My husband HID photos of other women… and now I’m questioning our entire marriage! | Reddit Stories | EP2359 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John, the og story
Time podcast host. Oh yeah, we got some great stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we got a teeny two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like
a little house. Oh yeah, my husband hid photos of
another woman, and now I'm questioning our entire marriage.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
I would too.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
I already have someone booked for us to see and
for context. This is my second marriage. My current husband,
thirty three male, and I thirty eight female, have been
together for two years. I have two kids from my
previous marriage and a baby with my current husband. By
the way, this comes from a present pictures And if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash okay storytime subreddit. And I'm Angie, I'm Riley,

(00:41):
and we're here to give you good advice. Goofu ye.
But we don't have all the answers. We just know
what we would do in the situation. So let us
know what you would do in the comments. Ohp sets
husband has two phones, one personal and one for work.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
I bet that's for work.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
He was charging his work phone on my nightstand and
left the house to run a few errands. Temptation got
the best of me, and I decided to go through
his photos with no initial suspicion, just out of nowhere.
You're gonna snoop.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Yeah, I do that all the time with you.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
I make sure that your fabrics are good and you're
not making any other fabrics I should be, you know,
worried about. Okay, make sure they're all girly. I don't
think I see any navy or brown. I'm gonna be
asking questions.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
I know where your fall cabinet is, I know where
you keep all that fabrics I have. I have a
project coming up that is not that is gonna be
using a lot of dark colors. Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
So see how she communicated that to me? And I
figured that out by myself.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, see how I had to communicate that after he
yelled at me. I was just saying things a little bit,
you know, on the upper side, the upper of your
I'm sure sure this is not the first time. The
last time I did this was about a year ago.
I'm not proud of this, But to my defense, husband
has a history of some sketchiness, and each time I've

(01:58):
looked over his phone, I've found something incriminating or that
crosses my boundary married to him. For example, once we
got into a big fight and he went and parked
his car somewhere at night, knowing that I could track
the car. He then ordered an uber to a massage
parlor at nine thirty pm at night, which I found
out because his work phone at home was connected to Uber.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Dude, we know why I went there.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, you know, massage parlors are not open past nine
thirty for innocent reasons.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
Okay, you did go to a massage parlor recently past
nine thirty? What him was our It was like eighty
nine thirty. We went together, we were gonna be done
around like past nine thirty. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Yeah, nothing suspicious happened there, and we are both witnesses
to each other. He claims that he just went to
get a regular massage and that he just didn't want
me to know. Sure sure thing was a nice you
know in the wall massage place. Yeah, yeah, I definitely, dude, we.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Got Sam has a hilarious story while he was in Bali,
he went to a hole in the wall massage parlor,
thinking like, oh, it's Hold the World restaurant. Maybe that's
the same kind of vibe.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
It's like, you know, low key and like, oh, it'll
have that kind of real like you know, cultural experience
or or.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Or yeah, exactly different.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
You would think you would think that's well, that's what
he thought. On his bachelor party. He also tried to
meet up with a girl that he met while he
was there. Bro. He invited her to meet his group
of friends in a nightclub and was sending photos of
her in a swimsuit to all of the guys in
the group chats. So bachelor parties usually happened before the wedding, right, Yeah,

(03:43):
so we continue to marry this guy, not at all
saying that it's your fault, just saying that he's not
worth it. He also went to a spicy club while
I was visiting a friend overnight, knowing that I don't
tolerate that. Okay, so here's where we had suspicion.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
I'm on four. I've counted four.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, and I'm sure this is just like a few examples.
I'm sure there's more, but these are the most notable ones.
I guess the part of me wanted to check in
and see whether he was behaving better now that he
is a new father to our four month old baby.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yay, that fixes everything. Good.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
What I found this time made my stomach drop.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Oh no.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
There was a hidden folder in his photo albums full
of screenshots and clips of women from social media. Some
were in swimsuits or doing workouts, and it made me
really uncomfortable seeing how focused those photos and videos work.
There was even a video of someone we actually know,
a mom at the pool. My goodness. Some of the

(04:45):
photos were of his friend's wives, an old coworker, even
a close friend of mine. No, oh, my gosh, Okay,
that makes it crazy. If it was just random like influencers,
I feel like it's already a problem.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
But it's it's it's the level of separation is closer. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, there's less separation, so you know these people, you
could probably call these people.

Speaker 1 (05:10):
Yeah, that makes it.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
You could you know their names, you know their children?
Oh gosh, yeah, and you know what they look like
in the bathing suit. Crazy. The one that hit me
the hardest was a mom friend from the sports team
he coaches, dressed up for an event, and the photo
was clearly taken to highlight her appearance. The dates on
the screenshots went back to last year, with some as

(05:33):
recent as just three days ago. Oh no, oh my god,
I'm burning the phone last year, dude.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Also, what does he do for work that needs an
other phone?

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Good question? How many phones do we have here in
this workplace? That's not true?

Speaker 1 (05:49):
Oh oh in our workplace? Yeah? Two three?

Speaker 2 (05:52):
What workplace you're talking about?

Speaker 1 (05:53):
John has one? One, two three?

Speaker 2 (05:56):
We have about eight?

Speaker 1 (05:56):
Or no, thirteen thirteen?

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Maybe he has a right re read it YouTube channel.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
No, he doesn't. That phone would not be with him
all the time. That phone would be connected to a
computer doing its own thing. Wrong. I know how this works.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
I felt sick to my stomach and ran to the bathroom.
After that, I took photos with my phone of everything
that I saw. When he got home, I calmly approached
him and put my phone in front of him, showing
him the photos that I had taken of his phone,
asked if he could explain it, and he stuttered and
laughed for about thirty seconds until all he could muster

(06:36):
was Okay, what about it? Oh? What about what about
my fist in your face?

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Dude?

Speaker 2 (06:45):
Oh? What about that? It's huh dude, huh that he laughed.
I'm guessing it was nervous laughter, but maybe it wasn't.
If it wasn't, I would be maybe angry. I was
usually a very emotional person, but in this case, I
was able to remain calm. And I think it's because
of how much ick I was feeling. I confronted him

(07:06):
and asked why he had all that saved. I pulled
my phone back before he could grab it. He admitted
that he took the screenshots, but said he didn't know why.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Dump response, You took the screenshots, hit them in a
hidden folder? Yeah, I have no idea.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
Dude, I don't no, no, I just woke up and
then where they are.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Same response to middle schooler has when he punches his friend.
It's like, why'd you punch your friends?

Speaker 2 (07:31):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
I literally was thinking about it the other day, where
like I like cut myself with the razor when I
was like eight or something, because I just saw my
It was like my big sisters like.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Razor, like shaving their legs.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Yeah, and so like I like cut my ankle though
because I had never shaved my legs, didn't know what
to do with it. I was just curious. And then
I was crying and screamed for my mom and She
was like, what happened? What did you do? And I
was like, I don't know, but it's because I thought
I was gonna get in trouble.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
Oh, I see, you know what I mean. You're trying
to be like your sisters.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yeah, exactly so kids. No, when if someone tells you
they don't know why they did something, it is because
they think they're gonna get in trouble.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
I can't put it into words.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, he claimed it was just something he did without
thinking whenever he saw something that caught his eye. You're
really digging yourself a hole, my guy. He kept saying
it wasn't personal and that it didn't mean anything, and
that he never did anything inappropriate with the photos. I
don't believe that for one second.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
He never did anything inappropriate with the photos that came unprompted.
That's where I'm gonna be like diving.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah, especially even if it didn't come unprompted, Like even
if she suggested something and he's just like, oh, it's
still it's like, dude, it's okay. First of all, I
feel like that could go another way. That's still just
as wrong. In my opinion. If you have all these
pictures of half naked women that we know, and you're
saying it doesn't mean anything. Now you're degrading these women,

