October 9, 2025 • 54 mins
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00:11 r/Advice - [7] Family is mad I canceled my arranged marriage
14:28 r/JUSTNOFamily - My father's overwhelming comedic genius has hurt me and now he's not speaking to me.
36:05 r/AITAH - AITAH for cutting my mom and sister out of my life?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts. So we have some spectacular stories coming up.
But real quick, we get a two minute break from
our lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
My family is furious that I canceled my arranged marriage.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
She's arranging way to get away from you guys.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
For context, our marriage was arranged by our families and
we only had a month to get to know each other.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Oh thirty day new wife A.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
At first, I was willing to go through with it
just to please my family, even though I knew I
wasn't attracted him in the slightest. My family pressured me
into the marriage, mainly because his family is wealthy. By
the way, this comes from General Airport fourteen ninety one,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia,
I'm Riley, I'm ke On, and Op says. As time passed,
(00:49):
I slowly realized I couldn't see myself living that kind
of life anymore or forever. Still, I was ready to
commit if we both understood that we had no romantic
feelings for each other and treated it as a practical
arrangement rather than an emotional relationship. What I didn't expect
was that he would actually fall in love with me,
or at least that's what he says. We had only
(01:11):
known each other for a month, but he was already
showering me with affection and attention way more than I
could ever give back. I was always indifferent and never
initiated anything, and it became obvious that this was hurting him.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
I would love to talk to someone that arrange his marriages.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
From my assumption, yeah, I arrange better if the guy's
getting set up with like a beautiful woman, the families
hopping them up. Oh dude, I got you, Like, look
at your wife seem to be wife. Dude, check that out. Dude,
you're doing great. And on the other hand, the wife's like, eh,
he's okay, Mmm, it's probably I feel like the guy
might be let on a little bit, and that's my.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Super I wish that like more. I mean, like, I
know this happens sometimes, but it happens. But I feel
like you guys, people arranging marriages got to start finding
like personality matches, not oh.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Your family has a calf or your family has a
textile furniture company. My family's a textile furniture company. Yeah,
you can have an empire.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, like star Let's start getting personality matches in there,
could have a personality and a textile factory. He was
constantly seeking validation, to the point where he told me
that if I couldn't love him, I should say so
and we should call up the wedding because being with
someone who loved him was important to him. That's fair.
It's pretty fair.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
He's not the bad guy there.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, that's that's just fair. I asked my family for advice,
and they all told me it was a good thing
he was in love with me, but that love can
be forced over time, and that I would eventually develop
feelings for him.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
But no matter how much time I spent with him,
I couldn't appreciate him, let alone love him. His constant
need for my approval and affection was suffocating, and the
love bombing was more off putting than anything else. To
try and make things work, I suggested we live together
for a week to see how it went, and I
asked him to tone down the affection because I couldn't
force myself to reciprocate at this stage.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Girl, this is so mean what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Tell him, oh, well, I think that if you can't
feel like you could love him, and you know that
he needs you to love him to be in this relationship,
then you have to call it off.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Don't. Yes, he's gonna you know, he's gonna cook you
so many things. He's gonna put so much effort too
this relationship. You're gonna feel eh, yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Don't do it. He agreed, and the week together seemed
to go well. But after I left, my mom told
me he had cried to her, asking for advice on
how to make me love him, and saying he missed me.
That was when I realized I didn't want to babysit
him as long as he couldn't accept that I had
no feelings for him. This was going to be painful
for both of us. But that's not the worst part.
(03:47):
My parents blamed me for rejecting his affection. According to
them and him, I made absolutely no effort to make
the relationship work while he was putting in all the efforts.
Everyone sided with him. I was ungrateful and considerate and
should be shamed. I wonder why you literally just you
Like a little bit ago your parents said, oh, you
(04:08):
can just force love later, and now they're like, why
why aren't you forcing the love right now?
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Remember he has money, honey.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Yeah, force that love and emotions.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, yesterday I finally decided to end things. I told
him that if he wasn't willing to date me for
at least four more months to see if we were
actually compatible, I don't want to marry him.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Super reasonable, Yeah, this is reasonable on both sides.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, to be like, let's wait a little bit and
maybe I could fall in love with you, but certainly
can't do it in a month. Basically, I asked him
to postpone the wedding and give things a real chance first,
but he wasn't okay with that. He said he didn't
want to waste his time and that if I didn't
love him now, there was no point in continuing.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Great, all right, we're doing now right? Perfect?
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Cool?
Speaker 5 (04:50):
Wow, this guy is never gonna find love now now in.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
A month, geez, I think he can.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
He'll find someone now. Everyone's mad at me. They keep
telling me I'll never find another man like him, which
is probably true, but even worse, my own parents are
siding with him. They say I've ruined their relationship with
his family, that he didn't deserve this, and that any
other girl would have immediately accepted him. Well, then go
find any other girl. They even said they don't know
(05:17):
why they got a daughter like me.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
What are the politics of your families? That's the real question.
I've like Opie's really her mind's on. I don't want
to marry this dude. What's the broader picture here?
Speaker 5 (05:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Why do they need to have a good relationship with
his family?
Speaker 3 (05:33):
What are these families going to accomplish together?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I do feel bad for him, but I'm also angry
that no one is considering my feelings. I was willing
to give the marriage a chance, but only if we
actually got to know each other first. He was the
one who wasn't okay with that. At this point, I
don't know what to do to make things better, because
the only way to fix this is to completely disregard
myself for the sake of everyone else's happiness. This whole
(05:57):
situation has been really painful. Lily cried yesterday when I
told them I was ending the relationship. Wedding preparations had
already started and money had been spent, so, needless to say,
they're not taking it well. But the hardest part for
me is knowing that my relationship with my parents might
never be the same after this. If it comes to
cutting ties, then so be it. I'm an adult and
(06:18):
they're not responsible for me anymore. They also blame me
for not reciprocating his feelings despite everything he did for me.
I wish I could have fallen in love with him,
but I don't think it ever would have happened. In
a way, I'm also doing this for him. He would
have ended up miserable and resentful if we had gone
through with it. For now, I just want to focus
on my life and my studies. My sisters are the
(06:39):
only ones who actually listen to me, but unfortunately there's
nothing they can do to change my parents' minds. I
also come from a very religious household, and after everything
that's happened, my parents are convinced that Karmel will come
after our family because of what I've done.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Oh my goodness, Hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Why don't we like I don't know what is he
gotta be the one.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Taking a hit. It just wasn't a match. It was
a match for his part, was a match on her part.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
He didn't want it either.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yeah, let's let's find another family start over.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Breaking my promise to marry him, hurting someone's feelings, leading
him on, being ungrateful, and so on.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Okay, what are the politics? What are the politics here?
That's what I need to know.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
They wanted you to lead him on. They literally said,
just marry him and you'll get you'll fall in love later.
That's leading him on.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
It's literally running before crawling. It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
I personally think I did nothing wrong. Maybe I should
have rejected the arranged marriage proposal from the start, but
I'm sorry for only doing it after things got serious,
and honestly makes me sad that they truly believe this
and are now worried about our future. I just hope
it doesn't end up causing them too much stress. And
there are some comments, but yeah, you did nothing wrong, You.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Just got a different pace.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah, but there is an update comment one. I know
you were probably brought up in a way that you
would feel bad about this, but you were not to
blame at all. Do you what is best for you?
Your family doesn't carry the consequences of this. You do
in a few months, they'll be fine with your decision,
but if you go against yourself, you might never be
okay with it. So listen to yourself. You're doing the
(08:12):
right thing. Common two says, you'll never find out another
man like him. That's exactly the point. You've made the
right decision and saved yourself from many unhappy years. You
deserve to be happy. Comment three. You got your answer
when he refused to consider investing four months into a relationship,
but then ONTs forty years of commitment. Reply says, that's
how it works in arranged marriages. Sad, but the truth,
(08:34):
four to six months is the maximum time some families.
If they allow, we'll give you majority. You have to
make a decision within weeks to three months max. Crazy
and there is an update, but yeah, don't go through
with it.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Don't do it. I wish we had a friend that
does arrange marriages so we can ask how this is
because I don't know if I was a match maker. Yeah,
and I knew neither of them really vibe with each other. Yeah,
it would be a disservice to have that.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, Yet I feel like that would be bad for
your business. But it doesn't seem like it's there's not
a matchmaker involved, it's it's the two families.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Yeah, I recently watched the video essay about the cheating
culture in Japan and that marriages were a business affair
between families, and usually once they get married, they'd live
in separate households and the man would have mistresses and
the wife could have a partner. But if there's seeming
a partner that could be charged for it, the man
(09:30):
can get away with it, but the wife couldn't. And
that changed in nineteen forty two. Thus it's kind of
a new thing to be monogamous rather than like, you know, cheating.
So like some people's ideas about cheating, like most people
in Japan are like, you can't cheat at all, but
it's usually like what happens if your boyfriend cheats with prostitute.
They're like, eh, all right, it's like that's kind of
(09:51):
what's happened beforehand. So like that's the like conditioning there.
And I feel like with I don't know what this
culture is specifically, but if it's just between two families,
I feel like the system should change where you know,
arranged marriages could still happen but like it needs to
jive and everyone needs to be happy in this. I mean,
it shouldn't be a one sided relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Why would you not want your child to be happy?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, and then resentment and relationship oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I also don't think that arranged marriages are necessarily like that.
I think that there are a lot of instances where
arranged marriages work out really well because it's literally just
like a family being like, hey, I feel like this
person would be It's not a forced marriage. That's different.
Forced marriage bad, but like a ranged marriage. It's usually
just two people being like or two families being like, hey,
we got we know guys.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah. The thing, the good thing that I've heard about
arranged marriages is your family knows you, yeah, and they
can find someone and usually.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Within your own culture, so you have a lot of
like cultural you know, sameness.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
And then not just setting you up with someone like
the way the families go about here bad. But other
ways it's like, oh yeah, guess who else I found
that likes the bicycle.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
But there is an update. I ended thing with my
ex fiance, but there was an arrangement we made at
the beginning of our relationship with him and his family.
Since he was already considering me as his bride and
the wedding was just the final step to formalize things,
he offered to pay for all my monthly tuition fees
until the end of the school year. My parents and
I accepted, since that's how things work in our culture.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Oh boy, you gotta pay that back somehow.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Now that we've broken up. He reached out to my
parents and told them that since he gave it his word,
he would still pay for my university expenses for the
rest of the semester. Oh dann, Wow, that's nice.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
I could see where he could be a little hurt.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Yer.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Yeah, I think it's really considerate and generous of him.
And since it was part of the original agreement my
parents accepted. They were like, yeah, well, I get I guess,
cause it's it's the agree we made the agreement. We
have to do it. It'd be rude to not accept,
but it would be rude to not join us.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
This is the old one, youps twitching in your thesis.
You better thank you him, You better for this person.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Yeah, thanks to my almost husband here on me anything
for the parents.
Speaker 5 (12:07):
It's always about the money, Yeah, and I feel like and.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
They're still you know, they're getting something out of it, so.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
Yeah, the fact that this is happening, they're like, oh wait.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Like anywhere else, we're not that about I guess.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Which is crazy.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, yeah, they were not mad anymore.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Now they're still pretty bad because they're like, we could
have the money way more rich.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
If it were up to me, I would have thanked
him and declined the offer, but I feel like I
don't really have a say in it. My family isn't
as wealthy as his, and it's going to help us
out financially, especially since I don't have a job yet.
But I'm also really conflicted and can't shake the feeling
that it's wrong. Even though he insists it's not about
that and he's just keeping his word, I feel like
I'm taking advantage of him. I'm not sure what to do.
(12:49):
Should I just accept it and move on, or should
I say something and comment one considering the man's feelings
towards you. That feels like this is a gift with
strings attached. That's what I think, But it also feels
like I don't know if you could even say no,
because this feels like more of a your family and
him decision. Unless it's going to make your family social parias,
I would politely decline. Opie says. It means I have
(13:12):
to convince my parents to refuse his help because the
money goes directly into their bank account. I'm not sure
if this is a gift with strings attached. He insists
it's purely about keeping his word to my parents and
has nothing to do with his feelings for me. But
at the same time, it's clear he's struggling with his feelings.
It's not exactly going to make them social parias, but
it would help them financially too.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Yeah, the family wanted a financial gain from this arrangement,
and they're getting it without you getting married to him.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I would decline, Well, I would do, but I don't
think it's really Opie's decision. Common two says it sounds
like trying to convince your parents is not going to work.
If you already told your ex that you feel it's
wrong to accept money from him, and he still wants
to pay for your schooling, then that's his choice. If
he tries to use it against you later. Please keep
screenshots of your conversation where you told them you do
(14:04):
not want him to pay for your schooling and remind
him that you did not want to accept his money.
