My girlfriend’s mother wants her to date ANOTHER man… even though we’re in a relationship! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2141 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dearest John, it's been a fortnight since I felt your
warm embrace.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay
story Tom podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious
story that I think you'll love.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Sincerely Sam.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
But before that, thine divine two minute at break must happened.
I bid thee farewell. See you in two minutes.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
My girlfriend's mother wants her to date another man, even
though we're in a relationship.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
Just put on a mustache and a disguise and become
the other man.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
I met her mom once at a wedding and it
didn't go as planned. It wasn't awful, and I didn't
make a butt out of myself or anything like that.
I just didn't have a conversation with her as much
as she would have liked. I guess I was just
so distracted by the friends and the usual wedding antics.
This is the one and only time that me and
the mother have met in person. I've met the dad

(00:49):
a few times and we're cool. By the way, this
comes from deleted and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay story Times
Dove reddit. Now this was years ago. Since then, She's
always had a slight distaste for me. Doesn't hate me,
but she never gave me another chance. I recently found
out that she argues with my girlfriend very passionately about
how I am not the right one and how my

(01:10):
girlfriend should date other people. These arguments have been happening
every time they come to town or my girlfriend visits them,
at least once or twice a month, and apparently it
got really intense last week. My girlfriend says her mom
had a nervous breakdown halfway through the argument while my
girlfriend was defending me and giving her the reasons why
she likes me. She's extremely stubborn, and I think that's
being generous. She does this to my girlfriend's dad too,

(01:31):
always mentioning how she could have had another life without him,
wishes she had dated more, et cetera, et cetera. By
the way, they got married in their late thirties. So
now there's this guy. I don't know his name or
who he is. My girlfriend's mom knows him through one
of her friends, which is her son. She keeps asking
my girlfriend to go on a date with this guy
and gets more adamant about it every time my girlfriend

(01:54):
mentions me lo and beholds. My girlfriend buckled and accepted
the date. She said it's the best solution to the problem.
That maybe if she just goes on one date and
explains to her mom why she didn't like him, it'll
thaw the situation. So the date is being set up
as we speak. I'm torn, of course, I didn't agree
with it. I asked what my girlfriend would think if

(02:16):
I were to do that, and she said it would
hurt her a lot.

Speaker 5 (02:19):
I know it's only one.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Date, but I can't stand the thought of another guy
trying to put the charm on my girlfriend. Also, if
I give up my self respect by giving in, her
mom will walk all over me. Every time, I thought
of every alternative under the sun. Even told my girlfriend
to mention to the guy that she's already dating someone.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Yes, I got.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Furious when she told me that she wouldn't quote unquote
ruin the date like that. As much as I tried
to think of an alternative, I got shot down, and
it made me think that maybe my girlfriend's mom finally
got inside her head and now she does want to
date other people. She even said, well, if the date
happens soon, I can't say no. After I asked her
tobias some time by putting off the date until we

(03:00):
figure out a rational solution. She did have one good idea, though,
to write her mom a letter letting her know that
I'm aware of the situation and that I would love
to meet her one day. Just this simple and nice
letter explaining why we've come this far and how much
the situation means to me. I already did, and I'm
planning to send it out once we've proof read it together. However,

(03:20):
I feel like the situation has already worn us down
to the point that we both feel like we're on
different wavelengths all the time. The part that hurts the
most is that we had a perfect relationship with each
other and we never did anything to hurt one another
until this got in the way and made things awkward
between us. I'm not sure what to do or how
to approach it. It's depressing my girlfriend, and trying to
buy time has taken a mental toll on both of us.

(03:42):
I don't want her to go on the date at all.
I would never forgive myself for letting it happen without
trying my own approach first.

Speaker 5 (03:49):
Edit.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
Thank you for all the responses, I assure you that
I've read each and everyone, and I'm trying to respond
to them while I'm at work. I would also like
to add that if my girlfriend does choose to go
on the date, she's doing so against her judgment and
plans to keep it as brief as possible. Still doesn't
make it any more appropriate, but I just thought it
would be fair to clear that up. At number two,
her mom doesn't want us to break up, but that

(04:11):
she just has this insane belief that my girlfriend should
keep the relationship open until she decides exactly who she
wants to be with. This is done for two reasons.
Number one, my girlfriend has dated quite a bit and
she knows what she wants. A Number two, we've been
getting along incredibly well for the past two years, and
for some reason, her mom is convincing herself that that
is not genuine, possibly underlying issues. At at number three,

(04:32):
thank you all for continuing the discussion with me. I
have a pretty clear picture of what I should do now.
When she gets back into town. I will post an
update after we have a conversation about it. In the meantime,
I ask you all to believe in the ones you love,
we have the update and I think post date. So
I had a talk with my girlfriend last night. I
told her to basically put her foot down now or

(04:53):
we'll have to suffer her mother's toxicity for the rest
of our lives.

Speaker 5 (04:57):
She said there was no way she could do that
to her mother.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Argued about it for two hours, and I told her
that she needs to grow a backbone, because if not me,
her mother will control every other aspect of her life
and continually cause unwanted misery towards her and everyone else she.

Speaker 5 (05:12):
Decides to date.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Have a fair point.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
It came out that the date I mentioned in the
post has been set up and she has agreed to
see him. I blew my lid and told her that
it disrespects me, our relationship, and herself. She even admitted
that her mother has in fact manipulated her into believing
that having an open relationship is a great idea. But
now I've lost all respective trust for her and there's

(05:36):
no way to earn it back. She said she would
compromise by going on one coffee date with this guy,
just once, and then we will take a break for
a month.

Speaker 5 (05:46):
How is that sounds worse than the original plan. Oh,
is that the compromise.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
It's like, instead of just going on one day, it's like,
now I'm going to go on one date and we
break up for a month.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah, for the sake of leaving things amicably, I agreed
quote unquote to the compromce, but I told her that
once I walk out, the chances of her seeing me
again are slim to none. He cried about that, and
for once I didn't feel sympathy for her. I comforted
her while she was crying, but my mind was already
checked out. I'm curious what the next month will bring.
She said that she will still keep in contact with

(06:17):
me in some way, but I'm not intent on contacting
her anytime soon. I'm just pissed that I left some
books there and that I was currently in the middle
of reading.

Speaker 3 (06:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (06:26):
Hey, well, at least you've got your priorities straight in
the moment, I guess because she chose her mom.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
Dude, Yeah she's Yeah.

Speaker 4 (06:34):
I really like part. I see a lot of people
in Chad being like she just wanted to cheat. I
really am not picking up that vibe whatsoever. I think
she can't stand up to her mom at not at all.
Like even if it came between standing up to your
mom or our entire relationship is over, she still can't
do it.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, yeah, that's that's truly Like op was right, like, hey,
if you don't stand up at some point, then you
run the seemingly very high risk of your mom. I'm
just like getting some encouragement that she can control you more.

Speaker 4 (07:03):
And just yeah, going down that pause set in the
precedent that mom is just gonna be able to railroad
all of our decisions, in our thoughts in perpetuity. Now
we need to And it's like I can't sign up
for that.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
I can't.

Speaker 4 (07:13):
I can't sign up for that. You have to be
able to pick us over your mom. We got to
get the shovel. This train is, like you said, running
off the rails. We need to get the shovel, pick
up the coals and throw them off the side because
this train has to stop. Maybe I'll just shoot her
a text in a couple of months, just to pick
up my books. What hurts the most is that we
had such a great relationship together. We got along well,
our arguments were very few and far between, and they

(07:34):
usually ended on a good note. It was a perfect relationship.
But an external force caused the downfall. It hurts because
I had no control and I basically had to give
up an incredible relationship for the sake of pleasing someone
that only matters to a certain extent. By the way,
do you know what matters Dakota more than anything in life?
More than you guys, more than anything in the world,
more than you guys, only only second above our amazing community.

(07:58):
What matters so insanely amazing?

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Our podcast Boo Search Okay story Time on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
where you've listened to your pods and we have two
thousand episodes for your ear holes, so check it out.

Speaker 6 (08:10):
We've approached, we've broke fifty three days.

Speaker 5 (08:13):
Three days.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
I feel like OPI was like, oh, our relationship was
perfect otherwise, but I feel like this actually exposed that
the relationship was not good because she was susceptible to
from pressure to her mama.

Speaker 6 (08:23):
I guess it was just she wore down over time.

Speaker 4 (08:26):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
It's probably happening for.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
The whole relationship, arguing every time she sees her. I mean,
that doesn't excuse her, but that is a lot She's
got to.

Speaker 4 (08:35):
Be able to, you know, recognize that is something that
needs change, and op being like, hey, you need to
put your foot down with your mom or this ain't working,
and she goes, I can't.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
I literally can't do that.

