My girlfriend started hinting at marriage…but I think she might be a gold-digger! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2096 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is John. This is your og Okay storytime podcast hosts,
and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before you rock out with your socks out, I
got a quick tum minute ad break from a sponsors,
keeping the show rocking and rolling.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
My girlfriend started hinting at marriage, but I think she
might be a gold digger.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Oh she's out there in the mines panning for.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Gold throwaway because she knows my real account. I'm also
an Italian and prefer Warrio to Mario. Little background. I've
only had two long term relationships before her, my high
school girlfriend whom I was with for six years sixteen
to twenty two, and my other girlfriend, whom I was
with for four years twenty six to thirty. Both breakups

(00:45):
were amicable, no infidelity or shady things happening.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
They were primarily my.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
Faults due to how I prioritized sub passing away slash
work over them. By the way, this comes from Doc Warrio,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to our show's stories. I'm subredded, so I'm still friends
with my second girlfriend, who is now married to a
good man and has two kids. In between those relationships
and before I met my current girlfriend. I've been keeping

(01:11):
things casual, no commitment. I met my current girlfriend six
months ago at a bar while out with some friends,
and as corny as it sounds, it was love at
first sight. She was unquestionably the most gorgeous woman I've
ever seen, easily fifteen out of ten. We got to talking,
went on some amazing dates, and made things official after

(01:31):
one month. I was just enamored by her sense of humor,
how enthusiastic and exciting she was, and always in awe
of her beauty. Although we don't have too many interests
in common, the chemistry is tremendous and I've never felt
so strongly attached to anyone before. We already said we
loved each other after four months in and I truly

(01:52):
believe it right. But lately some things started to bother me.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Dakota Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
When she introduced me to her friends, she bragged about
me being a doctor. Oh a waio doctor. Why is
this a problem?

Speaker 1 (02:06):
I'm what?

Speaker 3 (02:07):
It was seemingly lighthearted, so I laughed, ha huh and
went jokingly bragged about it too. When she introduced me
to her parents, she did the same thing, but with
a bit more Gusto this time, I mean, we already
know what's happening. Over the last month and a half,
she's been talking more and more about marriage and kiddos.
Although we never quite explicitly said that we would get

(02:31):
married and have kids, the hints are strong though. Last
week we went to a charity event she was involved in,
and every single person she introduced me to that night
she said the same thing. Hello, this is my lovely boyfriend.
And the man I will spend my life with, Doc Warrio.
He's a cardiologist, you know, hah. I've always been fairly

(02:52):
monest about what I do, so it was uncomfortable for
me to hear her gush about my job to strangers.
I was feeling uncomfortable, what's mild and went along with
it so as to not damper her mood. And the
man I will spend my life with part hit me
like a speeding truck. She didn't say future husband, but
af me. I don't know what her implication was. I

(03:15):
love my girlfriend, and I did believe prior to all
this that I would eventually marry her and have children
with her. I didn't expect this to come up five
efing months months in now fearing that she's just a
little gold digger and is using me as a provider.
She moved in after three months. Okay, we should have
mentioned that part.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
She moved in after three.

Speaker 4 (03:35):
Months again, But it's like whirlwind, whirlwind. Maybe there are
stories or that works. It's not like they're twenty they're
in their thirties, you know what I mean. I feel
like at this point, would I feel like I'm twenty nine,
and at this point if I was with somebody and
it's like I knew, I would know.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yeah, And then it's like, well, we don't have to wait.

Speaker 4 (03:56):
Let's not wait three years before we move in, because
we're in our thirties. We already know what it's like
to live with another person. And if it doesn't work,
it doesn't work. There's no need for us to like.
If it is what it is, if it's that real
deal Holy Field type stuff, ye, then you know. But
it's not always the case.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Not always the case. I truly hope that that isn't
the case, but the signs are sure seem to point
to it, and if it is that way, think I'll
break up with her. So I'm here to ask am
I overthinking this or is this the worst truth overtha?
I pray to God I'm looking too far into it,
but now that I'm actually reading what I wrote, this
is terrifying. I can't even confront her about this for

(04:38):
fear of turning her away from me. I can't accuse
her of using me for money and still expect her
to stay with me or respect me after that. All right,
and we got a freaking update my guy.

Speaker 1 (04:49):
Can Can I go? Because I have a dude, go
for it, So go for it. This dude is over thinking,
would you agree?

Speaker 3 (05:00):
I think he's considering everything and the possibility of him
being locked down or with someone's hitting him, and this
is always reacting well.

Speaker 4 (05:07):
That I think we've learned that that's not even what
he's concerned about. He was talking about. He's talking about
the gold digging is being his concern because he's like
I would I would have already. I kind of already
wanted to marry this woman, but now she's bringing it
up and it's making me think she's a gold digger.
It's like, brother, you literally were like, she's perfect, she's got.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Our personalities are different, but we work and all that,
but we're also not there at the party. We don't
know how she's gushing over him. Is you're like, oh, yeah,
he's a doctor. He's like, oh yeah, he's a doctor.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
I think if this girl is perfect in every way,
and the thing that has you messed up is you're like,
what if she just wants me for my money?

Speaker 1 (05:41):
You file that away, you keep that in mind.

Speaker 4 (05:45):
You say, I'm gonna I'm gonna keep this to the forefront,
because you're right, there's nothing you can go to and
press her about. You can't be like, are you a
gold digger. It's not like she's gonna be like, yeah,
you got me, even if she was. It's just something
you got to stay aware of. And then, you know,
I think a good example would be, like, imagine you
were this worried about, like, well, what if my wife
like breaks her arm like a couple of years into

(06:05):
our marriage and then we have to go to the
doctor and I have to like help her with her arm.
Like that's the same like kind of that feels like
the same way that you're worrying about whether or not
she's a gold digger. Yeah, it's like that will you
can't worry about that. You gotta worry about that down
the line down alone. If you weren't in love with
this woman, I'd be like, yeah, fair, it does seem

(06:27):
like she's rushing, but it's like, oh, you gushed about
you called her a fifteen out of ten.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
Fifteen is that's strong? It's very strong. It's a strong rating.
Oh we got an update. Update she's a gold diner. No, Oh,
dang it. Everything I said is part line.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
I was fairly certain of this before I spoke to her,
due to a particular comment that argued this point in
bullet form. Shout out to user nation. Seven year age
gap not the biggest, but a twenty five year old
retail worker is worlds apart from a thirty three year
old cardiology in many ways, many ways, few common insurance

(07:03):
certainly not a necessity, but often people in relationships share
at least some interests. Short courtship. Again, there's no hard
rule about this, but the cohabitation after three months is
generally frowned upon because neither party really knows what they're
getting into. Introduces you as a doctor. I get to
introduce you to her parents as the doctor. That would

(07:24):
make any parent happy about the situation, but to everyone else,
shouldn't it be just my wonderful boyfriend. Income disparity. Again,
there's nothing wrong with people from two different economic groups
falling in love, but the gap has to be relatively large.
No hinting at marriage and kids after six months, dude.
As much as you don't know her, she doesn't really

(07:46):
know you. It's certainly possible that she's just immature. But
with everything else past relationship history from the comments, having
lots of short relationships is again not a bad thing
in and of itself. But if you guys were to
wonder why they were so short, was.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
It the guys? Could it be?

Speaker 3 (08:01):
But the common denominator is her financial contribution from the comments,
she does a good tribute to your share of household. Now,
if this was discussed and established beforehand, well, whatever works
for you, guys, And she works in retail, so she
can't be an equal contributor to you. But it seems
like you have taken on the provider role as a
default without actually talking about it. So all of these

(08:23):
things taken together would certainly indicate that she is a
gold digger. But I was still wanting to talk it
out in the hopes that I could be wrong.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Okay, So with.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
All these points that he has here. She just works
in retail. She might look at you as a provider
and might want to be a stay at home mom.
I feel like there's a lot of minds, maybe's wills, ifs,
and not a lot of.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
This is how I feel.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
Yeah, there's not a lot of what I want open
communication going on here.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, And instead of being like are you a gold digger?

Speaker 4 (08:50):
You need to ask her like the important questions, what
do you want out of this relationship?

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Right on Saturday night, I took her out to dinner
at a meh level restaurant. First open was that she
got a bit miffed and asked why we weren't going
to an elegant restaurant like we usually do. I said,
I didn't want to spend hundreds on a mill that night.
I could tell she was annoyed.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
That's yeah, red flag honestly, Yeah, huge red flag right there. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
Food at the mediocre restaurant was still great, but she
wasn't very happy during the meal. After dinner, we came
home and I told her I needed to speak to
her about future plans.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
First.

Speaker 3 (09:26):
I explained that we needed to spend less on luxuries
and save up for retirement and for my other projects.
This is also true, as I do intend to retire
within the next twenty years. I'm looking to get into
real estate. She was upset about this. Next I told
her I don't have any interest in marrying soon or
having kids yet. This wasn't a lie. I truly do

(09:47):
not want to get married or have children yet. She
got upset again, saying, I'm just getting older and soon
I won't be able to have a family. She said,
it's not fair to her for me to keep stringing
her along without committing, and this caused me to do
a double take with the f I let her move
in with me. I pay all the bills, I buy
her tons of crap all the time, and I'm strictly monogamous.

(10:08):
What other commitment aside from the fancy wedding is there?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
BOPI really said, like, who, I know? You're not talking
to me, So who is it? Who is it you're
talking to? Guess it's not me guy, it's not this guy.

Speaker 4 (10:21):
I'll tell you that it's not the guy paying for
everything and then you let you move in.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
Not this guy.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
I told her this, and she was now visibly frustrated.
She said she wants marriage and children soon. I told
her she can do that with another person since we're
not on the same page. She started yelling at me
for being an a hole. So I told her that
one day I would marry her, probably within the next
three to four years. I thought this was reasonable enough,
but she said she wants marriage now to be Miser's

(10:50):
Dark Warrio by this time next year. And I told
her that we could definitely get married early, but only
if we get a prena. I'm for a good prenup.
Fun fact, I'm all for this relationship ending. Dude, Like,
what is it like, she yelled at me. So I
told her I'd marry her in like three or four years.

Speaker 4 (11:11):
What you know, it's over right, It's gonna be over
to probably like put it all out like.

Speaker 1 (11:17):
This is what this is what it looked like. He's like,
I'm gonna save for retirement and I want to own
real estate. She's like, oh God, you're so boring, and
just marry me and let me have kids. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
She flipped out, screaming that I don't trust her, and
then I think lowly of her. I brought up every
point nation did. I mentioned everything from the income disparity
to the astoundingly fast pace of the relationship, to her
constant parading me around as a doctor. I told her
that all of those facts, as well as her present
behavior proved to me she's a gold digger, and I

(11:50):
told her we're done. At this point, she breaks down
into tears and is mumbling incoherently. I tell her I'll
help her find an apartment and cover expenses for a month.
Called her friend, who was on good terms with me,
to pick her up. She left soon after without much protest.
She's still her friends. She's been texting me asking if
she can come home. I agreed, and she's coming back tomorrow.

(12:10):
I'll serve her the eviction notice tomorrow. I plan to
help her search for her affordable housing, and I'm willing
to get her on her feet. I know she's a
gold digger and doesn't deserve this courtesy, but the last
five months have been pretty great and I feel like
it's the least I can do, and eventually we will
phase out into no contact. But please, don't you ever

(12:31):
go non contact with us.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
There's no reason to. There's really no reason to. After
this one.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
Go to Spotify, go to Apple, look up Okay, storytime
and boom, you can be in contact with us.

Speaker 4 (12:40):
We got stories literally NonStop contact for forty eight straight
days of full episodes of the podcast.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
Just a story like this, don't go no contact chat.
What are we thinking, Dakota, you got what you wished for?

Speaker 1 (12:54):
I mean, you know, at first I was wishing the
other way.

Speaker 4 (12:57):
But once it became clear that she was just a
she gave me money. Uh then yeah, ye you don't
need that. Okay, it's better that you didn't marry her.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I I don't mind. No, that's
a ramp.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
It was the context at the beginning that I was missing. Yeah,
I was missing that she wasn't his a. She wasn't
in her thirty she's twenty five. She works retail.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Now that I have anything else people who work retail,
it's just more that, like it's just career base.

Speaker 4 (13:22):
The boxes that you could tick for like is this
someone who's just making a move based on like comfort
level and like finances and stuff.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
You could make that argument that.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
Yeah, yeah, but the last little bit here, that's it
for me. It's sad that things turned out like this,
But like a few users pointed out, it's better in
things now than years into the marriage when I have
nothing to talk about with her because we share almost
no interest at it. Are going to stop responding now.
It's unsettling. So many people here are just not defending
her gold digging, but justifying and praising it as well.

(13:55):
Truly unsettling. Search of a woman who loves me and
out my wallet Warrio wherever?

Speaker 4 (14:00):
Well, Hey, wow, all, I think there's some like you know, Like,
it just depends on what you want. Like if if
a woman wants a situation where she doesn't have to
work and like she's taken care of, like that's her business,
and there are guys out there that want to provide

(14:20):
that for people.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
However, the flip side.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
Of that is also completely fine, like if you want
to maintain your independence and financial in all respects, you know,
so to speak, by alliance, there's a match out there
for you.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
You just need to find people who are on the
same page. I had an.

Speaker 4 (14:41):
Intimate past with two of my girlfriend's friends. I don't
know how to tell her this all so much. I
just found out, and I'm low key for freaking out.
We've been dating for three months and it's been going
very well. We try to see each other as much
as possible, like two to three times a week, and

(15:01):
we text every day. We just started to sleep near
the end of January, and overall, we are very satisfied
with our relationship. And by the way, this comes from
user bird complete five and you can submit your own
stories over at the r slash Oakka story time subreddit.
So I don't want to take things too fast, but
I definitely see us moving in together in the future.

(15:22):
This is my first real romantic relationship. By the way,
my girlfriend had a boyfriend two years ago, but that's it.
Yesterday I came over to her place since we're spending
the weekend together. We were just casually talking over dinner
and she started talking about a party that's coming up
next week and if I wanted to come with her
as her boyfriend. We are official and all that, but
we haven't really attended any social events together, and she

(15:44):
has only met one of my buddies and I haven't
met any of hers yet. I asked her who was
coming to the party, and she told me a few names.
She said it would be fun and that her friends
could finally meet me. My heart dropped when she mentioned
two particular names. I'll call them A and B. Him
names Aubrey and Brenda. We're doing Brenda. Alarm bells were

(16:05):
going off in my head. Both of these friends have
pretty rare names. I went through her social media and
sure enough, it's Riley's grandma. About two months before I
started dating my girlfriend, I started going on Tinder to
meet new people. I matched with Aubrey and Brenda.

Speaker 5 (16:23):
And well, I may have slept with both of them.

Speaker 4 (16:27):
In all caps, I lost my virginity to Aubrey, which
makes sense why you're overthinking this. Aubrey just wanted a
one time thing. But I hooked up two more times
with Brenda. All right, let's let's relax. Yeah, as get
as numbers in this guy, Kiley doesn't want to hear this. Yeah,
I don't want to hear this grandma. Also, I think
this guy's nineteen and she's twenty. Yeah, so he's a

(16:47):
nineteen year old. What will We'll get to the comments
soon here, Let's keep going. She wanted to keep it going,
but around this time I met my girlfriend for the
first time ever, so I broke it off. I'm trying
to keep myself cool, calm and collected, but I'm all
over the place.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
I don't want to meet her friends.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
She has no clue but noticed that I was acting weird,
and I just told her it was nothing mistake.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
You've made your first mistake.

Speaker 4 (17:12):
I can't imagine what she will think or do, and
how extremely awkward it's going to be. I want to
tell her before she finds out through her friends. I
don't even know if the friends know that it's me,
assuming she hasn't showed a picture of me. Now that
I think of it, I don't think she even has
one of me. But still, I really feel like holding
this back from her can cause a lot of damage
if it eventually more like inevitably comes out. I really

(17:34):
have no clue how to approach this. I'm lost, and
there is an update. Riley hit us.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
You gotta tell her. Also, don't really think about it.
That's that's what a gentleman will do. But as a
scared little boy that is inside you, and I had
this question.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Now awkward.

Speaker 3 (17:48):
It's going to be hanging out in like a basement
or like a living room with her and her friends
and it's just you, guys, And you've seen any of
you like you've interacted with them all in the same way, and.

Speaker 1 (17:58):
You saying all of them Nike. Yeah, yeah, that's what
I was gonna say. You see all of them in
that birth suit. Oh, that's gonna be uncomfortable. It was
just I don't know how i'd feel about that. It's
not a big deal until now you've lied about it.

Speaker 4 (18:11):
So now, instead of you could have just immediately in
the future, you should go, oh, oh, I think.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
I've actually I think we've hooked up. Just letting you know.

Speaker 4 (18:20):
I don't really care, but we've hooked up. I'm with you,
though I don't care about I'm with you, but the
fact that you lied is now planting the seed of
doubt in your girl's head where it's like, why would
he lie?

Speaker 1 (18:29):
Okay, update, there's an update.

Speaker 4 (18:31):
After some thinking and gathering a lot of courage, I
told my girlfriend we needed to talk. She was pretty
confused and already knew something was up because she notices
that kind of stuff. Yeah, because she's a human being.
I started off with saying that she means a lot
to me and that I love her. I don't know
if this was too soon or not, but it seemed
like a good time in the moment. She immediately told
me that she loved me too, and we hugged and

(18:52):
it felt pretty dang good.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Dang, that's kind of early too.

Speaker 4 (18:54):
I told her that I had something important to tell
her and that it would probably hurt, but to please
hear me out. She looked pretty concerned at this point,
but I carried on. I said that prior to meeting her,
I had some encounters with her friends Aubry and Brenda,
but that it's in the past now. She didn't understand
and looked even more confused, and I got embarrassed as
all get out, but I told her straight up that

(19:16):
I had met both of them through Tinder and that
we did some stuff. She looked at me in disbelief
and stammered a bit and asked me if I was joking.
Unfortunately I wasn't, and I carefully explained to her what happened,
and she went quiet again and just looked at me.
I noticed she was on the verge of crying, so
I hugged her and she burst out in tears. She

(19:37):
hugged me very tight, and it honestly broke my heart.
I felt so so terrible. I held her for a
long time, and eventually she calmed down and asked for
the details.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
So like, how did Aubrey, like I kid even it
asked so I I could. I will never ask any
other human questions like that.

Speaker 4 (19:56):
So like, can you like tell me all the stuff
that's gonna hurt my feelings the most? Can you like
just like maybe tell me like that they're better than me? Like,
but see, now, this is the thing. If you would
just immediately right out of the gate as soon as
you heard their names, were like, oh my god, wow,
I can't okay, I need to tell you something right now. Well,
maybe you needed to do it, because now you've made

(20:17):
it this big thing.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
I think he's going about.

Speaker 3 (20:19):
It the right way you can. There's a hundre different
ways you can get to this destination. This is probably
not the quickest. That's the quickest. You probably trying to
do the safest.

Speaker 4 (20:28):
But I feel like by doing the safest, you create
the most. Like she's like crying and distraught and she's
gonna be grinding distraw either way. I feel like, if
you prime it right, dude, it's different. I feel like
because this is also.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
He's not an experienced driver. He's not experienced driver. But
that's why we're that's why we're saying this.

Speaker 3 (20:44):
Okay, okay, this is why we're saying it. But as
an inexperienced driver, taking this safe hours not bad.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
She calmed down eventually and asked for the details. I
didn't really.

Speaker 4 (20:53):
Want to talk about this, but she really wanted to know,
so I gave in. She probably would have found out
from her friends anyway, so I told her everything. I
doubled down that it meant nothing to me anymore, and
that I was with her to stay and that I
only want her and nobody else. She told me it
was okay, but that she needed some time to process it.
I told her I would do anything to help her.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
We ended up cuddling all.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
Night and watching some Netflix. Later, she told me how
much she appreciated it. So there's that. She got a
little bit emotional a few more times the past week,
but she handled it like a champ. Made sure to
show her that I loved her many times and took
her out to dinner. And by the way, we can
take you out to dinner on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
wherever you listen to podcasts, because that is where you

(21:35):
can find full episodes with stories like this and all
you need to do is search, okay, story time to
find them, and then you can take us out to dinner,
put us in.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Your ear holes while you eat pasta. Please just your
ear holes. So we do have a little bit of
story love. Huh, I think all my young bucks. Right.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
It's normal for people's lives to overlap in ways like that.
Sometimes some noodles likes like noodles, like a bull of noodles,
like anok, mushrooms, it's like a bowl of noodles. When
you say, scribbly chumbling mess, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (22:08):
Okaykay? What's your noodles? Like? I say? Maybe a big
steak like a slab of anoke? Mushrooms? Okay, do you
know what those are?

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Like?

Speaker 4 (22:15):
The little mushrooms that are all bundled together. No, the
noodles are loose. Anyways, we're It's only weird if you
make it weird. Okay, this is it's normal. You've hooked
up with some of her friends. That's fine. It's as
long as you don't are you're not trying to hook
up with them anymore. The longer you wait, the weirder

(22:37):
it gets, because the longer you wait, the more you're
gonna make her think like, why did he wait?

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Why didn't he tell me? Did he lie to me?
Is he lying to me now?

Speaker 4 (22:44):
Like instead of just being like, hey, funny story that
you know them because I know them too from Tinder
and then it's not weird. And she's probably crying because
you just told her that you love her and that
she loves you too, and then you were like, and
by the way, I hooked up with two of your friends,
Like that is a terrible combo of things to hear
back to back. Of course, she's going to be distraught now.
She has no idea what to think or feel. She's like,

(23:07):
why is he telling me that he's in love with me?
And also that he's looking up with both my friends?
Like what's going on here? So the party was yesterday
and that went okay too. Aubrey had no clue it
was me until seeing me, and we were pretty awkward.
Brenda had her suspicions and was really cool about it.
Ended up talking with her for a great deal of
the night and it was nice to catch up. She
handled it way better and we shared some laughs. Exactly,

(23:30):
It's just a laugh, is what it should be. Afterwards,
my girlfriend told me she would prefer it if I did.
Didn't interact too much with Brenda, which is completely understandable.
Shouldn't have done that in the first place, but definitely
not going to do that again. Overall, I think it
went pretty well and I'm so glad I told her
myself it could have gone way worse. Indeed, thanks y'all,
Cheers to a happy ending. I feel a strong bond

(23:51):
with her, for sure, and I want to I want
this comment about Brenda though, so about Brenda being cool
and them talking during the night, right man, I hit
this part and was just.

Speaker 1 (24:01):
Like, no, stop this right now, what are you doing.

Speaker 4 (24:04):
Luckily, your girlfriend is an absolute champ and was able
to hold off until after the party and communicate her
feelings with you. Try not to put her in that
position again. Ohp He's like, oh, I shouldn't have done that.
Like I said in my previous thread, I didn't know
any people at the party and it was mostly my
girlfriend's circle of friends. I'm pretty introverted, so I was
comfortable talking to her and she was cool about it.
I was pretty dang nervous, so I stayed in my
comfort zone. But after a few drinks, I want to

(24:25):
talk to more people. Also, my girlfriend was part of
our conversation most of the time, so I thought it
was all cool. Again, this was my bad hey, And
you know what, in reality, like, you didn't do anything
wrong there. I think the only thing the moment it
becomes wrong is once your girlfriend expresses to you how
she feels about it, and then you just go Then
you just go, all right, no, for sure, moving forward

(24:47):
from here, limited contact won't won't be super I won't
be friends with her if you don't want me, If
you don't want us maintaining a friendship or a relationship
like that, that's totally cool if it is. But if if,
if you get along with Brenda so well that she's
like your best friend, right, which is not what the
story is, but it's just a hypothetical for.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
The young bucks. Young bucks.

Speaker 4 (25:08):
If you do have a friendship with somebody that you
value on a level that is probably greater than the
relationship you're in right now, then that's another conversation you make.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
You say, I'm not actually.

Speaker 4 (25:17):
Willing to cut off my best friend for you, you
know what I mean exactly. It's okay to make that decision,
And it's also okay for them to not be okay
with it, and that's.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
For you ybs. Yeah, please take notes, young young bucks.
But that is the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
My girlfriend hid the truth about having a son, and
I don't want to be a dad. My girlfriend, Emily
and I have been dating four six months now. Two
nights ago, she sat me down and told me that
she had something to tell me. Emily said that when
she was sixteen, she was in a rough situation and
got pregnant. When her baby was born, her parents had
an agreement with Emily's sister that she would raise the
baby until Emily had the means to get him back.

(25:55):
By the way, this comes from Confused in zero zero
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to aid Okay story jump seullbright In So Emily worked
hard to graduate, get a job, and have her own apartment,
and finally got back in contact with her son. She's
been doing weekly visits and has his own room at
her place. We mostly either go out or hang out
at my place while I see her often. She does

(26:16):
say she has family stuff if she's busy. Soon he'll
be moving in full time, and they're both really excited.
In the past. They had done counseling sessions with a
child psychologist so that he could come to terms with everything,
and according to Emily, he's very well adjusted. They have
a good relationship, he's got a clean record, and he
is doing very well in school. She asks if I

(26:38):
would be willing to meet him the next day, because
it's her next visit. I said that that was fine,
that was fine. I don't know, I don't know. I
don't know. If it's two months. I get it, you're
probably not super crazy about this chick. But I mean,
I don't want to get some more like but I'm
a family man. I really can't say anything anyways. Before
I left, she said she didn't want me to feel
like she was looking for some one to be your

(27:00):
son's dad. She just wanted to be open with me,
and since he was such a huge part of her life,
it was only fair that I was included because she
wants me to be a big part of her life.
I asked why she didn't tell me before, and she
told me it was because she didn't want to complicate
things and so her son's privacy could be respected. She'd
made the mistake of letting people know in too early,

(27:22):
and it just hurt them both. I really didn't know
how to feel when I left, but everything just felt odd.
Yesterday I went over to her house for dinner and
she introduced me to her son. He shook my hand
and kept calling me by my last name like I
was his teacher. He was very polite and a little shy,
even though he's a pretty stocky guy. He kept trying
to hide behind his mom like he was seven. We

(27:45):
got along really well and talked about how he liked sports,
how he was excited to come live with his mom.
Nothing too serious, just lighthearted fun. By the time we
finished dinner, Emily was upset because it was getting late
she still hadn't done his homework. They argued a bit,
but it was all very light and she was really nice.
He struggled a little with his math, so I stepped

(28:05):
into help. We talked about how he wanted to do
something regarding science when he was older, and Emily piped
up saying that I could work in STEM. He got
really excited about that, then bummed again when Emily made
him do his English homework. Overall, that had a really
good dynamic. When I first came into the apartment. He
was shy enough to just be mumbling to his mom,
and she didn't force him to talk or yell at him.

(28:28):
She just let him cling onto her and mumbled until
he was comfortable. Emily gushed about how good he is
at sports and said that not only does Emily come
to every game, but she always cheers the loudest for him.
After he went to bed, Emily said she was really
happy about how things went, and she was glad that
we got along so well. And I agreed and we

(28:50):
left it at that, okay, So it was a good experience.
I wish in this moment I was a dad. I
wish Dad Riley was here right now so he could
give me his wisdom about what to think and what
to do in this scenario. But I'm gonna pretend I'm
Dad Riley.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
I'm Dad Riley.

Speaker 3 (29:07):
You were gonna be becoming a parental figure, and it's
being like taking the role of Spider Man, because Spider
Man didn't have the choice, but you now have the
choice to step in and become a perient, like a
good solid force and a good influence on this child's life.
And you have to make a decision if you're ready
for that or not. It's not the path for everyone.

(29:28):
But if you're up for it and you could do it, well, dude,
you it will be a great payoff. But you I
think you gotta sit and ponder about that. And I
think we're about to peep into his mind. But that's
what I would be worried about in this moment. Seeing
Emily last night made me realize that I really do
love her and i'd really be excited to have kids
with her. I just don't know if I want this kid.

(29:49):
Dad Riley is getting angry. He's a nice kid and
we get along really well, but I don't want to
feel like a stepfather. There's just something unique to have
raised your own kids and seeing them from There's a
lot of baggage involved. Even though both of them have
tried to work it out, I feel like it'll just
keep rising up. But I do like Emily and her
son is a nice guy. OR just don't know if

(30:10):
I'm ready to enter into it all. Am I wrong
and feeling apprehensive? How can I communicate this to Emily?
What's a good plan to proceed? We got an update.
I don't know I understand where you're coming at with
like raising your own kids with someone. I'm in the
bucket is if you want to have kids with someone,
you got to start with where they are, even if
they have kids, and you have to figure out that
dynamic with them, because then it will help you whenever

(30:32):
you have kids with them. I feel like you got
to start with this. I don't know, but I've never
been a stepparent. I've never had to step into a
family where they already have kids. I've never had to
be into a family where they already have brothers and
I have to figure out how to fit in as
a brother. It's the closest I havelf to that. Guys,
what do you think now? I'm going into the update.
I read the comments here and took a lot of
them to heart. I also wanted to hear her side

(30:52):
of the story, so I texted and asked if she
was up to it and if we wanted to get coffee.
She responded that her son was feeling really needy and
she she wanted to spend time with him, but if
I was willing to come over, she had a coffee maker.
I told her it was about her son. She said
it was okay, he could go to his room for
a little bit and we could talk on her terrence.
So I came over. She made a good cup of

(31:13):
coffee and we hung out awkwardly for a moment before
I asked her why she lied to me. After getting
her master's, Emily started getting involved with her son and
with a new guy. On their first day. She told
him she had a son and apparently he posed a
threat to her son's safety, and it almost caused her
sister to completely ban her from visiting. Emily said it

(31:34):
mattered too much to her to let it happen again,
and she's been trying to give herself a time period
where she can figure out if someone safe to be
around him or not. She said she waited too long,
and she apologized sincerely. Okay, so knowing that context that
changes the whole game. And as this guy, I would
be so much more understanding.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
Could you move that MinC over a little bit? Guys,
we got to go to back. That's what I would
also be that way, Yes I would.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
After learning this information, I would be like, Okay, I
now see through the lens you're seeing through, and I
agree with you. I think it is for the child's safety.
I told her I need a little bit more time
to think, and then I said bye to her and
her son and just went home. I'm still conflicted, yes,
And we got another update after just hearing this information.

(32:20):
I don't know if i'd be conflicted, I'll probably be like,
I see where you're coming from.

Speaker 4 (32:24):
Yeah, once it's like once, it's not like it's like, oh,
I was like hoping you'd never find out, or like oh,
like you know, my concern would be like, oh.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
So, what are you like a scumbag parent?

Speaker 4 (32:34):
Because it's like I couldn't date somebody who's like a
scumbag to their own kids.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
Well, she's not a scumbag. She worked really hard.

Speaker 4 (32:40):
No, clearly, Like clearly, it's it's the opposite of all
of that from what you described. So, you know, I
think maybe that's a filet away type of moment. Clearly,
she kept her kid from you for two months, Yeah,
which is a bit of an omission. I wouldn't know
if i'd call that a straight up lie. If you'd
asked her, I mean, like, do you have kids? And
she said no, then that's one thing. Yeah, but she

(33:02):
was doing it for a for a good reason.

Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (33:06):
First, on safety, I wouldn't say that's a deal breaker
at all. I think the biggest deal breaker is just
like whether or not you are someone who could date
someone who has a kid?

Speaker 1 (33:15):
Yeah, and are you ready to be that pariental figure out?

Speaker 4 (33:17):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (33:17):
Can you? Can you step up in a way like that?
Like op brds.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
I'm surprised I remember the password to this acount, but
I'm back. It's probably been a while. I don't even
know how long. I just got all the help and
kindness I received, and why not update.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
I'm still with Emily, let's go.

Speaker 3 (33:32):
I went forward with the idea that Emily and her
son are a package deal in mind, and it's kind
of been a weird process since we get along really well,
and I've found that I'm lucky to have this kid
in my life. He's funny, mature, intelligent, and witty. But
at the same time, he's not my kid and he
never will be. That's something hard to navigate. It's hard
to even describe the feeling of loving this kid and

(33:55):
feeling like a dad but never being, and feeling like
you can't be one, but I try. It's a lot
of blood, sweat and tears. Emily can testify to the tears,
but is so worth it. A few weeks after I
found out about him, Emily told me her son was
getting picked on because he didn't have a dad to
do father's son activity at school with. I decided to
go sort of just to scope out how that sort

(34:17):
of felt kind of thing. The look on his face
got rid of every question I've had, every doubt or regret.
Emily and I are in counseling. We found out shortly
after I posted that Emily is pregnant and we are
twice blessed in that it's twin girls.

Speaker 4 (34:32):
Ah, well, there's your kids right there, there we go,
those ones are yours.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
There were a lot of emotions, and we both knew
that it was a weird situation and we haven't been
dating that long, so we went to see a counselor.
Sometimes Emily's son joins us, but it's mostly us learning
how to be our best for her son and our
daughters and each other. We've been definitely testing each other
some days, but with this pregnancy has put a strain

(35:01):
on every relationship we have. First son moved in and
they are stepping on each other's toes. I moved in
and we're all learning our new boundaries and new bonds.
And by the way, if you want a new bond
or just to keep this bond good and going, go
to your favorite freaking podcast platform search up Okay, story Time,
What's waiting Their form Dakota.

Speaker 4 (35:20):
Forty eight days worth of stories for you to spend
your time listening to.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
It's hard.

Speaker 3 (35:26):
There's a lot of stupid mistakes I regret making now.
I'll regret more in five years. If I had a
time machine my current knowledge, I might have put distance
where I didn't. But for right now, I'm happy to
be with my girlfriend and her son waiting for our little.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
Mila and Lorlay.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
This is teaching me how to be a good dad,
a good partner, and a good human Aileia.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
And Laura Lai. That was LAURALI I had to know
what that name was.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
I'm learning coping skills for so many things in my life,
and I'm just learning how to be okay. This situation,
this is a situation a lot of people would shake
their head and say, poor guy. I'm really blessed and
I'm really thankful. Thanks for helping me out everyone.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
And that is the end of that story. Hey, it's
John here.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with aswermre sponsors.

Speaker 5 (36:17):
My friend thinks she nailed her dream job interview, but
I know the truth.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
Oh were you the interviewer? Did you? You were like?

Speaker 5 (36:25):
I didn't hire her?

Speaker 1 (36:27):
Wow.

Speaker 5 (36:27):
I used to work on a small team for a
division of a multinational company. We used to primarily be
staff by what were called old timer's, basically people who
were close to being of a punsionable age but who
didn't want the hustle. That culture shifted and a lot
of young blood has been brought in. By the way,
this comes from, Oh Lord, not Friday. And if you
want to submit your own stories, go to our sash
Okay story Tim separate it. I formally worked there and

(36:49):
was given a lateral move out. A colleague, Tina, still
works there. Recently, an opening for director came up, and
Tina came to me for help. She's been doing overtime
and working hard to get noticed for this position. She's
well qualified for it and has extensive experience at the company,
so she was given a chance to interview for it.
Tina is a single mother who has overcome poverty in childhood,
discriminatory bigots in the industry and worked hard to support

(37:13):
her kids. She has health issues but always fought hard.
Tina is tenacious and hard working, but there are issues.
She struggles in some areas. And while she definitely make
a great director as she's contentious, kind and courteous, the
role is evolving and maybe a bit of a stretch. Nonetheless,
I helped her with an application and presentation. Beyond being colleagues,
she and I are friends. We spent a lot of

(37:34):
time outside of work together. We're the only women of
color in our respective areas and share a lot of
deep feelings and thoughts. She worked hard and put together
a good presentation. I was really proud of her. She
presented this morning at nine thirty and got through it
and was out by ten. Most of the other applicants
were internal and interviewed yesterday, but one person was recommended
by a senior VP in a different department.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
Is that the truth that we're looking at here?

Speaker 6 (37:57):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (37:58):
The guy who was recommended is a thirty year old
hot shot. I think he may actually be in his
late twenties. He will soon graduate from an ivy League
NBA and is the definition of corporate style. They gave
him a last minute presentation slot immediately following Tina. Yeah,
so he knows a guy who already works there. He's
this like ivy league grad. Is this me a man's

(38:19):
I attended all of the presentations. I am not on
the hiring committee, but was there to support Tina and
see how the presentations went. When the hot shot gave
his presentation, it wasn't even close. The twenty of us
sat in the room and were dumbfounded. Not only was
his presentation visually appealing, but he noticed details none of
us ever did, and he developed a pitch that was
so innovated that our AVP asked to use a tagline

(38:42):
he created. Oh so he's qualified too, So.

Speaker 4 (38:44):
You like slam dunked it? You know, that's just what
happens when you're a detailed oriented person.

Speaker 5 (38:49):
His technical analysis was so spot on that it was spooky.
He understood issues facing our business unit without having to
be told and had ready solutions to solve the problems.
Questions they asked him were more about how he'll do
things when he takes over the role. It was made
very clear to him that this was his job, and
they even provided an unofficial tentative start date. It is
very clear that he understands the industry, and his past

(39:11):
experiences such as professional work experience as well as winning
top case competitions and academic awards, prepared him very well.
The presentations were in totally different leagues. After he finished,
he made a self deprecating joke and took questions. He
thanked us and left. We all sat there for a
minute chatting, when the ADP very loudly told the HR
director to offer significantly above the salary and hammer out

(39:34):
a start date immediately and get a contract signed.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
The VP who.

Speaker 5 (39:37):
Recommended him new him from the NBA program, as the
VP is a case coach there. He said he'd be
his reference, and they are all skipping formalities and going
right to the offer. Tina has no idea. Yeah, she
was so yeah, she was so happy with her performance,
and she's sure she nailed it. She did well about
as well as the other candidates. But this guy is out,

(39:59):
in out in a different league. Just based on that,
I too would hire the other guy. She's sitting on
cloud nine at her desk and planning a celebratory dinner
to celebrate her performance. She was told decisions would be
made in a couple of weeks. At this rate, it's
likely she'll be informed that she didn't get the job
well before five pm. I really don't know what to
do or say if she asks, should I be honest

(40:19):
about this guy's presentation? Should I have avoid her the
rest of the day. I want to support her, but
have no idea how to even begin talking to her.
And there is an update. I think GOP has two
options here. Either, if you think that they're going to
tell her by the end of the day, you don't
have to say anything. If they wait any longer. I
feel like, as her friend, you could just be like, hey,
you know, like I was in the room, I don't
think they're going.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
To go with you.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
I feel like you have the opportunity right now to
let your friend down easy.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
I agree, like you should just tell.

Speaker 5 (40:46):
Them, Lordie, where do I begin? I need more help.
The guy they wanted took the job way more than
they initially wanted to spend. My friend was devastated. I
follow the advice here and told her she did a
great job and how proud I.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Was of her.

Speaker 5 (41:00):
But the other guy did an amazing job, and I
didn't know what would happen. He was confident that she
was going to win. She had more experience with the
company versus his experience in education. At four fifty five,
she got a call banking her, but that they went
in a different direction. Hr offered to meet to discuss
how she could improve and to stabilize working relations with
the new guy. Shortly thereafter, it was announced company wide

(41:22):
he had agreed to take the job, and they were thrilled.
She took the following couple days off and didn't respond
to text or email. She just completely took some time away.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
Fair enough.

Speaker 5 (41:31):
She returned mid next week and found out that he
wasn't going to start until a couple of weeks later,
and that she had time. Then a company wide email
went out announcing that not only had he finished the
final requirements for his MBA and took first place in
his final case competition, meeting every other school in the country,
but that he was starting sooner than anticipated. A lot
of emphasis was placed on his Ivy League education, which

(41:52):
really irked Tina. He would come in occasionally before his
start date to meet with senior executives and his team
members and push them to get unvarnished thoughts. A lot
of them really complained about working conditions on the team
and major obstacles they faced. A few really told him
the unvarnished truth is start date rolled around there after,
and the hype was real. He hit the ground running
and his first week was incredibly busy. On day one,

(42:14):
he held an open meeting where he came in and
immediately banned weekend emails. Great, great stuff, this is guy.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
I'm sorry you were not gonna beat this day.

Speaker 5 (42:24):
Yeah, you can't be like ice cream, free ice cream
at lunch.

Speaker 6 (42:28):
Guys, listen, we always love an underdog story.

Speaker 5 (42:30):
Yes, some teams were expected to check respond to emails
seven days a week. Gave staff commensurate working hours to
the rest of the company. We never got summer hours
or flex time, which he immediately changed and followed up
on promises made by previous staff. He rolled out new processes,
budget models, and is a far more effective at advocate
for the team, so much so that all the old
time staff have become his followers. Dan, A lot of

(42:52):
people were worried about being fired. Performance has been way down,
but we're already seeing a glimmer of hope. This man
is the messiah. The cuts he made preserved his staff,
meaning they have a little less cash to spend, but
a lot more bodies doing the work. All told, they're
better off now three weeks than we were this time
last year. The staff love him. He's very approachable informal
and because of his connections to senior leaders and other departments,

(43:15):
that team gets a lot more attention than.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
We used to.

Speaker 5 (43:17):
Our old boss was sweet and kind, but she was
incredibly ineffective. I'm considering transferring back into that unit because
the working environment is better than where we are now.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
It is funny that that's where we're at. We're at
that point.

Speaker 5 (43:31):
The problem has become Tina. She's tried to question his leadership. Tina, Tina,
don't be the freaking judas in the company.

Speaker 6 (43:41):
Tina's being the person's like, excuse me, teacher at to Tina,
I have the homework assignment at to Tina, Yeah, I
did the homework assignment that was due today. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
It's like Tina's trying to start a coup. She's openly
annoyed with colleagues and feels like she's the only person
who sees the truth. The value in the new guy
is his ability to change. Our team works in close collaboration,
and their team is a lot more productive now than
before and are getting better quality worked out. They've started
conversations with old clients and the business funnel has grown.
VP's openly comment that he'll be moved up in short order.

(44:11):
Yet Tina holds a horrible grudge. It is obvious with
how she interacts with staff and colleagues. She complains when
he's not in the office and complains when he is
in the office. I know a lease a few people
who are growing weary of this, and two have asked
me to say something to Tina since we're friends. Another
threatened to go to HR and I.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Threaten you.

Speaker 5 (44:34):
To listen to all episodes the stories just like this.
Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast
app and searcheck. Okay, storytime, it's true and there is
a wee bit left to this story. But Tina, girl,
you're jealous and it's green is not a good collor y.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
It's really fun you green is co It's like it
would be hard.

Speaker 4 (44:53):
I've had like some jobs I really wanted that if
I then had to see like the person who got
it instead, all the time. Yeah, it would be it
would be rough like earlier, especially.

Speaker 5 (45:02):
But it's like he can't for all his connections in
Ivy League education. The guy is also a really strong performer.
He has an activity board up showing process and change,
and people feel less dour.

Speaker 6 (45:12):
Except for coin Tina, Yoh, this guy sounds like the
perfect guy I want to be friends with.

Speaker 5 (45:16):
She's complaining non stop. It's impacted our relationship to the
point where I've been avoiding her. It's been two months
since she found out and three weeks since he started,
and I feel like enough is enough. That said, she's
a single mom, and I don't want to see her
fired for being silly. I'm really not good with confronting people.
I don't know what I should say. And there is
a comment, maybe multiple comment one. I have seen plenty

(45:37):
of people react poorly to a disappointment in their career,
and this bad behavior put them permanently out of the
running for future opportunities. As a friend, you could say
to Tina, preferably with respect to a specific behavior, I
understand you are disappointed, but complaints like this are going
to give people a negative impression of you. You can
also try to set limits on how much complaining you're
willing to listen to during your non work time. But

(45:58):
the more urgent problem is, it seems to me, is
to keep her from losing her job over this. Really,
her supervisor or manager should be the one talking to
her about this. Ye, if they're thinking of firing her,
then they should be talking to her about the problem
and giving her a chance to get it together and reply.
The word she acts the more justifies their decision absolutely
as also, yeah, you need to have a conversation she

(46:18):
is your friend, have a conversation with her and be like, hey,
people are noticing. People want to go to hr about
your behavior, Like, tell.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
Her the truth and it could be you know, as
long as you move with the right intent and the
right energy. It's like it's not like you're gonna be
like Tina, like, yeah, you're making me look better Like Tina,
you need to It's like she's you, I want you
to be secure. I want you to keep this job
because like, if you keep being this negative force, it's
like he's probably not gonna have a choice but to
let you go. And also he's such a seemingly good

(46:45):
like boss that if you did just keep crushing it.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
You're probably you're not going to get rewarded for that. Yeah,
so just keep your head down.

Speaker 4 (46:52):
Tina, Tina, my friend made an absolute fool of himself
when confessing his feelings.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I don't know how to react.

Speaker 5 (47:01):
Oo, tell them to shut up.

Speaker 1 (47:04):
Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (47:06):
I've had a very tough year with nearly every type
of relationship in my life romantic and spicy, familial, friendship, professional,
you name it.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
It's all blown up in my face. I've been to therapy.

Speaker 4 (47:18):
It wasn't great, but I'm trying my best to learn
from it and not give into avoidance and self isolation.
So that's the background. And by the way, this comes
from user throw a Waffle Away And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
okay storytime subreddit submit them there. So, I female twenty four,
volunteer at an animal shelter several times a week, and
there's a regular group that goes at the same time,
all of which are older than me. The closest one

(47:40):
to my age is male twenty eight. It seemed natural
for us to see if we were a good match romantically,
but ultimately I'm not feeling anything towards it and with
everything else this year, I'm fine with focusing on myself
and being single. We agreed to be friends back in July,
and I thought that settled it in mixed company outside
of volunteering. Obviously, you've had a few drinks and some

(48:01):
deep talks as in absolute trauma dumpache. Usually I'm opposed
to this, but I thought being frank would help us
be genuine friends and forget about the small amount of
time that we consider dating each other. But it turns
out for the past couple of months of having occasional
conversations like this, it's only served to make his feelings stronger.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Yeah, it's trauma dump.

Speaker 5 (48:23):
Yeah, that can happen. I feel like you have to
put up with like people that you've you know, like
you went on dates with, You can, like you're trying
to be friends with them, you you can. You gotta
put up some sort of boundary and how you approach that.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
Time I would say, don't trauma dump them. Yeah too.

Speaker 4 (48:39):
More than once he has told me we need to talk,
and in said talks he told me things like how
he appreciates our close friendship blah blah blah, relating to trauma,
dumping and trust and whatever. Well, last week, during one
of our little parties, I was joking about having a
crush on someone at work. I wouldn't say this is
a real crush. You've never even spoken and I'm so

(49:00):
certainly not trying to initiate anything.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
Is this me?

Speaker 1 (49:03):
And Mail twenty eight.

Speaker 4 (49:06):
Bursts out that he's tracted to me and I should
stop talking about things like that.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
Oh girl, ooh, buddy girl.

Speaker 5 (49:13):
At this point, we can't be friends with this man.

Speaker 1 (49:15):
Yeah, also, cringe, you don't do that. That's a techniche.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Anyway, I went beat red and changed the subject. It
really peeved me off that he thinks I should censor
myself because of feelings he has that I've done nothing
to encourage. The next day, of course, I get a
text that says we need to talk.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
Oh we don't.

Speaker 4 (49:38):
I purposefully skip the shelter, but he insists that he
comes over to talk at my parents'.

Speaker 1 (49:44):
House because it's important. Uh so fine. He comes over,
parents were not home, by the way. We chat a
bit and then I ask how bad is it?

Speaker 4 (49:52):
He launches into some of his romantic history and how
it's so rare to have feelings this strong, and I
light up his day.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
Blob blob law. Clearly the energy is not equal.

Speaker 5 (50:02):
Hear no, because like, I don't freaking care.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Opie says, excuse me for being callous, but I've heard
this all before.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
He wants this spicy sleep despostistly.

Speaker 4 (50:13):
That is what every single relationship and for friendship I've
had with men boils down to.

Speaker 5 (50:19):
No, that's actually that's that's odd, that's not necessarily true.

Speaker 4 (50:22):
But I said, I don't trust this, But are all
the men you're making friends with previous potential romantic partners.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
Maybe just start making some friends that are not in
that contact.

Speaker 4 (50:31):
If that's the case, mo Mail twenty eight starts crying
because I won't just force myself to be with him.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
I offer him a tissue and he sniffs and asks.

Speaker 4 (50:41):
For a band aid instead because he fell down earlier
and scraped his knees.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (50:46):
It probably sounds like I'm shaming him for being unmanly,
but honestly, I don't even care about the gender. If
anyone came to my house crying because they've known me
for three months and started begging me to get over
myself and f them and then ask for a bit
and aid ye for the smallest scratch I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 (51:03):
I'd think they were pathetic.

Speaker 4 (51:05):
Yeah unfortunately, Yes, yeah, yeah, a little bit. My reaction
to this situation is universal. I assure you I was
nicer in person than what I'm being here. But I
don't believe for a minute that I can continue our
friendship as it was.

Speaker 5 (51:20):
No, and you shouldn't.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
You shan't yes, Knowing he's this desperate to get me
and literally willing to grovel for it, I can't find
an ounce of respect for him anymore, and having been
around desperate men before, I don't trust him or feel safe.
He's latched onto one of my favorite hobbies, which is crochet,
which is weird, right.

Speaker 5 (51:38):
I don't know, like he's just starting to crochet, or like
he's going to Joe Ane.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
He needs to see you. He's like he's crochet in
the yard.

Speaker 4 (51:46):
So he's trying now to make crochet plans to incorporate
the crochet into our friendship. But crochet is my favorite
way to clear my mind alone. It's pretty obvious that
despite everything I said to him, he's betting on patients
and in great ciating himself to me by asking me
to teach him and make things together.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
He's playing the long game to get his little uh
a little his little.

Speaker 4 (52:09):
Long John silver shining, you know what I'm saying, trying
to trying to trying to polish the China. I don't
want to have to stand volunteering here to get away
from him, and what I learned in therapy encourages me
to get past this to maintain the friendship. Am I
insane for being this skeptical of his true intentions? Is
there anything else I can do to reduce his attraction?
Or is my pre therapy instinct right to just a

(52:31):
GTFO asap?

Speaker 1 (52:33):
And there is an update? But before Sophia, like, what
do you think about that?

Speaker 5 (52:36):
Sofia here, we've already he's already outright said I like you,
and you've said no, And so at this point I
think you say, like, hey, please stop, I have no
I don't even have interest in being friends with you. Honestly,
you could be like I don't want like it's true,
I'm fine with being talking to you at at this place,
but like I don't want to hang out with you one.

Speaker 1 (52:53):
On one, just an acquaintance.

Speaker 6 (52:54):
I would say, the relationship here, there's no more. It's
not a friendship anymore, just a weird ship.

Speaker 4 (52:59):
So before I made my original post, I already had
plans with a mixed group, including Male twenty eight before.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
I dive in.

Speaker 4 (53:06):
I just want to thank everyone that shared their experiences
with ill informed therapy, social anxiety boundaries and struggles similar
to mine. I wish I was in a place where
I could trust my gut without other input, but at
least there are kind of encouraging people out there. So
unfortunately the other people canceled. It was not on purpose,
It's just that things fell apart on their end and
I ended up being alone with.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Mail twenty eight. It was okay.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Later on in the day some of the others did
show up and we were playing around with those little
TikTok tarot readings, just being silly. When it was my turn,
the video that came up, of course, was all about
love and romance, and I was like, ugh, there's no
way this makes me want a gag. Male twenty eight
immediately burst into tears no in front of everyone, embarrassing

(53:52):
because I wish you had said that the other night
that I make you want to get To be fair,
there were some shots involved before this, but still I
generally had a good day and wanted to keep the vibe,
so I basically had to talk him down, also in
front of everyone, and then once everyone left, he pulled
me aside shocker huh, and I had to reiterate again

(54:14):
that the stupid TikTok thing is literally just TikTok. My
reaction was not about him, and had to defend my
entire position in life again. Then he asked if he
could prove himself to no longer make a scene by
helping me study for university. I said I wasn't sure,
but obviously I'm not going to do that. Yeah, it's
hard enough to focus on school without a weepy baby

(54:35):
having tantrums next to me and probably checking me out
when I'm not looking. So it's sad and it's have
to change my whole shift now. But I managed to
find some other volunteer shifts that work with my schedule,
but it's cutting down to one day a week. I
told the coordinator why, and that I would like my
new schedule to be private if possible, and they agreed
to take me off the.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Email list and just know when I'm coming in.

Speaker 4 (54:55):
I feel bad complicating her job and also ditching the
other volunteers.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
But at least I still get to see the animals.
I've grown warm too.

Speaker 4 (55:04):
I alluded to this being a pattern in my life
in my previous post and comments, but truly, this guy
takes the cake.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
There he is, there's the cake, there he is.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
Okay, he really believes that every single thing I have
to say revolves around him, like he takes up space
in my head. Well, he does in a negative way.
This week, things seriously escalated on his end, and I'm
already tired of it. Surprise, Surprise, Mail twenty eight. I've
actually lived.

Speaker 1 (55:28):
An entire life without you, and I will continue to
do so.

Speaker 4 (55:31):
Sorry, you're so insecure that your life can be totally
encompassed by someone else this easily, by the way, you
can totally encompass your life with stories just like this.
All you gotta do is go to Spotify or Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts from and search, okay,
story time, and now you will find the whole catalog
to browse through it. Okay, so let's finish this off.

(55:52):
It is sad, but I doubt he will change the
tactic of cry and then guilt into more of what
I want is super.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
Easy to do.

Speaker 4 (55:59):
He sees every act activity I do alone joyfully as
an opportunity to commandeer that time and make it about him.
I was nervous at first that he'd end up seeing this.
I think he uses Reddit as well, but to be honest,
I don't care anymore under Phil Collins type stuff. If
he does see this, maybe seeing my side, because clearly
he cannot listen, might shock him into acting like a

(56:22):
normal adult person. Yeah, this guy freaking We have some
comments here, but before you read them, like, what would
you like?

Speaker 1 (56:28):
What? What do you say? Op? Is in the right
to do here? I mean, like clearly.

Speaker 5 (56:32):
Literally I think you can be over him, And like
I don't want to hang out with you. Yeah, I
I barely want to interact with you. I don't think
you have.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
You just got to say leave me alone.

Speaker 5 (56:41):
I say, like, hey, you're making me really uncomfortable. I
not want to hang out with you.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
Outside of that.

Speaker 5 (56:46):
I'm fine with being your friend here, but that's it. No, No,
you don't block you.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
You gave him the entrance there.

Speaker 5 (56:52):
Fine with talking, I'm fine fine with literally seeing you
past being here, But that's it.

Speaker 4 (56:58):
I won't have an issue with you in my proximity,
but I don't want to be friends with you.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
I don't.

Speaker 4 (57:04):
I don't want to date you because you have made
beard and uncomfortable.

Speaker 5 (57:08):
Yeah, facts, don't text me, don't give him an out,
don't call me, don't come by my house.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
We're done. Comment one. This guy is a pathetic creep.

Speaker 4 (57:17):
Hey guy, if you stumble across this poor lady's reddit,
please know multitudinous people, many of them women, think you're
a super pathetic creep. True, you did not deserve for
this guy to ruin something you enjoyed either.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
I hope he.

Speaker 4 (57:30):
Gets abducted by aliens and returned to his creepy home planet.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Comment number two.

Speaker 4 (57:36):
I kind of was this guy for a few years
in my twamies, minus the drama.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
What happened?

Speaker 4 (57:42):
Dude caught feelings for basically every girl in my social circle.

Speaker 5 (57:46):
Every girl in your social circle.

Speaker 4 (57:47):
The only thing that really helped me was distance or
completely cutting contact. If he offers you to help you
with university, it definitely won't be as a friend. Ope,
he replies, Yeah, his career has nothing to do with
what I'm studying anyway. He just latches onto things I
do alone and tries to make it so that we
can spend that time together. He even said once long ago,
not this week, that he's ruined friendships by being too

(58:10):
available before learned anything from that buddy seems like I know,
and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (58:16):
Freaking end of the story.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
It is.

Speaker 5 (58:17):
Yeah, Opie, you need to be straightforward with this man
because he is not getting the hint.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
Sofia, do we need to be friends with everybody?

Speaker 4 (58:24):
No, we don't need to, And you can tell them
in a politeish way ish, or you can don't give
him that.

Speaker 1 (58:29):
Don't don't give him anything that could be a crack
in the door or ap. You know, you don't even
know how to say anything.

Speaker 5 (58:34):
I suppose well, you know.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
I mean it might be nice to say something.

Speaker 5 (58:37):
You could just avoid it.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Hey, it's Sam. We're to get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes of a bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (58:45):
My best friend ditched my wedding but helped a stranger
with her wedding.

Speaker 1 (58:50):
Yeah, hey, not your best friend, yike anymore? That's not
your friend?

Speaker 5 (58:54):
Throwaway count because I just needed to get this experience
off my chest. I twenty five female, need to know
if I something or if I am the A hole.
I asked my best friend twenty seven female to be
the matron of honor in my wedding in August of
twenty twenty three. For my wedding in October of twenty
twenty four, she happily accepted, and by July fourteenth, twenty
twenty four, she had dropped out of the bridal party

(59:16):
and ghosted me almost entirely. For the purposes of this post,
we'll call the friend Bethany.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Oh, it's called beth Bethanie.

Speaker 5 (59:25):
By the way, this comes from Logical World somebody seven
to eighty one and if you want us my hear
own stories, go to our slashoway storytime separated. So for
some background, Bethany was like my sister. We met through
my ex boyfriend of four years, and she helped me
to realize I need to break up with him. She
helped me through the breakup. I even showed up at
her house after midnight a few times just for company
and support. We worked together. Still would get lunch and

(59:47):
coffee every day, and I'd even drive up to her
every weekend to get coffee and go shopping. We talk
on the phone for an hour plus every day on
the way home from work to talk about the day
and complain about our boss. I was close with her daughter,
who she we'd bring with us to our weekend dates,
and I asked her to be our flower girl again.
She happily accepted.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
I just have a conspiracy you want to ice, what
is conspiracy theory?

Speaker 4 (01:00:08):
I think that because I hear, like the complaining about
the boss, talking for an hour, like getting lunch and
like getting coffee all the time, as like coworkers. I
feel like maybe OP thinks that they have this like
best friendship when really like the other person just thinks they.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
Just have like acquaintance friendship. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:00:25):
Bethany was the only bridesmaid who showed up to my
dress shopping appointment and was so supportive, snapping pictures and
taking videos. She came with the bridal party to go
shopping for dresses and meshed well with everyone at our
group dinner. After the weekend before Bethany backed out of
the wedding was her daughter's birthday party. I was invited
to all her previous birthdays and attended everyone with gifts

(01:00:45):
in hand. For some reason, I didn't get invited to
the party in twenty twenty four. I figured because it
was at a kid's play place and I don't have children,
and that may have been wide but I didn't ask.
After the party Monday and Tuesday, she was silent, no calls,
no texts, and acting I'm super distant and weird. At work,
we sit right next to each other, and she wouldn't
even look at me, didn't give any chatter throughout the day. Nothing.

(01:01:07):
I then saw on Facebook that my ex was at
her daughter's party. He also doesn't have kids, so my
previous assumption was wrong. I thought maybe because my ex
and Bethany's husband will call him Tim, we're close, that's
the reason he was invited, and they didn't want to
make him uncomfortable. The weekend of July fourteenth, I got
the below text from Bethany. She said she could no
longer be a part of the bridal party due to

(01:01:28):
personal reasons, but was super sweet and assured me it
was nothing personal.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
It sounds like it was exactly for personal reasons.

Speaker 5 (01:01:36):
Sounds like she said it was for personal reasons and
it was personal. A few days later, at work, she
told me it was because she was overwhelmed with school
and work and not having anyone to watch her daughter.
Tim worked nights and weekends. I understood and tried to
be as kind as possible, but to be honest, I
was really hurt. I would cross an ocean for my
friends and I give them an organ, et cetera. I

(01:01:57):
understand some things can't be changed, but I feel like
two months was plenty of time to figure out babysitting.
It absolutely is.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Yeah, I mean absolutely three months. Yeah, a quarter of
a year.

Speaker 5 (01:02:08):
Come on, people, I mean I feel like most babysitting things, gigs,
you get like a couple of days in advance, so
or maybe like a week at advance.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Like one week.

Speaker 5 (01:02:16):
Yeah, it's like, hey, are you free this Saturday?

Speaker 4 (01:02:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:02:19):
Three months girl?

Speaker 1 (01:02:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:02:20):
Sometimes there's emergencies and that happens the day of, but
three months, come on.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:02:23):
Plus, her daughter was supposed to be in the wedding,
so she'd definitely be at the wedding. Bethany didn't talk
to me or respond to text or calls for a while,
and then her daughter got sick. She was in and
out of the hospital for almost a week, and I
was so scared for her. I tried to support her.
I tried calling, texting, and offering anything I could to
help her. She wasn't at work, so I couldn't talk
to her in person again. Bethany and I have spoken

(01:02:45):
daily for over five years, so not hearing from her
for a week was really concerning. Bethany finally returned to
work the next week. Her daughter was feeling better and
Bethany seemed to be a bit more talkative. Well lunch alone,
I asked her if we were okay. Bethany literally looked dumbfounded,
and why wouldn't we be? I responded that we hadn't
spoken in over a week. She outright ignored my calls

(01:03:05):
and texts, et cetera. Bethany says everyone was blowing me
up asking if daughter was okay, So I just turned
my phone off. I was just super annoyed. That's fair.

Speaker 4 (01:03:14):
Yeah, I mean, you don't being like chronically available for
every single person on earth is like a new phenomenon.

Speaker 1 (01:03:20):
Yeah that's not really, that's literally superpower.

Speaker 5 (01:03:23):
I knew this wasn't true because another woman at work
knew details about what was wrong with Bethany's daughter and
has implied she spoke to her every day. Okay, well
a little bit every now.

Speaker 1 (01:03:33):
You can only speak to one person at a time
all day.

Speaker 5 (01:03:36):
However, in the conversation with Bethany, I apologize for blowing
up her up and annoying her, and she said, no,
not you, just everyone else. It was probably you too,
so I let it go. But since then we don't call,
we don't text, we don't hang out outside of work.
Not for my lack of trying, she just ghosted me.
And yet I had to see her at work every
single day, have coffee together, and act like everything was

(01:03:57):
hunky dory. We discussed at work that Bethany and her
daughter were still invited to the flower party, bridle shower,
and wedding, plus him too. At first, Bethany was on
board and acted excited to still attend everything. As each
event came, Bethany simply didn't show, no text or anything.
The bridal party was the only thing she outright texted
me to tell me she wasn't able to come the
day of. After that, literally three weeks before my wedding,

(01:04:21):
Bethany said, I don't know if I can even come
to the wedding anymore. Tim has to work and I
have schoolwork, to do. I'm sorry, you can't take one
day off from your schoolwork. You can't do your schoolwork
a little bit earlier.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
But also, you know what, my op, it's time for
you to take.

Speaker 5 (01:04:34):
This is not your friend. I was shocked. I asked
if her and Tim could switch days with someone, if
she could get her schoolwork done for that day at
another time, and she said she just couldn't do it.
All this happened consecutively three months before the wedding. Oh
do you know three months in advance that you just
can't get your schoolwork done.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
She's trying to tell you right now that you need
to find someone else.

Speaker 5 (01:04:54):
Yeah, this is not your friend. I was devastated. I
had basically lost my best friend and my connection with
her daughter, Bethany, all the while acting like she.

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
Didn't care at all.

Speaker 5 (01:05:03):
She didn't make an effort to repair our relationship or
even tried to explain what the heck happened for all
this to occur. The day of my wedding came and
deep down, I'd hope she'd at least text me, Nor
did she. In the two weeks following, while on our honeymoon,
we didn't speak until I came back to work, and
she never once congratulated me or asked about the wedding.

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
Not once.

Speaker 5 (01:05:22):
I haven't seen bethany outside of work, texted, or talked
since her daughter's birthday party. I'm heartbroken and taking the
steps to heal and move on as best I can,
while still seeing her every day and acting like I'm fine.
This was brought back up because she recently applied to
a new job, got an offer, and put in her resignation.
I was happy for her and still want nothing but
the absolute best for her, and this was a great

(01:05:43):
company with what seemed like a much less toxic work environment.
She put in her resignation and I felt a bit
of relief knowing I wouldn't have to see her every
day and bring up the pain of our friendship. Our
company counter offered her the day before she was supposed
to leave, and she accepted, and once again I'm devastated.

Speaker 1 (01:06:00):
Oh man, that's so sad.

Speaker 5 (01:06:02):
Come on, it's so sad that has come to the
point where, like you're devastated that your friend is staying.
The pain doesn't stop when I have to see her
every day. Last week, at a group lunch, our male
coworker Jason was talking about getting married soon and how
is fiance Eileen doesn't have many girlfriends to go shopping with,
et cetera. Bethany tells him she'll go dress stopping with
Eileen and help her plan the wedding. I literally tried

(01:06:22):
not to laugh out loud. Bethany and Eileen have met
once at a work event. They didn't even have each
other's phone numbers. What the f I had to use
every ounce of willpower the Good Lord had bestowed upon
me not to laugh out loud. How could she help
this random woman with her wedding when she couldn't attend
a single event for mine after committing to be matron

(01:06:44):
of honor and her daughter being our flower girl. I
was flabergasted and pissed off and had to keep my
mouth shut. Then, just today again, at a group lunch,
you proclaim she's hanging out with Eileen this weekend to
talk wedding staff. Jason and Bethany giggled, and I'm literally
sitting across from them trying not to gouge my eyebowls
out with a fork. But you will never have to
gouge your eyeballs on if you listen to full episodes

(01:07:06):
of stories just like this. Just go to Apple podcast,
Spotify or your favorite podcast topp and search up with storytime.

Speaker 1 (01:07:12):
Goagey't do it. Gouge the wax out of your ears.

Speaker 5 (01:07:15):
And take the list and take.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
A freaking listen properly.

Speaker 5 (01:07:18):
There is a little bit left. Girl. This is not
your friend, not your friends. Yeah, at the other day,
not your friend.

Speaker 4 (01:07:24):
It's not an easy situation to be a part of.
But yeah, you when you like see like the reality
of the situation, like maybe they can't, maybe they just can't.
Maybe they're still just looking at this like through the
lens of this is my best friend.

Speaker 1 (01:07:36):
Yeah, but like I don't even know if that was
ever the case might not have been I think and
maybe you know, I don't think that's Opie's faults.

Speaker 4 (01:07:43):
Yeah, it's definitely like Bethany's not being straight up. But like,
let this be a lesson, like detect you can detect
that kind of behavior and instead of like you know,
like three months going by and it's like you just
file that away in your head. You go, Okay, this
is not a person who's available for me anymore. This
is not a person who values by this is really
more of an acquaintance ship. Yeah, just and move forward

(01:08:04):
with that knowledge and that'll help you. I think, let go,
I find people who are going to be there for you,
and you can find me exactly.

Speaker 5 (01:08:10):
Am I crazy to be effing livid? Did I do
something to upset her last summer to cause our friendship
to dissolve? Everything seemingly happened out of nowhere. All the
recent events and common since my wedding are getting under
my skin. It seems like in some cases she's intentionally
trying to hurt me. She's extremely smart and a bit manipulative,
so I wouldn't put it past her. Am I the
a hole for wishing she'd left for the other job?

(01:08:32):
Can anyone provide any hint as to what the f happened?
Please help me process? And that is the end of
that story. I think that's just at the end of
the day. Unless she comes to you and says like, hey,
you did this and this wrong, or something like you've
hurt me or offended me or something you can't like
you can try and figure out and try and you know,

(01:08:53):
rummage around your brain for what you possibly could have done.
But that's just going to like make you go crazy.
So I feel like, unless she brings it up to you,
you just have to be like, you know what, that's
her problem, and I'm gonna I'm gonna move on without
her in my life.

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
Yeah,

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My girlfriend started hinting at marriage…but I think she might be a gold-digger! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2096