My father SLEPT with my wife… and got her pregnant! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My father slept with my wife and got her pregnant.

Speaker 4 (00:20):
That's my wife.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
I had a crap show birthday with a few close
friends at my own house. At the end of the party,
after everyone left, my dad told me that he needed
to confess something that I was that was unliving him inside.
I said, sure. By the way, this comes from a
user throwaway. Dad is a pos and if you want

(00:42):
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay Storytime supper at it. So he first started off
saying that he did a lot of wrong to me
and my wife. He hoped that I could forgive him.
I was confused to what he was talking about. I
asked what he did that he needed my forgiveness. He
said to me that when I was on a business trip,
he invited my wife. Hmm. My wife and dad got

(01:05):
together one day and they ended up doing the thing
that led to my wife carrying his baby.

Speaker 5 (01:12):
This is gonna be really confusing.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
I just responded, wtf is this a joke. He told
me that he was being serious and not lying to me.
I still couldn't believe what I was hearing. He kept
going on and on saying that the baby didn't survive,
and I couldn't bear to hear it, so I just
said stop the bs and told him to leave my house.
I physically pushed him out of my house and I

(01:36):
went directly to my bedroom. My wife wasn't at my
birthday party at all, as she was hanging out with
her girls. We were planning to go out for a
date night later, but it's not going to happen. My
wife doesn't know that my dad confessed to me about
their affair. I don't know what I'm going to do.
I don't know how I'm gonna look at my wife
and ask if this was true or not. After some time,

(01:59):
I went downstairs again to check the front door, and
my dad was still waiting in his car. He was
just staring at the steering wheel, crying. I really wanted
him to go away. Wanted to say something, but couldn't
because I didn't trust myself to not do something cruel.
My wife still hasn't come home yet. Thanks pos Dad
for giving me the best birthday gift ever. Oh yeah,

(02:24):
and we have an update. But Angie, yikes, man, yike's
on a bike.

Speaker 5 (02:28):
Hikes on bikes for real? I just peed in my
pants to be right in my pants. Oh my god,
I that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (02:38):
That's I'm speechless.

Speaker 5 (02:40):
I loved speechless because because wow, so is this child born?

Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yet? Supposedly again, the child was. It didn't make it?
Oh I see? Okay, Well I don't know if the
child was. Most likely the child was terminated. I maybe
we'll get more information. But it seems like he didn't
even know that she was pregnant.

Speaker 4 (03:02):
Okay, so she just did it.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
We have an update.

Speaker 3 (03:05):
I went to my female neighbor's house. An hour later
or so. My wife kept calling me. She called me
three times, but I ignored her. On her fourth call,
my neighbor told me to pick the phone up, so
I did. She stopped crying, but she was still so
distressed from her voice. She asked how I was doing
and really wanted me to come back, but I said

(03:27):
I can't. So she asked if she'd talk over the phone.
I said yes. Then she said that she indeed was
together with my dad when I was on the business trip.
She said that one day he invited her over, so
she went to his place. Don't give him details. At
the time, my wife was unemployed and looking for jobs.

(03:48):
She was already stressed from not having any income and
was lonely because of me being away from home frequently
for long periods because you were making money for both
of you. My dad had lost his wife at the time,
which made him lonely too. My grandfather had his own
business and gave it to my dad in his last years.
He passed away too. During that time my dad was

(04:08):
running the business. He thought he'd make a deal with
my wife. The deal was that my dad would give
my wife a position at his business in exchange for
spicy sleep to fulfill his widow's fire.

Speaker 6 (04:19):
Because someone's got to put the wood in.

Speaker 3 (04:23):
What's wrong with you?

Speaker 4 (04:24):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (04:24):
So this welcome back, Riley is still sick.

Speaker 5 (04:28):
As you can see, so many issues, so many layers
to this story.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
My goodness, my.

Speaker 3 (04:35):
Goodness, that's how everything happened. I really was speechless when
she told me these things. I didn't know how to react.
I would hope so. But I thanked her for telling
her a side of the story and said that I'll
get back to her later. I hung up. We recorded
the whole telephone call. My neighbor said that I should

(04:55):
send a message to my dad confirming my wife's side
of the story. That's what I did, and I asked
my dad if the things that my wife said were true.
He said yes. I took a screenshot of our text exchange.
Now that the truth has come out, I feel better,
but it has raised more questions, like why sleep with
my dad just to get a job, Why sleep with

(05:17):
my wife instead of an escort to get rid of
your loneliness? None of their reasons excuse their evil act
of betrayal and infidelity towards me. Once my dad confirmed everything,
my neighbor and I went to my house and told
my dad to come over. Had the talk. Finally, they
said that this happened on a weekend and they spent
the whole weekend together constantly having spicy sleep without any protection. Oh,

(05:41):
oh gosh, you're just putting salt in the Wombase.

Speaker 5 (05:45):
Need to know, like if she felt pressured to do
any of this stuff, you know it's very possible that
she didn't and.

Speaker 7 (05:51):
If she liked it well or if it was better yeah,
you know, like like oh.

Speaker 8 (05:57):
The positions they had, you know all this, She's like, wow,
you do look like op but like hotter hotter, you
have a silver fox thing going.

Speaker 4 (06:08):
Yeh yeah.

Speaker 5 (06:08):
Yeah, it's like, well, good to know that my husband
will look like that in about twenty years.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
Yeah, and it was just on that weekend. That makes
it so much better. After that, they never had an
intimate connection. Ah cool sleep exclaim.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Thanks late, great for sure, for sure.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
I asked my wife if she slept with anyone else,
and she said no. Regarding our kids, I requested my
dad to order three DNA tests for each of us
to confirm any suspected paternity. My kids don't have to
take a DNA test because they already did the ancestry
test to learn more about our genealogy a few years ago.
We didn't, but now that we are in this situation,

(06:48):
we're going to do it too. However, my wife was
annoyed that I was requesting the DNA test. She got
so disappointed and told me that I don't trust her
and that I insinuated that those children aren't mine. Well,
I wonder why I'm so disappointed in you for doing that?

Speaker 5 (07:05):
You know, how dare you think that just because I
slept at your dad on this weekend that you know about?
How dare you think that I did it again another time?

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Dare When my wife told me not to request the
DNA test, my neighbor said, you have to do the
DNA test. And of course he doesn't trust you anymore.
And if you have nothing to hide, why are you
so against the DNA test?

Speaker 6 (07:29):
Question? Exactly? Why is his neighbors so involved.

Speaker 4 (07:35):
During that too? They're probably just friends with their neighbors.

Speaker 3 (07:38):
Okay, they're probably friends with a neighbor.

Speaker 7 (07:40):
Dude, he's in the tea here, man, he's just getting out.
He got the entire thing, like, hey, happy birthday. What'd
you get today? Devastating news, breaking news, dude.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
My wife responded, don't poke your nose into this. This
is between me and my husband. My name then said
to my wife, unlike you, I don't poke my nose
into other men's wieners, let alone my father in law's wiener.

Speaker 5 (08:07):
That's a hilarious image. I'm just gonna say that someone
who used one thing poking your nose in a wiener.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
That's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
My wife couldn't say anything to that. She reluctantly agreed
to take the DNA test. My dad ordered the test
in front of all of us. My dad once again
told me how remorseful he was. He kept apologizing over
and over again. My wife was the same. They started
crying again, and I got pissed again. I told him

(08:37):
that you guys are all pieces of crap, and that
I never expected this from the both of you. I
told my dad that he could have just slept with
any other woman out there, but selfishly decided to sleep
with my wife. I also told my wife that she's
so cheap that she literally sold her body for spicy
sleep just to get a job in my dad's business

(08:57):
at the expense of destroying our family.

Speaker 6 (09:00):
Oh dude, I forgot about the job thing. I have
not oh my job yikes.

Speaker 5 (09:06):
Yeah, it's definitely I still need to know, because it's
very common for this happened, and for women to just
obviously feel like pressured for this.

Speaker 6 (09:15):
With their father in laws.

