My father REFUSED to walk me down the aisle… because of his new daughter! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts. We have some great stories coming up, but.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Before that, we have a quick two minute break from
the sponsors that keep the show alive. My father refused
to walk me down the aisle because of his new daughter.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Well you need a new father, boom.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
I thirty female, am getting married in about a month
to my best friend, thirty five male. I did not
grow up knowing my dad fifty five male very well
as him and my mom divorced when I was an infant.
He remarried and had several kids with his new wife,
who hates my very existence. By the way, this comes
from user throwaway Dad Wedding four hundred and if you

(00:38):
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime subreaded. So there was a lot of
hurtful things done when I was growing up. It's not
like not being allowed in her house when I visited.
That led me to be estranged from my father. He
never really made much of an effort, but after I

(00:59):
was eighteen, I completely cut him off for my mental
health and stopped answering the few calls he attempted to make.
He tried to get into contact every once in a
while over the years, but I honestly just ignored him.
I was hurt and angry, and about a year ago
I got back into contact with some extended family on
his side and have been forging a good bond with

(01:19):
all of them. I invited them all to our wedding
and they have been amazing. Eventually, I started speaking with
my dad as well background Christmas, and it was tense
at first, but I decided.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
To just give him a chance.

Speaker 2 (01:32):
We have slowly been getting a semblance of a relationship back,
and I saw him in person with my fiance a
couple months ago. His wife is not pleased at all,
and apparently their kids, who are my half siblings, all adults,
are also upset about it. I think there were threats
of divorce, but my dad still decided to go to

(01:52):
my wedding. After a ton of thought, I asked my
dad if he wanted to walk me down the aisle,
as I have been hopeful for a better relationship, but
he turned me down.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Wow, I just wow, Like you ask him and that wow,
that'd be like immediately the biggest red flag of all time.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
If I had a kid with someone else and then
had like a new partner and we're married, and they're like,
by the way, hate him, Yeah, be like.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
You can't do that. Yeah, goofy. What do you think
I'm gonna do stay with some one who hates my daughter? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (02:23):
No. I wouldn't be as upset if he gave a
generic excuse, But he told me his wife and his
other daughter requested he does not walk me down the aisle,
as that is reserved for his other daughter and not me.
I am super hurt and not even sure what to
reply to that with. He offered to stay at the front.

(02:43):
He offered to stand at the front and give me
away instead, but that isn't what I want.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
My fiance thinks we should.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Uninvite him and move on, but I'm not sure if
that is the best course of action. He's coming from
out of state with the rest of his family, so
he already bought a plane ticket and hotel room. Part
of me thinks to just politely turn him down, have
him as a regular guest, and then just stop talking
to him again after the wedding. My mom isn't coming
to my wedding because she lives really far away, so

(03:10):
I don't really have any other immediate family coming. I'm
not sure what the best course of action is, and
the wedding is getting super close, so I have to
make a decision soon.

Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm so your mom's not coming to the wedding because
she lives really far away, Like does she live in
the South Pole? Like unless she does not have the
funds to do it, which you know that's possible, but like,
I feel like most parents would move heaven and earth
to be at their child's wedding. She's taken ice core
samples in the South Pole. Edit.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
While this post is blown up, thank you all so
much for the advice and comforting words to answer some
questions I'm seeing. No, his wife and my half siblings
are not attending the wedding. I invited them, but they
won't even meet me, let alone go to the wedding.
He has two sons and a daughter with his new wife,
all in their twenties. I'm not sure if my dad

(03:58):
cheated on my mom with my step mom. My mom,
through all her faults, never actually said a bad word
about him. He did marry my stepmom by the time
I was two years old, though, so there wasn't much
time in between marriages. They are also very Christian in
the worst way, as they don't really follow what they
claim to believe. My mom cannot fly as she has

(04:19):
panic attacks.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Ah, there it is.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
She also is actually a worse parent than my dad
in a lot of ways.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, she's She's like, well, I
can't fly to come see your wedding, so so Ari
And she's like, probably in I don't know, Arizona.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, I have no other male relatives to walk me
down the aisle. I also never wanted him to give
me away, as I think that is dumb. I just
wanted my dad to act like my dad for one moment,
my fiance and I decided to walk down the aisle together,
as one of you suggested.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
So that part is settled. Wait, that's so cute. Yeah,
like they should have done that the whole time. Yeah,
that's nice.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
I'll update everyone once I decide what to do, and
if there's any response and there's an update.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Update, what do you think? So? I think that's a
great idea. It seems like your parents aren't very cool.
I think that your dad is strange for putting his
new family over you know, the desires and needs of
his daughter current daughter, like just because he has a

(05:27):
new family doesn't mean that you're you know, you should
be replaced or forgotten. And then your mom, I don't
know what's gone in with your mom. Mom's some something.
It sounds like mom needs her own posts. Yeah. Probably Yeah.
I would say though, even if you don't want your
dad to you know, be there at the end to
give you away or something. I think you can have

(05:48):
that conversation with him if you haven't already, of saying
like why it hurt you so much that he's refusing
to like walk you down the aisle, Yeah, and say like, hey,
I get that your new wife and your new daughter
don't like this, but you know I am your daughter. Hello.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
Everyone just wanted to start by saying thank you so
much for your kind words and advice on my original post.
It made me feel so much better. We had an
amazing wedding and honeymoon. Everything went really well. My husband
wants to thank everyone who said some form of listen
to your fihanse.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Ha ha.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
I bet he wants to thank everyone for that. I'll
start with what happened right after my last post. I
did uninvite my dad. I uninvited him from my wedding.
The whole interaction was too hurtful to let go of.
Before telling him I was uninviting him, I spoke with
my aunt Slash, his sister Sandy in her fifties, who

(06:44):
was furious at her brother for what he said to me.
She has been a great support of me and my husband,
which has been amazing.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Honestly. After I sent my dad an.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
Email detailing how hurtful he had been and that he
was uninvited, Sandy called him and he yelled at him
for being a bootius Maximus. He replied to my email
with a bunch of nonsense deflection about how he has
to make sure both sides are happy, but apparently told
Sandy and not me, that he was sorry and that
it was a miscommunication. He claims to Sandy that he

(07:17):
was only trying to negotiate with me and that he
would have walked me down the aisle if that was.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
What I really wanted.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
I highly doubt that my mother in law, who is
extremely conservative and religious, actually said my dad needed to
grow some huevos, which shocked literally everyone. I replied to
him that I stood firm in my decision to uninvite
and to not contact me again until after the wedding,
but that if he did contact me at all, it

(07:44):
better be with the understanding that he needs to be
present in my life the same way he is for
his other kids. Otherwise, don't reach out again. Around this time,
right before the wedding, I called my mom and asked
her about what really happened with her and my dad
when I was a baby, because she never talked about
it with me growing up. Unlike my dad and stepmom,
my mom never once said anything bad about my dad

(08:06):
to me. She was always neutral and positive about him,
which I have since thanked her for as it let
me come to my own conclusions about what a butt
hole he is. My mom and I had a good
cry about everything, and she let me know how harmful
and awful my dad was to her when I was
a baby. After they split up, I also found out

(08:27):
that he married his new wife when I was less
than a year old, which is insane considering my parents
were still one hundred percent together the day I was born.
Sandy swears up and down that she introduced my dad
and stepmom to each other after my parents split as
they stepmom and Sandy were classmates in college. I don't
really care either way at this point. It's just interesting

(08:49):
to see how no one has a clear idea of
what happened. My thought is that they were cheating and
then used Sandy to introduce them to cover up their behavior.
Keep in mind, they are all very Christian quote unquote,
even though they clearly don't follow any of their teachings.
I didn't hear anything from my dad during the wedding,
and Sandy and all her family still came. We all

(09:13):
had a blast and everyone was so happy for us.
The pictures turned out great, and there isn't anyone in
them that I wish I could photoshop out, so I
definitely knew on inviting my dad ended up being the
best decision I could make. I talked to Sandy about
my dad over the holidays, and she said that him
and his wife and kids were refusing to go to
any family dinners or parties because they're upset that everyone

(09:36):
else talks to me.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
What are they talking about? What thero upset that your
family talks to you? Who do they think they are?