(08:58):
you know what I mean. Now it's another issue because
now you don't care about these women appreciate their beauty. Yeah,
in a way.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
I think we should focus on the other issues than
this one.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Just focus on the truth, my guy.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
It's sort of like you know, the like hierarchy of needs. Yes,
the one below appreciating women's beauty is a guy not
being a creep. So I think that's what we need to.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
We need to Yeah, bottom line, let's do that.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
I love how how high you thought he was on
that triangle.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
I didn't think either way he appreciated the women.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
I know.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
But like if like you hear about people hooking up
or something like that, ew okay, well, if you think
about that kind of relationship, what that is like, Yeah,
it might be some sort of scandalous like mistress situation,
that's still like scummy. But if you're doing that cheating
on your wife with another woman, for example, this isn't

(09:52):
the exact situation here. But not only that, but you
also like don't give a crap about the woman that
you were hooking up with that's messed up.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
That's what I'm trying to say with like these pictures. God,
I mean, instead of losing my temper, I told him
how embarrassed and ashamed I felt. I said his behavior
was completely inappropriate and made me uncomfortable. I told him
to delete everything, unfollow anyone he had saved content from,
and even find a new hairdresser since she was in

(10:21):
there too. Oh my god. He agreed, but only if
I deleted the proof from my phone. Absolutely not, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Yeah, yeah, I'll delete it, but I'm sending it to
another phone.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
I'm just gonna like print it out really fast. There
we go, There we go. Of course, he tried to
spin this as another instance of me invading as privacy,
but I made sure not to allow him to pull
focus from the topic at hand. Eventually, he did apologize,
and he did so multiple times over the course of
twenty four hours. He said there were no excuses for
what was on his phone, and that it was gross

(10:55):
and creepy behavior, and that he also apologized for how
it makes me feel. I appreciate that he owned up,
but I still have the ache.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Can't get rid of that.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
You really can't. I know that nothing I did cause
his behavior. I've given everything to my husband, emotionally and physically,
always ready for spicy sleeve whenever wherever. I've been supportive
of his career in hobby, I carried his baby. I
take good care of myself. I'm smart, and I have
a great job. Even with that assurance, there's still that

(11:28):
voice in the back of my head that keeps saying
nothing you can do is enough. You are not enough,
and I hate that My husband, the one who is
supposed to protect me and my heart and with whom
I should be able to be most vulnerable, is the
reason for those thoughts. Right now, it's business as usual.
I've pulled back affection and sweetness while remaining polite and

(11:49):
cooperative so that we can tackle our priorities. We were
about to pull down an offer on a house, but
I told him I'm pulling out until I can't process
my feelings.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
Smart smart, and it's smart.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
He's been in the doghouse for the past few days
and is getting to the point where I can tell
he is trying to get a rise out of me,
to get me emotional or engage me. But I refuse
to let it rile me up. He also keeps telling
me that I need to stop allowing a dark cloud
to hang over our household in relationship, but I keep
reminding him that I'm allowed to feel how I feel

(12:21):
and still need time to process everything. I am fully
aware of the trust issues I have, and I also
believe that they are well founded. I've forgiven him for
the broken boundaries in the past and believed the best
moving forward because in most other ways he is a
fantastic partner and teammates and extremely hard working day He's
just you know how people have, like addictions and everything.

(12:43):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
This probably his addiction could be it's like the lust
that he has.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
To find addicted to be a scumming eye. I know
it can be a real addiction.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
But that's probably the very underlying thing, because it seems
like he's a good guy outside of this.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
Apparently if you took all this weird.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Stuff out, so I'll do. It's like, seems like she
still wants to like put an effort even though he's
given her so many reasons to leave. Yeah it's tough. Yeah, yeah,
because also she was married before she's divorced. Divorce again.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
I think she should bro does not want to.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Change, not at all.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
You stop putting a rain cloud, a dark cloud over
our household end relationship.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
Huh. I wondering how this guy here?

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, it's like, well, I'm sorry, I can't change the weather.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah weather boy, Huh how about you change it? Make
it all the sunshine.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
I guess I want input on where to go from
here because the idea of another divorce sounds terrible. I
don't think I could do that to my kids again,
nor do I want to create that future for our baby.
Is it crazy to contemplate the idea of staying together
for convenience or just for the kids, even if love
and attraction is lost. And there are some comments.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
I knew she probably didn't want to divorce again.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
That's yeah. I have my thoughts, but I'm gonna see
these comments. Say it before the government. Yeah, let's see coming.
Number one says he's been doing this for years and
you still married and had a baby with him. Why
kind of it? Too? Says Yes, it is crazy to
put your kids in a home where there is resentment
and boundary crossing, lying behavior for your convenience. Too late,

(14:21):
you already did it to your kids by not walking
away the first, second, third, fourth time he was inappropriate
and didn't care about your feelings. Do not fall for
sunk cost fallacy. Set aside your shame, your guilt, your worry,
and focus on your kids. Once you have stabilized their
lives and freed them from being trapped in your miserable situation,
then you can figure out why you made those choices

(14:43):
and work through your stuff so you don't move them
into a whole Number three's home moving forward. Okay, yeah,
like if she got with a third and we do
have an update, but yeah, I agree with those comments.
I think definitely don't do it for the.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
Kids cost fallacy. Yeah, that would always hit hard. Yeah.
Really well, if you're like, you know, I spent like
three years in this relationship, everything's going good. I don't
want to give that up. Yeah, no, completely miserable.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, it's like three years versus forever. You can barely
do three years. I doubt you could do like sixty.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
You know.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Yeah, And I think too, like I think there's such
an idea about like saving the kids from this, and
it's like, sure, you don't want your kids to experience
bad things. But guess what, bad things happen.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Yeah, and they have.

Speaker 2 (15:29):
To and someday they're going to be an adult and
have to deal with the same exact problem if you
stay with him, So make them war riors of life now, honestly,
I mean, go through that divorce that you gotta do.
Put him in the jungle, because listen, like if it
was a grief kind of situation of like, oh, your
father passed away somehow, it's like you can't just pretend
that your kid's dad is alive until they're an adult

(15:52):
and then break the news, you know what I mean.
It's like it's that same kind of thing.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
That's a good point.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
They're gonna be adults and have to deal with this
in an adult way eventually, so there's no use in
saving them now or something.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
Traumatize a little bit, give them something to worry about
when they get older.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's just how laughing is you just got to with it.
Think of a kid that wasn't traumatized. How boring are they?
So they're not funny, They have no characteristics. They're too good,
they're too like perfect.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
Now, think of yourself, think about the trauma you have,
and how funny you.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Are gives a pat on the back, dude, what you're
doing great. We do have an update for everyone who
took time to respond and comment constructively. Thank you. I
appreciate the multiple perspectives as well as the support, and
for those who chose to comment with justifications of his
actions because he is a male, thank you as well.

(16:43):
Reading them out loud was so laughable that it actually
strengthened and helps me validate my own feelings on the
subject at hand. Nice. It's been a roller custer. I've
been working hard to maintain my composure and keep the
focus on my hurt. As a direct result of a
cross boundary and broken trust, I've necessarily been distanced and cold.

(17:04):
While going about the day. Today, my husband came to
me wanting to discuss and talk through things again. So
I gave him the floor.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Okay, so he's come to you, Okay.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
Okay, he apologized. Okay. Each time he would apologize, he
would throw out an defensive statement or something to make
sense of his action. Each time I would stop him
and tell him that he just negated his apology by
doing so. After a few hours of tense discussion, I
blurted out how bleak and depressing our situation was, and
gave him an ultimatum, Oh boy, either enroll in couples

(17:35):
counseling with me as well as a separate therapist for
his regular use issues he has dealt with other behaviors
in the past tsting interesting a pattern, or he can
move out by the end of the month.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
He actually agreed, dude, it's I'm calling it. Yep.