Speaker 5 (08:47):
Then you don't get the relations right. Yeah, you picked mom,
You picked mom. You're in a relationship with mom.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Now, Opie says, I just feel so defeated and I
never had a chance to defend myself or fight back.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
If we hate each other, I would understand.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Oh we didn't. This breakup will stink for a while.
I'll admit that I've never been in a relationship like
this before. It was so great and then it became
a train wreck literally overnight. And edit, wow, thanks for
all the supportive comments. I just want to make one
thing clear. I haven't actually agreed to the compromise. I'm
just a nice person at heart and didn't want to
storm out of there with a big if you attached
to the story, please remember that we had some great

(09:21):
times and I still think she's a kind person. Maybe
not towards me or herself, but we're all human after all.
I only half heartily accepted the compromise so we could
have an amicable split. Of course, I won't take her
back after a month or follow through with the compromise.
Closing question for you, Dakota, was that not a.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
Move to whoa, it was not the move now, so
you've left it like a hanging chad ooh, unfinished business.

Speaker 5 (09:47):
I guess it's going to become president.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, and now mom's president. Exact funny because yeah, no,
you don't need to do that.

Speaker 4 (09:55):
You can if you know that already in your heart
of hearts, you just go. You know what, I'm not
okay with this. I don't want to take a break.
I think we should break up because I can't beat
your mom in the context of a relationship. And you
were with think you're right, So I agree, you know,
I don't know. I don't know the whole like it
turned into a train wreck overnight. It's like sounds like

(10:16):
her mom was like drip feeding her, like little boyfriend sucks. Yeah,
for a long time, yes, so probably not overnight. Yeah,
she needs to work through that, yes, before she can
be in her relationship.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
I think my mother.

Speaker 4 (10:31):
Has been insufferable. She wanted to ambush my girlfriend.

Speaker 5 (10:35):
What if she be the Navy feels I.

Speaker 4 (10:38):
Twenty four female have a complicated relationship with my mother
fifty female, who constantly has my life under a microscope.
Despite not relying on her since my late teen years,
I kept limited contact through college, and trying to make
amends with her these last two years is incredibly frustrating,
as she believes she still has power over me and
my life. By the way, this comes from user chaotic

(10:59):
imp and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. Although our
past disputes aren't necessarily related, she has been wildly hateful
to me in the past about being a sapphig, despite
being completely fine with other queer communities besides Saffix. Because
of this, I didn't inform her of my four year
relationship with my girlfriend, twenty six female until early July

(11:21):
this year when we were moving apartments. We you hauled
and have been quote unquote roommates for the last four
years to her knowledge. She didn't react or say anything
when I told her and barely acknowledges it if I
ever bring our relationship or my girlfriend up. My siblings, grandparents,
and extended family all adore my girlfriend, so in my mind,
when my grandparents invited us, I had no thought in

(11:44):
my mind. My mother would cause such a nightmare for
me because of it. I had mentioned to my mother
that my girlfriend was coming for the holidays and she.

Speaker 6 (11:51):
Didn't say anything.

Speaker 4 (11:52):
Due to a change in my travel plans, I have
to drive her down with her, so I texted asking
which car we were taking so there'd be enough room
for my partner and I as well.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
She proceeds to.

Speaker 4 (12:05):
Spam text me, telling me that if my partner comes,
she quote can't be herself and say whatever she wants,
doesn't feel comfortable wearing pajamas around her, and wants it
to just be about family and not about her, and
then proceeds to send me links about breaking up before
the holidays.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
Neurotic.

Speaker 4 (12:20):
I asked my grandparents what to do, because unfortunately my mother,
their child, is the type of person that when she's unhappy,
everyone else has to suffer with her. So if my
partner comes and my mom is unsufferable, it will very
likely unlive everyone else's chance at enjoying the holiday. I'm
talking like hissy fits, starving yourself, taking off when things

(12:42):
don't go her way, et cetera, et cetera. My grandparents
advised me just to have my partner sit this one
out for the sake of allowing everyone a chance to
enjoy the holiday season, but they do agree my mother
is selfish. However, there isn't much they can do about
her being emotionally volatile. I give them some grace as
my grandfather is recovering from hearts so truly, if any
stress can be avoided, it's for the best. So I

(13:03):
had already given my girlfriend a warning earlier this week
and broke the news to her today that she's not
going to be able to come to hopefully preserve any
ounce of normality I can with my mother. My girlfriend
is understandably angry and disappointed with me for not standing
my ground. It hurts that she can't empathize with me
on this, but I really don't want to cause extra

(13:23):
stress on this trip. It really stinks because I was
very excited to have my girlfriend spend the holidays with
my family, only for one person's unhappiness to ruin everything.
Is there anything I can do to make everyone happy?
And there is an update here? Do too getting violently
ill over Christmas? My partner and I did not attend
the original trip, despite my mother, fifty female initially uninviting

(13:46):
my girlfriend. She reached out in mid February about visiting
my grandfather in his seventies as he is still declining
in Hell, and invited my girlfriend along too. I don't
know what I was thinking, but I was under the
impression that this was an olive branch after her behavior
surrounding the Christmas trip. Unfortunately, within forty eight hours, my
mother went full blown nuclear. On the first day with

(14:07):
my grandparents, she loudly and openly crap talked me, saying
I have no ambitions and am wasting my life away.
I minimized most opportunities to talk to her that day.
On the second day, she refused to engage in conversation
with almost everyone and kept walking off and doing her
own thing, which wasn't unusual. I had no way of

(14:27):
foreseeing how this day would escalate. That evening, my grandparents
wanted to go out to dinner, but my mother claimed
she was quote allergic to restaurant air and opted to
stay behind. Out of the blue, in the middle of dinner,
I got an urgent text, quote, your mom is ething
crazy call me from my best friend and roommate, sent
to both me and my partner Apparently, my mom had

(14:49):
called my best friend to crap talk my partner, calling
her in a controlling bible thumping, hateful, heavy drinking bigot.
She pieced this together from my girlfriend saying she wishes
I would put myself out there because I deserve a
better job, having horrible religious trauma, feeling that the Amelia
Perez movie diluted the trans experience, and having maybe two

(15:10):
high noons. How that translates in my mother's mind is
beyond me.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Hey, you want my daughter to you know, stand up
for her value and you know, get a better job
and everything you big it.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
You are a monster.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
According to my mother, my girlfriend is awful and quote
dimming my light. She said something to the effect that
my girlfriend is making me an uglier, worse person to
control me and trap me in a relationship. She even
went so far as to threaten my best friend, saying
she'd call my father, whom she hates and who has
never been a presence in our lives. My best friend,

(15:43):
trying to placate my mother, said that there was nothing
to be worried about and that the ideas she made
up about my partner were entirely baseless. But my mom
escalated further, threatening to make the car ride home miserable.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
Quote.

Speaker 6 (15:56):
If she my girlfriend.

Speaker 4 (15:58):
Doesn't talk to me, it's gonna to be a long
car ride for her. I can't bite my tongue any longer.
Props to my bestie. She had the foresight to record
the last twenty minutes of the hour long phone call,
so I got to hear the unhinged nonsense straight from
the horse's mouth. At first, I was absolutely stunned that
my mother would call my best friend because they don't

(16:20):
even talk, which crossed so many boundaries in and of itself,
But the next day's.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
Twelve hour drive home loomed over me.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
I couldn't put myself or my girlfriend in a position
to be yelled at for hours. At a loss on
how to proceed, I immediately told my partner and my grandparents.
They were stunned, but no one was exactly shocked given
my mother's track record. After talking through my options, I
spoke with my mother that night. She was completely unhinged,
and I told her that if she has problems with me,

(16:48):
the people I choose to spend my time with, or
what I choose to do, she should talk to me
about it instead. She mostly talked over me, accused me
of reporting my family to CPS as a child, which
I didn't claimed. I made up a history of her
being and completely avoided discussing what she said about my partner.
I corrected her on the insane accusations, but she never

(17:11):
once apologized for what she said about my girlfriend. Afterward,
I spoke with my girlfriend, and neither of us felt
safe driving back with her, especially since my mother ended
our conversation by threatening to quote pop off if I
said something.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
She didn't like.

Speaker 4 (17:25):
We decided to avoid staying in a hostile situation for
twelve hours by renting a car, especially because we both
had to work the next morning and my mother had
already mentioned stopping at multiple places along the way when
I tried to bring it up. I first asked mom
about our travel plans, hoping to ease into the conversation
despite a decent conversation beforehand. She got totally offended that

(17:49):
I even asked about the trip back.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
I started by.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
Simply asking if she still planned to make stops, and
she immediately snapped, don't effing ask me what I want
to do. I'll do what ever I want. I'll stop
if I want to stop. Don't ask me about crap
like that.

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Awesome.

