My friend said that I am a “BAD FRIEND”… she’s the one who won’t apologize! - r/AITA_WIBTA_AITA | Reddit Stories | EP2006 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John, this is Sam, your og Okay storytime
podcast hosts, and we have some spectacular stories coming up.
But real quick, we got a two minute break from
our lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
My friend said that I am a bad friend. She's
the one who won't apologize.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
He's a freaking bad friend.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
It's like me. So to start this off is like
to say I'm changing names, ages, and some timestamps so
she can't find this. My friend Anna and I have
known each other for a few years. When we first met,
it was via a fellow friend, and we got pretty
close pretty fast at the time, and for most of

(00:38):
this time, she has been my only good friend. By
the way, this comes from Second Decent seventy three, twenty
twenty one of the art special Okay story Tom celebretim
So I had other friends, but none I had talked
to or met as often as anam. It was great
and we had a lot of good times and still
do when we're together. However, she's been single and figuring
out her spicy sleep reality this whole time, and I

(00:59):
got into a relationship last year. My last breakup left
me traumatized, and I believe I have a lot of
unresolved mental problems from then that take a lot of
energy from me, and naturally, as I've got both a
good relationship and a good friendship to take care of,
there's been less time for her. She seems to have
noticed this and found other close friends, which truly I'm

(01:21):
happy for her. I don't think I can keep up
with her needs and wants right now, and they seem
to be able to. She has told me on occasion
that she feels a bit forgotten after I've gotten into
a relationship, which I understand, though I think it's been
made worse by the fact that she was basically my
only friend for the first year. Most of this isn't
actually related to what I'm talking about, but I think

(01:42):
it's helpful for context.

Speaker 3 (01:44):
Okay, so what we know right now is that Anna
and OPI are best friends. Yeah, and she kind of
doesn't really have any other friends. She gets into a
relationship and then Anna feels like she's being neglected friendship wise.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
Okay, so it's about to probably make some sense about
that's felling it why Anna's going about to like do
something crazy. However, about a month ago, I was gonna
move in with my boyfriend, but I got cold feet.
I asked Anna for help, and she helped me formulate
my words over a message where I explained what I
felt him. We're big time stoner's and we had smoked

(02:17):
two joints at this point and was going down a
hill to head home when suddenly she says, I need
a break from this relationship. Oh, I'm stoned. Somewhat confused,
as a second ago we were talking about something else,
I just go okay, and she continues to explain how
she feels we haven't been together much, that I seem
distant and uninterested about things she shares with me or

(02:39):
invites me to. She also says I haven't taken much initiative,
that I make her feel stupid and useless. She says this,
I'm mostly just at a loss for words. I feel bad,
but I don't know if it's guilt or just that
I feel like she's not right, or if it's just
paranora from all of this. After two joints and a
mentally exhausting weekend, either way, I read with her and

(02:59):
we split ways. Shortly after. I get home and write
a long, angry paragraph about how it made me feel
I later shortened it down and made it nicer and
send it to her about a week or two later.
I am a slow emotional processor, as well as that
I was moving places and working full time in this
time period. I could check what I wrote. But I
think the gist of it is I agree with some

(03:21):
of the things, but I'm sad and hurt that you
felt it had to come to this point before taking
it up with me, as well as we feel very
cornered by the timing and how it was brought up.
I then chose to mention a few things that I
didn't agree on, such as taking initiative and leaning too
much on her. She's been asking me to open up forever,
but when I do, it's too much, apparently. And she

(03:43):
wrote back and said that she felt because we hadn't
been as much together that it wasn't naturally for her
to come to meet with stuff, and therefore it became
an imbalanced where I came to her with quite heavy
stuff and she didn't come to me. Okay, so and
it's like, even when you come to me, it's too much.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
And yeah, I want to say that there is I
feel like in this specific situation, there is a huge
chance that Opie is kind of not like we're getting
this from Opie's side, and so we really don't know
if she has been kind of neglecting her friend or
friendship for the relationship, which I think is I mean,
it is a possibility and is something that happens quite
a lot in relationships sometimes, but so yeah, I think

(04:24):
you just have to have a conversation with and say, like,
what have you noticed? Is there a way that we
can work through this or is it just you.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Know, yeah, yeah, because they seem it seems like Opie
is coming to her just to kind of, I don't know,
like trauma dump on her.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, and at least that's what Anna thinks.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, yeah, Nanna's not being able to come back and yeah,
say how she feels about things. That's a vibe.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
I'm kidding, that is the vibe. And also that's what
she's expressing.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
And Opi also has a hard time emotionally processing things.
So I think by the time she realizes how she feels,
she comes to Anna and it's like very a lot
instead of like how do I actually feel in working
through it? In like a lecture, Yeah, which I understand.
I don't feel like I can blame her for it.
She said that she felt I often say no to
her invitations and I haven't been inviting her as much,

(05:09):
and that is true. However, my side of the story
is that she often invites me to parties where there's
booze or big groups of people, neither which I enjoy,
and she knows this, so naturally I'm going to say
no to most of these invitations, and then life just
gets in the way. Other times, when I've invited her, however,
she has plans many days and sometimes even a week

(05:29):
or two ahead. Our schedules just haven't lined up, but
we've tried to meet when we can. I've been very
okay with this, as I don't feel like we've become
any less friends just because we have time apart, and
if anything, it gives us more to talk about when
we do meet. But it seems it's been a real
problem for her. She claims that she invites me to

(05:50):
these settings because she misses me. She wants to introduce
me to her new friends, which truly is a good thought,
but to me, I feel like she doesn't take into
account who I am and what I like when she
mostly invites me to this, and I feel bad every
time I have to say no. It sounds like, you know,
I'm not gonna dock this person, but it sounds like
one of your friends.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
I was just thinking about that. I was about to say,
I have a very similar relationship to this friend, except
ours as much healthier. I was literally just going to
bring that up. I have a friend who I invite,
like one of my best friends, who I invite to everything.
I'm like, hey, you know, open invite to all the
things we go, we throw, and she barely comes because
and I know her. I'm like, I want you to

(06:30):
feel like you're invited to things, but also I know
that you're an introvert and you don't want to come
to these things. And we're totally fine with that. But
our thing is that we make other plans, like we
you know, we'll do solo things, or we'll do a
thing with our other friends, and we'll make sure that
we're still hanging out and we're texting, we call each
other like almost every day. Yeah, and so there's still
like an active effort, you know, on both ends where

(06:52):
we're making sure that we're spending time and stuff even
though she's not coming to any of these things that
I'm inviting.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Your two Yeah, and I think they just know that
they just need how much. I don't think OPI knows
how to have that conversation. I wish they were watching
this right now so they knew how to have this
conversation with Anna. Yeah, but can you get the gist here? Yeah,
because it just sounds like Opie wants to smoke a
few and just chill, just chill out.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
And that's fine because I mean with my friend, I'm
every time I invite her to something, I invite her
and I say, I know you probably aren't going to come,
but like here's the invite and it's not like a, oh,
I know you're not gonna come. It's just like I
know you. It's fine. I just want you to know
that you're always invited to things. But also this is
going to be a big event, so you're gonna be
invote for whelmed. So it's just like having that communication.
But yeah, no, this is I was singing that exact

(07:34):
same thing. I have a very similar setup. I would say,
not friendship. We have very different friendship to these people.
Harveager is so much better, so much better. You won't
even believe it's like the same setup of you know,
we both enjoy different things and we both have very
busy schedules, and we make it work.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yeah, Anna's an extrovert, OPI he's an introvert. Yeah, you
have to work with that.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
Gotta work with that.

Speaker 2 (07:54):
I also find her wanting to do stuff or go
take a drink or other things that cost money, and
I don't have the budget for that anytime. She's got
a lot of money in her savings and a soft
cushion to fall on if she ever goes broke. I don't,
so I've been feeling angsty about meeting her when I
don't have any money to and I especially don't want
to be at a bar sober and not even be

(08:15):
able to have a beer. Only fun thing to do
then is hook up, and I'm not single, so that's
not an option.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Spicy sleep is the only fun thing to do at
these parties. They can't even do that, So the point
was to me. Another situation I'd like to bring in
is when we were gonna meet after work one day
when she got off at three, so I asked her
over snapped the day before when we were going to meet.
She didn't open it and called me after work and
said she'd have to fix a few things before we

(08:42):
could meet, but she should be ready in an hour
or two. I can't really blame her for this, because
I could have called an asked, but I downloaded Snapchat
recently in belief that she used it more than messages,
and in order to keep in touch with her and
others more easily. I do have ADHD, so I could
be pretty impatient. If if you have it to you
probably know what I call waiting mode to me. Whenever

(09:04):
there's less than an hour until I have to leave,
I can't do anything big. I can't go for a walk,
I can't make food. I can't do a quick workout
session or even turn a movie on in fear that
I'll forget. And even if I can turn on a movie,
it gives me this constant feeling of being distracted from
something more important, and I can't enjoy the movie. Do
you feel this way? Yeah? Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:25):
No, Like if I if I have to leave in
an hour, I'm like, that whole hour is just me.
I'm like, I'm I have to go. Yeah, really, like
I can't do it, Like I'm either getting ready or
I'm just waiting.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
That's that's interesting because like whenever, like our lives shoots
are about to happen. That's different. So it's not big
to you.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
It's different. Wow, I mean like you're heard.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
Of first guys live shoons of her are big to her.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Oh they are big.

