems like you guys agreed on going on a trip
and then driving home. There was no mention of going out.

Speaker 4 (30:18):
Yeah, if you want to change that, that's on you. Yeah,
arrange your own.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
Ride for context. Out of my group, my friend and I,
who just wanted to go home, were the least well off.
We both struggled for money, and yes, I had just
been paid but after paying for this trip, paying for
all my bills, and treating myself to some bits, I
had money left, but not the kind of money to
be spending around forty pounds for train home. When I
thought I was going to be dropped off, I told
her that yes, I did have money, but not that

(30:42):
kind of money to be wasting on things like that.
I had already spent a lot for the trip because
it was a fancy and expensive cabin for such a
large group of us. It was also self catering, and
because we all had very different diets, we were buying
our own food as well as spending money to eat
at a couple of restaurants. Instead of acknowledging this fact,
she said, maybe you shouldn't have wasted your money in

(31:02):
fourteen books. Then why so much? Why does she keep talking?
What's going on there? This was the final straw for me,
and I just grabbed my bag and walked out, making
my way to the car to wait for them to finish. Yes,
I know fourteen books is a lot, but I spent
twenty five pounds at most on them. I get a
lot of my books secondhand in charity shops and also

(31:25):
from the works where the most expensive book is around
six pounds.

Speaker 4 (31:28):
And also it's so relevant, It's so irrelevant what you're
spending your money on. Yeah, just because you even if
you did have money, you didn't want to spend money
on a change of plans. That wasn't your change of
plans after a whole week of a trip is totally valid.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Literally, And also it wouldn't like even if you got
I don't know, like a like a coffee. You spent
eight bucks on a coffee, doesn't matter if the it
doesn't matter if the purchase is deemed like significant or insignificant. Again,
you made an agreement that you would go to the
strip and go home. That's It's the only thing that matters.
At this point, I was upset and hurt at how

(32:03):
they had been treating me the whole trip. I had
been yelled at by my best friend's girlfriend at least twice.
They mocked my food after I cooked for all of them,
made comments about my money, and told me to make
my own way home. I had finally had enough. I
called my mom when I got outside and explained the
situation well in tears again, and we sorted out. So
my dad came and picked me up because I didn't
want to be around them anymore. They finally came out

(32:25):
of the restaurant after fifteen minutes of me standing outside alone,
and I just asked to get my bags out of
the car. One of my friends tried to stop me,
but at this point I was too upset and sick
of being treated so horribly. My dad picked me up
and dropped me off at a train station near his
and in the end, I had to pay for a
train ticket to get home, which cost me around twenty
eight pounds. My mom gave me the money back for

(32:46):
that because she felt bad for me, and I really
appreciated it. When I finally made it home, I saw
online they had been home for over an hour and
never even ended up going out. Jeez, I'd literally never
speak to these people again.

Speaker 4 (33:00):
With friends like this, who needs friends.

Speaker 3 (33:02):
No one checked on me, and I didn't hear from
any of them for over a day. When I had
been waiting for my dad to pick me up, I
had blocked my best friend's girlfriend because I didn't want
her to be able to contact me. But I want
you guys to be able to listen to full episodes
of stories, just like this. Just go to Apple Podcasts,
Spotify or your favorite podcast app and search a booky
story time. But there is a little bit left to

(33:23):
this story. But do you have any find a lots just.

Speaker 4 (33:26):
I'm so happy for a Pee to stop being friends
with these people don't care about her. These are consistently rude.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
Consistently just the worst. Truly. I hope you never have
to see them.

Speaker 4 (33:38):
Ope will be your friend.

Speaker 5 (33:39):
Yeah, yeah, it's always it's people like Oh, it's hard
to make friends. It's not yes, like to be it's
not no, because you can find people out there. You can,
especially with the Internet now you can find like communities.

Speaker 4 (33:50):
I mean, look at our community I'm throwing. It's not me.
It's a nonprofit that I'm facilitating for tomorrow, all around
belonging and connection. Op Come over for free. You'll meet friends,
you'll meet.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
Cool people, and we'll drive you home right after.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
Yeah, after we go out.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
Of course, instead of messaging me to check in out
after everything. And the only reason my so called best
friend at the time messaged me was to ask why
I had blocked her girlfriend and to talk down to me,
saying I was being dramatic. A few days after all
of this happened, I decided I was done with all
the drama this group had brought me and cut them
all off. So am I the ahlever cutting all of

(34:32):
my friends off after this trip?