I wish the best for you in this situation. No
one deserves to force love, and that is the end
of that story. But I agree, and I'm glad that
you did not go through with it, because that would
have been a bad decision.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
It would have not been good for anyone.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
But that's the end of that story. And we've got
another one coming right up.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
My father disguises his hurtful comments as jokes.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Ah, you're so funny.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
There's a trigger warning here for emotional abuse. My family
dynamic has always been a bit odd. My parents sixty
male and sixty five female, and I aren't super close
and we've never been in a very openly affectionate family,
which is fine. I do believe my parents love me
and care for me in their own way, and they've
been very financially supportive. They helped my partner male twenty four,
(14:57):
and I with buying a house by for the mortgage.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
By the way, yeah, that's that's a big deal. And
by the way, this comes from user crazy Bree Lady.
And if you want to submit your own stories. Go
to the r slash showcase story time subbred it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Riley, and I'm ke On and Op says, we're
not here because my parents are such lovely people. Though, no, no, no,
we're here because my dad is a bully. I have
(15:23):
a long history of furriction with my dad. He grew
up in a poor household and still carries shame insecurity
and resentment from that into adulthood, which translates into looking
down his nose at others outside of his work circles.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Dude, I've been at the receiving end of this.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
What just the guy who's like bagging Ma didn't have
no handouts and bagging my day. I had to freaking
wrestle bears for twenty cents.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
As a guy that runs off of words of affirmation,
getting this guy to tell me a good job was
as if he was shooting his own foot and he
couldn't do it.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Yeah, pulling teeth just it could have been better.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
I've had to deal with constant jabs about my emotional
stability and intelligence, which, when confronted, would suddenly become jokes
that I shouldn't take so seriously. If I pushed it
because I was just called a hysterical twit to my
face by my father. His mocking laughter would change to anger,
and I would be told I was being dramatic and
needed to stop being hysterical. It's a dance we've performed
(16:27):
hundreds of times. All right, I might hit you with
maybe a little bit of cold water here. It takes
two to tango, My guy, I understand your dad's being
immature and joking and poking at you, but guess what,
m you just stop acknowledging that conversation.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
You know what sucks? If you like throw it back
at him, he's gonna be so offended he cannot take
it right.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
That's why you just don't. You just in one ear
out the other, and when you stop reacting, he'll stop
doing it. Hundreds of times is too many times to
not get that, But it's hard with family. When I
started standing up for myself more, he began acting like
I was volatile and would tell people that I was
very feisty and opinionated. You'll want to tread carefully or
(17:08):
she might suddenly bite your head off. The jokes continued.
I'll be it more subdued, which brings us to yesterday's debacle.
My parents invited me and my partner out for lunch
and a walk in a nearby town. Everyone appeared to
be having a good time until we had a snag
over lunch where my dad kept loudly comparing my earrings
to cow tags. I responded that it's a good thing
(17:30):
I'm not a cow then, before turning back to my mom.
Eventually we headed home, which is where my partner let
me know that he'd prefer to keep a low profile
with my parents going forward because things had been said
about me. Initially, he didn't want to divulge what but
I dragged it out of him. Oh no, not the
parents actually sabotaging their daughter's relationship.
Speaker 6 (17:53):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
See, I'm cool with you talking crap in front of me,
but behind my back totally different thing. Totally different.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Apparently over lunch with me. In conversation on the other
side of the table, my dad told my partner that quote,
the more emotionally stable one of you two should get
their driver's license. I'm sure you know what I mean.
I took driving classes a few years ago, but had
to quit because I kept needing extra classes and ran
out of money. I haven't picked it back up because
(18:22):
I hate driving. Sounds like that's a good thing. I
don't have the money or space for a car, and
I can get around fine with public transportation. It might
not seem like a big deal in the grand scheme
of things, especially considering our past, but it hurts so
much to hear that. It crushed me that my dad
would insinuate not only that I'm too emotionally unstable to
function like a grown adult, but more than that, I
(18:43):
felt enraged and humiliated that he would make a comment
like that to my own partner. I'm not gonna lie
if you. If you need so much driving school that
you run out of money, you probably shouldn't be driving.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Jack as you got a pay for a car, pay
for gas, and pay for insurance.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
No, I'm not to be clear, because I don't want
it misunderstood. I'm saying you might be just so bad
at driving you should not do it.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
I don't think that's what would be saying.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
I think that is they took so many driving classes
they still did not pass. They ran out of money
for the driving classes.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
I thought it was I took the like took the
thing twice didn't get it, and then I was like
super busy with other classes that just haven't had money
to like do another class.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
No, I kept needing extra classes. I'm pretty sure it
means that you just kept they did not learn how
to drive, right.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yeah, I don't know. If you can get around without driving,
I say, do it. It is a little frustrating not
being able to drive. Ima depend on others to drive
you around.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Depending on where you are. It's real doable, you know.
And yeah, it's like if I wanted to fly planes
and I failed plane flying class five times in a row,
I might reconsider flying planes. Just putting that out there, Yeah,
so to say it to my face is one thing,
But to drop that on my partner's head like that
(20:01):
in public, casually in conversation and expect him to smile
and not along is a whole different league. I bawled
my eyes out for over an hour. I ended up
calling my parents, who had visitors over at the time,
so I asked them to call me back, and I
briefly explained to my mom that I was very upset
about something my father said to my partner earlier that day,
(20:23):
and when my dad called me back, I asked him
to get my mom as well and put me on speaker.
I asked him if it was true that he said
this to my partner, and he hemmed and hawed, initially
said that he didn't remember what he said, and then
loudly proclaimed, oh, yeah, yeah, I remember I did say
something like that, but you have to understand it was
just a joke. My mom interrupted him to ask what
(20:43):
he meant by that comment and got upset with him.
I stated that I was absolutely not okay with being
spoken about this way, much less to my partner, which
led my father to first say, oh, well, sorry, and
then try to explain that it wasn't that serious and
he didn't mean it like that. It was taken out
of con text, and it's a commonly known joke in
society that women can't drive and are emotionally unstable.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
Haha, he's so funny.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
You're so funny, busting out the classics.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
Wow, everyone's laughing.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Yeah, come up with some original content. Yeah, that's a stereotype, dude.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Let's get creative.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
This isn't a joke. This is you like throwing a
pass aggressive thing around.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
H Yeah, he's been an a hole. Want to hear
my joke? What's up? So the context for this story
time is that I was with my girlfriend at the time.
She's telling me a story about how her and her
friend from her mouth terrible drivers.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
She said it okay.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
She says they're both terrible drivers, and she's amazed that
they survived the road trip they went on. And then,
just as a joke, I put on like the count
voice from Sesame Street, and I said, what's worse than
one woman driver? Oo? Women driver? H h And she
did not like that joke.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Yeah, I feel like if someone brings up.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
But she said it up like that, sort of like
she gave she she teed me up. Yeah, she said
that they were terrible drivers, not me. I just played
into what she already established. But I had to learn
sometimes your girlfriends don't like your jokes.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Yeah, and like, if you want a joke, hey, hope,
you gotta start being a comedian. Back at daddyo, be
like when we can drive, and then you could be like,
well you think mayonnaise a spicy I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
I just hit him with something like dad, what's my
favorite color here? And then when he doesn't know, be like,
you're a great Dad, and then yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Here we go. Okay, Boomer, whatever you think Boomer called
him Boomer, Yeah, okay, Boomer be.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Like okay, weirdo, Okay, weird guy. Boom, You're so weird Dad,
You're weird guy.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
But do more taxes?
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, do more taxes? Go to a you know,
country club. I don't care.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Gork on your golf swing. You suck at it, Boom,
and then he'll be, Oh.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
I drove it in eighteen.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
The other day he broke it.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Eighteenth shot, he shot all in one.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Yeah, I didn't know what that was doing.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Anyway, Cy the craziest lie I shot in eighteen shut up,
oh man. I reiterated that I don't appreciate being spoken
to or about that way, especially to my partner, and
that this is far from the first time this has
come up. At this point, I just didn't know how
(23:29):
much clearer I could make it that I was not
okay with being labeled an over emotional, unstable simpleton by
my own father. My dad also started getting upset, and
it culminated in him shouting down the phone that it
was all being massively overstated and being taken out of context,
and that he had already apologized and refused to do
it again, and then he hung up. My mother ended
(23:50):
up calling me back half an hour later, with the
first question out of her mouth being, well, what's actually
the problem with your father's comment here? Is it just
because it's not female friendly about the driver's license, because
I mean, let's be real, you're not really prime material
for driving, but I mean neither am I. I told
her that it was about the fact that my father
said something outrageously sexist about me, his own daughter, to
(24:13):
my partner, and insinuated that I am incapable of being
a functional adult because I'm a woman, and that this
is just the latest in a long history of him
talking to me this way. But now he had gone
much too far. She responded, Yes, my dad is a
sexist stuck in the fifties in that regard. But I
should know by now that that's just how my dad
is and I should learn to accept it. And actually
(24:36):
they felt that after all they had done for me,
I wasn't really being very appreciative. Honestly, did I appreciate
what they did for me at all?
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Ooh, so they gave you a house, like they figured
out your house thing with strings attached. Yikes, just because
you pay for something doesn't mean you get to say
what you do with my life anymore. Okay, okay, boomer, Okay.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
She said she understood where I was coming from, but
felt like I had taken it too far and it
had been very upsetting for my dad, so he would
be keeping his distance for a while, but her and
I could definitely still talk. I told her that I
was plenty appreciative of what they had done for me,
and I realized I was very lucky. But I sure
hope she agreed that I don't need to fall over
(25:22):
myself with gratitude for my dad's comments about me as
a person. This was met with some hemming and haweing
on her side, and then a sing song. Well, I
just hope we can all move past this soon. Anyway,
I'll be going good night. I'm just going to let
them stew if they want to apologize properly, the door
is always open, but they'll need to figure that out themselves.
In the meantime, I do have the overwhelming support in
(25:44):
love of my friends and my in laws, and my
partner is doing his very best to prop me up.
It has made me appreciate all the more how loved
and supported I am, truly, but God does it feel
lonely all the same, And we have an update. Looks
like it's a week later.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Yeah, sounds good to have everyone want to take some
time away from each other. Your dad definitely does have
a perspective on you and how he you know, he
should be received, how his uh, you know, he can
do whatever he wants and that should be okay because
he has money and he can throw money. You know,
his money and his problems. But the baseline of this.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Is a lack of respect.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
Yeah, and he doesn't feel respected by you. You don't
feel respected by him. It's because of his actions, and
you're just you know what, you're mirroring his actions, Like
you're not gonna respect me. I'm not gonna respect you.
Why should I? And you're twenty four right?
Speaker 4 (26:31):
Yeah. I don't even think op's really being that disrespectful.
It's it's just more like a no this when you
say these things, I feel like you're attacking my character
to my partner.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah, you're just.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Like saying things that make me look bad. Yeah, I agree,
Why why are you? Why would you do that? But
in the dad's eyes, He's like, you're being disrespectful.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I paid for this. I did this. It's a very
transactional relationship. I pay for you, I get to make
fun of you.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Yeah, and again that my all the way back to
the first thing I said in the story, stop doing this.
Don't be like you need to apologe what you said
was unaccepted. Just freaking move on. The weight of his
words should be like a feather upon you, because he
is just he is a doodoo brained sexist man stuck
(27:19):
in the fifties who doesn't see you as a you know,
fully fledged person. He just sees you as you know, yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
A woman. But this but this is her dad. That's
super hard to do, not taking what he says with
a you know, as a feather. I guess I'm almost like.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
After a what they've had this ten hundred times, So
that's how.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
And that's how you learn. I wouldn't expect you to
get it at you know, instance number ten.
Speaker 5 (27:45):
No, I remember, I was like that. My dad is
like that.
Speaker 6 (27:48):
I was like that too.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Yeah. I feel like all our dads were like that.
We were all like that, We like, oh, your grandfather,
my father did this YadA, YadA, YadA, and you're like,
so you're gonna do what he did? All right?
Speaker 4 (28:00):
Good to note, Yeah, I don't know. I would like
I said I would. I think I would just go
back with like, just any information about yourself and see
if your dad knows it. It's like, dad, what what
is my Yeah, what's my favorite color? And he goes, oh,
how should I know that? They're your great dad?
Speaker 5 (28:16):
Yeah, you're like, well, my favorite color is red, great dad,
or should be read great dad? Aword like not blue.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
I mean, I guess we shouldn't be judging parents based
on if they know your favorite color.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
But it's like, yeah, it sounds like Opie's dad. All
they know is just how to be a bully and
not be a dad.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
We have an update. Well, ladies and gents. It's been
a week since everything went belly up in the family.