Speaker 5 (09:17):
Whoever, yeah, oh, okay, with a power struggle exactly, like
to get a job. That's a very common thing. Absolutely crappy,
crappy behavior. Not to just do that with Opie's wife,
but to do that to anyone at all.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
Yeah, scratching my head. She could have just asked him
for the job, like, hey, could I get a job?

Speaker 5 (09:37):
We're related now, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
I asked her if my dad, the job and our
family were worth it. She couldn't give an answer. She
was guilty, and she told me that she should have
been more patient in getting a job she liked. But
she then confessed to me that she voluntarily left his
business because of the guilt of what she did in
order to get that job. I asked my dad why
he confessed now, and asked my wife why she kept

(10:01):
this a secret. My dad told me that he just
wanted to clear his conscience and this healthy guilt, and
that he was having a hard time living his life
with this big of a vile secret. My wife told
me that she didn't want to ruin our relationship and
that she feared that she'd lose me. I said to
my wife that she had told me immediately at the time,
then our relationship could have been saved. I don't know,

(10:24):
but after a lifetime of our entire marriage built on lies,
she brought this upon herself and that her fear is
now coming true. As for my dad, I told him
that he is such a piece of crap and that
he will always carry this guilt because now he's going
to live with the guilt of breaking our family for
the rest of his life. I told both of them

(10:44):
that in the end, they are losers and they will
never get our family back. I told them that it
was so clear how they were passing away to meet
each other's pants, and finally they can have each other.
My neighbors said to them again, neighbor knows the neighbor.
The neighbor says, you guys deserve each other and f

(11:07):
yourselves to rotten hell. You guys are the worst monsters
that I've ever seen.

Speaker 5 (11:13):
I love his character.

Speaker 9 (11:15):
This is so.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Funny, Honestly, the neighbor tells it how he sees it.

Speaker 5 (11:19):
He has absolutely no business to say it any of that,
but I'm so glad he did, because that's hilarious.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
If you have read my comment, you know how my
wife sent my dad an email saying it's all over.
I told him both loudly and clearly that it wasn't
over at the time. It's all over now. At this point,
my dad couldn't bear to look at me anymore, so
he just left our house and my wife had a
full blown breakdown. She was hitting herself, curling on the floor, screaming,

(11:49):
while I just looked at her with contempt and disdain.

Speaker 5 (11:51):
My gosh, gosh, whoa, this is a bigger issue than
we gotta figure out here.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
I mean, she got caught. I quietly said to myself
that she just deserved all of this, and this is
only the beginning of her pain and the destruction she caused.
I just looked at her. Once her breakdown was over,
I just asked her to leave, but she begged to stay,
which I said that she can't stay anymore and that
she has to leave for a few days. After an

(12:17):
hour of begging, she just said E fit and left.
I don't know where she went, but I am happy
and feel relieved, probably to your dad. I don't care
to know where she is. I don't want to think
about her nor my dad anymore.

Speaker 10 (12:31):
Dude, Christmas is thanksgivings from now on eventually, crazy.

Speaker 9 (12:37):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
I feel bad for the kids, Steph.

Speaker 6 (12:40):
Grandpa and dad. I'm start your grandpa and law.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
Briley's Back, Priley's Back, Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 6 (12:50):
Always locked to my room for a day.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
Let me have this, Ah, I'm an innocent bystander. In
the midst of his glee confrontation, my neighbor, I love.
My neighbor recorded everything.

Speaker 4 (13:06):
Let's do it.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
After my wife left, my neighbor sent me the recording
and said how proud she was of me for standing
up for myself and keeping my coolness, and that I
deserve every happiness in the world, and that I am
now free to get the life I always deserved away
from these pieces of crap. We hugged and I cried again.
I'm so happy that I have the best neighbor in
the world, and I wish that my wife was like

(13:29):
her instead of being a monster. So the confrontation happened,
and we are now waiting for our DNA test kits.
We will do the test and send it off. We'll wait,
We'll wait a couple of weeks for the results to come,
and let's see what we're gonna come across. I hope
a bag of a whole other lives isn't opened, but
you never know. Got to be prepared for the worst.

(13:50):
Now the question is are those kids mine, my father's
or someone else's And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 6 (13:57):
His account is suspended. I can't check to see if
kids or not.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
Oh my god, yep, good dolly, miss Molly.

Speaker 9 (14:06):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
That is That is a lot of old. That is
a lot wild man.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (14:16):
The kid growing up and figuring all that out is
a whole nother Creddit story in itself.

Speaker 6 (14:21):
It's a villain arc.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Yeah, my mother in law isolated us from the family,
so I walked away.

Speaker 4 (14:27):
He's boots a mad for walking and that's what they're
gonna do.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
My father in law is quite wealthy. These bids on
beach houses during charity auctions, then writes them off. He's
got in ten other houses before, but this is the
first one that his three adult children were invited to.
His wife stepmother in law was the other woman and
it is an open secret though they've been married twenty

(14:52):
years now. By the way, this comes from user Pretty
with Dreads, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay story time Supper. She
has two daughters, p and d Let's go with Paul
and Denise from a previous marriage who frequently are invited
to the beach houses. Stepmother in law has a mindset
of that's your family and this is mine. Even though

(15:13):
my husband was a preteen when they officially got together,
it is not a blended family at all. For example,
during the trip, she even went as far as telling
my husband's niece eight that she got her a gift
for her grandchildren. When the little girl asked, what about me,
she replied, well, that's up to your mother to get
And here's what happened. I'm an introvert and a socially

(15:35):
anxious person, but for the first two days I was
really trying and going out of my way to initiate
dialogue with the stepmother in law and step sisters in law.
That is until I kept hitting stone wall after stone wall.
Because they wouldn't engage back. They would leave the pool
or room within five to ten minutes of us getting there.
If they couldn't escape the room, they would remove themselves

(15:57):
as much as possible. One time was called and I
was the first one in the kitchen, so I sat
at the table. The steps came up and all sat
at the island without a word to me. If our
kids would play, they would call their kids away from mine. Hmmm,
this wasn't one or two times. It was so consistent
and obvious it wouldn't be a problematic play. At one point,

(16:19):
my daughter seven was being chased by the two year
old while the two year old tried to eat her
with an alligator. What the two year old's eating her
with an alligator? It's like a toy alligator, right, No,
it's a real one.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
They're that rich.

Speaker 10 (16:30):
No, a real alligator wouldn't actually attack people a crocodile would.

Speaker 6 (16:35):
Alligators make sure that they were like and that they
all fun.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
Paula called her over come, get baby with that gator.
Sometimes they call over the older one and whisper something,
and the six year old's whole demeanor would change. At
one point, my seven year old autistic son pulled me
aside because he thought the two year old made a
comment on his skin color. I'm we both did. The

(17:01):
opie is black and my kids are bi racial.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
And I knew it.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, so he wanted to help talking about about it
with them. I explained to him that taller say stuff
that sometimes don't make sense. She called him tender face,
which he interpreted as tender face. It wasn't a big deal.
My job is talking about stuff with kids. I was
actually proud of him for coming to me about something

(17:28):
that made him uncomfortable and not overreacting and in the moment,
which he typically does. So I approached her mom to
explain the situation and asked, do you know what this means?
She bent over in my son's face and said, she's
too sweetie, you're reading into things and walked away from
the conversation. Hmm. I was absolutely shocked. So I started

(17:51):
calling my kids when they were around the adults. I
did not do this when they were around the children,
because I'm not a huge witch who wants to hurt kids.
I use this language they use, except once when I
called my daughter in the room and told her not
to ask them for anything. My ten year old son
was in the kitchen eating breakfast with the stepmother in
law and the daughters alone, so I went upstairs for him.

(18:12):
Stepmother in law said that he was being wholly self sufficient.
I looked over and he was on the couch alone
eating a pastry. So he called him back into our
room and thanked her for making the pastries. I missed
a couple of meals. I didn't have dinner two nights.
One night I was dealing with my grandma in the hospital,
and the other night I was hanging out with a friend.
There were a couple of lunches and breakfasts in there

(18:34):
that my husband brought me. Brought me the food down,
but we were told those were going to be on
our own whenever we wanted. They weren't communal meals. I
will fully admit that I have food issues physically and emotional,
and don't eat well out all the time, especially in public,
and especially lunch and breakfast. My husband feeds me even
if I don't ask him to, because he worries sometimes.

