My friend always CANCELS on me last minute…so I ghosted her on her birthday to teach her a lesson! | Reddit Stories

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My friend always cancels on me last minute, so I
ghosted her on her birthday to teach her a lesson. No,
you just got to listen. I had a fight with
my best friend both twenty female on her birthday and
I don't know how to handle it. Also, English is
not my first language. My best friend is a great girl, kind,
hard working and smart. Unfortunately, she can also be a

(00:20):
bit unorganized and impulsive. This means that she's always late
to everything and that she sometimes has to cancel plans
last minute. By the way, this comes from a gape
ornis on the art slashokea Storytime suppared it.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
So.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
She is currently living on the other side of the
country with her parents. She used to live here and
came back for a week to take some exams and
celebrate her birthday. She also had to clean and prepare
her parents' house in the city for some new tenants,
which apparently took a lot of time because the house
was a mess. Or her birthday, she decided to hang
out in the evening with her other friend group. I

(00:53):
know some of them because we used to be friends
in the past and go trekking with me. On the
next day, we had planning to go trekking together for
a while now, and this was the perfect occasion, so
I carefully planned our day together, found a good route,
et cetera. Keep in mind that I planned this trip
a week in advance, while her other friend group only
decided what to do in the evening that same day.

(01:14):
The evening before the trip, while she was with them,
I assume she sends me a text telling me that
she doesn't have the right shoes to go trekking, so
she can't come.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
It seems like an easy problem to solve.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
Yeah, what the heck? I try to find a solution
and asked her why didn't she tell me before? And
she said that even if she had the right shoes,
she was too exhausted to come. That really sucks. She
tells me she had been cleaning the entire day and
was even too tired to hang out that evening, so
she wouldn't have made it the next day. If you
know you have something, don't exhaust yourself for it.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
And is she making different plans? Yeah, like if you're exhausted, yeah,
don't do something you can't you don't have energy.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Sure, you had plans to hang out, so yeah, you.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Know ope isn't so attached to trucking eyes, so they
just want to hang out with you.

Speaker 1 (01:59):
I got upset because it's not the first time this happened.
She's always canceling plans last minute, and I feel like
she favored her other friend group over me, even though
I'm supposed to be her best friend and had planned
this a week in advance while they decided what to
do that same day. My reasoning is that if she
was as tired as she said she is, she could
have canceled the plans she made with them, or at

(02:20):
least avoid going clubbing that evening, so we still could
have gone trekking together. I feel like she decided to
cancel plans with me instead because we're closer and she
thought I would have been more understanding. I was about
to say that sometimes when you have really really close friendships,
there is yeah, yeah, and which is not fair. You
got to make sure that you're still being considerate of

(02:40):
those friends. The point is that I'm tired of being understanding,
tired of organizing stuff with her knowing that she'll ditch me,
tired of waiting for her every time we hang out,
tired of having to accommodate her in so many ways.
One example is that since she's scared of walking home
alone at night, we can basically only hang out near
her house, which means I have to take a forty
five minute trip from mine house to hers every time

(03:02):
because she can't meet me halfway.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
It's a long trip.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Well, he's putting a lot into this front trip, doesn't
seem really she's being that halfway. I decided to ghost
her text because I had plans to go clubbing that evening,
and I knew that if I answered her, we would
have fought and both our evenings would have been ruined.
So it seems less like OP is doing it out
of spite. The ghosting is just like I'm going to
be mad at her, and it's her birthday, so I

(03:24):
just don't want to talk. But still I still think
you should talk. I think you should communicate when you're.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
Want to say. The silence is louder than anywhere. Yeah,
and so you're gonna ruin both your evenings anywhere if
you're not gonna respond, And she's obviously going to be
thinking about it.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
Absolutely, and so yeah, when I came home around five am,
I decided not to set the alarm to wake up
early and go trekking, but instead I slept till noon,
and I woke up to her angry messages saying she
can't believe I was ghosting her, and she got a
fever that morning, so she wasn't lying about how tired
she was. I explained to her that I was disappointed
in her behavior and that it wasn't fair for her

(03:58):
to change the plans. That late in the evening, I
also told her I thought it was best for us
not to see each other.

Speaker 4 (04:03):
That day.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
We started fighting and we haven't stopped since. Her reasoning
is that it wasn't her fault. She had so much
work to do that she canceled the plans at the
very last minute because she really wanted to come, which
doesn't make sense to me, because if she really wanted
to come, she would have found some shoes at least,
and that we could have spent the day together anyway,
not really, because she had a feed. She also said
that she didn't think the solution was to cancel the

(04:24):
plans with others, and that she was expecting me to
be more understanding, which is what OPE was saying. Instead
of avoiding her on her birthday and not answering her texts.
My reasoning is that I put time and effort into
the planning, and that if she really cared as much
as she said, she would have canceled the plans with
them and not with me, or at least she would
have told me earlier and not the evening before. In

(04:45):
the end, I told her that if she thinks that
what she did was right and doesn't regret her decision,
she had to admit it and accept the consequences of that,
including that I might get mad at her, instead of
constantly repeating it was not her fault and always blaming
the circumstances. Hasn't responded to me since, but you can
respond to us every day in the chat by joining
us live every weekday at three PMPSD on YouTube. Just

(05:07):
tap her pot and there is a little bit more.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
What say you, Alex, I got some things to say, Sam,
you have some things. I've got some things true to
say them together. What op seems to be upset about? Yeah,
is the relationship? Yes, not this one serpent.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
No, it seems like it's a common occurrence and that's
why she's upset.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah, Yeah, that makes sense that you feel that you're
putting a lot into your relationship, into your friendship, and
your friend isn't putting back what you're putting in. Totally
makes sense that you feel hurt, but.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
It seems like the friend is believes that OPI is
just focusing.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
On this one instance because op Is has only said, oh,
it is only mentioned it's about this, yes, and so
I understand why Opie is hurt. However, she's not communicating
what is really true for her. And also on OPI's
friends side, it's her birthday.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
And so if you're gonna get mad at someone for
a continuous relationship dynamic and then you do it on
their birthday, yeah, Like it's just not the right time
and place. It's not going to lead to a better friendship.

Speaker 1 (06:03):
I think that if this is truly your best friend,
then you need to have a say like, hey, you know,
I know you're sick right now, let's talk about this
another time, because we should talk about it and just
leave it at that. You don't have to talk about
it that day, but and you can still express your
you know you're upset, but just say like, let's do
this when you're feeling better and when we're able to
have a conversation, and then I think the conversation needs
to be Hey, you have not been valuing my time

(06:26):
and it's hurting my feelings. I spent time planning an
event and then you canceled on me. And I know
you were tired and you had a fever. But this
is not just this time. This is a pattern of
behavior that I've noticed.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
And another way to maybe even like lessen the blow
and not be a little less blaming could be like,
I feel unmantioned our friendship. I'm feeling like when you
cancel and like it's happened a couple of times. I
feel disrespected, I feel a little taken advantage of. And
I want to have a better friendship. Yes, I want
to feel closer. I don't want to feel.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
This rexactly exactly, but there's a little bit more. I
really love her, but I don't know how long I'll
be able to stay friends with her because many of
her behaviors are usually a deal breaker with me. On
the other hand, maybe she's right and I could be
over reacting. I tend to do that sometimes. I don't
know how to handle the situation and how to save
this relationship. Should I apologize just to keep the peace,
or should I stand my ground and make her understand

(07:20):
that I can't have a friendship with someone who doesn't
value me or my time. And what if she doesn't apologize?
Should I give up on this friendship or should I
be more understanding and change my views? And that is
the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
Eleana says she reminds me of my best friend before EMDR.
EMDR is eye movement, Helen, if you get help me
with a DR. But it's essentially it's a trauma modality,
the process trauma using movement of the eye. Apparently it's
very successful.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Eleana Vade's is she's slighted me so many times and
at zero self awareness. But we were also codependent. It
was toxic until.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
She got help.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
Bye, you got help.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Yeah, But I think that nothing is going to change
unless you are just completely transparent about your fear and
if you don't want to be, then that would be
the end of the relationship.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
And kind of what I was saying earlier, like there's
so many ways to just express hurt instead of making
it like the blame thing, to express the deeper why
under it of like I want to have a great
relationship with you. I care for you.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Yeah, I doe.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
I'm my best friend, and it's hard to feel close
to you when these things keep happening and I keep
feeling disrespect exactly I movement, desensitization and reprocessing. Thank you,
nurse Intriguing.

Speaker 6 (08:30):
I just found out I have an STI my husband
insists he didn't cheat on me.

Speaker 4 (08:35):
Then where'd you get it?

Speaker 6 (08:35):
Then we're gonna find out. My partner and I have
been married nine years and together ten, so I've felt
my partner has been cheating for a while. My feelings
became more valid when I found out I had syphilis.

Speaker 4 (08:49):
Oh not not that one. I don't know how bad
thews are, but that one sounds bad.

Speaker 6 (08:53):
Syphilis is not a fun. One of the fun STIs.
I don't think we could count syphilis syphilis.

Speaker 4 (08:59):
Where do you put Gonoreea on this? Uh?

Speaker 5 (09:02):
Gone?

Speaker 6 (09:02):
A rhea is pretty fun. By the way, this comes
from u slash what do you think? Sixty seven on
the r slash Okay storytime Separreddit. So here's how it happened.
I went into the doctor for uti pain pressure. All
that I tried all the home remedies and nothing was helping.
Oh no, I already thought this was strange because I
haven't had a UTI for eight plus years. Anyway, I

(09:23):
told my partner I wanted to go into the dock
for meds because it just wasn't getting better. My partner
was against me going in and kept telling me it
would go away. Finally, after four more days of pain,
I finally just said I'm going in.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
I would have gone day one. Yeah of pain, Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 (09:41):
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (09:42):
Maybe she's there's a stigma around UTIs, I mean STIs
sdis went into the doc, told them my symptoms. They
did a test. The office came back negative for UTI.
Knowing that was strange, they offered to test me for STDs.
You're in in blood work the whole thing. I said yes,
because my partner does live away and I have been
feeling as though my partner has been sneaking around. They

(10:04):
treated me for a UTI. Anyway, They told me they
would call me when the results came in. Flash forward
four days, my partner is home. I get a call
that my results are in and that I need to
come into get them. They are not the type of
office to tell you good or bad news over the phone,
so I didn't suspect anything. When I got to the office,
the doc came in and told me my test results
came back and I tested negative for uti gone rhea, chlamydia, HIV.

Speaker 4 (10:28):
But I tested positive for syphilis. No Ah, we were
in such a good role though we're so close. They
always give you the good news first. Yeah, sadly.

Speaker 6 (10:39):
So the doc performed the second blood test to confirm
that it was in fact syphilis and not a false positive.
During the visit, my partner texted me asking if everything
was all right. I just responded no and left it
at that. So I went home, and when I got home,
my partner came up and said, what's going on. I
looked at my partner and said, I need you to
tell me now if you're cheating on me. My partner
said no, never, babe. Never first red flagger. My partner

(11:05):
never calls me babe.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 6 (11:10):
I told my partner about the positive syphilis test, and
my partner looked down at the ground and said, I
wonder how long I've had it. Still after that, my
partner still denied ever having an affair. Maybe you got
through the tap water or something, dude.

Speaker 4 (11:23):
Maybe maybe his roommate gave it to him, who knows.

Speaker 6 (11:26):
So after I went into the room, my partner came
in about an hour later and said, yell, be mad,
do something. At this point in time, I was still
waiting for the second lab work, and I didn't want
to just overreact just in case it was a false positive.
I was just keeping my distance and being civil. I
told my partner to get tested because if I had it,
he had to have had it too. In my mind,

(11:47):
how else would I have gotten it. My partner went
in that same day and got tested. When he came
back from the dock, he said, no matter what the
test says, I take full responsibility.

Speaker 5 (11:57):
Mmm, what does that mean?

Speaker 4 (11:59):
Thanks, full response whatever actions he did to get this.

Speaker 5 (12:02):
He didn't cheat, We didn't.

Speaker 4 (12:03):
Cheat, but whatever had if he's just eaten too much
protein or locking too many frogs, he takes full responsibility.

Speaker 6 (12:09):
Flash forward the day my second results came in. They
came back positive again, so I was treated for the
syphilis and then called my partner crying over the phone. Ah,
my partner swearing up and down that an affair never happened.

Speaker 4 (12:23):
Okay, yep.

Speaker 6 (12:24):
After we got off the phone, the doc called my
partner same doc that saw me and gave my partner
his results over the phone, since the doc knew my
partner was out of town. My partner's first test came
back negative.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
Oh. Interesting.

Speaker 6 (12:39):
My partner called me and told me I was shocked
for obvious reasons. The past ten years, I have never
had any sort of contact with anyone besides my partner.
I've had multiple children and tested for syphilis two times
each pregnancy. I've always come back negative. I call my
doc and ask how this is even possible. My doc
said that my partner could have already tested positive and

(12:59):
been treated and is now testing negative. Oh, the first
test for syphilis comes back positive or negative. The second test,
if you have ever had syphilis and have been treated,
will forever come back positive.

Speaker 4 (13:12):
Got okay, So you need the second test to be
just sure? Yeah, one hundred percent sure.

Speaker 6 (13:17):
And if my partner was willing, my doc would perform
the second test to see if one comes back positive
or negative, because, in his words, he also felt my
partner was.

Speaker 5 (13:26):
Acting strange with the situation.

Speaker 4 (13:28):
W doctor.

Speaker 6 (13:29):
So I called my partner and asked that my partner
performed the second test. My partner agreed. Asked why that
test would come back any different than the first. I
told my partner that the second test will tell me
if my partner has ever been positive or not. My
partner just said, oh.

Speaker 4 (13:42):
He's like, oh no, He's like, I'm messed up. Oh
got caught.

Speaker 6 (13:50):
My partner agreed to get the second test four months
ago and has yet to go in and get the
second test done. For a while, I was racking my
brain trying to figure out if this was something that
I have had for a while and it just came
up now since it can be dormant for up to
twenty years. But I took all of my lab work
into my obgin and they insisted that this was either

(14:10):
a brand new case or false positive. Both tests came
back minimally reactive. So now whenever I bring up to
my partner that they are avoiding the second test, which
makes me feel like this was something they did have
and I just got treated for and didn't tell me.
I am told. I am crazy. Also, my partner had
a single sore in the genital region that didn't hurt

(14:30):
that they showed me because they have no idea how
they got it. Me, not knowing what it was, thought
it was nothing because I had no idea about syphilis.
But now, after researching everything, I realize it was a
classic syphilis sore. But when I would remind my partner
of that sor, I was told that I was making
it up and that it never happened. And now more recently,
my partner said that they cut themselves there.

Speaker 5 (14:52):
And told me about it and that I just forgot.
They never said that.

Speaker 4 (14:57):
O making lies, making lies.

Speaker 5 (15:02):
Now the gaslighting really begins.

Speaker 4 (15:04):
Now, now the games really begin. The hat becomes more backwards.

Speaker 6 (15:08):
Yeah, ever since ever since, Oh, it's just.

Speaker 4 (15:14):
It's like, oh no.

Speaker 6 (15:16):
By the way, you can join okay Storytime live on
YouTube every weekday at three.

Speaker 5 (15:21):
Pm specific time. Just tap the profile.

Speaker 6 (15:24):
Also, when my partner was telling me that they only
had been hanging out with one specific friend while my
partner is away from work. This was the day after
I first tested positive, my partner's eyes got huge and dilated.
This really stuck out to me, which is why I'm
mentioning it. What do you think about like paying attention
to like people, dilation and.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
Micro what do you call that? Micro expressions?

Speaker 5 (15:46):
Yeah, micro expressions.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
I think if you were trained at it, it is
something good to keep in mind because if you know
your partner usually has these micro expressions whenever they tell
you something and then it's off and you're already suspicious
about something. I think it's something that's out, like, oh,
their eyes dilated whenever they told me this lie. This
is a good way. It's it's a good way to
like pick up lies.

Speaker 6 (16:06):
Right, Yeah, if you can like really read that stuff. Anyway,
I'm obviously trying to be vague because my partner is
on this app, but it's a very specific circumstance, so
I doubt my vagueness will help much. Anyway, I'm pretty
convinced that my partner has cheated, but I don't have
an admission, and I'm told I'm crazy.

Speaker 5 (16:24):
What are your thoughts?

Speaker 4 (16:25):
Uh, you are crazy and they didn't cheat on you.

Speaker 5 (16:28):
I don't even know if you realize how you sound
right now.

Speaker 4 (16:30):
You sound ridiculous, ridiculous, Like, how does someone that didn't
cheat give you an SDI. Yeah, and the test came
back negative, But the test that really, like is the
real one hasn't even came in yet, so you should
believe the first one.

Speaker 6 (16:44):
Yeah, you're probably faking it on your test or you're
looking frogs.

Speaker 4 (16:48):
Or you're looking frogs.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
Stop looking frog stop ber My best friend is sabotaging
my dates. I think she might be jealous or she's
in love with you assib okay, there worry from the gecko.
For some background context, me female twenty three and my
best friend Andy, female twenty five have known each other
since we were ten and twelve. We have become very

(17:11):
close in the last few years and now consider each
other best friends. By the way, this comes from you
dash show thirty on the r slash Okay storytime subreddits.
So I tell her everything, well almost everything. We do
everything together, and one of those things is going up
to her family cottage where we get to party with
all of her neighbors. There nothing like a good old
cottage party coach party. May twenty twenty four, we went

(17:34):
up to her cottage for the first long weekend of
the summer. There's always a huge party with the band
and food truck. One of the neighbor's sons, Mason, who
lives on the other side of the country so he
only visits two to three times a year, was there
for the weekend. I'd gotten out of a relationship about
eight months prior to this weekend, and so had he.
I always thought he was good looking, so I stuck

(17:55):
up a conversation with him the first night, and immediately
I could tell he was sabricating, though he stayed up
later to hang out with us, which he always tried
to sit close to me, and followed me on Instagram
and DMS me less than an hour after we got
it eager. I think he liked you.

Speaker 4 (18:13):
I like, oh you sure.

Speaker 3 (18:15):
The next day, the day of the party, we all
started drinking around five to six pm, and by the
end of the night everyone was pretty blackout from the
open bar. Andy had said to her cousin earlier during
the day, Mason is totally in her, and he lives
so far away he might actually be the perfect person
to get with. And I actually really like you two together.

(18:36):
Me and him were flirting all night, and Andy even
said to him at one point, let's go find her
for you, So she was being my wingwoman. We ended
up making out in the kitchen, little kitchen makeout, which
was not the most discreet thing since the windows are huge,
so it was a bit of a fishbowl situation for
the rest of the party. Then, so and had come
in so we went to his room and proceeded to

(18:58):
have the best spicy I was probably gone for around
forty five minutes to an hour, and by the time
I looked at my phone, Andy had sent me multiple
texts asking where I was. I panicked and told her
I was with Mason, but we were just chatting. I'm
not sure why I lied. I guess I just panicked
because I wasn't sure if she would be upset. I
love her, but she does have a hard time letting

(19:19):
things go. We have an old friend who started dating
someone on her cottage lake and how they are not
friends anymore. So I know this could feel familiar to
her in a bad way, but there were other issues
in that friendship and she knows I would never behave
that way. The entire weekend, I could tell she didn't
quite believe me, but we dropped it. I knew I
had to tell her eventually because I don't want to
lie to her and people were most likely going to

(19:39):
find out anyways. So around the week later, when she
came over, I did. She seemed okay. In the moment,
I apologize for lying, explaining how I was pretty drunk
and just randomly panicked She then ghosted me for the
next day. Darn, what's up?

Speaker 1 (19:52):
What does is ghosting?

Speaker 3 (19:53):
There's a lot of ghosting. It's spooky season, explained it ghosts.
We were able to go on a walk a couple
days later when she expressed how upse said she was
that I felt the need to lie, and I apologized
again and we talked it out and everything seemed okay.

Speaker 7 (20:05):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
Also like she was pretty drunk, pretty drunk, like you
told her. You came forth and told her.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Yeah, So everything's okay. Everything just like, hey, like.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
I'm asked, I should have lied.

Speaker 5 (20:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
The rest of the summer was great. I thought we
got to the point where we could joke about the
whole situation. Mason and I exchanged dms over the summer,
which eventually led him to telling me he wants to
take me out on a real date.

Speaker 1 (20:29):
He hasn't taken you out on a date.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
I don't know if he likes her. I think he
likes her, you think so?

Speaker 4 (20:33):
I wow.

Speaker 3 (20:34):
I didn't tell Andy about this because it happened around
her birthday and I didn't want any stress to ruin
her day.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Why would this stress her out?

Speaker 3 (20:41):
Because they had like a lie. Argument about it? Okay,
me and Mason made rough plans when he wanted to
get us an airbnb in the city I live in.
When I told her Mason reached out to take me
on a date, I didn't tell her we had rough
plans already. She was immediately upset, to the point of
almost tears. Oh my god. She kept saying, I'm not
gonna lie. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I'm being dramatic.

(21:01):
I'm sorry, what if I'm keeping you from your future husband?
Long story short. She was so clearly upset and uncomfortable
with the idea, I decided to cancel the day.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Wait, I'm sorry. Maybe I'm missing something. Why is she
so uncomfortable? What's the issue here?

Speaker 3 (21:16):
I think we have context in this now. Okay, here's
the thing. Andy has been obsessed with Mason's younger brother
for four years. He recently slept together, and things have
now tapered off between them. She brought this up to me, saying,
it would be hard to see my best friend with
his brother after that.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
Get over it?

Speaker 3 (21:31):
Why I thought, the same person.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
Not even the same person?

Speaker 3 (21:34):
Get over it yet?

Speaker 4 (21:35):
What to me?

Speaker 3 (21:36):
This seems like it is coming out of a jealous place, like, Oh,
your relationship with the brother didn't work out, so now
you can't you're upset that. Yeah, I don't know. She
can't just say I'm not totally comfortable with it, but
I want you to be happy. She says she thinks
me and ham would be cute together, but then goes
and says, you could do what you want by going,
but I think a wall would go up between us
if you went.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
The wall's gonna go up between you guys because of that.
Then I don't know if this friendship that's strong.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
I'm just confused. Why is she upset she's because of
the lie.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
I still don't get it. No, I don't even think
it's because lie. I think she's saying I'm uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
Because it's because because.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
My exes brother, which makes sense why OP was lying.

Speaker 3 (22:14):
Yeah, we'll see. So she couldn't handle the idea of
the possibility of me being in that family instead of
her her words, what if you're at their Thanksgiving? So
I get that she's close to the family, but I
really like this guy. I haven't liked someone like this
in over a year. And they had the best spicy
sleep of her life and don't you forget. And he's mature, smart, oh,

(22:37):
good looking, oh likes to go to the gym, like
me or compatible in a lot of ways, and we
are looking forward to going on a date to get
to know each other. At a bunch of people at
a party watching us. His response to when I told
him Andy was uncomfortable with us going on a date was,
I may as well lay my feelings on the line here.
Over the last year, I haven't really found anybody that
has got me truly excited about being with But I

(22:59):
did feel that way about you, even if it was
because of a brief weekend night. I get it, though,
she's your best friend and that needs to comfort.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
Don't know.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
And understanding, don't let me.

Speaker 4 (23:14):
I think he likes you, I think I like him.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
I don't know, ke, I really don't know. At this point,
it took that one video.

Speaker 1 (23:20):
Head's all mixed up.

Speaker 5 (23:21):
She may not be.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
Indeed, this response made it even harder. Yeah, what a
sweet text. Made it even harder to accept the fact
that we weren't going out since he clearly feels the
same way I do. I mean, we can't confirm it.
After I talked to Andy, and told her I wouldn't go.
She ignored me for three days Andy, until finally I
texted her asking to please not ghost me if she
was upset about something. Turns out she overheard Mason's mom

(23:45):
say Mason needs to borrow her car one night for
a date he had in the city aka the date
with me. I lied and told her he just mentioned
a few dates and not that we had planned them.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
Yeah, we need to stop being friends with Andy.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
OPI was keeping that yeah the radar, and that came out.
We talked until four in the morning, and I even
showed her the text from him, but she continued to
say she doesn't like to feel like the villain. You
are uncomfortable with it. I know I shouldn't have lied
again and told her I didn't respond to him asking
me out when we had been talking for a few
weeks already. But do I need to tell her everything?
I know she's close with the family and maybe I

(24:19):
should be transparent, But at the same time, I only
want to tell people about my dates who will be
excited and happy for me, But she isn't. She just
seems bitter and jealous over the idea. I don't know
how many more times. I could apologize her lying to
her in May. She said she'll get over it again,
as she knows I'm a good friend, but I feel
resentment now she's keeping me from going on a date
with the great guy. I know I could do what

(24:40):
I want, but how can I go? And my best
friend says a wall will go up between us and
our friendship will change if I do.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Your friends has already changed.

Speaker 5 (24:47):
Though.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
The thing is, I know there's more to the story,
but like the thing is that if you don't go
on the date, you're going to present her. Yeah, and
then the friendship will change.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
You're right, that's all. Yeah, No, it's true. If you
don't go, you'll resent her. If you go, she'll probably
resent you. Either way, someone's getting resented and mine as well.
Gets a more good sleepy time together. If someone's gonna
get resented, get the spicy sleep exact.

Speaker 4 (25:10):
Someone's got to win here.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
It's not gonna be Andy, Yeah, it's gonna be Mason.
Though hopefully Mason didn't understand either. He kept asking why
she was being possessive and when she was against us.
But if you don't want to be against us, please
join us live on YouTube every weekday at three pm PST.
Just tap our profile. How do I let him know
I'm not shutting the door on us. If I ever
visit his city, I want to reach out. I was

(25:33):
really looking forward to seeing him. He's up at his
cottage on her Lake this weekend, and I know that
she didn't invite me up there because he's there, and
I really feel like it it's because she's trying to
keep us apart. I know I'm the a hole for
lying again, but was I wrong to plan the date
without talking to her first? At the end of the day,
it's a boy and a girl on a date. It
might not even work out, but we don't deserve to

(25:55):
figure that out for ourselves without her being involved. Why
do I need to sacrifice my happiness for her feeling?

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Don't do that?

Speaker 3 (26:01):
You have some strong feelings about this.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yes, I'm angry.

Speaker 4 (26:04):
She's a bad friend.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
She's about Andy is a bad friend, and you don't
deserve to have bad friends in your life. You deserve
to have Mason in your life and good friends. And
if she can't be supportive of you dating someone who
is not your ex and not even like her exes,
like she didn't date Mason's brother. They slept together a
couple of times. She wasn't even with him. Why is
she so hung up about this? Weird?

Speaker 3 (26:27):
I totally agree.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
I think, well, you would be hurting us if you
did it.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
I think they just need to unpack, like why is she.

Speaker 5 (26:37):
Guy?

Speaker 3 (26:37):
What's going on with her? Because of this? I think,
like a conversation like that, like you seem to be
really affected by this, like what's going on?

Speaker 4 (26:44):
You're really hung up with this?

Speaker 1 (26:45):
But that is the end of that story. My friend
told me I wasn't putting enough effort into the friendship.

Speaker 4 (26:50):
I told her, she's a hypocrite.

Speaker 1 (26:52):
I Female twenty five have known my best friend, Female
twenty five since high school. Our friendship has survived college
and being separated across the cree for many years. We
both eventually made it back to our hometown and have
been living here for almost three years. By the way,
this comes from g B Roads on the r slash
Shokey story time Separate it. So the first year we
both lived in the same town, we hardly saw each other.

(27:14):
I think that was due to a combination of things,
including opposing work schedules, me being in a serious relationship
and living in a post COVID world. COVID really took
a toll on my mental health and my social life
for quite some time after lockdown, saying goes for her.
We would try to find time weekly or buy weekly
to work out or go on a walk. We always
saw each other early in the mornings, and I'm not

(27:37):
a morning person in the slightest. This would lead to
me canceling on her occasionally if I was feeling extra
exhausted that particular day. I admit that wasn't nice of
me to do, but sometimes I just wasn't in the mood.
This would royally piss her off. She sometimes would cancel
on me too, but I would never bet an eye
on it. She worked days and I work nights, so
that's why we always did stuff early in the mornings.

(27:59):
On my off days, she usually had work, so I
would spend those days with my significant other. We had
the occasional off day that lined up, and we would
normally do something outdoorsy together, but this didn't happen often.
Calm next winter and she started becoming a bit bitter
to me. Oh, I'm a very happy, caring person and
I've always maintained a good attitude around her, it got

(28:20):
to the point where she would snap at me for
the littlest things. For example, I had joked about something
completely unserious about A few weeks later, she brought up
to me and told me how my comment bothered her.
She blew up about it because she let it fester
for weeks before finally bringing up. I of course apologized
for offunding her and we went about our day. But
from that point on I felt like I had to
walk on eggshells around her. She would get pissed over

(28:43):
the dumbest things. My friend who I used to always
goof around with was no longer fun to talk to
or be around.

Speaker 4 (28:48):
No more goofing, No more goofed?

Speaker 3 (28:50):
What about are we goofing or or any.

Speaker 5 (28:53):
Of the above?

Speaker 1 (28:54):
Isn't that smean something?

Speaker 3 (28:55):
I don't know what it means. Oh, it's not like
a thing. I wasn't thinking about it when I said
I was just rhyming dim.

Speaker 1 (29:02):
I chalked this up to her being in a manic episode,
as she does have bipolar disorder. I gave her some
space and occasionally texted her to check up on her.
She would either not respond at all, or send back
a short reply with some sass. We finally made a
plan to hang out after not seeing each other for
a few weeks. When she showed up to my place,
I could tell she was super serious and cold towards me.

(29:23):
She said we needed to talk. We sat down and
she explained to me that she felt I hadn't been
putting enough effort into our friendships. She claimed I canceled
on her too much, I never put an effort into
making plans, and that I spent too much time with
my significant other.

Speaker 4 (29:38):
This is the opposite. This is the opposite of the
flip side of the story.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
I wouldn't say this was completely true, as we were
both at fault for various wrongdoings. We hashed it out
for a few hours. We laughed, we cried because and
it was all fine. I admitted she was right with
some of her points. As I may not have been
the best friend at that time. Lash forward and I
have become the most attentive. Her talk really struck a
nerve with me, and I didn't want to lose her.

(30:03):
See that that's effective communication right there. We love to
see it. I text her all the time. I try
to make weekly plans when I can, I check up
on her when she's being distant. I work my butt
off to maintain this friendship. Now recently, I've noticed I
don't get any effort in return. I am solely the
one who texts her. I am the one who makes plans.
I invite her to outings with other friends and introduce

(30:24):
her to new ones. I constantly planned things around her schedule,
just to get canceled on an hour before. It's infuriating
when I text her, she either forgets to text back,
is working, or doesn't get back to me for a
few days. She never tries to plan anything with me anymore.
We basically only speak when I'm the one who reaches out.
On top of that, she has become really inconsiderate of
my time. For example, I set up a day to

(30:46):
go paddle boarding a few weeks ago. We decided on
a morning paddle, and I texted her the day before
to make sure we were still on. She never got
back to me come the morning of the paddle, and
she still hadn't texted me back. Finally, around noon, she
sent me, so sorry, I forgot to text you back.
Actually don't really feel like paddling today. Can we do
something later tonight. I was upset, rightfully so, but I

(31:08):
played it off as if it were fine. I don't
like to hang out late at night because I work
really early in the morning. And she knows this.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
Why did you play it off?

Speaker 1 (31:15):
Don't play it off?

Speaker 4 (31:16):
Don't play it off.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
I'm fine.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Let her know that it bugs you. Say like I've
made an effort to change, and I'm not seeing that effort.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
She was open with you, and you've changed you understanding
her side and trying to be a better friend. Exactly
why are you hiding it?

Speaker 1 (31:30):
This has been a constant occurrence as of late. On
top of that, she is always hanging out with new
work friends and has never introduced me to them. She
scheduled a girl trip with a few of her friends
that I didn't get invited to and then brags all
about it like it didn't make me feel crappy.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
She didn't invite her to the girly trip, the girl trip. No,
that's messed up.

Speaker 1 (31:49):
I could go on and on about this. I just
feel that she doesn't care about this friendship anymore. We
care about you, and we want you to join us
live every week, to have three PMPSD on YouTube. Just
tap her profile. Care and there is a tiny bit
left to the story, But I think that, Yeah, I
think you need to talk to her and say, hey,
we had that talk last time, and I feel like
I made a lot of changes and now it seems

(32:09):
like we've flipped.

Speaker 3 (32:10):
It doesn't feel reciprocated. Yeah, I want to have a
good relationship.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
Yeah, because I care about this and that's why I
made those changes, because I care about her friendship.

Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, just have that talk.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
If she can have it with you, then you could
have it with her.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Also, she already said the precedent, your friendship can handle
hard conversation. So that's the ground floor exactly. There's room
for another hard conversation.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
There's room, but there's a little bit left. I don't
know how much I can take. I know if I
talk to her about it, she will freak.

Speaker 3 (32:33):
Well, we don't know that, you know.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah, I am not the best at expressing my feelings
towards other and tend to get walked all over. She
would eat me alive. I'm at a loss of what
to do. My plan is to not text her and
just wait to see when she decides to reach out.
That's aboud idea. If she has a richardish response, then
I will consider ending the friendship. But if she is
actually concerned and wanted to see me.

Speaker 3 (32:53):
You are close with your friend, or you've had history
and you have friendship and you're hurt.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
Yeah. The only time that's an ex response is when
you're like, you're in the talking stage with the person
that you're romantically interested in and then they don't like
they're not reaching out, and so then you just let
it go.

Speaker 3 (33:08):
But not with friends, Yeah, and the loving friendship.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this.
I'm not the best writer, so I'm sorry if this
is riddled with mistakes and misspellings. I appreciate anyone who
can offer advice. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Yeah, my aunt was planning on leaving everything to me,
then left everything to my sister.

Speaker 4 (33:28):
I guess we know who's better.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
My aunt and I have always been very close my
whole life. She's been a mother figure to me. I
remember being five years old when she called my mother
to ask for my info to put me down as
the beneficiary of something.

Speaker 7 (33:42):
I was too little to remember what exactly.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
My own mother was surprised at the time, and it
has been expressed to me repeatedly over the years that
I will inherit everything after she dies.

Speaker 4 (33:52):
Awesome.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
My aunt has told me this her whole life and
how much she loves me. She has never had any children,
and she's always lived out of state. My family jokes
were so much alike in many ways that I'm actually.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
Her daughter by birth. That's funny day, that's a funny joke.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
My other siblings were never close with her the way
she and I have been throughout my life. I used
to get to talk to her practically every day, and
I'd visit her regularly in my adult life.

Speaker 7 (34:17):
By the way, this comes from.

Speaker 2 (34:18):
User snow Objections seventy four sixty four on the r
slash Okay story time, So I read it back in
November of twenty twenty, she had a back surgery, and
since COVID was going on at the time, they planned
to discharge her a few hours after surgery. She only
told me about a week before that she was getting
this surgery, and that she lied to the doctors about
having someone to care for her afterwards.

Speaker 4 (34:40):
Oh, she probably doesn't have money. Guys, don't lie to
your doctors people.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
She downplayed the whole thing and thought she'd be fine
to look out for herself. As soon as I heard,
I told her no way, and that I'd care for her.
So I booked a flight and I got there the
night before surgery, ready to look after her while she recovered.
She told me I was her power of attorney and
that the paper were in her office, along with her
will should anything go wrong. She detailed where they were

(35:04):
in an email which I still have today. I arrived
the night before, and what happened next I would have
never imagined in my wildest nightmare. Oh no, it still
feels surreal, and I have trauma about the entire thing.
I took her home after surgery and she was in agony.
I called her doctors and gave her her meds as

(35:25):
prescribed and charted everything. She was in so much pain, screaming.
It still gives me chills thinking of it. She kept
asking for more and more painkillers, and I was seriously
worried she was going to od, and the doctor said
she shouldn't have this much pain. In addition to that,
I learned when I got there that she was on
probably a dozen psychiatric meds at her all multiple antidepressants,

(35:47):
three different benzos, and an antipsychotic, among other things for
her mental health. I was very worried this was way
too much, in that it was doing something terrible to her.
She kept waking up in the middle of the night
and getting into her meds in the kitchen, taking stuff
way too early while I was asleep, and I worried
it could kill her. I decided to take all of
the meds and keep them in my room for safe

(36:09):
keeping so she wouldn't accidentally od. That's a pretty scary
situation to also then find out that she's on like
a you know, a dozen different meds.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
Whoa.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
It was clear at that point that she was mentally
detached from reality, hearing and seeing things. She woke up
again that night, and upon learning her meds weren't in
the kitchen, she came into my room demanding them. I
told her that she was going to od and that
she wasn't in her right mind, and she lunged at
me in a rage. I seriously thought that she was
trying to kill me. I gave her the bag full

(36:40):
of drugs and I text her doctors and the practice
of the home nursing contact. We had that covered for
me a few hours each afternoon. This was around four
in the morning. By six or seven am, the nursing
company owner was at her house and we were both
worried she wasn't in her right mind and would od.
When her nursing company owner asked for her drugs, she
chased her out of the house and me too. Right then,

(37:03):
a police officer showed up. My aunt had called them
on us, convinced we were trying to steal her meds.
I explained what was going on, and they asked for
my ID. My wallet was missing, and I later learned
that night that she stole my wallet in ID. The
whole thing went from bad to works. I ended up
in a hotel for a month attempting to get her help.
She was paranoid and psychotic, hearing and seeing things, and.

Speaker 7 (37:26):
Thought I was trying to kill her.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
She even called the police on me one night, and
there were four officers outside my hotel.

Speaker 7 (37:32):
Ready to arrest me.

Speaker 4 (37:34):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
She told them I stole her car and debit cards
and was having an affair with her male.

Speaker 7 (37:39):
Nurse, all of which was obviously untrue.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
Oh no, she was back in the hospital multiple times,
but kept getting out the next day.

Speaker 7 (37:48):
They couldn't hold her against her will. Whether I'd tried
to explain on the phone to the medical staff what
was going on, they couldn't talk to me about any details.
I told them I.

Speaker 2 (37:57):
Was her power of attorney and that she needed me
medical help and to keep her while she didn't want
to be there. When they asked for proof, I looked
for the documents and couldn't find the will or power
of attorney papers in the office as she said they were.
I reached out to her lawyer, who said she had
connected with him a few months back to have a
will made leaving everything to my mother, who hates my

(38:18):
aunt by the way, but is nice to her face.
But she never followed through and actually created the legal documents. Naturally,
I began questioning everything in our relationship.

Speaker 4 (38:27):
So these are probably her true colors, and she's been
asking them a little bit while Opie's been around.

Speaker 2 (38:31):
After a month of trying to get her help and
going through it, I had to return home. She was
out of her mind. There's more crazy stuff that occurred,
but I digress. For months, I got crazy voicemails from
her threatening to sue me, and calls from the police
regarding her welfare. I was worried sick she'd end up
homeless or die from an overdose. One call, she said

(38:52):
she was dying and asked if I wanted anything in
her will and asked me to call her.

Speaker 7 (38:57):
I felt this was more.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
Craziness and manipulation and did didn't reply for my own
mental health sake. A few months after that call, I
learned she finally made a real will when she was
better and left everything to my sister, who doesn't really
have a relationship with her.

Speaker 4 (39:11):
You she's just trying to spite you, dude, What the heck?

Speaker 2 (39:14):
I mean? It's clearly this is like an unwell mentally
unwell decision. Yeah, and I feel like a lot of
it is just like spite and anger.

Speaker 7 (39:23):
Incredibly messed up.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
I think the last time my sister visited was fifteen
years ago. Incredibly, my aunt made a full recovery in
the past year and is saying again and stopped taking
a lot of the stuff she was on.

Speaker 4 (39:35):
Thank God.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
It's hard to know where the line of like this
stuff is causing versus it's actually helping your problems. In
terms of like psychiatric medicine. Other times, I've had personal
experiences with that where it's like, you know, people I know,
or like even myself, like get on something and it's like, wow,
things seem to be getting worse now, and then it's
like you get off it and you're like, oh God,
that's like, yeah, everything's life is so much better now.

(39:58):
Everything's way better now that I'm not taking this stuff.
We began speaking again the last six months. Unfortunately, my
industry laid off a ton of people and I found
myself without a job for way too long. She offered
to have me live with her, and I recently moved
in with her. Oh nice, WHOA, that's got to be
crazy after everything you went through, Like, that's kind of brave.

Speaker 4 (40:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
As soon as I moved in, she brought up the
situation with the will and that I never returned her call,
but that things would be divided among my sisters. I
told her that I heard she left everything to one sister.
She confirmed that this was true, but that she asked
her to be generous with me. In the notes, she
said she recognized she traumatized me and she takes full
responsibility for it. In my head, I was thinking, I mean, well,

(40:40):
you're not dead, you could change it to legally include me,
but given I'm living with her now, it felt like
the wrong time to express that thought, as I'm dependent
on her good will until I find a job and whatnot.
She's been very generous and kind and helped finance my move,
so I'm trying not to get too bitter.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
About her will situation.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
I feel a bit angry at my sister, who didn't
tell me she got everything. My mother informed me, and
I confronted my sister and she nervously confessed the papers
just showed up in the mail.

Speaker 4 (41:08):
One day.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
I asked if I was getting anything, and she said,
my aunt left everything to her, So I don't believe this.
Be generous with your sister comment my aunt said was
in her will anyway. I feel guilty that I'm mad
about this, but also feel conflicted too, since she's not
helping me out now.

Speaker 7 (41:25):
Yeah, it feels deeply unfair.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
It's not about the money, more so feeling lied and betrayed,
and that this is some kind of snub and a
power play. I went above and beyond to get her
help and care for her when no one else did,
and now I've been punished for my good deeds in
a sense. My sister didn't stop her life to look
out for her.

Speaker 7 (41:44):
I did.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
And I think it's crummy that my sister hasn't insisted
with my aunt that changes be made. And I don't
like that she kept this info from me until I
confronted her about it. But by the way, I'm a
confront you right now. You should join us live on
YouTube every weekday at three pm PST. All you gotta
do is tap our profile. Oh. He also said she
had a relationship with her whole childhood where it was

(42:06):
like she was like a second mother to her.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
So it's like, wow, who knows.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
It's very hard to say, but I think it's smart
not pushing it now that you're relying on her like
sort of power races.

Speaker 7 (42:16):
I hope it gets better for you.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
One voicemail claimed she was dying and wanted to know
if I wanted anything after she was gone. I felt
like it was a manipulation and didn't trust it. She
ended up leaving everything to my sister instead, who doesn't
have much of a relationship with her. I became unemployed
and ended up moving in with my OH.

Speaker 4 (42:34):
So this is all just like a week here.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
I'm looking out for her again while I'm here, as
she's older and frail. I'm grateful for her current support
in living here now, and she's been kind, but I'm
dealing with feelings of feeling snubbed and unfairly betrayed given
what's occurred with the will and inheritance business. What should
I do? Nothing, I'm feeling kind of heartbroken, to be honest,

(42:56):
and that's the end of the story.

Speaker 4 (42:59):
I would front her and try to try and see
if you can get don't know, just talk to her,
be like, hey, I understand you gave it to my sister,
but I was I'm the only one in your freaking
family that's talking to you. What's up with that? Why?
Why are we playing these games?

Speaker 7 (43:12):
That's a delicate tight rope to kind of walk on, though,
because it's like you don't want to make her feel
like I mean, everyone in your family hates you except me,
so you might as well give me the money, because
then that's gonna make her be.

Speaker 4 (43:21):
Like what, everyone hates me?

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Yeah, And you don't want to also press it too
hard to be like, well, I'm the one who deserves
to be in the will more than anyone else, because
then it just I don't know, that's always gonna come
off abrasive.

Speaker 7 (43:32):
I think from everything we've very clearly, you do deserve
to be the person.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
Yeah, but anyway, anyway, that's the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (43:39):
My sister started a petty argument. Now she's refusing to
come to my wedding.

Speaker 7 (43:43):
Oh, who's gonna out petty?

Speaker 4 (43:44):
Who? Hi? All looking for some advice on how to
handle this situation because I'm on the verge of canceling
our wedding.

Speaker 7 (43:51):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (43:51):
My sister and I have always fought. She bullied me
through much of my youth, calling me fat and kicking
me when I was down after a bad breakup, telling
me I should go off a bridge somewhere. But in
recent years we have more or less gotten on better
terms as she's approached her thirties. My mom always placated
her and told me I was worse for listening to

(44:13):
her hurtful comments and I should take no notice of them.
But they still stick with me, and they still hurt.
She has severe anger management issues and has a pattern
of control and being unstable to bear something not being
about her. By the way, this comes from classic fig
twelve twenty two on the r size Okay story down Cellbreddit.
So when my partner and I got engaged, she announced

(44:34):
at our drinks celebrations immediately after, I feel so alone
in a joking way, but it was not the time
to be saying such things.

Speaker 7 (44:43):
Yeah, definitely not.

Speaker 4 (44:45):
She also tried to construct a drama where she said
she did not want to be made of honor that
she knew I prefer my best friend anyway. I dealt
with this by telling her I'd only have bridesmaids and
no ranking of it, and I'd of course love her
to be one despite our trained relationship for my mother's stake.
From the get goat it was clear she wanted to
create drama.

Speaker 7 (45:05):
She's like, why can't I be the number one? Bites made?

Speaker 4 (45:09):
Drama? Drama Loama, drama, drama, Mama. She came to visit
me last year. I live in a different country, and
through a tantrum the day I had arranged to go
looking at dresses with her. It was special to me
to have her involved and to be the first one
at the moment I looked at dresses. She apologized, but
the rest of the trip was difficult. She spent most
of it off with friends on a road trip, and

(45:30):
after storming out of my house for something as basic
as me not being able to look for a towel
for her while I was in a meeting. She texted
me during the road trip saying she didn't care if
she saw me again anyway, but asked if she could
still stay at my house for the last few days
of her trip. She announced she'd be arriving at midnight,
in the middle of my working week. I obviously felt

(45:50):
like my house was a hotel at this point and
she was only coming to have some place free to
stay while she went out with her friends, but I
said I'd love to see her and spend time with her. However,
she would have to come earlier or stay with her
friends that night, as I had an important job talk
the next day and had to go to bed early.

Speaker 7 (46:09):
Hey, I got responsibilities. I gotta go to bed early.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
I thought this was entirely reasonable since we both lived
in the UK. She never allowed me to stay the
night at hers in London after taking the train to
visit friends because of her work, and I always respected that.
This caused another blow up on her end. I got
a stream of nasty messages saying she was done with
me and wasn't coming. She blocked me on everything and

(46:34):
loved the country without even saying goodbye. This was very
triggering for me, as I survived a narcissistic, very bad
relationship in my twenties and he would always send bad
messages like that and block me so I had no voice.
I used to respond to him via email or LinkedIn
when that happened, begging him to speak to me. I

(46:54):
have done a lot of therapy to know that with
people like this you just should not respond, so I ignore her.
She has a tendacy to blow up and say things
she doesn't mean, so I let it go and months
later wish her a happy birthday. I eventually chose my
dress with my mom, who later visited me, and then
I thank my sister for contributing to the process. This
resulted in me waking up to an essay of very

(47:16):
bad messages announcing I needed to apologize for not letting
her just turn up at my home in the middle
of the night at all those months previous, and that
she hated me, and to take her message as the
final RSVP that she was not coming to my wedding.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Wow, what a classy way to uninvite yourself somewhere with
very nice messages.

Speaker 4 (47:38):
She then reblocked me so I could not respond. She
has a severe need to control, but again I didn't
plan to respond anyway, since I'm an adult and cannot
engage in these types of blow ups. My best friends
since tried to invite her to my bacherette party, and
she texted her abusive messages saying she wanted nothing to
do with me and refused to come. I was so embarrassed.

(47:59):
My friends were all very shocked on the day that
she didn't show up, but I was grateful for their
love and support. They know I come from a very
dispentional family. Over year has gone by and my mother
keeps telling me I need to pick up the phone
to her as she refuses to speak to me otherwise.
I am enraged by this level of control. She knows

(48:19):
my mother will be upset on my wedding day if
she is not there, and thus that the day will
end up being about her and her insane negativity. She
wants me to apologize for what This is just a
master manipulation course, Oh yeah, setting a boundary that I
could not stay up late and asking her to drive
here earlier. I feel like she would have constructed this

(48:42):
argument about anything. It was always going to happen. She
was always sick on my birthdays, and my parents would
not celebrate my good grades in high school. At least
she feel bad about hers.

Speaker 7 (48:53):
Dude, that sucks. I hate people like that, where.

Speaker 4 (48:56):
It's like you're not allowed to feel good because I
feel bad. That's so silly, bes to manipulated. I was
always made to minimize, and I just think I deserve
a one day in my life to be about me
and my husband. I've had a rough life. She witnessed
the abuse I went through, and she should be happy
I have found happiness. I'm also so mad on my
mom that she is not appalled that my sister is

(49:18):
doing this. She keeps saying she's not there and is
not getting involved, but then takes trips to see my
sister and hang out with her and tells me that
actions have consequences and that I should pick up the
phone to her.

Speaker 7 (49:31):
These people are living in backwards land.

Speaker 4 (49:34):
She always had a Mi Johnny does no wrong attitude
towards her. My mom has spent more time controlling the
various strangers she wants me to invite than intervening and
telling my sister this behavior is appalling. Yeah, no one
in your sister's life is ever going to like confront her. Yes,
it seems like it.

Speaker 7 (49:52):
Doesn't seem like she's the confrontable type.

Speaker 4 (49:55):
My partner has tried to contact my sister to media.
He's very hurt by her behavior too and foreseeing me
so upset by this, but he grew up in a
functional family and is better as not rising two things.
He's being very kind to her and appealing to her
as her brother in law that he'd love his family
to meet her. However, she keeps saying I need to
contact her, despite blocking me on everything. Honestly, at this point,

(50:18):
I am hurt that my sister has done this the
year of my wedding, and I have nothing good to
say to her. I actually think I just don't want
her there. It feels unrecoverable. The only reason I'd want
her there would be so my mom does not cry.
The morning off, she was already upset that she was
not at my bachelorette party and blamed me. Why is
it not her fault? It's not all peace fault. It's

(50:39):
the sister's fault. This is crazy, dude, Like they need
to start making her take accountability. Yeah for her like behavior.
This is Wackoland upside down topsy turvy Bizarrow. Yes, my
dream workplace that I'm living away from home to work
at and work towards being at since I was a
kid is also going through layoffs second round, likely the

(51:01):
week of our wedding, and I'll lose my job soon,
which has been breaking my heart. I was due to
be hired there permanently. I am a temporary employee, but
now I have to look for new jobs and plan
moving my life into a news day after this wedding,
I may have no income soon. My sister has heard
this through my mom and still has it reached out.

(51:21):
Add to that, I have to plan a wedding while
this petty nonsense is carrying on, and I feel my
family are not there for me. My dad is also
a backcrap insanoh and shouts in public over minor things,
and I'm worrying about him embarrassing me on the day.
My mom deals with this by drinking excessively, and I'm
afraid she'll be a mess at the wedding yikes, But

(51:43):
you don't have to be a mess joining us every
weekday live at three PMPSD. Just tap her profile. Do
we just uninvite everybody? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (51:50):
I think we just have like a secret wedding, just
a nice secret wedding yep, where no one from your
family's invited, and then have a fake wedding for them
to Yeah, you can give them a fake wedding date
for them to show up and be like, wo.

Speaker 4 (52:04):
No, what's here.

Speaker 7 (52:05):
It's because we had the wedding a different day already.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Because you're terrible, everybody, find yourself a good body double.
It can get you out of a lot of bad situations.

Speaker 4 (52:14):
I've been having daily panic attacks, and I feel nothing
but dread about our special day. My partner is a
saint for dealing with the stress I'm under. It's costing
us tens of thousands of dollars, and it feels like
a waste of money if I am feeling this way
about it. Exactly, I'm so angry that my family has
managed to ruin something that should be the most joyous

(52:35):
moment of my life. I obviously am struggling to stay
in shape with these extreme levels of stress. And resort
to medication for this last week, which had me throwing
up all week. The hair is falling out t minus
four months. Although I love my partner so much, thankfully
we are already legally married. Great, oh good job. I
feel like the only option not to break down in

(52:57):
tears the morning of is to cancel it. I wish
I could defy all of this and still have a
great day. Does anyone have any advice or has been
through a similar situation? That's it, dang, Honestly, if it's
like causing you that much stress, just don't invite them.
If you're already legally married. Yeah, just I wouldn't invite
the exclude them, excluding people who are already like ruining

(53:18):
your life basically, if you've already spent all this money
on it, Like, definitely I wouldn't.

Speaker 7 (53:23):
I wouldn't just like waste that, like burn that.

Speaker 5 (53:26):
You know.

Speaker 4 (53:26):
Yeah, my grandma got married without me knowing, and I
figured it out a few months after.

Speaker 2 (53:29):
Oh yeah, well, I mean, hey, sometimes when grandma gets married,
she likes to do it, you know, in private.

Speaker 4 (53:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
The last wedding I went to was one of my aunts,
and we all knew about.

Speaker 4 (53:41):
It, so Oh that's nice. Good for you.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
I want my cousin and sister to walk me down
the aisle, even though it should be my mom's job.

Speaker 4 (53:51):
Sometimes you need two people for one job.

Speaker 7 (53:53):
Two people, one job.

Speaker 2 (53:55):
Anyway, for simplicity, everyone's fake names will be as follows.

Speaker 7 (53:59):
Come on, dude, that's a lot. Come on, do it.
Just do it, and just do it, just do it.
I'm not even gonna read these, We're just gonna.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
You can read them. Okay, Well, this is the stage.

Speaker 7 (54:09):
I'm gonna set the stage.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
We've got Tammy, my sister, Layla my cousin, Kira my
sister in law, my mom, blake At Jackson and Cyprus,
who are my brothers. And Mila, a former teacher who
is my friend now and is okay with me calling
her by her first name. And Fiora, a woman i'm
chatting with currently. By the way, this comes from user
awesome Tiger sixty eight to forty two on the r

(54:33):
slash Okay storytime subreddit. So also for more context, my
sister Tammy is technically my half sister. We have a
very close relationship, so I just call her my sister.
I don't really need to distinguish if she's my full
blood sister or my half sister, because I'd love her
all the same no matter what.

Speaker 7 (54:49):
Beautiful Anyway, let's get into this story, all right.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
So I'm a twenty one year old gay woman and
also an agnostic atheist.

Speaker 7 (54:57):
Trust me, this part will be relevant later on.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
As someone in her early twenties, I've thought a lot
about how I'd want my wedding to go, whom I'd
want in my bridal party, etc. Even though I'm not
getting married for a while. I've been thinking about these
things for a long time. I'm currently talking to Fiora,
twenty nine trans male to female. I really like this
woman and she's really cool. We've been talking for almost
a month and a half. We video chatted a couple times.

(55:22):
We're talking on Snapchat and they were a bit awkward.
We click really well. We were going to meet on
April twelfth, but had to cancel because we had issues
with rides. I'll be honest and say that while Fiora
being trans and having started her transition isn't a problem
for me, I know it'll be a problem for my family.
My family is transphobic and thinks that people who are

(55:44):
trans are lying about their gender identity, especially my mom's
side of the family. I know Blake twenty four male
will be the first to jump on the fact that
she wasn't born a female and delegitimize the relationship when
he meets her. If she and I do decide we
want to date after we're able to meet him person
for the first time, we haven't even met this person
in person yet, Yeah, don't even Why are you even

(56:05):
talking about her meeting your family?

Speaker 7 (56:07):
Yeah, you've never met you haven't met her?

Speaker 4 (56:10):
I mean I can't. I mean, I mean, I don't
blame him. Sometimes, dude, when I'm O first manager, I'm like, dude,
I'm gonna take you to my family. She's okay with that.

Speaker 7 (56:17):
But did you meet her yet in person?

Speaker 4 (56:19):
Oh? Yeah, I met her.

Speaker 7 (56:20):
So that's the differentiation.

Speaker 4 (56:22):
Like this second after I met her, I was like.

Speaker 7 (56:24):
Dude, yeah, but you've met her.

Speaker 4 (56:27):
Yeah. But even if that, I would I would be
even if even if I saw her across the street
and was like whoa, I'd still think those things. Take
back to.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
The shucks, that was cute as heck, look at this
guy being cute over here. My mom's side of the
family is very Catholic because that's how they were raised.
They always talk about how gay marriage shouldn't be allowed
in church because of the whole love the sinner, not
the sin bs. As a gay woman, I want to
speak up and say something every time this happens, but
I just told my tongue and keep my head down

(56:57):
because I'm not trying to out myself to them.

Speaker 4 (57:00):
Oh, they don't know. They don't know.

Speaker 2 (57:03):
Also, being an agnostic atheist makes me want to challenge
them on their beliefs, but I don't do this either
because I don't want them or my mom to know
that I don't believe in religion. So they just don't
know anything about this person. Opie's family knows nothing. Blake
was never supportive of my journey to better understanding myself.
Kira twenty one female, also hasn't really been supportive of
me either. I didn't exactly come out to them when

(57:24):
I was ready, and when I did, they just interrogated
me and belittled me.

Speaker 7 (57:28):
She and I were twenty at the time.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
I told my oldest brother, Jackson thirty male, over text,
that I'm gay. I don't think he quite understood what
I meant when I told him this he had some
misplaced concerns about me being gay, I guess, but that
response wasn't as bad as Blake and Kira's response. He
was twenty nine when I came out to him, and
my older brother, Cyprus twenty eight male, doesn't know I'm
gay yet. I want to tell him, but I have

(57:51):
my reservations give him Blake and Kira's reaction. I told
my sister Tammy fifty six female, and cousin Leyla, thirty
ish female, five months apart from each other. Both had
perfect reactions to me coming out to them. Leila is
and has been married to her wife for seven years,
so needless to say, she was extremely happy when I
came out to her in October of twenty twenty three.

Speaker 7 (58:11):
Bro no kidding. The gay woman married to her wife
was happy you came out.

Speaker 4 (58:16):
That's crazy. That is crazy. There's a lot of detail
in this story.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Given what I've heard, makes sense that most of your
family doesn't know that you're gay, because they don't sound
like they would be very chill about that. I told
Tammy five months later, and she was also very happy
that I trusted her enough to tell her that I'm gay.
She's accepting and supportive. Last May was when I came
out to Mela thirty two female, and my mom sixty

(58:42):
one female. Mela is very accepting of me. My mom
said she was supportive, but I've never truly felt like
she is. I love my mom, However, she said a
lot of things in the past that make me think
she wouldn't want me to marry a woman. To add
a little more context to my and Blake's relationship, I
looked up to him when we were kids, but now
I can't look up to him anymore. The brother I

(59:03):
knew as a kid just isn't recognizable anymore. Now he's
just so hateful and hostile towards me because I'm gay.
Kira and I used to be best friends, but now
we're just in laws. To me, I can't see her
as my best friend anymore. And there's a whole backstory
to that. Maybe I can write a post about that
some other time.

Speaker 4 (59:20):
Yeah, plea.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Now to the part where I'm wondering if i'd be
the bad apple. I've thought about who I'd want to
be an active part of my wedding when I got married.
I want Tammy and Leyla to walk me down the
aisle because I'm very close to both of them. I'm
close with my mom, but I don't know if i'd
want her to be the one to walk me down
the aisle. Meela and I are close friends, and I
see her as a second sister, and I'd love her

(59:42):
to be my maid of honor. I'd also have some
of my friends I graduated with and a few of
my other cousins as my bridesmaids. I don't want my
mom to be an active part of the wedding, but
I'd still invite her to my wedding. I want her
to be a guest instead of the one walking me
down the aisle. Also, by extension, I don't want to
invite Blake can cure it in my future wedding for
the obvious reasons. I especially don't want to invite Blake

(01:00:05):
because he's threatened me with violence in the past. If
I don't marry a man, yeah, hey, go ahead and
don't invite the dude who's gonna threaten you with violence
to your wedding.

Speaker 4 (01:00:13):
But technically they were what do you mean they were
a man? Blake? Blake said, if you don't marry a man,
it's like technically they.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
Were ah, loophole, loophole, loophole, I'm dating a trans.

Speaker 7 (01:00:29):
Male to female.

Speaker 4 (01:00:30):
Yeah, I'm marrying a.

Speaker 7 (01:00:33):
I'm marrying a trand.

Speaker 4 (01:00:34):
But I don't think they'd understand, so that would just
make him explode.

Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
And we're going to threaten you with violence unless you
join us live on YouTube every week.

Speaker 4 (01:00:44):
Just tap our freaking profile.

Speaker 7 (01:00:46):
At three pm ps T every weekday.

Speaker 4 (01:00:49):
Just tap it.

Speaker 7 (01:00:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
No, definitely, don't have that guy come to your wedding,
And honestly, don't anybody who does not support.

Speaker 7 (01:00:56):
You as a lesbian.

Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
Yeah, it's just gonna make your day easier.

Speaker 7 (01:01:00):
Don't have them there.

Speaker 4 (01:01:01):
Yeah, I honestly probably probably be leaning on the cousin
and the sister to walk you down the aisle. I
don't think your mom's gonna take away anybody who's supporting you.
I was calling that from all away.

Speaker 2 (01:01:11):
Don't have the homophobic family members attend your wedding.

Speaker 4 (01:01:16):
Because you're not gonna do fun. You're just gonna be
wishing the day was over, and everone's gonna be hating
on you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
I think it's like you've got two sides, right. If
they're there, they're gonna make things a nightmare for you.

Speaker 4 (01:01:25):
Yep.

Speaker 7 (01:01:26):
And then if they're not, you're gonna be like.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
I wish they could be here, but you're wishing for
the idealized version of them that don't exist.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
So I don't know, just don't have them, still have them,
don't have them, But let's see what happens. I'm looking
for some outside perspectives. I don't think that this would
make me the bad apple. However, some unbiased perspectives would
be very helpful. So would I be the a hole
if I have my sister and cousin walk me down
the aisle at my wedding instead of my mom?

Speaker 5 (01:01:52):
Also?

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Would I be the bad apple if I just wanted
my mom as a guest and to not invite Blake
and Kira.

Speaker 4 (01:01:57):
No, those all sound reasons.

Speaker 7 (01:01:59):
That all sounds incredibly if your mom.

Speaker 4 (01:02:01):
But I know your mom's probably gonna be like, oh
my god, you're what is it raised Blake and Kira
and just like King Kira have those minds's you know? Yeah,
that's it, that's it, all right, Well, that's the ing
that story. Yeah, and the end of this episode, is it? Yep?

Speaker 7 (01:02:13):
Really?

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
Yeah? Dude, Wow, you get so shocked every time we
do that. It's so funny. So if you love us,
make sure you subscribe. We love you and see it tomorrow.