My girlfriend’s RUDE step-father made me feel unwelcome…I’m never coming back! | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your
warm embrace. Dear Sam, such it has since we started
the Okay story Tom podcast. Yes, and I have a
message for you, a delicious story that I think you'll love.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Sincerely Sam, But.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happen, I
bid thee farewell. See you in two minutes. My girlfriend's
rude stepfather made me feel unwelcome. I'm never coming back.
How rude. My girlfriend and I have been together for
one year, having met on a dating app and hitting
it off well. My girlfriend, Cindy is a wonderful, beautiful, sweet, kind,

(00:34):
loving person who I am so lucky to be with.
By the way, this comes from user Carpuggio Throwaway, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime subred it. In the one
year we have spent together, we have fallen very much
in law. We share similar interests, have similar senses of humor,
and care about each other very much. We've been largely
long distance until now, and we're thinking of living together

(00:55):
within another year as we both graduate college and plan
to move to a major city to pursue our separate dream.
Things have been moving into the really serious phase as
we started spending time with each other's families. Over the
past months, I've met her father's side her parents are
divorced as our mind, her family on her father's side
live in town with us, while she's met both sides
of my family, who also live in the same town

(01:17):
as us. All that was left was to travel to
the East Coast to meet Cindy's mother, Fanny. There just
so happened to be some events happening that gave her
a reason to go back home. She wanted me to
come along to meet her family, so we decided to
make a road trip out of it. We've been here
for literally just one day and our planning to stay
until Tuesday, so five days we arrived today when around

(01:39):
town as she showed me around for a bit, then
went back to her mom's to hang out and eat dinner.
Her mom is nice enough, not particularly welcoming, but greets
me and chit chats with me, which I tried to
reciprocate politely. However, then Tim came home, her mother's boyfriend.
To my knowledge, Tim and Fanny have been together for
a number of years since Fanny's divorce, and all I

(02:00):
have ever heard from my girlfriend is how much of
a piecea crap this guy is. Examples of what she's
told me about him include calling her derogatory nicknames like
princess because that's supposedly how she behaves. Note, my girlfriend
is the furthest thing from a princess. I could imagine.
She's one of the most given, caring people I know.
She hardly asks for anything. They constantly guilt her doing

(02:22):
things like washing dishes overly loudly to make sure she
knows she forgot to do them or didn't do them
up to his standards. It isn't even his house. They
aren't his dishes. He's apparently not even legally allowed to
live there as part of the divorce, even though he
keeps three of his ratty old cars he claims to
be fixing up there Once. He once yelled at her
because she wanted to go to a college. He didn't

(02:43):
want her to go to what what? I don't understand
how it's any of his effing business. She isn't his child.
Tom is, from what I can tell, the source of
a great deal of anxiety that Cindy deals with. Regularly,
and frankly I understand why. Anyway, he comes home and
pretty much immediately starts doing the same crap to me,
immediately gives me a rude nickname, laughingly and proudly refers
to himself as a wiener, then asks me if I

(03:05):
have any dietary restrictions, which I don't, before telling me
good because he doesn't make accommodations for them.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
What's the point of asking?

Speaker 1 (03:13):
This guy just is the most annoying guy ever. He
really is like a five year old. He's a five
year old in an adult's body.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
That literally sounds like what people in my elementary school
would say. Yeah, this is like like like oh.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
No, one asks. He then starts to cook dinner before
interrupting our conversation by asking me do you want it
to be treated like a guest or like family, to
which I said, uh, what's the difference? Then he responds
do you want to feel like you belong to which
I said, uh sure. Then he responds good to take
out the trash and walks out. I've been there for
all of thirty minutes. Now I'll gladly clean up after

(03:48):
myself in someone else's home or offer to help out
with chores as a polite guest, but this was incredibly
rude and completely disrespectful. Later, as I went to take
my dishes into the kitchen, I thanked him for cooking
by saying, thank you, sir, and I got a gruff
don't call me sir as a response individually that in
itself wouldn't have bothered me if I hadn't known that
there was nothing good natured about it. Also, before you ask, no,

(04:09):
he was not joking about any of this. I know
because my girlfriend told me he doesn't joke. When he
does that. He's incredibly rude, and I have every reason
and to think, and I have every reason to think
he'll continue to be as long as I'm here. He's
around pretty much every day. It shook me up so
much that I ended up excusing myself to go to
bed very early because I was so uncomfortable being in
the same room with him. I've dealt with rude people,
but never had someone make me feel like an intruder

(04:30):
in their home when our stay had been planned weeks
in advance. So I'm not gonna lie all right really quickly,
I know I'm yeap. My advice to these kinds of people.
This kind of guy is like this because nobody just goes,
who do you think you are? Tim? And as soon
as you say that, he's gonna go, who do you think?
In my house? You're look at your skull, look at
your being ridiculous? Tim, Tim, who do you think you are?

(04:52):
Put him on blast?

Speaker 2 (04:53):
You gotta talk to him like a child, and not
in a way where it's.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Like, oh oh, not in that way of talking like
a child, if that makes sense, but just like just
being so above it, and it's being like, buddy, like
what do you mean by that?

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Buddy? That's hey, buddy, that's not how you talk to people.
What are you doing? In short, he is any complete butt,
an utter butt, And I don't know how I'm going
to be able to get through a week with him.
I'm concerned that my girlfriend and her mother essentially just
let him talk to me this way, and knowing how
anxious my girlfriend is, she isn't going to say or
do anything about it. What can I do? How can
I get through this week and keep this person out

(05:27):
of my life? Afterwards? You already know what I had
to say. Andrew, do you have a take? Is it physical?

Speaker 3 (05:32):
Find violence is always still an option that's gonna be
on the table. But honestly, my real answer though, I
feel like, really you just have to show that it's
not affecting you, you know what I mean, Like, if
there's I don't I mean, it doesn't seem like he's
being passive aggressive, but like I've responded to passive aggressive
people before, but taking what they're saying very literally, you know,
like I won't say examples, but I think this guy's.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
Being incredibly passive aggressive. Yeah. Okay, well not even less passive,
more actual aggressive.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
So well, okay, So one time I was beefing with
this person and at one point she was like, oh, like,
isn't it so nice to like have have such great
friends and to be there for and supporting your friends?
And I was like, yeah, it's great. And because she
was like trying to dig at me because she felt
like I wasn't doing that sr She's like, and it
wasn't like that, and so I was just like, yes,
it's really nice, and then she kept going, I just

(06:21):
like laughed at her and it was like, you know,
very subtle things. You just got to act like it's
you know, don't need to come back with any comeback.
You don't need to be angry and blow up about it.
You just need to be like what are you doing?
Like what's going on over there?

Speaker 1 (06:34):
There was an update, though, so since the events of
my last post. I spoke with my girlfriend the following morning,
expressing how disrespected and unwelcome i'd felt given the way
Tim had treated me. After I'd driven halfway across the
country and spent my own birthday money to bring Cindy
back to her mother for a visit, I told Cindy
that I wasn't going to put up with being treated
like an intruder, and that I wanted to stay in
a hotel room or find alternatives sleeping arrangements for the

(06:56):
rest of the trip. I said that I would be
happy to go to dinner or something with her mother,
but that I didn't want Tim there because of the
way he'd been rude to me. I was surprised at
how well Cindy took all this, and she said she understood,
and that she'd hoped Tim would be better behaved than
he had been, like he's a dog or something. Fortunately,
she had an old friend who completely understood the situation
with Tim and offered to let Cindy and I stay
for a couple of nights until the trip was over.