Speaker 2 (17:57):
Good two weeks, sure, and you right back to where
we were.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'm backed away. Every were taking pictures of missus Wheeler
going to the grocery store. Yep.

Speaker 2 (18:04):
Anyway, there's more to this story. He apologized again, finally
without trying to deflect or defend, and so that he
wanted to do whatever it takes to make things right.
In the meantime, I'm also hoping to find a therapist
that can help me with grounding techniques and emotional management
so that I know I'm doing all I can to
create a safe environment for everyone in our home.

Speaker 1 (18:24):
Oh my gosh, healing.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
I know that this isn't over, and the work starts now.
There is a lot of rebuilding that needs to happen,
and I hope with all my heart that we get
to see the reward as a result of the effort
we put in. Yeay, I am putting a lot of
faith in that therapist that you're about to get to
guide you to the light.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Dude, and you would have so much rage that she'd
give up on a therapist and probably like buy a
baseball batsh.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
What, Riley, you can't say that. We're literally on camera now,
we're being recorded. You can't say that, Bobbie. Oh no,
you can't expose me like that.

Speaker 1 (19:01):
I know who you are. She puts up a facade
every time she gets on this mic. That's this is
not who you are. A good advice. Nah, you do
the opposite. I'm just exposing you for who you really are. No, No,
you wouldn't go to a therapist and work on yourself.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
I've been with my therapists for probably three years now.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Actually she is like, she has inspired me to look
into therapy. How well, she's great. I'm very proud of
you on that. By the way.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Oh thanks girl.

Speaker 1 (19:29):
Sorry Slay, but.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
That's the end of that story. I really do hope,
OPI that you can like it let out. It's so
easy for people to get stuck in that like, oh, well,
if we fix this, if we make it past this,
then we're going to be strong. But that's the thing
is that you're not You're talking.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
To a wall. He doesn't want it. Yeah, I'm giving
this guy like a one out of ten of a
wanting to make a change.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
I think you really need that ach that you felt like,
you really need to pay attention to that really zero
in on that feeling. If you wanted this man to
I don't know, like change, you would have to burn
every massage parlor that exists, get rid of any spicy
related photos any way to even capture spice related photos,
and then he'll maybe think about it and he'll have
to do that on his own volition though too.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
Like earn the massage well, okay, not that, but get
rid of it.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
I mean, like the pictures and stuff like like if
you just if you catch someone cheating or whatever this was,
whatever you can call it, Like, if you catch someone
like that, you can't just be like, okay, here's the
rules from now on, like you have to delete these
pictures unfollowed. Like I know she said that, but that's
not going to do anything. Like if he was offering
that then maybe maybe, but like, that's just the biggest

(20:41):
thing that I feel is like at the bottom line,
you can't go into the controlling version of that, Like
if you get cheated on or something, yeah, that frickin'
sucks and that person's terrible for doing that. But like
you can't then respond in the wrong way and then
start being controlling. You have to let them cheat. But
that's the end of that story. We've got another one
can come and right up. My wife caught me cheating

(21:02):
overseas and turned our marriage into her revenge plan. Well,
you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
I'm a twenty year old guy in the Army on
a rotation in Europe over Thanksgiving. Me and two of
my friends got to pass and stayed a long weekend
in nearby city. I told my wife I was going
to sleep, but we went to a bar instead. She
found out and we got in a pretty big fight
about it. By the way, this comes from Okay Firefighter
seventy eight And if you want to spend your own stories,

(21:29):
what to the r slash Okay story time sub rendit.
I'm Riley, I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully.
That's our only job. But if you have any thoughts
or questions or concerns, please take a moment right now
and put those down so we can take time out
of our day to read them. So we went to
a party by nearby college one night and I got
extremely wasted. While I was sitting there, a girl came

(21:51):
by sat by me. Wick. Okay, storytime. My grandparents met
because my grandma was there to sit my papal's lap,
and she did it, and they're happily married for over
fifty years now.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Listen always plays through their dir everyone. We talked about
college and the things she did at school. One thing
led to another and I kissed her. You slide dog.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
After the kiss, I don't remember much nice from what
other people told me. I was begging this girl to
come back to my hotel, but she refused. I don't
remember how, but I had her follow the friend I
was with so we could talk on his Instagram. This
my wife knows my password.

Speaker 2 (22:36):
Too many hoops, too much work for this dude.

Speaker 1 (22:39):
Come on, Gosh, while you were drunk, you knew you
knew to line up your friend's Instagram rather than your own, right,
Come on, The next day, we downloaded an encryptied messaging
app and gave each other the coats. I told her
it was because my normal social medias don't work. If
that's the case, do not talk to this man.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Yeah, like, what does it even mean? My social media
is don't work, like I know, banned.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Like, that's what I'm saying. You know what you have
to do if your social media's don't work, like what
you have to be a menace?

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, you have to get like because you can report people,
but like it rarely actually gets their account banned.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
So like you could have reported about tens of people.

Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, twenties, thirties, hundreds.

Speaker 1 (23:20):
We talked for a few days, just getting to know
each other. Day got back to post. I started feeling
pretty guilty about it. So I called my wife and
asked for a divorce.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Oh well, did you tell her why you want a divorce?

Speaker 1 (23:34):
She asked me if there was anyone else, and I told.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Her no, Okay, so there's our answer.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
You know, just it's that timmy year.

Speaker 2 (23:42):
I think we should you know what they say about
breakup season, just really feeling feeling in the in the
spirit in the breakup season.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Mood, I can already fill the comments of everyone that's
like in the army, like being like, yeah, you get
incentives if you marry while you're in the army, because
this guy's twenty and his wife. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
I mean, like I know people that went to the
army or military whatever they did and got married, like
right out of high school. We see you guys, we
know what the plan is.

Speaker 1 (24:09):
Yeah, yeah, that's that's a plan usually. I mean they're here.
Hopefully it works out, but if it doesn't, hopefully we'll
read about you.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
We'll find we're about to find out.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
I guess that was a lie. But I told her
I just no longer thought we were mature enough for
a marriage. She was confused because other than the fight
we had a few days prior, everything was going fine.
But I still just couldn't tell her. I blocked her
on everything except text after that because she was blowing
up my phone asking questions.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Okay, I feel like blocking is not the right answer.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
She was asking so many questions. But what else you
supposed to do?

Speaker 2 (24:48):
Yeah, this is different than a breakup, though. You can't
just be like, hey, we're over and be divorced, like
this is illegal, Like you're you got to get lawyers involved.
You gotta get your your bet if it's taken away,
if you're in the military.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
Lead.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, you can't just be like yeah, we're done. Blocked
like what what?

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Yeah, he's right. They are not mature to be married
to each other.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
Definitely not.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
I kept her number to help her get back on
her feet. The next day, another girl I had message
before reached out again. She asked me about linking up before,
but I told her no at that time because I
was married. This time, she messaged me after seeing I
had taken my wife out of my social media's. We
talked for a little bit and I told her we
were getting a divorce because I wanted to explore being
polynamorous and dating multiple people, which was not something my

(25:34):
wife would be okay with. This girl really started trash
talking my wife things. She was just trying to lighten
my mood and to get my mind off of possibly
still loving her. I told her I wasn't okay with
it and blocked her. This made her mad, and she
dms my wife's screenshots of our entire conversation.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
That's like the definition of of around to find out
for sure.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
Dude, Dude, I mean even if you did stuff with
this woman, she's still gonna tell your ax about it.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Oh well, I mean I'm glad she did it.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
I mean, yeah, no, goodness. Technically he is moving within
the loopholes.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Sure, I guess.