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Like?

Speaker 1 (09:44):
On a real level, I don't want anyone to talk
to my husband's previous child, even though they're related to her.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
I have been in regular contact with Sandy, my uncle Jerry,
and all of their kids, which makes my stepmom betrayed.
Sandy is pissed at her because they used to be friends,
but never understood what her issue was with me.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
I found out my stepmom.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Treated me like crap the second she had her first kid,
when I was still a toddler, which probably doesn't surprise anyone.
I didn't hear from my dad all through December, but
finally in late January, I got a random email from him.
He sent a long email blaming me for him not
being in my life, telling me his wife and kids
are more important, but that we need to still be

(10:28):
in each other's lives. Just pick a lane, dude. He's
trying to, like, not be the bad guy in any sense.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
No, he's trying to blame it on everyone else. He's like, No,
I never said that. I wouldn't walk her down the
aisle if she really wanted me to, I would. Oh,
why aren't you in my life? You're not making enough
for or I want to be in your life. It's
like you have actively been pushing your daughter away and
letting your wife and stepdaughter push or new daughter push
her away. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
I mean, I hate that this is hurting uh Opie.
But I do love that it seemed like this guy
who was kind of a scumbag in while with Opie's
mom is now with someone who is just like a
completely negative force.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
In his life that he cannot escape.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
Love that for him.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Hate that it's hurting op though that he's such a
spineless little jellyfish. It was the most bs email he
had sent me so far and completely disregarded my wishes
Back in October, when I told him to not contact
me unless he was going to treat me like his
actual child, I ended up not responding and just blocked
his email. I also told Sandy to not share any

(11:35):
of the pictures or videos from the wedding with him,
and to not talk about me with him. I think
this will be the end of the relationship with him,
since he clearly is incapable of being a parent to me.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
There's a little bit left do this story before we
do it. I think you've made the right decision with
your dad in placing that boundary, but also saying like,
if you show up for me as a dad and
start treating me like a daughter. Maybe this will change,
but right now now.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Now, Yeah, that was a great, like hard line to
set that he could not follow. Yeah, but you're like, yeah,
just don't even bother talking to me if you're not
going to just be my dad. Yeah, And then he
of course talks to you by being like, well, not
really going to be your dad, but I'll be like
your dad friend, but like you're worthless to me. Sex
just want to let you know if it came between

(12:22):
you and my other kids, I would literally hurl you
into the.

Speaker 1 (12:26):
Depths of outer space. Yikes.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
So not really a sustainable relationship there. I feel a
lot more at peace with everything that happened, and I
am completely okay with how it all turned out. One
commenter on my original post said something along the lines
of not knowing if my dad would have been a
bad parent since he wasn't around, and that really has
stuck with me thinking about it now. He probably would
have been even worse had he actually been in my life. Unfortunately,

(12:52):
both of my parents are emotionally stunted. But I made
good use of the life that was handed to me
and will hopefully break the cycle with my own kids
one day, and I didn't mention my last post that
my husband and I are going to be moving to
the same state as my family in the next year.
I was worried at first being close to my dad,
but honestly, he and his bitter wife and kids can

(13:12):
do whatever they want. I'm just going to live my
life how I want to. We were planning on moving
to this state before I ever got back in contact
with my family, so we'll continue to do what is
best for us. Anyway, Thank you again, kind redditors. You
really help me not feel sad or upset for my
wedding day.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
And that's the end of that story. There you can
a published mission impossible. Reddit saved your word. I read it.
You did a good job. Again. Surprisingly, I told my
parents I'm moving out if they don't do something about

(13:51):
my brother. How funny would this be if this is
just caanaan able. I twenty five male, live with my
parents at a very expensive city stay in the three
bedroom high rise. My mom recently decided she wanted to
move to the city because she was tired of living
in the country. I agreed to move with them because
this city has many software engineering jobs. I was able

(14:12):
to get a high paying job and make six figures.
My mom and dad are school teachers and their combined
income is just under what I make. By the way,
this comes from Plastic Assistant twenty one and if you
once smit your own stories, go to the r slash
okay story toe i'me separate it. So, my brother James
and his wife Mary had originally stayed in our old state,

(14:32):
but once she found out she was pregnant, my mom
and dad invited them to move into our house. I
work from home sometimes and pay seventy five percent of
the bills and mortgage, so the spare bedroom was my office.
My brother and his wife showed up at my house,
which I didn't know about, and demanded my room. My
room has a walking closet and bathroom. I told them

(14:54):
to take the office because it has an air mattress
for guests. My parents told me to let them have
my room. I reminded them how I pay most of
the bills and I'll move out if they have my room.
My mom yelled at me and told me I was
a knucklehead, but my dad just told them to go
to the spare room. I went at the office the
next day, but threw out my laptop. So during lunch,

(15:15):
I came home and found my sister in law taking
my stuff out of my room. Everyone else had left
for work. I yelled at her and asked what the
heck she was doing. She screamed back that my mom
said to do this. I grabbed all her stuff that
she moved, which wasn't a lot, and threw it on
the floor and told me I will punt her and
my brother out if he stuff is in my room

(15:36):
when I get back from work. My brother and mom
blew up my phone. While I was at work. My
dad started a group chat and said that there will
be a family meeting when everyone gets home. I stopped
at the store to grab a knob with a lock
for my door. My parents, sister in law, and brother
were sitting on the couch when I got home. My
brother tried to get in my face, but I'm taller

(15:58):
and bigger than he is, so I just put my
hand in his face and shoved him out of my way.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
He literally just said, but my body is huge. My
brother tried to blame me, but my body is.

Speaker 1 (16:10):
The brother's like thish blah blah bah and hope he
just goes. I knew this infuriated him because he's older
than me. My dad told me that I should have
let them have the room. My sister in law smiled
at me. I told them that I pay most of
the bills and they are living under my roof because
my name is on the mortgage, and if they want
the bigger room, they could either pay me rent or

(16:31):
the four of them can move out. My dad tried
to bargain with me, but I told him that I'm
not talking about this anymore, and if I hear about
it again, I will have everyone evicted. My sister in
law started crying and I went to my room. My
dad is treating me okay, but everyone else is giving
me the silent treatment. I thought everything was okay, but

(16:52):
the next night I came home from dinner. My mom
made everyone but me a plate. She said until I
gave up my room and be a good son, she
would not cook me dinner. My dad agreed with her,
I pay for all the groceries. I went into my
room and printed eviction notices for my mom and dad. Wow,
my brother and sister in law haven't been there long

(17:12):
enough to be considered squatters. I told my brother and
sister in law they had an hour to pack and
get out, or I'll call the police. I told my
parents they have thirty days or I'll take legal action.
All our extended families stay in different states, and they
don't have the money to support four people in the city.
My mom begged and tried giving me your plate, but

(17:35):
I said it wasn't about the food. My parents put
my brother and sister in law in a hotel room
for the night, and my mom tried to apologize, but
I ignored her and went to my room. I'm writing
this right now to see what I should do because
I'm honestly confused. Am I the ale and there is
an update, folks? But what say you?

