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00:00 r/BORUpdates - [2 Year Update] AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes?
22:56 r/relationships - My BF (28M) desperately needs a replacement roommate. He found a potential one (27F), but she is attracted to him. I (22F) feel insecure about this. Should I veto her moving in?
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
My fiance demands a fifty to fifty split, so I
told him to downgrade his lifestyle.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I told him, get oway, I'm going to cut you
in half with the sword. You want a fifty to
fifty split? Come on?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Am I the ale for telling my fiance that if
he expects me to contribute fifty to fifty, we have
to make some serious lifestyle changes. My twenty six female
by fiance twenty six mail sat me down yesterday and
gave me a long talk about how it feels like
I don't contribute a lot to the household, particularly in
the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard
(00:41):
by this, but was willing to hear him out since
he wasn't wrong. By the way, this comes from throwaway
downsizing and if you want to spit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay. Storytime subured it. So
he makes a lot more than I do, and we've
always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about eighty
percent sent him. I asked what he wanted me to
(01:02):
pay now, and he was adamant about it being fifty
to fifty. I asked if everything was okay with his
job or if he needed to take fewer hours. He
wouldn't answer me. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if
there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he
just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over
and over every time. I asked what brought him to
(01:23):
this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said,
that's how it's going to be. Take it or leave it,
those exact words in response to literally everything I said,
full shut down, no explanations. I told him that was fine,
I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a
Zilo account yet or expected me to. He looked confused
(01:45):
and asked why would we need a Zilo account. I
explained that there's no way I can afford half rent
on our current place, so we'll probably have to move
into a one bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked
why didn't have shavings. I told him that I do,
but I'm not paying rent out of my savings because
that's a terrible and unsustainable idea.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Yeah, he's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I also began to go over what our new food
budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd
probably have to sell the cars and get one less
expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments
on an Audi and a land Rover. Then I explained
that date nights would probably have to be reduced too,
and we could still do like Buffalo wild wings or something,
but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders
(02:30):
of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me
to pay half, we're living with my means, not his anymore.
He kind of agreed to it, but since then he's
been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but
it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud
of pissed off. I've sent him six Zillo listings, all
(02:52):
of which he called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of
which I think were valid, others I disagree with. He's
now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that
he tried to come to me with a serious concern
about a relationship, and I'm making it impossible for him
to talk to me and bulldozing over him. Am I
the a hole? Brother? You bulldoze relevant comments, not the
(03:16):
a hole at all, And you are making perfect sense
in my mind. If he wants fifty to fifty, he
needs to understand that your income is the limiting agent
in this reaction. It does sound like he has something
else going on, and I would mentally prepare for him
to call the wedding off.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
I forgot they were getting married. Oh yeah, wait, that's
another layer.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I uh yeah. He's like, we're about to get hurried,
and you need to should be a thing that he knows.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
He's like, I know you can't do this, so I'm
gonna say this needs to be done.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Oh Like he's trying to get out of it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
It's like people will do that if they're like, I
can't be the one to end it, so it has
to be something outside of me.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Yeah, it does it.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
This sounds like he is coming up with reasons to
get rid of you in his mind, but he does
not want to come off as the bad guy. Century
and olders making up jobs and numbers. You make one
to twenty k as an engineer. I make thirty k
in retail. I am fine living a life where we
spend the same amount, but I literally cannot keep up
(04:13):
because I'd have to pull tens of thousands of dollars
out of thin air. The only option to make this
work is if we live like we both make thirty K,
not the ale. The only options to give him what
he wanted was spend less or drain savings and enter
credit card debt and there is an update. But yeah,
he's expecting money that you don't have, so it's just impossible.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
I would just ask him why he feels that it
has to be fifty to fifty.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Well, that's what she's asking. She's asking, is this anything changed?
Like what has changed here? What circumstances have changed? She
already got curious, and he was like, I don't know,
you just have to do it.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
I don't know, just pull stuff out of your savings
or it's like, but like where is it coming from?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Like who told you this?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Like where did you find this? It's like, but there
is an update whenever. So last time I posted was Monday.
Monday as a whole was spent just sorting through what
I felt and what to do next. There was a
lot of silence and a lot of anger and a
lot of Reddit advice, some of which I found very insightful,
some of which was less so. Also, some people think
(05:21):
I made this up as part of a viral marketing
sponsorship between Buffalo Wild Wings, Audi and Zillow, which honestly
would solve the money problems if true, but alas.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
Is not the case.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Dang it, bummer. On Tuesday, after I got home from work,
I sort of just walked up to him on the
elliptical and explained as calmly as I could that I
had questions and if he actually wanted to marry me,
he needed to be willing to answer them. I asked
if he thought I was gold digger, yes or no?
He said yes. Hmm. I told him that I wasn't
(05:54):
willing to be in a relationship where I have to
prove myself by sacrificing any sort of stability, and that
led to a bit of a screaming match and eventually
a confession. So it turns out we cannot afford anything
we have right now.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Wait a minute, what so he's living above his means?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
He filled up his financial box.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Something happened. We are in serious credit card debt, the
cars are both on the verge of being repossessed, and
I did not know about any of this.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
He blew out his financial box.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
He's been cutting corners on actual necessities, including psychiatric medication, that,
in combination with some comments from his family, led him
to some pretty dark places. My fiance had a full
mental breakdown and apologized for calling me a gold digger,
which was nice to hear, but this whole thing had
me pretty shaken up. I went to stay with a
friend for a little bit. Yesterday, my fiance and I did,
(06:49):
in fact go out to b WW and get the
two for one boneless stop It. We talked a lot.
I'm still writing fiance for now and I hope he
can work through all of this. We talked about how
to sell the cars. We don't particularly have a choice
at this point about my income, his income, and the
sort of life we want to have. If we do
(07:11):
stay together, we'll be changing how we live a lot.
We need to get out of debt, We need to
get on our feet. I know some people are going
to say I'm being dumb for not immediately dropping all
contact and giving up in the relationship, but I can't
do that. I can't look at the guy I love
who went off his meds to try and make a
good life for me and think he's not worth sticking
(07:32):
around for at least to try. Don't get married yet, though,
don't get married when he lied to you about your
finances and got you guys into a bunch of debt.
Just wait a bit, yeah, wait a bit on that marriage?
Ye you know, doesn't hold off on that doesn't come
across as the most trustworthy enough. No, No, it's like
(07:54):
maybe you know you want to give him a second chance,
you care about how you love him, don't forget that
he did lie to you about the financial situation that
you're in.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
And it's like again, why, Like where's it coming from?
Like who is who's telling him that he has that
this is the correct way to be.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, but there's more. I don't know what the future
looks like at all anymore. And the wedding is very
postponed at the moment. Good. Sorry this wasn't a more
fun update and relevant comments say watch your credit like
a hawk. Holmeslice Massive length, four hundred. While I understand
(08:34):
that you want to make it work, there are a
few things of note. It is absolutely critical to know
exactly how that debt got that deep. It's not at
all acceptable that he's been cutting corners on psychiatric medication.
He was going to point the finger at you being
in the wrong until you brought up leaving exactly. He
was literally blaming this on you.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
To be clear, and he's like, She's like, ah, I
mean he was like, was my fault?
Speaker 4 (08:59):
He is? He was, he was trying. He stopped taking
his meds for me. Isn't that romantic?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Like, no, no, it's not. His choices have left you
both in debt. How much of an effort is he
willing to make to help you both claw out? And
you really need to take a hard look at this
relationship how your future will look in it. And there
is an update.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Yeah, well, essentially he didn't put both of you in
debt because you're not on the house right because you're
not married.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
No exactly, they're not married yet. But good. It seems like, oh,
he is taking this debt on. Don't don't do that.
It seems like oh, he's like, yeah, we have to
figure out how to get ourselves out of this debt.
Don't do this. It's not if you did not know
about the debt. It's not it's not your I mean, like,
I understand that you're in a partnership, but but like, no,
(09:49):
he's put himself into a.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Lot of He on a range Rover and an Audie
for himself. Gross.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Yeah, that's not it's not your debt. But only one
of those kinds of cars are worth having. I'll let
you decide which one is which.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
But there is an update Good Things about my Fiance
author's note one day later. Op he made this very
weird post where she lists the things she likes about
her fiance. I think this was a response to everyone
telling her how awful her fiance is. And here's the list.
Pretty as f This is the most physically attractive man
(10:27):
I've ever met. Literal golden curls like a Da Vinci painting,
crystal blue eyes, just so pretty. It gives me butterflies
whenever he looks at me.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Sometimes that's funny, whenever he looks at me sometimes.
Speaker 6 (10:39):
Number two, best I've ever bad, very good at just
about anything, actually likes going down on me makes me
see stars. I've never been in a relationship that I
was spicy, related and satisfying as this one, And there's
no way I'm going back it up to this. Number three,
(11:00):
His advice is very sexy.
Speaker 7 (11:02):
He's hot, especially when he speaks Russiano. He also speaks French, Spanish,
and apparently Latin. I have a fact checked that one,
but Russian is my favorite. Number four, God of asectomy,
so I could go off birth control. He was the
one to suggest it because he saw much I hated
(11:24):
those stupid bills, and he was willing to get an
actual surgery for me. Number five, I don't know, fall
of little surprises and adventures, just like the massive amount
of debt.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Word, what an adventure that's gonna be, What an adventure
it'll be?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Clearing my credit Score's such a funny post.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
It's such a list, is so dense. I also don't
like believe it. Yeah, I'm just hot. He's super like.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
No babe told him that toma good and bad.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Please. Yeah, I think I'm just putting you in treats me,
lied about the very nature of our existence and then
made it my fault.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
He's always doing things like getting me wildflowers, making my
favorite breakfast before I wake up, or even planning little
day adventures for us to go on together. Life is
never mundane when you're in massive amounts of crippling debt. Sorry,
that's some one. It says life is never mundane because
he's always making it special. Actually does housework. What does
(12:29):
not need to be asked to do housework? He actually
does more of the cleaning than I do, and I
cook most of the meals because he thinks that sweeping
a mop and floors is meditative. I don't know how
I got this lucky.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
On this one plays guitar really really well.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
He knows co called Wonderwall.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
The Earth Wind and fire. Yeah, he plays this song
Firefly here.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Can physically pick me up woo wow and carry me around?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
What does this often? I am not a small woman,
to be clear. This is legitimately oppressive and makes me
feel so nice. Wait, he's literate, reads, he reads. I
could actually talk about books with him. You have no
idea how rare this is, especially to find a guy
will read anything. I say, Oh, I liked this. You
(13:27):
do not comprehend the feeling of mentioning off handily that
you're reading midnight Sun and having him come to you
the next day after spending all night reading so that
you could talk about it together until you live it.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Okay, that's actually pretty thoughtful, but he's lied.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
He lied, so this is all stuff that was probably
happening before he got into debt.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
And lied to you about it and made it your fault.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Has shown me that there is actual romance in life,
and that I deserve more than a flat, boring relationship
devoid of zero moments or dancing in the rain or music.
He brought real passion and fun and a liveness into
my life, and in a world where that's treated as
an unrealistic fantasy for most women, you show me that
I deserve something unrealistic relevant comments. He may be the
(14:09):
first man to give you romance, passion, and fun, but
he's not the only one who can. These things are
great right now, but long term stability depends on much
more important factors. Financial problems are a leading cause of
divorce because once the fun stage is over, you're simply
faced with the crushing reality if you do stay with him,
Despite all advice, please keep an eye on your bank accounts,
(14:33):
credit score, and him in general. Don't marry him until
slash unless something changes in a major way, because if
you take on his debts, you'll be stuck. Alti Boris says,
it's a little concerning that your top three are physical
attributes plus number eight and not personality traits. Looks fade,
people get injured, they age and physically change. If the
(14:56):
biggest things you like about him are how he looks,
how he does in bed, and that he can pick
you up, you're not setting yourself up for success. One
car accident, one work injury. Heck, even just five or
ten years and half your list could be out. I'm
also really curious about the vasectomy thing. You said he
did it for you, but are you sure he didn't
do it for him so he wouldn't end up with
(15:18):
a baby on the side. All of the men I
know who have had visectomies had them after they were
married and and had at least one child. I don't know.
This just rings alarm bells for me. And there is
a third update two years later. Well we're about to
find out if this guy can still pick up Opie.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I I just oh, I just wonder so many things.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Oh boy, I wonder what happens, Oh boy, o.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Boy, oh boy, Oh, I wonder if this is going
to start as a show. I found out about what
his life is like since we never got married, or
if it's going to start as so, I'm just now
starting to dig myself out of the crippling pit of
debt that I jumped into.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Real why as me it's the former I'm trying to
think of like a very.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
He uh uh, oh no, he's hot.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
No, Well, there we go. There's a third up date.
We are out of debt and still together. I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Oh god, it.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Feels so so good to say that and have it
be true. But as of three days ago, Wow, everything
is finally paid off and we made our way back
onto solid ground. I just want to again state he
put them into two years worth of debt.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Find you, find you a op because they are loyal.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Almost two years ago I made a post here about
my twenty eight female fiance twenty eight male wanting to
split things fifty to fifty and my offer of compromising
on lifestyle changes. As it turned out, he was off
his meds and had managed to get himself into some
serious debt a little under one hundred k, trying to
provide a life that we could not afford on a
(17:10):
combined one fifty five k a year. Things were rough.
I almost left him a few times, but we have finally, finally,
finally made it through to the other sides. I handle
the finances. And also, this is a lesson for everyone
listening to the story. Even if you are not contributing
the same amount as your partner, be an active participant
(17:32):
in the finances. That doesn't mean necessarily paying for all
of them, but it does mean taking a look at them,
seeing what's going on in your life. What are we
paying for if we're living together, where is all this
money going to?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
And she's saying we, but it was he.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
It was he. It was a he moment.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
They were not married, they were not conjoined with their finances.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
This is a he dug hit this hole. I handle
the finances, one hundred percent of the finances. I give
him a budget for buying coffee. It wasn't fun, but
in exchange, she started doing more of the housework, so
it even though we moved from our over the top
apartment into a shared living situation, which while not ideal,
was leagues better than my initial plan of getting a trailer.
(18:14):
We have roommates, but they're on another flour so it's
not too bad, and we have our own bathroom, which
was my only real stipulation. We've lived like we're a
seventy k a year couple doing actual fifty to fifty finances,
and every extra penny he's made has gone directly to
paying off the debt, which at least that's the kind
(18:34):
of shakedown of it all, like he his money is
paying for this, not hers, because yeah, none of your
money should be going to pay off his debt. No,
we sold the cars obviously, traded them in for a
nice used Ford Maverick and a Vespa That helped a lot.
There have been no more lavish vacations or over the
top restaurants with five hundred dollars price tags. It was
(18:56):
rough for my fiance at first. He's always been very
much a rich boy, and I think losing that as
an identity was difficult for him. That being said, he's
gotten so creative lately. It's been amazing to see he'll
make me things if he can't buy me things, and
we've started cooking together instead of having me do almost
all of it. Our room is covered in the things
he's made for me, and it's really lovely. That's nice.
(19:18):
That is good, by the way, You know what else
is nice listening to full episodes of stories just like this.
It's going to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio and search
a Pocus story TIMEO.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
Do it.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
But there's a little bit left to the story. Any
final thoughts.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
This is a good example of like, you know, when
we read stories on the internet, we'll gain.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
The whole picture.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Yeah, and on its surface, like all this is like
an incredibly huge red flag, but it's like the nature
of you know, the committed relationship some people are willing
to kind of you're always gonna have to through more things.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, you know, people's bar tolerance bars are different and
just a matter of what the problem's going to be exactly,
and if you're willing to put in the work to
deal with it, and she was.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
I think if there was not an unmedicated factor in
this story, it'd be different. I would be way less Yeah, yeah,
I'd be way less soft on that. But it's like
there's a lot that goes into relationships other than like
the negative thing that we read about in one story.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, and she's really good. She really hammered that home.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
She was willing to work through it, and I'm sure
if it had gotten you know worse.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Probably I would have left. Yeah, but it seems like
it got better.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
They got better. Things can get better. But there's a
little bit left. We're still in love, we're still going strong,
and we can finally, finally start actually planning our wedding again.
I think it is very smart that you held off
on that until now. We're gonna get our own place first,
but the wedding is next on the list after that.
(21:06):
I'm so glad that we stuck with this, and being
on the other side is the greatest feeling in the world.
Thank you to everyone who offered advice. I don't know
how things would have ended up if I had not
the courage of my convictions. And I'm genuinely grateful to
those who directed me to Dave Ramsey and Caleb Hammer.
Y'all are awesome, Blue being twenty two. Hold on here,
let me get this straight. So you communicated about all
(21:28):
that hard stuff, right, and communicated some more, and then
you made a plan and made long term sacrifices to
a nac said plan, and then you can continue to
communicate and did all the hard work over a couple
of years to meet your goals. Hard work what I'm confused.
Is this even read it? Ps? Kudos to you and
your partner. I'm impressed, and Opie says, we did, as
(21:49):
a matter of fact, do all of the above. It
wasn't easy, but it was worth it in the end.
Polly the Pony says, this is so great to hear.
Congratulations on your hard work. Uh, you should be proud
of yourself, and there must be real love between you
if you worked through it together. I'm so happy for you.
Opie says, there's a lot of love here. He's my person,
(22:11):
you know. I genuinely feel like the luckiest girl in
the world when I'm around him, and God knows he
loves me to the moon and back. Just following six
four six five says this is a massive green flag
on how you all worked through this. Just validation that
you all can make it through a marriage long term.
A lot of people can't. You'll go through other trials
like this in your marriage and you both handled it
(22:32):
so well. Congrats to the future wedding, and Opie says,
thank you. It was not the easiest thing in the world,
but hey, nothing worth doing is gott to be easy
all the time, right, Sure? That is pretty secret.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I mean props to you guys. You communicated and you
worked through it. But that's the end of that story.
Mm hmmm, So we're going to get into the next one.
My boyfriend finally found a new roommate, but she's attracted. No,
we shi hods, your.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Boyfriend's too hot.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Uh bummer.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
My boyfriend currently has a roommate from Heck that was
fired due to his heavy drinking three months ago. He
never got on unemployment and has not paid his half
of the rent for three months. My boyfriend needs a
replacement roommate asap because he can't afford to pay the
full price of rent on his own any longer. By
the way, this comes from a user throwaway, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
(23:27):
r slash okay storytime stobreddit. So he asked me to
move in with him several times, but that is not
an option for me right now, and I don't make
nearly enough to cover half of the rent anyway. All
this aside, he began looking for a replacement roommate online
last week and also put the word out to his
coworkers Earlier this week. He told me that one of
(23:47):
his coworkers current roommates is looking for a new place
to stay and is very interested in rooming with him.
It's a woman his age that works at a company
on the same tech campus as him. I was very
relieved that he found a potential roommate so fast, and
happy that it was someone presumably trustworthy and probably much
cleaner than his current roommate. However, over the past few days,
(24:10):
my instincts have been feeling like something is slightly off.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
My instincts, I my roommate senses are tingling. My senses
are sensing.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
My boyfriend tends to do this thing where when an
attractive woman that he's around a lot, like for work
or the gym, et cetera, seems to be interested in him,
he won't tell me about it, but will act weird
about her, and he'll start telling me about how he
talks about me all the times you were and showed
her photos of me and brags about me to her.
(24:45):
I'd rather he just be normal and mature about it.
I can always tell when he finds a woman attractive
and she likes him too, because he starts doing this.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
He's like, anyways, yeah, look at my girlfriend. The cup
pre shoes.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Look at it.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Look at this picture my girlfriend, and look at this
picture my girlfriend. I love her.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
I love her, right, this is my girlfriend. And he's like,
this is just his warm up. He's doing this in
the mirror to himself.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Okay, this is I'm gonna tell her about. I'm gonna
tell her that they will have to stop flirting with this. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
And then it's like he walks up to the girl
and he's like, I love you.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
No, I did the wrong order.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
I love her her the one on the phone. It's
accidentally a picture of her. No. Anyway, he started doing
that thing about this potential roommate almost immediately. He was
supposed to meet with her today after work to discuss
the potential rooming situation, and this morning, without even asking me,
first asked her if he could bring me to meet
(25:40):
with her. She said it may be uncomfortable for her
to meet me so soon, but she was willing. When
he asked me if I would be willing, I asked
him why I would need to go, and he said,
I just want to show you off winky face, which
again is the sign of what I've talked about above.
I was already busy anyway, so I didn't go. After
they met, I spoke on the phone, and he did
(26:01):
the thing that he does, telling me about how he
showed her pictures of me from my Instagram and talked
about me a lot, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
So I asked him why he keeps doing that, Why
does he feel the need to do this. He dodged
the question at first, but I wouldn't let it go,
so he finally admitted the actual story of how she
found out about the rooming opportunity. His coworker showed a
(26:23):
photo of him on Facebook to the girl. She thought
my boyfriend was attractive and asked if he was looking
for a roommate.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
She's like, that guy's hot. Is he looking for a roommate?
And he wasn't, like that's weird. Yeah. If he knew
that the whole time and he was like, yeah, she
could be my.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Roommate, I'd be like, that's that's so cringey.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, very weird. Hmmm.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Oh uh, oh, he's cute. Is he looking for a roommate?
I'm trying to speed run mistakes.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
She had just broken up with her own boyfriend recently.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Oh, I got upset with my boyfriend for not telling
me this right off the bat. I keep asking him
how he would feel if the rolls were river, and
he just keeps saying he doesn't know and tries to
avoid talking about it anymore. I looked her up on
Instagram and she has the same overall look as me too,
but there's no age gap between them, and he feels
ashamed about our age gap sometimes, which he even apparently
(27:15):
told her when they met and talked. I know that
them becoming roommates doesn't even mean anything would happen. And
if he cheats on me, that's his choice and there's
nothing I can do about it except walk away in
that event.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Hey, it's Sam' your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories, but here's three minutes of fads
from our sponsors.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
I'm not gonna lie. I'm breaking up with this guy immediately. Yeah,
as soon as I find out. Oh, so you knew
that this girl you're gonna move in with is attracted
to immediately on from the jump from the jump he
wanted to jump you.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yeah, and you just were not gonna tell me about it.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Instead, you were gonna be like, I'll just like brag
about my girlfriend until she backs off.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's goodbye. I'm undone, You've lost me. You're dumb.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I hope you learn a lesson from the mistake you've made.
I know he really needs a roommate asap, and I
don't want to allow my own stupid insecurities to prevent
him from solving his serious financial crisis. I'm trying not
to be stupid and immature, but I'm not even sure
if my feelings are valid or what I should do. Girl,
he lied to you about a girl who wants to
(28:18):
sleep with him living in the same place as him.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Is she living there? Just to verify for my sake,
is she living there right now?
Speaker 4 (28:25):
No, because I don't think Shanks enough money to live
in a place he would want to live.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Or somebout you. But it's still like they were trying
to make this happen, right.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Well, it's yeah. It was more like.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
I think it was like discussed, like, oh, could it
work for us to live together? It's like no, yeah,
And then it was like, well she you know.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I just think that like if there are people that
you know, like you or whatever, just like tell your
partner be like, yeah, I found out this person, Like,
isn't that crazy? And also it could be kind of fun.
He'd be like it freaking like me, dude?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Yeah? And then so I definitely can't move in with
that person.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Can't freaking move in?
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Should I tell him I don't want him to have
her move in and to keep looking for another roommate?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes? Should I leave it be?
Speaker 4 (29:12):
No, the least would end in March anyway, but there's
always the off chance that they would choose to continue
rooming after that.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
I would really appreciate some advice from clearer hopefully wiser heads.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
And there are comments, but before we get into them, Sofia,
like we need I.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Think all the things that was said, ma'am. I mean,
like he lied to you, He didn't tell you, like
he knew about this from the get go, knew that
that was she was like a potential candidate for the
roommate situation, even though she specifically said that the only
reason that she wanted to move in is because she
was a trunk, right, that is, that's not good.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
The fact that he knew that from lied about it.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
And then when you say so if I did the
same thing with a guy who wanted to sleep with me,
and now I made in my roommate without telling you
that that was the case.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
How would you feel about that? He goes comments, So
when your.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Boyfriend knows or thinks a woman is interested in him,
he goes out of his way to make sure she
knows you're in the picture, and he's very.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Happy with you. Girl, that's a green flag.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
If that would be a green flag if it were
also accompanied by him telling ope about the things that
are happening.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
Right, But it really it feels like it's like a
we'll see sea babe, sea babe, Look, I'm see you
don't have to feel threatened. And it's only girls that,
by the way, he's attracted to as well. If she
made that clarification, if he's not into the girl, he
doesn't do this.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Huge clarification that is a huge.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
She always knows when he's into some other girl because
he only ever does this.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
It feels like when like trying to stifle In older
like shows, you'd have male leads or something or what
or just like male characters who are in relationship and
they're like, I can't flirt with all the hot ladies.
I'm off the market. I can't flirt with all the
hot ladies. And it's like, whoa, why do you want to? Like,
(31:15):
why are you really emphasizing that You're like, oh man,
my life is so much worse now than shake down.
It's like, no, I don't know. I'm just like when
I like, I think there is a certain level of
you know, you notice hot people in your life when
you're in a relationship. But also I feel like, at
least for me, when I was in relationship, it was
(31:37):
like I didn't really think about anyone. I wasn't interested
in anyone else, you know, And I have I have
proof of that because there was a person who I
thought was incredibly attractive before the relationship. During the relationship,
I was like I don't even care about that person,
And after this show, I was like, oh they're hot again,
(31:57):
so scientific evidence.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Wow, and you know exactly who I'm talking about. Wow.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
Yeah feels crazy being on the inside track for that. Yeah,
he's not going to want to address the situation head
on because that would be weird, So he's letting her
know it's not going to happen in a way that's
more subtle, but also impossible to misunderstand. As for this situation,
it honestly sucks. I'm not seeing any good options here
for your boyfriend. He can move in with this girl,
in which case he's going to be self conscious and
(32:25):
paranoid in his home, not to mention what it's going
to do to your insecurities as well, or he passes
on this girl and hopes to find someone better in
the short amount of time he has. It's not a
great set of options. You could find another roommate.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yeah, it is. Do you know how many room people
are at the roommates? Yeah, Like, so many people need
a place to live. So many people Facebook marketplace thought,
I mean not marketplace, but Facebook, Facebook whatever it's called.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Buy your roommate on Facebook Marketplace buy roommate.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
No, but like that's where, you know, whenever we needed
a sell letter or something and all, like my old apartment,
that's where we went go to Facebook. You find it
like you put out a thing and say, hey, looking
for a roommate. So many people are like, oh my god,
I won't even a roommate. Yeah. Providing the place to
live is really just the is the high ground I'm
thinking this.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
I literally lived I lived in a place.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
I lived in a situation where like, two of my
roommates huh.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
My name's a coat on. I lived in a place
I lived.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
In a situation that was just like.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Two of my roommates, one of them was taken and
one of them was single, and the single one had
a crush on the taken one, and it was just
like constantly a mess. Yeah, because the single one's constantly
trying to steal the taken one, and we're all living
together and it's just like horrifically uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yeah, you just never want to do that. Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
So, uh, second comment here, I don't think you should
look at it as saying no based on your insecurities.
