My husband HATES our open marriage now that I’m enjoying it! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm an og okay start time podcast hosts. I don't care.
I'm making sure that you stay here for the next
two minutes.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes
before we get into this episode. Yeah, we got some
ads coming up, so stick around. Stick around.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
My husband hates our open marriage. Now that I'm enjoying it.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Uh oh, became a little too fun.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
I thirty five female, am in an open relationship with
my husband thirty six mail. It was over the summer
he mentioned it to me. I wouldn't say I was
totally for it, but it took some getting used to.
Now everything is going great, but recently my husband keeps
changing the rules. By the way, this comes from Princess
Protect And if you want to smit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay Storytime separate it. So

(00:45):
once I started dating Evan forty five Mail, that's when
he started acting differently.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Uh oh.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
My husband and I agreed on a don't ask, don't
tell policy, little military thing here, but he's pestering me
about the details of our relationship. I give him a
little here and there, but never the explicit stuff. Everything
positive I mentioned about Evan, he downplays or critiques. Last week,
I planned a date with Evan and asked him to

(01:13):
watch the kids.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
He agreed.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
He was to get back home by nine, but texted
me to say he's doing overtime that night. I was
left scrambling for a sitter at the last minute. This
isn't the first time he has done this. Luckily, this
time I got ahold of a sitter, but I could
not stay as long as I was hoping for. Afterward,
he acted as if everything was okay. He began policing
me when I left the house and began picking my

(01:34):
outfits apart, expressing concern about how the neighbors would perceive me.
To avoid conflict, I started wearing jackets to cover up
before heading out. Then came the issue of Evan dropping
me off. He worried about the neighbors seeing a strange
car pull.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Up at night.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
This forced me to do lunch dates. It wasn't a bother.
I would bring my laptop to Evan's and work at
his place. However, I preferred the dinner dates because I
got a chance to dress up more, changing up the
time seemed to alleviate some tension, but I still feel
like I was compromising too much. He didn't even want
me to drive to the dates. But when Evan pays
for an uber or drops me off, it's an issue.

(02:08):
It makes no sense. The breaking point was when Evan
sent flowers to the house. My husband lost it, claiming
it's dangerous for a strange man to know our address
when we have kids inside. I will say he was
right about this. I did drop the ball. However, he
insisted that I shouldn't bring home any gifts at all
going forward, arguing it violated our don't ask, don't tell rules. Well,

(02:31):
maybe you shouldn't ask about where the flowers came from.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
There you go there, you don't ask, I won't tell.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
You used to joke about me not getting chivalry in
my open relationship, and now that I'm getting dates, it's
a big deal. I asked him if he doesn't take
the women he sleeps with on dates, and he says, no,
it's strictly spicy sleep and none of that lovey wbs
that I'm doing. I confronted my husband about these rules
and he just brushed it off like it was nothing,
saying it's just a respect thing. I was really enjoying this,

(02:57):
but he's sucking the fun out of it, and it
just feels highly stressful.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
And there are some comments.

Speaker 4 (03:04):
But what do you think if this is one of
the boundaries that are just kind of like set in
an open relationship of like you know, no feelings involved, songs,
like mostly just physical, then like I could understand that,
But at the same time, it kind of feels like
it's like, I don't know, he's getting too mad if
they didn't set those boundaries already.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Personally, I think that you guys are not cut out
for a relationship.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
I think he's getting jealous.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
I think, yeah, you want to do all these dates,
which is totally fair because you guys had made certain rules,
but now he's getting jealous. And if you want to
keep this relationship, then you need to come together and say, oh,
maybe this isn't working. Yeah, we're not able to do
this without jealousy and feelings.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
Getting in the way.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
Yeah, and maybe you could have that conversation and come
to a new agreement about the rules, yeah, and what
they should be, or maybe it's just like okay, let's
close it because right working.

Speaker 4 (03:58):
Yeah, I think before conversation, Like, he shouldn't get mad
yet because it's still within the rules that they already set.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Yeah, and if you need to change the rules, you
need to change the rules. Like yeah, za sucks and
it seems like he is changing them or you know,
moving the goalpost here. But if you want to keep
your marriage, you guys have to figure it out. Yeah,
and that's just the way it is. Comments my wee
chicken says, your husband wanted to have a wife and

(04:26):
to still sleep with whoever he liked.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
He didn't want that for you. Come on, now, surely
you realize that.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
To me, it seems like husband wanted nsa spicy sleep
with people other than his wife without any of the
emotions that come with either an additional girlfriend or hurting
his wife. However, a wife found someone who also respects
and appreciates her and isn't using her like a hole.
Oh jeez, Like how a husband is doing his part
of the open. Yes, it's an aggressive way to put that,
so I think this is extra incensing for him. He's

(04:55):
emotionally removing himself just to get extra kitty. She found
someone who will put up with the weird rules and
treat her well. It's not just the spicy sleep, it's
that she's getting treated well. My witchkin says, yeah. Not
everyone can enjoy spicy sleep with random one night strangers.
Clearly that's not her bag and he should have known that.
Or maybe he did, and that's why he thought it
would all fall into place nicely for him. Maybe he

(05:16):
thought he could have it all while she was at home,
not sleeping with anyone else. Dappered Animal says not the
a whole question. Does your husband actually hook up with
other women? Reading between the lines, I wouldn't be surprised
if things weren't working out for him. If this is
going to work, you can't just agree, don't ask, don't tell,
and call it a day. Rules have to be in place.
If you only want spicy related relationships outside of the

(05:38):
marriage without emotional intimacy. That's a fine rule if.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
You agree to it.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
It's also fine to change the rules after they've been established,
but that should be based on a conversation where everyone
is on the same page.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
I agree with that. Yeah, it's like you guys might
realize that you actually.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
Are not okay with something, or you are okay with
something you don't know until you've done itt.

Speaker 2 (06:00):
Oh, but you need to communicate.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
He shouldn't be able to change or establish the rules
on his own and get mad that you haven't been
following them. Oh, he says, I think he does. He
dresses up on the weekend to go out and comes
in late. We both agreed to emotional intimacy ons casual.
It's just the nippicking that's too much. I don't mind
having a discussion, but when I'm met with it's not
that's serious. That's when I get pissed. Corpuscular oscillate says,

(06:25):
you need to see this for what it is. He
opened the marriage without understanding that it meant you would
be going on takes too.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
He never wanted the.

Speaker 3 (06:33):
Rules to be fair, so starting from the premise is
only going to get him subverting any discussions. He just
thought about all the fun he would be having. Now
he's treating you like crap because he can't stand that
what is good for the gander is good for the
You need to bottom line it for him. Open marriages
are not easy to maintain. Most couples can't handle it.
The only way to handle it is to set clear

(06:55):
rules and follow them. One thing I will say is
that your partner needs to be your I'm Mary, So
if both of you are putting all your efforts into
getting laid outside of the relationship, you'll trash the marriage.
You need regular date nights and check ins, et cetera.
It also takes a lot of trust and respect or
your partner. In other words, you need to put in
work into your marriage to make it work. Open or closed.

(07:16):
There's plenty of literature out there on how to make
this work if you really want it to. But it
is work. Opening a marriage isn't a quick release valve
to save a marriage for people who aren't good and
communicating and take their spouse for granted and there is
an update. Do you have any little thought?

Speaker 2 (07:31):
I think those commons said it very well. Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 4 (07:35):
Yeah, It's just like communication is important, it is hard,
and obviously this is you know, running into one of
the reasons why it's so hard. It's like, oh, wait
a second, maybe I have different feelings that.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
I thought I did about this whole situation abolutely, And
she went into it being like I don't know, I
don't know, and it seems like he kind of pushed
her to yeah, and then she realized, oh, yeah, this
is actually I like this. Yeah, but I feared that
that might be because she likes who she's like going
on dates swep, rather than the actual experience of being
in an open pass.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
I was wondering that. I was like wondering.

Speaker 4 (08:09):
If her husband takes her out on dates and does
those nice.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
Things, because he said like, oh, none of that romantic ba.
So I'm like, yeah, not do that for you.

