My husband asked to be POLY… so I’m divorcing him! - r/okstorytime | Redditstories | EP2308 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are
the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcasts.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
But the thing is this foundation needs a little support
from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll
get into the episode.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
My husband asked to be Polly, so I'm divorcing him.

Speaker 4 (00:19):
Well, that's up to you, guys.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
I twenty six female, and my husband, twenty seven male,
have been married for just over a year and together
for four. We spent a long time before getting married
talking about what we wanted out of being married, so
I thought we were on the same page about all
the important things. I do love him very much. He's sweet, helpful,
and generally my dream partner until last week. By the way,

(00:45):
this comes from far Safety nine to five four three,
and if you want to sumit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it. So out
of the blue, he sat down one night and said
he wanted to talk about something. I thought it was
just something minor he was frustrated to or a bad
day at work or something. Instead, he talked about how
he found out that his best guy friend and his

(01:06):
wife are polyamorous. He and his friend have been talking
about it more and he thinks he might like to
try it, and wondered what I thought. I felt instantly
sick to my stomach. We've always had great, spicy sleep life,
and he's never given me any reason to think he
was interested in anyone else. I told him that I'm

(01:27):
not interested in being in a polyamorous relationship. I want
to be monogamous with him for the rest of my life.
If I had stopped there, I don't think it would
have gotten so bad. But then he asked if I
would read about it and then decide. I said no,
I already know I feel about it. He asked if
I would at least think about it, and for some

(01:47):
reason that just did something to me, like instant revulsion,
kind of upset. I got up and told him that
I was too upset to keep talking and that I
needed some space, so I would sleep in the guest
that night and we could talk later. Ever since that night,
I had the biggest dick anytime I saw him. He
kept trying to backtrack, but I know he meant what

(02:09):
he said about wanting to be polyamorous. It's not so
much that he brought it up. It's the two other
asks after I already said I would never be comfortable
with it. It's like that didn't matter to him. He
thought he could convince me, and it makes me feel awful.
What else is he going to pressure me about if
I say no? And if he already wants to sleep
with someone else, how can I ever trust him not

(02:30):
to do it behind my back? I'm still sleeping in
the guest room, and I'm thinking of just asking for
a divorce now, when it would be simpler to divide
everything up and go our separate ways instead of waiting
until years down the line when I get my heart broken.
He could go do whatever he wants, and I could
find someone who just wants a good, solid, monogamous relationship

(02:50):
with me. The idea is unaliving me, but I feel
like it's gonna hurt no matter what I do. While
I do still love him, I don't think I can
ever unheap or unsee my husband asking me for an
open relationship, and the idea of him touching me makes
me feel ill. He's upset and frustrated that I'm punishing
him for asking a question, but I honestly don't know

(03:12):
what he expected to happen. There is a part of
me that thinks maybe divorcing him is being over dramatic.
But also the ick is so strong that I don't
have much hope of getting back to where we were.
Am I the A hole? And there is an edit
and an update? But what do you think? Thank you
the A hole.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
It's not like he just asked like.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Hey, can we think about this? No? Yeah, can we
think about this? And he said no, He said can
we think about this?

Speaker 5 (03:39):
Dope?

Speaker 3 (03:39):
And he said no, but can you think about this?

Speaker 5 (03:42):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (03:42):
And he said I hate you now?

Speaker 6 (03:44):
Right?

Speaker 4 (03:45):
Because this also isn't like hey, like let's start a business,
you know.

Speaker 3 (03:48):
I mean, it's not like, hey, can I cheat on you?

Speaker 5 (03:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (03:53):
Right exactly, because it's like some people, you know, just
are polyamorous and some people aren't. Yeah, that's really all
it is. It does it's not a punishment for not
being polyamer Like.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
If he wants to go find someone who wants a
polyamorous relationship, for sure.

Speaker 4 (04:07):
Yeah, but you don't want that.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
So if he does it, it is cheating.

Speaker 4 (04:12):
Yeah, this isn't you don't want that exactly. It's not
a punishment he's just trying to play the victim.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (04:19):
Edit, gosh, this is a lot of replies. I'm reading
through them as best I can. I'm going to take
the advice to get an STI test, and my guy
know is going to work me in today for that.
I don't think he would physically cheat, but better safe
than sorry. I do think there is probably someone he's
interested in, probably possibly his friend's wife or maybe even

(04:40):
his friend he's never expressed being by, but that doesn't
mean he isn't. I don't know them very well, so
I can't speculate on their role in all of this.
I'm going to be charitable and assume that there are
no machinations from their end. And he just picked this
up from his friend and ran with it. I want
to be clear that I'm not ignoring him. We can
talk about what whatever else is going on, but I'm

(05:01):
not ready to continue this conversation with him, and he
knows that I want to be calm for that, and
his behavior is not really conducive to a sense of
calm right now. Every time he brings it up it
makes me a little more disgusted with him. But he
seems intent on digging the hole instead of letting things settle.

(05:21):
That and not taking the first note for an answer
is a bigger issue than the poly ask for me.
I think I'm going to meet with a lawyer just
to go over options. At this point, I don't have
a lot of faith in counseling changing how I feel
about him now, but I would be willing to try
a few sessions to say we gave it a shot.
I'll throw that out there tonight and see what he says.

(05:42):
Edit too, he doesn't think counseling is necessary. He just
wants to go back to the way things were before
bringing it up. I've told him that's not an option.
You can't unbreak a bone, it has to heal instead.
I asked him if he had someone in mind, and
he he said no. But he's not a very good liar,

(06:02):
and I don't really believe him. He says it was
just an idea and there's no one and nothing has happened.
But he also doesn't want to show me the messages
between him and his friend so I can understand the
content of the conversation they had. I will respect his choice,
but it's enough to convince me that there is something
he's hiding even if it's not an affair in progress,

(06:23):
and that's a problem. I've got an appointment with a
lawyer in a few days. I'm gonna wait until after
that to make a decision, and I'm going to take
a short trip alone to see my grandparents this weekend
to get some fresh air and perspective. I'll try to
update next week after all the test results come back
and I've had a chance to look at all the
facts with a professional. Thank you for your kind support

(06:44):
and advice, and there are some comments and an update. Folks.

Speaker 4 (06:48):
I think he's silly.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
I think he's very silly. I think I'm sorry. He's like,
I just want to go back to the way we
were before. I don't want to go counseling. You're the
and who kept pushing, right, you could have gone back
when your wife said no, and you could have been like, okay,
she said.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
No, Yes, that's that.

Speaker 5 (07:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:09):
Like I wonder if he's feeling like embarrassed or something
because or with like how he's wanting to go back
or something. But it's like, okay, well, like this is
obviously something you want to try again. It's not like
it's you know, you wanted to take a different route
to the function, you know, like it's it's this is like.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
Life changing for your relationship.

Speaker 4 (07:34):
Yeah, this is something like about you. Yeah, and that
will affect your relationship. So if you just drop it
and ignore it, it's not going to disappear. It's still
gonna be under there, and she still.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
Want to do it. Yeah. And if you want to
do it and your wife does not want to do it,
then right, is this a deal breaker?