Speaker 1 (26:12):
But we see you. We know what you're doing, what.

Speaker 2 (26:14):
You're doing, We see all these little white lies here, dude,
we see right through you.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
My wife messaged me and said, I understand you're a
free man. Now, please tell your girls to stop sending
me screenshots of them talking to you.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
It's not helpful.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
Since she saw me mention pollin Amory in that conversation,
she talked to me about it. She told me she
would be willing to try that lifestyle if that's what
I felt like I needed, and that she just wished
I had talked to her about it first. She said
she needed time to learn about it and accept this,
and during that time she needed me to hold off
on talking to any other girls and in conversations I

(26:49):
had already started. I was more than willing to do
this because I love my wife and I really did
want to make things work between us.

Speaker 2 (26:57):
Wait wait what wait? Wait wait wait?

Speaker 1 (27:00):
Wait where are we right? Wait? Wait?

Speaker 2 (27:03):
Wait, I'm sorry, what you want to do that because
you love your wife? You're actually joking, dude, Dude sings
in the health Dude, what for better or worse? We
need to get this straight.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
Okay, so death through them part dog? Dude, you don't
remember that, you don't remember when he said that.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
I know I wasn't there, but let me get this
straight though. Okay, let me get this very clear. He
cheats on her, get divorced over text and he blocks her,
and then she gets a text from this other woman
sending screenshots of that other woman's text with Op talking
about polyamory. And then she's like, okay, well if that's

(27:43):
the problem, because he didn't give her, like a real
reason why they were getting divorced, She's like, oh well,
if that's the issue, then like, yeah, I would be
interested in trying polyamory. And then he's like, oh, well,
I'm gonna try polyamory because I love my wife and
she said that she wanted to try it so well,
because I love her, I'm gonna be a good, devoted
husband who would never cheat on her wife and try

(28:06):
having spicy sleep with other people for her.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
Now that totally checks out.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
That is like such a twisted way to do that.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
For a few days, she was different. She didn't try
to start many conversations, wouldn't show her face on FaceTime
and talk to me differently. You was stressing me out.
I told her I would take back the idea of
polyamory and that I only wanted her. She was shocked
and asked if I'm sure I would be happy, and
I told her I would try to be.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
The amount of hate I have in my heart for
this man.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
Like we're reading right through the lines. Man, we know
what you're doing.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
He is the manipulation level one hundred.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Over the next few weeks, things seem smoother. She seemed
happier with me than before. She was sending me tons
of pictures and videos when I asked, and she was
willing to talk about anything I wanted to talk about.
Then I got wasted one night while my crazy X
was messaging me. I never asked for them, but my
ex sent me some very noodlely picks, and my wasted mind,

(29:05):
I saved the photos to APP. I don't know why
I did it. Right after, my wife was having a
hard time getting a video sent to me, so she
suggested logging into my Snapchat and just putting that video
in my eyes only for herself. I told her she
could because I wasn't even thinking about what I saved.
She confronted me about it, and I explained that I

(29:25):
was wasted and it was a mistake. Dude, it was
just a mistake. It was wasted. That's what you do videos.
You just save them to your eyes only while wasted.

Speaker 2 (29:33):
You know, we hear a lot of stories where people
are cheating and they go through like all of these
lengths to hide that cheating, and they're like, yeah, I
planned all of this out and it's like my mastermind
projects and I did successfully. This guy's just don't He's
just getting wasted doing all these things and is not

(29:54):
even like comprehending. He's just like, yeah, I don't need
to worry about anything. I'm a perfectly good human.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
And then it's like no, dude, like god, like, you
can't be a cheater and stupid, like come on, at
least do it in a smart way.

Speaker 1 (30:07):
Come on, I don't know. She asked when I saved them,
and for some reason, I lied and told her hours ago.
She clocked that and told me that if it was
really hours ago. Then I wasn't wasted when I did it. True,
But she also told me she knew it wasn't hours
ago because it says when the photos were saved.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
Double true.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
This has to be the dumbest cheater.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
He's stupid we have ever read, and he's even more
dumb for exposing himself on the internet for people to
talk to him and criticize him.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
He's looking for help and he's in the wrong place.
Things went back to normal just in time for one
of my friends to tell his wife about me kissing
the girl at the party, and his wife told my
wife she sent me the screenshots, and those two days
went by. I was able to deny it, but my
wife reached out to the girl from the party. She
knew who it was because I sent her a screenshot

(30:57):
of me telling her that we couldn't talk anymore. Not
only did the girl tell her about the kiss and
the begging her to go back to that hotel, but
she told her about the messages we've been sending for
the days before I called for a divorce, which my
wife didn't know about because I told her we only
started talking after I called That night. My wife decided

(31:18):
she would stay with me, but things are different again.
She just doesn't have any other options. This is crazy,
oh man.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
So frustrating. Yeah, he's clearly a stupid, stupid man.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
My favorite part was when he took accountability.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
Which part when was that?

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Oh yeah, yeah, he hasn't he hasn't done that. Yeah, yeah,
that's a that's not this one unfortunate. She drills me
with questions and anything she fills is lie. She asked
the other girl. After the last time I said something
to her that wasn't fully true, she told me I
was on my last chance because she had given me
far too many already. All Right, okay, great, okay, not

(31:59):
to see it, all right, And and like, kudos to her,
because this man's gonna use his last chance quickly.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
He's gonna use it up like with another girl.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
It's like, I love you, I'm gonna just stay with
you forever. Yeah, and then does something with X.

Speaker 2 (32:17):
Yeah, you're gonna give me another chance to get the
thrill of cheating on you.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
All. I appreciate it. Fun fact, if you're in a
polynamory relationship, you won't have that thrill because everyone's gonna
be okay with it, but you're gonna still figure out
a way to f it up.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
I know you opt that. Yeah, op, polyamorous, you're good
it up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
Now I'm flying my wife over my Christmas past to
visit me in Europe. She doesn't trust me to go
out anymore because of all of this, which is understandable,
he gets. Yeah, I'm also passing away to see her
and spend time with her, and this way she'll be
here for Christmas and her first anniversary and her birthday.

(33:00):
I'm excited, but nervous.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
Yeah, you freaking should be.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
Oh my god, dude, Okay, this is bad. She hasn't
been eating because she's trying to lose weight fast. She
won't show her face on FaceTime until her makeup's done.
She doesn't joke like she used to, and even she
is nervous to see me. I'm just so stressed about
this and don't know what to do anymore. I won't
divorce her myself, because I was the one that made

(33:23):
the mistakes, and that is for her to decide to do.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
Stupid.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
Where did they find this guy?

Speaker 2 (33:30):
And you're defending our country. You're saying all that, and
you're in charge of defending her country.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
He's in the army.

Speaker 2 (33:36):
I don't know what they do, don't they if they
would be more.