Speaker 4 (08:17):
Either, right, Like, that's probably why she likes like you said, like,
probably why she likes that so much.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yeah, you guys were right. This was a crap show.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
I don't know, I'm not sure where to start, but
we are getting a divorce. Oof yoicks, Wow, that's not good.
In fact, did not change and became way more possessive
and controlling while changing the rules. Everything I did was
either wrong or inconsiderate. Evan had planned a weekend trip
to Cabo to celebrate a new business venture. I asked

(08:47):
my husband if he was okay with it weeks in advance.
He enthusiastically agreed, mentioning I deserve the trip. He even
told me to make sure I floot his phone with picks.
I told him I was gonna stay with Evan the
night before for easier commute. He insisted on taking me
to the airport instead, since it was our last night
until Tuesday. However, when it was time to leave, he overslept,

(09:08):
despite urging him to get up, to the point that
I pulled the covers off and turned off the air.
He spent an hour in the bathroom. Then, to make
matters worse, he didn't fill the tank. I told him
the evening before I called an uber, which was another
hour late. Cheese, My gosh, how are you not missing
your flight?

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Where do you live? But luckily I got to enjoy
my trip.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Wow, okay, okay, I mean it seems like you really,
you know, planned ahead.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
I let it slide and moved on. Boil boy.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
I wish I never went on that trip because things
got worse. It's like I was being punished for the trip.
He became incredibly invasive in my personal relationships. He wanted
to know what my spicy sleep life with Evan was like,
if he was better, et cetera. He used to play
it off like it wasn't a big deal to him
that I caught him snooping through my phone. It was

(09:56):
too much. I didn't understand because Evan was no longer
the only man I was seeing, but Evan triggered him
the most. There is a little bit left to this story,
is any final thoughts.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
I'm definitely not surprised.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
So yeah, I did get the feeling from the start
when he was moving the goalpost already, It's like, this
feels so like not even like he's just defended and
he's just jealous, Like it feels controlling and feels like
absolutely there's probably you know, a double standard to all this,
and and there is that double standards.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
So yeah, yeah, and it also just felt like, oh,
he was realizing that she had better relationships with these
people that she was going on dateswe species the Evan. Yeah,
he was like, Oh, this guy actually cares about me
and like wants to romance me, and my husband just
wants to look up with other women.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Yeah. Yeah, So hopefully things were got with Evan. I hope.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
So seems like he wants to be with you. If
that wasn't enough, he had his friends over for boys night.
I was getting ready for girls night. Before I left,
he said out loud, you're really gonna leave me to
go f him in front of his friends. What about
that don't ask, don't tell policy. I'm just gonna tell
all of your friends. Yeah, why are you so concerned
about what the neighbors think? With all the cars driving

(11:11):
out and get you wear in the embarrassment and humiliation
I felt even typing this. I just sat in my
car and cried so much, and that's when I knew
it was done. He apologized, mentioned he was wasted, and
I'll buy it one bit. He has never acted like this.
This open relationship has left me drained mentally and emotionally,
and it wasn't even my idea to begin with. I

(11:32):
have filed for divorce, but he keeps begging for reconciliation.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
But I can't. Before anyone comments, I know you told
me so. A can this? It of both?

Speaker 3 (11:41):
Eighty five twenty four says he didn't want an open marriage.
He wanted your permission to sleep with others while you
were not allowed the same. Not the ale then or now,
enjoy yourself. Christine MFM eighty four says this not the
a hole. Ope, if he ever says anything in front
of people again, call him out and say he was
the one who wanted the open relationship you're wanted to
sleep around and didn't realize you'd be having fun too.

(12:03):
A canvas Kita both says, I also wonder if it's
not working out for him as much as he hoped
it would. Christina MFM says, Yeah, I probably slept with
whoever he wanted to sleep with and it wasn't as
great as he thought, and he isn't getting as many
girls as he thought he would. Boo Boo says, isn't
that how these stories usually go? Husband demands open marriage
so he can screw around, discovers that he's not that
attractive and women aren't lining up to be with them

(12:25):
while their wives are picking up guys right and left.
Then demands their wives stop meeting others and the wives meanwhile,
I've found there are much better men out there than
the a holes they married and file for divorce. But
that is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
My wife gave up on our daughter and I don't
know how to make it work again.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
Don't give up on your wife.

Speaker 4 (12:47):
My twenty seven male families is wait. My twenty seven
male family is broken, and I'm trying to resemble reassemble
the pieces.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
I need advice for context.

Speaker 4 (12:58):
My wife twenty nine, female and in our childhood's sweethearts
married now for around five years. I know we became
parents and got married pretty young, but we've made it work.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway rad Love Fool
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash okay story time at subreddit. So
my wife's a small business owner. She turned a passion
into a career. I'm really happy for her. When she started,

(13:20):
I promised her that since my work hours were flexible,
I'd hold things down at home so she could focus
on building her business.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
We were a team until we weren't.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
My wife's an extreme workaholic, and it's come between our family.
We are not in a good place. Our daughter ten female.
Her caregiving is solely on me. The time my wife
and daughter spend together is made up mostly of short
replies or silence. Our daughter isn't disrespectful, she's a good kid.
She's just not as comfortable with her mom. My wife
and I have had a lot of talks about the

(13:50):
state of our family, with the business well off the
ground and her not needing to personally oversee everything as often.
We're working on reconnecting. It's been an uphill battle. Recently
we had a bad fight. She's told me she's given
up on trying with our daughter, your ten year old daughter.
What she said, she's not good at it and she's
just going to stay in her lane.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
Your lane is mother.

Speaker 4 (14:11):
I told her that she couldn't decide to clock out
on our daughter during rocky stints. She said that she's
emotionally exhausted from repeatedly striking out. She feels like she
can't do anything right in our daughter's eyes. She said,
I have it easy that our daughter prefers me, and
even made sure that her whole class knew it. The
class jab was about a school assignment. Our daughter had
to interview someone she admired, and she asked me my

(14:33):
wife was hurt. She still feels a way about it.
She accused me of not understanding she comes home to
a child that she carried, not respecting her, that our
daughter is an expert critic when it comes to her.
She went into a huge rant. The way she talked
about her rubbed me the wrong way. I told her
most of the complaints weren't our daughter's creation. She asked
me what I meant and I laid it out that

(14:54):
she hasn't gone out of her way to connect with
our daughter, and she shut me down. She went into
how she busts her but for our family, and the
least I could do is show up for her.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
All I do is show up for her.

Speaker 4 (15:05):
Including holding down responsibilities that we are supposed to share.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
We are and childless. It's no longer those me and
her against the world days. I need to show up
for our daughter too. She just kept saying that she
has a lot on her plate and how I'm supposed
to be her piece. I refuted, the only piece that
ever seemed to matter these days was hers.

Speaker 4 (15:24):
She said that our daughter and I are too of
a kind and began sarcastically apologizing for her sacrifices, and
if the business is what's driving us apart, then she'll
renounce it.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
She'll make do.

Speaker 4 (15:35):
I asked if we could skip her martyrrougimee and actually talk,
but the fight only escalated. I called the fight a
complete waste of time, but she interpreted that as me
calling her a waste of time. It was the worst
fight we had in a while. Our daughter was at
her grandparents, so she didn't hear anything. Yeah, that's good.
We're at an impasse. Beings are still tense. I don't

(15:55):
know how to clear the air or how to reach
her about our daughter. She can't dismiss her like some
disgrunt old customer at work. In a lot of ways,
I feel like.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
A single parent.

Speaker 4 (16:04):
I don't believe she's being honest with herself about our issues.
She's a distant figure who has a habit of talking
at our daughter instead of to her. There are a
lot of broken promises, nothing ever mended. She doesn't try engaging.
Our daughter loves anime, but my wife doesn't hold back
on overly criticizing it in front of her. Our daughter
got into k pop, but to my wife, it's just

(16:25):
some bothersome noise around the house or in the car.
Our daughter has stage fright. Yet she joined a school
play because she knows her mom loves theater. Oh, my
wife promised her that she would come and she did it.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
That literally, my heart just said, my parents.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
I think maybe my mom or dad missed like one
play each Yeah, and that was because of like extenuating circumstances. Yeah, otherwise,
have never missed any of my shows.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Me too. I can't play.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
That's cool. I'm so happy for you guys.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
Oh was there a show that you were in key on?

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah? My mom never came to my baseball gamesh sucked.
I won it.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
And the lady's like, we're gonna take a picture of
the yearbook and they're like, where are your parents? And
I'm like, they didn't come.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
Stop.

Speaker 3 (17:15):
I'm just like looking at this mom and she's like, well,
my kid doesn't even like me. It's like, you're not there.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
Yeah. And it's so.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
Obvious to me that she's not putting an effort as
a parent, just by the fact that her immediate reaction
is I'm hands off now, Well, I'm not gonna put
an effort. It's like, well, you probably weren't put an
effort in before if that's your immediate reaction exactly.

