My girlfriend has exclusively male friends… am I right in thinking this is weird? | Reddit Stories

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John, this is Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Your og okay storytime podcast hosts.

Speaker 3 (00:04):
We have some spectacular stories coming up, but.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Real quick, we get a two minute break from our
lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
My girlfriend has exclusively male friends. Am I right in
thinking this is weird? My girlfriend, eighteen female, I am
twenty male, is friends with exclusively guys. She is zero girlfriends.
And I'm not talking close friends, I mean any female
friends in general. I think that's a little bit of
a red flag in general, because I'm like, why can't

(00:32):
you be friends with women?

Speaker 3 (00:34):
I always feel like there's a deep rooted self self
like security or like, yeah, internalized misogyny when that happens,
since they I don't, Oh, women are too complicated, Yeah,
like it's you're maybe you have trauma?

Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yeah. Yeah. The guys who she's friends with are people
who constantly lie and cheat on their own girlfriends compulsively
and don't support our relationship at all. Ooh and they
have never asked to meet me, And I've even gone
as far as to talk crap about me behind my
back to her, have hit on her and talk to
her through social media essentially every day. Nothing flirty, just

(01:08):
stuff friends would talk about as far as I've seen.
By the way, this comes from just Scade on the
Okay storytime subured it. So I have met one of
them so far, and I thought all went well until
my girlfriend told me that the only thing the guy
said to the rest of his friend group after meeting
me was that I asked too many questions and that
he found it annoying. What the questions I asked were
completely normal and standard questions you would ask anyone who

(01:31):
you meet for the first time. Was literally just getting
to know him, What are you studying? Et cetera. I
wasn't in his face or anything, just trying to act
as friendly as possible. He barely asked me anything about myself.
Apart from this one time, none of them have ever
asked to meet me. But despite this, she remains friends
with them, and she shows no signs that any of
this bugs her. Huge red flash to her bar yea, yeah,

(01:54):
I mean she's eighteen.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
So people these girls hate women.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, she probably hates women, Yeah, and that's why she's
came out with him. She has asked them a good
few times whether she could bring me to one of
their dinners, events, hangouts, and they have always said no
next time. Maybe she's told me. They never ask about
me either. Why is she telling so weird? Why are
you Yeah, like my friend said, you can't come to
the dinner. Yeah, it doesn't seem like she's standing up

(02:18):
for him at all. That's really fun like. They also
probably don't like her that much. One of them has
even gone as far as to say to my girlfriend
over text, you're standing up to your boyfriend over me.
Does he even respect you? He doesn't even know how
to be in a relationship. He's weird. This is a
guy who I have never met and have never had
any interaction with, apart from one very polite and unconfrontational

(02:38):
short message I sent asking him to stop sending romantic
Instagram reels and dozens of I Miss you messages to
her after she had told them to stop many many
times when.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
She that's what doesn't respect too.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Thankfully, she had shut down all of these messages that
he sent her instantly and didn't entertain any of his
pursuits in the slightest. She backed me up when he
brought it up to her and didn't mind that I
sent him a message. But anyway, after all of this
she wants to continue friendships with him and people like this.
I could include a lot of other examples of what
these guys are like, but I want to keep things

(03:10):
fairly short. I wouldn't think too much of this if
she had even one or two close girlfriends as part
of the group. But the thing that's starting to get
to me slightly is that she does not have a
single friend who is a girl. What confuses me is
that she appears so trustworthy and loyal, has never seen
any of these guys one on one, but doesn't see
a problem with the way they act. That also, just

(03:30):
like sucks to never have a friend that you hang
out with one on one. Yeah, Like, just that's sad.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
I feel like for anyone out there who doesn't have
people like we need that.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
We need that, we need that don't settle for these guys. No,
she seems so far removed from what these guys are like,
and I don't understand how someone like her would want
to surround herself with people like this. I mean, for
Christ's sake, one of them show the whole group a
video of him having spicy sleep with his girlfriend while
talking about how he wants to cheat so badly. Honestly,
I would have a conversation with your girlfriend and say, hey,

(04:03):
if you want to be friends with these people, I
don't see how like I think that we're not aligned.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
No, I think there needs to be a conversation about boundaries.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
Because this is insane, that's weird. Why would you ever
be friends with someone like this? I asked her at
the beginning of a relationship that I'm not really comfortable
with her hanging out with only guys if they're people
like this, not even like they're guys, it's that.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
No, it's just the these guys specifically, Like I think
it's good for people to be friends with.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
I agree, people of the opposite gender, many like I
live in a house with all men. Yeah, it's not like.
It's just who your friends were exactly. And since that conversation,
there has always been a girl with them, But the
girl is almost always one of the guys girlfriends who
she seems to barely interact with. She's never pursued any
sort of friendship with them and never talks to them
again after meeting them. She's never invited any of her

(04:50):
own girlfriends because she doesn't have any, and there's no
girls apart from her and the friend group. I'm just confused,
I guess, and I'm not trying to complain or wringe
about the because I feel like our relationship is actually
extremely strong and so far nothing has ever happened between
her and any of these guys. We have each other
on Life three sixty WHOA. She openly lets me use

(05:11):
her phone whenever she wants me to. She's never lied, cheated,
entertained any guy's pursuits on her, and has only been honest, transparent,
and genuine with me. She shows me her messages with them,
and I have only seen her shut them down. To clarify,
only one or two of these guys has tried to
talk to her in a flirty way. The rest I'm
not really fond of because of how they don't support

(05:31):
our relationship, criticize me behind my back, don't want to
meet me, and because they're bragging about how often they
want to cheat on their own girlfriends. She needs to
drop these, I.

Speaker 3 (05:40):
Mean, yeah, really valid reasons, not like people. Yeah, maybe
he would feel better if she was making an active
effort to make other like female friends.

Speaker 1 (05:51):
Just I don't know anyone but these guys like.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
Maybe like Okay, don't drop them completely, but clearly they're
not good people.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, why do you want to be friends with them
when they actively try and pursue you and you have
to shut them down. They don't listen. I have really
no reason to doubt her loyalty, and she is continually
reassured right from the beginning. I feel like I treat
her incredibly well. I have always respected her, have never
gotten aggressive, and have always been supportive, kind, caring, and
selfless towards her. Because I love her heaps, I treat

(06:20):
her as best as I possibly can, and she does
the same towards me. The thing I just don't understand
is why she feels the need to continue friendships with
exclusively guys who are inherently toxic and misogynistic, and why
she's unable to make friends with any girls at all.
Does anyone think there's a reason for this. I could
never be around anyone who talks crap about my girlfriend,

(06:40):
and I definitely distance myself from any of my friends
if they started to continually cheat, let alone brag about it. Yeah.
I have brought this up to her a few times,
and even she is admitted to me that they're crappy
people and that she has barely anything in common with them,
but has always assured me that they will never influence
her and that she can't change how they are. By
the way, I would never her try to influence you

(07:01):
to join us live every week, to have three PMPSD
on YouTube and Facebook. Just tap her profile. In concern
to Opie's questions, it is a huge red flag to
surround yourself with people like this and to also realize
that you don't have anything in common with them and
they're crappy people, and you're still gonna hang out with them.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yep, And it's giving. She probably has low self esteem
and has had some kind of negative relationship with women
and needs to work on that.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yes, because any like truly, anytime a girl talks to
me and she's like, ah, all of the women in
my life are tear like. Women are like I can't
be friends with women because you're yeah, there's so much trauma.
I'm like, what do you talk?