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Right?

Speaker 4 (07:51):
And the counseling can probably help him too, like, really
understand these feelings why he's asking for that.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
So yeah, comment one had some sympathy for you until
you said you're going to meet with an attorney behind
his back. That's quite the dang leap. Sounds like you
just want to weigh out at this point.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
Just leave.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
Opie says, my dad is a lawyer, and he likes
to say that anyone who tells you not to get
legal advice when you're vulnerable is part of the reason
the relevant laws were written to start with, So don't
trust them. They just don't like it when the prospective
victim comes properly informed and prepared. If he was talking
to a lawyer, right, now. I absolutely wouldn't blame him
if he gets mad about it. That's another mark in

(08:30):
the get out column. Part of seeking legal advice in
this situation is also finding a way to allow him
a graceful exit if that's what happens, because his family
are mostly religious conservatives and it would be a rough
road for him if they found out why the divorce
was happening. So if I decide to go, I want
to be able to suggest a plan that protects him
as well as me. I have no interest in raking

(08:52):
him over the coals publicly. Comment too, this will upset someone,
but a man who will share you spicily doesn't love you.
I don't think that's necessarily true. Again, there are polyamorous
relationships that are very healthy, right and that work great
for those people. Comment three, This marriage is over and
you need to get out. And I definitely would not
have unprotected spicy sleep with this man because he's likely

(09:14):
already cheating. Opie says, I don't think spicy sleep will
be a problem right now. I don't even want to
be touched, but I probably will take some advice from
the thread and get an SDI test to be on
the safe side comment four. These comments are out of pocket.
You are absolutely the a hole for how you're handling this,

(09:35):
not necessarily for leaving. Is this rage bait? Your partner
brings something to you in what he thinks is a
safe space, and you shut him down before even knowing
what he's asking about. Your post makes it clear you
don't know what polyamory is. You refuse to a learn
anything more about it when asked, and b refuse to
even humor him and think about it for more than

(09:55):
thirty seconds it took to run through the convo you relayed.
You then proceed to passive aggress punish him, and look
for the exit immediately when he tries to frantically backtrack,
what happened to forgiveness, giving grace or better or worse?
My lord, how you should have handled this gently but
firmly told him that you were against the idea of
anything other than monogamy, but that because you loved him,

(10:16):
you'd read a little bit more about the lifestyle and
really consider it. Then read an article or two, and
as soon as the next day, once you guys have
both had time to sleep on it, told them, look,
I read X, Y and Z thing about it as
a favor to you, but I'm still wildly uncomfortable with it.
After sleeping on it, I can assure you I'm not
ever going to want something other than monogamy. So the

(10:37):
same exact thing, just longer. Yeah, so this same exact response, right,
make him wait a day?

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yeah, exactly. Huh Like huh.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 4 (10:53):
It doesn't make sense.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
This comment ares stupid.

Speaker 4 (10:56):
It doesn't make sense. That's kind of like like like
coming out to your partner as trans and then expecting
your partner to also transition. Like that's kind of what
it feels like, you know, like yes, right, like yes,
actually yeah, you could still be accepting of the partner
and like of their choices and stuff like that, but
like it's just not for you.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Give him an opportunity to say, Okay, honey, thanks for
considering it. I really appreciate you taking this seriously. If
you didn't, doesn't, then he's showing you a lot. You
can't extrapolate from one silly convo anyway. You're the ale
for not making a safe space for your spouse and
giving less than no grace. Opie says, I know what

(11:36):
polyamory is. Yeah, like, what is that comment? What is
it talking about?

Speaker 4 (11:42):
So crazy?

Speaker 3 (11:42):
Sorry? If my partner came to me and said, hey,
I'm into polyamory, let's try it out, I personally don't
want that. No, I would say no. And if they
said no, but you haven't even looked into it, I'd say,
actually know a lot about polyamory.

Speaker 4 (11:55):
Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
It's still.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
The reason I'm saying no is because I know what
it is. Yeah, I know I don't want it.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
If I didn't know what it was, I would say,
what's that, honey? Yeah, I know what polyamory is. I
don't need to consider to know that. There are absolutely
no conditions under which I would ever be comfortable having
anything but a mutually monogamous, romantic, and spicy relationship. I
know what my boundaries are, and so does he. We
talked about these kinds of things before we got married.

(12:21):
There's nothing to forgive, really. If that's what he wants,
I respect him less for backtracking. It means he's wishy
washy and unreliable. He won't stand behind what he says
if there are consequences. I think that's part of the
revulsion I feel. Not only did he pitch something he
knows full well goes against my core values and then
persist when I said no. He can't even stand by

(12:44):
it afterwards, like it would be better if he had
just said I would like to try this. But I
hear you when you say you aren't interested at all.
This isn't a deal breaker for me. So let's talk
about that part instead of it was just a question.
It's not that important. Stop refusing to touch me because
you're uncomfortable and needs space to calm down. I don't
like it.

Speaker 4 (13:03):
My husband took his mistress into our home, so I
took my name off the lead out of my house.
I fifty three female, have been married to my husband
forty eight male. We will call him Richard aka Wiener
for almost seventeen years. Our marriage has not been perfect,
especially the last four years. I suspected Wiener of cheating,

(13:24):
but never could catch him. By the way, this comes
from a tiny woodpecker seventy five twenty three on the
Charlotte Dober YouTube Subredden. But if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime
subredd It. So until a couple of years ago, I
ended up in the er because of a not so
fresh feeling. I loved my husband very much, but this
was the last straw. And this wasn't even the girlfriend

(13:47):
he is seeing now. We will call her Jane forty
three female.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (13:51):
The er trip was more than enough proof that he
wasn't being faithful. I have not been with anyone other
than him for the eternity of our marriage, so openly
told him I was looking for a job closer to
my family and leaving him to go there. I took
a contract for a year. I left in twenty twenty
three and moved one thousand, one hundred miles away to
be near my family. Wiener and I texted it daily.

(14:16):
Some was arguing. Other conversation was more serious and sounded
like he wanted to reconcile, so I still wasn't sure.
He assured me that there was no one there with
him in our home, but he is also an habitual liar.
So I got in my car one night and drove
all the way to my former residence. I arrived at
five thirty in the morning. I was tired, but oddly enough,

(14:36):
Wiener was awake and met me on the porch in
his robe. He was clearly not expecting me. So I
proceeded to go inside, and he tried to step in
the way. I continued to go inside. Now we introduced
Jane standing in my kitchen, cooking in a robe only,

(14:56):
so I said, how are you? I'm Weiener's wife. Needless
to say, it wasn't a pleasant visit. Not only did
I have to go get a hotel and Airbnb, but
Jane was living there. This apparently happened three weeks after
I left. This goes back and forth for the last
couple of years, where she's there, next she's leaving, next
she's there, and now they are supposedly in love. Wtf

(15:21):
ever whatever? H okay? So to the least part, my
name was still on the lease of the house, our
paper on paper and even off paper. Wienerd didn't qualify
on his own, so I have been more than generous
to not take my name off so he didn't have
to face moving. I know, I shouldn't care. I'm just
not that person. Well, now here we are, and I