Speaker 4 (17:33):
So the worst part was seeing our daughter realize that
she wasn't there. My wife never apologized. She gave her
work was busy, I promise next time speech. She offered
to bring our daughter with her on take your Kid's
work Day. I thought it would be good for them
and a chance for our daughter to see more of
what her mom does. But our daughter called me upset
and wanted me to pick her up. She said her

(17:53):
mom had immediately left her with the subordinate and went
a wall. When my wife checked in on her, they fought.
She told our daughter that a braddy attitude won't be
tolerated in her workplace.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
She and I had it out later.

Speaker 4 (18:05):
She apologized to our daughter and blamed blowing up on
work frustration. She offered to bring her back another day,
but our daughter refused. My wife always felt that she
was bad at articulating her feelings. She feels she comes
off aggressive. That's partly why she leaves our daughter's caretaking
to meet. But this fight has me questioning the nature
of our relationship.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
I don't doubt that she loves our daughter.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
I saw it first handed during the pregnancy and in
our private conversations. She couldn't stop gushing about her. I
felt her love and the little things. I don't know
something changed over time. My wife isn't close with her parents.
She usually has me talk with them on her behalf.
She has a mindset that parents and kids don't have
to be close. She believes that since she turned out fine,
so will our daughter.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
And so that makes sense. She didn't have that type
of relationship with her parents, and it's like, oh, well,
it's totally normal for your mom to or your mom
to not come to your shows and to not come
down to give your events. So I don't have to
come to my kids.

Speaker 4 (19:00):
I'm failing to help their relationship and our own. We
barely have quality time. Intimacy is shot when we're out together,
we aren't really together because in public she's hyper aware
and has her business persda on. I don't know what
else to do. I'm at a loss. I'm not trying
to bash my wife. I just want everyone to be okay.
I'm in a fight for my family right now. How

(19:20):
do I mend my wife's and daughter's relationship while also
repairing my marriage? And there are some comments, but I
want to hear your comments, Sophia.

Speaker 3 (19:28):
Well, I think you have that conversation with your wife,
your daughter not being there. Maybe see if you can
get her into like therapy with you. Yeah, do some
marriage counseling, counseling, because you guys are not on the
same page on how you want to raise your daughter. Yeah,
that's the issue here, which like preferably you would have
talked about that before you had a kid. It seems
like you had a kid pretty young. Yeah, so it

(19:49):
makes sense why you aren't exactly on the same page.

Speaker 2 (19:52):
So get on the same page.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah, because you need to tell her, Hey, if you
want our daughter to have a relationship with you, you
to like you in the way that she likes me.
You have to put an effort, and I know you
can do for the family, And I would hope that
like they can put in a lot of effort for
the marriage.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
Because then, like if they just separate, the dad is
obviously gonna have like more custody over the daughter.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
Solo parent, which is already what.

Speaker 4 (20:17):
He is, so it'll just make their relationship even worse.
So hopefully they really can work together and maybe just
do family things together. I mean, I don't know how
much of that they're doing, but like it doesn't have
to be one on one with the mom, absolutely, But
there are some comments, no words, just dogs, says kids
can tell when their parents don't like them.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
This is on your wife. She can step up and
get help or not.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
But either way, you might.

Speaker 4 (20:40):
Want to find someone to talk to your kid about
how she feels about her mom. Wikipedia two two says
one of my very first memories was coming down the
stairs and hearing my parents arguing. My mother was screaming,
and I opened the door worried, just as she shouted,
I never wanted her, I.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Never loved her.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
Ouch.

Speaker 4 (20:57):
They both looked at me, and my mother said real quick, Oh,
but I love you now, don't worry. Yikes, man, dude,
that's rough. I was Opie's daughter's age when my mother
came to me and said, I'm going to leave your father.
I need to be selfish and think about me for
a change. So she took my brother and left us.

(21:18):
She was going to tell me that they were both
off on holiday, and Dad would have had to tell
me when they were gone what was really happening. But
he made her tell me, and we haven't had a
relationship since Dad passed away in twenty fifteen. She tried,
but I don't know you, lady, my parent has passed away.
My gosh, this is a crazy side story from Lena's commenters.

Speaker 2 (21:37):
Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
Commentary, Ope, this is your daughter's future if you don't
get everyone therapy. Stat Janna Banana sixty seven says first comment,
your wife did not turn out.

Speaker 3 (21:47):
Okay, Yeah, honestly, you know bringing It's like a generational trauma,
right It didn't you know, come to any of her
stuff or have a relationship with her.

Speaker 4 (21:57):
So she diding the same with her good Yeah, she
is so now far from okay, It isn't funny. Second,
you cannot fix the relationship between your wife and child.
Your wife has chosen to disengage from parenting, and I
am sure your daughter feels like her mother doesn't care
or even like her. It may take years to repair
that relationship, but it will have to be your wife
that puts in the hard work and makes the family

(22:18):
a priority. I agree with the other comments that you
all need family and couples counseling. This is a very fractured,
dysfunctional family. You cannot fix this alone. So you have
one more comment before an update. Crippled Cryptid says, your
first point is what immediately stuck out to me too.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
The wife claims that she and her parents aren't close.
Yet she's fine, so therefore the daughter will be too. However,
her main complaint is that she's not close with her daughter.
How she has a problem with that, So she's.

Speaker 4 (22:43):
Either being dense or just isn't being honest with herself
when she claims that she genuinely sees no issue with
her parents' relationship but has issues with the same dynamic
with her daughter.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
That's a really good point. Honestly.

Speaker 4 (22:55):
Yeah, I wouldn't have put it together in that exact way,
but yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
She's definitely not happy with how their relationship is.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
No, she's like expressing desire for it, but she doesn't
know how to achieve it exactly.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
And we do have an update, so sixteen days later,
Oh okay, thank you to everyone who reached out.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
It helped a great deal. My twenty seven male.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
Original post was pretty much the first time I talked
about any of this.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
I wanted to give an update.

Speaker 4 (23:21):
My wife, twenty nine female, and I had a serious
discussion about everything. It took us a while to get
there because things were still tense after our last fight
and our mini spats in between. Our daughter noticed the
rift between her mom and me. She asked me about it,
and I'm not proud of that. I never wanted her
involved in our fights. It was a larger wake up call.
I shouldn't have to let it drag out. My wife

(23:41):
asked if we could talk and we both apologized for
the fight. She was worried that I was calling it
quits after how bad our last fight was. She took
us not recovering as quickly as usual in my distance
as me being done.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
She wanted to make a gesture for our marriage.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
I told her that.

Speaker 4 (23:57):
Her harsh action towards our daughter had made me question
our relationship. She said that she felt bad for intensely
ranting about our daughter. She was overwhelmed and used the
situation as the old one.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
To wing bag.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
She loves our daughter.

Speaker 4 (24:10):
But is at a loss as a parent. I told
her that we'd all keep being at a loss in
our current state. We're disconnected as a couple in a family.
I feel like a single parent and alone in our marriage.
Our current way isn't working. Her lack of presence is
the common root cause. I didn't feel like our daughter
or I actually mattered and were more put up with
by her. That statement really bothered her. She denied it

(24:31):
and promised our family does matter to her. She said
that she knows things aren't good right now, but she
wants our family. She gets frustrated and says so that
she doesn't mean, but it doesn't equate to how she
actually feels. I told her that it's not just her words,
it's her actions, her harshness, and how she chooses everything
over our family every single time, while expecting us to
just have smiles on our faces. We're not props and

(24:52):
I can't enforce a relationship between her and our daughter.
She said that she has trouble with contentment and it's
an endless chase. She has this new to keep chasing
after an inner feeling that she's always felt that she missed.
We talked about the feeling before. It's a high and
feeling hole interesting. She said that she thought our relationship
was the answer. She thought our daughter was the answer,
and then she thought her business would completely fill that void.

(25:14):
She said she doesn't know how to be with our daughter.
When our daughter was a baby, everything was easier. That
our daughter would get excited when she came home from work,
and no matter what she did or didn't do, she
had her daughter's love. But she's older now and barely
seems to like being in the same room as her
and clings to me. I asked if she's considered them.
Maybe our daughter is hurting from her criticism and broken promises.
My wife feels that she's doing better than her parents.