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Female friendships are beautiful.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
They're beautiful. They're beautiful. I love them me too. For
some more context, it seems like she has always been
like this, no female friends. To contextualize things a little,
I'm wide Australian and she is from Hong Kong. She
moved to Perth at the beginning of twenty twenty four
to study and all of these friends I've mentioned are Asian,
all Asian guys through UNI, so she sees them pretty often.

(08:02):
From what I've gathered, her parents also share the same
views and don't seem to like her friends much at all,
probably because of all the same reasons as someone who
is raised in Western culture. I've never seen anyone's girlfriend
be part of a friend group of exclusively guys and
not having any female friends. Maybe I'm overthinking this a
crap ton. Everything I've ever known about relationships tells me

(08:24):
this isn't normal. Again, it really doesn't. It's really not
the all guys thing, it's the these guys. Yeah, that
is the problem.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
And also it's like you're not overthinking, but it's also
like not uncommon, Like there are people that exists, This
does happen, Like there are women who don't engage in
like female friendships. And I do think it's a red
flag and it's a sign of like maybe we need
to reflect on that.

Speaker 1 (08:46):
Yeah, I'm nineteen male and she's eighteen female. We have
been dating for five months. Thanks for taking the time
to read. Does anyone have any ideas of how to
approach the situation and what they would do if they
were me? I think just I mean, if your relationship
is great, otherwise you need to have a talk about
setting batteries and saying, hey, I don't appreciate that your
friends are talking crap about me, and I would never

(09:07):
be friends with people that talk crap about you. Your
relationship it might be great, but this is part of
the relationship and who she surrounds herself with is an
indicator of who she is.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
Yeah, and I think, you know, encouraging her to to
pray seat I have a female friendship exactly. Maybe you know,
like join a club, or like please do a sport,
like do some kind of extracurricular It seems they're like
college age or like young enough, you know, like there
are people out there you should be making dis.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
Settle for these guys. Please. But that is the end
of that story, so we'll see you next time. My
girlfriend is mad at me just because I call my
father's search.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Excuse me, ma'am.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
I twenty three female am from the Deep South of
the United States. Well, my girlfriend, twenty two female, is
from New England. We met at college when we were
both freshmen and have been dating for three years.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
I'm so glad it said New.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Because all of my family is from the South as well.
I was hesitant to introduced my girlfriend to them, so
they just recently met her about six months ago, and
I'm very lucky that my family has been supportive thus far.
My girlfriend likes my family as well and has fit
in well. However, there's been a problem since the beginning
that has been worse than normal lately. Oh by the way,

(10:16):
this comes from Terrible Print sixty eight forty nine on
the Okay Storytime Separate It. The problem is the fact
I call my father sir, not exactly exclusively. I do
still call him dad, but most of the time I'm
addressing him as sir. For some reason, this makes my
girlfriend uncomfortable. The first time she brought it up was
after the first time she met my parents, mostly commenting

(10:37):
on how she thought it was a little silly. I
laughed with her and explained it was just a cultural
thing and thought that would be the end of it.
I was about to say, it's just a cultural thing.

Speaker 2 (10:44):
Oh yeah, I say yeah, I say ma'am, then I'm
more than I do sir to your mom anyone.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah. It however, was not the end of it. She
brought it up nearly every time we saw my parents,
and it quickly turned from joking to explaining how it
made her uncomfortable and then I shouldn't feel like I
have to call me dad. That I explained on multiple
occasions that I don't feel like I strictly had to
call him sir, and that it wasn't something that I
was punished for not doing as a child or anything.
It was just how things were. I call everyone I

(11:11):
interact with sir or ma'am, from my four year old
cousin to any adult I speak with. She just doesn't
seem to get it. I understand that it isn't really
a thing where she's from, but that's just how things
are down here. Things came to a bit of a
head a few days ago when we had dinner at
my parents, and as usual, I called my father shirt
no different than anytime I was with him. I noticed
my girlfriend was a little quiet at dinner, but I

(11:32):
didn't think much of it, since sometimes she's on the
quieter side However, when we got in the car afterwards,
she started talking about how I called my dad sir.
Yet again. She explained that it made her uncomfortable because
that is a title used for someone who has authority
over you. She used the example as in the bedroom,
and I shouldn't believe my father has any sort of
control over me. I explained that I respected my father

(11:53):
as he raised me to be the person I am today,
the same with my mom, and once again tried to
say that I was a little more than a cold
difference between the two of us. I'm not sure exactly
what set her off, but she went off about how
it made it sound like me and my dad have
a weird relationship and that it sounds like a spicy
desire your girlfriend is weird. I'll admit I got angry

(12:16):
when she said that, but I did my best to
not of react. I asked her if she felt the
same way about me calling my mother ma'am, and she
said no. In the end, she asked that I never
call my dad sir around her or not, and that
if I did, I was disrespecting her boundaries. I said,
plain and simple that I was not going to stop
calling him sir, and she got silent and is not
speaking to me. I honestly don't see how I might

(12:37):
be the a hole here, but I want to hear
from other people. If I'm truly in the wrong, I
will do my very best to fix it and do better.
And there is an update.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
No, I'm just trying to think how to explain this
to your parents.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, you're like, hey, dad, we're having a soul I'm
a little bit of a tiff.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Oh why is that soon?

Speaker 1 (12:53):
I don't like it. First, some things to clarify. I
not only call my dad sir, but pretty much every
male in my life, from young children I work with
to homeless people on the street. The same goes with
calling females ma'am. It is just my father. My girlfriend
has a problem with me calling sir. No other males.
Also for everyone suggesting we're outright asking, the title sir

(13:14):
has no place in our bedroom life. We used titles.
That is not one of them. Anyway. I've tried several
times over the past week to speak with my girlfriend
about what went down, but she refused to talk for
the most part, and I wasn't going to push her.
It wasn't until tonight that I finally got a chance
to sit down and have a real conversation with her.
I read every single comment to my original post Scott,

(13:35):
and asked her about several things someone suggested. I ask
if she had seen any example of my father trying
to control me in any way. This got her worked up,
and she walked away from the conversation for a little while,
claiming I was trying to attack her. I gave her
time to calm down and was honestly surprised when she
returned to the conversation. She explained to me that it

(13:55):
wasn't that she had seen specific things with my father
trying to control me, but rather her an undertone that
I was in his control. I asked what she meant,
but she didn't really have any other explanation beyond that
because she doesn't have anything.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yum, she doesn't have any proof.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
She's just being weird. I honestly don't know what undertone
she was talking about. I respect my father and his
knowledge and experience beyond mine, but I am a grown adult.
I live and think independently and am perfectly capable of
making my own decisions. I've occasionally asked for my father's
advice on things since we've been together, life advice, not relationship,
and that may be what she's talking about, but I'm