I think saying no to her base on what it
would do to your relationship is fine. If she's attracted
to him and they live together. He wouldn't be able
to let his guard down in his own home. That
sounds miserable. He should be able to take his shirt
off and not worry about it, or chat with her
(34:12):
about their days without worrying she's going to make a move.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Reply.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
It's hard to think about things like this in the
moment when you're in a financial situation like OPI's boyfriend.
I know I've made a hasty job and roommate decisions
because I felt that I didn't have time and didn't
want to risk losing my only chance quote unquote. But
from my experience, it's so worth it to wait. So
many people need roommates these days, and I'm sure it
wouldn't be hard to find one. Yeah, Op, maybe try
(34:38):
and bring up your veto with this point. It's also
totally okay to be feeling insecure, really secure people are
not delusional. People are not always easy to read, and
it's hard to trust their word, whether you're worried about
her making a move or your boyfriend saying yes, it's
normal to feel weird about it.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
And there is an update.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
How did no one bring up the fact that he
lied to her about it?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
It's like everyone glossed over that you did not tell her.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
If if one of my roommates was like, Hey, I
want to bang this dude I'm moving in with and
I had a partner, I would have to immediately go, hey,
so you know my roommate situation, right.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I found someone?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Huge problem though, Yeah, huge problem?
Speaker 2 (35:19):
You don't have to move in with the first person
that says, hey, you want to, like, can I move in?
You could say, oh, we're not a vibe of fit.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Yeah, hey, cutie want a roommate?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
No?
Speaker 4 (35:30):
And then he said no, no because I have a girlfriend. Actually, yeah,
and that's weird. Yeah with this is weird.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Update, here we go, folks. Thank you so much for
all of your advice and feedback. It helped me feel
more justified in my feelings. But also I see now
that he's trying to do the best that he can
in an all around crappy situation. I ended up having
several talks with him over the past few days, with
the first one going extremely disastrously do largely to both
(36:00):
of us being extremely stressed out, sleep deprived, and not
having eaten food all day, but the last one resolved
things as well as it could have and strengthened our relationship.
I think one of the two big underlying issues in
this situation was my own insecurities stemming from low self esteem,
which has been worsening over the past several months due
to mounting stress in my life from unrelated events. I
(36:23):
decided on my own that I need to start seeing
a therapist again to address this. However, the other aspect
I took issue with the most was his lack of
proper communication and lack of understanding for my emotions. When
you say lack of proper communication, do you mean lying
to you about a woman who wanted to sleep with him?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Of any communication? Really, but think about it.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
Yeah, just outright lie, Just no communication at all. When
I first followed the advice of many commenters here and
told him I wasn't comfortable with her moving in because
I was insecure, he reacted with no empathy and treated
my insecurities as a roadblock to him resolving his finance
angel situation, which I do understand why he felt like that.
(37:03):
He's under a lot of stress and had to take
out a loan to cover his ex roommate's rent for
this month, as it is so for those asking if
the situation is truly desperate, it is. He kept insisting
that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't feel insecure,
even though I know he definitely would. I think this
was just the desperation talking. However, the next time we talked,
(37:25):
he apologized for not showing me appropriate empathy and not
treating my concerns as valid, and I apologized for letting
my insecurities get the better of me. We decided that
he will still consider her as an option, but since
she hasn't even signed anything yet binding her to moving in,
he would continue looking for other people and said he
will ideally pick someone.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
Else if he can. So, did he just immediately stop
looking at all?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
That's the thing? Like he found this out months ago?
Speaker 4 (37:52):
Was that? Right?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Am I right about this?
Speaker 4 (37:54):
This?
Speaker 2 (37:54):
He found that output of time since he found it out?
I don't think so. You don't think it's.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
About ago since he found this central roommate. He since
he knew it was falling through. No, since since her,
I don't think so. I thought, well, it's.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Been sometimes since he found out, because he lied about it,
so it's been at least time since.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
I think it was more that he knew from the
very beginning that she was into it, that it was yeah,
that that was a part of it, and that he
never made that clear.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I don't think it's been that long. Okay, Well, because
it's like because they've talked.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
About how it's like a tight timeline, and it's like,
that's why you're so stressed out, and that's why he's like,
so maybe it's I would know. I would probably say,
like maybe like a week at most, Yeah, which again
you can find. There are more roommates yeah, that don't
want to sleep with you.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah, that you can find.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
And by the way, you can find full episodes with
stories just like this that you can listen to if
you go to Spotify or Apple podcasts or iet radio
and you search Okay story time and uh now we've
got basically sixty days, we got two months?
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Were the stories for you.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
To listen to? Folks? Whole lot of stores, a whole lot.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
M boy, what's just say? Let's finish the story otherwise.
We also followed his sister in law's advice and discussed
all potential scenarios in the event that she does end
up being the new roommate. What we will do if
she makes a move on you? What we would do
if she starts walking around without clothing? Will you be
(39:25):
friends with her or keep your distance?
Speaker 2 (39:27):
You should?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
You are keeping your distance?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
What are you talking about? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Will you hang out or drink with her late at
night like you used to with your old roommate. He
also wants me to meet her before it goes any further.
We haven't set a meeting up yet, but we'll see
what happens. I hate feeling like a controlling partner, and
I felt so weird discussing all of those scenarios. But
I think it's good to pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid
of and then talk about it because it helps.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
HET's johny og host here.
Speaker 4 (39:53):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Slowly, you communicated the things you're not being in control partner.
You are communicating your insecurities and your frustrations, and you're,
you know, all the things that you're worried about with
your partner. And a good partner doesn't necessarily have to
agree or acquiesce to any of those things, but does
(40:19):
listen to them and does taken them into consideration and say, hey,
I hear you. This is the situation I'm in. I
will try and you know, find something that works for
both of us. But right now, like she's my only
app Yeah, that would be the conversation.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
Correct, do Mundo, And I'm really also not liking his
whole tactic here of it's like, oh, a girl likes me. Well,
instead of having it come from me and being like hey,
just being aw I'm actually in a relationship and I'm
not interested in you. It's more like, hey, check out
this road block I have standing in between me and you.
(40:59):
I have a girlfriend and if she wasn't here, maybe
we could date, but we can't because I have a girlfriend.
Tell tell them yourself from your chest nicely, don't want
to date them.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Nicest I've ever been rejected. I asked this guy out
in an Abercrombie in Germany when I was traveling, very
hot man and uh, and he was like because he
was thought we were we had been talking before. It
wasn't just like hey I saw yeah, yeah, we had
been chatting. And he was like, I'm so sorry I
have a girlfriend. But it was very brave of you.
(41:30):
I was like, okay, so I just want like, really
cool of you. You're very brave. I was like, okay,
move on your part, Okay, thanks. Yeah. So I don't know,
just be honest, be honest.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
It really just comes down to she's about all this stuff, man,
don't deceive, don't be because of course, and it's like, oh,
I'm sorry, my insecurities got the better of me. It's like, dude,
he's turbo charging your insecurities. He's doing by behaving in
ways that make it feel like, hey, are you sneaking
around on me? Like yeah, it's like it's like someone again,
(42:10):
like someone in a in a cat burglar outfit, like
sneaking into your house and you're being like, hey, are
you gonna steal all my stuff?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
And they're like, dude, you're so what are you over?
Speaker 2 (42:20):
You're being insecure about? Yeah, what you think? Oh, come on,
you know better than that.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Yeah, it's just based on what I'm seeing, I'm thinking
maybe I should being.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
A little nervous. But that's the end of that story
and the end of this episode. So if you love us,
make sure to subscribe. We love You and seeing it
in the marrow
Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og
Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories
coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute
break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
My fiance demands a fifty to fifty split, so I
told him to downgrade his lifestyle.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I told him, get oway, I'm going to cut you
in half with the sword. You want a fifty to
fifty split? Come on?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Am I the ale for telling my fiance that if
he expects me to contribute fifty to fifty, we have
to make some serious lifestyle changes. My twenty six female
by fiance twenty six mail sat me down yesterday and
gave me a long talk about how it feels like
I don't contribute a lot to the household, particularly in
the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard
(00:41):
by this, but was willing to hear him out since
he wasn't wrong. By the way, this comes from throwaway
downsizing and if you want to spit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay. Storytime subured it. So
he makes a lot more than I do, and we've
always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about eighty
percent sent him. I asked what he wanted me to
(01:02):
pay now, and he was adamant about it being fifty
to fifty. I asked if everything was okay with his
job or if he needed to take fewer hours. He
wouldn't answer me. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if
there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he
just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over
and over every time. I asked what brought him to
(01:23):
this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said,
that's how it's going to be. Take it or leave it,
those exact words in response to literally everything I said,
full shut down, no explanations. I told him that was fine,
I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a
Zilo account yet or expected me to. He looked confused
(01:45):
and asked why would we need a Zilo account. I
explained that there's no way I can afford half rent
on our current place, so we'll probably have to move
into a one bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked
why didn't have shavings. I told him that I do,
but I'm not paying rent out of my savings because
that's a terrible and unsustainable idea.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Yeah, he's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I also began to go over what our new food
budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd
probably have to sell the cars and get one less
expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments
on an Audi and a land Rover. Then I explained
that date nights would probably have to be reduced too,
and we could still do like Buffalo wild wings or something,
but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders
(02:30):
of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me
to pay half, we're living with my means, not his anymore.
He kind of agreed to it, but since then he's
been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but
it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud
of pissed off. I've sent him six Zillo listings, all
(02:52):
of which he called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of
which I think were valid, others I disagree with. He's
now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that
he tried to come to me with a serious concern
about a relationship, and I'm making it impossible for him
to talk to me and bulldozing over him. Am I
the a hole? Brother? You bulldoze relevant comments, not the
(03:16):
a hole at all, And you are making perfect sense
in my mind. If he wants fifty to fifty, he
needs to understand that your income is the limiting agent
in this reaction. It does sound like he has something
else going on, and I would mentally prepare for him
to call the wedding off.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
I forgot they were getting married. Oh yeah, wait, that's
another layer.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I uh yeah. He's like, we're about to get hurried,
and you need to should be a thing that he knows.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
He's like, I know you can't do this, so I'm
gonna say this needs to be done.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Oh Like he's trying to get out of it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
It's like people will do that if they're like, I
can't be the one to end it, so it has
to be something outside of me.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Yeah, it does it.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
This sounds like he is coming up with reasons to
get rid of you in his mind, but he does
not want to come off as the bad guy. Century
and olders making up jobs and numbers. You make one
to twenty k as an engineer. I make thirty k
in retail. I am fine living a life where we
spend the same amount, but I literally cannot keep up
(04:13):
because I'd have to pull tens of thousands of dollars
out of thin air. The only option to make this
work is if we live like we both make thirty K,
not the ale. The only options to give him what
he wanted was spend less or drain savings and enter
credit card debt and there is an update. But yeah,
he's expecting money that you don't have, so it's just impossible.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
I would just ask him why he feels that it
has to be fifty to fifty.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Well, that's what she's asking. She's asking, is this anything changed?
Like what has changed here? What circumstances have changed? She
already got curious, and he was like, I don't know,
you just have to do it.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
I don't know, just pull stuff out of your savings
or it's like, but like where is it coming from?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Like who told you this?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Like where did you find this? It's like, but there
is an update whenever. So last time I posted was Monday.
Monday as a whole was spent just sorting through what
I felt and what to do next. There was a
lot of silence and a lot of anger and a
lot of Reddit advice, some of which I found very insightful,
some of which was less so. Also, some people think
(05:21):
I made this up as part of a viral marketing
sponsorship between Buffalo Wild Wings, Audi and Zillow, which honestly
would solve the money problems if true, but alas.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
Is not the case.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Dang it, bummer. On Tuesday, after I got home from work,
I sort of just walked up to him on the
elliptical and explained as calmly as I could that I
had questions and if he actually wanted to marry me,
he needed to be willing to answer them. I asked
if he thought I was gold digger, yes or no?
He said yes. Hmm. I told him that I wasn't
(05:54):
willing to be in a relationship where I have to
prove myself by sacrificing any sort of stability, and that
led to a bit of a screaming match and eventually
a confession. So it turns out we cannot afford anything
we have right now.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
Wait a minute, what so he's living above his means?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
He filled up his financial box.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Something happened. We are in serious credit card debt, the
cars are both on the verge of being repossessed, and
I did not know about any of this.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
He blew out his financial box.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
He's been cutting corners on actual necessities, including psychiatric medication, that,
in combination with some comments from his family, led him
to some pretty dark places. My fiance had a full
mental breakdown and apologized for calling me a gold digger,
which was nice to hear, but this whole thing had
me pretty shaken up. I went to stay with a
friend for a little bit. Yesterday, my fiance and I did,
(06:49):
in fact go out to b WW and get the
two for one boneless stop It. We talked a lot.
I'm still writing fiance for now and I hope he
can work through all of this. We talked about how
to sell the cars. We don't particularly have a choice
at this point about my income, his income, and the
sort of life we want to have. If we do
(07:11):
stay together, we'll be changing how we live a lot.
We need to get out of debt, We need to
get on our feet. I know some people are going
to say I'm being dumb for not immediately dropping all
contact and giving up in the relationship, but I can't
do that. I can't look at the guy I love
who went off his meds to try and make a
good life for me and think he's not worth sticking
(07:32):
around for at least to try. Don't get married yet, though,
don't get married when he lied to you about your
finances and got you guys into a bunch of debt.
Just wait a bit, yeah, wait a bit on that marriage?
Ye you know, doesn't hold off on that doesn't come
across as the most trustworthy enough. No, No, it's like
(07:54):
maybe you know you want to give him a second chance,
you care about how you love him, don't forget that
he did lie to you about the financial situation that
you're in.
Speaker 4 (08:03):
And it's like again, why, Like where's it coming from?
Like who is who's telling him that he has that
this is the correct way to be.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Yeah, but there's more. I don't know what the future
looks like at all anymore. And the wedding is very
postponed at the moment. Good. Sorry this wasn't a more
fun update and relevant comments say watch your credit like
a hawk. Holmeslice Massive length, four hundred. While I understand
(08:34):
that you want to make it work, there are a
few things of note. It is absolutely critical to know
exactly how that debt got that deep. It's not at
all acceptable that he's been cutting corners on psychiatric medication.
He was going to point the finger at you being
in the wrong until you brought up leaving exactly. He
was literally blaming this on you.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
To be clear, and he's like, She's like, ah, I
mean he was like, was my fault?
Speaker 4 (08:59):
He is? He was, he was trying. He stopped taking
his meds for me. Isn't that romantic?
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Like, no, no, it's not. His choices have left you
both in debt. How much of an effort is he
willing to make to help you both claw out? And
you really need to take a hard look at this
relationship how your future will look in it. And there
is an update.
Speaker 4 (09:22):
Yeah, well, essentially he didn't put both of you in
debt because you're not on the house right because you're
not married.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
No exactly, they're not married yet. But good. It seems like, oh,
he is taking this debt on. Don't don't do that.
It seems like oh, he's like, yeah, we have to
figure out how to get ourselves out of this debt.
Don't do this. It's not if you did not know
about the debt. It's not it's not your I mean, like,
I understand that you're in a partnership, but but like, no,
(09:49):
he's put himself into a.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Lot of He on a range Rover and an Audie
for himself. Gross.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Yeah, that's not it's not your debt. But only one
of those kinds of cars are worth having. I'll let
you decide which one is which.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
But there is an update Good Things about my Fiance
author's note one day later. Op he made this very
weird post where she lists the things she likes about
her fiance. I think this was a response to everyone
telling her how awful her fiance is. And here's the list.
Pretty as f This is the most physically attractive man
(10:27):
I've ever met. Literal golden curls like a Da Vinci painting,
crystal blue eyes, just so pretty. It gives me butterflies
whenever he looks at me.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Sometimes that's funny, whenever he looks at me sometimes.
Speaker 6 (10:39):
Number two, best I've ever bad, very good at just
about anything, actually likes going down on me makes me
see stars. I've never been in a relationship that I
was spicy, related and satisfying as this one, And there's
no way I'm going back it up to this. Number three,
(11:00):
His advice is very sexy.
Speaker 7 (11:02):
He's hot, especially when he speaks Russiano. He also speaks French, Spanish,
and apparently Latin. I have a fact checked that one,
but Russian is my favorite. Number four, God of asectomy,
so I could go off birth control. He was the
one to suggest it because he saw much I hated
(11:24):
those stupid bills, and he was willing to get an
actual surgery for me. Number five, I don't know, fall
of little surprises and adventures, just like the massive amount
of debt.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
Word, what an adventure that's gonna be, What an adventure
it'll be?