Speaker 4 (18:04):
Trying to de escalate, I explained that I was curious
because my partner and I had work in the morning,
to which she snapped.

Speaker 6 (18:11):
No dip, no duh, no doy duh.

Speaker 4 (18:14):
At that point, my grandfather stepped in and said, point blank,
the girls want to take a rental car home because
they need to get back and don't think they can stop,
but they were scared to talk to you, grand gramps.

Speaker 3 (18:26):
No, you've opened Pandora's box, door box.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
No, we are about to crash out in all directions
conceived in the universe.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
Honestly, I'm thinking that if I was put in this situation,
I'm irish.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
Goodbyeing for Scher.

Speaker 6 (18:43):
Immediately upon hearing this, she turned to me and.

Speaker 7 (18:47):
Spat, you are disgusting. I invite you to come with me,
and you don't have any reskspect for me.

Speaker 6 (18:55):
You're a liar.

Speaker 7 (18:57):
I said, I didn't want to stop anywhere, but even
if I did, you knew going into it. You went
behind my back. I don't even want to look at
you right now.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
And then she stormed off, slammed the door, come and
left the house. My grandfather was so done he packed
us up in minutes and took us straight to the
rental car service. It was heartbreaking to have such an
abrupt end to what was supposed to be a nice
long weekend with my grandparents. But unfortunately this is nothing new.

(19:30):
I haven't heard from my mother since we left. We're
still on the road, six hours left. My brother spoke
to her and apparently I've been disowned because I took
things too far.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
And you know what, by the way, you.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
Can take things, namely yourself and your ears, and you
can take them over to your podcast platform of choice
and you can listen to full.

Speaker 6 (19:50):
Episodes with stories just like this.

Speaker 4 (19:53):
Go to Spotify or iHeartRadio or Apple podcasts, literally wherever
you listen to podcasts, search Oka story Time, and you
can have it all wow, right there in the palm
of your hand. My grandmother also spoke to her and
said that my mother had changed her plans and scheduled
work for herself.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
In the morning.

Speaker 4 (20:10):
She apparently was planning to drive straight home, but she
never told anyone that. She also insists that she didn't
say anything offensive about my girlfriend, which is ridiculous. There's
no way she thought my best friend, and I wouldn't
tell my girlfriend exactly what she said. My grandmother and
all but one of my siblings disagreed with my decision
to leave in a rental and think I made the

(20:33):
situation worse. Wow, Okay, so you've got grandma and everyone
but one sibling.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yes, all of those people have worms in their brain.

Speaker 2 (20:42):
I don't know, Like, I don't even know if you
should do this, but I would just be compelled to
go to them and ask, do you want to continue
to suffer under the insanity of my mother? Is that
what you want to continue?

Speaker 3 (20:57):
Do it?

Speaker 4 (20:57):
Like?

Speaker 3 (20:58):
How are we not at least a using the real
issue here, which is my me?

Speaker 4 (21:04):
But see, I have a feeling it's because they might
not be having these issues.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
I wanted privacy after I gave birth, but my mom
refused to hear it.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
La la la la, I am not listening. La la
la la la la la la la la.

Speaker 5 (21:18):
Listen up, Mom.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
Also traumatic births. If you want to skip this one,
go to the next one. Well, I thirty five female,
and my husband thirty five male, and I are expecting our.

Speaker 5 (21:25):
First baby in a couple of weeks.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
We have explained to both sides of our families that
we just want to enjoy our first moments as parents,
so no one will be visiting us on the day
our baby is born. By the way, this comes from
visual Armadillo five thirty seven. If you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime stubreddit.
So the first few hours are crucial for bonding with
skin to skin contact, and we want to soak up
all the special moment between the three of us while

(21:49):
recovering from the birthing experience. Some backstory. I have a
very complicated relationship with both of my parents. However, my
mother can be very self absorbed, and throughout my life
she has used her child to o'm to create trauma
within her own children. She was physically harmful and often
blamed it on our behavior. For example, she wants bit
me so hard that I was covered in bruises and

(22:09):
then told me not to tell anyone because I had
bitten her first. She said she was only teaching me
a lesson that if I told someone, I would be
quote unquote the naughty one, not her. I was in
three k. So she is always willing to help her children,
whether financially or by taking care of things we briefly
mentioned we want to do ourselves. However, even when we
refuse and ask her not to help or send money.

Speaker 5 (22:30):
She disregards our wishes.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Later, she throws her quote unquote kindness in our faces,
saying things like, after all I've done for you, I'm
your only mother When you need something, I did this
for you without you even asking, and now you treat
me like this, I'm never helping you again.

Speaker 3 (22:44):
She boasts about how much she has.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Done for us, and often shares our personal news as
if it were her own. If we get upset, she
claims that we are selfish. We need to get over it.
She constantly makes everything about her feelings while disregarding ours.
In the past, she has used things we can fight
it in her, whether medical or emotional, against us, both
publicly and privately. She has even told me that she

(23:07):
tried to unlive herself because of me and my actions
when I set boundaries, try to explain my perspective, whist
my words, and tells others a false narrative to make
herself the victim. When I told her that we don't
want visitors at the hospital, she made it about herself,
and she said she hopes our.

Speaker 5 (23:22):
Children do the same to us.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
One she claimed that after everything she has done and sacrificed,
I am stripping her of the right to be there
for my child's birth. She called me selfish spoiled, saying
I am robbing her of the chance to meet her
first grandchild.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
This left me shocked. She isn't a first time grandmother.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
I have nieces and nephews, and I refuse to be
gasola into forgetting that this happened almost two months ago,
and I spent hours crying over it, and my husband
fully disupports the decision that we've made together. Now that
the birth is only a couple of weeks away, this
has been on my mind more and more processing the guilt.
Even though I know this is the right decision for me,
I still feel guilty my entire life. She has brainwashed

(24:04):
me into validating her feelings while disregarding my own. As
Charlotte would say, I'm a former people pleaser, but for
some reason it still hurts. I feel like I'm being horrible,
even though I know logically I am not. My mother
sees a therapist, but I believe that she manipulates what
she shares their conversations seem to stay surface level so

(24:24):
she can present herself in a good light. I, however,
speak to my psychologist on a deeper level, even when
it makes me look bad. Now, I sometimes argue with
my mother when she continuously triggers me or puts me down.
For example, she once spoke to me in a horrible
way at my own home while I was heavily pregnant.
My husband was home but wasn't in the room when
she started using vulgar language. I calmly told her, if

(24:46):
you want to use that language directed toward me in
my own house while I'm pregnant, you can leave, but
if you stop and stay. She then stormed out and
slammed the door and swore outside, yelling that I just
told her to get the f out of my house
and off my property because the scene trying to get
my husband on her side.

Speaker 5 (25:02):
We have cameras all.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Of our house, so it was all recorded. My husband,
who is my biggest supporter and my best friend, was shocked.
He wasn't raised by a mother like mine, so sometimes
her behavior leaves him flabbergasted. While she's still in my life,
some people have asked why I still have a.

Speaker 5 (25:19):
Relationship with her.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
Coming from a specific ethnic background, family is an important
part of our culture. To the outside world, things are
painted differently. There's a lot of competitiveness and gossip, but
I don't want to compete or talk about other people's lives.
That's a generational thing that I refuse to participate in.
I feel emotions very deeply and always consider how others
might be struggling. I believe one interaction could help someone

(25:43):
push through whatever they're going through. Because of this, even
sharing my mother's behavior makes me feel guilty. However, I
know what she has done is wrong. She isn't always
like this. We have some good days and the little
girl in me who is healing sometimes just wants a
hug for her. She also has severe health problems, and
I don't don't want to have any regrets on my side.
She helps look after my nieces and nephews and has

(26:04):
never harmed them. However, she does disregard rules and boundaries
my siblings have set in place, all under the guise
of spoiling them. For example, she allows them to watch TV,
gives them food they aren't supposed to have, or doesn't
follow their schedules. If Confronted, she says, they're my grandchildren.
If I want to spoil them, all right, well.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
They're my good and the babies, which to some extent
it's like.

Speaker 6 (26:25):
I remember being like grand my grandma cookies.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
But like, you know, like.

Speaker 4 (26:30):
It's still a if the if you're your child, if
you're the grandma, if your child comes to you and goes, hey,
I don't want to be given so many sweets.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
To my child.

Speaker 6 (26:39):
Yeah, you gotta kind of be like, I mean, you know, ay,
I'll give less.

Speaker 5 (26:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
I feel like there's there's there's like you have this
like wiggle room of reasonabil like oh, let's let's get
you guys in ice cream, you know, like yeah, okay,
while but.