(25:37):
Well she might be, yeah, but if the bar is
really low, it's really low because she can't still be
low but above that bar, yeah, it's like I think.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
You know, I know parents who have been like, well
I didn't hit the kids, but I worked all the time.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Yeah, exactly. It's like, well, okay, at least they don't
feel bad. You're you right, right, But this isn't you know,
this is like really deep is sitting home?

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yeah, oh man.

Speaker 2 (26:05):
It's fine, look at me, cute. I'm gonna give you
a treat. Treat, she said.

Speaker 4 (26:12):
All our daughter knows is the grandpa and grandma who
adore her over FaceTime.

Speaker 2 (26:17):
She doesn't know what they were like.

Speaker 4 (26:18):
Her childhood was staying in a child's place, doing what
was expected of you, representing the family, and attitudes weren't tolerated.
There wasn't a problem that they couldn't solve with the belts.
My wife so that she doesn't believe in the belt
as disciplined. But she doesn't know how to be with
our daughter and fears that she's aggressive when she's communicating,
So she leaves our daughter to mete.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I'd nailed that one.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Yeah, you really did.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
She doesn't feel she's good as a mother to an
older child or with expressing personal feeling.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
She said, I knew what her parents were like.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
She's right.

Speaker 4 (26:48):
My in laws ran an unforgiving household. My wife was
pretty much a latchkey kid.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (26:53):
It's basically like they come home, are they like leave
and they come home whenever. You know, they got their
own key and they but you know, they take care
of themselves at home and parents are gone, and they
just kind of like the key's in the latch.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
You know, basically they're at home alone. Is the latchkey kid?
I see. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:10):
My father in law was always working and my mother
in law was busy with her community engagements. Feelings were
compared to complaining, and there were certain expectations of my wife.
I was seventeen and my wife was nineteen when we
had our daughter. Of course, the criticisms weren't ideal, but
my in laws made you feel their disapproval. There wasn't
support to be found from them. They told my wife
that if she was grown enough to make a baby,

(27:32):
then she was grown enough to take on responsibilities on
her own. My in laws have melted out a lot now,
but my wife is no contact with them. She used
her business to pay off their house, and that was that.
I'm the buffer between them. I'm accustomed to being my
wife's protector. That was always our dynamic, especially during the
pregnancy when everyone had commentary were comedians, or when guys

(27:53):
would talk about her. Looking back, I think that's part
of why I made excuses for her actions with our daughter.
I told my wife that I'm in love with her,
but our daughter can't be at the expense of our relationship.
We're at a crossroads. Something needed to change. Counseling isn't
an option anymore. It's happening for our daughter and me.
I want for us to come through this as a family.
If she refuses counseling, I'd respect her decision, but her

(28:15):
answer would give me my answer on what I needed
to do. For the best of our daughter. We'd have
to separate for the time being. My wife said, if
it's between counseling or losing our family, then she chooses counseling.
She wants to keep working on her marriage and reconnecting
as a family. We're not props. I asked if this
was really what she wanted. If we do this, it
can't be her showing up in word only but looking

(28:36):
for any reason to skip out. She said, what we
built means something to her, and losing that has become
more real to her now. I talked with our daughter
about her feelings on counseling too. I didn't just want
to randomly throw an appointment on her. She was pretty
open to the idea. I think it's because she's close
with my parents and she knows that they do counseling.
My wife and I are officially in counseling.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
Now.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
Okay, look, how's that. That's great.

Speaker 4 (28:58):
We're trying a conjoint therapy approach for right now. It's
a new experience for us. Prior to this, my wife
was never big on counseling, but she has been showing up.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
He hasn't flaked, and there is a little bit more
to the story. But I think this is going a
really positive way.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Absolutely, Again, it seems like they were not on the
same page about parenting because they were so young. So young,
it probably didn't even have a conversation. No, everyone, you know,
this is kind of what I've always thought of. You know,
when I get into the relationship and I'm ready to
have a kid, Like, have that conversation before you get married,
before you yes, or even close to having kids, how

(29:31):
do you want to raise your kid, you know, like
if you are religious or not religious, like, have all
of those questions answered before the kid is even there. Yeah,
because these are all important things and you want to
make sure that you're on the same page.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:44):
Absolutely, And I think we've definitely got a lot of
insight on the wife and she just has personal things
that she's dealing with, for sure. Yeah, but it sounds
like she kind of has like a good understanding at
least to start with on what she needs to work on. Yes,
so I think that's great, Like it sounded like what
she was saying was really good things to be aware

(30:04):
about and amazing things to bring into therapy.

Speaker 2 (30:07):
Yeah. So I have really high hopes for her.

Speaker 3 (30:10):
I don't think we need to just like you know, no, No,
I think if she was wholly unreceptive, sure, but she's not.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
Yeah, there's a little bit more into the story. So
there has been some improvement with my wife and daughter.
My wife has pulled back on criticism and asking our
daughter questions recently, we went to an amusement park as
a family, and they had a good time together on
some rides. My wife asked to pair with our daughter
on a few games too. It was the first time
in a long time I saw them share a laugh.
I don't know what the future holds, but I want

(30:38):
to be hopeful for my family. Maybe it's not too late.
I want the best for everyone involved. Our daughter will
be starting middle school soon, and I told my wife
that she'll need both of us. I'm hoping this road
isn't the end of my family. I want us to
have to come through this together. When I chose a
life with her, it wasn't because we were having a baby,
so let's stick together. It was because I love her
and want to be with her. I want to make

(31:00):
this work. But that is the end of that story.
I think that's a great start. I think you guys
are on the prepare path. See family things together. You're
laughing together, joking around.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
No one knows how to parent, literally, no one knows
how to do it. You think you do, so, I've
heard you right. You go into it and then you
realize you have no idea what you're doing. Yeah, and
you can only learn as you go.

Speaker 4 (31:22):
Yeah, and then people say that once you think you
figure it out with one kid, you have another one
and it's a completely different person.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
Sam, Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but
here's three of its bads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
I asked my husband to check on my pregnant friend.
Her husband god furious.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
Know what the men allowed around her.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Really quick trigger warning for all of our viewers. This
story does talk about miscarriage and loss of pregnancy at
certain points, so if you can't hear that, please do
not listen to this story. Listen to a different one.
Thank you. I'm writing this post because my best friend Kate,
her husband Bert, called my husband tim and a hole.

(32:07):
I have historically kept my opinion of Bert's behavior to
a minimum on the grounds that good friends say their
peace once and then love each other through crap relationships.
But I'm asking internet strangers to be the judge. By
the way, if this comes from user crap Kid Throwaway,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay story time subreddit. So I

(32:29):
am traveling for work. My friend Kate is stuck at
home working at seven months pregnant on modified bedrest. Generally
during the week, I drop over once or twice to
bring her family some dinner. Tim cooks extra portions once
a week to share. I generally cheer her up and
read her oldest a couple of bedtime stories so mom
can go to bed early and get some sleep. Bert

(32:49):
works an office job, stressful, I'm sure, but during her pregnancy,
he's been working longer and longer hours salaried, not overtime.
She's been sad and a bit lonely. Yes, I've suggested
counseling with that for background. This evening, she and I
were texting about six o'clockish and she got a craving
for tacos at a place near my house and importantly

(33:12):
near Bert's office. She says. She asked him to grab
her some on his way home. He says he's not stopping,
he's got work at home and she should just door
dash something close. Super ill husband right there. Yeah, this
makes her extremely sad, she says, irrationally sad. But you
be the judge of that, because he used to surprise

(33:33):
her with her favorite tacos and now he can't even
be bothered. Oh, when she asks him to go. Yeah,
as one does. I tell Tim, my husband, I'm three
states away, So it was just part of our chat
as I was getting back to the hotel and getting
ready for a work dinner. I get back from dinner
and Tim had gone and picked up her tacos, remembered
the bag of things I'd collected for her and the

(33:56):
kid were in my car, and pulled a tunic casserole
from the freezer. Bert hates tunic casserole. He dropped them
off on the porch and just texted her that there
were some things I wanted her to have. Then Bert
gets home. Did he bring taco's coloring books or a
good attitude? No, he did not. He called Tim to
tell him that he was an a hole for showing

(34:17):
him up.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Oohoo.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
This is giving the exact same energy as like the
parent that shows up to the parent teacher conference, Like, so,
why are you giving my son school supplies? Yeah? What
so you think I can't give my own kid? Yeah, pencils.
It's like, well, he was showing up to class with
nothing to write with, so I gave him pencils. I

(34:40):
can actually take care of my own son. Thank you.
He's like, well, then, do it right. So more colorful
language was also used, including some fairly sexist nonsense. He
also texted me telling me to keep my husband away
from his wife. Tim did respond rudely when Bert called, Ca,
says he told Bert he was a failure as a human,

(35:02):
a man, a father, and a husband. Okay, dang, not
getting tacos. I don't know if that warrants that much.