I've read all the comments that I received, the advice
and the support and the come to jesuses that I
desperately needed. First of all, I wanted to thank the
commenters for their input. It wasn't always easy to read,
but it's been a wake up call and it's giving
me strength to not buckle under the fog which brings
(28:51):
me to today all of half an hour ago, to
be precise. So last time, my dad hung up on me,
and I later received a phone call from my mom
or she let me know that he needed time because
this is very hard on him. I decided that if
he said he needed time and distance, that's fine, ask
and you shall receive. I didn't plan to reach out
for a while. I received a good night text from
(29:13):
my mom the day after, and my fiance received a
Happy Birthday the day after that. Both were responded to,
but politely but briefly. Somewhere during the past week, I
started writing a letter to my parents, outlining my issues
clearly and stating that the door was open if they
wanted to work on our relationship. I made it clear
that I did not find the way things were going
(29:33):
acceptable and that I wanted change in our dynamic. The
plan was originally to send it this Friday, but my
partner and I decided to give it another week, which
brings us to today. I received a message from my
mom asking how I've been. I sent back that the
past week has been rough. One would think that in
light of our last conversation, it would be clear why.
(29:54):
But apparently the hint didn't quite land, because I then
received a concerned message asking what was up? Did something happen?
Was it my work? After my eyeballs rolled into the
back of my head, I shot back that actually I
was very bothered by how our last conversation went. My
mom immediately called me, still concerned about if it was
something at my job. I'm sure it comes as a
(30:16):
surprise to precisely know one that my assessment that no,
it was the substantial falling out that we had just
one week ago that had me in a funk went
over about as well as a lead balloon. What followed
was a twenty minute defense that I was blowing this
out of proportion. They felt I wasn't listening to a word.
They said it was all just a joke and I
needed to just let it go. My very simple and
(30:37):
straightforward question of whether or not my father could promise
to henceforth keep his jokes to himself was apparently too
difficult to answer. He's John Og host.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
We don't get back to the stories, but a quick
three minute break of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
He's not gonna do it because he's gonna speak his mind.
Because he's a man and you should speak. It's his
way or the highway, is what I'm getting.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Yeah, it's conversations where it's like, you're not listening to us,
and we hear you, but we don't care what you say,
so we're not gonna listen to you. You need to
listen to us. We hear that you're upset by the
things your father says, but that would require him to change,
So we're not listening to you. You need to change
and be okay with the things that he says because
(31:20):
we're your parents, which is I don't know if anyone
else is picking this up, a real dumb way to
think about that from the parents. This is also when
I found out my father had been lurking in the
background the whole time. I ended up suggesting we dropped
the call because we were clearly getting nowhere, which they
agreed with. We have a little bit more story left.
Do we have any closing thoughts here?
Speaker 3 (31:42):
Hopefully you can take time away from him and there
won't be repercussions financially, there might be. Hopefully you're prepared
for that, but it seems like, oh, if you're not
gonna respect me, I'm not gonna pay for XYZ. Be
ready for that.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Yeah, me and my parents had a real contentious relationship
before I just stopped arguing. It's like, if the conversation
brought up something I knew we'd fight about, I just
did not have that conversation, and it works.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
You can't have an argument if half of the argument
decides to not engage. Argument doesn't happen. The fight can't
happen if you completely disengage from it, you know, and
you know, you just have to come to expect. My
dad's gonna try to pull some stuff like that, and
you go, oh, yeah, I guess I'm a big dumb woman. Haha,
funny joke. I'm a big stupid idiot. Dad. Thanks, And
(32:35):
then you move on and he goes, oh, was that
upset you? You go, no, I don't care. That was hilarious.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Yeah, in a sense of protection of the dad's words.
Hope you feel was violated by that. But the dad's
not always poking jokes. Was the last time you said
I'm proud of you? Was the last time you said
I love you?
Speaker 4 (32:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I actually knew this girl in college. She grew up
like this where her parents always joked at her. She
was very good at what she did. She was very
good at school, and her career is super good. But
when it came to her own relationships, she you know,
kind of haddad issues and would look for like, you know,
not the best kind of guys and not the most
healthy relationships because it wasn't I guess a model for
(33:14):
her in her own life, and it's it really was
hard for her. And I'm not a friend anymore, but
it was it was tough watching for sure.
Speaker 4 (33:22):
Yeah, that's why Just be be nice empathetic people to
your children.
Speaker 5 (33:28):
Yeah yeah, I'm just waiting for like not saying if
or you know, it's gonna happen. But when he comes
to the terms of like, oh I heard some of her,
I heard her feelings. I'm the bad guy. Now I'm
the victim. Oh yeah, it's gotta it's be like I'm
a terrible father and you're like, you know what, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Yeah, yeah, I'm glad you can see that now.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
And then you're gonna be you hurt my feelings and
you're like, what have you been doing the last twenty
four years?
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Yeah? Pulling the actually all you do stuff ways, because
just the fact that you're or is really too much
for me, so I have to take a step back.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I'm super lame, low Ei, Yeah, well we are.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
He's also got probably the probably pull the financial card
where he's like, I'm such a good father. I paid
for all of this, I paid for your education, I
did this, I bought you this the house, and you're like,
all right, that's half of being the parent is helping out.
Speaker 4 (34:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well let's finish this story, shall we shall.
I have since received another message from my mom saying
that they really hoped I could let it go, and
that my father had said sorry. I asked if that
meant he would stop with the jokes, and actually received
a response, this time saying that yes, that's what he said,
(34:43):
which is not what he said, but whatever. I haven't
responded to the last message, and at this point I
am not entirely sure how to proceed. I have decided
that I'll stick to low contact for the foreseeable future,
that I'll be working on paying off any and all
debts I have with them, and that any gifts or
offers of gifts will be politely turned down in the future.
Anybody else hearing the Benny hilltoon in the back of
(35:06):
their head, and that is the end of that story.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Is there an update on this? Let me check, dude, o'
pe good luck it's if there is an update. Dad
can't did not take it well, Ei. His emotional intelligence
is very low, dude. It is so hard dealing mama Ei.
Speaker 6 (35:25):
EI is low.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It's so hard dealing with men with low emotional intelligence
because they they do not know how to form their
words or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (35:33):
Dude.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I used to work with these guys. They would just
talk talk at me for hours. They we would sit
down for dinner. They wouldn't even eat their dinner. That's
how much they talk. It was exhausting.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Yeah, the dinner just gets cold while they speak.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Yes, nothing you got to say is that important? Boss, chief,
And all you would do was talk.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
He wouldn't work, he wouldn't I'm so glad I was
out of that talking.
Speaker 5 (35:56):
No update.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
Having a meal put in front of me is one
of the only things that makes me show up.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Yeah, uh, we got another story, guys. My mother demanded
I spy on my father's new family.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
I spy with my little lie. Who's that guy?
Speaker 3 (36:12):
My mother told me she can never trust me again
because I'm my father's daughter. At one sentence ruined our relationship.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
As it should.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
By the way, this comes from Okay Mix eighty two
and if you want to your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
No p says for context, I'm female thirty seven. My
dad left the family for another woman he had been
cheating on with my mom for a year in twenty thirteen.
We were all super close growing up, and this happened
about three months after my now ex husband proposed to me.
It shocked us all to our course, and I remember
screaming at my dad everything you taught me was a
(36:50):
lie for about ten minutes and generally being hysterical. Two
days after this, my mom said those words that would
haunt our relationship forever. My sister is my full sister
three years younger. That sentence was kind of the beginning
of the end of my relationship with my mother. I
buried it at the time, but over the years, my
mom and I's relationship began to gradually deteriorate, while at
(37:13):
the same time I began to incrementally allow my father
back into my life. He and I had many talks
about what he did, and he took as much responsibility
as he could for how it affected me. He never
pushed into building a relationship with me. He allowed me
to guide that and we have been able to get close.
He married the woman he left my mom for, and
(37:35):
she's actually a lovely person who also allowed me to
guide our relationship and how I wanted to interact with her. Honestly,
if you cheat on someone, you better to be marrying them,
you have to.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
I guess that's that's the logical it would It would
be like, well, you know, like if your sports team
loses to somebody, but then they won the Super Bowl,
You're like, well, at least you know, well we weren't
the only ones the lost, right like they they were
going all the way. Yeah that yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Also, you know how conflicting it is having Aaron Rodgers
on the Steelers. Why I don't know what to do
with myself.
Speaker 6 (38:09):
Are you a Steelers fan?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
I'm a Packers fan, and I love Aaron Rodgers, and
I don't want to be a Steelers fan, but I
think I might.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Have to you can't be a Steelers fan.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
I might have to.
Speaker 4 (38:17):
Those don't exist.
Speaker 5 (38:18):
And Michael Parsons come on, huh you have Micah Parsons though.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
We got DK, we got DK metcalf two.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 6 (38:26):
Packers are winning the Super Bowl this year?
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Uh no, no, no Steelers. DK's on the Steelers. Oh okay,
yeah they're winning.
Speaker 4 (38:32):
No did, Steelers aren't winning anything. Okay, Steelers are gonna
go nine to eight?
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Godamn? Okay, sorry sorry sorry. So in the meantime, my
mom just kept talking about how she hoped my dad
would pass away and how awful he is. Fast forward
a few years, my ex husband decided he didn't want
to be married to me anymore. They told me one
month before I had have a hysterectomy at thirty years old.
He said I gained weight and couldn't love a woman
(38:57):
my size. By the way, I did not have his
directed me for fun. I was dealing with major issues
from indometriosis. Indie metriosis month is in May? Is that right?
Speaker 6 (39:08):
I think it's metriosis has a month.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
It does.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
We gave it a whole month, We gave it a home.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Where were you that month?
Speaker 4 (39:13):
I guess it was. Every day was enshrining andrometriosis. We're
just bringing light to it.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Yeah, every day? Is it April or May?
Speaker 5 (39:21):
March?
Speaker 3 (39:22):
I was about to say March, but everyone March's inter.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
Yeah, well, at least you found out your husband is sucks.
Speaker 5 (39:28):
Also, who says like I'm gonna have a hysterectomy just
for funzies?
Speaker 3 (39:33):
She said she didn't do it for fun.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
No, no, no, yah.
Speaker 5 (39:36):
Maybe it was just like a play on words. But
like I know, I just thought I didn't almost like
you're having that for fun.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Just didn't want my uterus anymore.
Speaker 6 (39:43):
Thought it'd be fun if I got rid of it.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
Just didn't want that.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
I have a weird idea of what you will look
like in the table, and I don't know what it
looked like. Just looks like an organ, but I'm looking
at an organ like your skin. Ah help me. I
didn't get much sleep last night, and everyone my origin anyways, apologies.
I couldn't get out of bed for days on end
(40:06):
because of how much pain I was in, so working
out was out. My ex didn't cook. He reheated chicken
wings and fed me those along with energy drinks. Oh no,
wonder I gained so much weight. Anyways, I ended up
moving in with my mom and my sister, who was
married and her husband lives in the house too. He
and my sister live in the fully furnished basement, complete
with kitchenette and a full bathroom. I took the spare
(40:28):
room upstairs, across from my mom's main bedroom. The house
they live in is very nice and in a small
town in Wisconsin. Meta we were just talking about the backers.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
A small town named Green Bay.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
They are definitely she's heads. When I moved in December
of twenty eighteen, my mom immediately wanted to put me
in the loc for her business, but I told her
I wanted to wait. This is a tax thing. She
could get probably up to twelve thousand dollars a year
tax right off.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Do it?
Speaker 3 (40:54):
Because what because you're a dependent or probably a dependent,
and also a family. I had given up my dream
property with my custom horse barn, lost my husband, and
was still facing having a womb removed. I was not
sure what I wanted to do, but that really upset
my mom. She didn't say much, but I think we
all know what a pursuing of the lips mean. She
(41:17):
also told me I was not allowed to contact my
father while under her roof, so I would go on
long drives with my dogs and hike and talk to
my dad during my days off, and he was concerned
about the surgery and how I was doing with the divorce.
Fast forward to recovering from surgery January of twenty nineteen,
which takes six to eight weeks as it's a major
(41:39):
abdominal surgery. I was not allowed to even drive, so
I would sneak text to my dad at night to
keep him updated on how I was recovering. After the
first week, my mom started making noise about me not
doing enough around the house. I told her I was
still really sore and wanted to try and take it slow,
and she didn't seem to like that.
Speaker 4 (41:59):
But with it, Yeah, ma, I only had an organ
yanked out of my body. Sorry, I'm not as spry
on my feet as I usually am.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Sorry.