Speaker 6 (26:53):
Grandparents that you think want to be fun.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
And that of the time, I know she won't physically
harm them the way she did me. The physical abuse
was directed only towards me and not my other siblings.
Opie says some final thoughts, thank you everyone has given
me advice so far. We're only halfway through the story,
so you stay locked in there. It has helped me
gain clarity, especially since I am working to break free
from the conditioning I grew up with. I will post
an update after the birth once we've settled in with

(27:17):
our little bundle.

Speaker 5 (27:18):
Of joy, and we have the update here.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
Two weeks ago, we welcomed our perfect little boy into
this world and he has completely changed our lives. We're
absolutely obsessed with His birth was nothing like I expected.
I went into labor, but things took a turn when
both mine and the baby's hearts rates started dropping. Before
I had time to process what was happening, I was
being prepped for an emergency c section. It was overwhelming,

(27:42):
but thankfully everything went well and our little one arrived
the stack. Since things moved so quickly, I told my
husband to update both our parents just so they knew
what was happening. It was a lot to deal with
in the moment, so we wanted them to be aware
if things took a turn. My husband mentioned that we
didn't want anyone showing up or overwhelming us with message,
and thankfully they actually respected that. My mom only messaged

(28:03):
my husband, which was surprising, but honestly appreciate it. Because
we hadn't expected to be in the hospital for six days.
We only had one set of keys with us. My
husband didn't want to leave my side, so He ended
up giving them to my mom so she could feed
our animals while.

Speaker 5 (28:17):
We were gone.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
By the time we were finally discharged, we realized we
didn't even have a way to get into our own house,
so my family had to be there to let us in.
When we got home, I was actually touched by what
she had done. She had made sure our beds were comfortable,
set up the baby's basinette, and even put fresh towels
in the bathroom. It was one of those rare moments
where I thought.

Speaker 5 (28:34):
Maybe things are changing.

Speaker 2 (28:36):
It felt like she really wanted to help out overstepping
but of course, but of course, it didn't take long
for things.

Speaker 5 (28:43):
Take a turn.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
She had also decided to cook a brunch meal for us,
which would have been great, except she left the kitchen
in absolute chaos. Instead of coming home and resting, we
had to spend time cleaning up after her. It wasn't
the end of the world, but it was frustrating like
she only thought halfway through what would actually be helpful.
Then came the boundary pushing. She was very eager for

(29:05):
me to announce the birth. She kept bringing it up,
saying things like people are asking, and don't you just
want to share your happiness. But the thing is I
was happy. I didn't feel the need to broadcast it
on social media just for her sake. I told her
I wasn't ready, but she kept pushing, and it honestly
put a sour taste in my mouth. And then, of
course the parenting advice started. According to her, I'm too

(29:27):
attached to my baby and I'm holding him too much.
You don't want to make him needy, she warned, as
if giving my child love and comfort is a bad thing.
She went on about how babies should be left to
be settled on their own, how I shouldn't spoil them
by responding too quickly, basically the complete opposites how I
want to parent. She also made sure to remind me
that she's raised so many kids and that we all

(29:49):
turned out just fine because of how she did thing
I couldn't help myself. I told her that actually, none
of us turned out all that great, and we all
have our issues. The difference is I'm actively trying to
work through mine instead of pretending they don't exist. I
will be parenting my child my way, just like she
got to parent hers her way, and honestly, after everything,

(30:09):
my mental state has been all over the place. The
birth was terrifying. I feel like anyone who has been
through an emergency C section will understand. It's such a
mix of emotions. On one hand, I was excited to
finally meet my baby boy. On the other hand, I
was praying I was going to pass away before I
even got the chance to. I've wanted to be a
mother my entire life, so in that moment, everything felt overwhelming.

(30:30):
I didn't even get to enjoy holding him. When they
passed him over the curtain. I was in and out
of consciousness, barely able to process what was happening. I
always imagine I'd have this emotional, beautiful moment where I
saw him for the first time, but instead I was
just scared I'd never see him again. By the way,
if you ever scared that you'll never see us again,

(30:50):
I have fantastic news. You can go to Spotify, Apple
Podcast or your favorite podcast that and you can listen
to full episodes of Us No Way for Eternity for
until the space time continuum collapses. You can.

Speaker 5 (31:07):
You can have us there with you.

Speaker 6 (31:09):
As long as you only listen to like what one
hour a day. So we got fifty three. That's a
fifty three day long eternity.

Speaker 3 (31:15):
But we're, but we're, but we're continuing to add more.

Speaker 4 (31:17):
So it's just you only listen to one hour a day, Yes,
then you'll never ever make any pros.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
If you listen like a reasonable human you were, you
will quite literally.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
Never run out of contents. Okay, check out the podcast
true Okay story. Through it all, my husband has been
absolutely amazing. He has supported me every single moment, picking
up the baby when I can't, feeding him when I can't,
helping me get him changed, wiping me, showering me.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
I truly don't.

Speaker 5 (31:40):
Think I would vote be okay if it weren't for
his support.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
I just wanted to give you all an update and
say thank you for all the advice you've given me.
This whole experience has been nothing like I expected, but
I am taking it all one day at a time.
And just to close off, shout out to OP for
having to navigate a insane childhood, a insane adulthood with
her mother very scary and hence experience of the C section,
OPI or champion, and shout out to w husband, and

(32:05):
you know this is what it looks like. I think
to really try and be healthy and grow and just
be a better person.

Speaker 1 (32:11):
We else, she said, My guy, Hey, it's Sam. We're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes
of bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
My husband moved and his mother with Alzheimer's. I can't
take it any longer, honestly. Yeah, it's a hard situation.

Speaker 7 (32:25):
Eh.

Speaker 6 (32:25):
I don't even have anything funny to say about that.
That's just hard.

Speaker 8 (32:27):
Yeah, that is really hard. I'm very much at the
end of my rope here with this situation. My husband's
mother has Alzheimer's. It became evident this year that she
could no longer manage to live alone without supervision.

Speaker 3 (32:37):
That's really very hard.

Speaker 8 (32:38):
We live in a three bedroom house, and so my
husband wanted to move her into one of the spare rooms.
I agreed to this only as a temporary solution until
we found a home for her to be moved to.
By the way, this comes from Alzheimer's woes. And if
you want to submit your own stories, go to our
slash Okay story time supread it. So we had a
very long discussion about this, and I told them very

(32:59):
seriously that neither of us is equipped to be her
home nurse. He agreed and promised me it would be
a short stay and he would begin to look at
homes immediately. It is now a month later. My husband
has not found a home. I don't even think he's
been looking that hard. His mom needs to be supervised
with everything. It can't even make her own meals. I
found a slice of toast in the sink because she

(33:20):
had mistook it for a dish and tried to wash it.
He almost ate canned cat food, thinking it was canned ham.
This forces me to prepare her meals for her. This
is really really hard.

Speaker 3 (33:29):
Okay, but where is he? That's the thing. Where is he?
Is he at work?

Speaker 5 (33:33):
What's he doing?

Speaker 3 (33:33):
Where is he?

Speaker 8 (33:34):
I work from home, so between eleven am and four pm,
I am doing work on my laptop. I cannot focus
on what I have to do. I translate legal documents
because she wanders into my study and starts talking to
me about nothing. She thinks because I'm at home and
on the computer that I'm not busy. The house is
a mess. When it was just my husband and I
living here, everything stayed clean and tidy. I washed the
floors once a week and that was fine. Now I

(33:56):
find myself having to clean almost every day because his
mother spills things on the floor and drags in mud
from our garden and yard. She is dirty and leaves
dishes and cups on top of her kitchen island as
if to say, you put these away. She doesn't flush
the toilet, she leaves pieces of food out to mold.
She smells sour because she forgets to bathe for days
on end, and I adamantly refuse to take on that
task as well. My husband is the one who tells

(34:17):
her to go bathe. Our spicy sleep life is flatlined.
He's too tired and stressed, and I'm too annoyed. There's
always the fears she's going to barge in too, because
she doesn't register anything. I am sick of this. My
house feels like a prison. My husband is useless. All
he says is I haven't found the right home for mom.
Or if he sees her being slightly more lucid than
the day before, he makes excuses that she's made an improvement. Oh,

(34:39):
today she made her own toast and ate it instead
of putting it in the sink. Would be It is
beginning to feel like we'll be stuck with her until
she passes away, which I think Op is saying there,
like he keeps saying, oh, she's getting better, she's getting better.
She put her toast in the in the trash and
it's like no.

Speaker 9 (34:53):
He's like he's trying to take anything as a victory
right now. Yeah, which is so sad.

Speaker 5 (34:58):
I get it.

Speaker 3 (34:58):
I'm putting myself.

Speaker 4 (34:59):
In the sho Like if this was my mom, absolutely,
and if I saw like my wife posted and said
some stuff like this, I think I'd leave her.