(18:55):
Good husband. I also had a few work calls and
things to do during this week. Was elected board president
nice during one of those calls. Almost every adult there
had to do some sort of work during this week.
My brother in law was incognito for three days because
he had to do so much.

Speaker 8 (19:11):
Dang.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
Now we're onto the fallout.

Speaker 6 (19:13):
So everyone's like stretched thin here.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Everyone is. Yeah, everyone's busy and there's a lot of that.
There's a lot going on. But back to what we
were talking about with how the fan like the steps.
We're gonna call them the steps because it's the trio. Yeah,
the daughters and the mother in law. It's definitely a
race thing.

Speaker 5 (19:33):
That's so insane that this is their own family.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
The audacity, Yeah, the audacity. Yeah, it's clicking now, and
maybe it doesn't. Maybe it clicks for op, maybe it doesn't.
But she's like, I noticed they don't want to talk
to me, or I noticed they just they're they're just
as far as way as possible.

Speaker 5 (19:53):
I mean, in the fact that she mentioned all of
that and mentioned everyone's at in the city, it's vague.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
It's like the pieces are connected. Yeah, the puzzle is showing,
you know, well, we're onto the fallout. The day before
check out, after her daughter's left, she got very upset.
We were told to eat leftovers, so sister in law
and her husband started making leftovers and cutting up veggies.
The three year old was helping cut the veggies, so
I said to him, WHOA, what a spread you've done.

(20:20):
Apparently this set her off. My sister in law saw
her slap the crap out of her dad, and she
packed up and left without saying bye to any kids.
Okay for what hmm, his kids talked to him and
told him everything that I said here, but it got
shrugged off as just because of timing. He had words
for me though. Apparently I reject and avoid stepmother in

(20:44):
law because I don't send thank you cards and missed meals,
nor do I ever say thank you. It was also
a huge problem that I kept calling my kids away,
you're doing it because she was doing it. When asked
about the significance of a thank you card when I
call you the same day or look you in the
eyes with a genuine thank you, I was told it's
a common courtesy that his children were raised to do.

(21:06):
When asked why his son isn't getting talked to about it,
then he just got quiet. When I mentioned how my
children were actively being rejected and I wasn't going to
allow that. He started talking about his wife's feelings while
openly acknowledging that she has a mine in yours mentality.
When my husband brought up the fact that the other
partners weren't always hanging out, he was told that there's

(21:27):
a history of me skipping meal times and just doing activities.
I do skip meals and preference for socialization is over
shared activities. He didn't mention how she never does activities
with us or the kids outside of the house. I
started thinking back to all the times I thanked her
at the beach house too. It was almost after every interaction.
One of the first things I said to her was

(21:48):
to thank her for inviting us. I was told to
call and apologize. I'm not going to. I'm going to
write a letter and have my therapist edit it to
ensure the communication is open and gracious. But I don't
feel the need to apologize. You don't need to. There's
no reason for you to apologize.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
So pee.

Speaker 9 (22:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
If you're not sorry, yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
So gonna be sorry for exactly. I believe they're going
to take the vacation opportunity for my children. But if
that's what they choose to do, then f it. I
think it's just all power. Again, we have an update, Yeah,
but I think it's just all just stemming from power
and just pompous like, oh, we're the steps and yeah,
we get to do this, we have control, and like

(22:27):
we we deserve more respect, we do this more.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
Yeah, Exactly.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
If it's not about race, then it's definitely about family,
hierarchy and like all of that stuff. They're definitely not
including these people into their family at all.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
And they're kind of making it blatantly clear. Oh yeah,
we do have an update. I requested that my husband
write a letter to his dad and stepmother in law
instead of me. He will also include a thank you card.
I have asked him to include how he feels about
not only how I was treated, but how his family
has been treated us.

Speaker 5 (23:00):
I think she's gonna be like, well, what, because I
have done this and this and this for all of
you people I invited you over. Yeah, even though she did,
and she's gonna just play the victim in the man
apologies and not change and then they'll have to go
low contact or no contact.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
But let's go ahead and finish up the story. I
also asked him to address the fact that he chooses
not to write thank you cards. I want the letter
to be in his voice and it will show that
we're a united front if he writes it. People often
assume that I am the radical one and my husband
is the subdued one being led around. He just shares
his actual feelings flash opinions with a select few. I

(23:37):
do believe the steps are their discriminatory and I guess
it's very odd. Stepmother in law grew up with a
mammy and keeps mammy's memorabilia. He hides it when I'm over,
But I was warned. What does that mean? This dynamic
has also been consistent since his dad and stepmom became official.
I think it is a double whammy of racist and habit.
This has been the dynamic for two decades. Who am

(24:00):
I to refuse to engage type of reaction?

Speaker 5 (24:03):
Yeah, okay, so h. A mammy is someone who did
h domestic work among nursing children at the fictionized man
or fictionalized mammy character is often visualized as a dark
skinned woman with a motherly personality. It's it's a stereotype basically,
it's an old stereotype of like yeah, I don't know

(24:23):
very like old culture when they did blackface and it
was okay by the public.

Speaker 3 (24:29):
The fact that one you were warned about this, this memorabilia,
and she keeps it, and then when you come around,
she hides it. She knows, she knows, she knows, and
she doesn't.

Speaker 5 (24:40):
Yeah, Like, if that's something that you feel the need
to hide for racism.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
Reasons, why would you keep it at all?

Speaker 5 (24:48):
Like if if it's some if it's a you know,
a grandmother's thing that was passed down, maybe look for
something else that reminds you of your grandma.

Speaker 3 (24:57):
We we nailed it on the head. It seems like, yeah,
and it's both the hierarchy of the family yeah and blaytant.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
Yes, but that's the story. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
I just don't deal with these people now. They're not
worth your time. Yeah. That's very disappointing and that just sucks.

Speaker 5 (25:13):
Yeah, because you don't want your kids around that too.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Yeah, Sam, here og host, We're gonna get back to
these stories.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

Speaker 9 (25:20):
First, my friend made up awful stories about me after
I took her in.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
You trade her Figger.

Speaker 4 (25:27):
Warning there's mentions of abuse.

Speaker 9 (25:29):
I twenty five female, have my own two bedroom apartment
that used to belong to my uncle. I made a
friend during my uni years. I'll call Mary twenty seven female.
Mary had quite a hard home life too long.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
To detail here.

Speaker 9 (25:40):
I let her know that if she ever needed my help,
she could always rely on me no matter what. By
the way, this comes from user interesting Fox forty five
oh six. And if you want to submit your own
stories go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. When
we graduated, I asked her to move in with me,
reent free. She tried to pay, but I knew she
had a lot of debt trying to pay for UNI,
so I told her no and to spend her money

(26:02):
freeing herself from her debt. She was so thankful for this,
and I loved her living with me. We never thought
about anything. Both of us have the same cleaning habits
and TV interests, so there's never any arguments over the
remote or who has to take out the bands. Tonight,
we were out at a super fancy restaurant in London,
as Mary had finally paid off the last of her debt,
secured herself an amazing promotion at her job, and also

(26:24):
finally passed her driving test. All these achievements in the
same month were more than deserving of an award, so
we splashed out. It was me, Mary, four of her
work friends, and two friends we've known since UNI. It
was a great night until I handed Mary a card
saying how amazing she is and how lucky I am
to have her as my best friend, with quite a
bit of cash inside to put towards her first card.

(26:47):
She started crying and thanking me, and we hugged for
a long time. When she pulled away, I told her
I was so proud of her for kicking life in
the butt, becoming successful, and showing her dad that his
wiener headed ways. I did keep her down after how
she struggled through UNI, pushing pennies together and working crap jobs.
Seeing her in her dream career and being such an

(27:07):
accomplished woman is absolutely inspiring to me.

Speaker 4 (27:10):
She looked mad and said, please, don't do that. You
know I don't like it when you do that.