Speaker 4 (42:10):
Yeah, dude, that.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Is crazy, dude. We just need more grace for people.
We lived in a graceless world.
Speaker 6 (42:19):
You're pretty graceful.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
You are hell yeah you are me?
Speaker 3 (42:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (42:24):
Really, I think dancing through the rain drops.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
You just singing a song to me, A song oh,
I thought it was is it?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
I've heard that before.
Speaker 6 (42:31):
I don't know where that's from.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
That's what I thought it was a song. So soon
after she started lecturing me about how she didn't get
any help, which she had her gallbladder removed and still
had to carry me and my sister around the house.
She did this at the dinner table one night, and
I got mad and told her maybe she wouldn't have
so many health issues if she had listened to her
doctors and forced my father to help her out. More boom,
(42:55):
my sister chimed in siding with my mother, so I
began to cry my sister husband got up and left
the table at that point, which bothered my sister enough
to finally get her off my back. I went to
my room and cuddled my dogs. This was four weeks
after surgery. A few days later, my mom asked me
to carry cases of wine from the basement to her
truck so she could take them to her work for inventory.
(43:19):
I told her I would not be able to do
that yet, as I still wasn't allowed to drive. It
became another fight. Why don't she want you to do
so much stuff? Does she not understand how much recovery
time you need? Do you not understand she had her
freaking gallbladder removed? Oh, and she still had to carry
those babies around. So if I had to suffer, you
better believe I'm gonna make you suffer twice as bad,
(43:40):
because that's just what any good.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Mom would do in this situation.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
You need to put interest on it.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
Yeah, right, my suffering has a crude interest. Get over here,
get I need to freaking give you an upper cut
to the abdomen.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Is there anything else she could have done? Also, the
sister's husband can he not help? I don't know. This
is weird. I do not like this.
Speaker 4 (43:58):
She's just antin um mean lady. She's a mean lady.
Any parent who's like actively telling their kid after they've
had a divorce that it's like your dad's evil and
you should hate him, and I hate him and he's
the worst blah blah blah blah blah. It's just a
despicable thing to do to your kid. Let your kid
decide how they feel about their parents, you know, says I.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
Started feeling really guilty, so I gave her money to
redo the flooring in her basement and in the guest
room and cover the new paint for both areas, and
bought her a few nice things around the house. I
spent around two to three thousand dollars to try to
keep the peace. Once I was healed, I decided to
get a job at a horse farm. Tell me lose
some weight. I still had some money on my savings account,
and while I knew it wasn't going to pay well,
(44:46):
I needed the mental comfort of being around horses again
since mine were still with my ex. I've been with
horses since I was three. I used the money in
my sizeable savings to help pay for food and whatever
else my mom needed, and spent my time gaining my
strength back mentally physically at the horse barn. But my
mother and sister were pissed at my choice of jobs
(45:06):
and kept telling me I needed to get back into
my profession. I told them I wasn't ready. They didn't
like that answer. Sounds like you gotta move, man. Can
you live with your dad? Is that a possibility?
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (45:19):
You I don't know, man. Sounds like the mom is
the worst, Yeah, parent, even though your dad didn't have
the custody.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Yeah, it doesn't seem like your mom is understanding where
you're coming from. If you're going through a divorce and
just had a huge lost your house and then had
a huge surgery, go work at a horse farm.
Speaker 4 (45:37):
Go fish out horses. Did If your daughter loves horses
and she's working at the horse farm recovering from a hysterectomy,
just let her work at the horse farm. Do fist
she has?
Speaker 6 (45:47):
Are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (45:47):
I don't know, this is weird.
Speaker 4 (45:49):
Hey, it's Sean here.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with the aswer More sponsors.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
The breaking point came a couple of months later, July
twenty nineteen, when my sister and her husband decided to
get pregnant on purpose. I wasn't sure how I felt
about it. I mean, just lost my ability to carry
a child, but kept quiet about it. A couple weeks later,
August twenty nineteen, they announced they were pregnant. I began
to internally panic while congratulating them. The timing felt cruel
(46:16):
where I was still recovering from losing my ability to
have children and my sister was flaunting her pregnancy in
front of me every day. I feel like that's your
perspective on it. I don't know. Maybe she was, but
I don't think she got pregnant on purpose. They probably
wanted kids.
Speaker 4 (46:30):
And yeah, I could feel like flaunting, but it's like
that also could definitely happen where it's like, you know,
like if somebody loses a relative and then you're around
them and all you do is go, oh, I hung
out with my relative. I hung out with this relative
all week, all day, all whatever, and it was so great.
Oh my god, my Relti's coming intown. Oh they're moving here,
blah blah blah. It's like you should have the wherewithal
to know, like, maybe don't talk about that so much.
(46:53):
Even though it's a good thing in front of this person,
it's not a very you know, tactful thing to be discussing.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
I was hanging around someone that their girlfriend has recently
cheated on them. I was about them and like, oh,
I'm getting call from my girlfriend. But I was like,
I got a call coming.
Speaker 5 (47:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
Yeah, it's a crazy story.
Speaker 6 (47:12):
Oh my gosh, it does sound a little sounds a
little juicy.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
Dude, I'll give you. Yeah, he's gonna run a red
a story. Okay, So I started throwing out resumes and
decided to throw a couple out to California near my
dad just to see what happened, and sure enough, a
business in California likes me, and I decided to go
there and move out. I was not dealing with my
sister's pregnancy well, and I was not dealing with my
mother very well. Of course, she and my sister got
(47:36):
angry I was leaving, but I couldn't handle being there anymore.
They get mad at you for having a job, they
get mad at you for out helping out, they get
mad at you for leaving.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
You can't do anything.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
I moved to California within the month, and my relationship
with my mom and sister has just fallen apart since
twenty nineteen. Now, my mom demands I spy on my
dad and give her information about how much money he
makes and his relationship status with my step mom, and
when I don't do that, she could be all right
every single time, and my sister does the same thing.
We got into a huge fight last month where my
(48:06):
sister told me I just abandoned him, and my mom
got pissed once again because I won't spy on my
dad for her. My sister blocked my phone and blocked
me on all of our socials. My mom hasn't blocked
me yet, but I'm not calling her either. Dude, so weird.
Speaker 4 (48:23):
It's like, what do you want op to do?
Speaker 3 (48:26):
Huh, nothing's gonna make you happy. This is the best call, Opie. Uh,
I'm proud of you for doing this. Moving to California
has changed many of our lives. Has definitely changed two
thirds of the people in this room's lives.
Speaker 5 (48:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (48:37):
One guy was just born here.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
Yeah, he just spawned here.
Speaker 5 (48:40):
What's up?
Speaker 3 (48:41):
He just didn't have to drive as much? Were you
born here?
Speaker 5 (48:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (48:45):
You questioned were you conceived here?
Speaker 5 (48:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (48:49):
That's that.
Speaker 5 (48:49):
That's what I wanted to know, was I I'm pretty
sure I was. No, I have a question.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
We want to know every I don't want your conception
kean yep?
Speaker 5 (48:59):
Where I was born in Cedars Sinai in Beverly Hills.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
How what was the rank of the conception Hetiti.
Speaker 5 (49:09):
One month early?
Speaker 4 (49:10):
One ghost out of ten?
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Yeah. Anyways, so the irony isn't lost on me. My
mom said she couldn't trust me because I'm my father's daughter,
but now she wants me to betray that same father
to prove my loyalty to her, It'll never be enough.
Obi she wants me to become the spy she always
feared I would be, except working for her instead of him.
It's like she's turning me into the worst possible version
(49:33):
of myself of what she accused me of being or
her somos is that my sister, who I thought would
understand what it felt like to be got in the
middle of our parents' mess, has completely turned against me.
She has chosen sides in a war I never wanted
to find. Every conversation with either of them becomes an
interrogation about Dad's life, and when I refuse to participate,
(49:55):
I become an enemy. I keep thinking about that moment
when my mom first said she couldn't trust me. I
was just as devastated by Dad's this betrayal as she was,
maybe even more so because I had put him on
such a pedestal. But somehow, in her mind, sharing his
DNA made me complicit in his crimes. That accusation planted
a seat of doubt that grew into this monster of
(50:16):
resentment and suspicion that's now consumed our entire family. Ah.
The truth is, I'm not spying for anyone. I'm not
choosing sides in their divorce. I'm just trying to have
conversations with the people I love, even if they've hurt
each other. But apparently that's not allowed in my family.
You're either completely loyal or you're a trader. There's no
(50:37):
middle ground for forgiveness or healing or just trying to
move on. So here I am in California, thousands of
miles away from the drama, but still somehow drowning in it.
My phone buzzes with angry texts from my mom demanding
updates on dad's finances. Even if he had updates on
his finances, you're not going to get any of it, right.
Speaker 4 (51:00):
You should be like, he has no money. You should
be like, we're actually all standing on the corner right now, begging.
That's what that's actually what he does all day. He uh,
And he goes to the golf course and he drinks
the water in the pond there because he can't get
any water any other way.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
You can make an AI video of him doing all
that stuff and she'll believe it.
Speaker 4 (51:18):
M Yeah, just be like, yeah, he actually, like I
don't know, he goes around to restaurants and he asks
for their used sponges and he eats those. He's disgusting.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
He's a cereal SpongeBob eater and I should have listened
to you. But I'm gonna stay here, and I'm gonna.
Speaker 4 (51:34):
Stay here to take care of him because he eats
a lot of sponges and it takes a lot of
work to keep him alive.
Speaker 5 (51:42):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
My sister posts passive aggressive social media updates about family loyalty.
Then I can't even see anymore because she's blocked me everywhere.
I'm left wondering if the problem is really them or
broken as I think.
Speaker 4 (51:55):
I know, the problem is your mom, and she clearly
poisoned your sister to such a level that she's like,
I don't know. You guys are having like a Game
of Thrones style like house war, and it's like it's
not that important.
Speaker 3 (52:09):
Keani got anything nothing, not them anything else.
Speaker 4 (52:13):
Yeah, I mean no, clearly, you're not crazy. Your Your
mom's trying to make you spot when did they get divorced,
Like twenty thirteen, and this story is recent, so it's
been like ten years. It's been a decade. She's asking
you to spy on him financially she's a loser.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Yep, she needs to move on. Basically, my mom and
sister hate me, and I'm trying to figure out if
I'm the problem. Did I abandon them when they need
to be most? Am I betraying my mom by having
a relationship with my dad? Or am I just a
scapegoat for all the pain and anger and nobody knows
how to process the worst part is that I miss him.
I missed the family we used to be before everything
fell apart. I missed my sister's laugh and my mom's
(52:52):
terrible cooking and the way we used to gang up
on Dad when he told us his awful dad jokes.
But that family doesn't exist anymore. I don't know if
it ever will again. Huh that was a crazy end to.
Speaker 4 (53:04):
Do that one. Well, I mean, yeah, I don't think
it will because your mom is seems pretty dead set
on not yeah that exists.
Speaker 3 (53:12):
And op, you're in a transitional state. You you have
gone through a divorce, you have changed houses, You're in
a transitional season and focusing on settling in this new
place in California. I think it's best because a lot
of people go to California for opportunities and it's usually
turns out great. So you're not You're down. You're down
right now. But the only way up is the only
(53:33):
thing to go is up. You're gonna go up for now. One,
it's easy. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:36):
The moment that you like are going through a procedure
like that, like a hysterectomy and then reckoning with all
that that includes. And your mom is anything short of
just like supportive and understanding. Yeah, she's a she's she's
a bad she's bad for that. Yeah, she is bad.
She's a bad mom for that. Yeah, agreed, because a
(53:57):
good mom would be nothing. But like what you need,
I'm sorry, Take as long as you need to recover.
Take as long as you need.
Speaker 3 (54:04):
Yeah, I'll get someone else to get the wine from downstairs.
Speaker 6 (54:07):
Everything's gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay.
Speaker 3 (54:10):
Here's some snacks.
Speaker 6 (54:11):
Take your time, take it back to normal, Sez.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
Here's a cute dog video I found.
Speaker 6 (54:16):
Yeah, instead, she's like.
Speaker 4 (54:17):
Get the wine, wench, wake up, wake up. It's it's
go down to the basement o' clock and get me
my wine o'clock.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Yeah tough, but guys, guys, let's the end of that story.
Thanks for watching. If you love us. Make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 4 (54:34):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts. So we have some spectacular stories coming up.