(07:18):
If I haven't mentioned, basically, everyone who knows Tim, apart
from Cindy's mother, thinks he is absolute trash and no
one understands what she sees in him. Tim and Fanny
were away picking up Tim's son, Michael, sixteen male, and
wouldn't be back in town for another day, so Cindy
and I ended up staying over at the house again
since they were gone, and decided that in the morning
we'd pack all our stuff and bring it to her

(07:39):
friend's house. Cindy would find an opportunity to talk to
her mother in person about the reason our stuff was
gone and explain that we'd be staying somewhere else. Fast
forward to the next night, at which time we'd loaded
all our stuff up into the car and we're simply
waiting for them to return when Fanny texts that their
flight is delayed and they won't be returning until very late.
Cindy tells her about the situation over the phone and
tells me her mother sounded annoyed but understanding. We go

(08:00):
to Cindy's friend's house and go to sleep because we're
attending her friend's baby shower the next day, as is
Cindy's mother. The next day, at the shower, Cindy and
I go and have a nice time until Fanny shows
up and pulls her to the corner of the room
to talk about the situation. She and Cindy talk, but
Fanny begins making an absolute embarrassment of herself, crying openly

(08:21):
in the middle of someone else's baby shower she could
have easily gone outside to have this conversation, and telling
Cindy that oh p needs to fix this situation, saying
how I'd apparently been disrespectful towards Cindy's family because I
didn't stand up to shake Tim's hand immediately, and how
she sees traits in me that she saw in Cindy's father,
whom she is divorced from. She then leaves in a huff,

(08:41):
having made quite the scene, and my girlfriend tells me
what happened outside and says how upset she is with
her mother. I found out later that after this all
went down, Fanny talked with Tim and called Cindy's father
in my hometown to talk about how disrespectful I was
with Tim, saying Cindy was choosing Oh Pee over her family.
Cindy consults with her father, who suggests that, or the
sake of smoothing things over with everyone, we be the

(09:02):
bigger people and invite them out to dinner. I really
really didn't want to see Tim again, especially now that
I knew he'd be aware of my reason for leaving.
But Cindy understandably just wants her mother to love me
the way she does, and so I agree to go
to dinner. After a couple of hours, Fanny and Tim
except and the four of us, along with Michael, meet
up that evening for dinner. Is an excruciatingly awkward dinner.

(09:23):
Everyone is civil and polite, but it's clear that Tim
is uninterested in getting to know me. Though Fanny does
make some small talk with me at the very least,
Tim says nothing rude to me, and I don't talk
much throughout the meal. When the waiter asks about the
check I offered to pay, Tim basically ignores me and
insists upon separate checks. We leave town the next day,
stopping to visit Cindy's other family, all of whom love me.
It seems clear that the commenters on the other post

(09:44):
were correct about how toxic Fanny and Tim can be,
and with any luck, I'll be keeping them out of
my own life, if not Cindy's, as much as possible. Edit.
Cindy's dad was completely supportive of us throughout the whole thing,
and he took the call knowing Fanny was in the wrong.
All Right, I've gotten loads of comments that seem to
think Tim was just joking that I'm probably just being
ridiculous when I say that everybody hates Tim. So I'm
gonna list out some more rude crap things he's regularly

(10:05):
done to people that I don't think I need to
go into. Hopefully it won't make people so sure that
I'm some whiny kid who can't handle joking. Tim has
repeatedly called my girlfriend ab In the past, Tim tried
to force Fanny to put Cindy's brother in the military,
not that she could have, but he still tried. Keeping
in mind these are not his children. Tim makes comments
about women that are extremely inappropriate. He points out when
Cindy's friends have skin showing or have gained weight, there's

(10:26):
a little bit. Oh god, we have some more, just
a couple more examples of Tim being a jerk. Some
people are not confrontational. I get that. This is a
guy you got to confront and Tim, why are you
doing this?

Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Sorry? Why did you just talk to me that way?
Just like not even in like a don't match his energy?
Stay calm, stay cool, right, so that way when he
starts going off the hand, you go, Tim, look at yourself.
What are you doing exactly? I'm just trying. I'm just
literally talking to you like a human being, and you
are reacting this way. What's going on? Tim? Are you okay? Tim?
He'll probably start crying, Like, honestly, that's the deal. He's

(10:58):
a five year old in a grown man's Yeah, he's
gonna start crying. Just press him, Yeah, don't let him
get away with this. Tim gives rude nicknames to everyone,
not just me. Everyone I've talked to you hates it
and does not think it's funny or a joke. Tim
has had falling outs with nearly everyone in Cindy's family.
Every family member I met on the trip thinks he's
incredibly rude, abrasive, and borderline, including Fanny's own parents. And

(11:18):
that is the end of that story. Yeah, because Tim sucks.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
So when Tim starts sucking, you gotta be like, hey, Tim,
he sucks so much quick, can you please? Well that's
the end of that story. Wow.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
My mother demanded that we invite extra guests into my wedding,
but refuses to pay for them.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Mom, it's not your any background to be up around.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
My parents are not good with money.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
They are a few years past a major bankruptcy, along
with other questionable life and financial choices. I don't rely
on them at all, though they do financially support my
older sister. By the way, this comes from wedding invitations
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime Separate. They have a
history of making promises of money and then backing out,
as well as guilt tripping when they do give me anything.

(12:00):
I have not asked them for anything since I graduated
from college. I accompanied my mother to a reunion halfway
across the country as a favor. Her usual driving companion
was busy, so she wouldn't have to go alone or
skip it, so the story. During the drive, we discussed
my cousin's her sister's daughter upcoming wedding and how she
wanted a small, quirky ceremony revolving around guests and costumes.

(12:21):
My mother was lambasting my cousin's choices the entire time,
saying that if my aunt was willing to plan it,
she should be able to invite her extended family great
aunts and uncles and other distant relatives. Many of these
people are very old and do not know one cousin
from another. More to the point, many of them live
in the same region northern Indiana, and have not been
able to visit other areas, in my case, New York,

(12:41):
in my cousin's case, Georgia.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
They are essentially strangers.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
This discussion segued into a discussion of my own plans
to marry. My significant other and I have been together
for nearly seven years and are finally in a place
where we.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Can feasibly think about getting married.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
We know that we are going to be paying for
the wedding out of pocket, with no real contributions for
my parents or which is okay with us. We're trying
to keep a list of friends and immediate family, which
puts us at around forty five to fifty people. If
we invite the people that she wants us to invite.
It adds on about thirty to thirty five people. That's
almost doubling the guest list. She said that we wouldn't

(13:14):
have to invite them to the reception and just the ceremony.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
The problem with that is.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
That we were not planning on having a huge ceremony,
something small in a local historic park cheap. Neither one
of us are religious, so having it in a venue
such as a church seems silly. Plus, if these people
showed up, I know that I would be strong armed
into letting them come to the reception. She admits, it's
essentially an invitation to send the gift, which seems silly
to me. An extra thirty or forty invitations that just

(13:40):
invite to this ceremony would essentially double our budget for
the invites, and an expenditure that we really can't afford
if we're trying to be economical. It also raises another problem.
Like my mother, his mom also comes from a large family.
If we invite extended family from my side, we will
be expected to invite from his side. His mother's family
is even larger. His mom is one of twelve. A

(14:01):
few years ago, his sister got married and has told
me that covering the extended family plus children ended up
being forty eight extra invitations. Most of these people ended
up flying out for the reception and caused some last
minute drama in which my sister in law did not
want kids at the menu and they showed up anyway.
This caused problems with food and table placements. But I
digress where my extended family may not show up, I

(14:23):
am relatively sure my significant other's extended family will. If
we had the money to have a one hundred plus
person wedding, I would. I would love to invite aunts
and uncles and cousins and such, but as it stands,
we cannot afford it. Am I being unreasonable and asking
them to contribute money to the affair if they are
so adamant on inviting them. This is not an issue
with his parents, because we've disgusted with them, and they

