My fiancé threatened to CANCEL our wedding… if her parents can’t live with us! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:08):
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Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hmm.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
My fiance threatened to cancel our wedding if her parents
can't live with us.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
That feels like a romantic relationship that is not built
on sturdy ground.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
It's a quadruple. It's just with their parents.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, yeah, the old wise people will give you a question.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
Yeah, it's just a little wisdom. Fiance twenty seven, female
threatens to call off wedding if I male twenty six
don't let her parents male fifty seven and female fifty
move in with us after the wedding. Obviously, this comes
off as a rich people problem. But up until five
months ago, I was still living in a one bedroom apartment,
working at a rather large supermarket retail store, making twelve

(00:53):
dollars an hour, and going to be paying off college
debt until I was in my sixties. Buddy, that did
not sound like a rich people problem.

Speaker 2 (00:59):
The hope, I feel like he's just being sarcastic.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
My fiance is still working her nursing job, and we've
been fully living together for four years. By the way,
this comes from user throwaway nine oh nine oh eight
nine seven, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime Stubreddit. Some background
into our relationship. We met six years ago. There were
literally zero issues with us dating. When it came to

(01:23):
some sort of conflict, we sat down, explained both of
our sides like adults, and generally fixed the problem. We've
rarely gotten into arguments and have the same end goals
in life. Have children, grow old together, die, be buried
next to each other, and have fun whenever we can.
I've always had an incredibly distant relationship with her parents.

(01:43):
When she introduced me to them, they both stated they
didn't like me to my face and thought I wasn't
good enough. Her father even said not in my lifetime
when I asked for his permission to marry his daughter,
which I stated the only reason I was doing it
was as an olive branch. My parents, on the other hand,
love my fiance. They scooped her up like she was

(02:04):
one of us from the start. They have never said
anything bad about her in public nor in private, She,
at least in my parents' eyes, is the metaphorical second
coming of Christ. During my grandfather's decline in health, I
was the first one there. He just got old, and
with being old comes complications. I stopped working my higher
paying job to work retail to have more time to

(02:24):
take care of him because his other children were busy.
This was a very stressful time in our relationship, and
I had just recently left my job and was not
around often, and I myself was super stressed. Recently, I've
begun the slow move of everything over there. While we
still have to live in our apartment until the lease
agreement is up, there's nothing against the rules of me
moving stuff out. I brought it up to my girlfriend

(02:46):
how taking care of my grandfather has really made me
realize how important my family is, and that I wanted
to know if it was okay for my parents to
move into the new house with us. My dad could
retire and my mom can spend the rest of her
life relaxing, not stressing over bills or debt, because I
can pay that off over time. I'm not insane enough
to pay it off only one go. She expressed how
that was an amazing idea and how she'd like her

(03:08):
parents move in as well. I laughed at that idea
and asked her if she was serious, and why would
I want to live in a house with people I
don't like nowhere I want to interact with. She explained
that this could be a good chance for us to
heal old wounds and make amends. I explained that not
only do I not want to heal old wounds, but
if it was up to me, they wouldn't be coming

(03:29):
to the wedding. Obviously, this was the wrong thing to say,
and now she's giving the ultimatum of let them move
in or the wedding is off. While I can understand
her side, I seriously do not want to interact with
them in any capacity. They've tried numerous times to get
her back with ex's lied about me and even spread
a rumor about ME being unfaithful until I pulled up
real evidence of me being nowhere near where they said

(03:52):
I was thanks to Google location. My fiance knows all
of this and still wants to try to rebuild a
relationship with them. This past week, I've been avoiding her
with excuses and white lies. I've been meeting with accountants, lawyers,
wedding venue people, and jewelers. I've also been spending all
nighters at my grandfather's grave, drinking with them and not
getting back home until four am. To me, it feels

(04:13):
like my grandfather is still the only person I convent
my deepest secrets and frustrations too. So Reddit, this is
why I've come to you. I feel trapped. On one hand,
I do not want to live with people I absolutely hate.
On the other hand, I do not want to lose
the woman of my dreams. I want a third party's
opinion on the matter, with no connection to me whatsoever,
as I feel it's the best way to make a
good judgment without people close to me influencing my choices.

(04:36):
I'm more than willing to answer questions and know how
this suburb of works, because I too am a pizza eating,
pimple popping redditor myself. I'll accept that. No, I'll accept that.
Amazing Cabinet fourteen ozh four says I really didn't understand
the she clearly isn't with me for my money in
the opening paragraph, Because yes, op, she is with you
for your money. There are a lot of subtle ways

(04:56):
to be with someone for their money without making an
outright demand for it. She could be planning to quit
her job, pay zero expenses, and keep her funds to
the side, have herself and her parents live in your
house rent free. There are many problems. The ultimatum is
a huge one. But further than that is you might
not have recourse to make her parents leave once they've
established residency in your home. There's a lot there. I'm
just gonna go to Op's reply. OHP says, first of all,

(05:17):
thank you for your reply. Much like the ninety nine
percent of others' comments, it really gave me a sense
of direction. I'd like to address a few things as
to my thought process after reading your comment, because I
did think about the what ifs, at least for my parents,
which would apply to her as if they moved in. Newsflash,
I'll pass away before I let them her parents move in.
My parents would keep the proceeds from selling their house

(05:39):
as I have no need for it. Utilities are not
an issue. I own the water rights to a natural
aquifer spring thingy underground. As for the power, a lot
of it is solar energy, which can keep the house
going NonStop as long as it's charged. My grandfather was
one of those doomsday the government is out to get
you crazy old men. I knew about the hunting cabin,
I just didn't think it was this big or advanced.

(06:01):
So I'll literally never need to pay anything on the
property other than tax. I planned to have my parents
enter a renting contract and they'd be able to rent
out their area and live on the property, use its
land or whatever for one dollar a month. Just in
case they pissed me off, I can a victim. As
for insurance, my dad served twenty three years in the military,
and my mom, being his wife, gets that insurance as well.

(06:22):
Unless they'd run out of money, they'll be paying their
own insurance, while technically speaking, i'd be buying their groceries.
My father and I love to hunt and fish, so
a lot of our food will be produced on our own.
Mom has always wanted a garden, and she can't grow
one in the city. Also, no, they wouldn't go on
trips with us. As for the hypothetical if her parents
moved in, I wouldn't be paying for anything, and they'd

(06:42):
be paying me the real price to live on my
property and extra because I don't like them. Ten thousand
dollars a month. You might think California rent is high.
The auditor I hired to see the value of the
estate valued rent for a room at an extortion level
of money. Thank god, Grandpa bought this land and when
milk cost your left shoelace and a blueberry. My parents

(07:04):
got money. It was nowhere near what I got, but
they got a fair share. Oh maybe that's where the
money came from. There's an inheritance Grandpa passed, and that
now he's got all this grandpa money.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
Okay, I see, I see.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
So they didn't abandon my grandfather my parents. In fact,
they visited as often as they could. Given my dad's
work schedule and the distance, it was never viable to
visit more than once or twice a year. The only
reason I was so close was because I went to
college in the same state where he lived and stayed
because of my fiance. I've already been working closely with
accountants and lawyers who've all projected me moving in my

(07:36):
parents and living with them for the next thirty to
forty years of my life will not dent my money
in any significant way. I've already invested money and put
money into accounts to generate interest. I won't be losing
money unless I buy mega yachts, jets, helicopters, and supercars,
and I hate supercars. I'm happy driving my crappy, twelve
year old pickup truck because it works. I don't expect

(07:57):
her parents to respect me, my money, or my home.
Thought in great detail how my parents would be independent
of my finances. And my parents have never done me wrong,
never given up on me, and encouraged me my entire life.
The least I can do is make the rest of
their lives something they never dreamed would come true. My
dad would have had to work until he passed away
to provide for my mom and take care of the

(08:19):
debt they had acquired to live and slash take care
of me. I wanted them to be happy, and I
want them to be close. This will be my only
update post available for this subreddit in the forty eight
hours since I've posted, that thing took off like a
rocket ship. I'd like to start off by thanking everyone
for their opinions. While a majority of you told me
to leave, others offered compromises, logical alternatives, and gave me questions.