But real quick, we get a two minute break from
our lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
My family is furious that I canceled my arranged marriage.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
She's arranging way to get away from you guys.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
For context, our marriage was arranged by our families and
we only had a month to get to know each other.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Oh thirty day new wife A.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
At first, I was willing to go through with it
just to please my family, even though I knew I
wasn't attracted him in the slightest. My family pressured me
into the marriage, mainly because his family is wealthy. By
the way, this comes from General Airport fourteen ninety one,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. I'm Sophia,
I'm Riley, I'm ke On, and Op says. As time passed,
(00:49):
I slowly realized I couldn't see myself living that kind
of life anymore or forever. Still, I was ready to
commit if we both understood that we had no romantic
feelings for each other and treated it as a practical
arrangement rather than an emotional relationship. What I didn't expect
was that he would actually fall in love with me,
or at least that's what he says. We had only
(01:11):
known each other for a month, but he was already
showering me with affection and attention way more than I
could ever give back. I was always indifferent and never
initiated anything, and it became obvious that this was hurting him.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
I would love to talk to someone that arrange his marriages.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
From my assumption, yeah, I arrange better if the guy's
getting set up with like a beautiful woman, the families
hopping them up. Oh dude, I got you, Like, look
at your wife seem to be wife. Dude, check that out. Dude,
you're doing great. And on the other hand, the wife's like, eh,
he's okay, Mmm, it's probably I feel like the guy
might be let on a little bit, and that's my.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Super I wish that like more. I mean, like, I
know this happens sometimes, but it happens. But I feel
like you guys, people arranging marriages got to start finding
like personality matches, not oh.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Your family has a calf or your family has a
textile furniture company. My family's a textile furniture company. Yeah,
you can have an empire.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Yeah, like star Let's start getting personality matches in there,
could have a personality and a textile factory. He was
constantly seeking validation, to the point where he told me
that if I couldn't love him, I should say so
and we should call up the wedding because being with
someone who loved him was important to him. That's fair.
It's pretty fair.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
He's not the bad guy there.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, that's that's just fair. I asked my family for advice,
and they all told me it was a good thing
he was in love with me, but that love can
be forced over time, and that I would eventually develop
feelings for him.
Speaker 4 (02:40):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
But no matter how much time I spent with him,
I couldn't appreciate him, let alone love him. His constant
need for my approval and affection was suffocating, and the
love bombing was more off putting than anything else. To
try and make things work, I suggested we live together
for a week to see how it went, and I
asked him to tone down the affection because I couldn't
force myself to reciprocate at this stage.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Girl, this is so mean what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Tell him, oh, well, I think that if you can't
feel like you could love him, and you know that
he needs you to love him to be in this relationship,
then you have to call it off.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Don't. Yes, he's gonna you know, he's gonna cook you
so many things. He's gonna put so much effort too
this relationship. You're gonna feel eh, yeah, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Don't do it. He agreed, and the week together seemed
to go well. But after I left, my mom told
me he had cried to her, asking for advice on
how to make me love him, and saying he missed me.
That was when I realized I didn't want to babysit
him as long as he couldn't accept that I had
no feelings for him. This was going to be painful
for both of us. But that's not the worst part.
(03:47):
My parents blamed me for rejecting his affection. According to
them and him, I made absolutely no effort to make
the relationship work while he was putting in all the efforts.
Everyone sided with him. I was ungrateful and considerate and
should be shamed. I wonder why you literally just you
Like a little bit ago your parents said, oh, you
(04:08):
can just force love later, and now they're like, why
why aren't you forcing the love right now?
Speaker 5 (04:12):
Remember he has money, honey.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Yeah, force that love and emotions.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah, yesterday I finally decided to end things. I told
him that if he wasn't willing to date me for
at least four more months to see if we were
actually compatible, I don't want to marry him.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Super reasonable, Yeah, this is reasonable on both sides.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, to be like, let's wait a little bit and
maybe I could fall in love with you, but certainly
can't do it in a month. Basically, I asked him
to postpone the wedding and give things a real chance first,
but he wasn't okay with that. He said he didn't
want to waste his time and that if I didn't
love him now, there was no point in continuing.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Great, all right, we're doing now right? Perfect?
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Cool?
Speaker 5 (04:50):
Wow, this guy is never gonna find love now now in.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
A month, geez, I think he can.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
He'll find someone now. Everyone's mad at me. They keep
telling me I'll never find another man like him, which
is probably true, but even worse, my own parents are
siding with him. They say I've ruined their relationship with
his family, that he didn't deserve this, and that any
other girl would have immediately accepted him. Well, then go
find any other girl. They even said they don't know
(05:17):
why they got a daughter like me.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
What are the politics of your families? That's the real question.
I've like Opie's really her mind's on. I don't want
to marry this dude. What's the broader picture here?
Speaker 5 (05:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Why do they need to have a good relationship with
his family?
Speaker 3 (05:33):
What are these families going to accomplish together?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
I do feel bad for him, but I'm also angry
that no one is considering my feelings. I was willing
to give the marriage a chance, but only if we
actually got to know each other first. He was the
one who wasn't okay with that. At this point, I
don't know what to do to make things better, because
the only way to fix this is to completely disregard
myself for the sake of everyone else's happiness. This whole
(05:57):
situation has been really painful. Lily cried yesterday when I
told them I was ending the relationship. Wedding preparations had
already started and money had been spent, so, needless to say,
they're not taking it well. But the hardest part for
me is knowing that my relationship with my parents might
never be the same after this. If it comes to
cutting ties, then so be it. I'm an adult and
(06:18):
they're not responsible for me anymore. They also blame me
for not reciprocating his feelings despite everything he did for me.
I wish I could have fallen in love with him,
but I don't think it ever would have happened. In
a way, I'm also doing this for him. He would
have ended up miserable and resentful if we had gone
through with it. For now, I just want to focus
on my life and my studies. My sisters are the
(06:39):
only ones who actually listen to me, but unfortunately there's
nothing they can do to change my parents' minds. I
also come from a very religious household, and after everything
that's happened, my parents are convinced that Karmel will come
after our family because of what I've done.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Oh my goodness, Hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Why don't we like I don't know what is he
gotta be the one.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Taking a hit. It just wasn't a match. It was
a match for his part, was a match on her part.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
He didn't want it either.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Yeah, let's let's find another family start over.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Breaking my promise to marry him, hurting someone's feelings, leading
him on, being ungrateful, and so on.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Okay, what are the politics? What are the politics here?
That's what I need to know.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
They wanted you to lead him on. They literally said,
just marry him and you'll get you'll fall in love later.
That's leading him on.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
It's literally running before crawling. It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
I personally think I did nothing wrong. Maybe I should
have rejected the arranged marriage proposal from the start, but
I'm sorry for only doing it after things got serious,
and honestly makes me sad that they truly believe this
and are now worried about our future. I just hope
it doesn't end up causing them too much stress. And
there are some comments, but yeah, you did nothing wrong, You.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Just got a different pace.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah, but there is an update comment one. I know
you were probably brought up in a way that you
would feel bad about this, but you were not to
blame at all. Do you what is best for you?
Your family doesn't carry the consequences of this. You do
in a few months, they'll be fine with your decision,
but if you go against yourself, you might never be
okay with it. So listen to yourself. You're doing the
(08:12):
right thing. Common two says, you'll never find out another
man like him. That's exactly the point. You've made the
right decision and saved yourself from many unhappy years. You
deserve to be happy. Comment three. You got your answer
when he refused to consider investing four months into a relationship,
but then ONTs forty years of commitment. Reply says, that's
how it works in arranged marriages. Sad, but the truth,
(08:34):
four to six months is the maximum time some families.
If they allow, we'll give you majority. You have to
make a decision within weeks to three months max. Crazy
and there is an update, but yeah, don't go through
with it.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Don't do it. I wish we had a friend that
does arrange marriages so we can ask how this is
because I don't know if I was a match maker. Yeah,
and I knew neither of them really vibe with each other. Yeah,
it would be a disservice to have that.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, Yet I feel like that would be bad for
your business. But it doesn't seem like it's there's not
a matchmaker involved, it's it's the two families.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Yeah, I recently watched the video essay about the cheating
culture in Japan and that marriages were a business affair
between families, and usually once they get married, they'd live
in separate households and the man would have mistresses and
the wife could have a partner. But if there's seeming
a partner that could be charged for it, the man
(09:30):
can get away with it, but the wife couldn't. And
that changed in nineteen forty two. Thus it's kind of
a new thing to be monogamous rather than like, you know, cheating.
So like some people's ideas about cheating, like most people
in Japan are like, you can't cheat at all, but
it's usually like what happens if your boyfriend cheats with prostitute.
They're like, eh, all right, it's like that's kind of
(09:51):
what's happened beforehand. So like that's the like conditioning there.
And I feel like with I don't know what this
culture is specifically, but if it's just between two families,
I feel like the system should change where you know,
arranged marriages could still happen but like it needs to
jive and everyone needs to be happy in this. I mean,
it shouldn't be a one sided relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Why would you not want your child to be happy?
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, and then resentment and relationship oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
I also don't think that arranged marriages are necessarily like that.
I think that there are a lot of instances where
arranged marriages work out really well because it's literally just
like a family being like, hey, I feel like this
person would be It's not a forced marriage. That's different.
Forced marriage bad, but like a ranged marriage. It's usually
just two people being like or two families being like, hey,
we got we know guys.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Yeah. The thing, the good thing that I've heard about
arranged marriages is your family knows you, yeah, and they
can find someone and usually.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Within your own culture, so you have a lot of
like cultural you know, sameness.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
And then not just setting you up with someone like
the way the families go about here bad. But other
ways it's like, oh yeah, guess who else I found
that likes the bicycle.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
But there is an update. I ended thing with my
ex fiance, but there was an arrangement we made at
the beginning of our relationship with him and his family.
Since he was already considering me as his bride and
the wedding was just the final step to formalize things,
he offered to pay for all my monthly tuition fees
until the end of the school year. My parents and
I accepted, since that's how things work in our culture.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Oh boy, you gotta pay that back somehow.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Now that we've broken up. He reached out to my
parents and told them that since he gave it his word,
he would still pay for my university expenses for the
rest of the semester. Oh dann, Wow, that's nice.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
I could see where he could be a little hurt.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Yer.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Yeah, I think it's really considerate and generous of him.
And since it was part of the original agreement my
parents accepted. They were like, yeah, well, I get I guess,
cause it's it's the agree we made the agreement. We
have to do it. It'd be rude to not accept,
but it would be rude to not join us.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
This is the old one, youps twitching in your thesis.
You better thank you him, You better for this person.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Yeah, thanks to my almost husband here on me anything
for the parents.
Speaker 5 (12:07):
It's always about the money, Yeah, and I feel like and.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
They're still you know, they're getting something out of it, so.
Speaker 5 (12:11):
Yeah, the fact that this is happening, they're like, oh wait.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Like anywhere else, we're not that about I guess.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Which is crazy.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, yeah, they were not mad anymore.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Now they're still pretty bad because they're like, we could
have the money way more rich.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
If it were up to me, I would have thanked
him and declined the offer, but I feel like I
don't really have a say in it. My family isn't
as wealthy as his, and it's going to help us
out financially, especially since I don't have a job yet.
But I'm also really conflicted and can't shake the feeling
that it's wrong. Even though he insists it's not about
that and he's just keeping his word, I feel like
I'm taking advantage of him. I'm not sure what to do.
(12:49):
Should I just accept it and move on, or should
I say something and comment one considering the man's feelings
towards you. That feels like this is a gift with
strings attached. That's what I think, But it also feels
like I don't know if you could even say no,
because this feels like more of a your family and
him decision. Unless it's going to make your family social parias,
I would politely decline. Opie says. It means I have
(13:12):
to convince my parents to refuse his help because the
money goes directly into their bank account. I'm not sure
if this is a gift with strings attached. He insists
it's purely about keeping his word to my parents and
has nothing to do with his feelings for me. But
at the same time, it's clear he's struggling with his feelings.
It's not exactly going to make them social parias, but
it would help them financially too.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Yeah, the family wanted a financial gain from this arrangement,
and they're getting it without you getting married to him.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I would decline, Well, I would do, but I don't
think it's really Opie's decision. Common two says it sounds
like trying to convince your parents is not going to work.
If you already told your ex that you feel it's
wrong to accept money from him, and he still wants
to pay for your schooling, then that's his choice. If
he tries to use it against you later. Please keep
screenshots of your conversation where you told them you do
(14:04):
not want him to pay for your schooling and remind
him that you did not want to accept his money.
I wish the best for you in this situation. No
one deserves to force love, and that is the end
of that story. But I agree, and I'm glad that
you did not go through with it, because that would
have been a bad decision.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
It would have not been good for anyone.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
But that's the end of that story. And we've got
another one coming right up.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
My father disguises his hurtful comments as jokes.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Ah, you're so funny.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
There's a trigger warning here for emotional abuse. My family
dynamic has always been a bit odd. My parents sixty
male and sixty five female, and I aren't super close
and we've never been in a very openly affectionate family,
which is fine. I do believe my parents love me
and care for me in their own way, and they've
been very financially supportive. They helped my partner male twenty four,
(14:57):
and I with buying a house by for the mortgage.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
By the way, yeah, that's that's a big deal. And
by the way, this comes from user crazy Bree Lady.