Speaker 4 (09:45):
They are big.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
It's just different.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
It's like it's like, I'm not going somewhere. So when
she calls me about one and a half hours later
and asked to come by another two hours later, I've
already spent about three or four hours preparing to meet
her and being able to to do much. I've told
her that this is something that really affects me, and
I get seriously impatient, to the point where my blood boils,
my heart races, and if the plans aren't happening, I'm

(10:08):
going to cry out of frustration. She's usually late, and
I can handle the five to twenty thirty minutes wait
pretty well. My problem is that I don't feel like
she takes this into account and tries to take an
earlier bus. I've actually seen her wait inside the door
until Google Maps tell her to go, only to lose
the bus when she initially was early, yet she won't

(10:29):
change her walking speed on the app anyways, when she
asked me to come later, I tell her that I
really don't want to wait any longer. She needs to
bargain with.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
Me and lets me know that we didn't have a
planned time and therefore it's not our fault I've been
waiting so long. She also tells me I should have called,
and she just doesn't want to open any snaps. Eventually,
we agree that I'll meet her an hour earlier than
she wanted, and when I get there, I try to
explain that this is very hard for me to keep
waiting and knowing we're going to meet up soon, only

(10:59):
for it to be pushed further and further away. She
starts talking about her bipolar disorder and how it can
make her time perception bad and how she can get
stuck on certain tasks because of her OCD. So these
two are just not compatible whatsoever.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
Yeah, it seems like they're both putting all of the
you know, the blame on their respective like mental issues,
diagnosis and stuff, and it's like, Okay, you guys need
to figure out a way to you know, for that
to work. Yeah, or the friendship is not gonna work
it down.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Hmmm. I don't say anything back because I don't want
to ruin the mood. But I'm deeply hurt by this.
I understand her, and as someone with f up time perception,
I do understand that sometimes time just moves too fast.
I also understand getting caught up on tasks, as I'll
often forget my wallet and then my keys, and then
my water bottle and then it repeats. So I get her.
I just feel like it's a crappy way of saying, Oh,

(11:50):
I'm sorry you feel like crap because of me, But
it's actually not me at all. It's a symptom of
two of my diagnosis.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
But that's what you're doing, opie.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
All while she hasn't really even said sorry, yeah, these
I feel.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
Like you're both doing the same thing. Yeah, she's annoying. Yeah,
it's like you're both doing the exact same thing. You're
both blaming it on your diagnoses, like you're you saying, oh,
it's my HD and her saying oh it's my OCD
and like bipolar disorder. Yeah, and it's like, okay, well,
figure figure a way that works out for you.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
They're not taking account of the no.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
Like everyone's blaming each other for something instead of actually
saying you know what, like hey, I've not you're you
know what, I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way.
I'll try and make an active effort to be better.
These are some things that could help, Like maybe if
we met one on one, maybe that would be better,
Like you find solutions instead of constantly blaming. You know.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
I understand that our diagnosis and problems with them are
polar opposites, as I need to now know how long
it is until we meet, and she often doesn't know.
But I feel like I get the short end of
the stick every time and I always have to wait
for her. I honestly can't even remember a time she
was early. We've been talking a bit back and forth

(12:57):
over messages about this very long message with hours to
days in between each one. Last one she sent was
rather short and ended with I'd like to take this
in person, I replied and apologize for something that I
already apologized for. After the initial apology, I asked for
clarification on something she wrote and ended with a note,
I've mentioned a few things that are important for me

(13:20):
moving forward that you haven't really said anything about and
I'd like a reply from you before we talk about
this in person. To what she said, yes, I understand,
and I hear you only then to clarify that what
I asked about and then ask to me in person again.
Now this really stuck because yet again I feel that
I have to take her needs into account when she

(13:40):
won't take my needs into account. I've been going back
and forth on why I need this digital reply first,
and I've concluded that it's because I don't want to
sit there and hear all the crap things about myself
if she's not going to take any of what I
said and apologize for at least some of it. So
she just doesn't want to waste her time.

Speaker 3 (13:58):
Yeah, but I feel like in person of conversations better
because you can't misinterpret things.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Yeah, I'm misasturbating a lot. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
It seems like you guys have just different ways of
dealing with functioning.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
It's not that I don't want my problems to take focus,
but she has a history of not really caring about
how I feel when she's mad. She left me very upset,
and I've had to ask her to apologize more than once,
and I'm not gonna just let her walk all over
me and swallow my pride if she won't at least
a bit of back it up. And I'd like the
face to face conversation to be about her and what

(14:28):
she feels. So getting a reply from her O her
messages first would help us accomplish that. And you can
accomplish join his lab every weekday at three pm pist
on Facebook, YouTube, ttok wherever. Just tab her profile top it.
How you feeling about this rat?

Speaker 3 (14:43):
Yeah, it does feel like a long rent and it
feels like, Oh, he's not willing to kind of accept
any of her role in it, and it seems like
neither is Anna. Oh maybe topples therapy YEA, honestly, is
there a thing is friends therapy? I don't think so
could be. Yeah, I mean, I guess you could probably
just go to couples therapy friends. M Yeah, I think that.

(15:04):
Maman says, Yeah, it seems like friend is self diagnosing
to one up OPI it is a possibility.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
Yeah, they're just like one helping each other.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
Ah, they're just like, oo you did this, then well
you're mad at me for this? Well how about this.
It's just a back and forth. I don't know how
to fix this for you is you just have to
have a conversation, but neither of you willing.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
I'm willing to have that conversation. At last, I texted
her and said, I now voice to you that I
need a reply from you before we meet. I like
to meet you in person to talk about this, but
I need better response than I understand and I hear you.
I've agreed that we should be better at talking a meeting,
but I feel this shouldn't be a constant need. I'm
not the person who can meet you often for long

(15:44):
periods of time, and honestly, I don't want friendships that
depend on how often we meet. She's yet to reply,
but I know she's at our fellow friends Halloween party
right now. I was supposed to be there, but I
got hit with a migraine at work and had to
go home. Also, I got to say, I'm rather uncomfortable
with the whole situation. I don't know how to talk
to her in this mood without being bossy, so better

(16:05):
not to talk, I guess. Anyways, there's more to the story,
so please ask if there's anything unclear. So I am
I the a hole. You both are.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
I think you're both the ahole.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah, you both are a holes.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
For not they both need some time apart to figure
out because they seem like maybe Anna's a little bit
codependent because they are the closest friends, or maybe OP
is actively neglecting the friendship. I think there's a lot
of different, you know, reasons, but either way, they both
need to communicate better if this friendship is gonna last.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
Yeah, I agree. I think the thing that's annoying is like,
I never got a time. Anna's like, yeah, we'll talk,
but Anna never said a time. M That's what I
saw too, mm hmm. Yeah. I think I agree with
Op on that point. But they're both messy, messy U
ming mean, true, it's a friendship fallout, a brewing.

Speaker 3 (16:50):
Brewing, but that is the end of that story. I
expose my friend's talksic behavior. Now they're mad at me.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Ooh, they got caught? What they got caught? They said
they got yacht, They got yacht.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
I nineteen male, am currently in my freshman year of
university on the other side of the country. For context,
my race is the minority in this university. And as such,
there are only fourteen of us in my batch in
the faculty.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Oh, I bet photographers love taking pictures of you.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
Yeah, they're like You're like bow. By the way, this
comes from Diligent Penguins seven one one five on the
Okay storytime, separate it, So I'm giving them all fake
names for ease of identification. There are so many names.
Oh my god, Ken, Sean Simon, Samuel Stephen, Hannah Hayley,
Helen Kelsey, Kimberly, Naomi, Patricia Paisley, and myself. This is

(17:37):
all fourteen of them, I guess, or some of them.
Patricia and Kimberly are my friends from college, while the
others also knew each other from their respective colleges. There
is an annual tradition here in our community where the
seniors are arranged to meet the juniors and get to
know them ease the process where each senior picks a
junior to be their legacy so they could pass down notes, assignments,
and question banks from their seniors for us to add

(17:59):
on and passed down to our future juniors. The sophomores,
who were all girls, were fun, friendly and welcoming the
higher seniors. They were fun for the wrong reasons. Needless
to say, the girls and I were uncomfortable as it
was borderline ragging, but the boys except Samuel were enjoying them.
Let's go Samuel, Samuel's He's the only one, the only one.