Speaker 9 (27:15):
She never said anything like this to me ever, so
I have no idea where this was coming from. I
apologized and said that I didn't realize saying these things
would upset her, as it's never been my intention. She
just scoffed and rolled her eyes, and when I looked
up at her colleagues, they were all shaking their heads
at me and glaring.

Speaker 4 (27:31):
I felt so awkward.

Speaker 9 (27:32):
I wanted to shrink back in my own skin, and
I was mortified that I hurt Mary. Mary didn't talk
to me for the rest of the night and ignored
me at the table, and we split up to head home.
None of her colleagues even looked at me as they left.
I said sorry to Mary as she was heading into
her room to turn in, but she just shrugged me off,
told me she was tired and that will talk in
the morning. I'm so anxious that she'll want to move
out or never talk to me again. I keep going

(27:53):
over every interaction in my head to see if I
had crossed the line in the past, but she never
gave any indication that I upset her saying these things
before all her colleagues messaged me saying I was an
a hole for saying those things to her and belittling her.
But I never ever meant any of those things like that.
This is an update to this post.

Speaker 4 (28:13):
Hey, everything happened in one day.

Speaker 9 (28:15):
I'm posting them all below because I didn't get the
chance to write these up after everything happened, as my
post didn't have a judgment yet. I saw a lot
of mixed reactions, but there was also some great advice
in there about how to approach Mary, so thank you
for that. I'm afraid that all the well meaning advice
turned out to be for nothing, so I'm sorry about that.
Things are time stamped for Offley to show how the
day unfolded.

Speaker 4 (28:34):
Update two. So I'm even more confused than ever right now.

Speaker 9 (28:37):
After staying up all night and being constantly on the
verge of tears, I finally heard my roommate moving around
in the kitchen, so I went to talk to her.
She acted totally normal and started talking to me about
some drama at her work, while I just stood there,
kind of unsure about what was happening or what to do.
So I apologized again. She looked up at me in
confusion and said, why are you sorry. I reminded her

(28:57):
of last night and how mad she was. Then she
laughed and said it doesn't matter, don't worry about it,
and then continued making breakfast. I asked if I had
stepped over a line last night, the money was too much,
if I made her feel.

Speaker 4 (29:08):
Inferior, and she said, nope, We're cool. Doesn't matter.

Speaker 9 (29:11):
I think everyone just misunderstood the situation and you're taking
things to heart a little too much.

Speaker 4 (29:15):
I hate this person already.

Speaker 9 (29:17):
I despise this kind of pow kind of people were
just like we No, you shouldn't care.

Speaker 4 (29:22):
You shouldn't care.

Speaker 9 (29:22):
So I'm not going to explain you, actually you don't
have to care, even though you feel like you care
and like you just want to know what happened. I
don't care to tell you, and I don't need to
cause I don't care.

Speaker 11 (29:31):
Other coworkers are bullying your friend, your friends are attacking ope,
so you actually do have to clarify this situation.

Speaker 9 (29:40):
I'm just even more confused than ever. I told her
about friends texting me and telling me that what I
said was belittling and I was an ale, and she
just shrug and said they probably misread things and she'll
talk to them.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
But I'm just so winded.

Speaker 9 (29:52):
I'm so tired because I haven't slept because I thought
she hated me, that I had hurt her, and she'd
never speak to me again. But she's fine, like she's
completely normal and just chatting with me as if last
night never happened. But I'm just so confused after seeing
so many you're the A hole comments. I thought I'd
really crossed a line this time, but she's not phased
at all. She seemed so upset and ignored me for

(30:12):
the rest of that night, and her coworkers treated me
like a criminal. But everything's okay. I guess I don't
know anymore. I'm tired and I'm going to sleep, but
things are still unresolved. I'm going to talk to her
about it when she comes back from work today because
her reaction still really bothers me.

Speaker 4 (30:28):
And here we go.

Speaker 9 (30:29):
Ten am, I got a call from one of the
UNI friends who was at dinner last night and we
had a chat. She asked me if everything was okay
between me and Mary, as she said she'd never seen
Mary snap at me like that until last night. I
filled her in on everything that we'd talked about and
how confused I was as well. She reaffirmed many of
my feelings about this being very out of character for Mary,

(30:49):
as she had also congratulated Mary and even said similar things,
as well as given her a bit of money in
a card along with an expensive gift, as did many others.
After talking to my friend, I've decided that I need
to have a long sit down with Mary the clear
things up, and it's not only me who's confused by
her behavior. Both the UNI friends are coming around later
to have a chat. Since now we're honestly quite concerned

(31:10):
about her. Her friends have not let up on their
texts to me, so I don't think she's spoken to them.
One said, I couldn't try and sweep this under the rug,
which is like, what are we talking about?

Speaker 11 (31:22):
No, at this point, because the texts have not stopped,
i'd go to your friend and say, hey, your friends
are harassing me.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
This needs to stop right now.

Speaker 9 (31:31):
Yeah, I'm thinking of blocking all of them as they
just won't leave me alone.

Speaker 11 (31:36):
Go ahead, you don't know them, presumably, I mean they're
her coworkers.

Speaker 4 (31:39):
Block all of them. Yeah, and then out of a conversation.

Speaker 9 (31:42):
With their Third update, this is not an update I
expected to make in a million years. Scrap has really
hit the fan and went sideways in a way I
never imagined. I'm confused, part broken, and really pissed off.
So long story short, it's all an effing lie.

Speaker 4 (31:57):
Which part which part? Let's find out she's not even
my roommate.

Speaker 9 (32:01):
One redditor said to me that my friend might have
said something to Mary's work colleagues about me that made
them not like me. I talked to both of them
when they came around in the afternoon, and they both
denied any of that. The one I had spoken to
earlier on the phone, Claire said she'd called one of
the work colleagues that she knows slightly well. In order
to clear things up, let's call the colleague, Jane. Jane

(32:21):
turned up at the flat and instantly looked pissed. I
almost wanted to hide behind the kitchen counter when she
came in, glaring daggers at me. We all sat down
and I let Jane know that I'd spoken to Mary
about last night and that she was fine, but I
was still confused. Jane then laughed and said, oh, don't
try that crap with me. You can't just pretend now
that you've been exposed in public.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
The three of us.

Speaker 9 (32:42):
Looked at her without saying a word, as we were
all confused now. Claire asked her what she meant, and
Jane said that she knew how I really treated Mary.

Speaker 4 (32:51):
We both asked her to elaborate, and she.

Speaker 9 (32:53):
Stood up and went on this tirade about how I
apparently regularly abuse and belittle Mary, then intimidate her into
saying nothing of it, and put on a smile for others.
I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at this point.
She then showed me her text with Mary, where Mary
wrote to her in distress about being locked in her
room because I was having a meltdown about her making
friends at work, something.

Speaker 4 (33:13):
That never happened.

Speaker 9 (33:15):
Claire and my other friend took the phone and looked
through the messages as well, and I had to stop
reading them as they all said stuff about how Mary
was afraid of me, and that I drapped her here
and was extorting rent out of her. It all just
leaves me numb inside. Eventually, Claire got to a point
where Mary said I'd canceled her twenty first birthday at
UNI and told her she wasn't allowed to go out.
The thing is, Claire and my other friend were at

(33:37):
Mary's twenty first birthday, in which I'd put over five
hundred pounds towards to have a themed Great Gatsby Night
that she'd always wanted, which in the messages she was
claiming never happened. She went over a lot of the
stuff in the messages and realized that Mary had been
spreading lies about me to all of her colleague about
how I was harmful and she couldn't move out because
I was charging her so much rent money. This absolutely

(34:00):
Mary was like a sister to me through our UNI years,
and I can't fathom why she'd say any of these things.
It took a long time, but after Claire, my friend,
went over all the accusations with Jane, and I pulled
up my bank details to show that Mary never makes
a single payment to me except for her half of
the bills. She seemed to cool down and settled into
the same confusion we.

Speaker 4 (34:20):
Were all feeling.