(15:42):
moved back here for a job about nine months ago.
He was trying to have his cake and to telling
both of us what we wanted to hear, and playing
both sides, lying through his teeth. However, I just got
a new job and I needed a home that was
central to the three locations that I will be splitting
my time between. I got a twenty four k a
year raised with this job, so I couldn't turn it down. Well,

(16:03):
the landlord who least does the first house, had a
bigger house that was es central to all three locations.
It couldn't have been more perfect. So I called her
and told her that I don't live at the other
house anymore. I applied for this house, and I am
standing in the house typing this to all you potatoes.
She has known me for ten years and knows that
I will take care of my responsibilities and this house.
So now Wiener is pissed off and he can now

(16:27):
be referred to as Richard Naggan. He has started telling
everyone that I did this on purpose because I'm trying
to make him homeless. I have now filed for a
divorce from mister Noggin. I don't think he should have
the financial benefit of a wife on paper and not
want the wife. He also tried to financially ruin me.

(16:47):
This has been an emotionally difficult time. I've been struggling
a lot, but I am gonna be fine with this
new job.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Now.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
I know I should have divorced him a long time ago.
It was hard to just unlove someone you've been with
for a third of your life. I know, I'm trauma bonded. Uh.
So my name came off the other lease and he
is having to fill out an application for the house
that he has lived in for ten years. Technically he
doesn't qualify because he can't produce any stubs, banking info

(17:14):
or anything. He runs a cash business as a mechanic
from the house. So now he said that I knew
what I was doing and wanted to put him out
in the street. Am I the a hole for not
keeping my name on the lease to be the financial
cushion and my husband thinks I should be for him
and his girlfriend?

Speaker 3 (17:32):
No?

Speaker 4 (17:32):
Yeah, definitely no, definitely.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
Dousband's cheating on you, And that was like, whoa, I've
gotta keep all of this house and stuff and keep
cheating on you and you're gonna be fine with it?

Speaker 4 (17:45):
No? Absolutely not, No, this is your Yeah he doesn't
want you, Yeah, he doesn't want you or not enough to, like,
you know, put in the actual effort to treat.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
You right and not cheat on you.

Speaker 4 (17:59):
Yeah, so like, of course you're just gonna leave and
take your money?

Speaker 3 (18:03):
Literally, like oh you expect? Like how did he think
this was gonna go right?

Speaker 2 (18:09):
Right? Oh?

Speaker 4 (18:10):
You you want me to be a homeless No.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
I want you to not be in my life anymore
because you, yeah, cheated on me.

Speaker 4 (18:16):
I wanted you to be monogamous, but you didn't want
Dad apparently couldn't handle it. Now you get to deal.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
With being alone exactly.

Speaker 4 (18:26):
Op, he says. I don't think I am, but that's
how he is portraying it. I finally have the courage
to stand up for myself and not let him walk
all over me. So am I dayhole, Thanks and there
is an update. First, I want to start by saying
thank you for all of these support and the advice
that was given. I've read each of your comments and
suggestions and have actually done a couple of them. I'm
continuing my counseling, and I have been a lot braver

(18:46):
this week when my soon to be ex has continued
to f around and find out. So here goes the
drama for the last few days. As of June thirtieth,
my name officially came off the lease. My landlord was
more than happy to take it off, and she also
signed me a new lease for a nicer, bigger house
that was much more convenient to my new job. I
soon to Bex has been blowing on my phone, whining

(19:08):
on how he has to come up with paysteps and
he's already late on his rent and why couldn't I
leave well enough alone?

Speaker 3 (19:14):
He's what the heck? I don't understand.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, He's like, why are you doing this to me?
She's not doing anything, She's not doing anything.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
You cheated on her, So she's leaving you?

Speaker 4 (19:26):
Yeah, well enough alone is like leaving the relationship without
an argument or something like that. Yeah, not like continuing
to pay for your house.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
It feels like he wants it. Feels like he wants
her to stay in this relationship. Yeah, continue to pay
for everything. Yeah, be fine with it.

Speaker 4 (19:42):
Yeah huh. He even went as far as to threaten
to get me fired for my new job, so I
took a restraining order out on him and it was granted.
He cannot call, text to speak, or be within five
hundred feet of me anytime anywhere, and he thinks that
I I will be financially responsible for any damage that

(20:02):
he causes to the house. Well, it's ever around and
find out time because of the state that I live
in now has a law that legally states that I
am no longer responsible for anything to do with the
home that he and his girlfriend are now completely responsible for.
I am a protected person according to the protective order
and am absolved of any and every responsibility on that

(20:24):
with him.

Speaker 7 (20:26):
Yay.

Speaker 4 (20:26):
Also, he cannot pester me at work, cannot call my
job or come on to the campus, and he will
be or he will be arrested immediately. So thanks for
all the encouragement. I definitely pulled my big girl bridges
up and looked up a few things in order to
start completely removing him from my life. The process has
been started, thanks again, and I know for sure that

(20:47):
I am not the a hole. He now has to
learn to offend for himself and grow up. He is
not my problem. And there is a second update.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
Ooooh, I hope it just says he's really not my problem.

Speaker 4 (20:58):
Yeah right, because that's a It seemed like it wrapped
up pretty nicely. Yeah, I don't know it's gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
He better be good still for Opie update number two.

Speaker 4 (21:08):
I am getting moved into my new place, and in
the other post, I was answering someone about whether I
thought the girlfriend was going to go on the lease
with the soon to be X Richard Nogan Well, I
received a phone call. She is not all that excited
on going on a new lease with him for any
length of time. Matter of fact, she only wants to
go month to month. Soon to be X is crying
that I've ruined his life, and she is tired of

(21:30):
hearing the whining. Apparently not so sure if this is true.
She had no idea that I was still on the lease,
which she questioned him extensively about. He made up all
kinds of excuses as to why, but the truth is
that he doesn't qualify on his own to get the lease.
He needed my financial credentials. She told him to get

(21:51):
a job. She also is telling me that she is
figuring out exactly why I left in the first place.
My response to her was, after seventeen years, don't you
think that I would have had a really good reason
to leave after that long? There are two sides to
a story, and somewhere in there there is the actual truth.
So the conversation was really interesting and after she got

(22:11):
some answers to her questions, it ended peacefully. But I
surprised her when she started to tell me things about
the two of them, and I cut her off by
telling her that they were not my concern. It was
between the two of them, and I didn't want to know.
But now the girlfriend is in jail. Why she got
caught taking security tags off of things in the store
and then when her name was run by the police

(22:34):
two felony warrants. Apparently the warrants are for not showing
up to court and it has been so habitual. There
is no security bond available to ten thousand dollars cash only.
Oooh wow, you really think that Op's the one who's
gonna make you homeless? Yeah, dude, come on, man, now

(22:54):
you're a fair partner's got ten thousand, well twenty thousand? Yeah, yeah, debt?
Oh my gosh. Yeah, maybe that's why she was so
like peeved about him not having a job not Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:04):
I was like, I for it needs you to have money.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
I was like, I can't afford this, so you have to.
So I think she will be stuck there for a minute.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
What a mess.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
So messy. Oh, p, I think it's just your your
divorce him that you have or you are Yeah, and leave.