(14:45):
have offered money to help cover extended family on their side, But.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
We have the problem.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
When I asked my mother if she expected to be
putting any additional money for this.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
She laughed.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
She said that if we could wait another four or
five years, they might be able to. I'm unwill willing
to wait that long on the idea that they might
be able to give us money for this. This stung
a bit as I overheard them discussing the two thousand
dollars they just sent my sister. The conversation essentially ended
with ME saying, well, that's a little left up, don't
you think, and then resulted in about sixish hours of

(15:16):
silence as we drove down from northern Indiana to western
Kentucky to visit my sister. My mom was able to
get married for very cheaply by relying on her aunts
and uncles, and I don't think she has a good
understanding for how expensive things are when you don't have
oodles of free labor. Am I being unreasonable to limit
my guest list in order to save money? Either my
significant other nor I want to blow big bucks on

(15:38):
this event. But it seems like this might force us
to lay out cash we simply don't have.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
I am conflicted.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah, I think you should say we don't have the
oodles of cash we need to pay oodles of people.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
That's a great word.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
God, I love the word oodle.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
To remind it of it today.

Speaker 1 (15:54):
Again, it's like, what are we doing? Just say it's
our wedding. You're not allowed to invite the people we
don't want here. I hear that their extended family they
can watch the tape.

Speaker 3 (16:02):
My mother and I have never had a great relationship,
and I fear this could really ruin it. I know
I'm not entitled to a single penny from them, but
am I being unreasonable? How can I effectively stand my
ground and tell my mom that there will only be
friends and immediate family?

Speaker 2 (16:15):
We do have an updates?

Speaker 1 (16:16):
Well, babe, the way that you do that is you
stand your ground and you tell your mom there will
not be any more invites. There.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
You go just say we simply can't afford it, and
we also don't want it, so that's all there is. Yeah,
we just don't want it, So stop, stop and think
before you speak. Updates so pretty good news. My significant
other popped the question. Gorgeous ring, great surprise, all the
good stuff, an amazing outpouring of support from friends and family,

(16:47):
Great times all around. We met up with my parents
last weekend for dinner. My sister was briefly in town,
a rare occasion, and so while the dinner was mostly
for that, we did as I predicted get grilled about
our wedding plans. I have found our location cheap, cute,
et cetera, and was telling my mom about it. Inevitably,
the topic of our wedding guest list came up. After

(17:08):
reviewing the feedback I got from my first post, I
was able to sit down with my significant other and
formulate our.

Speaker 2 (17:13):
Response ahead of time.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
I would do much of the talking my parents seems
only fair, and he would back me up if necessary.
We outlined our main sticking points low budget, small intimate affair,
don't really want a big thing, et cetera, and rehearsed
various answers. Can I tell you I was anxious about
this conversation. All I can say is thank god we
were in a public place. I think this definitely helped

(17:35):
us avoid a screaming match right off the bat. She
didn't even ask if we were planning on inviting extended family.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
But rather assumed it. I corrected her firmly, but without anger.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
I told her we have a small budget and really
wanted to be a small affair for the people who
really know us, best friends and immediate family, and have
seen our relationship grow and develop over the years.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
But she protested. She began talking about getting paid.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
I swear she said, We've been to a bunch of
crappy weddings for family, and payback is a witch. I
assume that she means in reference to previously giving gifts
and now expecting them. I didn't press it. I repeated
that only immediate family, and in the case of my
significant other, his grandparents might have passed away and friends
would be invited. I told her that unless they can

(18:22):
front the cash for the additional cost before we put
out save the dates within three months, they would not
be invited. Kind of a harsh tactic, but that's the truth.
I'd love to invite all my aunts and uncles, but
we simply don't have the money. I did offer a
compromise of perhaps sending out a wedding announcement to them.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
After the fact. After that she backed down mostly. She
then started talking.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
About doing a short ceremony out near her family so
that we could collect I swear her words. I don't
particularly care about the gifts or money, but it seemed
like a reasonable request. They mostly live in northern Indiana,
and my significant others extended family are in Chicago, so
it seems like maybe we could accommodate both sides the family.
I told her that if she expects something like that,
it needs to be one hundred percent finance and planned

(19:05):
by them.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
I then told her that if she's interested in doing.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
Such a thing, she might want to contact my significant
other's mother and work something out. We were discussing our
guest list with them this weekend. Finger cross, fingers crossed
for no conflict. I haven't heard a peep about this
idea since it was raised at dinner, so who knows
if she'll actually bother her. She has, however, been constantly
texting and emailing me ideas and cites about budget weddings.
Hopefully this means our message has stuck with her. As

(19:30):
for the money, my dad privately said he'd see but
I know that that means not to expect anything.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
That's fine. We weren't planning for their assistance anyway, and
we do have another update.

Speaker 3 (19:40):
But do we have any any thoughts about this current situation?

Speaker 1 (19:44):
Literally, just stop letting these people pretend they can plan
your wedding.

Speaker 3 (19:48):
Yeah, I'm I'm worried about you know, even saying like, oh,
you figure it out then, because.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Nope, she might don't let her figure anything out, and.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
I don't trust her.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
I don't trust that she'll be able to do it
in a smooth way and maybe not communicate it very well,
and it's just not gonna end up.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Well, that's what I think. So ugh can't believe I'm
back again. This is not a great start.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
Like so many of you had guessed in my original post,
my mother has gone ahead and invited distant relatives, second
and third cousins, great aunts, and uncles, et cetera. This
past weekend was my cousin's wedding. My fiance and I
couldn't attend, but I talked to my cousin after the fact.
She said that she had heard about the wedding and
was so excited to come up for it, and that
she'd send along the family address POOT. As I mentioned

(20:29):
in my previous posts, my fiance and I are adamant
about keeping our guest lists under fifty. We've started looking
at venues which if our guest lists shot up to one.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Hundred plus, we'd never be able to afford. I am furious.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
I can't believe, no, wait, I totally can that she's
doing this in order to accommodate both her and then
my fiance's family, we would bankrupt ourselves and likely still
forfeit our perfect wedding.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
You know what I'm smelling right now?

Speaker 2 (20:55):
What are you smelling?

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Secret wedding? Baby, secret wedding? I smell secret? You and
five friends at the beach? Whoa crazy?

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah that this definitely calls for a secret wedding.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yeah, it calls for like, you know, hey, postponing the
wedding or canceled. We actually don't want any ceremony. We're
just going to the courthouse and then yeah, just do
a regular.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
Cancel it for the most like clearly fake reason. But
oh we both got food poisoning at the same time,
but we ate from different places. Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 3 (21:24):
As I mentioned in my previous posts, she is not
offering any money to help offset the costs of her
large family. So Reddit, I needed some advice on a
few things. I need to know how I can tactfully
uninvite people should I even they won't be getting an
invitation or save the date. But I feel as if
I need to let them know uprunts that they shouldn't
expect one. So wait, okay, I feel like we've got
We've got a few questions here. I think we need

(21:46):
to give short answers for one on one. So with
this one, how can I tactfully uninvite people?

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Or should I even cancel the wedding?

Speaker 2 (21:52):
Cancel the wedding?

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Can you set the wedding, get married secretly, and then
do another one where there's no pressure in the stakes
you're as low as possible.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
Another question, how can I make a clean break from
my mother? I would like to preserve what little relationship
I have with my father, but I am one hundred
percent done with my mother. I can have her in
my life when she's going to behave like us well.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
Was her answer?