(14:30):
not sure. Another thing people brought up was a possibility
of her having trauma around the title. I experienced regular
essay as a child, and she knows that, so we've
had conversations about the topic, but this was the first
time I asked her outright if she had been through
anything like that, and if that was the case, I
would not hesitate to call my father something else to
avoid triggering her. She said no, that she hadn't been

(14:51):
through anything like that, and I honestly believe her that
isn't something she would be dishonest about. However, my offer
to stop saying it if it was triggering her did
the the opposite of what I had hoped. She blew
up at me, screaming that if I could stop because
she was triggered, then why couldn't I stop just because
she didn't like it. I tried to stay calm and
explain that being weirded out by something is nothing close

(15:11):
to having traumatic thoughts triggered, but she just kept going.
In her yelling, she mentioned her boundary again and that
I was being toxic At this point, I could feel
myself getting angry and said we could finish the conversation.
Another time she stormed out, and I haven't spoken to
her at all for the past several hours. Now I've
just been contemplating. I really don't want to give in
and change how I address other people. I feel like

(15:33):
she's being unreasonable, but maybe I'm the one being unreasonable.
I'm just unsure how to proceed here. The thought of
possibly ending the relationship has come up, but that seems
like me making a bigger deal out of it than
it is. I don't know. I'd be thankful for any
advice on what to do. And there is another update. Yeah,
but I don't think oh P's would be making a

(15:53):
big deal out of it. It's the girlfriend who's making
me a big deal. If you guys break up, it's
because of.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
Her oh yeah, over reaction over this.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
And also seems like every time Opie's like feeling herself
get angry, she's like, you know what, take a minute,
come back when we're able to be calm, because her
girlfriend keeps trying to escalate these arguments. Honestly, after posting
my last update and getting comments about how my girlfriend
is crazy and a walking red flag. I got a
little defensive, not wanting to think of that about her,
but more recent events have really opened my eye. Here

(16:23):
we go, you go here it is. My girlfriend returned
to our home the morning after I posted the first update,
but didn't want to talk. But I didn't mind because
it gave me more time to think. Eventually, I told
her we need to sit down and have a real conversation.
No yelling, no accusations, and if she did either of
those things, I would be pausing the conversation. She wasn't happy,

(16:45):
but she agreed to it. I asked her again about trauma,
more specifically her relationship with her father. I've interacted with
her father many times and haven't noticed anything, but not
all things are easily noticeable, so I asked anyway. She
said that I was projecting my own issues with my father,
which I don't have, onto her, and I can't comprehend
an appropriate and respectful relationship between father and daughter. What

(17:07):
is she Oh?

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Wow, why is she coming up with this?

Speaker 3 (17:09):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (17:09):
You're trying to understand, and she's like, you're just projecting.
I didn't and she's projecting. Yes, she thinks that you're projecting,
and then maybe you're actually projecting because maybe you do
have issues, but maybe you're not because they have issues
and they're putting that on you, and it just is endless.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's an endless cycle. I did my best not to
react to this and moved on. We talked in circles
for a long time about everything that happened, and she
eventually yelled out that she didn't feel respected in a relationship,
that her telling me the first time that me calling
my father Sir made her uncomfortable should have been the
end of it. That I shouldn't be prioritizing something as
stupid as what I call my father over her, and
that if I didn't stop, she would be breaking up

(17:45):
with me. This girl is crazy. She also mentioned she
didn't like how often we went to see my family
five ish times a month. Aw That worried me, and
I asked her if she felt unwelcome or anything around
my family, and she said no, but talked about how
I am an adult who needs to live my own life,
and once again brought up breaking up with her if
I didn't change things.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Oh wow, So we have expectations we need to live
up to great, but.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
You should never change joining us live every week day
three PMPSD on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok just to her profile.
But before we get into it, the not only is
the title thing a huge red flag, but the fact
that now she's like, I don't even want you to
visit your family at least she's like, oh, you're you're
an adult. You can't see your family five times a month. Yeah,
some people are just closed with their families.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
Yea.

Speaker 1 (18:32):
She can't seem to comprehend that.

Speaker 2 (18:33):
Oh p, he's a family gal.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, I see my family like at least, you know,
one to two times a week. Some people are just
Some people like their families.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
Yeah. I see Angie's family like three or four times
a week.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
And if I was near my family, I probably would exactly.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Some people like their families.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
And just because I mean, sorry, it's just because, like,
it sucks if you don't if her girlfriend doesn't have
a close relationship with her family, But don't put that
on other people. Stop projecting projecting. I ended the conversation
when it didn't seem like she had anything else to say,
and said I needed to do some thinking. I've thought
for a while and finally have made the decision to
break things off with her. It's not an easy decision,

(19:14):
and I still feel a little ridiculous for breaking it
off over something so little as this, But I've come
to realize that it's not just that. If this is
the kind of person she's going to be and how
she was going to go about conflict, I think it's
best if I'm no longer with her, let's go. We
haven't had the conversation with her about that yet, but
I know I need to soon. I sometimes struggle to

(19:36):
put my thoughts together the right way, so any advice
on how to approach that without setting her off again
would be appreciated. And that is the end of that story,
right op, I think you're making the right decision. Heck yeah,
she's intense and I don't like her.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
I don't like her either. My boyfriend wants me to
stop participating in my favorite sports now I can't see
him the same way I did before.

Speaker 1 (19:57):
You should stop participating in that relationship.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
My boyfriend and I have been dating a year now.
I think we're really dissimilar, but we make it work
really well. He's a lot more involved in art and
I'm into athletics. When we first started dating, I made
my interests clear to him, and he was enthusiastic. I'm
not Olympics good, but I hope to be before it
gets too lame. He said he wanted to support me

(20:21):
and he was willing to try some new sports and
stuff with me. Of course, right at the start of
us dating, I wrecked my leg. At our first few dates,
I wrecked my leg, and our first few dates were
spent doing puzzles and crosswords together, cute watching movies while
I was buzzed on painkillers. He was awesome. It really
solidified that he was the person I wanted to spend

(20:43):
my line for. He took great care of me, and
I love to spend time with him and learn about
what he enjoyed. He set up some paints in my
living room so he could paint while we hung out,
and I have so many paintings of me, my cat,
my house, and plants. They're all so incredible and I
love what he does. By the way, this comes from
cyan Throwaway seven on the r slash Okay story tom subreddit.