(08:43):
I didn't even think to ask myself, I'll put a
tld R at the bottom, but I probably won't need it.
I think this has been the longest forty eight hours
of my life. Reading through comments, responding to them, having
meetings IRL, and talking with my fiance have really given
me clarity on what my next choice is in life.
Are going to be one I've postponed the wedding. Oh

(09:04):
I did not expect that.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
Wow. I thought they were gonna work it out.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Maybe it's just the thing and we didn't really talk
about this at all. But if you are throwing an
ultimatum on the wedding, and this actually happened to a
friend of mine, it's like, well, if you're doing that
in the first place, I don't even think we're ready
to get married. Yeah, because you're like, hang in, you know,
you're making like this one thing, Well do this or
we won't get married. It's like you can't do that.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
Yeah, I feel like, I mean, that's boxing you in
or restricting the freedom. Like nice again, not what a
good marriage should be based on you starting off on
a bad foot.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
Well, some of you may refer to it as calling
her bluff. I call it waiting and seeing as of
right now, we're really talking about how compatible we truly are,
going over our goals in life again, and talking in
depth about the relationship we want with our in laws
if we got married. Apparently a lot had changed since
the last time we talked about it before I got money.
Some of you called it two. Yes, she genuinely thought

(09:51):
moving her parents in would make my relationship with them
better over time, I've expressed that as a result of
all they've said and done to me, any positive relationship
or communication with them will only be done out of necessity,
for example, if she was pregnant, in the hospital, or
during any life altering complication or celebration. She did not
take this well, but that was expected. It's important I

(10:12):
tell my truth. She believes I'll come around and try
to build a relationship with their parents, but as of
right now, I can't see myself doing it. Number Three,
my parents won't be moving in, as I haven't even
asked them yet. I know some of you were confused
and assumed it was already happening.

Speaker 2 (10:26):
It was not.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
I asked if it was okay if they could not
telling her it was happening. Some of you suggested that
maybe moving them in as newlyweds was weird, and suggested
building them a small house on the property. I didn't
think about that, and we'll talk to my accountant and
parents about it whenever the conversation needs to be had.
Nice idea, read it, strangers. What have I been doing
a lot of meetings about my future, my finances and

(10:49):
setting up trusts and wills. I'll be re enrolling into
school to take classes on business finances, accounting in economics,
as my accountant suggested I do. We're still working on
a budget, but as of right now, next steps are
furthering my education to manage my newfound wealth and opportunity
in a healthy way so as not to blow it.
As of right now, to be honest, I'm emotionally drained.

(11:09):
I think the weight of my grandfather's passing is finally
hitting me, despite it being months later. The only thing
that kept me going was the idea of the wedding day,
and now that it's postponed, I can really only focus
on myself, my values, and my emotions. Staying up all
night and drinking at a grave site isn't healthy. Well,
it's good that you know that. Ope, it's still the
first thing you need to know. I've not only promised

(11:31):
myself to cut back on the booze, but also not
to stay up drinking. I've been thinking about maybe getting
into some sort of therapy or grief counseling.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Smart yes when.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Big thumbs up for that, but I need to make
sure that it's in the budget with my accountant, as
that's a long term thing. Maybe they know someone couple's counseling.
To those that suggested it, that's a wonderful idea. However,
I'm not sure if I can move past her strange
dependent relationship with her parents. Initially I thought I could,
but with the rose tinted goggles off, I'm starting to
see a lot of red flags, and I'm not too

(12:02):
confident a therapist or wedding could solve it. We both
have issues we need to work through, but right now
I'm not sure if we'll be working through them together.
I know a lot of you said to drop the relationship,
but I think after six years, it's worth giving it
a try to save it. Making a choice like that
without trying to fix the problem seems silly, but I
did expect a lot of those answers to come through.
It's just how red it is. See they know, just

(12:23):
know that I know my worth, I know my values,
and I'm not backing down. Maybe we won't work things
out and the relationship will just end. Maybe things will
work out and we can continue, at least for now.
Forty eight hours later, it's too soon to tell.

Speaker 5 (12:36):
Six.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
As for the prenup, we haven't signed anything yet. A
lot of you were really harping on the nice ring
and fancy vacations once a year thing. While the vacation
compromise is indeed concerning, the ring issue is something we've
been having conflict on for a while. My personal opinion
before and now is that rings are overpriced, silly, and
serve no significant purpose in a relationship. She says that
they're an important symbol of love and commitment. The compromise

(12:59):
to the prenup in regards to the ring was I
actually buy her a better ring than I already had,
which sounds super predatory in those words, but it makes
sense in my mind. She doesn't want a Titanic Heart
of the Ocean style jewelry piece, just something a bit
more noticeable. I probably should have elaborated on that in
my original post but hey, everybody makes mistakes. To some

(13:21):
it sounds like gold digger mentality. But I know the
price range of the ring she wants, and it's about
the same range my dad spent on my mom's ring.
It's something you'd see on a middle class woman's finger.
Nothing huge, nothing small, just enough. I guess why are
we making all these judgments like that?

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Also, I just how not. Maybe i'd just because I'm
a romantic, but I just don't like how non romantic
this is. I want I wanted to be a little romantic.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
You know a movie where they had the plastic rings
that they got out of like the vending machine.

Speaker 2 (13:50):
I'm not sure that sounds cute.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
All you need is a sentiment. It's all in the.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
Sense it's too much business.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, I still think they're just silly circles of and
compressed dirt. There's not much to say. We sat down
and talked for a while. I explained my side of things.
She explained hers. She was upset I was postponing the wedding,
but once she realized I wasn't going to fold, so
she agreed under the notion that it was best for
our relationship to work on this before marriage. Right now,

(14:17):
I'm taking a step back from her to clear the
air and give us time to formulate what we want
on our own. Driven the two hours to the cabin.
Thankfully the Internet people hooked that up yesterday. I've talked
to my parents, not about them moving in, but about
the situation as a whole, leaving out that I went
to the Internet before I went to them. While my
dad can't just abandon his job, he sends his love

(14:37):
and support. My mom is currently making the eighteen hour
drive so I wouldn't be alone by myself. I've gotten
attempted phone calls from the in laws within the last
twenty four hours, but I've watched them ring and went
back to doing my everyday tasks like lawn work, meal prep, reading,
and binge watching Netflix.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
I like it. You know, he's a simple guy that
likes simple things.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
You know, simple things. Yeah, And you know what you
can do. It's pretty simple. Yeah, you can go binge
listen to full episodes with stories just like this on
Spotify and Apple podcasts and iHeartRadio and wherever you listen
to podcasts.

Speaker 5 (15:11):
What do they have to search?

Speaker 2 (15:13):
Okay? Story times? And wherever podcasts.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
Are and it's that easy. It's strange, but right now
I feel happier alone than I do with my fiance.
Oh buddy, you shouldn't marry this woman then, yeah. Oh,
maybe it's some sign that it's not meant to be.
Maybe I've finally just been able to relax for the
first time in years and have found comfort and solitude.
Maybe I'm happy my mom is gonna cook me my

(15:36):
favorite dinner as a child to cheer me up. I
think as of right now, though, I have a lot
of work to do, not only emotionally but also literally.
I'm thinking about doing some telework just to have a
mainstream of income part time, as I'll probably get bored
of being jobless in about a week. I need some hobbies.
I'm already gonna get bored of being incredibly rich. I

(15:57):
gotta do something else.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
Maybe grow your imagination. I feel like there's a lot
of things that you could deal.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
Brother, you don't have hobbies yet. I don't know if
you're ready for marriage. You still got to get hobbies.

Speaker 2 (16:06):
You got to develop yourself.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yeah, dude, but that's where that story ends.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
WOULD love to know what you guys think, so put
your answers in the comments in the chat. Do you
think help me? The breaks on this relationship was a
good idea. Let us know.

Speaker 1 (16:20):
My sister's fiance is attracted to me and she totally
lost it.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Well, maybe you're just better looking.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
I know the title sounds strange. I'll try to be
concise with all the context. I twenty four male, have
a sister thirty one female, and due to the age gap,
we were never close. We grew up in the US,
but after college my sister moved to Europe. I haven't
seen her much since she was eighteen and I was
about eleven. But because we weren't very close, we were
fine with just occasional texting and every other year Christmas visits.

(16:48):
By the way, this comes from a user who was deleted,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the Arsenal's ogay story. Darn Shub brought it so
two very important pieces of context for this story. First
is that even with the age gap, we look dreamly alike.
In the few times she's been home since I was
older at sixteen and about twenty three people have commented
we could be twins. The second is that I am

(17:08):
one hundred percent straight I've only ever dated girls and
have never been interested or experimented with men in any way.

Speaker 3 (17:16):
That's crazy, I mean, good for you.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
Yeah, one hundred percent straight makes me feel like you're not.
I've been with the same girl since I was twenty one. Okay,
now on to the main story. About a year ago,
my sister met her fiance, who I'll call Rob. I
met Rob for the first time this Christmas. We quickly
bonded over a shared hobby, which is RuneScape.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
We chatted a ton while he was here, and because
it was Christmas, we were usually drinking. He seemed a
little touchy, touching my arm in my back, laughing a lot,
a few oddly timed hugs. I thought nothing of it.
Maybe that's just how Europeans are. I've never been anyways.
They went back to Europe just after New Year's and
Rob and I have been casually chatting on WhatsApp, mostly
about video games. Then one day he stopped responding to

(17:57):
my messages. A few days later, I asked my sister
if he was okay. She said yes, but she needed
to talk to me. We agreed to FaceTime the following night.
To keep things short. Here's what my sister told me
Rob found me extremely attractive.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
Oh ba ho.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Bo because you played Ruinscape with them. It's true.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
I want I want you to max out my levels.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
Apparently because he's attracted to my sister, he also found
me attractive because we look a lot alike and is
now questioning whether or not he's straight. Like called it
like my sister's treating me like I'm some sort of
gay stepping stone wild. That is a great sentence.

Speaker 2 (18:42):
I love that sentence.

Speaker 1 (18:43):
My sister said they are going to work things out,
but she asked that I stay away from Rob. I
figured I rarely see them and this was all bizarre,
so I agreed. She also asked me to promise I'd
never f Rob, which is insane because not only am
I super duper totally one percent straight, but the implication
is that I'd f my sister's fiance unless I was
told not to.

Speaker 4 (19:03):
Do you think it was like a oh yeah, he's
super attractive kind of thing, like oh dude, you look
nice today night, nice, nice dash that kind of thing,
or was.

Speaker 3 (19:09):
It like nice?

Speaker 1 (19:11):
It really sounds like he was having a crisis over it.
He's like maybe he was like, why was I hugging
that guy so much luck. Oh my god, that's the
male version of my fiance. Oh yeah, and I want
to kiss it.

Speaker 5 (19:24):
What's going on?

Speaker 1 (19:25):
Why fee help?

Speaker 3 (19:26):
It's like my real mud.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
I told her she was being ridiculous and I would
never sleep with her husband. We got into an argument
because I wouldn't specifically agree not to f him. An
I asked why he wasn't being held accountable because it
should be his job to leave me alone. He's the
one who wants to f me. I'm not attracted to
him at all. I was told I wouldn't be invited

(19:48):
to her wedding. She hung up on me after I
told her Rob would probably cheat on her with someone
in Europe if she wasn't even sure he wouldn't f
her own brother. It sounds like your fiance is kind
of gay and doesn't know about it and is freaking
out about it. This is not a paddle with your brother.
Talk to your stance.

Speaker 4 (20:05):
He has some caves he still needs to explore before
he gets married.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Cave cave exploring. It's my favorite memes. Caves. That was
my favorite meme trend this year so far, it's pretty good.
So it's been about a week since this happened, and
I don't know what to do. We haven't talked, well,
I know what not to do her fiance.

Speaker 3 (20:22):
Just promise her you won't do it. Is it that hard?

Speaker 1 (20:25):
It's for real, Just be like, I promise I won't
have your fiance. I promise I won't. He Actually that
is kind of thing, and he's just playing with her.
Oh it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like they're
actually they went to Reddit. They went to Reddit with us.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
I'm not going to promise you, but like it's not
gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
You know what this is though, This is just the
sister like projecting all of the responsibility onto op so
that her marriage doesn't have to now be at the
marriage should on the table of like all right are we?
Where are we? Where are we at? What are we feeling?

Speaker 6 (20:59):
But I'm thinking like it's a sibling rivalry kind of
thing where it's like your boys in the meat.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Whoops. I can't make any promises. Yes, it's not my fault.
I can't predict the future. I'm just a better looking
version of you. I guess if this happened with my
sister and myself be so annoying. Yeah, I'll just be
annoying about it.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
God, we haven't talked since. Neither me or my sister
have told my parents, but it will definitely hit a
boiling point when wedding invitations go out. What the F
do I do?

Speaker 3 (21:27):
Make the promise? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (21:28):
You just say I won't do that? Keep it in
your parents? So should I apologize and promise I won't
f ROB to smooth things over? Also, just to be clear,
I find nothing wrong with being attracted to the same gender,
or being by or anything else. None of this post
is coming from a place of me being upset for
being accused of not being straight or something like that.

(21:49):
There's an edit. I'll be speaking to my parents about
it tonight, mostly because I'm worried my sister may try
to frame this situation differently nice. I'll be showing them
this post as well as them as a Rob sent
me since I posted here. Update in a few days
and there are some comments. But before we get into
those comments, I want to hear Riley's comments.

Speaker 3 (22:05):
Are you going to your parents to find out if
you like boys or not? Is that what we're doing?

Speaker 1 (22:09):
I don't think so.

Speaker 3 (22:11):
Well, it's definitely gonna come up.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
It's just funny that ted opie at the beginning I'm
one hundred percent straight and also is like, but I
can't keep this promise that I won't do this not
straight thing.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
I can't promise you I won't have your fiance. This
is the wildest thing to get into.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
I am baffled.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Ugh, let's getting these comments. She has been told by
the man she wanted to marry. He's questioning if he's
straight or not. This issue existed before you were involved,
but you were being used as an escapegoat by this guy.
Your sister probably keen not to think she's made a
huge mistake, wants badly to believe the issue is not
with her chosen partner, so she's letting herself blame you
because it's easier. This kind of misdirection of feeling is

(22:47):
extremely common. It sucks, But the kindest thing you can
do is stay away from the pair of them for now.
If she goes through with the wedding, sorry if you
don't get to a tend But frankly, it doesn't sound
like a recipe for a healthy marriage, so you're not
missing much.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Good luck.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
There's a second comment What really concerns me is even
ignoring your genders. Why would someone tell their fiance I
want to sleep with your sibling because you two look
so alike? Who would ever say that out loud? Comment three.
In these types of situations, a way to ease things
is just ask in your mind, what do you see happening?

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (23:18):
God, don't ask that. She'll say she envisions him cheating
on her with you. You respond, why would I do that?
Why would I sleep with the man any man when
I'm not attracted to men at all? Make her follow
her own absurd thought process and pull the thread until
she unravels the whole thing and see that it doesn't
make sense. It takes two to tango. I disagree with
this comment mostly because this is not your mess to

(23:38):
clean up. Like the previous comments said, this was going
to happen before you, was going to happen after you.
She needs to be directing all this energy at her fiance,
not her brother. Yeah, so you're mad at the wrong person.
Just yeah, you just go you know what you do here.
I'm sorry, I won't ef your fiance. Sorry you have
to be worried about that.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
Yeah, hmm, that's true.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
So the post got a lot more attention than I
was expecting. So here's what happened in the last two days.
I grew increasingly angry at my sister over what felt
like accusations on her end during our conversation. Why are
we being ruled by our feelings right now?

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Dude?

Speaker 1 (24:11):
I saw some comments about getting ahead of this and
talking to my parents asap so that my sister couldn't
get to them first and spin the story. Originally I
wasn't worried about this, but her behavior during our conversation
was so erratic that I couldn't put it past her.
I live only twenty minutes from my parents, so I
went to their house for dinner that night to have
the talk. I asked them to refrain from commenting or
asking questions until I had said everything. I covered the

(24:32):
basics Rob and I had chatted. He stopped responding, so
I talked to my sister. She blew up. I told
them all the details. ROB was into me. Sister said
they were going to work things out. I was asked
not to f him, and I got angry. I was
very clear to my parents about why I was upset
that I was uninvited from the wedding. I know I'm
not perfect, So I also told them what I said
to my sister before she hung up, which I do regret.

(24:52):
When I finished what I had to say, my dad
started laughing, which he's known to do when he's uncomfortable. Hey,
me too. My mom was absolutely horrified. They both admitted
that they had noticed he was touchy feely with me
over Christmas.

Speaker 4 (25:04):
Oh dude, this is just gonna make Opie spiral even
more into this? Am I actually straight?

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Like?

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Wait? Is actually hitting on me?

Speaker 1 (25:12):
What? Yeah? We talked for a while about the questions
they had had Rob said anything to me before the
phone call. No, had I known Rob was attracted to
the same gender or by or questioning. No, I did not.
We had a whole discussion about why I wouldn't make
the promise to her, and to my surprise, they were
completely on my side. What I don't get it, dude,

(25:33):
It's like you're just making the promise to FLIC.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
Just make the stupid promise.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
So okay, now here's where crap hit the fan. As
I mentioned in my last post, Rob had messaged me
He said he was so sorry for causing all of this,
for ruining my relationship with my sister. Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah. He said that he was confused,
but he does love my sister and wants to move
past this. I responded much later that night, right before
going to my parents' house, by saying that things may
not recover from this, and you should have you they're

(26:00):
broken up with my sister to figure himself out or
kept this to himself. I don't think either of those
are great. Look, Op just didn't.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
Want to have to deal with it.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
He's like, please, you should have just keptis to yourself
or done anything. Just do not involve me. And I
don't think I like you, okay, so stop try On
a very real level, It's like, yeah, you kind of do.
Have to tell him that. I don't know if it's
like the movie is like break up with my sister,
so you figure yourself out, or like keep this inside forever,
it's like talk this out with my sister, who's your partner?
And if you realize, hey, I think I think I
might not be ready to get married because I just

(26:28):
figured out I'm not straight. You take it from there
right exactly. But it's not Ope's problem. It's not Op's deal.
Op shouldn't be the one mitigating all of this stuff, yes,
or mediating, sorry, not mitigating me mediating all of this.
My parents were beyond upset to hear about Rob reaching
out to me and that I wouldn't be going to
the wedding even though I asked them not to. They

(26:50):
called my sister immediately after I left their house. They
wanted to know if she was okay, why she was
so accusatory with me, and what was happening in regards
to the wedding. Well, folks, it well was a crap show.
According to my dad. She started freaking out, yelling and sobbing,
and accusing them of taking my side. My dad tried
to explain that there aren't any sides here, They just
wanted to remedy the situation. Their call lasted less than

(27:12):
five minutes, with my sister going on a tirade about
how this is her life and she won't let us
ruin it. She claimed she saw my response to Rob
and that we were all trying to break them up.
She then uninvited my parents, who paid for the whole thing,
from the wedding, and blocked them on everything. We're all
worried that she's having a legitimate mental breakdown. We have
no way to contact her, and we have no family

(27:33):
anywhere in Europe to help out. We have no idea
how to help her. But by the way, I have
an idea on how you can help yourself. Listen to
full episodes with stories just like this. The way you
help yourself do that shed go to Spotify or Apple
podcasts or iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts
and just search the name of this show. Okay, story time,

(27:54):
and there you will find fifty eight days worth the stories.
It's almost two months, folks, but we do have a
bit more story life. Try so many people in What
do you have to say about this story?

Speaker 7 (28:04):
Ah?

Speaker 3 (28:04):
Nothing I want to talk about Jarna.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
What would the Chinese have to say about this story?

Speaker 4 (28:08):
Let's not I'm just still baffled. The parents took Opie
side on this matter. Why is everyone so heated about
this promise? Just don't do it? And I think they
should have get married if that this is the or
put honestly, sister fiance, push the wedding back, talk about
it and then come back after you go to marriage
counseling which I think every couple should do marriage counseling

(28:29):
before getting married.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
I think it would be the best.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
Before getting married, pre marriage counseling. That's a that's a
solid idea. I think that's I think that's actually really good.
At this point, we are quite sure the wedding won't happen,
as my parents certainly won't pay for it. After all
of this, we're worried she may hurt herself, but we
know Rob is a good natured guy and will hopefully
take care of her. I met a total loss. My
sister and I were never close, but I never imagined

(28:51):
her relationship with everyone in our family would completely implode
within seventy two hours. Honestly looking for advice on where
to go from here. Rob hasn't blocked me on what's
app but I'm unsure if reaching out to him is
a good idea. And that is the end of that story.
All right, okay, but no, it's all right. That's not good.
Do you know what country she's in? Do you know
where she lives at all? Like information, and there's plenty

(29:12):
of it out there, you know, on socials, your parents
have to know something, right, Like if you guys don't
even know anyone in her life in Europe or anyone
out there. I don't know. That makes me question how
close y'all have been at all?

Speaker 3 (29:25):
Mmmm?

Speaker 4 (29:26):
Yeah, Like it's kind of sad ah. She has her
husband and no one else, but like barely you guys.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
But it sounds like it's her choice, you know what
I mean. I don't think. I don't think you guys
weren't close because you were, like you shunned her and
exiled her to Europe. It's it's probably the opposite, you know.
But don't know what you could do short of calling
like a consulate's office or something to do a wellness check.
But I don't I don't know.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
Yeah, I don't know what to do either.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to this episode,
but a quick three minute break.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
With aswermre sponsors.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
My husband got upset over my outfit.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
He accused me of seeking male attention.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
What were you dressed like some sort of mail attention seeker.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
Well, my husband thirty seven mail let's call him Mark,
and I thirty four femail, have been having a rough
few years. We got married in the fall of twenty nineteen,
and after being together for five years before then and
over the course a few months after the pandemic. By
the way, this comes from Imaginary Guide eight two seven
three and if you want to submit your own stories,
good our slash Okay Storytime Subreddit. So I had the

(30:26):
misfortune of getting a pretty bad case of the VID
near the beginning of the pandemic. Was hospitalized for two weeks,
which turned into the long VID. I wasn't completely disabled,
but dealt with a lot of the typical symptoms extreme fatigue,
brain fog, reduced immune system, generally resulting in several bad infections.
I didn't lose my job, but did have to take

(30:46):
intermittent FMLA, which meant a lot of time without pay,
and we wrapped up twenty thousand dollars in debt between
the medical bills not covered by insurance and loss of
some of my income. Although I tried to be mindful
of my eating, I also gained forty five pounds thanks
to being on antidepressants, several rounds of steroid medication, and

(31:08):
not being able to exercise. Through all of this, Mark
was incredibly loving and supportive. You never said a bad
word about my weight, lack of energy, or inability to
contribute financially at the same level as before. Finally, last summer,
I started to feel a lot better and most of
the long VID symptoms subsided. I was able to return
to work full time and had energy to work out again.

(31:28):
In the past year, we have paid off all our
debt and rebuilt our emergency fund, and I've lost thirty
five of the forty five pounds I gained. My doctor
says it's a good place for me to end up.
I was borderline underweight before and am now on the
slimmer side of normal slash healthy weights.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Good freaking come back.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Let's go ope y. Mark and I hadn't been having
many date nights since we got married, between the pandemic,
my illness, and then for the past year working to
get our finances in order. However, to celebrate my birthday,
we decided to have her at an upscale bistroke and
then go see the Barbie movie. He actually suggested the movie.

(32:07):
This was last Saturday. My actual birthday wasn't for a
few more days, but we wanted to go on the weekend.
I was excited to dress up, as most of my
clothes had gotten baggy and drabbed during my illness and
wake gain, but I was finally feeling comfortable in my
own skin again. I decided to go full Barbie Coore
pink sleeveless dress fitted at the top and then flared

(32:28):
out and pink kitten heels with a matching bag that
sounds like a fire fit. The money for the outfit
came from a birthday check from my mom. She insisted
that I spend it on something fun. When I put
on the outfit, I felt really pretty for the first
time in a long time. Unfortunately, and surprisingly, Mark reacted
badly to it. He said I looked sluty and attention sinking,

(32:50):
and essentially accused me of trying to get attention of
other men and that I should cover up more. I protested, because,
first of all, we were going to a restaurant table
for two and a movie theater, when exactly was I
going to be interacting socially with other men. Also, the
outfit was quite dramatic and striking, but it wasn't revealing.
Sleeveless dresses are pretty normal date nightwear for a hot
summer day, and it wasn't low cut. The neckline was

(33:12):
at the collarbone and was on the longer side calf length.
But I didn't want to argue, so I put on
a black knit cardigan over the dress. But it wasn't
enough for Mark. Nope, still no dice for Mark. He
said it was still attention seeking. At this point, I
really wanted to get going and not to miss our reservation,
so I gave up on the dress and changed and
defitted jeans and a pastel pink to the top. Not fitted. Nope.

(33:34):
Mark still said I looked like I was trying to
attract other men. So I threw on a hoodie over
the top, but then he said I looked sloppy.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
I was really exasperated by this point and asked.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
If he wanted to come to my closet to pick
an outfit that was acceptable. And he started yelling that
I was too stupid to even understand that I was
disrespecting him, and that I didn't know how to dress myself.
This seems like a man who's trying to pick a fight.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
Yeah, anytime you're here, you go to your partner and
you say you're too stupid to know that you're respecting me,
and just tell me what, tell me what you were
you're being dumb.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
Then he said he was going for a drive and
was going to go to the movie without me. The
tacos were on his phone. He came home after midnight,
said he didn't want to talk and that he's going
to sleep in the guest room. He has barely spoken
to me since my actual birthday was a couple of
days ago, and he did not even acknowledge it. I
begged him to please talk to me and tell me
what was really going on, but he said he was

(34:25):
still too angry. So am I the a hole for
not trying to change my clothes yet again before our
date for my birthday? I still don't know what he
was really upset about and what sort of outfit would
have been acceptable. And no, he's never once tried to
make rules about what I could wear or commented at
all my clothes except tell me that I look nice
or that he liked certain colors on me. This really
came out of nowhere as far as I can tell.

(34:46):
And again, he selected the Barbie movie and planned the date,
so it's not like I was strong arming him into
plans he didn't want. And there is an update. I
did end up going to my mom's place for the
weekend last weekend and had a nice girl's weekend with
my mom and sister. We did see the movie on Saturday,
I got to wear my original planned outfit yay, and
then got brunch and had a fun salon outing on Sunday.

(35:07):
Late afternoon Sunday, I texted Mark, my husband, to say
I was coming home in a couple of hours and
that I hoped you would be ready to talk. That
I would gladly hear him out regarding anything that had
been upsetting him, but I really couldn't take the silent
treatment anymore, as it had been over.

Speaker 1 (35:24):
A week by then. He just texted back, Okay, what
a week, grown man. Giving you the silent treatment for
a week is immediate grounds for not dating that person.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
We did talk after I got home, and boy, it
was a doozy.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
Ooh boy, howdy oh boy, howdy boy.

Speaker 7 (35:44):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (35:45):
I love a good doozy. It turns out Mark has
been building resentment for years since I first got sick
with the VID nearly three and a half years ago.
Not so much in the first few months, but when
it was clear my illness had turned in total LONGVID
and an ongoing disability, he started to feel very put
upon due to not being able to generate as much income,

(36:07):
not being able to do my share the housework and cooking,
et cetera. He put up a good front because he
knew it wouldn't be fair to take it out of me,
especially when he could see I was doing my best
to get better and do what I could on my
better days. But ultimately he got very burned out, and
then after a year or so, he started seeking outlets
as in other women. He said, at first it was

(36:28):
just basically anonymous online spicy texting because the pandemic was
still raging. But by early last year he had formed
an online emotional connection with someone in the area who
he eventually met in person for a physical affair, someone
he is in love with now and still seeing my God,
he said, He's been trying to figure out what to do,

(36:49):
especially as I have been getting better over the past year,
lost most of the weight I gain, got back to
fulfilling all my responsibilities at home and work, et cetera.
But when I walked out in my Barbie core dress
expecting to have a romantic birthday date, he just couldn't
do it. He couldn't go out and pretend to love
me and be celebratory when he wanted to be with
someone else. So he picked a fight when I couldn't win,
and then yes, when he walked out, he did take

(37:10):
is a fair partner to dinner and the movie instead.

Speaker 1 (37:13):
The thing is, I do understand him seeking some kind
of outlet.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
I was sick for years, ndege, you're drinking his kool aid,
and between physical ailments and brain fog, I wasn't able
to participate consistently in the marriage on any level, not
as an equal partner. He'd only been married a few
months when I got sick, so it's not even like
we had a lot of shared history to fall back on.
I'm sure he must have felt exhausted, stress and lonely,
especially as it wasn't certain I would be able to

(37:38):
recover at all. I asked if he would consider marriage counseling. Ooh,
I mean, hey, I again, I do think it's a
good idea to get some kind of counseling. But I
really feel like I feel like it's gonna be really
hard to get back to a good relationship here. I
don't know, if I don't know, if it can't get back.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yeah, dude, I don't know if him taking out is
a fair partner for your birthday date. I don't know
if you should come back from that. I think there's
a level of self respect you need to have to
not let someone who did that to you back into
your life as like a partner.

Speaker 2 (38:08):
And recommitting to our marriage. But he said sadly that
his heart had moved on. He did say he was
so sorry, that he never meant to fall in love
with someone else and was just trying to be less lonely,
and that I didn't deserve this, and I especially didn't
deserve the way he treated me a couple of weeks ago.
By the way, if you don't want to treat us
like absolute crap, you should listen to full episodes of
stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

(38:31):
iHeart podcast, or your favorite podcast happens search Okay, storytime,
there's another relevant updates. But yeah, I feel like you
got to go towards divorce, but maybe gracefully exit the bors.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
I mean, like base bottom line is, it's like once
the once infidelity happens and cheating happens, it's whoever got
cheated on is completely up to them, whether or not
they want to stay in it. However, given everything I've
seen and heard in this story, I don't think I
would not recommend OP try to salvage this. I would
run because it's like it's it's not like a man.

(39:01):
What's your partner's like, I'm in love with someone else.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, it's a little rough. It's a little rough.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
I don't think you can undo that.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I guess divorce it is. I don't expect it will
be very dramatic. We've been talking a lot over the
past week, no more silent treatment, to figure out how
to divide stuff and try to make things cordial. In
the end, I don't even think he is an a hole,
maybe for the way he acted surrounding my birthday, but overall,
I think he is just human beings who eventually broke
down from stress and loneliness. I do wish him well,

(39:27):
and I'm so grateful that at least I am healthy
again for whatever life has next in store for me,
and that is where that story ends. I do think
Op is being as kind an understanding as possible, but
I do also think maybe extend that kindness to yourself,
make sure you get the love and support that you
need to move on from this.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
I don't think that her grace is coming from the
right it's right from the right place. Yes, it's coming
from a place of where it's like, ah, well, a
lot of this is on me. So I'm going to
give him a pass because I shouldn't have been sick.
She's and I was difficult to be a partner.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
She's feeling bad about the sickness, and I feel like
that is not being totally fair to you. Hey, it's Sam.
We're going to get back to these stories. But here's
three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (40:12):
My sister's fiance dislikes me. Now she acts like I'm
the enemy. Well maybe you are. Maybe it's time to
self reflect. I don't know. My thirty female sister twenty
six female and I had a good relationship growing up
and into adulthood. We talked several times a week and
regularly played steam games together. When I moved out of
state for undergrad and grad school, she occasionally flew out

(40:33):
to visit me. By the way, this comes from, please
send advice. Thank you, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story
time separate it. So a few years ago, she met
her current fiance during a doctor's appointment. She had recently
broken up with her previous boyfriend, and he asked her out.
She moved in with him within a week of their meeting. Okay,
this is a crazy story already. We're like three sentences in.

(40:54):
Every sentence is more and more crazy.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (40:57):
I told her over the phone that I was concerned
about her movie moving in so quickly. And then he
asked her out during a professional health visit, So so
this implies then he was her doctor. Okay, so he
was like, you were a hot I was checking your
blood pressure. Yeah. She said that I never approved of

(41:18):
any of her by friend, which is true because they
were harmful and or dealing substances, and she stopped reaching out.
I thought she needed time to process, so I left
it at that. A lot of people raise concerns about
him being her doctor, which I agree with me too.
She justify the relationship by saying that she was going
to get a new doctor. Okay she did, and that
it didn't matter how they met, only that they had met. Okay,

(41:40):
I mean, I guess I did bring up my concerns
with other family members, but my sister has had a
string of violent boyfriends in the past, and her most
recent boyfriend was dealing substances, so everyone was mostly relieved
that she was dating a doctor. I disagreed with what
they were saying, but I was asked by multiple people
to stay out of their relationship because it didn't involve me.
I met my sister's fiance during a family gathering. He

(42:01):
asked one of our relatives, who was in middle school,
if he could come over to his house to play
games together. I didn't hear this conversation, and my relatives'
parents were not there. After my sister and her fiance left,
my relative asked me to tell my sister that he
didn't want her fiance to come over. I texted this
to my sister and she said that she would at
him now, but that her fiance was trying to me friendly.

(42:22):
I said that he's got a habit of being very friendly.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:26):
I said that was fine, but to still tell him
not to come over to our relative's house because he
felt uncomfortable. She said okay, and that was the last
time I had any direct contact with my sister via
phone or text. Over the next few years, I continued
grad school in another state. My sister said that her
phone was broken, which was why she wasn't getting my
calls or texts. I kept suggesting that she get a

(42:48):
new phone, and she said she was getting around to it.
During this time, she would still ask me through other
people for money and to pet sit for which I
always agreed to when I could. Oh, we didn't talk
much outside of this. Last year, I visited home during
a school break. I can't remember my exact phrasing, but
I asked my sister what she wanted our relationship to
look like. She admitted that she blocked my number years

(43:08):
ago because she felt that I was judgmental and condescending,
and that she thinks I've changed because I've went to
grad school. What's the relationship again, sisters? I was like,
your family, your sister, your sister. She's like, yeah, I
blocked you years ago. You're just like annoy I don't know,
you just don't like you don't support me and my
doctor boyfriend.

Speaker 6 (43:29):
It takes a lot for me to block people, so
that's really funny to me.

Speaker 5 (43:33):
Yeah. I asked her for examples, but she only brought
up conversation topics, eg. When we were talking about a
book or her pets. She couldn't remember specific examples, so
I just said I would be more mindful of my
words and tone moving forward. Why are you even entertaining
that this was the majority of our conversation. In that
same conversation, she said that when our father left I

(43:54):
was eight and she was four, I took it out
on her and that she wanted more boundaries with me.
She didn't go into specific events elaborate on the boundaries.
I did not tell her that I didn't remember what
she was talking about. I apologized to her, and she
thanked me for being receptive. Fast forward to earlier this year.
Earlier this year, my sister asked me, through her fiance,
if I could fly home to pet sit for two

(44:14):
weeks while they traveled. I was done with courses and
have been working full time on my thesis, and my
work was able to accommodate, so I agreed. While they
were abroad, I learned through my friends that she got
engaged because she posted it on TikTok Nice Crazy. My
sister has a significant following to the point of getting sponsorships,
which is why I got back to my friends. Crazy

(44:35):
Everything in the stories Wild. Yeah, I was upset that
my sister didn't tell me about the engagement. I was
upset that they got engaged. It felt like my sister
wanted the benefits of the relationship with me without the
actual relationship m and the engagement was like a catalyst
for those feelings. For the last few years, I have
been paying for several of her streaming services, which I

(44:57):
didn't use while they were still abroad. Canceled the services
and didn't tell them in advance. I know this was petty. Oh,
he's like, I canceled my Netflix subscription and I'm just
a latent word of notice. Hey did, Now I'll get
my revenge. She's gonna be so mad and when she
figures it out. A few days after they got back,

(45:20):
they came to drop off gifts and pick up their pets.
My mother asked both me and my sister in advance
to not argue with each other. My mother knew I
was upset that they didn't tell me about the engagement
and that my sister was upset about the cancelations. When
they came over, my sister said that she was surprised
I got them an engagement gift because she thought I
was upset about the engagement. I said I was, but

(45:40):
that we didn't have to talk about it. Her fiance
said that he felt like we had to talk about
it because he was excited to bring me gifts, but
I wasn't excited about their engagement. I tried to shut
down this part of the conversation twice, but he insisted,
y'all have a weird relationship. It's like you don't like
them or support them, and they don't really like you.
I guess we're We were like, let's talk it out. Yeah.

(46:03):
He said that because I technically had access to TikTok,
I technically had access to all the same information as
everyone else, and I didn't have a right to be upset. Yeah, okay,
He's like, I don't know. Read the news, dude, and
you'll find out the same time everyone else does about
our engagement. My gosh. He also said that they were
allowed to tell or not tell whoever they wanted, and

(46:25):
that they weren't planning to tell any family members to
maintain privacy. Why do they want privacy, I'm sorry? He
was like, yeah, we want to maintain privacy. Yeah, so
we're posting it to our millions of followers on TikTok. Right, wait, yeah, what.
I didn't say this because I didn't want to escalate
the situation. But it didn't make any sense to me
that they expected me to be excited about engagement that

(46:48):
they didn't tell me about and we're planning to tell
me about.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
It.

Speaker 5 (46:51):
Also didn't make any sense that they wanted to maintain
privacy yet posted it on TikTok to a large following.

Speaker 3 (46:57):
Here you go.

Speaker 5 (46:57):
I said that if they really wanted to talk about this,
then it wasn't that I was upset about the engagement
as much as I was about my relationship with my sister.
My sister and I used to be close but had
been distant for years, so her not telling me about
the engagement felt more like a catalyst for the distance
I was feeling. I brought up the conversations we had
last year, and I asked her what boundaries in our
relationship look like. I asked this question because she was

(47:20):
still asking me for favors but didn't seem like she
wanted an actual relationship with me, so I wanted to
clarify our expectations for each other. She said that she
made her boundaries clear last year and that by asking
her about her boundaries, I was disrespecting them. Well, you
can't ask me about my boundaries. That's my boundary.

Speaker 7 (47:41):
Like the only rule is that you can't ask what
the rules are.

Speaker 5 (47:45):
Yeah, it's like this is fight club. Can't talk about
my boundarates. Dude, that's that's wild.

Speaker 6 (47:52):
Uh what what?

Speaker 5 (47:54):
What?

Speaker 1 (47:55):
What?

Speaker 5 (47:56):
I this feels all so fishy.

Speaker 6 (47:58):
Someone I hear who was earlier the thing of like
her being blocked came up before said that the boyfriend
or fiance, your husband whatever he is now blocked the
sister and that it's it wasn't like the sister blocking.

Speaker 5 (48:10):
The other you know what I mean.

Speaker 6 (48:12):
And if she's like being weird about all this like
engagement and stuff, and uh huh, maybe it's some sort
of weird kind of controlling manipulatives that makes sense.

Speaker 5 (48:21):
Telltale signs. These are tell sale signs. This is true.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (48:26):
I said that there might be miscommunication because I still
wasn't sure what her boundaries were. Last year, she had
only said she wanted more space, but didn't elaborate. Around
this time, she said that I was up YUSA. Well,
she reiterated that when our father left, I was eight
and she was four. I took it out on her.
This time, she gave me examples.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
She said that I.

Speaker 5 (48:46):
Told her he didn't love her, and that I deliberately
broke her toye boy. Mostly I was confused. I said
that I believe what she was saying, and that I
also didn't remember these events. She said that I blocked
out the memories. I asked her if there were more
recent examples. I didn't say this out loud, but I
asked her this because I felt that it was unfair
she was judging me as an adult based on my
behavior in elementary school. I understand that this question might

(49:10):
have come off as me not believing her, but I
was trying to get an idea of how she viewed
our present day relationship and myself. She said that when
I moved back home for a year after undergrad, which
was ten years ago, I punted her out of the
house and forced her to sleep on the street. She
said that I once destroyed her bedroom and that I
had once asked her to clear her desk, but she
was taking too long, so I screamed at her and

(49:30):
forced her outside in the middle of the night. What
I have never done any of these things. At the time,
my sister, mother, and I were also housing another family member.
I spoke with my mother after this conversation, and I
recently asked the other family member, and no one remembers
any of the events my sister described. At this time,
her fiance said that he expected a considerate person to

(49:51):
immediately apologize instead of asking all of these questions. I
did apologize then, which I regret. I spoke to my
therapist about this afterward, and she agreed that but by apologizing,
I implied that I did the things my sister accused
me of. I asked my sister if she still viewed
me as the same person she was describing. She didn't
have time to answer because her fiance asked me if

(50:11):
I felt her characterization of me was unfair. I did
think it was unfair, but I thought that if I
said yes, I would be accused of gaslighting, or my
sister would just tell me again that I blocked out
the memories. So when I said that it didn't matter
if I thought their characterization of me was unfair, I
was trying to validate my sister's feelings. Validate her feelings,
not the event she described, and I wanted to shift
the conversation back to what she wanted from our relationship.

(50:33):
This is why I next asked her if she wanted
to spend time with me anymore, or if she felt
obligated to. I wanted to know if she wanted an
actual relationship with me. When I came back for school break,
we still had dinner together, but we rarely talked because
there were other family members in between us. She said
she didn't have to answer this question, and I agreed
with her that she didn't need to answer. After they left,

(50:54):
I texted her fiance to ask if I could send
a letter to my sister through him. He agreed. I
thanked them for coming over and having a difficult conversation.
I said that whenever I tried to explain my perspective,
it unintentionally came off as in validation of hers, which
isn't my intent. I said that I spoke to our mother,
who also doesn't know about the events you describe, but
that I wanted to talk more to clarify whatever was

(51:16):
going on. I apologized again for breaking her toys and
telling her our father didn't love her. Her fiance texted
back that they didn't want further contact from me, and
that they hoped I would get hope. I have not
tried to contact either of them since.

Speaker 7 (51:28):
Yeah, what this is just like, I'm what, there's so
much going on that, I mean, that doesn't make sense.

Speaker 5 (51:35):
The next day, my mother said that my sister asked
to move into her house. My sister said that it
was her fiance's idea. For the last few years, my
sister and her fiance had been living in an apartment
in saving money to buy a house several states away.
One of my sister's conditions was that if she moved
in with her fiance, I wasn't allowed to stay at
my mother's house anymore.

Speaker 6 (51:55):
What wait, huh, this whole family is so backwards they
don't get it.

Speaker 5 (52:01):
My mother said no, and my sister called back, asking
for one hundred k is an engagement gift for the
down payment of aush This is so funny because the
sister is like expecting all this to like her mom
to just, yeah, you know, agree to every all of
her demands, but the demands have no backing. Yeah, she's like,
you better give me one hundred k or else, and

(52:22):
the mom's like all one, She's like, my bluff.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
You got me here.

Speaker 5 (52:27):
Yeah, it's this boyfriend man or this fiance.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
Truly.

Speaker 5 (52:31):
My mother talked her down to forty two point five
K on the condition that she not moved back in
with her. I told my mother that I disagreed with
her decision to give my sister so much money, but
at the end of the day, it was her money wowne,
so she is doing it. Yeah, she's man. After that,
I flew back to my own apartment across the country
and continued grad school. I thought things would cool off

(52:53):
with my sister, but over the next four to five months,
she kept reaching out to me through my mother to
petsit for I have said no multiple times. Recently, she
quit her job at her fiance's workplace. She worked there
for a few weeks in addition to her social media sponsorships,
but said that it was too stressful. My sister asked
my mother if she could increase her monthly allowance from
one point three K to one point six K because

(53:14):
she was no longer working. Is your mom just unemployed?
You're getting unemployment from your mom? Your mom?

Speaker 7 (53:20):
You richly if this mom could just randomly give away
forty two thousand dollars and then also an allowance of
several thousand dollars.

Speaker 5 (53:28):
Gotta be rich, got me to gotta be. She also
said that because she no longer had a job, she
needed to move in with my mother to save more money.
The original condition for the forty two point five K
was for my sister not to move in, so my
mother asked her if she still expected the money. My
sister said that because my mother already promised forty two
point five K, she couldn't.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
Pick it back.

Speaker 5 (53:49):
No take backs, can't. She's like, I know, I said
that you only had to give it to me if
I didn't move in, But you already said that you
were going to get you so trying to make loopooles.
A lot of people have asked about the fiances financial situation.
Based on his job, he should be making at least
one hundred K year, but it's most likely more. I
know he has student loans to pay off, but I
don't know how much or what his payments are like.

(54:09):
They had been saving up for the down payment for
several years, so I did ask my mother how much
they had saved. My mother said that my sister doesn't know.
I asked how this was possible, and my mother said
that it doesn't seem like they discuss finances. The only
time they discuss finances is when they ask the mom
for money. Yeah, this turned into a whole different conversation

(54:30):
with my mother about the relationship. But I digress. Fast
forward to yesterday. Book Today, I already bought tickets to
visit home this summer. Yesterday, my mother called to tell
me that my sister wanted to move in this summer
with her fiance, which was also her fiance's idea. One
in my sister's condition is that I'm not allowed to
stay at my mother's house while she lives there because
she's worried that we'll argue. My sister suggested that I

(54:52):
stay in an airbnb when I visit, which I cannot
afford with my grad student stipend. My mother and one
of my aunts, who I also confide in, suggested that
I not visit until my sister moves out. Why are
your aunt, like your family members all catering to freaking
your sister. I don't know, man.

Speaker 4 (55:09):
But she's the golden child old. We have to make
sure she's okay at every every turn and every stop.

Speaker 5 (55:16):
So my sister said that she would live at my
mother's house for one year max, at which point I
could return.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
What is going on?

Speaker 5 (55:26):
That's how it works, like, you may come back in
thirty days if you pay me thirty thousand dollars.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
I bet you.

Speaker 4 (55:33):
It was a horror living with her whenever she was young,
because you know, as a young one who was definitely
calling all the shoh.

Speaker 5 (55:40):
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry in advance if this update is confusing,
But this only happened earlier today, and I learned a
lot of new info which is chronologically all over the place.
My mother spoke to my sister over the phone. My
mother suggested a few compromises. That my sister and her
fiance stay at an airbnb, or that they pay for
my airbnb, or that my sister and her fiance could

(56:01):
take the upstairs and I could take the basement, or
vice versa. My sister said no to all of these
things and keeps asserting that she doesn't want me there
while she lives there. Things get a bit confusing here, yeah,
they do. My mother said that during her conversation, my
sister said the following. She said that when we were younger,
my mother always told this not to fight over toys,
but that my sister always had to give the toys

(56:22):
to me. This girl is not over the toys. It's
been so many years, the like she's like, the only
thing that I can complain about is you taking my
toys when I was four. She said that because she
didn't get what she wanted as a kid, it's only
fair for her to get what she wants as an adult.
My sister accused me of telling our relative, who was
in middle school at the time, that her fiance was

(56:43):
a bad person, which is why our relative DOT didn't
want her fiance over at his house. This is completely false,
and our relative can attest to this, but I don't
want to drag him into this. My sister also said
that the monthly allowance my mother gave her was going
almost entirely to the down payment, so she and her
fiance would need to cut down on food, and if
our mother didn't let her move back in, it was
her fault that they had to go hungry. Yes, everyone

(57:05):
knows that doctors are poor. She said that if I
were to move back in, I would start fights with
both of them, and her fiance wouldn't be happy with me.
Being there anyway. She also said she was worried I
would ruin her fiance's reputation as a doctor.

Speaker 7 (57:18):
What.

Speaker 5 (57:18):
Yeah, I'm sure him dating his patient didn't do anything like.

Speaker 6 (57:23):
Literally, what would OPE do to ruin this fiance's reputation?

Speaker 5 (57:27):
Don't think any sense? Really doesn't any ah ah. My
mother and I spoke on the phone for over an hour.
My mother said my sister wouldn't be open to it.
I tried to counter everything my sister said. My mother
agreed with me, but said she still felt bad for her.
Your mother is a pushover. Yeah, I kept saying that
I didn't care if my sister and her fiance moved in,
but I cared whether I would be allowed over for breaks.

(57:49):
We went in circles almost the entire time. My mother
kept asking me what I wanted her to do. I
kept repeating myself. She kept saying that she felt really
bad for my sister because my sister keept calling her in.
So my mother ended up saying that I should be
fine with not visiting for the time that my sister
is there, and to just let her move in. She
kept insisting. So I said that if I wasn't allowed

(58:09):
back for that time. Then I wasn't sure when I
would be coming back. She told me not to be
like that, and I ended up hanging up on her.
She was tried to call back at least a dozen
times and I haven't picked up, but I probably will
at some point. My thoughts. A few people brought up
my sister's fiance as a potential issue. After reading through
everyone's comments in organizing my thoughts, I think this might

(58:30):
be true. I couldn't include every single detail event here,
but thinking back, he has told my sister about random
conversations we have had that were a point of conflict,
even though I didn't think they were. For example, I
once saw him holding something in his hand, so I
asked him what it was. He said it was a
capo for guitar. This was the entire conversation. Later on,
my sister came up to me to say that I

(58:51):
needed to be more considerate of other people's feelings. Dude,
I said, I didn't know what she was talking about.
She said that by asking him about the capo earlier,
I was being on supportive. She's like, why don't you
get it? We don't talk about my boundaries and we
don't talk about the capo because those are the boundaries. Okay,
I'm losing my mind.

Speaker 6 (59:09):
I wonder if it's like a power play that these
people do where it's just like, oh my gosh, like
your sister did this. Are you going to stand up
for me? Are you going to prove that you're, like,
you know, a good partner and stand up to your
sister because of like this thing that she did. She
asked me about the capo. Baby, you know what I've
said to him.

Speaker 5 (59:25):
Yeah, it's yeah, my guitar career is just starting.

Speaker 6 (59:29):
Like that's also so weird because that is something where
it's like, how can you even like I don't know,
at least some situations where I've heard people doing that
kind of stuff, it's like, okay, I kind of see
where your head's at, but it's wrong. But this is
like I can't even see how you got to that conclusion.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
There are other weird instances. For example, my sister has
sometimes described her feelings like my fiance have noticed that
I seem uncomfortable around you, and I think that he's right.
Looking back, there are a lot of little things that
didn't seem like a big deal. Yep, when taken together
I'm not as sure anymore. A lot of people have
asked why she keeps asking me to pet sit, even

(01:00:05):
though she says, I'm well, I folm's got to do it.
This is so wild.

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
Just when I think you are, but sometimes you're not.

Speaker 5 (01:00:14):
Sometimes I need you to watch my dog for free. Yeah,
when I go out of town. I don't know. I
have asked this question to a lot of people, and
they also don't know. My sister has told me before
that if anything happened to her pets, she knew she
could rely on me to handle the situation. But even
after our argument about the engagement, she has still asked
me multiple times to petsit for her, including for this month.

(01:00:36):
After our argument earlier this year. They refuse to pay
for my return flight after I was done pet sitting,
so I ended up covering it myself. Why are you
still pet sitting? Yeah? I don't if they're making you
pay for the flights to go pets it? Why are
you pet sitting? My is breaking from a head scratcher.
This is a I'm gonna scratch my head because it's
the head scratch. I don't understand what is going on.

(01:00:58):
I don't know if her behavior in this and everything
else is related to her fiance. I feel like I
don't have the whole story, and I'm not sure what's
going on you and me both sister. A few people
irl suggested to me that she didn't read the letter
I sent her through her fiance. I assume that she
did because he responded with we statements, But given everything
people have said, I'm not as sure anymore. So I

(01:01:20):
feel torn. If my sister's fiance is harmful and is
pulling the strings, then I would agree to have my
sister move into my mother's house, even though I couldn't visit.
My mother works very long hours and is only home
to sleep and shower, but at the very least she
might be able to piece morphs together and support my sister.
But if my sister is really saying all these things
and believing all of these things, I really need a

(01:01:42):
break from all of this, because this has been really exhausting.
By the way, whenever you're exhausted, you can take a
break and listen to full episodes of stories just like this.
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio and search
a bookey story time and there is a little bit
left to this story. But do you have any coherent
thoughts about this? Not a lot of them, Not a

(01:02:04):
lot of them.

Speaker 6 (01:02:04):
There's a lot que I feel like if if the
fiance is a problem, he's not the only problem. Like,
she's definitely got something going on up there, but I
don't know. The fact that there hasn't been like a
lot of direct communication with the fiance though, really bugs me.

Speaker 5 (01:02:20):
And the fact that the girlfriend's just.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
Like, like, you shouldn't, yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:02:25):
Her fiance is a problem in the same way that
like a Nigerian prince scam is a problem to someone
who won't stop giving them money. Yeah, it's like you
are giving them money. Yeah. And they also in this scenario,
they know it's a scam too.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
Yeah yeah, yeah, they're like, yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:02:43):
I know, but I had to do but he needs
my house's ouse.

Speaker 1 (01:02:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:02:47):
But I also think that mom is the problem too.
Yeah she she I mean, actually, maybe you know what,
maybe the mom knows it's a scam, but she really Yeah,
a couple is the Nigerian Prince scam. The mom is
the person getting scammed it.

Speaker 6 (01:03:02):
Just like the mom feels like the kind of rich
parent that's just like, oh, like you have to really
be gentle, like you can't use any harsh language or anything.

Speaker 5 (01:03:10):
She won't talk to me, Yeah, because like you can't.
You can't treat children like that.

Speaker 6 (01:03:14):
But then it's like, okay, well you gotta you gotta
be a little stir and sometimes and like raise your kid,
you know, because clearly its.

Speaker 5 (01:03:22):
Yeah, clearly I did a bad job.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:23):
Yeah, it's just like everyone is so wild. I think
the op you have to move countries. Just get away,
run away, please run away. There's a little bit more
to the story. Let's try to get through it. Thank
you again to everyone who read my post and offered
their perspective. All of this feels insane to me, and
I sometimes feel like I'm growing crazy, so it's been
reassuring to hear people say the same. I appreciate everyone

(01:03:46):
who reached out to ask if I'm okay, and I am.
At the end of the day, I have my own
life and job far away from my sister. I've been
going to therapy for almost half my life now, and
i have a really good support system with my friends,
so I'm very grateful. Well, good, you got to hear that. Yeah,
I don't think I'll post again after this regardless of
what happens. Thank you again for taking the time to
read and or respond. I really appreciate it. And that's

(01:04:07):
the end of the story. Wow yeah, wow wow wow wow.

Speaker 7 (01:04:13):
Yeah, raise your hand in the chat if you are
if you get it, if you get it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
It was a tough one to keep up with.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
I don't I get it.

Speaker 5 (01:04:23):
But the thing is that it would have comprehension of
the story. Yeah. None of the people in the story
makes sense. You know, it's like the story makes sense.
People are nonsense. It feels like a dream.

Speaker 6 (01:04:36):
It feels like I woke up from a dream and
I'm like, Riley, you got to hear about this crazy dream.

Speaker 1 (01:04:40):
I just had, you know, like.

Speaker 4 (01:04:41):
A two voice memos that the transcript, so I'll just
look at the transfer.

Speaker 5 (01:04:45):
Yeah exactly. The transcript's like kind of like mistranslated. It
still doesn't make sense. The sister's doctor was.

Speaker 6 (01:04:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is just wow wow wow wow
wow wow.

Speaker 5 (01:05:04):
I think you have to limit contact with your family. Op.
That would be my advice. Yeah, but that's the end
of that story. Everyone, let's get that. Okay, it's the
end

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My fiancé threatened to CANCEL our wedding… if her parents can’t live with us! | Reddit Stories