Speaker 1 (22:11):
Oh, your dad exactly what you just texted, And also
tell your mom you are done because of her behavior.

Speaker 3 (22:16):
Another question, am I overreacting? I feel as if I'm
making the right decision. But I grew up thinking that
my reactions were overblown and that I was being unforgiving
or ridiculous. There's a huge part of me that just
wants to just forget it and let things be fine.
Because I am reluctant to make the break. How can
I get her.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Out of my head and out of my life.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Don't let her plan important things in your life. I
don't necessarily know if you want to. It sounds like
you're kind of conflicted about it, if you even want
to go full of no contact here.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
I think the context is like, Mom, you are not
my right hand right now, you are not planning my wedding.
You don't get to unilaterally invite these people and then
you go behind my back. I am no longer involving
you in any planning of any major life event I have.
And you can either respect that or be really upset
about it, and then you can make your decision if

(23:05):
you want to continue to talk to me, you know, yeah, yeah,
but just be firm, say this is why, this is
what's happening. It's not going to change until you change
make changes. Yeah, I behave with me.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
Literally, I told you why we couldn't do what you
wanted to do, and then you did it anyway, and
now we have to pay for it and we have
to uninvite people.

Speaker 2 (23:23):
You know what, make the mom uninvite people, That's what
she needs to do.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
She needs to make the mom go to these people
and say like, hey, I invited you without offering to
pay for you like I said that I would pay,
and then I didn't, and now like, because they don't
have the money.

Speaker 1 (23:37):
Babe, brilliant, I believe brilliant.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
It put that on the mom so we have an
edit though, edit Oh so much, really amazing advice here.
I really appreciate all the feedback I've gotten about this
ongoing saga. I thought I would wait until Thanksgiving to
confront her, but it turns out she decided.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
To give me a ring this evening. Oh joy.

Speaker 3 (23:55):
Earlier today, I had posted a small bit on Facebook
about how my fiance and I had found our wedding
bands and that we were making small steps to locking
down a venue.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
Just general stuff, no specifics.

Speaker 3 (24:05):
Well, she called to ask what they look like and
acted as if everything was okay. I don't think she
knew I found out about her little stunt this weekend.
She acted super interested in the rings and how I
found them, and blah blah blah. It's quickly segued into venues.
I told her that I wasn't going to be looking
at the summer camp that she suggested because it really
didn't fit into her style as a couple.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Trying to keep it polite, but firm. Then she let
it slip that we.

Speaker 3 (24:29):
Might need some extra room for people if Uncle X
and alt Zie and company show up. At this point,
I am seeing red. I know where she's going with this.
She claims that she might have mentioned it over the
weekend and they'd really like to come.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
I told her, I know, mom.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
But you know that we can't afford any more than
the fifty people that we have accounted for on our
guest list, and that's going to be tight.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
As it is.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
Like I said last time, We're going to send out
announcements after the fact, and then maybe when I'm off
from school, I teach we can fly out and do
a summer party like you suggested. And this she started
in again. Why can't we do something cheaper? And why
does it have to be so far? Our favorite venue
so far is about five hours from us. Why can't

(25:14):
we just budget better? Why are we inviting so many
friends and no family at all?

Speaker 1 (25:19):
Okay, so at this point, I'm like, all my patience
has gone. I'm like, you know what, uninvite yourself. Then
then one of them can come, pick one, pick which
one they want to come. Because for not doing more
than fifty people and if I swear to God, you
imply we're gonna go over it one more time, I'm
gonna combust into flames. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
I lost it, not going to lie here. I was
not as calm as I would have liked to have been.
I told her I'm not putting up with her crap.
I know she explicitly invited people not on our guest list,
and that unless she fixed this crap asap, she would
not be welcome in my life and would be disinvited
from the wedding.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
We hit that, We hit the crash out point at
the exact same moment, me and this Opie. Yeah, yeah,
because I straightened up. I was like this, I can't
do this.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
There is a little bit more to the story, but yeah,
what do we think.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
I'm completely I'm like, I'm over, I'm over. I'm not.
I don't care anymore. I don't care how mad I
get you. I don't care how you're not coming to
the wedding. Your your The wedding's actually canceled now because
I'm like, I refuse to let you ruin it or
or mess with it. So we're going to cancel it. Uh,
and then we're gonna reschedule it for a time that
you're not gonna know about anymore.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, honestly, I think that's really the best.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Decision, because, like I was feeling when she when we
got into that first update, and she was like, like,
you know what, I told my mom, you have to
pay for it, do whatever, but you have to pay
for it, and then she just did whatever without paying
for it, and she's like, I was just like, but no,
we have to invite these people, and that's like the
worst thing to do, especially if some of them you
are close with, and some of them you gonna go
to their weddings. That feels so hard to just uninvite them, right,

(26:52):
But but yeah, canceling it and just making a new
one starting from scratch is the best option here, I
think right there is a little bit more so. Honestly,
I don't even know what she was saying at this point.
I saw and still am seeing red I ended up
hanging up on her, So that's that.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
I guess.

Speaker 3 (27:09):
I'm considering canceling Thanksgiving dinner with them and just staying home.
I just don't think I can be anywhere near her
without losing my cool. Again, thank you.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
For all your help. Our slash relationship. Okay, story drone.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
I wish this could have ended better, but I'm glad
I put my foot down and that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
I think. Honestly, I'm like so convinced she would continue
to mess with it even after putting down firm, hard,
clear boundaries. Yeah, I'm like, I'm tried that I'm canceling, dude,
I'm changing it.

Speaker 3 (27:38):
Yeah, just canceling. Sorry to the rest of the family.
We can we would love to hang out with you guys,
come visit and celebrate, you know, he with just like
a casual hangout.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
But like, but we can't do the wedding. We're doing
very very small wedding, which so it's.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
A bit better context to see a bunch of extended
family members anyway, Yes, kind of like just like half
of them go to the ceremony and not reception. It's
just have like a thing in like the summer, just
like a big family get together party or something.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
Right, Yeah, make it a hot look perfect.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Perfect solution was offered by Opie and Mom said, ah,
now I'm just gonna ruin your wedding.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Actually, yeah, no, I just anything through.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
Really, I'm dead set on ruining your wedding.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Moun it's wild.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
I don't want my toxic mother to have a relationship
with my child, so I rejected her gifts. So for
a bit of backstory, and I apologize that this will
be a bit of a long story. My twenty eight
female mother sixty female is a classic.

Speaker 3 (28:32):
No.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
She was and still is a daily substance and booze
user throughout my childhood. By the way, this comes from
user spurs Girl ninety six And if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
storytime subread. Everything had to be her way or no way,
and I mean everything. My prom dress was picked by her,
or I wasn't going driving, lessons, friends, boyfriends. Everything had

(28:54):
to be approved by her and I had absolutely no say.
This didn't stop when I became an adult either. She
choose her boyfriends over me and my brother's thirty seven
male and thirty nine male now at every opportunity. She
even threw me and my brother out in the middle
of the night before because her boyfriend didn't want to
live in a house with her other with her old
boyfriend's kids. Bear in mind, I was seventeen at the time.

