My fiancé invited his ex to our wedding…without telling me! | Reddit Stories

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My fiance invited his ex situationship to our wedding without
telling me.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
The more the merrier, as they say.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Especially all the situationships, as they also say, I twenty
three year old female, I'm getting married in January and
just found out my fiance, Mark twenty five year old
male fake name, invited his old situationship to our wedding
without consulting me. Well she's a who right, Yeah, that's
why she's a good time. By the way, this comes
from you dash No Nectarine two nine to nine on

(00:27):
the r okay storytime subredit. So for context, me and
Mark met on a dating app two years ago after
he broke up with the relationship. To be honest, it's
quite confusing what he and Tracy, twenty two year old
female had. They met because of a mutual friend and
started to develop feelings for each other. Mark told me
they never dated or slept together, but it was more
than friendship. Until today, he keeps her love letters, gifts

(00:49):
and talks about her. Okay, So they had like a
romantic relationship. There was love letters. Supposedly, they never like
dated or slept together.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
It sounds like she didn't want to get in a relationship,
you think so if he was writing love letters? Oh wait,
who was writing the love letters? Both parties?

Speaker 1 (01:06):
He keeps her love letters, so.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
He didn't want the relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Well, we don't know. Like, yeah, that's a good, good question,
Like why didn't they date if they were sending love
letters to each other. Tracy and him try to stay
in contact after the breakup, so they didn't date according
to the story. But they had a breakup staying friends,
but she ghosted him after finding out we started to
date from when I saw on her social media. She's
in a relationship, so I'm not worried about her trying

(01:31):
to get with my fiance again. They haven't been in
contact for two years, but he still has her number
and email. I found out about him inviting her after
I checked again our guest list and finding her name.
I know Tracy's not a threat to our relationship, but
Mark inviting her behind my back makes me feel bad
about our whole wedding. He told me he doesn't feel
anything for her, yet he made sure to send her
an invitation. This is probably me being insecure, but my

(01:53):
fear of him not getting over her is slowly creep
inside my heart. I don't want to lose him, she said.
My fear of him not getting over here is slowly
creeping inside my Oh. Okay, after reading the comments and
talking with some friends, my heart finally understood Mark never
really got over Tracy. In the beginning. I was in denial,
but I went out with Tom, twenty four year old male,

(02:13):
his best friend of years, to understand about what really
happened between them. Tracy and Mark met because of some
friends in comment. Okay, we're gonna get the whole backstory.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Oh boy, here we go.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
So she just got into the university and was seventeen
at the time, while Mark was already almost graduating. They
stayed of friends for two years and feelings started to blossom.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Ok.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Mark was already working while she was still in college.
She only wanted to formally date her after her graduation.
He was the one limiting it from being a real relationship.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
Got it.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
It was never a thing, even though they shared love letters, gifts,
and shared almost every holiday together. So Tom told me
everyone from their old friend group thought they would marry
since they were so sweet together, So their breakup was
really unpredictable. So the breakup was really unpredictable. Tracy was
the one who broke up with Mark due to their
religious values not lining up. Oh so she actually broke

(03:01):
up with him as she wanted to save herself until marriage.
In the end, they decided it was better to go
separate ways and maybe try again after a few years.
But after me and Mark started to date, Tracy realized
that it was pointless to wait for him and started
to see other people, so she blocked him and everything
except email, just to have a clean beginning.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, but this was the girl.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
In the end, I finally realized Mark is just hopeful
that Tracy will come back to him due to their
talks of trying again after a while. It honestly hurts
so much as I loved him so much. I still
didn't confront him since I'm still shaken up. But I
don't know if this marriage will happen. I'm going to
update once I calm down and confront him. Okay, so
there isn't another update I wanna. I just want to

(03:40):
say there are so many assumptions going on on Op's part. Yeah,
they make sense. It's you know, it's quite reasonable to
like hear about all this stuff, not really know it,
and to like jump to all these conclusions, but they
will stay conclusions until they are confirmed. And she said
she's gonna confront him. There's nothing really to like confront
him about. It's more of just like checking if these

(04:03):
things are true or not. He's been a while since
the last update, and I'm here to announce the wedding
has been called off. My parents are the one canceling
everything for me. It's like I returned to my childhood
when mom and dad had to solve my problems. I
confronted Mark after talking with Tom and made him aware
of everything I've been dealing with. His reaction at the
beginning was dismissive and was almost as if he was
trying to escape from the situation. In the end, we

(04:24):
don't know how she brought it up to him, but
it could possibly have been very blaming, don't We don't know.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Well, yeah, the way it was.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
In the end marks that he never loved somewhat. You
were right the first love theory. It is yes, pracy
because it was pure and innocent.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
He dunked it.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, Jesus Christ, Oh my god. So she reminded him
that not everything is about carnal desire and in the
darkest moments of his life. Tracy was like the sunlight
Jesus godle Hearing the man you love admitting how much
he loved a woman is so hurtful. So one Opie
was making a lot of us sumptions. They turned out
to be true.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
This isn't always the case. Okay, don't follow this rule book.
This is the only sestion. Yeah, like you do a
math problem, yeah, and you do it wrong. We get
the answer right.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
During the talk, I started to cry, balling my eyes out.
Oh that's so sad. Dude. Mark had the audacity to
say he loves me, but it's a different kind of low.
I asked why he invited her to our wedding, and
he was speechless. Why he had to throw away our
future for something in the past. This hurts so much.
Mark told me he knew Tracy didn't block him on
email since he was the one who helped her get

(05:34):
her first job and a lot of professional stuff was
also involved. This is how he was able to send
her our wedding invitation, but he meant no harm. When
I asked what he meant with this, Mark just said
he wanted to make her watch us together and realize
what she lost because he was hurt that Tracy was
pregnant and not married. So the moment Mark mentioned about
Tracy's pregnancy, a red alarm started echo in my head.

(05:56):
How did he know about her pregnancy? You said? She
blocked talk to you everywhere. I could see panic in
his eyes as he started to stutter. In the end,
I made him give me his phone and I found
out more than five accounts to stalk Tracy. My stomach
felt sick and the urge to vomit was overwhelming. In
the end, I decided to call off the engagement since
he was a creep. Mark threw himself on the floor

(06:18):
asking for forgiveness, and he loves me, just a different one.
So he's on the floor. I love you so much, baby,
but like not like I love Tracy's much, So it's
in a different way compared to Tracy, and was just
hurt that she gave herself to another man while he
begged her countless times for a spicy sleep. This made
me feel even more disgusted with him because he felt

(06:39):
entitled to her virginity and body. Yeah, it's never a
good look to beg someone to sleep with you. Oh
my gosh, I left without taking even a bag with me.
Everything is just too much. I can't believe I spent
two years loving a stalker manchild.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
I also told Tracy everything and his accounts.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
That's what I was about to say. You can be
a girls girl here and let Tracy know. Damn.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
So, I don't know if she saw my messages, but
I hope she does. The jealousy I once felt for
her transformed into pity is no woman should go through
what Mark has done. Mark wants to meet up with
me and doesn't want to break up, but I'm just
so tired. Small update Tracy messaged me and wants to
get a coffee with me. This is like that one
movie with kay Upton which like they all the girlfriends

(07:24):
got together and like plotted the downfall of the man.
Update three. I think this is my last update, since
I've already met up with Tracy and talked about what happened.
Me and her med at a cafe. In the beginning,
I was really nervous as I didn't know what was
her reaction because her reply was HI. When I was
waiting for her, I could feel my back sweating and
overall lots of emotion. Tracy arrived and I finally understood

(07:44):
why Mark was so obsessed with her, as she's definitely
one of the most beautiful women I saw. Oh wow,
she's pretty on the pictures, but personally she looks better.
Tracy said hell out of me and asked if I'm
willing to go to her house to talk since being
outside for too long makes her really tired. We ordered
some coffee to go and it was super awkward. So
now let's talk about what she told me. First of all,

(08:05):
she apologized for being the reason why now I'm single,
which I assured her is not her fault. Tracy said
she received the invitation but was simply not interested in
participating in our wedding as she was already in a
happy relationship and is pointless to see a person from
the past. With the story Tom and Mark told me,
I got curious and asked about them staying friends, as
it sounded like she wanted to stay with him after

(08:25):
the breakup and it's the polar opposite of her behavior.
Tracy was extremely uncomfortable with this question, but still explained
to me why. She said that in the beginning she
was really in love with Mark because he was her
first love. She described him as a protector, someone trustworthy,
handsome and kind, as he always showered her in gifts
and travels. Everything was fine and sweet, but over time
Mark started to beg her for spicy sleep, so much

(08:49):
to the point of her pretending to me sick just
to avoid him. Scary, she just didn't want to sleep
with him, had had some sort of blockage, like a
sixth sense telling her not to do it. She was
sick and tired about all this and used the fact
that her parents were extremely religious to justify why spicy
sleep was off the table. This led to a fight,
which Mark never told me, and then breaking up. Oh

(09:10):
so the spicy sleep was the soul. Oh, I guess
did you mentioned that earlier?

Speaker 2 (09:13):
He thought it was a religious thing. Yeah, but it
was because she was like, he was.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
Like pressuring her to have a spicy sleep, and she
was like, oh yeah, yeah, like her body was just
saying no. So but two weeks after they started to
talk again, and she felt in debt with him as
he helped her get a job in a prestigious company
and he spent a lot of money on her with trips, foods,
and presents. Oh jeez. One of the guests was a
Rolex eighteenth birthday, which made me mad since he never

(09:37):
spent so much money on me. She's like, he never
got craft. He never got so when Tracy found out
me and Mark were seeing each other, she felt relieved
and finally had a proper reason to block him everywhere,
since he was still sometimes hinting about them sleeping together.

Speaker 2 (09:52):
Woah, Dan ros he felt you were like, he spent
thousands on me. I own this well.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
He's like, even after they're breaking up, he he's messaging
her hinting, like still trying to get spicy sleep.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
With her wild, sheeus.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
In the end, I told her in the entire relationship,
Mark would sometimes talk about her and in the beginning
it was kind of weird, but I just brushed off
since she was part of the story. But if you
want to be part of our story, you could join
us live on YouTube every week the a three pm PST.
Just have our profile. There's another relevant update. Plus, I
talked about Mark's numerous accounts, and in the beginning she
didn't believe me, but I showed her the accounts I knew,

(10:27):
which was creepy since they all had female names. Followers
and pictures, so put he put effort into these accounts.
He was like cultivating and following.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
He was like, she's posting. Sometimes you can tell accounts
of fake because it's like they all got posted within
like three days of each other. But he probably was like,
I'm gonna post this one here, Schedule this one there,
schedule this one there.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
This one is living in Mark's head rent free like
for years. Calley, her account is public, so I asked
Tracy to make it private. She made a new account
with her Korean name and deactivated the old one. We
had fun and became friends.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
It really is like that movie, Like she is a
really sweet person, and I saw how her boyfriend treated
her like a queen. I'm happy she found love and
got rid of Mark. Well, it's just scary, like hearing
these stories and hearing about how people are in these
relationships and they're like in love with their partners, they're
gonna marry, and then they just find out all this crap. Yeah,

(11:23):
they're just not comfortable.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Like that's gonna take a lot of rewiring.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, hopefully, and you get that make.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
I was trying to get over a bad situationship, so
I talked to an online psychic checks out. They got
this new device where you put your hand on it
and they can read it off the device. I've recently
been and what can be called only as described as
quite an intense situationship. I know, I know four context.
Much of it was long distance and online until recently.

(11:48):
There have been times over the past few months where
I was falling in love with him and started to
believe we may be soulmates, meant to be together. We
connected so much, got on so well, had much in common,
and it was very sweet and loving. But sadly he's
broken it off after a period of a big change
in his life left him overwhelmed. This was also after

(12:12):
a couple of weeks of barely talking slash responding to me.
By the way, this comes from Melina Jeane Smith on
the r slash Okay story. Times separate so because much
of our future being quite unclear from different countries, situations,
work wise, financially, et cetera. There always felt like a
baseline of anxiety and insecurity, not in a wholly negative way,

(12:36):
just in a way where much more was up in
the air than in a more typical setup.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
They're in different countries. This is long distance, long distance,
different countries. I wonder if they've ever met in person.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
So a few weeks ago before formally breaking up, I
started talking to online psychics to try to seek for
some answers for context. I'm not super into the world
of claire voyancy. I said that, right, Yeah, you got it.
Nice spirituality, astrology, etc. I am an agnostic and have
quite a natural cynical approach to these things and mainly

(13:11):
see it as a bit of fun.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
I wonder why this was what she jumped to. She
feels like it's like skeptical, like a pool to it. Yeah,
that was the first thing, and she was like, you
know what, I'm a check a psychic.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
Hmm. I've never used or been into a medium before,
but I know a friend who has, so using a
service like this was quite out of character Loo, and
I've been surprised as to how much I liked it.
I never asked specific questions or gave too much information
about him Slash the situation mainly because I wanted to
test how much they could actually pick up on Slash,

(13:44):
how accurate they be, but also try to be respectful
with his privacy as much as possible. I don't know
if you can be respectable of privacy to a medium.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Because they already know, they already know you already know.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
To be honest, I don't really know what I even
wanted to know from myself. I guess I just wanted
a general idea of how I should be investing this
time wise, if we weren't actually meant to be together
in the long run, as I wasn't getting real clarity
or communication from him at this point, so she was
just looking for answers any way means possible. Yeah, anyway,

(14:18):
I guess I just wanted to come on here and
say that using this service has generally helped me so much.
I feel a sponsorship coming up. This is just a
sponsorship for mediums. This week, this guy properly broke it
off with me slash friends on me. It was the
usual spill, I really like you, but can't do this
at the moment. If you told me three months ago

(14:38):
this was going to happen and I'd come out of
it the other side pretty on scratch, I would have
never believed it prior and during an approximate three week
period pre breakup. I think I'd open five to six
online chats with psychics on specific platforms.

Speaker 1 (14:54):
Okay, so she's just like going all in, She's like
psychic psychic psychic, like tell me everyth.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
Whoa, I've never heard of this before. Yeah, the readings
they given me have all been short. You chose the
time frame and for the most part pretty accurate. They've
been able to glean his anxiety issues, temporary nature of
this stay here, he is an intel student, and few
more bits and bobs, Especially the conclusion from most has

(15:24):
been it's a great connection you have, but it will
lead to much further intimacy slash serious relationship. Ever, once
I kick in particular, without being prompt by me with
specific information or questions, has told me twice that she
knows this guy is not my soulmate and that I
will marry someone else. I haven't met my soulmate yet,

(15:46):
but the universe has prepared someone for me, and she
knows i'll meet him. Of course, no info on when
or where, which is good. After she told me this honesty,
a wave of acceptance and peace took over me. It
wasn't an immediate yeay, I'm completely overcurrent guy. Now time
to hunt for my new man. But more Okay, cool,

(16:08):
my time will come. I can let the situation go
with my head held high.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Okay, so glad. It was like supportive and it was
just reassuring for her.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
It's kind of crazy. She opened up and talked to
five to six different their psychics and they were all
like said the same thing. Yeah, that's why I trussed
that I'm someone that honestly doesn't have a natural inclination
to think about this kind of thing. Who I'll marry,
whether soulmates are real, where mine is, et cetera. But
her telling me this genuinely almost snap me out of

(16:39):
being sad about this new guy overnight.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Good for her, wonderful.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
I do also feel totally at peace with the very
real possibility that this is ALBS, and then I've maybe
been scammed by this website, etc. But honestly, I don't
regret spending the money on this or using the service
at all. It's what I needed for my own sancety
during this breakup slash period of high stress, and I

(17:05):
currently have enough disposable income that it's not completely insane. Loo.
The only thing that doesn't slightly worry me is that
maybe we shouldn't really know these kind of things about
our lives. It did feel slightly wrong gaining this information
from her loo, But I do kind of understand why
religious talks against using these kind of powers. But I've

(17:27):
done it now, Lol, So what can you do? So
religious are like, don't use these sort of powers, they'll
give you answers because you might obsess over it.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Yeah. The way I feel about it is that there's
so many like inputs of data and this is one
input and to not like trust it is like absolute
and like I'm just gonna, you know, reject all other things,
reject my own intuition, reject my own instinct, and just
take this as blind faith. But I could totally you know,
I think it's totally reasonable to like include it as

(17:59):
a source of information and to have it inform your
decision and inform the way you approach things in some capacity.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Because I have done that before, where I believe from
my own experiences that this one person is meant for
me because of just some song that they played. Yeah,
because I was like, this is my special song, and
keep it from me, my girl, And then they played
it the first song they ever played. It was them wow,
And I was like, this is the girl for me,
And over time I got an answer and it was no,
oh really, And then we broke up. Wow, and that

(18:27):
broke me and I'm still kind of healing from it.
But make him way better. But if you do, like
you said, if you do, I like I gave myself up.
I was like, this isn't me. I'm going to go
all in and I lost myself during. Now I feel
it's been worth it for my peace of mind, and
it also means I can leave current guy in piece
two as he needs space. I don't feel the need

(18:48):
or urge to text him, so I try to win
back now, which is the best for both of us
and now in the long run. So she was able
to like give him up, I know that. I obviously
I may be a bit of a denial phase right now,
like in any relationship. Also, it's obviously not the ending
of a super long or serious relationship loo, which is

(19:09):
of course as on how easy this breakup is in
the end of grain scheme of things. So lots of
factors other than the sidekick part came into play here.
But you can come and play with us every weekday
at three pm PhD. Just tap a profile I'm not
trying to advise that to others. To do this, it
does cost a bit of money for transparency. I'm currently
not paying rent or bills. I probably spent a total

(19:30):
of one hundred and ten bucks over the past three
to four weeks. One hundred and ten pounds.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
That's a little that much for like five psidekicksuse.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
You're a student, you can choose either phone or web chats.
I'm not going to link the specific path form our use.
What I can say is that it can be quite.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
She's really shouting them out.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
She really is without it was shouting up. Yeah, I don't
feel like that I personally became a dick, but I
see how you can very easily happen. So please be
careful if you ever use the service like this, Try
not to use them if you are in a strong
place financially, and be focused on what you want from it.
I personally don't think I'll be using them again, especially
when I go back to renting and paying bills all

(20:11):
the while. The conclusion I've gained is that maybe I've
gone a bit crazy, But what girl has it gone
crazy over? Surviving a situationship with a straight guy? Thanks
for reading so you can get over a breakup with Azager.
He cheated on me, but he.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
Says we were on a break to give some contact.
My ex and I broke up in August after ten
months together because I noticed he started drinking more and more.
He was a drug addict, so I saw his use
as substance switching. Okay, I thought it was because he
was going through a tough time in his life. He
lost both of his jobs and was living on the
poverty line during this time. He found another job, but

(20:45):
it was super low paying and high stress. I paid
for all shared things for the both of us during
this time. I planned all the dates and I made
quality time for him. Often, to my frustration, he would
come home and fall asleep on me. So this guy's
just like super stressed exhausted, I'm not able to be
fully engagement with the relationship. By the way, this comes
from you dash just keep swimming twenty seven on the

(21:06):
r okay storytime subreddit. So however, when he did find
a new and much better job, he continued the same behavior. Example,
the amount of drinking follows asleep on me. During this time,
he could have spent on me or plan dates instead
of me doing other planning. Because he now has the time, money,
and emotional capacity. He instead spent money on a bunch
of for himself.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Hey, party for me and I myself.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
Party for one. I kept asking him to treat me
for once. We started going to bars as our main outing,
where we started off playing pool, and where he would
buy himself drinks in front of me and still not
buy me a meal or a drink, all while I'd
be paying for pool too. I kept trying to tell
him I didn't feel like a priority to take me
out for ones, that his past dick caused trust issues,
and I want us to get help. I requested that

(21:53):
he get individual therapy. I'm in individual therapy as well. Amazing,
we love therapy, we love good therapy. There's bad there
out there, and that we do couples therapy during couples therapy. Okay,
so he agreed it.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Wow, that's good, that's really good.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
That's great. A lot of people would not.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
Unfortunately, I discovered I can no longer continue like this.
I was stressed every night before sleeping, wondering if he
was okay, wondering if he was drinking too much, and
wondering if he was one day be coming out. I
was also hurt that I was the only one putting
in all the effort, where I planned all the dates
and paid for everything. I broke it off and we
didn't see each other for over a month. Wow, Okay,

(22:29):
so broke off and then we ended up running into
each other thirty five days after the breakup, when he
dropped some things at my house. We decided to spend
just the night together with the condition of absolutely no
drinking during our time together. Then the night turned into
a week, and then a week turned into two. However,
he had expressed a desire to get back at together
about five days in. I reciprocated because we both made
each other very happy during these two weeks, just doing

(22:51):
mundane things and being in what I consider a real partnership.
So she like got the relationship that she was wanting
all this time, and it like finally got it. He
said that he wanted to give up drinking because he
felt so good with me for the first time in
decades without substances altering his reality. He said he felt
a renewed desire to experience life from things that bring
him intrinsic joy, like sports, music and dancing. Oh, this

(23:12):
is wonderful. He wanted to continue feeling like this again
for a long time, at least how he could learn
how to take on moderation. We had the most wonderful
two weeks where every day felt almost magical. He mentioned
that getting back together was on his mind, and I
reciprocated that sentiment. We decided that since we were both
thinking of getting together, with the promise that he wouldn't
be drinking for his own sake, we should make lists
for each other about all the things we need to

(23:34):
address if we were to try again to see if
we were compatible. If we were not compatible, we would
see if there was any room for accommodation. This seems
like they're being responsible, and like, what are the things
I could block us from having a good partnership?

Speaker 3 (23:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
We set a date for negotiating. Negotiating on whether we'd
get back together planned after an individual therapy session with
my therapist, since he wanted to make sure I had
all the information I could possibly have, and we set
a date.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
Wow, very proactive too.

Speaker 1 (23:59):
He said he wanted to be with me, but would
see if we could actually be together depending on our combatibility.
And accommodation ability. Okay, now, okay, this is a sweet story.
Right now, I feel like we're about to get into
toxic territory. During this time, I was completely exclusive. I'm
a very monogamous person and can only hold feelings and
relationships with one person at a time. My ax is different.

(24:20):
He sees himself as a being. These past two weeks
have technically been a situationship since we never defined the
actual boundaries on exclusivity. While we were discussing getting back
together during these past two weeks, he told me he
slept with someone during this period, about ten days into
our situationship while we were talking about seeing if we
could get back together. He said he knew I'd be hurt,

(24:40):
but to what degree he didn't know, And yet he
did it anyways, because we were not committed to each
other and he would not change who he is being
his general everyday behaviors without being fully committed to me. First,
I would be prioritized sla shul accommodate my feelings if
we were not exclusively together. My logic was that if
we were together together by the end of this, why
would he want he want him hurting me to be

(25:01):
the starting point of our relationship. He said that, no,
this wouldn't be the starting point since we weren't exclusive
at this time and it wouldn't be behind us we
were on a break.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Okay, so how it just feels like lawyers debating like
a certain detail, like WHOA technically, but then also.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, this is the starting way. He's like, technically, the
starting point was the date. We said.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
This feels like two all years debating a certain topic,
and this one's like trying to find a way to
get through this loophole because it's like the technicality thing.
But then this other lawyer's like, but your intentionality towards
this relationship said one thing, and your action said another.
I think he's in the wrong.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
He said. He told me how to respect and that
technically he had no obligation to tell me it was
safe a spicy sleep, but just wanted to be honest
about it. He did tell her, yeah, he didn't have
to do that.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
True.

Speaker 1 (25:46):
He also told me that this is how the real
world works. I'm new to relationships. This is my first
serious relationship. While he said he's had six before, he
said that generally people of the world would have no
expectations and that he had done nothing wrong since we
never to find any boundaries or exclusivity. He also said
that this is my boundary to draw and that if
I'm not able to get over this, then this then

(26:06):
we are incompatible, since he wouldn't mind the same thing
being done to him since we weren't exclusive.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
I don't like the getting over this wording for sure.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
It's like you're hurt and that's your problem, and especially
the context of like they're trying to transition into a relationship.
Such a good job making a comeback. He was making
a comeback. Also did say that the spicy sleep with
the woman was just spicy sleep and nothing more.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Oh that helps?

Speaker 1 (26:32):
Are you being sarcastic? Yes, I mean, honestly, it kind
of in my eyes, it's better than that if it
was a romantic I.

Speaker 2 (26:39):
Would not even touch on that subject.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah, Like he's capable of truly desiring me and only
wanting to be with me, but also sleeping with other people,
which he would completely cut off if we were to
become exclusive. He said that if we were, if we
became fully exclusive, there'd be no other relationship with anyone else,
and that he would take the time to put in effort,
both organizationally and financial, And if you would like to
put an effort into us, you can join us live

(27:03):
on YouTube every week they at three ampst. Just tap
our profile. I'm a very anxious human being. I asked
for a lot of reassurance during this time, to which
you said, I can't give you one hundred percent to
you right now. So the whole point of this period
is just to compare list to see if we're compatible.
If you need that from me, then I think you
already have your answer that in that we're not compatible,
that we don't owe each other anything, that any effort

(27:24):
I've put into these last two weeks was all my
own choice, and that we were just seeing if we
could work it out in the long run, after which
he'll be in full effort. I'm so heartbroken and torn
about this. I see where he's coming from, but also
that same time, I would never have done the things
he did. Yeah, I don't know how to feel about this.
Please one Like you guys have very different ideas around

(27:45):
like icy sleep, around exclusivity, around agreement of relationship, and
so that's like, if you're making the list, that's places
that you're incompatible. He also views relationships a very certain
way and feel like very strict like like takes that
as reality and kind of dismisses Op's version of relationships.

(28:08):
And so there, you know, there is a lot of incompatibility.
There's also like substance abuse, not like making him wrong
for that, and he's.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
Coming on the comeback, but you have had to do
a lot of work with him with that part. Yeah,
And I feel like we're kind of forgetting that because
he owes Op a good relationship and he's done so
much work, and it's just it's hard to see who
do all this work and then make this mistake and
then not even own up to the mistake.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yeah, you're so right. It could have just been so
easy to be like, Yeah, while at the time I
thought it was right, I could totally see how crappy
that is for you. Your pain makes so much sense.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (28:44):
The girl who stole my fiance also stole my boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (28:49):
That's a villain origin story right there. What that's your
That's a nemesis.

Speaker 1 (28:54):
If I've ever heard one. Yeah, that is that's your rival.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
Be ready with your popcorn and your iced coffee. Y'all
are going to be mad at me at some point
during this story.

Speaker 4 (29:02):
Oh no, I don't like how you're calling this out.
You're calling yourself out already.

Speaker 3 (29:06):
I twenty nine female, was engaged to my now ex fiance,
who we will call Asher twenty nine male in twenty twenty.
We were best friends up until we started dating in
our second year of high school. By the way, the
story comes from user recovering people Pleaser on the r
slash okay storytimes I've read it. So we dated for
only three days and I broke it off immediately as

(29:26):
I was too scared of being in a relationship while
trying to maintain my academic standings in school. For context,
where Asians and Asian parents are a bit more strict,
especially when it comes to school. We stopped talking for
a few months until we became best friends again after him,
I had been in a physically and mentally abusive relationship too.
To be exact, Asher and I eventually rekindled our romance

(29:48):
on my last year of college. All of my friends
were very happy for me, as they said, this has
been the best relationship decision I have done so far. Well,
they'rein for a surprise. Asher and I. I had a
smooth relationship for a year up until I had to
take my licensure exam. A day before traveling to the
exam center, I went over to his house and we
were just hanging out watching movies, and everything was fine

(30:12):
until his mom came over to us and asked him
if he had told me yet.

Speaker 1 (30:16):
He said no.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
I was confused, but at the time Asher just brushed
it off. After an hour, his mom asked to talk
to me alone inside his room. I remember feeling so
scared and started overthinking like maybe I've.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Done something wrong.

Speaker 3 (30:29):
She started off by asking if I knew of this
certain girl who I'll call Michelle from what I knew.
Michelle was an acquaintance of Asher's from his training club.
I told his mom, yes, I did know her. Her
next sentence almost made me lose my mind. She said
Michelle just gave birth and reached out to them because
she's claiming Asher got her pregnant.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Oh, oh, my lord, I was at a loss for words.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
She said the baby was born with a medical condition
that puts his life at risk. Oh God, that's terrible,
his mom said. She wanted to let me know as
Asher didn't have the guts to tell me, but she
emphasized that Asher strongly denied being the father. She gave
us the chance to talk and to sum things up.
I believed him. The next day, I was already on
my way for my Life Insure exam, which is a

(31:18):
two day intensive exam, when I received a message just
as I was about to enter the exam room. It
was from Michelle. She was asking me to take pity
on her child and to convince Asher to pay for
child support since the child is currently fighting for his
life at the hospital. I didn't get the chance to
reply as I was already seated and the exam was
about to start. The exam is an eight to five

(31:39):
exam with only one lunch break aloud. I tried my
best to get it out of my head, as this
exam was to make or break the entire course of
my life. Yeah, God, what an unbelievable thing to get
right before one of the most important tests of your life.

Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yeah, this is wow.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
Ohp She's like, this is my this is like my
make or break right here, and wow, you get this context.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
I managed to keep my cool until the end of
the second day, and I talked to Asher immediately about
what Michelle told me. He said his parents already sent
some money to her out of pity for the child,
but not because he admits he's the father, which was
kind of suspicious, but whatever, it wasn't my money. I
then responded to Michelle saying how sorry I was about
her and her baby situation, and that I've tried talking

(32:21):
to Asher but he still denies it and I wouldn't
get involved any further because I'm just a girlfriend. I
told her i'd pray for her and her baby. She
still kept bothering me through messages, but I didn't know
what to say it to her at this point. The
sad thing was is the baby passed a few days
after that, which totally broke my heart and also breaks ours.

(32:41):
You never want that, you hate to see it every time.
Fast forward after the Michelle drama, I passed the exam,
amissed the stress of it all. Asher and I were
still together and he went back to college. He started
later than me because he was to video games. I
haven't ever heard that as a reason to start school late,
but I'm not gonna judge. Our whole relationship was a
long distance one after that, where we only got to

(33:03):
talk to each other every weekend and see each other
on Christmas and New Year's because he's in military school.
And even after all the time constraints, he still managed
to cheat on me multiple times, too many to count
on my fingers. And the funny thing is I stayed yes,
I stayed why, well, I what there might be an

(33:25):
explanation here.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (33:27):
I'm probably a walking red flag myself because of this.
After three years into the relationship, I decided to move
abroad for a job opportunity. I didn't think it would
be much of a problem for us, as we were
already in a long distance relationship for quite a while.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
Boy was I wrong about that.

Speaker 3 (33:43):
A month after moving abroad, I had this feeling that
I get whenever he's cheating on me. Mind you, for
all the times he's cheated on me prior, I would
always catch him in the act, like I probably would
make a good FBI agent. At this point, I couldn't
shake the feeling that I was being cheated on. I
shared my thought to the wife of his best friend,
let's call her Eve, who I became friends with after

(34:05):
we got together. She told me to look for more
signs until one morning, as I was getting ready to
go to work, Eve messaged me, and before I opened
her message, I already had the feeling it wouldn't be
good news. She said she knew who he's cheating with,
and she sends me a photo of them in a
mirror selfie to a place where we once went on vacation.
I was at a loss for words on who the

(34:27):
girl was. She is the star of this story. Let's
call her Megan. Meghan was the mistress of Asher's best friend.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
What is going on?

Speaker 3 (34:37):
Yes, Eve and I are flabbergasted. We had no idea
that our partners were so close that they managed to
screw one girl and make them their mistress. Asher's best
friend had her first and a year after that, Asher
I was furious and did something petty. As the photo
that Eve showed me was posted on Facebook, I commented

(34:59):
and tagged Asher's mom and said, this is what he
was doing when he asked for your permission to go
to his senior in military. Immediately after that, Asher started
calling me non stock and kept gaslighting me that I
was crazy. I broke up with him after.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
That, Yes, finally, thank god.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
Yeah, his whole family was consoling me, but nothing eases
the pain. What's worse, I learned about the affair a
few weeks before taking another licensure exam for the country
I moved to my God. I still fortunately passed the
exam and stopped communicating with Asher way before I took it.
Fast forward to seven months after that, Asher and I
started talking again. No, he was apologizing until eventually we

(35:41):
got bitter. Now I am beyond stupid at this point,
which I'm sorry, Op.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
I agree. Oh if he did call herself out earlier
in the story in your.

Speaker 3 (35:51):
Own words, Op, that was stupid of you to do.
Our relationship was okay for another year, but I could
tell the damage was already there. He then posed to
me online in a very public Facebook post where he
tagged me in our parents with a photo of a
ring and mushy messages asking me to marry him as
we were still in different countries, and I stupidly said yes.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
Why anyone watching this?

Speaker 3 (36:14):
Anyone watching this, please use this as a blueprint as
what to never ever, ever ever do in a relationship.
If someone proposes to you over Facebook, first of all,
you block them, because that is never acceptable way to
propose to somebody.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
I don't care how far away you are. That's your
first who ever ever proposed to somebody, your first red
fly You're like, Ah, that's the briggest refly.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
It should have been like, I'm not gonna accept this
at the very least, no, propose to me a better way.
I'm not doing this.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
But the consistent cheating.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yeah, being cheated on literally the entire time you're in
a relationship with somebody.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Don't marry that person. You have the evidence.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
A few more months after I accepted his proposal, I
was already nearing the end of my contract in my
workplace and plan to go home to my home country
to have our wedding. We started wedding planning and with
the help of my besties, who I knew were secret
questioning my sanity because of my decision to say yes
to his proposal. He was in another country due to
the nature of his job, and said we'd meet in

(37:08):
our home country in a few months, but his contract
ends earlier than mine. Everything was great up until he
arrived home. He started messaging less and I started getting
the ugly feeling again. Whenever I brought up the icky feeling,
he would guesslight me saying he's only been back for
a few days and had just started hanging out with
the dudes, and I was just over thinking. Well, my

(37:28):
female instincts never failed me. I caught him cheating again
and guess what it.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Was with Megan?

Speaker 3 (37:35):
Ah ah like mad Megan. At that point, I was
already so fed up and so tired. I called off
the engagement and blocked him on all social medias he
could even try to contact me on, thank god, even email.
I started going to therapy and hanging out with my
friends and tried to make myself better until I reached

(37:57):
the end of my contract. A few weeks before my
flight back home, I met this guy from our hometown
let's call him Mark, and we started talking to each other.
He was nice and started making plans of what we'd
do once I arrived home. Shortly after I finished my
contract and flew back home, Mark and I were still
talking and we were very much interested with each other.
I didn't get to see him until ten days after

(38:19):
my arrival, though, as it was COVID time and I
had to undergo mandatory quarantine. Mark was a nice guy.
He treated me far differently from how Asher did. We
started dating, and I was happy and stress free, or
so I thought.

Speaker 4 (38:33):
I really hope, I really hope, I really hope.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
When I arrived at our hometown, I met with Mark
and we started hanging out with my friends and we
were all happy. One day, Mark started being shady about
his whereabouts, though I asked him if he wanted to
hang out, but he said he was sick and would
rather stay home. I started to have the ugly feels again,
but I brushed it off, thinking it was just the
trauma that my past relationship gave me. And then me

(38:57):
and my friend had plans to go out. I didn't
have my own car yet, so I used a public transport.
When they tell you God has his favorites, I must
be one of them, because as I stepped in lo
and behold, it was Megan, And boy was I not
surprised when I heard she told the driver to drop
her off where in front of Mark's house. She tried

(39:20):
to whisper it, but girl, I have good hearing, So
after I heard that, I told her, Oh, you're gonna
see Mark. Well, tell him to feel better soon. By
the way, I would feel better soon if you joined us.
Every weekday at three pm PST when we go live
on YouTube, Facebook, Twitch, TikTok. Just tap our profile and
you're in. Mark and I broke up after that, thank god.

(39:43):
He was still trying to make amends and tried to
make stupid excuses, but I wasn't having it anymore. I
told him to f off. Next thing I heard was
Megan and her friends were spreading rumors that I was
the one who stole her man talking about Asher, which
is why they broke up, and that stealing Mark was
her getting back at me. I was so speechless at
that point that I didn't even give the rumor an

(40:05):
ounce of my energy. I was a bit confident brushing
off the rumors because our whole hometown knew how long
Asher and I have been together, so nobody would believe
all the crap that she's been spewing. Asher reached out
to me saying he and Megan broke up because she
was having an affair with another guy, Shocker, who was
apparently my boyfriend. I did not reply. That is the
end of that story. Ope, it is good that you

(40:27):
are cutting off Asher and not reply, just don't from hometown.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
I'm glad that No Moore broke up with Mark, the
fact that it's happened with three men.

Speaker 3 (40:36):
She's clearly got it out for you. But I also
I like that you're not giving it any energy. Do
not give any of your energy no more. Megan's being
a demon.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
Megan is a like.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
So you either got to exercise it or get out
of the house. Right If you live in a haunted house,
key on.

Speaker 4 (40:51):
You stay and you fight the ghosts, you get out
of that house.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Leave, dude, leave, you gotta get out anyway, that's the
end of the story. My male friend cheated with another friend.
Now I'm revealing the truth to his ex.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
You got no male friends.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
Now, I'm gonna keep it as brief as possible, and
hope I'm conveying myself clearly enough. I will put my
fear of being misunderstood to the side. By the way,
This comes from user aggravating Heat nine thirty eight on
the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So first some context
about me and my friend, then the main situation, and
then the dilemma that I require your help with, Oh,
great and powerful Reddit, I thirty four female and my

(41:29):
friend s forty two male have been friends for twelve years.
We're gonna call him Steve. We studied together, sometimes work together,
went on camping trips and weekends away, and generally are
good friends, have good times, and are quite enmeshed and
involved in each other's lives. We definitely have had our
TIFFs along the way with feelings being involved, and often

(41:50):
I just want to talk through a situation where he
prefers to sweep it under the rug the past is
the past type of thing. For the most part, he's
a fun, loving and caring person, full of positive and
energy and jokes.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
He is sharp and witty.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Everybody loves him and his charm, but there are times
when he's just kind of an a hole. Often to
me sure he thinks his a holary is justified, because
if it often comes out when I have said something
to someone else that he's deemed private or not necessary
to share with people, not that he's ever communicated that beforehand.
Over the years, I've learned how he prefers things, and

(42:23):
I usually want to keep the peace, so just kind
of fell in line. Personally, I don't see the need
to hide or keep information from people, and not that
I would want to tell everyone every bit about my life,
but I do understand and see the point that sometimes
being a bit dishonest can have benefits or it makes
things less complicated, small white lies that don't hurt anyone,
But it's not generally how I prefer to operate anyway.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Context done. Time for the situation.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
Steve started dating a girl after a long term relationship
ended abruptly that really crushed him. He wasn't ready for
anything serious, but the girl was super nice and sweet
and made him feel good. Let's call her. We're gonna
call her Rebecca.

Speaker 4 (43:01):
Ah.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
She was much younger than him and he was her
first great love. COVID happened and they lived together for
a few months, so that catapulted their relationship quickly. She
was deeply in love with him and started picturing their
life together, although she was a bit more conservative aka
and Ospasislipi before marriage and thus wanted to get married soon,

(43:23):
which she told him upfront. He, on the other hand,
since I met him, said he's not the marrying type,
but he really cared for Rebecca, so the relationship continued.
I remember telling him early on, if he knows they
are not on the same trajectory or that he feels
she wants to make things too serious too soon, that
they should talk and perhaps take a break or even
break up before anyone gets more hurt down the line.

(43:45):
But he just said sure, sure, and carried on. In
the time that they were dating, he and another longtime
friend w thirty three female who we will.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
Call Whitney Wimberly No do Whitney.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
No do Whitney rekindled their friendship. They have had had
some on again, off again type of thing going for years.
At times they didn't speak for months and that at
other times, he has been her support and cuddle buddy
when she and her boyfriend were going through rocky patches.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
I don't like that.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
I don't think you're supposed to have a male cuddle
buddy cold time.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Yeah, what is cuddle buddy? Yeah? Where is that job description? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (44:21):
Okiden immediately says you can see where this is heading, right,
which we can.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
Anyway, So Steve and Whitney began hanging out often. Rebecca
had a job and tourism, which meant that most weekends
she had to work. So there were several weekends when Steve,
Whitney and myself would hang out. Although I was not
allowed to tell Rebecca, although there were more weekends where
it was just the two of them. Several times I

(44:46):
suggested that perhaps he and Rebecca should break up because
clearly there are other things going on, and that women
have a good intuition to pick up on things aka
spidy senses. At this time, I was told to stay
out of his business, he's handling it and that there
is nothing going on, so there's nothing that the spidy

(45:06):
senses need to pick up. I also found out later
that I was his cover up slash alibi on several
occasions aka Rebecca would ask Steve what he did this weekend,
and he would say he was hanging out with me. Now,
don't get me wrong, in an ideal world, nobody would
lie or would have to be sneaky. But unfortunately, this
isn't an ideal world, and we aren't perfect individuals, and

(45:29):
sometimes crap just happens. I get that, and I'm always
willing to help out a friend, but then I do
kind of expect that friend to keep me in the
loop a bit and also to set things right somewhere
down the line.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
For example, one of the more colorful.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
Situations, part of the main situation was I walked in
on Steve and Whitney going at it on a weekend away.
And that was after the morning when I raised concerns
again that he looked me straight in the eyes and
said that I know him and he would never cross
that line, so there's nothing to worry about.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah, Steve's a lie. That's that's just a little white lie.

Speaker 3 (46:05):
Steve is a big fat lie. I believed him because
before that point I have always thought of him as
someone with a high integrity and a very strong moral compass,
although he did find joy in blurring some lines every
now and then, even with me. Anyway, after the walk
in incident, he didn't want to talk about it or

(46:25):
clear the air, and I thought surely he would now
break up with Rebecca in the following week. Ope, you
little angel baby, that is so sweet of you to assume.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Nope. They dated for another six months after that, shocking.
But then, Ope, why didn't you tell Rebecca.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
Because a little white line never heard anybody? Six months crazy?
Six months is a little half a year crazy, dude. Yeah,
come on, it's code. You tell the girlfriend. At that point,
you tell the girlfriend. I'm sorry, it's not even code anymore.
It's just logistics, Why am I saying sorry? I'm not sorry?
Tell your friend that she being geated on. My friendship
with him took a severe knock in these months. More

(47:03):
often than not he was a wiener head to me,
except when he needed something Simultaneously. He had me sworn
to secrecy and that it was none of my business
how his relationship with Rebecca was going.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Is that how it works?

Speaker 4 (47:15):
Now? You swear secrecy and then that's your life Like that,
it's over. Like if I tell Rebecca I'm done.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
No, I don't understand that.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
I had started making peace with the fact that this
is how our friendship would end, and I would be
very sad. But this whole situation gave me sleepless nights
due to anxiety, dishonesty, and secrecy. It made it so
that I couldn't trust him and actually felt unsafe in
his presence, which is the one thing that I truly
love in my male friendships is that sense of safety.

(47:43):
And it was gone. Eventually Steve and Rebecca broke up.
She phoned me in tears, asking all the right questions,
and I, with my warped sense of loyalty to him,
just said that I can't tell her anything and that
I'm really sorry she was so broken hearted. Why why
they're already why? I mean, at least the only thing
I can respect out of this is that when Ope

(48:04):
says she's gonna keep a secret, I guess she means it.
It seems like Ope, you can trust her with a secret.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
At some level. You gotta let the truth.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
The truth shall set you free.

Speaker 1 (48:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
I felt terrible. This poor girl was deeply in love
with him and he.

Speaker 4 (48:17):
Was reckless with her heart Like Steve sucks, But op
you are literally just helping Steve get away with it.

Speaker 3 (48:24):
Yeah, she's the.

Speaker 1 (48:25):
Loyal But I feel so bad for Rebecca.

Speaker 3 (48:28):
Fast forward a year or two. My friendship with Steve
is in a good place after several more TIFFs. Each
of us also lost a parent in the past year,
so we were a great support to each other. We
still have not really spoken about what had happened, and
the few times I tried to get some clarity, he
bit my head off and shut the conversation down.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
What are you doing, Opie?

Speaker 4 (48:48):
What does he add to your life other than stress
and shame and loyalty?

Speaker 1 (48:52):
That's not good loyalty.

Speaker 3 (48:54):
He adds nothing. He's taking your honesty.

Speaker 1 (48:56):
You can't get away with this. He's literally taking your
your morals from you. Somehow.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
We have staid friends, and he has expressed numerous times
how much I mean to him, and we generally always
have good times together as long as I never.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
Bring up anything from the past.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
He and Whitney started dating, and they are kind of
made for each other because they have their own special
kind of narcissism between them, obsessed with their reputations and aesthetics.
But Steve seems happy, and that is what I want
from my friends. They're getting married in six months. I'm
sure that won't end in flames.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
This relationship was built on lies.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
Yeah, I am a groomsman a grooms lady if you will.
By the way, if you want, you can join us
live every weekday when we go live on YouTube, Facebook,
TikTok and Twitch at three PMPST. Just tap our profile.
If you're watching this in the future, we might even
be live right now. So it's okay to cut bad
people out of here.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
I want to know who's a bigger ale here.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
I think op is clearly not getting away with like, oh, p,
you are partially responsible?

Speaker 1 (49:58):
You are?

Speaker 4 (49:58):
I think Steve is the ba the biggest a hole,
But Opie, you are you are literally supporting that, and
you're making him into a bigger a hole. It's making me,
making us lose our piece of minds right now, because
like it just there's a missing puzzle piece here, and
I just can't seem to figure out what that missing
puzzle piece is of why op is so loyal to Steve.

(50:19):
I get it, your friends, I get that, but you
don't deserve like this is not a friendship. It seems
like he's above you exactly and like he's taking full
control of you.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
I don't get that.

Speaker 3 (50:29):
It's not a friendship, because what did you just say?
You were like every time we hang out, we have
a great time as long as I abide by all
of his.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
Rules and whatever he says. And if I say something else,
I'm out of line and he'll make me feel bad.
He'll can't be real with him.

Speaker 3 (50:41):
Recently, Rebecca contacted me because she wanted to return a
book that she borrowed from me. She also rightfully said
that I was in the wrong and that I should
have told her because her spidy senses were tingling like crazy.
She felt like she was the last to find out
and she feels humiliated, but she understood it came from
a place of loyalty. I apologized for my part in

(51:02):
it and said, I think we should go for a
glass of wine or five to have a chat. So
here's my dilemma. Would I be the A hole if
I told Rebecca everything that happened during that time that
they were dating. She said she also had some stories
to tell, for example, that she once came to eat
at the place that she worked. He admitted to her
that he and Whitney were dating, but that Whitney didn't

(51:23):
compare to her, and then he tried to kiss her.
What the frick anyway? So would I be the A
hole if I played the open cards with his ex girlfriend?
W with that jeopardize my and Steve's friendship. So bat news, Op,
you're already the a hole like I said, Sorry, buddy,
like I said, you're already an a hole in this situation.
I don't think you would be an a hole by
telling Rebecca the truth of her relationship, because you should.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Have told Rebecca the truth that the very get go.

Speaker 3 (51:45):
But it's blowing my mind that Rebecca apparently already knew
about Whitney at some point here and again continue to
stay with Steve. What is going on with Steve here?

Speaker 4 (51:55):
Is my thing with this. I would put myself in
their shoes. So in case like OP, if I were OP,
I would have put myself in Rebecca shoes. I would
have loved to known if I was being cheated on
during my relationship, and especially like after we broke up,
would I would have wanted everything.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
Yeah, this is not a The Weekend type situation. I
do want to know if you're playing me. That's the
end of that story.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
Let us own the comments. I think both Op and
Steve and Whitney all a holes.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
Is my comments. Who's the biggest ale here? Let us
know in the comments I want to see. That's the
name of that story. Guys, let us own the comments.
We'll see you in the next one.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
I caught my husband using a spicy dating app.

Speaker 4 (52:34):
I got them arrested from apps to handcuffs true love story.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
I all using a throwaway account because I don't usually
use Reddit. I've literally just.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Found this out, so apologies if this is a bit scattered.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
I thirty four male have been with my husband Richard
forty one male for just over ten years married for
a year. We've been on holiday in Spain tore Moos
for a month. As most probably know, tore Moinos has
a big gay scene. It's twenty five percent of the population.
I did not know that.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
In some context, we were thinking of moving here, more.

Speaker 3 (53:05):
Difficult because of Brexit. We're British. By the way, this
comes from user aggravating Act eighty three ninety seven on
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. So Richard loves going
to the bars in the evening. I though, have very
bad social anxiety, so I don't enjoy it so much.
Most nights he goes out without me, which was fine
because I had one hundred percent trust in him. Tonight,

(53:27):
after dinner, he brought me back to the apartment we've
rented and he was going to go out like usual,
but he dozed off in the bedroom. I heard him snoring,
so went to check on him. His phone was next
to him with grinder open, with a bunch of messages
to some Spanish guy. The spicy picks intimate words of
what would be done. I'm trying to keep this PG,

(53:48):
but you get the basic idea. Hopefully. Richard was saying
how long he was there for, and I think they
might have been arranging to meet up. I'm not exactly sure, though,
because as soon as I saw the Grinder messages, my
head was spinning and I felt sick and betrayed. It
was such a flip of emotions, going from ah, my
lovely man has fallen asleep to extreme distress. I woke

(54:08):
him up immediately. He claims he was just bored and
needed some validation and wasn't actually going to do anything.
Richard has had some confidence issues since turning forty, even
though I regularly tell him how gorgeous he is. I
don't know what to think. It's late at night now,
so I don't want to get into a full blown
discussion about it. I don't know if I'm being paranoid,
but even in England, every time I even went near

(54:30):
his phone, he would freak out. I just thought maybe
he was worried about me dropping it. I have dyspraxia,
so I'm pretty clumsy.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
Richard would also.

Speaker 3 (54:39):
Regularly forget to wear his wedding ring. He does have exema,
so he takes it off when he's using ointment. I'm
just all over the place right now, not even going
to bother trying to sleep. I'm here venting because I
don't know what else to do right now. Here is
the update. Hell, lovely ladies and gents. Thanks for the
advice on my original post. It's been a crazy couple

(55:00):
of days.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
But I have an update.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
Sorry it's a bit long, but a lot has happened.
In the morning, after getting zero sleep, I asked Richard
to show me all the messages he had sent. He
said he deleted grinder, but I got him to re
download it. Richard was sitting across the table from me,
and suspiciously it was taking it a while to download. Well,
I'm not stupid, I could tell he was deleting stuff.

(55:21):
Little did he know I had taken screenshots. Sure Enough,
when he handed me the phone, all of his responses
had miraculously vanished. Only the stuff the Spanish guy had
sent was still there. This idiot tried to gaslight me
into thinking he hadn't responded. Well, I showed him the evidence.
He said he didn't remember it because he was wasted.
He was full of apologies, saying he would never actually

(55:42):
do anything, blah blah blah. When that didn't work, he
said I was overreacting and needed to get over it.
Then he got angry and nasty, saying because of my anxiety,
I would be nothing without him.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
Finally, he stormed off and.

Speaker 3 (55:53):
Left the apartment. Weirdly, after all of that, I didn't
even feel sad, just empty, and shortly after her petty Oh.
I sent the screenshots to his mother so she knew
the type of band she had raised. I blurred out
the graphic parts of the pictures. She didn't need to
see that.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
Wow, oh piece, get on that part for you, Good
for you.

Speaker 3 (56:15):
Then I noticed that the Spanish guy, who we will
call Senor P had used his full name. After some
social searches, I found out he had a boyfriend. Turns
out I actually sort of knew the boyfriend. We'll call
him A for Alejandro.

Speaker 1 (56:30):
Quick context.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
Me and Richard were thinking about buying and running a
bar when we moved to Spain. We've had several trips
to Torreminos prior to the month's day, so we were
asking people who own bars for advice and getting to
know them. Alejandro has owned a very successful bar for
five years. He's British and speaks fluent Spanish. As he's
our generation compared to most of the other bar owners.

(56:54):
Alejandro is thirty five, and we got to know him
very well. He's a lovely guy and very forthcoming with advice. Anyway,
back to the tea, I decided to let Alejandro know
exactly what Senor Pa had been up to.

Speaker 1 (57:06):
The bar works as a cafe.

Speaker 3 (57:08):
During the day, and Alejandro usually is around, so I
headed down there. I'm pretty proud of myself. I haven't
really gone anywhere here on my own due to my
social anxiety, but my determination overcame it. Alejandro was there,
so I asked to have a quiet word with him
and showed him the screenshots. He was livid. He'd only
been with Senor P for around six months, but he

(57:29):
was living with him. He knew Sennor P was at
his home that day, so he went to confront him.
After I told him how Richard had stormed out, he
suspected he might have been there as well.

Speaker 4 (57:41):
Oh wow, oh boy, extremely dramatic. Right now, I'm excited.
But also, let's see how petty I want to see
how petty opiking really gets.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
Let's see let's see where this is.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
I feel like this that's the tip of the iceberg.
He offered me to come with.

Speaker 3 (57:56):
I was nervous because I'm really bad at confrontation, but
Alejandro can. He has plenty of staff at the bar,
so him leaving it wasn't a problem. We hopped in
his car and drove down to the house. Alejandro has
a three bedroom home and it's really nice. Anyway, you
can probably guess what we found, Richard in bed with
Senor Pe.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
Oh wow, my act, Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (58:20):
Now Alejandro is a six foot four muscular guy, so
he had no trouble dragging them both out of the house,
stark nake and throwing them out. Richard tried to fight
back and ended up with a bloody nose. When Richard
saw me, he said, since I assumed he had cheated,
he might well have gone done it now since our
relationship was over. It's again so pathetic, dude, Richard, suck

(58:44):
you suck pathetic like Rachel from Friends. I said, well,
you had a heck of a time at the funeral.
I'm not usually that quick. I'm a pretty quiet guy,
but I was fuming. Alejandro called the cops, saying there
were some crazy naked guys outside, and Richard and Signor
p got arrested.

Speaker 1 (59:02):
Nice. Nice.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
I am only here for another week, so I was
thinking of getting a cheap hotel room, but Alejandro offered
for me to stay with him. Like I said, there's
three bedrooms, so plenty of room. And Alejandro says that
he needs to get rid of the defiled bed, so
I'll help him out with that. Alejandro is going to
help me get my stuff from the apartment. Hopefully he
can get it done before Richard's out and about not

(59:24):
sure about how long he'll be held for. I might
update as things progress. There's a lot going on in
my head right now, so hopefully people won't mind if
I don't do it for a while. And there is
an edit. Okay, some of you seem to think that
because of my anxiety, I couldn't have done any of this.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Thanks.

Speaker 3 (59:41):
You sound like Richard. Yeah what that's not well?

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (59:45):
Why are people saying that?

Speaker 2 (59:46):
All right?

Speaker 3 (59:47):
Thanks it it's called overcoming your obstacles. I have social
anxiety when it comes to larger groups of people, but
when it's one on one or people I know, it's
not as bad. Like I said, I know Alejandro pretty well. Also,
that's the with anger and adrenaline in the moment. It helps.
If you think I was completely calm and collected while
all this was happening, you couldn't be more wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
I was breaking it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
I pretty much let Alejandro handle everything. And here's a
second update. Hello everyone, I have a small update. I'm
still in Spain. I was meant to fly back Tuesday,
but I've extended my stay. The idea of flying back
on my own is terrifying at the moment. I'm self employed,
so it's slightly more flexible until I need to go back.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
I assume Richard has gone back.

Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
I don't know, though, since I've blocked his number, I've
let family and friends know the whole situation. Alejandro helped
me get my stuff while Richard was detained, and I
had a friend get my stuff from the house in England.
I just left my wedding ring behind, just.

Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
Like how Richard leaves it behind with the exema and
go ahead and leave that behind you a too. Alejandro
is like a very understanding guy and understands OP situation.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
Good friend, Alejandro.

Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
A'll support Alejandro and OP. Today Alejandro confessed that he
has feelings for me, which was a surprise because honestly,
I just thought he was being kind. Richard used to
say he could tell Alejandro liked me, but I just
thought Richard was being silly. There's definitely a traction there,
but I'm not in the headspace to start anything new,
especially after being in a ten year relationship. It would

(01:01:18):
have been eleven this Saturday.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
No wow.

Speaker 3 (01:01:21):
But we'll always support you guys rushing into our live
streams whenever we go live every weekday at three PMPST
on Facebook, on YouTube, on Twitch, on TikTok. Just tap
our profile and you're in.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
Richard's out, Opie's gone. It's just not the situation with
Opie and Aljandro. Where does that go? As long as
Alejandro is understanding, great, you're about to hit your eleven mark,
your eleven year anniversary.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
That's rough.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
Alejandro is not putting any pressure on me. He just
wanted to say how he feels, so that I know
emotional maturity.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Richard, Alejandro.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Yes, good Alejandro. He's also just had a relationship end,
but he wasn't in love with Senior P so it's
a bit easier for him. I'm just very curffluffled in
my head right now. I let him know that the
feeling is mutual, but that I'm not in the right
place at the moment. He's very understanding of everything and
very lovely about it. He's even offered to fly back

(01:02:16):
with me so I don't have to go on my own.
He was planning to see family in England anyway, since
it's nearing Festive time. So yeah, just a small update
to let you all know how things are progressing. I
might update once I'm back in England and feeling less overwhelmed.
Thanks for the nice comments people have been leaving. I
very much appreciate it. And that is the end of
that story. I really hope there is an update at

(01:02:38):
some point that they have a very successful, thriving bar
in Toreminos.

Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
And just have a good time. Yeah, and that's what
we want. That's into that story, guys,