Speaker 4 (34:33):
You know what you are? You are the self lover.
That is an act of self love to cut these
people out of your life and to make this space
for people to actually care for you, who actually love you,
to come in and to have a connection that feels
good and is healthy.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
Agreed. Because again, if people are treating you, mistreating you, uh,
don't just put up with it because they're your friends.
You don't have to put up with anything. And that's
my final thought.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Hey is John og host, were don't get back to
the stories but a quick freemanute break of ads from
our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
My am most trying to sabotage our wedding, but we
got the last laugh.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
That was it. That was the last one. No.

Speaker 6 (35:17):
No, My husband and I are celebrating our five year
anniversary next month, so I thought for S and G
i'd share what went down with the wedding. My husband
and I both have very dramatic families. Because of this,
I was very skeptical about having a traditional wedding.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
By the way, this comes from Ecstatic Intern sixteen thirty three,
and if you want to spent your own stories, go
to our slashogy story time suparate it. So we settled
on getting eloped without telling anyone and then holding a
small wedding about a month after we returned from our
vacation our a little mandrim plus honeymoon. It was very
short notice, but we wanted it to be just immediate
family and close friends, so it wasn't a big deal.

(35:54):
When we invited his mother, she was rather upset because
they have a lot of family and we weren't inviting
the bulk of them, my husband's brothers, their wives and kids,
and a couple of his cousins. My husband explained to
her that it wasn't a big event held in our
backyard and that he only wanted those most important to
him to be there. That pissed her off even more
because she took it as him saying the rest of
the family wasn't important to him. He told him that

(36:15):
if that was the case, then she might not come
at all. He told her he hoped she'd read consider
but that it was her prerogative and we left over
the course of the month, she would call him frequently
and ask if various people could be invited family members,
family friends, and at one point random people from her church.
Neither of us are religious. He told her no on
most accounts, including both of his uncles, one of his aunts,

(36:36):
and her pastor. She called me once or twice to
ask but wedding arrangements, if she needed to bring anything,
and asked if I wanted to go with her and
both sister in laws to get dresses for the wedding.
I told her most of the plans and went with
them to pick dresses, mostly because I was terrified one
of them would pick something white. Shopping was very tame.
They were cordial at least, which is saying something for
three women who all hate each other and me. Nobody

(36:59):
picked out anything in appropriate. The only weird thing was
that all three women adamantly complained that they never got
a real wedding, and when I was asked to show
them a picture of my dress, they gave half hearted compliments.
I asked my younger sister and my best friend to
be my bridesmaids. My husband asked one of his brothers
and his best friend, and we had two of my
nieces and one of his as flower girls. Once I

(37:20):
started setting plans in motion, that's when mother in law
and one of my sister in laws started acting weird.
Sister in law apparently threw a fit that her husband
and daughter were asked to be in the wedding and
she wasn't. Brother in law wound up asking me if
I'd consider adding her as a bridesmaid, and I said no.
He didn't blame me, but it did cause him and
their daughter to almost drop from the wedding completely. A

(37:42):
few days later, however, she dropped it. My grandma, who
I am no contact with, dropped by our house to
tell me that she was told about the wedding and
that I was pregnant. Since she couldn't get in touch
with me, she wanted to ask if she could come.
I have no idea how she got her address. I
told her I wasn't pregnant, there was no wedding, and
not to come by my house unannounced again, or I'd
call the cops.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Don't call me, don't call me, don't come.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Buy my house. She left. Every time we went to
mother in law, she would ask me to bring my
dress next time, so she could see it, I would
forget on purpose because I had a gut feeling she
was planning something. She continually asked me about the plans
for the wedding, but I figured she was just excited
and wanted to be involved, so I told her if
she wanted, she could cook some of the food. She accepted.
She asked if I wanted her to make the cake,

(38:25):
but I told her no because my sister, who's a
great baker, had already offered. She told me what she
was going to make, and my mother made the rest.
I di wied pretty much everything myself, with some help
from my sister and best friend. We rented tables and chairs.
I plan to put all the food in the kitchen,
which has French doors, going to our patio and the backyard,
where I planned for the ceremony and reception to be.