Speaker 6 (35:06):
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
That's just me. I don't think I could get over
being like.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
She made a piece of toast, whoopee, Like I'd be like, dude,
that's my mom.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
Like I don't know. But also I don't know. I
feel I'm feeling a lot of them.

Speaker 4 (35:17):
She's sick, she's ill, and I know that she's not
wrong either, like she's right on it. It's like, yeah,
she needs to be in a home. I am not
a caregiver. I have a job. But it's just like
we all have a straight point. It's been a month.

Speaker 3 (35:28):
I think it's both of them. It's like damn, yeah, I.

Speaker 4 (35:30):
Don't think i'd be able to look at my partner
the same way if I found out she was saying
this stuff. I don't but that's just me and maybe
I'm Mommy's boy. But yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 8 (35:40):
This situation is turning me into a bad person. I
resent his mother now, and I am shamed to say it,
but I start hoping she will have an accident. Oh
that landswer in the hospital, so she's finally out of
the house. I can't live like this anymore. Yes, I
feel bad because it's his mom and the only family
has left, but this is not the life I signed
up for. I need my house back and my peace
of mind too. I want the kitchen to stay clean

(36:00):
for more than a few days, and the floor to
sparkle for more than today. I want my quiet mornings
back to myself. I want to take a bath and
not worry about how long I'm taking because of what
she may be doing. How do I approach this with
my husband? I am tired of him pussy footing around,
saying we'll see how there's week goes, and putting it off.
I need to talk to him in a way that
is both sensitive and firm. Desperate or some advice? Wow, Now,

(36:21):
he's an edit and an update. Yeah, I think you
go to him and you say, like, hey, I love
your mom, and I understand that you love your mom
a lot, but like we can't help her. Her quality
of life here is bad, and like I want her
to have the best quality of life and I think
that she will get that with someone who has the
time and inability to care for her. And let's work together,
because I notice that you know you're having trouble doing
this and like finding a place for it.

Speaker 3 (36:42):
Let's do it together.

Speaker 8 (36:43):
Let's take a like a weekend or maybe a couple
of weekends, look through all of them together, find a place. Unfortunately,
it's going to require more things from you. But I
think you have to hold his hand a little bit
in this moment, yeah, because this is really really hard
for him to There is an edit though, Oh my god,
you guys. I'm so overwhelmed by the support and responses.
I actually sat here and cried for a bit. I'm

(37:04):
sorry if I came off as angry. There's been so
much built up frustration. It felt good to actually say
how I feel to someone.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Yeah, it's the event, That's what I was thinking.

Speaker 8 (37:11):
I'm talking to Mike when he gets home today and
the reason. So let's get into it. Hi, everyone, I
wanted to post an updates, and so many people requested
one In the first post. I know it's been quite
some time, but a lot has happened and it finally
calmed down enough that I could find the time to
post good news. Husband's mom is now in an appropriate home.

Speaker 3 (37:28):
Godhang good.

Speaker 8 (37:30):
We were able to find a place about an hour
drive from where we live that was seven K a month,
and that had pretty great reviews. We obviously toured it
for first and talked to the staff and asked extensively
about activities, cleaning, schedules, food, et cetera. Mother in law
was moved in this week. We were really lucky because
of our location, there wasn't a long waiting list and
there were several openings this month alone. It also helped

(37:51):
we had a strong referral from her longtime physician, the
one who actually told us about this place to begin.
So basically what happened after that post. I called Mike
and told and we needed to talk when he got home.
When he got in, we sat in my study and
I laid it out for him. I told him exactly
how I felt about the situation.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Told him it was enough.

Speaker 8 (38:08):
I showed him some print outs of information I had
on alzheimer units surrounding us, even articles on coping with
having a parent going through this long story short. We
got into an argument. He accused me of being unsupportive,
being selfish, et cetera. I refuse to take it. I
have been the one to stay home and babysit his
increasingly sick mother all day, not him. I told him that,
and that if he was so dedicated to having her

(38:30):
stay in the house, he could be the one to
take care of her. I was at the absolute.

Speaker 6 (38:33):
Limit, completely fair.

Speaker 8 (38:35):
Yeah, I packed a bag and checked myself into one
of the nicer hotels. I went out and bought some
bath bombs and wine, and for the first time in
a long time, I just had time for me. I
was able to sit on my laptop and actually get
ahead on my work. He was, of course texting me
and calling, but it was just to continue his trade,
at which I could happily ignore for the time being.
I knew that he would soon be seeing things in
a much different light. It seriously took only two days

(38:59):
he begged me to come home. He told me he
was sorry and that he didn't know just how bad
it was. I told him he'd have to do better
than that, and to actually take her to the doctor's
and get that referral so we could have her moved
to a long term care asap, make an appointment at home,
start prepping her for the move. Until then, I wasn't
checking out of my newly found peace and quiet. He
wasn't taking care of you. Didn't understand because he wasn't
taking care of her.

Speaker 4 (39:19):
How long have these people been together? I don't know
this just I get it again. I understand her position,
but this all just feels like the most sort of
is it aggressive? No, it's like the most like abrasive
way of going about this, where you're just like, I'm no,
I'm not coming home. You're not going to see your
wife until you like figure all this out. And it's

(39:39):
like I get it, I get it that you've been
doing this, but it's also a month is not a
long time. Feel like a lot of this just built
up and bubbled and bubbled and bubbled until it became
this raging boil inside her, and like dealing with weirdly,
you know.

Speaker 8 (39:52):
Who were very sick, especially with people who have dimension
Alzheimer's is incredibly hard and makes people angry and mad
and guilty and just. It creates all these feelings, especially
when it's someone you love. He actually came through her physician,
a really, really great guy by the way, who also
had a parent go through this. God us fast tracked
for this place. I think that, paired with Mike seeing

(40:13):
his mom's actions, really helped to open his eyes to
the reality of the situation. She wasn't just a little off,
she was actually a danger to herself. I also talked
to my husband about getting therapy. I told him it
would be normal to have feelings of guilt or sadness
over this, and that I thought he should take the
time to see someone. I offered to go with him
if he wanted me to be there. He said he
would think about it, and I decided not to push it.

(40:33):
I will take it up with him again though, if
I see he's not doing well because of it. He
cried a lot the day we had to take her in.
When we got home, we had a long talk about
how he felt and he told me he was sorry.
He said I was selfish and uncaring he said, he
realized how much I must have cared to do that
for him for three months.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
Three months, not one month, not three months, it's been
three months now. All at my point is it's like
I feel like this all could have been talked about
and discussed earlier.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Get it.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
A lot of this was just op like just needed
to vent all of these feelings and thoughts out, which
is fair and yeah, we're all human.

Speaker 9 (41:04):
I feel like Opie wasn't trying to be like I
hate her, It's just like I hate the situation she needs.
Say what the one comment she said about like, oh
I wish something bad happens her, I didn't like that
one Opie did say, I feel like the bad guy. Yeah,
but like I'm at my wits end, and I know
that makes so much sense. And no one's saying that
you are a bad veritationous.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
Care of a person who is that sick.

Speaker 8 (41:24):
I told him it doesn't mean someone doesn't care when
they have to just admit they can't handle something. There
are professionals for a reason, We're just not them. So
that's where we're at right now. This week is more
about everything settling down, him getting used to his mom
being away me getting the house back to normal and
getting back into routine. I've left her belongings in the
room she was occupying, so we could still have that
piece of her and we could bring things to where

(41:45):
it is necessary. They gave us a list of clothing
items needed, but it was mostly comfortable housewhere like pj's
and slippers, and since it's not winter yet, nothing bulky
like sweaters or coats.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
I had to have the.

Speaker 8 (41:54):
Mattress for placed in her room though, because she had
wet the bed often and not said anything. So it
was just I cleaned up our bathroom and just tidy
the room up in general so it was livable again.
By the way, you can listen to full episodes of
stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or iHeartRadio and search a cookie story time.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
But there is a little bit left to the story.

Speaker 8 (42:12):
But like anyone who's experiencing this right now has experienced this,
just know, like we you know, Heart's in the chat
for you, Art's.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
For me to you.

Speaker 8 (42:20):
Absolutely it's a really, really, really awful Any long term sickness.

Speaker 9 (42:25):
Is just yeah, we're human, we're not superheroes. If that
was your job, then that's something different, but you actually
have your own frickin life.

Speaker 3 (42:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (42:32):
And at the end of the day, it's at the
point where you know you're not living two jobs. You
know in your especially in your household, you want to
at least have some wine downtime.

