My girlfriend wanted to BREAK up with me… because I can do the splits!-r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories |2317

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00:00 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - (4 Years Later Update) My(m25) girlfriend(f24) wants to break up with me because I can do the splits
12:56 r/relationship_advice - (UPDATE) My(m19) Girlfriend(f18) wants me to protest my job because her friend got written up. I refused, and she began shaming me
23:39 r/relationship_advice - Is there a way I can make my bf's mom like me without having me to tell my abusive parents about it?
36:17 r/okstorytime - Am I unprofessional, is my ex boss a 'narcissist', or is it a little of both??

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

(00:03):
I'm an og Okay start Time podcast hosts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
I'm making sure that you stay here for the next
two minutes.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes
before we get into this episode. Yeah, we got some
ads coming up. Just stick around. Stick around.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
My girlfriend wanted to break up with me because I
can do the splits.

Speaker 5 (00:21):
That's a super cool thing, though, seems like a plus.

Speaker 4 (00:24):
I've mailed twenty five, been with my girlfriend female twenty
four for the past four years, and we're currently engaged
planning our wedding for hopefully early next year, since we
figured most of twenty twenty one would be used to
really get past the latter stages of the pandemic. We
rarely ever fight, but she insists I broke her trust
over what happened a few days ago. By the way,

(00:45):
this comes from Deleted and you can submit your own
stories on the r slash Okay Storytime Separate. I'm Sophia,
I'm Angie, and I'm Riley, and Op says my girlfriend
works full time as a receptionist but also does yoga
very seriously on the side. She has it's a separate
Instagram account just for yoga, and teaches a few clients
at a gym as well. I used to do gymnastics

(01:05):
growing up before switching to aerial circus at a nearby
studio for a few years. Sick Ariel is very cool.
Oh yeah, mostly focusing on aerial straps in my early
high school years before stopping due to repeated injuries. I
still try to keep some of the conditioning I learned
and apply it when I'm training at the gym today.
But my problem started when she asked me to help

(01:26):
her film something. She has a YouTube channel that she's
constantly trying to grow, and she asked me to help
with the splits tutorial, where she would do advanced versions
of stretches while I did more basic versions for inflexible people.
When she had me try a few of the stretches
she had in mind, she was surprised with how easy
some of them were for me. When she sarcastically asked
me if I could do the splits, I showed her

(01:46):
that I could, and for some reason she got really offended.
I wasn't showing off or anything. I just did the
poses she asked. I helped her with other videos before.
But when she asked how I learned it, I told
her about gymnastics and aerial straps before high school and
now I tried to keep some conditioning exercises a part
of my gym routine. Okay, right, he's not doing the
aerial currently, he's doing the conditioning for aeriel But still,

(02:09):
I mean, like it never came up? Also, like why
would that be a problem. She got offended that I
never told her about it, But I did tell her
about it years ago. She just didn't seem to remember.
And that's fine. I don't think it's that important. I
told her the last time I did aerial straps or
gymnastics was like ninth grade, maybe tenth. But she spun
it into what else are you hiding? And called me

(02:30):
a liar? Asked why don't I make an Instagram just
like her? And stuff like that. I honestly didn't know
why she was getting so worked up. Also, how did
it never come up? How did she never notice he
was flexible like in know Threo's situations. How did I
never come up? Good question? I told her I was sorry,
despite not thinking I had anything to be sorry for.

(02:50):
But her mood was ruined, and she gave up on
the video idea, saying she changed her mind and acting
distant for the rest of the day. When I got
home and tried to text her again that I I
was sorry, she didn't respond. She hasn't responded to anything.
I've texted her for four straight days and when we
almost all when we almost always talk. Then finally, about
a week later, she told me she wanted to take

(03:13):
a break from our relationship, and a bunch of other
things about how she couldn't trusted me. What was going on.
They were about to get married, guys.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
What dude?

Speaker 4 (03:20):
They were engaged. They were literally about to get married,
engaged to be wed, and she's taking a break because
she didn't know he could do this splits.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
Yeah, like he just you know, put in split mode.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
And specifically she didn't remember. She forgot that he told her.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
I will say, if Angie and I were engaged and
we were playing basketball and she just dunked on me,
I might need to take a break and just figure
out what my life is.

Speaker 4 (03:45):
But then if Angie told you, hey, yeah, you remember
I played basketball for years, then you'd like, I told
you that that's.

Speaker 1 (03:51):
Not you with their experiences she has.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
Right now, I'd still probably be like, I need to
like rethink everything, but then.

Speaker 5 (03:58):
It might really basically be a thing where it's like, oh,
I just wanted to surprise you, you know, like I
feel like.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
How did you do? Why can I? Why can I
not dunk? That's one of the problem.

Speaker 5 (04:10):
Yeah, exactly, the monster Exactly.

Speaker 4 (04:12):
Wow, I think she's overreacting. I couldn't bring myself to
say that, and told her i'd respect her request and
that I was sorry for offending her again. But it's
almost been three weeks. Don't marry this woman, and she
hasn't contacted me. One of her mutual friends contacted me
and said she's been talking grab about me to some
other girls. When I decided to open up and tell
him how I thought she was being ridiculous, He said

(04:34):
she cares way too much about her Instagram and called
her arrogant. I'm kind of upset at myself for not
telling her how ridiculous she was sounding and just sucking up.
But I'm getting worried. We still have engagement plans, but
I'm also reconsidering how easily she gets offended over something
as small as this. Before I break her no contact
and try calling her back. I've really been thinking about

(04:54):
this and just need to hear some other opinions. I
also want to ask how I should reach out after
her request for space to see where we stand with
the engagement and our future in general, or if I
should even reach out at all, or just wait for
her there is an update.

Speaker 3 (05:08):
I would wait for her to hit you up, and
then if it's been two weeks, you might have to
break the eyes.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
I disagree. Honestly, I feel like you're about to marry
this woman. I'd be like, hey, we need to talk,
or we're not getting married. Honestly, I probably wouldn't marry
her anyway, but.

Speaker 5 (05:22):
Like, honestly say that, Yeah, I feel like this is
ridiculous totally.

Speaker 4 (05:26):
You're not ready for an adult relationship if you're going
to ghost me for three weeks, yeah.

Speaker 5 (05:29):
Because then also, like what kind of environment does that
set for the marriage of Like, oh, if I say
something that I didn't tell you before, you're gonna be
mad at me and give me the silent trip.

Speaker 4 (05:40):
If you find out I have a cousin in I
don't know Canada, are you gonna yeah leave me? It's
like you met my cousin. Like that's what it's gonna be. Yeah,
you met my cousin. What do you mean you didn't
didn't know? Like, that's not my you know, you sent
them a baby shower.

Speaker 5 (05:56):
That's a terrible environment to be and you're just gonna
be so anxious and walking on eggshells all the time.

Speaker 4 (06:02):
Yeah, But there's an update. It's been about a week
and she's kind of made the decision to break up
on her own. Actually, she went through and made her
Splits video on her own, and she actually threw a
joke in there about how girls watching should ask their
boyfriend if they can do the splits too, and are
shy about their talent. Honestly, I found it kind of
funny at this point, just to see how petty she
was over this. Some of the girls in my friend
group who took my side said that my fiance doesn't

(06:24):
seem to understand what yoga means, and they happened to
do yoga as well. They said she's stupid because she's
certified and doesn't understand that yoga isn't a competition but
rather a personal journey. She seems to care more about
showing off impressive poses on Instagram than actually promoting what
yoga is about, and how she's basically body shaming me
and that's the opposite of what yoga stands for in

(06:46):
their opinion. They also had an issue with the joke
she made during the video, specifically with how she told
the girls watching to ask their boyfriends if they could
do the splits to see if they were hiding it
from her. They said that came off as wrong, somewhat sexist,
and imature. Sure, they also showed me some of the
texts she sent them, stuff about how I'm hiding things
from her and why was there I need to hide
something as simple as that regarding my gymnastics background. It's

(07:10):
like so shocking that she's upset because she forgot about something.