(38:46):
I wanted as few people in the house as possible,
since we have pets, including big dogs, and I knew
they would go absolutely nuts at a house full of people.
The night before the big day, mother in law came
over to bring what she had cooked. She asked to
see what my mom had cooked and the cake my
sister made, which she said was gorgeous. She asked me
to try my dress on for her, and before I
could disagree, my husband stepped in to tell her we

(39:08):
had a big day tomorrow and he thought that he and.

Speaker 2 (39:10):
I should get arrested. Nice w good job.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
The morning of the big day, my sister and bestie
came early to help me get everything else ready. An
hour or so later, brother in law showed up with
his daughter, saying sister in law would come later. Mother
in law showed up right after, in regular clothes and
without my husband's little brother. When I asked her, she
said she was going to go back home to change
and pick him up, and then come back so that
she could help set up. Her version of helping was

(39:34):
telling my sister and bestie where to put stuff, then
moving it around. If she didn't like it, I let
it go and told them to do the same. About
an hour before the ceremony was supposed to start, people
started showing up and mother in law ran home to change.
I started socializing and was immediately weirded out because people
kept mentioning babies and pregnant eight Then I remembered my
grandma mentioned it as well. My husband's cousin asked if

(39:57):
I had any symptoms yet, and when I asked her
what she was talking about, she said, sister in law
had told people I was pregnant and that was why
we were getting married on such short notice.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Not pregnant. Why is this person lands why I'm pregnant?

Speaker 3 (40:12):
I told her that was a lie and that I'd
appreciated if she told anyone else who mentioned it the
same thing. She wasn't surprised, though, because the whole family
knows how sister in law is. About twenty minutes before
the ceremony, I left my bestie to oversee everything downstairs
while my sister and mom helped me change into my dress.
All of a sudden, my bestie ran up to announce
that my husband's ex wife was there, apparently invited by

(40:35):
sister in law.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
Dude, what is his sister doing?

Speaker 3 (40:37):
Why did the ex wife come?

Speaker 2 (40:39):
Sister just wants to marry her own brother.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
Bestie found my husband, brought him upstairs, and I told
him to please ask her to leave. My husband and
his brother handled the situation and she left. Then his
brother pulled sister in law aside to cuss her out
for bringing the X. I finished getting ready and came
back downstairs. At this point, everyone was in the backyard
except the idol party. I was then told that mother
in law hadn't come back yet, and it was pretty

(41:03):
much ceremony time already, so we started without her. She
arrived right before I was supposed to walk down the aisle,
and you guessed it, a white dress which had an
eerily similar design to mine.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
So let's kick.

Speaker 3 (41:17):
It shocked. Let's kick. Instead of coming inside and going
to the back where I could have seen her, she
sneaked around and went through my fence gate, walking straight
down the aisle in the middle of the procession. I
tried not to freak out on her right then and there,
and gracefully walked down the aisle. She wasn't done, though,
because before we could start, mother in law stood up
and insisted on making an acknowledgment for my husband's deceased aunt,

(41:39):
followed by a moment of prayer. We continued on, did
our vows, and towards the end, sister in law very
loudly said, isn't there a part where we get to object,
to which I yelled back.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
No, where's anyone else?

Speaker 3 (41:52):
Yeah, why is it anyone tackling her? To the ground.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
Somebody needs to do something what I need that back
cannot be allowed to get away with this behavior.

Speaker 3 (42:01):
We almost finished when sister in law decided to stand
and say you shouldn't marry her, she's awful, to which
my husband responded, we're already married and sealed it with
a kiss. After the ceremony, I went to change into
something else. If this lady is still here, I'm gonna
be shocked even.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
A Just because you wore a white dress to our
wedding doesn't mean you're the one getting married loser loser.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
By the time I came back down, my husband's brothers,
sister in law, and their daughter had already left. Mother
in law was berating my husband for getting a lope
without telling anyone. What sister in law said is all
anyone was talking about. But my husband managed to calm
me down and we went on a smoke break. I thought,
at least nothing else could go wrong, but I was mistaken.
When we came back to the backyard, mother in law
had already started letting people inside to eat, including our cake.

(42:45):
Why are people dumb?

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Who are these people?

Speaker 5 (42:48):
Who are have.

Speaker 3 (42:49):
They never been to a wedding before?

