My friends HATED me...because I can't suppress my Tourette's! | Reddit Stories

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00:00 r/okstorytime - Being Diagnosed With Tourette's Broke Friendships, They Hate Me For Not Suppressing
11:28 r/okstorytime - Our friend's Keeper
33:34 r/okstorytime - WIBTA if I asked my mom to back off?
49:57 r/AITAH - AITA for yelling at my sister to get out of my house knowing she needs a place to stay ?

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive. My friends
hated me because I can't suppress my turents.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Those are not your friends.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
By the way, this comes direct from the r slash
Okay Storytime suburb. When I was almost four, I was
diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy.

Speaker 4 (00:22):
Fast forward to my thirties.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
I had adapted to suppressing my spasms and ticks to
the point where it would cause me pain, migrains, and worse.
Because I was stressing my body to fight against my issues.
I would hide myself from people for hours to months
when I couldn't suppress my symptoms. The neurologist I had
as a child ignored me when I said something was
wrong and that I couldn't control what came out of

(00:44):
my mouth, so I felt I had no option to
get help. By the way, this comes from user tall
Lie thirteen twenty eight. I got involved with a nerdy
group that would do hangouts in game times online, both
publicly and privately, and I felt more alive knowing that
some one other than my husband wanted me around.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh sweetie, baby.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Your tribe is out there, folks, you can find them.
I promise this isn't a criticism of my husband. He's
amazing and I'm so grateful that next year will be
twenty years married with him. I still fought to suppress
my weird outbursts or broken speech in front of people,
constantly riding the mute and off camera buttons to hide
my trauma. But I failed several times, and several people

(01:25):
who swore up and down they supported people with mental health,
neurotip and brain disabilities would very publicly support these issues
for other people.

Speaker 4 (01:34):
While privately blackballing me for it. This broke my heart.

Speaker 3 (01:38):
So I started seeking a proper diagnosis with better doctors
since I had my husband's insurance instead of being stuck
with my previous hospital. This was a long process due
to lockdowns, medical wait lists, and more. The fight to
get diagnosed ended up taking me almost five years. WHOA,
that's crazy. I feel like, if you have turets, it's

(01:58):
pretty clear you have turets.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
Having a fight for five years is crazy.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Just to prove a point and be like, I'm pretty
sure I have something along those lines. It's like that
would take at least maybe a couple tries, but five years.

Speaker 3 (02:11):
Dude in the doctor at first, when you're a kid,
just being like, Nah, you're weird. You're just weird and
there's something wrong with you. Stop doing that. During this time,
I explained to people that my brain had issues similar
to Taret's that were undiagnosed. I knew that I was
fighting to get diagnosed, but I didn't tell anyone except
a couple of people, that I was actually trying for
a diagnosis. During this time, my closest friends circle saw

(02:34):
me break into tick attacks and nerve issues backstage and
in private chats.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Several times.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
They knew I was fighting to get diagnosed and was
determined to get to the doctor for another appointment.

Speaker 4 (02:45):
Then I lost my dad.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
When I lost my dad, it was extremely sudden. We
went from him feeling sick to being diagnosed with hyper
aggressive kid gone in six days.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
That's insane.

Speaker 4 (02:56):
Oh wow, hug your loved ones, folks, it could be
six days. That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
I lost dad in April of twenty twenty two. For context,
I was absolutely Daddy's girl. Me and him were very
close and I absolutely broke down. Dad was a pistol,
and I moved in with Mom for the next year
and a half to help her rebuild her life as
a disabled widow. During that time, life was crazy, and
I started going through the fight to get diagnosed again.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Now I'll kind of rush through.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
The experiences of rebuilding life without Dad. I tell you,
he was a beloved man, and it was a very
hard and it was very hard for many of us
to rebuild our lives. In June twenty twenty three, I
was out in the mountains. I'm a nature photographer, so
I go out tracking animals and taking videos and pictures.
I also volunteer with DNR for protecting endangered animals and

(03:49):
helping track poachers.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
I love my work.

Speaker 3 (03:52):
While I was taking pictures of a badger, I noticed
the weather was getting worse.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
Don't worry.

Speaker 4 (03:57):
I was very careful and safe with the badger pictures.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Hurried back to my mom's house because the weather was
getting nasty. Me and my husband started moving the cars
around to get them both fully under the car port
to protect them from the hail. And then life struck me. Actually,
lightning struck me in my leg.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Do you have a wicked scar, wicked sca.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
A bolt of lightning hit the street at the end
of the driveway, shot off sideways and hit me square
my leg.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
What you got ricochet?

Speaker 4 (04:28):
Lightning struck.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
That's literally like one of those things you've seen in
like a movie or like a video game. Yeah, you
got video gamed movies. I guess that's that's.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
A way to get struck by lightning, because it's kind
of like indirect. It's like you probably lose a little
bit of charge when it hits the ground and then
it like ricochet.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
That's nuts. I didn't even know that was possible.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
That's wild.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
We were in a tiny town about an hour and
a multiple mountain passes away from the hospital, so we
watched me carefully and watched the weather carefully.

Speaker 4 (04:58):
You didn't even go to the haw the spin all.
You're literally unstoppable.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Over the next few months, I had a lot of
appointments with neurologists, not just to figure out the turets,
but to figure out the damage the lightning did and
why my tics had gotten so much worse.

Speaker 4 (05:12):
I had lost all ability to control the tics at all.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Oh wow, Suppressing was not an option, and I was
ticking more and more all the time. In the meantime,
one of the friends I had been so close to
was starting to act weird with me. I tried to
say it was all in my mind, but it very
much wasn't. But more on that later. Twenty twenty four
rolled around and I got my official diagnosis for turets.

Speaker 4 (05:36):
This should have been pure relief at forty years old.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Something was finally diagnosed that should have been caught honestly
at age five at the latest. But something happened that
was much worse than I could imagine regarding my health
and the clinic and neurologists I was dealing with. Not
only did they absolutely not listen to me when I
had serious negative medical reactions to a test they were doing,
but they decided to fill in my race for me

(05:59):
on my medical papers. This is a big no no anyway,
but it was way worse. I am a diagnosed albino,
another long story, and genuinely I am a very weird
medical case.

Speaker 4 (06:10):
Shout outs to those.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I'm also one of those.

Speaker 4 (06:12):
I have a weird illness called pleva that lurks within
my genetics to this day.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Is that the one where like it's basically is like it.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
It ranges from like it could be chicken pox to
like massive open lesions all over your body. I had
the it never got that bad for me, but there's
people who have it that are just like bedridden for
the rest of their lives. I am a member of
the Oglala oh I hope I say that right Oglala
Lakota tribe, and my id on file at the doctor's
office is my tribal id with blood quantum listed on

(06:43):
the image. This file also includes the diagnosis for albinism.
At the question race, I choose, I choose what I
have always chosen since going through IHS as a child.
Choose not to answer my history with how people have
treated me for being albino is not positive and I
have issues with people listing me by my race. When
they gave me my paperwork for my turet's diagnosis, I

(07:06):
saw that the race spot right above the tribal info
had been changed to white. At this point, I didn't
even say a word. I walked out, seeing red and raging,
feeling back in the constant trauma of being told I
am not really Native by non native people my entire
life for being too pale. I went home with my husband,
told my friend circle about what they had done and

(07:26):
how much it did hurt me, and they all said
they supported me.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
Fast forward to this year. There's a long story to
this as well, but one of the friends.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
The one that had been acting weird towards me, had
a fit because I apparently insulted his answer slash joke
during a game of cards against Humanity because I didn't
find it funny.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
Ah, dude, that's a tale as old as time.