Speaker 5 (07:15):
Literally even if you didn't know about it. It's like,
don't you want to be surprised by your partner, Like
if they are twenty three and she already thinks that
she wants to know everything about her partner, you.

Speaker 4 (07:26):
Are setting yourself up for a boring life.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
Dude.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
Yeah, new things about people all the time, and it's great,
that's what you want. Anyway, Personally, I think it's really dumb.
Like this is high school behavior, and maybe not even that,
because when I was in high school, some people were petty,
but this is just a lot. When I texted her
about the wedding and asked her where we stand, I
think it's pretty clear she didn't respond. When I texted

(07:50):
her again another day, she didn't respond again. When I
tried calling her twice on the same days, she didn't
respond either. I'm trying, with the help of my parents,
to cancel the wedding on our side, she and her
parents are not responding, and with the payments they have down,
we're nervous about getting looped into something they could hold
against us. At this point, I could care less about
the ring. I asked my dad if we should go over,

(08:12):
but he said it was a bad idea given their behavior.
We've talked to the planner, who's had little communication with
her family too, and that's pretty much where we are.
I called her a few times, and my parents called
her parents, but they aren't responding. I want to ask
how to get out of the wedding the most safe
way possible, with no strings they could hold on us,
or if it's possible to cancel it without having to

(08:32):
see any of them. Again, my dad is also inquiring
how to do this on his own, but I want
to ask here too. I could care less about the
ring at this point. I also want to say thanks
for all the advice. And there is an update four
years later. What I'm at? No four year update, dude,
what do you think? What do you think?

Speaker 3 (08:52):
He was the split master and he's just out there
splitting in twerking and he is now a successful split in.

Speaker 4 (09:00):
Oh, I think he should work.

Speaker 3 (09:01):
In Yeah, he's marking it too. Yeah, and that's what
he's doing on Instagram now.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
I don't even know what could happen. I have no like.
I think that OPI has gone back to Ariel okay
word and he's super famous yeah for Ariel cool and
he has a really popular Instagram. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (09:18):
She then like, oh, we should collab or he starts
teaching classes, but she forgets.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Who he is.

Speaker 4 (09:24):
But he because he uses a pseudonym, and he like
hides his face because he doesn't want the fame. Update
two four years later. You would not believe how many
people messaged me in the aftermath of my last post.
I put them off for a long time because of
everything going on, but hindsight is crazy, especially in the situation.
Looking back, I realized I had nothing to apologize for. Yeah,

(09:46):
I'm disgusted that I did. I was so desperate to
try and work things out that I completely lost myself
in the process. I was afraid of becoming single and
had these doubts pop up about never finding it forever
someone so much that I ignored red flat in other
areas of our relationship that aren't worth airing. I think
I've since learned that to never be so desperate that

(10:06):
you sell your soul for someone. The reason I'm updating
is because of something one of her ex girlfriends recently
told me that surprised me. One of her ex girlfriends,
who said she was wrong about yoga no longer talks
to her, told me that my ex has a new
series on her yoga Instagram YouTube where she tries something
new every video. Like Yogi tries indoor skydiving, she tried

(10:26):
aerial arts in one of the videos. It was a
vlog where she sat in her home and talked about
her experience trying lyra, also known as aeral hoop. She
would cut to clips of a sequence she learned in
class and likely recorded at the end. Many aerial studios
allow students to record the sequence they learned during the
last five minutes to remember it or post. Some of
her sequences were assisted by an instructor. At my aerial studio,

(10:50):
students are allowed to record at the end too, which
I still do. While she didn't bring me up specifically,
she said she wanted to try aerial straps the apparatus.
I told her I trained, but that there was a
prerequisite of aerial silks required by the studio. I can
attest to certain apparatuses having prerequisites, and in all honesty,
her blog was pretty goodoo. Her ex friend sent me

(11:10):
a YouTube link because I blocked her on my socials,
and she said she might try more classes because she
had fun that she brings positive energy instead of the
jealousy and insecurity she displayed with me. If our interaction
leads to her finding community, perhaps that will be a
silver lining from our time together. Many people in ariel
and circus come from a gymnastics or dance background, so
the added body awareness and flexibility from yoga would help

(11:32):
if she were interested. But why did you tell us that?

Speaker 3 (11:35):
I mean, it is kind of funny, she broke up.
With them and then in a roundabout way, started doing
whatever he got into, which is kind of funny.

Speaker 4 (11:43):
I thought there was gonna be something petty, and I'm.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Annoyed there is so a little bit lewatty.

Speaker 4 (11:47):
I'm poudy, I'm angry.

Speaker 5 (11:48):
I'm very poudy about this. I thought, Okay, cool, she's
gonna get hurt.

Speaker 4 (11:52):
Don't wish that on anyone.

Speaker 5 (11:53):
But I was just maybe that's why it's brought up
right now, because why.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
Would the ex friends send that?

Speaker 5 (11:59):
You know?

Speaker 2 (12:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (12:00):
If I had a friend who texted me four years
from now a video of my ex, I don't know,
like playing piano, yeah, I'd be like what she's doing that?
Like what am I supposed to say? As for me,
I haven't found a soulmate yet lol. I dated someone
briefly some years after her, but we didn't hit it off.
That's life, though, and I'm trying not to worry about
never getting married because that's why I stayed with her

(12:22):
for so long. Hopefully she's changed for the better after
all these years. But I'm trying to focus my energy
on work and continuing Aeriel. I've committed more time to
forming since we broke up and I'm grateful for the
aerial community I have. I'm still in the same studio
where I was when we were dating, and many in
my studio agreed that she was being insecure back then,
to say the least. So while her video was nice,

(12:45):
I sincerely hope she's changed for the better, because it
only takes one insecure person to make uplifting place feel
toxic to others, and I can relate to feeling too
depressed to practice. In the immediate aftermath of our.

Speaker 5 (12:56):
Breakup, my girlfriend demands I risk my job because of
her friend's problems.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
No.

Speaker 5 (13:02):
I'm mail nineteen work in Target, and we recently received
a new store team lead like a GM. In early
twenty twenty, a few team members in our store began
wearing Equality clothes, is His masks and face coverings, mostly
that they bought for themselves and they were not Target brand.
A few weeks later, Target began providing us with Target
branded Equality T shirts and masks that we were allowed

(13:23):
to wear on site, and our old STL store team
leader allowed team members to continue to wear the outside
brand Equality stuff that people had already bought if they
wanted to. But he is no longer here. Now and
we have a new STL. By the way, this comes
from a throwaway not Sure twenty three and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay story time stup breddit and I am Angie,

(13:45):
I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and Op says our new STL
has issued a change since coming on board. He's fully
supportive of supporting equality causes, and our team leads have
even volunteered with team members at volunteer events as well
to support the cause. However, he prefers that we wear
Target brand equality clothing instead of outside or homemade stuff,
since in the case of a customer potentially having an

(14:06):
issue with it, it'll be easier to handle if it's
a nationally handed out product compared to something that isn't
a part of the dress code.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
For me, I wore them in rotation with.

Speaker 5 (14:15):
My other regular work clothes, just like I did during
Target's Pride Month shirts on rotation along with our occasional
new promotional clothing drops. However, this is where the problem began.
I work mostly backroom and my girlfriend female eighteens, works
mostly registered. One of her friends has been wearing a
BLM T shirt dating back to before our new STL arrived,
and from what I've been told, our new SDL talked

(14:36):
to him after he continued to wear his own outside
face coverings even after he made the announcement about the change. However,
even after that talk, he still continued to do it.
Is it any of my business? No, He works guest
services and I only see him in passing when I
bring online orders to the front for a few moments
and we don't really talk anyway. However, my girlfriend is
more casual with people up front because from the few

(14:59):
times I've worked, there's more standing around in dry moments
that can provide more time to talk and chill in
my opinion, so she is pretty cool with most of
the people up there. However, after he received a write
up for continuing to do so after being talked to,
he apparently told some others, including my girlfriend, that he's
being targeted and shouldn't be told how to protest.