Speaker 4 (23:22):
Him well enough alone exactly whenever.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
He comes crying to you block, Yeah, don't even We
don't have to engage with him, right, you've already got
the restraining order.

Speaker 4 (23:34):
That's just extra drama that you just get to hear
about that they have to deal with.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, not my problem. Not my problem.
My opinion or.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
My observation is this. It's almost the first of the month.
Who is coming up with rent for him?

Speaker 3 (23:51):
Not me?

Speaker 4 (23:52):
As I've learned with this entire situation, what you put
out into this world, whether it be goodness or by
being a terrible person, it has a way of coming
back to you, and when it comes around, boy does it.
So I am settling into my new place, new job,
and new life. Sounds like the other two have a
lot to work out, and I love saying not my problem.

(24:13):
Thank you to all in this group who I've commented
and supported this journey. I continue to pray daily and
I am proud of all I have accomplished. One day
at a time. I am living my best life and
being the best I can be. Every day. Thank you
all again.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
Here.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
We're going to get back to the stories, but here's
three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 7 (24:33):
My fiance asked to open our relationship, and I think
it's because of his friend.

Speaker 3 (24:38):
Let's close that line of questioning down.

Speaker 7 (24:40):
I twenty eight female, and my fiance John, twenty eight male,
have been together for about five years.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
To understand the dilemma, I need to give you some background.

Speaker 7 (24:49):
It both came from very religious backgrounds, though it affected
both of us very differently. John became a problem child,
running away, causing problems and eventually finding a crowd as
parents would not approve of. Most of the members of
this group were part of the LGBTQ plus community Smoked
the Devil's let us, engaged in protests, and either atheists

(25:10):
or practice a different religion. By the way, this comes
from user wild Boar eleven forty two and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime subredit. Although some of the members have
since left, this crowd became his current friend group. I
won't go into details about each and every one of them,
but the main ringleaders are Alex thirty five non binary,

(25:30):
and Avery thirty three male.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
From what I understand, they collected.

Speaker 7 (25:35):
Damaged people, as John jokingly said one day, and let
them couch surf when things got rough. Alex is some
sort of a NEPO baby, and Avery works in it
or something like that. John met them when he was fifteen.
At first, I thought they seemed very cool and couldn't
wait to meet them, since John equated their relationship to

(25:55):
that of a child and a parent, so clearly very
important people in his life. But when I finally met them,
when we were twenty one and in college and home
for the summer break, the meeting left me a bit disillusioned.
Alex was caddy and had snide remarks since I wasn't
LGBTQ or anything at most by curious, and Avery treated

(26:16):
me like a child. But John said they always need
to break new people in, so I tried to think
positive and did my best to impress them with what
I was studying and what my plans for the future are,
both regarding me personally and my relationship. But the more
I talked, the more they seemed to disapprove of me.
Despite this strange meeting, John seemed ecstatic to see them

(26:38):
again and gushed about how much they liked me, So
I kept my mouth shut and just nodded along. Now
to understand a bit deeper on who Alex and Avery.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Are In the town they live in, they're something like
local celebrities, very spiritual.

Speaker 7 (26:52):
Their home is full of souvenirs they've accumulated over all
their travels. They're also married, but their definition of marriage
is very different from the traditional one. Apparently they went
to some tropical state and took some hallucinogens together, and
in their state they proclaimed everlasting love for one another.
Quite a wild concept for someone like me, but I

(27:13):
learned to be more open minded since I left for college.
That being said, they also said that they can see
auras whatever that is, and apparently love my fiances. I
don't know what they think of mine, but it probably
isn't much, which brings us to the topic.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
I came here with. Last week.

Speaker 7 (27:29):
After we got home from work, John sat me down
and asked me what I think about being in a
polygamous relationship. He said he loves me so so so
much more than that it then is possible, and doesn't
know what to do with the rest of it, thinking
that it's fair to give it to someone else. I,
on the other hand, don't have a limit on how
much I can love him, so I said no, that's
and that was that. However, the question has been plaguing

(27:52):
my mind ever since. If you knew John just a fraction,
a enumerator and a denominator, you'd know he researches about
things long before where he actually commits to anything, any
lifestyle or relationship change, whatever. This makes me think that
he has already thought about it for a while, and
that he also consulted Alex and or Avery about this.

(28:12):
I don't want to villainize them, but I know for
a fact they're not in a monogamous relationship, and they
clearly don't like me as the rest of their little group. Again,
I don't want to point fingers, and I won't ask
John to show me his messages with them unless I
have solid proof that it isn't just a gut feeling.
But I just have this horrible feeling that they somehow
pulled it in. That they somehow pulled in John. There's

(28:32):
no way he just thought about it suddenly on his
own five years into our relationship, and the idea of
non monogamy was never brought up, and now suddenly, just
as we're about to be married, he brings this up.
I don't buy it one bit, but I can't just
go ahead and confront them, now can. I just don't
know what to do. I feel stuck at home. I
pretend everything is fine since my group of close friends

(28:52):
told me that I'm just overthinking, and I believed it
for a while. But whenever I look at John, all
I can think of is he thinks there's a cap
on how much he can love me, and he wants
to love someone else. I want to deal with this,
but I don't know how. If I bring it up
with John, he'll just brush it off as well, or
he'll think I'm cheating, or I don't trust his friends.
I worked hard to get their approval, and I know

(29:14):
for a fact John shares everything with them. He wouldn't
keep this for himself. I just hope that someone here
can give me pointers on how to proceed. Thanks, we
got some relevant comments.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
I mean, just that ope he should not feel like
she's stuck. You can leave. You don't have to stay
in this relationship if he wants something and is not
willing to back down on it, and you're like, that's
not what I want, Then don't do the thing that
you don't want to do that. It's like that, that's it?
That is it?

Speaker 2 (29:42):
What do you want? Not that? When do you want it?

Speaker 7 (29:46):
Never good? Degenerate Ti Ti liquor. If you don't swing
that way, then end it. It'll only get worse once
you're married. This is not something you can compromise on.
He wants to fol around with other people while you do,
not op, says God. The idea of ending our relationship
is so scary. I feel like I built my entire

(30:07):
life since leaving for college around him, and if we separate,
I'm worried I'm gonna fall apart.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Hashtag codependency.

Speaker 7 (30:14):
But I understand where you're coming from. I need more
time to process the reality of it all. Why God,
Why ninety four says don't let them brainwash you. There
are plenty of cases where people are pulled into someone
else's lifestyle and then are randomly dropped. It will leave
you wondering who you even are. I've been there and
it ruined me. What happens if you drink the kool

(30:35):
aid and they reject you later. It's hard to come
back from that. And I'm not saying this as a
matter based solely on spicy preferences, either New Age mumbo
jumbo or auras mixed with radical changes in spicy interest
can really mess somebody up. A lot of people like
this function almost like a hive mind or a popular
click in high school. If you already feel like you

(30:56):
are being pushed away from the group and now he's
making this request, it's a bad sign. Also, the idea
of him having so much love that it's unfair to
only give it to you is a horrible cop out
and a very common sense excuse for people use when
trying to convince their SOO to try polly or open.
It's often used to guilt people, almost like he's suggesting

(31:18):
you're greedy for wanting to keep your relationship personal and exclusive.
I'd say, just be careful. I don't want you to
end up hurt like I was. Dedicating yourself to one
person while their character and lifestyle is completely changing can
end up with you getting hurt bad. If he is
sincerely changing in this way, I'd be worried about how
much you invest in him. I only say this because

(31:38):
I was fully invested in my ex, and she started
hanging out with a group of college friends more frequently
towards the end. One day we got into a small
argument over parking, and it ended with her saying she
wasn't certain what her spicy proclivity was anymore, and wasn't
sure if she was even female anymore, and that we
had to end things now. I would have been fine

(31:58):
with helping them figure themselves out, but for her it
kind of just became her excuse to break up with me.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
I think it was.

Speaker 7 (32:05):
More about her and them wanting to have fun, and
was influenced by her group of friends all being single
or experimenting, who all came out around the same time.
I think she saw them having fun and let and
felt the fomode to be honest to her, The commenter continues,
she was getting her chance to catch up on fun
she may have missed out on being in a relationship.
To me, it was losing a piece of myself that

(32:26):
I invested years of love into.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
Op says, I'm really sorry you had to go through that.

Speaker 7 (32:30):
I really hope John isn't using this as a maneuvering
tactic to get out of the relationship or is.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
A chance to catch up?

Speaker 7 (32:36):
It doesn't sound like him, but I'll keep this in mind,
and there's an update.

Speaker 2 (32:41):
Do you have any thing nad here? Should we just
cruise right in?

Speaker 3 (32:45):
I think that comment wasn't really relevant. I think that
he wants if he wants to have this politicalist relationship,
that is his own thing and it has nothing to
do with you. And if you don't want it, so
then you leave that relationship for me.

Speaker 7 (32:57):
Just the whole point of this is that it might
not be his own thing. That's Opie's thought is that
since he's been hanging out with this group of people,
suddenly instead of being like, now we're getting married and
we've been together for five years and it's been our
plan to just be married the whole time, suddenly he's like,
I need multiple life part and I need multiple husbands,
I need multiple spouses.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
Then she could up with him and say like, hey,
where are these feelings coming from? Is this actually what
you want?

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Right update? Me and John came from similar backgrounds.

Speaker 7 (33:23):
My family was a bit less strict, allowing me to
go to college since I had great grades. The plan
for me was to move back after getting a degree,
finding a job, a husband, and living the traditional life,
which obviously.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Didn't happen because I met John, who literally changed the
trajectory of my whole life.

Speaker 7 (33:39):
After a year, I switched from my first major to
when I liked more. And it's been a while since I.

Speaker 2 (33:43):
Contacted my parents.

Speaker 7 (33:45):
They didn't approve, of course, but with John's help, I
didn't give in to their demands to come back. Now
they know I'm getting married and are invited, but the
last time we spoke was about two months ago. John
is completely no contact with his parents since eighteen. I
didn't talk about the friend group in more detail at first,
since I didn't think they were that important, but they
do like me. At first, they were obviously a bit

(34:05):
unsure since to them I was a cishet, white passing woman.
But they warm up to me and I'm proud to
call them my friends. The only people who didn't fully
accept me are Avery and Alex, and since me and
John got together officially, they tend to call me the
wife in this strange, almost derogatory, dismissive manner. It's not

(34:26):
an important detail, but it gets on my nerves. Lastly,
John is aware that opening up the relationship would lead
to me being intimate physically or emotionally with other people,
but he said it's a great chance for me to
explore my byside, though I haven't expressed the desire to
really be with a woman relationship at their seat onto
what happened. I shot a message over to John two

(34:48):
days ago and said that we needed to talk. He
works from home and I don't, so as soon as
I got home we sat down to have an in
depth conversation about his proposal. I think he knew what
it's going to be about, and I had the feeling
he seemed almost guilty, but I ignored that and basically
word vomited everything that's been on my mind. This is
embarrassing because I wrote down most of what the comments

(35:09):
advised and was prepared to have a mature discussion. But
by the end of my easily fifteen minute rant, I
was in tears and he had to hold me otherwise
I'd crumbled completely. The gist of what I said is
that I'm hurt that he wants to be intimate with
other people and that he doesn't care that I would
do the same, that he believes there's a limit to
how much he can love me and that I can't

(35:29):
see where this all came from. He just sprung this
on me out of nowhere, just a few months before
we were supposed to be wed. We tried to have
a mature discussion, yes, but by the end he was frustrated.
He did apologize for making me feel less than but
said that my outlook on an open relationship is selfish.
What it all boiled down to was that he feels

(35:50):
he didn't have enough time to find himself before he
committed to me, which is bs because he didn't show
any signs of wanting more than I could offer. We
were very happy throughout the five years, and I really
believed I met my soulmate. I realized that since we
were engaged, he seemed to talk more to this friend
group and by extension, to Avery and Alex.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
Again.

Speaker 7 (36:10):
I don't want to paint them as these cartoonish villains.
They're really interesting and all, but now I want nothing
more than to scratch those self absorbed, smug smiles off
of their face. In the end, I demanded to see
his phone, and he was shocked. We had a rule
that we can see each other's phones, but we don't
share passwords or anything, since relationships are built on trust

(36:31):
and neither of us wanted to be a prison guard
in the relationship. Nevertheless, he unlocked and handed over his phone,
and I searched his messages, even deleted once, and found
nothing out of the ordinary. Then I checked the call
log and guess effing what ours long calls to and
from either Avery or Alex. I was fuming and asked

(36:53):
him what does he need to discuss with them for
this long? And mind you, these were dated months back.
John eventually caved in and admitted it was them who
brought up the idea of open relationship, but they also
talked about everything else.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Since there's such a role model.

Speaker 7 (37:11):
John admitted that he started getting cold feet a while
ago and needed.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
A safe place to discuss this. I guess I his
wife to be.

Speaker 7 (37:19):
I am not safe, even though he loves you so
much that the love overflows and is like a threat
to our very existence because there's so much love it
might engulf the whole planet.

Speaker 3 (37:29):
Again, I really don't think it matters if they convinced
him to do it, because he was convinced. He didn't
come to you. He didn't talk about the problems that
you guys were having in the relationship. Instead, he went
to other people and then heard there's you know, nonsense
idea all right that you he probably knew that you
would not be on board about. And then when it

(37:51):
was like, yeah, I'm gonna tell you right before the
wedding that I want to do.

Speaker 7 (37:54):
This, John eventually caved in and admitted it was them
who brought up the idea of an open relationship, but
they also talked about everything since they're such role models.
John admitted that he started getting cold feet a while
ago and needed a safe place to discuss this. I
guess I his wife to be am not safe. Please
make it make sense? Why would you even marry me?

(38:15):
Then he promised we'd go to a couple's counselor and
fix all of this, his issues with marriage, the open
relationship thing in the whole nine yards, and that he'd
book an emergency session with his therapist. That he loves
me and wants nothing but to be with me. It
was late, so we went to bed. Despite how messy
this all sounds, I was a bit more reassured by this.
I genuinely love him, even if my post doesn't reflect

(38:38):
that very well. Though many people have said just to leave.
I want that to be the last resort. I was
willing to jump through hoops to make this work.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
A yi yi, oh Pee, you don't have to get
married to this guy. It doesn't. I mean, if he
wants to go to marriage counseling to try and convince,
I mean, it isn't. It's not that he said this,
but if he wants to go to marriage counseling to
convince you to do what he wants, it's.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
Not gonna work. Yeah, I honestly all of that aside.

Speaker 7 (39:06):
I would just press him until he said that, until
he admits that what he said made no sense, that
he has so much love he can't give all of
it to you. It's like, just tell me, tell me
the real thought, tell me the actual thought. And if
you don't have an actual thought, then what the hell
are you talking about?

Speaker 3 (39:21):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (39:23):
True, yeah, so OPI had said, But guess who's the idiot?
This morning, I woke up to an empty apartment and
a message on my phone from John saying that he
needs a few days to think this all over and
needs space.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
He didn't say where he was going or when he'd
come back.

Speaker 7 (39:37):
I called and called and messaged everyone I know, but
no one can tell me where John is. I told
him he either comes back home in twenty four hours
or this is over. As you can imagine, I'm a wreck.
I took the rest of the week off, and between
crying sessions and staring blankly into the wall, I obsessively
check my messages in hopes of someone telling me where
John is. To be honest, if he's willing to put

(39:59):
me through this, I'm not sure I want to be
with him.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
How can you do this to someone you love? He's
JOHNI og host here.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break of ass.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
When we're sponsors, my boyfriend's sister keeps bringing up his
ex and I'm getting tired of it.

Speaker 5 (40:14):
I was we need to bring her out back and
get rid of her.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
I have been with my twenty nine female boyfriend thirty
two male for four years. He dated this one woman
who is ten years older than him, for six years,
about three or four years before we met and dated.
My boyfriend's name is Aaron, and he has an older brother, Nate.
Nate recently got married to Cassie. Cassie and my boyfriend's

(40:36):
ex Kate have been longtime best friends. By the way,
this comes from common Donut sixty four to sixty two,
and if you want to spend your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime suppared it so, Nate
and Cassie met through Kate while my boyfriend and her
were together. Kate has a daughter, not my boyfriend's biological kid.
For a few years though, Aaron and Kate lived together,

(40:57):
so he obviously had a good relationship with her. I
posted a story a few months ago about running into
her daughter while our families were celebrating Mother's Day and
how uncomfortable that was because my boyfriend's mother refused to
really say who she was to my mom. My mom
was just curious and kept pushing who she was, and
I knew immediately. Very weird situation. Kate is constantly brought

(41:22):
up in random situations. I've learned to just deal with it.
I can't help that my boyfriend and her dated for
some time and she still has a friendship with Cassie.
It's annoying, but it is what it is. In the
four years, I have surprisingly been able to avoid running
into her, even though she's a yoga instructor at my gym,
and Cassie constantly tries to get us to go to

(41:43):
her end the Summer party, but my family does a
vacation every year around that time, so I've just never gone.
This has caused Cassie to get pretty upset with me,
but I don't care. Cassie is now pregnant and due
in August. Her baby shower is this coming Sunday. Every
single woman in my boyfriend's family, including his mother, has

(42:03):
made a comment understanding if I don't show up because
they know Kate will be there. Just a couple days ago,
Aaron's cousin made a comment to Aaron saying the baby
Shaff's coming up, is Stanny going? Won't that be weird?
Then proceeded to say how she likes me better and
that Kate is all about herself. I'm so tired of
her being compared to me. I'm so tired of her

(42:24):
having a relationship with everyone in his life. I'm tired
of everyone in the family making it weird. He has
a past, who cares she's around? Okay, Aaron and I
have been together four years. They have been broken up
six or seven years. That's crazy. People are still bringing
up and it's been seven years.

Speaker 5 (42:44):
Bro, Why dude, come on, anything else to talk about?

Speaker 3 (42:48):
Come on, all right, are you about to relate it
again to me? Okay? Thank god?

Speaker 5 (42:55):
Well related this way?

Speaker 3 (42:56):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (42:56):
I like people.

Speaker 6 (42:57):
There are two types of people. People that talk about
people and people that talk about ideas. Mm hm, I
might think a little higher here. If everyone's just talking
about people every time I'm around, so I'll be spending
a lot of my time with them in that regard,
or should I spend my time with people that are
like so, I'm like looking forward to this.

Speaker 5 (43:12):
I'm pursuing this in life, da Dad, you.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
Know, yeah, no, I do know. I think there are
a lot of people. I love talking a little bit gossip.
I think it's fun. But I think sometimes it doesn't
have to be the only thing you talk about.

Speaker 6 (43:24):
I think whenever you're talking about gossip, it's in the
regards of how this will affect someone's outcome in the end,
and like their ambitions and their things in life.

Speaker 5 (43:33):
If that makes sense me, or like you.

Speaker 6 (43:35):
Like, in general, whenever we talk about that person instead
of like this person, I hate when this person does.

Speaker 5 (43:41):
Yeah that makes sense.

Speaker 6 (43:43):
It's just like even whenever you do talk about people,
it's in a certain kind of way.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yes, yeah, and sometimes it can be very annoying when
people only they're like, oh, I hate that person, and
like there are certain people I like I've known that
only talk negatively about other people, and that's like always
what we're talking about. And on top of all this,
part of me truly believes that Cassie has been past,
has been just achin to get Kate and I in
the same room. I think she wants the interaction to happen.

(44:09):
Cassie and I have not had the best relationship. She
tried warning me about Aaron. She told Erin after meeting
me once that she didn't like me. I don't know
what to do here. Why am I made to feel
like the outsider? I bet no one is saying how
weird it will be for her? What do I do here?
How do I handle this when none of these comments

(44:31):
are made to me? My boyfriend obviously tells them that
there's no reason for it to be weird, and then
I'm fine with it. But how do I make this stop?
I'm sorry if this felt all over the place with
info in details, but I'm just so tired of dealing
with this relevant comments. Oh Pe clarifies on why she's
sending mixed messages to people around her and she's avoiding

(44:52):
being around Kate. Opie says, So I think you have
me a bit wrong. I never actively want went out
of my way to avoid her. I wanted the interaction
to happen from the beginning. If I find a guy,
let's say, has a female friends, I would rather meet
them asap so it makes me real. Then I can
see if they put boundaries in place with this situation.

(45:14):
I wanted his family feeling comfortable to have her and
I in the same place. I'm not asking his family
to end a relationship or friendship. I simply just don't
care to know. The end of the summer party just
always ended up being when I had a yearly family
trip where Aaron came with me. You would tell me
it didn't matter to him if you went or not.
But I was going to make an effort this year

(45:34):
since Cassie clearly has an issue. It just happened to
work out that our paths just never crossed in the
four years. I don't miss out on events or anything
because I think she'll be there. I'm so very comfortable
and confident in my relationship, and we have talked about rings, etc.
I just simply want this narrative. His family has to stop.

(45:55):
It gives her power in our lives, and I just
don't care about her being brought up.

Speaker 5 (45:59):
That makes sense, I agree, I think.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
Yeah, I think for me relating, at a certain point,
I just didn't even want to hear about my ex anymore.
I was like, we don't have to keep talking about him. Yeah,
we don't have to even talk about him. Yeah, like
today when you started talking about I, like a certain point,
it's just like, Okay, I appreciate that you're trying to,

(46:23):
you know, relate and like be on my side, but
at a certain point, it's just like we want to
talk about him.

Speaker 5 (46:30):
That's the past.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
So for op it's like, I don't even want to
hear about this person. We don't like, Yeah, she'll be around,
but that's okay. We don't have to like bring up
stuff about them. And I'm sure Opie's boyfriend doesn't want
that either.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (46:42):
I do have two questions.

Speaker 6 (46:43):
One bandicoot says, how does the boyfriend react to these comments?

Speaker 5 (46:47):
That's a good question, I'm sure it's super annoying for him.

Speaker 6 (46:50):
And the second one. If Opie were to talk to
the mom about this, like hey, I just don't feel
comfortable with her being brought up, or like she figures
out a way to really say it in a good way,
will the mom go ahead and be, Oh, so you
are jealous? Huh, you're jealous that they were together. Huh
blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
Huh, that's so frustrating.

Speaker 6 (47:12):
That probably will happen if she did try to say something, Yeah,
he's just goind to fortify your mind, perhaps for to five.
Let it be like, oh, yeah, that's just one of
the things we talk about daily.

Speaker 5 (47:22):
Yeah whatever, it just did.

Speaker 3 (47:24):
It's just a type of thing. Commenter one says, Wait,
hold up, am I math in the timeline?

Speaker 5 (47:30):
Right?

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Did Kate start dating your boyfriend when he was eighteen
or nineteen and she was a full decade older And
the family is totally cool with this woman continuing to
be entrenched in their lives and is constantly comparing you
to her her attendance that family functions is more important
than yours. Kate's a total creep. What heck, I don't
even think this would be a question if the genders
were flipped. It wasn't very clear to me how your

(47:52):
boyfriend feels about this situation. This seems to be mostly
just a problem with his family. Have you guys had
a serious conversation about Kate. Hopefully you guys are on
the same page on this. If you guys can present
a united front of hey, please stop expecting us to
associate with Kate. Stop comparing op to Kate. This is
super weird and uncomfortable. I think that will be more

(48:16):
successful than you alone where you guys, where you can
get painted as the jealous, insecure woman. And if your
boyfriend doesn't have your back, and god forbid, isn't actually
over Kate or something, well, then you know to stop
wasting your time and get that heack out of there.
Opie says this, thank you. I call her missus Robinson.
I believe he was twenty or twenty one, so my

(48:38):
math may not be mathing, but I know he had
a year long relationship with someone else. Between her and
I I think it's so gross for a thirty to
thirty one year old to go for a younger guy,
especially a twenty to twenty one year old boy also
a woman with a younger daughter. That is I really yeah,
she had a daughter and he was twenty and she
was thirty.

Speaker 6 (49:00):
He was also pursuing it too. He could have not
m it is weird there she said that. But I
also think no, you should have like, um.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
No, because I think even if we swap this, I
think it would be like, it's weird. I don't like,
why is a thirty year old pursuing relationship with the
twenty year old. You are completely different, you know, completely
different stages of your life. She has a daughter, so
she very much is in completely different stages of the life.
He's in college.

Speaker 6 (49:28):
Yeah, if I'm in college and I'm twenty, I'm talking
to a thirty year old with a daughter with daughter, Like,
why are we entertaining this as.

Speaker 5 (49:34):
A twenty year old?

Speaker 1 (49:35):
You know?

Speaker 5 (49:35):
Yeah, but my friend's probably not fully developed. And he's like, oh,
she's pretty, she's attracted to me.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
She's an older woman. It's on the older person to
be like, maybe I shouldn't be pursuing this. My boyfriend
ended the relationship because he couldn't see marrying her and
he wants a family. Everyone in his family talks highly
of her though, so I think she's a very bubbly,
charismatic person. I just think if my kid did that,
I'd have an issue. Being twenty nine. Now, you got

(50:01):
young guys for pulls me. I think they don't speak
about it out of respect for my boyfriend. They don't
much talk about their feelings. My boyfriend hardly tells his
family what is going on in his life.

Speaker 6 (50:11):
Yeah, young guys nowadays, yo chat. What do you think
about this new fine shiit che got next to me?
That's lingo. That's the lingo they're gonna be talking. I
can't sand it always been like that. Aaron, Opie's boyfriend
needs to set boundaries on Kate attending the family events
and making a scene towards Opi in front of Aaron's family.
Opie should be able to attend the baby shower. Opie says,

(50:32):
it's funny you say that because some somehow, either through
Cassie or maybe dinners at Cassie in Nate's house, that
Aaron and I don't get invited to. Aaron's mom knew
about his ex's daughter getting into a specific college.

Speaker 5 (50:46):
Oh she's that old.

Speaker 6 (50:48):
My mind raised about that one, and how that conversation happened,
or if his parents still spend time with her in
some sort of secret way.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
I want to draw a line in only one way.

Speaker 6 (51:00):
I don't want his family comparing or drawing conclusions on
how they think I will react, when for a long
time I did just want to meet her to get
it out of the way. I definitely intend to go.
It proves the family right. If I don't, in my opinion,
they will all think I didn't show because of her,
and I refuse to allow anyone to have anything more

(51:23):
to talk about with the situation.

Speaker 5 (51:25):
My boyfriend doesn't let it bother him.

Speaker 6 (51:27):
He doesn't entertain any conversation about her, but he doesn't
like conflict. I mean, he shut down his cousin's convo
quickly about it when I wasn't there. If I were there,
or at least these comments were made to me, I
would react differently. I was just thinking about going with
my boyfriend's mom, maybe even discussing the topic with her
in private beforehand too, just mentioning I don't like the

(51:49):
topic of her and how it made me uncomfortable knowing
she knew about her daughter's college acceptance, that it made
me feel as though there is some secret relationship they
still have with her. My boyfriend has told me things
I can do that might get her under her skin
a bit if I want to go that route.

Speaker 5 (52:06):
Lol. Update.

Speaker 6 (52:07):
So the baby shower was yesterday and I thought about
posting it, but I was so frustrated yesterday that I
didn't want it to be a rage post. There was
no crazy peta petty confrontation or drama. There actually isn't
anything huge to really report, but I have officially met Kate.
It was Cassie's baby shower and her sister had actually

(52:30):
ended up going into labor yesterday morning, so everyone was
more concerned with that than anything else. I showed up
about a half hour early to help my boyfriend's mom
in case she needed it. It was just my boyfriend's
mom and Kate there. When I showed up, I also
her current boyfriend. She immediately introduced herself and I started

(52:50):
helping away anyway I could. She was very kind as
people started showing up, though she made a comment saying, oh,
I should introduce myself to everyone who showed up. My
boyfriend's aunt showed up and they hugged and chatted a bit,
along with Aaron's cousin. It felt so strange to watch
them all interact. She still very much has a good

(53:11):
relationship with them all.

Speaker 5 (53:13):
I didn't let that get to me though.

Speaker 6 (53:15):
We had a couple more interactions where she commented my
outfit and made small talk about the food, but I
didn't let the conversation go on long. I stayed at
a table with all of my boyfriend's family, his mom,
his mom's friends, his aunt, cousin. I felt her eyes
on me most of the day. Her cousin was there too.
For some reason, it stuck out to me again that

(53:36):
boyfriend's mom was talking to her friend about Kate and
her daughter in the colleges she got into. But all
of his mom's friends were mostly chatting to me about
the house my boyfriend and I were building.

Speaker 5 (53:49):
Interesting.

Speaker 6 (53:49):
One of them had even said, wow, the last name
boy really know how to pick beautiful women. So it
is strange that the mom is very hyper folk. We're
you know, I'm just gonnayper focus, but the mom's hyper
focused on Kate in her daughter's life rather than Opie
and like the things she's got going on in her life.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
Yeah, I mean she again, none of these people are
seemingly over the relationship that Opie's boyfriend had with Kate.

Speaker 6 (54:17):
Or well, her friends are more interested in Opie than Kate.

Speaker 5 (54:23):
Yeah, the mom can't like what you said. For the mom,
she really can't.

Speaker 3 (54:27):
Why is that?

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Does she?

Speaker 6 (54:28):
Do you think she secretly wants This was just something
nice to hear in that really odd situation.

Speaker 5 (54:35):
However, I guess she would be included in that in
some capacity.

Speaker 6 (54:39):
I got a home and my boyfriend had asked me
how it went because his mom mentioned her and I chatting.

Speaker 5 (54:45):
I crashed out on him. For some reason.

Speaker 6 (54:48):
It just hit me that this woman is not going anywhere,
and I have absolutely no control of that.

Speaker 5 (54:54):
If we have kids down the road.

Speaker 6 (54:56):
One day, she will most likely meet them, and for
some reason that bothered the family views her in a
positive light. When she was about thirty to thirty one
and dated my boyfriend at twenty to twenty one, I
know some people struggle with that math in my original post,
but they had to have broken up when he was
twenty six. He dated someone between the two of us,
and then I met him when he was twenty eight

(55:17):
twenty twenty nine, so I think Opie still we got
a little bit more here. Opie's still contemplating like this
dynamic and the like I guess the realization of Kate's
always gonna be around.

Speaker 4 (55:30):
That's it is tough.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
It's like this person who is your partner's ex, who
you keep getting compared to, is if you're having if
you're gonna have a relationship with your partner's family, She's
never gonna go away because they love her.

Speaker 6 (55:42):
Yeah, I will say, I'm so glad my ex moved
to Georgia and then broke up with me because I've
only said who once since then? That is so nice
a blessing, yep, me. And then I moved to La
so I probably will never ever see her and she's married.
Good for her.

Speaker 5 (56:02):
Well, there you go, there you go.

Speaker 6 (56:03):
So I'm You're good. I'm a bigoty dog. Okay, back
to the story. Her current boyfriend is eight years younger too.
I know it kinda is irrelevant, but I'm so annoyed
at this situation. I'll be seeing her again before the
end of the summer at Cassie's party. I'm going once
and never going again. Loel, I think I'm allowed not
to want to be around her. My boyfriend feels the same.

(56:25):
We both know we can't do anything about the rest
of the family having a relationship with her, but from
here on out we don't want to hear about her
or have contact with her. I know quite I know
quite a bit about my boyfriend and Kate's relationship. I
think she corrupted him in so many ways. I want
so badly to tell his mother all the things I

(56:46):
know so she understands exactly what kind of person she is.
But at the end of the day, she got the
boy and I got the man, which low key. If
she keeps up with it, I think you might have
to drop that knowledge on her.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
How did Kate corrupt Aarin during their relationship, Opie says,
without going into too much detail, Let's just say they
had a type of open relationship, commoner one. Honestly, it
feels like Cassie wants Kate to be her sister in
law instead of you. This isn't over, but it's still weird.
Af Opie says, this isn't over. Uugh, that's what I'm

(57:23):
afraid of. Cassie and her sister got pregnant like the
same week. They live on the same street and are
both besties with Kate. They'd love if my boyfriend and
Kate got back together and they could all be sister
a law. Cassie and Nate used to be the only
two who would come over for family dinners, and now
her sister comes every time, which I guess in a way,

(57:46):
my boyfriend's parents are still family. But when they come,
all they do is talk about being pregnant, and I'm
just gonna exclude it. It's such a complicated and odd dynamic.
It just feels like Cassie wants to push me out
common or two. You guys don't have to go to
where she is going to be. Let everyone know it's
you two or hurt ope, he says. The last thing

(58:07):
I want to do is say that Cassie and Kate
have a twenty to thirty year long friendship. They grew
up together. It's just not an option I'm okay with
giving them. What I am okay with is saying I
don't want to hear about her, and neither does my boyfriend.
How does Opie's boyfriend feel about the situation with Kate
and Cassie. Opie says, my boyfriend is new to the

(58:28):
whole setting boundaries thing.

Speaker 4 (58:30):
E Looell.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
He is slowly getting better, and I'm proud of him
for that. He had friends who would walk all over him,
and he finally was stern with them and created those
clear boundaries. His cousin is the worst when it comes
to talking about her. I told him, next time he
needs to say why do you think I care about
hearing about her? Or something along those lines. He says

(58:51):
he normally just gives her a one word reply or
just tries to walk away from the conversation, which he
believes is easier because of the kind of person she is.
But I told him clearly that isn't clear to her
and to say something very clear and direct next time.
He also made it very clear that he doesn't want
to go to the party that he knows she'll be
at his decision, not mine. I was fine with that,

(59:14):
and his family will have to understand. I did also
have a conversation with him, just saying that it's clear
that Cassie and I just will never have that close
relationship I was hoping we'd have, and I have to
accept that family is important to me, however, so I
will keep putting in the effort that family should But
I just don't expect the same in return. If I

(59:35):
or my boyfriend give that boundary to her, I feel
it might cause a greater divide. I would be fine
with him going to his mom, but I would worry
about his brother or sister in law may be taking
it wrong or just not inviting us at all, which
they have already kind of done with even small family
get togethers.

All Episodes

My husband asked to be POLY… so I’m divorcing him! - r/okstorytime | Redditstories | EP2308

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

The Breakfast Club

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband asked to be POLY… so I’m divorcing him! - r/okstorytime | Redditstories | EP2308