Speaker 5 (07:49):
Ah.

Speaker 4 (07:50):
Can you imagine? Can you imagine getting that mad?

Speaker 3 (07:53):
Can you imagine literally actually causing problems within the group because,
like of them, you didn't have a funny.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Joke, because of literally the one game where it's like,
sometimes your jokes are just not gonna hit.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
He refused to let it go, bashed on me and
mocked my taste, called me hyper offended, kept bashing on me,
and then after all that, while I kept saying, drop it,
this is not worth fighting, he tried to gaslight and
claim I was the one starting a fight.

Speaker 4 (08:19):
I told him to grow the f up.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
He left and started telling everyone that I was faking
my issues, didn't have Tourette's and faked my trauma.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
I tried for hours with my friends to find out
why this happened. In the end, nothing had happened. I
didn't say a word to him, I didn't bash on him,
but he did to me, so he made public comments
mocking my issues and calling me vulgar insults. I still
said nothing to him, but other people who had been
our friends as well called him out for it, which
made him publicly attack me more and more. This is

(08:51):
a block button situation. This is why they make the
block button.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
This guy's reaction is the joke.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Yeah, he's the joke now.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
Honestly, at this point, it's like if there are people
bashing on you because you have turetts or being like
you don't actually even have touretts, do anything.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
Crazy like that.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
I don't think it's even that I lock and move
on and stay with the people who are supporting you.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
He's just like so hurt because OPI didn't find his
one tagline or punt, you know, to like joke in
the card game funny, and that it blew up to
this proportion is insane.

Speaker 3 (09:23):
I have never responded to him. Good job, girl, I
never attacked him. I just felt sad and I just cried.
Oh no, I just talked to our mutual friend through
his sadness at his friend turning on him and our
community for something no one was doing to him. I
still hold no malice toward the guy, but I will
not talk to him again. I will not help him
fix the void. But I keep wondering, was I that

(09:46):
hard to deal with? I guess the struggle I'm having
with is the sheer number of friends over the last
few years who have betrayed me for seeking help and
getting diagnosed. I don't understand it. And that's the end
of that story. I mean, you know, it's like a
lot of people have that fear that they're like too
much or like too much of a bother, Like you know,

(10:07):
but there's people who you know will show up for you.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
When you need it.

Speaker 3 (10:13):
And you know, if people are because you have like
mental health diagnosies and you were working through getting a
diagnosis you should have gotten when you were a kid,
and they're like, oh, look at ope, trying to be
like the special snowflake, it's like, just you know, those
aren't your people.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
I think anyone doing that to discourage, you know, your
turettes that they're completely out of line. Yeah, it's one
of those things where, especially when we get older, friends
like you're just like, there are people who just you
don't need in your life. Friends, family, sometimes even they

(10:53):
just you divert those to those roads. This seems like
somebody that your friend group is also stepping away from
that they don't need to deal with it seems very toxic.
It seems like everything's working out by just pushing him away.
I don't think you did anything wrong. You know, you
have a You have your own things that you're okay

(11:13):
with and not okay with. If somebody isn't okay with that,
you disagree, move on. But it seemed like he wanted
to attack you, which is I don't see why he
did that. Now, there's no point in that. I just
it seems like it came from a place of insecurity.
My friend keeps making bad decisions and I'm getting tired
of it.

Speaker 4 (11:31):
Well, why don't you take a nap?

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Also, this comes from our community, so thank you for this.
I thirty four male, have been friends with my two
friends Dakota.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
Oh, I'm not thirty one.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
He's very close yet who is thirty one male and
Patrick thirty five mail for well over eighteen years. Patrick
and I used to be roommates and live moderately stable
lives with comfortable finances, while Dakota has spent most of
his life struggling in failing to keep up. What are
you doing, eh, you know you're struggling. You're failing to

(12:06):
keep up on a.

Speaker 4 (12:06):
Real level, which you live below the poverty line. Long
enough you get very used to it.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
It is worth noting that Patrick and I both have
been supportive at all times and had never viewed this
as a competition. By the way, this comes from user
hooked up forty seven. Now the backstory for Dakota. Dakota's
mother passed away in high school and since then he
lived with his grandfather. As his dad is a piece
of crap living a few states away, wanting nothing to

(12:32):
do with him, has always been out of the picture,
even after Dakota met him and tried to make efforts
to form a relationship. His father has a wife and kids,
all of which came after Dakota was born. With this
in mind, Dakota really never had anyone in his corner
outside of his grandfather. His broke slash immature uncle, and
Patrick and I as his best friends. With this came

(12:53):
the territory of feeling we needed to be there for
him more than other friends in our lives, as he
had nobody else. After high school, we all made Moore choices.
Didn't get back on track until our mid twenties, when
Patrick and I moved out of the state while Dakota
stayed with his grandfather. About five years later, we all
ended up back in North Carolina. Wow, where's Riley when
you need it?

Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, We're yes.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
Riley's from North Carolina.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Patrick and I rented a house my father owned under
a lease to own agreement for me with cheap rent
of five hundred dollars each, a rare deal in Charlotte
where a thousand dollars a month would be cheap. By then,
Patrick and I both had stable jobs making about forty
k each, and we're saving money. While Dakota seemed focused
entirely on his fiance, Ali, who was also his boss

(13:40):
at a local restaurant. We were happy for him, even
if he never had time to see us, as most
of our old friends still live with their parents. Then,
seemingly out of nowhere, Ali broke off the engagement.

Speaker 4 (13:53):
Oh, missus boss.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
It's no longer missus boss. It's back to boss.

Speaker 2 (13:58):
No.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
Dakota went from being unavailable to wanting to hang out constantly,
sometimes even sleeping on our couch. Though he still lived
rent free with his grandfather. Given he was making about
forty k, we figured he must have been saving a lot.
Over the next year, it became clear Dakota's mental health
was struggling. Every conversation circled back to Ali, who by

(14:21):
then was living her best life and partying more, which
none of us wanted anymore. Dakota kept trying to win
her back. When we reminded him of the age difference
in timing, he either got angry or ignored us. Taking
a pause here, Dakota, Yes, Dakota in the story, he
clearly needs to talk to someone. He's I think he's

(14:42):
trying to do a cry for help without saying a
cry for help, you know, without saying the fact that
he's having a tough time. He wants to get out
of his grandfather's place. Like, yeah, sure, that's his only support.
I would say, his only constant support other than you
and Patrick op.

Speaker 4 (15:00):
Yeah, I mean, if that's where you've been like forever.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
It's like there comes a time where it's like when
a lot of stuff starts happening, it's like you just
need any.

Speaker 4 (15:07):
Change, any change the scenery, change an environment.

Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, especially especially if you see your closest friends who
left came back and they're being successful and it seems
like you're kind of dragging behind. This is something that
you know, he needs to talk more so about with
a with a you know, a therapist or a professional,

(15:32):
rather than you know, crashing on your couch. This became
what I call the Dakota code. Dakota obsessing over the
smallest gestures like Ali waving goodbye as signs she wanted
him back. At the same time, he jumped on dating apps,
falling in love almost instantly, scaring women off by getting
too serious too quickly or ending up with toxic partners.

(15:55):
Breakups followed within weeks, always repeating the same pattern. Despite
our advice, Dakota always did the opposite, caught in a
cycle of denial in impulsive choices. Around this time, Dakota's
grandfather passed away.

