My father wants a MEMORIAL for my sister at my wedding! | Reddit Stories | EP2349 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:03):
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
My father wants a memorial for my sister at my wedding,
and I refused.

Speaker 4 (00:22):
A memorial sounds kind of good, though.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Weather it's a trigger warning for grief. My younger sister
passed away last year. She was an adult but young,
and it was sudden. I don't want to get into
too much detail, but she made some bad choices that
contributed to her short life. She was also not well mentally.
She had an extremely tumultuous relationship with my mom and me,
with some ups but mostly very nasty downs, especially during

(00:45):
years when we tried to save her from herself. By
the way, this comes from user don't look at me please,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the ur Slashowkay Storytime subburn it.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
To give you good advice. It will goofy. We don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
so if you do something else, let us know in
the comments and op says. On the other hand, my
dad was often idealized by her and they had a
better relationship. My fiance did not have a good relationship
with her either. Her final years and passing were traumatic

(01:18):
for our whole family. It especially impacted my dad. Since
she passed, my dad has made a point of eulogizing
her at every family event we've had to remember her
and make sure she was present. It's always been difficult
for both my mom and me because I have a
lot of intense, difficult emotions surrounding her and her passing.
I always cry for hours and I end up feeling

(01:40):
downhearted and out of sorts for days after each one
of these surprise memorial events. My dad will be the
officiant at our wedding. It is very soon. I only
recently learned that he plans to memorialize her during the
ceremony and in his toast. I really don't want him
to do this, but he's extremely resistant because he doesn't

(02:03):
want to pretend like she was never here. In his words,
I will admit that it is childish for me to
feel bitter about someone who is no longer here. But
growing up I had a lot of events hijacked by
her causing some incident, and now it feels like it's
happening again, even when she's gone. If we had a

(02:23):
better relationship, I might have been more okay with taking
a moment to remember her. But my dad tends to
ilionize her and has selective memory where he's forgotten everything bad.
He was shocked when I said I wasn't comfortable with
her being mentioned in a speech outside of my own baggage.
My fiance certainly doesn't want her mentioned. This is not

(02:45):
just a my side of the family event like the
previous memorials. I also fear it will bring down what's
supposed to be a happy time and make the guests
sad or uncomfortable. I want to try to compromise with
him by having my mom, him, and me whear yellow
jewelry in discreet places to remember her, as yellow was
her favorite color. But I'm not sure if he'd be

(03:07):
okay with this because it's too secret. I know the
title sounds bad. I was hoping people might be able
to assess this objectively and give suggestions, especially if they've
been at weddings with memorials before. Unfortunately, for me, this
is a trickier situation than i'd like because of who
my sister was. Long, long story short, How can I

(03:28):
let my dad feel like we're honoring my sister's memory
without upsetting my mom, my fiance, and myself too much
to enjoy the day. I'm at a loss and it's
hard for me to approach this objectively. We do have
an edit, but yeah, feelings are hard. I don't think
there's any way that you can just be like, oh,
I'm just gonna white knuckle through this. If that's how

(03:51):
it affects you, that's just how it affects you. If
you want to change that, I would think you'd have
to master like all of your emotions, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 5 (03:58):
Like, yeah, I don't think it's wrong for her to
be like that's too much for me though for my
wedding day, So like, please don't mention her in speeches.
I think that the compromise that she had with the
yellow jewelry is really good. Maybe you can like leave
a seat empty for her or something.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
During the ceremony.

Speaker 5 (04:16):
Yeah, more noticeable so that Dad's happy.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, there are definitely ways to honor someone without having
to like stop everything whole speech, you know.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
And it's also going to be like, yes, we can
remember her, but at every single thing at you know,
I think it's.

Speaker 5 (04:37):
Just the FACTI and he's like, surprise, let's talk about
your past sister. Now that's gonna be so hard to
be sprung off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:45):
I didn't even like really tell you guys, or.

Speaker 5 (04:47):
It sounded like like a bunch of surprise memorials.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
I get it, but like there should be a balance
of it kind of thing, not like every single time
or like let's do this so much because you know,
you're just gonna keep bringing it up.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
And at the end of the day, this is your wedding,
so you should be able to make the calls. There's
an edit. I need to go to bed, so I
won't be replying further. But I wanted to thank the
people who offered condolences and advice, and also those who
were rightfully saying, girl, what are you thinking when I
said maybe I should just let him do it. I've
gotten a lot of great ideas for other ways of
remembering people not just my sister, and ways to handle it.

(05:24):
If my dad tries anyway, I'm having a serious discussion
with him tomorrow, and if I get any hint that
he's going to ignore my fiance and I wishes, then
we'll find another officiant. I wish i'd been smart enough
to fully settle this issue months ago instead of days
from the wedding, but lesson learned about clear communication there.

(05:44):
Thanks again, and we have some comments from OP. My
mother and I have both tried to talk about how
we process grief differently, especially given how difficult our relationships
with my sister were. That's part of why I wasn't
expecting him to do that this is at the wedding,
because he did it for my birthday and I had
to talk about how hard that was. Unfortunately, I guess

(06:07):
I didn't make the impression that I thought I did.
I don't want to ask him to step down as
the officiant, because I think it would really hurt him
and cause more problems than just letting this happen. I
just hope I could find a compromise that allows him
to feel like he's not forgetting about his other daughter
without making me too depress to be a good wife
to my fiance or hostess to my guests. It's really

(06:31):
messing with me when I think about her passing so
much and regarding the I don't know why you'd expect
this to be different. Tell me about it. I thought
it was understood that this was not the time, but
I was not clear enough and should have been more clear.
I'd like to do some kind of counseling. My excuse,
and I'm aware this is an excuse, is that I'm

(06:51):
working a job where finding extra time is difficult. Just
in the lead up to the wedding, I've been going
to bed at three am and waking up at eight
just to be sure I do everything I need to
for work and wedding planning. Admittedly I fall into the
trap of thinking I just need to find a good time,
but it has, of course not magically presented itself. My

(07:12):
dad tried grief counseling briefly, but he quit after a
few sessions and refuses to try again, thought it was
too impersonal. My mom and I, but especially my mom,
have become his therapist instead, which is not awesome for
us for the reasons you can imagine. Yeah, I felt
like that's exactly where that was going after he said
that it's too impersonal.

Speaker 5 (07:32):
Yeah, reason being Also, you guys aren't therapists. Yeah, that's
just not gonna go.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
Well, you're like the closest like emotionally affected people to this,
and instead of getting help, he's just like making all
of his feelings also your responsibility on top of your
own feelings.