Speaker 1 (33:39):
Worrisome if he was like in the Air Force or
like a navy sual Okay, okay, I would be.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Like, oh, hey, it's Sam, your ogi host here, bring
it back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
But here's three minutes fads from our.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Sponsored anyways, So I also love her too much and
I don't want to leave her. I'm scared she doesn't
actually love me. And we have a freaking update.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Okay, this is my favorite part because whenever a person
first post, they're blindly just putting out there everything that's
coming in their minds. They're putting it on paper, and
the second time they post, they get hit with reality. Dude, Yeah,
and then they have to face it and then they
have to defend themselves.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
You know that all the comments under that story were crazy,
ripping him up hard, Yeah, this is this is gonna
be good, This is gonna be good. Yeah, what do
you think he should do? He's the one that messed up,
so she now has to decide.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Dude, I don't know, like I think that's really I
think I honestly think that this man should just stay
an army, Yeah, work out a little harder, and never
talk to a woman. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Ever again, I think that should be part of the training,
is to just chop off the bits, just like you know,
getting utered or whatever. I think that should be a
part of your training. I think we should get shot. No,
I do that. I think he shouldn't talk to women
for like at least three years. Okay, he could come
back if he didn't talk to a woman for three years, Okay,

(35:01):
I'll give him a chance, then chopping them off. I
remember getting into an argument one time, like with the Nex,
and it was like I did something wrong, but like
I didn't think it was that bad, but then it
was like a huge deal and it was like, okay,
well maybe we should just break up then, like if
I'm just like if this hurts you, and like I'm
sorry I did this, but like clearly we're not you know,
I'm just hurting you. And he was like, well, what,

(35:23):
You're just gonna mess it up and then leave? Well, yes,
yes I am. I think that's what needs to happen
in these situations because you can't just like if there's
something like this, this is not something that's just like
a oh, sorry, I messed up like the smallest thing.
That's I'm gonna dip. No, you messed up big time, dude,
like you're a guy and you gotta get out of there.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
I mean, a lot of maturity has to happen. But
here's a freaking update all right. On my last post
when I explained my mistakes, I was told several times
that it was clear she wouldn't divorce me, so I
needed to do it myself and tell her it was
because she deserves someone, which I truly do believe.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Okay, However, even.

Speaker 1 (36:04):
After everything she found out, she told me she was
willing to try and work all these things together, but
she said she's given me way too many chances, and
the next mistake that happens, she'll cut off my bits,
which I think is fair. I guess I agree. I
never had spicy sleep with this chick from the bar.
Just from the bar? Is this from the.

Speaker 2 (36:24):
Earlier I think the bar that the one kiss kiss
it was.

Speaker 1 (36:29):
Like another one. Granted I asked to, but bottom line
is I didn't. We just kissed and talked. For those
who don't know, in the military, adultery is against the law.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Interesting is the punishment cutting off the bits.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
Can we fund this man's email and then backtrack to
his phone number and then figure out a way, because.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
I feel like we could get him prosecuted for sure.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
A very valuable lesson this young man can learn is consequences.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Yeah, I think that's what he needs. People need more consequences.
Let's get people more consequences.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
The last person in our section who got caught cheating
went from an E seven to a E one and
now lives in barracks at fifty three years old. Fifty three,
Oh my gosh, My wife has all the power in
the world to do the same to me if she
wanted to. She literally has one hundred and nine screenshots
saved to an album just in case hing dude suld

(37:25):
be one hundred and reasons to leave this man. Yeah,
but I feel close.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
Yeah, I have hope. Yeah, but I don't really feel it.
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 1 (37:35):
Yeah, but I have hope.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
I want you to hold on to that feeling so
that it comes true.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Back to the topic of my wife visiting, she told
me that I needed to get an SDD test because
of big issues with AIDS here. She said she wasn't
even willing to kiss me if I didn't. As many
STDs are transferable by mouth. Smart woman. Normally I would
take a test, no problem. However, here I can't. It
would be an automatic Art Article fifteen and open case

(38:01):
because of the infidelity rule.

Speaker 2 (38:03):
Dude, just go somewhere else. Well, I mean, you might
be deployed and might not be able to like, just
go to the store.

Speaker 1 (38:09):
Dude, go to the like. You know, I don't care,
man Like figure it out. I tell my wife this
and that she would either need to trust me or
get herself tested when she gets back home. If that's
a big deal for her, I get that. Telling her
she should just test herself may have been harsh, but
I really don't have anything to test for.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Edit.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
My wife sent me a clinic in the city. We
will be staying near there so it could be done
completely privately. As soon as she is here, I will
be going and getting tested. She said, I know you
weren't too stupid to use Google. Pull your big fat
skull out from between your butt cheeks and think yes.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
I agree.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Hope you all are enjoying my b because I'll take
it for as long as I have to. Also, I'm
fully aware I deserve it, But my dang wife has
been ruthlessly mean. For example, why I told her I
would be unable to get the test and why this
is her response. So you mean to say maybe you
shouldn't have done what you did. It's like your literal job.

(39:09):
Does it make you worry that all you fed me over?
And I have all the power in the world to
take everything away from you because of it, and not
just a wasted kiss, but begging for spicy sleep with
another girl, talking to her for multiple days, by going
out of your way and using your friend's phone and
secret apps. Like I thought, at the very least you

(39:31):
cared about losing your career. At least when I asked
you why you wouldn't cheat before, you literally said because
I would lose everything. And I love you, But you
couldn't care less about losing everything to you, it was
effing worth it, your disgusting pick. But like I said,
if you won't get tested, I'm not doing anything with you.

(39:53):
I don't want your studs. Also, don't ever tell me
I need to trust you again. She's been bullying me
a bit in sub ways, telling me things like I
wish I had your shoulders. They're just so nice and
feminine and your confidence is a bit too tall for
you right now. And you what do you think of
this woman's commentary?

Speaker 2 (40:12):
I think it was nice. He was like, yeah, I'm
so terrible and I should be so I did just
be mean to deserve all of the things that are
so wrong. She's totally deserving of this. I totally get it.
But also she's being ruthless to me. She is not
holding back. And all she was saying was what you

(40:34):
don't want to go get tested because you're gonna get
caught for what you did, for the thing that you
did to me.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
You don't want to go.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
Get tested because there's an infidelity law that you broke.
You broke the law and you're gonna get caught for it.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Like that's nice, that's on you, man.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
Yeah, because honestly, at first it got me for a
second and I was thinking like, oh, well, I mean yeah,
I guess like because if it's not, if there's no
scuds and he comes back clean, like you know, he
would lose his job even if there's like nothing. But
I was I remembered, like a second later, like the
reason we're getting these STD tests is because there was
infidelity and we want to be sure. I mean, come on, dude, she.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
Really likes to ask if I'm keeping up or if
she needs to go back and explain in a simpler
way for me when she's talking about really normal stuff.
Is this most people? I love this bullying. This is
when I approve of bullying. And the one that really
digs in is may have the size to cheat. But
I can't believe you're so willing to show another person
how fast you finish. Oh, if I were you, that's

(41:34):
the last thing I'd be willing to do. That's so
embarrassing for you. That one stinks. But if it helps
her blow off steam, then it's okay. Just makes me
nervous because she's generally pretty vanilla and now all of
a sudden she's interested in trying non vanilla.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
So here's the thing, dude, we gotta look at the
psychology behind this.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
Okay, what does this even happen?

Speaker 2 (41:55):
I think he is so like otherworldly in a way
that like the other world is way worse, you know
what I mean, Like he's out of this world in
a stupid way. He's on a stupid planet, and he
doesn't understand anything about human emotions at all. What he's
missing is that there's so many things that she's doing

(42:17):
besides like telling him off that are because of his cheating,
that are like his doing her not showing her face
on camera because she's insecure and doesn't want to be
seen without makeup on insecurity. And it's like she's telling
him off acting big because she should, but at the
same time, like, yeah, obviously it's going to affect you
on like a personal deeper level, like she's hurt by this.