Speaker 4 (15:20):
Personally, I prefer to keep politics out.

Speaker 5 (15:22):
Of work when it comes to talking to fellow team members,
but I do wear the Equality and Pride shirts like
anything else, and many others I know do the same thing. However,
my girlfriend agrees that he's being targeted, and she told
me that she wants to stand with him and protest.
I told her that I don't really know the person
too well, along with my stance about not talking politics
with other team members and most definitely not protesting the

(15:43):
place I work at when in my opinion, I don't
necessarily agree with him being targeted. We're provided with equality
shirts and masks and face coverings, but he's insistent on
wearing custom stuff that isn't store branded, even after being
talked to, and I disagree with how My girlfriend says
that that makes our new STL the R word.

Speaker 4 (16:01):
Okay, oh wait, well.

Speaker 5 (16:03):
Okay, that's crazy because we're talking about equality and she's
just straight up what, that's great.

Speaker 4 (16:13):
I'm like, I was like, I had like thoughts and
then that just wiped my brain. That's why that's crazy.
We needed to pause there. I'm sorry, she's trying to
protest quality but is using slur.

Speaker 5 (16:26):
That's so crazy, dude, Oh my gosh. Okay, well, yeah,
the thing is is like, I don't think the new
STL is like, no, you aren't allowed to protest. They
are literally giving them equality shirts.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
Okay stuff. I'm all about a good protest. Yeah, you
know me, I like a protest. I think protests are important. Sure. However,
when you work at a place, you have to be
aware that certain forms of protest company is not gonna
like yeah, think that what you're protesting for is more
important than your job, which it probably is or might be.
Then you just have to be prepared to lose your job.

(17:00):
You cannot ask other people yeah, who are oh? Rape? Oh?
Back to the story.

Speaker 5 (17:11):
I told her that she's free to do what she chooses,
and that it is her opinion and she's allowed to
have it like I'm allowed to have mine. But she
told me that she wants me to protest alongside her,
But I told her that I don't really feel comfortable
doing so. I don't consider Target a career job, and
I would have left sooner if not for keeping something
to have money during the pandemic. But I'm actually in
the process of working towards a management position, and the

(17:33):
last thing I need is to protest against management. However,
she called me selfish for not wanting to support him
and quote only looking out for myself, to which I
told her it's none of my business what another employee
does him When I barely even know him, along with
how I'm not going to risk my job during a
pandemic when I have to pay for my rent. I
live by myself, my car insurance, my gas, and my

(17:56):
tuition by myself. M. She doesn't pay for anything, but
she's calling me selfish and entitled. Her parents cover her gas,
bought her car, pay for her college, and don't charge
her rent. And someone else commented last time that quote
it's easy to take a stand when you don't have
much to live.

Speaker 4 (18:12):
Yes, it is a very privileged take. Yeah, to say
that other people who are not protesting for something that
you think is important. I mean, if it's for BLM,
that's very important. Sure, it is a very privileged take
to say that if you see someone else not protesting
the same way that you are, that they are being
selfish or don't support the cause. Exactly when you have

(18:34):
money and a plan to fall back on if you
lose this job, I would say I am in a
position where I am able to go to a lot
of different protests for things that I believe in because
I have more privilege, and that therefore I think that
like with that privilege, I want to use that for good. Yeah,
but I can't go and tell a mom with four
kids that her not showing up to a protest is

(18:57):
selfish and hurting the cause. That would be hypocritical and
pretty stupid of me. Yeah, so I think that it's
unfair for her to expect that from you when she
has a totally different situation. I absolutely agree.

Speaker 5 (19:09):
So I feel like she's shaming me for not putting
myself out there with her saying stuff like she's disappointed
in me. But I refused to argue with her. Initially,
I ended our first conversation by saying that we're allowed
to have different opinions and that this was more so
her friend than mine, and that while I love and
support her currently rethinking our relationship while writing this, it
isn't fair for her to say those things because my

(19:31):
opinion is different than hers. However, she continued to shame me,
so instead of fighting back, I just walked away and
decided to go home. Although I didn't consider andy things
as of yet, I figured that she was really upset
with the current political climate and it was just a
one night argument, something that couples have and have to
work through. But when I tried to talk to her
again a few days later. It didn't go any better,

(19:51):
and she just repeated her stance and continued to insult me.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
And there are some comments coming.

Speaker 5 (19:55):
Number one says, It isn't like you have to have
an elaborate break up plan. Just tell her that recent
events have made you realize that she can't deal with
disagreements without resorting to name calling and insults, and that
is not the kind of person you want to be
in a relationship with.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
So it's over. Opie says, this is my first relationship.

Speaker 5 (20:12):
So I was a little nervous about how to do
it exactly since we work in the same job, which
is why it's slightly more weird and something I should
have also considered maybe earlier too. But it doesn't excuse
the insults that she gave. Yeah, also she might be
quitting her drewson, so like, yeah, you'll be good, which
is her right.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
If you don't want to work for a corporation that
doesn't support the causes that you believe in, then don't
I agree, As simple as that. So there is a response.

Speaker 5 (20:36):
As a target worker myself, tell your HR you broke
up if she's giving you any trouble at work. Or
even your stl coming Number two says you sound very
mature and level headed. She sounds very immature and inconsiderate.
You don't have to go into a hole spiel, but
you can say something to the effect of you want
to support your friend, and I understand that. But I
also understand that you think I'm selfish and that you

(20:58):
have tried to shame me because I don't see the
the way you do. The difference between the two of
us is that you live at home and your mom
and dad pay for all of your bills. But I
am an adult and I live on my own and
I take care of my own bills. I'm not about
to risk my livelihood because someone else has an opinion
about what I should think. Since your opinion of me
is so low, it's best if we end this now.
Don't be angry when you say it, just say it

(21:19):
very matter of factly. I think you're making the right
choice to end this. The last thing you want in
your life is someone telling you how to think. It's
so annoying when people do that. And for the record,
I think your level head would make you a very
good manager. And we do have an updates. Yeah, oh, boy,
do you think they're gonna make it?

Speaker 4 (21:34):
I honestly think that they could get out of this
without breaking up if he came to her and said like, Hey,
I'm really hurt that you think that, you know, you
think all these things and have you been saying all
this stuff right? And like these are the reasons why
I can't do this, And don't come from like a
they're your friend, not mine, Just be like I don't
have the same you know, fallback that you do. I
don't have the same safety net. Yeah, and like if

(21:54):
you want to be truly a good activist, you just
have to understand that people come from different backgrounds and
different circumstances and have that conversation exactly. She still is
like what are Then it's over right, but we do
have an updates.

Speaker 5 (22:08):
So it was after our second talk the follow up
that I considered ending things, but I wanted to try
once more, just to have no regrets in thinking that
I didn't try hard enough. But after her most recent comments,
I'm just looking for assurance to potentially end things.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Now.

Speaker 4 (22:20):
When I talk to.

Speaker 5 (22:21):
Her again, I told her that I want to work
through our disagreement like adults, and that shaming has no
place from me or from her, along with how I
do support the cause if she doesn't think I do,
and that I have worn the Equality in Pride d
shirts on many occasions. But she told me that it's
easy to wear Pride shirts because people haven't been through
anything compared to black people. Oh and that comment really

(22:43):
put me off and made me think that she wasn't
able to be reasoned with.

Speaker 4 (22:47):
There's a little bit more to the story. I say,
we just roll right there. Yeah, I have a few.

