My friend was late for work…so I’m ending our friendship!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
This is John, your og Okay Storytime podcast host, and
we got some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,
just stick around for a two minute break with a
word from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
My friend was late for work, so I'm ending our friendship.
Me thirty four female and my former friend SM. I'm
going to call her Stephanie. My friend Stephanie thirty three
f have been friends and co workers for about a
year now. I usually don't take my friendships in work

(00:33):
out of work because of things like this, so we
keep our work friends at work and that's it.

Speaker 4 (00:40):
Yeah, that's why I'm not friends with any of my
other people I work with.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Correct, We had definitely bonded and spent lots of time
together outside of work and shared personal things. By the way,
this comes from user Bazucocket on the r slash Okay
Storytime separated in March. I had become pregnant and the
dad wasn't going to be involved, but she and everyone
else in my life have been very supportive.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
I have always struggled.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Asking for help, mostly because I'm used to having to
do everything on my own. Stephanie had stated she was
planning to help me be in the room when I
gave birth and move in with me and help me
get through it and you know, raise the little bit be.
She helped me throw a gender reveal party. It was
on the rooftop of her apartment building. She was absent

(01:25):
for most of it, however, which was really weird to me.
The trouble started a few months ago when I started
to remodel the baby room. I needed to update the electricity.
Found out I had no insulation and my windows from
a few years ago had been installed in directly.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
That's a rough thing to find out when you're about
to have a baby.

Speaker 3 (01:41):
No electrical uh, no insulation, shoddy windows. When I ask
for help, saying no is always an option. I understand
people have personal things in their lives and limits. On
three separate occasions, I asked for help and she said
she would help, and then she didn't show up and
would message me hours later with a lame excuse and
no apology or acknowledgement of bailing on me. Instead, it

(02:04):
would just be a lame excuse.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
But you know what's a lame excuse not mentioning that
this is literally an okay, story time story. This is
one of you.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
Guys, bazooka kit are you there.

Speaker 3 (02:17):
I actually got a little depressed from this and spent
a weekend crying. I didn't even need her to do
everything but just show up, yeah, and be present with
my ADHD. I'm more productive when someone else is there.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
To mirror with. Yes, yes, it's true. Someone's called neurospiciness.

Speaker 4 (02:35):
What's it called. There's a term for it. It's like
when you like, when you work better with someone in
the room.

Speaker 2 (02:41):
I probably don't think it's called mirroring.

Speaker 4 (02:42):
I think it's it's starts with a P. I want
to say, but this is so true. I like, I
love doing work, and like I don't need them to
talk to man but.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Doctor just presence.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
The one time she did show up two hours late,
she took my paintings down that were held up by
pushpins and never re hung them. So now I have
another project to do. Also, I find this very disrespectful.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
To do with anyone.

Speaker 4 (03:04):
Yeah, and also it didn't start with a P. It
was body doubling. Was the term out.

Speaker 2 (03:07):
Body doubling, not body pubbling, body dububbling. That's a weird thing.
To do to show be like, yeah, I'll come and.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
Help, and then be like, I'll just take these things
off the wall and leave.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
I guess like, I'll just take these thank you.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
These are in the wrong place. You'll figure it out. O.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
P has a tendency to shut down when I'm frustrated
and avoid confrontation, and I'd rather cool off and not
say things I don't mean or be misunderstood. I have
been a little nervous I'll be delivering this baby solo,
especially since she is so flaky.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
That's good. You should expect to be solo.

Speaker 4 (03:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
At work patient care, I know I am good at
my job, seen as responsible and occasionally given leadership roles
despite only being there a year and a half. Stephanie, however,
has no call, no shows, comes back from breaks late,
and is very unreliable as a coworker.

Speaker 4 (03:53):
Oh, that's like, it's exhausting when you have a friend,
you know, you're friends with someone who's a bad worker
and you work at the same you know, like, this
is not something that I've had here, but like.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Because then you got to You're a neverly gonna have
to You're gonna be put in a position where you
got to back them up, or someone's gonna say, have
you seen Stephanie, She's totally a wall, and you're like, like,
I don't know, but I'm sure she has a perfectly
good reason she does not.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Uh huh.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
So with the work we do, details really matter, and
I've seen the consequences when details are missed unfortunately. For example,
one time I had to come into the room she
was working in to give her a break, only to
find after thirty minutes, none of the set up for
the patient was done.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
Equipment, patient in the computer, and no op.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
He is having to like fill in basically all this work.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
If you're doing, like if you work in like a
medical field or patient care, it's like you can't just
be like, ah, somebody, they'll figure it out without me.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
I guess what am I gonna do? Take care of
somebody's life?

Speaker 3 (04:49):
Oh so my job probably not today. Today I'm watching
reality TV.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
And she's like, ohp can you send me your HBO?

Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yeah, this usually takes ten minutes stops. So I have
no idea what she was doing, and I left to
give someone else a break instead because it wasn't fair
to me. One of the days I was in charge.
I was making the hurry up motion because I was
trying to get the room turned over, and she was
doing stuff that should have gotten done during the you
know the case. She then had an attitude when I

(05:20):
tried to send her on a break because people are
supposed to get breaks at the end of the day.
She tried to give me a hug and then gave
me an excuse, and I just wasn't having it. I
told her she needed quote to get a reality check damn,
which sounds correct. She looked shocked, but I think she
also needed to realize she was peeving off her coworkers,

(05:41):
not just me. Even the really chill people have complained
to our manager. It's been tenuous since. And she didn't
even come to the girl's trip with a few other girls.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
You got dandruff girl.

Speaker 4 (05:54):
Because I'm hoping everything's okay with her.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
This islder, you know.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Freaking flakes. Yeah, mm hmm, Yeah, it's true. You know,
she may be going through her own things could be
a little you know, she's got a lot of people
with substance abuse stuff to kind of you know, go
through this kind.

Speaker 4 (06:13):
Of wall or justly you know, sometimes people have like
mental health, you know, like issues, especially like if you
have I'm not saying that she does, but if she had,
like she was going through like depressive episode or something
like that, I do think. I think OP needs to
have a conversation with her and just like set her
down and be like, you have not been a very
good friend. Yeah, I want to know is there something up?
Is something else going on? And if you know, if

(06:34):
she's going forward still is not making any changes, then
you don't need to continue that friendship.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
But at this point I just see her as flaky.
I would have talked it out with her then, to
be honest, But this last Monday, she changed what we
were doing as a normal practice, and none of my
other coworkers knew about it or have been doing it.
So I asked her to fill out a little paper
for our morning huddles, you know, a little standard operating procedure.

Speaker 4 (06:56):
It feels a bit like OP is superior either.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
Yeah, she is.

Speaker 3 (07:02):
It's like at the work she kind of has a
little more responsibility. And it's like so now it's a
weird scenario because it's like her friend is under underling,
you underling, and also it's her position. How do I
talk to you as a friend who's also kind of
your boss. She tried to explain her reasoning, and I said,
I just need you to fill it out. It's not

(07:22):
wrong or anything, but everyone on the team should know
how it works and how to troubleshoot it.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
You just need to do your job correctly. Fill this
thing out.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
After work, I decided to send her a message on
Instagram so i'd know if she read it and tried
to stick with our friendship issues. I stated, maybe it's
my fault for not communicating my hurt feelings sooner, but
I'm also feeling like I deserve a little more support
since I'm like fifty days from birthing my little human.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Bur them a little burn them a little baby, A.

Speaker 4 (07:49):
Little human's about to come out.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
About to burst out the oven. I also stated I
thought our friendship was better than this. After twenty four hours,
I was left on red seventy.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yes, Stephie, you're blowing it.

Speaker 4 (08:05):
Blowing it.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yesterday I talked.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
To our manager because I'm worried about this affecting patient
care and my co workers because oh boy, did they notice.
And you know that's fair. You were putting a position
where now you have to go to the high roupes.
That's probably not going to be a nice conversation later.

Speaker 4 (08:19):
No, that's on her.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
Work is a safe space for me, and everyone is
generally pretty awesome. Basically I won't have to worry because
I'm not the problem, but also was encouraged on being
more direct with issues or reporting them to management. I'm
not about to make a hostile work environment or target people,
but I also don't enjoy being abused for being a
hard worker. And we promise you don't have to work hard.