Speaker 4 (07:48):
About this double grief.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
And because he has different feelings than you, and you
guys have gone through clearly a lot more negative stuff
with your sister, you can't reflect those feelings back at
your dad because he's just gonna not reciprocate or understand them,
or he's gonna take it personally and be like why
would you bring that up? Like why would you want
to talk about that? Yeah, So you just have to
sit there and be a sponge for all of his

(08:13):
feelings about the situation. It's not fair. Convincing him to
do family counseling would be difficult, and unfortunately the wedding
is in only days. That's why I haven't said he
shouldn't officiate finding someone else this soon would be a
burden and the emotional turmoil of saying he can't officiate,
would I think make things even worse than letting him

(08:36):
do the memorial speeches for a variety of reasons. He's
also shown that he will just kind of do things
to memorializer even when he's not in an official position,
So I think that wouldn't really stop him if he
were determined. That's why I'm hoping to find a compromise
that's less obtrusive so he doesn't feel guilty without literally
calling everyone's attention to my sister's passing and there's an update.

(08:59):
But I I think you just need to have a
full conversation about Like, I get it, we all miss her.
It's affected all of us, but we don't want this right.
We don't want this at our wedding.

Speaker 5 (09:13):
I am still very worried that even if she talks
to him, and even if he's like, yeah, yeah, I
will not do it, he's gonna do it.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
I think you might need to hit him with like
the I understand we all miss her in our own
way and we're grieving, but I'm still here and I'm
asking you as my father to not do this. You
can still respect your other child's wishes. Yeah, I am
asking you right now in front of you, and hopefully

(09:40):
that's what happened. Four days later, I spoke with my
dad the morning after making the post. I tried to
emphasize that mentioning my sister's passing in detail at the
wedding would be very difficult emotionally for my mother and
I and would take away from my fiance and now
husband's day and would probably make the guests uncomfortable or saddened.
He said he was resistant at first because he's been

(10:02):
so afraid of my sister's memory fading away, but that
ultimately he understood my concerns. He still wanted her present
in some way that wouldn't take away from our day,
and I offered suggestions that people gave for ways to
have her memory present. We decided to have a seat
reserved for past loved ones at the ceremony and an
empty seat with a name tag for her at the
wedding party's table during the reception dinner. My dad was

(10:24):
the officiant as originally planned, and he gave a beautiful
speech at the ceremony and a heart felt toast that
was focused on the joy of the day instead of
the sadness of the past. Yes, there we.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
Go go Dad.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
As far as I'm aware, everyone at the wedding had
a wonderful time and the only tears shed were happy ones.
Oh that feels good too, cute, it feels real nice.
But do you have a little more story left? I
feel like that was handled wonderfully. They took your idea
was taken.

Speaker 5 (10:55):
They totally just like got a time machine and went
back and listened to the advice.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
I know that there were multiple commenters who said my
dad should be replaced as the officiate no matter what,
but I'm glad I didn't do that. After the wedding
was over, he gave me a big hug, crying because
it meant so much to him that we trusted him
to do the ceremony, and how happy it made him
to be such a big part of the wedding. It
meant a lot to my husband and I too. Moral
of the story. Sometimes it takes a few tries to

(11:25):
get it right, but honest and heartfelt communication between everyone
involved won the day. Here in the end, it was
a perfect wedding and I couldn't be happier with how
it turned out. And that is the end of that story.
Oh yeah, A good story.

Speaker 4 (11:42):
Good story.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
We did have a good story. We didn't have to
shun the father, the happy story. Listen, good job. I
love and people listen and find compromise. I love it.
I'm just so right now I could run through a
brick wall. That is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (12:05):
We've got another one. We have several, we have some.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
We have many stories for you to listen to today.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
I feel like that hurts your voice.

Speaker 1 (12:14):
You know what hurts my voice? This next story.

Speaker 5 (12:17):
My sister made all of our siblings bridesmaids except.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
Me because you would have been too pretty.

Speaker 5 (12:25):
I thirty one female, am the oldest of five sisters,
thirty female, twenty seven female, Zoe twenty three female, and
twenty one female.

Speaker 4 (12:35):
Like that, only one of them got a name.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
There's only one that is relevant.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
Joey, I'm scared Zoe one oh one.

Speaker 5 (12:47):
Other than the usual mild sister antics, teasing, nagging, clothes stealing,
and other minor drama, we all grew up very close
by the way. This comes from Npath nineteen ninety four.
And if you want us make your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
I'm Carly Dakota.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
It takes too long.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
I almost forgot forgot your name.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
I thought it was you, Okay, Dakota, I'm Keon and we're.

Speaker 5 (13:13):
Here to give good advice goofully, But we don't have
all the answers. We only know what we would do.
So let us know what you would do in the comments,
and Opie says my background. I joined the military and
moved away at eighteen years old when sister Zoe was
only ten years old, while stationed in Florida. I had
my son in twenty seventeen, and despite my best and

(13:37):
very expensive legal efforts, I have been unable to leave
the state and move home to Kentucky until my son,
eight male, turns eighteen, which will be in twenty thirty five.
I try to visit home as often as I can,
stay involved in secret Santa's birthdays, Mother's.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
Days, et cetera.

Speaker 5 (13:57):
I keep in touch via social media as well without
being the overly annoying big sister. My thirty female sister
was the first of us to get married back in
twenty eighteen, and although the girls under twenty one weren't
included in some of the more mature bachelorette events, all
four of us were bridesmaids for my sister, and she
had four additional bridesmaids as well, eight wedding party pairs

(14:20):
in total. Less than two months later, tragedy struck when
our devoted dad, husband, love of our mom's life for
over thirty years, rock of our family, and well known
number of our community, pass of a sudden, first time
heart attack as a healthy fifty three year old, no
heart disease, healthy way, no warning, passed away thinking he

(14:44):
had heartburn on Christmas Day. To say this event changed
each one of us to a cellular level wouldn't be
descriptive enough. We will never be the same as the
oldest sibling, and in a long term relationship of my own,
I know just how painful it is to think about
planning such a big day while navigating the dad sized

(15:04):
hole in our hearts, knowing he won't be there to
walk us down the aisle, calm nerves, dance with us,
and cry. At least once, he was such a cry
baby when it came to his girls. When Zoe's boyfriend
of seven years was ready.

Speaker 4 (15:17):
To pop the question, he called each.