(21:04):
So after a lot of physical therapy and recovery, I
finally got the chance to start snowboarding again. Snowbirding is hard.
I thought it was like I'm a rugby player, or
I'm just trying to think of something that would make
ope uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
I guess snowbirding. I mean, it does have a little
bit of danger.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
In it, but it doesn't involve other people like where
he could get jealous. That's what I was saying. Oh,
I see like co Ed tnat tennis. You know how
tennis can get spicy really late into the season. But
I was able to I asked my boyfriend if he
wanted to come with me, and he wasn't up for it.
The past few weeks, I've been having a lot of
fun going on my own, but I do wish I
had him with me. I asked him one time if

(21:44):
he wanted to go with me as a sort of
a romantic Valentine's thing, then we could get dinner and
have him anyed in. He's been trying to teach me
to paint, so I figured we could do a bit
of that. He said he didn't want to, and then
decided to cancel all our plans into snowboarding. Dump him,
Dump him. You know how many how many people in
the world would love to have a snowboarding girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
That's almost an Olympic so many come on, you got options, girl?

Speaker 2 (22:10):
What the heck? I felt really kind of hurt. I
asked him if he was okay, but he just shut
me down. We've been watching the Olympics together and he's
just not at all engaged. He shushes me when I
get excited and just leaves if he's not interested in
the event.

Speaker 1 (22:24):
What the freak? The Olympics is the only time I'm
interested in sports, That's right.

Speaker 2 (22:28):
I felt a little disrespected. I watch him paint for
hours on end.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, watch paint.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
I've watched you watching pain paint dry. I ask for
the technique I try to learn. I go to the
museums with him, even when I think they're boring and tedious.
He doesn't have to love it, but he could at
least show some interest. Today, I just felt a little
fed up and ask him why he wouldn't go with
me and why he was so upset. I feel like

(22:55):
I'm really respectful of his interest, but it doesn't seem
like he cares about so I confronted him. He told me,
he feels like I'm going to get hurt again, and
it just comes off as a waste of time to
do stuff like that. He said art is more permanent
and something like sports doesn't last.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
This is so weird.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
Well f me for liking it, right. Yeah, he said
he'd never go to that sort of stuff with me,
but told me he still loves me and just wants
me safe. I told him I appreciate the sentiment. I
just wish he showed more respect. He said it wasn't
fair for him to pretend to like something he doesn't,
and then told me I should take up something less dangerous.

(23:34):
He said he'd support me more if I did running,
or tennis or even golf. I told him, I've got
a limited window and I want to keep pursuing this.
If something happens, it happens, but I want to at
least make an attempt. This feels like a Disney movie.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
He told me it doesn't matter and he can't support
me doing this. I am so frustrated. Is this breakup worthy?
Or can I reconcile with him? Is he right? We
got an update.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
He's not right. I don't know if this is necessarily
break up territory quite yet, but I think if you
say like, hey, this is my life. You know you
can't control me, and he still is like, well I
don't want you to do this blah blah blahlah blah.
Then maybe it's breakup territory, but I think you can
still have a couple more conversations before updates.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
Basically, my boyfriend wanted me to stop snowboarding, despite it
being my favorite sport and something I plan to pursue
for a while. I was really frustrated by it, especially
because he'd pledge an interest in it beforehand then gone
back on it, and I felt it was really disrespectful.
It seemed a lot of people agreed, and I was
grateful for it. It gave me the confidence to tell

(24:40):
my boyfriend that either he got with my passions or
he didn't get with me.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Whoo.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
I made it clear he didn't have to snowboard, he
didn't have to like it. He just had to respect it.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
What ourspect, that's.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
What you need for me. Honestly, If he had like
a little tube and it was like like the little
snow tube and he like always like down the hill
with her, why can't you like.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Why can't you just be fun?

Speaker 2 (25:06):
He got pissed and told me, I was sacrificing my
bunny for something that's not permanent, and that just luck
and danger. I told him me he was being a
snob and pointed out that sports is at times very
artistic and super permanent. Just look at the Olympics. When
I brought that up, he went ballistic and said, I

(25:26):
didn't know what real art is, and I don't have
any taste.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
She's such a snob, snap snob, snob central.

Speaker 2 (25:33):
Out here, and not like crapping on art. But he
did do a lot of paintings of cats, And is
that true? They say she has paintings of cats and
plants in her around the house.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
Is that all he does? What else do you draw? Yeah? Dude,
come on, do you even know real arm? Yeah, that's
what I'm saying, subjective, man.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
It better be like a cat made of potatoes.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, do something like, dude, is some real art? Like
a cat made of potatoes?

Speaker 2 (25:56):
Come on? He said he liked me better when we
started dating, and now I'm barely a good girlfriend. Yeah.
I liked you better when you were hurt and injured.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
Yeah, but she couldn't do anything.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
I asked that if he meant he liked me on
painkillers and in bed, and he said, if that made
me a better woman, then yes.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Oh my god. Leave this man.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
By the way, you can be better as a person
if you join us live every weekday on three pm PSD,
on Facebook, YouTube and Twitch.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
Just top our profile.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
What the flippity flag flag? Whoa?

Speaker 1 (26:25):
This guy showed like after a year, he's showing all
of his red flags. Nowikes, that is crazy, big old Yeah,
how could you say that to someone? Yeah, someone who's like, wow,
so you'd like me when I was on pink killers
and in bed And he was like, well that made
you a better woman? What you suck, dude?

Speaker 2 (26:41):
You just go to a nursing home. Yeah, that's the
best woman ever.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
They'll play they'll paint with you all day. You play
scrabble with him. Not your perfect woman.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Oh. It was the moment that it clicked. He didn't
really care about who I was this a person. Nope,
he only cared about me being involved with him, about
me being involved with him?

Speaker 1 (27:00):
Whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
It's like he was riding it out on the wall.
He doesn't love me.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
He's writing it out on the wall. Whoa.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
He loved the version of me that was on painkillers
and didn't have the strength or energy to do anything
but watch what he did and to be his captive audience.
He's a complete tool. It's like a flashing neon sign.
This guy doesn't love you. And I can't believe I
missed it earlier. I was reading the comments on my
original post and I was like, hmm, but it only

(27:31):
clicked when he was actually spewing that garbage in my face.
I felt so distinctively hurt. Anyways, I kicked him out
to the curb and took myself and a friend snowboarding
as a reward for putting up with it. We had
a lot of fun and I'm definitely glad he's gone.
There's so much more room for the awesome people in
my life. Let's freaking gos.

Speaker 1 (27:51):
Lfg's in the chats.

Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's it, baby, that's it.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
That's how the cookie crumble. Sometimes you realize that the
person that you're dating freaking sucks and you're.

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Like, wow, bye, yeah, that's h And I hate that
I had to like come out to this. Yeah, kind
of like that you have so many like random paintings
of him in your house and like you have to
find more paintings. Now, now you have to throw a bonfire,
and now you're always going to think of painting in
a weird way. In art, Dang, I think a theater
a weird way. Sometimes you think of what theater in
a weird way.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
I have a love hate relationship with rock climbing. I'm like,
I'm obsessed with it. But I'm like, wow, but like
there's so many rock climbing lads out there, that's true.
I haven't seen the mean though.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
Really, yeah, you're enough.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
I know. Well, a lot of people come up to
talk to me, but they're like older men.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
So do you not like money?

Speaker 1 (28:38):
I don't think they have money if they're at the
rock climbing gym.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Whoa you broke?