(29:16):
And my brother was twenty six. Things only got worse
when I fell pregnant. I was twenty one and already
a single mother before my twelve week scan, but that's
another story altogether. We didn't even live in the same
country at this point, but somehow, through her years of control,
she still managed to dictate everything I did, where I went,
who I spent my time with, et cetera. She demanded
to be in the room when I gave birth, and

(29:37):
as much as I didn't want her there, I reluctantly
agreed because I was terrified of what she would do
if I said no. She was never good at hearing
no from anyone, especially me. From the day my child
came into this world, she would refer to my child
as quote, my little baby, but not an acute, loving grandma.
Bab no, no, no, no no. It was almost sinister,
as if the cogs in her head were turning, thinking

(29:59):
that my child would be another thing she could use
to control my life. It's important to mention that this
was not her first grandchild, so it's not like it
was her first experience as a grandmother. Hey, So, before
I read any more of this, completely cut this woman
off and never speak.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
To her again, immediately go no contact. You heard him first, folks.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
My fears became a reality over the next two years.
Whenever I planned to have any me time as us
mothers need, she refused to let anyone look after my
child except for her. Her exact words to me were quote,
if you need your child looked after, I'm the only
one you're allowed to trust and the only one that
you should. This was massively hypocritical of her, because when

(30:39):
my brothers and I were kids, she would leave us
with every Tom, Dick and Harry she could just so
she could go out with her newest flavor of the month,
exactly and again, what did I say, What did we say?

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Cut her out?

Speaker 1 (30:52):
Yes, sometimes she would even leave us home alone. I
remember waking up in the middle of the night once
when I couldn't have been older than six or seven,
and she was nowhere to be. The next day she
picked me up from the neighbor's house, still wasted from
the night before. I admittedly allowed her to control every
aspect of mine in my child's life until two and
a half years ago, when my boyfriend thirty two Mail
came to look after me and my child after I

(31:12):
had a minor operation, no overnight's day needed. I needed
to be doing minimal activity for the first week of recovery,
but my mother insisted that she was going to be
there to help with chores and look after my child.
So I told my boyfriend to cancel booking the week
off work so he wouldn't lose a week's pay. We
had known about this operation for three months before it
was supposed to happen. A week before my surgery, she

(31:33):
decided to take a spontaneous trip to America. Her return
flight was the day of my surgery. When she got
back to the UK, she went straight to her house
eight hours away instead of coming to mine like she
had promised. Then she informed me that she wouldn't be
able to help me because she was jet lagged and
needed a couple of days to recuperate, meaning my boyfriend
had to take time off work last minute. Two days later, Monday,

(31:56):
she got on the train to my town and my
boyfriend picked her up from the station. The whole time
she was there, she complained about how tired she was,
saying she was too tired to help and needed her rest. Well, hey, lady,
go home, get out, get mus site.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Yeah, what's the point of you being here at all?

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Why are we entertaining this woman? On Wednesday afternoon, I
called my boyfriend while he was at work, crying from
pain and frustration, and told him everything. He wasn't allowed
to leave work, but he finished two hours later and
came straight to my house. When he walked in, he
was all caps furious, though he hit it well from
my mom. I was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner
instead of resting, while she was sat on the sofa

(32:30):
watching TV. That evening. My child, who was two and
a half at the time, wanted me to take her
to bed. I agreed, but when I couldn't lay down
with her, she got upset, started fussing and hit me
right in my stitches. I had to leave the room
to sit down, and my child started screaming, Wait.

Speaker 3 (32:46):
Whoa, whoa, whoa Wait a second, Oh wait what the
baby dinner in the stitchen?

Speaker 1 (32:51):
Yeah, it was just accidents, just the baby being fussy.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
I thought this was the mother in law and I
was like he hang.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
On, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay okay.
I went back to the living room and asked if
either of them could help. My boyfriend stood up and
offered to go calm her down and get her to sleep,
which wasn't unusual since he had known her since she
was born. They had a very good relationship. At this point,
my mother stood up, blocked his way, and shouted at him,
don't you dare. You are not the father, and you

(33:18):
do not get to pretend like you are.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
You're not family.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
This is my grandchild, not your child. Then she stomped
off to see, my child.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
Doesn't a tantrum this woman is throwing.

Speaker 1 (33:28):
I want to stiff arm this woman so bad. I
just wanted to try to walk through me. I just
want to stiff arm her forehead yep, and just watch
her go nuh.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
She's stomping enough.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
But that's all I want to see is that. I
don't know how my boyfriend kept his cool, but looking back,
I was so dang proud of him for not stupid
to her level. He just turned to me and said,
I'm sorry I can't be here with her and left.
I don't know if I would give him three cheers
for that one. I don't know if i'd be super
proud of that. Yeah, be like, I don't know, I
can't help you girlfriend recovering from surgery. I'm leaving. Yike,

(34:00):
Oh that's gold star.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Definitely not, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (34:04):
I honestly don't blame him. I waited for my child
to settle and then went to bed myself. I said
nothing to my mother that night because I was in shock.
The next day, I asked her what last night was about,
because he was just trying to help, and she went
off at me. She said he was a stranger and
shouldn't be allowed around my child because I don't know
his intentions, which was ridiculous because she knew him for years.
He got into a huge argument, and I finally stood

(34:25):
up for myself. I was exhausted, and I told her
to leave because her being there was pointless. She wasn't
helping around the house. She wasn't helping with my child
until her random outburst the night before, and had only
been complaining. She left that afternoon. Once she was gone,
I called my boyfriend and invented everything out about my
past with my mom and how she treated me, and
it was like something finally clicked. I realized this wasn't

(34:46):
a normal mother daughter relationship. I sent my mother a
long message saying that I was done being manipulated and
controlled by her. I told her I was done unless
she was willing to apologize, which of course she did
not do. I blocked her on everything, phone numbers, social media,
the lot. I also let some family members know what
had happened, and they agreed not to inform her about

(35:07):
anything going on in my life. Fast forward to October
of last year, my brother messaged me saying that my
mom wanted to know what my child wanted for Christmas.
I told him to tell her I wanted nothing from
her and didn't want her sending anything either. You just go, yeah,
what does my kid want for Christmas? Your continued lack
of existence? Thank you, stay away?

Speaker 2 (35:28):
A restraining murder is not my kid ones.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah, I told him to tell her to stop. He
showed me screenshots confirming he sent the message. So we
are towards the end of the story here. My god,
you should have cut this woman off. And I know
it's hard being raised in this environment. Like like you said,
you had an epiphany where it clicked like, oh, this
is actually really not normal and this is not a
dynamic I just need to put up with because it's like, oh,

(35:50):
this is what family does. It's like right, So yeah,
continue to hold fast, keep this woman out of your life.
She is your mother, and but she is nothing but
a detriment to your child. Yeah, fortunately, think about your child.
It's really hard anyway, let's finish the story. The week
after Christmas, my brother called again saying she hadn't sent
Christmas in birthday presents to his house for my child.
He asked if I wanted to collect them, and I

(36:11):
told him no and to send them back. I've received
backlash from several people because of this. Apparently refusing the
gifts is depriving my child, even though my child is
well looked after in wants for nothing. We're not rich,
but we are stable and I do everything I can
to provide her with a happy and save home. So
am I the a hole for telling my brother to
return the gifts? So I have just taken them, even
though she hasn't been in my or my child's life
for two and a half years because of her emotional abusise. Uh, no,

(36:34):
you're not the ahole. And also anyone saying that you're
depriving your child by like not giving them like a
handful of Christmas gifts from an actual abusion yeah, it's
the most first world problem I've ever heard of it.