And if you want to submit your own stories. Go
to the r slash showcase story time subbred it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Riley, and I'm ke On and Op says, we're
not here because my parents are such lovely people. Though, no, no, no,
we're here because my dad is a bully. I have
(15:23):
a long history of furriction with my dad. He grew
up in a poor household and still carries shame insecurity
and resentment from that into adulthood, which translates into looking
down his nose at others outside of his work circles.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Dude, I've been at the receiving end of this.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
What just the guy who's like bagging Ma didn't have
no handouts and bagging my day. I had to freaking
wrestle bears for twenty cents.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
As a guy that runs off of words of affirmation,
getting this guy to tell me a good job was
as if he was shooting his own foot and he
couldn't do it.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Yeah, pulling teeth just it could have been better.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
I've had to deal with constant jabs about my emotional
stability and intelligence, which, when confronted, would suddenly become jokes
that I shouldn't take so seriously. If I pushed it
because I was just called a hysterical twit to my
face by my father. His mocking laughter would change to anger,
and I would be told I was being dramatic and
needed to stop being hysterical. It's a dance we've performed
(16:27):
hundreds of times. All right, I might hit you with
maybe a little bit of cold water here. It takes
two to tango, My guy, I understand your dad's being
immature and joking and poking at you, but guess what,
m you just stop acknowledging that conversation.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
You know what sucks? If you like throw it back
at him, he's gonna be so offended he cannot take
it right.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
That's why you just don't. You just in one ear
out the other, and when you stop reacting, he'll stop
doing it. Hundreds of times is too many times to
not get that, But it's hard with family. When I
started standing up for myself more, he began acting like
I was volatile and would tell people that I was
very feisty and opinionated. You'll want to tread carefully or
(17:08):
she might suddenly bite your head off. The jokes continued.
I'll be it more subdued, which brings us to yesterday's debacle.
My parents invited me and my partner out for lunch
and a walk in a nearby town. Everyone appeared to
be having a good time until we had a snag
over lunch where my dad kept loudly comparing my earrings
to cow tags. I responded that it's a good thing
(17:30):
I'm not a cow then, before turning back to my mom.
Eventually we headed home, which is where my partner let
me know that he'd prefer to keep a low profile
with my parents going forward because things had been said
about me. Initially, he didn't want to divulge what but
I dragged it out of him. Oh no, not the
parents actually sabotaging their daughter's relationship.
Speaker 6 (17:53):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
See, I'm cool with you talking crap in front of me,
but behind my back totally different thing. Totally different.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Apparently over lunch with me. In conversation on the other
side of the table, my dad told my partner that quote,
the more emotionally stable one of you two should get
their driver's license. I'm sure you know what I mean.
I took driving classes a few years ago, but had
to quit because I kept needing extra classes and ran
out of money. I haven't picked it back up because
(18:22):
I hate driving. Sounds like that's a good thing. I
don't have the money or space for a car, and
I can get around fine with public transportation. It might
not seem like a big deal in the grand scheme
of things, especially considering our past, but it hurts so
much to hear that. It crushed me that my dad
would insinuate not only that I'm too emotionally unstable to
function like a grown adult, but more than that, I
(18:43):
felt enraged and humiliated that he would make a comment
like that to my own partner. I'm not gonna lie
if you. If you need so much driving school that
you run out of money, you probably shouldn't be driving.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Jack as you got a pay for a car, pay
for gas, and pay for insurance.
Speaker 4 (18:59):
No, I'm not to be clear, because I don't want
it misunderstood. I'm saying you might be just so bad
at driving you should not do it.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
I don't think that's what would be saying.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
I think that is they took so many driving classes
they still did not pass. They ran out of money
for the driving classes.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
I thought it was I took the like took the
thing twice didn't get it, and then I was like
super busy with other classes that just haven't had money
to like do another class.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
No, I kept needing extra classes. I'm pretty sure it
means that you just kept they did not learn how
to drive, right.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yeah, I don't know. If you can get around without driving,
I say, do it. It is a little frustrating not
being able to drive. Ima depend on others to drive
you around.
Speaker 4 (19:41):
Depending on where you are. It's real doable, you know.
And yeah, it's like if I wanted to fly planes
and I failed plane flying class five times in a row,
I might reconsider flying planes. Just putting that out there, Yeah,
so to say it to my face is one thing,
But to drop that on my partner's head like that
(20:01):
in public, casually in conversation and expect him to smile
and not along is a whole different league. I bawled
my eyes out for over an hour. I ended up
calling my parents, who had visitors over at the time,
so I asked them to call me back, and I
briefly explained to my mom that I was very upset
about something my father said to my partner earlier that day,
(20:23):
and when my dad called me back, I asked him
to get my mom as well and put me on speaker.
I asked him if it was true that he said
this to my partner, and he hemmed and hawed, initially
said that he didn't remember what he said, and then
loudly proclaimed, oh, yeah, yeah, I remember I did say
something like that, but you have to understand it was
just a joke. My mom interrupted him to ask what
(20:43):
he meant by that comment and got upset with him.
I stated that I was absolutely not okay with being
spoken about this way, much less to my partner, which
led my father to first say, oh, well, sorry, and
then try to explain that it wasn't that serious and
he didn't mean it like that. It was taken out
of con text, and it's a commonly known joke in
society that women can't drive and are emotionally unstable.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
Haha, he's so funny.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
You're so funny, busting out the classics.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
Wow, everyone's laughing.
Speaker 3 (21:12):
Yeah, come up with some original content. Yeah, that's a stereotype, dude.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Let's get creative.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
This isn't a joke. This is you like throwing a
pass aggressive thing around.
Speaker 4 (21:23):
H Yeah, he's been an a hole. Want to hear
my joke? What's up? So the context for this story
time is that I was with my girlfriend at the time.
She's telling me a story about how her and her
friend from her mouth terrible drivers.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
She said it okay.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
She says they're both terrible drivers, and she's amazed that
they survived the road trip they went on. And then,
just as a joke, I put on like the count
voice from Sesame Street, and I said, what's worse than
one woman driver? Oo? Women driver? H h And she
did not like that joke.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Yeah, I feel like if someone brings up.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
But she said it up like that, sort of like
she gave she she teed me up. Yeah, she said
that they were terrible drivers, not me. I just played
into what she already established. But I had to learn
sometimes your girlfriends don't like your jokes.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Yeah, and like, if you want a joke, hey, hope,
you gotta start being a comedian. Back at daddyo, be
like when we can drive, and then you could be like,
well you think mayonnaise a spicy I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
I just hit him with something like dad, what's my
favorite color here? And then when he doesn't know, be like,
you're a great Dad, and then yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Here we go. Okay, Boomer, whatever you think Boomer called
him Boomer, Yeah, okay, Boomer be.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Like okay, weirdo, Okay, weird guy. Boom, You're so weird Dad,
You're weird guy.
Speaker 5 (22:43):
But do more taxes?
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, do more taxes? Go to a you know,
country club. I don't care.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Gork on your golf swing. You suck at it, Boom,
and then he'll be, Oh.
Speaker 4 (22:56):
I drove it in eighteen.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
The other day he broke it.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Eighteenth shot, he shot all in one.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Yeah, I didn't know what that was doing.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
Anyway, Cy the craziest lie I shot in eighteen shut up,
oh man. I reiterated that I don't appreciate being spoken
to or about that way, especially to my partner, and
that this is far from the first time this has
come up. At this point, I just didn't know how
(23:29):
much clearer I could make it that I was not
okay with being labeled an over emotional, unstable simpleton by
my own father. My dad also started getting upset, and
it culminated in him shouting down the phone that it
was all being massively overstated and being taken out of context,
and that he had already apologized and refused to do
it again, and then he hung up. My mother ended
(23:50):
up calling me back half an hour later, with the
first question out of her mouth being, well, what's actually
the problem with your father's comment here? Is it just
because it's not female friendly about the driver's license, because
I mean, let's be real, you're not really prime material
for driving, but I mean neither am I. I told
her that it was about the fact that my father
said something outrageously sexist about me, his own daughter, to
(24:13):
my partner, and insinuated that I am incapable of being
a functional adult because I'm a woman, and that this
is just the latest in a long history of him
talking to me this way. But now he had gone
much too far. She responded, Yes, my dad is a
sexist stuck in the fifties in that regard. But I
should know by now that that's just how my dad
is and I should learn to accept it. And actually
(24:36):
they felt that after all they had done for me,
I wasn't really being very appreciative. Honestly, did I appreciate
what they did for me at all?
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Ooh, so they gave you a house, like they figured
out your house thing with strings attached. Yikes, just because
you pay for something doesn't mean you get to say
what you do with my life anymore. Okay, okay, boomer, Okay.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
She said she understood where I was coming from, but
felt like I had taken it too far and it
had been very upsetting for my dad, so he would
be keeping his distance for a while, but her and
I could definitely still talk. I told her that I
was plenty appreciative of what they had done for me,
and I realized I was very lucky. But I sure
hope she agreed that I don't need to fall over
(25:22):
myself with gratitude for my dad's comments about me as
a person. This was met with some hemming and haweing
on her side, and then a sing song. Well, I
just hope we can all move past this soon. Anyway,
I'll be going good night. I'm just going to let
them stew if they want to apologize properly, the door
is always open, but they'll need to figure that out themselves.
In the meantime, I do have the overwhelming support in
(25:44):
love of my friends and my in laws, and my
partner is doing his very best to prop me up.
It has made me appreciate all the more how loved
and supported I am, truly, but God does it feel
lonely all the same, And we have an update. Looks
like it's a week later.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Yeah, sounds good to have everyone want to take some
time away from each other. Your dad definitely does have
a perspective on you and how he you know, he
should be received, how his uh, you know, he can
do whatever he wants and that should be okay because
he has money and he can throw money. You know,
his money and his problems. But the baseline of this.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
Is a lack of respect.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
Yeah, and he doesn't feel respected by you. You don't
feel respected by him. It's because of his actions, and
you're just you know what, you're mirroring his actions, Like
you're not gonna respect me. I'm not gonna respect you.
Why should I? And you're twenty four right?
Speaker 4 (26:31):
Yeah. I don't even think op's really being that disrespectful.
It's it's just more like a no this when you
say these things, I feel like you're attacking my character
to my partner.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Yeah, you're just.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Like saying things that make me look bad. Yeah, I agree,
Why why are you? Why would you do that? But
in the dad's eyes, He's like, you're being disrespectful.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I paid for this. I did this. It's a very
transactional relationship. I pay for you, I get to make
fun of you.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Yeah, and again that my all the way back to
the first thing I said in the story, stop doing this.
Don't be like you need to apologe what you said
was unaccepted. Just freaking move on. The weight of his
words should be like a feather upon you, because he
is just he is a doodoo brained sexist man stuck
(27:19):
in the fifties who doesn't see you as a you know,
fully fledged person. He just sees you as you know, yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
A woman. But this but this is her dad. That's
super hard to do, not taking what he says with
a you know, as a feather. I guess I'm almost like.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
After a what they've had this ten hundred times, So
that's how.
Speaker 4 (27:41):
And that's how you learn. I wouldn't expect you to
get it at you know, instance number ten.
Speaker 5 (27:45):
No, I remember, I was like that. My dad is
like that.
Speaker 6 (27:48):
I was like that too.
Speaker 5 (27:49):
Yeah. I feel like all our dads were like that.
We were all like that, We like, oh, your grandfather,
my father did this YadA, YadA, YadA, and you're like,
so you're gonna do what he did? All right?
Speaker 4 (28:00):
Good to note, Yeah, I don't know. I would like
I said I would. I think I would just go
back with like, just any information about yourself and see
if your dad knows it. It's like, dad, what what
is my Yeah, what's my favorite color? And he goes, oh,
how should I know that? They're your great dad?
Speaker 5 (28:16):
Yeah, you're like, well, my favorite color is red, great dad,
or should be read great dad? Aword like not blue.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
I mean, I guess we shouldn't be judging parents based
on if they know your favorite color.
Speaker 5 (28:24):
But it's like, yeah, it sounds like Opie's dad. All
they know is just how to be a bully and
not be a dad.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
We have an update. Well, ladies and gents. It's been
a week since everything went belly up in the family.