(42:40):
She's not just big and strong and just bullying you
because she's like having fun like she's hurt. And her
being like insecure about like her weight and stuff is
to the point where she's not eating. And then the
fact that she's trying to try things that are like
non vanilla and more spicy in bed that is one
hundred percent because she feels insecure about her performance. Yeah,

(43:01):
and she feels like she's not good enough for you.
She heard about what you're doing with these other girls. Like, dude,
you are so stupid.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
I didn't see a part where you asked her if
she's doing okay.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
Yeah, you're just like, oh, I'll take it. No, you're
just waiting for it to be over, like you're not.
You're just waiting for her to like Tom, yeah exactly,
and you're like, well, I love her so much and
I think she deserves better, but I'm not gonna break
up with her.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
That's her decision anything.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
He's just, yeah, you just don't want to do anything,
like you're just so freaking stupid.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Dude.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
Yeah, you're so stupid.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Uh, but we got another one hopefully won't trigger Angie's
on copy.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yeah. Just hearing it from his perspective is wild.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Yeah, No, that was that was crazy. He thought he
was looking for help.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
I think it's hard when it's like you can't really
ask for help when you're not willing to hear the
actual right answer. Here's how I ft everything up. How
can I just go on like nothing happened even though
this this is this happening, and she heard my foot
through my feelings because she's being mean to me because
I freaking cheated on her. Goodness gracious, And we got
another story.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
We gotta get off of that. Hey, it's John here og,
host of the show. We're gonna get back to these
juicy stories. But here's a quick three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
My wife ran from a fake intruder and left our
babies behind.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
She just got priorities. Man, what I just wanted to do? Gosh.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
My thirty four male wife forty two female is a
stay at home mom. Last week, when I was at
work and my two oldest were at school, five mail
and three male, my wife was sitting at the dining
room table when she saw a man with what looked
like a hammer walking down the driveway towards our front door.
He tried to get in. I'm like, oh, that's terrifying.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
By the way, this comes from Pine one, three, two,
four or five. And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash okay story times
supreddit And I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here to
give good advice. Goofily. Yeah, we don't have all the answers, Nope,
we just know what we would do.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Perhaps let us know what you.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
Would do in the comments below, please, so oh p set.
She went to the door and the guy saw her
and waved, still trying to enter. She fled out the
back door, leaving herself phone an Apple watch. She also
left our twin girls eight months old sleeping in their cribs.
She ran through the neighborhood looking for someone to call

(45:18):
the police. Oh my gosh. Eventually she found someone. The
police responded and cleared the house. It turned out to
be a repair guy who was supposed to go to
our neighbor's house.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Yep. Yeah, and I know exactly. I know exactly who.

Speaker 2 (45:33):
Went through her brain. It's because he looked a bit scary.
He was perhaps a little large. But this is in
broad daylight at the same time. This is when the
five year old and the three year old are at
school and op is at work. This is not like
late at night, it's dark. I can only little because

(45:53):
then he was probably seeing her run through the neighborhood
and try to find people, and he's probably like.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Sorry, what's going on. Also, if he's a repair guy,
he's probably got like a company on him.

Speaker 2 (46:05):
It's got a car, you know.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
But I'm thinking, like, you know, hammer, there's a large
guy six foot plus. Yeah, perhaps like he's got a
beard or whatever. It looks a little scary.

Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, I could give her that. And I mean, I
guess the fact that he's like trying to get in
without like knocking or something is weird. I do wonder
if that's what I need A ring camera for this. Yeah,
I need like video evidence of what actually happens and
to see and then I can judge her.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
But it is worrisome that her first response was to
flee and not take the kids with her. That is worrisome. Yeah,
mother's thoughts, what are we doing here?

Speaker 2 (46:46):
Let us know he had been told that no one
would be home and to just come in.

Speaker 1 (46:50):
Okay, okay?

Speaker 2 (46:52):
What answer is that she's mad at me for not
being more supportive. I was stunned when she told me,
especially when she said that she left the girls. She
constantly yells at me about how I don't do enough
for the kids, unlike her, who sacrifices constantly. According to her.
Oh goodness, I don't think that's accurate. But that's besides

(47:13):
the point. We've been having major issues in our marriage
for a long time.

Speaker 1 (47:17):
This was just the straw on the camel's back.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Sounds like it. She's acting like this is one of
the most traumatic events of her life, which is making
me madder and madder. I am having a hard time
putting this behind me. If this guy had been a
bad guy, she would have abandoned our girls to him
to save herself. Our house isn't that big, and people
in the neighborhood. No, we have two little girls. I
honestly don't know what to do. This happened about a

(47:41):
week ago. I spent about an hour on the phone
with her that day trying to console her. Tried again
that night, and have been taking care of the kids
and doing all the chores. She's been focusing on what
I think is a work from home drop that she's
lying to me about and trying to hide. Interesting. Otherwise,
she's going out with her friends to bars. Ah. Well,
here's the other problems that happen here we go.

Speaker 1 (48:04):
Let's listen them all out.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Man. She refuses to go to marriage counseling that I
set up for us online after the kids go to sleep.
She doesn't believe in therapy.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
Because she doesn't believe she does anything wrong.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
Yeah. I doubt she even like said she was sorry
for this.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
We oh one of the stories she take accountability.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
We haven't explicitly heard it. Ah, we just know what
the truth is. I'm gonna just be for real. If
this happened to us, like let's say I was the
one that ran and left our kids in the thing. Yeah,
I would see this or like iv agelid, if either
one of us did it, I would see this as.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
A sign from God. It was like, Hey, we got
to work on our home defense a little bit better.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
Here, absolutely, if you're not going to I've honestly I've
been watching Stranger Things and for some reason that's been
making me think about home defense a lot, because they're
always in their homes defending but against like monsters. But
this is different.

Speaker 1 (48:53):
But like it's kind of the basis of the show.

Speaker 2 (48:55):
Oh boys, what they're doing. They're in a house like ah,
you know, but I I think like if you did
this and we like if we had kids and you
did that, I would be like, yo, we can't even Yeah,
how are you even gonna protect me? Like exactly, you know,
I wouldn't marry and like move in with someone for protection,
but like that's a plus, you know, it's a part.
But like, if I have kids, I would hope that

(49:18):
there's another person that besides me to help defend you know,
Like that's a lot to do by myself, but I'll
do it.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Also, curious, what does your home defense.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Look like, yeah, what is what are your strengths in
your home defense?

Speaker 1 (49:29):
The landlor would lift the bat here, and I gave
it to Sophia to put it beside her.

Speaker 2 (49:32):
Bed, nice, like what you got there? You go? You
got it. She's strong, she could swing that hard.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
Sure. Yeah, hopefully I need to put a nail on
the other side of it, though I've also heard it
put a sock at the end of your baseball bet
and just try to grab it.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
Yeah. Oh that's interesting. Wait, that's so smart.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
What the heck?

Speaker 2 (49:53):
That's so simple and so smart. A big issue is
the double standard. If I had done this, she would
have forgiven me and probably divorced me. We had a
fight because when we moved, my side of the bed
was far from the door, and she said I needed
to be able to stop and attack her. I've been
yelled at for abandoning my daughters when I take a
shower in the morning before work and they begin crying,

(50:17):
or if she's sleeping in and one begins crying, well,
I'm changing the others diaper. Okay, I think we have
our answer here. You need to run away from this woman.
That is a woman that you need to not be
around anymore.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
Oh has four kids?

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Keep the kids. Clearly she can't take care of them,
you know what I mean. I mean, obviously it's more complicated.
That really simplifies it, and like you're gonna want to
look into it and like, you know whatever, it's.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
Not that easy.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
But like I feel like if he really did want to,
he could easily get custody after this one thing. Oh yeah, easily, Like, oh,
you ran away, you left our eight month old children
home while a big scary man was coming in.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
What else we got here? Let's see what else she
up to.

Speaker 2 (50:59):
Let's see. I totally understand this is fight or flight,
and I'm not trying to Monday Morning quarterback. I'm going
to assume the internet knows what that means.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
Because that's it's like, okay, handle the situation, got it.