Speaker 10 (42:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (42:40):
I want to say thanks to everyone who weighed in
so much good advice and words I much needed to
hear in that original threat. And thank you to everyone
who shared their personal story and gave their suggestions on
how to help husband cope. Hopefully from here on out
things can be a lot more stable. It's definitely not easy,
and I wish that in a perfect world none of
this would have to be happening. But it already feels
so much better this way. And that is the end

(43:02):
of the story.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
We took him my husband's three siblings after his parents
passed away. I'm at my breaking point. Oh, no, breaking point.
The rugrats out the three new roommates. Way, kay, Edit
the thread is supposed to say my husband's parents passed away,
now we're taking care of his three siblings. I wasn't
thinking clearly last night. Please excuse the throwaway. I don't

(43:27):
know what I'm looking for, but I hope someone can
help me before I lose my mind. By the way,
this goes from use your name on the art slish
Okay story tom Selbred. So, my husband, Josh and I
have been married for three years. We met in school
and dated for three before getting married. Before our relationship
could get serious, I needed to know if we were
on the same page about kids, and Josh was adamant

(43:49):
that he never wanted children. We both really like kids
and enjoy being around them, but we wanted a live
that just wasn't suitable for children. Eight months ago, Josh's
parents assed away in a car accident. Wow. They had
been to a party, his father had way too much
to drink, then he ran into a wall. Neither had
been wearing their seat belt. His mother passed away instantly,

(44:11):
while his father passed away two days later in the hospital.
This was a horrific time for the family, only made
worse by the fact that his three younger siblings were
now orphans. Josh had three siblings, Tammy fourteen female, Tommy
ten mal and Timmy seven mil Tommy and Timmy, you'rely
crap okay. Josh, of course took responsibility for his siblings

(44:35):
and everyone's lives have turned upside down. I'll try my
best to make a list of everything that's pushing me
to the breaking point. We lived three hours away from
Josh's family home. Josh and I live in a big city,
while their family home is in a smaller town three
hours away. Since the accident, Josh has been living in
the family home full time to take care of the kids.
Their therapists said it would be best to disturb their

(44:57):
lives as little as possible, and we didn't want to
take them away from their home, their school, and their friends.
They can't move into our current home. Josh and I
have a very nice condo in the city that is
only two bedrooms, and there's no way we can have
kids there comfortably. Our city is nice, but the public
schools are crap and it would cost us a fortune

(45:17):
to put them all into private school, which brings me
to my next point. I am responsible for paying ninety
percent of the bills. I have always and will always
make substantially more than Josh. My field is very specialized,
and while there aren't many jobs, the ones that are
pay very well. I'm in niche industry. That's what they

(45:39):
always say. Josh was more of an artist, so he
only brought in money when someone commissioned something. I was
fine paying the majority of the bills because Josh would
always cook dinner, clean the house, do the grocery, shopping,
and other chores as his way of chipping in while
I work ruling hours. Okay, seems like they got something
working out there. Now I find myself paying for two mortgages,

(46:01):
and insurance for three extra people, and a whole bunch
of other expenses which have been eating up my salary.
I've been working sixty to seventy hours a week for
the past four months just to try and keep our
head above water. I'm exhausted all the time.

Speaker 10 (46:19):
Wow, sixty to seventy hours a week. Oh my gosh, I.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Got a lot of thoughts. I think we should get
through the bullet points before Josh and I never see
each other. My field is very specific, and the only
company that I can work for is in the city.
It would be impossible for me to commute six hours
every day, so during the week I stay in our condo.
In the past eight months, I count the number of
times Josh and I have spoken to each other alone.

(46:43):
On one hand, I come home every night to an
empty condo and microwave some food before collapsing on the couch.
When I go there on the weekends, all our time
is taken up by the kids' activities. One needs to
go to dance and now the other one needs to
be taken to soccer game. The youngest one has some
learning disabilities, so we take them to a specialist to
help him. Josh and I haven't had spicy sleeping close

(47:06):
to six months, and I honestly can't remember the last
time we kissed. Wow, that's tough. It's causing a strain
on their relationship too. Yeah, I mean it's so tough,
like coming into a relationship. Hey, I don't want kids,
you don't want kids. I think we're going to live
our lives because it seems like their lives cannot handle kids. Yeah.
And the fact that Josh has to live three hours

(47:27):
away right now, Yeah, it seems like this is the
only family. I was like, why is that aunt not
taking them in? Or like right, someone else?

Speaker 10 (47:34):
Right?

Speaker 3 (47:34):
This is like their only option pretty much. And I
don't see any life insurance on here, Like the parents
don't have any life insurance that they left behind or
any will they just have a home.

Speaker 10 (47:45):
I guess, I mean, there might be something, but if
it's not coming up in the story, then they might
not be like significant enough to do anything to help out.

Speaker 3 (47:52):
You know.

Speaker 11 (47:54):
I feel stuck just reading that because it's like, I mean,
you know, what you would think of as solutions is
like I don't know, diackcare systems or like hiring a
nanny or something like that, but that all costs so
much money.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
We have been planning on moving to Australia. My company
offered me a chance to transfer to one of their
branches in Sydney, and before the accident, Josh and I
had one hundred percent agreed to go. It was going
to be such an amazing adventure and a wonderful opportunity
for me to advance in my field. They want an
answer by August, and I don't know what to do.
I'm breaking. Last night I came home after working twelve hours.

(48:28):
I actually found myself looking for divorce lawyers in the area.
Oh wow. I broke down, sobbing and curled up in
bed and just kept crying for hours and hours. I
feel like I'm losing every bit of my sanity read it.
I don't sleep. I barely eat, I have dark circles
under my eyes, and even my bosses have said I
look gaunt. Oh my gosh. And you know what the

(48:49):
most fed up part is, I find myself being resentful
of his siblings. How sick is that I'm resenting of
the orphans that lost their parents. I don't know what
to do, but I can't keep going my much longer.
I curl up in my bed all alone. I feel
like I'm being crushed by the way of everything that's happened.
When I took my vows, I promised I should would
stay with my husband in sickness and in health, but

(49:10):
I didn't think it extended to his family. I've always
known what kind of life I wanted to lead, and
I did everything I could to achieve it. I studied,
I volunteered, I worked my butt off to do everything
I could do to have a good life. But now
it's all falling apart around me. I told Josh I
couldn't come this weekend because I had too much work
to do, but really it was because I was afraid

(49:30):
I would snap. What should I do? We got an updates.
I don't even know what to do.

Speaker 11 (49:35):
I'm suddenly feeling very underqualified to be sitting in this chair.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
Yeah. I mean, what's gonna have to happen is the
kids are gonna have to move somewhere, Like, okay, one,
if Josh is responsible for these kids, they're gonna have
to move to the city. And I know, like it's
not like the best situation, but that's gonna happen. And
then this situation. Yeah, and I know he's on an artist,

(49:58):
but he's probably gonna have to pick up on a
job and start helping out with the siblings. Oh yeah, yeah,
And it's gonna be tough for Josh and they need
to figure this out and with the kids. Dude, this
is a tough one.

Speaker 10 (50:09):
It's really tough, I know. And maybe like they do
need some time apart, like maybe she doesn't need to
go to Australia and get that job because she'll be
making more money, right yeah, And I mean maybe they
can figure out some sort of way. We're like, you know, Gosh, I.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
Don't know how that would be though, Like my bad
solution would be this, I might could come from to
the company be like, yo, this is a tragedy that
has happened recently. Yeah, is there. Any way you guys
could like help me out or I can do extra work,
extra work because I and I don't I mean, I
don't know how important you are to this company, but
they gave you an opportunity in Australia. We got an update. Okay,

(50:42):
find out. I'm sorry it's taking me so long to update.
Things have been very hectic in my life these past
two weeks, but I'm just trying to find the time
to sit down and write what happened. I know a
lot of people have been curious, and I'd like to
thank everyone for their advice and words, both good and bad.
Things have been pushed through an overdrive since I first posted.

(51:02):
I knew I had to have a real conversation with
Josh that had been putting off for months, so I
called him and told him we need to talk. Let's
just say it didn't get off to a good foot
since phone conversation with something like this, Hey, can you
get the kid's babysitter and drive up here.

Speaker 12 (51:17):
We really need to talk and it's pretty important now.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
Tommy and has talked soccer practice this afternoon and the
coach wants all of us to be there. Baby, can
you please find them a babysitter.

Speaker 12 (51:27):
It's really important that we talk right now.

Speaker 3 (51:29):
But Tommy really wants to be there. Can't wait. I'm
looking at divorce lawyers.

Speaker 12 (51:35):
Why don't you go ahead and tell me if you think.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
That can wait? That was enough to get him moving,
but I was pretty ticked off that I had to
plead and threaten him just to have a single conversation
with him. So Josh drove up to our home, looking
pretty stricken when he walked in, and we sat and
talked for hours about everything. I laid everything out that
I've been feeling, and even showed him a print out
of the post that I had made. He was very

(51:57):
defensive at first, asking me if I was really going
to to be so selfish as to leave him at
a time like this, and that only angered me, and
I shot back and asked him when he was going
to step up and be a man and provide for
his own family. Whoa bringing out the big guns over here.