Speaker 4 (35:11):
But yeah, but also I would believe that he is correct.
I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised
that all was true.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
Apparently that caused Bert to scream expletives so loud. Their
daughters started to cry. Not good, which is on Bert
and not Tim. Yeah, if your daughters and around the corner,
don't shout so loud and angry that you actually scare her. Yeah,
you're failing again as that parent, right.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Exactly, Jesus.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
Tim Ben hung up on Bert, blocked him, and texted
Kate that if she needed someone in an emergency, she
knew where to call, but he wasn't putting up with
her crap husband any longer. It's a giant cluster f
and I have no idea what's going to happen my
husband feels bad things have escalated so much, particular release
since their daughter was crying. He feels like an a
hole at the moment. Obviously, Bert thinks he's an a hole.

(36:06):
I think he's a sweet man. What do you guys think?
Am I the ahole? Has no consensus? But op was
not the a hole and there are some relevant comments.
But first I say Tim's not the a hole. Yeah,
because Tim Bert should have known, Oh I shouldn't scream

(36:27):
and scare my child around the corner.

Speaker 4 (36:29):
Yeah, I mean I think like maybe he didn't need
to kind of stoop to Bert's level and be and
just like, you know, name call pretty much.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
But you know, is he wrong?

Speaker 1 (36:40):
I don't think so. Yeah. Op On what Kate thought
about Bert's attitude towards Tim, Opie says she's super pissed
at Burt. It'll probably blow over, but at the moment,
she's extremely angry with him. She doesn't think Tim. She
doesn't think Tim meant any harm, except that, of course
the tunic castrole was a bit petty. Could Kate stay

(37:01):
with Opie and Tim? How is that even? Wait? But
how was that even petty? He just knows that the
pregnant woman likes tuna casserole. Could Kate stay with Opi
and Tim? Opie says, She's always welcome, of course, but
I don't think she'd move their daughter out of the neighborhood.
I think they're going to work it out. She does
love him very much. That said, he's at a hotel tonight,

(37:22):
and I don't think that's happened before. Commenter number one says,
no good deed goes unpunished. That being said, you guys
are way too involved in their lives. You're cooking for
them multiple times a week. Opie says, yeah, she's on
bed rest. We have a meal train. I do Wednesday
and sometimes I'm sorry, does this comment or not know
what friends are?

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Yeah, he's a very nice thing to do.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
What you're like, way too involved in their lives. It's
almost like you care about them and want them to
like be good and make sure that they're okay while
they're seven months pregnant on bed rest. Opie says, yeah,
she was on bed rest. We have a meal train.
I do wins and sometimes Fridays. Her sister does two days.
Several of her friends trade off on other days because

(38:06):
you know, that's what friends do. For each other. I
guess is Kate able to stay with someone family or friends.
Op says her daughter is at the sister's house tonight.
She has a daughter about the same age. So they
do this all the time. We're going to rotate staying
over until the night nurse can start. And I think
on Tuesday they did have a part time nanny, but

(38:26):
that was the affair partner.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
So whoa interesting uh big news about this couple.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Yeah, her sister has been filling in since she was
put on bed rest. Update. Oh my god. Yeah, So
first of all, Okay, leave this man.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
I know you have kids, but like, this is just
not this is not good. He cheated on you, yeah.
Does he want to take care of you while you're pregnant?

Speaker 4 (38:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (38:56):
He fundamentally does not care about you, Adate. Oh darn it.
The TLDR version is they are separating for unrelated reasons.
I find that highly dubious at best. I apologize for
screwing up the title last time. Blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah. This update is shared with Kate

(39:17):
and Tim's permission for reasons Bert can go f himself. Okay,
Bert did email Tim this morning to apologize. Bert said
he had forgotten I was out of town and he
didn't realize that Tim was dropping off the meal trained food.
It was a weird email for many reasons, but Tim
responded politely, if non committal. Tim hasn't changed his view

(39:38):
of Bert, in part because of what happened between Burt
and Kate. This afternoon. Bert also texted me to apologize,
but I didn't get his message until after I landed,
and by then everything else had happened. I've elected not
to respond, okay. Bert went home around noon after staying
at a hotel last night. Kate's sister had taken their

(39:59):
daughter to the park so Burt and Kate could talk
it out. The short version is that Bert has been
avoiding Kate because she's not happy during this pregnancy. I
mentioned in a comment that Kate had been married previously,
and shortly after her first husband passed away, she had
complications in a pregnancy that forced her on bedrest. Unfortunately,
her son did not make it. The current pregnancy is

(40:21):
bringing up a lot of painful memories, and she's scared
she won't be able to make it to full term.
So yes, she is not as cheery as she was
when she was pregnant with their daughter. It's a difficult time.
Bert is frustrated and angry that she's not happy, so
he's been staying late and ignoring her until she stops
doing that.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
How do we think this is a solution?

Speaker 1 (40:41):
Everyone watching this, I just want you to clap for
me for having the willpower to not throw this through
the camera.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Oh my gosh, that.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
Is I don't even I would have no response for that.
If I'm Kate and my husband says, hey, so because
of all of the reasons that were just said, you're
upset and I can't deal with it, I'd be like, oh, well,
you can go ahead and just get your stuff. Yeah,
there's just nothing to say. That is one of the

(41:12):
dumbest things I've ever read. Yeah, there's no need to
even try to reply to it to make him understand anything, ye,
because he'll never.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
Understand exactly exactly.

Speaker 1 (41:22):
I know that sounds horrid, but I think they could
have worked through those feelings now. But as he was
explaining how he felt, he said she should be glad
her son wasn't there, because other eyes, she wouldn't have
this life at all.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Oh my gosh, Oh.

Speaker 4 (41:41):
That is so beyond terrible. How much fire is inside
of you right now?

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Do you remember that scene from the Spider Man No
Way Home movie where Spider Man gets tackled through like
ten floors of a building. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm
imagining doing to this guy.

Speaker 4 (42:00):
Right.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
Yeah, I'm just gonna leave it at that.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
That one still knocks the wind out of me. It's
so cruel. She did talk to him about that statement,
but the explanation doesn't get better. In any event, for her,
that was just the end, thank God, as it should be. Gosh.
She told me she was just done. They can work
out joint custody, but the marriage was over. She called

(42:25):
her sister and she and her husband encouraged Bert to leave. Currently,
Kate's not angry or sad or panicked. She's just done. Personally.
I'm surprised since they've weathered some fairly crappy things, including
infidelity by him, but I guess that was the line.
In any event, her D and D friends are over
there for Saturday night games and they are eating waffles.

(42:49):
She thought it was important for the Internet to know
that waffles are appropriate separation food. Well, at least her
spirit's not crushed, at least in terms of her well being,
which many kind souls were worried about. They have a prenup.
The house is hers, his family property is his. I'm
sure there will be a fight over custody, but she

(43:10):
will be financially okay. In any event, she has family
and friends who will help and support regardless of what happens.
And we are just gonna skip right. We've got an update, Chapelle. Okay,
a month has gone by, yep, let's see what's going on.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
I'm excited holiday update.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
I guess whether you think this is a happy update
depends on whether a holes abandoning their kids is a
net positive or not. I think if your dad is
this guy, yeah, I'd much rather not have one.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Yeah, I guess. And if I was her, I wouldn't
want him to have custody anyway. But still definitely sucks.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
Just based on that one statement alone. He's like, you
shouldn't be able to raise children.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Oh yeah, and then you throw everything else on top
of that.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
Terrible. Kate and Burt are still separated. It took her
few weeks, but she finally spoke to her attorney and
asked them to start the paperwork. One problem has been
locating him for service and scheduling parenting time so it
wouldn't appear that she's withholding his child. The night he
was escorted out, he apparently went to a hotel, then
told his boss he had to work remotely, where the

(44:17):
f was that option, and then moved home to his mother.
So this whole time he could have been working from
a home to help his wife too. What a scumbag.