Speaker 5 (22:50):
Friends that are that she knows and has meant on
numerous occasions, and to hear her say something like that
just set me off. I don't know if she thinks
that she's testing.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
Me, or what in the world made her.

Speaker 5 (22:59):
Flip on this all of a sudden when her friend
is in hot water.

Speaker 4 (23:03):
And we have nothing to do with it.

Speaker 5 (23:05):
But I don't know. Maybe she has a thing for him.
I don't know either. I'm just confused and tired and
a bit angry, to be real with you, and I
just want to ask how I should go about endy
things with her or not if someone has a better
idea than me. But at this point I'm struggling to
understand why she's getting so worked up about someone else's
business that isn't our own. And she said that I'm
no better than our new stl for agreeing with him.

(23:28):
What should I do about her in this situation? I
already know, but I'll take whatever advice I can get
on how to potentially end thing.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Hey, it's John here.

Speaker 6 (23:35):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with aswer more sponsors.

Speaker 4 (23:39):
My boyfriend's mother doesn't like me anymore. Aw Man, My
twenty two female boyfriend's twenty three male mom I think
fifties no longer likes me. I've been dating her son
for over a year and met her a little before
Christmas last year. I've always been respectful, even called her
mam and his dad's sir until they told me to stop.
By the way, this comes from Jade Goddess, and you

(23:59):
can submit your own stories on the r slash Okay
storytime severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
And I'm Riley, and.

Speaker 4 (24:06):
Op says the issue is with my parents. My dad
is manipulative, my mom is a enabler, but they're paying
my tuition and becoming a doctor isn't cheap. No, it
isn't wow yet. Nope. Anna, my boyfriend's mom wasn't happy
that I didn't tell my parents about us moving in
together back in May. The reason my parents are old school.

(24:27):
They don't think I should live with any man but
my husband. I tested the waters with my mom, since
she isn't always bad. I told her about sleepovers at
my boyfriend's house and she wasn't happy. But she didn't
tell my dad because she didn't want to deal with
his anger. I'm not comfortable telling my parents about living
with my boyfriend, and honestly, I don't think it's their business.
When Anna asked why I didn't tell them, I was honest.

(24:48):
I'm scared my dad will blackmail me with tuition money
and make me choose between my boyfriend and my dream career.
I don't want to choose. I want both. Anna wasn't
comfortable with my decision, but said she understood once I
found another way to pay for school, i'd tell them
since they'd have nothing to use against me. She seems satisfied.
About a month later, my boyfriend told me Anna thinks

(25:08):
I'm not telling my parents so i'd have a safety net.
If we broke up, I told my boyfriend I'd rather
live in my car than go back to my parents' house.
Last weekend, Anna went off on me, saying I'm disrespecting
her and her son. I'll admit work was stressing me
out and I was easily agitated when my boyfriend accidentally
pushed my buttons. But I apologized many times and told
him I'd do anything to make it up to him

(25:29):
because it was wrong to take my stress out on him.
I never yelled, hit him or called him names. I
just shut down, went upset and cried by myself. My
boyfriend told me what to do. I did it, and
he forgave me. Anna texted me about this, and I
showed my boyfriend and cried. Family means everything to him,
so hearing his mom say these things was like the

(25:51):
old one too to the gut, especially since I've been
nothing but nice to her. I understand she didn't like
me taking stress on her son, but she was still
mad about the parents that you were to that point
should be dropped considering I'm still dependent on my parents
for school, and Anna said education is super important. My
boyfriend told me not to talk to her and called
her himself. She lectured him and gave an ultimatum, either

(26:12):
I tell my parents or she no longer recognizes us
as a real couple. Why are you involving yourself? That's
so frustrating. I'm really confused. I'm not gonna lie. Okay,
So Anna is Opie's boyfriend's mom. Okay, corio Esca says, easy.
Tell them you're going to drop out of UNI to
marry the boyfriend. They'll compromise. Yeah, Oh wait, we actually
want you to go to school. I understand she didn't

(26:32):
like me taking stress out on her son, but she
was still mad about the parents situation too. That point
should be dropped, considering I'm still dependent on my parents
for school and Anna said education is super important. My
boyfriend told me not to talk to her and called
her himself. She lectured him and gave an ultimatum, either
I tell my parents or she no longer recognizes us
as a real couple. She's putting unnecessary stress on a relationship.

(26:53):
I thought since her ex husband was harmful, she'd understand
me not wanting to provoke more for my family. Because
Anna matters to my boyfriend, I'm willing to try fixing
her issue with me so she can accept me. What
do you suggest edit my boyfriend does stand up for me.
He told Anna she was being disrespectful that he's a
grown adult who can make his own choices. She can
have opinions, but she can't share them with him or me.

(27:15):
I mean I would have told her, Peter block Anna,
because why is she texting your girlfriend literally about the
circumstances under which you guys can be together. I'd be like, Mom,
you need to like never text my girlfriend again. Please,
It's just so weird.

Speaker 5 (27:28):
It's like, don't get involved in my family's drama. No,
like because then in one case, it's like, Okay, if
I don't tell them, then she'll.

Speaker 4 (27:36):
Make us break up.

Speaker 5 (27:37):
Yeah, when we're two adults living apart from her. But
if I do tell, then my parents possibly won't even
pay for my tuition and will maybe make us break up.

Speaker 4 (27:46):
However that works. It is literally up to Opie and
her boyfriend whether or not he's okay with her keeping
the secret from her parents. Yeah, she doesn't even like.

Speaker 5 (27:55):
Yeah, and can we lie? To Anna like can we lie?

Speaker 3 (27:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (27:58):
He yeah, he told yeah, because there's no reason that
they would have each other's phone numbers if Ohpie's parents
didn't know, right, he.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
Doesn't care if she likes me because we love each
other and I'm part of his family now. He said,
he won't ask for her approval and her opinion doesn't matter.
Since he feels this way, maybe I don't need distress
about this anymore. I just got home and we talked
about his conversation with his mom. I only focused on
Anna and me because that's where the conflict is coming from.
And there are some comments. Comment one says, girl, you

(28:27):
don't have a parent problem, You have a boyfriend problem.
Let him go back to his mother. She's spending way
too much time in your business. If you need him
for the rent, get a roommate. There are plenty of
reasons for a parent to have an opinion or get
involved in a child's life. This is not one that
should concern your boyfriend's mom.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Let him go.

Speaker 4 (28:44):
Opie says, I can understand your point, but I don't
think my boyfriend is the problem. He's always had my back.
I'll admit I was worried that he would submit to
his mom and let her control him, but he's talked
to her multiple times over the past few days. He
said he doesn't approve of her giving him an ultimatum,
and he told so that she can have her opinions,
but she can keep them to herself because he loves
me and I've shown him love and kindness. He told me,

(29:07):
if she's got to make him pick, he picks me.
I did explain that I don't want to come between
him and his mom because I understand he loves his family,
But he said, I'm not making him choose. His mom
is and that's a her problem. But thank you so
much for your input. Comment two says, sweetheart, Anna is
being manipulative and toxic. Your boyfriend needs to stop being
a mama's boy and telling her information about your relationship

(29:29):
that has nothing to do with her. I somehow think
that this is not going to be a good long
term relationship. Your boyfriend cares way too much what mummy thinks.
I doubt he'd protect you against her. You need to
have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Opie says, I
can bring this up when we go to therapy. We
got a therapist recently to help with our communication. I

(29:49):
feel he has stood up to me. I only mentioned
her side and my side because I was concerned about us,
not the three of us. My boyfriend told Anna that
she's being disrespectful towards me, but if she wants to
force him to pick sides, he'll choose me that if
she wants him in her life, she'll have to keep
an open mind and be kind. She can have her opinions,
but she can't share them with him and me. I'm

(30:10):
sorry I didn't mention his POV. I was focused on
me and Anna with the post and edit. Do you
have suggestions I could advise him of? He said he
sometimes vents to his mom. He should stop doing that. Yeah,
it concerns you. I understand the need to vent, and
I sometimes vent to my best friend or to Reddit.
What can I suggest he does so he doesn't have
to talk to his mom. I thought about a therapist,
but things are backed up. I'm using Reddit for help

(30:32):
until the clinics call me back. Everyone is booked up
like crazy and there is an update. I genuinely think
if his mom is going to continue to harass you,
then you have to tell him that he can't give
out personal information about your life to her.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (30:44):
I feel like that is hopefully understandable. Like it wouldn't
even need to come off as like you know, oh,
you can't do this, like you can't share this information.
I feel like you, yeah, you'd be able to tell
him that with just like hey, like I don't think
it's the best idea to do that.