(08:43):
To join us live on YouTube every weekday at three pm,
just tap our profile. So today, five days after sending
the message, she finally messaged me back damn, stating she
doesn't know why I didn't apologize and was confused when
I got really quiet and distant, literally stated why in
my message. But okay, because like per my last yeah,

(09:07):
per my last yeah. To be honest, I have already
mourned the loss of this friendship and understand it will
bring me peace to not pursue it further. I responded,
message read, am I the a hole? I do intend
to keep work civil, But one coworker ask if I
just apologize, even if I didn't mean it to.

Speaker 4 (09:25):
Keep the peace, I think, I mean, you have to
be civil at work, but I think that letting this
friendship kind of naturally die as it is, like she's
already not being there for you. You don't have to
reach out to her anymore. You've got your own you
got your own stuff going on here.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yeah, baby, you are literally about to pop out a
little mini person. That's going to happen, and it sucks
that this person won't be able to be there for
you for it. But you are definitely not an a
hole for having you know, sort of reached the end
of the line here. I think with this relationship with
it well, I mean, well technically it's with the friendship, right, yes,
because you're still going to have a relationship worthwhile person

(10:00):
because of work. So I think it is maybe a
good call to maybe just you know, if you've already
made your piece just now keeping it at work. Sometimes
you just got to be the bigger person and it make.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
The flow feel good.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
And honestly, from the sound of it, she probably won't
be there much longer anyway.

Speaker 4 (10:15):
No, I mean, you've already reported her, you know, to
the higher ups, and they'll decide whether or not they
want to keep her. But I think you were already
kind of, as you said, mourning the loss of the relationships.
She was already being flaky outside of work, and you
were already navigating that seemingly well at work. So I
think just operating the same way that you were already doing.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
I think the moment she came over and just took
your pictures off the wall and then like left without
putting them back up, yeah, it was the beginning of
the end right there.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
I don't know if I'm being wildly unreasonable and jealous
over this, So I need some outside opinions. Well, we'll
get them to you. I twenty nine female, have been
with my boyfriend, thirty male for three years and we
share an apartment. He has a female friend, now thirty
four female, and they were friends for years before I
came along. I had no issues with their closeness. I

(11:02):
have male friends and knew i'd be a hypocrite to
leap to judgments, But at this point I feel I'm
justified in thinking the way I do about her. The
first time I met her, it was extremely obvious Nell
didn't like me. She came into the bar all excited
to see my boyfriend. Before noticing me, She's.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Like, uh, Nell, you smell Nell.

Speaker 4 (11:21):
Her entire demeanor changed. She shook my hand and dug
her nails into my skin. Oh my god, Pat's power
play right there, Yeah, before ignoring me the rest of
the night. She even seemed upset at one point that
I took the seat beside my boyfriend and quietly left
halfway through the evening without saying goodbye. She's freaking jealous,
so it's safe to say my first impression of her

(11:41):
wasn't good. But I tried to reason with myself that
not everyone gets along and I don't need to be
friends with my boyfriend's friends. By the way, this comes
from throw a pretty net on the best of Redditor
updates suburg However, as time passed, it became really clear
Nell's attitude towards me wasn't improving. She had a way
of openly mocking me in front of groups of people,
making side comments or loudly joking about my voice or appearance.

(12:05):
My boyfriend would stand there and say nothing, and after
the fact, when I asked him about it, you'd say
he hadn't noticed. She also made a show of hugging
him hello and goodbye, and not me. She would mix
that kind of stuff in with smiles and basic politeness,
so it was tough to articulate exactly what she'd done.
I felt very much like I was back in high school.
From that point on, I basically decided I didn't need

(12:26):
to have someone like that in my life, so just
stopped going to things she was at. I haven't seen
her in about a year. My boyfriend still sees her
regularly and they text often.

Speaker 2 (12:36):
Wait, No, you're losing now, that's not the right move.

Speaker 4 (12:39):
I'm now at the stage where I fully believe they've
either dated in the past or have something going on now.
I've tried gently bringing this up, but he denies they've
ever dated and makes me feel like I'm being jealous
and bitter by asking. I ended up suppressing those feelings
before something brings them up again. I've reached the end
of my tether with it. The final straw for me
came the other day when my boyfriend and left his

(13:00):
phone open uh oh, and I saw a text exchange
between the two. Nell had sent him a heart emoji,
and my boyfriend had written something about how he was
thinking of her.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Oh, oh, hell no, Nell.

Speaker 4 (13:14):
Get the hell out of here.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Nell, that'sir you having.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
And the boyfriend needs to get hit in the head
with a bell.

Speaker 4 (13:22):
Mm hmm, or get Nell out of there. I know
I should have sent something then and there, but I
felt dumb and decided to go to bed. I'm trying
to work out how to handle this. Is it possible
nothing's going on here. It's something I've tried arguing in
my head, but then something else pops up that makes
me doubt it. Maybe friends do just send hearts and

(13:42):
I'm making this up because I don't care for Nell.
I don't want that to be the case. I'm basically
at a point where I feel he either has to
tell me the truth and restrict contact with Nell, or
else I don't feel like I can maintain the relationship.
I feel constantly disrespected and I want something to change,
but don't know how to go about. Any advice would
be welcome, and there is an update to finish this

(14:04):
story off. Boy, I mean, you are being disrespected, and
I think the fact that your boyfriend is not doing
anything about it means maybe this relationship is over.

Speaker 3 (14:12):
No, he's this is clearly and I think I think
she was playing Missus Steele, your man and it, and
I think she mays, I think she's working because I
don't have any I mean, like with there's some context
in maybe which I would send like a platonic friend
who's a girl like the like heart and then like
thinking of you, like if they just went through something.

Speaker 4 (14:31):
Yeah, or like there are there are the specific context.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
But not just like like like oh, it's just a
one pm on a Tuesday, I'm thinking about you.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
Yeah, that's that's that's boyfriend behavior.

Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, big red flag for both Nell and your stinky boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (14:46):
A few days ago, after a lot of tearful soul searching,
I decided the best thing for me would be to
walk away from the relationship.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Don't you run run away from sprint away?

Speaker 4 (14:57):
And I'm glad that you decided that, because we also
decided that for I sat my boyfriend down and talked
to him about it. I explained that I always felt
like the third wheel in my own relationship and that
for my own happiness, I didn't want to be in
a relationship that made me feel that way anymore. I
gave examples to him that I did in my original post,
such as his lack of boundaries with Nell, and his
disinterest in standing up for me whenever she mocked me.

(15:19):
I also said my trust in him had been eroded
to the point where I felt unsure of what I
really was to him. I told him I still cared
about him and wanted him to be happy, but that
I wanted to be happy too. My boyfriend sat silently
for a while before asking, so you're jealous of Nell.
That's not the takeaway, you dumb?

Speaker 1 (15:37):
Do you do?

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Head? Ooh my? Oh?

Speaker 2 (15:41):
The rage, the rage within me? That guy, no way.

Speaker 4 (15:46):
I felt like he barely processed anything I just said,
and when I tried clarifying, he got defensive and told
me he was allowed female friends, which is not what
Opie is saying. I could tell he wanted to turn
it into an argument, and since my mind was already
made up and I said what I wanted, I ended
the conversation and he played a computer game and acted
like I wasn't there as I packed my things and left.

Speaker 3 (16:07):
What a baby, Yeah, freaking baby to be like, you're
jealous of the girl who I'm constantly.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Talking to and like makes fun all the time.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Literally gone out of your way to cut out of
your own life because you do not like spending a
single moment with her.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, I guess you're just jelly baby.

Speaker 4 (16:25):
I guess it's all on you. Just it couldn't be
anything that I've done. Yeah, fuddle, No, it.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Sounds like I bet you this guy's cheating.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, he's just he's just putting, projecting that you're jealous
of my completely platonic friend that I send hearts to.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
Yeah, no, he's protecting. I've been staying with my best friend,
who was amazing and always so supportive. We're actually looking
into sharing a place officially. We love. I burst into
tears on her doorstep and we hugged it out before
having a movie night with pizza and some wine.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Classic. That sounds like, Oh my goodness.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
I don't drink, but I'd love some pizza.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Pizza, pizza wonderful.