I've read all the comments that I received, the advice
and the support and the come to jesuses that I
desperately needed. First of all, I wanted to thank the
commenters for their input. It wasn't always easy to read,
but it's been a wake up call and it's giving
me strength to not buckle under the fog which brings
(28:51):
me to today all of half an hour ago, to
be precise. So last time, my dad hung up on me,
and I later received a phone call from my mom
or she let me know that he needed time because
this is very hard on him. I decided that if
he said he needed time and distance, that's fine, ask
and you shall receive. I didn't plan to reach out
for a while. I received a good night text from
(29:13):
my mom the day after, and my fiance received a
Happy Birthday the day after that. Both were responded to,
but politely but briefly. Somewhere during the past week, I
started writing a letter to my parents, outlining my issues
clearly and stating that the door was open if they
wanted to work on our relationship. I made it clear
that I did not find the way things were going
(29:33):
acceptable and that I wanted change in our dynamic. The
plan was originally to send it this Friday, but my
partner and I decided to give it another week, which
brings us to today. I received a message from my
mom asking how I've been. I sent back that the
past week has been rough. One would think that in
light of our last conversation, it would be clear why.
(29:54):
But apparently the hint didn't quite land, because I then
received a concerned message asking what was up? Did something happen?
Was it my work? After my eyeballs rolled into the
back of my head, I shot back that actually I
was very bothered by how our last conversation went. My
mom immediately called me, still concerned about if it was
something at my job. I'm sure it comes as a
(30:16):
surprise to precisely know one that my assessment that no,
it was the substantial falling out that we had just
one week ago that had me in a funk went
over about as well as a lead balloon. What followed
was a twenty minute defense that I was blowing this
out of proportion. They felt I wasn't listening to a word.
They said it was all just a joke and I
needed to just let it go. My very simple and
(30:37):
straightforward question of whether or not my father could promise
to henceforth keep his jokes to himself was apparently too
difficult to answer. He's John Og host.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
We don't get back to the stories, but a quick
three minute break of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
He's not gonna do it because he's gonna speak his mind.
Because he's a man and you should speak. It's his
way or the highway, is what I'm getting.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Yeah, it's conversations where it's like, you're not listening to us,
and we hear you, but we don't care what you say,
so we're not gonna listen to you. You need to
listen to us. We hear that you're upset by the
things your father says, but that would require him to change,
So we're not listening to you. You need to change
and be okay with the things that he says because
(31:20):
we're your parents, which is I don't know if anyone
else is picking this up, a real dumb way to
think about that from the parents. This is also when
I found out my father had been lurking in the
background the whole time. I ended up suggesting we dropped
the call because we were clearly getting nowhere, which they
agreed with. We have a little bit more story left.
Do we have any closing thoughts here?
Speaker 3 (31:42):
Hopefully you can take time away from him and there
won't be repercussions financially, there might be. Hopefully you're prepared
for that, but it seems like, oh, if you're not
gonna respect me, I'm not gonna pay for XYZ. Be
ready for that.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Yeah, me and my parents had a real contentious relationship
before I just stopped arguing. It's like, if the conversation
brought up something I knew we'd fight about, I just
did not have that conversation, and it works.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
That makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 4 (32:12):
You can't have an argument if half of the argument
decides to not engage. Argument doesn't happen. The fight can't
happen if you completely disengage from it, you know, and
you know, you just have to come to expect. My
dad's gonna try to pull some stuff like that, and
you go, oh, yeah, I guess I'm a big dumb woman. Haha,
funny joke. I'm a big stupid idiot. Dad. Thanks, And
(32:35):
then you move on and he goes, oh, was that
upset you? You go, no, I don't care. That was hilarious.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Yeah, in a sense of protection of the dad's words.
Hope you feel was violated by that. But the dad's
not always poking jokes. Was the last time you said
I'm proud of you? Was the last time you said
I love you?
Speaker 4 (32:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:52):
I actually knew this girl in college. She grew up
like this where her parents always joked at her. She
was very good at what she did. She was very
good at school, and her career is super good. But
when it came to her own relationships, she you know,
kind of haddad issues and would look for like, you know,
not the best kind of guys and not the most
healthy relationships because it wasn't I guess a model for
(33:14):
her in her own life, and it's it really was
hard for her. And I'm not a friend anymore, but
it was it was tough watching for sure.
Speaker 4 (33:22):
Yeah, that's why Just be be nice empathetic people to
your children.
Speaker 5 (33:28):
Yeah yeah, I'm just waiting for like not saying if
or you know, it's gonna happen. But when he comes
to the terms of like, oh I heard some of her,
I heard her feelings. I'm the bad guy. Now I'm
the victim. Oh yeah, it's gotta it's be like I'm
a terrible father and you're like, you know what, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Yeah, yeah, I'm glad you can see that now.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
And then you're gonna be you hurt my feelings and
you're like, what have you been doing the last twenty
four years?
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Yeah? Pulling the actually all you do stuff ways, because
just the fact that you're or is really too much
for me, so I have to take a step back.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I'm super lame, low Ei, Yeah, well we are.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
He's also got probably the probably pull the financial card
where he's like, I'm such a good father. I paid
for all of this, I paid for your education, I
did this, I bought you this the house, and you're like,
all right, that's half of being the parent is helping out.
Speaker 4 (34:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well let's finish this story, shall we shall.
I have since received another message from my mom saying
that they really hoped I could let it go, and
that my father had said sorry. I asked if that
meant he would stop with the jokes, and actually received
a response, this time saying that yes, that's what he said,
(34:43):
which is not what he said, but whatever. I haven't
responded to the last message, and at this point I
am not entirely sure how to proceed. I have decided
that I'll stick to low contact for the foreseeable future,
that I'll be working on paying off any and all
debts I have with them, and that any gifts or
offers of gifts will be politely turned down in the future.
Anybody else hearing the Benny hilltoon in the back of
(35:06):
their head, and that is the end of that story.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
Is there an update on this? Let me check, dude, o'
pe good luck it's if there is an update. Dad
can't did not take it well, Ei. His emotional intelligence
is very low, dude. It is so hard dealing mama Ei.
Speaker 6 (35:25):
EI is low.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It's so hard dealing with men with low emotional intelligence
because they they do not know how to form their
words or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (35:33):
Dude.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
I used to work with these guys. They would just
talk talk at me for hours. They we would sit
down for dinner. They wouldn't even eat their dinner. That's
how much they talk. It was exhausting.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Yeah, the dinner just gets cold while they speak.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Yes, nothing you got to say is that important? Boss, chief,
And all you would do was talk.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
He wouldn't work, he wouldn't I'm so glad I was
out of that talking.
Speaker 5 (35:56):
No update.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
Having a meal put in front of me is one
of the only things that makes me show up.
Speaker 5 (36:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Yeah, uh, we got another story, guys. My mother demanded
I spy on my father's new family.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
I spy with my little lie. Who's that guy?
Speaker 3 (36:12):
My mother told me she can never trust me again
because I'm my father's daughter. At one sentence ruined our relationship.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
As it should.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
By the way, this comes from Okay Mix eighty two
and if you want to your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay stories. I'm Subreddit, I'm Riley.
Speaker 4 (36:26):
I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
No p says for context, I'm female thirty seven. My
dad left the family for another woman he had been
cheating on with my mom for a year in twenty thirteen.
We were all super close growing up, and this happened
about three months after my now ex husband proposed to me.
It shocked us all to our course, and I remember
screaming at my dad everything you taught me was a
(36:50):
lie for about ten minutes and generally being hysterical. Two
days after this, my mom said those words that would
haunt our relationship forever. My sister is my full sister
three years younger. That sentence was kind of the beginning
of the end of my relationship with my mother. I
buried it at the time, but over the years, my
mom and I's relationship began to gradually deteriorate, while at
(37:13):
the same time I began to incrementally allow my father
back into my life. He and I had many talks
about what he did, and he took as much responsibility
as he could for how it affected me. He never
pushed into building a relationship with me. He allowed me
to guide that and we have been able to get close.
He married the woman he left my mom for, and
(37:35):
she's actually a lovely person who also allowed me to
guide our relationship and how I wanted to interact with her. Honestly,
if you cheat on someone, you better to be marrying them,
you have to.
Speaker 4 (37:46):
I guess that's that's the logical it would It would
be like, well, you know, like if your sports team
loses to somebody, but then they won the Super Bowl,
You're like, well, at least you know, well we weren't
the only ones the lost, right like they they were
going all the way. Yeah that yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
Also, you know how conflicting it is having Aaron Rodgers
on the Steelers. Why I don't know what to do
with myself.
Speaker 6 (38:09):
Are you a Steelers fan?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
I'm a Packers fan, and I love Aaron Rodgers, and
I don't want to be a Steelers fan, but I
think I might.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
Have to you can't be a Steelers fan.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
I might have to.
Speaker 4 (38:17):
Those don't exist.
Speaker 5 (38:18):
And Michael Parsons come on, huh you have Micah Parsons though.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
We got DK, we got DK metcalf two.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 6 (38:26):
Packers are winning the Super Bowl this year?
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Uh no, no, no Steelers. DK's on the Steelers. Oh okay,
yeah they're winning.
Speaker 4 (38:32):
No did, Steelers aren't winning anything. Okay, Steelers are gonna
go nine to eight?
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Godamn? Okay, sorry sorry sorry. So in the meantime, my
mom just kept talking about how she hoped my dad
would pass away and how awful he is. Fast forward
a few years, my ex husband decided he didn't want
to be married to me anymore. They told me one
month before I had have a hysterectomy at thirty years old.
He said I gained weight and couldn't love a woman
(38:57):
my size. By the way, I did not have his
directed me for fun. I was dealing with major issues
from indometriosis. Indie metriosis month is in May? Is that right?
Speaker 6 (39:08):
I think it's metriosis has a month.
Speaker 3 (39:10):
It does.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
We gave it a whole month, We gave it a home.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Where were you that month?
Speaker 4 (39:13):
I guess it was. Every day was enshrining andrometriosis. We're
just bringing light to it.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
Yeah, every day? Is it April or May?
Speaker 5 (39:21):
March?
Speaker 3 (39:22):
I was about to say March, but everyone March's inter.
Speaker 4 (39:25):
Yeah, well, at least you found out your husband is sucks.
Speaker 5 (39:28):
Also, who says like I'm gonna have a hysterectomy just
for funzies?
Speaker 3 (39:33):
She said she didn't do it for fun.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
No, no, no, yah.
Speaker 5 (39:36):
Maybe it was just like a play on words. But
like I know, I just thought I didn't almost like
you're having that for fun.
Speaker 4 (39:42):
Just didn't want my uterus anymore.
Speaker 6 (39:43):
Thought it'd be fun if I got rid of it.
Speaker 4 (39:45):
Just didn't want that.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
I have a weird idea of what you will look
like in the table, and I don't know what it
looked like. Just looks like an organ, but I'm looking
at an organ like your skin. Ah help me. I
didn't get much sleep last night, and everyone my origin anyways, apologies.
I couldn't get out of bed for days on end
(40:06):
because of how much pain I was in, so working
out was out. My ex didn't cook. He reheated chicken
wings and fed me those along with energy drinks. Oh no,
wonder I gained so much weight. Anyways, I ended up
moving in with my mom and my sister, who was
married and her husband lives in the house too. He
and my sister live in the fully furnished basement, complete
with kitchenette and a full bathroom. I took the spare
(40:28):
room upstairs, across from my mom's main bedroom. The house
they live in is very nice and in a small
town in Wisconsin. Meta we were just talking about the backers.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
A small town named Green Bay.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
They are definitely she's heads. When I moved in December
of twenty eighteen, my mom immediately wanted to put me
in the loc for her business, but I told her
I wanted to wait. This is a tax thing. She
could get probably up to twelve thousand dollars a year
tax right off.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
Do it?
Speaker 3 (40:54):
Because what because you're a dependent or probably a dependent,
and also a family. I had given up my dream
property with my custom horse barn, lost my husband, and
was still facing having a womb removed. I was not
sure what I wanted to do, but that really upset
my mom. She didn't say much, but I think we
all know what a pursuing of the lips mean. She
(41:17):
also told me I was not allowed to contact my
father while under her roof, so I would go on
long drives with my dogs and hike and talk to
my dad during my days off, and he was concerned
about the surgery and how I was doing with the divorce.
Fast forward to recovering from surgery January of twenty nineteen,
which takes six to eight weeks as it's a major
(41:39):
abdominal surgery. I was not allowed to even drive, so
I would sneak text to my dad at night to
keep him updated on how I was recovering. After the
first week, my mom started making noise about me not
doing enough around the house. I told her I was
still really sore and wanted to try and take it slow,
and she didn't seem to like that.
Speaker 4 (41:59):
But with it, Yeah, ma, I only had an organ
yanked out of my body. Sorry, I'm not as spry
on my feet as I usually am.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Sorry.
Speaker 4 (42:10):
Yeah, dude, that.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Is crazy, dude. We just need more grace for people.
We lived in a graceless world.
Speaker 6 (42:19):
You're pretty graceful.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
You are hell yeah you are me?
Speaker 3 (42:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (42:24):
Really, I think dancing through the rain drops.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
You just singing a song to me, A song oh,
I thought it was is it?
Speaker 4 (42:31):
I've heard that before.
Speaker 6 (42:31):
I don't know where that's from.
Speaker 3 (42:33):
That's what I thought it was a song. So soon
after she started lecturing me about how she didn't get
any help, which she had her gallbladder removed and still
had to carry me and my sister around the house.
She did this at the dinner table one night, and
I got mad and told her maybe she wouldn't have
so many health issues if she had listened to her
doctors and forced my father to help her out. More boom,
(42:55):
my sister chimed in siding with my mother, so I
began to cry my sister husband got up and left
the table at that point, which bothered my sister enough
to finally get her off my back. I went to
my room and cuddled my dogs. This was four weeks
after surgery. A few days later, my mom asked me
to carry cases of wine from the basement to her
truck so she could take them to her work for inventory.
(43:19):
I told her I would not be able to do
that yet, as I still wasn't allowed to drive. It
became another fight. Why don't she want you to do
so much stuff? Does she not understand how much recovery
time you need? Do you not understand she had her
freaking gallbladder removed? Oh, and she still had to carry
those babies around. So if I had to suffer, you
better believe I'm gonna make you suffer twice as bad,
(43:40):
because that's just what any good.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Mom would do in this situation.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
You need to put interest on it.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
Yeah, right, my suffering has a crude interest. Get over here,
get I need to freaking give you an upper cut
to the abdomen.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Is there anything else she could have done? Also, the
sister's husband can he not help? I don't know. This
is weird. I do not like this.
Speaker 4 (43:58):
She's just antin um mean lady. She's a mean lady.
Any parent who's like actively telling their kid after they've
had a divorce that it's like your dad's evil and
you should hate him, and I hate him and he's
the worst blah blah blah blah blah. It's just a
despicable thing to do to your kid. Let your kid
decide how they feel about their parents, you know, says I.
Speaker 3 (44:23):
Started feeling really guilty, so I gave her money to
redo the flooring in her basement and in the guest
room and cover the new paint for both areas, and
bought her a few nice things around the house. I
spent around two to three thousand dollars to try to
keep the peace. Once I was healed, I decided to
get a job at a horse farm. Tell me lose
some weight. I still had some money on my savings account,
and while I knew it wasn't going to pay well,
(44:46):
I needed the mental comfort of being around horses again
since mine were still with my ex. I've been with
horses since I was three. I used the money in
my sizeable savings to help pay for food and whatever
else my mom needed, and spent my time gaining my
strength back mentally physically at the horse barn. But my
mother and sister were pissed at my choice of jobs
(45:06):
and kept telling me I needed to get back into
my profession. I told them I wasn't ready. They didn't
like that answer. Sounds like you gotta move, man. Can
you live with your dad? Is that a possibility?
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (45:19):
You I don't know, man. Sounds like the mom is
the worst, Yeah, parent, even though your dad didn't have
the custody.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Yeah, it doesn't seem like your mom is understanding where
you're coming from. If you're going through a divorce and
just had a huge lost your house and then had
a huge surgery, go work at a horse farm.
Speaker 4 (45:37):
Go fish out horses. Did If your daughter loves horses
and she's working at the horse farm recovering from a hysterectomy,
just let her work at the horse farm. Do fist
she has?
Speaker 6 (45:47):
Are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (45:47):
I don't know, this is weird.
Speaker 4 (45:49):
Hey, it's Sean here.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with the aswer More sponsors.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
The breaking point came a couple of months later, July
twenty nineteen, when my sister and her husband decided to
get pregnant on purpose. I wasn't sure how I felt
about it. I mean, just lost my ability to carry
a child, but kept quiet about it. A couple weeks later,
August twenty nineteen, they announced they were pregnant. I began
to internally panic while congratulating them. The timing felt cruel
(46:16):
where I was still recovering from losing my ability to
have children and my sister was flaunting her pregnancy in
front of me every day. I feel like that's your
perspective on it. I don't know. Maybe she was, but
I don't think she got pregnant on purpose. They probably
wanted kids.
Speaker 4 (46:30):
And yeah, I could feel like flaunting, but it's like
that also could definitely happen where it's like, you know,
like if somebody loses a relative and then you're around
them and all you do is go, oh, I hung
out with my relative. I hung out with this relative
all week, all day, all whatever, and it was so great.
Oh my god, my Relti's coming intown. Oh they're moving here,
blah blah blah. It's like you should have the wherewithal
to know, like, maybe don't talk about that so much.
(46:53):
Even though it's a good thing in front of this person,
it's not a very you know, tactful thing to be discussing.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
I was hanging around someone that their girlfriend has recently
cheated on them. I was about them and like, oh,
I'm getting call from my girlfriend. But I was like,
I got a call coming.
Speaker 5 (47:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
Yeah, it's a crazy story.
Speaker 6 (47:12):
Oh my gosh, it does sound a little sounds a
little juicy.
Speaker 3 (47:16):
Dude, I'll give you. Yeah, he's gonna run a red
a story. Okay, So I started throwing out resumes and
decided to throw a couple out to California near my
dad just to see what happened, and sure enough, a
business in California likes me, and I decided to go
there and move out. I was not dealing with my
sister's pregnancy well, and I was not dealing with my
mother very well. Of course, she and my sister got
(47:36):
angry I was leaving, but I couldn't handle being there anymore.
They get mad at you for having a job, they
get mad at you for out helping out, they get
mad at you for leaving.
Speaker 4 (47:43):
You can't do anything.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
I moved to California within the month, and my relationship
with my mom and sister has just fallen apart since
twenty nineteen. Now, my mom demands I spy on my
dad and give her information about how much money he
makes and his relationship status with my step mom, and
when I don't do that, she could be all right
every single time, and my sister does the same thing.
We got into a huge fight last month where my
(48:06):
sister told me I just abandoned him, and my mom
got pissed once again because I won't spy on my
dad for her. My sister blocked my phone and blocked
me on all of our socials. My mom hasn't blocked
me yet, but I'm not calling her either. Dude, so weird.
Speaker 4 (48:23):
It's like, what do you want op to do?
Speaker 3 (48:26):
Huh, nothing's gonna make you happy. This is the best call, Opie. Uh,
I'm proud of you for doing this. Moving to California
has changed many of our lives. Has definitely changed two
thirds of the people in this room's lives.
Speaker 5 (48:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (48:37):
One guy was just born here.
Speaker 3 (48:39):
Yeah, he just spawned here.
Speaker 5 (48:40):
What's up?
Speaker 3 (48:41):
He just didn't have to drive as much? Were you
born here?
Speaker 5 (48:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (48:45):
You questioned were you conceived here?
Speaker 5 (48:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (48:49):
That's that.
Speaker 5 (48:49):
That's what I wanted to know, was I I'm pretty
sure I was. No, I have a question.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
We want to know every I don't want your conception
kean yep?
Speaker 5 (48:59):
Where I was born in Cedars Sinai in Beverly Hills.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
How what was the rank of the conception Hetiti.
Speaker 5 (49:09):
One month early?
Speaker 4 (49:10):
One ghost out of ten?
Speaker 3 (49:12):
Yeah. Anyways, so the irony isn't lost on me. My
mom said she couldn't trust me because I'm my father's daughter,
but now she wants me to betray that same father
to prove my loyalty to her, It'll never be enough.
Obi she wants me to become the spy she always
feared I would be, except working for her instead of him.
It's like she's turning me into the worst possible version
(49:33):
of myself of what she accused me of being or
her somos is that my sister, who I thought would
understand what it felt like to be got in the
middle of our parents' mess, has completely turned against me.
She has chosen sides in a war I never wanted
to find. Every conversation with either of them becomes an
interrogation about Dad's life, and when I refuse to participate,
(49:55):
I become an enemy. I keep thinking about that moment
when my mom first said she couldn't trust me. I
was just as devastated by Dad's this betrayal as she was,
maybe even more so because I had put him on
such a pedestal. But somehow, in her mind, sharing his
DNA made me complicit in his crimes. That accusation planted
a seat of doubt that grew into this monster of
(50:16):
resentment and suspicion that's now consumed our entire family. Ah.
The truth is, I'm not spying for anyone. I'm not
choosing sides in their divorce. I'm just trying to have
conversations with the people I love, even if they've hurt
each other. But apparently that's not allowed in my family.
You're either completely loyal or you're a trader. There's no
(50:37):
middle ground for forgiveness or healing or just trying to
move on. So here I am in California, thousands of
miles away from the drama, but still somehow drowning in it.
My phone buzzes with angry texts from my mom demanding
updates on dad's finances. Even if he had updates on
his finances, you're not going to get any of it, right.
Speaker 4 (51:00):
You should be like, he has no money. You should
be like, we're actually all standing on the corner right now, begging.
That's what that's actually what he does all day. He uh,
And he goes to the golf course and he drinks
the water in the pond there because he can't get
any water any other way.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
You can make an AI video of him doing all
that stuff and she'll believe it.
Speaker 4 (51:18):
M Yeah, just be like, yeah, he actually, like I
don't know, he goes around to restaurants and he asks
for their used sponges and he eats those. He's disgusting.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
He's a cereal SpongeBob eater and I should have listened
to you. But I'm gonna stay here, and I'm gonna.
Speaker 4 (51:34):
Stay here to take care of him because he eats
a lot of sponges and it takes a lot of
work to keep him alive.
Speaker 5 (51:42):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (51:43):
My sister posts passive aggressive social media updates about family loyalty.
Then I can't even see anymore because she's blocked me everywhere.
I'm left wondering if the problem is really them or
broken as I think.
Speaker 4 (51:55):
I know, the problem is your mom, and she clearly
poisoned your sister to such a level that she's like,
I don't know. You guys are having like a Game
of Thrones style like house war, and it's like it's
not that important.
Speaker 3 (52:09):
Keani got anything nothing, not them anything else.
Speaker 4 (52:13):
Yeah, I mean no, clearly, you're not crazy. Your Your
mom's trying to make you spot when did they get divorced,
Like twenty thirteen, and this story is recent, so it's
been like ten years. It's been a decade. She's asking
you to spy on him financially she's a loser.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Yep, she needs to move on. Basically, my mom and
sister hate me, and I'm trying to figure out if
I'm the problem. Did I abandon them when they need
to be most? Am I betraying my mom by having
a relationship with my dad? Or am I just a
scapegoat for all the pain and anger and nobody knows
how to process the worst part is that I miss him.
I missed the family we used to be before everything
fell apart. I missed my sister's laugh and my mom's
(52:52):
terrible cooking and the way we used to gang up
on Dad when he told us his awful dad jokes.
But that family doesn't exist anymore. I don't know if
it ever will again. Huh that was a crazy end to.
Speaker 4 (53:04):
Do that one. Well, I mean, yeah, I don't think
it will because your mom is seems pretty dead set
on not yeah that exists.
Speaker 3 (53:12):
And op, you're in a transitional state. You you have
gone through a divorce, you have changed houses, You're in
a transitional season and focusing on settling in this new
place in California. I think it's best because a lot
of people go to California for opportunities and it's usually
turns out great. So you're not You're down. You're down
right now. But the only way up is the only
(53:33):
thing to go is up. You're gonna go up for now. One,
it's easy. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (53:36):
The moment that you like are going through a procedure
like that, like a hysterectomy and then reckoning with all
that that includes. And your mom is anything short of
just like supportive and understanding. Yeah, she's a she's she's
a bad she's bad for that. Yeah, she is bad.
She's a bad mom for that. Yeah, agreed, because a
(53:57):
good mom would be nothing. But like what you need,
I'm sorry, Take as long as you need to recover.
Take as long as you need.
Speaker 3 (54:04):
Yeah, I'll get someone else to get the wine from downstairs.
Speaker 6 (54:07):
Everything's gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay.
Speaker 3 (54:10):
Here's some snacks.
Speaker 6 (54:11):
Take your time, take it back to normal, Sez.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
Here's a cute dog video I found.
Speaker 6 (54:16):
Yeah, instead, she's like.
Speaker 4 (54:17):
Get the wine, wench, wake up, wake up. It's it's
go down to the basement o' clock and get me
my wine o'clock.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Yeah tough, but guys, guys, let's the end of that story.
Thanks for watching. If you love us. Make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 4 (54:34):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
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