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Clearing my credit Score's such a funny post.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
It's such a list, is so dense. I also don't
like believe it. Yeah, I'm just hot. He's super like.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
No babe told him that toma good and bad.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Please. Yeah, I think I'm just putting you in treats me,
lied about the very nature of our existence and then
made it my fault.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
He's always doing things like getting me wildflowers, making my
favorite breakfast before I wake up, or even planning little
day adventures for us to go on together. Life is
never mundane when you're in massive amounts of crippling debt. Sorry,
that's some one. It says life is never mundane because
he's always making it special. Actually does housework. What does
(12:29):
not need to be asked to do housework? He actually
does more of the cleaning than I do, and I
cook most of the meals because he thinks that sweeping
a mop and floors is meditative. I don't know how
I got this lucky.
Speaker 7 (12:41):
On this one plays guitar really really well.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
He knows co called Wonderwall.
Speaker 4 (12:50):
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
The Earth Wind and fire. Yeah, he plays this song
Firefly here.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
Can physically pick me up woo wow and carry me around?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
What does this often? I am not a small woman,
to be clear. This is legitimately oppressive and makes me
feel so nice. Wait, he's literate, reads, he reads. I
could actually talk about books with him. You have no
idea how rare this is, especially to find a guy
will read anything. I say, Oh, I liked this. You
(13:27):
do not comprehend the feeling of mentioning off handily that
you're reading midnight Sun and having him come to you
the next day after spending all night reading so that
you could talk about it together until you live it.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Okay, that's actually pretty thoughtful, but he's lied.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
He lied, so this is all stuff that was probably
happening before he got into debt.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
And lied to you about it and made it your fault.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Has shown me that there is actual romance in life,
and that I deserve more than a flat, boring relationship
devoid of zero moments or dancing in the rain or music.
He brought real passion and fun and a liveness into
my life, and in a world where that's treated as
an unrealistic fantasy for most women, you show me that
I deserve something unrealistic relevant comments. He may be the
(14:09):
first man to give you romance, passion, and fun, but
he's not the only one who can. These things are
great right now, but long term stability depends on much
more important factors. Financial problems are a leading cause of
divorce because once the fun stage is over, you're simply
faced with the crushing reality if you do stay with him,
Despite all advice, please keep an eye on your bank accounts,
(14:33):
credit score, and him in general. Don't marry him until
slash unless something changes in a major way, because if
you take on his debts, you'll be stuck. Alti Boris says,
it's a little concerning that your top three are physical
attributes plus number eight and not personality traits. Looks fade,
people get injured, they age and physically change. If the
(14:56):
biggest things you like about him are how he looks,
how he does in bed, and that he can pick
you up, you're not setting yourself up for success. One
car accident, one work injury. Heck, even just five or
ten years and half your list could be out. I'm
also really curious about the vasectomy thing. You said he
did it for you, but are you sure he didn't
do it for him so he wouldn't end up with
(15:18):
a baby on the side. All of the men I
know who have had visectomies had them after they were
married and and had at least one child. I don't know.
This just rings alarm bells for me. And there is
a third update two years later. Well we're about to
find out if this guy can still pick up Opie.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I I just oh, I just wonder so many things.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Oh boy, I wonder what happens, Oh boy, o.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
Boy, oh boy, Oh, I wonder if this is going
to start as a show. I found out about what
his life is like since we never got married, or
if it's going to start as so, I'm just now
starting to dig myself out of the crippling pit of
debt that I jumped into.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Real why as me it's the former I'm trying to
think of like a very.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
He uh uh, oh no, he's hot.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
No, Well, there we go. There's a third up date.
We are out of debt and still together. I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Oh god, it.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Feels so so good to say that and have it
be true. But as of three days ago, Wow, everything
is finally paid off and we made our way back
onto solid ground. I just want to again state he
put them into two years worth of debt.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Find you, find you a op because they are loyal.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Almost two years ago I made a post here about
my twenty eight female fiance twenty eight male wanting to
split things fifty to fifty and my offer of compromising
on lifestyle changes. As it turned out, he was off
his meds and had managed to get himself into some
serious debt a little under one hundred k, trying to
provide a life that we could not afford on a
(17:10):
combined one fifty five k a year. Things were rough.
I almost left him a few times, but we have finally, finally,
finally made it through to the other sides. I handle
the finances. And also, this is a lesson for everyone
listening to the story. Even if you are not contributing
the same amount as your partner, be an active participant
(17:32):
in the finances. That doesn't mean necessarily paying for all
of them, but it does mean taking a look at them,
seeing what's going on in your life. What are we
paying for if we're living together, where is all this
money going to?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
And she's saying we, but it was he.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
It was he. It was a he moment.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
They were not married, they were not conjoined with their finances.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
This is a he dug hit this hole. I handle
the finances, one hundred percent of the finances. I give
him a budget for buying coffee. It wasn't fun, but
in exchange, she started doing more of the housework, so
it even though we moved from our over the top
apartment into a shared living situation, which while not ideal,
was leagues better than my initial plan of getting a trailer.
(18:14):
We have roommates, but they're on another flour so it's
not too bad, and we have our own bathroom, which
was my only real stipulation. We've lived like we're a
seventy k a year couple doing actual fifty to fifty finances,
and every extra penny he's made has gone directly to
paying off the debt, which at least that's the kind
(18:34):
of shakedown of it all, like he his money is
paying for this, not hers, because yeah, none of your
money should be going to pay off his debt. No,
we sold the cars obviously, traded them in for a
nice used Ford Maverick and a Vespa That helped a lot.
There have been no more lavish vacations or over the
top restaurants with five hundred dollars price tags. It was
(18:56):
rough for my fiance at first. He's always been very
much a rich boy, and I think losing that as
an identity was difficult for him. That being said, he's
gotten so creative lately. It's been amazing to see he'll
make me things if he can't buy me things, and
we've started cooking together instead of having me do almost
all of it. Our room is covered in the things
he's made for me, and it's really lovely. That's nice.
(19:18):
That is good, by the way, You know what else
is nice listening to full episodes of stories just like this.
It's going to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio and search
a Pocus story TIMEO.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
Do it.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
But there's a little bit left to the story. Any
final thoughts.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
This is a good example of like, you know, when
we read stories on the internet, we'll gain.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
The whole picture.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Yeah, and on its surface, like all this is like
an incredibly huge red flag, but it's like the nature
of you know, the committed relationship some people are willing
to kind of you're always gonna have to through more things.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Yeah, you know, people's bar tolerance bars are different and
just a matter of what the problem's going to be exactly,
and if you're willing to put in the work to
deal with it, and she was.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
I think if there was not an unmedicated factor in
this story, it'd be different. I would be way less Yeah, yeah,
I'd be way less soft on that. But it's like
there's a lot that goes into relationships other than like
the negative thing that we read about in one story.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, and she's really good. She really hammered that home.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
She was willing to work through it, and I'm sure
if it had gotten you know worse.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Probably I would have left. Yeah, but it seems like
it got better.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
They got better. Things can get better. But there's a
little bit left. We're still in love, we're still going strong,
and we can finally, finally start actually planning our wedding again.
I think it is very smart that you held off
on that until now. We're gonna get our own place first,
but the wedding is next on the list after that.
(21:06):
I'm so glad that we stuck with this, and being
on the other side is the greatest feeling in the world.
Thank you to everyone who offered advice. I don't know
how things would have ended up if I had not
the courage of my convictions. And I'm genuinely grateful to
those who directed me to Dave Ramsey and Caleb Hammer.
Y'all are awesome, Blue being twenty two. Hold on here,
let me get this straight. So you communicated about all
(21:28):
that hard stuff, right, and communicated some more, and then
you made a plan and made long term sacrifices to
a nac said plan, and then you can continue to
communicate and did all the hard work over a couple
of years to meet your goals. Hard work what I'm confused.
Is this even read it? Ps? Kudos to you and
your partner. I'm impressed, and Opie says, we did, as
(21:49):
a matter of fact, do all of the above. It
wasn't easy, but it was worth it in the end.
Polly the Pony says, this is so great to hear.
Congratulations on your hard work. Uh, you should be proud
of yourself, and there must be real love between you
if you worked through it together. I'm so happy for you.
Opie says, there's a lot of love here. He's my person,
(22:11):
you know. I genuinely feel like the luckiest girl in
the world when I'm around him, and God knows he
loves me to the moon and back. Just following six
four six five says this is a massive green flag
on how you all worked through this. Just validation that
you all can make it through a marriage long term.
A lot of people can't. You'll go through other trials
like this in your marriage and you both handled it
(22:32):
so well. Congrats to the future wedding, and Opie says,
thank you. It was not the easiest thing in the world,
but hey, nothing worth doing is gott to be easy
all the time, right, Sure? That is pretty secret.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I mean props to you guys. You communicated and you
worked through it. But that's the end of that story.
Mm hmmm, So we're going to get into the next one.
My boyfriend finally found a new roommate, but she's attracted. No,
we shi hods, your.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
Boyfriend's too hot.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Uh bummer.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
My boyfriend currently has a roommate from Heck that was
fired due to his heavy drinking three months ago. He
never got on unemployment and has not paid his half
of the rent for three months. My boyfriend needs a
replacement roommate asap because he can't afford to pay the
full price of rent on his own any longer. By
the way, this comes from a user throwaway, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
(23:27):
r slash okay storytime stobreddit. So he asked me to
move in with him several times, but that is not
an option for me right now, and I don't make
nearly enough to cover half of the rent anyway. All
this aside, he began looking for a replacement roommate online
last week and also put the word out to his
coworkers Earlier this week. He told me that one of
(23:47):
his coworkers current roommates is looking for a new place
to stay and is very interested in rooming with him.
It's a woman his age that works at a company
on the same tech campus as him. I was very
relieved that he found a potential roommate so fast, and
happy that it was someone presumably trustworthy and probably much
cleaner than his current roommate. However, over the past few days,
(24:10):
my instincts have been feeling like something is slightly off.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
My instincts, I my roommate senses are tingling. My senses
are sensing.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
My boyfriend tends to do this thing where when an
attractive woman that he's around a lot, like for work
or the gym, et cetera, seems to be interested in him,
he won't tell me about it, but will act weird
about her, and he'll start telling me about how he
talks about me all the times you were and showed
her photos of me and brags about me to her.
(24:45):
I'd rather he just be normal and mature about it.
I can always tell when he finds a woman attractive
and she likes him too, because he starts doing this.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
He's like, anyways, yeah, look at my girlfriend. The cup
pre shoes.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Look at it.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Look at this picture my girlfriend, and look at this
picture my girlfriend. I love her.
Speaker 4 (24:58):
I love her, right, this is my girlfriend. And he's like,
this is just his warm up. He's doing this in
the mirror to himself.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Okay, this is I'm gonna tell her about. I'm gonna
tell her that they will have to stop flirting with this. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
And then it's like he walks up to the girl
and he's like, I love you.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
No, I did the wrong order.
Speaker 4 (25:18):
I love her her the one on the phone. It's
accidentally a picture of her. No. Anyway, he started doing
that thing about this potential roommate almost immediately. He was
supposed to meet with her today after work to discuss
the potential rooming situation, and this morning, without even asking me,
first asked her if he could bring me to meet
(25:40):
with her. She said it may be uncomfortable for her
to meet me so soon, but she was willing. When
he asked me if I would be willing, I asked
him why I would need to go, and he said,
I just want to show you off winky face, which
again is the sign of what I've talked about above.
I was already busy anyway, so I didn't go. After
they met, I spoke on the phone, and he did
(26:01):
the thing that he does, telling me about how he
showed her pictures of me from my Instagram and talked
about me a lot, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
So I asked him why he keeps doing that, Why
does he feel the need to do this. He dodged
the question at first, but I wouldn't let it go,
so he finally admitted the actual story of how she
found out about the rooming opportunity. His coworker showed a
(26:23):
photo of him on Facebook to the girl. She thought
my boyfriend was attractive and asked if he was looking
for a roommate.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
She's like, that guy's hot. Is he looking for a roommate?
And he wasn't, like that's weird. Yeah. If he knew
that the whole time and he was like, yeah, she
could be my.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Roommate, I'd be like, that's that's so cringey.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Yeah, very weird. Hmmm.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Oh uh, oh, he's cute. Is he looking for a roommate?
I'm trying to speed run mistakes.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
She had just broken up with her own boyfriend recently.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
Oh, I got upset with my boyfriend for not telling
me this right off the bat. I keep asking him
how he would feel if the rolls were river, and
he just keeps saying he doesn't know and tries to
avoid talking about it anymore. I looked her up on
Instagram and she has the same overall look as me too,
but there's no age gap between them, and he feels
ashamed about our age gap sometimes, which he even apparently
(27:15):
told her when they met and talked. I know that
them becoming roommates doesn't even mean anything would happen. And
if he cheats on me, that's his choice and there's
nothing I can do about it except walk away in
that event.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
Hey, it's Sam' your og host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories, but here's three minutes of fads
from our sponsors.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
I'm not gonna lie. I'm breaking up with this guy immediately. Yeah,
as soon as I find out. Oh, so you knew
that this girl you're gonna move in with is attracted
to immediately on from the jump from the jump he
wanted to jump you.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yeah, and you just were not gonna tell me about it.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Instead, you were gonna be like, I'll just like brag
about my girlfriend until she backs off.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's goodbye. I'm undone, You've lost me. You're dumb.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I hope you learn a lesson from the mistake you've made.
I know he really needs a roommate asap, and I
don't want to allow my own stupid insecurities to prevent
him from solving his serious financial crisis. I'm trying not
to be stupid and immature, but I'm not even sure
if my feelings are valid or what I should do. Girl,
he lied to you about a girl who wants to
(28:18):
sleep with him living in the same place as him.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Is she living there? Just to verify for my sake,
is she living there right now?
Speaker 4 (28:25):
No, because I don't think Shanks enough money to live
in a place he would want to live.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Or somebout you. But it's still like they were trying
to make this happen, right.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Well, it's yeah. It was more like.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
I think it was like discussed, like, oh, could it
work for us to live together? It's like no, yeah,
And then it was like, well she you know.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I just think that like if there are people that
you know, like you or whatever, just like tell your
partner be like, yeah, I found out this person, Like,
isn't that crazy? And also it could be kind of fun.
He'd be like it freaking like me, dude?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Yeah? And then so I definitely can't move in with
that person.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Can't freaking move in?
Speaker 4 (29:04):
Should I tell him I don't want him to have
her move in and to keep looking for another roommate?
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Yes? Should I leave it be?
Speaker 4 (29:12):
No, the least would end in March anyway, but there's
always the off chance that they would choose to continue
rooming after that.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (29:20):
I would really appreciate some advice from clearer hopefully wiser heads.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
And there are comments, but before we get into them, Sofia,
like we need I.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Think all the things that was said, ma'am. I mean,
like he lied to you, He didn't tell you, like
he knew about this from the get go, knew that
that was she was like a potential candidate for the
roommate situation, even though she specifically said that the only
reason that she wanted to move in is because she
was a trunk, right, that is, that's not good.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
The fact that he knew that from lied about it.
Speaker 4 (29:54):
And then when you say so if I did the
same thing with a guy who wanted to sleep with me,
and now I made in my roommate without telling you
that that was the case.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
How would you feel about that? He goes comments, So
when your.
Speaker 4 (30:08):
Boyfriend knows or thinks a woman is interested in him,
he goes out of his way to make sure she
knows you're in the picture, and he's very.
Speaker 3 (30:13):
Happy with you. Girl, that's a green flag.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
If that would be a green flag if it were
also accompanied by him telling ope about the things that
are happening.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
Right, But it really it feels like it's like a
we'll see sea babe, sea babe, Look, I'm see you
don't have to feel threatened. And it's only girls that,
by the way, he's attracted to as well. If she
made that clarification, if he's not into the girl, he
doesn't do this.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Huge clarification that is a huge.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
She always knows when he's into some other girl because
he only ever does this.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
It feels like when like trying to stifle In older
like shows, you'd have male leads or something or what
or just like male characters who are in relationship and
they're like, I can't flirt with all the hot ladies.
I'm off the market. I can't flirt with all the
hot ladies. And it's like, whoa, why do you want to? Like,
(31:15):
why are you really emphasizing that You're like, oh man,
my life is so much worse now than shake down.
It's like, no, I don't know. I'm just like when
I like, I think there is a certain level of
you know, you notice hot people in your life when
you're in a relationship. But also I feel like, at
least for me, when I was in relationship, it was
(31:37):
like I didn't really think about anyone. I wasn't interested
in anyone else, you know, And I have I have
proof of that because there was a person who I
thought was incredibly attractive before the relationship. During the relationship,
I was like I don't even care about that person,
And after this show, I was like, oh they're hot again,
(31:57):
so scientific evidence.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
Wow, and you know exactly who I'm talking about. Wow.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
Yeah feels crazy being on the inside track for that. Yeah,
he's not going to want to address the situation head
on because that would be weird, So he's letting her
know it's not going to happen in a way that's
more subtle, but also impossible to misunderstand. As for this situation,
it honestly sucks. I'm not seeing any good options here
for your boyfriend. He can move in with this girl,
in which case he's going to be self conscious and
(32:25):
paranoid in his home, not to mention what it's going
to do to your insecurities as well, or he passes
on this girl and hopes to find someone better in
the short amount of time he has. It's not a
great set of options. You could find another roommate.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yeah, it is. Do you know how many room people
are at the roommates? Yeah, Like, so many people need
a place to live. So many people Facebook marketplace thought,
I mean not marketplace, but Facebook, Facebook whatever it's called.
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Buy your roommate on Facebook Marketplace buy roommate.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
No, but like that's where, you know, whenever we needed
a sell letter or something and all, like my old apartment,
that's where we went go to Facebook. You find it
like you put out a thing and say, hey, looking
for a roommate. So many people are like, oh my god,
I won't even a roommate. Yeah. Providing the place to
live is really just the is the high ground I'm
thinking this.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
I literally lived I lived in a place.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
I lived in a situation where like, two of my
roommates huh.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
My name's a coat on. I lived in a place
I lived.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
In a situation that was just like.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Two of my roommates, one of them was taken and
one of them was single, and the single one had
a crush on the taken one, and it was just
like constantly a mess. Yeah, because the single one's constantly
trying to steal the taken one, and we're all living
together and it's just like horrifically uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Yeah, you just never want to do that. Don't do it.
Don't do it.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
So, uh, second comment here, I don't think you should
look at it as saying no based on your insecurities.
I think saying no to her base on what it
would do to your relationship is fine. If she's attracted
to him and they live together. He wouldn't be able
to let his guard down in his own home. That
sounds miserable. He should be able to take his shirt
off and not worry about it, or chat with her
(34:12):
about their days without worrying she's going to make a move.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
Reply.
Speaker 4 (34:15):
It's hard to think about things like this in the
moment when you're in a financial situation like OPI's boyfriend.
I know I've made a hasty job and roommate decisions
because I felt that I didn't have time and didn't
want to risk losing my only chance quote unquote. But
from my experience, it's so worth it to wait. So
many people need roommates these days, and I'm sure it
wouldn't be hard to find one. Yeah, Op, maybe try
(34:38):
and bring up your veto with this point. It's also
totally okay to be feeling insecure, really secure people are
not delusional. People are not always easy to read, and
it's hard to trust their word, whether you're worried about
her making a move or your boyfriend saying yes, it's
normal to feel weird about it.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
And there is an update.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
How did no one bring up the fact that he
lied to her about it?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
It's like everyone glossed over that you did not tell her.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
If if one of my roommates was like, Hey, I
want to bang this dude I'm moving in with and
I had a partner, I would have to immediately go, hey,
so you know my roommate situation, right.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I found someone?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Huge problem though, Yeah, huge problem?
Speaker 2 (35:19):
You don't have to move in with the first person
that says, hey, you want to, like, can I move in?
You could say, oh, we're not a vibe of fit.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Yeah, hey, cutie want a roommate?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
No?
Speaker 4 (35:30):
And then he said no, no because I have a girlfriend. Actually, yeah,
and that's weird. Yeah with this is weird.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:39):
Update, here we go, folks. Thank you so much for
all of your advice and feedback. It helped me feel
more justified in my feelings. But also I see now
that he's trying to do the best that he can
in an all around crappy situation. I ended up having
several talks with him over the past few days, with
the first one going extremely disastrously do largely to both
(36:00):
of us being extremely stressed out, sleep deprived, and not
having eaten food all day, but the last one resolved
things as well as it could have and strengthened our relationship.
I think one of the two big underlying issues in
this situation was my own insecurities stemming from low self esteem,
which has been worsening over the past several months due
to mounting stress in my life from unrelated events. I
(36:23):
decided on my own that I need to start seeing
a therapist again to address this. However, the other aspect
I took issue with the most was his lack of
proper communication and lack of understanding for my emotions. When
you say lack of proper communication, do you mean lying
to you about a woman who wanted to sleep with him?
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Of any communication? Really, but think about it.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
Yeah, just outright lie, Just no communication at all. When
I first followed the advice of many commenters here and
told him I wasn't comfortable with her moving in because
I was insecure, he reacted with no empathy and treated
my insecurities as a roadblock to him resolving his finance
angel situation, which I do understand why he felt like that.
(37:03):
He's under a lot of stress and had to take
out a loan to cover his ex roommate's rent for
this month, as it is so for those asking if
the situation is truly desperate, it is. He kept insisting
that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't feel insecure,
even though I know he definitely would. I think this
was just the desperation talking. However, the next time we talked,
(37:25):
he apologized for not showing me appropriate empathy and not
treating my concerns as valid, and I apologized for letting
my insecurities get the better of me. We decided that
he will still consider her as an option, but since
she hasn't even signed anything yet binding her to moving in,
he would continue looking for other people and said he
will ideally pick someone.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
Else if he can. So, did he just immediately stop
looking at all?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
That's the thing? Like he found this out months ago?
Speaker 4 (37:52):
Was that? Right?
Speaker 2 (37:53):
Am I right about this?
Speaker 4 (37:54):
This?
Speaker 2 (37:54):
He found that output of time since he found it out?
I don't think so. You don't think it's.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
About ago since he found this central roommate. He since
he knew it was falling through. No, since since her,
I don't think so. I thought, well, it's.
Speaker 2 (38:10):
Been sometimes since he found out, because he lied about it,
so it's been at least time since.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
I think it was more that he knew from the
very beginning that she was into it, that it was yeah,
that that was a part of it, and that he
never made that clear.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I don't think it's been that long. Okay, Well, because
it's like because they've talked.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
About how it's like a tight timeline, and it's like,
that's why you're so stressed out, and that's why he's like,
so maybe it's I would know. I would probably say,
like maybe like a week at most, Yeah, which again
you can find. There are more roommates yeah, that don't
want to sleep with you.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah, that you can find.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
And by the way, you can find full episodes with
stories just like this that you can listen to if
you go to Spotify or Apple podcasts or iet radio
and you search Okay story time and uh now we've
got basically sixty days, we got two months?
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Were the stories for you.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
To listen to? Folks? Whole lot of stores, a whole lot.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
M boy, what's just say? Let's finish the story otherwise.
We also followed his sister in law's advice and discussed
all potential scenarios in the event that she does end
up being the new roommate. What we will do if
she makes a move on you? What we would do
if she starts walking around without clothing? Will you be
(39:25):
friends with her or keep your distance?
Speaker 2 (39:27):
You should?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
You are keeping your distance?
Speaker 2 (39:29):
What are you talking about? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Will you hang out or drink with her late at
night like you used to with your old roommate. He
also wants me to meet her before it goes any further.
We haven't set a meeting up yet, but we'll see
what happens. I hate feeling like a controlling partner, and
I felt so weird discussing all of those scenarios. But
I think it's good to pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid
of and then talk about it because it helps.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
HET's johny og host here.
Speaker 4 (39:53):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Slowly, you communicated the things you're not being in control partner.
You are communicating your insecurities and your frustrations, and you're,
you know, all the things that you're worried about with
your partner. And a good partner doesn't necessarily have to
agree or acquiesce to any of those things, but does
(40:19):
listen to them and does taken them into consideration and say, hey,
I hear you. This is the situation I'm in. I
will try and you know, find something that works for
both of us. But right now, like she's my only
app Yeah, that would be the conversation.
Speaker 4 (40:37):
Correct, do Mundo, And I'm really also not liking his
whole tactic here of it's like, oh, a girl likes me. Well,
instead of having it come from me and being like hey,
just being aw I'm actually in a relationship and I'm
not interested in you. It's more like, hey, check out
this road block I have standing in between me and you.
(40:59):
I have a girlfriend and if she wasn't here, maybe
we could date, but we can't because I have a girlfriend.
Tell tell them yourself from your chest nicely, don't want
to date them.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Nicest I've ever been rejected. I asked this guy out
in an Abercrombie in Germany when I was traveling, very
hot man and uh, and he was like because he
was thought we were we had been talking before. It
wasn't just like hey I saw yeah, yeah, we had
been chatting. And he was like, I'm so sorry I
have a girlfriend. But it was very brave of you.
(41:30):
I was like, okay, so I just want like, really
cool of you. You're very brave. I was like, okay,
move on your part, Okay, thanks. Yeah. So I don't know,
just be honest, be honest.
Speaker 4 (41:45):
It really just comes down to she's about all this stuff, man,
don't deceive, don't be because of course, and it's like, oh,
I'm sorry, my insecurities got the better of me. It's like, dude,
he's turbo charging your insecurities. He's doing by behaving in
ways that make it feel like, hey, are you sneaking
around on me? Like yeah, it's like it's like someone again,
(42:10):
like someone in a in a cat burglar outfit, like
sneaking into your house and you're being like, hey, are
you gonna steal all my stuff?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
And they're like, dude, you're so what are you over?
Speaker 2 (42:20):
You're being insecure about? Yeah, what you think? Oh, come on,
you know better than that.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
Yeah, it's just based on what I'm seeing, I'm thinking
maybe I should being.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
A little nervous. But that's the end of that story
and the end of this episode. So if you love us,
make sure to subscribe. We love You and seeing it
in the marrow
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