Speaker 4 (30:58):
Because of everything we've already seen exactly.

Speaker 5 (31:02):
So yeah, I feel like definitely talking about that. I
feel like you guys can come to a conclusion on that.
I'm sure he'd understand because it's not like he's doing
nothing like some of oh, some of those comments.

Speaker 4 (31:11):
Were like he needs to suck it up. I think
that some comments were unfair.

Speaker 5 (31:15):
Yeah, because he absolutely understands that this is wrong. He is,
you know, trying to separate op from it and is like, no,
let me talk to her like, you know, which is great,
which a lot of these new Toast Spine people we
see don't do.

Speaker 4 (31:27):
I agree, he's doing it, so that's great. Also, I
think this is somewhat of a newer problem, to be clear,
so like he's kind of having to figure out how
to deal with this, you know, on the fly, because
Anna and Opie had a good relationship before this, right
she said that, So it's like, yeah, give them I
would give him a minute. Yeah, I don't think this
is a breakup yet. Update. I can't remember everything I

(31:48):
said in comments last time, but people were concerned about
my boyfriend not standing up for me because of what
his mom was saying. She has called me disrespectful towards
her and her son and said she wouldn't recognize us.
It's official because I was hiding our living situation from
my parents. Last Saturday, we invited them over for dinner
because his mom kept complaining she never got to see
the abarment completely disregarding that my boyfriend and I weren't

(32:12):
ready for guests, I suggested inviting her over to shut
her up about it and give her more information about
my situation before this mess. She seems so loving and caring.
It was jarring to see her do a complete one eighty.
My boyfriend had my back the whole way. When his
mom called me disrespectful, he called her out and told
her she couldn't disrespect me and to keep her unasked

(32:33):
opinions to herself at dinner. He was a buffer to
make sure she wouldn't go off on me. She did
listen to what I had to say. I gave her
more details about things my dad has done and how
my parents won't approve of me living with a man
I'm not married to. I also told her what I
said before was still true. If I found another way
to pay for university, I'd have no reason to lie
about my living arrangements. My boyfriend and friends agree it's

(32:55):
none of his mom's business what I tell my parents,
but I was trying to go with kindness instead of
going off on her. His mom has a bad history
with her ex husband, so I thought she'd understand me.
She said she did understand and told me to take
out student loans instead of accepting tuition money from my parents.
Crazy crazy as a parent, crazy advice to be in

(33:20):
debt rather than not be in debt. Yeah, this is crazy.

Speaker 5 (33:24):
I like really try and understand her perspective because I'm
well because I kind of read ahead a little bit.
But she obviously doesn't want like the parents to be
like taken advantage of with their money in some cases,
like okay, that's it's more complicated than that, Like what
like ridiculous, there's you know, it's just weird.

Speaker 4 (33:41):
It's like it's this.

Speaker 5 (33:42):
Mom afraid of that happening to her or something like that.

Speaker 4 (33:45):
Like no idea. She said I was stealing from them
and they could sue me if they found out I lied.

Speaker 5 (33:51):
No, they can't, I don't think.

Speaker 4 (33:53):
So I asked how they could sue me for using
money they gave me for tuition. She said, because they
think I'm living with a girl instead of my boy friend.
They can sue for the money since they didn't give
it as a gift. At this point, I realized she's
not the sharpest tool in the shed and just wanted
her to leave. So I stopped talking and listened to
his parents give their input. My boyfriend and friends don't

(34:13):
understand what she's talking about. None of us are lawyers,
but she claims she's seen it happen before. Set your
sources too, when this makes no sense to me. My
boyfriend supports my decision not to take out loans if
I can help it. He has loans and doesn't want
me to have debt too. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 5 (34:31):
She doesn't know what she's talking about.

Speaker 4 (34:32):
She doesn't have a gosh dang clue.

Speaker 3 (34:35):
What she's talking I bet you she wishes she has
the money so she could have the power over op
to do whatever she wants.

Speaker 5 (34:41):
Yeah, she's just like, oh my gosh, OHP's gonna do
this to me someday, or like I am having no control.
I wish I had this money to hang over their head.
Yeah it's so silly. Yeah, it's very sill.

Speaker 4 (34:55):
But there's a little bit left, Yes there is. I'm
done discussing this with her. I only explain myself, so
I can't say I didn't try to fix things. I
was being extremely nice for my boyfriend's sake because I
don't want to make him choose between me and his mom.
His mom already gave him that ultimatum weeks ago, and
he chose me. We love each other, and she isn't

(35:16):
changing that. My boyfriend has been amazing. He's had my back,
supported me, and agrees his mom wasn't giving good advice.
I've done my due diligence, and if she oversteps in
the future, I'll make my boundaries clear and she can
either respect them or leave me alone. We have a
vacation already paid for in July twenty twenty two with
his parents, aunt and cousins. My boyfriend and I are

(35:38):
seeing couples therapists who thinks for doing well. Maybe if
his mom still has issues, she can come to therapy.
Right now, I'm focusing on myself and my relationship with
my boyfriend because those are what's important in my life,
not other people's opinions. Common one says, I'm not a
civil law attorney, but I am a family law attorney.
I don't know where you live, so there may be
some very weird statute in your jurisdiction. But I am

(35:59):
ninety nine per certain that she is a incorrect about
your parents being able to sue you. Be aware that
she's incorrect and just trying to scare you into doing
what she wants. See kind of a clown. I am
a lawyer, but I'm not your lawyer, and this is
not legal advice.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
My boss used to be my best friend, so she
became my worst nightmare.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
A tale ass, oldest time.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
Trigger warning verbally.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Also, this comes from one of our family members of
our slash Okay story time Freaking sub.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
Breanded today from the fam.

Speaker 3 (36:34):
I was recently fired without just cause from my full
time job. I received severance and I'm moving on. But
I really loved my job and my coworkers, so losing
it has been difficult and stressful and honestly just really sad.
I excelled on my job and it brought me a
lot of joy overall. I was paid well, appreciated by

(36:54):
my coworkers and clients, and the job itself was a
perfect fit for me. There were so many boxes that
were checked. By the way, this comes from proper Armadillo one, two, three,
and if you want some of your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay stories. I'm superate, so OPI says.
The only real downside, however, turned out to be a
big one the boss, who also happened to be one

(37:16):
of my closest friends.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
For a time.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
I live in a somewhat small community and was casual
friends with the owner slash boss, whom I'll call Donna,
when I was hired, but we quickly became close friends
after I started working there. She called me her side.
We worked very closely together, more so than anyone else
on the team. Because of this, she sung my praises

(37:39):
when she was in a good mood, but she was
also harder on me and more critical and abrupt towards
me than anyone else, aside from her husband, who also
worked there and was often blessed with her backlash. I
am usually very kind and loving, emotional person with the
big heart who cares deeply, or as Donna was on

(38:00):
most the total opposite. So we're an odd pairing that
confused people who really know me and knew of Donna's reputation.
She behaved as if I was lucky to be chosen
by her because she didn't open up to many people.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
Well, I feel like it's was that what that was?
Or was that more?

Speaker 6 (38:18):
Like people in the office are like, how are you
friends with this? How are you friends with this person
everyone else hates? Like don't you like this person has
a problem with literally everyone else about you're friends with them?

Speaker 2 (38:29):
Like, how is that even possible? That's how I read that.

Speaker 6 (38:31):
I don't know, to be honest, because I could see
that like, yeah, I just think.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
That this person's a little bit more abrupt or more
and Donna, yeah Donna, And people are like, oh, this
kind of catches me off guard, you know.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (38:48):
I mean it's always a hard position to be in
being friends with your boss because people are automatically gonna
be like, oh yeah, look at best friends with the boss,
you know, kind of no matter how your boss is like,
people are going to be like, oh yeah, like check
out the butt kisser over here, like with the with
the boss.

Speaker 3 (39:07):
Some recently called me a brown noser whenever I was
just trying to be you know, talk nice about them.

Speaker 4 (39:11):
It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
Donna had a history of not burning bridges, both personally
and professionally, but nuking them.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
Oh even worse, much worse, and.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Joked about how spiteful and vindictive she could be. She
regularly told me I had to keep our personal and
professional lives separate, But what she really meant was I
couldn't hold it against her as my friend when she
treated me poorly as my boss. The lines were always
blurred all the time otherwise, and our lives became very intertwined,

(39:46):
both in the office and outside of it. My colleagues, friends,
and family all made several comments to me of concern
about this over time, but I made excuses for her
a lot, even when I've been brought to tears by
how she's spoken to me. I knew she had a
very difficult upbringing and experienced a lot of trauma, so

(40:06):
I would tell them she really didn't mean it and
tried not to take it personally. You can only give
someone so much slack.

Speaker 6 (40:13):
Yeah, especially, it's like your trauma is not an excuse
for you to just treat people poorly.

Speaker 3 (40:18):
She could be really fun and generous when she wanted
to be on her terms, but otherwise she was snappy, intense,
extremely moody with severe swings and sensitive, condescending, and acted
as if she knew everything. Everyone else from experience knew
to keep their distance from her, but my job was
specifically tied to hers, and we became close that I

(40:41):
loved her despite these issues. It had been abandoned so
many times by so many people over the years, and
had repeatedly asked me to never to leave her, telling
me I was the best job title she'd ever hired
by far, and she didn't know how she'd gone all
these years without me. I was the embodiment of agape love.

(41:04):
I would promise her that I was loyal and wasn't
going anywhere, and was very vocal about it how much
I loved my job. My husband was always worried that
things wouldn't end well because he knew I couldn't emotionally
handle being whiplash ad nauseum, but I was so stupidly
trusting of her love bombing and things were going well

(41:26):
that I'm ashamed to admit I powed down when things
weren't to avoid the blow up I witnessed On numerous occasions.
She treated me like this in every faucet, and was
sometimes oddly possessive slash jealous. She would get angry with
me and call me unprofessional for being overly friendly with
my coworkers. For example, after it i'd worked there for

(41:48):
a very short time, I sent a friendly happy anniversary
message in the team chat for two coworkers work anniversaries
work aversary, work aversary yay, which everyone responded positively to,
including her husband.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
But Donna was not happy.

Speaker 3 (42:07):
How day, she tore a strip off of me, saying
that I was overstepping, that this was type of thing
was her job, not mine. A few months later, I
bought each of my coworkers a very small trinket for
their desk with a little personalized card who expressed my
appreciation for working so well with them. Donna was so

(42:28):
upset by this that she continued to bring it up
in conversation for over a year afterwards. Why does this
person have no grace for you? And why is she
so mad that you're nice?

Speaker 2 (42:40):
The crazy thing to bring up.

Speaker 3 (42:41):
A year later, she told me it was inappropriate and unprofessional,
that if anyone is going to be giving co workers
gifts of appreciation, it should be her, not me. I
should mention that I had an older coworker who gave
beautiful and thoughtful gifts to me and other coworkers so
many times, and it was never an issue for her.
After I'd been at this job for almost two years,

(43:02):
I took a vacation, my first vacation in nearly twelve years.
Before I left, I scheduled an email to our small
but close and casual team be sent while I was away,
telling them I missed them and hoped that they're having
a great week and I look forward to seeing them
upon my return. Donna showed up at my house unannounced
in the morning after I returned from vacation, with Starbucks

(43:23):
in hand. It's important to know I had just declined
a coffee date with her that same morning. I was
explaining I was too busy catching up on things at
home after returning from my trip, she invited herself inside
my home jokingly chastised me when I didn't offer her
a spicy point at nine am. It's illegal here and

(43:43):
we both smoke it, but she does it much more
heavily than me, and throughout the day, every day, even.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
While driving or working.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
So I prepared one for her that she partook in alone.
Then she proceeded to lecture me about respecting people's boundaries,
telling me the email I had sent was inappropriate and
unprofessional and not welcome in her office. So she told
me that my coworkers don't like me as much as
I like them, They don't want to be my friends,

(44:12):
and that I love bond people by forcing my friendship
on them. My email was cringe, and other people had
approached her in private to tell her it made them uncomfortable,
which I don't actually believe. For clarity, my coworkers had
never expressed any of these said boundaries to me, and
everyone had always been friendly and open with me. I
should have stood up for myself then and there, but

(44:34):
I was put on the spot and insulted in my
own home, my safe place. Intend to avoid confrontation.

Speaker 1 (44:42):
So I told her that as my employer.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
If she didn't want me to send emails like that
through work, then I certainly wouldn't do it again. But
she admitted that as a friend, how she worded that
felt really harsh, and she started to tear up. She
rolled her eyes at me and told me not to
be so sensitive and compared me to a child. A
few weeks later, the situation exploded in a way I

(45:04):
never expected. For context, I have two young special needs
children who often struggle behaviorally. For the most part, Donna
was always impressively accommodating when I needed to leave work
early or work from home on days where my children
needed extra care, which was one of the greatest things
about my job. She always told me that being a

(45:26):
mom came first. She was happy to help me find
a work life balance. At the end of the school
year June, my kids were having an especially difficult time,
and following a particularly violent outburst from my youngest, I
began to feel very guilty that I might be failing
my kids, that my working full time was too much

(45:47):
for them. I decided to do some math to see
if we could afford me to work less. I was
shocked to find out we'd actually save money if I
worked less due to childcare costs.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
And other things.

Speaker 3 (45:59):
So I texted my three closest friends sharing that information,
and Donna was one of them. She responded saying she
wasn't sure what to say about that. I realized she
misunderstood my message and explained that I was just musing
to a friend. I wasn't actually asking to reduce my hours,
and if I were to officially request that, I would

(46:20):
do so formally to her as my employer.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
She didn't respond.

Speaker 6 (46:25):
Honestly, Dog, at this point, that's kind of on you,
Like it should be pretty clear after she like came
into your house and like you know, rolled up a
freaking doobie yeah uh and going out and then and
then went after you for your work ethic and like
also like not knowing, I don't know, Like it should

(46:46):
have been very clear, Like Okay, these lines are getting blurred,
and like the difference between her is my superior and
her as my friend is no longer, like it doesn't
exist really anymore. Right now, she came like she felt
as your superior, she was entitled to walk into your home.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Are canceling the different things.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
After you canceled the coffee day with her right, So
she's she's like fully not separating her authority over you
as a boss from her, you know, relationship with you
as a friend.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
They're they're they're bleeding through entirely.

Speaker 6 (47:22):
So you saying that as a friend, got to say
that to a different person, because she's she's both always
at the same time.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Exactly the next day I work, her husband came into
my office told me that Donna told him that I
said working for them was costing me money. I told
him that I most certainly did not say it like that,
and didn't mean it like that, but I had done
some math after an extremely difficult few days with my
children's behavior. He said they wanted me to do what

(47:52):
was best for my family and would try and support that.
After he left, I started thinking about the idea of
working less and more detas tell and went to his
office to tell him I might have an idea that
would work for all of us, but I needed to
crunch some numbers first and discuss with my husband. He
told me sure, and to let him know. Soon afterwards,

(48:13):
Donna started sending me text messages. She he was livid
that he betrayed her trust by talking to me about
this and bringing this issue into the workplace. She vented
called him a dumb butt, an effing turd, and a useless,
efing butt. Instead, she was so effing angry with him

(48:35):
she could f thing one to them.

Speaker 6 (48:38):
Hey you know that doesn't sound like a very HR
friendly thing to say.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
Hey oh oh this is this is this is even better,
she said, this is why women are better and sometimes
men aren't just worth it. E thing Wiener faces.

Speaker 6 (48:53):
And this is another coworker right still Donna, but talking
about talking about is the guy a co worker or
was the guy like a partner?

Speaker 3 (49:03):
Uh, the guy's a partner and coworker. Okay Donna's husband, Yeah.

Speaker 6 (49:07):
Okay, okay, that okay, where's at this point?

Speaker 2 (49:11):
It's like fully HR, it's full HR time. What are
we doing well? Who is Donna's superior?

Speaker 3 (49:17):
I told her I didn't think he meant any harm
by it, and I wasn't upset. She told me she
understood where I was coming from, but he caused unneeded stress.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
We went back and forth.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
She brought up her abandonment issues again. I as showed
her that I loved my job and her and was
it going anywhere? She told me that there was no rush.
We could table it for another time and brainstorm later
she arrived at work later, we discussed it more and
agreed to put a pin in it. The next morning,
she texted me saying that she wanted to add one

(49:49):
of my job duties that required a lot of walking
to the list of things to consider reducing. I have
been dealing with a knee issue for over a year
that had progressively gotten worse. I had recently been instructed
by one of my medical professionals to start using a cane.
Oh my gosh. She didn't like seeing me walk around
and approaching clients with the cane and said I was

(50:11):
obviously in pain and she felt I was moving more
slowly because of it and that was not cost effective
for them.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
Oh, oh, we're doing the Oh we're pulling that. Uh huh. Okay,
do you smell it?

Speaker 6 (50:25):
I do?

Speaker 2 (50:25):
Do you smell the lawsuit in the air?

Speaker 5 (50:27):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (50:29):
Do you smell the lawn? Wait?

Speaker 1 (50:31):
Op, you're one of us, dude, you can sue her.
Sue her.

Speaker 4 (50:34):
Even if you weren't one of us, you should still
see her.

Speaker 6 (50:37):
I mean, if she's saying that, like your use of
the cane is like a detriment to when it's like
clearly not.

Speaker 3 (50:44):
I wasn't actually taking extra time by using a cane,
but I was in pain, so I agree to discuss it.
When I arrived at work, she was visibly very upset
about something. She told me that she wasn't comfortable with
leaving things in limbo and thanks to her her dufus's husband,
who was sitting right there, for bringing it up at work,
we needed to settle my working situation right away. That

(51:08):
he had forced her hand. But I reminded her that
we had agreed to wait, that I hadn't actually asked
for anything yet, but she said that that was no
longer an option. I went to my office and soon
later she stormed out of the building. That's when the
email started. Initially sent an email to both me and
her husband saying that we needed to figure this out

(51:29):
as soon as possible.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
She offered a.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
Proposal new hourly arrangement. I responded that I hadn't even
talked to my husband about this yet, and once I
had a chance to do it, that I could write
up a proposal and that it would start in the
beginning of September. She responded that she wanted the reduced
hours to begin as soon as possible, and not to
wait until September. I explained that my children were already

(51:54):
registered and paid for summer camp, but I didn't need
to reduce hours until school started again, and working less
immediately would hinder us financially. She said she would prefer
it to begin immediately and would not elaborate on her reasons.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Why do you see what's happening.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
I think she's just like hating you now.

Speaker 3 (52:14):
Yeah, and she's taking this out on you by reducing
your hours.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
Yeah. You're being like, oh, well that would actually like.

Speaker 6 (52:19):
Hurt us financially if you really did that right now
because I don't need it.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
She's like, yeah, I don't care. It sounds good. I
want that.

Speaker 6 (52:26):
Yeah, they need to be reduced immediately because of my husband.

Speaker 3 (52:29):
Yeah, and we already know what's going to happen, but
she seems to be leaning on getting rid of you.
So this was all really overwhelming, and after many emails,
I was having a lot of anxiety and difficult concentrating
on my work, so I left earlier than usual that afternoon.
I emailed her that evening, agreeing to the new proposal schedule.
After discussing it with my husband. It was seven hours

(52:51):
less work a week than I had been working, but
had some remote hours worked in, and I offered to
do some extra time from home when need. The next morning,
I woke up to an email she'd sent me around sunrise.
He's typically a nine owl who sleeps in as late
as possible, through emailing me at that time of day
was not a good sign. Email basically said that these

(53:14):
reduced hours will work for the summer, but come September
my hours will need to be reduced even more so
she can hire someone else to split my job in half.
She's punishing you what she's doing. She went on to
explain that I was putting her in hardship and she
needed to do what was best for her business, and
that me doing this was very hurtful and stressful and

(53:35):
she couldn't be expected to make all these sacrifices for
me and to pick up my slack by doing a
part of my job due to my knee issue, which
was entirely her idea, not mine, only to better my situation.
Because of my choices, I suddenly felt really scared about
my job security and was overcome with all the stress

(53:56):
I'd been dealing with, and unfortunately, I suffered a major
pan attack. I'm talking sobbing, uncontrollably, drooling on the floor,
pupils dilated, hyperventilating a panic attack. My husband witnessed this
and was very worried about me. Once it was over,
I quickly developed a very painful mind grain and had
to message our team chat that I was staying home

(54:17):
from work because of it. Donna replied, but deleted the
message before I could see it. My husband also took
the day off to stay with me, so I wasn't
left alone in that state. That evening, she messaged me
to ask how I was doing and said she was
there if I needed to talk. The next day at
work was tense and awkward. She emailed the entire team
announcing my new hours effective the following week, and that

(54:41):
she was taking over my job duty regarding my knee
moving forward. I reiterated that I was capable to continue
doing this aspect of my job, and you should see
the overly official chatubut super hr themed response that I got.

Speaker 6 (54:55):
Yeah, it's time to call the lawyer.

Speaker 3 (54:58):
I capped my head down and did my job and
went home for the weekend, I posted on my personal
Facebook about my panic attack due to stress as a
way of bringing awareness and support to mental health. Dona
loved my post and texted me telling me that she
was thinking of me, and she adores me and is
always there for me if I want to talk, and
that she loves me. I was flabbergasted a message back,

(55:22):
thanking her but saying that I wasn't really sure how
to respond because after everything that had happened that week,
I was feeling hurt and backed into a corner. I
told her it was something I think we needed to
discuss at another time, but it wasn't in the right
space for talking about right now, but didn't want to
give her the silent treatment either. She replied and said

(55:44):
she disagreed, we needed to talk about it, and we
needed to talk about it tonight.

Speaker 6 (55:48):
I don't know, man, I would, like I said, I
would be in communication with a lawyer at this point.
I know your doctor said that you should use a cane,
but like, I don't know if you need like a
legal status as disabled in.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
Order to take advantage of that.

Speaker 6 (56:03):
Yeah, but whatever it is that you would maybe need
to go through to get that status, I would look
into that.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
She said that she would not continue this way for
very long. That I started all this by sending an
unprofessional and hurtful text message. She said, I caused this
mess and she does not often experience daily drama and
was not about to start now. Dext messages kept coming
one after another. I told her I was sorry. I
couldn't talk about it right now. I felt like I

(56:31):
was going to have another panic attack and needed to
turn off my phone. The next morning, I woke up
to an email she had sent me in the middle
of the night. She apologized for the way things had
gone lately and said our new arrangement felt like a
lose lose situation and she believed in win win deals
and ask if there was any way we could reach
a compromise for now at least she kind of has

(56:52):
a heart.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
I don't know. I don't know. She said she was sorry.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
She insisted I reduced my hours right away, but my
text in the middle of June was painful and felt
like a slap to the face. She continued to word
that text in the misunderstood way and went on to
basically say how much I'm an inconvenience I was causing
her she offered some alternatives. Later that morning, she sent
me a personal text saying that it was important that
I knew that even when we are having a disagreement,

(57:19):
she still cares about me very much. I tried my
best to respond with email, explaining that my main priority
was being more available to my children after school when
they seemed to struggle the most, and gave a detailed
response on a working arrangement that could potentially work better
for the both of us. I saw her later that
day while I was dropping off my kid at camp.

(57:41):
She gave me a big hug and told me again
that she loves me. My other child started having a meltdown,
so I had to leave. Later, she responded to my
email saying she was happy with it and it felt
like a better compromise and a win win for both
of us. At this point, it felt like the work
hour situation was resolved, but the misunderstanding and now how
she had been treating me was not, and I didn't

(58:04):
think I could go back to being her friend if
those weren't also addressed, since our work life and personal
life were so intertwined. Sometimes I think back what happened
next and wish I would have just left it alone.
Other times, I'm glad I spoke up and attempted to
defend myself. So later that weekend, I sat down and
wrote a long email response going over what had happened

(58:25):
in an attempt to explain where I had been coming
from and why I felt so stressed and hurt, and
to clear up any leftover misunderstanding. I was genuinely hoping
for peace and amical resolution by getting it all off
my chest in a respectful way. She responded, addressing me
by my given name and not the nickname she always

(58:45):
called me, which is never a good time. She said
that her and her husband had nothing further to discuss
regarding this matter. She thanked me for the clarification, but
said the hours were already agreed upon, so to please
and try to enjoy my weekend has been resolved as
far as they are concerned. But was it the following
Monday morning, I had to stay homesick. Really bad timing,

(59:07):
I know, but trust me when I say it was
not within my control. I needed to stay very close
to my bathroom that day. The next day, while at work,
she sent me a message on the work chat that
we needed to have a discussion. I won't get into
the whole half hour conversation, but it started with her
asking me if I was still planning on working my

(59:28):
hours and doing my job. I was confused. He said
I didn't seem like I'd been coming into work much lately.
I was still confused and asked if this was about
me calling in sick the day before it was, and
she clearly didn't believe I was actually sick. She even
brought up my final email and wanted to know why
I sent it after things were resolved, and why included

(59:50):
her husband in the email, telling me he was very
unprofessional and inappropriate. She told me I was causing daily
drama in my maniced state. I have an exact disorder
and I have never in my entire life been in
a manicked state. She said she had to tiptoe around
me to avoid offending me all the time, again telling
me I'm unprofessional and comparing me to a child.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
Is this like, holy projection, Batman?

Speaker 6 (01:00:15):
This is everything she's saying about you, op is like
more about her. She sounds like she's always in a
manick state, and then she goes crazy on it, and
like you said, it's like I don't have mania, I
have anxiety.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Like I don't blow up, I shut down. Yeah. Like
so it's I hope you've got a record of all
of this. So where do you work?

Speaker 6 (01:00:39):
Start keeping a record of everything that your boss is doing,
because this is not your friend anymore. This is just
your boss. We talked about this the other day where
it's like there's moments when you have and like what,
I have an old bossho's like my best friend. So
you can be really good friends with your boss. But
there are moments in like these kind of dynamics and
relationships where it's like everything is like everything changes.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
And it's like a fork in the road.

Speaker 6 (01:01:02):
Yeah, because it's like, Okay, this is the way we're
going to be going about this now.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Huh. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:01:06):
We had been being cool and cool, but now now
you're reducing my hours and putting like my financial security
at risk and like treating me like crap all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
It's like compared to a child.

Speaker 6 (01:01:16):
Right, We're we're clearly down the This is all business,
and I'm going to approach it as business. And guess
what if a business treats me poorly, I'm gonna run its.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Pockets for all that I can.

Speaker 6 (01:01:27):
Yeah, and I'm not going to care that you were
my friend because you're not.

Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
Don't worry.

Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
I'm not going to abandon you. I'm going to sue you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
Yeah, not leaving until I get my money.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Don't worry.

Speaker 6 (01:01:36):
I'm just gonna give you the opportunity to pull yourself
up by your bootstraps.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
Yay, we all love doing that bootstrap boo.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
I told her that that was really ironic and felt
to me like she was projecting, and eventually asked if
she was considering telling me that I love bump people
to be a professional way to behave as an employer.
She claims she said that to me as a friend,
not an employer. Ooh, don't get those mixed up, opio.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
Things went back and forth for a.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
While, and she told me that her husband told her
I'm efing lying about my initial text message, that I
sent him into a depression over all of this, that
I blew up our friendship and I should take the
rest of the week off. I asked her if it
was a paid leave. She said, oh, right, and consider
this my two week working notice instead. She huffed out

(01:02:24):
of my office, saying, sorry, this has been such a
horrible place to work, and I have been such a
terrible person to work.

Speaker 6 (01:02:30):
For saying trying to say that ironically to guilt op
not realizing she was just like telling the actual truth
is hilarious.

Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
She quickly sent an email to the entire team except
for me, telling everyone that, effective two weeks from now,
I would no longer be working for the company. It
read this decision was made after careful consideration and is
in line with our commitment to maintaining a productive and
positive work environment. It has also been brought to my
attention that some team members may not feel comfortable speaking

(01:02:59):
with me directly due to the fear of repercussions or
concerns about being treated unfairly or harshly by me. This
is something I take very seriously, and I apologize if
that continues to be the case. Complete delusion.

Speaker 6 (01:03:14):
So she sends that message being like, yeah, effective in
two weeks, I'm firing this woman because she slighted me.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
And also I've heard that people don't think they can.

Speaker 6 (01:03:24):
Talk to me about stuff, so I'm really sorry about that,
but you totally can.

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
What is happening?

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
After this email was sent, one of my coworkers immediately
went homesick. A private meeting was held between Donna and
another staff member considering management. Immediately afterwards, Donna came back
to my office told me that there had been chatter
so my staying two weeks wasn't going to work out
and I needed to leave immediately.

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
Why, I told.

Speaker 3 (01:03:49):
I already packed up my stuff. I knew there was
no way she'd be mature enough to work alongside me
amicalley for the next two weeks.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
Oh but dude, what the heck is happening?

Speaker 6 (01:03:59):
I think it's clearly lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer,
get the lawyer.

Speaker 2 (01:04:09):
This is a slam dunk.

Speaker 6 (01:04:11):
If this, if this company's making any money, it's yours now.

Speaker 3 (01:04:15):
Yeah. She had blocked me on social media by the
time I reached my car. She sent me my final paycheck,
including severance, but bates ever error, so there was still
some back and forth emailing to resolve it. She posted
on our local moms group that the same afternoon, as
she was looking to hire someone drama free to fill
my position in a community where many people fully knew

(01:04:37):
I was the one. She was referring to. She also
posted a gift that she'd bought for me, but had
it given to me for sale on Marketplace, saying it
was no longer needed. A few days later, she removed
me from a local social group she started as a
side business venture that I had a paid membership for.
So Reddit, jury and okay, storytime executioner, have you reached

(01:05:01):
a verdict?

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
What will you say?

Speaker 3 (01:05:03):
I say, lawyer, dude, just get law her her for
real and keep us updated on this law her up.
You don't need to deal with this whatsoever. This is
ridiculous and everybody shape the form. Oh my gosh, please
talk to a lawyer immediately