Speaker 2 (42:51):
Lither back. Dumb idiots is the primordial ooze.

Speaker 3 (42:55):
My sister started crying because we didn't get to take pictures.
I calmed down my sister while my husband talked to
his mom. Then his uncle showed up uninvited. Mother in
law claimed she thought they only weren't invited to the ceremony.
My husband's cousin asked them to leave, and they did.
Just as they were leaving, my grandmother showed up and
began crying, insulting me because I lied to her about
the wedding. She said I didn't want her there, that

(43:18):
I don't love her, and that I'm ungrateful. My mother
walked her out after I told her i'd call the
cops if she didn't leave. After that, I turned the
music up and my husband and I ate drank and
danced and ignored everyone else. My niece accidentally spilled juice
on mother in law's dress. Very clever, since you can't
really be mad at a four year old shut out,
ash shout out the shout out freaking four year old.

(43:38):
Mother in law asked to go inside and borrow something
to change into. My husband said, why don't you go home?
The night ended with me and my husband happy, full
and wasted. Since the party thinned out significantly, we wanted
to take advantage of all the food and drinks. My
sister and mom were the last people there. We played
cards together until we started to pass out at the table.
They spent the night and we went to bed. By

(43:58):
the way, you can spend the night with us if
you listen to full episodes and stories just like this.
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast
app well search a puckist time.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
Uh huh, I spend the night with us and we'll
be all up in those ears, all up in those ears.
Oh what.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
I'm still so happy we got eloped on a beautiful
vacation and that the story of our marriage doesn't start
with this wild wedding. If it had, I would have
absolutely lost it at several points. Instead, I can look
back and laugh at the fake wedding party we decided
to have to make everyone else happy, and how much
they hated it. Anyway, in case you're wondering, were very
low contact with mother in law and sister in law

(44:35):
as much as we can be. With my husband still
being able to see his nisan brother. We live across
the country from them now, so it's not nearly as
big as a deal as it was. Thanks for sticking around.
I know this was a long one, and that is
the end of that story. That's a freaking wrap. Wash
your hands up, Wash your hands of this business. Wash
your hands. They're getting their primordial ooze all over. We'll

(44:58):
get what's coming to them.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Because they're creatures. But don't let these creatures. You know,
and I feel like you're already aware of, which is
why you did the eloping and why you had the
fake wedding, really the second wedding exactly.

Speaker 3 (45:09):
That's what you can know. That's what you gotta do.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
Don't let the ooze back into your life.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Yeah, but that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
My conservative in laws despise me for my beliefs. I
don't want to celebrate Christmas with them, don't. I mean,
doesn't sound like there's gonna be a lot of Christmas
cheater backstory. I am an agnostic Wickan and my husband
is agnostic. His family is super conservative, traditional Christian. They
have never liked me, and they say things behind my back,

(45:37):
but they are kind of weird in that they're fake
and ice to my face and are always so so fake.
By the way, this comes from music Ready for Halloween
and if you want to submit your own stories, but
to the r slash okay storytime subred. The entire family
is incapable of an adult, honest conversation. They ignore anything unpleasant.
If anyone brings up something controversial or unpleasant that could

(45:58):
possibly start in argument, the entire family shuts down and
immediately changes the subject and pretends nothing ever happened. This
also means my husband has a very difficult time confronting
or talking to them. So here are a few of
the things that they do and say to and about me,
not including the normal annoying in law things like general condescension.

(46:18):
Mother in law is bad for that. They warned my
husband about dating me because I'm a witch. They called
me a devil worshiper. They refuse to attend a dinner
we invited them to around Halloween, even though it was
important to me and I not only attend all their
holiday dinners even though I don't celebrate their holidays, but
I even attended a church service one Christmas Eve because
it was their family tradition and I wanted us to

(46:40):
all do family stuff together. Not only did they refuse
to attend, they acted as though it was disrespectful and
rude of me to ask them to come, and made
rude comments about my religion. Then after we invited them,
his mother called around the whole family to tell everyone
that I am a witch. Mother in law tries to
convince us not to have children. It is very widely
accepted by myself, my husband, and my brother and sister

(47:03):
in law that this is because she doesn't want me
raising heathen witch children. We plan to adopt children, and
his grandmother has stated that adoption is selfish. They regularly
declare that we are disrespectful of them for any number
of things, including living together before marriage, living in sin,
adopting children instead of passing on their family genetics, sleeping