(18:20):
What pushed me to my limit was when the male
seniors forced me into a night of boys only gatherings twice.
So it feels like maybe this is some kind of
like sorority type kind of hazy mo. Thankfully, nothing awful happened,
as you put it, but it kind of affected me mentally.
During a call with Patricia, I gave in and decided
to tell her details about how the boys, particularly Ken

(18:42):
and Simon, were making fun of some of the girls
like Hannah, Hayley, Helen, and Kimberly, with some of the
higher seniors chiming in as well. Patricia was unhappy, but
we decided to keep it to ourselves for now. Time
pass and classes began. I started to notice that Samuel
didn't hang out with the other boys anymore and assumed
that they had isolated him because he didn't match their vibe.
And again, Samuel is the only one who wasn't like ragging.

(19:04):
All the girls. More than a month after the conversation happened,
I ran into the girls at my residential college, who
confronted me, wanting to know the full story, as Patricia
had only told them partially. So I told them everything
that happened on the boys only gathering nights, including what
the boys had said. The girls were obviously cross and
disgusted at the boy's behavior. Two days later, we gathered

(19:25):
again at lunch, this time bumping into most of the sophomores.
We told them an updated version of everything that happened
since our orientation with them, and they advised us to
steer clear of the boys and not trust any of
the higher seniors during Then I walked out of the
room we were in and towards the nearby student room,
where the nearest trash can was. Unexpectedly, I bumped into

(19:45):
the boys, who asked where I was coming from and
if I was there alone, to which I replied I
was coming from the nearby room and the girls were
there as well. Here's where I may have blundered again.
When the boys asked if the sophomores were there as well,
I proceeded to lie and say they weren't there because
I didn't want them bar urging in while we were
gossiping about them. Of course, I was immediately caught in
my life as a few of the sophomores walked in

(20:05):
to throw the trash mere seconds after I left. Things
went quiet for the next couple of weeks. I started
hanging out more with the girls and was on a
mutual silent treatment with the boys. Three days ago, I
was on the phone with my mom when I brought
up the silent treatment. I decided to tell my mother
enough details about what had been going on, after which
my mother urged me to clear the air between myself
and the boys.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Why just don't why you must be buried, Opie, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:30):
This is weird. So just we got Patricia is I
guess op has been confiding in Patricia and we don't
know if she's kind of been telling half stories. Yeah,
and then we have all the boys, but Samuel are
kind of the worst. And that's kind of where we're at.
And she's now being told to clear the air with
the boys. Mustering the courage, I spoke to each one
of them individually, then to all of them together the

(20:52):
next day, hoping to get some clarification that's when I
came to know what went down after the lunch gossip,
the girls have stopped talking to the They claim that
the girls ignored them whenever they tried to read them.
The sophomores have also stopped acknowledging the boys. Consequently, they
never received the aforementioned notes, question banks, et cetera. And
we're never included in any outings with them. The best part,

(21:14):
Samuel was never isolated. You chose not to be associated
with our community and left to find other friends. Samuel
knows how to do it. Naturally. They blamed me for
their misfortunes and demanded to know every single detail. Oh boy, okay,
so now op, he's coming back to clear the air.
And they're like, oh pie, you're stealing our friends and
we're not getting our question banks and our our notes,

(21:34):
and oh, he's like, now's your fault? Many I tried
to hide everything and let out a few information only
while also trying to shift the blame onto the girls
for spreading it and making things worse by getting the
seniors involved. Why the guys were the ones acting poorly?
Why are you trying to blame other people? Why aren't
we trying to be friends with them.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
Also, Oh, he's the scapegoat.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah, I know, or she's trying to scapegoat other people.
It seems Oh, it seems like she's like, for some reason,
wants to apologize to the guys and is going to
blame everyone else to get them back on her side.
I see, I see very strange. I repeatedly apologized to
them and also volunteered to fix everything and patch things
up between everyone. The boys were nowhere near consoled. They

(22:15):
said they were disappointed in me for breaking the trust
and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I
may greet them or exchange favors, but nothing more beyond that.
I thank them for having this conversation, left the room
and broke down on a call with my mom. I
then met with Patricia and told her what happened. She
comforted me, saying that the girls and the sophomores already
had their reasons to go no contact with the boys,
and my intel was simply the final nail in the coffin.

(22:37):
Patricia consoled me and told me to look at the
silver lining in this situation. She also said that the
girls will always be there for me, even though you
try to break and throw them under the bus, to
which I had to show her the reality that the
girls can't help me with everything and that I'm practically
alone now, girl, just what are you doing? Also, what
I did has ruined everything for our friend group, our
relationship with the seniors, and potentially our relationship with the

(22:58):
future juniors. Ended the conversation with her advising me to
hang in there until things get better. I know I
am very much in the wrong here for sharing something
that is not mine to share in the first place,
but I swear I never had any bad intentions. I
just wanted to look out for the girls and at
the very least warn them about who we are dealing
with for the next five years. I can't blame Patricia
for wanting to do the same as well, or the

(23:19):
seniors for wanting to check on their juniors, or the
boys for just being themselves. They're being bad, They're being
bad people. Also, karma is real, and I have a
sister at home. Thirdly, the girls and I want to
save our future juniors from the tradition that we and
our seniors went through during the orientation. The boys have
made up their minds to continue it, and we have
made up our minds to continue being live on YouTube

(23:40):
and Facebook and TikTok. Every week they have three pmpst
and you should make the decision to join us just
at our profile and there is a little bit left.
But it feels very weird. It feels like, oh, piece
simultaneously is like, I'm you know, I want to tell
all of the girls that the guys are behaving terribly,
you know, I want to make sure that everyone knows
about this. And the second that everyone knows about this,

(24:01):
and the boys are like, well, we don't want to
be friends with you. Ohpi, He's like, well wait, like
it's not my fault, it was the other girls, and
I'm not I can't be friends with the other girls now.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Yeah, Ian Silver Mexicod points she must have a lot
of respect for the relationship with her mom and her opinion.
I think she's just doing this because her mom, what
sort of.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
I guess so. But it's just so weird because she's
like made the original right decision to tell people about
the bad behavior of these guys and is now kind
of doubling back.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Yeah, And it's weird that the friends aren't trying to
understand her. They're just like, oh, whatever, we don't want
anything to do with you.

Speaker 3 (24:30):
Well, the boys, well I get it from the boys
because they kind of suck. We like know that they suck.
But it's also just weird that she's like, I have
no friends when all the girls are like, hey, we're
there for you. Yeah. I don't know, it's weird.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
This is weird. I don't lie. I wish I could
see this friend group, yeah, and see everyone and be
in it to understand the vibe. They're like, oh, Opie's
that kind of person, or oh, Opie, these are the
o's kind of like you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
Prisa Grievis says, how old is op eighteen or nineteen?
I think teenagers? Yeah, like just freshman year of college.
Opie continues, And if y'all are going to tell me
to quit wine and just accept the ragging as part
of the experience, believe me, I did. That's not what
I would tell you. What. It's just that being the
eldest of my family and having watched news of recent cases,

(25:15):
it's the paranoia that's speaking. I know you might be
thinking I haven't learned my lesson by posting this here,
but I thought it might be better for an unbiased
third party to have a say if I made the
right choice or not. As far as I know, nobody
involved in this story has read it. But if any
of y'all chance upon the story and recognize it, sorry girls,
not sorry to the boys. Yeah, op I My my
takeaway is not that you should be you know, uh,

(25:37):
that you're in the wrong for not accepting the ragging.
It seems that I'm just like upset that you're doubling back. Yeah,
you're like, oh, well, I didn't accept the ragging, but
now I feel bad because, yeah, you know, leaving me
blah blah blah. It's like, no, they suck.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
You should have made a choice and suck with it out.
You're out an age where you can it's going to
make these mistakes and figure it out.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
Yeah, it's weird.

Speaker 2 (25:57):
Yeah, talk to these guys.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
Don't talk to them.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
They freaking any more gentlemen in this world than men.
So real, that's my new thing.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
So true.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
She only treats me as a friend when it's convenient
for her, and I'm tired of it.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
Grandpa.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
Okay, so I'm writing this on a throwwig coount and
also just hopeful to gain some perspective. This situation has
been a few years in the making, so please bear
with me. Most of the people I have talked to
about this in my life love me In return. I
feel immediately go to the she wasn't a real friend
anyways response. Now I'm just so confused by the whole situation,

(26:33):
and I feel I could use some clarity. Am I
a broken record? Was she a friend to begin with?
Did we both just move different ways? Was I the
a hole? I have no idea anymore? Give us some ideas.
By the way, this comes from the office fan one,
two three three on the r Slish Okay story time
saw brandan Okay. So, Branda and I, twenty five female,
had been friends for years. It was a slow burned friendship.

(26:55):
We worked together and over the years ended up becoming
really close. Once the pandem we would FaceTime almost daily.
I would have considered her easily my best friend, and
I thought she would have considered me the same. I
truly loved our friendship and Brenda as a person. I
didn't really have many friends growing up, so she felt
like one of my first and only true friends that

(27:16):
I felt comfortable around. She was fun and easy going
and brought out those signs of me too. Also, it's
worth noting that Brenda and I worked together, but only
for about two months out of the year. The rest
of the time we lived about an hour and a
half away from each other. Our friendship was over seven issues.
I'llbe at some of that time. In the beginning, we

(27:36):
weren't close as we eventually grew to be. In that time,
I always, and I do mean always, visited her. I
would get a hotel room in the area, we would
hang out, or I would just drive to her area.
There was one time during the pandemic we met halfway,
but that was it. I would invite her over, but
nothing ever came of it. I also would always be
the driver. Now I know she didn't love driving, but

(27:59):
had somewhat driver's anxiety, which I totally understand. So most
of the time this didn't bother me. I enjoy driving.
She did it so much I didn't read that much
into it. Those around me, however, did take notice that
I would here often that perhaps she was using me,
But with how much we talked and how the genuine
friendship felt, I couldn't imagine this being the case. So
I just shrugged it off. It's also worth noting during

(28:21):
the months that Brenda and I were in the same
town for work, we always tried to make time to
get dinner and hang out. Since this was far more
convenient than the usual hour and a half commute, we
tried to take advantage of the only five minutes from
each other while we could. Brenda eventually met her now partner, Jason.
When they first connected, it was around those few months

(28:42):
I'm in town. At first, I didn't know anything about Jason,
so I was constantly trying to hang out with Branda.
This was also the first year that we were not
working together, but we were still only five minutes away
from each other in the same town. We have previously
talked about getting together like usual during these months, so
every week without fail, I would reach out. Every week
she had a reason she couldn't, I see you.

Speaker 3 (29:05):
I'm prioritizing.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Eventually I found out that Jason came into the picture
around them. I'm still not sure if she was genuinely
busy or if she just wanted her time with her
new partner, which I totally understand, but I didn't even
know there was a new partner at the time. The
old situation left me honestly feeling about her. She also
forgot my birthday around the same time, not the birthday,
not the birthday, and proceeded to three years in a row,

(29:29):
which usually wouldn't be an issue, but compiled with everything,
just highlighting to our perhaps unequal friendship, kol.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
You have higher standards. She forgot your birthday three years
in a row. Put that in the counter.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Put it in the counter, in the counter. Anyway. She
was reaching out less, and I just felt confused by
it all. During this time, I reached out quite often.
That's a common theme of our friendship. If I didn't
hear from her for a while, I would check in
because we both separately had dealt with mental struggles and
I always wanted to make sure the ones I love
are okay and nice. Eventually, I finally reached out again,

(30:04):
this time addressing my feelings head on. Okay, we're getting
somewhere here, Okay. At this point, I personally felt like
our friendship was totally slipping away. Her replies were short
and lacked any genuine conversation, barely talked on the phone
or hung out in person, and it seems so obviously
different to me. She somewhat freaked out and seemed surprised
by my feelings, and we talked later through She said

(30:26):
if she didn't reply, to just spam her to not
feel weird about that. I shared that feeling like I'm
begging for someone's attention or friendship strikes somewhat of a
nerve for me. I said I would try to be
less sensitive, and she said she would try to take
my feelings into account also. Move forward another yearish and
things had gotten a lot better. She moved to a

(30:48):
much further state, which sucked, but we talked fairly often.
On her way home from work, I went and visited them,
her and Jason when they first moved. It's funny that
she moved across the country and she's like, i'll talk again. Yeah,
I guess i'll see her now.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
Oh yes, I'll see her more now.

Speaker 2 (31:03):
They were still staying with Brenda's mom. So I rented
an airbnb so I didn't impost. I made sure to
get one big enough for all of us so that
Jason could join, and so I could get to know
Jason a bit more. From the interactions we had. He
seems like an awesome guy, and I was so happy
for her. I really thought things were up again and
hoped she saw the effort I was trying to put

(31:25):
into not letting the distance impact our friendship too much. Then,
almost two years ago, I met Dane, my now husband.
Do you know what it means? No? I do. After
years of being lonely and Brenda and I sharing each
other's lonely single chronicles with each other, I finally met
the one Dean and I had an instant connection and
he truly the most incredible person and blessing to my life.

(31:48):
During this time, there were obviously so many exciting events
that I was thrilled to share with Brenda. It seemed though,
that as soon as it couldn't be exact on her terms,
to communication completely reverted. So if it's on her term,
she can't do it.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Yeah, it just seems like, you, guys, you need to
maybe move on from this friendship. She's not putting in
a lot of efforts, and that's not fair.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Here we go. For instance, if I would miss her
call on her drive home from work, but then she
see the notification and ask if we could chat for
a few minutes afterwards, she would say she was home
already I do get being tired after a long day,
but I'm trying my best to get a full picture. Eventually,
I wouldn't be able to get her on a call
at all. For months. I'd reach out and she would reply,

(32:30):
but not really participate in any conversation. I tried asking
if we could call or FaceTime sometime this week, and
it would never happen. Eventually, it got to the point
where she really knew nothing about my life. I had
moved in with Dean and so badly wanted to talk
to my best friend, and I still couldn't get her
on the phone.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
Yeah, this is just not a person who's like putting
you as a priority at all.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
I also felt a bit embarrassed that the person I
told Dean was my best friend at the beginning of
our friendship seemingly couldn't give me even a few minutes
of her time beyond a few empty, generic text messages.
I checked in on her many times, trying to figure
out what was going on. Finally, I snapped and sent
her a message saying, essentially, I feel as though this

(33:13):
friendship has been uneven for quite some time, and until
she's willing to talk about it, hopefully pursue a more
equal dynamic. I didn't think we could be friends anymore.
I said, if she couldn't reply to this, I understood,
and she didn't.

Speaker 3 (33:26):
That's crazy, though, to have like a call out from
like a person that you're supposedly friends with and then
just not reply to it would sucklow.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
I was like, Angie, Angie, SOPHI is my best friend
and you were never around.

Speaker 3 (33:37):
Yeah, I just like and you like texted me and
you're like, hey, let's hang out.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
And I was just like, what was the last thing
I texted you? I know you didn't reply what I said?
Do you have any lime ju? She says, Noah loss,
I said f She said sorry. I said you should.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Be okay, okay, but I did that was the end
of that. Did I really have to respond to you
should be?

Speaker 2 (33:55):
Yes, I'm sorry. It should have been like, I'm gonna.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
Every conversation you have to have, I have to have
the final word. Yeah, okay. I know now.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Even though I initiated this, all I wanted was for
her to see how much her lack of engagement in
our friendship hurt me. A few months later, I got engaged,
and I was flooded with joy, but also emotion because
the one friend I wanted to tell was it in
my life anymore?

Speaker 4 (34:18):
That's it?

Speaker 2 (34:18):
So I reached out. I don't like being a prideful
person or let pride take away from potential healing. So
I somewhat acrap, I admitted any fault I thought I
had in the situation and apologized. I said I should
have tried to talk to her about it with her
more and shouldn't have been so hasty. I said, I
miss her, and I feel like we have a once

(34:39):
in a lifetime friendship that isn't perfect, but I should
have worked on it more. I didn't say that I
disagreed with what I said, because truthfully I didn't, but
admittedly I could have gone about things in a better,
more productive way. Her response was basically that she just
wants to forget it happened and move on.

Speaker 3 (34:56):
That just wants a gloss over it.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
This never happened. Yeah, we could just forget it. Actually,
like whatever is fine, I'm willing to move on if
you are.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
It seems like on Opie's friend's side, she's just like,
this is a casual friendship and we don't have to
actually bring up any big issues and he's like, no,
this is a really important friendship to me and I
want to like actively address my concerns.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
Yeah. So, although I would have loved to talk about it,
I did what she said. I just went back to
talking like usual. We sent messages back and forth for
a few days and then silence because she probably told
me to spam her, and I don't feel weird about
it if she doesn't answer right away. I did that exactly.
If I saw a post that reminded me of her,
I sent it to her, or I'd check in to

(35:37):
see how things were that day. As someone with pretty
high anxiety, I was truly trying my absolute best to
take what she said as truth and not to read
into things. Eventually, a week turned to a month and
it was just me trying to have a one sided conversation.
I felt like I looked crazy. Lol. Finally, I was
about to send invitations to my wedding. I tried reaching
out to make sure the address I had was still

(35:57):
the current one, and that was the vinal Strung. I
messaged her. I just said, essentially I was going to
try to take no answer as the answer, and that
I wish this could all have been different, but she
wouldn't hear from me. Again, I never heard from her.

Speaker 3 (36:11):
So He's like, if you don't respond, that is the answer,
and that's what happened.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
And you can happen to join us live every week
there a three pmpst just tap her profile, we go
live on that.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
TikTok, Facebook and YouTube. Just took a room.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
My brain is melting. I'm just gonna finish this find
of shit. There are no plot lines now. Two weeks
after the wedding, I sent one final message that I
absolutely probably shouldn't have sent, just saying how I would
love to talk it out if one day she wants to.
I truly hope to hear from her and wish her
and Jason nothing but the best. I guess. My question
to all of you is, what do you think this

(36:44):
situation was? I almost would rather her have told me
off than ghostee me. After years of friendship, feel like
I had no resolution, and honestly, that's a really hard
feeling for me. I'm not great at letting things go.
I know this, and I'm actively trying to improve myself
in that way. I just genuinely do feel though, as
I was a good friend for Brenda, and I don't know,
just can't wrap my head around this. The only thing

(37:06):
I could see creating this outcome is if our friendship
just truly didn't mean that much to her. But it
feels so wild. I can't imagine all our fond memories
being so one sided. I also feel like a total
broken record that I am so still torn up about it.
I also did find out that another very long term
friend of hers, even longer than me, had a similar experience,

(37:28):
though they letter began talking again. I just would love
some outside thoughts. Clearly I need to move on, I
know that, but it would be nice to hear from
someone other than my mother or husband.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
Hahaha.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
If you made it this far, truly, thank you for
all your listening, and I hope you have an amazing day,
sending good energy everyone's white. Thank you. I needed that.
I would have been mad if you didn't say that.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
Again.

Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yeah, dude, get out, get out? Just one sided?

Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yeah, why keep pursuing someone who doesn't yeah care about you?

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yeah, and like you. You sent her a wedding invitation
to the biggest day of your day, of all days
in the days that could have been days.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Yeah, you just no Mingming says, Oh, he sounds like
an X who got ghosted. Yeah, like you keep reaching
out expecting change and stuff and they don't. They don't
care enough to respond.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
Agreed, I'm getting Do I have to do a teal
you r of this one?

Speaker 3 (38:16):
I don't know how you would?

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Ah, I'm good at teal yours? Actually?

Speaker 4 (38:19):
Okay, Sam, Here we're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three of its bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
My boyfriend and I are having more and more problems.
How can I break this cycle?

Speaker 4 (38:29):
Break up with them?

Speaker 3 (38:31):
To begin with? Yes, I twenty six femail, love him
fifty two mail?

Speaker 4 (38:36):
Oh, age gap in the room.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
Okay, And I'm sure he loves me and has good
intentions towards me.

Speaker 4 (38:42):
I'm sure of it. I'm sure, I'm really sure of it.

Speaker 3 (38:45):
Here is a background on us, so you don't judge
based on age difference. We met two years ago at
a cafe and instantly fell ahead over heels for each other.
So he was twenty four.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
I bet after he bought your coffee and croissant, you did.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
Our relationship has experienced credible highs, but also many lows
that often feel unbearable. By the way, this comes from
a tech guillionaire on the Okay story time subur at it.
So we get along on many affronts and he is
my best friend. He is my world and my everything.
As for me, I can be a tough character. I
have high expectations, tend to see things in black and white,

(39:20):
and can become reactive and emotional quite easily.

Speaker 4 (39:23):
At least you're self aware.

Speaker 2 (39:25):
She also sees things in black and red when things
aren't making profit. Do you know what black Friday is?

Speaker 3 (39:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (39:29):
Do you know why they call it black Friday? No?
Because all the cells are in black. Because if you
are losing profit, the cells are in red. The markets
are red, so it's black. So black and red means
you see things in profit and loss because she's about
the money.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
See you can just got some lexicon?

Speaker 4 (39:44):
Yeah, dude, are you warm from that warm?

Speaker 3 (39:49):
On the other hand, he has a quick temper, a
big ego, and can be very cold and harsh, not
just with me, and will avoid admitting his mistakes at any.

Speaker 4 (39:58):
Cost sounds like a good guy.

Speaker 3 (40:00):
For the past two years we have grown so close
to one another. I understand and love him and he
the same for me. We have strong love bond, chemistry,
and connection. Over the past six months, his mother has
been getting sick and his business is struggling. He has
become extremely stressed, gained weight which affected his self esteem,
and has been socially distancing himself from his friends. I

(40:21):
try to encourage him to go out, but he has
this internal resistance. He's hurting and it hurts me to
see him like this. Despite my best efforts to be supportive,
we often end up arguing over trivial matters, and most
of the time it's my fault for instigating. I have
been trying to be there for him, but it feels
like I'm walking on eggshells due to the high stress
of the situation. I keep holding all my feelings to

(40:43):
myself and then suddenly bursting at him unreasonably. Here are
the main problems we tend to argue about. I get
jealous of how he looks at other girls and the
way he sometimes interacts with them, which can be overly touchy.
He has worked a lot on this issue, and I
appreciate his efforts. Recently, I discovered something It's about his
past relationships. For him, the past is a taboo topic

(41:04):
and he failed to give a reasonable answer when I
asked about it. I kept bringing it up because it
felt unresolved, and each time it would blow up to
a full fledged fight. Only now after he apologized on
this front, I can move past this topic as I
don't think it's worth losing him over.

Speaker 4 (41:20):
If someone doesn't want to be transparent about their past
with you, it's such a huge being transparent with who
they are is a human Yeah, sure our past doesn't
completely define us, but it informs us. Yeah, I mean,
it's the context for who we are.

Speaker 3 (41:34):
Also, just like if someone's like if I'm like, hey,
like you know, where'd you grow up? What did you
do for I don't talk about that, and they yeah,
And they said, I can't tell you that. I'd be
like so sussed. He says that he is gaining weight
because of me, since we go out and order a lot,
but personally I don't eat much, so he ends up
eating everything.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Yep, yeah that happened to me.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
What you just start eating everything?

Speaker 2 (41:55):
My girlfriend two years ago would be eating something and
then she's like, okn I finish it. Then I would
finish it and then I get bigger. But now I
can't even steal anything off of Angie's plate because she
eats it all.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
Oh yeah, I know, I eat all my food done.

Speaker 4 (42:05):
Oh I love when people can't eat their food because
I just go at it.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
But he blames me for a lot of the bad
things going on in his life. It feels like I'm
being his punching bag. But it's okay. I'm literally the
only one there for him. But this makes me react
sometimes and start a fight. Physical intimacy has been decreasing,
but when we actually make love, it's amazing, and there's
a noticeable lack of affection. And he knows that physical
touches my love language, so sometimes it feels like he

(42:28):
is intentionally holding back to teach me a lesson. I
am a very attractive woman and receive a lot of
attention from others, but none of it matters to me
except for his attention. His lack of affection makes me
feel unattractive. When I express this to him, he told
me that he sees me as beautiful but doesn't know
why he struggles to give compliments. But this lack of
affection does make me start creating issues.

Speaker 4 (42:50):
So Riley, she's with him not only because of the money,
but because of the love making.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
But a little too blue pills can do.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
And it comes to planning priorities, he focuses on trips
in a holiday is well, I feel we need to
sit down and discuss our future, including the potential for marriage.
In the past, he has said that he is ready
to get married at any time, but doesn't want to
be selfish due to our age gap and wants me
to be sure. He often does cute gestures around house planning,
gives thoughtful gifts, and drops hints by calling me missus

(43:17):
in similar terms, but he never directly brings up the
subject of marriage. I did tell him that I want
to see him more proactive on this front, yet he
keeps saying that I am responsible for starting this topic
as well, and this feels like an excuse.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Come on, what.

Speaker 4 (43:32):
Does it mean to for a whole proactive around.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
It feels like he is trying to string her along
one with the talk of oh, missus and other you know,
marriage stuff, but he's not actually going to marry her.