Speaker 5 (15:20):
Of her sisters in lieu of my dad's presence, to
which I excitedly gave my blessing and was thrilled. On
June twenty first, twenty twenty five, he proposed. Zoe sent
me pictures and thank you for any part I'd had
in the proposal, as she knew he had reached out
to me. I gave my congratulations and fond over the
ring and pictures, and shared in her excitement with my

(15:42):
mom on FaceTime the day afterwards. Just a couple weeks later,
I got a text message, Hey, Dana, I want to
have a quick chat about something important. When Carter and
I started planning the wedding party, we had to keep
things really small to keep it balanced. He had five
close friends picked and I already had two people in
mind before we finalized the list. That didn't leave room

(16:05):
to include everyone I love and care about, and it
was such a tough decision. I hope you know how
much you mean to me and that not being a
bridesmaid doesn't change that at all. You're incredibly important to
me and I can't wait to celebrate this day with you.
I think there's an emoji there and that's the end
of that text.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
I mean, I think given the context that you left
when she was ten and have been able to come
back and won't be able to come back for like
another ten years. I think probably clues into why this
might be happening. I think this has been handled perfectly,
honestly by Zoe so far. That text, if I got

(16:44):
that text, I'm not a sibling though neither.

Speaker 4 (16:47):
Of us are Hey's sibling. Boy over there, if you had.

Speaker 5 (16:51):
Three brothers, I do, okay, and you were the only
one not.

Speaker 4 (16:57):
To be a best man.

Speaker 3 (16:58):
It depends on my relationship with my brothers, you know, if.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Like you don't live there for ten.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
Years, if that makes sense, that's straight up. Like if
this is the context, like you put if I put
myself in op shoes, I got this text, great, I
feel like I'm gonna be involved in some way, Like, okay, great,
it's yours. It's again at the end of the day
their wedding. Yeah, will I be offended slightly, But like,
if I'm not home in everybody else's home and they
all have a closer relationship, that's fair.

Speaker 5 (17:27):
So like I moved away, Yeah, and if one of
my friends that I was still really close with didn't like,
I would definitely still be hurt about it. So to clarify,
two friends and three of four sisters equals five bridesmaids.
I'm a pretty strong person, but I was pretty gutted.
I never imagined having my own bridal party with more

(17:48):
than four bridesmaids and any of my sisters not being
included relationship and closeness at the time.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
Aside, if God blesses.

Speaker 5 (17:57):
You with four sisters, those are your built in day
one unless there's a serious reason or toxicity. At least
to me, I was the strong one for all of
them when my dad passed, The only sister with kids
and a nephew that they adore, stood up to my
thirty female sister when she went politically extreme and was
mean to our mom last year after the election. Not

(18:20):
to mention, my business is doing exceptionally well, and I'd
have the means to prove a high value gift and
or help with a little of the wedding costs since
my dad can't. And I don't think that you should
withhold that because you're not a bridesmaid. If that's something
you want to do, well, I will say, like if
you're then well, if you're then gonna change how you're

(18:40):
participating in the wedding because you're hurt that you weren't
a bridesmaid.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
But I mean, like that does being a bridesmaid or
not does tangibly change how you not for.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
A participate in a wedding?

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Right?

Speaker 5 (18:53):
I think she's still coming to all the bridesmaid's events.
I mean, we haven't gotten that is she.

Speaker 4 (18:59):
I don't know. Maybe I was just thinking about what
she said before all of that.

Speaker 5 (19:03):
On top of the simple fact she's my second youngest
baby sister and I love her dearly, So why shouldn't
I just attend anyway outside of the bridal party. Our
family has been in the same small town since before
Kentucky even had statehood. My dad had a successful automotive business,
which my mom still has opened, and our family is

(19:24):
publicly known for having five daughters.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
What was that about Kentucky about the statehood?

Speaker 5 (19:30):
Their family's been in Kentucky before it was a state.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
They're pure Kentucky.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
They're the hat Fields and come through her hat Field mccor.
We've got a family, a few boons, and before the
fifty states were fifty they did.

Speaker 5 (19:47):
Without giving away our identities. We share a last name
with a famous band Blank five o Let.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
Me guess Jackson Maroon. We both went two different directions there, and.

Speaker 5 (19:59):
There's I know there's six of them in that it's
letters for Jackson, like there's a blank length length length R.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
Well. I like how you're like, we're not gonna give
you away names, but let's give away our names.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Now.

Speaker 5 (20:13):
That was a joking nickname for our little group, my
entire childhood in that town. Our last name is pretty
synonymous with the idea of being five daughters, and I
genuinely feel like the speculation of leaving just one of
us out could potentially cause drama that could outshine the
marriage we're there to celebrate.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Isn't she leaving two of you out?

Speaker 4 (20:33):
No?

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Because I thought it was.

Speaker 5 (20:35):
She has two friends, she's the one getting married, right, gotcha.
She's gonna be a math secret extra math extra, that's
the trick question on the algebra test.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
Let's be honest.

Speaker 5 (20:48):
Human nature loves drama and curiosity far more than happiness,
and I love Zoe enough to want her to have
all the attention on.

Speaker 4 (20:57):
Her that day.

Speaker 5 (20:58):
It would be perfectly feasible for me to blame my
co parenting schedule, travel plans of over one thousand miles
or anything else as a perfect excuse to not attend
and avoid the drama for the both of.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Us that you not attending would be more dramatic.

Speaker 4 (21:13):
Right, that would also cause drama.

Speaker 5 (21:16):
Come on, really, we're like taking this way too far.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
Just go to the wedding.

Speaker 5 (21:21):
My mom also mentioned she also will be having one
of our cousin's little boys acting as her ring bearer
instead of her only nephew.

Speaker 4 (21:30):
While I get it toddler's.

Speaker 5 (21:31):
Are cuter than eight year olds, he was the ring
bearer for thirty female sister's wedding in twenty eighteen. And
we need to forget everything that happened with somebody else's
wedding because this is a new wedding.

Speaker 1 (21:43):
This is a different time, in a different event, a
different place.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Yeah. Again, at the end of the day, it's their wedding.

Speaker 5 (21:50):
I get it she's hurt, but I don't think not
going is the.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Correct mem Yeah, And I don't think you even really
believe that whole Like, oh, well, it's like we're the
Jackson five, Like we there need to be five sisters
because it's where from where, that's who we are. You've
been gone for a long time, right, right.

Speaker 5 (22:10):
Have been the five, right, you haven't been.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
There, you know, so it's not like that really holds
any water. I mean, like, would it be that big
of a deal for you to have six bridesmaids and
for him to have five groomsmen?