Speaker 9 (52:15):
That's crazy when your partner just I don't know, lost
his parents, had to take care of his siblings.

Speaker 3 (52:21):
Yeah, dude, she hasn't been laid in six months.

Speaker 9 (52:24):
Through the six months, Okay, she's.

Speaker 3 (52:26):
Got a lot of frustration. Bro, I'm not I guess dude. Ugh, sup,
poor girl. First hour of our talk was pretty spent
yelling at each other to our throats were raw. It
might not have been the most healthy, but it helped
us get out of the anger and frustration we have
been feeling over the entire situation. The next six hours,

(52:47):
after we'd calmed down, we finally just talked. It's been
so long since we'd actually had a conversation about us.
It felt awkward at first, but then we fell into
our familiar rhythms. I'll spare you guys to detail, but
there were There was a lot of crying, a lot
of tissues being used, and even a few laughs. After everything,
we decided it would be best for let's see, oh

(53:10):
drum roll us to move to Sydney for the year.

Speaker 8 (53:16):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
The kids needed a new star, and so did we.
There were too many ghosts and bad feelings lurking around
and we just needed a clean break from it all.
I cannot stress how amazing my job has been regarding
everything that has happened. I broke down in front of
my VP and told her everything, and she's been so
kind and helpful. Wow. She was the one that recommended

(53:38):
me for the Sydney office, and she's gone above and
beyond helping us get everything we needed.

Speaker 12 (53:43):
Oh my gosh, oh amazing.

Speaker 3 (53:46):
Her brother in law actually owns a bar in the
area and they need a new bartender.

Speaker 5 (53:50):
Probably got a two for two right.

Speaker 3 (53:52):
Here, all round right jump for him too, what the
hell freaking goal. She spoke to him and he offered
my husband in the job, and they'll be helping with
him with all the paperwork. Josh and I also had
a long conversation about me not being the sole provider
for the family. He's always been very picky about what
commissions he takes, and he only used to do the

(54:13):
pieces that spoke to him. But that ends here.

Speaker 10 (54:16):
Yeah, I'm really surprised that that didn't happen way earlier. Really, listen,
I'm taking commissions right now. If I was in the
situation like.

Speaker 3 (54:24):
Everything's we'll be speaking to you.

Speaker 10 (54:26):
Yeah, I'm here, I'm here and everything, or I'm you know,
doing those commissions, I'm doing this other job.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
Like you know what I mean, Like you gotta, you
gotta as a creative, it's hard to like, you know,
be creative about something. And then also like putting food
on the table exactly exactly.

Speaker 10 (54:41):
But when the priority is putting food on the table
with all of these people, yes, you're gonna have to
do that.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
Any job anyone is willing to pay for it, he
is going to have to do. I don't care if
someone wants a mural of Godzilla dancing ballots, he has
to take it. This isn't time for the artsy integrity.
My company has been great and they helped us find
a place about an hour's commute from the new office
that can be our new home. Wow, oh my goodness.

(55:08):
It's three bedrooms, so the boys will have to share,
but at least we'll all be in the same place.
The school systems are really good, though the rent almost
gave me a heart attack. It's crazy that people in
Australia pay per week what I pay per month for rent.

Speaker 12 (55:22):
Oh wow, so we were wrong about the prices in Australia.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
We'll be renting out both the family home and the
apartment to help cover our expenses. We told the kids,
and that went okay. The boys were actually really excited
about the idea of moving to Sydney and they started
practicing their Australian accents. There you go. Well, Sammy was
a whole other matter integrity.

Speaker 13 (55:45):
She called me a selfish see you next Tuesday for
trying to move her away from her friends and school.

Speaker 3 (55:52):
I have never wanted to slap a kid so much
in my life. For a second, I regret it, not
just leaving everything and moving myself. Luckily, Josh stepped in
and told her if she was ever going to speak
to me like that again, that if it wasn't for me,
they would have been living out of a car months
ago and she could stop acting like an ungrateful brat.
Coming back from a stress day at work and having

(56:14):
to do it with a surly mouthy teenager is my
own personal version of AG double hockey sticks. Man, I
mean they didn't want kids, and guys, your version of
HG double hockey sticks is if you don't go your
favorite podcast platform right now and search up what Angel
Okay story time, and right there there will be a
plethora of heavenly stories that we save yourselves.

Speaker 12 (56:38):
Have you been saved yet? That's the question.

Speaker 13 (56:40):
But dude, dude, I feel like you know, you know
how like those those houses that are like and this
is your new house after.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
Being audible bus. Yeah. Yeah, like we got that bus moved.

Speaker 9 (56:52):
It was Australia and then and then all of a sudden,
we moved the buses Australia.

Speaker 3 (56:56):
Oh my god.

Speaker 9 (56:57):
Yeah, this is now your our country slash continent.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Yeah wow, be officials last a little bit up. Josh
and I have plenty of tough conversations that have and
we'll have to see how everything turns out. I'm still
very scared of looking back ten years from now and
thinking that I wasted so many years of my life
doing something I hated. This year in Sydney is going
to be a test for all of us to see
if we can actually make it work or if we

(57:23):
should go our separate ways. It's going to be very
tough journey, and if anything big happens, I'll update you guys.
But for now, wasistless luck. I have a feeling we're
going to need.

Speaker 5 (57:33):
A lot of it.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
Wow what cow dude?

Speaker 10 (57:39):
Yeah, definitely is still going to be a challenge, but
man oh man.

Speaker 1 (57:44):
Dang, hey, it's Sam. We're go get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 8 (57:50):
I found my husband's ex wife in our home wearing.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
Only a towel. The scandal that's the plot of Enchanted.

Speaker 8 (57:59):
A couple of days ago, I came home from a
work meeting and was unpleasantly surprised to find my husband's
ex wife wandering around the house fresh out of the shower,
with only a towel wrapped around her body. Where was
she wandering to your husband's bed? I felt absolutely hysterical,
though I didn't show it. She had the keys because
her daughter, who was also my husband's daughter, spends more

(58:20):
time at our house than at hers, so she occasionally
comes to visit her. By the way, this comes from
ethereal wife and if you want to sumit your own stories,
go to our slash okay storytemes separate it. So this
time I didn't hold back. I demanded that she give
me the keys and told her she wasn't allowed to
come over while I was not home. My husband was
asleep in the bedroom and had no idea that his
ex wife was even in the house.

Speaker 12 (58:42):
Interesting applies changing up.

Speaker 8 (58:45):
Yeah, I thought it was. The husband was like, hey,
come over, you got out a working shower right. When
I asked my stepdaughter why her mother had stayed, she
simply said that she wasn't planning to leave until her
dad woke up. My mind immediately interpreted that as an
attempt at seduction.

Speaker 3 (59:00):
It was short.

Speaker 8 (59:00):
I took away the house keys and told her that
it wasn't necessary for her to come see your daughter
on weekdays, when my stepdaughter went to her house already
on weekends. If she needed to come over for something important,
she had to ask for permission. You called me crazy,
but my husband backed me up, which was the only
reason she eventually left without making a scene. Today, I
started wondering if maybe I overreacted and handled things immaturely.

(59:21):
But at the same time, I don't want her around
my four month old baby when I'm not home, and
there is an edit to avoid more accusations. I checked
the entire chronology of the cameras at home, and my
husband was sleeping with her baby all morning. He didn't
even know she was home, but he was angrier than
me when he saw her and even insisted that we
report her. Wow, and there are some relevant comments and
I believe an update. Oh my goodness, But do you

(59:42):
have any thoughts?

Speaker 3 (59:43):
Yeah? That's crazy. Yeah again.

Speaker 10 (59:45):
At first, my mind was going to, uh, oh, what
do they both shed? Yeah, exactly. But now I'm like, uh, oh,
she broke into your house. Yeah, and it's like if
they have a custody split where it's like she gets
them on the weekends, then why Yeah, then why she
there to like visit.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
I've never heard of that being a thing ever.

Speaker 12 (01:00:02):
Oh yeah, that's pretty pretty suspicious, weird, I.

Speaker 8 (01:00:06):
Think, Yeah, I think you are absolutely not the able
for setting those boundaries, because yeah, this realm and comments.
Does the ex wife come by the house that often
for a shower or something else?