Speaker 4 (16:09):
No, I don't know, this is bad all round, bad, YEA.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
His uncle let him continue living in the house for
now still ran free, while the uncle himself lived in
the house across the street. Think old school country town
haller where the entire street was once owned by one
family but is slowly but surely breaking off to developers.
At this time, Patrick and I suggested he start financially
preparing forgetting his own place. During this time, I had

(16:37):
actually begun dating my now wife, Maggie, currently thirty five mail.
We met on dating apps but really hit it off.
We had a lot in common, loved making art, painting, drawing,
Both were dog owners and cat owners, et cetera. We
found peace in the blend that some may find chaotic.
We had been dating about nine months when Dakota asked
if he could move into the spare room at Patrick

(16:59):
and I's house. Okay, knowing how difficult it was just
to keep Dakota from crashing on my couch every night
so I could actually have my girlfriend over with privacy,
I told him no. And guess it's one of those
things where you are allowed to say no in those
situations where he wants to move in. But do you
have something to say?

Speaker 3 (17:20):
You cannot want your friend to live in your place
when you're about to move in with your partner.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Yeah, I told him no and that there was no
point to move in when in six months I was
planning on moving Maggie in for the next stage of
our relationship, and that both Dakota and Patrick should be
saving as much as possible for that moment, as Patrick
would need to move out as well.

Speaker 3 (17:41):
Oh wait a minute, ooh, I mean okay.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
During the last six months of Patrick and I being roommates,
Dakota really went off the rails. His boss demoted him,
then moved him around his different restaurants as Dakota kept
causing issues, seemingly the stress of working with his ex fiance,
sparking anger issues he would take out on his subordinates.
His boss, however, through Dakota every bone possible, never docking

(18:08):
his pay rate when demoted, paying for weekly therapy for Dakota,
constantly giving him second and third chances at new restaurants
he also owned. But finally Dakota had burnt all his
chances and his boss fired him. Meanwhile, Dakota was still
falling in love on the first date regularly while simultaneously
pestering Ali to take him back.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, it might be just like time. To really make
you like a radical change.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
Something needs to drastically change for the better, not for
the worse. There's it's already worse. It's already in the
bad place. Dakota's firing occurred about one month after him
and Patrick moved in together elsewhere, while Maggie moved into
my home with me. We had four dogs and two
cats between the two of us. While we were punting
off our life together. Patrick was paying Dakota's rent at

(18:54):
their new place, and I felt horrible that my milestone
was Patrick's burden, even though Patrick would never blame me
and understood. To this day, it baffles Patrick and I
that Dakota never saved a dime during his lifetime of
not paying rent at his grandfather's, hence why Patrick had
to cover his rent for about two months. Around this time,
Patrick also started seriously dating a woman in her early

(19:15):
thirties whom he had met at work, but from a
different department. Dakota began jumping from restaurant to restaurant for work,
getting manager positions, none of which paid as much as
old as his old boss, just to date a coworker
or yell at a subordinate and get fired and start
all over again.

Speaker 4 (19:31):
Stop dating your coworkers.

Speaker 1 (19:34):
Stop it. It's the you don't crap where you eat
kind of thing, you know.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
You know, I feel like it's almost inevitable working in
a restaurant, but quit it, especially as a manager.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
So one on for about a year, all while simultaneously
saying he wasn't trying to date and instead focus on himself,
but then dating and falling in love with every woman
on the first date, and continuing that weird cycle mentioned earlier.
After living together with my girlfriend for a year, we
got engaged at the location of our second date where
our dogs first met each other. That's cute. And about

(20:07):
a year and a half later we got married. So
one point five years dating, then proposed, then another one
point five years engaged, then married, now now a bit
over a year married, so about a course of three
years esque. It isn't super important, but for reference, Dakota
was dating another nineteen year old who attended our wedding
while still living at home and telling her parents that

(20:29):
Dakota was just her. Oh, and Dakota was just her
attracted the same gender, best friend and not a boyfriend. Well,
Dakota was in love, so I hope that gives you
a pulse on the immaturity he creates in his life.
Being a twenty nine or thirty year old at this point,
Maggie and I honeymoon for two weeks in Japan. It

(20:49):
was a dream come true, and upon return, she switched
from teaching English as a second language to her dream
job as an art teacher, and I got a promotion
as well to an association director to an upscale lakeside community.
Our combined incomes being well over one hundred k. Now,
Maggie had previously been living in her mom's family house,
which then sold, and she was gifted thirty thousand from

(21:12):
the sale, which, on top of our combined rent only
being nine hundred dollars with my dad, really set us
up for success. Again, it really depends on who you know.
Around this time, Patrick moved out of his home with
Dakota to move in with his girlfriend, who had inherited
her grandfather's already paid off house, so he was on
track for a very similar financially promising setup. Dakota, on

(21:36):
the other hand, was left alone in the home yet
shared with Patrick. Dakota's girlfriend dumped him a few days
later after our wedding, which I'll add she was late
for and missed being in the photos over her not
being ready or quick to getting ready. No surprise there,
and he got fired from work yet again.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
What is he doing?

Speaker 1 (21:55):
He's screaming at his subordinates.

Speaker 4 (21:58):
This is so at this point, your friend, what are
you doing? My guy?

Speaker 1 (22:02):
It's the cold water. Yeah, this guy needs more than
a cold water. This guy needs a cold shower, cold back.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
I couldn't help but feel guilty that both Patrick and
myself were seeing our dreams become reality while Dakota was
alone with virtually no family, no girlfriend, and no job
to pay rent. At this point, Dakota would ask for
money or financial assistance almost weekly. Could be I need
fifty bucks to reactivate my phone or I need two

(22:29):
hundred to make rent, and Patrick and I would take
turns assisting until he got back on his feet. It
is important to note that substances aren't part of the story,
and Dakota's inability to save money is more so a
reflection in his regular use to Pokemon and You Yoh cards,
which he plays competitively and has sold cards in the
past for thousands of dollars.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
If you need to make rent sell your Pokemon cards.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
I mean he has sell the more. What are we
talking about again? He paid the down payment for his
car by selling just a few cards. Patrick always told
Dakota he needed to pay him back, but I personally
don't believe in loaning money to friends unless you don't
need it back a gift if you will, and told
Dakota he did not need to pay me back and
to focus on getting his life together instead, that that

(23:14):
is enough for me. It is worth noting at this time,
his uncle was selling off all the land his grandfather
his grandfather had previously owned, and Dakota would be inheriting
a lot of money one day once that happened. If
I saw my friend doing this, if I saw my
Dakota doing this, I would say, hey, I'm gonna help you.
I'm gonna help you set up a savings account that

(23:37):
you will not touch this money. I will know the
code and I will We're gonna help you get you know,
get you back on your feet, because it's it seems
at this point all you do is keep supporting like
here's a fifty, here's two hundred, do what you will
that money. It's one of those things like I'm gonna
I have to keep my eye on you, or it's
like you're taking care of a kid.

Speaker 3 (23:54):
Now, and if he's just using it to like buy
Pokemon cards, what are we doing?

Speaker 4 (23:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (24:01):
Yeah, you could approach him with that and be like,
this is something I think could help you.

Speaker 2 (24:05):
Are you down?

Speaker 3 (24:06):
And if he's like no, then it's like, well, I
don't know how much I can just and then continue
to support you while you just make negative choices for yourself.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
During this period, he always said he would give me
and Patrick either ten thousand dollars each or take us
out for tattoos on him or some kind of grand
gesture of his gratitude. Once the inheritance went through, I
would literally say, don't do that, save it.