Speaker 3 (16:58):
Oh my god, condense the pizza into don't do that, actually,
don't do that, don't make pizza wine.

Speaker 4 (17:04):
It felt really therapeutic, like a weight was lifted off
my shoulders. My family have been amazing to rallying round
and taking me out for little meals and stuff.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
I even got.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
One or two sweet messages from my boyfriend's friends wow,
saying they were sorry and that they fully understood my
point of view, which is interesting. That is interesting that
they're on your side because they probably also noticed. They
probably also noticed how Nell was treating you.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
If these were events, that's really that's got to be
really like affirming to be like, yeah, all the friends are.

Speaker 2 (17:33):
Also like yeah, now, what the hell sucks? And what
the hell? Now?

Speaker 4 (17:38):
What the hell?

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Can't stop saying that.

Speaker 4 (17:40):
I imagine that would be the end of it. But the
next morning I woke up to messages from a number
I didn't know. It was, now mind your own you
got your boy, You literally got the boy? Why are
you still after a people?

Speaker 3 (17:54):
Nell's trying to cast a spell, and I say, no, no, no.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
I honestly didn't think she'd contact me, so to see
walls and walls of texts in my inbox was a shock.
Let me run down some of the things she said.
She repeatedly insisted that she never bullied me, and she
said she had no idea where that came from. She said,
I always seemed cold towards her, so trying to make
little jokes to break the ice. Openly mocking someone is
an interesting method, but I digress. Lastly, she told me

(18:21):
I was making things up by suggesting she ever had
a thing with my axe. They were just friends. She's like,
as much as I want, I wish that we were more,
we're just friends.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
I casted my spell and it did not go well.
So as nell I am not.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
Your boyfriend's girl, uh fell flat.

Speaker 4 (18:39):
She finished with a passive aggressive apology that I ruined
my own relationship by being jealous and listening to the
voices in my head. That's gone. I'll be crazy.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, I know this girl is is like it sounds
like she's a perfect match for the boyfriend because they
both suck.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
They both freaking so that's why their best friends see
little sucky peas in a little sucky pod.

Speaker 4 (18:59):
I didn't respond to her venom or try to get
the last word. I know she wanted to repeat her
tried and true method of hitting out at me and
enjoying my reactions, so I didn't give her one. I've
been focusing on other things to start building my self
esteem and happiness back. And you guys can build your
happiness with us by joining us live every weekday at
three PMPSD.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
Just tap her profile brick by brick by this algorithm brick.

Speaker 4 (19:24):
I love those trick dogs. It's like I didn't place
this brick. When you get like a really weird, I
didn't put that brick there, put that brick there. My
ex has not tried to contact me since I left,
and I'm glad. Frankly, I think him and Nell are
perfect for each other. I'm well and truly done with this,
and I'm so excited for new things in my life.
My friend and I are making arrangements to officially have

(19:46):
a place together, and I officially got promoted at work today.
Life is looking up. When you didn't have to deal
with your boyfriend. I feel like it was a little
hug from the universe in all things are looking bright.
So to end things, I want to thank everyone again
for the message. I think hearing your opinions, as well
as getting all my thoughts out in a post are
what really opened my eyes and allowed me to leave.

(20:06):
I finally feel I'm making myself the priority. Feel pretty
freaking great.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
We love us, loving ourselves, love the love self, Cared
go on freaking great. Man better off without Smelly Nelly
in her Cie Nelly and her stinky antics.

Speaker 4 (20:26):
Yeah, so true, Kimberly Fine says, And she smells like
anchovies and she's Oh, Kimberly finds his nell had a smell.
The smelly smell that smells Nellie so true. I always
say that my best friend asked to sleep with my boyfriend.
I'm cutting her off. Oh what do you mean you're

(20:47):
cutting our she asked. Me and Kylie have been best
friends since childhood. One month ago, her boyfriend cheated on her,
which absolutely devastated her. Me and my boyfriend were there
for her support. She was very friendly with my boyfriends
and our relationship started. Kylie was hurt and broken by
the way. This comes from Practical Analysts seventy six on
the r slas Shoky story time Separate It. Me and

(21:08):
my boyfriend did everything so that she could feel better. Recently,
we took her out to spend time with us. We
took her into dinner with us, took her with us
on holiday. Eventually, Kylie started to get better and better.
She started to smile again and was looking very happy,
But she kept herself away from dating because she told
us that she couldn't believe in a guy this Soon,

(21:29):
we respected her decision and were fully supportive of her. Yesterday,
Kylie came to our house. My boyfriend was going outside
to bring some food in and greeted Kylie and told
her to stay here and have lunch with us. Kylie
smiled and agreed. When he left, Kylie came to me
and told me she wanted to tell me something. I
asked her what. She told me if I could do

(21:50):
a favor for her. She wasn't looking at me while
saying this, so I felt a little awkward. Then out
of nowhere, she asked me if she could sleep with
my boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
For one night, just a quick favor, one night, just
a quick favor. I just have one favor, please.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
I couldn't believe my ears what I just heard. It
took some time to get my senses back, and I
told her what the f was she talking about. She's like,
I just wanted to sleep with their boyfriend. Please.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
You guys have been so nice to me. I feel
so much better.

Speaker 3 (22:17):
And I think the cherry on top would be taking
your boyfriend's cherry for myself.

Speaker 4 (22:23):
It's just a favor. It's just a really favorite between friends.
Then she started to tell me that how bad and
miserable she was feeling because of her breakup, and that
my boyfriend treated her best made her feel happy. How
my boyfriend took us to dinner trips, which her ex
never did.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
It's my boyfriend, it's my boyfriend. You can't have my boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (22:43):
It's still my boyfriend. And we did not break up
just because he's nice. That's why he's my boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
That's crazy, She's.

Speaker 4 (22:51):
Like it, just want him a little bit. She told
me that she started to feel wanted while spending time
with them. She also told me that her low self
esteem was badly damaged and she couldn't trust anyone except
my boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
That girl, that's your low self esteem talking right now.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
You can find someone else.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
Oh, one boy was nice to me and would be
nice to me again. I have to have that one.

Speaker 4 (23:11):
Yeah, no, this is all you, girl. You need to
find another, literally, any other person. There's so many fish.
How she wants to feel herself once again by sleeping
with my boyfriend. Also just so disrespectful to the boyfriend.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Yeah, what is he Just a piece of meat. It's
just a basic, amazing little piece.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
Of meat with a smile. Huh God, and you want
a piece of that meat?

Speaker 4 (23:33):
She told me it will help her gain self esteem
once again, and she'll do better in the future by
trusting others, and told me it would be a great
favor for her if I agreed to this. I was
listening to her, standing like I was dumb. After she
finished her lecture, I shouted at her and told her
to get away from my house. At first, she told
me to think about it calmly, but I was in

(23:54):
no mood to Noko sheet about this, So after some time,
she became aggressive towards me and told me I'm an
ungrateful person because she helped me in my past many times,
and I'm not helping her once. She told me, I'm
a selfish person and my boyfriend deserves way better than me.
She told me she'll snatch my boyfriend from me. She's like,
if I asked and you won't give him, so I'm

(24:14):
gonna take him.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
It's like I tried to be friendly, but now I
will take your man, my foss.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
I tried to do with these way, but I guess
we're going the hard way and that she doesn't give
an f about our relationship. After saying all this, she
went away. Now I'm confused thinking about what just happened?
I went to chat with other friends about this. When
I opened it, I saw almost everyone blocked me after
saying some horrible things. I was sure she told our

(24:41):
friends something.

Speaker 3 (24:42):
Yeah, I wouldn't doubt that this crazy lady, deranged woman
to spread life.

Speaker 4 (24:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Is.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
And now I'm starting to wonder if even her ex
boyfriend was that crazy that at all.

Speaker 4 (24:54):
Well, he she done her? That's never okay?

Speaker 2 (24:56):
But but did she that's true?

Speaker 3 (24:57):
Is he?

Speaker 4 (24:58):
Is she lying about that too?

Speaker 2 (25:00):
Hmmm?

Speaker 4 (25:00):
I didn't tell my boyfriend anything about it, but now
I'm feeling paranoid what she's been saying lately. I'm getting
bad thoughts that she'll do something which will cause damage
in my wonderful relationship. I've always known that Kylie was
supportive in my relationship, but never thought she would do
something like this. Now I want to kick her out
totally from my life. But my boyfriend doesn't know anything
about it because he considers Kylie like his sister. Oo Oh, No,

(25:23):
so am I the ale here for wanting to break
things off with her? No, you're not the ale, but
absolutely tell your boyfriend, tell the whole gosh darn world.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
Heeds more than the TLDR. He needs the entire he
needs the full scoop.

Speaker 4 (25:35):
Yeah. Also he needs to know before she's trying to
get a.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
Full scoop of him ype his.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
Yeah, and she's gonna if OPI doesn't get ahead of
the story. What's her name? Kylie is going to be
like to the Boyfriend's gonna be like, oh, well, you know,
OPI did this and this and lie about stuff.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
So Opie needs to get ahead, especially if the sister
thing is there. It's like, yeah, and you know what.
Back to the did she really get cheated on? Because
how can you if someone you're a victim of being
cheated on? Why your first response after someone being like
I won't let you see yeah, my boyfriend that I'm
still with, you'd be like, fine, I'm going.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
To take him from you.

Speaker 4 (26:09):
Do it anyway. I'm gonna do that now. Pretty awful.
Pretty awful. But there is an update. Hello everyone. At first,
I'd like to thank you for all of your suggestions. Yes,
all of you were right. I should have told my
boyfriend immediately, but I didn't. I'll admit my stupidity and
take responsibility for that. Sorry for late update because we
were tired after all this drama and we went to
sleep together. Here's something I want to make clear. Before

(26:30):
the update, many of you commented it's a fake post.
It seems I get, but it's not even I couldn't
believe that I'd face this kind of unthinkable situation. Maybe
I wasn't able to write the whole situation properly because
English is not my first language. It was a way
worse long period for me. But and maybe I couldn't
fully describe the whole story or how everything happened, which
makes my story suspicious. But it's not the Only proof

(26:53):
I have is the screenshot of my friends who blocked me.
So if you think it's a fa fake post, you
can assume it's because different people different views. If any
one of you wanted to see those greenshots, you can
DM me. Many of you asked why my friends blocked
me without even knowing my situation. I don't know exactly
what she told them, but I'm actually grateful to Kylie
because because of this, I understood that those are not

(27:14):
my real friends. I didn't even try to contact with
them after they blocked me. I didn't even try to
know what the reason for blocking me was. I was
sure that they're no longer my friends and I have
cut them off completely. And on to the update. Around
eleven thirty pm, my boyfriend came home. I was sitting
downstairs OPI did that kind of thing where she's like
in one of the spinning chairs and she wills around,

(27:35):
She's like. He came and asked what happened and why
I called him so urgently. I told him to sit down.
He did, and I told him everything Kylie said to me,
didn't spare a single word, and also told him that
she fabricated something to my friends so that they would
block me. I showed him the blocked contacts. He was
hearing all of this silently. For a second. He didn't
move his eyes from my eyes. From his look, I

(27:56):
understood that he was in total disbelief of what he
was hearing. Composed himself and hugged me tight. Oh that
that's good. Yes, we love it. We love a good love,
a good partner. I hugged him too, and spent some
time like that. After that. He said he couldn't believe
Kylie would think something like that. He also told me
he never gave Kylie an opportunity to think like that.

(28:17):
And couldn't even imagine that Kylie could say something like
that to my face. He told me he felt emotionally
drained because he thought he was getting a sister's affection
from Kylie, but now it seems like his efforts were
in vain. I comforted him by taking him on my
chest and told him it's okay, it's not his fault.
At that moment, he was sobbing a little bit. Kylie,
you saw this, poor nice man.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
I just wanted my sister, but she wanted my butt.

Speaker 4 (28:42):
There is a little bit more to the story, but
as like, I have been in this situation before where
you think someone like you have a friendship with someone
or like a sibling bond, and then that you find
out that they like you, and it's like kind of crushing.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
You're like, damn, I feel like most of the time
that the roles in that position, your switch the vers Yeah,
he would like the.

Speaker 2 (28:58):
Girls who were like, why can't I have friends?

Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (29:02):
He checked if there were any messages that Kylie sent him.
Luckily she didn't. Then he heard a long text describing
how disappointing Kylie's actions are, and also told her that
he never ever wants to see her again, and he
will file a restraining order if she ever came near
our home. After sending that, he blocked her on every
social media. Props to you man, Props to this man.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
I slow clap, I slow clap for this man.

Speaker 4 (29:25):
I understand why Kylie wants him, but she can't have him.
M's mine. I was happy seeing how he stood up
with me in this situation. After all this, we took
dinner together and went to sleep, And you guys can don't.

Speaker 3 (29:38):
Go to sleep until after you tune into our Live
every weekday down three pmcific standard time. Just tap the profile.

Speaker 4 (29:47):
Yeah, another one where there were two options. But here's
the update. None of us heard anything from Kylie after
she left her house and we don't want to now.
I hope everything will keep getting better between me and
my boyfriend. We are planning our engagement soon. Thanks again
to everyone who suggested me the right advice in this
situation and helped me to cover this up. But that

(30:10):
is the end of that story, and I think that
was the right solution.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
Just cut her off, cut her off, and you know what,
good on you for recognizing like, yeah, the friends needed
to be cut off too, because yes, to really.

Speaker 4 (30:22):
Why did they all believe without asking?

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Yeah, zero extra context. They're just like I believe Kylie
so quick.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
Yeah, I don't even need to check this.

Speaker 2 (30:32):
She must be really convincing, so convinsing. Hey's Sam.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
We're going to get back to the stories. But here's
three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
My brother in law is using my baby picture to
convince girls to date him.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Prime tender strategy. What it's like when you take a
photo of someone's dog, but it's just someone's infants.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
That's wild. My husband, thirty five years old, and I
twenty seven years old, have been together for three years.
We got married last year, I got pregnant. We bought
a house and moved in, all within a three month span.
By the way, this comes from deleted account on the
r slash Oaky storytime suburden. So before getting married, my
husband lived with his brother in a condo that his

(31:10):
parents bought for them. My husband has a really good career,
as do I, and is in a very loving family
who has always been close to his family and his brother,
his only sibling. I've always admired this about him. Even
though he is close to his family, he has had
issues in the past with them respecting his boundaries and
getting frustrated with his brother. His brother is thirty three
years old, in and out of non career jobs, has

(31:33):
a lack of motivation, and has to always smoke Mary
Jay to the boy where he cannot function, as in
he becomes very incoherent and cannot maintain a basic conversation.
When my husband lived with my brother in law, my
husband was the only one who cooked and cleaned. Eventually,
my husband found it to be more comfortable going to

(31:53):
my place because I lived alone and the police was
always cleaner. That is frustrating. Whenever we went back to
his condo, the place was a wreck with trash and
the sink, layers of mold in the bathroom, and his
brother would only sleep on a mattress that was dirty
because he believed it was too much of a hassle
to use sheets.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (32:09):
The only time the place got clean was when my
mother in law would come and clean it for my
brother in law. Don't baby your son, he needs to
figure that out. I never once complained about my husband's
brother or had issues with him. I was merely there
just to hear my husband vent about his living condition.
When we got married, I found out I was pregnant.
The next move for us was to buy a house
and move in together. At this point, I only have

(32:31):
met my mother in law and father in law a
couple of times. I always thought they were very nice
and never foresaw any issues with them, especially because I'm
very relaxed. I'm a very relaxed person with a good career,
and I'm also a very loving family member as well.
We told my in laws I was pregnant and we
were working on buying a house, and they were over
the moon happy to be grandparents. I was excited to

(32:53):
have a relationship with them, and my mother in law
offered to help with childcare. Since my husband and I
both work, I couldn't have an imagined a better scenario.
We ended up buying a house in the same town
as my in law's, thinking it would be nice to
raise her family nearby, even though I technically would be
moving further away from my own family. A couple of
months go by, we moved into our house and I
was five months pregnant. My husband and I had plans

(33:16):
to go out to breakfast one morning with my in
laws and my brother in law my husband ended up
getting called into work, but I decided to go myself.
First time I was alone with his family without my
husband around. It was, in my opinion, a totally normal
breakfast with them. Everyone seemed happy and I did not
recall there being any issues. However, a couple days later,
my mother in law called my husband out of the blue,

(33:40):
saying she was upset that I was extremely rude to
my brother in law while we were at breakfast. My
husband confronted me and asked what happened. I was extremely
caught off guard and had no idea what happened. Still don't.
I immediately called my mother in law to see what
was going on, and she proceeded to tell me she
thought I was making inappropriate facial expressions to my brother
in law and appeared to be dismissive towards him the

(34:02):
whole time we were at breakfast. She even went as
far to tell me I wasn't welcome in their home
if I was going to behave in such a way
because she thought I was bullying my brother in law
and treating him like a doormat.

Speaker 1 (34:13):
So many assumptions over facial expressions, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:16):
Like she literally could have been like and they're like, ah.
I apologize to her for feeling like I was being
rude and explained that I was unaware I was making
facial expressions and assured her I had absolutely no problems
with my brother in law. I told her I would
call my brother in law and tell him the same thing,
and she told me, but you should apologize to him.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
You sniffed. I hated it.

Speaker 4 (34:37):
I confronted my brother in law, and he made it
seem like he didn't have a problem, that it was
only his mom who brought it up. Well, it seems
like that she was like, you were making faces, and
I noticed it. We squashed it, I thought. My husband
went over to his parents without me and had another
conversation with them about how it was not okay for
his mom to come after me over something so small

(34:58):
that should really not even speak for his brother, and
that she owed me an apology for stressing me out
while pregnant and for her overstepping at least the partners
standing up. Yeah, she apologized to my husband and that
was it. She only stated she felt sorry for my husband.
Only then my brother in law got word of my
husband going over there and called him to tell him

(35:19):
that my mother in law did not owe me an
apology and that I was really a bully to him
and made him feel unwelcome in our house. So now
he's taken back what he said. Yeah, it's fine, even
though he had been over to our house a couple
of times while we were moving in and sat around
getting stoned while everyone else was pitching in with helping
us move into our place. My brother in law even

(35:40):
went as far to say that my apology was not
enough because I only apologized for making him and his
mom feel a certain way, but did not apologize for
my behavior.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
I did you tell her that she didn't do anything
if you thought she did do something.

Speaker 4 (35:53):
There are certain types of behavior that maybe you don't
realize are hurtful, but you still need apologize for them.
Like if you say, like you make a joke, but
it's still a little hurtful. She'd be like, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that would come off that way, and
that was my intention. Wan happened again, but this is
her facial expression. Why would she apologize for that? At
that point, I got upset because I did not intentionally
do anything mean or behaved out at the ordinary I

(36:13):
was just simply being myself. I felt like I really
was not the problem here and was getting targeted for
being the new woman in the family. And perhaps there
was jealousy because my husband was living with me now.
I felt it was extremely unfair. Yeah, maybe the brother's like,
I want to go back to living with my brother.
We distance ourselves as a result and stopped hanging out
with my in laws. Well, a month goes by and

(36:35):
my mother in law still plan to throw me a
baby shower despite the whole issue. I don't know if
i'd trust her throw it for me.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Well, especially if you like, had the big conflict that's
like not resolved and then she's gonna plan this a
big event for you that's real, really important.

Speaker 4 (36:51):
I don't trust it. She planned it, paid for it,
et cetera, which I personally appreciated because I don't really
like planning events and was busy working full time. She
sent my husband a list of people we had invited
to our baby shower, and then uninvited herself because we
haven't been talking or hanging out with them, mostly because
we were busy and really just didn't want to deal

(37:12):
with the drama. Eventually, she sent a group text, apologizing
to us and wanting to move forward, but explained she
thought it was rude of us to distance ourselves. I
explained to her that I had never had an issue
with anyone and that I was caught off guard with
the drama and was sorry that I gave a bad impression,
but ultimately did not have a problem. Her response was,
thank you for finally apologizing over text. Oh, we already

(37:33):
did apologize, so perplexed, So perplex I reminded her it
wasn't the only time I apologized. I also apologized over
the phone.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
There was never a need for an apology.

Speaker 4 (37:42):
She continued to complain and made up that I told
my husband I didn't want a relationship with his family.
I told her I never said that, and all I
wanted was some distance because the drama made me uncomfortable.
This lady is making the problems out of thin air.
She's a freaking magician, pulling problems out of her hat.
She then brought up that she he was also mad
my brother in law was only able to come over

(38:02):
to our house when I was gone at work. I
told her that I was uncomfortable being around him since
he had an issue with me. After text back and
forth for a little bit, we decided to move forward.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Also, I'm always so confused about people going about conflict overtech.
I know that's a common thing, but it just always
just blows my mind.

Speaker 4 (38:23):
I think there are certain things that you can bring
up over text. Let's have this conversation, yeah, or like,
here's a little TLDR of what I want to talk about.
Can we talk about this? But I think like big
conversations must be had over a call or in person
because you can't get you know, you can't get all the.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
Subtext to so many cues that are lost.

Speaker 4 (38:41):
It's like, oh, maybe you threw a joke in there
and they took it seriously, or you're trying to say
something sweet and it comes off aggressive.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
I can't imagine any conflict going well over text.

Speaker 4 (38:50):
My brother in law refused to talk to me and
apologize for telling me he didn't have a problem, then
turning around to tell my husband he thought I was
a bully. Baby comes along and by that time my
mother in law go it was crazy and decks her
home out for my low, as if my low was
going to live there full time. And I'm talking she
had a garage stacked with toys for my little one,

(39:10):
despite us already having everything we needed, if not more,
and way way too much stuff, especially after the baby shower.
Since baby has been here, in laws have come by
and left food and gifts unannounced on our doorstep. Husband
was unhappy about it and brought it up to them.
They eased up for a bit, but still continued to
do it anyways. Since the birth of my little one,

(39:32):
my brother in law moved in with my mother in
law and father in law and quit his job. He
also managed to get himself in trouble. Oh and this
is where the title comes in. He was casually dating
a girl who told them she didn't want anything serious.
She started dating another guy too. My brother in law
found out, got jealous started stalking her, showing up to

(39:53):
her apartment watching who was coming and going from her place.
The girl found out and got a restraining order against him,
especially and she found out he was waiting outside with
the put this man in jail wild Why would the
parents defend this man. By the time I had to
go back to work, my husband and I could not
come to an agreement on childcare. I was okay with
the daycare and he wasn't an only wanted family watching

(40:17):
our little one. I of course, was very uncomfortable with
his parents still, and especially when my brother in law
was going to be at their house. I would not
want my child around this man.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yeah, hearing that he's intimidating woman with loaded guns.

Speaker 4 (40:31):
No no, no, no, no, would not want that. But
I compromised with my husband's wishes. After all, we only
needed part time childcare since my husband only works forty
eight hour shifts. Well, I think the compromise was that
they would just have the family watch it, which is
not really a compromise, it's just what he wanted. I
went back to work, but was guilty and stressed that
my child was at their house with my brother in

(40:52):
law I did not trust. On top of that, six
months postpartum, I found out I was pregnant again, so
I decided it might be best for me to just
be a stay at home mom. Two weeks after finding out,
I had a miscarriage, and I've been having a tough
time and withdrew from work, family and friends. This is
so stressful.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
How common are miscarriages?

Speaker 4 (41:11):
I don't know what the percentages, but I think that
it's you know it can. That's why most people don't
like tell family that they're pregnant for a couple of months,
because there's a safe period. My in laws ended up
not hearing from my husband and I for a little bit.
My husband told them I was going through a miscarriage
and they left us alone for a bit. My husband
apparently told my father in law he would go golfing

(41:32):
with them, and they made plans one day, but my
husband never reached out to them again. So the day
they were supposed to go golfing, I received a call
and voicemail for my mother in law at twelve ten
while I was at my follow up doctor's appointment from
or my miscarriage. She stated she hadn't heard from my
husband for a couple of days and was concerned and
for me to tell him to give them a call.

(41:53):
I called my husband and he said that my in laws,
mother in law, father in law, and brother in law
just showed up at the house at twelve third and
checked on him. I was upset because my mother in
law didn't even give me a chance to get back
to her and took it upon herself to just show
up to our house without mentioning she was going to
when she left a voicemail. I expressed my frustration to
my husband. He understood, and we decided we would have

(42:14):
a discussion with them about it. Same week, a friend
of mine found my brother in law's dating profile on bumble.
Now's the title what a Like Crazy Story? That was
also connected to this title?

Speaker 1 (42:27):
Who picked that title?

Speaker 4 (42:28):
No, that's pretty much the exact title. My brother in
law had his main picture as my baby.

Speaker 3 (42:35):
I thought it was a Pieza baby.

Speaker 4 (42:39):
I thought it was a Pieza baby.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
It's hilarious.

Speaker 4 (42:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
I thought that was crazy.

Speaker 4 (42:43):
This is still crazy. I was livid because he never
asked me for permission, does not respect me, and has
bragged to my husband about how he's recently been banging
random girls he has been meeting on the app. Little
did we know he was using pictures of our baby
to lure girls to sleep with them. That's so icky.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
Was he telling them that it was his child?

Speaker 4 (43:03):
Presumably not. I don't know if that would convince them
to sleep with them. If he was like I'm a father, no,
I feel like it was probably like this is my nephew.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
Yeah, like I'm good with kids. Look I'm a good guy.

Speaker 4 (43:13):
My husband was livid too and called his brother. My
husband was calm and firm when he spoke to his
brother and told him not to post pictures of our
little one, especially if he's going to use it on
platforms to meet strangers. My brother in law cussed my
husband out and told him he could do what he
wants and hung up. My husband had to call my
mother in law to get his brother to take down

(43:35):
pictures of our little one. My mother in law got
him to take it down, but got mad at my
husband for getting mad at his brother. These parents are exhausting.
I feel bad for this husband.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Constant drama over like nothing. I am uncomfortable with my
brother using our child to sleep with women, just like,
how dare you get mad?

Speaker 4 (43:54):
At that point, my husband let it all out about
how our boundaries with his family have been getting disrespected.
He brought up the small things that bothered us, like
every time we had my mother in law watch little one,
she was always changing her outfits that she wanted to
see her in. My husband eventually snapped and told my
mother in law she did not need to do that.
Mother in law acted like a victim and made husband
guilty by saying, one day I'm going to die and

(44:16):
you're going to regret being mean to me.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Classic Jewish guilt shop.

Speaker 4 (44:20):
Let me have your baby. Mother in law kept making
comments little one only looked like their family in a
way that was rude towards me. Mother in law kept
giving us stuff we did not need, despite us telling
her no. Mother in law got mad and told husband
it was dumb of us to be mad over those
little things, and that if those little things bothered us,
there was a bigger issue at hand. Yeah, the bigger
issue is you guys saw That's the issue.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
Yeah, you're just constantly feeling disrespected by your family.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
Ultimately, my husband told his family bridges were burned and
that we are now going no contact with them for
a while. By the way, you can keep contacting us
every weekday at three PMPST just to have her profile.
And there's just a tiny little bit left to the story.
I am. It's sad about the whole situation, and I'm
trying to get closure and doing so. I think it

(45:04):
would be beneficial to hear some professional, objective opinions about
the situation. Is there anything I should do differently? Is
it a good call to get them off. Am I
in the wrong. Please let me know your thoughts and
if you have any advice, it is welcome. I think
they're kind of doing everything that's right for them, because
it's not op saying we need to go no contact
with your family, it's the husband.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Yeah, it seemed like the whole time they were communicating,
and I understand this is just her perspective, and so
it's like we can't know for sure how they communicated,
but it seemed the whole time they were just like, hey,
this is uncomfortable, like please don't do these, this, this,
and this, and the whole time where there was like, uh, yeah,
you're so right, and then like backtracking on it and
there was weird things like that.

Speaker 4 (45:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
So it's so hard to say, like if it's communicated
in a different way, if there would be a different response.
And then it just comes to your own personal discernment
of if you make you share openly and honestly in
a way that is, you know, attuned to the situation
and make requests and someone's not meeting them, you could
either you know, accept that this is the dynamic and

(46:10):
feel and live with it, or you could just remove yourself.
So it's kind of you know your call.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
I think it seems like they're both working together as
a partner with a child to make the best decision
for them.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
I call my parents out for parentsifying me. Now they
refuse to talk to me. I twenty three year old female,
am the oldest of three siblings. My parents divorced when
I was six, and both of them moved on. My
mom remarried, had two kids, then divorced again. My dad
has a daughter with his current girlfriend. We're a big
mixed family, and we actually all get along pretty well.

(46:43):
I love my siblings and I help with them a lot,
especially when we have family gatherings. But lately it feels
like I'm expected to do everything. My parents only really
talk to me when they want something. By the way,
this comes from you grow a a on The's okay storytime,
so read it. So now, I'm three months pregnant with
my fiance, and two weeks ago we had a family

(47:05):
gathering Like usual, I ended up watching all the kids.
I didn't mind much until after dinner I sat down
with a brownie Sunday when my little sister, one of
my mom's kids, asked for a bite. I gave her some,
but then she kept asking for more and I ended
up giving her most of it. My fiance said, okay,
now leave your big sister some, and my dad responded

(47:25):
with something like you should realize an older sister is
like a second mother and that won't change even when
she has her own kids.

Speaker 4 (47:31):
WHOA what what a wild response?

Speaker 1 (47:36):
Give her all the Sunday That hurt a little. I
had really wanted that dessert, but I gave it up
my sister anyway, and hearing my dad basically say that
I'll always be expected to take care of everyone even
when I have my own baby hurt. My fiance tried
to brush it off and went to see if there
was still some left, but my parents got defensive and
started listing all the things an older sister should expect

(47:57):
it to do, and I snapped and I told them
they've never really treated me like a daughter, just someone
who's expected to help out all the time. I immediately
regretted it and apologized, but my mom grabbed my sister
and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night.
My dad didn't say anything, but now he barely responds
to my text. I'm worried I messed up my relationship

(48:17):
with my parents and siblings. Did I overreact? Or how
do I fix this? But there are relevant comments and
there's an update commentary. It sounds like you've been parentified
your whole life. Your parents and younger siblings need to
learn you are not their parent. You are an older sister.
When you have your baby, they will become your main
focus and your parents are going to have to get
on board with that. Good luck, op, somehow, I think

(48:37):
you are going to need it. They'll probably come back
when they need something. Thanks for this, You're probably right.
I guess I've been too focused on not upsetting anyone,
but I can't keep being the go to person, especially
with a baby on the way. It's just hard not
to feel guilty, even though I know I shouldn't. And yeah,
it's definitely a pattern with them. They pull away when
they don't get their way, but come right back when

(48:59):
they need something. Time to break the cycle, I guess,
comeing to her, how old are these kids that they're
stealing your food? She's sick, so I get her asking
for food. It's expectation for my parents that bothers me.
And before we go into the update. Again, this is
just an assumption, but I'm sensing a lot of like
people pleasing tendencies absolutely.

Speaker 4 (49:19):
Which I think happens when you're parentified.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
Yes, it seems like there's been all these parent expectations
on OPI, opie has gone along with it, hasn't stood
up for themselves maybe the first or it's rare for
them to do that, and they snap because they hit
their limit. And now it's like, oh, they're standing up
for themselves and we're not used to them, you know,

(49:42):
pushing back on and so I think that's just relevant
or this being an opportunity to like re establish relationships, yeah,
with your family and to like ask them hopefully they're
open to conversations. Will you get to like negotiate how
you want your relationship with them to be, how you
want to be treated, how you want your relationship with

(50:03):
your siblings to be, and see if like we could
come to common ground and just set expectations, because you
have different expectations than I do and it keeps going
into conflict.

Speaker 4 (50:12):
Yeah, I think it's like you can set those expectations
and if they refuse or if they you know, don't
meet them, then it's time to like maybe take a
step back from them. But I think it's first talking
about it and seeing if they're even you know, able
to be reasoned with.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
And it's like going to be a hard thing, but
I think it's in this situation it seems to be necessary. Agreed,
So the update. Thanks to everyone who commented and offered support.
It really means a lot. I wanted to give an
update on what's happened since two days ago. My dad
called and said he was going to visit, but then
changed his mind and asked if we can meet somewhere
out instead. Okay, when I showed up, my mom was

(50:48):
with him. I'm not sure why he didn't mention that.

Speaker 4 (50:50):
Feels a little bit like they're ambushing.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
Yeah, maybe a little bit of that energy. My dad
actually tried to listen and understand me, but my mom
didn't really let me get my point across. It was
so hard to explain how I've been feeling recently and
how it's been like this for years. I was only
nine when my first sibling was born. He's fourteen now,
so five years later, I honestly can't remember if I've
been able to act like their daughter since so these

(51:13):
are dynamic that has been established for a long time. Yes,
every time I tried to explain how draining this has
been and my mom would jump in with it was
just a brownie.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
Oh my god. And also the comment that he made
that was the problem.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
Here, yeah, which is just like the comment was more
so like indicative of the dynamic exactly. So after the conversation,
I mean, for God's sake, it's not about the dessert.
But when she told it, it was a little bit
about the dessert.

Speaker 4 (51:36):
Ope, He's like, I know, I talked about it at
the beginning, but.

Speaker 1 (51:38):
It was a really good Sunday.

Speaker 4 (51:40):
That's not the main thing.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Eventually, I just excuse myself and went home. After that conversation,
I think I've made my mind to go low contact
with my mom.

Speaker 4 (51:48):
Which I think is fair after you've had a full on,
like sit down conversation with them where you've tried to
give your thoughts and stuff. And also I think the
reason she's saying low contact specifically with the mom is
because the dad was more willing to.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
Hear it's going to be incredibly hard, more than I
could even explain. I've always said yes and put my
family first. But with my own little family on the way,
I don't want to bring these problems into everything. My
fiance has been really supportive and said he's with me
no matter what I decide. To answer some of the comments,
my fiance and I don't live with my parents. We

(52:19):
have our own apartment and are working on building our
first house. Es to now, I'm pregnant with my fiance.
The pregnancy wasn't planned, but we decided to go through
with it, and we're hoping to be the best parents
we can. Sometimes people don't perceive how demanding they've been
until the victim cuts off contact and stays away for
some time, months, if not years. Your mother will be
overwhelmed by having to parent her younger kids. You will

(52:41):
be angry, but the situation is her fault. Keep saying
no go low contact or no contact and focused instead
of your fiance and your pregnancy. Oh Op says, you're right.
I know she'll be angry, but at this point I
want to focus on my fiance and my pregnancy. Comments here,
can I ask, what's going to be so hard about
going low contact? Your mom? She seems like a not

(53:02):
very nice person, very deflective. All she's going to do
is cause stress in your pregnancy. Oh P says thank you.
Going along low contact with my mom is tough because
I've always prioritized family. It feels hard to break the tabit.
I know she's not the nicest person, which is why
I'm trying to set boundaries. And yeah, she does know
I am pregnant.

Speaker 4 (53:18):
It's always going to be hard going like low to
no contact with your family. I mean, regardless of how
they've treated you in your life, there is still that
familial bond that is hard to push past. And also
remembering that limiting contact means, you know, she's probably gonna
be limiting contact with her the rest of her family,
who she still loves. Yeah, so I think it's a
hard decision.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
I'm just so hesitant to like the way I see
low contact and no contact is like last resort and
it feels like a hasual to me, Like, of course
it's everyone's you know, agency, they could make any decision
they want. But to me, it doesn't seem like we've
got to the point like there's no abuse going on.

Speaker 4 (53:56):
But I think parentification is I mean.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
There's some form of like unhealthy relationship in a way,
of course, and like if we want to drop that
word and just be more specific, like for your parents
to put these expectations that you're not agreeing to and
responsibilities that are too much for you to handle, like
that is inappropriate, yeah, and unhealthy, But I think there's still.

Speaker 4 (54:18):
Just saying there's still a way to get back to it.

Speaker 1 (54:21):
It just dynamics and not to like demonize your mom.
Obviously we don't know what the rest of their relationships
look like, but I don't think there's enough in that
for someone to be like, your mom's not a nice person.

Speaker 4 (54:30):
Yeah, I mean, reditors are always crazy. I think there
is enough for her to limit contact, though in my
personal opinion, I do think that maybe in limiting contact,
this mom might realize, oh my god, I'm losing my
relationship with my child because of my actions. So I
think there's always a way forward. But I think both
sides have to put in work. And OP tried to
m and she's still gonna see her mom. But it's

(54:53):
just like, you know what, this person is draining a
lot from me and has been draining me my whole life,
and now it's time to focus on myself, especially because
she's becoming a new parent.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
Yeah, it's like, do I even.

Speaker 4 (55:03):
Want to have to like try and explain something over
and over and over when I'm focusing on being the
best parent that I could be. Now.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
Yeah, No, it makes perfect sense that she would want space. Yeah,
I want to hear what comments? Then? Yeah, go up,
Addie please.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (55:17):
Kimberly find says she prioritizes family because she got to
them while they were most malleable. Strangers don't tolerate this
treatment because there's no sunk cost. Yeah, slyly Toave says,
low contact or no contact me used to set the boundary.
She releasays, you don't realize the abuse until you look
at it from the outside. Her having a baby does
not change that she will have to Well that was
the dad. Actually, I think you said that that you

(55:38):
will have to parent her siblings is the biggest red.

Speaker 1 (55:40):
Flag I've heard very concerning.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
Yeah. Rara King says, I feel like it's abuse when
the actual parents are neglecting their kids. But I was
parentified because my mom had cancer and dad with mom
at hospital working, we went from two income to one income.
It was hard. There are so many different situations where
kids get parentified, which aren't always in the parents' control,
and it's not always abuse in the same way that
you know. This story, I would say is more so,

(56:03):
but it's still unfair to the child's regardless of the
you know, Yeah, I think it explains it in some situations,
like obviously if you know if your parents are going
through hard times.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
But never a way a child should grow up exactly.

Speaker 2 (56:14):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
We get back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (56:19):
My kids recently found out the reason why their dad
and I divorced. They're devastated. I female, thirty five, have
two teenage daughters eighteen and sixteen, with my ex husband
thirty seven. We were together until my daughters were eight
and ten when I found out my husband had been
cheating on me for almost three years. Before finding out,
I had already checked out of their relationship because while

(56:42):
he was out with other women, I had to do
one hundred percent of the childcare plus work a full
time job, so I never had time to myself. We
did try to make it work, but I just didn't
love him anymore, so in the end we divorced. We
split everything down the middle. We both had fifty to
fifty custody since he started shaping up into a decent father,
we both decided that we would never tell our children

(57:04):
the real reason because I wanted my daughters to have
a good and healthy relationship with their dad. By the way,
this comes from Butterscotch West seventy two to forty three
on the r slash Okay storytime severed it. So my
ex husband did end up marrying the girl he cheated
on me with, but I harbored no hard feelings. I
just wanted her to treat my girls right. Fast forward. Now,

(57:25):
my ex husband and his wife have two sons, seven
and five, and I'm married to my husband forty and
I'm currently six months pregnant with another girl. We all
get along well and there's no hard feelings towards anybody.
Sometimes when I take my girls out, I take their brothers,
and when me and my husband and I need alone time,
they will take the girls. Recently, my daughters started putting
together the pieces using their seven year old brother's birth date,

(57:47):
and when my and their father's divorce was finalized, I
and their father didn't know they were doing this, but
we did think it was weird that they asked us
about our divorce until yesterday. Both of my daughters confronted
me when I came home from work. Did try to
deny it, but in the end I told them what happened.
They asked me why didn't tell them, and I said,
because it was none of their business what happened in

(58:08):
a previous marriage. They mean, it's their parents.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
This is the bio kids of mom and original dad.
Very relevant information, very relevant.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
Everyone is happy and that's what matters. This caused a
big fight of them claiming it was their business and
now they're upset with me. But also I've been ignoring
their father, which is hurting him and his family. Am
I the ale? And there is an edit and an update.
But what do we think? I think secrets always come
out and you have to. You know, it's like when
you have like a famous person and they do something wrong.

(58:38):
You gotta get ahead of the story.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Yeah. Especially the more time that builds, the harder it's
gonna hit when it comes out.

Speaker 4 (58:44):
Kimberly finds this tough spot, but not cop into it
when directly confronted would be more problematic. At least Hope
did say, yeah, that's what happens. And Helenna Bain says,
I have so many mixed feelings about telling kids about infidelity. Yeah,
it's tricky. It's so tricky, especially with young kids. But
there is an edit. A lot of you guys are
saying that my girls aren't dumb, and they would have
found out they aren't. But I didn't think they would

(59:05):
try to go in depth of what happened in me
and their father's marriage. The reason for the divorce was
always that we just didn't love each other anymore, but
we loved them another at it. I'm not trying to
tell my girls how to feel at all. I just
don't want them to have that thought in their head,
what if my dad didn't cheat, maybe they would still
be together, which isn't true. I want them to understand
that regardless of if their dad was faithful, we would

(59:26):
have divorced. We were young, and we thought that you
were supposed to marry the person you had kids with.
Of course, we loved each other, but as we grew older,
we realized we just had different plans for life. My
ex and I did decide that we would sit them
down later today and have a chat. And there is
an update that I think maybe she should have talked
about the sooner, but she didn't. And I think she's
going about it well now.

Speaker 1 (59:46):
I'm glad they're sending them down, they're having conversation about.

Speaker 4 (59:48):
It with both of them involved. I think that's great.
And it also seems like she's not like fully blaming
him for the affairs. She's like, you know what, we
both lost love. You know, we love you guys. I
think they're going about it well.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
Yeah, and not to excuse the infidelity, but it wasn't
like they were in a loving relationship and he cheated
and that's the sole reason, Like there's more context that.

Speaker 4 (01:00:11):
It's not ever like pointing fingers. It's just like you
know what, which which I think she has a right
to do for herself. Absolutely like she was cheated on.
Never okay, But I'm glad that she is not doing
that with her kids because it's not productive. Well, you
have people call parenting. But there is an update. Hello,
I decided to write an update, even though it's quite long. Today,
my ex husband, me and the girls were supposed to

(01:00:33):
have a family chat, but he had a family emergency
concerning his wife because she had twisted her ankle at
her seven year old's son's soccer game. I hope she
feels better. Anyway, they were understandably upset and took this
as another sign that he was putting his new family over.
Then I didn't say anything and instead let them vent
and I comfort them from what my ex husband is saying.
We would have to wait another time to have this

(01:00:55):
conversation altogether, which I think is Joe. I think they
do have to wait to have it until he's there.
Irish Gig says, never put children in the middle of
adult circumstances. Sometimes with children, we may have to do
what's best for them until they are old enough to
have reason double understandings. I get, Yeah, I think it
goes back to the age appropriate.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
Yeah, like if they're five and you're like, your father
cheated on me, Like they don't even understand what that
even means. But that's different than holding it for someone
until like one of them's like a legal adult.

Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
But I think perhaps one way to do it is
you have like when they're younger, you say, you know,
mom and dad didn't love each other anymore in the
same way, and so we're not gonna have that relationship anymore,
but we still love you something like that, and then
as they get older and maybe talk about the infidelity
or something. Heleanna Baine says they bailed for twisted ankle,
not even at thing sprain. Wowie, I honestly think that's

(01:01:45):
a fair reason to bail when your partner has, you know,
hurt themselves, especially when like maybe she drove and she
can't drive back, especially when you have a kid involved. Honestly,
I think that's a fair reason to bail for this.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
It's not like five times he bailed, Like, I don't
think it's anything yet to like put accusations on it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:03):
Someone got injured, it's his wife. Unless this is a pattern,
I don't know if I agree, but we can read
more and find out. Regardless, I still wanted to talk
to my girls tonight. At first, it was incredibly awkward
and the air was filled with tension. I could feel
that they didn't trust me, and it hurt because it's
my fault. I started talking, and I first apologized for
telling them that it wasn't their business. I reassured them

(01:02:25):
that everything that had happened in their home was their business,
and I was truly sorry for making them feel like
they didn't matter. Because they were the most important things
that ever happened to me. At this point, my sixteen
year old started to cry a bit, which made me
start to cry because I know the news was a
lot for her. I ended up telling them that the
reason why I kept it for so long was because

(01:02:46):
I wanted them to have a good relationship with their dad,
and I didn't want them to worry about adult matters
so young, especially when they already had a lot going on.
I told them I just wanted to shield them from
anything that could hurt them, which I then apologized for
because in the end, it was wrong and they deserve
to know. I told them from now on, I was
going to be more open to any questions they had
about me and their father's marriage. I also explained that

(01:03:07):
I wouldn't tell them how they should move on when
it comes to their dad, and I would support them
if they needed time away from them. I did tell
them that any anger that they have towards their dad
and stepmom, they should never take it out on their brothers.
They said that they still loved their brothers, but they
just didn't want to see their dad or step mom
right now. I asked them how they felt and they
are understandably upset and felt like they were easily replaceable,

(01:03:30):
which broke my heart. I told them that their father
has a lot to work on, but they can always
count on me and they could never be replaceable to me.
At this point, we were all crying while we were hugging.
They ended up asking how I felt, and I was truthful.
I told him I was confused and I didn't know
how to feel. By this point, we were quiet. My
sixteen year old was laying her head on my belly

(01:03:52):
while eighteen year old was resting her head on my shoulder.
And you can rest your head on our stream by
joining us live every weekday at three pmpist shout.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
Out to her like her first reaction wasn't the best
and it is what it is, But it seems like
she's vouding their feelings and being loving and caring and
going about it in a way that feels very appropriate.

Speaker 4 (01:04:11):
I'm going to try to get my eighteen year old
back into therapy. They do want to cut off their
dad and stepmom, as a lot of you guys suspected,
but they're afraid they won't see the boys anymore, which
may be true regardless I and my husband are one
hundred percent there for them. I am very thankful for
all the advice given. I was being completely selfish, which
ended up hurting everyone even more. I don't know if

(01:04:32):
I will make another upset because I am eighty percent
sure the family talk with my ex husband will not happen.

Speaker 1 (01:04:37):
Will it not happen because the children don't want to
have it?

Speaker 4 (01:04:40):
Yeah, that's what I'm wondering. I think it needs to happen.

Speaker 1 (01:04:43):
That's the issue with getting like a one sided view
from the mom, not that she's like creating any narrative,
but still you're getting like hurt and not the dad's
perspective or anything around that.

Speaker 4 (01:04:53):
I mean, like they can't force the kids to, you know,
have that conversation if they really don't want to, Nor
can they force them to have a relationship with the dad.
But I would hope that they can at some point
have a conversation with both parents present where they express
their love for the kids and.

Speaker 1 (01:05:07):
You know, or even just with the dad and not
even the mom.

Speaker 4 (01:05:10):
Maybe that's the solution there.

Speaker 1 (01:05:11):
That would be good too. You already had your mom's
respect too, Kimberly find says.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
Now it's on Dad to make them a priority and
get some solid one on one time when they're comfortable,
answer any questions, and make sure they know they weren't replaced. Agreed.
That's a great point.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
Yeah, and she.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
Believe, says, bro, this is a pattern. They wouldn't feel
like this. If it wasn't, they would not have been
figuring out the age thing. I don't think we know
for certain how he's treated him. It didn't seem like
in the past or throughout the story that he was,
you know, prioritizing anyone. But if that was the case,
it really depends on how he's treating them. If he
is prioritizing his new family, then he needs to make

(01:05:45):
sure that he is focusing on the kids. But that
is the end of this story.

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