Speaker 5 (22:24):
Like some people are very particular about that. I don't
get it, but some.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
People are, Wait, did OPI ever respond to that text?

Speaker 5 (22:32):
We didn't get a response.

Speaker 3 (22:33):
See that's okay, that's I think this is.

Speaker 4 (22:35):
All still reaction from the text.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Because that text was pretty straightforward, but also like I
can see it being very heartfelt that the text at
the sister's said like, hey, I love you so much.
I think I want you to be a part of this.
I just have five and you were in my fave five.

Speaker 5 (22:51):
It also even maybe like a phone call or something
a little more sincere, like I could get being like
I did feel really upset in the moment.

Speaker 4 (22:59):
This is to me now in overreactions.

Speaker 5 (23:02):
My mom's explanation was, well, she's babysat for them a
lot over the years, but I'm still shocked neither one
of us will be part of her wedding party. I
am trying so hard to not take this personally, but
I don't know why she would do this if there
wasn't some intention. Weddings with one hundred and thirty guests
have five plus wedding party couple pairs quite often, and

(23:25):
the difference between five and six bridesmaids standing room is minimal.
Anytime I've been a bridesmaid, I've purchased my own dress, accessories,
transportation to events, which, since I was never local, was
usually only an expense for me, and I do my
own hair and makeup. She also stated that Carter had
chosen five close friends.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
My guess is Carter.

Speaker 5 (23:47):
Doesn't have another friend, but he didn't have one acquaintance
that could be a six groomsman. If eight year old
nephew is too cool to be a ring bearer, he
could have been my escort and groomsmen.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
You know what, I'm getting a lot from MISSOI I'm
getting a lot of me, me, me, me me. And
I'm not saying you're a selfish person. But all I've
been hearing is I I I I.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
I think this all goes back to their dad. Yeah,
you know, and then like the feeling of like being
a unit. They said that they were there for everybody
when that happened.

Speaker 5 (24:19):
I wonder if OP could like walk her down the
aisle then, or something like. I feel like said she
filled in that dad role.

Speaker 4 (24:26):
I have a feeling their mom probably is.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
I feel like you need to respond to this text
and be like, Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I am
a little hurt, but this is your wedding. I love you.
I'm happy to be there for you. If there's anything
you need me to do or want me to do,
I'll be here. Kind of thing. Yeah, don't anything else.

Speaker 4 (24:43):
Go to the freaking wedding. Don't not go because you're
not a bridesmaid.

Speaker 5 (24:47):
That's hetty My mom mentioned she was surprised that Zoe
asked thirty female sisters since they aren't that close but
closer than me.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
But to be honest, if.

Speaker 5 (24:57):
Both of her older sisters were left out, I think
that that would look less intentional since we are substantially
older than her. As much as I love Zoe and
would love to be included, I don't feel uncomfortable not
being a bridesmaid. I feel uncomfortable being the only sister
who isn't.

Speaker 4 (25:13):
And the optics from that.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Bro, so you're worried about optics, Bro, gross.

Speaker 3 (25:19):
I'm saying she thinks it's like a deep thing. Maybe
it is a deep thing, but I think you're just
like you're reading in between the lines. You haven't been
home for ten years. Your relationship with this sister isn't
as strong.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Dude, you just don't get it. When you're part of
the Maroon family, five of you must be present. When
you're a Marooner, it's a you're I got nothing at
rhymes with that help me, Adam Levine help.

Speaker 4 (25:49):
Final thought, A great thought.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
Well pardoned me for collecting myself in the midst of
the Maroon five to.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
Figure out because you guys are still making jokes.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
You know, you're still trying to figure out.

Speaker 4 (26:04):
You guys were still trying to rhyme.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
I was never trying to rhyme. I know your thanks, Kat,
but blue figure out what the what the real solution
here is.

Speaker 5 (26:16):
Yeah, I feel like it's not wrong to be like, hey,
I'm pretty hurt that, like I'm the only one that's not.
But I get it, and I'll be there and I'll
support you and let me know what you need. I
think you still have to go to the wedding, and
I think that ultimately, like it is her wedding and
it might really really hurt and you guys can still
have a conversation to work out at her, which I

(26:37):
think should happen. But if she doesn't want you to
be a bridesmaid, you can't be. Like, if I'm not
a bridesmaid, I'm not coming.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
I think again, I have a conversation with your sister,
telling her like how you feel, but don't tell her
what you're your wants and your needs of like I
think I should be do this or this, you should
do this. It's just like, Hey, I feel like I'm
left out and like I'm a little hurt that everyone
else is included but me. Could I be involved a
little bit more because I love ya and we're family.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Eat.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
I know I need to reply to Zoe's text, but
I don't even know where to start. Yep, I was
so shocked that she's been left on red for a week,
girly pop.

Speaker 4 (27:14):
I know I'm the ahole for that.

Speaker 5 (27:16):
So should I bail altogether and avoid the risk of
drama or do I attend and let Zoe's chips fall
where they may. I have zero intention of causing a
scene or even speaking about this at any of the events.
But knowing our loud friends and family, and how well
known I am as the oldest, I don't think I'll
have to It will be noticed regardless. Thanks for reading

(27:39):
in advance. We have some comments. Commenter one, why not
tell her the truth that you feel incredibly hurt by
her decision to leave you out of the wedding party?
Commenter two. If you are hurt and don't want to
attend because of that, that's fine, but don't choose not
to attend and pretend it's because you're trying to prevent
drama when in.

Speaker 4 (27:58):
Fact you're bringing it.

Speaker 5 (28:00):
So I say, if you want to be there, go
and let the chips fall. If you don't want to
be there because you're hurt, then don't go, but don't
pretend it's because you're doing something good. Commenter three. If
not going is truly about the optics, you can use
the same reason for attending as a guest as for
not attending at all. You weren't sure how travel plans

(28:21):
were going to work with your co parenting schedule, and
didn't want to leave Zoe in the lurch, so you
thought it was a better idea to attend as a
guest commenter, so smart, big But then.

Speaker 1 (28:32):
It's you're just a liar. You're just being a liar.
But I don't.

Speaker 5 (28:37):
Understand saying that you're not going to go because of
travel is still lying.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Big shot, small town family optics are so out of
my purview of knowledge or what my purview.

Speaker 5 (28:51):
All right, if it is about hurt feelings, only you
can decide if they are worth.

Speaker 4 (28:56):
Missing your sister's wedding for.