Speaker 3 (24:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
The first land parcel sold and Dakota inherited one hundred
thousand dollars from that. Hundred K is no joke, but
it was supposed to be one hundred and sixty k
originally according to Dakota, which is an example of how
often his information or stories change. I'm sure it will
surprise nobody, but no gesture of appreciation for myself or
Patrick ever occurred. Pat was paid back I wasn't since

(24:55):
I asked him not to do it, but I'd be
lying if I didn't want that tattoo or gesture he
had promised us. Regardless, I was disappointed, but not shocked
in the least. Dakota immediately spent forty K on a
new Mustang convertible eight cylinders, horrible gas.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
By the only kind of Mustang you should buy eight
cylinders minimum.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
It's not a Mustang, it's a pony.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
If you have the money and the financial access to that,
then do it. But don't do it if you're not
in you.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
If you're in, don't immediately blow half of the money
you're getting from this land sale on a car you
don't really need.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
And after being evicted by his landlords prior to the inheritance.
Prior to the inheritance, he had been living on his
uncle's couch. He had also totaled his previous car, which
he still owed about twenty k on due to the
absurd twenty percent interest rate on his car loan eow.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Eoo witch.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
To this day, he is never paid back, destroying his credit.
I tried convincing Dakota to pay it off, pay off
that old car, but he refused, not caring about his
credit because he would be buying a home outright. I
tried explaining that he only got one hundred K instead
of one hundred and sixty K, so if his total

(26:14):
inheritance is only predicted to be four hundred four hundred
thousand K, it is probably going to be lower, and
at the very least sixty K lower than we already
know totally three hundred and forty K. Then knock down
to three hundred K because he thought he bought the
Mustang not to mention any more spending.

Speaker 4 (26:33):
He blows through and then once.

Speaker 3 (26:35):
You buy a house, it's not like, oh, I never
have to spend any more money ever again for the
rest of my life. It's like, you're gonna have to
pay property taxes, You're gonna have to do maintenance, You're
gonna have to do all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
I tried telling him three hundred K isn't enough in
the modern day to have many house options, and even
then it'll take all three hundred K. Most likely working
in property management, I see the numbers house it self
or daily, but he refused to believe me, even though
I'm in the industry. Since then, Dakota has gotten a
job at a new restaurant and is dating another coworker.

(27:07):
Surprise surprise, but at least this time she's age appropriate
Alissa twenty nine female. I can tell by his social
media posts though he spends a lot of money on
their dates. I called it recently taking a week long
vacation at a four hundred per night hotel on the beach,
all paid for by him. I haven't asked, but my

(27:27):
gut says he probably has twenty k or less left
of at one hundred k he inherited. At this time,
there are no sales on the remaining three land parcels
for his remaining inheritance to come through. Dakota and Alyssa
have only been dating for two months, and he takes
to Patrick and I a photo of a ring, saying
he is going to propose. Patrick is sick of giving

(27:48):
advice that he never follows, so he simply responded with
fake supportiveness. I, on the other hand, while still being supportive,
told him he should slow down and take things cautiously
as they've only been dating for two months. This actually
happened three days prior to the two month mark. Dakota
then backpedaled and said if he bought the ring today,
he wouldn't have had it in hand for another two months,

(28:10):
then would probably wait another six months, which still seemed quick,
but I was.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Relieved to hear that.

Speaker 1 (28:15):
Two weeks later, Patrick went on vacation, with the attempt
being to propose to his now girlfriend of two years.
I wasn't thinking and forgot he had told me this
in private, in a private chat rather than the group chat,
So the day he was going to propose, I texted
him to confirm he was proceeding with the plan, which
he was, but Dakota could see this since it was
in the group chat. Patrick texted it in the group

(28:36):
chat at eleven thirty that night to say he was
officially engaged. Congrats, but not to say anything, as he
wanted his now fiance to have her chance to announce it,
make a post et cetera, which made sense and I agreed.
Dakota congratulated him and said he would hopefully be right
behind him, which I didn't think much of since his
ring had a two month wait. The next day, at

(28:58):
approximately six thirty pm, Dakota texted us in the group chat,
letting us know he too was now engaged. My blood
as well as Patrick's, began to boil. Patrick had just
asked us not to say anything to steal his fiance's thunder,
and Dakota, under some primal instinct to compete with us,

(29:18):
felt so compelled that he proposed the day immediately after.
Patrick did, after clearly lying about a two month wait
on the ring and a six month wait after that
before proposer.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
I don't know, he could be a guy who'd proposed
and be like the rings on the way.

Speaker 4 (29:32):
Here's a ra I got you a ring? Pop Rings
on the way, babe, I promise.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
He LUs confirm the ring costs nearly five times what
he had paid for Alley's rings Alley's ring years ago. Again,
that was his former ex boss, okay, which I know
to be right. Around four thousand dollars ros okay, So
if my guess is right, twenty thousand dollars remaining from

(29:57):
his inheritance is even close to accurate. But then he
is officially broke again to get engaged to a girl
he's been dating for two months. I don't think I
explained this well either, But after getting evicted from failing
to pay rent, he's been living on his uncle's couch
this whole time, and when he tries to rent a
new place, either his crappy credit from not paying off
that wrecked car or his lack of two to three

(30:18):
times rent as income has prevented him from moving off
the couch into his own place. His now fiance lives
with her parents and has never had a place of
her own. So I find myself in a strange situation
where I simply don't know what to do anymore. Any
advice I give is ignored. And now he's engaged to
a girl he had hardly He hardly knows out of
some biological clock issue that usually more so affects woman,

(30:42):
as well as a desire to stay on pace in
life with myself and Patrick. But frequently his lack of
advice following and his actions negatively impact or affect myself
and Patrick. He has blown the majority of his first
wave of inheritance, which he previously said he wasn't going
to spend any of it to save for a house,
and he can't get approved to move into his own
place and lives on his uncle's couch. Patrick is very,

(31:04):
very hurt that Dakota would get engaged. The literal day
after him approximately seventeen hours later, and I see our
friendship trio crumbling. Patrick and I have always been good
about keeping the friendship alive, even with the space and
time of not talking. But Dakota, Dakota has a knack
of blowing off everyone for his significant others, even when

(31:25):
they barely know each other. And I think these latest
actions will be hard to recover from. In me and
Patrick's eyes, there's a little bit left. But Dakota, what
do you do about yourself?

Speaker 4 (31:35):
It's time to quiet quit this friendship.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
My guy, I don't know, let him cut himself off
from y'all while he's dating his new you know, fiance,
I guess since they're engaged now, and it's like, there's
nothing you could do. You've done everything you could possibly
do for this guy, short of becoming his actual parent.

Speaker 1 (31:52):
It's the it's the saying you again. I say it
a lot, but it's you can lead a horse to water.
He's not drinking the water, he's dying thirst. You can't
do anymore, you really can't. It's not your responsibility. Ye yes,
you are his friend, but he has to take accountability
and he has to grow up. But let's go ahead

(32:14):
and finish up the story. Hope, he says. How do
you convince someone who refuses to listen that they are
making horrible decisions, being a bad friend, and single handedly
blowing yet another bailout that has been given to him
the inheritance this time, but previously blowing it with the
boss that never docked his pay when demoted, paid for therapy,
and even gave him a five K check when he

(32:35):
was ultimately fired. He's been given so many chances. I
was so optimistic that this inheritance could be used to
finally make a life for him, but sure enough, the
short term gratification and rush to catch up to his
buddies had led him astray. I am also scared he
will regret the marriage, because again, it's only been two
months since they started dating. Not sure if there's any

(32:57):
advice out there, but I hope someone at least gets
attained by this madness. Thanks, and that is the end
of that story. Yeah, I mean, we already said our piece.
It's one of those things where he's gonna learn the
really hard way and you don't want him to do that,
but this is no longer your burden to bear. Yeah,

(33:18):
you have your own life. Patrick has his own life,
and he's got to have his own wife. Now it's
one of those things where you, yeah, you can't do
much more than what you've done.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
Hey, it's Sam.

Speaker 6 (33:29):
We're gonna get back to these stories.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
But here's three of it's bads from our sponsors that
keep the show alive.

Speaker 6 (33:34):
I think my mother is copying me, and I wanted
to back off.

Speaker 5 (33:38):
I've heard of Mama's boys, but like this is this
is giving me the creep.

Speaker 6 (33:43):
This is also comes from one of our own on
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. So it's our family member.
I thirty five female, and my mom fifty five female,
have always had a weird relationship. She's married to my biofather,
who was not a good man. They divorced when I
was seven, and I did I didn't live full time
with her until I was around fifteen, almost sixteen. At eighteen,

(34:05):
she remarried to a different type of red Flag and
it got so bad that I went no contact with
her for almost three years because of him. She was
not at my wedding because of this. We did not
get back in contact when my grandfather passed away and
it slowly built back up, but when the second husband
left her, she permanently moved herself into my life. By

(34:26):
the way, this comes from Independent n fifty three, and
if you want some of your own stories or the
art side show, okay stories, I'm subber to because this
is where this one's from. So everything has to be her,
myself and my husband, and I mean everything. If we
weren't allowed to go to dinner without checking in with
her and seeing if she wants to go unless we
want to hear a lecture about how she was free

(34:49):
and all we had to do was call. I planned
a weekend away from myself. I was going to a
lie and just needed to cry and sleep and just
be alone. I let her know I would not be
available for a weekend a month away, that I was
being overwhelmed with all my responsibilities, and that if I
didn't want to snap and bite everyone's head off, I
needed some alone time. But she immediately started to plan

(35:10):
a girl's trip. I was gonna stay at a local
hotel near two restaurants that I love and can walk to. Nope,
now I was doing a week and away. Thankfully, my
husband took it upon himself to book me the hotel
for the weekend before my original plan and told me
to tell her I had to work because he had
a plan. He then checked in with me and got
me set up. Then he ran over to the restaurant

(35:32):
and picked it up, and then he went home. Then
the next weekend, I was refreshed and handled the forced
girls trip, which she acted like I needed the whole
time because my husband and my job, that she was
the angel there to save me.

Speaker 5 (35:47):
Oh okay, Oh, this is giving me like co dependent
and just as the mom is doesn't want to be
alone anymore vibes.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
Oh, doesn't know how to exist outside of.

Speaker 5 (35:58):
A relationship with another person. Yeah, maybe why she was
into red flag relations.

Speaker 6 (36:03):
From this, she kind of looks like the savior or
saving them, and that's probably how she stumbled upon those
red flag relationships.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
She's seeing Opie as a project, not as a person.

Speaker 6 (36:14):
We think she is trying to become me. She started
getting my hairstyle cut that I've had for decades, so
I stopped and have it cut my hair in about
four years because that was my haircut and don't know
what else to get. I went through a few doctors
and found out that I have nero spiciness. Her response was, well, yeah,
you got that from me, But she has never been

(36:35):
to therapy or anything, and now when something isn't going
quite right, she will bust out my diagnosis and blame that.
But I can't have at least a bit of a
down moment. Then she started buying the same clothes as
me when we went shopping together, which I joked, as
long as we don't wear them at the same time,
which she has tried to do a couple of times.

(36:56):
I don't put a hoodie on or have a tank
top in the car and complained that I was hot
or cold depending on the outfit change. When we go
out to dinner or a small trip or basically anything,
every decision comes down to me. I can't even pick
out a meal I want because then she will want
it too, so then I have to pick a second
one because we can't get the same thing or that

(37:18):
would be wasteful.

Speaker 5 (37:20):
This is really creepy, Like this is a.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
Horror movie plot developing. Yeah, this is not okay.

Speaker 6 (37:27):
She's becoming the daughter or is she saving herself from
this decision to fatigue or it's that all opposition fatigue?

Speaker 5 (37:35):
Yeah, it's just easier to go along with what her
daughter wants.

Speaker 6 (37:39):
One.

Speaker 5 (37:39):
Maybe she's trying to develop like a closer bond with
her daughter, especially after her daughter.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Went like no contact a little bit like three or
four years ago. She could be.

Speaker 5 (37:47):
Trying that could be the only way she knows how
to do it, and probably doesn't realize that she's alienating
the daughter too. Yeah, she could be trying to like
and this is going the horror movie route.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
Now replace her.

Speaker 6 (37:57):
I was thinking that, Oh god, what if mom like
as a crush on husband.

Speaker 2 (38:03):
A little swapper roo there?

Speaker 6 (38:07):
Maybe or maybe interesting, some moms could do that. There
are some moms out there that could probably swap with
their daughters. No one would know what think. Yeah, when
we do small vacations, I find all the lodging restaurants
and activities, and unless I make it a big deal
about how much I want to do something, she will
try to make sure it doesn't happen. Example, if I
want to go to this restaurant, I have to say

(38:27):
I really want to go and I can't wait to
try it, and all of a sudden she's really excited
to do it too. Yes, I know this is manipulation.
To make sure I get what I want, but otherwise
she'll cancel the thing I was actually looking forward to do.
It has happened more than a dozen of times. I mean,
I have to act like it's life or that I
get to do Slash eat the thing. If I just say, oh,

(38:49):
this place is cool and I want to check it out,
she will agree, But then the comments of do we
have time or money for that, and it just doesn't happen.
During the vid I learn how to quilts and find
real joy in it, she started acting like it was
a wee task and acted like we were going to
learn together, but she didn't really help Slash learn. When

(39:12):
I started completing quilts and was getting compliments for it,
she all of a sudden had to urge I have
been using my extra frabric to make quotes for women's shelters,
And of course she is now making quilts for women
shelters too, and she loves to bring it up and
act like it was her idea and that she's like
the best person in the whole world for doing this.

(39:34):
You know, I'll take that one. If all this stuff
is happening, you're giving a little bit of good back
to the world.

Speaker 5 (39:38):
Yeah, I mean she's making the quilt, so yeah, a
little bit of goodback. But it's like I'm getting a
little bit of life from this, not quite fully to
this extent, but my wait, this happened to you. No,
but my mom is like has some of these behaviors.
Not nearly to this extent. No, but it's like there
was one time me and my brother were watching I
think it was Breaking that we started watching Breaking, and

(40:01):
then one time me and him like watched an episode
or two without her, and she's like, you watched our
show without me, And it's like, whoa, you were never
part of this. He like hopped in like halfway through
season one? What do you mean our show?

Speaker 6 (40:14):
Well, season one's pretty No, but I can see where
she's going from.

Speaker 5 (40:18):
But still it's like this was on me and my
brother thing where she would happen to be like washing
the dishes at the time or doing something at the table.
She wasn't really actively involved, and then she kind of
made it her thing.

Speaker 6 (40:30):
And that's why Matt went no contact with his mom
for seven years. No, but never gives me the credit
for being the one who started it or figuring out
which women's shelter in a big city near us needed blankets. Yes,
she has made some, but I do not believe she
has actually donated any. And my husband made a comment

(40:52):
that he has noticed her copying my body language, like
I have a nervous tick, but I twirl my hair
now she twirls hers. I art to do this weird
finger trick for self soothing. It's the best way I
can explain it that she had not seen yet, and
we know for sure she didn't do it. I saw
it during a group therapy and talked with the person

(41:12):
and I adopted it with a little variation. So we
watched her and she did it after a minute ar
or two of me doing it. I didn't even notice
set up first, but it became clear she was copying
me and didn't even know the mantra that pairs with
the finger trick, so it's confirmed she was copying me.

(41:33):
I do not know if this was on purpose or not.
I hope not. This is the tipping point of the
whole story. A few weeks ago, we had a small
party with some friends we had not seen in a while.
It was at my house. I cleaned my house and
yard for weeks, not dirty, just clutter. Got up first
thing in the morning to do all the prep and cooking.
She showed up about two hours before the party to help,

(41:55):
but I told her I had it all under control,
so we just sat there and hung out whenever. When arrived,
she had to dominate the conversation. I was trying to
have a side conversation with a friend, and she cut
me off to have me confirm something in her story
that I did not need to confirm. I've been in
these scenarios so many times and I disliked them so much.
Just let me have my own side conversation. I created this.

(42:17):
Let me have it.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
Mom needs friends.

Speaker 5 (42:18):
Mom needs a friend, social life, a hobby, anything.

Speaker 6 (42:22):
Bridge club, I don't care, cards, something, heck, getting a
gambling mom. She might like that. It happened twice more
before I gave up having an adult conversation and just
sat there playing on my phone until someone needed something.
I had to step away and hid in my room
at my party because the conversation was one I've had

(42:43):
with her nineteen times and really couldn't handle one more.
So again, my lovely husband saved me. He made it
a drinking game. Every time she cut me off. We
had to take a drink of adult soda slash wine.
Every time she brought it back to the conversation I
was having, we would discreetly go into the kitchen and
have a shot. After third turnaround to the same conversation,

(43:04):
I told him how to stop, but it did make
it way more fun. Loo She was talking about her
new dating app boyfriend that screams red flax. I mean,
this guy doesn't have an official job, does some online
crap that my mom has helped fund, and it wasn't cheap.
It wasn't until one of the friends brought it up
that it sounds like a financial that she stopped bringing

(43:26):
them up. She still has the scheduled trip for the
middle of September to meet him, but she is now
staying in a hotel in it down next to his
that has a lot of stuff for her to go do.
My big problem and what I need advice on, is
I don't know how to make my mom see that
she does not help me in the least bit. She
does nothing but add responsibility and stressed to me, but

(43:49):
she acts like she takes things off my plate. I
really need her to back off, let me have time
to breathe. I work fifty hours a week and have
a husband and a house that I take care of,
and I go do countless doctor trips and therapy sessions
throughout the month, at least one a week every week.
I know she's not in love with my husband and
doesn't want to replace me as me. I know she

(44:11):
was lonely and that's always been an issue for her.
I've suggested she seek therapy, and we know she loves
my husband as a son. But we both think she
would be a static if something happened to him, and
I to rely on her completely. With her, my triggers
don't exist. My anxieties do not exist. My childhood did
not happen. Even though she came from a loving home.

(44:33):
My grandparents were separated by not divorce, and they bent
over backward for their kids. I was not raised in
a happy home. How do you naturally bring this up tomorrow?

Speaker 2 (44:46):
I don't think she would listen to it.

Speaker 5 (44:47):
Yeah, I think she'd just be completely dismissive of it. Well,
I mean, my conspiracy theory is out the window according
to OPI, But at this point, I think you have
to kind of let it witherr because she's never gonna
listen say the fact that he need space. She's never
gonna listen to the fact that she's copying. She's never
gonna listen to the fact, Yeah, she's causing you trauma,
the fact that she is already kind of gaslighting Opie's

(45:10):
childhood trauma or problems, or pretty much anything that Opie
brings up. Yeah, this is a big red flag that
it's beyond anything that can conversation can do. Yeah, so
you have to let her go her own way with
I mean, it sucks to say, like, let her go
with this red flag guy, but she needs something else

(45:31):
to devote her attention to. She's a seems essive to
the point of harm.

Speaker 6 (45:37):
Yeah, so back to the story. I'm thirty five years old,
and I feel like I have to run her life.
Except for when I think she makes a bad decision,
I can't say anything or I get my head chewed off.
I haven't said anything too bad about the internet boyfriend
because he's at least taking some of her time away
from me. But when she first started helping him get

(45:58):
his started off the ground, I did make some comments
about the cost and how it sounds more like MLM
instead of a true business. But I was quickly shut
down and got to enjoy a three hour car ride
home in silence because she just refused to talk about
anything after that until we got to my grandmother's and

(46:18):
everything was normal again. We got a little bit more here.
Any other thoughts before we finish it.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
There needs to be therapy.

Speaker 5 (46:24):
Yeah, there's some underlying issue that the mother just doesn't
want to address. There's an issue with maturity, There's an
issue with boundaries. It's not going to get better without it,
because the fact that she's gone now to three red
flag boyfriends, it's gonna keep happening.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
There's no end, there's no cycle.

Speaker 6 (46:43):
It is a cycle, and honestly, I don't know if
she'll ever accept it. She may just, oh absolutely let
it happen, and that's just the way she's gonna be.
I do not want to cut my mother out of
my life at this point. In general, we do get along.
She's fun to be around fifty percent of the time,
and she doesn't do anything up front. It's all subtle
and it's just building up. Every story above has five

(47:06):
or more just like it. I'm sure she has some
big diagnosis if she ever makes it to therapy. When
I've suggested it to her, her answer is I'm not
that bad every time, and if I just cut her
out of my life again, she will go full force
with this internet boyfriend and end up being really hurt again,
and that's not what I want. Any advice, really, just

(47:28):
putting it all out here has been a little bit
of help. Yes, I go to group therapy for some
of my diagnosis, both mental and medical, but it's not
a therapy session for myself, and I'm in the process
of finding myself on one on one therapist. But until then,
I will ask the Reddit and Okay, storytime love the channel,
by the way, we freaking love up comment coming number one.

(47:50):
I'm gonna be a little blunt here. Your mother sounds
very selfish, and I'm genuinely concerned with the behavior you're
described here. She sounds very dependent on a and I
could guess her copying behavior is either her way of
feeling younger to catch up a male's attention, or trying
to take over your life with your husband. That's a
big assumption on my part, but I would caution you

(48:12):
with the time you spend with her, I would worry
about if your mom may end up flipping on you,
sometimes from just copying you to trying to take over
either your decisions or your life, ignoring everything I said.
I think you can't stop your mom from dating who
she wants and making those mistakes. You should step back now,
make distance in small steps at the very least, and

(48:34):
don't share sensitive information with her. Please be safe. Ope,
he says, Yes, my mother is very selfish. It's because
she cannot see from other people's point of view. Oh man,
I don't believe she does anything maliciously, but because she
thinks everyone thinks like her. Yes, she's dependent on the
man in her life. At the moment, she only sees

(48:54):
her value as a wife or girlfriend. No, my mom
does not want my husband. I believe she would rather
become a noun than sleep with my husband. And I
won't say what he would rather do. But Nope, that's
not a concern. Ilowo. Making her feel young again is
a good point, But I am super sick and act
closer to her age than mine. I don't want to

(49:16):
stop her from dating. When she has a boy toy thing,
it takes time away from me, so I normally enjoy it.
This guy is just some bad news and she's acting
like he is Jesus himself walking on water. So other
than the first comment I made about him, I haven't
said anything other than normally wrap it before you tap
it jokes, which I would make no matter who the

(49:36):
guy was. I appreciate that, OPI. I've tried to step back,
but can't do much without her having a fit about.
We don't spend time with her. We do have her
down to roughly once a week, normally Sunday dinner, but
sometimes she wants to go shopping slash lunch. Hey it's
John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
Put a quick three minute ad break from her sponsors
that keep the show going.

Speaker 5 (49:57):
I asked my sister to leave, despite knowing she needs somewhere.

Speaker 6 (50:01):
To stay against they. Here's Sis.

Speaker 5 (50:03):
So I thirty three male, have been married to my
wife twenty six female maya fake name, for two years,
together for five My wife and I met when I
was doing a semester in France. I was studying to
become a lawyer, but I wasn't happy in my home country,
South Korea, and decided to try a semester in Europe,
and I chose France. I loved it, but what truly

(50:24):
made me want to stay is my now wife, Maya.
I was twenty seven back then and she was twenty one.
I met Maya at a cafe while she was working.
She was working part time to fund her education, and
once I landed my eyes on her, I couldn't stop
thinking about her.

Speaker 6 (50:39):
Oh, I'm so sweet, it's so cute.

Speaker 5 (50:42):
And by the way, this comes from Senior Good nine
sixty and if you want to submit your own stories
to the r slash Okay storytime Reddit, go ahead and
do so. So Maya and I are very different. I
come from a well off family, while hers is working class.
I'm mentioning it because it's relevant to the story. My
mom is a doctor and my dad a lawyer, so

(51:03):
we never had financial problems growing up. Me and my
sister at thirty five female Cindy fake name as well,
have always been taught by our parents to prioritize our
education before anything else.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
Same.

Speaker 5 (51:15):
My sister, Cindy, however, wasn't the type to listen. After
pursuing my wife for months, she agreed to go on
a date with me. It was hard to keep her
attention as she wasn't interested in dating and was pursued
by other guys as well. Eventually, she fell in love
with me and we have been committed to each other
ever since. I completed my education and unfortunately went back
to Korea at my parents' request. My and I were

(51:37):
in a long distance relationship for a short period until
I couldn't take it any I asked her to come
to Korea to meet my parents. That's how serious I
was about her. She freaked out and outright refused. She
was scared my parents wouldn't like her, and we had
a huge fight. She's the anxious type and overthinks a lot.
After two days and long conversations, she agreed to come

(51:57):
to Korea to meet my parents.

Speaker 6 (51:59):
Dude, this is the plot of crazy rich Asians right here. Yeah,
great mood.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
Yeah, except it's Malaysia and not Korea.

Speaker 5 (52:05):
But it's the same kind of like obsessive having to
like impress the parents for status. At that time, she
didn't speak a word of Korean, but her English was
and still is on point. I arranged the meeting with
my parents at a nice restaurant and my sister was present.
When we walked in, my mother's eyes widened because she
didn't expect my girlfriend to be black. Maya was born

(52:26):
and raised in France, but she's one hundred percent African.
When I told my parents I met a girl I
liked in France, I should have known they'd expect a
white girl.

Speaker 6 (52:34):
Oh gotcha.

Speaker 5 (52:36):
Yeah, there's a lot of colorism in Asian cultures, I know,
like even.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
Within your own culture.

Speaker 5 (52:42):
Like that's why there's a lot of emphasis on like
skincare and paleness and like not being in this on
this way, you see a lot of like Asian cultures,
like hiding in the shade or wearing hats or having parasols.
Like even within Filipino culture, I know, there's the idea
that like pale is more beautiful.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
I think largely because.

Speaker 5 (52:59):
Of like the Spanish colonization in all that conquest trauma
that we have generationally and are still dealing with this.

Speaker 6 (53:08):
So there's probably that dynamic that they're going to have
at dinner, and but the parents are going to overcome it,
and Seo is another person that's not going to be
a problem.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
Absolutely.

Speaker 5 (53:17):
We love a happy ending on okay story time exactly.
Happy endings here, don't.

Speaker 6 (53:21):
Yeah, Yeah, that's what I'm thanks gonna people.

Speaker 5 (53:23):
Can change for the better. It happened in crazy rich Asians,
it can happen here.

Speaker 6 (53:28):
Boom.

Speaker 5 (53:29):
Nonetheless, the meeting went great. They asked questions about her education,
her parents, her family, et cetera. I could see that
she was nervous, but even though my parents were a
bit reluctant of our relationship in the beginning, they accepted.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
Her and we got married.

Speaker 5 (53:43):
The thorn in my foot was always Cindy for a
reason I never quite understood. She never accepted maya. Maya
try to be friendly in the hopes they'd be more amicable,
but with no success. So she gave up and told
me it's not my problem. She can simply stay away
from me and I'll be fine with that, which I
agreed to with a laugh. Cindy isn't easy to get

(54:04):
along with, and I say that as her brother. When
we got married in France, Cindy found a way to
criticize everything, the food for my wife's country, the traditional
attire she wanted to wear. But the real punter was
the duration of the ceremony. African and Korean weddings are
very different on that point. Our weddings are relatively short,
whereas theirs can last up to eight hours. Cindy complained

(54:27):
and said that none of our relatives would ever stay
that long, and if Maya's family were jobless people who
only wanted to party, they were going to be by themselves.
Oh boy ah ooh, there's a lot of there's a
lot to going back there. Maya didn't like that, and
they got into a screaming match at the end. My
mom told Cindy to apologize because it wasn't her wedding

(54:50):
and that she had no say in the planning process. Again,
what is it with like wedding planning that brings the
worst out of people?

Speaker 6 (54:57):
Attention? Spotlight true, Spotlight's not on. I'm gonna scream.

Speaker 5 (55:01):
After the ceremony, my wife and I applied for her
visa so she could come and live with us in Korea.

Speaker 6 (55:07):
It was a really hard.

Speaker 5 (55:08):
Decision for her, but her mom convinced her that she
had to because now you're a married woman and you
have to follow your husband. I didn't agree with that,
but my wife still decided to come live with me.
When we inform my family, my mom was really happy
about it, but my sister said, so it's one more
of those foreigners marrying their way to Korea.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Oh my gosh, Oh Cindy, what's wrong girl?

Speaker 1 (55:34):
Dude?

Speaker 6 (55:34):
This is what I thought Cindy was. I thought Cindy
was a tide that isn't think traditionally. I'm not going
to be a doctor or lawyer because my parents want
me to. And then she is the accepting one for Maya,
and then that, and then parents weren't. Yeah, that's not
the case at all. I really don't understand where Cindy's
coming from. I'm trying to see.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
Someone hurt her.

Speaker 5 (55:56):
Someone hurt but like someone hurt her really bad, and
she hasn't been able to let it. She liked and
do the traditional thing, but she's still she's thinking in
this traditional mindset.

Speaker 6 (56:04):
It's weird.

Speaker 5 (56:05):
So it's like she doesn't want the traditional thing for herself,
but it's expecting other people to follow that because it's
always her comfortable.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
It's her comfort and no one else's.

Speaker 6 (56:15):
Yeah, it's weird. It's super weird.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
Yikes.

Speaker 5 (56:17):
Maya simply ignored her first, but Cindy wouldn't drop it,
so she told her to go back to beg for
her shut up ring.

Speaker 6 (56:24):
Interesting.

Speaker 5 (56:25):
My sister was at the time with her boyfriend Noah
thirty seven mail for seven.

Speaker 2 (56:29):
Years on and off.

Speaker 5 (56:30):
She wanted to marry Noah, but he made it clear
it wasn't his priority. Oh she pressured him, and he
finally gave in and they got married. My sister was
studying to be a doctor. She completed her education, but
when she married Noah, she didn't try to find a
job or unhopped in the stay at home with role.

(56:51):
Fast forward to now Maya and I have a son.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
I hope I'm pronouncing.

Speaker 5 (56:55):
This correctly, Buell Buell, who's soon gonna be two?

Speaker 4 (56:58):
All right.

Speaker 5 (56:59):
Maya was working in something commercial, but once she gave birth,
she decided to stay at home for a bit. She's
now five months pregnant with our second baby. Cindy, however,
recently got divorced after Noah had enough fair with his secretary,
leaving her with almost nothing. After the divorce, he threw
her out of the house, and since she wasn't working
and Noah wasn't leaving her access to their account, she

(57:21):
only got a small amount of money out of the divorce,
but not enough to live with.

Speaker 6 (57:26):
Oh, man, if only you could, you know, have a
stable job to rely on.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Right, It's like, wow.

Speaker 5 (57:33):
Man, if only you had a set of skills that's
highly sought after and could possibly provide you a very
well provided life doing something that's meaningful and helpful to
society in general, during which she'd be seen as a
positive force for the community and for your country, and
would be looked at and respected.

Speaker 6 (57:49):
And if only you were to do something like that.

Speaker 5 (57:51):
Oh man, it just seems so hard. If you'd like
gone to medical school, you know.

Speaker 6 (57:55):
Yeah, But and earlier I was not doing forced labor.
I'm just saying it was silly that she went to
school and didn't become a doctor because she just thought
it would be easier to be staying home wife. He'sy
Robberts pointing me out there. I just want to clear
that up real quick.

Speaker 5 (58:09):
She asked me and my wife if she could stay
with us for a bit. I originally wanted to refuse,
but Maya said that my sister needed help and that
she was in a dark place, so we had to
be nicer and more supportive regarding her situation. So we
welcomed her. And she's been living with us for six months.
Oh no, ever since she's been living with us. It's

(58:33):
been a nightmare. Oh God, she's criticizing everything. My wife
isn't cooking enough. Buell is too much glued to his mamma.
He's a mama's boy. What can I do about that?

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Nothing? He probably gets it for me.

Speaker 6 (58:45):
He's also what two two?

Speaker 2 (58:47):
He's two, He's a kid. That's what babies do.

Speaker 5 (58:50):
He can't go off and work in the fields. Yeah,
we don't do that anymore. We don't speak Korean enough
to him. She doesn't want to eat African food. Maya
isn't dedicated enough to her husband, on etcetera. Maya always
put up with it and told me she was probably
depressed because of how her marriage ended. She's always tried
to be understanding, even though my sister's behavior has taken

(59:10):
a huge visible toll on her mental health. The situation
has been a lot worse ever since Maya got pregnant.
She was extremely upset and tired, and we didn't understand why.
Once we found out she was pregnant, it made sense
that taking care of the house, the baby, and my
sister was too much. I hired a housekeeper so my
wife could focus more on her pregnancy and have more

(59:31):
time to herself. Cindy complained that I was spoiling her
and that she should be used to doing all of
that because women from the working class have six children,
work and take care of everything.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
Okay, Cindy, what is your problem, dude?

Speaker 5 (59:44):
There's a lot of like prejudice here, Yeah, and a
lot of just like looking at stereotypes, which is not
warranted at all.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (59:52):
Someone had to have hurt her or like gotten her
into this mentality, which doesn't excuse anything at all.

Speaker 6 (59:58):
But it's like, and I think you know having her
in your house, you did the angel move, you let
her in. Yeah, after three months of this, you're gone.
You gotta be gone. You're bringing my house into a nightmare,
and you're criticizing everything my wife's doing. You can't be
having that.

Speaker 5 (01:00:11):
I understand Opie's her brother, Yeah, but the fact that
this isn't your house, they're doing you a favor.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Where do you feel.

Speaker 5 (01:00:18):
I mean, I understand where she feels the entitlement, but
also at the same time, where do you get that
that entitlement?

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
Are you get in that audacity? Cindy?

Speaker 6 (01:00:25):
Exactly?

Speaker 5 (01:00:26):
She said that Maya was lazy and that I was
spoiling her. I couldn't take it anymore, and I told
her to mind her own business, that I wasn't going
to take advice from a pick me who wasn't capable
of keeping her marriage despite being male centered. Oh it
was mean, I know, but I was tired of her
criticizing my pregnant wife in her own home. Cindy called
me cruel and went back to her room, yelling profanities

(01:00:48):
at me. But I couldn't care less about it. What
really set me over the edge was two weeks ago,
we were having dinner. My son was having a sleepover
at my parents' house, so it was me, Cindy, my wife,
and the housekeeper. The housekeeper was serving us dinner and
Maya filled her plate with various dishes and side dishes.
She told the housekeeper to stay and have dinner with us,
since it was late at night and that she wouldn't

(01:01:08):
be able to finish it all. She tried to protest,
but Maya insisted she'd share a meal with us, so
she grabbed a plate and went back to the table.
We were eating, and since Maya eats for two people,
she was eating more than usual. Cindy smirked and said
she should slow it down because she's only five months pregnant,
and that she'd soon become a whale. Maya put down
her spoon immediately. Our housekeeper said it wasn't true that

(01:01:32):
she needed to nourish both her body and the baby,
and she put both fish and meat.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
On my wife's plate.

Speaker 5 (01:01:37):
Cindy said that no man wants to parade with a
whale on his arm, and that my wife should be
more self conscious of the way she looks.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
Cindy knows that Maya.

Speaker 5 (01:01:47):
Has been insecure about her weight and overall appearance since
the second pregnancy. I could see her eyes fill themselves
with tears, and she left the table and I lost it.
While I could hear my wife crying in our garden,
our housekeeper trying to calm her down. I was straight
up yelling at Cindy and told her to get out.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Of my house.

Speaker 6 (01:02:07):
That is crazy. I was really sidetracked by the brief
mention of the housekeeper in garden where do you live?
They are well off right now.

Speaker 5 (01:02:19):
Because in Asia, at least the Philippines would want. I know,
labor is cheap. It's more cheap than like material things,
so instead of like doing it yourself, it's sometimes more
like economical or like affordable at least to have a
housekeeper or to have hired help, because it's it could
be a situation where they are well off, like you've
seen parasite they had, they're well off, they have housekeeper,

(01:02:41):
like even like my family and the Philippines, who's like
I think maybe middle class, like they have hired help
just because it's it's easier for them to divide the
housework and then go to work or or things like that.

Speaker 6 (01:02:53):
Okay, it's not out of the realm of possibility. Okay,
that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
For months, she.

Speaker 5 (01:02:57):
Has been insulting my wife in her own house, and
because Maya is nice, she put up with it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:02):
But I wasn't going to let it slide this time.

Speaker 5 (01:03:04):
I told her that it was one thing to let
her blank of her husband cheat on her and that
she was left with nothing, but my wife didn't have
to baby her. She needed to leave my house now
or I was going to call the cops to get
her out of my house. Cindy tried to cry and
tell me she had nowhere else to go, but I
wasn't having it. She left the house and went to
stay at my parents' house.

Speaker 4 (01:03:23):
You had somewhere to go, There you go.

Speaker 5 (01:03:26):
Maya feels terrible and thinks that the situation is her
fault because family members have been non stop messaging both
of us, her for breaking our family apart and me
for choosing my wife over my sister who's in a
difficult situation.

Speaker 2 (01:03:39):
Well, oh am, I of a booty hole.

Speaker 4 (01:03:42):
No,