Speaker 4 (36:46):
Yeah, yeah, Hey it's Sam your ogi host here bring
it back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

Speaker 4 (36:53):
My cousin ruined the only memory of my great grandma
and she doesn't feel remorse.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
That's jest foul.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
This happened when I was probably twenty, when I was
in university. My great grandmother passed away when I was twelve,
just a few months before my birthday. I was a
teen pregnancy, and since my mom wanted to pursue fun
and a career, my great grandmother looked after me every
weekend and throughout the entirety of school holidays. I trusted
her with everything, and I was her favorite of all

(37:23):
of her children. By the way, this comes from Osamu
Daza one n LH. And if you want to spend
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime
separated it. So she had seven kids and each of
those had three kids so far. Two of those had
four kids each and another has two and another has one.
You can imagine this is quite a big family. I'm
her namesake, and when she passed away, she left me

(37:44):
her engagement ring, her jewelry, and a doll from her childhood,
along with all her other earthly possessions. Every Christmas, she
would take me to a shop to pick a new
decoration for a tree, until the tree eventually became full
of my interests. Then she would take me on a
weekend to see the beautiful Christmas festival a neighboring city
had going on. She even fell out with her twin

(38:05):
sister because she didn't like how that sister treated me.
By the time I was nine, she was already talking
about my wedding. She refused to let me into the
hospital when she had cancer because she didn't want me
to remember her as anything other than healthy and as
weird as it is. When she passed away, I carried
around her obituary card in school because I needed some
version of her clothes. Kids bullied me for it, but

(38:27):
that didn't stop me. Thankfully, my parents put me in therapy,
and I've learned to deal with her loss. For the
first three months after her death, I genuinely thought everyone
was playing a prank on me and that she was
hiding somewhere.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
See now, and that's why I will never advocate the whole,
like I don't want you to see me like this,
because it's like you're doing into service.

Speaker 4 (38:48):
I was extremely attached to her and still am. Whenever
something good happens in my life, I truly believe it's
because she's looking after me. People here may remember the
little live pet robot toys from the twenty ten well.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
I was obsessed.

Speaker 4 (39:02):
I had everything you could get, from the love birds
to the squirrels, that chicks, the mice, the turtles, and
so on if there was new release. My nana got
them for me. Once the store sold her a broken one,
and she berated the manager for an hour because it
was meant to be my Christmas present and there were
none left. She spoiled me rotten because my mom couldn't
afford to. These toys were all kept safely in a

(39:22):
playroom she had built for me, and they still are
there to this day. One distinct feature of those love
birds was that they could record voices. The recording would
be slightly higher pitched to fit the bird, but it
would be obvious who was speaking. One of the last
things my nana did was record I love you on
one and I'm proud of you on the other. Despite
having all these things, she left me, those two birds

(39:44):
became my prized possessions. She hated being recorded. She never
sent voice notes. That was literally the only reminder I
had of her voice, and whenever I felt sad, I
would listen to them on repeat for hours.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Deal yourselves, people, because these book birds are being thrown
in the trash.

Speaker 4 (40:02):
I had a drawer in my house full of batteries
just for these birds so they would never pass. I
was too scared that if they did, I would lose
the messages forever. When I was older, my mother moved
me to another country. It was only a four hour
drive from where I used to live, but still another country.
I couldn't see my family as much, and I hated it.

(40:22):
I didn't even have time to grab the lovebirds. They
were left in my toy room on the highest shelf.
While I was gone, my cousin gave birth. This cousin
has always been, I guess, an attention seeker. When Nana
was passing away, she made a point to try and
force everyone out of the hospital room so she, as
the favorite, could be alone with her. At Nana's funeral,

(40:43):
she spoke about how she was sure Nana would be
proud of what her favorite had accomplished, despite it being
clear that I was practically Nana's own daughter.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
Literally disgusting to claim yourself the favorite at someone's funeral.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
Well, come on.

Speaker 4 (40:57):
When she realized she was pregnant with the girl, she
was ecstatic and bragging about it to everyone. Or a
family of at least fifty women and four men, It
would have been more of a surprise if she had
a son.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Honestly, did they say fifty women and four men?

Speaker 4 (41:11):
Men?

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (41:12):
What is that a joke? Can you do that? Those
are some numbers.

Speaker 4 (41:16):
Then she video called me. She tried to convince me
to change my name, saying I didn't use it anyway.
I'm always gone by a nickname, think Anne instead of Annabelle.
But whenever I introduce myself, I use annabel It's my name,
ann my nana, so obviously I refuse to change it.
She punted off, of course, saying she was the favorite
and wanted to honor a grandmother.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
You can't just steal oh PE's name.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
Yeah you can, actually, I.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Mean you can, but you can't just be like you
can't have it anymore.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
That's the crazy thing is that you could just go
and change your name and not make it anyone else's problem.
But instead you're making it, oh, he's.

Speaker 4 (41:50):
Problem, and didn't hear from her until the baby was
born and she named it Belle, a variation of the name. Okay, whatever.
She can do whatever she wants, and it's like.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
You can drive yourself insane over someone else's choices and
behavior and stuff, or you can just be like, you
know what. Whatever.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
She tried to steal Nana's jewelry from me when I
was fifteen and called the police on me when I
didn't give her Nana's engagement ring for her boyfriend to propose.
She cut off another cousin because they were pregnant at
the same time as her, and then cut off another
because they took a tension away from her pregnancy by miscarrying.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
This person's horrifically bad.

Speaker 4 (42:26):
So that's the kind of person she is.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (42:29):
I don't know why she's so desperate to be Nana's
favorite and put others down, but here we are because
she's an attention seeker. I came back to my Nana's
house for Christmas. I had been to other family member's
houses since the move, but not hers, and decided to
go find my love birds since I had been having
a tough week and my depression had gotten worse. I
noticed they weren't on the top shelf and were on

(42:49):
the windowsill, but I shrugged it off, thinking they were
moved because the room had been cleaned or something. Grabbing
the first bird, I pressed the button, expecting to hear
the I Love you No that wasn't there. Instead, it
was a bunch of childish fart noises. I grabbed the
other one and that played back to me some giggling.
I left the room and saw Bella running around. She's young,

(43:11):
so I can understand why she would want to play
with them. But the button was taped over so no
one could press it, and they were kept in a box.
An adult would have had to go got them out
and remove the tape for to record a new message.
I walked up to my cousin and casually mentioned the
love birds. She laughed and said Bella loves recording messages

(43:32):
on them. I kind of stared at her before clarifying everything.
You knew what was on those birds, right, Nana's messages
to me? Why? Yeah, you made a pretty big fuss
bit when you told the family group chat and no
one else could use them. But Nana would have wanted
Ballot to play with them. You remember how she was.
She would never have denied the daughter of her favorite
granddaughter paraphrased. Of course, this was three years ago. This

(43:52):
woman I just left. My uncle noticed telling me that
my cousin had come around when he was at work
and let herself in. By the time he got home,
the messages were already gone. I can understand if Bella
was annoyingly persistent, but those boxes were at the back
of a shelf six feet high that no seven year
old could possibly see. My cousin would have had to

(44:13):
have gotten them out to show Bella for her to
want to play with them. And I feel like that
was some kind of weird plan she had this partner story.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Were adults right, like, of course, cousins Terot right backups.
We one hundred percent should have backed that up.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
I honestly felt like I lost her all over again,
and I didn't even have those love birds to calm
me down. I dug out her obituary from my memory
box and laid on the bed.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
With it in my hand.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
It didn't help.

Speaker 4 (44:38):
Though I had wanted to give those birds to my kids,
not as a toy, but as a memento to teach
them of the wonderful woman. My great grandmother was a
woman who smacked my dad in the face for speeding
in the car with me, and the first to believe
me when it came out what a family member had
done to me. A woman that won bingo and used
that money to buy my mother a small starter house
while she was struggling with rerent. And a woman that

(45:01):
screamed in the face of my step grandmother who randomly
showed up to her house and tried to take me
away without telling my parents after she hit me the
day before, and thankfully she talked me my seventeen year
old mother out of naming me Disney. This woman was
my whole world.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
This yes 's your patron saint dude.

Speaker 4 (45:18):
She lived long, despite developing cancer twice, but it was
still barely even twelve years that I had with her,
and it felt unfair. I know you all might be
expecting some big, petty revenge, but that's not the case here.
All I really did was ask my uncle to find
my grandmother's will and send a picture of it to
my cousin I was the one. Nana left her estate too,
because I was the favorite. I don't live in that

(45:39):
house now. I let my uncle live there because it's
close to his work and he's getting old. Besides, I'm
still living in a different country until I finish university.
But I dug out every shred of evidence that I
was my grandmother's favorite, purely so this woman would get
her head out of her own butt. It didn't really work.
She still brags about all her memories. Is Nana's favorite,

(45:59):
but now she refuses to attend family gatherings.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
If I'm there.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
A huge day yay suits her because that means more
dessert for me, although she still demands hundreds of euros
worth of presents for Bella every year. Her mother and
father have blocked me on everything, but that's understandable. I
lost ten or so members of my family, but I
still have about six dozens, so is that a real loss.
I miss those messages like crazy. I still reach for

(46:22):
them when i'm sad until I remember those messages got
me through so much, and in a way, I'm more
sad I didn't get to say goodbye to them. It
was like the last little bit of Nana was inside
of them. There is a little bit left to the story.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
So this is clearly on the cousin and it's just
a horrible thing, so horrible you'd just like, well, no
one would do this, right, And now you learn, like
you know, some people will do crazy stuff backups of
crucial information, like the recording of your grandma's voice, Like
anyone out there, if you have like an cause it's again,
I have some stuff like that where it's like it's

(46:56):
like on one it's just not a thing that can't
be recreated, So it's like you gotta record it, make
a backup of whatever. Backups are so important, and even
outside of like a voice memo or whatever, if there's
information and stuff out there, if there's files, whatever. Anyone
listening or watching this, if you've been thinking you need
to back some stuff up and you have not done it,
go do it. Because technology is brutally unforgiving when it

(47:19):
comes to the deleting.

Speaker 2 (47:21):
But we got a little bit left to the story.

Speaker 4 (47:23):
On a positive note, I still keep up that tradition
of going to that neighboring city every Christmas. It's not
as magical as it was when I was a kid.
But I've started taking my niece with me, telling her
all about Nana and taking her to all my favorite spots.
She loves it, thankfully, and is already planning next year's trip.
So that's something to look forward to. And that is
the end of that story. You don't have to have

(47:43):
contact with this woman, right and make sure that all
of your stuff is with you now.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
Yeah you can't. You know, she's in her own little
delusional wonderland corn herself, the favorites, whatever, it's not going
to change, it doesn't really matter. But I would have
certainly bent the old year a little bit just to
be like, hey, so just so you know, I'm not
gonna fin I'm not gonna yell, but I just want
to let you know that everyone thinks that you're, you know,
kind of ridiculous going around saying all this stuff and
what you kind of did with the birds here is

(48:08):
it's the final straw for me. Hey, it's John here Og,
host of the show. We're gonna get back to these
juicy stories. But here's a quick three minutes of ads
from our sponsors. My ex husband ruined our daughter's wedding
overseating arrangements.

Speaker 4 (48:21):
Well, he can walk his butt out of there.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
First time posting, and honestly I struggle with whether to
share this or not, but here we go. Also, this
is very long. My daughter was married last summer. It
was a beautiful wedding from pre ceremony to the ceremony
and then the reception. And by the way, this comes
from user opposing Opinion twenty five And if you want
to submit your stories, go to the r slash okay
storytime subreddit. So my daughter did an amazing job planning

(48:46):
her very special day, and it truly was her day,
as she and her now husband paid for ninety percent
of the wedding themselves. My husband and I helped out
a bit financially, as did her father and his wife,
along with my son in law's family. I could go
on and on about the wedding, as it is a
memory I will relive in my mind forever. I've not

(49:07):
been in a relationship with the father of my daughter
for over twenty years. During her lifetime, I truly believe
he and I tried our best to shield her from
our issues. We would both show up for important events,
spent time with our daughter at each other's homes, and
truly tried to give her the best upbringing possible. All
I ever wanted was for her to know she was

(49:27):
loved by both of us. However, he and I struggled
with severe communication issues, and the controlling nature of both
him and his family were emotionally exhausting. The gas lighting
and manipulation I endured will take years for me to
fully heal from. Even with these issues, I know that
I sincerely tried to stay in communication for the sake

(49:49):
of my child. That is, until a couple of years ago.
There was a falling out and the behavior that I
had been subjected to for two decades was now impacting
my daughter. He was an adult by this time, and
I sat down to have a heart to heart with her.
I explained to her that I was no longer going
to communicate directly with her father, but that I was
always here for her to talk to. I also encouraged

(50:13):
her to seek counseling for an independent view of what
was happening, as I would always have bias. I've never
wanted to taint my daughter's view of her father, but
I now had to accept that he was and is
responsible for maintaining a healthy relationship with his child. And
he was responsible for any fallout from his behavior. Now

(50:34):
the wedding. Basically what had happened is the father's relationship
with the daughter had already been deteriorating for a couple
of years before the wedding. Now we're at the wedding.
Here we go. So now the wedding. First, the rehearsal dinner,
Everything went well. We ran through the ceremony, set up
the reception site, ate, drank, were mary and truly had

(50:57):
a wonderful time together. I know how to put on
a fake smile and be an adult for the sake
of my children. However, I had genuine moments of joy
during the evening, even laughter together. This was our child
marrying the love of her life and starting out with
such hope. It made me think on all the good
times of her childhood, and he is intertwined in those thoughts.

(51:19):
The morning of the wedding was filled with last minute preparations,
hair and makeup, photos, and enjoying every moment with my daughter.
My husband and I were emotional and praying for the
health of our daughter's marriage. My husband has been in
her life since she was eight, so he is as
invested in her as her biological father and I are
Her father and his wife, who he married five years ago,

(51:42):
seemed happy and enjoyed the day as well. The ceremony
went off without a hitch. She looked beautiful. My son
in law cried when he saw her coming down the aisle.
It was a deeply emotional moment. Even her father, who
is usually reserved, seemed to be moved by the occasion.
Kiss the bride, small talk, family photos, and then you
all know what breaks loose? Oh? Stop, this is which

(52:05):
is weird because usually I feel like it would have
broken loose already.

Speaker 4 (52:08):
Why did they have to break loose after the fact.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
I guess it's kind of a silver lining if you
wanted to break loose. At any point you wanted to
break loose, like after the ceremony, I knew the day
had been too quiet and it was too good to
be true. While my daughter was taking photos with her
now husband and the bridal party, the guests moved into
the reception venue. My daughter and her husband decided not
to have a signed seating, even though I warned her

(52:33):
against it. This was her vision and I supported it.
The reception hall was broken up by groom's family friends,
and then bride's family again, not by seat or assignment,
but just how everyone naturally sat down. Her father and
his family who traveled to the wedding were small in
numbers and didn't know many people at the wedding. They
walked in later and apparently could not find seats together.

(52:54):
I did not notice, as I was chatting with some
friends of mine who were in attendance. All of this sudden,
my other daughter comes in and says, the bride's father
is outside yelling at her for not having seating for
him and his family, making her cry and threatening to leave.
I walk outside to see my daughter's aunt walking towards

(53:14):
me in tears, saying there is nowhere for her family
to sit. Well. I assured her we could set up
another table and find more chairs. I told her we
could have it done quickly, And I would have also
told her that having no place to sit and then
yelling at the bride about it not at all the
right way to go about that.