Speaker 2 (51:12):
I haven't critiqued or criticized her. The closest was when
I was surprised she left the girls. Other than that
initial call or when I came home and she was annoyed,
we don't have security cameras, we haven't really talked about it.
She had a phone that worked. I texted her to
check in and she told me to call her, and
that's when I found out about this. It's a one

(51:33):
story L shaped house. The doors are at one end
of the L, the kids are at the other end.
I'm currently in therapy. She's mocked me in the past
for going to therapy and uses it to validate my opinions.
What do you know, You're just a depression case. That's
in quotes from this woman. Jesus dude, Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
Dude, this is not good for marriage. Someone undermined you
in every choice that you made.

Speaker 2 (51:58):
Yeah, and they clearly don't have any sort of level
of communication.

Speaker 1 (52:01):
They don't. It just destroys confidence. Yes, you're less of
a man because you have eroded yourself trying to combat
her emotions, and that makes you in a place where
you can't express your own emotions because you will get
beaten by her excessive like things that she has to say.
And this is not a safe place to actually express

(52:22):
how you truly feel.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
Yeah, and you go to therapy to do that.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
But even that's not even a safe place because she
somehow finds a way to get in that entangle your
mind and make it seem like it's not good or
beneficial whatsoever.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Because that is something that I never really like paid
too much attention to. Is like I guess it is.
It is important to be able to say things that
you're frustrated about, must be especially in something like this
because yeah, like you said, you are now in a
space that you aren't comfortable talking if.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
My only emotion towards you is to feel grateful that
you love me, yeah, and that you and just love yeah,
those are the only two emotions I can feel. Yeah,
you know, like right, like prison, like cag that is.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
Yeah, you have to really like redefine your mind, like honestly,
you really do.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
I was watching it. The reason this comes up is
because I was watching a show and it was called
Task Very good check it out. But one of the
things was like, uh, there's a the one of the
FBI agents has an adoptive daughter, and she says, the
only emotion I feel like I can half towards you
is grateful that you adopted me. That's the only thing
I can feel. I can't feel angry about some of

(53:30):
the things that have happened. I can only feel grateful.
And he's like, yeah, it's not true, right, And he
kind of freed her from that because she felt like
that was the only thing, and it's like it made
me think, like, okay, what else in other ways I
feel that way.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
Yeah, yeah, that's really, honestly something I have never really
thought that much about. But that is so true. So
there's no way she'll see a therapist. The police had
a social worker with them who gave her a card
for the therapist. We do have an update here, yeah,
the police even like he like girl call it s
numbers please please guys.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Okay, I'm wondering whenever people like do an update, it's
like a counter.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Yeah. This is like we're not even halfway through the story, too.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
I wonder what his counter is.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Wait, what do you like a counter like to the story?
Like what he did? Yeah, well I kind of had
a tiny bit, So I have a guess. But I
feel like we're I feel like we're too early to
like not really have anything change. He is looking for separation,
is my prediction, hopefully. Dude. She sounds like an awful person.

(54:33):
I don't have any patients with these people on this episode.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
Yeah, I don't have friends. I wonder what her friend
group looks like.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Yeah, probably just all the same. They probably just like crap,
talk to people all the time, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (54:47):
Very growth oriented right there, for sure.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
But we do have an update. So, long story short,
things are not going well. I feel like I'm an
airplane pilot trying to land a plane. Well, it's disintegrated
around me, and the time is now for me to
bail out. I'm realizing how much I've normalized these issues.
My good days would be marginal days for other marriages,

(55:12):
but more likely it would be awful.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
Only yelled at me once today, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
So it was great. Since that post, I've really tried
to support her. I think I had been doing what
I could already. Anytime she wants to leave, she can.
I do the lion's share of the chores laundry, cooking, groceries,
and morning and bedtime routines for the boys. We split
dishes and bats for the girls close to fifty to fifty.
I also pay all the bills and handle all the extracurriculars.

(55:38):
So when does she come in? When does she come in?

Speaker 1 (55:43):
Don't count that out.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Dishes and baths for the girl fifty Okay, my brain
skipped over that part. I also have an online business
that she's keeping secret for him from him. Now she's
working on a job, does an online pay job. He
said that he can assume that's what it is, but
she keeps it secret from him. Yeah, because she's working
really hard, you know, I mean India. She's probably had

(56:06):
a sign for that sure thing. I don't know she does.
Apparently she's on Inda.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
She doesn't even know what she does either.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
That's how secret.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
Of this is. Yeah, she doesn't even know. She can't
even know.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
She got severance moving numbers, moving the carry numbers.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
She has to keep it a secret from herself. She
can't even actually do half the work she has to get.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
Yeah, exactly, she actually can't even open her eyes or
get out of bed because she knows your secret. She
would know too much and put everyone in danger. One
comment people made was that she just gave birth eight
months ago, and I should be more sympathetic. I totally
get that. But since she gave birth, she's done four
ten k raiss what a marathon relay, goes to a

(56:48):
run group and dinner afterwards twice a week, and has
gone to networking events for her business.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
Yeah, she has no excuses. No, she has no excuses.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
She really wanted time to like put her abilities in
her real life and be able to run away from
this dangerous man. She really was like, oh my god,
a great opportunity to show off my skills. Okay, and
she sprints.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
She's at the center. But that makes a lot more sense, though.
I see why she ran.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
She was able.

Speaker 1 (57:15):
She always runs. It always runs, always runs, exercising and
from her problems.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Apparently pretty telling.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
Since that post, we've had more days with screaming matches
than without lovely here's a list of the issues. All right, ready, guys,
lock in boom boom boom. She woke up early on Saturday,
but didn't wake me or my son up for his
early practice. I slept through my alarm, and she didn't
help us get ready. Her only question when we came
back was how late were we?

Speaker 1 (57:46):
Okay, I'll give that one three stars of bad three
bad stars, three out of ten, or three of five. Actually,
i'll give that one two bad stars, two bad stars
out of five, two out of five. I'll take that,
I would agree, Okay. The moment I came home, she
went back to bed. I had all four kids by myself,
which is fine. I took the kids to the store
to around errands. As soon as I came back, she

(58:06):
got in the shower and left, refusing to take any kids.
Despite their cries, she refused to tell us where she
was going. Four four bad stars, four bad stars. Yeah,
she doesn't tell anyone her plan. She doesn't take anyone
with one. She just goes.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
I just feel sad soon or go and not be
like bye, I love you. Yeah, she just goes ah
big scary bed and then runs again. Sunday, she refused
to go to anyone's hockey practice because she had to
clean the house. Well, I was parking at the rink
with my kids crying. She called because she had hired
someone to clean our garage and wanted to know where

(58:42):
we were moving things. All right, but you just stayed
because you were cleaning the house.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
Yeah, she's clean it, No, agie. A part of cleaning
is making sure people are doing a good job all cleaning.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
You're managing the cleaners.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Is it clean? Yes?

Speaker 2 (58:58):
But did you clean it?

Speaker 1 (58:59):
Boom? Does matter how we did it?

Speaker 2 (59:01):
No, it does matter if you're gonna say who cleaned it.
She gotta make sure those cleaners are doing what they
gotta do. She's got to point in the right direction.
That's not what she said. This was the first time
that I had heard of this. The woman threw everything
in the dumpster, including unopened dress shirts.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
That's another four.