Speaker 2 (44:29):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
Kate has reached out to him multiple times to schedule
parenting time and only found out last week that he
wasn't in the state. What this guy is just it's fine,
this is fine, all, this is fine. Imagine wow, just yes.
She finally called his mom to see if she wanted
to come and see her grandchild for Thanksgiving and learned

(44:53):
that he was there the entire time. In any event,
they finally made a parenting schedule, and, at an attorney's suggestion,
agreed he could have the first holiday since the separation.
He was supposed to come down on Wednesday and pick
up their daughter for a few days so she could
spend time with his side of the family. So we
planned a friends giving and to keep her spirits up
since her little one would be away for the first time.

(45:14):
Fun no, but it's what families do. Anyway. He didn't
show Thursday morning, still no Bert. Oh. Kate was worried
since he was supposed to drive down, so she called
his mom again. Bert was fine, but didn't feel up
to dealing with this. Yep, hurt it myself with my
own two years, which are we surprised It's the same

(45:35):
thing he said about his own pregnant wife.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
Yeah. She's like, Ah, you're just in a bad mood
and I just can't deal with it. Oh God, just
like we have to start learning like which people are
ready for relationships and which aren't, and if they're not,
don't just chase them. Kiddo was thankfully still asleep, so
she didn't have the joy of watching her mom have
a complete and utter meltdown. Kate didn't have the greatest

(46:00):
of herself, and knowing her pos husband was completely indifferent
to his daughter was just too much. She was sobbing
so hard she couldn't breathe, and then started to have contractions,
and then her sister and I started panicking. Oh God,
had we've been thinking. Clearly, we probably both would have
remembered that she had BH with both pregnancies and calmly
assessed the situation after she wasn't so overwrought. Instead, I

(46:23):
panic dialed her OB and we rushed her to the hospital.
She's fine, the baby's fine. The kiddo has now more
screen time and junk food in two days than her
mother has let her have in her entire life. Because
I'm not a great babysitter. Kate will be in the
hospital for a few more days as her OB is
concerned with her stress levels. Her sister's husband called Bert,
but thus far he has not made any attempts to

(46:44):
do something useful, like, I don't know, take care of
his own child, so I guess there won't be a
fight over custody. A crappy update, but it's been a
crappy weekend. If anyone knows how to cheer up a
little girls missing her parents that doesn't involve McDonald's and Bluie,
please let me know. If there was still Toys r Us,
I'd probably be bankrupt. And there is an update. I

(47:08):
think this is again for.

Speaker 4 (47:09):
The best, right Like, it still sucks for sure, but
it's not really this situation was never really going to
just be good. You know, You're just you're kind of
in it, so it's might as well have the lesser
of two evils.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Yeah, at least that's how I view it. I mean,
I feel like you could logic it that it's like
it'd be better to know for a fact that you
don't like how your dad treats you instead of just
but it's really like you don't.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
It's just for the best it can. Yeah, there's like
pros and cons to both, I suppose.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
Update. Thank you all for the suggestions, particularly a user
for shaking my brain loose. I had a sewing room
full of supplies and hadn't even thought of craft. We
spent all day today designing and making doll clothes and
matching scrunchies for her, her mom, her aunt, her uncle
or cousin, et cetera. She's happy and tired, and I

(48:00):
to be more grateful for Internet strangers. On the less
good news, Kate is going to be in the hospital
for the duration of her pregnancy. She and the baby
are fine, but due to some complications, they want her
to stay there until she delivers. Kitto is staying with
us until tomorrow. We live close to the hospital, but
she'll be heading back to sister's place, which is close
to her preschool, tomorrow night. Kate wants her to have

(48:23):
as much normalcy as feasibly possible. I'm still worried, but
the doctors are great and seem to have it under control,
and there are some relevant comments. Do not think that
eventually Bert will wake the f up, or we'll meet
with a lawyer who will tell him some very harsh
truths and he'll realize that if he doesn't fight for
and to get custody, the child support you have to
pay will be higher than if he had fifty to

(48:43):
fifty or primary custody. They may have a prenup, but
prenups have nothing to do with child support, which is
a right of the child, not a right of the parent.
Tell your friend to keep a detailed log of all
these interactions with they're soon to be x, or do
it for her while she's emotionally incapacitated. Have her send
an email to Bert and his mom, or a text message,
anything written down that essentially says so. We collaborated on

(49:06):
a holiday custody schedule. I gave you first holiday since
our separation with our daughter. Out of good faith and
of wanting to show that we can co parent peacefully.
You agreed, and then you let her down at the
very last minute because you didn't feel up to dealing
with this. She has to do the same for all
the interactions that are verbal, so she can have a
paper trail to show a judge encourage her to keep

(49:28):
on reaching out to Burt in the name of collaborative
co parenting, so he can never win the argument of
she withholds the children from me your honor all in
writing or followed by writing summarizing the content of the
conversation if it happens verbally. If she can't do that
because of her health condition or her and her emotional state,
she can have someone else do all of that for
her while she's c seed on the emails. I might

(49:51):
be dealing with the last weeks of pregnancy and separation
and it's hard, but I'm still doing all that I
can as a mother to make sure it doesn't impact
our children negatively and make sure the trans processes smooth
and co parenting as possible. Is the message you want
to be able to display to a judge. If it
comes to that, do not rile Bert up and make
sure that your friend does not either. But when he

(50:13):
acts unhinged, despondent, or irresponsible, bring it up in writing.
Always talk about Burt in good terms, at least in
front of the daughter. So we can't have the parental
alienation defense. Have your friend squeaky clean, so there is
nothing he can grab on to for custody. No, I
acted terribly, but so did she your honor, it will

(50:34):
be all So the plaintif was being a dismissive turned
aggressive butt hat the entire time, while the defendant was
being as collaborative and in good faith as she could be.
Primary custody to the defendant, Ope says, this is the
exact advice her attorney gave us yesterday. Thank you all right,
that was very solid advice on how to go about

(50:55):
the custody agreement. Because, yes, in a legal sense, especially
when it comes to something like this, you always want
to cover your booty. We have a third update, Okay,
one month later, it's a boy relations We're at birth.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Whoo.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
I don't know if anyone still cares, but Kate safely
delivered a perfectly healthy little boy on Thursday and is
now back home. Her sister was by her side and
it all went fairly quickly after she was induced. Bert
is still missing in action. Last we heard he was
in Alaska with his brother.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
What what he's on the run?

Speaker 3 (51:36):
Man?

Speaker 1 (51:36):
He really is? Ia dude? Yeah, Oh my god. Kate's
lawyer has been managing communications to keep the evidence trail
as pristine as possible. He has been served, but of
course these things take time. The little one asks about
her dad every single day, and it breaks my heart,
but I guess there's no help for that. We are

(51:58):
following the therapist's advice and lee legal advice on that subject.
I think it will get easier now that her mom
is finally home. On the home front, Kate is thrilled
to be out of the hospital. We have all huddled
up for a plan to help her over the next
few months while she recovers. I'm on duty today, but
everyone is currently napping, so it's quiet and peaceful. She

(52:19):
asked for tacos, so Tim is making a taco run
for lunch in about an hour or so. God, for
the love of God, don't let Burt hear about that,
or he's gonna fly back from.

Speaker 2 (52:27):
Alaska just to not give you tacos.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
Yeah. I probably won't be updating again, but I did
want folks to know she and her son made it
through with flying colors. Hooray. We have some irrelevant comments
to finish the story off. Congratulations to Opie's friend Kate
on her successful pregnancy and birth of her son. Oh yeah,

(52:54):
come in number one. I know it's gonna take years
or decades, but in my mind, there will be a
day where Kate is very happy that Tim decided to
deliver tacos and she got rid of this sorry excuse
of a man. I agree all the best, op I
would love to get an update, but I understand if
that's the end. Opie replies, to be honest, I think
that's why she asked for tacos. Tim has been feeling

(53:16):
crappy for how everything went down and how his bluntness
in his mind contributed to Kate's complications in the kiddo's distress.
Seeing Kate happy and relaxed, surrounded by her family and
everyone devouring tacos definitely cheered him up. It certainly cheered
me up. Comment or two says I'm glad you're Okay, Now,
if possible, I have a question for you. Do Bert's

(53:37):
parents approve of what he's doing? Please keep us posted
until your friend gets his revenge on this pest Opie says,
I don't know what Bert's mom thinks. I called her
to let her know when Kate was scheduled to be
induced and to invite her to Christmas at Kate's request,
and she never responded. Bert's father passed away a few
years ago, which precipitated some of Bert's worst behaviors. See,

(54:01):
we're all complicated monkey people like we always there's always something.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yeah, I've only met his brother a handful of times,
but given how he treats his wife with tremendous devotion,
I was surprised to hear Bert was there. I would
have expected his brother to chew his butt out and
send him home. But who knows what Bert is telling
his family about the separation. It's very odd. I'm extremely curious,

(54:28):
but sticking strictly to the path the attorney has laid
out for all communication, which is a very smart thing
to do. Kate might get some answers when the divorce
response is filed, but his attorney has gotten an extension,
so that won't be for a few months. Comment number three, Op,
it's just a suggestion of mine. But since there's a
possibility that the brother is being deceived, would it be

(54:50):
more would it be more receptive to send an anonymous
message telling him what's really going on. It's just a
suggestion because Bert really is an a hole and ne
it's too soft for a little which. Look, people are bad,
people are good, But like getting yourself wrapped up and
like being the arbiter of justice getting revenge, it's probably

(55:13):
not It's probably not gonna make your life any better. Yeah, op,
says Kate's sister. And I both thought the same thing,
but her attorney said absolutely not. We will just have
to wait for it all to come out in the wash.
Comment for I am so glad that you are all
doing as well as can be. Wishing some peace and
love in the new year. And that is the end

(55:36):
of that story, the end.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
Wow. Well, I wish you peace and love of the
new year. May God.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Birt's gone and he's gonna be gone forever.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
Yep, ding dong, the bird is gone.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Ding dong, the bird is gone. The bird is gone
this day, ding Dong, The bird is gone this day.
Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get
back to the stories, but here's a quick three minute
break from asper more sponsors.

Speaker 4 (56:05):
My parents refuse to believe I had a concussion. It's
making everything worse.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
Ah your head.

Speaker 4 (56:13):
Some much needed context before I get to the story.
Before this happened, I already had a history of at
least two concussions.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
The first one I.

Speaker 4 (56:20):
Got in middle school after I fell off a swing
set mid swing, and the second after I hit my
head on my garage door like a dumb But there
have been several other instances of head injuries, but not
enough to be labeled as full on concussions. By the way,
this comes from Hidden Snicker and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story time is step Preddit. So.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
My parents are divorced and at the.

Speaker 4 (56:40):
Time I was living with my dad full time, as
my mom had punted me out of her house freshman
year of high school.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
For several months.

Speaker 4 (56:46):
Up to this point, I had been planning to go
to Legoland with my father to celebrate my eighteenth birthday
and January twenty twenty four, how fun and it was
something that I was really looking forward to. Now to
the story a little over a year ago. Just during
December twenty twenty three, when I was seventeen, I just
turn eighteen. I was visiting my younger brother fourteen at
the time, and my mother for dinner. After dinner, me
and my brother had a small scuffle over who got

(57:07):
to sit in the front seat. As siblings do. I
love that that's still happening at seventeen and fourteen.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
Dude, that still happens at twenty three and twenty eight.

Speaker 3 (57:16):
We literally will push each other out of the wood
to get the fussy.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
But during the scuffle, my.

Speaker 4 (57:21):
Brother had accidentally slammed the car door right onto the
side of my head. Now, my brother rock climbed six
days a week, and I'm pretty scrawny, so we hit
my head pretty hard. As I went to sit in
the backseat, my head started to really hurt. During the ride,
I brought up how the car door had hit my head.
My brother refused to acknowledge that he had even hit me,
let alone.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
Apologize heit what.

Speaker 2 (57:41):
I got pretty upset by this, That makes sense.

Speaker 4 (57:43):
When we made it to my mother's house, I asked
her why she didn't do anything about it before I
got into my car and drove back to my dad's place.
By the time I got there, I was bawling my
eyes out. Oh my gosh. I don't even fully remember why.
I just remember being in pain and telling my dad
how my brother had accidentally hit me with a car door.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
I refuse to apologize. Now the details get a.

Speaker 4 (58:02):
Little fuzzy, so I don't exactly remember the exact dates
of everything. I only vaguely remember going to the doctors
and getting diagnosed with the concussion. Since this was December,
this was right before finals in my birthday, December sixteenth.
I talked to my school about the concussion, and they
were understanding enough to let me freeze my grades and
not take any finals, which were all eights and I
think two b's. They told me to go home and

(58:22):
get some rest, no problem. That is so nice of
your professors. I feel like that's so rare, so that
to happen. Yeah, here's where the BS started. Basically, immediately,
my dad and mom began pressuring me to take the
finals so I could raise my B grades, which were
in my hardest classes. I tried to explain to them
that I shouldn't be doing that because I need to rest,
and if I take the exam will concussed. I might
run the risk of doing extremely poorly on them and

(58:45):
dropping my grades. But they would not listen. Also, if
the if the tests are like online or something like
on a computer, then it's gonna be worse.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
You like, shouldn't do that.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
Yeah, my dad told me that I should go to
the er if I didn't feel well enough to take
the finals. They kept pushing me to do things while
I was trying to rest, despite how much I tried
to emphasize that I needed to be recovering. During this
I basically had to miss my eighteenth birthday because I
was asleep for seventeen whole hours. This, along with the
fact that it's generally harder to control your emotions after
you have a brain injury, culminated Yeah, in what I

(59:16):
can essentially describe as a mental breakdown. I broke into
tears in the middle of the night, unable to control
myself as I sobbed in my bed, I texted my
dad to let him know.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
That I felt like I didn't need to go to
the er.

Speaker 4 (59:26):
In the morning, he came into my room and asked
me if I was okay, so I told him through tears,
my head was really hurting and I don't.

Speaker 1 (59:31):
Know what to do.

Speaker 4 (59:32):
I told him that I probably had to skip the
rest of my finals, to which he insisted again that
I should take them. I responded by saying that I'm
in absolutely no condition to take them. He then said
that if I'm not feeling better, then we should cancel
my birthday trip, which upset me even more.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Because I was really looking forward to it.

Speaker 4 (59:47):
He then left the room, but shortly came back and
said that he would take me to the er now.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
I was still sobbing. On the way to the hospital
and getting admitted, the.

Speaker 4 (59:53):
Nurses suggested that we do a CT scan to see
if there was any possibility of a severe brain injury.

Speaker 2 (59:58):
They did a CT scan, Thankfully, nothing came up.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
They said that it was most likely a concussion and
to take it easy and rest. Two days later, I
went back to school to try to do the last
of my finals like my parents had requested. This proved
to be a massive mistake, as I almost immediately got
the worst headache I ever.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Had in my entire life.

Speaker 4 (01:00:16):
I was head down and between my arms at my desk,
feeling like my head was going to explode. I don't
remember the exact events, but I eventually tried to make
my way to the nurse, and on the way there,
I vomited into a.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
Nearby trash can.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 4 (01:00:28):
This really worried me at the time because my concussed
brain remembered the fact that throwing up can mean a
severe concussion, and I assumed that my concussion had somehow
gotten worse. So I asked my dad to pick me
up from school and asked him to take me to
the doctor again. In hindsight, it probably was not necessary,
but remind her I had a concussion and was not
getting any rest. I was barely thinking straight at this point.
He said something about asking my.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Sister, who was twenty, to take me, so I texted
her asking she could.

Speaker 4 (01:00:51):
She angrily responded by saying that I don't have a
concussion and to stop being so dramatic. When I asked
what she meant, she said that my dad had told
her lunch yesterday that the CT scan didn't come up
with anything, so I didn't have a concussion.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
I thought a doctor had already said that she did
have a concussion the first doctor she saw, because that
was yeah, they only said that she might have a
concussion when she went to the er.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
But the first doctor she saw said that.

Speaker 4 (01:01:15):
She had a concussion and then was just doing the
CT scan to see if it was like severe brain injury. Yeah,
So the dad is probably just like, nah, she's fine.
Probably like when when parents like ignore mental illnesses, they're like, nah,
you don't have as she like, you just get.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Distracted, you can power through. It's like it's just like
this is like she's literally throwing up.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:34):
Literally, A quick Google search will show that concussions don't
show up on CT scans to begin with. And even
if my memory is a bit blurry, I do remember
the nurses telling me I.

Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
Had a concussion. Yeah, like you said. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:01:44):
So I turned to my dad and asked him what
was up with him telling my sister I didn't have
a concussion, but i'd my back. He said that I think.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
Everyone has had enough of this. We just want this
to be over with. Yeah, like rope, he wants it
to be over with.

Speaker 4 (01:01:56):
Yeah, it's not gonna happen, but just ignoring it. Come on,
as if it wasn't my fault. That I had the
concussion and that I was somehow choosing to prolong it.
It had only been like a week, maybe a week
and a half at most. My recommended recovery time was
two weeks, which had probably been extended because again my
parents were not letting me get the proper rest I needed.
We eventually got to where my sister was and I

(01:02:17):
had to convince her to please take me to the doctor,
all while she was lambasting me for not having a concussion.
At the same time, I started getting text from my
mom doing the same thing and threatening to make me
pay for the emergency room visit so I would have
to go into debt when I just turned eighteen. These
were her words. When I got to the doctor, they
essentially told me that they didn't think the concussion had

(01:02:39):
gotten worse, but me not getting enough for rest had
worsened some of the symptoms. They also confirmed that yes,
I had a concussion, and yes they don't show on
CD scans. So to recap, two separate doctors and medical
nurse all confirmed that I had a concussion. That is,
three separate medical professionals who all unanimously agreed that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
It was a concussion.

Speaker 4 (01:03:00):
I sent a video of my doctor explaining this to
my dad, and he said you should show that to
mom and sister to see what they think.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
I absolutely lost it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:08):
I yelled at him over text that it was his
fault that I'm even in the position, and that he
needs to take responsibility and admit that he was wrong.
He responded by saying, you seem a bit upset. Why
don't you spend the night at your month. I said,
there is no way in heck that you were going
to make me sleep at the same house as my
mother and sister who were accusing me of faking a concussion,

(01:03:28):
and my brother who gave me the concussion to begin with.
At this point, I had left the doctors and was
beginning to walk on my own to get some food
because nobody in my family wanted.

Speaker 1 (01:03:36):
To pick me up.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
I made it to a small Mexican place and ordered
some lunch while continuously trying to fight tears. I had
multiple of my family members immediate and extended messaging me
telling me that the concussion was fake and that I
needed to return my mother's messages.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
Oh my gosh, insane.

Speaker 4 (01:03:51):
We're stupid, and I'm sure the stress is not helping
with a concussion at all.

Speaker 3 (01:03:55):
Oh, pee I again. If you have not already, send
a freaking doctor's note to get cauture. Doctor's note, yeah,
send it to everyone, every mask. Here's my doctor's note. Yeah,
separate doctors told me I have a concussion.

Speaker 4 (01:04:07):
Exactly after I had finished eating. I took an uber
back to school because I didn't know where else to go.
I felt so unloved and so unsafe by both my parents.
My head was still hurting and I was barely keeping
it together. I just wanted to crawl into a hole
and pass away. This is when my uncle, the only
sane person, called me. I broke down on the call
and told him everything that happened. He listened and seems

(01:04:28):
to understand where I was coming from. He didn't accuse
me of faking anything. He just wanted to know if
I was safe because my parents started to realize that
they didn't know where I was. He suggested that I
call my mother, and I said I didn't want to
because she's just going to yell at me. He said
that my mother was truly just worried and wanted to
know where I am. I relented, and he hung up
so I could call my mom almost immediately. My mother
was aggressive towards me. We spent the next few hours

(01:04:50):
arguing on the phone. I won't go into everything that
was said, but I'll paraphrase a few notable moments. Primarily,
she once again accused me of faking a concussion. When
I told her that the doctors had confirmed I one
and that they don't show on a CT scans, she
said that I must have googled the symptoms of a
concussion and told the doctor why. They are doing everything
in their power to not believe this woman.

Speaker 2 (01:05:11):
This is insane. I so insane.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
I'm so sorry, Opa.

Speaker 4 (01:05:15):
Like, I think if they make you go to any
more finals, if you've got any like, you just yeah,
don't do them, find a bench and lay down and
like go to So.

Speaker 3 (01:05:25):
I think that you go to your school and you say, hey,
my parents will not listen to me. Yeah, I cannot
take these finals. Here is a doctor's note that says
I have a concussion. Can I please just lie down
in the nurse's office.

Speaker 2 (01:05:37):
Yeah, that's probably very possible.

Speaker 4 (01:05:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:05:40):
I told her that that's insane because I've literally been
having the worst headaches of my life and throwing up
if it's not a concussion, then what is it. She
said she didn't know, but it couldn't be a concussion
because concussions don't last this long.

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
Not true.

Speaker 4 (01:05:53):
I was given a two week period to recover and
I didn't even hit it yet. I said, even if
it's not a concussion, I'm still in pain and that
needs to be taken seriously. She then said that I
had been going around telling people that my brother slammed
a card door on my head. Yes, I told her
that's exactly what happened. He slammed a car door on
my head. She said that it couldn't possibly be the
case because there's no way a card or can give

(01:06:14):
someone a concussion.

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
Why, girl, I'm so.

Speaker 3 (01:06:17):
I think all of them have had ten concussions, lost
massive amounts of brain power.

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
Yeah, it must be.

Speaker 4 (01:06:25):
I told her that one, I've already had two concussions
and multiple head injuries before this, which makes it easier
for me to have them in the future. And two,
I only started getting headaches and feeling pain after he
hit my head.

Speaker 2 (01:06:37):
What else could it be.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
She then complained that I was making her look bad
by telling people that my brother slammed a card door
on my head.

Speaker 1 (01:06:43):
Good.

Speaker 4 (01:06:43):
I clarify that I hadn't even mentioned her to anyone
before today, and that I acknowledged to everyone I told
that it was an accident for my brother and I
just wanted.

Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
Him to apologize.

Speaker 4 (01:06:52):
She then yelled at me about how she's not responsible
for my brother's actions and can't make him do anything.

Speaker 3 (01:06:58):
We know, that's just asking you to believe that she
has a concussion, literally, but she can yell at me
for telling other people why I got a concussion.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
The argument continued from there.

Speaker 4 (01:07:08):
At one point, she tried to claim that she was
a good mother and that I had been nothing but
a problem child, to which I responded, what kind of
mother threatens to put their barely eighteen year old kid
in debt because they might have been faking an injury.
She made a lot of nasty remarks at me, including
claiming that the reason why I had tricho tilomania pulling
your hair uncontrollably because of OCD or general anxiety was

(01:07:30):
because I never wanted to change. She finally said that
she would still pick me up and take me home
because she's a good parent who loves me. I told
her to eat crab and that I'd tell my dad
where I was, but I genuinely would rather pass away
than go to her house. She begrudgingly agreed after she
realized that it was getting dark and that I wasn't budging.
While I waited for my dad to pick me up,

(01:07:51):
my uncle called again and asked if I was going
back home. I told him yes, but I was going
back to my dad's house, not my mom's. He asked
how the call went, and I broke down.

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
Again and told him everything.

Speaker 4 (01:08:00):
He did his best to reassure me until my dad
picked me up and we silently drove home. I never
got a single apology from anyone, not my brother for
giving me the concussion, not my father, not my sister,
and especially not my mother. To this day, over a
year later, they still insist that I didn't have a
concussion because of that effing CT scan.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
There is a little bit more to the story which.

Speaker 3 (01:08:20):
We have any final thoughts, Ah, man, Uh, your family sucks. Yes, uh,
you are eighteen, though your bots are probably about to
graduate high school.

Speaker 2 (01:08:29):
M and then you don't.

Speaker 3 (01:08:31):
I mean, it really sucks that they probably won't support
you own the future medical issues, So try not to
get hurt.

Speaker 2 (01:08:38):
Yeah, be careful with her head.

Speaker 1 (01:08:39):
Please.

Speaker 4 (01:08:40):
Yes, if there's like a friend's house you could stay
at or something, or if you could stay at uncle's
house of he's.

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
Nearby, say like, hey, I don't feel safe right right.
But there's a little bit more to the story.

Speaker 4 (01:08:48):
When I got an inter ear infection during November twenty
twenty four, they went right back to accusing me of
faking it until they realized, oh wait, it's actually real,
and then started pretending like it was real the whole time,
and they never ecuse me of faking it. I didn't
go to the er for it until I literally passed
out in front of several people because I was so
scared that it would start my family up all over again.

(01:09:09):
I can't even go into an fing hospital or doctor's
office now without being reminded of what happened. And for
the crap, Jerry on this crap Sunday. A week later,
during Christmas, my siblings didn't get me anything after I
spent two hundred dollars getting presents for them. I fing
hate my entitled family so gosh dang much. I am
so glad I'm in college town.

Speaker 3 (01:09:29):
Yeah, they freaking sock man yeah, that is insane.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
Thought is pretty crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:09:34):
And dollars for medical bills, yeah, you'll probably need it

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
But that goes just the end of that story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband HATES our open marriage now that I’m enjoying it! - r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories