My husband CONFESSED he saw his ex… the day before he proposed!-r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2319 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 3 (00:17):
My husband confessed he saw his X the day before.
He proposed it was like seeing a ghost. So my husband,
twenty eight male, and I twenty seven female, got married
three months ago. We've been together for three years now,
and now I just feel like everything has gone down
the drain. We got into a fight a week ago
over practically nothing. It was a stupid fight. We were

(00:38):
both really stressed all day because of a personal issue
and it's sort of just and it sort of just
compounded right before we went to bed and we just
started yelling at each other as we were fighting. My
husband just sort of yelled that ex girlfriend was right
and he shouldn't have rushed into marriage. By the way,
this comes from user throw away Butterfly eleven and if

(00:59):
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime stubbur It. I stopped in my tracks.
It felt like a bucket of cold water had just
been poured on top of me. He immediately stopped talking.
It was so silent. My body was shaking, and I
ran out of the room and locked myself in the
spare bedroom for the night. The next morning, I found
him in the kitchen, and he looked like he hadn't

(01:20):
slept a wink. I felt bad momentarily until I remembered
what he said. He ended up confessing that the night
before he proposed to me, he had gotten a text
from his ex girlfriend saying she needed to talk to him.
He showed me his phone and there was the text,
her asking practically begging to see him, and him agreeing.

(01:42):
He explained that she had just been broken up with
Apparently the sky was horrible to her, and she thought
that my husband would be the only person to understand.
And they had gotten to talking and he had told
her he was going to propose to me tomorrow, to
which apparently she began asking questions about me, about our
relationship and stuff. He just began willingly divulging, and then

(02:04):
she told him he was rushing into marry He reassured
me that last night he was just stressed. He didn't
mean it, old buddy, but you said it, and that
there is not a day that goes by he doesn't
feel like the luckiest man in the world. He was crying,
begging for me not to leave him. Things have been
tense ever since then. He seems to be overcompensating, or

(02:25):
at least overdoing it because he feels like that's what
I want. I don't know what I want. I don't
even know how to begin to process this. I've sort
of been going through it this week, and everyone in
my life is telling me different things. So I thought
i'd come on here and ask you guys, and we
have some comments here, But before we do, I mean,

(02:47):
ay ya yai. It's one of those things where when
the genie comes out of the bottle and you say
something like that, brother Lush.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
It's not like, not only is she finding out that
you talk to your ex the night before you propose
to her, she's also finding out that you agree with
your ex. Right, it's the worst part.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Even if you don't and you said that, yeah, as
in a weaponized way, it's still like a thing that
like like you've been married for three months and you're
already whipping out. My ex was right about you. I
shouldn't have married you yet. That's you kind of have
to mean that a little bit if that comes out right,

(03:27):
because that's a choice. I would never say that. Yeah,
I mean unless I meant.

Speaker 4 (03:33):
It and you were breaking up with your burtner.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
Yeah, right, Like that's something that comes out and then
it's like, well, I guess, uh, I guess we'll talk
to the lawyers.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
That's it. Yeah, for sure, We'll see what he does.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
Though, I mean, does he have anger issues? Like do you?
Is there some kind of maybe you do, maybe you
do couples counseling therapy.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
I think do therapy for sure.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
But uh yes, But if he's just gonna love bomb you,
I don't know if your partner is emotionally mature enough
or a marriage right now? Oh yea yea comments. I'm
curious did he ever apologize for not telling you sooner
that he went to see her? Opie says he apologized
after he told me everything that happened, not specifically that

(04:15):
he didn't tell me sooner. He just sort of kept
apologizing for going to see her over and over again.
He also apologized specifically that he threw it back in
my face the night prior. I think he sort of
was inferring to the whole situation in a way, but
he didn't specifically say the words I'm sorry for not
telling you sooner. I'm not sure if it matters, but yeah,

(04:36):
and comment to replies does it matter to you that
he didn't tell you about it sooner? Which again my
statement earlier, I was like, I don't know if you
need to tell him or tell her. Ever, I think
I was based on the fact that you proposed to
her seriously, because you can't tell them that in the
middle of your proposal or the day before your proposal, because.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
They're going to just think think about that.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yes, you can't have your proposal also be about your ex.

Speaker 4 (05:00):
I just wouldn't have gone saw my ex.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
I agree, I just wouldn't have gone in zar hell.
It could also be a phone call, you know. Yeah,
Op says, yes, it does bother me. We've been married
for three months and we got engaged two months before that.
Five months feels like a long time to keep this hidden.
When I said I'm not sure that it matters, I
was more saying I'm not sure if the exact wording

(05:22):
he used matters. Not that I don't care that he
didn't tell me sooner. Comment Or two says, that's an
unringable bell. It's not even so much that he saw
her and didn't say anything for me that could have
been fine. It's that he's clearly been hearing her words
in his head the entire time you've been married. He
went into your marriage with doubt and didn't think you too.

(05:42):
Supposedly a partnership should even get to have a conversation
about that. That's the deal breaker for me. Commenter three,
How can anyone get past this type of betrayal? When
he yelled that at you about her, and that he
agreed he should have never married you, it would have
been the end for me. He told you he regrets
it's marrying you. How can that not always be in

(06:02):
the back of your mind going forward? I'm at four.
I think you two would benefit from couple's therapy. He
lashed out in anger to hurt you. I understand he
immediately regretted it, but he also ended up exposing a
lie he hid. He broke your trust seeing her and
not mentioning it to you. Did he have at least
did he have a last fling with her? I'd have

(06:23):
more questions that I'd want answers to. He owes you
a genuine apology and changed behavior and jump into.

Speaker 4 (06:30):
That update update. I think we jump right there.

Speaker 5 (06:32):
Let's get it four days later.

Speaker 3 (06:34):
Oh, it's been an interesting couple of days, but things
are looking up. He's been sleeping in the spare room
since the argument, but we've had a couple of conversations
and have come to a conclusion. We have a counseling
session booked for next week, and until then we have
decided to keep our distance as in separate bedrooms. Thank
you to everyone who recommended counseling. For some reason, my
brain completely forgot that was an option. I want to

(06:55):
give him time before we go to our first appointment
to really think about what he wants. He kept saying
that he didn't mean what he said, but I need
to be sure of that before proceeding. If on the
off chance he truly believes what his X said, then
I need him to come to that conclusion himself, because
I don't think I could take it if I knew
he was staying with me because of pride, and not

(07:15):
because he loves me. We're going on a date tomorrow night.
He's taking me to the restaurant we went to on
our first date, and he seemed excited when he told me,
So I guess that's good. I'm excited to have some
normalcy return to our marriage. So I hope that maybe
it's a turning point. As for his ex, to give
some context I didn't give in the last post, my
husband met her at a bar, not at her apartment

(07:37):
or a hotel room. Okay, so that's at least you're
meeting in public. It is different, though super different from
like meeting absolutely there. Apparently she looked distraught or at
least like she had been in a bad situation for
a while, and I do empathize. I don't want any
woman to be in a relationship that is harmful or
emotionally draining. I do believe that my husband didn't she

(08:00):
on me, and I know many of you might think
I'm being naive about that, but I know my husband,
or at least I think I do. I asked him
why he said it if he didn't mean it, and
he said he's not sure, which is concerning to me.
So I hope he can figure it out in time
for the counseling session and we can unpack it before
we finish. I mean, do we have anything to add?
I think we've kind of hit the nail on the

(08:20):
head here.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
It seems like they're still gonna say together, which I
honestly I feel like they can. They just need to
keep having these talks.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
Yeah, well, the couple's counseling needs to happen. Yeah, but
the thing about counseling is like you need to be
really really open because really honest, there are times where
you go to counseling and the the end result is, Oh,
we've realized we're not actually compatible or not good for each.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
Other, and that might happen and yeah, and then that's it.

Speaker 3 (08:45):
But maybe try it because three months is little too early.
Maybe to just keep your quits. Yeah, off of one
like throwaway, like I wanted to hurt your feelings comment, Yeah,
let's finish this story. I love my husband and I
know he loves me. So while my anxiety is through
the roof right now, I hope we can sort this
out because I can't imagine a world where he and

(09:07):
I aren't together. We have some more comments here Number one,
Even with this framing, I don't know if that makes
it worse. You say that she was heartbroken and distraught
from her previous relationship, and your husband thought it was
appropriate not only to reveal that he went to see
her before your engagement, but also use that distress as
information weapons against you, as a means to hurt you

(09:29):
and your feelings. Is he the one taking the steps
to set up counseling. Is he the one doing the
work to rebuild trust here? It's good that you are
being conscious, but keep doing that and just be realistic.
Comment to I understand not wanting to walk out because
of this. You've put three years into the relationship, you're
married now, and your lives are entwined in so many ways.

(09:51):
People here will judge you for fighting for this, but
it's completely understandable that you want to. What I want
you not to forget is how you felt when he
he said those words. I don't want you to forget
how you felt that entire night locked in that room.
I don't want you to forget the anxiety you're feeling
right now, and I don't want you to forget that
your husband deliberately said one of the most hurtful things

(10:12):
you could say to a partner when having a stupid
fight about nothing. He could have said anything, and he
went far below the belt. If those are the verbal
jabs he throws when when you're fighting about nothing of consequence,
what's he gonna say when you're fighting for something a
very real consequence. A third commentary says, I'm pretty sure
I know exactly why he said it. He was mad

(10:33):
and he wanted to hurt your feelings, and that was
the best ammunition he had to do it. When you
do the counseling, if you, guys decide that you do
want to work through this and fix the relationship, healthy
communication is going to need to be a huge focal point.
He needs to learn how to talk through a disagreement
without taking shots at you.

Speaker 4 (10:51):
I caught my wife saying she'd divorce me if I
didn't clean the house.

Speaker 5 (10:56):
Should probably clean the house.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
Then, my forty male wife thirty seventeen and I have
been happily or so I thought, married for nine years.
Our anniversary is next week. She just left for a
four day girls trip in the city, and I'm staying
home to care for our three year old son.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
By the way.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
This comes from Girl Trip Throwaway and if you want
to smit your own story, go to the r slash
Okay storytime Separate it.

Speaker 6 (11:22):
So.

Speaker 4 (11:23):
I wasn't thrilled about it, since it's an expensive trip
and money is really tight right now. But whatever. She
doesn't get to see these friends very often since they
live far away. I suggested that maybe we could all
go together and I could spend all day hanging out
with our son while she spends time with her friends.
We could get a cheaper hotel than the fancy one
her friends picked, and then she wouldn't have to share

(11:45):
a room with them at night. She snores and is
self conscious about it. She didn't like this idea, so
we agreed I would stay home and she would go
by herself instead. Our car recently broke down and we
can't afford to take it to am mechanics, so I
decided to work on it over the weekend. I can't
leave my kid alone, so I took them with me

(12:06):
and plopped them in the car seat with family tablet
to watch some kid shows while I work. When I
turned on the tablet, a bunch of notifications popped up
from a conversation between my wife and her mother, and
I could clearly see that my wife said she was
going to divorce me if she came home and the
house was dirty. It didn't sound like she was joking.

(12:28):
It sounded like a foregone conclusion, like she's discussing if
she should stay in the state or move away after
the divorce. Her mother also seemed to be taking it seriously. No,
I'm not the most tidy person, but our house looks
like you'd expect any house with a three year old
to look cluttered, but not completely disgusting. We don't really

(12:49):
have enough storage in our kitchen, so our countertops tend
to collect things that we use frequently. She says. She
wants our kitchen to look like the ones on TikTok,
but we're always making Peebj's, et cetera, so jars and
commonly used utensils tend to live on the counter. We
both tidy up when we have time. I do all
the grocery shopping all the cooking, and we split the
rest of the housework evenly. Her only real solo chores

(13:12):
are bathtime with our son and putting the dishes into
the dishwasher. She lets them pile up and does them
about once per week and complains about how much work
it is. I have asked her if she wants to
switch chores, and she always gets angry and says no
because she's a bad cook. Here's where it gets weird, though.
She just recently had a talk with me about how

(13:33):
I don't respond quickly enough to wear texts while I'm
at work and that it gives her massive anxiety because
she starts to think that I secretly hate her and
want to leave her. I assured her that's not the case,
and that it's because I'm busy working. I have a
job where lots of people are talking to me about
time sensitive tasks. She seemed a little relieved by my response,

(13:54):
and now I find out that she's thinking about leaving
me anyway, which makes no sense. If she scared I'm
gonna leave her, I thought maybe this was some kind
of defense mechanism, but the conversation with her mother happened
after I told her that I still love her and
that I'm happy being with her. Some added context, she
recently discovered TikTok and immediately developed what I think is

(14:16):
an unhealthy relationship with the app. I've expressed some concern,
but she's a grown woman, so I figured she can
spend her free time however she wants.

Speaker 5 (14:25):
She's religiously watching.

Speaker 4 (14:27):
Those yeah, oh yeah, but like the ones I'm picturing
is the ones where they do like the organizing the
fridge things.

Speaker 5 (14:34):
Yeah, I'm picturing those.

Speaker 6 (14:35):
And the ones where they clean like toilets and bats
with like toy.

Speaker 4 (14:39):
Different product, and you're like, why are we doing it?

Speaker 5 (14:42):
Is it's spotless?

Speaker 4 (14:43):
Yeah. I sometimes tease her that she always has her
face buried on her phone now because of TikTok. She
just laughs it off. This is her main afterwork activity, though.
She lays on the couch or the bed and scrolls
through videos on TikTok. While she was packing for her trip,
she told me about a TikTok video she saw where
a woman left her husband with her child for eleven

(15:04):
days and when she came home the house was a disaster.
I have not seen this video, so I can't really
comment on it, but eleven days with no support from
your spouse seems like a pretty long time to me.
She was disgusted with how this guy didn't clean up
enough before his wife came home and said that he
must have done it to punish her. I can't help

(15:25):
but notice that she saw this video right before the
conversation with her mother. Also a few weeks ago, she
also accused me of malicious incompetence. She couldn't explain what
it was, but she saw a TikTok video where somebody
was talking about their maliciously incompetent husband. Girl, that's you.

Speaker 5 (15:41):
She's like, I don't really know what this is, but
that is that's you.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Girl.

Speaker 4 (15:45):
You've got the weaponize and competence. Yeah, I'm one not
doing the dishes, and I guess she felt like it
applied to me too. I was pretty offended by this
as I bust my butt to keep her home afloat.
I asked her for an example, and she couldn't give
me one. A few days later, when I came home
from my from shopping with our son, she told me
that I was being maliciously incompetent for not buying oranges

(16:07):
at the store. Oranges were not on the family shopping
lest we keep on the fridge. When I was at
the store, I asked my son, the primary fruit eater
in the house, what fruit he wanted, and he said bananas.
So that is what I bought, but she insisted that
if I were not maliciously incompetent, I would have gotten
oranges too. Where are you? What are you talking about?

Speaker 5 (16:30):
The What was the kid's decree? What was his title?

Speaker 4 (16:33):
Bananas?

Speaker 6 (16:34):
No? Oh, primary, the primary fruit eater declared bananas, you
bring bananas.

Speaker 4 (16:40):
I can't help but wonder if these are her true
feelings or if she is venting or trying to feel
solidarity with these my husband sax TikTok videos. I think so.
I want to talk to her about it right now,
but I feel like I should wait until she gets back,
since I don't want to ruin her trip with an argument.
How do I approach this conversation with her when she
gets back. I'm feeling I'm feeling a million different emotions

(17:03):
right now. I don't want to lose my wife and son.
I could just clean the house super well and pretend
like I never saw the message, but I think that
would eat away at me, knowing that she was thinking
about leaving me over something so stupid. And who is
to say that there won't be another secret ultimatum in
the future. I can't play that game forever. Part of
me just wants to print out the divorce papers and

(17:25):
hand them to her when she gets home to see
what her reaction is, because I honestly can't tell how
serious she is about the whole thing. But at the
same time, I don't want to make it worse if
she truly is on the fence about it. She's made
jokes in the past, at least I thought they were
jokes about leaving me for a sugar daddy and having
one foot at the door. But these were said in

(17:46):
a joking manner and we both laughed at it.

Speaker 6 (17:49):
Oh see, I do think, like think clearly here and
clean the house like do But then have the conversation
when she gets home and be like, hey, read some messages. Yeah,
lean to the house because apparently that was a problem.
But can we talk about this whole tik talk obsession
with me cleaning the.

Speaker 4 (18:09):
Yeah, one talk about TikTok obsession and how it's ruining
our relationship and to talk about our chores.

Speaker 5 (18:14):
Yeah, reassess that you sound like you're doing too much.

Speaker 7 (18:17):
Dude, who knew putting a clothes away, sweeping and doing
a little bit of food prep would beat the detriment
of a lot of people's relationships. Yeah, yeah, we should
go back to whenever the women only did it right.

Speaker 4 (18:30):
Guys, this rage bade Era. Riley loves to rage Bay again.
This recent conversation with her mom did not sound like
a joke to me. This has shattered my world and
I'm not thinking clearly anymore. I'm not sure how I
can go back to the way things were. I don't
know if this relationship is even salvagable. I can't tell

(18:51):
if she's gone crazy or if I'm actually as useless
as these TikTok husbands I keep hearing about and just
don't know it. But there is a little bit left
to this story. Do you have any final thoughts?

Speaker 6 (19:01):
My thoughts stay the same. Yeah, definitely clean the house
and clean it.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
Good, and then call her out and be like, were
you actually going to divorce me if I didn't clean
the house, because that's ridiculous.

Speaker 5 (19:14):
That's like when they split chores.

Speaker 4 (19:17):
They have a three year old. He's doing all of
the cooking, all the grocery shopping. She's doing dishes. One
so weak And.

Speaker 6 (19:24):
When she hasn't communicated any of this to you, it's
through a text to her mother. Yeah, she hasn't been like,
you're cleaning levels that I've nagged you about so many
times are getting to me to the point where I
might divorce you. She's just like, I didn't tell him
to clean the house, but if he doesn't, I'm out.

Speaker 7 (19:41):
But hear me out. Oh no, of Sannah, make you
a better kid?

Speaker 5 (19:48):
Not really, you're talking to two kids that are a
very good kids. Yeah, okay, I like my mom getting
mad at me.

Speaker 6 (19:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (19:57):
My mom never was like, if you're not good, you
won't get presents. She was just like, if you're not good,
you're gonna get in trouble.

Speaker 7 (20:03):
What about the fear of the tooth fairy?

Speaker 4 (20:05):
What?

Speaker 5 (20:06):
What does the tooth.

Speaker 7 (20:07):
Fairy do make sure your teeth are clean?

Speaker 4 (20:10):
I didn't.

Speaker 5 (20:10):
Fairy just gave me teeth.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (20:13):
It was never like, did any like magical creature in
your life?

Speaker 6 (20:18):
Did you respect scare me? Santa would have the most sway. Yeah,
but I don't think it was ever used against me.
And no, I agree place because I think the threats
that came from.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
My mom were scary enough. I agree my mom was
scarier than Santa. Yeah.

Speaker 7 (20:31):
Okay, well I guess I guess. Uh Opie's wife did
the right thing and got the mom involved.

Speaker 5 (20:36):
Okay, there we go.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
Edit.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
I'm gonna take a break now. My head hurts and
I've let my kid watch way more Lucas the Spider.

Speaker 5 (20:45):
Oh, I love Lucas the Spider.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
I'm comfortable with today. Dang that whiney owl. You've all
given me a lot to think about, well except for
the people that commented before reading the post. I'm going
to clean the house as well as I can tonight
and print out divorce papers. Don't know if I'll do
anything with them, but if she's really determined to leave me,
then there's not much I can do about it anyway,
so I might as well try to make it amicable.

(21:08):
If that's what it comes down to. I'll try to update,
but she's probably not gonna be home before the forty
eight hour time limit on updates is past, so it
might just have to be an edit on this post.
And there is a second edit, and I think this
is it, guys, I'm going to pack it in for
the night. I feel like my responses are becoming bitter

(21:29):
and less constructive. I don't want to start talking crap
about my wife. That's not why I came here. Thank you.
All for your health. That's it.

Speaker 6 (21:36):
It sounds like she was Wait wait righty was he
talking crap in the comments about his wife. My wife
wanted to take a break, but now she's acting like
nothing happened.

Speaker 4 (21:46):
We're off the break.

Speaker 6 (21:47):
I twenty eight male, and my wife twenty seven female,
have been together for seven years, married for almost two.
We have a beautiful one year old, and I thought
everything was perfect. It's been a rough week. She told
me she wanted a break, completely out of left field.

Speaker 5 (22:05):
I was lost, by the way.

Speaker 6 (22:07):
This comes from flyn Pleasant eighty three sixty one and
if you want us to meet your own stories, go
to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. She said she
needed space to think and find herself again.

Speaker 5 (22:19):
Since I'm the.

Speaker 6 (22:19):
Sole provider, she had all day at home with our
kid and freedom to relax. She claimed she wasn't sure
who she was anymore since her identity changed from who
she was to mom. She said, I haven't met her needs.
She has no love for me and isn't happy anymore.
I'm not her safe space, even though I work ten

(22:41):
to twelve hour days and take care of our child
whenever i'm home, so she can have her own time.
She'd been talking to a new friend group in a
video game recently, especially this new guy.

Speaker 5 (22:53):
They talked all day and all night.

Speaker 6 (22:56):
When I expressed concerns, she said he was like a
brother to her.

Speaker 5 (23:00):
I trusted her to shut it down if needed.

Speaker 6 (23:03):
A day after she asked for the break, I gave
her space, but she constantly wanted to talk to this
guy and her new friends. She told me her friend
group knew she was married. Hours later, a good friend
informed me she'd been over sharing her needs, affection, and
spicy related saying I didn't meet them anymore, but this

(23:24):
guy she was talking to could. She said they had
more compatibility, even though she'd never met him. That night,
I checked call logs and texts. They'd been sending explicit messages,
asking spicy related questions and comparing me to him, to.

Speaker 5 (23:43):
The point where they'd gotten off during call.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
Oh, so she cheated on you. She full cheated, cheated.

Speaker 7 (23:51):
Where did they go? Did they meet up or something?

Speaker 5 (23:55):
They just don't worry better you learn when you're older, buys.

Speaker 4 (23:58):
Yeah, really, where did they go?

Speaker 7 (24:01):
Did they get off work early?

Speaker 6 (24:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (24:02):
And then they got to.

Speaker 5 (24:03):
Meet up to Yeah, it's like the petsman.

Speaker 4 (24:06):
It's like they just missed the farm. They went to
a farm.

Speaker 7 (24:08):
Really okay, So they met up in secretly in person.

Speaker 6 (24:11):
When she found out I discovered everything, she apologized but
still wanted to talk to this guy because she was
worried for his mental state. From the beginning of our
break my feelings were never considered. I have to focus
on my child to get through living in my own
home while she openly talks and video chats this guy.

(24:32):
She has no reason to make this work because she
doesn't believe I'll change marriage. Counseling wouldn't help since she
doesn't see any love toward me. I'm not her safe
space anymore. This new guy is rough and we have
an update.

Speaker 4 (24:46):
Yeah. No, that's your relationship is not. Yeah, that's it.
That's not even just emotional cheating. No, that's like physical cheating.

Speaker 5 (24:54):
That becomes physical cheating. Yeah, even if you haven't met up.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
I agree. Yeah, I agree because at that point you
are a like having your like mutually doing doing something
on video call.

Speaker 7 (25:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (25:05):
I understand that only providing is in everything. When raising
a child and keeping a family together. There are many
instances where I wish I'd done more so she'd feels
special and pursued. She believes I won't change and don't
have it in me to meet her needs, and she
feels no romantic connection towards me. My main priority is

(25:27):
our child safety and well being, along with my own.
I went gray Rock only asking for child updates. When
I'm at work, I talk to my boss about reducing
hours to work eight to nine hours instead of ten
to twelve. I've contacted lawyers for guidance. I have screenshots
of messages and call logs with time stamps. Since I'm

(25:50):
the main account holder for our phone plan, I always
have to access call logs. They're still calling and video chatting,
so I'm collecting evidence. The messages are explicit and concerning.
After I first checked her phone, she changed the past code,
so I rely on discord messages on her computer when

(26:12):
I get the chance. Her family knows everything and doesn't
understand why this is happening or why she's so willing
to pursue this guy. Now she's trying to justify her
cheating by claiming I cheated.

Speaker 5 (26:23):
So she's justifying it by lying, Yeah, like a liar,
like most cheaters.

Speaker 6 (26:28):
So I said, like a liar, pointing to some mark
she doesn't remember giving me. She won't take accountability and
keeps shifting blame.

Speaker 5 (26:38):
Update two.

Speaker 6 (26:40):
I started focusing on my well being and mental state
while making sure my child gets the love and attention
she deserves. Coming home from the gym, I showered and
was spending time with our daughter when my soon to
be ex wife left her computer unattended. I saw messages
on her phone linked to her computer, hateful messages saying

(27:02):
I'm trying too hard to win her back, that I
went to therapy and I'm trying so hard it's cringe.
She's purposefully ignoring me because she doesn't want involvement with me,
and keeps laughing about what I'm doing, even though I'm
not doing this for her.

Speaker 4 (27:18):
Yis your wife is cringe?

Speaker 3 (27:20):
Dude?

Speaker 4 (27:20):
Yeah, your wife is. She's using the word cringe to
describe you going to therapy.

Speaker 5 (27:26):
To try to save a relationship.

Speaker 4 (27:28):
With a child where you both have chow a child. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (27:32):
I accepted that I needed to move on and be
the best dad for our child while learning to co parent.
She acts civil to me, but crap talks me to
her friends and the guy she's still contacting referring to
me as her et. She asked what everyone thinks will happen,
which tells me she's only going to therapy to check
it off. There was no saving this from the beginning.

(27:55):
I told her, if she wants to leave so badly
to be with this guy, go ahead. She chose to
step out of this marriage and family. She has until
the end of February to get out, and the baby
stays here. She asked if she can visit and see
our daughter, and I said yes, she's her mother, just
let me know when, but I'm not preventing her from
seeing her child. She agreed and said she'll be out

(28:17):
of my hair as soon as possible, all while on
the phone with her new babe.

Speaker 4 (28:22):
Crazy.

Speaker 5 (28:24):
That's cringe cray, that's cringe behavior.

Speaker 7 (28:27):
It is cringe behavior. Also, I bet you ten hundred
dollars that she loves this because it's toxic. It gives
that kind of emotion, and as soon as it's all
sudden and done, everything's settled, she's gonna get bored.

Speaker 4 (28:41):
Well, she's sad. She said, I don't feel like a
woman or a person an individual anymore because I'm a mom.
I've been reduced to mom, and so she's doing whatever
she can, even if that means blowing up her entire
relationship to be seen as something other than a mom.

Speaker 6 (28:55):
I'm still contacting lawyers, but it seems she's willing to
let everything go to the point I might not need one.
Still doing my due diligence to protect myself and our child.

Speaker 5 (29:06):
Update three.

Speaker 6 (29:08):
She's leaving next week, still headfirst into this other guy.
She asked if she could get birth control through my insurance.
I declined because the main reason is so she can
do whatever she wants with this guy. He's trying to
get his own place so she can move in, and
she's driving all the way there.

Speaker 7 (29:26):
Wait wait, wait, wait, this guy doesn't even have his
own place yet.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
He can't even afford to buy her birth control.

Speaker 6 (29:33):
What we're in agreement about our child. Divorce papers are
written and finaled, as is our custody agreement. Everyone in
the family is disappointed and frustrated, but she won't listen
to anyone besides.

Speaker 5 (29:46):
Her new guy and friend group. Update four. She's been
gone about three weeks now.

Speaker 6 (29:52):
She couldn't find a rental van before leaving, so the
guy drove down to pick her up. I told her
He's not allowed in the area or apartment while I'm
here with our daughter, so he stayed in his car
until she finished packing. An hour later, she left with him.
Close friends came by as witnesses in case she tries
claiming she didn't leave or abandon us when she clearly did.

(30:15):
I'm waiting for documents to be notarized and sent back.
Since she's no longer in the same state. I've gotten
into a routine taking care of our child while working.
I have lots of support from my family and even
my in laws. Our daughter stays with me since there's
no support where she went and no one would allow
her around a stranger. She's messaged about video chatting with

(30:37):
our child, but that's about our only communication now.

Speaker 4 (30:40):
I think you're banned from video chatting. Yeah, first, after.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
What you've done.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
So what you've done? Ah boy?

Speaker 5 (30:47):
Update five, It keeps going.

Speaker 6 (30:51):
It's been roughly six to seven months since my original post.
My wife left me and my daughter for a man
she'd never met in person. During these months, it's just
been me and my daughter. Things have gotten better. Our
child is healthy and happy with friends at daycare, and
both families have been supportive, showing her the love she deserves.

(31:12):
They still don't understand why my wife made this decision,
but she'll face the consequences. I was able to serve
her at the end of June in the state she
went to, since it was hard figuring out where she
was staying during these months. She hasn't planned to visit
or see her child. I let her video chat our
daughter at daycare so she can see her. That's not

(31:33):
the same as seeing your child in person.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
Yeah, this girl is done.

Speaker 7 (31:36):
Yeah, I am not like out.

Speaker 6 (31:39):
I mean she's been out the divorce spiled custodies written out.

Speaker 4 (31:43):
We're good then, Yeah, pretty pretty cut and dry.

Speaker 5 (31:47):
I was waiting for her to have some like crazy time.
I am too well wait, that's what she said.

Speaker 4 (31:53):
I forgot unless unless, like unless the title is slightly inaccurate,
we might be about to see that.

Speaker 7 (31:58):
But either way, Yeah, we got a about a foot
and a half left here.

Speaker 4 (32:02):
Oh yeah, because I can't I can't judge. I can't
give any more commentary that I haven't already given.

Speaker 6 (32:08):
Unless she came back with some crazy like I had
a brain tumor that was clouding my jinn.

Speaker 4 (32:12):
We got We're done.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Forever.

Speaker 7 (32:14):
Yeah, then maybe I don't know.

Speaker 5 (32:16):
At least there's like a medical reason that could.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
It better be medical.

Speaker 7 (32:20):
It better be medical, and you have X amount of
time left to live for us to think about it.

Speaker 6 (32:25):
Fast forward to now, I received a message saying she's
moving back to our state and plans to move into
the same apartment complex i'm in. Not once did she
send anything to help or plan to visit our child,
but now she's asking to see our daughter like nothing
happened and she was the one who left. She still

(32:46):
has no income, just like when she first left, and
is relying on her new boyfriend for money. I'm not
sure how she can afford her new attorney and moving
across the country back here in such a short period.
I sent all proof of texts showing adultery and messages
confirming she willingly left for this new man to my attorney.

(33:07):
I'm still waiting for updates. I don't want to come
home from work with my daughter and potentially see her
and her new man at my front door. I've been
in contact with my attorney, who reassured me that since
her name isn't on the lease anymore, she has no
right to access or demand entry to my space. I
got a door camera because I don't know what to
expect from her and this new man. If he's dangerous

(33:30):
or if they both are. If they act up, I'll
have more evidence to protect us. The anxiety of not
knowing if they'll show up is affecting our safety.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Hey, it's Jean here.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
We're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick
three minute break with aswerm our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (33:44):
My ex husband won't allow our daughter to be in
my wedding, so I took action.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
No wonder he's the ex husband.

Speaker 3 (33:51):
Ah and there is a trigger warning for verbal beast
and mentions of physical altercation. I need to give some backstory.
My husband thirty seven mail and I thirty seven and female,
divorced six years ago after he cheated on me with
a college freshman and left me for her wonderful. We
have two daughters, Emily sixteen female and Gabby eight female.
We were happily married for ten years before everything fell apart.

(34:14):
By the way, this comes from user less sentence forty three,
twenty three, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime subbed it so
the divorce wasn't just about his cheating. He said he
hated me, that I looked ugly, and made cruel comments
about my body that I won't repeat. You can imagine
the pain. It gave me serious trust issues that I'm
still working through in therapy. But thank god you're in therapy.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
We love therapy.

Speaker 3 (34:40):
Emily knew why we divorced and resented her father for it,
but Gabby was too young to understand. Despite being a
terrible husband, he was a good father. So we shared custody.
The girls stayed with me Friday through Monday. I tried
my best as a single mother, but I would spiral sometimes.
I've been in and out of therapy since divorce. Four
you years ago, I met my now husband Ben forty

(35:02):
one mail. We worked in the same building, and he
found me crying on the office roof on what would
have been my wedding anniversary. That same day, my ex
had chosen to marry his affair partner. Ben listened to
my pain and stayed with me the entire day, even
driving me home because I was too emotionally unstable to drive.
Ben had lost his wife and only daughter in a

(35:24):
car accident ten years earlier. Oh my god. He was
incredibly fond of my daughter's Emily started calling him Dad
after a year of dating, and Gabby calls him Daddy. Ben.
I was finally healing and becoming myself again. We welcomed
our son a year ago, and my girls were thrilled
to have a brother. Ben proposed while I was pregnant,

(35:46):
and we've been planning our weddings since. Emily is one
of my bridesmaids and Gabby is my flower girl. Since
Emily is old enough to choose where she lives, there's
no custody issue with her, but Gabby still goes back
and forth between houses. My wedding is in two weeks,
scheduled for a Tuesday, which is normally my ex's custody day. Initially,
my ex was fine with the wedding plans. I spoke

(36:09):
to him multiple times asking him to drive Gabby to
my mother's place, but now he refuses. He says he
only gets to see his daughter three days a week
and won't give up his time for some party. I
offered to give him my days for an entire week
in exchange, but he still refuses. I can't change the
date because everything is already booked. We've argued constantly and

(36:29):
I can't handle any more emotional pain. Gabby would be
heartbroken because she's so excited to be the flower girl.
Any advice please. And there are comments OPI, your ex
is using your youngest daughter to get to you. It's
not about her or the wedding. It's about pushing buttons.
He knows how to do it, and he's found one
to push. Another commenter has the right answer. I learned
it the hard way. In total disclosure, my ex did

(36:51):
something similar. I thought she was above that, but she wasn't.
My four kids didn't go to my wedding to my
second and current wife. They hold that against her still
twenty three years later. Karma sucks. Sometimes, as a last
ditch effort, contact the attorney who used when you got
divorced and see if they will draft a letter to
him reminding him that events in parents' lives are usually
negotiated between the willing parents for the good of the children.

(37:15):
Maybe a letter will adjust his thinking. If not, I'd
follow Delocator's advice and send a final text then let
it go. I'm not sure how he's going to explain
to the youngest why the older can go and she can't.
But that's his anchor. And if younger asks you, why
tell her Dad's pushing for you to not be there.
I want you there. He does not firmly point out

(37:35):
that this is on him and not you. Congrats on
the upcoming wedding, Focus on the day, not the absolute
idiot messing with you. And there is an update. Let's
hope it's for the best. It's been hectic since my
last post. I went to pick up Gabby on Friday
and Emily was furious. She told me that Gabby had
been throwing a tantrum because their father lied to her,

(37:56):
telling her they would go on vacation on my wedding.
Days said no because she was excited to be my
flower girl. I was livid this coward wanted to manipulate
my daughter so she couldn't be at my wedding. I
stormed into his house with my fiance Ben and demanded
to see Gabby. I told him he was a coward
for not being honest about why she couldn't attend the wedding,
and that if he didn't tell her the truth, I

(38:17):
would I had screenshots of our messages on my phone. Surprisingly,
he caved and told her the truth. Gabby started crying
and said she hated him. My ex wasn't having it.
He grabbed Gabby away from Ben, calling her a brat
who didn't appreciate her dad. I saw red and pushed
him away. He called me a witch, and his wife
came out trying to handle the situation. A physical altercation

(38:39):
broke out between him and Ben. Emily was smart enough
to record everything from a distance. My ex kept shouting
that he wouldn't let my daughter go with me, but
I reminded him this was my custody time. Eventually, he
agreed to let Gabby stay with me until after the wedding.
I have his messages confirming this agreement. When we got home,
Emily asked if we could keep Gabby permanently because she

(39:01):
didn't want to live with their dad anymore. When I
asked why, she revealed that their father had been increasingly
angry since I started dating Ben. At first, it wasn't extreme,
but then he began insulting me behind my back, saying
I had downgraded by dating Ben. He became even more
agitated when he learned I was pregnant, pressuring his wife
to have children and causing fights between them. Emily also

(39:21):
told me he would lash out at Gabby, scolding her
for small mistakes and forcing both girls to call his
wife Mom. Emily refused. She said the only reason she
ever went back was to protect Gabby, knowing her little
sister had to stay there. I cried and asked why
she hadn't told me. She said she saw how happy
I was with Ben and didn't want to burden me,

(39:41):
and open, honest communication is always key in every situation.
Never forget that I never wanted my daughter to carry
that weight. While I'm proud of her protective instincts, she
should have told me I'm their mother and protecting them
is my job. I had planned to let Gabby stay
with her father during my honeymoon. He wouldn't complain about
not spending enough time with his daughters. But now I'm

(40:03):
reconsidering everything. I'm really stressed with the wedding next week,
and there is a second update. I think you definitely
have to bring this information to the courts or whoever
authority is saying that this agreement needs to be kept
one hundred percent.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
Push for soul custody. If the kid doesn't, I don't
know how it would work, exactly how much weight the
kid would have on it, because, like the parents agreed
to equal custody, so I don't know what that fight
would be like. But if the kid is saying it
and there's like evidence that the dad is getting more aggressive, yeah,
he's getting angrier, is belittling the mom behind her back.

(40:38):
I feel like a good lawyer could get that in
their favor.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
Update number two. I took everyone's advice and filed for
emergency custody. I contacted a lawyer to pursue full custody
if Gabby Emily is a key witness and she saved
the video she recorded. My lawyer said, while I shouldn't
have gotten physical with my ex, it could be considered
self defense since he was hurting and scaring Gabby. I
was able to get emergency custody quickly. My lawyer believes

(41:05):
I have a strong case for full custody given the
video evidence and Emily's statement. But I know my ex
won't give up easily, but neither will I. I'm postponing
my honeymoon until this is resolved. Despite the stressful week,
I managed to cheer up Gabby and my family was
incredibly supportive. We did have our wedding, though some of
the joy felt stripped away by the drama. Nonetheless, I

(41:28):
felt truly special that day. My first marriage was rushed
because of an unplanned pregnancy, but this one felt right.
I got to wear a beautiful gown and walk down
the aisle. My daughters enjoyed it immensely, and I was
grateful to have Ben by my side. I'd always worried
that no man would want me with all my baggage,
but he stood by me through my worst moments. As

(41:48):
for my ex, he's a lost cause. He's been sending
hateful messages to Ben and me, so we blocked him.
Two days before my wedding, my former in law's visited.
My ex mother in law wanted me to drop the
case and not take their grandchildren away from their father. Yeah,
shut all the way up with that. Go talk to
your son about that. But my ex father in law
supported me, saying his own son was a danger to

(42:10):
himself and the kids and shouldn't be allowed in near
children at all. W father in law. When my ex
mother in law tried to argue, he shouted, do you
care more about your pathetic son or the safety of
your grandchildren. At least someone understood. My ex's wife has
moved out, saying she's too good to be a stepmother
to some ungrateful brats. Great, she's still in her twenties,

(42:32):
so I understand her perspective somewhat. There is a little
bit more story left. Honestly, I feel like everything has
happened here perfectly, like you said the father in law,
the ex father in law saying that means a lot,
and it should really make his own son reflect if
he knows that that's being said. But I think there's
a great chance that you're getting full custody here, and

(42:54):
you know, just leave your ex in the dust where
he belongs. Let's finish this story. People have asked why
I booked a date that conflicted with custody arrangements. The
venue was only available that day, Okay, shut up everybody
being like, why did you not plan your wedding around
your custody agreement with your terrible ex. It's like, because

(43:14):
it's an exception and it should be made like what crazy?

Speaker 2 (43:18):
What if just that day was special to them in
their relationship?

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Yeah, just ridiculous. The venue was only available that day
and we'd already postponed once due to my pregnancy. I
didn't think my ex would react this way, especially since
when he married his mistress, Eh, he took our girls
out of state for two weeks for his destination wedding.
I checked with him multiple times before booking, and he
was fine with it until two weeks before the ceremony.

(43:43):
I know people have called me a bad mother for
not noticing the problems earlier. I have no excuse. I
was so consumed with my new life that I didn't
thoroughly check on my girls. My children should never feel
that sharing their problems will disrupt my life, because their
problems are my problems. I apologize to both Ema and Gabby,
and they were kind enough to forgive me, But I'll
always carry the guilt of not seeing the signs sooner.

(44:05):
And you know what, honestly, I'll give you a little
grace their Op, because kids are really good at hiding stuff.
It's kind of their whole job until they get one,
until they get an actual job. Their job is to
hide everything from you.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
And Op already said like when they were married, even
though he was a terrible husband, he was still a
good father to the kids, right, So op. He none't
necessarily have any reason to suspect that that had changed exactly,
especially if the kids aren't showing signs or saying anything,
or if like nothing is physical, because it seemed like
mostly he was just emotional so far.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
Yeah, yeah, I think it. Everything happened at the perfect
moment so that it didn't get any worse.

Speaker 2 (44:47):
I stopped doing favors for my ex because he refused
the only one I asked for.

Speaker 3 (44:52):
I only ask you this one time, and you can't
do it.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Can't do it, just can't throw it. This is kind
of sweaty, but my thirty female ex husband Greg thirty
eight male, and I have two kids, Luisa nine and
Ted seven. We divorced over five years ago and co
parent very well. The divorce was because I was happy
with our two children, but he wanted more and even

(45:17):
therapy didn't help. We've had basically no issues. There's no
child support where fifty to fifty have never had issues
having the kids. If the other parent has something come
up and understand that it's just about making sure their
lives aren't too disrupted. And by the way, this comes
from Life of the Party XO. And if you want
to submit your own stories. Just go to the r

(45:37):
slash story time subreddit and go from there. So Greg
remarried Tessi thirty eight female, four years ago and they
have another child, a boy, and another about to make
their appearance in the world in a few weeks. I
am marrying my fiance Luke thirty six male, in February.
We've been together for about three years and he's known

(45:59):
my kids for two. We moved in together last year.
We have a group chat, but aren't overly friendly or anything.
We only talk about the kids and keep it pretty
light hearted. Our only rules with the other dating is
that we would introduce our partners to the other before
they met the kids, which went great with both of them.
When Tessie and Greg married, I obviously kept the kids

(46:20):
in extra week for their honeymoon and scheduled for my
actual week so they could settle in. They didn't live
together before they got married. When they had their first baby,
I kept our kiddos for about a month, but brought
them over for a few times to see their new brother,
obviously so they could settle in since it was Tessi's
first baby. A few weeks ago, at one of Lacey's games.
Tessie told me the date her c section was scheduled for,

(46:42):
which was in the middle of their custody week. I
told her we were excited for both of them, and
of course I could keep them that week and my
following week and we could go back to normal their
next custody period. She kind of hemmed in had and
asked if we could keep them for another custody week
to give them a month again to get used to things.
I said that was fine. I didn't expect them to

(47:02):
need that much time for their second baby, but see,
sections are major surgeries, and I said I'd be happy
to keep the kids. They don't live far from us,
so bringing them over to hang out won't be too
out of my way, and of course I love having
my kids with me. AnyWho, we've finalized our plans for
our honeymoon, which is three weeks. I know it seems excessive,
but it's something on both our bucket lists, but not

(47:24):
something the kids would be too interested in, and the
honeymoon seems like the best opportunity to do it. Basically,
what would happen would be that we'd get married on Saturday,
my week, the kids would stay with Greg that night
and stay for his week. Then they would keep them
for our week and their next, so they'd have them
for one of my custody weeks plus one extra evening.
I don't have family around. My parents passed away, young

(47:47):
grandparents before them, and the aunt uncle who helped raise
me retired to New Mexico, a three hour plane ride
and a two hour drive at minimum. I have friends
who have watched the kids before, but I didn't see
a single issue with asking Greg to keep them for
a week, since it seems like there's a bit of
a precedent. I texted him the general plan and emailed
him a more detailed one with locations, dates, times, et cetera,

(48:11):
so he could know where we were and how to
contact us if there was an issue. I thought all
was well and good, but they never responded until a
few days later they emailed me what Luke and I
jokingly now referred to as the manifesto.

Speaker 3 (48:26):
Oh man, it's just like give him an inch and
they take a mile classic.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
Especially after they've given you the mile before. Yeah, so, yeah,
exactly like you had to take care of the kids,
not that you didn't want to, but for a month
and they won't take like, what an extra week in
a day?

Speaker 3 (48:44):
Yeah, it's it's just kind of like a can't we
all just work together? Here?

Speaker 2 (48:49):
It was long, rambling, repetitive, and still somehow partially written
by chat GPT. The gist of it was what kind
of mother goes on a three week vacation without her kids.
I'm a terrible person in general for asking a young
mother to have her step kids full time for three
weeks while I go and enjoy myself. They slash. She

(49:10):
kept calling TESSI a young mother. I think she means
mother of young kids, and I know it's not the point,
but it also kept annoying me. Also, it wouldn't be
alone with her. Greg would obviously be there. I am
a horrible co parent for asking them to have the
kids for three straight weeks while their kids are so young.
Their newest baby will be six months old by then.

(49:31):
By the way, let's not forget these are also Greg's
kids too.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Yeah, these aren't just strangers children, they're yours children. They're
your children.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Apparently it's all well in fine that Luke and I
don't want any more kids. He has had a sectomy
and known he didn't want kids of his own four
a while, but we'd better not think that gives us
permission to dump Luisa and Ted on them to gallivant around.
I don't think I've ever gallivanted in my entire life.
We needed to figure our our own weeks out ourselves. This

(50:02):
was not life or passing. It was ridiculous to ask them.
I got petty after this, especially them acting as if
we were constantly dumping the kiddos on them. So I
went through the last four years of texts and made
a spreadsheet of how many times either of us has
asked the other to keep the kids and the duration
on an Excel sheet. Oh you know things are about

(50:23):
to go down when you break out the spreadsheet.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
Breaking out the spreadsheets, we're about to get the receipts going.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
While we both have made these requests, they have done
so for eighty seven nights fifty two times versus me
twelve nights and eight times. Obviously this makes sense since
they have a baby and I didn't send it to
them or anything, But it was just good to know
that I'm not crazy. My friends say I should tell
them that, fine, I won't keep them during their custody time.

(50:51):
After their new baby comes. I'm not going to do that.
I love my kids and want to see them as
much as I can, but I do a lot extra
for them. And just some examples, I sometimes Luke, if
he's off work, pick up the kids every single day
after school, and on Greg's custody weeks, I drop them
off at their house since he doesn't get off until five,

(51:11):
so that Tuzzy doesn't have to take the baby out
to pick them up. Keep in mind she does not
work anymore. Our divorce decree says that whoever's week it
is must drop off the kids at the other parents' house.
But I've been doing all of the back and forth
for a while. Again because they have a kid, and
because it's not that far a five minute drive a
twenty minute walk, it's nice. I take the kids to

(51:34):
all their appointments, to all the school parents, stuff during
the day and et cetera. Since I have a super
flexible schedule and Greg's isn't. He would need to use
PTO for all of this stuff. We usually split health
insurance for the divorce decree, they're on his work insurance,
but since I take them to all their appointments, et cetera.
I pay all of the copays. I keep it tally

(51:54):
just in case I would end up owing him money,
and I know what he pays towards the premiums, and
in the past it was minimal. But our daughter unfortunately
has Type one diabetes, which has gotten pretty expensive. It
wasn't unaliving me, but Greg mentioned how tight money was
once I was bringing it up, and I decided that
it's not affecting my life. Our daughter needed it, so
I've been letting it go. Their son has been in

(52:16):
the process of being diagnosed with autism and has pretty
bad meltdowns. This is all I know from Greg, so
they call me pretty frequently to see if I can
come and get the kids for a few hours if
things are overwhelming. Of course, I love my kids and
spending time with them, but I've had to cancel plans
for this and they have not cared. Greg was in
an accident, has been using my old car. I got

(52:37):
a new one and hadn't sold the old one yet
it's not worth a ton or anything. For the past
seven months with no effort to replace it. There's an update,
but what are what are we feeling so far? I
am not getting the good feelings about this man.

Speaker 3 (52:51):
I think it's you know, to me, it's kind of fair.
It's like, I don't know, I think they need to
recognize that you've you know, done stuff for them, but
they do have like, you know, an infant baby and
like a special needs son, and it's like that's a lot.

(53:12):
But at the same time, it's not like on op
or your ex partner to like pick up that slack
and like it's not absurd to be like, Okay, you
can watch your kids for three weeks. Like, I know,
you've got a lot going on, but guess what, It's
like everyone has a lot going on.

Speaker 2 (53:30):
It's also like they're your kids, and you have another kid,
You're going to.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
Have to care for your entire life, right, It's like
they're not going anywhere, so you might as well, yeah,
you know, I mean for three weeks. It's not three months,
it's not three years, it's three weeks. I think that
the core is just that it's like the good nature
is not being reciprocated, right.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
It's an unequal agreement and it's not especially what the
divorce decree has stated, it's not being honored largely on
Greg's part. Yeah, Greg travels sometimes for work and they
Greg and the kids have a cat over there. Normally,
Lise normally Luisa would take care of the litter box
if Greg was traveling, But since her diagnosis and until

(54:15):
we get her labs in health under some form of control,
we both agreed that we don't want her messing with it.
They let the cat go outside during the day. Since
Tessi has been pregnant, she said she shouldn't have to,
and Ted is a little young. He tried failed and
now he helped. Well, so I've been doing it anyway.

(54:35):
These are all benefits for them that I'm going to
inform them aren't ending. I won't go back on my
words since I have the kiddos after she has her
c section. But the absolute gall of them to not
do the one thing I have asked of them and
that I've done for them has brought me to this.
Most of my friends say, I'm not going far enough,

(54:56):
But if you have said it might cause a breakdown
in our co parenting relationship, which would affect the kids.
That's really the only thing I care about. So now
I'm hesitant, and that's the end of it. But what
do we think about it.

Speaker 3 (55:07):
Honestly, I think that's entirely up to him. From the
sounds of it, it sounds like you're not going to
blow up the co parenting situation. You're just like, Okay,
then I guess I'm gonna abide by the guidelines in
our decree, you know, if you're gonna be like this.
This has happened with me with like roommates before, where
it's like I'll be like, hey, like we'll be super chill,

(55:29):
Like we don't have to be like super you know,
like anal about you know, every detail of like what's
fair and what's not. It's like, well, you know, we'll
split the bills, we'll do this, we'll do that. And
then it's like all it takes is one moment of
someone being like, well, actually this and then it's like,
oh so we're not actually cool. Huh, all right, I
guess we're gonna have to move about this like we're
no longer cool. It doesn't mean that I'm gonna like

(55:52):
you out or like immediately like find someone to replace you,
but it's like I'm not gonna be a sweetheart anymore,
and I'm not gonna just be going like a right
if that's how you feel about it, Then let's figure
out exactly what is you know, what do we need
to be doing? What's what have we all agreed upon.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
Hey, it's Sam. We're going to get back to these stories.
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
My ex's new girlfriend told me to back off, but
we broke up years ago.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
That's not mine, man, I do not claim him.

Speaker 3 (56:21):
I wonder if he's got some other girl who's trying
to talk to him right now and she thinks it's Opie.
A few days ago, my thirty female exes thirty two
male new girlfriend twenty seven female texted me out of
the blue and told me, at first politely and then
not so much, to back the f off and not
contact my ex anymore because apparently it's disrespectful and I

(56:43):
should be over it by now. By the way, this
comes from Dimension Honest seven thirty two, And if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime subredd it. So for some context here,
my ex and I broke up roughly six years ago,
but we're still friends. Why Well, because we didn't have
a reason not to. Our breakup wasn't a dramatic one,

(57:04):
just two people who'd been together since their late teens
realizing they wanted different things out of life. But since
we still got along great and he had his daughter,
my niece, who I basically helped raise, we decided to
stay friends. The reason his girlfriend's message surprised me as
much as it did is that A it came really
out of the blue. I didn't even know she had
my number, and B she has absolutely zero reason to

(57:26):
be suspicious or anything. My ex and I do still
hang out, yes, but always with either my niece or
other friends, and on occasion we go to school events
for my niece, like when she has a performance or something.
I genuinely don't think I've done anything with him one
on one, since I don't know since before our breakup.
I think the most one on one he and I

(57:48):
ever do is when he drops off or picks up
my niece.

Speaker 6 (57:52):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
She has a room at my place in case that matters,
and we wait for her to get her things, but
that's all. Also, his girlfriend and I have met before
at my niece's and then my ex's birthday, and she
was nice both times. We didn't talk much, just regular. Hi,
how are you nice to meet you? What a lovely dress? Okay, bye?
So I didn't think she had any issues with me.

(58:15):
On top of that, I'm dating someone new too, so yeah,
I'm not sure what her deal is at all. But
when she texted me, my butt was halfway to give
him my ex a ring and telling him to maybe
have a chat with his girlfriend because something is definitely wrong.
But another part of me really doesn't want to interfere
with his relationship like that. That would have actually been
the funniest thing ever, if after being told to stay

(58:38):
away from her boyfriend, you call him and tell him
to check his girlfriend. My ex is a good dude,
and from what my niece told me and from what
I've seen at the last two birthdays, he really adores
her like he genuinely gets puppy eyes when he looks
at her, which that stoic man never does. He deserves

(58:58):
to be this happy, really does, and most importantly, my
niece likes her too. That wasn't the case with two
other girlfriends he'd had since we've broken up, So this
is a huge issue I need to consider too. Telling
him would put all of this in jeopardy. But like,
what else am I supposed to do? I'm definitely not
going to cut contact with either my niece or my
ex just because she wants me to, no effing way.

(59:21):
But she was rather insistent on the matter, so I
don't think she'll leave it alone either. My flatmate is
team tell him and get it over with, but she's
with love a bit of a jerk, so I'm hesitant
to take her word on anything. There is an update,
but I mean, are we sending a message? Are we
just going completely like ghosting and waiting for him to
reach out, Like what's the move?

Speaker 2 (59:44):
There's just so much toxicity here between I think that relationship.
There's something that hope he is unaware of that sparked
this that is going on. Yeah, maybe like it's something
that maybe the ex boyfriend isn't even aware of, Like
what if he said her name in his sleep.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
Ooh, or like imagine he said something like you know,
like oh, he would have never said that to me oh,
or like some kind of comparison of being like, oh, yeah, well,
that's funny that you say that because my ex, my
ex wouldn't have said that to me. That's crazy, you know,
if it's me I'm probably like just sending a text
or yeah, maybe even just making that call, being like, hey,

(01:00:26):
you your girlfriend just let me know. She's really uncomfortable
with the way I talk to you. So I guess
I'm gonna respect that. Let's let's see what's in the
update here. Hey again, I thought i'd give you guys
a little update in case and if you are interested. First,
I did end up calling my ex after I came
back from work last night. I was insanely nervous because

(01:00:47):
I still felt and still do feel bad about rocking
the boat. But yeah, you guys were right. It should
be his decision if he wants to cut me off,
not his girlfriends Now, after some regular chatter, I went
in and told him what happened, and even read him
some of the messages his girlfriend had sent me. He
didn't say as much as I did, not that I
expected him to. That man has a daily average of
fifteen words twenty five if he's feeling very chatty and

(01:01:10):
mostly just listened quietly. I couldn't gauge his reactions, so
I kind of ended up rambling and mentioning some of
the things you guys had advised me to. You know,
how he can step back if that's what he needs.
I'd respect his decision on that, but how I'd appreciate
it if we could keep my niece out of it
and all that. The latter part is kind of where
he spoke up, mostly this to snort, you idiot, and

(01:01:31):
then he told me he already knew that she had
texted me because my boyfriend told him their friends and coworkers.
My boyfriend apparently noticed that I was more upset than
I wanted to let on and asked my ex to
call me because something happened between OP and your current girlfriend. Well,
which makes sense by the way. I've asked my boyfriend

(01:01:52):
if my behavior with my ex was ever uncomfortable or inappropriate.
After that girlfriend texted me just to make sure I
wasn't doing something wrong without being aware of it. And
I've been stewing over this mess for like nearly a week,
so yeah, not surprised my boyfriend noticed something was up.
My ex chose to wait until I said something myself
before breaching the topic, though my boyfriend didn't tell him

(01:02:13):
what exactly happened, but my ex sort of figured it
was something like her telling me to cut contact. He
then once again told me that I'm an idiot and
that I should have told him immediately because this wasn't
on the two of them. So he and his girlfriend
talked about this before, even before they officially got together,
and he'd made it very clear that there was no
way he'd be cutting me off because I've been his

(01:02:33):
friend before I was his girlfriend, and I've stayed his
friend for long after that, and because I'm basically my
niece's mom or the closest thing that she has to one.
So before they started dating, he told her that she'd
have to be cool with that. He'd understand if she wasn't,
but he was not going to change his mind because
I've done the legwork and she hasn't. Now, according to him,

(01:02:55):
she was absolutely fine with it, and even told him
that she really liked me and wanted to get to
know me more after the birthdays I had mentioned previously,
so he doesn't know what has gotten into her now.
I asked him if she mentioned something else at a
later time, like something I did or said made her
uncomfortable or feel insecure, but he said no, she also
didn't hint at anything, and yes, I asked multiple times

(01:03:18):
with examples just to make sure, because respectfully, my ex
isn't great at taking hints at all. His brain is
wired strictly forwards, so anything slightly obscure does not ring
any bells in his wee head.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
My thought here is maybe the new girlfriend has friends
who are putting thoughts in her head.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
Yeah, that's always probably a good you know. Suspicion Number
one would be the friends, or maybe she just like
saw like a video online or something where it's like
if you're you know, like a TikTok where it's like
if your ex like the three giant warning signs, three
red flags with your current boyfriend if he talks to
his ex. But anyway, as we chattered on, still trying

(01:04:02):
to work out what could have ticked her off, he
suddenly got really quiet, and I was like, dude, are
you there? And then he said that he may have
an idea what did it for her? He didn't tell
me what, though, because he said it's a conversation he
needs to have with her first, so I didn't ask further.
He did assure me that it was nothing I did.

Speaker 4 (01:04:19):
Though he mentioned her in his sleep.

Speaker 3 (01:04:22):
Oh No. We pretty much left it at that, and
he told me he'd have a chat with her and
see what's up, and depending on what it is, he'd
let me know. So now we wait. Oh, and we
both kind of hope that she left it at contacting
me and didn't talk to my niece about this. She's
kind of been in a funk all week but keeps
telling us it's nothing, so we kind of assumed it

(01:04:43):
was hormones or stress and told her to take it easy.
But since the dates of her bad mood and the
girlfriend messaging me line up, were a bit worried that
she mentioned something or asked my niece to cut me
off or whatever. Anyways, thanks for the advice you guys
gave me and for telling me to just get it
over with. I genuinely don't think I would have done otherwise.
If I hear anything interesting, I'll let you guys know,

(01:05:03):
But until then, I think this is it. There's an
edit more info. I think a lot of people are
confused by my niece being my niece and also my
ex's kid. Sorry, should have reiterated that before things got muddled.
A short stack of facts. My ex is a young dad.
He and I got together roughly a year after she
was born, but He only introduced me to her when

(01:05:23):
she was two and a half. Since I was still
pretty young then, I wasn't super comfortable with being called mom,
so my niece quote unquote ended up calling me auntie.
This stuck, as she still calls me aunt to this
day and I call her niece. But we're not related
by blood. Her bio mom is not and has never
been in the picture. I did all the mom things,
from potty training her to seeing most of her first

(01:05:44):
to going to her parent teacher conferences and whatnot. This
is why my ex says I'm the closest thing she
has to a mother. I don't know if we're gonna
get an explanation here, but I think you're right. I
think something happened where it's like he mumbled her name
or something in his sleep, and now she's getting like
hyper defensive or something that I think is culprit number one.

(01:06:07):
So let's finish this story. To finish it up. My
ex and I did not break up recently. We broke
up six years ago because we wanted different things in life.
We stayed in contact because we've always been friends first,
and most importantly because of my niece. These days, my
niece comes to stay with me at least every other week,
sometimes more, sometimes less, because my X and I are

(01:06:27):
both chill with her choosing for herself and she has
her own room at my place. I would put like
I'd put so much money down that it was something
he said in his sleep or something the way that
he went, like that long pause of like, uh, you know,
I think I know what this is, and it's definitely
not your fault. I think I know what this is.

Speaker 2 (01:06:48):
It's something really stupid and like really minor, or something
really unintentional. Yeah, and something very embarrassing for him.

Speaker 3 (01:06:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:06:55):
Probably

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband CONFESSED he saw his ex… the day before he proposed!-r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2319