Speaker 2 (59:19):
Yeah, I would say it's a five five or four
out of five.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
I also like whoever she hired is also stupid and
bad at cleaning.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
Probably wrangled someone from the side of the street. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
I feel like someone who's cleaning a garage wouldn't just
like pick up and throw random new things away. I
feel like they would know not.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
To do that. You'd be surprised.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
I would really hope they wouldn't do that. But whatever.
We had a thermonuclear fight on Monday. My eldest was
screaming at me to get a second helping of dinner.
I tried bluffing to send him to bed without it.
He went straight to her and she overruled me. Once
they left the room, I explained what I was doing.
She's I liked her laptop on the bed, jumped up

(01:00:02):
and started screaming at me. Oh my god. She followed
me out of the ruin screamed in front of all
four kids that I'm a whiny witch who's not a
real man. And trying to starve her kids. Starve her kids.
That's like a seven out of five.

Speaker 1 (01:00:20):
Goodness, Wow, that is bad.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
If it raises to screaming, not great. But if it's
all of a sudden screaming like that and throwing things,
throwing things on the bed, but still and then you
scream in front of your kids, that's not.

Speaker 1 (01:00:33):
Good at all. Yeah, there's nothing good about.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
This, nothing good about this. This was just before our
marriage counseling session. I kept the appointment, and while I
was in the waiting room she continued screaming at me
and attacking my character. When the session started, she refused
to join. She started blending something in the kitchen. Oh
my god. I tried to be as objective as possible,
and the counselor said she was impressed with that. In

(01:00:58):
the last five minutes, I tried to bring my laptop
to her. She collapsed into the room like Supermancy and Kryptonite.
She refused to do it. After that, I went to bed.
She woke me up and wanted me to set up
our printer. We'd changed routers and I hadn't had the
chance yet. Lack of anger caught me off guard, so
I did it. She stood over my shoulder the whole

(01:01:19):
time silently and refused to let me see anything.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
But what do you mean on our computer? Perhabs.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
I guess, yeah. Maybe we had a couple of other
fights along the same lines. But yesterday Thanksgiving, we had
a decent day. Okay, not that it was overly affectionate.
We just didn't fight. She slept in until twelve fifty
in the afternoon and was snippy because I didn't have
everyone ready yet. She wanted the girls in the car seat.

(01:01:46):
She then began a ninety minute shower and makeup routine
and helped with the kids for maybe twenty minute. We
ended up an hour late for Thanksgiving dinner. Oh my god,
But for us that was a good day. There was
no affection and we didn't speak in the car, but
my mind, I forgot all the issues that we'd been having,
and I wanted to make it work. That night, I
woke up and attended to one of the girls who's

(01:02:06):
very sick. She's done that exclusively, attending to the kids
when they wake up. She's taken kids from me when
I get up before her, saying it's because I'm working.
In one fight in September, she screamed at me for
being selfish for taking my daughter and sitting with her.
I had said I didn't mind and was up anyway,
and somehow that became me keeping her up because I

(01:02:27):
couldn't sleep. This has become a trump card in every argument.
But I was with my daughter from four to five,
and she slept in. This morning. I woke up around nine,
which is the latest I can remember sleeping in. I
started making breakfast for the kids and finishing the laundry
while she was already on her laptop. Out of nowhere,
she snapped that I shouldn't bother cleaning because she had

(01:02:49):
hired someone. I stayed calm and told her we really
can't afford a clean her and that I could handle
it myself. That's when she started yelling, calling me names
and shouting right in front.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Of the kids. Couldness geez.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
She blamed me for everything, saying I didn't have time,
didn't have money, and didn't clean or do laundry. Quote
to her standards, how about you help out? Yeah? How
about you do things? Then? Geez, Oh my gosh, it's crazy.
Then she said she wasn't a cleaner and kept going
until I just stopped responding. It went on for about

(01:03:24):
an hour of non stop yelling. I spent the rest
of the day cleaning the house, doing laundry, and taking
care of all four kids. My son's actually helped more
than she has all month. Oh my god. The oldest
son is eight by the wayang or no. Five, I
think five and eight months.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
The oldest kid is five years old.

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Because he knows, he sees what's going on, and in
order and in order for him to not have a
bad household gonna help out.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
It's gonna have to. And that's so sad because the
eight month old kids are both girls and twins, and
then the three year old and five year old are male,
and they're seeing their dad get yelled to and called
not a man for not doing all this stuff and
being whiny and all of this that like they're yea,
that's gonna like, wh whitch them?

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
Can we save the money for cleaners for therapists for
our kids?

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
Honestly, they're gonna meet it like yeah, Like it's already
bad enough with like you know, pressures on men and stuff,
but with that seeing your mom yell at your dad
about like these standards that are unrealistic too, is like,
is so such a dad kind of way to start

(01:04:39):
out your life. What really gets to me isn't even
how she treats me anymore. I've gotten used to it,
and if it stayed private, I probably would have just
pushed through until the kids were grown. But now my
oldest is starting to act like her, and I can
see how much it's affecting him. It doesn't help that
she constantly wants me to ask him who is his
favorite and who yells more and who is the better

(01:05:00):
a parent. When I refuse, I am quote scared of
what he might say. I think that's the kid saying
that to him. Oh my god. We do have a
little bit more to this story, But any final thoughts
see the closest exit you can? Yeah, yeah, what do
they say on flights or like you like keep an

(01:05:21):
eye on your closest exit.

Speaker 1 (01:05:23):
Yeah, it might be good for marriage. Counselors explain these
are like good exits in relationships. See people spiling into.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
This, yeah, because it's I'm sure it's like, you know,
they have to slightly guide people places, you know, But
the fact that like you had a screaming match with
your wife and then and then you on the therapy
called try to stay objective. The fact that your therapist
was impressed by what you were doing, that that you

(01:05:52):
could stay objective, That like, in therapist terms, that's like,
holy crap, dude, how can you deal with that? That's insane?
That you were able to deal with that, you are
super in therapist words, that's insane. But there is a
little bit more. I guess I don't know what to do.

(01:06:12):
I'm trying to fix this. I'm keeping an appointment scheduled
with the counselor, but beyond that, other than talking to
a lawyer, I don't know what I should do. She
honestly doesn't see any issues with how she treats me.
Her refrain is that I'm a diamond and if you
leave me, you'll only be dating Pebbles.

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
Good. Sure, sure, I'll take it. Does that Pebbles scream
at me?

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
Yeah, perfect, great, don't care. Besides the fact that I
don't want a divorce and she spent the last six
years threatening one, I don't know how I can show
anyone who's that out of touch with reality or seemingly
so closed off from recognizing they have a role in
causing and fixing the problems with the marriage. Any advice,
and that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
What do we got for it? He knows what he's
got to do, and it's the hardest decision. Yeah, but
you gotta do it, man. Yeah, you've got kids.

Speaker 2 (01:07:00):
I mean it hasn't even been a year since your
daughters were born. Yeah, like that must be so hard,
but yeah, you know what you want to do. I mean,
you don't want this around your kids. Nope, you're already
seeing what is happening to your kids. Yeah, it's already
having a negative effect. And he's only five. Yeah's only
five years old, dude, maybe six by now. However, time
has passed, but that's still who young.

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
A good way to like, see if you want to
marry someone is like, do what want my child to
be in a little mini version of this person?

Speaker 2 (01:07:29):
Yeah? Right? A lot of people say that, or do
I want my child to be treated by this? You know,
like do I want my child to be in a
relationship like this one? Oh, you have a lot of
years left, dude, I know, like you can turn this around.
You have so much time to be able to not
have to deal with her. Yeah, you have so many
years of that. You just got to make the choice.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
Huh. And we're making a choice that we're in this
episode right here, we are.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
That's the end.

Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
Yeah, it was great.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
It was great. So if you love us, make sure
to subscribe.

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
We freaking love you and be you tomorrow

All Episodes

My husband HID photos of other women… and now I’m questioning our entire marriage! | Reddit Stories | EP2359

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

The Bobby Bones Show

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My husband HID photos of other women… and now I’m questioning our entire marriage! | Reddit Stories | EP2359