(47:23):
in a cabin together when we all went camping. Basically,
they feel we are disrespecting them for living our lives
in any way other than how they tell us to
that Christmas, my sister in law and my brother in
law's ex girlfriend and I all got the same generic gift. Yes,
they gave us two wives the same gift as the
ex girlfriend. Not a big deal, but it shows how

(47:45):
they don't care any more about us than their grandson's
ex girlfriend. When my husband confronted them about the way
they treat me, they just brush it off as she's
being sensitive.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
And we don't do anything wrong.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Now to this Christmas, we bought our first home, something
I'm incredibly proud of as I bought it at twenty five,
which was my life's goal. I love having parties and
dinners and entertaining and hosting. This was finally my time
to have a family holiday in my very own house.
My parents are so excited to come over, and my
mom has no problem giving me this holiday because it's

(48:18):
so important to me. Already months ago, my husband mentioned
to his grandma, who always has Christmas at their house,
that we wanted to host Christmas this year to make
dinner and have gifts and everything and make our new
house truly a home. His grandma basically brushed them off
and ignored him and said we'll see. Well. The other day,
my husband's grandma mass texted the family saying that this

(48:39):
was the family's year to have Christmas Day. They alternate
Christmas Day between the family Christmas and in law Christmas,
even though they switch all the time anyway, and everyone
be at the grandparents' house at this time. Blah blah
blah blah. So my husband texts her and says, so
we wanted to host Christmas this year. Remember now, while
hosting Christmas is very important to me personally, I may
have been able to bite the bullet as usual with

(49:00):
his family and give in if they had some excuse
at least for why it should be at their house.
But instead of taking my feelings at all into account,
or even giving us any chance, or even giving us
reasons why it makes more sense to do it there,
she texted back. If you don't want to come, then
that's fine. I find this beyond disrespectful, not just to
me but to their grandson. It's rude and hurtful that

(49:22):
they can't entertain the idea of letting us host their
precious dinner, especially when the grandma broke both her arms
a couple of years ago and the family was ready
to just give up having Easter. I stepped in and
cooked an entire Easter dinner for like seventeen people. But
more so, that they could care so little about our
feelings that they would rather us just not be a
part of Christmas than to talk to us about it

(49:43):
like adults and think about our feelings. My husband tries,
but they brush off everything he says, and like I said,
they ignore confrontation. He has a difficult time with confrontation
himself because of how they brought him up. Fair enough,
I think no contact, that's how we go moving forward.
Who cares if you're at Christmas these people's.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
Yeah, I have a better Christmas without them, honestly.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
Truly, honestly, not that I want him to cut them
out or anything, but if my family treated him the
way they treat me, I wouldn't talk to them anymore.
I'm debating what I want to do about Christmas now.
I'm having Christmas at our house for my family and
close friends, but I really really don't want to go
to his family's Christmases. I'm uncomfortable around his family in
the first place, and after this rudeness, I feel like
walking in there would just be admitting defeat and I

(50:24):
would be really unhappy being around people that don't care
about me. But my husband's favorite part of Christmas is
the family time. All I want is for him to
have a great holiday. Is favorite holiday. But I also
can't turn myself into the daughter in law that gets
treated like crap by her new family. That's not who
I am. I don't know what to do, and there
is an update. Honestly, I think I think your husband

(50:45):
sounds end Yeah, your husband sounds like he's been brainwashed
into well thinking that that's what he enjoys.

Speaker 3 (50:51):
I think, yeah, I think he has this idea that
family is very important because he's been raised in that
culture where they're saying like family above all else unless
you don't fall into line. And I think you would
need to have a conversation with him and say, I
understand that you want to be around your family, but
I feel like every time that we do go around them,
I am incredibly disrespected and villainized for what I believe

(51:14):
and what I practice. And I can't do that. If
if you want to do it, that is your choice,
but I won't be able to join you.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
So my husband talked to his family today. I honestly,
not proudly, really just expected it to go badly and
not have to see them anymore. It did, however, go
apparently really well. He talked to his grandma, grandpa, and mom. Now,
his grandpa is nice, he still is a very traditional person.
Does look down on a lot of our choices, like
pre marital cohabitation, but in the long run, he is

(51:42):
the nicest and the only one I could actually possibly
believe might like me. His grandpa had no idea what
was going on or that anything ever transpired. The grandma
and mom keep him in the dark because he is
the moral paragon of the family, and if he had
known the things his wife and daughter had been doing,
he'd probably we would have scolded them and made things right.

(52:02):
During this talk, my husband brought up many of the
issues and all the things that they have said or
done that make me feel unwelcome in the family. He
told them how it has affected me and himself, how
disrespected we feel, and that their comment about Christmas was unacceptable.
They agreed that what Grandma texted was uncalled for, and
apparently the entire family obviously excluding us, which involved the grandparents, aunts, uncles,

(52:25):
and mother in law, had a big talk about Christmas.
They discussed why they wouldn't want to have Christmas at
our house. Apparently, what his family told him at their
little talk was that the aunts and uncles have no
connection to ready for Halloween, which in my opinion is
just ridiculous. We all have a family connection. The entire family,
including me, gets together for holidays just the same. It
is simply a change in venue. I also pointed out,

(52:46):
while venting to my husband that their connection is with him,
their nephew, and why were they singling me out as
if I'm a stranger who isn't married to their relative,
Not to mention, they have actually invited my family to
holidays two people who have even less connection to them.
So the whole idea is just I don't even know.
Yes you do, girl, They're lying, Yeah, you do know.
They're full of cry. My husband brought up his grandma's

(53:08):
selfish adoption comment, and her response.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
Was, Wow, if you were walking out into the street
about to get hit by a bus.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
Wouldn't you want me to stop you. I just don't
even know what to say about that, so I'll let
you do with this information what you will. He replied, Wait,
are you suggesting adoption is.

Speaker 3 (53:25):
Like getting hit by a bus?

Speaker 2 (53:26):
Or me being with ready for Halloween is like getting
hit by a bus. At this point I was sure
she meant the latter, and I started crying.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
What part of this was good?

Speaker 2 (53:35):
None of this was good?

Speaker 3 (53:36):
Part of this is good.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
He assured me that she meant adoption. Maybe I'm being sensitive.
Either way, it's horrible, and she backtracked. He brought up
a lot of things to which his mother just got
defensive about or didn't respond. His grandparents, however, said they
want to make things right, make it up to me,
and apologize for everything. I think the grandpa being there
is what influenced the grandma to be so nice about it.

(53:58):
And by the way, are you the devil, because if
you were, then I guess you wouldn't have any interest
in listening to full episodes and stories like this.

Speaker 3 (54:05):
The devil doesn't mess with all this.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
The Devil doesn't subscribe to our podcast, and you can
listen to it on Spotify or iHeartRadio or Apple podcast
or every pot you know, whatever you can think of.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
Just search.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
There's a man up on our roof. So the fact
is his mom said nothing. She just got defensive at
everything he said, didn't apologize or admit any wrongdoing, and
expressed no desire to make things right or treat me better.
To be honest, she is the one I feel most
uncomfortable with. She was a single mother with twin boys
at seventeen, she was a bipolar, heavy drinker, and they

(54:39):
took care of her. Now that her sons have family,
she's more manipulative than ever. And I don't think her
opinion of me or our relationship will ever change. Dinging
ding ding ding Bingo. But I am willing to have
a better relationship with his grandparents and the rest of
his family. I suppose I would just have to suffer
through interactions with his mother as usual. And that is
the end of that story. Well it did not go well.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
Oh I was Hey, I was really waiting for the
part where it went well, and it never came. So
I think you need to have a talk with your
husband where you say, really, I think we need to
adjust our language because you don't know what well means. Yeah,
we need to take a look at the dictionary and say, oh,
what's the definition of well, because it wasn't that. That

(55:18):
is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
Mine.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
If you accidentally broke my expensive glasses, my sister in
law blamed me for it.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Yeah, you should have a bottom in the first place.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
This is why I got contacts my glasses.

Speaker 4 (55:35):
My glasses.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
I can't without my glass. So for a quick backstory,
I've been with my husband for four years and I
love him dearly. His family can be interesting. They're really
snippy with each other and they fight a lot. By
the way, this comes from kid broke my glasses. And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
our slash Okay story time ce bridd it. So, my
sister in law is not always the nicest person, but

(55:58):
I think a lot of it is because she five children,
she works, and her husband doesn't help her much, so
she's always tired. Also, I make less than thirty thousand
dollars a year and don't have the best health insurance.
But I depend on my glasses because my vision is
so bad, so I always invest in them. I just
got this pair of glasses last month and spent about
four hundred dollars on them. So the problem. One of

(56:21):
my nephews is severely autistic. He is not verbal, he
still wears diapers, and he can be prone to fits
of rage and frustration. I am not the best with
children either, which compounds the problem with me. However, he
has recently been enrolled in a special need school that
seems to be helping him, and I've learned how to
understand him somewhat. We are visiting for Christmas, and just

(56:41):
last night the autistic nephew crawled in my lap and
started grabbing at my face. This is how he gets
people's attention, and you're supposed to hold his shoulders to
show you're listening, lush, paying attention. But before I could
reach down and grab his shoulders, he yanked my glasses
off in his hands, and the frames right off. I
mean he's squeezed them in half in his hands, and

(57:02):
the bridge snat. Oh, here's what gets me. I didn't
grab his shoulders then, because I was so shocked. So
he started squealing and getting frustrated, and his mother, who
had been sitting across from me the entire time watching, asked,
what heck is your problem and took him off my lap.
I told her my problem was that I couldn't see,
and she just grunted, you have an extra pair and

(57:24):
walked away. I know it's totally fair to expect her
to pay for the glasses, especially since I need a
new pair every year and my extra pair will work.
It's just a degree or two lower than my current one.
I cannot afford another four hundred dollar pair of glasses now,
and I think it's pretty crappy that I'm getting blamed
for her kid breaking my stuff. But he has special
needs and she is stretched so thin financially and emotionally,

(57:47):
so I have a hard time figuring out how to
ask her to pay for them. I'm honestly afraid that
if I ask for the money, she'll take it out
on my husband or my husband and I won't be
invited back for the holidays. As difficult as his family
can be, they are still as family and he loves
them and so do I. So what's the best way
to ask without burning all for bridges? Or should I
just sit up and pay for them myself?

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Edit?

Speaker 3 (58:10):
Effing hell, writ my inbox edit to one lens is
totally broken, the other is scratch beyond prepare. I'm sorry
I should have said that. I don't think I was
very clear with my eye doctor what I call because
I was in a panic. So I will try updating again,
and there is another update. First, I want to thank
everybody for their input and perspectives. You all were very helpful.
I want to give a special thank you to the

(58:30):
people with children with disabilities who mention their own experiences
and explain that even though their children have special needs,
they as parents are still responsible for what they break. Yes,
parents can use their child's disability as a way to
shrug off responsibility. I needed to hear that. Next, I
wanted to explain a little about why I can't just
buy glasses online and feel safe. And I hope I

(58:51):
don't sound condescending. My better eye is negative nine point
five and my other eye is negative fourteen, and I
have an astigmatism. Oh my god, you're blind. That is
that is an intense No, that's like literally you're blind.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Oh you got some thick lenses.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
Wow. Yeah, I mean that makes sense why you can't
order them online, because that's like a very wow. I
will probably be legally blind in the one eye within
the next decade because it is getting so bad so quickly,
and so I think from what I've learned, it's without
glasses that's legally blind. But then if you have glasses
at a certain point, you just become legally blind because
contacts and glasses don't work at a certain point. In
other words, my eyes are almost worthless without correction. I

(59:29):
need my glasses to be perfect, so I trust experts
to handle the issue for me. There was even a
time when they called me and said they had to
send the new glasses back because they got them, check
them and noticed they were off. I drive, cook handle
heavy equipment, and sometimes watch children, so I need my
vision to be spot on. I truly appreciate the recommendations
for websites, but from my personal experiences and from what

(59:50):
experts have told me, it is not a good idea
for somebody with eyes like mine. I contacted the eye
doctor again this morning and asked about my glasses. They confirmed,
but I would have to pay for the new lenses,
but my frames were under warranty. That's good. They'll give
me twenty five percent off the lenses I had before,
and we'll also order up a second pair in discontinued
frames with more basic lenses, no transition, lower high index level,

(01:00:15):
so on for emergencies, and I would have the second
pair for free. Today my husband spoke to his sister.
He told her that Andrew broke my brand new glasses,
and because Andrew is her child, she is responsible for
the damage, just as she would be if one of
the other kids broke a neighbor's window. He said he
realized she doesn't really care about my broken glasses, and
she assumed my older pair is jess as scutt. He

(01:00:35):
told her that's not how it works. I am blind
without them, and I need the most up to date
prescription to see properly and not get headaches. And I
feel you because whenever I wear the wrong prescription, even
if it's just a little bit off, I have the
worst headache. Called hey. Sister in law said it wasn't
her fault because Andrew is autistic, and my husband got
upset and told her she can't keep using that excuse
every time Andrew breaks something. He also pointed out that

(01:00:58):
we've heard from other parents who they would pay for
any damage their autistic child caused thanks Reddit, and she
got super pissed that he'd mentioned it to somebody else.
She kept repeating that it wasn't her fault. I was careless,
and then she claimed I just don't like her kids,
that I never help out anyway. That is ridiculous. Well,
I do not live very close to my sister in law.
I help her when I'm in town. Every other month

(01:01:20):
or so. I watch her five children several days a week,
that includes her autistic son Andrew, who needs diapers change.
We'll scream for hours on end rewatches the same loud
part of a movie over and over and over until
he's distracted with something else and sometimes has to be
coerced under a therapy blanket and so on. I love him,
and he clearly loves me. He has even developed a
home sign for me, and the other kids call me NONI.

(01:01:42):
I'm not asking for a medal or martyrdom. I'm simply
pointing out that I do try to help her with
these kids, all very well. At that point, my husband
was really frustrated and asked my sister in law what
she thought was fair. Sister in law said, I should
buy my own effing glasses for my stupid eyes her words,
and just take them off when I'm around her kids.
I had already told my husband that I was not

(01:02:04):
okay with this option, because it hurts to try and
function without my glasses, and because autistic children usually don't
like change. And Andrew use my glasses as part of
my face. He has never seen me without them, except
for the time he broke them. He also told her
the kids will no longer be allowed to sit in
my lap. I will have them sit beside me instead
when they want to be read to or want to
share a plate of food. My husband repeated that she

(01:02:26):
was responsible, then made her the offer that I suggested
she could pay for half so one p fifty after
the twenty five percent discount, and she could do it
in installments if that was easier. He told her this
was me being generous and that if it were him,
he'd require the full amount. Sister in law said she
had the money but didn't want to pay me because
I'm a four eyed, lying witch who doesn't need my
glasses as much as I say I do. I hate

(01:02:47):
this woman. I hate this woman. I think she just
hates people who wear glasses. At the end of the day,
I think she just has like weird over your vendetta
against people wear glasses.

Speaker 5 (01:02:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (01:02:58):
Also, I understand you hate people sometimes. The way that
is making it so difficult for me is the mom
being in the mom shoes. She has five kids, yeah,
one of them autistic. Husband doesn't help out much. She's
probably just trying to get by asking the sister for help.
I'm just trying to see where she's coming from. Oh,
or she's like in such a disarray and trying to

(01:03:19):
keep up with everything. I don't like her attitude towards this,
that's the thing. But is this a survival Is she
coming out of a survival thing, like I can't help
you pay for this because I need to pay and
help out with my own kids.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
I'm sure she is, but there are so many better
ways to say that, Like she could say I don't
have the money. I'm so sorry. I will when I
have that money, I will help you. Right now I can't. Yeah,
if she had come from but yeah, it's this pride
and anger and not willing to admit that she she
just can't do it, so she's going to attack the
person who's asking. My husband told her tough trap. And

(01:03:51):
now I'm sitting here with an envelope with three fifties
in it. By the way, you guys can also listen
to full episodes of stories just like this. Just go
to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app and
search up Okay, story time And there is a little
bit more to this story. We're staying with my mother
in law who came in an hour ago and mentioned
that sister in law called her in a huff and

(01:04:13):
insisted I'll never be allowed to watch her kids again.
Husband and I just looked at each other and knew
that threat wasn't going to hold firm, And sure enough,
husband just got a text asking if we can watch
the kids for a few hours on Monday. She's not
talking to me and will probably be cold on Christmas,
but I get the feelings she'll get over it. She better,
oh absolutely, Or if she ever tries to talk to you,
just take off your glasses. I don't want to look

(01:04:33):
at you. But that is the end of that story.

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