Speaker 9 (34:21):
She let us know that Mary told all of her
colleagues the story, and that the reason they were mad
at me is because Mary said I like to use
a manipulation tactic where I pretend to support her through
everything but use her past against her whenever we're in private.
They all thought that's what I had been doing last night.
They thought everything I said was meant to be a
backhanded compliment. Honestly, I'm so just kind of get.

Speaker 4 (34:46):
About everything.

Speaker 9 (34:47):
I can't even put into words, the hurt and betrayal.
I feel that she has spread these lines about me,
and for what reason, what benefit? I could never lift
a single finger to hurt her, but she tells everyone
her work that I isolate her from the world. Claire
had to calm me down, as I couldn't stop crying
no matter what I did.

Speaker 4 (35:05):
For ages. It was quite embarrassing, but I just couldn't
do anything else.

Speaker 9 (35:09):
Now I'm a little more level headed, but still mad,
but not crying anything. I don't even want to look
at Mary again.

Speaker 4 (35:14):
Understand yeah, let alone have her be your roommate. My
friends have told me not to make hasty decisions.

Speaker 9 (35:20):
Even Claire said she was disgusted by the things Mary
was saying about me in the text when everyone knows
them not to be true. I know that I probably
won't be able to clear my name with her colleagues,
but I don't really care about that. I just want
to know why Mary has said these things about me.
Jane went quiet by the end of our discussion and
left without saying much, so I don't know what that
means for me in her eyes. My two friends are

(35:42):
staying with me for the rest of the day until
Mary comes home. We've all got a lot of questions
for her to answer. And there is a fourth update here.
I have booted Mary out of the flat. She threw
away years of friendship for sympathy points with her colleagues,
and I still cannot understand why. When she got home
and saw the three of us watching television, she got
and said she'd make popcorn.

Speaker 4 (36:01):
Claire took lead and told her to sit down.

Speaker 9 (36:03):
She looked confused, but complied. Clair led the whole conversation.
I didn't really know what to say to Mary at all,
and could barely make eye contact with her. Claire told
her that Jane had been round and yelled at me
for being an abuser and a bully, and asked her
why she'd say those things. Mary acted confused and said
that it must all just be a miscommunication, that Jane

(36:24):
just twists things sometimes and she must have misunderstood the
stuff she'd said. Lair asked about the text messages and
started mentioning each event that Mary had cried to Jane
about me being an awful person. Jane went quiet and
then tried to say it was a work joke, but
Claire wasn't having any of it. She pushed harder about
all of this, and eventually Mary broke. She started crying

(36:46):
and telling us that she never meant any of it,
that it was a stupid thing and it shouldn't matter
that she loved me with everything she had, and it
was just a stupid story that went too far. She
started begging me for forgiveness, but I I was just
so tired and I still am. I looked her in
the eyes for the first time and told her she
had a week to find a place and move out,

(37:07):
And then she really started balling her eyes out and
begging me to let her stay. That she didn't think
it would matter because I don't work with them, But
I told.

Speaker 4 (37:15):
Her I was not having that kind of bs in
my life.

Speaker 9 (37:18):
I then said, so, do you just make up lies
about everyone in your life? Is any of it real?
Then she went really quiet, completely silent. At that point,
I didn't want to believe it, but the way she
was looking at me and the lies she'd made up
about me abusing her, had me questioning everything she'd ever
told me when we were at UNI together.

Speaker 11 (37:36):
That's what I'm saying, Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 9 (37:40):
Yes about any abuse in the home, about her being
homeless from sixteen until they divorced. I then told her
to get her mom on the phone, and she panicked
and begged me not to lie.

Speaker 4 (37:51):
Which lie. It is time to literally tear down this
entire life of lies.

Speaker 11 (37:58):
Built everything she's said to you.

Speaker 9 (38:01):
She needs to feel the heat and have serious consequences.
Claire then realized where I was going with this and
asked her if everything we've ever been told about her
dad had been true, and she cracked and said she
may have embellished.

Speaker 6 (38:13):
A few things.

Speaker 9 (38:14):
Wow, I am effing fuming at this point. Who that
f makes up this kind of twisted crap for what
benefit sympathy? I can't even write everything that was said,
as it just resorted into a screaming match between all
four of us. We learned that Mary's tragic life story
had been nothing but a concoction to gain sympathy from others.
Her parents are divorced, but there was no abuse involved.

(38:37):
They just fell out of love and split. I had
to learn this by calling her mother myself later on
to get clarity. I'd never said a word to her
mom about anything in the past because Mary had warned
me against it. She said I could always be open
with her about everything as she wasn't ashamed, but her
mom was sensitive didn't want to talk about it. So
it turns out my best friend is a master manipulator

(38:57):
and probably always has been. I'm so tired and exhausted
of this whole nightmare. This will be my last update
as I am done. I came here seeking help and
advice to find a way to mend a mistake I
had made with a trusted friend. But it turns out
that the last seven years have been built on a lie.
I am effing done with Mary with everything. I don't

(39:18):
want to see her again. I know she can afford
her own place, so I don't feel bad about forcing
her out. I don't care what she does now. I
just know that I don't want her around anymore. I
think I'm going to book myself some therapy sessions after
all this crap. It's not a happy update, but it's
the only conclusion I've got. Thank you everyone for all
the advice you gave me over the many updates. I
appreciate all of it. I'm sorry it's not cheerful, but

(39:39):
I just hope I can move on from all of this.
And there's a fifth update, you liar?

Speaker 4 (39:43):
What the hey, dude, look at you, fibbin.

Speaker 9 (39:46):
I never thought i'd be writing anymore on this post,
but holy crap, did it blow up overnight. I never
expected the amazing responses I got, or the wonderful people
in my messages sharing their stories and wishing me all
the best. It honestly brought me to tears to just
see this flood understanding and empathy appear out of nowhere.

Speaker 4 (40:02):
Thank you to everyone who took the time to message
me or comment.

Speaker 9 (40:04):
I've read them all, and I am thankful for all
the support I've been given.

Speaker 4 (40:08):
I didn't think i'd update any.

Speaker 9 (40:09):
Further, but since there's been so much recent interest, I
can give you guys a little conclusion to how everything
fully resolved. I didn't touch read it since my last
update because I needed a lot of time to process
what had happened, and having the place to myself was
strange to adjust to it first, but as it turns out,
it was very necessary to begin the healing process. Mary
moved out the following Saturday of the incident. She spent
the following days after the blow up moping around the

(40:31):
flat and wanting to talk to me, but I refused
and told her I needed space. Her mom came on
the weekend to help her pack up her things as
Mary was going to move back in with her. Her
mom cleared up a lot of the questions I'd had
on my mind. I'd always been told by Mary that
her dad had been harmful, but her mom had loved
him so much she wouldn't leave him because she left
home and was homeless when she was fourteen, sleeping under
benches and train stations just so she didn't have to

(40:52):
be in the house with him. He only moved back
in when her mom finally got the guts to divorce
her dad. This is a story I had believed for
seven years, and it turned out to be completely faith
Not only was Mary never homeless, but her father was
never harmful and.

Speaker 4 (41:05):
Loved both her and her mom very much.

Speaker 9 (41:08):
The reason I never saw him around was because he'd
moved to Australia to pursue his career, which was the
real reason for the divorce. He loved his family, but
wanted success even more Boo, so he left her Mom
told me that Mary's dad was always inviting her over
for the summer holidays, but Mary never went because she
hates flying.

Speaker 11 (41:27):
I don't think you can. I don't know about that.
That's kind of crazy. It divor what to pursue your
career and leaving your child. Yeah, I know, that's why,
I said, bo I said Boo to that.

Speaker 4 (41:38):
That's kind of whack. That's whack.

Speaker 11 (41:39):
If we're to believe anything that happened when she was fourteen.

Speaker 4 (41:43):
That's whack super whack.

Speaker 9 (41:44):
The day she moved out, I stayed in my room
and just hid away, But she knocked on my door
before she left, and I answered. I still wanted to
say goodbye. She had been my closest friend for so
long that it didn't feel right just letting her fade
out of my life without a sendoff. She asked me
if I wanted the money I gave her for her
new car back, but I said no and told her
to use it instead for therapy.

Speaker 4 (42:05):
She cried a lot and tried to.

Speaker 9 (42:07):
Hug me, but I kept her at a distance. I
let her know this would be the final time we
would ever see or speak to each other. I just
couldn't be around her anymore with the knowledge of what
she'd done. He left sobbing, and when she was gone,
my little town flat felt suddenly.

Speaker 4 (42:20):
Bigger than it ever had been before. It grew ten sizes.

Speaker 9 (42:23):
It's been hard adjusting to being alone in this place.
For the first week she was gone, I still expected
to see her in the kitchen every morning or on
the sofa when I got home.

Speaker 4 (42:31):
It was unsettling, to say the least.

Speaker 9 (42:33):
I had my first therapy appointment last week, and I
think it actually went well. I haven't been to therapy
since I was in school, so I was very nervous
to begin with. But my therapist is a very lovely
lady who helped me understand that Mary's lies were her
own making and I had nothing to do with their creation.
A lot of people said she was probably a compulsive liar,
maybe even a self absorbed person, and she seemed to

(42:54):
agree loosely with that idea from what she'd heard.

Speaker 4 (42:57):
And yet another revelation.

Speaker 9 (42:59):
I met with Jane for coffee as she'd asked me
to meet up and clear up some details.

Speaker 4 (43:03):
He told me she'd been wondering about why Mary would.

Speaker 9 (43:06):
Make me the target of her abuse story, and started
asking people in her office about the things Mary had
said about me in the past. One that stood out
was a painter they work in art restoration and distribution,
who used his art as a means of channeling his
traumatic history with his abusive stepmother. Apparently Mary had taken
quite a liking to him, and so she had first
told him about her abuse as.

Speaker 4 (43:27):
A way of getting closer to him.

Speaker 9 (43:29):
She'd mentioned fancying him in the past, but I didn't
think she'd go to such lengths to create a connection
between them. He'd been furious when he heard the truth
and now doesn't speak to her anymore. Jane told me
not many people do now. They were now all worried
that she'd make up stuff about them and get them
in trouble at work, so they're keeping her at arm's
length as a result. I felt a bit bad when
I heard this, as I know that Mary is having
a miserable time with our friendship group exiling her as well.

(43:51):
Jane apologized to me, but I told her she has
nothing to be sorry about, that this was all Mary,
and that she was only trying to protect what she
thought was a mistreated friend. We left each other on
good terms, but we don't have much in common, so
I doubt we'll be friends in the future. Claire came
to stay with me for a bit, which has helped
with the loneliness a little. It's hard to be alone
after having someone practically attached to your hip with you

(44:12):
for so long. Thank you for you guys as well,
who left such kind messages in the comments, many of
which were very helpful. I am so thankful to all
of you for your words of advice and comfort you've
given me. It's made a crappy situation much better to
know there are people out there who've been through the
same thing and to offer words of encouragement to lost
things like me. Thank you everybody, And that is the end.

Speaker 4 (44:34):
Of that story.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
There you go, Good luck, o pie.

Speaker 4 (44:36):
How do you find a normal roommate next?

Speaker 9 (44:38):
Yeah, and you will. You know, it's a shame that this,
you know, it's just a shame. There's nothing else to say.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
But it's a dang Shame's good that you know the truth.

Speaker 9 (44:47):
Now and that no, you just said, well, this is insane,
but time to put one foot in front of the other.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
My friend was rude to my mother, so I confronted
him about.

Speaker 6 (44:56):
It that my mommy.

Speaker 9 (44:58):
About a year ago, I'm moved in with my mom,
who lives in a very touristy destination. Several of my
friends expressed interest in coming for a visit, none.

Speaker 4 (45:07):
More than John.

Speaker 9 (45:08):
He immediately asked when he could come for a visit,
and continued to ask every time we spoke until I
told him he could visit anytime during this month. By
the way, this comes from user house Guest from the
Lake of Fire and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the slash Owcayse.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
Storytimes so bad.

Speaker 9 (45:23):
When he asked to stay for twelve days, I hesitated,
but I said yes because A flights are expensive and
that might have been the cheapest option. And B he
recently had a family member pass away and that hit
him very hard, and I wanted to offer what I
could to help him recover. The trouble started when he
sent me his itinerary in twelve days had somehow turned

(45:44):
into fourteen. I didn't say anything because the tickets were
already booked and I didn't want him to feel unwelcome.
When he arrived, the weather wasn't good and he was
a bit MOPy, so I took him to some indoor
act attractions. He was worried about the weather because he
wanted to see all the good stuff. However, he hadn't
done any research and had no idea what the good
stuff was. I told him that if he knew what

(46:06):
he had wanted to do, we could make some plans,
and that he was more than welcome to use our
neighbor's van.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
They let us borrow it when they are out of town.

Speaker 9 (46:14):
The next day, I had a car problem, and my
mom and I ended up spending the most of the
day getting it fixed. John came with us and was
grumpy the whole day, but didn't ask us to be
dropped off.

Speaker 4 (46:26):
Anywhere or to use the van.

Speaker 9 (46:28):
That night, he said he felt like he was wasting time,
so I asked him to do some research and make
a less of the things he wants to do. He
did make a list, and we've been able to accomplish
some of the things on it. He keeps proclaiming I
don't care what we do as long as we hit
everything on my list. The problem with that sentence is

(46:51):
theo we I don't have a traditional job, but I
have things I need to do and deadlines to meet.
He's treating this like we're on on vacation together instead
of his me doing him a favor by showing him
a few places and giving him a place to stay.
I informed him that I would not be joining him
for the remainder of the big activities on his list,
and he seemed to take it okay. Yesterday Mom drove

(47:14):
John and me to another place on his list, but
on the way home, we realized the van was not
safe to drive and needed maintenance the next day.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
Bad luck.

Speaker 9 (47:22):
I know. John's response to all that was, well, well,
I have a car tomorrow. Mom just told him she
didn't know, and when we discussed it in private later,
we decided to tell him he should rent a car.
I had a meeting I had to go to today
and told him that I would drop him off at
the rental agency early in the morning on my way.
He said okay, but didn't try making a reservation until
this morning. As I was getting ready to go, informed

(47:44):
me that there was no rental cars available in the
entire city and that he'd be staying with my mom
all day. I've just finished my meeting, but have a
few other errands to do, and I'm trying to figure
out what to do with him when I get home.
In addition to the above issues, these are some of
the other things that are driving my mom and me crazy.
Leaving his stuff everywhere, saying he would help with the dishes,

(48:06):
but then disappearing until someone else starts doing them, leaving
lights on after I told him multiple times, not correctly
sorting his recycling after my mom told him multiple times,
making snarky comments about how we have so many rules
when we bring up the lights or recycling, asking me
to cook for him, complaining about a lack of food,
changing the temperature in the car while someone else is driving,

(48:27):
putting on religious music in the car, and insisting on
finishing the song after I told him it makes me uncomfortable,
saying that I invited him to stay several times, when
in actuality, he kept asking to stay. John and I
have known each other for about ten years. He sort
of mentored me through some difficult periods in my life,
and I value his friendship dearly. Just booting him out
of the house is not an option, But Mom and

(48:48):
I are both stretched to our limits.

Speaker 4 (48:50):
How do my mom and I deal.

Speaker 9 (48:52):
With him and maintain our boundaries space and sanity? Should
I talk to him about his bad behavior as a whole?
I think he honestly has no idea that he's being rude.
He's told me he appreciates my honest and sometimes blunt
feedback about his dating life. He wants to get married,
and I worry that his inconsiderate behavior will prevent him
from having a healthy relationship with a partner. So he's
about to head out on his own for an overnight trip. Luckily,

(49:15):
there will only be a couple of days left in
his trip when he returns, and I will be sitting
him down to discuss his behavior before he leaves.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
And there's an update.

Speaker 9 (49:22):
I was gonna say, Yeah, of course you need to
talk to him John. Where are we thinking, Oh, this
John is not Johnning? Yeah, he's John is Jonathanning. He's Jonathanning.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
That's for sure.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
All offense meant to all Jonathan's out there. I will
fight you. Yeah, It's uh, bro just doesn't get I mean,
I guess that there was that one little tidbit at
the end where he was like every time I shared it,
he was actually grateful for the blunt feedback. Maybe he

(49:53):
genuinely doesn't understand, which I think we've all known one
of those guys at some point where it's like they
just maybe they're not malicious, but they just don't get it. Update.

Speaker 9 (50:06):
When I last updated, he was planning to go for
an overnight trip in a city about one hundred miles away.
There were no rental cars available, so we let him
use the van. After we had it fixed, I suggested
he'd get a hotel.

Speaker 4 (50:19):
However, they had all.

Speaker 6 (50:20):
Been booked up.

Speaker 9 (50:21):
My mom suggested Airbnb, but he claimed not to know
what it was, which I find hard to believe. But whatever,
Jonathan ended up going on three separate day trips to
this city. We were both pretty annoyed that he had
no qualms about putting that many miles on our cars,
but at the same time, it was worth it to
get him out of the house. Today is his last day,

(50:42):
but his flight is late tonight. This morning he announced
his intention to take my car to another place about
fifty miles away. I expressed concern about him driving so
far and me having to take another long trip to
take him to the airport, and he said, so what,
I'll gash up your car. I told him we needed
to talk and asked him to come outside with me.

(51:02):
As a few of you suggested, I told him that
since he has said he appreciates my blunt feedback, I
was gonna give.

Speaker 4 (51:09):
It to him right now.

Speaker 9 (51:10):
I told him that this was not intended to attack
orbitate him, but I needed to let him know how
his behavior made my mom and I feel. I told
him that it wasn't cool that he extended his trip
by two days and just assumed I'd be available to
take him around.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
I told him it was taking advantage to.

Speaker 9 (51:26):
Take those three super long trips in our car, and
that perhaps if he had planned in advance, he could
have arranged for accommodations instead of expecting me to be
his personal tour guide. I told him that every single
other person who has stayed with us has offered to
rent a car, and that my mom was offended when
she told him we had to do maintenance on the van,
and instead of offering to stay near our house or

(51:46):
get an uber, he only asked if we would have
a car to drive. I told him that messing with
the heater in the car without asking says the only
thing that matters is my comfort, and I don't care
about the rest of you.

Speaker 4 (51:57):
That's what I'm sorry.

Speaker 9 (51:59):
I'm on A's side here, but changing the heat settings
in the car is fundamentally disrespectful.

Speaker 4 (52:06):
I think we're jumping the shark there a little bit.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
I think it's just like annoying, but like it's it's
it's I mean, it does kind of show that he's
just like not thinking about it.

Speaker 10 (52:15):
I think the major context we're missing is how hot
was it outside?

Speaker 6 (52:19):
And then from that we can see if he was
the ahle or not?

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Yeah, what was the temp?

Speaker 9 (52:24):
At some point, if you don't want the guy driving
your car, you gotta say nope, nope, you want to
drive my car another one hundred miles away, nope.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Well he's hope he's spelling all of it out. I
think it's I think it's good to kind of spell
out like, hey, like it is like annoying to have
someone just like O'm changing this right. It feels like, Wow,
what about us, bro?

Speaker 9 (52:47):
I said, you can stay here, and you have somehow
interpreted that as me and my mom will be your
personal concierge.

Speaker 4 (52:55):
That's not this not the accommodation.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
Would you like a new car, sir? That I don't
habits in the shop?

Speaker 8 (53:00):
Sir?

Speaker 4 (53:01):
Oh, fetch for you, full fright, post haste.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
Come on.

Speaker 9 (53:04):
I told him that despite the fact that uh ooh,
I told him that, despite the fact that he has
made it a habit to leave lights on and not recycle,
he needs to break that habit because it is unacceptable
to not follow the rules when someone opens their home
to you. I also told him that the thing that
made me feel the most taken advantage of was when
he belittled me for having so many rules. I went

(53:26):
on to tell him that the reason for me telling
him this was not only for my own sanity, but
to make him aware of a problem that was going
to prevent him from ever forming a meaningful and healthy relationship.
I mentioned in the original post that he desperately wants
to get married. I told him that if I didn't
care about him, I would have booted him out long
ago and never talked to him again, but that I

(53:47):
decided it was worth it to tell him because I
thought he would reflect on what I was telling him
and figure out a way to change his behavior.

Speaker 4 (53:53):
So he listened and didn't make excuses.

Speaker 9 (53:57):
He apologized and said he would think about what I
told him. He apologized to my mom after we went
back inside, and they had a little chat about how
certain things he says rubbed people the wrong way. My
mom advised him to consider how things he says might
be interpreted. He called an uber and left several hours
before the flight. He offered to leave money for his
use of the cars, but we told him not to.

(54:17):
After we left, we found it in his room. Anyway, overall,
I have learned to set boundaries when I have someone
come and stay. My new rules are no one stays
longer than a week. Guests have to rent a car.
If I have to question whether I can handle a
person for a few days, that person is not invited.

Speaker 4 (54:31):
I will clearly.

Speaker 9 (54:31):
Communicate to guests ahead of time that they will be
expected to make their own plans and that if I
am able to, I will join them, but I will
not be their personal tour guint.

Speaker 6 (54:40):
Hey's John Ogi host.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick
free minute break of ads from our sponsors. My friend
refused to attend my wedding because she thinks it's a scamp.

Speaker 4 (54:49):
Your wedding is literally a pyramid skih.

Speaker 2 (54:51):
Female thirty seven with my best friend Darla, female thirty
eight have been best friends since we were roughly five
years old.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
For some background, we grew up about one block away
f from each other, and we were thick as thieves immediately.
By the way, this comes from a moist Panda forty
one oh nine, and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime sub reddit.
We both had younger brothers who got along well, and
that made spending more time together really convenient for our
parents and allowed us to be extremely close. Towards the

(55:18):
end of elementary school, her family moved to another neighborhood
in a really large and fancy, at least to me
at the time, house. We remained friends and spent a
lot of time together. A couple of years later, my
family also moved to a different house in a neighborhood
closer to her, and while we did not go to
middle school together, we did attend the same high school
for freshman year before I was rezoned to a different

(55:38):
high school. Throughout high school, we did our own thing,
but still remained close friends and spent a lot of
time together. Once we were able to drive and eventually
got our own cars. We had little to know issues
and no arguments that I can ever recall. College was
also smooth sailing in the friendship departments, and we got
together whenever it was possible, but not as often as
we would have liked, since we were poor college students

(55:59):
and our school were far apart. Now. After she completed college,
she moved out of state with her boyfriend now husband.
I continued in college for several more years after her
finances prevented me from taking a full course load, and
then I went to graduate school. Despite the many times
throughout our lives where we have not seen each other
for extended periods of time, we still talked and considered
each other besties. I can genuinely say and often do

(56:22):
that she is one of the most wonderful people I've
ever met. She's kind, patient, considerate, nursing, funny, smart, and
just an absolute angel of a person. Throughout our adult lives,
anytime either of us have been struggling with something, we
reached out to one another for support and comfort and
always received it. From my perspective, it's always been pretty
equal in terms of providing support to one another in
difficult times. We always have one of those friendships where

(56:44):
we may not have spoken for six months or more,
but as soon as we pick up the phone, it's
like no time has passed at all. With her living
out of state, we did not get to see each
other often. Usually it's around a holiday when she's already
coming back to see her family. I've gone to her
state to visit her once. For many years, I was
living paycheck to paycheck and traveling out of state was
financially unaffordable, and I was also working hourly jobs where
I simply cannot afford to be off work for more

(57:07):
than a weekend, as I did not have any paid
time off Yay America. When she got married around ten
years ago in the state where she currently lives, I
was ecstatic for her, but knew that there was absolutely
no way I could possibly attend due to the aforementioned
financial and job restraints. I was also in college at
the time, which increased the limit on my ability to

(57:28):
take to be away for several more days. She was,
of course disappointed that I could not attend, but completely
understood that if I had the ability, I would have
been there by her side. That being said, I do
not believe that this plays a role in our current situation,
but wanted to include it for context as well. We
have a lot of context now currently. We are both
doing pretty solid in our lives. She and her husband

(57:49):
bought a house a little over a year ago, and
I am thriving in a high paying career with a
lot of flexibility and excellent conditions. We still connected over
the phone to catch up and of course, for support
when it's needed. A few months ago I got engaged
and she was happy, super happy. Yes, and very congratulatory
when I told her about it. My fiance and I
had already begun making plans and we were pretty set

(58:11):
on what we wanted to do. I told her all
about it and she was very encouraging and positive, no
hint of any issue. We plan to have a destination
wedding in Mexico, as my fiance is from a European country,
so his entire family and closest friends all still reside there.

Speaker 6 (58:25):
Gotta be Europe.

Speaker 4 (58:27):
This person just it's all right, we forgive you.

Speaker 2 (58:29):
Okay, maybe Spain. My entire family and closest friends are
in the US, so we both figured out that if
we had to travel, had to travel, then we might
as well have them all travel to an all inclusive
resort in paradise where there are fun activities to keep
people occupied, loads of food, and free flowing drinks. We
chose a very well known European resort chain, which we

(58:49):
have visited before and absolutely loved. This resort is also
extremely budget friendly with different pricing options, because we wanted
to ensure that it was reasonable for all of our guests.
Once I had told my closest friends and family personally,
we announced it online and I sent out our bridesmaid
proposal boxes to Darla. I believe the OG friend and
my two other close friends. Darla's box specifically asked her

(59:10):
to be my maid of honor. Around the same time
we sent out the invites. There were digital invites, so
RCPs came in pretty quickly from our closest guests. When
Darla received her proposal box, she sent me a picture
of her with the items in the box and again
congratulating me, saying how excited she was about my wedding.
This was around a week or so after the digital

(59:32):
invites were sent out. She had still not sent an RSVP.
I'm assuming she maybe overlooked the email or super busy
with workstuff. I gave her a call to do later,
and she and I talked for a long time about
a crisis with work that she had been dealing with,
which was very complicated. She explained all the ins and outs,

(59:53):
and I offered helpful suggestions and sympathy as it sounded
like an absolute nightmare. After this long talk, I asked
her about the wedding and she mentioned that she had
been drowning at work and simply had not given it
much attention, but would once things cleared up. She suggested
I directly email it to her husband, as she typically
manages their social calendar and would be the one to
set up everything surrounding the trip. I sent the email

(01:00:15):
invite directly to her husband. A day or two after
our call, Darla and I continued texting regularly about my
wedding plans and ideas for bridesmaids, dresses, color schemes, and
all of normal things. She's super responsive and helpful. After
about two more weeks with no RSVP response, I messaged
her asking if she had talked with her husband about

(01:00:36):
my wedding, as they had not seen an RSVP from her.

Speaker 4 (01:00:40):
Okay, this is what's wrong, Dakota his phone call territory.
Why are we texting?

Speaker 9 (01:00:44):
Phone call well, ringing green, Hello, ringing ring Hello. I
need to talk to you like now. Could you give
me weird vibes? And you would be a very important
part of this wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
Yeah, it's like she's saying all the things of like
oh play, She's helping her plan the wedding everything as
if she's the main of honor her and literally has
an RCP to the wedding period.

Speaker 9 (01:01:03):
Yes, hello, honor Hello, I'm calling you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
No, I have to be indirect and not you know
what ready Darling's box?

Speaker 6 (01:01:16):
Wait, I'm gonna get you.

Speaker 4 (01:01:20):
What is coming out?

Speaker 6 (01:01:21):
What is this?

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
You're gonna be my main of honor.

Speaker 6 (01:01:26):
I'm gonna get you.

Speaker 4 (01:01:27):
What is that? Why is what's Bernie?

Speaker 3 (01:01:30):
Was that?

Speaker 4 (01:01:31):
Okay? I'm gonna Darla just whip that right out of
her box.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
No response for five days. I sent another message, nudging
her with a meme and acquiring her again about whether
or not she had been able to speak with her husband.
I called her the next day, no answer. I called
her again the day after, still no answer. Finally, she
sent a long text saying that she isn't sure if
she can come to the wedding because she had an
issue in Mexico years ago where there were some extra

(01:01:58):
fees at the airport that they were required to pay
but had not been made aware of, and now she
feels like going to Mexico will result in She insinuated
that the resort was a scam and she simply does
not trust it and likely will not be persuaded to
trust that she won't be scammed. Immediately, I responded, asking
for more information as I was pretty surprised and confused

(01:02:19):
about this coming out of the blue. She explained that
having to email a hotel contact for pricing seemed shady
to her. We got a hotel blocked from the wedding
and offered a bit of offered a bit of a
discount from wedding pricing depending on the room you chose.
She stated that she doesn't believe the hotel is legit
because they should have complete transparency on the pricing.

Speaker 9 (01:02:42):
What does she think this is like secretly like they're
all gonna get like kidnapped, missed. She like, I don't know,
It's like Mexico. That country's scary. I don't know if
I trust Mexico.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
I have they serve Margarita's.

Speaker 9 (01:02:55):
Margarita's and like, I don't know, and all the people
there look different from me. I'm hoping that that's not
the vibe.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
But this might be the territory we're heading in.

Speaker 9 (01:03:04):
Is the vibe? Is the vibe? Are they going to
be Mexico but they have Mexicans? I hope it's not.

Speaker 6 (01:03:10):
She'd be car racing without the car.

Speaker 3 (01:03:12):
Darla, Darla, Darla back in your box.

Speaker 12 (01:03:16):
Oh god, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, it's like
a wormhole going into itself anyway.

Speaker 4 (01:03:31):
It's like that scene from ant Man where oh God,
I can't.

Speaker 13 (01:03:34):
The hotel has regularly priced rooms on the website, but
during the week of our wedding, there are other weddings
which also have rooms blocked, and many of the rooms
show is unavailable for this reason, thus not showing the
pricing online for that particular week.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
So her second issue was that she emailed the wedding
coordinator a few days prior about booking a room and
had not heard back from her, which made it seem
more sketchy. Explain to her that my fiance and I
had been to this resort before and knew that it
is in fact not a scam, and that we have
been emailing with the wedding coordinator over the past six

(01:04:13):
weeks and sometimes she takes a while, like six days
to respond, and sometimes he responds immediately, so it didn't
seem out of character. Darla simply responded that she would
just have to wait and see what the email from
the wedding coordinator said and would let me know. Now
it has been an entire month since this last conversation
with Darla, and I have not heard one single word

(01:04:36):
from her. Darla, we needed you to you.

Speaker 13 (01:04:41):
Revert back out of the Fox and Talk Talk box
to us about your intentions of going.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
To this wedding or not. That's exactly what we need to.

Speaker 4 (01:04:54):
Do, Darla.

Speaker 9 (01:04:54):
I need you to channel your inner Roddy Rich and
release the box.

Speaker 4 (01:04:58):
Oh publicly true.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
That was a deep cut.

Speaker 4 (01:05:01):
That was just for me. That reference was just for me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
I mean I enjoyed it as well. You got that, Yeah,
coopan a lot in the box.

Speaker 10 (01:05:16):
Did you know that in twenty twenty and twenty twenty one,
the Box was the most listens to song.

Speaker 9 (01:05:22):
Riley Loves Box, Riley Loves Box.

Speaker 4 (01:05:26):
Can't keep a good Man down.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
My fiance says to just let it go and assume
she won't come torn, because I would love to have
her by my side. And I'm honestly still in disbelief
that she's behaving so far out of character all of
a sudden. I don't want to know what happened, but
I'm apprehensive to actually reach out again. Kind of a
Schrodinger's cat situation for me. What exactly should I do here?

(01:05:52):
If she had told me she couldn't afford it or
that there was a work conflict. I would have just
let it go and moved on, But I'm in limbo here.
Should I just let it go like my fiancee advised,
or should they keep trying to talk with her about
this and actually get some sort of resolution regardless of
the outcome.

Speaker 9 (01:06:08):
Really yeah, because your friend has made it clear that
they're not coming

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