Speaker 2 (17:55):
This is what you do immediately you pull the power play,
you go, I'm moving out, Well, using going to work.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
Pick them all out because he owns it. He's already
done that.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Well, could they own it without you? I think, instead
of no, this is where that's where If you did that.
If you kicked everyone out and now they're all give
me the silent treatment and the stink guy, that's where
you went wrong.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
You shouldn't have kicked them out. You should have gone
you keep it? Can you afford it? Oh you can't. Well,
I think what Op did was ignoring me. Yeah. I
think what Op did was like he kicked the brother
and sister in law out, and then the mother was like,
I'm sorry, no, like, we won't do it anymore. We
won't do it anymore. It's like, okay, too bad, too late.
I do think it was very quick, and it seems

(18:35):
like none of the conversations that they had were reasonable.
Like he sees the sister law moving stuff out, starts
screaming at her. They start screaming at each other. The
talk that they had as a family was literally him
kicking all of them out. I think that he could
have done it a little bit more reasonably, like a

(18:55):
little bit more with a little bit more communication. However,
I think it's totally is right, and they were being
crazy to think that they had any say right on
a place that they don't pay for. Guys, I see
a lot of people being like, the place is in
his name. That's my point is that you go, okay, yeah, here,
I'll give it to you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
Oh wait, you can't do that, can you, because this
is you don't own this place I can afford and
y'all can't.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Right updates. I went to work and my parents had
left out before me, which was unusual, But my mom
has texted me throughout the day with apologies. Yeah, because
she doesn't want it kicked out. I saw a boast
that said, my mom might be self adorb, but this
isn't This is the first time she's acted like this.
But I was honestly hurt when it happened. But when

(19:42):
I came home from work, my brother or sister in
law and parents were sitting on the couch. My dad said,
they're sorry for the way they acted, and thought, because
I'm usually the voice of reason, that I was going
to back down. What is that I would be so offended? Yeah,
but they were like, oh we thought you were a pushover.

Speaker 2 (19:59):
Yeah, we thought you we were easily manipulatable and honestly
a big dumb softy by bras, don't kick us out
with your backbone.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Yeah. My brother said, the request seems small, and because
I have a perfect life, giving up one thing to
accommodate him and his time of need is what family?
Does you also have to ask politely?

Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah, it's not you demand it all goes down to
is it a demand or are you asking?

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Please help me? And also again there was a guest
room that had a freaking uh air mattress. If you
really wanted a bed, you could have sit like found out,
you know, found a way to get a bed into
that guest room. Said hey, like, can we can we
put another thing in here because my pregnant wife needs
be a little bit more comfortable would have been a

(20:46):
totally more reasonable request, one you probably would have got
a yes. Side note, my brother is no debt. My
father is a veteran, so we were able to get
free education somehow. But because my brother changed his major
five times, he had to bay for three years of
extra coursework that wasn't covered. My parents took on that
burden and are still in debt because of it. They

(21:08):
also didn't sell or rent out the old house because
my brother convinced him that he would like to he
would like to start a family there someday, so they
have some debt because of it, but my brother is
not in need of anything. My brother also told me
that because it's our parents' condo, they should have a
final say, so I explained to him that it's uh

(21:30):
my condo and my name is on the mortgage, so
they actually get no say in what goes on around here.
He was confused. He said I couldn't possibly afford this
place on my salary. He said a person making fifty
thousand a year could not live this lifestyle. I explained
to him that I make three times that much and
our parents can't afford to live here without me because

(21:50):
of the mortgage back home and his student debt. He
had no idea what the actual situation was, and so
he thought he could push his brother around Because he
thought that his parents had the power. He was fed
a steady diet of lies. James said that Dad took
care of the student loans and that the old house
was already paid off. I looked at my parents, wondering
why they lied to him. I explained that they're in

(22:13):
a ton of debt because of him, and refused to
sell the house because of what he said. James asked
our parents why they didn't tell him all this. My
mom burst out into tears, telling James they knew he
was jealous of me since I was in high school.
Mom knew that me playing varsity football my freshman year
of high school when he rode the break, he rode
the benches of seniors what started his dislife, and me

(22:37):
playing college level at a big ten school didn't help.
We also graduated the same year, So James told Mom
that it wasn't fair that I got to do all
those things. Mom and dad began babying him in order
to compensate for this, so he wouldn't hate me and
the family could continue to be around each other without animosity.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
That's crazy that it wasn't the actual like siblings, but
it was the parents that were like, uh, oh, he's
peaking in high school.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
Yeah, we gotta make sure we help him out now,
Yeah we have to baby him because he's he's not
as good. His little brother is so much better than
him in every way. James just walked out the door
without speaking another word. My sister in law apologized and
said she didn't know it was my house. Girl.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
I mean again, it's like, yeah, that makes sense because
if they're getting all their information from the parents, and
the parents are like this is our house now, that
informs how because it's so insane for them to have
been taking that stuff out of his room.

Speaker 1 (23:32):
But I also I think even if it wasn't his house.
I think it would be pretty disrespectful to just start
moving like imagine, Yeah, that's not the right way to
go about it. You know, Like imagine your landlord just
starts moving stuff out of your room and it's like.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
Well, I own it, and you're like, imagine imagine taking
all the stuff out of Riley's room when he's like,
what's going on?

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah, you go, Well, I talk to your mom. She
said I could. She said I could do it, and
he's like, I live here. Nah, I asked her, or
why would that change anything? She ignored my question and
went to the guest room because she realizes that she's
being unreasonable and was like, oh, maybe I can. Like
if I figure out a way to put the blame
on the parents, then I'll let us stay here. That's
what they're trying to do. My dad tried to explain

(24:14):
that they felt like they failed my brother. I asked,
was it just because of the football thing? He said
it was because James wasn't given the same opportunities as me.
I explained how James skip school to drink and smoke
and join a gang. I asked, do you think we
should have gotten the same opportunities. My dad said it
was hard to explain. I told him, what's easy to

(24:35):
explain is the eviction notice, and he has thirty days.
So I left my friend's house and that's where i'm
at now. Update two.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
That's so crazy that dad said he wasn't given the
same opportunities. No, he was given He was given the
same opportunities, similar if not the exact same opportunity seeing
as they went to the same school. Just wandered them
and he yeah, he decided not to do anything with it.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
Like like if you say to someone who's got like two
people who have the same monetary background, same high school back,
you know, and then you say, oh, well one went
to Yale and one went to like really, I don't know,
bad school or something, and you're like, well, they didn't
have the same opportunities they did. He didn't take the

(25:22):
same opportunities. My brother invited me out to have some drinks.
I was hesitant to go at first, but I realized
that it wouldn't hurt. When I saw him, he looked
horrible and I hated seeing him like that. The first
thing he told me was that he was sorry, and
it seemed genuine. He then told me he was never
jealous of me and was proud of all my accomplishments.

(25:43):
He then dropped a huge bomb. During his senior year
of high school, he had come home early and found
Mom was home and so was our uncle's car.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Waw way, stop, stop stop.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
There's no way that's where this has been going this
whole time.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
So funny, we've been barreling down the road to uncle
Grandpa this whole day.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Wait but but like it's huge icee, you insane that
this is the tactic that he's using to get back
into his oh, into Opie's good graces. At the front door,
he heard moans and decided to peek through the window
and saw our mom and uncle on the couch cheating
on both of their spouses. He took a video as evidence,

(26:28):
ready to show down you gross. No, you didn't. Now
this is a lie because no one would do that
for you, But he didn't want to break up our
family that he's lying. You're the psychopath.

Speaker 2 (26:39):
If you recorded that secretly and then you read tell anyone.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, you're actually psychotic if you did that. Instead of
talking to anyone and getting help, he got into substances
to help him cope.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Oh now I feel bad ouch if it's a lie.
I hope it's a lie, though, please.

Speaker 1 (26:56):
Buddy explained that one day Mom yelled at Anne while
he was wasted in the mid of the day, so
he just showed her the video. He explained how her
face got pale and she broke down, cryme, Oh my god.
She promised she had broken it off when her aunt
had gotten pregnant a few months after the incident had occurred.
She pleaded with him not to tell dad. He said
he wasn't going to, but that she better do everything

(27:19):
to make it up to dad. Mom started the jealous
thing to hide her affair, even though she knew she
was the reason for the substances and booze. Oh. So
she went to the dad and she was like, yeah,
our son's jealous and that's why he's doing so bad
in school because he's jealous and we have to baby him.
This is so complicated, This is so complicated. Yeah, he

(27:42):
hadn't realize that she's been over compensating, afraid that he
was going to tell dad. Oh wait, this does actually
make sense. Why she was like, you know, we have
to let we have to let your brother and her
his wife stay in our house, right, we have to
do whatever they want. That makes so much sense, because she's.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
You both sucked. Don't blackmail your own mom. I don't
just let everyone know when you find that out.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
I don't think he was blackmailinger in like in a
like really outright tones. I think she thought he would like.
I think she thought he would tell he.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Was for sure leveraging this while he was in the
midst of his substance issues.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
That makes sense, dude.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
There's no universe in which I don't immediately go to
my dad when I find my mom banging my uncle.

Speaker 1 (28:27):
After therapy and rehab, he had been concentrating on himself
and failed to see how I was being treated. He
also thought it was unfair that I didn't have to
live with that heavy burden, and thought Mom always babied
me when it was really the other way around. So
when I wouldn't give up the room, he thought it
was Mom playing favorites. He almost broke down, crying, saying
how he was sorry and that he'll leave. I told

(28:48):
him that wasn't necessary and that as long as him
and sister in law help out, he's welcome to stay.
As long as he wants. Dude, it worked, his sob
story worked day. This is crazy. This is like the
I ooh wow, dang man. I asked, was he ever
going to tell Dad? He said he wasn't, but would
hold no resentment towards me if I did tell him.

(29:10):
Why not?

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Why are we not feeling the need to tell this
guy who's our dad? Hey, mom's banging your brother or did?
But other than that, everything seems normal. There is a
little bit left to the story, a third update if
you will. But do you have any final thoughts? No,
it's too messed up for me to have any thoughts

(29:32):
about I need I need another story to process this story.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
I don't know. I think it's interesting that, like I
when he started talking about the cheating stuff, I was
immediately like, I see you, this is how he's going
to get back into the house. Like he's using this
to kind of guilt the ope into getting him back
into the house. And it worked. So I'm like, I
don't I don't even know if this.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Is which is weird because he's using that for his
own he knows that that's what's going on. Yeah, that's
the only reason he hasn't told anybody, because once you
let that out of the bag.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
You lose your leverage.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah, it's like the car that catches the dog that
catches the car doesn't know what to do with it.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
But there is a third update, so let's get into it.
I told my dad. He surprisingly took it well. I
did it in private. He admitted that his brother told
him that one time when he was wasted. Both okay,
but he thought he was trying to upset him. I
know everybody was saying that my mom was a self
absorbed person, but she never displayed these behaviors. She was

(30:34):
a woman loved by everyone. He never suspected a thing.
He was hurt, though. He explained that he's been married
for thirty years and would like for things to stay
the same. I always thought dad was kind of a pushover,
so I highly doubt that he's going to confront her.
I think he's comfortable with life the way it is.
But my brother and sister in law have paid me
for bills and rents, so we're okay. My mom has

(30:57):
apologized and it seems genuine. She became of the outgoing,
nice woman again, so my house says peace. I think
this is going to be how it is for now.
I'm just I'm sorry. I hope Dad is okay, though,
what happened? Saying what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (31:11):
Saying my mom apologized She seemed sincere about it, knowing
that she's kind of a narcissist.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Guys, crazy, this family, nothing, this family, including op is
kind of insane. They literally like had a blow up
fight that involved everyone being kicked out of the house
within like two days. And then we found out all
of this information that had been kept secret for years

(31:38):
and years. And then everyone's like, yeah, we're chill, Like
what and we're back and we're back. This is like
a sitcom where everything that could go wrong goes wrong,
and then at the end they're like, and then we
all loved each other again. What y'all are crazy? Yeah?
That was that was absolutely wild. Hey, it's Samuel host here,

(32:00):
bring it back to the stories. But here's three minutes
bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
I'm planning to go low contact with my parent. It
is no longer worth it.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
He's not worth it.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
I'm mid twenties female, married with two littles. I was
adopted as a baby into a small family and raised
by a single parent let's call them K, which.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Eventually led to a blended family. Sounds messy, by the way.

Speaker 2 (32:25):
This comes from user Express New six to six and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the art sized showcase Storytime summerned it so. Growing up,
I was not a perfect child, but I wasn't particularly
a bad child either. I got mostly a's in school,
I was involved with sports, had a bad relationship, no
substances or booze, but I had good relationships too, et cetera.

(32:48):
Looking back, I remember being eight playing devil's advocate for
my parents' marriage, advocating for a better blended family.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
At eight, that's rough man.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
I wanted it to be fair that Kay didn't hold
me on a pedestal and tear down my step siblings
or tear down their spouse my step parent, and be
a good partner. I remember talking to them about how
their anger would get out of hand and this would
go into a pattern, and it would get better for
a few days, and then the people around felt some relief,
and then the anger built up and we'd find ourselves

(33:20):
back in that spot semiannually, if not month to month.
I don't think that's what an eight year old should
be doing teaching a parent to be a good person,
to that extent, essentially being a therapist and the recipient
of the same emotional roller coaster. I got into an
emotionally harmful relationship and at one time I was blamed
for getting cheated on and we were just toxic.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
This parent was.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Running the same pattern and I had a poor relationship
and at home, Kay's anxiety was through the roof, creating
explosive anger over the smallest things chores are, any work
that I had no control over, or their spouse not
doing something the way they wanted, and eventually see I
felt like my life was going nowhere if I didn't
have anyone, especially family to go to. There was an incident,

(34:08):
and to this day Kay says that the relationship was
just bad and the cause of the innocent uh and
the cause of the incident. I made it a point
to say I could live without the relationship, but I
felt like I had nothing at home where I'm supposed
to be loved and safe to talk to about these things.
At sixteen, I maintained two jobs and gained as much

(34:29):
independence as I could. I would stay with friends day
to day or by weeks when I could. After graduation,
I left my hometown and did not look back. Flash
forward to now. I have two littles, and I do
mean little. I've got what they call Irish twins, still
too under two. I'm happily married and very supported in

(34:53):
the family I've made. When I got pregnant with my
first I felt the need to get closer to my family.
I had a beautiful baby, and Kay comes to visit
after two weeks. They make it about themselves, make it
a vacation for my husband and I to take them
around town with our two week old to an amusement
park where they say they need to push the stroulder

(35:13):
because they have limited mobility. This amusement park had limited
shade in one hundred degree weather, and this still bothers
me A year and some change later. Kay calls my
baby their baby, and something about that puts a bad
taste in my mouth. Yeah, No, that's the baby's two
weeks old. We're not going to an amusement park. It's
a hundred degrees. Yeah, that's that's crazy. Babies should be

(35:34):
inside with a fan on it.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
Baby number two comes along.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
I start to discuss names, and this parent disagrees with
the name.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
I suggested.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
The name had family ties, and the name they suggested
was a rendition of what my seven month old was named,
so it'd be similar, like Kirsten and Kirsten. I say, no,
it's too alike, and they look to my seven month
old on video chat and say, don't be like mother.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
Oh my god. I call them out on it.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
They hang up, and it sends me into what I
feel like is my quarter life crisis. What the heck
is so wrong with being like me? I've been independent
since eighteen and not struggling. This is a woman who
just wants everyone to say yes to the things.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
That she says.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
So she doesn't want her kid to be like you
because you are like, hey, why are we doing what
she says all the time?

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Yep? She's like, everyone listened to me. Everyone just just
do it, and she's wanted to do cute.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Eventually, Kay said I was being too sensitive, more hormonal,
mixed with a bit of holding onto the idea of
my babies being a crutch in their life or like
the only reason that they live.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
God forbid, I'm hormonal. Two weeks after I had my
freaking baby, but also I mean, like she's just making that,
like she's putting that on Ope as a reason, when
OP is just defending herself, putting up boundaries.

Speaker 2 (36:54):
My point is that calling out the person who just
gave birth as being like hormonal is like.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
You're a jerk.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Yeah, you are a piece of work for that one,
You're up. My husband left for work shortly after the
birth of baby number two. I was solo parenting for months,
and it nearly tore me apart, being alone with two
very little littles who both need one hundred percent of
my attention with minimal help. I called Kay consistently listened

(37:22):
to their problems and they listened to mine. And during
this time of solo parenting, they went through some things
and wanted to meet baby number two, and knowing they
wouldn't come out to me, I packed up my two
babies two months postpartum and took them on a tour
to see their grandparents.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Wow. Why did we do that? I don't know if
we know.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
After my husband got back, we had to adjust to
being a family of four. He'd been gone and I'd
run myself ragged trying to work, go to school, and
be attentive to the babies when not in daycare. Goodness
K offered to help when my husband goes off to
work again, KA comes and help do some basic cleaning
things around the house, like sweeping and organizing, but I

(38:04):
was still at work and they had no idea where
anything went. Ultimately, they watched my babies for an hour
or so for me to mow the lawn and do school.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
Work my costs.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
I thanked Kay for helping making the house manageable and
tolerable to me to help me for the remainder of
my solo parenting time.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
That was a sentence.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
Kay says, they don't think that it's manageable, not by
their standards. I say, well, it gave me time that
I didn't have to do school and more time to
just enjoy my babies. My house does not have antswer
or anything that makes it uninhabitable, just a little dust.
Because I can't get much more done than the day
to day, and my days off have consisted of babies
being home from daycare because they've gotten sick. My babies

(38:48):
are very velcro e, so I don't get much freedom
to do much more than the day to day when
they're awake and I'm still fighting off burnout from work
and school in constant stimulation at home. So was that
Kay saying like, I don't think this is a sustainable setup.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
Me helping you for an hour.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
Kay says things to the babies that I don't agree with,
and so when we get a moment alone, I said, Hey,
we don't really say good boy or good girl. We
say good job and thank you, because good boy or
good girl sounds like you're praising a dog, and that
the babies should be looking for your approval, And can
you please stop saying it makes me sad when you
don't give me a hug or a kiss to the babies,

(39:26):
it's manipulative. They don't owe you affection. They are affectionate
on their own. Kay rolls their eyes and just tells
me I'm picky and that's when you should go, Hey,
you should leave now, my I say, it's dismissive and disrespectful.
We go into a conversation about how they don't know
what it's like to raise a child in this day
and age, and that change is not really their niche. Oh,

(39:50):
and they can't do anything right, and that they love
their grand babies, but they're not a kid person. Over
the remaining days, they say things about my baby crying
being the reason we sh you didn't take kids out,
and that one of my babies is a lot.

Speaker 1 (40:03):
It's a baby, they cry, that's what they do.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
While they were leaving, they asked, does my grandbaby which
one of my babies?

Speaker 1 (40:12):
No mention of the other? Miss me. I'm gonna say no.
So we do have a little bit more story left.
I think that your partner needs to help you out more.
Where's your partner? I understand that he's working, but it
seems like you're like left, You need you need help.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Like it's it's like aggressively uncomfortable the way that your
mother in law is acting.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
Yeah, I don't know. I feel like if they can,
they need to sort out some sort of change in
working conditions where he talks to his boss or gets
a different job if he can, that puts them a
little bit closer to home, because this is just I mean,
she's doing so much alone truly. Yeah, Like obviously there
are some people who have to do it because of

(40:57):
financial reasons and stuff, but like, if there is any
way that you cannot do that, just at least for
what when you got that new kid.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
I've run it by my husband, but I keep gaslighting
myself back and forth. Maybe K is not a good parent,
but could be a good grandparent. I can't deprive my
baby's of a relationship with K just off of my
own biases, So am I wrong? My own ideas suggest
that KA is manipulative and a self absorbed person, and

(41:26):
it hurts a lot being told that your parent is
a not a kid person. It helps or it hurts
to hear that they don't know how and are unwilling
to change. It's a spiral of I mean for calling
K out, and then I feel guilty and try to
make K feel better, unintentionally invalidating my own point and

(41:46):
accepting the same behavior over and over. It feels like
a toxic relationship or an ultimatum change or I'll leave,
but I don't want to go and you won't change.
But they're my parent. I used to be a keep
the peace person, but parenting makes me realize I have
two good reasons to break the cycle.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
Advice is appreciating and to be clear, Because I think
you may have said they were like in law, KE
is o piece adopt.

Speaker 2 (42:10):
I was thinking that, yes, I also did say that
I got mixed your cut up.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
But yeah, I think put your boundaries up. Don't let them,
you know, walk over because they think they know how
they should parent or like you should parent your kid.
You have made a decision out and how are you
going to parent your kids? And they have to respect
that because they're your kids, not kays. Hey, it's John here,
og host of the show.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
We're gonna get back to these juicy stories, but here's
a quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
My partner's friend made me wear a wig for their wedding.
It made me miserable. Do you wear vis My partner
Joe twenty four male and I twenty four female, have
been together for eight years and married for just under
a month. Whoa Jay's best friend? Seth twenty three male
and I have known each other since before Joe and
I met. By the way, this comes from remarkably proper

(43:00):
and if you want to spit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime separate It So, about
a year and a half after Joe and I started dating,
Seth started seeing Mia twenty three female, and the double
dates commenced. I've never been a huge fan of Mia,
since she's the type of person to eat three quarters
of her meal at a restaurant then complain to the
wait stuff until they comped the meal, among other things.

(43:22):
In the summer of twenty twenty one, Seth bought a
house for himself and Mia that needed a lot of
work due to prior flooding. My partner and I went
out there and Joe and Seth did some work on
the plumbing and sub floor. A few other times Joe
went out there to help with other stuff, and by
the end of twenty twenty one, Seth at the place
renovated into a pretty nice house. He and Mia invited
us and some of our friends from the friend group

(43:44):
out there for a New Year's party. They have a
pretty nice detached garage pole barn situation, so they got
it set up with adult soda pong and speakers and stuff,
meaning people were going back and forth from the pole
barn to the house. At one point it was just
Seth and I in the house house mix and drinks,
and he confided in me that he wasn't entirely happy
in his relationship. He talked about how Mia called him names,

(44:08):
laughed at him, yelled at him, et cetera, and asked
what he should do. I said what my partner would
have said. We have a spare bedroom if you need it.
Every time we went out to set the MIA's house,
Seth would find a way to confide these things in me.
They gradually grew worse too. She threw stuff at him,
slammed doors, So are they break off the ringes? Stuff
like that. Every time I'd remind him we had a

(44:29):
spare bedroom, but I couldn't outright tell him to leave her.
I didn't feel like my place to make that call.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely told him he deserved better,
but I wanted him to connect the dots for himself.
That's fair. In October twenty twenty two, while at a
Halloween party, Seth showed me a picture of the engagement
ring he'd gotten. I don't remember much of the conversation
beyond him asking if his proposal plans sounded good. I

(44:51):
told him yes, I congratulated him. I did all the
things I thought a friend should do. A month later,
there are beautiful photos all over Facebook announcing the engagement
and announcing that the wedding date was set for October
twenty twenty three. In February twenty twenty three, Mia asked
me to stand as a bridesmaid in her wedding, and
I genuinely was shocked. We didn't talk much, even at

(45:13):
their house parties. My partner, of course, was asked to
be the best man, and he instantly accepted. I didn't
know what to say. They'd asked us in front of
the rest of the wedding party, and I hadn't been
expecting it at all, so I accepted too. It made
me nervous thinking about it, but if that's what they wanted,
then I was gonna do my dang distance to make
this wedding work for them, despite everything Seth had told me,

(45:33):
it wasn't my place to cause a scene about it.
In March, Mia asked me to make sure my hair
was a normal color for the wedding. It's worth mentioning
that at the time my hair was a light, lavenderish color,
and I'm no stranger to impulsively dyeing my hair a
vibrant color. I told her I'd of course make sure
it was a normal color, but she'd have to tell
me what color in honesty, because my hair is always

(45:55):
a different color. The request didn't bother me much beyond
lamenting having to grow out whatever color she told me
to go with. Crap really started to hit the fan
in August. On the Bachelorette weekend trip. The drive up
was about two hours, and Mia spent most of it
telling us about the latest wedding drama. That our parents
had decided to take all of the money they'd been
setting aside for a wedding venue and use it to

(46:17):
refurbish their pull barn, not the ball barn. Again, not
the pull barn. MIA's parents were demanding that Mia and
Seth worked long hours pouring concrete, putting up walls, and
retiling roofs so the wedding could be held there. Mia
talked about how their mother had been especially rude and
condescending about the whole thing, calling her an ungrateful witch

(46:38):
when we had talked about wanting the wedding to be
somewhere else. I felt so bad for her, and I
felt even worse when MIA's mother, along with eight of
her friends, crashed the Bachelorette weekend. We were outnumbered in
this airbnb to the point that I had to sleep
on the floor. Oh boy, there were nine women, all
fifty year older, impeding on me A's bachelorette weekend. In

(46:58):
the wasted the entire weekend, throwing up on the lake
of the paddle boat. They cramped all night of themselves
onto kind of way. Mia had been looking forward to
one of those lazy river situations where you rent a
bunch of inner tubes and coast down a river and
all that fun. The morning of, though, these women decided
it should be put to a boat. Whether they went
no doubt, because some of them were still wasted and

(47:19):
some were hungover, and the overall consensus was to skip
the tubing that all the bride's bids had already paid
for and instead hang out at the airbnb. Dang, that's
so messed up. I mean, Mia seems like she's maybe
not a good person, but this is her nice money
that you already spent. I grabbed a few pre rolls
from my luggage, took me by the arm, and sat

(47:40):
out on the porch with her. We shot the crap
about everything, not just the awful turnout of the batch party,
but everything else. I felt like we really connected out there,
talking about our partners and their friendship and what it
would have been like when we had kids and they'd
have an extra uncle and aunt. For a long time,
I thought Seth and Mia would be the godparents to
my husband and my kids. A month before the wedding,

(48:02):
Mia called an emergency bridle party meeting at their house.
Per usual, my partner and I were the first ones there.
Once the rest of the bridal party got there, minus
Seth's little sister. She was left out of the bachelorette
party too. We talked about the schedule of the day
and now the bridal party would make entrances to the venue.
At one point, Mia, who was quite wasted by then,
pulled me aside and reminded me about the hair color.

(48:23):
My hair at the time was split dyed red and pink.
I asked her what color she wanted me to go with,
and she said, copper would look so good on you.
About a week and a half before the wedding, I
went out and got a brownish copper haired eye and
did the job. Since I colored my hair pretty frequently,
it wasn't the healthiest and I tried my best to
do hair masks and stuff to make sure it wasn't

(48:45):
too brittle for styling. On the day of the wedding.
Then a week before the wedding, my partner proposed to me.
I of course posted pictures all over Facebook and my
hair and the pictures was copper. The Tuesday before the wedding,
Mia texted me and asked if the color of my
hair and those photos was how it would be for
her wedding day. I said yes, and reminded her that

(49:06):
I'd asked her what color to do and she had
told me copper. She denied ever telling me that, and
that she would never have suggested copper since my dress
was cinnamon colored. She told me to send her a
picture of myself wearing the dress so she could see
if the colors clashed too badly. Before I could even
send a photo of myself in the dress, she told
me to just dye my hair in actual normal color. Girl,

(49:27):
are you gonna pay for it? Also, like Opie's already
said that her hair you know, is pretty unhealthy right now, Yeah,
that probably wouldn't be great, Like probably look worse copper.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
Try to die it again? Yeah, so quickly, and copper
is like that is an actual normal color. So and
also like no, I would not do that again, Like
it's already so big that Opie would do that in
the first place to her, like, that's very nice for
her to do because that's expensive. Yeah, especially like if
she's gonna want to go back to you know, or
pinker red, you know, like depending on how dark it is,

(50:01):
that would be so hard to come back from. So
it's like, girl, no, I'm not gonna change my hair
color for you again for your wedding for one day.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
No, no, no no. This turned into a massive back
and forth of me telling her that I didn't have
the money or time to go and get my hair
redone and I was afraid if I died my hair
again so soon it'd break off and be even more awful.
I offered to step out of frame for pictures. I
offered to have my hair up so it wasn't touching
the dress. I offered to suggest her photographer that they

(50:32):
color correct my hair. Her mind was made up, though
she told me she'd have me wear a wig for
the entire day. I told her I certainly couldn't afford
a high quality wig, and she told me she'd pay
for it. The entire bridal party had gotten a text
from Seth and Mia requesting all of us be at
the venue about an hour and forty five minute drive
at noon the Friday before the wedding to help do

(50:54):
final touches before the rehearsal dinner at five. Of the
entire bridal party, my partner and I were the only
ones who showed up at noon. Everyone else didn't show
up until five or later. We went up to Seth
to greet him, and the first thing he said to us,
is it too late to call it off? The weaddude, Dude,
I don't like Seth either. Dude, you're telling your friends

(51:18):
this whole time that you freaking hate this woman and
don't want to be in a relationship with her. Yeah,
and that's say is it too like? Called off? Just
called off? It's never too late because night stuck. Like
literally leave her. You're gonna be like having a kid,
and you're gonna be like, is it too late to
get into force? Like leave her? Just get out now.
You should have left her earlier. You should leave her now.

(51:40):
She's clearly unhealthy. You do not want to be in
a relationship with this. Part of that exactly, Wrestling Mama says.
He's afraid. Yeah, of course, Like yeah, maybe there are
a lot of different reasons why he might be, you know,
not able to or feel like he's not able to
leave this relationship, but like you are able to leave
this relationship, please leave it. Leave it, and in proper

(52:01):
supportive fashion, we told him no, reminded him of our
spare bedroom. I'd had a nightmare the night before of
the maid of Honor attacking me when she saw my hair.
So when she finally showed up around five thirty and
came right up to me, I nearly pissed myself. She
held out her hand and pointed to her ring finger.
It dawned on me that I had indeed gotten engaged

(52:23):
a few days prior, easy to forget given all the
other stuff going on, and I held out my hand
so she could see the ring. She gushed about how
beautiful it was, and she told me she needed to
talk to me outside after the rehearsal. Fair enough, I
confided in her when we stepped outside that I was
terrified she wanted to beat me up. And she told
me the whole story of the texts, how she had

(52:43):
told Mia not to send them and to let her
handle it, how her work friends had read all the
screenshots Mia sent and thought she was taking things way
too far. We talked for a long time, and at
the end of it she said she'd checked with Mia
on where the whig situation stood. Before the end of
the night. She pulled me aside again and confirmed that
Mia wanted me to wear the wig the entire night,

(53:05):
and that she wouldn't settle for an updo or anything
of the sort. The maid of honor that invited me
to spend the night with the rest of the bride'smaids
at MEA's house, which I politely declined. I was expected
at a salon about an hour from my house the
next morning at eight am, and I arrived at seven
forty five just to be safe. The rest of the bridesmaids,
along with the bride, all showed up shortly thereafter. The

(53:27):
salon is owned by one of EM's mom's cousins, who
also happened to be at the bachelorette weekend. She was
one of the dumb butts puking off the side of
the paddle boat. She got me in a chair before
I even set my bag down, and by eight am
I had the most hideous wig slapped on my head.
Oh gosh, yikes. She didn't even style it, didn't even

(53:49):
bobby pin it down. It took ten minutes max. The
other bride'smaids got their hair styled in super cute curls
and waterfall braids. And I sat there with an unstyled,
unflattered wig on my head that wasn't even properly covering
my hairline. Oh my gosh, miyeah. It doesn't have any
experience with wigs. We got our makeup down at the

(54:10):
slawn too, by a different lady. When I sat down
in the chair, she asked me if I was okay
because nobody was speaking to me. I asked her if
the makeup was waterproof or anything, and she told me
to just try my best not to cry. Oh my gosh,
oh my god. Lord. She ended up doing my makeup
pretty quickly too, And in all I spent maybe half

(54:30):
an hour in a slawn chair. The other bridesmaids had
way more time for air and makeup. And between the
way the wig looked and the fact that none of
them would even look at me, I excuse myself to
go out to my car. I have never cried the
way I did in that car. I called Joe, who
was riding with the groomsmen. I was going to walk
down the aisle with I tipped my head down so

(54:50):
the tears wouldn't leave tracks in my foundation. Oh my god.
I scream cried that I wanted to go home and
that I couldn't keep doing this. I told them how
I felt like I was back in middle school and
high school, being bullied, all because I did what the
bride told me to do. I dyed my hair the
color she told me to diet. He reminded that I
wasn't standing in the wedding for Mia, but for Seth,

(55:12):
who doesn't even want to be there.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
Yeah, this poor man, Mia is just she's got her
claws in everyone, just controlling everyone.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
Leave her, leave her, yes, But the problem is now
we're at the wedding day and now he's gonna be
the guy that left the girl at the altar.

Speaker 3 (55:28):
If he does that, well good she sucks. Still yeah
definitely not would suck.

Speaker 1 (55:33):
Not great optic so for him, right, so everyone's gonna
be like, wow, you left a woman at the altar,
which is just like, well, I needed to, but you
shown any girl he would date. You just show him
the story and they'll be.

Speaker 3 (55:42):
Like, oh my god, yeah, yeah, true, show him this podcast,
see how crazy she was.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
I told him I couldn't even do it for Seth
because Seth knew about the situation Joe add and talked
to him about it and wasn't willing to stand up
for me, which I'm not saying I expected them to
stand up to as soon to be wife for another woman,
but it doesn't change the fact that I couldn't handle
the pressure and the bullying. Joe told me that I
should do it for him and that after this we'd
figure it out. After the ceremony, all the groomsmen I

(56:09):
had walked with caught me crying. We were all supposed
to be taking photos and I couldn't stop thinking about
how these people were supposed to be the godparents to
our future children and they couldn't even stand at me
in the photos without a wig on my head. And
went into the house and came out with one of
those little pocket sized shooters of pink Whitney for me nice.
After dinner, I slipped out to go to the bathroom.

(56:30):
I cry a bit more and call my mom. My
mom told me to take the wig off and get
a ride home and that it wasn't worth it. I
told her Mia was making me keep it on the
entire night. Before she could really convince me to get
back out of there, Joe tracked me down. He didn't
know what to say. He just held me for a while,
then told me I had to come back because they
were starting speeches. Joe sucks too, I'm gonna say it,

(56:52):
Joe sucks. I understand he wants to be there for
his friend, but his friend doesn't want to be there.
Your girlfriend doesn't want to be there. She's been bullying
into wearing a stupid wig. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
Shortly after the dancing really got going and the sun
had fully set, Al started asking me if it hurt
if he yanked the wig off. I told him they
didn't even bother to pin the dang thing up my gosh.
I told him not to because I didn't want to
face the wrath of Mia. He asked me if I
would rather spend the rest of the night and miserable,
and I shrugged a shoulder and told him to do
whatever he wanted. He yanked the wig off and tossed

(57:25):
it on one of the empty tables. That told me
if seth or me, I have a crap to say.
You tell them to come say to me, Al is
way better than your boy. Pray we love it, owl
I Al's the only person in the story besides Op
who's awesome. Yeah, everyone else kind of sucks. Like I
think she knows that obviously. Mia is like a terrible friend.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
Now. But if you don't want to take off a
wig because you're scared of what your friend is gonna say,
then like that is not someone that you should be
near at all in any capacity.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
No, no, no. And people who are telling you that
you have to be near them, yeah, not cool. Few
of the wedding guess even came up to me and
said that my hair, despite being braided tightly to my
head for the wig to land top, looked much better
like this. Oh. In the days following the wedding, Mia
started sharing photos to Facebook, but none of them had
me in them. I couldn't tell if I was more
related to not have to see the palpable misery on

(58:18):
my face or furious that she had me put on
a wig just to exclude my face from all the posts. Anyway,
I fell into this horrible despair. I thought I'd be
relieved to be done, but instead I was left with
this gaping feeling. My partner and I had just stood
for his best friend and my close friend on the
most important day of his life, and we had nothing

(58:38):
to show for it. There would be no showing our kids'
photos from Aunt Mia and Uncle Seth's wedding day, because
that wasn't me and the photos, and even if it was,
they didn't bother to send us any photos from the
day at any point. Two weeks after Seth and MIA's wedding,
we were hosting a Halloween party, partly as a gift
to the newly Weeds and partly because they usually hosted
Halloween and we wanted to get them a break. They

(59:01):
said they would come, but the night before the party
they canceled on us. As frustrated as I was to
be throwing this party for them only for them to cancel,
I can't say I wasn't a little relieved. I didn't
know how to talk to either of them after that day,
and I didn't want to be forced to figure it
out quite yet. The beginning of November, a month and
a half after the wedding day, Joe sent Seth and

(59:22):
me a message in a group chat without me in it.
The message reiterated that they are always welcome at her house.
We were hosting a friends giving at that end of
November and had extended the invitation to them, but that
we were both incredibly hurt by what went down with
the wedding. Joe requested an apology for the hurt I
was put through, especially after me. I told me to
die my hard copper then tried to tell me she

(59:43):
never would have said that. Me responded that I was
just mad because I didn't get what I wanted. That
we were acidine if we thought she'd see my ugly
butt hair and do anything other than throw a wig
on my head. God that she wouldn't apologize for something
she's not sorry for.

Speaker 3 (59:56):
Girl, give me all the phone with Ismiya, give me
your address. I'm gonna pull up, pull host some words.
Oh my goodness, gracious. The following day, Seth called Joe
to apologize. Apparently he told Mia not to send the message.
He told Joe that he.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Thought I owed Mia an apology for taking the wig off.
During the phone call, Seth said something along the lines
of being done with the friend group, that he only
wanted to hang out with Joe over all of it.
A friend group who already didn't have the best impression
of MEA even before all the crap went down, was
unanimously fine with that decision. The day after Seth and

(01:00:34):
Joe's call, Mia sent me a one on one message
read a novel about how she would have dyed her
hair whatever color I wanted for my wedding, because there
are temporary colors and it fade eventually. She also accused
me of not knowing her well enough to be saying
what I was about her mother back during the bachelorette trip,
that I was being stuck up, and so on and
so forth. I typed up a similar length response, and

(01:00:56):
I'm proud to say I kept it civil. I reminded
her that I did die my hair the exact color
she wanted, that I just refused to do it a
second time in fear of frying my hair or making
it look worse. I apologized for what I'd said about
her mother, but I also told her that if I
didn't know her well enough to talk honestly with her
about something that was deeply troubling her, I never should

(01:01:16):
have been standing in the wedding. In the first place.
Great point. I told her that if I was stuck up,
I would have taken myself home instead of still standing
in the wedding party despite everything she put me through.
It took two days for me to respond, and she
replied with, after processing, I feel like I owe you
an apology. What girl? But that was it? Yeah, I

(01:01:38):
read ahead a little bit. I feel like I owe okay.
End of message. I feel like I owe you an apology.
And they didn't actually give apology. Yeah, what this girl?

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
Man?

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
This girl? End of message. We expected to see them
at Friendsgiving and try to smooth things over in person,
but Seth texted Joe a literal hour before they were
supposed to arrive and said that Mia wanted to go
look at Christmas lights in a city almost two hours away.
Joe was faced with the impossible decision as we grew
closer to planning our own wedding, of whether Seth could

(01:02:10):
be his best man. Ultimately, Seth made the decision for
him by blocking me on Facebook and removing me from
his contacts on everything for a long time. That was it.
Seth and Miah were strangers to us. We didn't even
invite them to our wedding oof. The reason I asked
the oul out now though, is that I'm left with
an impossible situation and I need help. In March of

(01:02:31):
this year, about two months before Joe and My wedding,
Seth called Joe while Joe was at work and asked
what had happened to them. Joe asked if he was joking,
and when he realized Seth wasn't, he laid it all out.
The wig, the non apology, the name calling, all of it.
Apparently Seth and Mia don't have anyone to hang out
with anymore. Wonder why, mostly due to the way they

(01:02:51):
treated me. Seth must have taken notes during this phone
call or something, because a day or so later, Seth
sent a long apology to Joe for me. Apparently Mia
had written that apology that I needed over a year
and a half ago. He gave it to Seth, and
Seth gave it to Joe. Joe had been looking for
the right time to tell me about it for a
year and a half. Joe again, I don't like Joe. Yeah,

(01:03:14):
I don't know what's going on. She sent an apology.
I mean, yeah, you don't have to accept it. But
the fact that he hit it for a year. Yeah,
he said it sounds sort of legit, but he also
admitted that it sounds like Seth had written it himself.
All of this with the intention of Seth and Joe
hanging out together, which, let me be clear, I never
prevent it. I encouraged Joe to keep up with Seth.

(01:03:37):
I just didn't want anything to do with him. The
moment Mia had that wig put on my head, It's
like she and Seth became strangers to me. So that's
why I'm here. I haven't read the apology, and my
partner said he wouldn't blame me if I never wanted
to read it. Even typing this all out is reminding
me the kind of emotional turmoil they put me through
over this. What's the play? Do I read the apology?

(01:04:00):
It sounds like Seth and me and want to go
back to double dating and house parties like before. Is
that a possibility? I genuinely don't think I could ever
look either one of them in the eye again. But
do I owe it to them and to my partner
to try? And there is an update? Oh gosh, it
seems like the apology was a not It doesn't seem
like he hit it for a year and a half.
It seems like they sent it a year and a

(01:04:21):
half later. I think I misshoked. Okay, Okay, that part
was written weird, poor Seth. Yeah, I mean he's obviously
stuck in this situation. Sure that he feels like he
cannot escape for me exactly. However, doesn't mean that that
excuses him from treating everyone terribly.

Speaker 3 (01:04:35):
Sure, but I can also understand if, like, you know,
the reason that he was like, no, we can't be.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
Friends anymore was because he was just like, probably you're not.

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
Going to be a good husband if, like, you know,
you don't stand up for me like this or something
like that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Something silly billy like that. She's probably trying to isolate
him and has successfully done so. Yeah, exactly, it worked.
I told my husband, I'm not gonna read the letter.
The apology is a year and a half late, and
as far as I'm concerned, it's a load of bs
intended to get back to being friends with them. If
they truly cared about me in this situation, they'd never

(01:05:09):
have called me crazy. They'd have apologized the minute I
expressed how hurt I was. They wouldn't have done what
they did in the first place. Joe is a huge
believer in giving people room to grow and learn from mistakes,
which is why he told me about the letter in
the first place and not just burned it himself. After
our talk, he realizes what kind of damage it would
do to me to let Seth and Mia back into

(01:05:31):
our lives, even if they had grown and changed. I
don't need to be their human empathy test subject. I
truly hope they've become better people, but given their reaching
back out because nobody else will be friends with them,
I doubt they have. As for the comments, I had
a lot of people asserting that the outcome of this
is entirely my fault and that I let myself be

(01:05:51):
walked over, so I deserved everything that came to me. Well,
I don't entirely disagree. I do think that even in
my long posts, there's a lot of context. To start.
Joe and Seth have been best friends for over ten
years at this point. If I caused a scene at
Seth's wedding, even warranted, I feared what it would do
to their friendship. The friendship basically ended either way thanks

(01:06:12):
to Seth's wife, But I digress. I wore the wig
because I didn't want to rock the boat. I was
young and naive and didn't actually think Mia would make
me wear a wig until the morning of when they
were slapping a wig on my head and shoeing me
out of the slawn chair. I'd heard from mea firsthand
how much stress she was under due to the wedding
and her insane mother, and I thought being a sounding

(01:06:33):
board for her and being there for would have made
her have a change of heart. Instead, I became the target.
She couldn't very well bully her mother, so she bullied
me instead. There were also a lot of people calling
me out about Seth, pulling me aside and telling me
how unhappy he was. And again, I think you're missing
key context. I didn't just tell him we have a
spare bedroom for you and leave it at that. I

(01:06:54):
talked at length with him about these things. I told
him that he deserved better, that he could come stay
with us, yes, for as long as he needed to
figure things out, that no matter how deep the hole
he dug himself, felt we were there to get him
out of it. He had a house and pets with Mia,
he worked with me as dad. She had successfully made
herself a part of every piece of his life. And

(01:07:15):
in our conversations, I told Seth that Joe and I
could help him detach however he needed. I even told
him he was being mistreated, especially when it came to
things being thrown and doors being slammed. But Seth is
of the mindset that men could never be the victims
of domestic violence, which is not true. Seth, he is
not true. I wonder if that mindset is changed by now.

(01:07:37):
I mean, yeah, it seems like he's living in that
world of like, oh, well, I can't be abused, so
I have to stay with her.

Speaker 3 (01:07:43):
Yeah, so like this is just me being too sensitive
or something which is not true.

Speaker 1 (01:07:46):
So please leave her. Point is I said everything but
outright telling him to leave Mia. Maybe that's what the
comments we're getting at, is that I should have spelled
it out like that. The day before the wedding, Seth
asked if it was too late, and and I told
him no. We told him he could get in the
car and we could drive away with no questions asked.
Seth is a grown adult too. He chose what he did.

(01:08:08):
Poor poor Seth. Yeah, poor I mean, it really sucks
because Seth is in a really bad situation and you
cannot see it, and you can't force him to see it.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
Yeah, that does have to be something that he has
to choose on his own. So I feel like, ohp
was going about that in the right way.

Speaker 1 (01:08:24):
She's like, we'll be here for you and we'll support you.
If you do want to leave, we'll ask any questions,
we'll just get out of here. Yeah, and then obviously,
you know, he has to make that decision for himself again.
So you guys tried. You guys tried. Yeah, but you
don't deserve for Seth or Mia to mistreat you. So yeah,
there's a little bit more into the story. Lots of
people were coming after my husband as well, and I
can't lie Seth and me as wedding definitely did some

(01:08:46):
damage to our relationship. I left that situation feeling like
no matter how many times Joe told me I was
the most important person in his life, there would always
be something or someone that could get in the way
of that. Things were rocky for a bit. He was
apologetic the moment the wedding was over, wishing he'd taken
the wig off my head. Or gone to the salon
and picked me up and taken me home. Hindsight is

(01:09:09):
twenty twenty. I guess if either of us had known that,
no matter what, Seth and Miah were going to completely
isolate themselves, I wouldn't have worried so much about preserving
Joe and Seth's friendship, and neither would he. At the
end of it, though Joe and I had talked it through,
we knew where our priorities lie. The only reason he'd
been advocating for me to read the apology letter was

(01:09:30):
for my own peace of mind and my own closure.
He respects my decision to leave the note unread and
leaves Seth and Mia to be unhappily ever after. And folks,
that is the end of that story.

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My father REFUSED to walk me down the aisle… because of his new daughter! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My father REFUSED to walk me down the aisle… because of his new daughter! - r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories