My friend kept inviting herself on my trip… despite me saying NO! - r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:17):
My friend kept inviting herself on my trip despite me
saying no.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Literally, just listen.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
My US friend group is pretty diverse and we've all
visited each other's home countries in the past two years.
We've either stayed in a hotel or a family home,
depending on space. By the way, this comes from that
one girly xo five and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.
So I'm going to my home country for two and
a half months in the summer. All of my friends

(00:45):
have known since Christmas pretty much, and all of them know.
It's not an open invite like usual because I'm not
going for fun. I'm spending my time there with my
family and I'm going to be busy with my fiance
finalizing everything wedding related. So my friend decided that she
didn't want to go home for the summer. Instead wanted
to come with me, and decided that she'll just stay

(01:05):
at my family home. Like before, I told her that
it really won't be a good time. Plus, we're not
opening the family home for anyone outside of the family
this year for a very good reason. Instead of accepting that,
she asked about my other accommodations. I told her they're
in use and not available. I didn't offer a hotel,
and from the way she's been talking, she can't afford

(01:28):
one right now. So instead of giving up, she said
that she can just go there and figure it out then, which,
in my opinion translates to I will fly there and
make it your problem, so you have no other choice
but to accommodate me.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Yuh, literally exactly, that I'll figure it out. You'll figure
out that you'll need to help me. Actually yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I told her if she does that, she'll have to
truly figure it out on her own, because I'm not
budging or folding. She laughed it off and told me
that obviously because she didn't mean it like an ultimatum.
Asked her if she's okay, if there's something going on
at home or with her personally, etc. Because it's not
like her to do something like this. She said, everything's good. I, however,

(02:10):
feel like I'm stuck. If she goes through with her
brilliant figure it out plan, she'll be a foreign woman
in a country she's only visited twice before, with a
guide aka me who doesn't speak the native language or
understand the map, et cetera. I can't leave her alone,
no matter what I warned her, I'd do see.

Speaker 3 (02:27):
No, but that's false because you could just leave her alone.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
You just can't make this be your problem because it's
not your problem.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Even if she decides to come out there, she will
have to figure it out unless you cave and cater
to her. But you don't have to. You've given her
every warning.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
And then advice. Please do you have any other Let
literally let her do it.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
Let her do it, And then when she's like, I
need to place, you'd be like, well, you can try
over there.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
I feel like, send her some recommendations of tourist things
to do, and then be like bye bye.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
Yes, can't sit here, there's a hostel.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
Yeah, that's enough.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Al people traveled alone on a shoestring budget around the
world all the time.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
She'll figure it out.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
Uh, some of Opie's comments top commenter, I'd just be
really direct with her. Hey, I know we usually travel
in groups, but this trip is really just for fiance
and I. We're staying with family and we've got a
packed schedule. I genuinely will not have the time to
spend with you, nor the space to accommodate you, and
then just leave it.

Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yes, perfect, that was perfect.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, don't share any more info about your trip, not
the dates you're going or the flight you're booked on.
She's an adult, and if she makes the choice to
go down there on vacation, that's totally up to her.
But she'll have to fend for herself because you've made
it clear this was not an open invitation and you're
not going to be entertaining or hosting her. And Opie responds,

(03:55):
the thing is that I've already told her all of this,
but I think she thinks we're being over or something.
She doesn't know the exact day I'm leaving or my
flight details. But she doesn't need to in a way. Yeah,
she doesn't need to.

Speaker 3 (04:10):
Right because she can she has free will. She can
whatever she wants.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
She doesn't need to go the same days as you
because she's not staying with you.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
If you've already told her all of that stuff, there's
truly nothing left to do then to tell her you
still can't stay here when she inevitably asks you after
flying there.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah, she knows the timeframe, which is early July to
early September, so she can technically fly there within that. Okay,
so she does not know when you're gonna be there,
so just don't tell her when you're gonna be there.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
I know that if she does go through with it,
that I need to stick to my pupews. But I
will also be worried about her because it's the same
person who's gotten lost in malls multiple times.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
Lo again, not really not really your not really your
problem unless you like make it your problem.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
You can't worry the whole time. You'll ruin your own trip.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
It's true.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Another comment text her, so it's written and she can't
say she misunderstood. As I mentioned before, I will be
visiting my family and we are not inviting anyone this year.
The family has plans, and I will not be available
at all during that period or something like that, very
clear into the point, do not let any room for

(05:23):
interpretation and OPI responds, something similar is written out in
our friend group chat, So I guess that counts and
we do have an update. You have any other thoughts?

Speaker 3 (05:33):
Free will is a crazy thing, crazy update?

Speaker 2 (05:37):
So I took the advice and sent her a long
text copy pasted from one of the comments, with just
a few things changed up. Then I sent another text
to my friend's group chat to make sure again that
they know it's not an open invite, and then I
wrote out why I'm making sure and what's been said
between my friend and I. She left me on scene privately,
but replied in the group chat that she's not daft.

(05:59):
She understand me perfectly the first time. What she decides
to do with her time in vacation is none of
my business.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
All right. The switch up, the classic switch up.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I told her that she should stop making it my
business then, and stop telling me about her summer plans
altogether if it involves my home country. She replied that
I don't have a claim to the country, and that
my family's reason for not opening up our home is stupid.
There it is, and that we need to get over
ourselves because it's not the Second Coming of Christ.

Speaker 3 (06:30):
Dang, hold on, she's salty. Is your name on the
deed to the property you're trying to stay at?

Speaker 4 (06:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (06:39):
No, so you need to get over yourself and figure
out your own lodging accommodations.

Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah, it's not her home country, it's your home country.
You do have somewhat of a claim, honness. She's not
even trying to claim the whole country. She's just being like,
if you're planning to come here, that's great. Stop involving me,
because I can't help you at all with any of it.
We're not on a trip together.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
I told her she's free to her opinion, just like
I'm free to mine, and that, in my opinion, she's
acting like an entitled brat.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
I added that she should lose my number until she's
ready to apologize. Tell me what's wrong, because she's clearly
not okay in my opinion, it's not like her, and
talk it out like adults. If anyone's wondering what she
perceives as not the Second Coming of Christ. Is My
eldest brother and his wife welcoming their second baby in
mid July. And my parents, my other older brothers and

(07:33):
I being the village that we are and helping them
while also spoiling my toddler nephew rotten Looe. So no
guests or visitors are allowed outside of our immediate family,
while my sister in law heels and she and my
brother adjust per their request.

Speaker 3 (07:48):
Right, there's a baby, there's a wedding.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
The toddler.

Speaker 4 (07:53):
There's no time.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
This is not hot girl summer. This is family business.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Why do you want to bond with their newborn so badly? Okay,
we have an update June fifteenth, twenty twenty five, just
over one month later. Oh boy, Right, So I was
asked to update when I made my first post, and
I thought I would if she did end up coming
after August slash September. However, things ended up happening much Soonero.

(08:22):
We didn't talk for nearly two and a half weeks
after my last text, and I didn't see her much
at hangouts since she was mad at the rest of
our friends as well. They didn't exactly take sides, but
they did point out that her plan was plain stupid. Anyway,
she ended up coming to one of the girls place
for a group dinner and we had a private ish chat.

(08:44):
She finally opened up about why she's acting like that,
and as it turns out, she had a huge crush
on one of my brothers and was hoping she'd get
him alone this summer to shoot her shot with him.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Oh my god, Oh come on girls summer. She's trying
to go hot girl summer.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
It's annoying. But I've been used to having friends having
crushes on my brothers and my dad and my dad,
my whole life.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Dang, wait what what?

Speaker 2 (09:15):
So I just let her talk. She admitted that she
has been sending him dms on Instagram, trying to get
to know him, but he's been politely cordial at best
and ignores half of her texts. Then she started asking
me about him about his dating history, which had me
disgusted because he's by and she wanted statistics on if

(09:36):
he's been more into girls or guys so she can
figure out her chances, and then asked me to help her.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
Out, right, because because that's exactly how that works, That
is exactly Yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
She gave me examples of moments that happened on her
last trip with me and my brother, dancing, water fights, karaoke,
et cetera, that I could help her reak create with him,
which is just disturbing because she made my brother and
I sound romantic and it's just helped multiply my disgust.

(10:10):
When she was done, I told her that she needed
to come out of her fantasy and back to reality.
She was starting to creep me tfout. I told her
that the fact is that my brother isn't shy. If
he was interested in her, he would act like it,
and him ignoring her speaks volumes. Besides that, I told

(10:32):
her that she knows I don't involve myself in any
of my brother's relationships, and even if I did, I
would never allow anyone to use me for insider information.
Then I said that this conversation was over and to
never bring it up with me again. She got pissed
and told me that I'm possessive and acting like a
guard dog to my brothers, and then I need to

(10:54):
get over myself because there was a spark between them
on our last trip.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
Oh you know what they say, One spark is all
it takes for someone to ignore you half the time.
He doesn't like you, dude, He does.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
Not like you and she's telling you that he doesn't.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Like you, being like you're being like defensive. It's like
I'm telling you your you gets clear, my brother doesn't
like you.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
I just got up, said bye to my friends, and
left because she's clearly deluded herself into believing something that
doesn't exist. On our last trip, my brother was so
into the guy he was seeing at the time that
he accidentally called the rest of our brothers by his
name multiple times.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
Which is that's kind of cringey inea of itself.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
But whatever, we have another update. Do you have anything
else before we get in?

Speaker 3 (11:47):
I just don't think this. I think this girl's gonna
end up being on the outside of this whole friend
group because she's being so entitled.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
Do you think she's still gonna show up?

Speaker 3 (11:55):
I hope she does and gets turned away, and then
maybe that will start her down like the oh, I've
learned a lesson path. You know, she'll be like, oh,
so it turns out I am entitled, but now I've
discovered myself entitled.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Her obsessive made some limerens going on well.

Speaker 3 (12:13):
In both because it's like, because I'm obsessed with your brother,
I'm entitled to stay here.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
Anyway, I've cut her off completely, and with everything that's
happening right now, she got scared of traveling and dropped
her plans, which is what she told the front group.
It sucks to lose her as a friend since we
were close and all that, and I don't know how
it'll affect the group yet, but crap happens, and I
have to and I have too much going on to
dwell on it right now. I, on the other hand,

(12:41):
moved up my traveling and will hopefully be back in
my home country in the next few days along with
my family, which will allow us to celebrate my dad
and one of my brothers on Father's Day. So yay,
we celebrate on the twenty first. There some other comments
comments are one, I have a feeling I know where
you're traveling, and it's crap crazy for this girl to

(13:01):
think she can just rock up and wing it. Absolutely
gorgeous country, but I speak two of the local languages,
and I'd still be more comfy traveling with a group
or my partner. This is not a beginner level travel
destination for the average American. Average American, and Opie responds,
if you're guessing Lebanon, then you'd be right, And yes,

(13:22):
I've lived there half my life and I still get
lost some times, taking shortcuts and ending up in a
whole different area than the one I meant.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
And we have an editor's note. OPI has some other
posts talking about Lebanon, which is how the commentary guessed
that this was the country.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
A commenter says, might want to warn your brother about her.
Her obsession is creepy at best and could very well
escalate if she continues to spiral into delusions. Opie responds,
I already talked to him and he just shrugged it off.
It makes sense for him. I guess not to be worried,
since he doesn't live in the US and is only
going to be in our home country for the planned

(13:59):
time frame, like the rest of us. A commenter says,
still a real possibility that she shows up at their
house in the other country. Oh Pi responds, she got
scared with everything that's going on in the Middle East
right now and put the idea out of her head. Still,
even if she does somehow get to the airport, I'm
one hundred percent certain she couldn't point a taxi driver
in North or South, much less managed to get to

(14:20):
our home.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
She'd just be fully lost in Lebanon, even at the airport.
Just yeah, she'd be like, I just need to get
back on the plane.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
It's incredible on how the brothers reacted and if they
made fun of him when he called them the wrong name.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
They did.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Lol. Each time they or he entered a room, they
would reintroduce themselves and explain who they are, like he's
a dementia patient home. They also got name tags for
each of them so he can remember, and even got
one for Or at the time baby nephew and pinned
it to his onesie just in case, and refused to

(14:59):
take them off when we went out. Commenter says, even
if Slash when I had a crush on someone, I
would never ask someone to put us in a position
to better my chances.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
Which clearly that wouldn't have done right.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
You already try it hard enough. Uh if it doesn't
happen organically, I don't want it. She's creepy and obsessive,
and Opie says exactly, I'm now engaged to my eldest
brother's best friend, but back when I was interested in
him and he still saw me as his best friend's
little sister. I never ever asked my brother to play

(15:33):
matchmaker or tell me stuff about him that I could
use to soften him up or crap like that. It
would have been manipulation in my opinion, and just plain
disgusting and desperate. I feel sorry for her because she's
beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have her.
She doesn't need to resort to tricks and lies. And
that's the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (15:52):
Wow. Yeah, yeah, she well she went and talked herself
out of it anyway, so she got scared.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
We're good, there's no problem anymore.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
Uh yeah, except losing a friend took care of itself,
because that's I mean, yeah, it's sad that you're losing
a friend, but like, uh, I don't know, sounds kind
of crazy, sir, exactly. Yeah. I stopped paying for my
friend's therapy because nothing ever improved.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Get a new therapist.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
Literally, I thirty three female have been paying for my
friends forty female therapy sessions for over a year now.
This began because she was going through some hard times.
By the way, this comes from user Unexpected African And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the art slash okay, storytime subredd it. So she lost
her mother, with whom she was extremely close, in part

(16:46):
because she did not have the resources to get her
proper care and diagnosis. She lost her soulmate Cat. Her
screenwriting career took a nose dive due to forces outside
of her control, and the day job she works to
pay the bills while she works on the screenwriting cut
her workload and thus her pay in half. She was
and still is dealing with tremendous grief and depression. Nothing

(17:08):
in her life was going right. Yeah, that is a
landslide of bs a land a landslide of horribleness, horrible.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
I wonder if this is the writer's strike.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
Could be she doesn't have health insurance, she can't afford it,
and was paying out of pocket for her therapy sessions
since it was the only thing giving her some relief
from all the grief and depression. So when her job
cut her hours, she was going to have to stop going,
and I was genuinely worried about her well being, so
I offered to keep paying for her to go until
this script that she had sold went into production and

(17:42):
she got a big payout. The producers had jumped all
over it and told her that they wanted to start
production yesterday. I was in a position to afford the
four hundred dollars a month at the time, and anyway,
it was only going to be for a few months, right.
That was over a year ago. I've been paying four
thousand a month for my friend to go to therapy
for over a year now. Because her film never went

(18:03):
into development. She hasn't sold another script since nothing has
improved in her life. Maybe time has helped heal the
grief a bit, but I don't see it changing anytime soon. However,
I can't keep paying this much every month. Things have
changed a lot in my own life, and I'm now
in a relationship with the woman that i'd fully intend
to spend the rest of my life with, and we

(18:24):
have goals and dreams and aspirations things we want to do,
and I could really be putting that money away to
better use. As awful as that may sound, I feel
like I would be the a hole for taking away
the one thing that has been helping her. But at
the same time, she isn't exactly doing much to improve
her situation. She refuses to get a different day job

(18:45):
that pays more because she insists she has to be
able to work from home so that she can take
meetings with producers whenever it's convenient for them. But and
I'm sorry if this comes off crappy, she's not taking
any meetings with any effing producers. She hasn't in over
a year. I feel like at some point she needs
to come to terms with reality and do what needs

(19:05):
to be done to help herself while things are in
a downturn, but she won't. And I don't know how
to talk to her about this without sounding preachy and condescending,
or without it sounding like I'm telling her to give
up on her dreams, which I absolutely don't want her
to do because she's a fantastic writer. But I really
can't keep doing this. I don't think you should make
it about her at all.

Speaker 2 (19:27):
No, this is your financial situation. Just tell her you can't.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
Yeah, you just need to be like, hey, I really
can't afford to give you the four hundred dollars a month,
and really that should be all you need to say.

Speaker 2 (19:38):
And it sounds like you haven't updated her at all,
so she probably just doesn't know that you can't afford it.

Speaker 3 (19:44):
Yeah, and I know it's probably like, well, I can't
afford it, but I would rather put that money towards
this stuff for like the woman I'm going to spend
the rest of my life with. It's like, then that
means you can't afford it, Yeah, because you need to
put that four hundred dollars there. Yeah, you know, so
you just I need to explain that. The other thing,
the final straw, really was a few months ago when

(20:05):
she asked me for nearly two thousand dollars to pay
her taxes. Having just had to shell out for my
own taxes on top of getting the news that my
entire suspension would need to be rebuilt on my car,
I just did not have that money to lend her,
and I told her so. She pushed back and said
she'd be able to pay me back later this year

(20:26):
when she got some payment from the script she sold.
But frankly, nothing ever works out the way she says
it should, so I didn't trust i'd ever get reimbursed,
and anyway, I did not have the money to give,
which I reiterated. She came back again the next day
and said, what about this much and I can try
to come up with the rest of the money elsewhere,
and I said no again. She came back again and

(20:50):
I stopped replying, and she finally took the hint, saying, hey,
sorry forget I asked. You've been paying for my therapy
and I'm so grateful, So if you can just keep
doing that, i'd appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (21:01):
Okay, So we had a conversation.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
Yeah, but this is so weird.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
This is you're telling her and she's just like, no,
you can though, keep paying for this.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
I would. I know I can't, Yeah, but you you okay,
but can you? It's like a barter. She's trying to
barter you paying her taxes. That's insane.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
And then when you can't, Oh, but you'll just keep
paying that four hundred dollars therapy bill a month, right.

Speaker 3 (21:28):
She goes, And that's the extra weird part. She goes, Actually,
forget I mentioned it. Since you're gonna keep paying my therapy,
I guess that's enough.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Not you keep paying, since you'll keep.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Paying, right? Super weird? Yeah, so uh that kind of
felt weird. Yeah, Like she's kindly saying, well, if you're
not gonna help me with this, at least keep paying
for my therapy so I can deal with life or
something like that. Maybe I just read too much into it. No,
you read exactly what she said. The thing is, I

(21:58):
have no problem helping her out. I've given her money
for bills and groceries when things were too tight, when
her mom was still alive. I gave her money for
her medications that she needed. I've even given her twenty
dollars here and there just so she could get a
dang Macha tea every now and again, because going without
ways on you, and sometimes you just need to be
able to treat yourself to something you want.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
So the most you should be doing is little treats.
That's the most you should be doing.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
We should be tapping out at little treat anything beyond
little treats outside of my realm of possibilities. So it's
not like I'm trying to be stingy or selfish. Two
thousand dollars was just too much, And then the way
she kept coming back trying to wheedle me into giving
her some amount to make it just made me feel gross,

(22:44):
like I'm just a piggybank she can tap into when
she needs it. So now I'm trying to figure out
how to tell her I need to stop giving her
the money without hurting her or ruining our friendship. But
seeing as her life freakings suck so bad, should I
even be considering doing that? I know I'm not responsible
for her mental health health, which that's not true. You're
literally responsible for a mental health right now, You've made
yourself responsible for it. Yeah, so I know I'm not

(23:07):
responsible for her mental health. But if I can help her,
shouldn't I be am I being selfish? If I don't?
What if I cut her off and she hurts herself
or worse? Would I be the ahole if I didn't
keep helping her? And if I'm not the a whole?
How do I tell her? You're not?

Speaker 2 (23:24):
You're the a whole if you keep stringing her along
like this? But it's not you should help because you
can't help. You have a reason for that money, and
you you can't keep giving it to her.

Speaker 3 (23:35):
There's there comes a time when stuff like that happens. Yeah,
I used to be able to help you, Now I can't.
It needs to be like a I'm not helping you
because this is like I hate you or like I
don't like you. It's like I just can't keep spending
four hundred dollars a month on your therapy cause because
it feels like it's gonna just keep going.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
And if she gets worse or if it doesn't change,
it like if it changes for the word, it is
not your fault that you couldn't keep paying for it,
Like her getting worse is not on you.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
It's truly, it's truly not You have some comments here
coming one. This personal is an emotional vampire as well
as a financial leech. Stop worrying about your alleged friendship
with her, and focus instead on the parts of your
life that you can control, which apparently are looking up.
This includes especially your new relationship and the future you
two will have. Your new girlfriend may be impressed with

(24:27):
how kind you have been to your friend, but as
the relationship progresses, and as this friend continues to make
demands on you financially and emotionally, your girlfriend's opinion is
bound to change. Meanwhile, the negativity that your friend creates
around yourself and periodically dumps into your space is not
good for you. You need to keep her problems and
bad energy out of your life. She seems like a

(24:48):
professional problem have her, so that's something to consider. I mean,
I don't know if professional problem have her is fair.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
For that she's got some really just bad luck with stuff.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
You can' spect things to suddenly turn around for her.
Opie says, Lol, Yes, my girlfriend has made it known
that she doesn't approve of me giving her this money,
even if it is a nice thing to do. In fact,
when I show her this post with everyone's responses, I'm
probably gonna get the biggest I told you so ever. Lol.
But she has always maintained that it's my money and
my friend and she would never interfere with me doing

(25:19):
what I think is right. But she thinks my friend
is using me too. As far as the emotional vampire
or professional problem have her part goes, You're spot on.
I just have a hard time putting my foot down
because she has so many problems. I don't want to
be yet another one, you know. But in theory, I
agree that I need to step away from the negativity,

(25:39):
but I don't want to leave her on her own either.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
You know, I one hundred percent was gonna say if
it hasn't affected that relationship yet, it's gonna And the
fact that she's making these little comments that's like, hey,
maybe you shouldn't be doing this for this bread Like
it probably bugs her a lot more than she's letting on.
And she's right that she doesn't have say over it,
but like.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
Right, she's being like, she's trying to give you the hints, Hey,
you need to stop doing this. Yeah, where's my four
hundred dollars a month? Where's my four hundred dollars? Girlfriend? Check?
Not even that.

Speaker 2 (26:13):
But I know if you're a girlfriend and you're like, hey,
my boyfriend is actively giving this other woman four hundred
dollars a month for something that's not even helping her
that much.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comment to is is there a reason
she sees a four hundred dollars an hour therapist? Granted
I have insurance, but out of pocket cost for a
one hour session with no insurance is like one hundred
and thirty bucks according to Psychology Today. Also, tons of
offices have sliding scales for self pay patience. Did she
ever ask this therapist if they offer that. I can't

(26:45):
imagine having a family member, let alone friend, spend that
kind of money every month where there are therapists at
a much lower cost. There is an update they confronted
their friend. I confronted my friend. I was fully prepared
for her to ask me to go to every other
week or try to guilt me, and I had a
response about our friendship being contingent on me giving her
money ready to go. But to my surprise, she said

(27:07):
she understood and accepted my stance because she wasn't going
to therapy.

Speaker 4 (27:12):
I don't know, we'll see.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
We have a little bit more of the story left,
and I have a feeling we're not going to find
out for sure. But that response was one hundred percent.
Oh yeah, I'm totally fine with that because you know,
it doesn't really impact me because I'm not seeing a therapist.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yes, that's what it felt like immediately.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
A little while later, she did send a bit of
a guilt trippy text, but I think it was more
just her being glum and explaining that she wasn't going
to be able to fix her situation. Even if I
disagree with her on what she's tried, I still understand
her position. But after this, we had a long conversation
about random crap we hadn't talked about in months, and
it was such a relief to feel back to normal.
I'm giving her one more two hundred dollars payment and

(27:54):
then I'm done. Okay, thank you again to everyone who
helped me see the light. And that is the end
of that story. Hey, John og host here, we're gonna
get back to this episode, but a quick three minute
break of ads from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
My friend treated me badly on a trip. Now I
want to send her home.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
Send her back express mail.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
And this comes directly from the Okay storytime Subredditoo. So
we have our characters Me twenty five female, my husband
twenty five male, Olivia twenty six female, and Sarah twenty
five female. Okay context. Olivia works for me, employee turned friend,
and I went to high school with Sarah and my husband.

(28:37):
I knew she wasn't economically in the best shape. It's
rough out there, by the way. This comes from Okay
conversation eighty six to fifty nine, And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subreddit. So we'd help her when we could,
paid for her to come out with us. Let her
have lots of flexibility at work, paid well above minimum wage.

(28:58):
The position is a minimum wage. Bosi made sure she
had decent benefits. I didn't need it because I get
coverage under my husband. Let her borrow one of our
vehicles I don't drive, and she would drive us around
for work and we would pay work for mileage, maintenance,
and insurance.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
So you have done a lot for this friend.

Speaker 2 (29:16):
You have done everything. She took very poor care of
it and it's now very damaged. We didn't ask for
anything in return. Maybe run me to a doctor's appointment
here and there. She expressed that she wanted to find
a different job because she didn't make enough with me
fair enough, and my husband offered her side gig where
she would be a model, as well as coming over

(29:37):
once a week to help make the designs and attend
two events on an all expenses paid trip to Europe
for an extra thousand dollars a month.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
Is your husband like a fashion I think that's what
it is. Oh my god, fancy.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
She wasn't satisfied with this long term and was still
looking for something externally.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
That's insane. Your friend is completely ungrateful and you should
now do nothing for her. Yet one thousand dollars a month,
you're a model and you get to go to Europe
all expenses paid. That's still not enough for you, and
I'm done with you.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Yeah, no problem, I'll keep my business open until she
found something else to make sure she was okay. I
was wanting to shut my business anyway as I developed
a chronic illness and could no longer do the physical work.
There were a lot of times I felt like she
took advantage, but I let it go. We go to
two European countries for ten days with Sarah and Olivia.

(30:32):
My husband and I pay for the flights, hotels, and
dinners and extra things like high tea and a few outings.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
Mmmm, we're going to high tea, high tea to get
out for high tea.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
They were responsible for lunches, shopping, and any extras they
wanted to do. Olivia is being super rude and condescending
even before we take off anywhere. How on your all
expenses paid trip to Europe.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
Well, actually they're not paying for lunch, and they're not
paying for my shopping.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Your own personal shopping spree is on you. Yeah, with
your extra thousand dollars.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
A month, that's not good enough for her.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Uh. An example, Sarah and Olivia haven't traveled much, and
Sarah forgot full sized beauty products in her carry on
and realized after we checked her baggage. I say to her,
I'm sorry, Security will take that stuff. You're going to
have to buy new stuff when we land, and Olivia
jumps in rudely with they won't take it if it's
only partially full. I internally roll my eyes and explain

(31:30):
Security goes by what the mill leader's the bottle is,
it doesn't matter how much liquid is actually inside it,
and she just tried to continue arguing. So whatever, Security
took the products and we moved on. This behavior continued
the whole trip, just really condescending and combative and treating
my husband and me like we have no idea what
we're talking about. She was also warned about tourist traps

(31:53):
and what they look like. She got trapped into nice
so she got out of the first one, but the
second one she dragged my husband in and he ended
up paying five hundred dollars to get out of it.
And then she yelled at my husband about telling his
wife about the situation and insulted me behind my back

(32:15):
to my husband, saying, I know how she thinks. She
thinks she could have spent that money on herself. YadA, YadA, YadA.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
I privately talked to my husband and he agrees her
behavior is outrageous. To be clear, we didn't expect her
to spend every moment with us. Just go do your
own thing. I don't care.

Speaker 4 (32:32):
Just be nice.

Speaker 2 (32:34):
That's really all I wanted was a nice friend's trip.
We finished the first leg of the trip and land
in our second destination and my husband pulls Olivia aside
in the airport and asks if she wanted to be there,
and if she didn't, there was a return flight home
for her.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
I wasn't there, so I can't really comment on how
this went down, but I guess Olivia was trying to
cause a scene and yell in the airport, and my
husband just walked away because he didn't want to be.

Speaker 3 (32:59):
Detained exactly, which is what you do, walk away. And
it can even get to a point where you go,
you know what, Olivia, You've been so such an oppressive,
negative force this entire time. We don't want to spend
the rest of the trip with you, so we bought you.
We bought you your flight home, and all you're just
the information. If you don't take this flight, You'll have

(33:22):
to find your own way back.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
Yeah, it's this or nothing.

Speaker 4 (33:25):
Uh oh.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
I also found out later that she told my husband
something I told her in confidence, just to stir up crap.
We continue our trip and she seems normal for the
first few days. We're having a good time. Then she
starts bothering us for payment. She had a payday while
we were there, and she didn't fill her hours in
on our work portal. On a non working day. She asked, hey,

(33:49):
can I use your laptop? The Apple will let me
fill my hours in. She's supposed to fill hours daily
and we've talked about it, and she doesn't. She puts
all her hours in on payday, so I'm not sure
how accurate her hours have even been. I say, just
use the Safari browser. That's what I do, and all
the functions work fine. She gets argumentative and says, no,

(34:09):
it doesn't work, and I explain that I'm not talking
about using the app whatever. I'm done with the conversation
at that point, and I say I'm not dealing with
this right now, and then she asked my husband when
he'll pay her. He paid her later that evening, I believe,
but only paid for what work she did.

Speaker 3 (34:26):
She wait, so I guess she was getting paid on
this trip somehow, So she was getting paid.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
We don't know if this is just from like work
she's done beforehand, that she just hasn't been logging, but
I think she did agree to do one of the
trips with.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
The husband okay, okay, and then maybe she was like,
but I don't want to keep doing it because it's
not like yeah, Pan.

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Like, oh, I'll do this for now, but I'm still
gonna look for something else. So she is getting paid.
She's only putting her hours in on payday.

Speaker 3 (34:51):
Absolute freaking dummy that. It's like clearly OPI and her
husband are like just they want to try to make
this work and help her and like make this a
good situation for and she she does not care at all.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
Yeah, she only attended one of two events listed in
her contract. This was a big point of contention for her.
The last three days of the trip, my husband and
I don't see her at all. It feels like she
was actively avoiding us. Whatever. We still hung out with Sarah,
A plus for Sarah. Yeah, we see Olivia for the

(35:21):
first time in three days, and as we're leaving the
hotel to catch our flight at five thirty am. She's
wasted and hanging off some random dude. She's been up
all night clubbing.

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Whatever.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
Live your life, but don't be loud about it and
make it my problem. Please. Anyway, I'm not a very
nice person that early in the morning, running on three
hours of sleep, So instead of saying anything in the taxi,
I just put my headphones in and chill. We get
to the airport and she's still club dancing and being
so loud. We get through with little issue.

Speaker 3 (35:56):
I just want to really point out quickly that Op,
you are actually nice, because your version of I'm mean
in the morning is being chill with your headphones on. Yeah,
that's you being mean so nice, that's normal, that's just
being chill. You're just a chill guy.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
Just a chill guy crushing it. We get through with
little issue. I say with my husband and he tells
me something about her, saying something about not wanting to
drive the car anymore. While we were in the taxi. Confused,
I went to go ask her about it. The conversation
went like this, me, I haven't seen you in the
last three days. What happened, Olivia? Yeah, that was intentional. Me. Oh, why, Olivia,

(36:36):
your husband threatened me in an airport, right right? Yes?

Speaker 3 (36:41):
Yes, yes, that being like you seem miserable. If you
want to go home, you can. It's a real thingt
that's that's a threat.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
Me. Yeah, I asked him to talk to you because
of how you were treating everyone. You were being really rude. Olivia. Well, yeah,
I didn't want to be at your becking call and
your little lap dog the whole time.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
Me.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Whoa, No one said you had to spend every second
with us. My husband also mentioned something about the car.
What's going on with that, Olivia? Yeah, well I don't
feel comfortable driving it anymore, so you can uber with
all the supplies and I'll meet you at our jobs
by bus Me stunned. Okay, I'm gonna find coffee. She

(37:21):
then starts crap talking us in the airport to other
random people. They would sit next to her, she starts ranting,
and they would leave a few minutes later, looking visibly uncomfortable,
and to Sarah with us sitting within ear shop, Jesus
a horrible person.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
I mean it's yeah, she's a monster.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
And now knowing that this probably is a work trip,
or she's in some way on your husband's payroll. Fire her.

Speaker 3 (37:48):
You have clause, yeah, yeah, combat you can fire her.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
Yeah, she's officially broken her disparagement clause in the contract
she had with my husband. Finally, sit on the plane
and my husband sends her a termination email. Who she
loses it? Really, we didn't need descend it on the plane.

Speaker 3 (38:09):
Have to do it, have her get arrested by the
sky marshall.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
This is why you guys don't have any friends. And
I quit my company, along with a lot of profanity,
to the point where Sarah had to say, shut up
before you get punted off the plane and she sits
and is quiet. Then she starts trying to take pictures
of us, and I hold my hand out in front
of her camera and said, actually, I really don't want
photos taken of me right now. And in response, I'm

(38:35):
just documenting everything to protect myself. And I just said
of us sitting on a plane anyway, she left me
high and dry with client appointments to do myself, doubling
the time it takes to complete each appointment and significantly
harder on my body. Great, we land and board our
next flight, and she's avoiding us.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
I would want her to avoid me. If I was ope,
I'd be like, please avoid me.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
I don't know why, I will say, like, she's totally
in the wrong and you don't need her anymore. I
don't know why you expected to still get driven to appointments.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
But yeah, of course she was gonna leave you high
and drive. She's a maniac.

Speaker 2 (39:12):
She's only caring about herself. I'm surprised she drove you
to them in the first place. Sarah is trying to
stay out of it as much as she can. We
land in our home airport, and she's chatting with my
husband about where to leave the supplies she has and
getting her stuff from inside the car uh which has
parked at our house for the duration of the trip.
And he said, go talk to Op. I have nothing
to do with this. I get a text about it

(39:34):
and I don't respond. We leave and go home. We
email her back and forth about what happened and next steps,
and her story changes so many times that she starts
contradicting herself and eventually stops at one point claiming she
hadn't quit her job with me. No, she got fired.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
You didn't quit. You got fired for acting a fool
and insulting your boss to anyone who would listen to you.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
I'm guessing there was the potential that how she was like, well,
I didn't get fired, I quit and that can change
if you get severance or not. Sometimes so it might
have just been the back and forth of like you
need to pay me those like two weeks of severance
or whatever, so stupid stuff.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
Probably I would just let her spin her wheels. I
highly doubt this person will be able to do anything
in any capacity to actually harm Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
You we have another update, But what are your thoughts?

Speaker 3 (40:27):
I mean, we've said it all. When she shows you
who she is, listen to her and then don't take
her to Europe with your husband and.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Sarah, Yeah, don't expect anything else from her, and don't
keep helping her. A few days later, I messaged Sarah, Hey,
are you upset about what went down? I didn't get
a response for two weeks to the day, basically saying, yeah,
that was incredibly immature of you and your husband. You
won't be seeing me for some time. How could you
guys do that to a so called friend. I'm standing

(40:57):
by Olivia.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
Wow, that's actually crazy?

Speaker 2 (41:02):
What and she really shortened it down, but broadschokes are there? Great?
I lost two friends over this, So Reddit, am I
the a hole?

Speaker 3 (41:12):
I mean, unless you told a completely fraudulent story, like, no,
you're not the a hole. Your friend Olivia was like
a petulant child.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Your friend Sarah also could have been hearing a wildly
different form of this. Because Olivia is going right to her.
I'm sure there's a chance that she could come back around,
but like, honestly, do you want either of you that.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
At this point? I would just like anyone who can't
see that that Olivia is like, is like all right, yeah,
so just maybe don't take it personally with Sarah, Yeah,
just let it go and she'll probably come back around.
Be Like, if she spends any time with Olivia, I'm
sure she'll eventually get to a point where this happens
to her and she'll go, oh my god, I was wrong.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
The whole time, or should be so sick of hearing
about it. That's probably all Olivia talks about. But that
is the end of that.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
Yeah, that is the end. You should that Let that
be the end of your friendship with Olivia. Yes, my
sister in law said, I don't deserve my new home.
Now their family is in shambles.

Speaker 4 (42:11):
Well, she doesn't deserve to speak.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
I'm afraid of her. My husband, thirty eight male, and
I thirty three female, just bought our first house. My
husband has a pretty high paying job. I work and
make a decent salary, but our budget to buy our
house was definitely influenced more by his earnings. By the way,
this comes from user cat Drama on the Too Hot
Take subreddit, and if you want to submit your own stories,

(42:33):
why don't you go over to the r sledge Okay
story time subredit. So we had his family over last week. Generally,
I loved his parents. They have always been really good
to me and their fun. I've not spent as much
time with his sister outside of holiday gatherings, but we
do have her son, the husband's nephew, stay with us
for a week over the summer the last few years,

(42:55):
so I know him well too, and I love him.
Everyone mentioned above comes over and we show them around
the house. At one point, I'm showing sister in law
the kitchenette in the basement and I say something like,
it's great that our house has this space now, So
if you want to visit us, you'll have basically a
whole separate apartment. And she goes, our, is it also
your house? I'm immediately confused, but also I guess she

(43:17):
could have assumed my husband had bought it on his own.
So I said, yeah, we bought it together, and she goes,
do you think you deserve to own half of this house?

Speaker 4 (43:27):
Yeah, we bought it together.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
Yeah, it is my husband. I don't know. I just
think that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (43:33):
Well, you can keep your thoughts to yourself.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yeah, because I think he's my husband and.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
I think we bought it together.

Speaker 3 (43:40):
I was shocked and I mostly panicked, and I said,
well I do yeah. I fled to the basement. I
immediately told my husband away from his family, and he,
in turn immediately went to talk to his sister. I
went to hang out with his parents and didn't say
anything to them, but then we heard shouting outside. My
husband and his sister. We're yelling at each other. I

(44:01):
know people are different with their siblings, but I've never
really heard him yell before. I could hear him tell
her that we don't have a prenup, and she called
him an idiot. I'd tell his parents what was going on.
And they went and intervened and left pretty quickly with
his sister and nephew, who didn't hear any of this
through the magic of video games. I think his mom
said sorry to me on the way out. I did

(44:22):
touch base with my husband and he was livid, like,
way more angry than I'd expect. He told me that
before we got married, his sister was the beneficiary of
his life insurance, and he thought she was angry over
essentially being removed from all his assets. We'd been married
for three years.

Speaker 4 (44:37):
Does she think that she deserved that?

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Do you think you deserve that? She apparently had texted
him about being added onto the house paperwork a few
weeks ago during the buying process, and he just ignored her.
Actually rightfully so, because that's cringe. His parents have reached
out to me and have been very sweet and apologetic,
but they really want to fix things and have asked
if I'll talk to sister in law. I'm trying to

(45:00):
step away from it and just say it's now between
my husband and his sister. Is that fair? Of course,
I'm a bit hurt by her saying that, but at
the end of the day, if she has problems with
how he's handling his assets. That's between the two of them, right.
I feel really bad because his family has always been
so sweet, and I really love his nephew, so I
also want things to be fixed. There is an edit.

(45:21):
I will make an update, but we have plans to
chat about it today, speak to his parents, and figure
out how we want to go forward. I agree with
essentially all of you, and I'm not planning to discuss
it with her until she apologizes. And to answer some
common question, nephew's dad is not and has not been
in the picture for a long time. Sister in law
has been in and out of relationships with not the
best type of dudes. She is younger, and there's no

(45:42):
other siblings. Yes, there's been a pattern of her getting
more help from their parents, but it's because she really
needs it being a single mom, and my husband has
always been pretty independent. I promise I don't tell every
person on the street about our lack of a prenup.
My husband did come into the marriage with a lot
of assets, so I think when his friends and family
express curiosity about a prenup, it was coming from a
place of concern or care for him, and I love

(46:04):
that so it felt appropriate to share how we made
that decision. No one ever pushed back. I've never talked
to his sister about it, and I think she didn't know,
but my husband sort of yelled at her in anger.
You know, we don't even have a prenup kind of
way we were planning on kids, but could still keep
up what we are currently doing for nephew even if
we did. And he just became an official teenager. So
the college fund is close to complete at this stage.

(46:26):
We don't add much money to it anymore. It's just accruing.
And we have some comments. But before we get into
those comments, what are your comments?

Speaker 4 (46:32):
I just think that I agree with you, Opie. I
don't think that it's really your business to have that
conversation with the sister in law. I think that's absolutely
your partner's responsibility, because what would you even say to her,
Like she's like, you don't deserve that, and you're like, so, hey,
you remember when you said that I didn't deserve that.
I do.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
Yeah, you just go back to her, you go. I
was thinking about it. I was thinking about it really hard,
and it turns out I do actually deserve.

Speaker 4 (46:57):
That, So I don't know how you would have that
conversation because she's so clearly wrong.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
You should go ask my husband if he thinks I
deserve to be a part of the house. Yes, why
don't you go ask him?

Speaker 4 (47:09):
That would be great comments.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
Comment number one, what could you possibly say to your
sister in law? Exactly? I think you say that the
issue isn't really about you. It's about how sister in
law thinks everything that's your husband's is also hers. That's
something your husband needs to set straight, not you. You
just sit there and stay pleasant. You handle this perfectly.
It's not your battle, and your husband has your back. Clearly.

(47:31):
Sister in law sounds insane. Ope, he says, I know
this is right, but it's just really frustrating. We've had
the awkward conversation of explaining why we don't have a
prenup to some friends and family, and I really don't
mind getting into those topics or talking about those things,
which at the end of the day, it's also like
none of your business if you unless your friend is
like a prenup, what's that like? If they're informed and

(47:52):
they've made their decision, it's no one else's decision late, right,
It's just can you do that proactively?

Speaker 4 (48:00):
You mean after the back?

Speaker 3 (48:01):
Oh yeah, proactive would definitely be the wrong way, yactive
post active.

Speaker 4 (48:06):
Post numbers reactively, Yeah, sure, I don't.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
I don't know. Can you just like make an agreement?
You're like, hey, yeah, mister lawyer, I would like it
so that if we split up, I get half the money.

Speaker 4 (48:18):
Well, it wouldn't be a prenup anymore, because.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
That's pre nup, a post nub a post, that's that
post nub clarity post up. I know this is different
because she's not coming from a place of curiosity or
just wanting to understand, but it's wild to me that
it jumped this quickly so suddenly when we bought a house,
Coming Number two says, I don't think you need to
do anything. Your husband took care of his greedy sister
for you, and we have an update, so let's get

(48:42):
into it.

Speaker 4 (48:42):
Only crap, y'all. I was not expecting.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
That much feedback. Holy holy moly, y'all. I was not
expecting that much feedback. But I'm super grateful. It was
really affirming and validating to read a lot of those comments,
and a bit humbling too. This recent move did move
us a little bit out of ten. So I'm still
close to my social circle, but didn't immediately have someone
to vent to, and you all were really helpful in

(49:06):
that way. So update, she was secretly planning to make
him disappear to get his life insurance money. Just kidding, no,
not really. After talking a bunch with both my husband
and his parents, we figured out a few things. He
didn't tell her that he's replaced her as the beneficiary
on everything because he assumed she would know that. So
she had texted him during the home purchase, Hey do

(49:27):
you need my signature on anything for this new house?
He had messaged her back, no question mark, question mark
question mark. She then essentially asked if the house was
an asset set up like his life insurance, and he
told her that everything is set up fine and that
I'm on all the paperwork, and she responded, okay, smiley face.
So I do think part of this is her truly
not knowing how marriage is supposed to work, and she

(49:48):
seems to have expected there wouldn't be any change. I
found out she also mentioned this with their parents, her
main concern being that if something happened to my husband,
I wouldn't help her son like we've been doing as
a couple. Mother in law and father in law say
they told her not to worry and that I love
our nephew, but that what was going on behind the
scenes before all of this. Mother in law and father

(50:08):
in law also admitted that they may have unintentionally encouraged
this because they've always really encouraged their kids to support
each other. But due to the various dynamics at play,
what that ends up being is pressure on my husband
and a sort of your brother will always be there
for you message to his sister. This was particularly strong
in the last few years before I met and married him,

(50:30):
because his parents thought he was planning to be a
lifelong bachelor. They're not wrong in this. He definitely had
that mindset at that time, and so then he and
his sister really were, in their eyes, each other's lifelong person.
So the last few years there had been this level
of fallout I wasn't even aware of due to that.

Speaker 4 (50:46):
Have we learned anything, Ah, We've learned that his sisters
got weird expectations and their parents are like, yeah, but
we encouraged that, yeah, and uh, they need to sit
the sister down and tell her what's what?

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Yep. Sometimes you just gotta go okay.

Speaker 4 (51:03):
And you don't need to be involved in any of that.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
Hey handle your sister her husband. Yeah, I don't know
what she's on.

Speaker 4 (51:09):
Because it's not even like you know, she said all that,
and you like got really mad at her and was like,
ah no, that didn't happen. You literally were like, she
was like, do you think you deserve that? And you
said yes, and she's like or not and you're like, okay, bye,
and you ran away hot and dry.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
Pretty perfect response the whole way through. I also learned
sister in law is in a not so great financial
situation due to past issues. The whole family essentially refuses
to give her cash, but we'll do things like by
groceries or pay phone bills, et cetera. So she's been
struggling and I think feeling a little desperate and jealous.
Oh of course, none of this is an excuse, and

(51:45):
I'm not speaking to her until I get an apology.
My husband has also said he needs at least a
week or two before he speaks to her, but he
does plan to. His parents are totally in agreement and
understand they're going to tell her that we talked about
the dynamics at play and that she needs to acknowledge
what is going on here and take accountability for her
part in it. So hopefully that'll start things off in
the right direction. Being too understanding and too flexible has

(52:08):
been a difficulty for me for a long time. Having
feedback about how truly effed up the situation was was
really helpful for me, So thank you for me. There's
a fine line between being unbothered and being a doormat,
and I'm definitely working on differentiating those two and that
this is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
Well there you go, folks.

Speaker 3 (52:25):
Well that's a good that's a good. Yeah. Know when
you're being a doormat and know when you're just being
a chill guy.

Speaker 4 (52:32):
Yeah, sometimes you're just really not you don't need to
be involved in this situation.

Speaker 3 (52:35):
I feel like this was a chill guy kind of moment. Yeah,
just like in the moment, I'm gonna be chill about
that because yeah, what okay.

Speaker 4 (52:42):
Yeah, Like I've been in a situation where a person's
just like screaming at me and I'm like, I'm actually
not involved in this.

Speaker 3 (52:47):
Yeah, you know, like since I have no investment in this,
I actually don't care. Yeah, I hope you feel better
about whatever it is. I'm gonna eat out humis. Yeah,
Hey it's Sam. We're gonna get back these stories.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that
keep the show alive.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
My sister in law is purposefully excluding me, even my
mother in law's upset at her.

Speaker 3 (53:09):
Everyone's mad at sister in law.

Speaker 4 (53:12):
So I am now officially engaged per the Indian culture.
To MYESO of one point five years. We had traditional
American engagement and did an Indian engagement later on to
fulfill the wish of my future mother in law. Future
mother in law is great and we get along extremely well,
and she started calling me her future daughter in law
at her eldest son's wedding. By the way, this comes

(53:33):
from randomness, butterfly, and if you want to smit your
own stories, go to the rs slash Okay story time
separate it. So her daughter in law, my future sister
in law is a brat. I helped her plan an
American style wedding as I was a prior wedding planner.
My future mother in law was overwhelmed and with how
I was raised agreed to help her because honestly, she
had never been to an American wedding and didn't know

(53:56):
what to do. I lived in a different state, like
two thousand miles away. Out to my esso, this should
be their gift because if I was to charge them
my rates, it would be well expensive, as I would
have to cultivate new contacts and add my travel expenses.
Moving forward, I helped put this wedding together and also
was a part of the wedding party. I only asked

(54:17):
she covered my dress as I was putting in a
lot of time and getting her wedding together. She agreed
to cover it, but never did and complained that the
dress was two hundred and eighty dollars.

Speaker 5 (54:26):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (54:27):
Yeah. I was so pissed because she thinks everything should
be free, and I pointed out, paying for my dress
will be the least she can do because I was
putting her wedding together while she was in India.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
Isn't that sort of like the lowest expectation is ye
pay for the bridesmaid's dress.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
Yeah, that's just like she's asking for one thing. She's like,
I'm literally putting together your wedding for free. I did
what my future mother in law asked and helped put
the wedding together for including talking to vendors and putting
decorations together and a backdrop for them in the reception.
Also during the wedding, I was put into being a
host role to help my future mind in law out
along with myso we pulled off a miracle with only

(55:04):
one month to plan. I have more stories of the
crazy that followed after the wedding, but this gives you
an idea. So O and I are visiting for the
holidays after we got engaged Indian engagement in November. Future
sister in law and future brother in law did not
come to our engagements. My understanding is that this was
not good per their culture. Instead, they drove the six

(55:24):
hours to my future mother in law's house, cleaned and
put up a new picture including a photo we all
took and that they had purposely cut me out of
the photo.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
Dang, they don't like you, criminal.

Speaker 4 (55:36):
You can see my hand on my Esso's arm, but
not me. I am hurt by this. I did all
this work to pull off a miracle during the VID
on short notice. I would like to point out we've
been American engaged since June. I want to call and
scream at her, but I do not want to upset
mother in law, who is already upset because future sister
in law cut me out of the photo. I am

(55:57):
so done with her, I have pointed out I do
not want her at my wedding, as she is all
about the drama and I'd rather have fun. Any advice
on how to handle this and some comments say One says,
rather than colin yell at your future sister in law,
I would put her on a severe information diet. Definitely
don't give her any details about your wedding. Your life

(56:17):
is no longer any of her business. She should consider
herself lucky to get an imitation, and to be honest,
that's totally up to you if you and your partner
want to invite her personally. I wouldn't invite someone to
my wedding who took advantage of me, ignored my work
for them, and snubbed me with a family photo crop.
You don't have to say anything to your future mother
in law. You're allowed to hold your boundaries without explanation.

(56:40):
She might not love that her daughter is not involved
with your wedding, but she also might understand. You get
to decide whom you involve in your day and how
Opie says so, and I already talked about low contact
with both future brother in law and sister in law
for other reasons before this happened. We are in a
bit of a hard spot because future brother in law
is the best man and cultural reasons. I know SO

(57:02):
doesn't want to cause war with the only family he
has stateside, but he also wants me to be happy
and welcomed save the day it's have been sent, and
I am really considering forgetting to send the invite. But
Indian culture is so different. I am an outsider, but
there are a lot more commons to do. You any
thoughts before we get into those.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
I think, regardless of if it's like the right or
deserved or not, I think probably play politics here until
just to like Playkate the extended family. You don't want
to like have the whole again it does. You're not
in the wrong, of course she's in the wrong, but
it's like, ah, how often are you actually gonna have
to deal with this person outside of this context?

Speaker 4 (57:40):
It's like, well, yeah, and if it is a lot,
then maybe it's like post wedding, because you're saying there
are a lot of cultural reasons too that you have
to invite for. Then maybe post wedding, that's when we
are like, Okay, you already wanted to limit contacts, so
maybe that's when we start right push me.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
It's a timing issue at this point, is like just
doing it in a way that doesn't turn maybe all
of these people like against you in some way, Opie.

Speaker 4 (58:02):
That ads Right now, sister in law and brother in
law are at mother in law's house and the gold
framed photo of me not cut out is next to theirs.
So a husband is waiting to hear how that went
because his mother truly does not like sister in law.
I am still very upset with mother in law, and
that is truly because she has allowed old beliefs to
run her life. The family has made husband the scapegoat

(58:24):
for years, and because I refuse to bend to the
demands of others, I am now the problem. According to
brother in law, brother in law does unfortunately influence mother
in law. Old tradition states that the eldest son is
like the husband to the mother. If the father is
no longer in the picture, the thirty six year old
second year residency in emergency medicine wanted to let his

(58:45):
vidsick wife into the same home that is elderly mother
whose diabetic and sibling was staying at. Yeah, I had
no issue telling him he was out of line and
needed to go to his place. Was the only one
who added in her right mind to say, uh no,
you can't bring someone with the VID into your mom's home.

(59:06):
Clearly you're a bad doctor. So because of that, I'm
a problem. Mother in law just refuses to apologize for
threatening husband in my wedding day, and I won't let
them get away with brushing it under the rug. I'm
almost thirty and I've had enough bs that if you're unkind,
I'll just cut you off. Has been agrees and is
aware I posted on Reddit. Oh, he continues, I was

(59:26):
already not going to have her in my wedding party.
I have several friends who have been through heck and
back with me, and I have three other sister in
laws in my family who would outrank her. Yeah, don't
have the sucky one and your bridal party.

Speaker 3 (59:37):
I think the whole point is that it's like kind
of a kind of being forced to foisted upon her.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
I told my s O and he agrees, but also
knows he has to be careful to not cause too
many waves. He is the youngest, and we both decided
we might not follow all traditions when it comes to
our wedding update. Thank you all for commenting, So here's
the current update. We took down the photo while staying
at mother in law because it was causing so much
drama and future husband knew that seeing the photo hurt me,

(01:00:04):
so we asked mother in law if we could have
it put out of sight for the duration of our visit,
and she agreed. Future husband and I are heading back
home soon, hopefully due to weather, and mother in law
was very upset she would have to see the photo
again because brother in law and sister in law are
now suddenly wanting to visit to check on the house.
Insert I roll. Yeah, I found out they're trying to
make claim to mother in law's home by also saying

(01:00:27):
they take care of your mom, so we should get
the house. Total bs, what that's just insane. They're like, yeah,
we're coming over because we want your house. I know
you're alive, but we want your house.

Speaker 3 (01:00:37):
There's just no context of that, or it's like, imagine
applying that to like a business context. Yeah, it's like, yeah,
I've done a lot of work for the company, so
I think i'd be CEO, and it's just like.

Speaker 4 (01:00:47):
Oh, the business is mine now.

Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
I mean, we appreciate what you've done. But that seems
like maybe a bit of a jump.

Speaker 4 (01:00:52):
This, of course unsettled mother in law because they are
acting like she's gonna pass away this year. Yeah, the
sixty five year old woman who managed six properties and
pre the vid traveled to India on her own every year.

Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:05):
Sure, she's unable to take care of herself. Today, mother
in law made an offhand comment, I don't want to
see that photo, but I must put it back because
they're coming. Yeah. I was ready to make a move.
Ordered the photos sister in law cut me out of,
and a bunch of other photos from future husband and
my engagement and engagement photos used in the announcement. Made
sure I had the one photo printed out in the

(01:01:26):
largest print I could get. Tonight, when to the store,
got frames in gold, hers were in black, came home,
put the frames together, and even let mother in law
choose some of the photos to put in got three frames,
one large, one medium, and a mixed small frame, all
in gold, put the photos she cut me out of
next to sister in laws and had mother in law
choose where the other frames should go. Ladies and gentlemen,

(01:01:47):
My mother in law was so pleased. I think I
gained more favor as she put the photos near the
TV and fireplace. At this moment, future husband is happy
and I am too. I'll update when this progresses, but
wanted to let you all know before we head back
to our two thousand.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
Mile home way way home.

Speaker 4 (01:02:06):
I will update as this progresses, but wanted to let
you all know before we had my home Update two.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
I think all of this comes down to, like, you know,
there's a lot of nitty gritty little political intrigues going
on here. Me personally, I don't have the energy for
any of that. I just will stop caring. That's just me,
though I'm not saying that that's what you should do.
Like if I'm like, all right, and now the ungrateful
sister in law cut me out of the photo, Okay,
I don't care. Yeah, a distance sister in law is ungrateful.

(01:02:35):
I don't care. Likes you guys, right, that's the only
one that really matters. Yeah, because mom like me, his
dad like me. Whatever, and there we go check check boom.
So kill them with kindness.

Speaker 4 (01:02:47):
Update two. So this is an update regarding the actions
of my fiance's sister in law who has literally cut
me out of a group photo. I was not only
her bridesmaid, but her wedding planner. So wow, these two
months have been busy. My love and fiance has started
a new job that we are both so happy and
excited about, and we both realized we can be debt
free and afford the things we really want for our

(01:03:08):
big day, as well as help out some of our
wedding party who might need a little assistance. It is
important to note that we've chosen not to inform sister
in law and brother in law, as brother in law
is notorious for asking for a loan and never paying
back or having mother in law pay his debts to
my fiance. I have the shiny backbone to say no,
and thankfully my fiance found his and has been echoing

(01:03:30):
the same. Brother in law is becoming a doctor and
will be in his third year of residency by the
time our wedding occurs. Needless to say, fiance was asked
by brother in law via mother in law to see
if he can borrow one of our cars. He told
mother in law no, and even said he would check
with me as we are already going to be having
a lot of my family coming in. I agreed with
the no by pointing out that they can afford to

(01:03:51):
rent a car, especially after we rented a large SUV
for a thorough wedding when we could have gotten a
small car. I also pointed out that one of my
brothers is financially tight, being a single income with kids
and his wife being permanently disabled. We both agreed he
needs one of our cars more than his brother, who
was a bloody doctor and has no problem flaunting their

(01:04:11):
purchases on the insta.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
Yeah, so yeah, I'm like, uh, you guys can afford it,
especially but regardless of if they can even afford it, Like,
I think it's just the principle of like what what
happened with the wedding was so inherently like ungrateful. It's like,
why would I give you anything?

Speaker 4 (01:04:30):
Exactly?

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
I did all this stuff for you and all I
got back was nothing.

Speaker 4 (01:04:35):
Not a Also, my brother has agreed to help get
mother in law to and from places as a favor
to use one of our cars, which is a win
for us. So, as we all noticed, weddings are expensive,
and I managed to build a bit of a business
relationship with one of the Indian shops in my area.
The owner was willing to cut me a deal if
I could get the men's measurements asap while he's in India,

(01:04:55):
so we could pay lower labor costs. Fiance sent the
group of groomsmen, including his brother, the list of measurements needed.
All but his brother got us the measurements within a week.
This last weekend was the deadline we gave the groom's
men to get us the measurements so my contact can
get the outfits made on time to come back. Fiance
gets a call from his brother and now this is
what I know of the conversation. Keep in mind his

(01:05:16):
brother should be lucky I was not near when this happened. Beyonce, Hey,
did you get your measurements?

Speaker 3 (01:05:21):
Brother?

Speaker 2 (01:05:21):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:05:22):
Uh, I've been kicking the can because you and OPI
upset Dad. Fiance, what are you talking about? When did
we do that? Brother? I just know Dad has been
crying and upset because of what OPI said and said
something about having to pay half the wedding. Do you
know anything about that, Beyonce, What are you talking about?
We never talked about the wedding to dad. Brother. Well,
any woman who offends my family, no matter who she is,

(01:05:44):
isn't welcomed. I hope you choose better. My fiance was
so bothered he called me right away and told me
I lost it. How dare they give him an ultimatum?
My mother heard me and told my fiance to come
over and we could go over the conversation. He said
he needed to pay ups and groceries, but should be
over within the hour. In the process, his mother called

(01:06:04):
and asked if he talked to brother in law and
he said yes, but was very bothered by the call
and would call back once my fiance came over. I
was still mad and upset after we talked. My fiance
was so done with the drama of his brother and
he was not happy with any woman comment. He called
up his mom and told her that due to the
drama and with what he has on is played alone,
ye had to remove brother in law from the lineup,

(01:06:26):
and as best man is still invited to the wedding,
but isn't allowed to be in the wedding party.

Speaker 3 (01:06:30):
Yeah, if you Yeah, if you tell me I shouldn't
marry my wife, you're not going to be my best man.

Speaker 4 (01:06:36):
Nope, Why would I want you next to me while
I'm marrying the person you don't like.

Speaker 3 (01:06:40):
I'm going to put you in the back and make
you the worst man.

Speaker 4 (01:06:44):
Worst man of the wedding. His mother at this point
agrees and proceeds to call his brother and tell him,
at which brother in law kept asking if this was
my fiance's decision only and I had no influence on this.
My fiance pointed out to him that as his wife,
of course I will always in influence him, but it's
still his decision and he will always choose to protect me,
and it was his choice to remove brother in law

(01:07:07):
from the wedding. His brother sounded fine. We went about
our day as we had other things to do. In
the process, I remembered recording the conversation we had with
his dad as we'd been trying to solve what was
said to upset him. We listened to that call and
nothing was said other than we are not responsible for
other people's choices, nor are they responsible for ours. We
did this calmly and honestly. I was impressed with myself

(01:07:29):
for keeping my temper down, so we kept this in
our back pocket. That night, fiance and mother in law
talked and she does this whole one eighty about how
dare he not involve his brother and even threatens to
not come. She and I share some words, but how
dare she manipulate her youngest because her oh, this is
being a brat like his wife, and she showed respect
the fact we want no drama. He and her of

(01:07:50):
these on and off phone calls and ended up making
her promise no matter what, that she'll come and let
us handle this. The next day, his father calls. We
really didn't want to take this calls. We both know
his father loves to manipulate fiance, as we both witnessed
it from the recording, So fiance puts it on speakers
so I and my mother can hear. Hey, Dad, what
was brother in law talking about that you were upset over?

Speaker 3 (01:08:11):
Dad?

Speaker 4 (01:08:11):
Oh, paus, my son, I'm upset because you and a
OP are getting a prenup agreement and she'll take your
money away when you make more money. I about blew up,
and my mom signaled to me to be quiet and listen. Fiance,
where are you hearing that there is no prenup? Dad?
She'll take you to the cleators.

Speaker 3 (01:08:29):
She'll take more than half your incum, make you broke.
You'll lose your incup, your life everything. Learn from me, son,
don't do this.

Speaker 4 (01:08:36):
It was clear they have no idea what a prenup
is and are clearly speaking out of line. Fiance, Dad,
there's no prenup. There's never been one drafted and whoever
you got this from is wrong. Tell brother in law
needs to check his facts before spreading rumors about me
and OP. I'm done with this conversation ended call boom.
At this point we confirm we were being gas lit
and manipulated. We both agreed it's us against the world

(01:08:59):
and as many say Efham. That night, fiance and mother
in law talked and she does this whole one eighty
again about how daring not involve his brother and even
threatens to not come and even dares us to postpone
the wedding. I was shattered, as I had this experience
before and ended up being left at the altar because
my ex chose his mother day. My fiance was livid

(01:09:20):
and told his mom, I am marrying op on our
wedding date and if you do not support us, that's fine.
We'll get married without you there, which I'm glad he
stood up to his mom, but my heart was broken.
They did this whole phone on and off thing for
a few hours. We figured she'd call fiance, then brother
in law. That fiance she plays peacekeeper instead of peace maker,
but doesn't let sleeping dogs lie. And there's a little

(01:09:43):
bit left to this story, but too many final thoughts.

Speaker 3 (01:09:46):
Dude, like raise you know, I get like, you know
this is a cultural issue. It seems like partially that
it's like you know, it has to be and happen
a certain way, and it's like you know, family politics
and cultural expectations and.

Speaker 6 (01:09:59):
All that, And I say, okay, no, like if at
this point it seems like you guys are like sick
of everyone, so it's like even trying to acquiesce all
of the cultural stuff, it's like you don't even you
don't want any of them.

Speaker 3 (01:10:12):
There if I if I get to a point where
I'm forced to choose between the peace of me and
my partner, Yeah, versus like coalescing to like the expectations
of others. I'm always going to pick peace.

Speaker 4 (01:10:25):
Peace.

Speaker 3 (01:10:25):
I'm always going to pick peace.

Speaker 4 (01:10:27):
Take the piece, choose the piece.

Speaker 3 (01:10:28):
And this was not very peaceful.

Speaker 4 (01:10:30):
No, but let's finish the story off. She wanted to
talk to me, and my fiance said no, and that
it was not a good idea because she wouldn't like
the results, which was right. I was done playing nice
and would have called her by my ex's mother's name.
After the phone calls ended, we both agreed it's us
against the world, and thank god we have my parents,
who said you guys need not listen to any parent

(01:10:50):
once you agreed to be married. We know what you're
going through and just know we love you both and
support you. We will make sure you both get down
that aisle and get married. My dad, who honestly has
been more of a father to my fiance than his dad,
told them you're my son and no one's gonna get
away with hurting you or my daughter. There will be
a day of reckoning and you two only need to
worry about your relationship with each other in what flavor

(01:11:12):
of cake you want. I so love my parents and
I'm glad we have them to support us and provide
us a safe space. So wedding is still on and
Fiances informed me his mother did apologize, but he pointed
out she needed to apologize to me and to let
me cool down. It's been a lot and he has
wondered if others have experienced the same. Right now, we've
been doing self care by taking dance lessons nice and

(01:11:33):
talking with our pastor as to how to handle this
with respect and folks, that's the end of that story,
Yes it is, and the end of this episode respectfully, respectfully,
So we love you and Sitamoorrow

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