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (01:00:16):
Pi says she didn't usually come to the house much before,
but lately she seems very concerned about being present in
her daughter's life, and my stepdaughter wasn't that calm. In fact,
she was the one who sent me a message saying
that her mother was in the home, although I never
thought I would find her in a towel. According to
my stepdaughter, she had come home from work to check
on her and told her she was going to take
a shower without any other explanation. I checked some cameras,

(01:00:38):
and my husband had been taken care of and sleeping
with our baby all morning. He didn't even notice she
was home. Common or two, Why did she have keys
in the first place, and how old is the daughter?
And we also we already know that because sometimes I
think she has to take care of your daughter to
pick them up.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:00:52):
Ope, she always had the keys in case of an
emergency while we're traveling. My stepdaughter is seventeen years old.
And the last thing, my husband had spent the night
awake at work, so he slept all day. Although I
also thought like you at first, I immediately checked the
cameras I have in some areas of the house to
monitor my baby, including the bedrooms common to three not
the ale. You didn't overact, but I would be suspicious
of your husband might want to keep an eye on him.

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
I mean, it seems like the husband's fine.

Speaker 12 (01:01:17):
Yeah, the husband was a little mad, so I think
the husband's chill.

Speaker 3 (01:01:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:01:22):
Was the house the husband and exus at some point?
Opie says, yes, the house belonged to both of them
before they divorced, although legally had always belonged only to
my husband, but she lived with him, and Opie clarifies
the details on how she met her husband. Was it
during the time when her husband was married the ex
Opie says, oh, I met him when they had been
divorced for about eleven years, but she did live there

(01:01:43):
during their marriage. That's so weird that after eleven years
she's coming back into the life and being like, I'm
gonna shower at your house.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
Maybe it's like old habits kicking in. Yeah, hurry, I
just forgot. Oh He's like, you haven't been here for
eleven seven years. I think that a decade.

Speaker 8 (01:02:02):
It's just I.

Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
Oh, no, no.

Speaker 8 (01:02:09):
OPI on her husband's custody battle with his ex over
their daughter and if the ex is dangerous to the daughter,
Opie says, before you judge, calmly ask yourself for explanations.
She and my husband had a legal battle for custody
because she wanted to move to another state and wanted
to take my stepdaughter without my husband's consent. It had
been a long conflict because she literally almost kidnapped their daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:02:30):
Ohoy.

Speaker 8 (01:02:31):
And if it weren't for me acting as a mediator
on occasions, he would have.

Speaker 3 (01:02:34):
Already suit her on it. Wow, she is not.

Speaker 8 (01:02:37):
She wouldn't even try to be because my stepdaughter lives
with us most of the time and we would notice
immediately if something happened with her. Now she has no
intentions of taking her anywhere, of course. But that's why
I spoke in the past tense all the time. And
there is an update. Whoa before we jump into that update.

Speaker 10 (01:02:52):
Yeah, I'm just like, I wonder what she would do, Like,
I just don't understand.

Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
I just not get it.

Speaker 8 (01:02:59):
What was her place there? Yeah, go on, clearly was
not well thought out. It seems like she got to
the house was like.

Speaker 3 (01:03:05):
Do I do a shower? Yeah? But there is an
update two weeks later.

Speaker 8 (01:03:10):
Hello, it's me, the woman who found her husban's ex
wife and her house wearing a towel.

Speaker 3 (01:03:14):
We remember.

Speaker 8 (01:03:15):
Yes, I've seen that things have gotten pretty out of control,
to the point where it's spread all over the internet,
and now it's here. So I'm here to clear that
something's up and give some updates. First of all, we've
changed all the locks, and although my stepdaughter has her
own key, she's not going to risk losing her father's trust.
After the serious talk they had, I mean seems like
she was kind of shocked that her mom was there.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
I mean she texted O pee Yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:03:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 8 (01:03:37):
I feel like she's done nothing wrong in this, y Cinara.
After my husband started the process for a restraining order.
His ex wife's sister reached out to us. She told
us that the ex wife was feeling empty and threatened
because of me. I've been living with my husband in
this house for three years and she has never done
anything like this before, so it seemed extremely strange to
me that she would pull this kind of stunt right

(01:03:57):
after I gave birth to my son. Anyway, Hey, my
husband's ex sister in law assured us that she was
going to receive psychological treatment and that we could move
forward with the restraining order. She just asked us to
understand that the ex wife seemed to be falling into
some kind of depression that was preventing her from thinking clearly.

Speaker 5 (01:04:14):
Wow.

Speaker 8 (01:04:15):
Interesting, Well, I mean, yeah, that is pretty irrational action
to take to go into your ex's house to a
shower and then wear a towel around the house. As
for why I feel so bad and why I haven't
reacted more aggressively, I have an explanation. Since giving birth
a few months ago, I felt slow, dumb, a bit
confused about everything. I've never had serious troubles defending myself

(01:04:35):
in English before, but now I do, and my emotions
are all over the place. Leaving me feel distressed in
any dramatic situation. To wrap things up, I'd like to
clarify a few points. No, my husband has not cheated
on me with the woman he's been having issues with
for eleven years. I checked the security cameras and he
was asleep next to our child during the hour his
wife was showering downstairs. That bathroom is pretty far from

(01:04:56):
the bedroom. My stepdaughter was barely involved in her mother's plan.
In fact, she he was the one who alerted me
that her mom was in the house and that she
had no idea why. Normally her mom would let her
know before visiting, and only if my husband wasn't home. Yes,
that woman only did it to get under my skin
and make herself feel better. Spoiler, she won't be coming
near my family again. But you know where you guys

(01:05:17):
can come. Come and listen to all episodes of stories
just like this. Just got a Spotify, Apple podcast or
iHeart Radio and such a BOOKUS story Time.

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
But there's a little bit left to the story. Any
final thoughts. Yeah, I think it's just an interesting situation.

Speaker 12 (01:05:34):
She definitely needs help.

Speaker 3 (01:05:35):
I'm glad she's getting it. She's getting the house so
she's got a you know, support system.

Speaker 12 (01:05:39):
Yeah, and I'm kind of glad that the daughter is
old enough.

Speaker 10 (01:05:42):
Yeah, like know what's going on, absolutely like mature enough
about the situation to communicate with both sides well enough.

Speaker 3 (01:05:49):
You know, it's probably still hard on her.

Speaker 12 (01:05:51):
I'm sure she's only seventeen, but yeah, she's not like eleven.

Speaker 8 (01:05:54):
Yeah, it's not like her mom could be taking her
on her weekends and being like your father's terrible.

Speaker 12 (01:06:00):
Yeah, and she's just like what, like she couldn't actually
know what's going on.

Speaker 8 (01:06:03):
But there is a little bit left to this story.
Do it in any case, Thank you for the support
and all the advice. I'm glad to know that there
are still understanding people who have stood by me in
a moment where my emotions faltered and made me doubt myself.
Top comments common one says, My guess is the birth
of your son pushed her over. Until that point, she
thought she had the upper hand because she and your

(01:06:23):
husband had the bond of share child. Yeah, in her mind,
she was still the primary relationship and you were temporary.
Now you have the ring and a child, and that blew.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Up her fantasy. Dang man ha a great comment go.

Speaker 8 (01:06:36):
Forward with the restraining order. Her mental health is on
her to manage, and she has her own relatives to
support her through that. Comitar two, not the ale. That
is absolutely a violation of privacy and scary. She's being
a complete creep and needs to be put in her
place aka out of the picture.

Speaker 3 (01:06:50):
Omitara. Three. I remember this post. Glad you changed the locks.

Speaker 8 (01:06:54):
Although it's sad that the acts is having a mental
health struggle, you are not obligated to deal with her
issues and need to fall through on the restraining order
to avoid any potential harm to your family and new baby. Remember,
this woman may not be thinking clearly, so again, not
worth the risk, and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 7 (01:07:11):
Wow.

Speaker 8 (01:07:12):
Yeah, it seems like you guys gotta figure it out.
It seems like she had like a kind of breakdown. Yeah,
and I mean scary.

Speaker 10 (01:07:17):
It doesn't seem like this woman has been mentally okay.

Speaker 3 (01:07:22):
For quite a while.

Speaker 8 (01:07:23):
No, it seems like she's been dealing with a lot
for eleven years.

Speaker 3 (01:07:26):
Yeah, eleven years.

Speaker 11 (01:07:27):
Because like if she's feeling threat now after her ex
husband got full on married again, like like I don't know,
I feel like it's like thinking about that person as
a threat is kind of crazy because it's like, well, yes,
I am his new wife, you know what I mean.

Speaker 12 (01:07:42):
And then yeah, just with it being like more real
for her now that they have a.

Speaker 10 (01:07:46):
Kid together, yeah's like yeah, but so yeah, they figured
it out.

Speaker 8 (01:07:50):
Yeah, she's getting out that she needs and they're gonna
have the rest of their life to.

Speaker 3 (01:07:56):
Hang out with their baby and their seventeen year old daughter.
There you go.

Speaker 9 (01:07:59):
The

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My girlfriend’s mother wants her to date ANOTHER man… even though we’re in a relationship! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2141

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My girlfriend’s mother wants her to date ANOTHER man… even though we’re in a relationship! - r/relationships | Reddit Stories | EP2141