Speaker 4 (53:32):
You go find like someone who's work in the event
and be like, hey, I don't have a seat.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
Yeah, which it is her bad for not doing assigned seats, yeah,
but like, don't be right the bride on her wedding day.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
On her wedding day, come on, come on, you, silly, silly, silly.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
My sister had come outside and I asked her to
fix this so they could get seated. Before my sister
could even make it inside, my daughter's father comes stomping
towards me and says, we're leaving. I asked them not
to until them. It was a simple fix. I'm just
now noticing how I reverted back to my enabling let
me fix this for you behavior in this moment. Since

(54:08):
my sister was handling the table in the chairs, I
went over to check on my daughter, who was not
just distraught but truly ticked off. She was done, and
I told her that we were going to fix it
and just don't worry. Just as I finished that sentence,
I turned to see her father and his entire family leaving.
They left my baby on her wedding day. My daughter
seemed hurt but okay and just wanted to enjoy her reception.

(54:31):
So we partied and it was amazing, yay good. In
all honesty, it sounds like the least fun people left
at the most fun time exactly, so you're maximizing fun. God,
I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone who's like,
it's just there's no more to say, and like it's
your fault, bride, and it's udy to fix this now.

Speaker 4 (54:52):
Yeah, no, I don't want them to be at my wedding.
I love that for them to just walk themselves out,
take some initiative. Yeah, keep on walking, that's all I at.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
I have to say. My husband and our son danced
with my daughter in place of her father. Oh yeah,
Oh that's why I forgot. There's the wedding thing where
you do the dance. The food was great, the music
was great, the dancing was great. But my heart ached
for the tears that would, no doubt come when she
had a chance to process what had happened. He missed it.
He missed the dancing and laughter and joy of seeing

(55:21):
his child so in love on the most important day
of her young life. He missed it and ripped her
heart out at the same time. That was months ago,
and since that time his family has blocked my daughter
on social media.

Speaker 4 (55:33):
Oh my god, these people are ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Yeah, all because they're like, well, what are we supposed
to do solve our own problems?

Speaker 2 (55:40):
What are we supposed to stand the whole time.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
He and his wife hounded her to repay some money
they spent on the wedding. He doesn't call her. She
has to call him, which she rarely does.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Now, Yeah, I wonder why go figure?

Speaker 1 (55:54):
He, with one horrific decision, ruined his relationship with a
young woman that adored him, who happened to be his daughter.
She has cried, gotten angry, depressed, and has been more
hurt than I can fathom. And I'm still so heartbroken
for her that I don't know how to process it.
It was one thing to hurt me, hate me, even,
but to torment my child, well, that has taken my
mind to some very dark places. I've chosen not to

(56:17):
say anything to him or his family, but I struggle
with that decision, and I don't know if I should
reach out, if for nothing else then to finally give
him a piece of my mind. Perhaps I've always believed
silence is golden, but this still feels so unresolved and unfair.
He just gets to hurt her and walk away, never
even apologize, and he doesn't have to worry about hearing

(56:39):
how awful his behavior was. Because I have always stayed silent.
My daughter is living a beautiful life with her husband
and doesn't seem to care at this time. She tells
me that it's their loss and she doesn't want them
in her life if they can't accept what they did
was wrong. I worry if I say anything that it
could disrupt the peace she has found. However, I also

(56:59):
personally endured for her entire life this type of behavior
and feel a tiny bit entitled to find closure by
telling him off. I welcome advice on what would be
best to do, leave it alone or tell him where
to go, and there's an update, I think leave it alone.

Speaker 4 (57:13):
I agree your daughter's not over it, but you know,
she's realized these people don't care about her and does
not want him in their life. And now you gotta
be a little bit vindicated because your daughter knows that
her dad sucks too, and knows that you're there for her.
And that's stick with you know, enjoy your life with
your daughter, with you know that side of the family
and everything. Leave the dad to his own messed up devices.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
I think at the very end there where it was
like I feel like I'm entitled or I've kind of
earned that after putting up with all that, I think
you and your daughter just like fundamentally processed stuff differently.
Like I was surprised. I thought she was really upset
until you said at the end, He's like, well, she's
not upset yet. So it's like you're kind of like
putting that onto her because you're like, I would be upset.

Speaker 4 (57:55):
Yeah, I feel like she probably knows what her dad
is like. And I was like, yeah, I gave him
opportunity to prove me wrong and they didn't, so don't
want them in my life.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
Correct. So hopefully she really did have that Buddha you know,
Nirvana enlightened perspective. But there is an update. Let's see
what happens update. Thank you all so much for your
feedback so far. I do want to clear up one thing.
Some of you have asked why there were a lack
of chairs. There wasn't. There weren't enough chairs at a
single table for his family to sit together, right because

(58:24):
they're buffoons. Oh my god, looking back, if you would
have talked to me, I would have been able to
fix it before it got out of hand. The only
reason I asked my sister to bring a table into
the hall and extra chairs is because I was panicked
and just wanted to smooth things over for my daughter.
It's easy to look back and say this or that
should have been done to avoid the issue, and that
may be true. However, two of our family friends couldn't

(58:47):
find a space close to us, and you know what
my family did. They moved things around. They got two
chairs and two dinner settings, two glasses, and went on
to have a wonderful evening celebrating my daughter and her
new husband.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
They didn't leave such an easy solution. Yeah, just stupid
people can't do it.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
Oh my god. It's almost like they like took the
smallest amount of initiative and just like addressed their own
problem instead of making it a huge dramatic upheaval of
the evening. Oh lord, I hold her father solely responsible
for his behavior. I'm not confused on what happened or
who is to blame. My daughter certainly isn't to blame

(59:26):
for expecting her special day to be held as such
and for everyone, including her father, to behave as people
who love and support her, and to stay at the
reception to make beautiful memories with her. Many people choose
to have a more relaxed reception and do not have
a seating chart and it works out. But in the end,
it isn't about you, It's about them. Also, I saw

(59:47):
a couple comments about my husband, and yes, he is
an excellent daddy to our children. I always say our
children and never make a distinction between who's bio or step.
It doesn't matter in our family. Yeih, yeah, it's nice.
You always like to see that it's nice. My husband
has always treated my children as his own, loved them,
taught them to drive a car, gone to er visits,

(01:00:08):
and hugged away more tears than I can count. He
is an amazing father. Even my daughter has said as much,
but that doesn't take away the pain of her father
hurting her like this. Honestly. Yeah, it's just folks seek peace,
not problems exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
You know who these people are. Trying to rile them
up again is only going to add more headache.

Speaker 1 (01:00:29):
I get it.

Speaker 4 (01:00:29):
They're not gonna apologize. They don't care.

Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
Ohp write them a letter and then don't send it,
and then don't send it, but write it out. Get
the catharsis. I think you just want to tee off
on this guy. It makes sense, but I also don't
think your daughters may be upset as you are. Yeah,
so don't confuse those two things and just write your
little catharsis letter agreed And if she is, like you
know what, I really am upset? Oh my god, go

(01:00:51):
grand slam style on that guy. Absolutely so. The advice
so far has been amazing. I actually feel better after
posting here. I think I may have just needed to
finally vent it out. I agree with many of you.
If I say anything, the only person I may hurt
or impact is my daughter. She is the completely innocent
one in this messy situation, and I wouldn't want to

(01:01:13):
hurt her. He will never hear how his treatment of
me all those years and now his treatment of our
child has hurt us. He will never acknowledge his behavior
as he is who he is. And honestly, now his
wife can deal with it. And there you go, folks,
and that's the end of the story. We got there, dude.
It's his wife's problem now, yep.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
She can ye on that and you can. I go
live your lovely life with your daughter.

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My girlfriend’s RUDE step-father made me feel unwelcome…I’m never coming back! | Reddit Stories

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My girlfriend’s RUDE step-father made me feel unwelcome…I’m never coming back! | Reddit Stories