Speaker 1 (28:43):
If you go rock climbing it you have to have
a certain amount of money to I don't know. I
guess it depends on what you have. Job you have,
that's where you trich. If you're spending a lot of
time rock climbing, or you're spending so much time rock
climbing that you're not making any money.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Next old guy that comes up to you and it's
like what's your name, You're like, boom, you do for
a living. How much is in your bank account?

Speaker 1 (29:03):
What's your name? Then I go, how much money? I
don't know. I I got the money for myself. I
don't need no man to give me money.

Speaker 2 (29:10):
I don't know what. Dude, she's so stingy. She has
a chance to go on a trip, and like I
was like, She's like, I'm not gonna go if my
plane ticket is not paid for. I'm like, oh, what's
like you're living on a planetack. She's like two hundred dollars.
I'm trying to save money, but like you could, like
everything else is paid for and all you have to
do is like a plane chicken.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
She sounds so bad. Yeah it does.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
And you're like, you have all the money you need.

Speaker 3 (29:32):
Girl.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
Okay, Well, if someone wants to make my plane ticket,
I'm not gonna say no.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
True, but I don't know anyway. We can tell that
out at the end of that story. I see end
in that story.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Sam.

Speaker 3 (29:43):
Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's
three of it's bads from our sponsors. My wife deleted
her text with another man. She says we should just
move forward.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
I think because it helps her to move forward. Yikes,
She's like we should not focus on the path just
just farmers ignorish.

Speaker 3 (30:03):
Let's start at the beginning for me of the problem.
Several years ago, I found that my wife was texting
with an acquaintance of mine, former coworker. They've known each
other for our entire marriage, and he lives across the
country from us. The texting was not the issue, per se.
The content was nothing alarming. It was one text that
might notice. He asked if I was busy. I then

(30:25):
realized that these texts were mostly recurring on alternating Thursday evenings.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
Interesting, what's happening on Thursdays?

Speaker 3 (30:32):
A night that I have set aside for a game
night with friends from childhood that now live all around
the US. We play three to four hours every other week,
and in those times, my wife was having recurring talks
with this acquaintance. Red flag hugdrid lug By the way
this comes from you capable dash kinda on the RK
storytime subreddit. So I confronted my wife about the matter.

(30:54):
She was right to note that the conversations were not
inappropriate and didn't see an issue. I was a bit
un settled and pushed the issue to the point that
she brought it to a good friend of hers, who
sided with me on the matter. My wife agreed to
stop the conversations and offered to delete his number from
her phone. I said that I didn't think it was
necessary to delete the number, but was glad She agreed

(31:15):
that it was not exactly a settling thing for me
to find. Some months later, she mentioned that he texts
her again. They talked, but nothing else.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Okay, honestly, that I think is well. The fact that
she texted me. I mean, at least she told me.
I was gonna say, it's good that she told him.
It is a little bit alarming that she texted back
before telling him. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
I'm just like confused what the relationship is. I told
her that I didn't have an issue with that, and
that was it. Now to present day, I was looking
for a message that my wife could not find and
discovered that she had some forty deleted messages from one number.
How do you even find that?

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Yeah, how do you find four messages? Unless? I don't know?

Speaker 3 (31:51):
Yeah, someone tell me how you find that? Thinking this
is odd, I restored the messages.

Speaker 1 (31:57):
How do you do this?

Speaker 3 (31:58):
But before I could do more or then glance at them.
My wife grabbed her phone and asked if I found
the one that I was originally looking for. Fisious, this
is all very fishy.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
So fishy.

Speaker 3 (32:09):
I told her that I had not bought heart Racing,
did find a lot of messages from another number. I
only had a glance, and the number was not associated
with a contact. When restored, she said she didn't know
what I was talking about as she looked at her texts.
I repeated myself, and she handed me her phone. The
texts were deleted, but permanently. This two like, I don't
know what you're talking about about? Oh no, none. Now

(32:31):
I was internally furious. I'm not an idiot or a fool,
and this was such a blatant lie. But our children
were still awake and getting ready for bed. I simply
looked her in the eye and asked, what in the
world did you do that for?

Speaker 1 (32:43):
What in the load did you do that? Fu? Yikes,
because she's lying to you who.

Speaker 3 (32:48):
Once the kids were in bed, I pressed into this issue.
I had briefly seen the most recent texts but didn't
know who they were with. The most recent were about
our local football team, and I saw one emoji biting
That had me confused, who are you sending a biting
lip emoji? If it's not what atatious? Also, who uses those?
The football team? The football g She's like, I'm gonna

(33:10):
go see a football match.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
Yeah, I don't think I've ever used that serious what wait?
What emoji is that? There's a biting lipomo?

Speaker 3 (33:18):
It was literally the one that's like, oh, I've never.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Seen this sold on biting lip emoji. Oh my gosh.
Oh it's the literal lips ewe. Who are you sending
that to? Yeah? Weird? Unless that's sarcastic, it's gross.

Speaker 3 (33:34):
That's the same emoji she usually uses with me when
we're building anticipation. Her responses were all eyes to my
face that I called out immediately. She said there were
no texts. I told her that I'm not technically incompetent.

Speaker 1 (33:50):
Yeah, it seems to Coopie really knows how to use technology,
at least better than us.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
She said she didn't know who they were with. Eventually
she admitted it was with the same acquaintance. She said
she didn't know what the texts were about, then eventually
stated they were all just chit chat and catching up.
She stated she didn't think she sent any emojis. After
I insisted, she stated that it was about a football
player that she thinks is cute. T I left to

(34:15):
drive and cool off, heading to home depot to look
around and try to think over parts that I need
for some projects that I'm doing at the house. While
I was gone, she called and said a few things
that I noted. I don't know why I did that,
deleting the texts because you were lying. You're a great husband,
and why are you texting another man? I don't know why.
I like having the attention of another.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
Man, shares sarities like it. We don't know why, but
you need to stop it. I'm not that attracted to him.
I don't know why I did that.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
Okay, Over the last two weeks or so, things have
mostly settled. I want to be able to trust my
wife to move forward, but I'm having a very hard
time reconciling what she did and what she said immediately
thereafter with the current statements from her. She says that
there was nothing inappropriate, which I disagreed with at a minimum,
that she was talking about things that arouse her for
another man. Though I know this is shaky for many

(35:05):
that they were only chit chatting, but she doesn't know
why she was deleting their text and that I need
to move forward with things. I'm having a hard time.
I've told her that I need some resolution and answers
that only she can provide to help me move forward. Namely,
why was she deleting text for what I've confirmed was
an extended period of time with someone that I previously
said it would be a problem to talk to. Why

(35:27):
did she delete these texts right in front of me
and deny it? And why did she lie about every
step of finding information? Why did she lie about not
knowing what was in the text? Why did she lie
about specific information i e. The emoji in the text?
Why did she remove his number and then memorize it
to continue texting to lot?

Speaker 1 (35:46):
She's emotionally cheating at you.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
At the very least, she was ashamed of her behavior,
so she denied it.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah, I don't think I think because you have kids,
I don't think this is necessarily like a make or break. Yes,
I don't think this is a divorce, but I think
this is definitely you guys need to go to counseling. Yeah,
and you need to tell her that she has to start,
you know, confessing and being very upfront and very transparent
towards some of the work. I agree.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
She said that she agreed it was wrong to hide
talking to someone and that she won't do it again.
I've asked her to find some means of assurance for
me to know that she isn't just permanently deleting text
as they happen, and she has not done so. Otherwise,
she has just given a generic answer of I don't
know to these questions. I plead with her today to
answer these questions. She told me, I need to find
a way to move forward. I asked her to try

(36:33):
to figure it out, because otherwise I'm left feeling like
I have to assume that she deleted everything and won't
answer because the texting was inappropriate and she doesn't want
to admit to more. She said that she does not
want to have this break our marriage, and I don't
have anything to say other than what I've said, assume.

Speaker 1 (36:50):
What you want.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
I just hope we can move forward together. That's unfair,
that's so stupid. Yeah, I think yes, like, once you
resolve this, you move forward, and he's gonna have to
learn how to trust her. But she's not taking accountability.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
We haven't even gotten past the we can't move forward.
Climb over the hump.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Yeah, resolve the tip, climb the hump, then you can
move forward. Yeah, she's giving this man crumbs.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
She's like, we're still in the problem area. She's like,
let's move forward. You guys are in the quicksand yeah.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
By the way, you can join us live on YouTube
and Facebook every weekday at three pm PST. And we're
probably live right now, so tap on our profile. There's
another relevant update. But let's discuss Yeah. Same, The fact
that she's saying, oh, we should just move forward. You
can assume what you.

Speaker 1 (37:39):
Like, Like, no, it's you need to trade the trust
of the relationship, so you need to actively work to
improve it. And the fact that no one's mentioned couples counseling.

Speaker 3 (37:49):
Like where's the remorse, Where's I'm sorry I hurt you?

Speaker 1 (37:52):
Yeah, she's like, well, I'm gonna keep you know, I'm
going to tell you that I'm not doing anything, but
I'm gonna keep doing it. Yeah, that's what it sounds.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
I think as human beings, we need to realize you
need to take accountability. For our actions. It's okay if
we make mistakes, stay sorry, own up to it, and
then you can move forward.

Speaker 1 (38:08):
Yeah. She never even really said sorry. She just said, like,
I don't know why I did this.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
Also, even if she didn't technically like do anything, that's
like divorce worthy. The fact is like her actions had
an impact, and so she should like validate her husband
for that.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
Yes, apologize, like make an effort to make sure that
he's not, you know, constantly insecure about the relationship because
you broke the trust Exactly?

Speaker 3 (38:30):
Am I wrong to ask for the answers to these questions?
Do I need to just move forward? I feel very
hurt by being unable to resolve what feels like cognitive
dissonance to me, and hurt that she is not helping
with that. I don't really know what I'm looking for,
but any advice or thoughts would be appreciated, both by
husbands and wives.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Yeah. I think you need to tell her we can't
move forward in an effective way. Yeah until you own
up too and like actively work to find a better
path forward for us. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
And I think you should consider a couples counselor.

Speaker 1 (39:02):
I think so. Yeah, absolutely, because it's clear that she's
not going to take any responsibility for it, but maybe
having a mediator would help.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Yeah, best of luck, Best of luck.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
But that's the end of that story. So we'll see
you next time.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
My wife cheated on me, so to get back at her,
I cheated too.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
Doesn't seem healthy.

Speaker 3 (39:19):
I don't know if I recommend that. My wife and
I have been married for eighteen years and together for
twenty two. I can say she is my best friend
and soulmate. However, we have done some very awful things
to each other. At the beginning of our relationship, there
was infidelity on her part. In her defense, she told
me there was no intercourse, which I believed, and this
involved a guy who took advantage of her desire for attention.

(39:41):
This doesn't make it right, but we're all human, and
since this point I have fully forgiven her. But when
this happened, I was completely destroyed and didn't understand how
much of this I would keep with me over the
years and how it would affect me. By the way,
this comes from you, if you underscore Apricot eight five
zero three on the Roka storytime side bred it. So
this incident marked the start of our issues. She immediately

(40:03):
admitted to her mistake and apologized profusely. We had a
heartfelt conversation with tears and apologies exchanged. At that point,
I decided never to bring it up again because I
knew that dwelling on the past would hinder our relationship. Unfortunately,
this decision would turn out to be a mistake that
compounded our problems and led to years of pain for
both of us.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Yeah, you should, always you should. You have to actively
work through any sort of emotional or frushhating through.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
The rug, I never fully resolved my feelings about it,
and never truly forgave her to understand my wife better.
She had a difficult childhood with a father who body
shamed her and a speech issue due to a disability.
Her upbringing was filled with negative experiences that severely affected
her self esteem. She has assured me she never cheated again,
and I believe her. However, due to her job in

(40:50):
social life, which primarily involves male students and friends from
our social circle, my trust issues intensified. She is a teacher,
and at the time she worked with vets to get
them college ready. I struggled with serious trust issues, and
although I never brought up the past infidelity. Interaction she
had with certain guys, especially one in particular, made me
extremely uncomfortable. I expressed my concerns when he gifted her

(41:12):
a coat, which, though seemingly innocuous, raised a red flag
for me. She did not see it the way I did,
and continued to interact with this guy for a long time,
leaving to tutor him, and every time it was like
the first time she cheated all over again. I hated
her for that. It was torture. This man has a
lot of unresolved feelings. Wait, she's tutoring someone. Yeah, and
he's like, she's cheating on me every time. Well, it's

(41:34):
like the emotional experience, that's how he feels.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
He needs to bring this up. Yeah, don't keep it in.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
It was torture. She tutors, so her interactions were work related,
but she did visit his place once, and I couldn't
understand what business she would have at another's man's house alone.
They met in public places, but to me it felt
like they were spending time together. I became convinced she
was cheating.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Tutoring. Yeah herfe Yeah, that's her job. Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
Came embittered and truthfully, I reached a point where I
wanted the relationship to end. I spiraled into a decade
long binge on booze jeez. There was never a physical abuse,
but looking back, I recognize I was often mean and
my words bordered on emotional abuse. They should have They
should have gone to counseling immediately. Ago avoided all of

(42:22):
this pent up resmment ten.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Years because she had like a short emotional affair, Yeah
she liked.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
I mean, it's an either ended or you have to
fully commit to like forgiving that person.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
It's totally fine to end a relationship if there's emotional
or physical cheating. But if you're going to stay in it,
then you have to put in so much work.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
Yeah, because those like that's real, but you need to
work on that. If she tried to intervene with my
behavior spending habits, I would lash out. We had two
younger children, and I deeply regret how I treated her.
I ended up cheating on her with a married woman.
Oh my god. I ended it quickly because I couldn't
bear to destroy someone else's relationship. I confessed to my

(43:05):
wife immediately. She told me she has just recently forgiven
me for that and doesn't think about it all the time.
Around that time, I began to sober up, but it
took years of struggling with substance abuse. It took another
four years or so before I completely snapped out of
it and came to my senses. I quit using substances
three or four years ago and have significantly cut back
on drinking, except for occasional beer with old friends, one

(43:27):
of whom is a neighbor and a close family friend.
I've completely cut ties with the bar scene to distance
myself from destructive behavior. It seems like it's spiraled into
a much larger thing.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
Yeah, I mean, at least it seems like it's going
in the right direction. Yeah, but like years of ten years.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
Of this, Yeah, that's a lot. Since getting sober, a
few things have happened. I had a breakdown at work
due to overwhelming feelings that something was wrong. I had
to leave work because I couldn't stop crying. I thought
I had destroyed my marriage. Oh why would she stay
with me? Can I even ask her to do that?
We talked for hours that day, and I apologized profusely
with her and felt some relief recently, I revisited the

(44:03):
initial infidelity with her, gaining a better understanding of what
happened back then. I'm now in a better place and
am starting counseling with my pastor and a marriage counselor.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Great finally good.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
Through self reflection, I've come to understand how I reached
this point. I'm sober, spending more time at home with her,
and have rediscovered my love for her. Ah, I'm experiencing
symptoms of love sickness. My stomach hurts, I long to
spend every moment with her, and I'm filled with regret.
I feel like a teenager again, deeply in love. Oh
my gosh, what a turnaround. Yeah, what is happening?

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Hmm.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
However, I struggle with the persistent feeling of sickness in
the pit of my stomach. When I think things are improving,
the feeling returns. I sit here with what feels like
a boulder in my stomach and it won't go away.
No amount of apologizing and loving on her will take
away what I have done to her. I haven't forgiven myself.
How do you forgive yourself for hurting the person you
love who is the light of your life? The things

(44:56):
we do unintentionally to the people we love, and I
know the hurt is ten times because it is coming
from someone you should be able to trust. It is
hard to swallow. But I am grateful we went through
all this. We have a chance to put all the
baggage away, and I think and hope we can have
the relationship we were meant to have from the start.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Man, oh man, what a what a twenty year saga? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (45:15):
I mean I believe that they think they can do
the right track.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
I think so, And I think it's just like knowing,
like your wife has put it in the past. Yeah,
she wants to move on, So don't continue to hold
this on, you know, Yeah, don't continue to have all
these regrets and be like, oh, I should have done that,
Like why would she want to stay with me? Because
that's not going to help anyone.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
And I feel like you spent so long like not
forgiving her, and then now you're like not forgiving yourself.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
It doesn't help anyone.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
You know, that's not going to help your situation. No. Yeah, lastly,
I want to mention two things. I'm severely dyslexic, so
please forgive any difficulties in reading this. I plan to
use AI to improve clarity, but my writing can still
be challenging. Also, I'm sharing this to clear my mind
before discussing it with professionals and my wife. Despite everything,
we still love each other deeply and have no intention
of ending our relationship. We're committed to moving forward and

(46:00):
becoming stronger. We love to see that. This is what
I want. This is what I like to see.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
Yeah, it's like you both made mistakes and a lot
was going on for like a decade. Yeah, but you're
finally stepping forward. Yeah, you're making You're making moves.

Speaker 3 (46:14):
At the end of the day, like damaged people hurt
other people and then you just.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Got to work on that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
I do want to hear what you think. I know
others have been through similar things, maybe not the same,
but close enough. Your insights would be helpful. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
I mean I think they're on the right track.

Speaker 3 (46:29):
Like if they really care about each other and they're
willing to put in the work and get the help,
then yeah, you can get through anything.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
I agree. And it seems like you both love each other,
so that's all you can ask for at the end
of the day.

Speaker 3 (46:40):
Yeah, truly, and I feel like a lot of people
like cheating as a deal breaker. And again I don't
blame I blame anyone for that being a deal breaker.
But do I think people can recover from that?

Speaker 1 (46:50):
I do. It just takes so much. Yeah, And you
have to know going in that it's going to take
so much work on both ends, and you have to
both be very honest, very upfront, and you can't just
brush it in the rug. No, that doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
No, but we will brush that under the rug to
mention that you can join us live on YouTube and
Facebook every weekday at three pm PST. And we're probably
live right now, so tap on our profile. There is
another relevant update let's discuss. I mean, I think we
already covered it.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, yeah. Edit.

Speaker 3 (47:22):
I've also tried to make amends with my children. I
never realized it, but my older son was affected by
my attitude.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
But until you take the time to look back, you
can miss the obvious stuff sometimes. Edit too, I wanted
to say this, no matter what happened before, my actions,
they did.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
Not cause what I did. I did that. I understand.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
You can't justify something bad you did because someone did
something bad to you. I take full responsibility for my actions.
I don't blame her for anything. We all make mistakes
and these are our mistakes, good, bad, or indifferent. I mean,
I think that's a very much perspective, very emotionally sound.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
Yeah, you guys.

Speaker 1 (47:57):
Really made a lot of improvements.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
And that's the end of the story.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
Ah Okay, you know what, like just human happy. I
just you know, like that's just life, Like it's just
a life.

Speaker 3 (48:06):
Life's messed up.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
That's a whole life in there. Yeah, twenty years of
a relationship and I think a lot of reflection and
growth happen, which I love, I love to see it.
But I think, you know, I think you know what
path you're heading on and what path you want to
head on. And I hope you all live a happy
life together. But that is the end of that story.
So we'll see you for the next one, Yes we will.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Hey y'all, it's John Oji host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
But here's a quick three minute break from as for
more sponsors.

Speaker 1 (48:31):
My wife of six years just told me she's leaving
me for someone else. Dang, oh, hi read it. I'm
here because I need to share my story and maybe
gain some perspective from others who've been through something similar.
It's been a tough few months and I'm still coming
to terms with everything that's happened. Maybe by putting it
out there, I'll find some clarity or at least feel

(48:52):
less alone. By the way, this comes from deleted on
the Okay storytime Severate. So to start, I'm thirty eight
years old and my wife is thirty seven. Been married
for over six years and together for nearly nine years.
We have two young kids together, and for most of
that time I thought we were a solid family unit.
Sure we had our ups and downs like any marriage,
but I never imagined things would unravel the way they did.

(49:14):
A few months ago, she told me she was leaving.
She blindsided me with the divorce and said she was
unhappy in our marriage and had been for a long time.
She said she loved me, but wasn't in love with me.
I was devastated. In my shock and desperation, I got
a counselor and threw myself into the gym, hoping I
could prove to her that I could change and that
we could reconcile. We weren't perfect in our marriage, no

(49:35):
one is, but when you love someone, you accept them
flaws and all the small things don't matter, especially when
you've built a life together, the whole kingdom you've dreamed
would last. I soon found out she was already involved
with someone else. I mean, that's that's the thing. That's okay.
If she actually was, you know, wanted to work on
your relationship, she would have brought it up. She said, Hey,
it's not like something's not nine side someone from her

(49:57):
workplace who is thirty one years old. But made it
even harder to swallow was that this someone else was
also married to his thirty year old wife and they
have a newborns Oh my god. Both my wife and
new partner upended their lives to be together without a
word to me or his wife until it was too late.
I later learned that he had even told his own
wife nearly every day about my wife and me, and

(50:19):
that he loved my wife more than he loved her.
What WHOA? That revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile,
my wife never once mentioned him to me, not even
in passing. When I asked her about work, she'd tell
me nothing of him. And when I tried to talk
about the affair, after it came to light, she denied
everything or told me it was none of my business.

(50:39):
How is that none of them? That's your husband you're
about to do. You've been with this man for nine years.

Speaker 3 (50:44):
Yeah, that's bad.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
That's tough. The hardest part to accept is that while
this emotional affair was unfolding, she and I were still
going through the motions of our marriage. We were still intimate,
We still shared fun moments, and she continued to be
affectionate to me. It felt like we were happy, even
though I sensed some distance. At times, I thought we
were just in a rough patch that we could work through.
But clearly she had already started detaching herself from me

(51:07):
in ways I didn't fully understand. It's painful to look
back and wonder how much of that intimacy was real
and how much was just going through the motions. Then,
just a week after blindsiding me with the news that
she was leaving, she blindsided me again, this time with
divorce papers. Stop blinding this man. He has no hard guy.

(51:27):
We both have lawyers, and the process has been messy
and emotionally exhausting. The demands she made felt outrageous and cruel.
She asked for ninety one percent custody of our kids,
essentially wanting me to have very limited access to them. Honestly,
I think Opie could probably win this ooh no card. Yeah,
because she cheated on him. Yeah, so she could probably

(51:48):
he could probably get more custody. That's wild. She wanted
us to sell our house, and she requested a substantial
amount in child support and child care costs. I love
my children deeply and have always supported them, so to
be asked to give up most of my assets felt
like a punch to the gut. It felt like she
wanted me to sacrifice everything I've worked for so she
could start a new life with someone she technically barely knows.

(52:09):
After my breakdown, I went through impatient care and started counseling.
Since then, she hasn't let me see my kids at all.
Oh oh. I have text messages where I asked to
see them, but her response is always I don't feel
safe with the kids around you.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
That's so sad because it seems like he was a
very good father.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
Seems like he was a good dad.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
I mean, i'd have a breakdown too if my partner
blindsided me with divorce and like cheated on me and
stole my kids.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
Yeah geez, I've been trying to put myself back together
piece by piece, but it hasn't been easy. The hardest
part is being separated from my kids. Every time she
denies me access, I take a screenshot and send it
to my lawyer, building up evidence for our upcoming temporary
custody hearing. So they don't even have a specific custody agreement.
She's just keeping him from from his kids. That's messed up.

(52:57):
What's worse is the feeling that I've been replaced, not
just as a but as a father. Her new partner,
the same guy she left me for, was introduced to
my kids right out of the gate. Also so messed up.

Speaker 3 (53:07):
That's weird.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
He's now spending more time with them than I am,
doing things with them that I used to do, and
it stings. Her family, who I was close with for
almost a decade, is so accepting of this relationship that
they let him come over to their house all the time. Now,
who are these people?

Speaker 3 (53:22):
That's so weird? And he just had a baby too, ah.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
And I mean, like Opie's ex's family is accepting even
though Opie's been in this relationship for nurse so long. Yeah,
that's the gut. I never in a million years thought
my kid's grandparents would be like this. They always seemed
very traditional, But now I feel like I no longer
matter to them. Adding to the stress, I told her
I wasn't leaving the house, which she didn't take well.

(53:46):
Because of this, she ended up moving in with her parents. Meanwhile,
it feels like she and her new boyfriend are moving
at warp speed. I don't understand how they think this
will last. They have completely different ideologies, a significant age gap,
and the relationship began by both of them cheating on
their respective spouses.

Speaker 3 (54:02):
Great foundation, it's not great foundation.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah, somehow they think they're going to beat the odds
and defy the statistics to make things even harder. They
work together constantly. She's in human resources.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
Oh she's an H. I rethink that she's an HR.
How do you like report yourself?

Speaker 1 (54:22):
She needs to be reported? And he's in safety. They're
with each other all day at work and even after work.
You can write people up and send them to her
to handle, which is a complete ethics violation. How they
both still have a job is beyond me. Everyone they
work with knows about the affair, and nobody there trust
them anymore. But they either don't seem to care or
are oblivious to it, which is I mean, wow, everyone

(54:44):
there knew about it.

Speaker 3 (54:45):
They're in their little careless cheating bubble.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Yeah, and no one thought to tell ope, and they
don't have shame, No shame. I keep asking myself if
there was something I could have done to prevent this.
I've tried to reach out, try to be civil, and
even offered help when it comes to to our kids,
but every attempt seems to fall flat. She's moving on,
and I'm left picking up the pieces, feeling like I
never got a fair chance to fix what was broken

(55:09):
because you didn't break up. You know, you might have
had problems. But if she wasn't, if she was going
to be a coward and not bring them up to you, yeah,
or end the relationship like a singing person, Yeah, then
none of that is your fault. No, her cheating is
all on her.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
She decided she wanted to end this, and there was
nothing that you could have done about it.

Speaker 1 (55:29):
No. Yeah. Right now I'm focusing on the little things
I can control, going to the gym, working with my
counselor and doing my best to show up for my
kids in any way I can. I'm trying to let
go of the past and accept that the person I
loved may no longer be the same. But it's hard
to separate those memories from the person she is now.
But you should never separate from us, because you can

(55:49):
join us live every weekday at three PMPST on YouTube, Facebook,
and TikTok no. Just top her profile. But there is
a little bit left to the story. But what are
your final closing thoughts?

Speaker 3 (55:59):
Yeah, I mean, I just feel like she decided their fate.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Yeah. And she's screwed him over yep. Use nothing you
could do because she's a coward. Yeah. And she cheated
on you and there's no excuse for cheating.

Speaker 3 (56:12):
No, And she should be fired from her job.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
She should be hrk. She should be fired from her
job and fired from her role as a parent. And
that is the end of that story. Though, no, it's
not I lied. There is a little bit left. Thanks
for reading if you've made it this far. I'm not
sure what I'm looking for. Maybe some encouragement, advice, or
even just the comfort of knowing someone out there gets it.
If you've been through something similar, I'd appreciate hearing how

(56:35):
you managed to cope and rebuild. Right now, every day
is a challenge, but I'm holding on to hope that
things can get better. They will get better. I hope
they get better. Yeah, it's kind of comforting knowing that everyone,
like no individual experience is unique. No, everyone's gone through something.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
Time heals everything, and everyone gets through it eventually and
go to therapy, go to therapy.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
But that is the end of that story and the
end of this episode. So if you love us, make
sure to subscribe, and we love you and see youmorrow.

Speaker 3 (57:10):
MHM.