Speaker 4 (43:45):
I don't think he's committed to this.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
No, I don't think so. And then the second thing
is that he's blaming everything on her because he's unsatisfied
with his life, and he's also just trying. Like the
power dynamics are very apparent here where he has the
job and the mind and the age and experience, and
he is like blaming it seems like blaming her for
like being immature, for not understanding. He's like, oh, putting

(44:09):
everything on her. Overall, I'm a positive person and don't
complain much. However, he gets very angry when I become emotional,
especially when I tear up while discussing a topic or
expressing that I'm hurt. In these moments, he refuses to
listen to me. He wants me to be positive all
the time, while I feel like he's constantly negative and complaining.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
If a partner doesn't have the capacity to give you
the space to experience your emotion, yes, not a good
ground for.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
No, I mean you're saying he refuses to listen to you.
He's acting like a child, which makes sense why he's
dating a twenty six year old, because what are you new?
He is very big in size, and when he gets
angry it gets scary. But recently he has progressed a
lot on his temper, while I have not progressed on
my points for improvement, and now he's probably he's probably
saying I've changed for you and you haven't done anything,

(44:59):
so he's probably active, like putting these thoughts in her
head and saying like, oh, you haven't progressed at all.

Speaker 4 (45:03):
I can't even keep track of, like all the deentionality
going on right here.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
When we argue he needs space and lots max three weeks,
three weeks, he shuts me out completely and even blocks me. Girl, girl,
that is.

Speaker 4 (45:16):
You never acceptable year old man? Fifty two year old
man that is blocking his partner when he needs space out.

Speaker 3 (45:23):
Of it, he throws a tantrum and literally ghosts you
for three weeks.

Speaker 4 (45:29):
Sure, yeah, yeah, people need space after conflict, but three
weeks blocking.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
Three weeks ago no contact is crazy? What I need
advice on break up? That's all the That's the only
advice you need. Two weeks ago, we met up after
a very stressful business trip of his, and I ended
up expressing my frustration about the issue in our relationship.
I said things as they were, but some of my
words were harsh. I regret those words as they were

(45:54):
unresolved emotions from my end, and I could have delivered
them in a much more loving and constructive way. Often
let us down like this and the aftermath is unbearable.
This is don't take someone who has been so gas
lit like you can tell him the way.

Speaker 4 (46:08):
That she's writing taking all of it.

Speaker 3 (46:11):
Yes, she's taking all of the responsibility for everything in
this relationship when it's clear that he is icing her
out and literally scaring her. He wanted a ten day break,
a ten day break, which devastated me and made me
feel like I had lost my purpose. When we met
up after the ten days, things seemed okay at first. However,

(46:32):
when we started reflecting on what happened, I got emotional
and teared up a bit at the restaurant, and he
didn't want to listen. He is still being distant, and
when we bumped into each other yesterday at a cafe,
there was tension. He is very fed up with me,
thinks I'm childish, and says he can't continue like this
the audacity. He pointed out that we always go through
the cycle, which I agree with. Usually we talk it

(46:54):
out and make love, but this time he needs to
see material change from my end before we get back together.
And now he's like putting this on her He's like, well,
you need to shape up, you need to be better,
you need to meet my standards. He is losing the
attraction to me and says that I am pushing him away.
He's like every time meet up on Friday, but he
will see.

Speaker 4 (47:12):
He's like, every time you get sad, it's such a
turn off.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
Like he's literally like gaslighting her and stringing her along
and making everything her false.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
It's okay, he can. He has enough funds to buy
another one.

Speaker 4 (47:23):
I think you know who.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
You'll meet up with us if you join us live
every weekday at three pm PSD on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok.
Just tap her profile. Does this sound like a breakup
or is he giving me a last chance. I don't
want to hurt him, and I want to be more supportive,
especially during the rough times. I know that some of
the harsh things he said are coming from a place
of hurt, and mainly hurt I caused. How can I

(47:44):
show change in my behavior to support my word and
feelings for him? How can I save my relationship?

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (47:49):
Pe, you don't you break up with him? He is
manipulating you and putting everything on you, and there is
no relationship to save. I know that you said that
the age gap does not matter, but it does when
he is acting like a child and the power dynamics
are very clearly in play.

Speaker 4 (48:07):
Here, Is this the relationship that you want to save?

Speaker 2 (48:10):
Sometimes when you break a vase, you clean up the
pieces and you put it back together. Sometimes you just
leave it, leave it alone.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
Throw it out.

Speaker 4 (48:16):
We don't know the full story, but it's easy. Like
anything that happens, whether it's like you just being sad,
you are made to be the villain in the relationship.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
But this is the end of that story, so let's
get into the next one.

Speaker 4 (48:29):
My first marriage ended because I cheated? How do I
tell my new fiance.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
Honestly, you should have told her that, like pretty early on.

Speaker 4 (48:38):
A party of three involving one two three people led
to the end of my twenty eight year old female
first marriage. My new fiance, twenty nine male, doesn't know
the whole story. How do I tell him? I got
married to my high school boyfriend young. I was only
twenty two at the time. I would have liked to
have waited longer, but I got pregnant, so we got married.

(48:58):
My ex was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first spicy
sleep first everything, and I was the same for him.
By the way, this comes from you throw away a
three six y five nine on the r okay storytime stubreddit.
So it's about three years into our marriage. My husband
now X begin to hint about spicing up our spicy
sleep life, as it had become rather dull. He suggested

(49:20):
a party of three, and I assumed that he meant
with another girl. I declined because I'm not really into girls.
But what he actually had in mind was another guy.
Turns out one of his secret spicy desires that starts
with a K was watching me with another man. I
again declined, said I wasn't interested, but he was persistent
and eventually wore me down. If I'm being honest, I

(49:43):
was a little curious, having only been with one guy
my whole life. I agreed. We found a guy online
and set the whole thing up. I won't go into
details on the whole event, but I had the best
spicy sleep of my life that night. Rough Man, my
ex seemed to enjoy himself as well. Meeting up with
this guy we'll call him Tim, became a regular occurrent.

(50:06):
Things were good for a while, but turned bad in
a hurry. My ex grew jealous of Tim and I
and began to question our relationship. Eventually, my ex told
me we were done seeing Tim, and when I said
I didn't want to, that was the beginning of the
end for us.

Speaker 3 (50:19):
It's not gonna work out if you're not all on board.

Speaker 4 (50:21):
Yeah, if you're like, actually, I want to keep having
spices to sleep with someone and your partner's like, no,
I'm not on board with that. So we tried to
make it work for the sake of our daughter, but
we were broken at that point. We got divorced and
I ended up dating Tim for a while, but that
ended when I realized we weren't compatible outside of the bedroom.

Speaker 3 (50:39):
It's just like it was really good at one thing.

Speaker 4 (50:41):
I yeah. It fast forward three years and I'm engaged.
We will call my fiance Alex, and I haven't told
him exactly what led to my divorce. He knows I
left my husband for another man, but I left out
the rest of it. I'm ashamed the whole thing and
really don't want Alex to see me that way. What
it's not like again, It's not like.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
I mean, you didn't really, it wasn't cheating.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
As we know.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
Yeah, you had a party of three, but that's consentually.
I think you could tell. I mean I was if
it was cheating, I would say that you have to
tell your partner when it gets like somewhat serious. I think,
like maybe I don't know, when do you tell? Like
when would you say that? Like I would say, like
if maybe a couple months into the relationship.

Speaker 4 (51:22):
Depends on the relationship. But if you're about to marry
someone and they don't know a big part of your
dating history, Yeah, it's just concerning. Like I would hope
that anyone you aren't trying to marry you could be
completely transparent with them, and if you can't, then that
shows like a lack of safety.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Yeah, this one I think you just needed.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
I don't think.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
I don't think your partner would be mad.

Speaker 4 (51:42):
I really love my fiance. I don't think I knew
what real love was until I met him, But I'm
terrified of what he will think of me if he
knows all my past. I'm also not one hundred percent
certain my ex won't let any of this slip out.
The divorce wasn't smooth and there have been many fights
over custody. My ex is also pretty llis of Alex
as well my exes photos and videos of me and Tim,

(52:04):
and I'm not sure he's above sending it to Alex.
He hasn't yet, but he has threatened it when we fight, Like,
but you didn't do anything.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
Wrong, this is just your past relationship update.

Speaker 4 (52:14):
So I told my fiance last night, Thank god, guys,
why are we keeping things from our partner? Just tell
him be transparent. That's what a relationship should be built on,
trust and intimacy. Overall, he took it well, but he
did have a lot of uncomfortable questions that I really
didn't want to answer. But I decided that I was
done lying and hiding the truth, so I answered everything honestly.
Alex had never really pressed me for a lot detail

(52:36):
on what happened with my ex. I told him that
I fell for another man I met and realized there
was something wrong in my marriage. I told Alex that
it was a mistake and I was ashamed of how
I behaved, and he just left it that. So now
he wanted the whole story and every detail. Alex was
mostly interested in what I was thinking throughout the entire ordeal.
He wanted to know what made me choose Tim and
why he was the only one I ever had slept with.

(52:58):
The answer to that was that I wanted it to
be just one guy at a time for safety. We
both talked with Tim for a little while before we
decided to go with him. We also ran a background
check just to be searching. This guy wasn't a felon.
As for why I chose Tim, I didn't lie and
said it was pure physical attraction. Tim's tall and fit,
just a great body from top to bottom. He asked
what about Tim made our time together so good. I

(53:21):
told him there was really the taboo and the thrill
that made it as good as I thought it was.
I only learned that after I started dating Tim. The
spicy sleep was still really good after we started officially dating,
but it wasn't the mind blowing experience it was initially over.
Alex asked me if I was completely over Tim and
if we still had any contact. Me and Tim haven't
spoken in two years after he broke up. When we

(53:41):
continued to have spicy sleep every now and then, when
I met Alex, I stopped it. Tim would text me
early in our relationship inviting me over for spicy sleep,
which I always declined. I blocked him after he sent
me a pick of his you know what, but I
was sitting next to Alex. We haven't had any contact since.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
If you guys were officially together, you definitely should have
told Alex like, hey, my exes keeps reaching out to me. Block. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
Imagine if you're Alex and I am and you see
uh an eggplant on someone's phone, on your partner's phone,
and they go, I could explain, yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:17):
It's not what you think. No, I think I think
you should always you know, if that's happening, because you
didn't do anything, So just tell them, just be like, hey,
this happened. Just wanted to let you know I blocked them.

Speaker 4 (54:27):
Alex asked my feelings changed for my ex because I
had better spicy sleep with Tim, but that wasn't the case.
It seems like Alex is getting a little insecure here.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
I think so at first, I was like to ask
all of those questions for a past relationship.

Speaker 4 (54:39):
At first, I was like, oh, you know, he's curious,
and it's like it's actually an interesting story of like yeah,
but now it seems like it's more insecure.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Probans Oh, why was Tim so good?

Speaker 4 (54:49):
Yeah? What about his body? Like, what about the size
of anything?

Speaker 2 (54:53):
Was good?

Speaker 3 (54:54):
Always better than mine? Yeah, that's what it feels like.
And I think it's a little bit weird to ask
that much pimation about a previous relationship.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
I mean, I get it, it's coming from insecurity, but
it's just, yeah, it doesn't it doesn't create like a
good file. The spicy sleep was bad with my ex
because I was no longer attracted to him. I'm not
sure I was ever very attracted to him. Actually, I
was fifteen when we met. He was older and gave
me tons of compliments, told me how pretty I was.
So we started dating, and I liked having a boyfriend,

(55:23):
so we stayed together. I eventually got pregnant, so we
got married. Tim just made me realize that I wasn't
very attracted to my ex. So it wasn't like Tim
was amazing. Yeah, it's just like the bar was already
slightly better. Yeah, and I ultimately agreed to stop seeing
Tim while we went to counseling, but my ex just
couldn't get over that I wanted to keep seeing him.
I admitted that I never really had good spicy sleep

(55:46):
and was initially resistant to giving it up. I am
ashamed of that, but agreeing to stop immediately wouldn't have
saved our marriage. My ex was very jealous by the point,
obsessed really, and we were already fighting a lot. The
marriage was dead from the very first time I had
spicy sleep with another man, probably before, but definitely then.
I don't know if it was that was the moment.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
Well, I think that was the moment that it'll be realized. Sure,
I think the relationship was probably like kind of heading
in that direction, but.

Speaker 4 (56:13):
Then like it gave experience, Yeah, and after having that
reference point of like, oh oh, I can't go back. Yeh.
The whole ordeal really did destroy my ex, and I
felt terrible about that. My ex initially wanted full custody
and my daughter, but we settled on shared custody, thank god. Yeah,
but eventually just stopped picking our daughter up. What's sad.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
That's terrible.

Speaker 4 (56:35):
He became unstable and I now have full custody. My
ex doesn't see our daughter very much anymore. It's really sad.
And although he isn't blameless in all this, it is
mostly my fault.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
I mean, he's the one who initially started the party
of three talk.

Speaker 4 (56:49):
Yeah, and he's the one who, after the fact, decided
to stop seeing own daughter when he had all legal
right too. I'm not that person anymore, and I I'm
really am ashamed of how I behaved. And if you
just want to feel not ashamed, you should join us
live on YouTube, but Facebook, TikTok Twitch every weekd at
three pm PST. Just tap our profile. Finally, Alex asked

(57:13):
if I was satisfied with our spicy sleep?

Speaker 3 (57:16):
Is the insecurities?

Speaker 4 (57:17):
Yeah? And if in the future, if things grew stale,
would I want someone else? I told him that I'm
more satisfied with our spicy sleep. I'm obsessed with Alex
and insanely attracted to him. Who like, who wrote this
about me?

Speaker 3 (57:32):
Now?

Speaker 4 (57:32):
I'm sure at some point when we get older, I
spicy sleep may get a little stale. But there are
ways to spice our spicy sleep without having spicy sleep
with another guy. There's like at least two other options.
My experience with that has permanently soured me on that
type of thing. Alex did have a problem with my
ex having the videos of me and Tim, but he
doesn't know what to do about it. He also has

(57:53):
no desire to see them good be interesting if he did,
but I'm relieved about that too, So we are okay.
And I just want to tell anyone that is considering
something like this with their partner to really think it
through before you get through with it. I learned that
the hard way.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
I mean, any any sort of situation where you're bringing
another party into your relationship should be talked about extensively
and make sure that both parties are very enthusiastic about it.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
I think it's just like if you've only been and
it only had any form of romantic or spicy experiences
with one person, If you like bring in another, you're
doubling that person's experiences and people that they've engaged with,
and that kind of just opens up Pandora's box. I
think there's, you know, opportunity, like there's ways that could work. Obviously,

(58:39):
like it was doomed that you never were fully attracted
to the first partner. But yeah, it's just tricky. And hey, y'all,
it's John og Host here.

Speaker 1 (58:49):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break from As for more sponsors.

Speaker 3 (58:52):
My boyfriend is making me choose sides between him and
his friend. She says he's a manipulator.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
He said, she said, okay, whatever.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
I understand why my boyfriend is upset, but I feel
that how he reacted may have been too much. Maybe
what I did warrants that. I hope you guys can
give me some insight. By the way, this comes from
Mammoth round fifteen seventeen on the Okay Storytime subvered it. So,
my boyfriend twenty four male Sean, and I twenty three female,
have been dating for almost six months now, but have

(59:20):
known each other for almost a year. He had a
best friend, who all call Riley. Him and Riley have
known each other since high school, but only started becoming
close platonically a year ago.

Speaker 4 (59:30):
Riley sounds pretty hot.

Speaker 3 (59:32):
There's never been anything romantic or spicy sleep between them.
Their friendship is strictly platonic and has been stated to
be that multiple times on multiple occasions by the two
of them. I believe them both. In hanging out with
Riley Moore, I thought she was a cool person. We
would all hang out a lot every other week, if
not once a week. Me and her connected, and although

(59:52):
we didn't talk much outside of group, interactions. We had
our little friendships outside of my boyfriend. It's small, but
I was looking forward to a grown going into something
more and us becoming better friends. About a week ago,
she texted my boyfriend saying that she wanted to end
the friendship with him. This came out of nowhere, so
we were both surprised. She called him a narcissist, manipulative,

(01:00:14):
abum all of this stuff. She decided that the only
reason she stayed friends with him for this long was
because she felt bad for me and wanted to make
sure I was okay and safe while dating him.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
No, h, soone's jealous here, callin yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:26):
I of course this hurts Sean, who up until now
has never had a major fight or argument with his
friend whatsoever. I texted her after she told him that
for more context on what she was talking about and
what that meant for my friendship with her. She informed
me that I did nothing wrong and she still loves
me and wants to be friends with me. But after
a situation happened between him and another friend of hers

(01:00:47):
before me and him started dating, it opened her eyes
to how far he'll goo to manipulate people situations and feelings.
She told me the same thing. She told him that
the only reason she continued the friendship after that was
because she got to know me and really liked me
as a person. She started to feel protective over me
being with him, and the friend he had a situation
with told her to maintain the friendship with him as

(01:01:09):
well because they both realized he was a narcissist. She
feels uneasy about me being with him because she knows
what kind of a destructive, manipulated person he is. After
all that, she apologized if any of that offended me
because I am still dating him. But she's felt like
this for a while and felt like she could tell
me now she still wants to be friends with me.
Now that's a lot of information for me to take in.

Speaker 4 (01:01:32):
Yeah, yeah, does she approve I'm curious? For example, he
is like yeah, I could see what you mean, or like, no,
my boyfriend is the best guy. What you're saying is
just wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
I think what made it hard for me to dismiss
her was because she's known him much longer than I have. Yes,
people change, but because of their strictly platonic friendship, there
are things I feel like he's told her that are
different than what he's told me someone he was trying
to date and now dating. There's a difference between how
you'll tell a friend something and hell you'll tell your
partner slash someone you're trying to date something, if you

(01:02:03):
can even tell them at all. And if this is
her view of him, who am I to tell her
she's wrong when she's seen him in a much different
light than I have and not. A reason why it's
hard for me to just cut things off with her
is because we have our own bond outside of my boyfriend.
He was the one who introduced us, yes, but we
made the decision to talk and get to know each
other outside of him, so now we have our own relationship.

(01:02:24):
I'm confused about why it has to end just because
she wanted to end the friendship with him. I understand disrespect,
and I understand why my boyfriend would be hurt over
my wanting to stay friends with her. The night that
this happened, he essentially told me to choose sides between
him and her, while also stating the same breath that
he would still choose to be with me no matter what.
I took a few days to think about it, and

(01:02:45):
I decided I wanted to keep my friendship with her.
I don't know if it'll strengthen or remain a very casual,
low maintenance friendship. But if I chose to cut her
off and me and my boyfriend broke up down the line,
I would regret having done that. It wasn't good. My
boyfriend holds the belief that because she no longer respects
Slash cares about him, she no longer respects Slash cares
about her relationship, as in, if I'm hanging out with her,

(01:03:06):
she'll start trashing him to me.

Speaker 4 (01:03:08):
Oh, she's already done that. Well, it's disrespectful.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
She's already done that.

Speaker 4 (01:03:12):
Well, I mean, I don't think she did that. She
was just said, like, this is my perspective of him.
For those reasons, I'm out. But it's not like herranting
about him.

Speaker 3 (01:03:20):
I don't believe that's something she'll do for the following reasons.
If she's done with him, why would she talk negatively
about him to me, his girlfriend more than what's already
been said. Why would she bring him up randomly in
a conversation with me just to talk about him negatively?
Knowing that I love him, I'm happy with him, and
I already know how she feels about him based on
what I know about her. That just doesn't seem like

(01:03:40):
something she'll do. I told my boyfriend the decision I
came to, and he was hurt, as I expected him
to be. But then he started calling me fake and
saying how I never support him and I'm never there
for him. I just do what I want to do,
like always, I'm gonna be honest. That is what it
feels like.

Speaker 4 (01:03:55):
Oh yeah, because she was so willing to choose, like, yeah,
she's so.

Speaker 3 (01:04:00):
Willing to be friends with someone who she's not really
close with at all. She said is a low maintenance friendship.

Speaker 4 (01:04:06):
Yeah, that like totally has an awful view of her boyfriend, Yes,
to the point of like accusations of being a terrible human.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Yeah, And she's like, yeah, I'm gonna be friends with.

Speaker 4 (01:04:14):
Her anyway, like her experience is valid.

Speaker 3 (01:04:16):
But that's crazy. Again. Maybe Riley is telling the truth,
in which case, sope he needs to make that decision.
But you can't choose both of them.

Speaker 4 (01:04:23):
I feel like there's just a lot of context being
left out.

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
Well, we don't know. It just seems like he doesn't.

Speaker 4 (01:04:27):
Know seeing any of these things. It seems like she's
Opie said that she didn't, but it's still open to
the fact that, like, he showed some of these behaviors
before the relationship, But wouldn't that affect how you see him?

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
I don't know. Again, I understand he's hurt. I'm not
saying he's not allowed to be, but to say those
things about me feels false when I've done a lot
to help make him happy. A few examples, He's staying
with me rent free and has been for the past
few months. The one time I asked for help with rerent,
he didn't have it, so I let it go. He
hasn't had a job for the past month, and there's
been no question about money from me. But still I

(01:05:01):
let him use my car. He doesn't have one of
his own to go wherever he wants to go. Granted,
he doesn't drive much without me, but the time he has,
it's been no problem on my part with him barring
my car. He doesn't eat beef for pork because that's
how he was raised, but I do. I've cut down
and eating beef and pork because I know he enjoys
eating the same meals with me and because he says
it makes my private smell slash tasty.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
Oh my gosh, Dakota was telling me about this.

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
I do remember to your boyfriend sucks.

Speaker 4 (01:05:31):
I mean, is there any truth, like biological truth in that?

Speaker 3 (01:05:34):
I don't know Riley is right now it seemingly like
Riley is more right. So why are you staying with Sean?

Speaker 2 (01:05:39):
Yeah? Get out of there.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
It's like you have to pick one side. You can't
do middle grad this.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
This person doesn't have a job, I don't know if
they're a job, doesn't have a car, and telling you
how your thing smells whenever you eat something that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:05:50):
Leave him, leave him. None of these things are things
that I resent him for, but it did strike me
the wrong way when he called me fake and claimed
I don't care about him when there's so many examples
that proved the opposite. I also don't appreciate him asking
me to choose sides. Everyone in this situation is grown
and we can all make our own choices, especially if

(01:06:10):
he plans on staying with me regardless. Just because he
assumes the worst will happen by me staying friends with
her doesn't mean it will. And it feels like he's
not giving me the belief that if she did trash
talk him to me that I would defend him. Girl,
she already did. She already did. She called the manipulative,
a narcissist and a bum.

Speaker 4 (01:06:28):
But it was it wasn't ranting. It was more like,
here are my reasons.

Speaker 3 (01:06:34):
I'm out, that's still trash talking. If I went to
Riley a Riley Yes, and said Alex is manipulative, a narcissist,
and a bum and you found that out, you're not
telling me that's not trash.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
Talking, but Alex is saying. Alex is saying he already
is a narcissist, a bum, and what was the other one?

Speaker 3 (01:06:52):
A manipulator?

Speaker 2 (01:06:53):
A manipulator. So he's like, oh, these are all truths.
Is that correct? That's what you're saying. You're saying these
all truths, So thus who is truth? I'm just in
this scenario, you you believe that Sean is a narcissist,
is a manipulator, is a bomb. So like you're like, oh,
that's not getting onto him or like insulting because it's true.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
Why do I have to be stuck in the middle
of it? I don't know any insight is greatly appreciated
by the way. We would greatly appreciate if you join
us live every weekday on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok at
three pm PSD. Just tap her profile. Before me and
my boyfriend started dating, he had spicy sleep with his
friend's friend, Ginny.

Speaker 4 (01:07:30):
We're getting more context.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
That's n Ginny. Yes, it is with a G. Yep.

Speaker 4 (01:07:36):
I've not read Harry Potter. The reason that I've been confused, yeah,
is that I need more context. I don't know what
the heck is going on right now, and we're about
to get We're about to get morends, That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:07:45):
Me and him were talking at this point, but not
committed to each other, but everyone could tell he liked
me more than any other flings he had in that
time period. Ginny had never met me before a few
days after they had spicy sleep, me and him, Ginny
and Riley went to a raved together. I had no
idea that he had spicy sleep with Jenny. He hadn't
told me by this point, and Jenny had no idea

(01:08:08):
that he was steadily hooking up with me. Now, I
got along with Genny because I get along with most
people and she was really sweet. But Riley saw that
as humiliating and disrespectful to both me and Jenny, and
it really put into perspective for her what type of
person he is? Manipulative? That's the manipulative.

Speaker 2 (01:08:25):
Also, I think Riley may have had some feelings for.

Speaker 3 (01:08:28):
Him, possibly, and she's like everyone else.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
And she got her and now she's like, you can't
date no one can. He's weird. But she's right, She's right,
she's been her.

Speaker 3 (01:08:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:08:35):
If that's the evidence for him being like a piece
of crap and being manipulative, it seems like he did
not have clear agreements with any of these people. Yeah,
and was just not telling his business to these people,
which I think is totally someone's volition.

Speaker 3 (01:08:49):
No, I think so too, But I also think, like
I just think he's got to pick one. You can't.
You can't choose both of those people.

Speaker 4 (01:08:56):
Yeah, I don't know the logistics of it working when
you have you know, you're committed to a partner and
then a friend that you're hanging out regularly like hates
your partner.

Speaker 3 (01:09:05):
Hates him and and told you and told him. But
that is the end of that story.

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My friend said that I am a “BAD FRIEND”… she’s the one who won’t apologize! - r/AITA_WIBTA_AITA | Reddit Stories | EP2006

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My friend said that I am a “BAD FRIEND”… she’s the one who won’t apologize! - r/AITA_WIBTA_AITA | Reddit Stories | EP2006