Speaker 5 (28:58):
As you said, you love her, and that is a
decision you won't be able to take back. And while
it may not cause community drama, it will cause family drama.
I'm under four tell her the truth that you love
her and we're excited to support her through her wedding,
But this decision is extremely hurtful and has you questioning

(29:19):
your relationship. My unpopular opinion is that it's naive to
have the attitude that the bride can do whatever she
wants without consequences. Weddings do involve family dynamics, and it's
incredibly cruel to single out one sister for the sake
of an even bridal party. Yes she can leave you out,
and yes you can tell her how you feel. Ultimately,

(29:39):
you two need to have that discussion before you make
any declaration about attending or not.

Speaker 4 (29:45):
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Discussions must be had.

Speaker 5 (29:49):
Yeah, I think answer your sister, it's been a week.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
Yeah, at that point, she already knows something's wrong.

Speaker 5 (29:55):
Right, And I'm sure if your family talks as much
as you're saying, your momammediately went to your sister.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
And this is not a secret anymore. I doubt this is.

Speaker 4 (30:05):
But I think you should still go, even if you're
a guest.

Speaker 5 (30:07):
And I think the commenter's advice of being like, yeah, like,
it really just wasn't gonna work out with not knowing
if I would one be here or not, So I
I'm just gonna be a guest.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
Why can't that just be the solution. Just be the
guest present, be the guest, joy, be the guest, be
her guests.

Speaker 5 (30:26):
The end of that story, And we have another one
coming up.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
My best friend shamed me in front of everyone at
her engagement party.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
You should be ashamed of yourself.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
I love how that kind of felt like you were
talking to Ope. They have enough shame already. Honestly, this
happened almost a decade ago. A friend fall out around
her wedding festivities. My best friend from high school. We'd
known each other since fourteen and were inseparable. People would
ask us where the other person was when we ever

(30:57):
happened to be alone. We would fall asleep on the
phone after school talking to each other.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
Are y'all in love with each other?

Speaker 1 (31:04):
Maybe y'all were codependent codependent brit chet so well, maybe
you guys were just like freaking cutie little pies.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
Let's find out.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
Well. By the way, this comes from, use your air
bubble one nine four and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the our slash showcase storytime
suburn it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia.

Speaker 5 (31:21):
I'm about to be key on, and we.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
Are about to give you good advice goofully hopefully. But
we don't have all the answers. We only know what
we would do. So if you would do something different,
let us know when the comments and op says. We
went to university and already there she started not being
the greatest friend. She would isolate herself with her boyfriend
despite us living together.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Basically, well, did you basically live together or did you
live together? This is a two different things.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
I feel like y'all were codependent, and now she's about
to get codependent with her boyfriend, and you're not gonna
like it. That's my thought.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
Yeah, people change.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
It's fine if we're not as tight anymore. But I
made an effort. After a couple of times, I was
fed up and let her know, and things went on
fairly civil, no fallout or anything, and then she decided
to marry her boyfriend. We have skipped a lot of
times today, or that.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Happened in a very small amount of time. That's quick.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
We either just skipped over a lot of background, or
she's not focusing on her studies.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
I think that might be.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
She is busy studying the human body. Ooh, she's gonna
be a doctor. They first threw this huge engagement party.
The party was abroad. What was her name, and basically
a wedding, and it was her name and culturally a
bit expected. We were probably twenty four to twenty six.
Me and our other close high school friend joined her

(32:49):
happily for this event. She looked super beautiful. The party
was a success, albeit stressful handling family and everything. And
after that we went on holiday together fiance, her, her brother,
and the two of us we're all in a similar
age group, and we're traveling together. On night one, she
said some really terrible things to me and about me,

(33:12):
basically slute shaming me. I was in a committed, long
term relationship at the time. I albeit extremely sad because
it looked like it was going to end. Fun fact,
he was also the first man I had ever done
the horizontal tango with, so not very much sleutiness going on. Generally.
She tried to say it jokingly, everyone at the table

(33:34):
realized the tone was far from joking. What are we
sure though?

Speaker 3 (33:39):
Are you sure?

Speaker 1 (33:40):
Because you couldn't be that Yeah, huh given what was said.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Maybe she's just like super religious and just the fact
that OPI has slept with anyone is too far for her.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
She's just like at the EVENU, she's like, Yeah, isn't
it funny how like you're here even though you're just
it's like a dirty little mongrel of a person for
having slept with your boyfriend. Yeah, and you guys are
going to break up anyway, so it's like you defiled
yourself for no reason. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
I think it was that pregnant.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
Pause. We're from a rather conservative culture, so I wasn't
going to disclose anything from my dating life or defend
myself on the matter. It was like cricket level silence,
which is, you know, technically crickets are pretty loud, pretty loud. Yeah,
have you ever heard of cricket? Yes, a loud of yeah,

(34:40):
I bet you have. Oh wait, what is that? Wait?
What is that? I've never heard that noise before. Everyone
looking at how I handled it, which was basically to
look at her in shock and say nothing really, just
an okay, noted or some thing like that. I'm known

(35:01):
to be a very hurt ice queen when someone goes
too far, but she's going to do it.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
Put a little elsa, she makes frozen castles.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. Honestly,
there was nothing I could say. I was just so
shocked at what came out of her mouth that she
would a think that or be say that in front
of people I didn't know super well, like her brother
and fiance. It felt like she just wanted to somehow
put me down, and she knew I couldn't say much

(35:32):
to that. It was so out of the blue. I
was extremely hurt and could not understand why she would
do something like that after all the support we gave
for the engagement. We didn't speak for the rest of
the holiday. I'm also hung up really quickly on like.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
How tell me what do you hung up?

Speaker 1 (35:48):
How do you not know her fiance at all? Did
she keep him from you or did you keep yourself
from them?

Speaker 2 (35:54):
I think it happened pretty quickly.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
I think it's like twenty six Now, Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
That's interesting. Maybe they were spending all of their time
together in college and not really including I just wonder.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
If it was like a they spent time together and
then OP was like, oh, well that means I can't
or if it was they spent time together and then
they were like, well, we have no room for you.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
I think it might have been that, because I feel
like there's a pretty I mean, like, unless oh, he's
just not reading it right. I think there's a it's
pretty clear when like partners don't want you there or
are actively excluding you.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
I don't know. I'm getting the opposite end of that.
I'm reading it as like, well, she was mine, she
was mine first, and now I can't even see this
girl anymore, Like it sickens me to hang out with
you and know that you're so close with your boyfriend. Yeah,
and it's like, hello, you could be the third wheel.

(36:49):
It's adorable. Sometimes I had to hold back tears every
time I couldn't look at her. Her fiance was trying
to smooth it out somehow, or let's say everyone somehow.
My other friend also said she didn't understand and that
we needed to talk, that she understood her way of
behaving too, but I didn't know what there was to understand,

(37:10):
and at this point, for once, I wasn't willing to
put the effort in anymore. An apology and conversation were due,
but nothing was coming from me anymore. There was build
up in the friendship issues. I kept asking my other
friend if I did something wrong Unknowingly. I tried to
help her family so much and was running around like
crazy to get things done. She was basically like my sister.

(37:34):
There was a half bootied comment about how I was
maybe trying to put the moves on her brother, which
honestly is absurd. Whenever someone would say it out loud,
they knew how crazy that was and sounded as a hypothesis,
but it was the only one that maybe would prompt
such behavior if she was actually thinking that her brother

(37:56):
is younger, not my type at all, and I consider
him extended family. As I said, I was in a
very committed relationship at the time. Ten years later, this
is still one of the most absurd things I've ever heard.
Fast forward and we go back home and basically stop
speaking for good. She was used to me solving problems,
but I was done doing that for her. It was

(38:17):
so hurtful, and it took me a whole year to
get over the fact that a lifelong friendship would just
go like that. She knew as well how bad I
was doing mentally with my relationship. He had moved abroad
what's her name? First, big love, overall sad story. Our
friends around tried to salvage it, but I stayed put
that I was not the one to solve this. I

(38:40):
was clearly attacked and had been the bigger person before,
but not anymore. I was open for a call from
her always to explain what on earth had happened. That
was obviously only the engagement. They married two years later,
and I was set on not going. However, hurtful. That
was to not see my best friend get married. She's

(39:00):
not your best friend anymore.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Yeah, but she's still got that history. Whitney Anderson says
what I'm thinking, which she says not her type, because
Opie is in lure with a friend. That's what I'm thinking.
It feels like so coindependent that they've you know, they
had this really close relationship to the point where it
like it's like this almost actual, like romantic relationship.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
We're shipping them, huh a little bit. They're getting a
little bit.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
But but but it's so toxic because she goes to
college starts stating this other guy, Oh, he's jealous. She's like,
I don't have this person anymore. I don't know why
I have these angry feelings. And then her friend is
upset because she's like, well, you're in a relationship. This
is total conjecture.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
I am building a storyline.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
Yeah, you're in a relationship, so I'm gonna like put
you DAGs. I don't I'm jealous of your relationship. And
then oh, he's like, whoa, I've just been attacked and
you're getting into the relationship so fast. That's what I'm thinking.
It all blew up in their faces.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
I think that that makes more sense than all of
this happening over like one out of pocket thing that
was said.

Speaker 5 (40:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
No, I think it's like this culmination of their jealousy
about their relationships, regardless of whether it's romantic or not.
I think they're both equally like jealous of these relationships
taking them away from each other hm, and so they're
lashing out.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
So Opie's like, I'm not going at a wedding, even
though it's gonna hurt not to see my best friend
get married. How could I go if she somehow thought
I'd hit on family or say things like that about me.
I didn't hear from her, even though multiple friends reached
out to her, telling me her how bad it was
to let our friendship wither away like this. One and
a half years later, she sent me a long text

(40:38):
message on my birthday saying how she didn't know how
things have gone so far, and that we didn't speak
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I was surprised.
For a year, I'd been waiting for this, but I
had cried every tear I had in me already and
read the text I was obviously open to have the
conversation with her, but trust was broken beyond repair. If
I didn't get any insight or closure, stop you going

(41:01):
radio silent? Also for this long while having all these
mixed feelings and wanting all of these things to be said,
means this is also your fault.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
Well yeah, because he's like, oh, well, I'm not gonna
say anything because I always fix it. And it's like,
if you have all of these emotions and stuff, Yeah,
it sucks that she's not trying to build that bridge,
but if you have all this unresolved anger and frustration
and stuff, I think, just say it, and then after
you say it, then you can decide. You know, this
isn't a relationship or a friendship that I can continue. Yeah,

(41:31):
but like, don't let it fester. You're just having like
shower conversations for years. Yeah, just have real conversations with people.
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
I went to meet her and she showed up in
full tears, balling. I was honestly worried if everything was
all right. I've had many tragedies happen in my life,
and I immediately asked if everyone was healthy and alive,
which they were. We had the conversation, and she said
she didn't know what happened or why she said those things. No,
she would never think I would put the moves on

(42:04):
a brother. She basically just didn't give me an answer,
no insight, no logic, no emotional build up. You know,
those circumstances where you might say not so nice things
you don't mean that somehow you can give a pass.
I asked her why now, that this was so hurtful,
and that I expected at least some answer on what
was going on, and I just got nothing. Well, Opie,

(42:24):
you certainly waited a long time. It might not be
as crystal clear anymore when it's been like three and
a half years.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Yeah, because at that point she might not even really
understand why she's so upset. She's like, I don't even remember, honestly.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Just the fact that she could go so long without
clearing the issue said a lot about where we stood.
But you can say that about you as well.

Speaker 2 (42:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
Then she basically went on about how alone she felt
and how she realized she had no friends outside of
her fiance and that relationship was going badly because of
her upcoming wedding and mother in law drama. And boom,
she was calling me because of her, not because of me.
I was automatically taken aback. Just feel like you didn't
want this to get better? Yeah, she said she couldn't

(43:08):
imagine not having me there, etc. And I said I
didn't feel comfortable even thinking of going if any rumors
about my integrity would be on the table. She had
known me for so long and she knew that was
something I would never compromise. I would never feel comfortable
being around her family and fiance if she thought I
was that type of person. And she assured me that
wasn't the case. Blah blah blah, blah blah. We had

(43:31):
a long history, so I wasn't throwing it out immediately.
You already did, You already did do that. I went
to the wedding and did feel uncomfortable. I was very
happy for them and touched, but I stayed very reserved,
even though I was very torn inside and reminded of
everything surrounding the first time around. I wasn't going all
out and running around. You wouldn't know from the outside

(43:53):
because I still was helpful checking wedding decor, hair makeup,
bringing all the stuff, but not how I used to be.
Always wondered if it had something to do with jealousy.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Yes, yes, yes, you're right that you're right that.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
But it's your jealousy.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
You're both jealous of each other.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
It was the only thing that made sense somehow. We
are quite different in appearance, but I'd say both attractive
in our own rights. One is tall, one is short,
one is blond and curly, one brunette, both slender, Just
different types of women, do.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
All right, loud and.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
I was right, yawsa, I was right the first time.
But reading this thread somehow makes me realize that people
just go crazy on their wedding days and have major
problems with attention not being where they want it to be.
But that is that we have a little bit more
story left. Do we have anything else to say?

Speaker 2 (44:44):
I think that you are I think that you're read about.
Jealousy is right. You guys are jealous of each other's
relationships because you no longer have this close friendship that
you've grown up with, and you have all these unresolved
feelings about your friendship that neither one of you are
willing to take that first step. And he's like, well,

(45:05):
I've done it all the time, which may or may
not be true, but doesn't you know, negate the fact
that someone's got to do it if you want to
have any resolution in this friendship. But yeah, I don't
think either of you are willing to do that, and
you just kind of want to complain about it, which
doesn't do anything.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
But it's like, my feelings are over here hurt and
she doesn't care.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
At the end of the day, if you have hurt
feelings and you want to complain about them, the only
way to fix it is to talk to the person
about them.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
And she clearly yeah, because when she showed up, she
was like crying and being like, oh, this happened, And
you're like, you don't know how this happened. How am
I supposed to forgive you? Yeah, if you don't know
why you said what you said.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
I think that you guys just need to talk about it,
express your feelings. And then if you're like, you know what,
I haven't seen any change from her. I don't see
this friendship getting better or improving. That's it. But I've
expressed my feelings, then you can leave it behind. And
that's like in the past, right, at least you've expressed
something that's my thought.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
And we've got a little bit more story left.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
Oh boy, hey John Ogi, hoist here.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break of ads from a sponsor's keeping the
show alive. We never fully recovered from how she was
as a bride. We stay in touch, keep up about
major life events, very rare occasional visits, and wish each
other well. I got married in a small courthouse wedding,
very laid back. She attended and was very touched, and

(46:32):
I'm happy to know that it didn't pass away fully
our friendship. But having been a bride, it would just
never occur to me to be like that. I had
no dress code and I would have not even cared
if someone would have just showed up in white. I
could not understand what happened back then, But reading these threads,
that's maybe it. So do you guys think she might

(46:54):
have just been a bridezilla? Maybe there are comments.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
No, I don't think it was just that though, like
maybe the stress of the wedding got to her, but
I think those feelings were already there.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
How are you describing like I did something a certain
way and someone else did something a different way. H M.
Does that mean that we can't ever be friends again? Like,
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
I think OPI is saying, like, oh, did she react
poorly because she was a bride? I never had that
you know, level of stress.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
But she wasn't a bribe the whole time, you know
what I'm saying. No, you already had. She already had problems.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
But that's my point before that's my point. I think
OPI is boiling it down too simply.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
And we have some comments. Comment one, you're better than
me for going to the wedding. Comment to I'm thinking
she was likely projecting, Opie says, Actually, that might also
be true. I was about to tell you she doesn't
fit the description she gave me either, But she did
maybe things that were in the gray zone that are
not really cheating, but would make a partner and not
feel great. And that was the end of that story.

(47:57):
You're gonna leave us on the mean, maybe she cheated
on her fiance.

Speaker 4 (48:01):
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 (48:02):
What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (48:05):
But we got another story, Yes we do. My husband's
coworkers told him to divorce me.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Maybe they have a crush on him.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime subreddit.
My husband male thirty six and I female, twenty eight
have been together for a decade okay, doing some math
and finally tie the knot at the end of August
this year. For background, my husband is a deputy and
moved to another city for work two years before a wedding.

(48:34):
By the way, this comes from leg Gal and if
you want to spend your own stories, go to the
r slash okay storytime subred it.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
And we're here to give good advice goofly, but we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the comments.
What was the myth that Opi was eighteen? He was
twenty six when they got together. Opie says, because his
job isn't like working at a regular office, I've literally
never that any of his coworkers, no visits, no parties, nothing.

(49:04):
He invited about ten coworkers and their plus ones, average
age around twenty five. But I was meeting them for
the very first time on our wedding day.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
So we're at the head table during the reception and
four of his coworkers come up. I don't say Hi,
don't congratulate me, not even nice to meet you. Instead,
they have two shots. Give one to my husband and
the other to his best man. Nothing for me, nothing
for my maid of honor. My husband, to his credit, joked,
I'm not drinking if you don't give one to my wife.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
That's not a joke.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Though, that's not a joke, and he goes, I'm not kidding,
and he.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
Goes, so give her one because I.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
Won't give her a drink, which made me feel slightly better,
but honestly, I was pretty annoyed. Later during the dancing,
one coworker and his girlfriend started grinding and literally making
the dance floor look like a spicy club. Hands on
the floor, butt.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
Up, paysl you need hay's on your knees.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
We're both from traditional backgrounds. I'm Middle Eastern, he's Indian.
So this shocked our family and friends. My husband asked
them to knock it off, so did another guy, but
they didn't listen. But they're like, hey.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Stop, and they're like oh, They're like, oh no way,
Oh you want us to stop? Pop pap pap Po
Po po Po Po po.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
I finally sent my maid of honor and then they stopped.
People still ask us about the couple from the wedding
because it was such a spectacle. My dad asked about
them on the wedding night, my mother in law the
next day, so embarrassing. Not a single coworker came up
to me the whole night to introduce themselves or congratulate me.
A week after the wedding, I told my husband that

(50:45):
starting our marriage off right means rethinking friendships with men
who can't respect his wife. Fast forward, at an event
a month later, my husband asked if I wanted to
go with him to hang out with these same coworkers.

Speaker 4 (50:57):
That's wild.

Speaker 2 (50:59):
You were like, hey, maybe you should rethink your friendships
with these people. And he was like, uh huh. A
month later, do you want to hang out with them?

Speaker 3 (51:06):
No?

Speaker 2 (51:07):
Trying out these people.

Speaker 1 (51:08):
I think especially will be in law enforcement, Like there
is definitely a lot going on with the culture that
you know, uh, people within the same precinctive department that
kind of gotta be you gotta be cool with him
or you you know, it just becomesable.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
Yeah, yeah, I see you're saying. At first, I agreed,
then realized I couldn't fake being nice after how I
was treated. I bowed out and my husband texted them
saying I was still upset about the wedding. Thanks for oversharing, babe.
Their response dwarcer, my husband just shrugged it off. Terrible one.
Your husband's saying the actual reason why you weren't coming,

(51:49):
so throwing you under the bus. And then their response
divorce you, and he just he didn't defend you. He
wasn't like, how dare you well?

Speaker 1 (51:58):
To be fair, we tell people to divorce all the time.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
Yeah, but we don't know them.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
But maybe they don't know her. I don't know. I
think him blowing it off is probably a solid reaction.
I got. The politics of being like a cop basically
is like it's not like you can blow up at
all of them and be like, oah.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Sure, but you could say, hey, you know, like please
don't say that, or not even say that my wife
doesn't want to come because she's so upset.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
We did.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
We didn't need to say that. I've been with this
man for ten years, married recently and seeing him dismiss
disrespect from his coworkers who now feel comfortable telling him
to divorce me is gutting do key. Things are clear
to me. If you let people disrespect your partner, they'll
keep doing it. If someone tells you to divorce her

(52:46):
and you just shrug, you're opening the door to more
disrespect and who knows what else. Really quick, why is
he telling all of this? She wasn't there though, presumably
he's coming back to her and saying, yeah, they told
me to divorce you, and she's like, well, what did
you say, and he's like, oh, man.

Speaker 1 (53:01):
Just checked it off.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
She wasn't there, oh, because he went. He went alone
because she wouldn't come. So he's reporting this back to her.

Speaker 1 (53:10):
Well that's good, I gue, unless he's being like, better, well,
they told me to divorce you, so something to think about,
something to think about. Everyone else wants me to divorce you,
don't think about. If that's how he did it, leave him,
it's time to leave.

Speaker 2 (53:25):
This whole experience was genuinely shocking to me because my
husband's friends outside of work have always been respectful and considerate,
not just toward their own wives, but towards me as well,
for as long as I've known them. There is a
little bit left to this story. Do you have any
final fonts.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
Hmmm, the math, it's always gonna be a little mathematics
equation when you start dating at eighteen and they're twenty six.

Speaker 2 (53:51):
Like we've said before, you know, age gap relationship can
work perfectly. But I think when you have this person
who's older and also still disrespecting you, I don't know,
like other people are also kind of looking down at
you because you are younger than them, even though that
like you might have the same maturity level. Why is
he not standing up for you?

Speaker 1 (54:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Yeah, it's not good. And I think if he came
back and said, you know, they said this thing, I'm
gonna try not to hang out with them that much
because I don't want to, like cause trouble at work.
Like if he came back and said that, that'd be
a different story.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
Yeah, there's a.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
Little bit left. Most are married with children, and I've
never witnessed any sort of disrespect or drama in those circles.
So when I married my husband, I had absolutely no
idea he had coworkers who would act this way. It
was like discovering a completely different side to his social life,
and the contrast has left me confused and hurt. I
don't think these are healthy friends. Honestly, they're the type

(54:46):
to encourage cheating and lying. Yes, since they're coworkers, it's complicated.
How do I handle this? How do I get my
husband to see what's really happening here? Help?

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Am I over.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Reacting or is this a big red flag? I don't
think it's the end of the relationship.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
I think you're just experiencing the reality of dating someone
in law enforcement. Honestly, I mean, unfortunately you know, I'm
not an expert in that.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
But I think it is a red flag. I don't
think it's a divorce worthy one. I think it is
something to have a conversation with him about and say
that you don't feel respected or kind of defended by him,
and hope that he changes his attitude. But that's the
end of that story, folks. And we've got some comments.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
Yes we do. So the commentsar are from the video
my boss said, I don't deserve a raise And this
was posted on November fifth, twenty twenty five. This is
going to be for story two of this episode, So
the TLDR for this episode is going to be OP
twenty two. Female just started a new job and the
it guy late thirties, Mail keeps hitting on her, even

(55:47):
after she made it clear she's in a long term relationship.
He got all weird and passive aggressive, seeing he wouldn't
help the office if she didn't date him. OPI feels
creeped out, anxious and trapped because he keeps showing up everywhere,
but other cogers think he's harmless. Oh he doesn't know
if she overreacted or how to handle this creepy, toxic situation.

(56:09):
If you're curious to know the full story, you can
go watch the full video. I kind of recall this.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
This story reacted with the lawsuit.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
Yeah, lawsuit, I do you remember?

Speaker 1 (56:19):
Do you remember that one lawsuit?

Speaker 2 (56:21):
Yeah? He was basically harassing her and.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
Then wasn't he Also he was like yeah he's late thirties.
Mail was like stvery weird. Yeah, it was very very weird.
We do have some comments. Red Rum Zombies says, do
you went through the system in private information to get
her number? That's illegal?

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (56:39):
It was literally illegal and if the company does nothing,
they are liable. So yeah, I think we all remembered, like,
go to HR, but even I think the HR person
was like, oh no, he's harmless? Was I correct? Do
I remember that?

Speaker 4 (56:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (56:52):
It was something like I just remember them.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Not really, no one really cared. Yeah, like no, he's like, oh,
he's just he does just like he's.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
Just the guy. He's just a little guy.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
He's just a little guy.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
It was very, very weird. But we have a second
comment here by Christian Smith seventy seven thirty seven. I
believe op needs to get a lawyer that specializes in
spicy harassment slash toxic work environment and start documenting everything
and then bring it to the company whenever she decides
to leave. She might also want to start a paperwork
trail with the police on this guy stalking her outside

(57:25):
of work, and since she's in a relationship, she needs
to let the partner know so he can help protect
her and possibly put this crazy guy in his place.
Since the it guy has a low view of women,
then he should respect a man who comes to him
and tells him to leave his property alone.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
And you inspect my man words.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
I don't like that guy respect him?

Speaker 1 (57:47):
Thinks you respect my man words? Right now? No, now
I come to use a man, I speaking like man,
I start talk like man, you spect my man?

Speaker 3 (57:54):
And that was that was the last comment. I agree.
I mean, I think we also have the same thing, like, yeah,
we I do recall that Opie didn't really tell her
partner until the very end, and like was he nonchalant
or was he very serious?

Speaker 2 (58:05):
I don't remember.

Speaker 3 (58:06):
I don't remember. It's hard to remember all these stories.
But yes, get get the law involved, get this paper
trail work. And I like that comment of I think
we said the same thing. Just make sure you're safe.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
Yeah, it's scary, guys, A creeper.

Speaker 3 (58:18):
All right. That is the end of the comments and.

Speaker 2 (58:20):
The end of the episode. So if you love us,
make sure to subscribe We

Speaker 1 (58:24):
Love you and see it am all

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My father wants a MEMORIAL for my sister at my wedding! | Reddit Stories | EP2349